#particularly how Sara actually often rejects Simon’s attempts to care for her and even berates him for it

[billfarrah]

When I was thinking about YR today (which happens daily as I’m sure you all know), I realized that there is a widely-held belief that never really sat right with me, and it’s that Simon breaks up with Wille because he won’t come out. Simon has been praised for not forcing Wille to come out in order to be with him and for encouraging him to do it on his own terms, yet deciding that he ultimately can’t be with someone who’s not out, and I just really don’t think that’s why he ended things. I think it’s a little more complicated than that.

The main issue is that Wille broke his trust; he told him they were handling the video together and that Wille was just going to not say anything (which would mean not coming out and Simon seemed okay with that, so long as he didn’t deny it), and then unilaterally denied the video without consulting Simon first. To add insult to injury, he comes and tells Simon they can still be together but they can’t be seen, and I think that’s the real issue.

I think Simon realized that he wasn’t as high on Wille’s priority list as he thought he was, that Wille was always going to crack under the pressure no matter how much support and love Simon gave him, and Simon had given him so much. He’d given Wille so much and Wille didn’t even call him to tell him he’d changed his mind; he had to find out by reading an article. This goes back to their fight in the music room; once again, Wille does not consider how things affect Simon. Simon has and will continue to come in last.

The real kicker is Wille utterly failing to recognize this and suggesting that they still see each other in secret (this is not me bashing Wille; I understand EVERYTHING he does and why; I’m just speaking completely from Simon’s perspective here. That is completely different to what they were doing before; Simon didn’t mind keeping their relationship on the downlow to a certain extent, although I think attention should be drawn to the way Wille is actually actively hiding it - asking to leave his room separately - and Simon doesn’t really pay too much mind to it because he’s just so in love; he’s on cloud 9 and all he wants is to be near Wille, whether it’s in secret or not. We see the first crack in this when Wille blows Simon off to talk to August and Vincent; of course we know why Wille does this (he has to keep up appearances and he clearly doesn’t want to talk to him), but Simon looks so disappointed. He brushes it off quickly, but the glimpse is still there. However, Wille wasn’t too strict with the hiding just yet; they still went on that little date by the lake and can assume they talked in class, but now, Wille is saying they can’t even be seen together. What is that going to look like? Spending the night in each other’s arms and not even acknowledging each other the next day?

At this point, Simon has no idea what Wille wants; he’s certainly never directly told him. Can they be boyfriends if they don’t acknowledge each other in public, or are they just sleeping together? If he doesn’t desire the royal life, why does he let them dictate what he does? Does Wille even know what he wants? Simon knows what he wants; he’s in love with Wille and wants to be with him (listen to the way his voice trembles when he asks Wille if his family wants him to stop seeing Simon and when he asks if Wille will tell them he wants to be with him; Simon is in love), and I think he would be with Wille even if he didn’t want to come out, but not in a world where he can’t even be acknowledged; that’s just degrading.

That’s why he tells Wille, “you need to figure out what you want,” because until he does, their relationship is never going to work. Does Wille want to live his entire life being controlled by other people? If so, then he has the right to do so, but Simon knows that’s not what Wille wants; he’s encouraging him to fight back, but Simon can’t hold his hand through it. They’re not on the same page (as I said before, Simon knows what he wants; Wille doesn’t), and Simon knows there is too much risk he’ll get hurt again. He doesn’t hate Wille because I think he sees that Wille’s intentions are never bad, but that doesn’t obligate Simon to stand by and let it happen over and over.

The road to finding yourself is not an easy one and Wille is likely going to make a lot more mistakes leading towards it, but those mistakes are what allow him to learn, and no matter what Wille discovers, Simon will be on the other side waiting for him, either as a friend or a lover. Because at the end of the day, their relationship is built on genuine, caring, mutual love and respect for one another - it’s so healthy and you love to see it - and they do make each other happy, but Wille is not in a position to prioritize Simon’s needs at this time due to the oppressive circumstances surrounding him.

Long story short, the reason Simon broke up with Wille is not because Wille didn’t want to come out, but because keeping a relationship on the downlow is a lot different than being a literal secret, he was tired of the relationship only existing on Wille’s terms (as he himself said), tired of coming in last, and tired of not knowing what Wille wants, and I think Wille telling Simon he loves him at the end was him telling Simon what he wants; now it’s just a matter of what he’s lengths he’s willing to go to get it.

#I’ve had several other deep thoughts today such as how Sara is actually more a secondary protagonist than Simon. #and how Simon’s role of a caretaker is actually mostly actively rejected or ineffective with everyone in his life except for Wille #particularly how Sara actually often rejects Simon’s attempts to care for her and even berates him for it #but that might be a bit much for Rn #young royals #wilmon