#part of me feels like this is incoherent

[suncaptor]

Like if you do want to engage in "Dean was raped in Hell" headcanon space you also do need to handle what I genuinely think would change his relationship with sex & sense of self even more which is that he would have also raped people in Hell because it's very safe to assume anything that was done to him he would do to others. Which, while I don't think it's unrealistic to think the torture he experienced and inflicted was intimate or sexually done in a way that is actually indistinguishable, it is not something I think comes off at all from the way he perceives and engaged with sex post Hell.

#incoherents #tw rape #s.a #like the thing about dean & hell is that what HE did is what shapes most of his trauma #not that he WASNT tortured for much longer. but what really destroyed his sense of self and altered how he like #could exist like the source of his worst trauma #is what he did #its the severe moral injury #spn #supernatural #dean winchester #dean #to be clear i dont think its canon he was raped nor raped others in hell! #i think its a reasonable headcanon from a couple parts of the show #and the way Alastair is shown to torture makes me think Alastair probably didnt rape Dean in a way Dean registers as such #but he did like. sexually torture him. #but thats also just my perspective from cross comparison theres no direct references to that type of torture canonically #torture over the long term and feeling fundamentally changed by being taught and coerced into torturing #could easily come off all the ways Dean & Alastair's relationship does #like torture is also this huge violation and there is also sadism involved like

[ansy-tea]

Y'all ever stopped listening to your favorite bands for about 2 years for reasons you don't even know yourself. Maybe it's because you're busy. Maybe it's because you thought you've acquired new tastes. You really don't know. But then suddenly you listened to one song of theirs again and now you're sobbing over how good the songwriting was? And now that you're not a dumb High Schooler without much experience you understand the lyrics even more?

Anyways that's me with Fall Out Boy right now lmao. It's high time I listen to their new album later.

#incoherent rambles #ansy-stalks #confession: would yall kill me if my fave album of theirs is MANIA hAHAHAHHA— #LISTEN #NONE OF THE SONGS WERE A MISS— lord i remember how people criticized that album in its release and how fans are worried about the dubstep-y #vibe (me too cuz “yo idk much about music but how will andy & joe do this live im sorry im dumb 😭”) #then again none of their songs in their wholeass discography is a fricking miss anyways /absolutely biased #even their covers are fun to listen like I Wanna Be Like You??? That sht is on repeat lmao. I Wann Dance With Somebody?? good sht dawg #I think my second fave album is either Folie & Save Rock and Roll? Just cuz Folie is my vibe and SRAR were all dhxjkwjfiaokeixiw <33 #Every fan loves Infinity On High for sure— Golden & ILALWTWIATTGYO (me & you) makes me sob every time #broooo the raw ass line of “I saw God crying at the reflection of my enemies and all the lovers with no time for me” #and “the best way to make it through with hearts & wrists intact is to realize two of the three ain't bad. aaaIIINT BAAAAAADDD—” #for folie a deux there's not a damm instance where I did not feel sadness over What A Catch Donnie. Dawg. The way Elton John sings his part #too bro 😭😭😭😭 #AND HOLYYY SHT THE AFTER(LIFE) OF A PARTY PHCCKKK I FORGOT HOW THAT NEVER FAILS TO MAKE ME HOLD IT IN HSJDJKSOSID #i would skip that song cuz it makes me so sad sometimes 😭😭😭😭 #OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT LET ME RETHINK MY ORDER OF FAVE ALBUMS HAHAHAHHAHA #“I'm a stitch away from making it AND A SCAR AWAY FROM FALLING APART. APART. BLOOD CELLS PIXELATE AND EEEYEESS DILATE- KISS AWAY THE TEARS #AND KILLS ON THE MOUTH OF AAAALLLL. MY FRIIIEEENDS—“ PHHHHCCKCKKKSIEOS 😭😭😭😭😭😭 #JDJAI WAIT AND THE ENTIRETY OF SOPHOMORE SLUMP #OKAY I NEED TO STFU IN THESE TAGS HAHAHAHAHHA #okay to defend my MANIA adoration (do people still hate this album? hope not). ***Bishop's knife trick.*** #“I'm sifting through the sand.Looking for pieces of broken hourglass.Trying to get it all back—put it back together—As if the time #had never passed. I know I should walk away but I just want to let you break my brain and I can't seem to get a grip. no. no matter how I #live with it. thESE ARE THE LAST—“ #I'm sorry. the delivery is just too delicious. #MANIA is a fricking mixbag of weirdly mainstream inspirational songs- to suddenly; drugs- to actually being unhinged- to one of the saddest #“im tryina redeem myself” song(s) (heaven's gate- church- and bishop's) #okay i really need to shut up 😭 #aight. i will stop.

[ectoplasmer]

y'all ever feel so much love for your f/o that you just get moved to literal tears or am i just a mess

#art is making me feel things once again #marigoldshipping #<---- mima brainrot hours which is terrible timing because i need to be awake in like six hours #but i am over here. kicking my legs in bed every five seconds #i love him so much he's a literal safety hazard akjjhdsh :( #he's also just a huge nerd and literally just a big loser but/lh #aaaa stopp making me FEEL THINGS it's horrible #i need to be sleeping and not generating tears because my heart goes crazy over fictional characters #literally smiling like an idiot just thinking about him while typing this #he's just. >_< #oh terrible another moment where i can't convey what i'm thinking #he's just... he's such a nerddd aaaaa #his snarkiness his obvious need to dramaticize things even though he *claims* that's a thing that only marik does now (he's lying) #his attempts at seeming much more stoic than he actually is his poorly hidden attempts at trying not to seem like he cares too much #how he can be so arrogant and sharp one second and try so hard to be responsible and gentle the next #how he tries to act like he isn't as much as a wreck as the rest of us but he definitely is #i don't. even know what i'm trying to say. i don't think i ever really do when it comes to any of them #they make me so stupidly incoherent i can't even think correctly right now #i just... i love how i've managed to get past his walls. that i get to see more of him now #not just the scary and daunting part that he used to be. not just the level headed and intimidating part. not just the upset and angry part #i get to see the sides of him where he makes dumb and ignorant mistakes. i get to see him when he's calm. i get to see him when he's happy #i get to see him when he's sad and i get to see him when he's completely vulnerable #i get to see him in every mood and in every emotion. i get to see every part. #and i love all the parts of him. all the mess and fuss and the wrongs and the rights and the good and the bad #all of it is completely lovable to me. he's completely lovable to me. #i just. aaaa sobbing crying sniffling into my hands HE'S SOOOO #god damnit melvin you're making your girlfriend cry STOP BEING SO YOU PLEASE #he's. so pretty and handsome and bbdbfhfbjdffjdfd #i've been talking about my f/os so much recently i'm so sorry >< #gonna. try and fall asleep but my heart is literally beating so hard right now skjfkjds

[touchlikethesun]

so much of what's said about jason relies on downplaying him and his character: he's not as strong as percy (or any of the seven, some say), he wasn't good enough for piper, he's a bit useless, he's boring. for one, it's not my larger point but i think the constant comparisons are really not fair, he is objectively talented as a leader and powerful as a demigod etc. however, more importantly, especially when it comes to the power thing, even if the critics are all right, so what?? is he inherently lesser if percy is stronger than him??? is he not deserving of love and friendship and support, just because he doesn't have the best snippy comebacks??? our value isn't defined strictly by how we numerically measure up to others. jason grace is the perfect example of someone struggling but trying their best, but gets absolutely pointless disrespect, it's not fair. cards down i really love jason grace and ik i can't just expect everyone else too, but i wish more people found him as endearing as i do.

#i was having jason feels and went to look for edits and it just made me upset #jason grace #pjo hoo toa #this is incoherent but i'm like #i feel like part of the hate to jason could be a projection of self hatred #or a feeling of protectiveness towards percy #which i can understand to an extent but like... #jason does not deserve his reputation in the fandom #like you can hype percy w/o bringing jason down #ALSO not everyone needs to reach levels of success where they're getting offered godhood for their work to be recognised #like jesus #okay i'll calm down now #also if there are any jason fans out there #i want to find you #because i need more jason positivity rn #until then i'll go reread a kingburu fic #they treat jason sooooo right

[outeremissary]

kasander + 😴 please!

Thank you ❤️ Sleep questions about D&D elves always lead peculiar places, don't they?

hc + 😴 for a sleep-themed headcanon

Kasander seldom sleeps willingly. Their trance is already haunted by half-alien memories of blood and darkness, disorganized images they struggle to stitch together and match to their origins. It's upsetting even without any supernatural incursion causing more extreme visions, and it makes them fear resting. Sleeping, on the rare experiment trying to avoid the memories, is much worse. They always dream, and they always dream Bhaal's dreams. And it takes such a terribly long time to wake. So they avoid sleeping, and they're thankful not to have a reason to.

However, sleep is the most convenient way for the Emperor to contact them, and the Emperor has a way of pulling them under whenever he pleases. When they first met and the Emperor was still in the form of the Dream Visitor the Emperor offered to soothe their nights from the restless, terrible trance by quieting their dreams- if only they would sleep, of course. Disoriented, still largely amnesiac, and distressed by the visions, Kasander agreed eagerly (there was a lot of agreeing with the Emperor then) and committed themself to the psionic protection out of desperation for any relief from the growing fear there was something wrong with them. It did seem to work- mostly- but when Kas began to break with the Emperor they stopped sleeping nightly as well. By that point they were ready to grapple with the horrors of trance again, as painful and difficult as they were.

#any time something comes up around kasander and sleeping I have this moment of 'do elves sleep in pathfinder' #and you know what? I still don't know the answer. I should. but I don't. #I have become intimately acquainted with trance in D&D thanks to periodically being forced to fact check a bizarre and incorrect belief #that elves have to learn to trance properly and there was a cultural aspect of it. this isn't true and I don't know where I got it from. #anyway do you ever think about how fucking funny it is that trance is genuinely such a deeprooted and unique part of cross setting D&D lore #and so much shit pretends it doesn't exist. I'm guilty too it's the easy way out but god. it's such a simple alien touch #our conception of life is hard to separate from sleep huh #elves sleep an absolutely SILLY amount in bg3 despite there being flavor text and the guy scene acknowledging that they. y'know. don't. #the flavor text takes an especially hardline stance even. very silly. are we just supposed to pretend the sleeping is trance for elves #I'm about to sleep and not trance myself this was not a night of powerful focus for me #sorry you're getting my most scattered and incoherent one of the night :') #emi plays bg3 #ask me emithing #ask game #kasander #archduke-enver-gortash #hm. that feels like I'm summoning something. ominous. #anyway if I've just missed some in game explanation for what's going on every time elves appear to be sleeping please lmk

[lottieurl]

one of my controversial opinions is i won't stop using the word narcissist in a way its been used my whole life because of a psychiatric label/diagnosis that shouldn't be called that in the first place

#like feel free to disagree but everytime people get mad at a usage of that word in a way - as far as i know - far older than #the INSULTING psychiatric diagnosis i lose my mind a little #the damn personality disorder's name is the problem here #i remember a friend from group therapy calling me just like sooo upset and distressed bc the therapists put that in her diagnosis papers #and like she didnt even know what exactly that was supposed to mean but its a hurtful label to be Diagnosed With #like can we fucking. criticize that and psychiatry sometimes instead of being like #omg dont call people self centered assholes :/ look up self centered asshole disorder you ignorant bitch #anyways im half asleep so this might be incoherent #i just keep seeing that post thats like abt how people misuse terms like love bombing and trauma bonding etc #and im like YEAH! GOOD #and then the damn narcissist part kicks in

[itspileofgoodthings]

like. She is a tour de force, she IS the one-woman show, she is truly a superstar. It’s not like I didn’t know that going in but it was seeing that power at work and in its right context for the first time.

#like the crowd?? the crowd #it’s too big. it shouldn’t be that big. it’s inhumane it’s bordering on criminal #should it even be allowed????? #questions to be asked. but if there is one person ALIVE who knows how to direct them and give them a context in which they all have a part #and nothing feels too big just big enough #it’s her. and I KNOW it’s not the same for other artists. they don’t have that discography and they don’t have that range #and they just don’t have the SONGS #the songs are the bedrock!!!!! #(anyway sorry to any Gracie or haim fans but the openers in their own small way were part of pushing me to the brink of madness) #because I was like I came here for this?????? to watch you wail incoherently into a microphone?????? #but then it’s like ‘oh wait’ #‘no it’s just Taylor’ #except it’s also NOT because it’s her and the crowd and her working the crowd #also just. her magnetism. INSANE to be in the same room as it #and yet also the magic of it all is that my mind was racing during the concert putting the pieces together #but also I was just. there. Head empty no thoughts. singing songs I love with my friends #I’m always like ‘can Taylor give ME the same experience as this crowd’ #which is egotistical but I’m very very critical and hard to please and it is in a way SO hard for me to have fun #like I try to work on it and be a good sport (at a wedding. At a party) #but I’m so critical with performers because I’m so quick to be like ‘there’s nothing here’ #Because guess what: there usually I S N ‘ T #but Taylor is an exception. and so she is the most capable of taking me on a. Journey #Anyway not that it negated anything I’ve felt and still feel about her personal life and the pain of it and the way that fame #hurts her so deeply even while she’s so good at being famous. Or the way that this pop star life is not enough for her #because a pop star life is not enough for any human being #but that just was all part of the bittersweet experience #all of her humanity shines through and the humanity of her position #and the true vulnerability of it in a sense #anyway we stayed for a bit and listened to sweet nothing afterwards and it was perfect and bittersweet #!!!

[llovelless]

i think i gave myself brain damage at 13 listening to the bs i did and it’s only been a slippery slope downward since

#i’m ao serious i started listening to alt & indie in part because of this stupid website #and now i listen to screams and incoherent sounds stitched together incomprehensibly for fun #straight brain rot #the real game changer was being introduced to neutral milk hotel at 14 but that’s a conversation for another day #it’s beginning to feel more and more like a plague and less and less like something that makes me cool #but i can’t stop

[sscrambledmeggss]

i think we should bring back, “😂” solely based on the fact that it is the, “i am having a good chuckle, a little chortle” emoji. like you are using this in a sitcom dad way, no other emoji expresses sitcom dad laughter as much as the, “😂” emoji

like “😭” is good AND my go to, but it gives less of a little humorous chuckle vibe. i am crying, i am in pain from laughter, i am in disbelief, i am oliver twist a abandoned at the orphanage. and, “💀” i have laughed so hard i died, i kicked the bucket, i have died during the plague.

nothing incapsulates the little chuckle, the good nature laugh quite as, “😂” does

#THIS POST IS IRONIC FOR THE MOST PART #but also it does have such a safe feeling to it i swear i’m not a millennial 😔😔 #i cannot fully describe the 😂 emoji other than the fact that it feels like a locally owned sandwich shop to me #meg’s incoherent thoughts

[suncaptor]

me saying that hannigram reminds me more of sam/lucifer than dean/cas which is why I won't ship it. hannibal is just smarter than lucifer. will make sense to next to NO ONE. However if you understand me we share a warriors bond.

#incoherents #but basically will having fears of being dangerous or a killer and then being gaslighting manipulated and abused by his psychiatrist serial #killer doesnt say anything about him and also viewing shipping it feels wrong to me because it's putting some form of #autonomy or desire on will's position when he's become a product of intense abuse #this isnt to say there arent abusive parts of destiel or that hannibal did anything like the cage or whatever #but like. okay im done trying to explain #if you know you know #lucifer #<- for ts. sorry i should have

[seaquestions]

im fuckinj losing it again

#incoherent turtle noises #‘’isnt it just part of normal life that things go up and down sometimes’’ yes. however. #i feel like my Regular state is Down. and sometimes i get a little ‘hee hee im a real normal human being!!’ high. and then it goes away. #you just dont get it cos u only see me when im actively trying not to look like i regularly bite myself. #sorry that its hard to believe. im trying to not show vulnerability girl. anyway. #im 0-2 on these sleeping pills. but i dont think its their fault that my brain is fuckin Blasting lock the taskbar rn. #that is. rock the casbah but lock the taskbar. with the video where the cursor does a lil flip. #heehee..i just wanna be a real girl but im a lump of flesh stapled together into sentience… ahhh.. #ugh at least i used to post cool art between my episodes. now ur just getting them full blast.

[planet4546b]

im gonna be honest i dont get what the whole deal with spider is. like idk what the hell his role in the story is supposed to be. like in forsaken which was an attempt at a genre piece that was specifically a western, he makes sense, because hes a character trope for a western. and for the same reason coming back in plunder kiiiiiiiiiind of makes sense. but what the hell was he doing in hunt???

#pers #destinyposting #i just like do not get what the whole thing w crow was......from a storytelling level its sorta incoherent #i have this sort of general feeling about how recent seasons (possibly arrivals on??) #just feature deeply weird combinations of characters that dont make a lot of sense together #in a way that feels like they just realized (insert character here) wasnt doing anything. i dont knooooooow i dont know. its not a big deal #i just Cannot turn off the part of my brain that needs to pick apart stories + how they function. believe me #i also did it with the book i just finished. this is just how i do things im not trying to be a hater idk #ANYWAYS. hunt otherwise was good :thumbsup: hello ms. savathun i love you ms. savathun

[minionwater]

sallies _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):_

#edit: don’t read all this I went on a fucking rant #like seriously it’s incoherent musings on my silly meme post #sally’s weird. never know how to feel abt her #I know a few sallies actually. most emotionally intelligent kindest ppl I’ve ever met. supported me when shit went to fuck #but also?? the least aware motherfuckers I’ve ever had the misfortune of talking politics with #it’s like. they’ll support you emotionally physically whatever . in a way that fellow activists don’t #bc we’re all too fucking tired #but they can’t comprehend large scale events #they’re the type to like. go to war to comfort the dying but somehow view the war as a distraction from that #n I don’t know if that’s fine. if it’s reprehensible. if it’s a necessary service to those who DO fight #I’m not even calling them fairweather really. bc they’ll stick around. just in a different sort of way #part of me hates them n part of me admires that they stay anyway. misguided as they might be #bc personal kindness is radical too in a way #but at the same time… is it enough. is anything ever enough #I don’t know which part wins. depends on the day I guess #I know a few sallies. I’m even friends with a couple. n I have no idea how to feel abt that #sorry for the musings I’m just really fuckin. in the shitter rn abt apathy towards genocide #n naturally that’s leading me back to this show. again #real tags time I guess #sanders art tag #cabaret #musical theatre #sally bowles #this is. jane horrocks sally :)

[tooies]

i am relistening to this album because its dark enough outside in the mornings now and i forgot how much i love these songs. and now you have to listen to one of them too because im telling you to. either way check this song out because i think that this is what love sounds like

#tooies favourite songs :3 #to clarify: i dont mean love as in just one type like romantic or platonic or whatever #i think this song is like. the whole thing. like if you took all the love in the universe and bundled it all up into a perfect sphere #well the shape doesnt matter. but like you get the idea #its like. what it feels like to be loved by the universe because you are part of it. you know? #like the kind of love in the mines craft end poem. that kind #^ spelling it mines craft so i dont clog up the tag with my ramblings lol #either way i think thats everything i have to say about it. if you have questions let me know and i will give more incoherent ranting #but still listen to it btw

[deus-ex-mona]

i thought of my family. i ✨shrivelled up inside✨

#incoherent ramblings that may or may not be oversharing af in the tags. you have been warned #the lyrics just… really hit home at some parts. infidelity ain’t cool man. :( #ughhhh i just. the song’s just…!!!!! aaaaaaaaaa #now i really wanna take a crack at tling it bc. the…. aaaaaaaa #i can’t really explain my feelings about this song? but i have lots of them #like it brought back memories of being there in the cigarette-scented living room of my old place as my apparent other parent called his gf #i’ll never forget how sickening the softer and sweeter(?) tone his voice took on as he talked to her. it was grossssss #like it was such a huge shift from how he was towards his biologically female family members (my mother and myself) #just how was he able to be so soft towards that lady while also slapping the living daylights out of us? >:( it isn’t fair!!!! #my brother was spared from getting hit though. and he was spared from being involved in their fights too. male privilege ig. it’s not fair!! #not that i’d want that asshat to be sweet to me in the first place. heck no. #there was this time he asked me what kind of music i listened to. i told him t-swift bc i didn’t want him near my fav song: caramelldansen #he looked up one of her songs on yt to seem relatable，i told him ‘i don’t listen to t-swift’，and he screamed at me :((( #and there was also that time i was screamed at for calling him a perv for pointing out mosquito bites on my inner thighs :((( #and yet… just *how* was this ugly ass loser able to get girlfriends as a married man??? he’s 155cm so he doesn’t even have the height factor #ughhhhhh cheaters always remind me of this clown. i hate him. i really do. i hate tons of things but he’s the thing i hate most in the world #i can’t get rid of that mf though >:( the cons and cons of being literally named after him bc he was disappointed that i was born a girl ig #well. this sure got off-topic… i probably need therapy lol #but therapy’s too expensive (and too complicated to get) so tag therapy it is!!!! #i’ll just vent my life’s worries in the tags here all while everyone else suffers with me >:) #but… kitto wakareru yo’s a beautiful song (musically speaking). chico’s voice and the instrumentals are so good and very emotional… #but the dude mentioned in the lyrics can go cocc himself ig. cheating is unforgivable!!!!!!! #it is suiyoubi my dudes #inedible blubbering