#party your hasselhoff

[suzcatonmars]

Happy 70th Birthday David Hasselhoff!

Party Your Hasselhoff!!

#david hasselhoff #the hoff #baywatch #knight rider #gumball 3000 #party your hasselhoff

[lives-in-midgard]

Revealed Secret

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader ft. the guardians of the galaxy

Summary: At an Avengers party, Mantis revealed your secret crush for Bucky.

Word Count: 1.163

Masterlist

It had been a while since you all have come together, so Tony organized a party, and everyone came. Natasha, Wanda, Steve, Scott, Peter Parker, Stephen Strange, T’Challa and some other people from Wakanda, the guardians of the galaxy and of course everyone else. That meant the person you have a big crush on was there too. And because you thought Bucky doesn’t feel the same you hoped that you could talk with some other people to distract yourself. You and Bucky are good friends, and you didn’t want to risk your friendship, so you decided to hide your feelings from him and hoped he wouldn’t notice it. You were excited to see the guardians again because it had been a long time since you have seen them.

When you walked into the tower, the first thing you did was to hug Wanda and talk with her. After a while you also talked with Natasha. You walked through the party and saw so many people having fun and having a good time. You just had a conversation with Steve and talked with T’Challa and his sister. It is always nice to see them and talk with them. You are very happy and will always be grateful that they helped Bucky. When you walked through the crowd you saw Bucky walking to you, in his suit he looked so handsome, so sweet but also hot.

“Hey doll” Bucky greeted you with a hug.

“Hey” you said when you pulled away.

“You look gorgeous.” Bucky confessed and you began to blush and tucked a hair behind your ear.

“Thanks, you look good too.” Now it was his time to blush, and he mumbled a thanks. You talked for a while when you decided to go and see some other people.

“I’ve got to go see you later, buck.”

While walking through the room you could see Natasha, Clint and Scott talk at the bar, a few steps away from them there were Steve and Sam laughing about something Peter said. And somewhere you heard a loud Thor telling a fight story. When you were near the couch Peter Quill waved at you and you were walking over with a smile to him, Mantis and Drax.

“There you are, I thought I wouldn’t see you with all the people here.” He said and you sat down beside him.

“I know there are really a lot of people, but I wouldn’t want to miss you guys.” You smiled.

“So how is everything? Did something crazy happen?” You asked him and he laughed.

“Crazy? With us never.” Peter said and you both laughed.

“What are you talking, don’t remember your Christmas present from us?”

“That was sarcasm Drax.”

“What Christmas present?” You wondered.

“Drax and Mantis flew to earth and kidnapped Kevin Bacon.” Peter began.

“Kevin Bacon was your Christmas present why not David Hasselhoff?” You laughed.

“Don’t give him such a stupid idea and it wasn’t funny.”

“Okay, you’re right Peter, it isn’t funny.” You said and held back a laugh.

“Where are the others?” You asked after Peter told you about the best Christmas gift he got from Mantis. She began to smile, and you could see how much they mean to each other.

“Nebula is somewhere with Tony and Rocket and Groot are over there with Bucky.” When he mentioned Bucky, your heart skipped a beat and when you looked over, you saw him smiling.

“Y/n?” Peter called out and brought you back to reality.

“Sorry, what did you say?” You asked.

“I asked if Mantis could try her power on you.” Drax said and held back a smile.

Because you didn’t really know her you totally forgot what her powers are. That’s why you didn’t know why Drax was smiling when you said yes.

Mantis softly touched your arm and looked you in the eyes.

“You feel love.”

“Yeah, I feel a lot of love for everyone in this room.” You said and hoped this would help and she wouldn’t go deeper.

“No, romantic love.” Mantis continued.

“No, no no. That’s not true.” You interrupted her and looked over to Peter for help.

“For him.” She yelled and pointed at Bucky. Who was now looking at you with a confused look.

“No” You pulled your hand away from her and Drax began to laugh.

“She just told everyone your darkest secret, just like she did with you Peter. Do you remember it? “He screamed and laughed more. You and Peter looked at each other and you have never felt so embarrassed in a long time. You really hoped that Bucky didn’t hear it. But he looked over at you and Drax was so loud, he probably heard it.

“Hey, I’m really sorry, if I had known I would have warned you.” Peter started but you stood up when you saw Bucky was walking over to you.

“I need some fresh air.” You quickly took your bag and walked out. You heard someone yell your name, but you didn’t want to turn around. You just had to get out of there. When you walked out, you were hit with the cold air. You took deep breaths and looked up at the stars. It was so embarrassing, probably everyone knows it by now. It felt like everyone was watching you.

“Hey” Suddenly Bucky was standing beside you.

“Hey” You quietly mumbled and looked over to him.

“You probably heard what they were saying.” You sighed.

“Yeah, I heard what they said.”

“I’m really sorry.”

“Is it true?” That was not what you expected him to say, but after what he heard you can’t deny it anymore.

“Yeah, it’s…it’s true. I’m in love with you.” When you said that Bucky began to smile.

“Then I’m glad because I’m in love with you too.” You couldn’t believe what you just heard. All this time you hoped he would like you back and now he said it. He really said it.

“Really? Are …are you sure?” You asked him and he nodded.

“Yes, I’m sure. We can go in there and Mantis can prove it if you want.” He joked and made you chuckle.

“I know something else that could prove it.” You hinted.

“Me too.” Bucky grinned at you, pulled a hair behind your ear, and pulled in to kiss you.

When you pulled away you both smiled at each other.

“Now, I’m glad Mantis revealed my secret.”

“Do you want to go back inside?” Bucky asked.

“Let’s stay here for a while.” You were standing there for a while, holding Bucky’s hand, and looking into the stars.

“You should take my jacket, doll. You are shivering.” Bucky said while taking of his jacked and gently putting his jacket on your shoulder. You had no idea how cold you were until Bucky mentioned it. You didn’t want Bucky to find out like that, but you’re glad he knows now and feels the same way about you.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x you fluff #bucky barnes #james bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky x you fluff #bucky x you #bucky fluff #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes fanfiction #marvel #marvel x reader #marvel fanfiction #marvel one shot #winter solider #guardians of the galaxy #guardians of the galaxy x reader

[voidthewanderer]

1, 4, 6, 8, 17, 18, and 19 for the music ask thingy!!

*Also add any free space here as well, I'd like to have more music to listen to lol*

Ahh, I'm finally getting to answering these!

1) What's your favorite song and why?

This one's actually super hard for me to answer because I really don't have one particularly favorite song. It almost constantly changes. Currently, one of my favorites is Shake Your Ass-Smoke Your Grass by Rob Zombie. Fair major warning for the link, the music video can be triggering and is extremely NSFT (drugs, gore, sexual content). I'm not sure what it is exactly with Rob Zombie's music, but it always just scratches that weird itch I have in my brain and this song really just delivers on it.

4) What song would you recommend to anyone?

Hear me out, Sweet Caroline covered by David Hasselhoff. This song just gives me pure joy and I cannot recommend it enough, honestly.

6) what is a song you like a certain version of but not others? (ie: the acoustic version vs the studio version)

Chandelier covered by Puddles Pity Party if that counts. I personally have never really liked Sia's music in general, but hearing it sung by Puddles, it honestly feels more... raw? Would that be the right word?

8) What was your first favorite song?

I can't link anything for this because I couldn't tell you exactly which song it was, but I do know it was from A Nightmare Before Christmas. I had the entire movie as a whole 100% memories, word for word, since I was like three. It's probably This Is Halloween since it's the first song in the movie.

17) is there a song that you listen to for the beat, not the lyrics?

Lyric trigger warning: very racist! Booty Swing by Parov Stelar. I love electroswing and the beat of this song is just so goddamn good, but a massive yikes to the lyrics. I know that just an instrumental exists somewhere, because there's a show my mother watches that has it for their closing credits, but I haven't been able to find it yet.

18) a song you listen to for the lyrics, not the beat?

Mother by Pink Floyd. Now, that's not to say that the instrumental portion of the song isn't good or anything like that, but this song is definitely a 'focus on the lyrics' song.

19) do you have an exception to a genre you don't like?

I actually don't because I listen to literally everything. Like, here's a screenshot of just one section of my iTunes library (sorted by most recently added). I'm a firm believer of listen to what you like and worry less about genre.

And for a wild card? How about I throw that iTunes library on shuffle and give you the first five songs that come up that aren't repeats from the before linked?

Teenagers by My Chemical Romance

According To You by Orianthi

Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac

The Dancing Demon by TryHardNinja

Up The Mountain by Regina Spektor

#shut it void #friend talk

[anime-dub-transcripts]

Hetalia: Axis Powers Episode #7 Transcript

This episode has the first Allies meeting, the introduction of Romano, and Holy Roman Empire finding out that Chibitalia's at his house.

America: My fellow Allies, we must not allow the Axis to terrorize us! Now is the time when we, the Allies, save the rest of the world! Let’s fight together for the American way! We’ll show this axis of evil how serious we are!

{Text on blackboard #1: Kraut}

{Text on blackboard #2: Wop}

{Text on blackboard #3: England}

{Text on blackboard #4: France}

{Text on blackboard #5: Japan}

{Text on blackboard #6: Russia}

{Text on blackboard #7: China}

America: I say we hit Italy first because they can’t drive and are usually drunk!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Caption: Munch, munch}

America: Okay, we’re so afraid of the Axis (nom) and so agreeing with everyone (nom) I think it’s the one who is secretly in love with Britain (nom) and though he’s SECRETLY IN LOVE WITH BRITAIN (nom) I cannot see around it. I did nothing---

Britain: I can’t understand a single word you’re saying! Would you please just stop eating?!

America: My vocabulary can be intimidating.

(Britain: Euh…)

America: I’ll stop eating this absurd pile of hamburgers so you can focus better.

{Caption: Slurp}

America: (Slurp) Axis (slurp) bad guys (slurp) Allies (slurp) good guys (slurp) ah! And the hero is me!

Britain: Oh, shut it!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Italy: Hey, Germany, check it cool! This is my big brother Romano! Isn’t he cheesy?

Germany: Euh. I am Germany. A pleasure.

Italy: I’m the north of the country, and he’s the southern part. Since we’ve always been governed separately, he had to spend more time with our big brother Spain, so he’s become kind of a dick. Right? Now say hi to my friend!

Romano: Suck my balls, you damn potato eater!

(Italy: Oaah…)

Germany: Nnaugh!

Italy: Oh boy, it’s hug time!

(Romano: Aah! Augh! Auah! Egh!)

Romano: Would you stop it with your hug therapy already?!

Germany: I’ll never understand Catholics.

(Romano: Let go!)

(Italy: I’ll hug you tighter!)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Germany: Hetalia!

{Caption: Hetalia}

Romano: Okay, Mr. Super Studly, what’d you do to twist my brother’s head around so bad?

Germany: Uh, what do you want?

Romano: Che palle!

(Che palle!: Bullshit! → Italian)

Romano: Don’t play dumb with me, that’s my brother’s job, and I know you’ve got some plan for him that’s sinister. And sure, your highways don’t have speed limits, but that doesn’t give you the right to criticize when men microbrew domestics, kraut breath!

Germany: Stop right there! You can’t blame me for what---

Romano: This weatherman is predicting a 99 percent chance of shitstorm and it’s coming right at ya!

France: I have finally succeeded in entering Germany secretly. Now I can take him by surprise.

Romano: EEEAAAAAHHHHHH! IT’S FRANCE! Protect me!

France: Oh no, it’s Germany!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

France: Hetalia!

{Caption: Hetalia}

{Text on book: How to Get Along with Italians: Brothers}

Romano: Hey there, Hasselhoff! I’ve got a little surprise for you!

Germany: Great. What is it? Another Jew?

Romano: I have created a secret weapon for such singular purpose and stealthiness that you will be helpless to its powers. Mustache! MHAHAHAHAHA! Woohoo! You look so very stupid, with your big bushy mustache like some hipster at an art school party! HAHAHAHAHA!

Germany: Uh…you do know it looks like you have the mustache from where I stand.

Romano: AAUH! Turn your head! No! Don’t look! I’m so ugly!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Germany: Hetalia!

{Caption: Hetalia}

Romano: NNGH! No fair! My secret mustache totally backfired on me! I quit!

Italy: Don’t cry, Romano. Germany doesn’t care about your mustache. He’s really a nice guy, trust me! He’s really helpful when it’s to his advantage and he certainly knows how to keep things organized. Plus he’s strong and pretty and whiter than anybody, and that has got to count for something in this day and age, at least for keeping liquor stores out of your neighborhood. Also, Germans sound real funny, and laughing is good for the heart!

(Romano: Waaaaaahahahahahahahahah! Weweweweweweweweh! Waaaaaaaahhhhh! Wehehehehe! Waaaaahhhh!)

Romano: Huuahhh…Veneziano?

{Caption: [Italy Veneziano] Italy’s full name}

(Veneziano: Venetian → Italian)

Romano: Just once, would you say a nice thing about me like that?

Italy: Uh…

Romano: I HATE YOU SO MUCH!

Italy: Where are you going, Romano?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Caption #1: Hetalia}

{Caption #2: Chibitalia}

Children: Chibitalia!

Holy Rome: I’m home. I put them under my control---ahuh!

Holy Rome’s thoughts: Italy is in my house!

(Chibitalia: Hm! Hm! Hm!)

Chibitalia: Hm! Hm! Hm! Hm! Hm! Oh! Auh?

Holy Rome: Hmmm. Hmmm.

Chibitalia: AAAAHHHHH!

(Holy Rome: Hmmmm)

Chibitalia: I’m so sorry! I’ll do anything, just please don’t hit me! Emmmmm…

Holy Rome: Hmmpf!

Chibitalia: Ohuh? I wonder what’s bothering him.

Holy Rome: Haah! Hahahahwawawahahaha!

Austria: Control yourself.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Phone: Ring! Ring!

{Caption: Continued Next Episode…}

#anime #anime transcripts #anime dub transcripts #hetalia #hetalia dub transcripts

[beurich]

David Hasselhoff mit Iggy Pop-Cover & neuem Album im September

David Hasselhoff mit Iggy Pop-Cover & neuem Album im September

Es gibt musikalische Neuigkeiten von David Hasselhoff: Erste Single-Auskopplung „The Passenger” erscheint am 25.06.2021 +++ Neues Album „Party Your Hasselhoff” folgt am 03. September 2021 DAVID HASSELHOFF, legendärer US-Schauspieler, Sänger und Entertainer, veröffentlicht am 3. September unter dem verheißungsvollen Titel „Party Your Hasselhoff” ein neues Album, auf dem er und sein Kreativ-Team…

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#Baywatch #Big Brother #David hasselhoff #Knight Rider #Musik #neues Album #Party Your Hasselhoff #The Passenger

[letterboxd]

Blurring the Line.

As a new Space Jam film beams down to Earth, Kambole Campbell argues that a commitment to silliness and a sincere love for the medium is what it takes to make a great live-action/animation hybrid.

The live-action and animation hybrid movie is something of a dicey prospect. It’s tricky to create believable interaction between what’s real and what’s drawn, puppeteered or rendered—and blending the live and the animated has so far resulted in wild swings in quality. It is a highly specific and technically demanding niche, one with only a select few major hits, though plenty of cult oddities. So what makes a good live-action/animation hybrid?

To borrow words from Hayao Miyazaki, “live action is becoming part of that whole soup called animation”. Characters distinct from the humans they interact with, but rendered as though they were real creatures (or ghosts), are everywhere lately; in Paddington, in Scooby Doo, in David Lowery’s (wonderful) update of Pete’s Dragon.

The original ‘Pete’s Dragon’ (1977) alongside the 2016 remake.

Lowery’s dragon is realized with highly realistic lighting and visual-effects work. By comparison, the cartoon-like characters in the 1977 Pete’s Dragon—along with other films listed in Louise’s handy compendium of Disney’s live-action animation—are far more exaggerated. That said, there’s still the occasional holdout for the classical version of these crossovers: this year’s Tom and Jerry replicating the look of 2D through 3D/CGI animation, specifically harkens back to the shorts of the 1940s and ’50s.

One type of live-action/animation hybrid focuses on seamless immersion, the other is interested in exploring the seams themselves. Elf (2003) uses the aberration of stop-motion animals to represent the eponymous character as a fish out of water. Ninjababy, a Letterboxd favorite from this year’s SXSW Festival, employs an animated doodle as a representation of the protagonist’s state of mind while she processes her unplanned pregnancy.

Meanwhile, every Muppets film ever literally tears at the seams until we’re in stitches, but, for the sake of simplicity, puppets are not invited to this particular party. What we are concerned with here is the overlap between hand-drawn animation and live-action scenes (with honorable mentions of equally valid stop-motion work), and the ways in which these hybrids have moved from whimsical confections to nod-and-wink blockbusters across a century of cinema.

Betty Boop and Koko the clown in a 1938 instalment of the Fleischer brothers’ ‘Out of the Inkwell’ series.

Early crossovers often involve animators playing with their characters, in scenarios such as the inventive Out of the Inkwell series of shorts from Rotoscope inventor Max Fleischer and his director brother Dave. Things get even more interactive mid-century, when Gene Kelly holds hands with Jerry Mouse in Anchors Aweigh.

The 1960s and ’70s deliver ever more delightful family fare involving human actors entering cartoon worlds, notably in the Robert Stevenson-directed Mary Poppins and Bedknobs and Broomsticks, and Chuck Jones’ puntastic The Phantom Tollbooth.

Jerry and Gene dance off their worries in ‘Anchors Aweigh’ (1945).

Mary Poppins is one of the highest-rated live-action/animation hybrids on Letterboxd for good reason. Its sense of control in how it engages with its animated creations makes it—still!—an incredibly engaging watch. It is simply far less evil than the singin’, dancin’ glorification of slavery in Disney’s Song of the South (1946), and far more engaging than Victory Through Air Power (1943), a war-propaganda film about the benefits of long-range bombing in the fight against Hitler. The studio’s The Reluctant Dragon (1941) also serves a propagandistic function, as a behind-the-scenes studio tour made when the studio’s animators were striking.

By comparison, Mary Poppins’ excursions into the painted world—replicated in Rob Marshall’s belated, underrated 2018 sequel, Mary Poppins Returns—are full of magical whimsicality. “Films have added the gimmick of making animation and live characters interact countless times, but paradoxically none as pristine-looking as this creation,” writes Edgar in this review. “This is a visual landmark, a watershed… the effect of making everything float magically, to the detail of when a drawing should appear in front or the back of [Dick] Van Dyke is a creation beyond my comprehension.” (For Van Dyke, who played dual roles as Bert and Mr Dawes Senior, the experience sparked a lifelong love of animation and visual effects.)

Julie Andrews, Dick Van Dyke and penguins, in ‘Mary Poppins’ (1964).

Generally speaking, and the Mary Poppins sequel aside, more contemporary efforts seek to subvert this feeling of harmony and control, instead embracing the chaos of two worlds colliding, the cartoons there to shock rather than sing. Henry Selick’s frequently nightmarish James and the Giant Peach (1996) leans into this crossover as something uncanny and macabre by combining live action with stop motion, as its young protagonist eats his way into another world, meeting mechanical sharks and man-eating rhinos. Sally Jane Black describes it as “riding the Burton-esque wave of mid-’90s mall goth trends and blending with the differently demonic Dahl story”.

Science-classroom staple Osmosis Jones (2001) finds that within the human body, the internal organs serve as cities full of drawn white-blood-cell cops. The late Stephen Hillenburg’s The Spongebob Squarepants Movie (2004) turns its real-life humans into living cartoons themselves, particularly in a bonkers sequence featuring David Hasselhoff basically turning into a speedboat.

David Hasselhoff picks up speed in ‘The Spongebob Squarepants Movie’ (2004).

The absurdity behind the collision of the drawn and the real is never better embodied than in another of our highest-rated live/animated hybrids. Released in 1988, Robert Zemeckis’ Who Framed Roger Rabbit shows off a deep understanding—narratively and aesthetically—of the material that it’s parodying, seeking out the impeccable craftsmanship of legends such as director of animation Richard Williams (1993’s The Thief and the Cobbler), and his close collaborator Roy Naisbitt. The forced perspectives of Naisbitt’s mind-bending layouts provide much of the rocket fuel driving the film’s madcap cartoon opening.

Distributed by Walt Disney Pictures, Roger Rabbit utilizes the Disney stable of characters as well as the Looney Tunes cast to harken back to America’s golden age of animation. It continues a familiar scenario where the ’toons themselves are autonomous actors (as also seen in Friz Freleng’s 1940 short You Ought to Be in Pictures, in which Daffy Duck convinces Porky Pig to try his acting luck in the big studios).

Daffy Duck plots his rise up the acting ranks in ‘You Ought to Be in Pictures’ (1940).

Through this conceit, Zemeckis is able to celebrate the craft of animation, while pastiching both Chinatown, the noir genre, and the mercenary nature of the film industry (“the best part is… they work for peanuts!” a studio exec says of the cast of Fantasia). As Eddie Valiant, Bob Hoskins’ skepticism and disdain towards “toons” is a giant parody of Disney’s more traditional approach to matching humans and drawings.

Adult audiences are catered for with plenty of euphemistic humor and in-jokes about the history of the medium. It’s both hilarious (“they… dropped a piano on him,” one character solemnly notes of his son) and just the beginning of Hollywood toying with feature-length stories in which people co-exist with cartoons, rather than dipping in and out of fantasy sequences. It’s not just about how the cartoons appear on the screen, but how the human world reacts to them, and Zemeckis gets a lot of mileage out of applying ’toon lunacy to our world.

Bob Hoskins in ‘Who Framed Roger Rabbit?’ (1988).

The groundbreaking optical effects and compositing are excellent (and Hoskins’ amazing performance should also be credited for holding all of it together), but what makes Roger Rabbit such a hit is that sense of controlled chaos and a clever tonal weaving of violence and noirish seediness (“I’m not bad… I’m just drawn that way”) through the cartoony feel. And it is simply very, very funny.

It could be said that, with Roger Rabbit, Zemeckis unlocked the formula for how to modernize the live-action and animation hybrid, by leaning into a winking parody of what came before. It worked so perfectly well that it helped kickstart the ‘Disney renaissance' era of animation. Roger Rabbit has influenced every well-known live-action/animation hybrid produced since, proving that there is success and fun to be had by completely upending Mary Poppins-esque quirks. Even Disney’s delightful 2007 rom-com Enchanted makes comedy out of the idea of cartoons crossing that boundary.

When a cartoon character meets real-world obstacles.

Even when done well, though, hybrids are not an automatic hit. Sitting at a 2.8-star average, Joe Dante’s stealthily great Looney Tunes: Back in Action (2003) is considered by the righteous to be the superior live-action/animated Looney Tunes hybrid, harkening back to the world of Chuck Jones and Frank Tashlin. SilentDawn states that the film deserves the nostalgic reverence reserved for Space Jam: “From gag to gag, set piece to set piece, Back in Action is utterly bonkers in its logic-free plotting and the constant manipulation of busy frames.”

With its Tinseltown parody, Back in Action pulls from the same bag of tricks as Roger Rabbit; here, the Looney Tunes characters are famous, self-entitled actors. Dante cranks the meta comedy up to eleven, opening the film with Matthew Lillard being accosted by Shaggy for his performance in the aforementioned Scooby Doo movie (and early on throwing in backhanded jokes about the practice of films like itself as one character yells, “I was brought in to leverage your synergy!”).

Daffy Duck with more non-stop banter in ‘Looney Tunes: Back in Action’ (2003).

Back in Action is even more technically complex than Roger Rabbit, seamlessly bringing Looney Tunes physics and visual language into the real world. Don’t forget that Dante had been here before, when he had Anthony banish Ethel into a cartoon-populated television show in his segment of Twilight Zone: The Movie. Another key to this seamlessness is star Brendan Fraser, at the height of his powers here as “Brendan Fraser’s stunt double”.

Like Hoskins before him, Fraser brings a wholehearted commitment to playing the fed-up straight man amidst cartoon zaniness. Fraser also brought that dedication to Henry Selick's Monkeybone (2001), a Roger Rabbit-inspired sex comedy that deploys a combo of stop-motion animation and live acting in a premise amusingly close to that of 1992’s Cool World (but more on that cult anomaly shortly). A commercial flop, Back in Action was the last cinematic outing for the Looney Tunes for some time.

Nowadays, when we think of live-action animation, it’s hard not to jump straight to an image of Michael Jordan’s arm stretching to do a half-court dunk to save the Looney Tunes from slavery. There’s not a lot that can be fully rationalized about the 1996 box-office smash, Space Jam. It is a bewildering cartoon advert for Michael Jordan’s baseball career, dreamed up off the back of his basketball retirement, while also mashing together different American icons. Never forget that the soundtrack—one that, according to Benjamin, “makes you have to throw ass”—includes a song with B-Real, Coolio, Method Man and LL Cool J.

Michael Jordan and teammates in ‘Space Jam’ (1996).

Space Jam is a film inherently born to sell something, predicated on the existing success of a Nike commercial rather than any obvious passion for experimentation. But its pure strangeness, a growing nostalgia for the nineties, and meticulous compositing work from visual-effects supervisor Ed Jones and the film’s animation team (a number of whom also worked on both Roger Rabbit and Back in Action), have all kept it in the cultural memory.

The films is backwards, writes Jesse, in that it wants to distance itself from the very cartoons it leverages: “This really almost feels like a follow-up to Looney Tunes: Back in Action, rather than a predecessor, because it feels like someone watched the later movie, decided these Looney Tunes characters were a problem, and asked someone to make sure they were as secondary as possible.” That attempt to place all the agency in Jordan’s hands was a point of contention for Chuck Jones, the legendary Warner Bros cartoonist. He hated the film, stating that Bugs would never ask for help and would have dealt with the aliens in seven minutes.

Space Jam has its moments, however. Guy proclaims “there is nothing that Deadpool as a character will ever have to offer that isn’t done infinitely better by a good Bugs Bunny bit”. For some, its problems are a bit more straightforward, for others it’s a matter of safety in sport. But the overriding sentiments surrounding the film point to a sort of morbid fascination with the brazenness of its concept.

Holli Would (voiced by Kim Basinger) and Frank Harris (Brad Pitt) blur the lines in ‘Cool World’ (1992).

Existing in the same demented… space… as Space Jam, Paramount Pictures bought the idea for Cool World from Ralph Bakshi as it sought to have its own Roger Rabbit. While Brad Pitt described it as “Roger Rabbit on acid” ahead of release, Cool World itself looks like a nightmare version of Toontown. The film was universally panned at the time, caught awkwardly between being far too adult for children but too lacking in any real substance for adults (there’s something of a connective thread between Jessica Rabbit, Lola Bunny and Holli Would).

Ralph Bakshi’s risqué and calamitously horny formal experiment builds on the animator’s fascination with the relationship between the medium and the human body. Of course, he would go from the immensely detailed rotoscoping of Fire and Ice (1983) to clashing hand-drawn characters with real ones, something he had already touched upon in the seventies with Heavy Traffic and Coonskin, whose animated characters were drawn into real locations. But no one besides Bakshi quite knew what to do with the perverse concept of Brad Pitt as a noir detective trying to stop Gabriel Byrne’s cartoonist from having sex with a character that he drew—an animated Kim Basinger.

Jack Deebs (Gabriel Byrne) attempts to cross over to Hollie Would in ‘Cool World’ (1992).

Cool World’s awkwardness can be attributed to stilted interactions between Byrne, Pitt and the animated world, as well as studio meddling. Producer Frank Mancuso Jr (who was on the film due to his father running Paramount) demanded that the film be reworked into something PG-rated, against Bakshi’s wishes (he envisioned an R-rated horror), and the script was rewritten in secret. It went badly, so much so that Bakshi eventually punched Mancuso Jr in the face.

While Cool World averages two stars on Letterboxd, there are some enthusiastic holdouts. There are the people impressed by the insanity of it all, those who just love them a horny toon, and then there is Andrew, a five-star Cool World fan: “On the surface, it’s a Lovecraftian horror with Betty Boop as the villain, featuring a more impressive cityscape than Blade Runner and Dick Tracy combined, and multidimensional effects that make In the Mouth of Madness look like trash. The true star, however, proves to be the condensed surplus of unrelated gags clogging the arteries of the screen—in every corner is some of the silliest cel animation that will likely ever be created.”

There are even those who enjoy its “clear response to Who Framed Roger Rabbit”, with David writing that “the film presents a similar concept through the lens of the darkly comic, perverted world of the underground cartoonists”, though also noting that without Bakshi’s original script, the film is “a series of half steps and never really commits like it could”. Cool World feels both completely deranged and strangely low-energy, caught between different ideas as to how best to mix the two mediums. But it did give us a David Bowie jam.

‘Space Jam: A New Legacy’ is in cinemas and on HBO Max now.

Craft is of course important, but generally speaking, maybe nowadays a commitment to silliness and a sincere love for the medium’s history is the thing that makes successful live-action/animation hybrids click. It’s an idea that doesn’t lend itself to being too cool, or even entirely palatable. The trick is to be as fully dotty as Mary Poppins, or steer into the gaucheness of the concept, à la Roger Rabbit and Looney Tunes: Back in Action.

It’s quite a tightrope to walk between good meta-comedy and a parade of references to intellectual property. The winningest strategy is to weave the characters into the tapestry of the plot and let the gags grow from there, rather than hoping their very inclusion is its own reward. Wait, you said what is coming out this week?

Related content

Rootfish Jones’s list of cartoons people are horny for

The 100 Sequences that Shaped Animation: the companion list to the Vulture story

Jose Moreno’s list of every animated film made from 1888 to the present

Follow Kambole on Letterboxd

#kambole campbell #mary poppins #ralph bakshi #hayao miyazaki #ghibli #disney #who framed roger rabbit #roger rabbit #spongebob squarepants #spongebob #animation #live action animation #live action animation hybrid #stop motion animation #stop motion #wes anderson #brad pitt #bob hoskins #genre #space jam #space jam a new legacy #michael jordan #lebron james #looney tunes #bugs bunny #daffy duck #warner bros #2d animation #letterboxd

[splendidcas]

Spin the Bottle

Summary: you, TFW and some friends decide to engage in the friendly classic game, “spin the bottle.” what happens when you conveniently (or inconveniently, depending on how you look at it) land on your crush, Castiel?

Pairing: Castiel x reader

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: none that I can think of. language, probably. a little self doubt, maybe some secondhand embarrassment lmao but mostly fluff.

A/N: feedback fuels me to keep writing! thank you for reading!

It was a very rare night. Monsters were quiet, as was Angel radio, and hell was minding its business for the time being. There were no current cases to be found, so you, Castiel and the Winchesters took advantage. 

It was winter, unfortunately, so no “sand between our toes,” as Dean put it. The four of you were passing around ideas for about 15 minutes about what you should do, but none of them stuck. You were tired of bars and diners, honestly, and so were the boys. You wanted to do something different.

Suddenly, Dean slammed his hand down on the table, startling you, Sam and Cas. He had a grin on his face, his eyes passing over all of you. “I got it. Game night, and this time we’re inviting everybody.” 

***

Two hours later, almost all of your friends were here in Dean’s “man cave,” and everyone had smiles on their faces. You immediately gravitated towards Rowena, Jodi, Donna, and Charlie, thankful to have other women around for once. Sam and Dean were playing a game of pool with Garth while Castiel and Gabriel leaned against the wall, Gabriel grinning as he whispered into his brother’s ear, and Castiel rolled his eyes. It made you smile. 

“Ah, Y/N, still have that crush on the Angel, I see,” Rowena commented, catching your smile at Cas.

Your cheeks burned before you looked at Rowena with a knowing smirk. “There’s only one of us here that’s slept with an Angel, and it’s not me.”

Rowena beamed, her fingers shyly running over her braid. “It’s true.”

The five of you shared a laugh before Jodi turned to you with a stern, motherly look. “Seriously, though, Y/N. You could do a lot worse. I’m just sayin.’” 

“She’s right,” Charlie added. “He’s, like, the sweetest.” 

You opened your mouth, about to try and direct the conversation somewhere else, when Dean’s voice boomed throughout the room. He was standing on a chair, clearly a little drunk, with a beer bottle in his hand. 

“Oh, boy, here we go,” Donna whispered. 

“Alright, ladies and gentleman. Let’s get this party started. It is now time to play: spin the bottle!” 

There was immediately a chorus of protest, and Dean frowned.

"Dude, no,” Sam said, giving Dean a look. 

“Why not?”

“Because we’re all friends here, Dean.” 

“That’s exactly why we should!” Gabriel chimed in from his spot against the wall. “We’re all friends, so it won’t be awkward afterward, right? It’ll be fun.”

“I don’t understand, what game are we talking about?” Castiel asked, brow furrowed. 

“Spin the bottle, little bro,” Gabriel said. “Everyone sits in a circle and puts an empty bottle in the middle. When it’s your turn, you spin it, and you have to kiss whoever the bottle lands on.”

Castiel thought it over for a minute, his expression unchanged. “But why?”

You chuckled. “It’s just supposed to be fun.” 

“And it’s supposed to be for high school and college kids,” Jodi added. “I’m out.” 

“Laaaaame,” Dean commented, taking another sip of his beer before Sam took it out of his hands, earning him a glare. 

Garth spoke up, his right hand pointing to the ring on his left. “Me too. Married and all.” 

“Well, I’m in, obviously,” Gabriel said, a wicked smirk on his face as he watched Rowena from across the room.

Rowena quirked a brow at him, returning his smirk. “As am I.”

“Me too,” Donna said, a shy but excited grin on her face. This earned a surprised look from Jodi, and she shrugged. “What? Been a while since I kissed anyone. Could be fun.” 

“I’m in too,” Charlie exclaimed. “Y/N?” 

All eyes were suddenly on you, and you tried not to linger on Cas for too long. What if you landed on him? This could be your only opportunity to kiss him, since you knew good and well he only considered you a friend. You cleared your throat, fiddling with the sleeves of your sweater. “Uh, I guess so.” 

Your friends cheered before moving on to Sam and Cas. 

“C’mon, Sammy, don’t be a wuss,” Dean chided. 

Sam scoffed. “Wow, Dean.”

“Just do it, Sam! It’s fun,” Gabriel encouraged.

“Fine, fine, just so you’ll leave me alone,” Sam remarked, a smile giving way as he rolled his eyes. 

“How about you, Angel? Will you be joining us?” Rowena asked Cas. 

Cas immediately looked to Dean, eyes pleading, but Dean was no help. “You’re doing it, Cas. Been a while since you got any action.” 

Ignoring Castiel’s glare, Dean ordered everyone to sit in a circle as Jodi and Garth stood aside. Donna ended up on your right, and Charlie was on your left. Directly across from you sat Castiel, who was nervously adjusting his tie. You gulped--honestly, a part of you wanted to land on him or vice versa, and another part of you didn’t. You were horribly nervous, and there were so many things that could go wrong. What if he landed on you and looked disappointed? What if he thought you were a bad kisser? What if your breath stank? What if, what if, what if.

Dean grabbed an empty beer bottle from behind him and placed it in middle of the circle before rubbing his hands together. “Alright--rules. You have to kiss whoever you land on, doesn’t matter the gender. Capiche? I’ll start.” He gracefully flicked his wrist and sent the bottle spinning for a few seconds before it slowly landed on...

Gabriel.

Everyone in the circle busted out laughing--even Castiel, who wore a very amused grin. Sam could not have looked more smug.

“Not so keen to play now, are you?” you asked, laughter bubbling in your chest. 

Dean turned beat red and grumbled to himself, and Gabriel rolled his eyes. “Let’s just just get this over with,” the archangel mumbled. The two of them scooted across the carpet and met in the middle, and Dean shook his head, inwardly giving himself a pep talk. Gabriel glared. “Today, Hasselhoff?”

“Alright, alright! I’m doing it,” Dean said, irritated. He leaned in and quickly pecked Gabe on the lips.

Cheers erupted as the two of them scooted back to their seats, and Dean quickly wiped his mouth with his sleeve. He awkwardly cleared his throat. “Next.” 

Now it was Sam’s turn. He took a long breath before long fingers spun the bottle, and you couldn’t hide your smile when it landed on Rowena. 

The witch grinned wickedly. “Oooh, Samuel. This has been a long time coming, I think.” 

“Lucky,” Gabriel mumbled to himself.

The tips of Sam’s ears were bright red, a shy smile on his face as he met Rowena in the middle. Rowena looked 

pleased as he gently placed his hand on her cheek and leaned in. His kiss was surprisingly tender, and everyone turned a shade of pink when Rowena let out a quiet moan before pulling away. 

Sam immediately cleared his throat, hand awkwardly scratching the back of his neck while he made his way back to his seat. Rowena had a smug smile on her face. “Even better than I imagined, Samuel.” 

“Alright, alright, enough, lovebirds,” Dean interrupted. “Charlie, you’re up.” 

An excited grin erupted on her face before eagerly spinning the bottle. A few seconds later, it landed on you. 

She turned towards you. “You good with this?”

You smiled. The two of you were close, and you knew she wanted to make sure it wouldn’t be awkward. “Of course.” 

She gave you a relieved smile before leaning in and giving you a gentle kiss. It was short but sweet, and you noted how soft her lips were. 

“Damn, Y/N, you’re a good kisser!” she remarked with a chuckle after she pulled away. 

You bowed playfully, missing the way Castiel’s Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat at Charlie’s words. “Thank you, thank you.” 

“It’s your turn now, sweetheart,” Gabriel said, grinning knowingly at you. 

You swallowed thickly, trying to control your shaky hand as you gripped the bottle. If it’s meant to happen, it’ll happen, you thought.

“It’s okay,” Donna suddenly whispered in your ear, giving you an encouraging smile.

Taking a deep breath, you flicked your wrist and spun the bottle, watching it go in circles for what felt like eons. Finally its speed began to slow, until finally, finally, it landed on...

Castiel.

A quiet gasp erupted from Charlie, and your mouth fell open in surprise. What the hell are the odds? You slowly looked up at Castiel with caution, afraid he would look disappointed. Instead, he looked just as scared as you did. 

The two of you froze in your spots, neither of you making a move or saying anything. 

“Uh, hello? Any day now?” Gabriel said, amusement in his tone. 

You blinked, snapping out of it. “Uh, yeah.” As soon as you began to make your way to the middle, Castiel did the same, awkwardly clearing his throat. Suddenly you were close to him, closer than you’d ever been, and your brain went fuzzy. You looked up at him, and there were a few freckles scattered across his face that you’d never been able to see before. You swear you could even see his grace swirling behind the beautiful blue of his eyes, and your breath caught in your throat. 

Castiel looked at you with worry. “I--is this okay with you?” he asked quietly. 

You swallowed the bundle of nerves that had lodged in your throat and managed a quick nod. “Um, yeah, it’s fine.” 

He didn’t know what to do at first, didn’t know the proper etiquette for this kind of thing. Was he supposed to lean in first? Should he touch you? Going with his instincts, he gingerly placed one hand on your cheek. Without thinking you instantly leaned into his warm touch, your eyelids fluttering shut at the contact. Your reaction gave him the confidence he needed to lean in and give you just a whisper of a kiss, light as a feather so that you could pull away if you wanted, and that’s when your instincts kicked in. You needed more, a real kiss. Your eyes stayed closed as your hand came up to grip the back of his neck, and you pulled him in for a scorching kiss that evoked a deep, needy grunt from the back of his throat. It was nothing short of passionate, and it lit up every one of your senses until you felt as though you were going to burst.

“Whoa,” Donna muttered. 

The comment immediately brought you out of your stupor, and you pulled away, looking at him with shock. Did you really just do that? He looked just as surprised--and dazed--as you; his eyes were wide but glazed over, his face flushed, lips pink from being so thoroughly kissed. If you didn’t know any better, you’d say he looked...turned on.

A pair of fingers snapping in between yours and Cas’ faces made you jump, and you looked to see Dean staring at you with a furrowed brow. 

“Jesus, guys, do you need a room?” 

You shook your head, trying to snap out of it. “N-no! Very funny. Um, Donna, you’re next.” 

You and Castiel wordlessly returned back to your spots in the circle, neither of you daring to make eye contact. Your skin was on fire from his touch, your heart beat refusing to settle down. You’d always daydreamed about kissing him, but to actually do it? It was so much different, it was so much more. 

You vaguely registered Donna happily landing on Dean, and Jodi whistling from behind you at their kiss. Suddenly the game was over, and everyone stood up and began saying their goodbyes.

“Interesting night, boys,” Jodi commented with a smirk, giving Sam and Dean a hug. “And let me know what happens with Cas and Y/N.”

“We will,” Sam said with a smile. 

You watched Castiel as he whispered back and forth with Gabriel before the archangel shot him a thumbs up and went on his way, and you looked away before Castiel saw. 

“Y/N,” Charlie said, catching your attention. “That was, uh. Wow. Some kiss you and Cas had.” 

You rubbed your forehead and sighed. “I know. I don’t know what happens now.” 

She gave you a smile. “Maybe nothing. Maybe everything. Either way, it’ll be okay. Let me know what happens.” 

You wrapped your arms around her, squeezing tight. “Thank you.” 

***

Finally everyone had left except you, the Winchesters and Cas. Normally the quiet that followed would’ve been welcomed, but instead it was making you nervous. You knew Sam and Dean were about to purposely leave you alone with Cas, and that terrified you.

“What a night, huh, guys?” Dean remarked, a triumphant grin on his face. “We should have game night more often.”

“Yeah, it was something, alright,” you replied with a chuckle. 

Sam not-so-subtly nudged Dean, and Dean nodded before faking a yawn. “Well, boy! I am beat. I’ll see you guys in the morning. Let’s go, Sammy.”

Sam flashed you an encouraging smile before following his brother to their respective bedrooms. “Night guys.”

And then it was you and Cas. 

“Y/N?” Castiel’s quiet voice pleaded with you to finally look at him, and when you did, you saw a cautious hope in his eyes. “We should talk about what happened.”

You sighed. “Okay.”

“We’ve...we’ve always been friends--”

Whoop, there it is. The rejection speech. “Yeah, Cas, I know,” you interrupted, your eyes falling back down to the table. 

“I’m not rejecting you, Y/N,” he said quickly. 

You peeked up at him, brow furrowed. “Did you just--”

“No, I didn’t read your mind,” he said fondly. “But I can tell that’s what you were thinking.”

You nodded slowly. 

“Y/N, I know we’ve always been friends. We’ve fought together, been there for each other. And I care for all of you, but with you it’s always been different, it’s...” he trailed off, searching for the right words.

“Romantic?”

He looked up at you then and gave you a shy smile before nodding. “I always suspected I felt that way towards you. I never acted on it because I cherish our friendship, but that kiss. That was much more than friendship.”

You bit your lip. “I know.” 

“How do you feel?”

“About you?” He nodded apprehensively, and you smiled. “Cas, I’ve always wanted more than just a friendship with you. Ever since I met you. I never said anything for the same reasons you didn’t.”

Castiel beamed, and you couldn’t help but return his grin. Reaching over, he took your hand and placed a sweet kiss to your knuckles. “I’m very relieved to hear that. I briefly thought something was wrong with my vessel when you kissed me.” 

You laughed, positively glowing now. “I thought my brain short-circuited for a second.” 

He chuckled with you, squeezing your hand. “I’d like to do it again, if you wouldn’t mind.” 

You leaned in, nuzzling your nose against his.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

------------------------------------

Castiel Taglist: @darkmystress00 @fandom-has-ruined-my-life @willowing-love @thran-duils @kristaparadowski @dracsgirl @l8nitl0vr-blog @gospel666 @tardisheart134 @bitchasaurus @mishamoans @castieltrash1 @trixie537 @fangirlextraordinaire @deathtonormalcy56 @enaishungry @stumpostar @bluescluesandtattoos @dashingruins @simplyvictoria-93 @castiels-fanboy-blog @kakdhaoan919-blog @isabellaolier-blog @superwholockianlover221b @theimpalasdoctorin221b @miss-spnm0mma @small-town-wayward-daughter @grace-for-sale @my-mind-is-incognito @kyrathegreat985 @you-know-whodoesthat-crazypeople @itsfunnierinenochian @cutiepiemish @heavenlyrainyparis @einhornisch @lalakawe-blog @gemini75eeyore @kjerstival @straightestgay-voice @book-loving--anime-chick @destiel-losechester @sarahope0214 @jeepangel @castiel-savvy18 @elenuch @hipstermoose @perseusandmedusa @greenappleeyes @bestwookieever @mariairwin666 @wordstothewisereaders @afanofmanystuffs​ @kmcmpmd​ @sortaathief​ @not-evennn​ @destiel-shippers-spn-blog​ @hola-arya​ @peewee22ah​ @cocklesisdestielinreallife​ @jenna-luke​ @samikitten​ @inlovewithbja​ @sassyllamaofdoom​ @webcricket​ @emycakes4457​ @cookieinstinct​ @the-moose-of-baskerville-blog​ @mogaruke​ @xxmizzlexx​ @carryonmywaywardcas​ @mistressofallthingsgeeky​ @waywardmoeyy​ @casismyspiritangel​ @tistai​ @staygoldsquatchling02​ @w1nchester3001-blog​ @blue-eyed-angxl1​ @vekinryn​ @aditimukul​ @musemisha​ @kristendanwayne​ @thepoet1975​ @shadowpriestess6​ @silverbulletsandredsigils​ @mishapanicmeow​ @jenabean75​ @heyitscam99​ @starboycas​ @fangirl-and-stuff​ @theariel85​ @starletzombie​ @wontlookaway​ @goldenangelbloodcastiel​ @luciathewinchestergirl​ @kitten0924​ @julesthequirky​ @maydayfigment​ @cluz1babe​ @mrswhozeewhatsis​ @kittykatt101​ @aiofheavenandhell​ @angelictrenchcoatcastiel​ @fandom-princess-forevermore​

#castiel #castiel x reader #cas x reader #castiel reader insert #cas reader insert #castiel reader inserts #cas reader inserts #spn #supernatural #spn reader insert #spn reader inserts #supernatural reader insert #supernatural reader inserts #spn x reader #supernatural x reader

[archer-bro]

Backyard Sports Christmas fan-fic Round-Robin request “The Webbers’ Wish”

December 20th, almost Christmas time in the town of the Backyard Kids.  After a tough game of football, the kids went to the malt shop owned by the Delvecchio kids’ father to celebrate Angela’s birthday.

“That was fun!  I almost can’t believe we won!” a young blonde named Ashley Webber said, smiling to her twin Sydney.

“Yeah, imagine how much closer it would have been if birthday girl passed the ball to her brother who was wide open.” vented Tony Delvecchio, said brother.

“Oh, you’re one to talk!” Angela countered, “Ya know what they say about folks in glass houses?”

Before this argument could go further, their father chimed in about Santa checking his list and the siblings dropped the matter.

“What do they say about folks in glass houses?, wondered Pete Wheeler, “That they’re plants?”  The redhead’s question confused the other kids too much to answer him.

Amir Kahn, the younger of the rock-loving Pakistani brothers, broke the silence.  “At least you had the sibling chemistry of me and my bro to make up for it!”, he said with a smile.

“Yeah, but those Webber twins are on a whole ‘nother level!”, said Achmed, Amir’s older brother.  “It’s like they share a brain or something!”

“Twin telepathy!”, cheered the twins.

“Actually,” chimed their nerdy friend Dmitri Petrovitch, “it is impossible for humans to read minds or for two bodies to share a brain without being conjoined in a dangerous matter.  It is far more likely that being genetically identical and raised under the same circumstances has resulted in them sharing a similar mindset that enables synergy in athletics.”

“No idea what you just said, Paste,” said Tony, slightly annoyed, “but I do appreciate it means the world was blessed with getting the cutest girl twice.”, he turned to wink at the twins.

The Webber twins groaned and rolled their eyes.  Dmitri had a similar reaction over his embarrassing nickname.

“OH!  I have a twin too!” Gretchen Hasselhoff quickly interjected, talking almost too fast to understand. “She just doesn’t play sport much which is fine because not everyone has to be into sports which is kind of a bummer though because I wonder if she and I could have the same synergy as Ashley and Sydney do who knows me and J-”

“Jabberjaw!” the kids interrupted with her nickname.

“Oh right, sorry.”, Gretchen said, not losing any momentum in her words,  “Must be the extra Christmas sugar.  I’m always working on my speech.  Like awhile ago I had a weird lisp when I talked but I don’t anymore which is great because now-”

Angela then stuck the straw to Gretchen’s milkshake into her mouth to get her to stop.

“One last sentence.” Angela said.

“Eggnog makes good milkshakes.” Gretchen grinned before enjoying more of her beverage.

“Still,” Sydney said, “How cool would it be if Ashley and I weren’t just twins.  What if we were triplets?  Quadruplets?  Or even octuplets?”

“That sounds like a rough time for your mom.” Said Reese Worthington, a very young, nerdy boy in denial about it.

“Yeah but my odds of getting the cutest girl to fall for me would improve!” Said Tony with a grin.

“Ya know,” Dmitri said, “any number multiplied by zero is still zero.”

Every kid laughed except Tony whom simply let out an “Oof!” and reacted as though he was punched in the gut.

“Speaking of which,” Reese said turning to Dmitri, “I wonder how possible to would be to clone things like in Star Trek.”

“Well,” Dmitri said adjusting his glasses, “scientists have cloned in very limited capacities today such as Dolly the sheep, but as for matter duplication goes, we are still far from anything applicable.  That being said,” he continued, “the best science fiction is not only what is based on real science but also our dreams for what could be.  Perhaps, my friend, we could study the matter tomorrow?”

“Sure!” Reese applauded, but quickly tried to hide being too enthusiastic.  “Um, I mean, sure why not?  I’ve got nothing better to do.”

~

With the party over and the kids back to their homes, Ashley and Sydney sat together watching Christmas specials with their cat Hamburger sitting comfortably between them.  Sydney looked over by the Christmas tree at the presents lying underneath.

“I hope you like what I got you for Christmas this year.” Sydney said with excitement in her voice.

“I know you’ll like what I got you. “Ashley grinned, “In fact, I bet we got each other the same thing again.”

“Imagine if we had other identical sisters, we’d get more presents!” Sydney said.

“But wouldn’t they be giving the same present too?  You want the same gift by all of them?” Ashley said.

Sydney thought for a moment.  “Maybe you’re right.  We’d have to be more careful.  I guess we’d just co-ordinate to make sure each sister got something different from the others.”

“I had another thought.”, said Ashley. “If we play so well together, how much better would we play if there was more of us?  A whole team even!”

“Sounds like fun!” cheered Sydney.

The girls’ minds being freshly filled on the idea on Christmas wishes from the specials got them thinking about the possibility of getting their wish granted.  Without a word, they hopped to the window to see the night sky.  They pointed to a particular star and said to each other “Wanna wish for it?” with a giggle.

“I wonder though, will it count if it’s not Christmas Eve?”, Ashley pondered.

“Ah, it should be close enough.  After all, we get some gifts early from our family’s Christmas parties.” Sydney reasoned. “Besides, they’ll need time to shop for present for the family.”

With a nod, the sisters said their wish. “We wish we had more identical sisters!”  With that taken care of, they finished their movie and went to bed.

~

On their way back to the clubhouse, the Webber twins saw Reese and Dmitri working on a weird pile of cardboard, metal and other strange bits and pieces.

“Watcha doing?” The girls asked in unison.

Dmitri cleared his throat. “Reese and I are working on the possibility to duplicate matter as we discussed yesterday.  We are about to perform a trail run on Mr. Clanky.”

“Oh shoot!”, Reese facepalmed, “We forgot to go get him!”

“It’s fine, he’s in the shed over there and we just need to go get him.” Dmitri assured his science partner.  They walked their way over to the shed to bring their scrappy toy online.

Ashley and Sydney couldn’t help but be curious if this contraption would work and grant their Christmas wish.  They shrugged and said to the other “What could happen?” and hopped into the machine’s left pod.

Loud whirring and sparking came from the machine and the right side pod glowed brighter.  In a quick flash, two more Webbers came into existence.  The girls stepped out and greeted their new sisters.

“Hey, how about we do something we haven’t done in a long time.”, Ashley suggested.

“Pretend to be less people that we are?”, Sydney guessed.

“YEAH!”, they all cheered.

The original twins walked into the gymnasium first.  Pablo Sanchez, a Spanish-speaking boy that looked like he’d be picked last if not for him being “The Secret Weapon”, was the first to greet them.  “Feliz Navidad!” he joyously proclaimed.

“Merry Christmas to you too, Pablo!”, The Webbers responded.

No sooner were they out of sight did the duplicates walk in following the example of their “sisters.”

“Feliz Navi-huh?”, Pablo was sure he just saw the Webber twins, so why are they coming back so soon through the front door?

“Merry Christmas to you too, Pablo!”, the clones said before going into the same door.  Pablo had no idea what to think.  He glanced back and forth at the doors and wondered how that happened.  Was he going crazy?

The girls giggled at the little boy’s confusion.  “OK,”, Sydney said, “Let’s do that thing from the cartoon with the doors!”

Ashley immediately understood this, but the clones were confused.  So each twin took one clone and explained. They’d go through multiple doors of the hallway making it looks like the twins were defying logic, appearing on the other side like teleporting.  When they did this routine, the other kids were so confused but impressed.   “How are they doing that?” they heard some in the crowd wonder.  Ashley and the clone with her moved on with the other kids while Sydney and her clone sat back to keep the ruse going for a bit longer.

In all the mixing and excitement, the sisters lost track of who was the original and the duplicates.  When one approached Sydney, she assumed it was Ashley.  “Hey,” the clone spoken up, “why don’t we go back and and make one more pair of copies?”

Sydney was a bit apprehensive, but relented.  What could go wrong?

They hopped back into the machine and spawned two more duplicates.  Sydney, at the request of the older duplicate, took one new copy and went to go back to the basketball court while the copy took her new sister to “catch her up.”  Little did Sydney that this was not Ashley trying to fill in her new “sister”, but rather a different, bigger plan was in motion.  First they had to make sure the nerds wouldn’t get in the way.

Dmitri and Reese finally had Mr. Clanky ready for cloning but right as they were ready to leave the shed the newest Webber doppelgängers came up to the shed door.

“Oh, hey girls,” greeted Dmitri, “need something from here?”

“Yes, we need to use your machine.”, said the newer copy.

“But we don’t know if it works yet.” said Reese.

“Oh, it works,” said the eldest copy, slowly smiling in an unnerving manner, “we just can’t let you guys stop us.”

Before any other questions could be asked, the copies slammed the doors shut and locked the shed

“Uh, HEY!”, Reese protested.

“Is... is this a joke?  This is a joke, right?”, Dmitri pleaded.

“BZZ-CLUNK”, Mr. Clanky whirred since he can’t talk.

The boys and their bot could only watch in confused terror as the false Webbers used their machine to produce more and more of them.  How many did they want and why?

~

The kids were being lined up to be picked for Basketball teams.  A couple kids that were going to coach went to pick a few to play with.  The first one picked Pablo to no one’s shock. The second kid picked Ashley.  The first kid picked who he thought was Sidney.  A shocking move to prevent the other from getting synergy.  Who will this coach pick now?  He scanned the bleachers thinking.

“I pick...”. The real Sydney entered the room. “Sydney?”

“Oh, OK!”, she said joining her sister.

Everyone was shocked and confused.  Since when were they triplets?  Is this another prank?  But then they realized there was enough of them to fill an entire team as many new copies filled the room.  The original twins were confused too.  Since when were there so many?

The second coach had an idea. “Say, could I have a team of just Webbers? I’m curious.”

The first couch agreed to even let him have the other one he picked.  He was curious too.

The game was a curb-stomping in favor of the Webbers.  Their synergy was unapparelled.  The ratio was 3-1.  But the real Webbers felt odd about this.  They always felt closer when they played together and loved being with their friends, but having a whole team of of girls like themselves felt like they were just faces in a crowd.  Even if the copies were “like them” they felt... strange.  Something was off about how the acted.

Barry DeJay, the kids’ go-to basketball guy, went to interview one of the Webber’s doppelgängers. “Well that was some of the best chemistry I’ve seen since Dmitri Petrovitch's report card!  So, where were the Webbers hiding all you sisters?”

“We didn’t exist until a bit before the game started.”, explained the clone, “We wanted to see what we could do with all of us on a team.  We’ve talked it over and decided that the only team that could pose a challenge is another team of Webbers.  So you are all going to be replaced.”

“Well that’s a lot to unpack-”, Barry stopped and raised an eyebrow, “Say what?”

Suddenly, the doors swung open and an army of clones came in to grab all the kids.  A few kids tried to fight back, but were overpowered.

Barry protested as 4 copies lifted him off to a closet.  “You can’t do this!  Besides, if you face a team exactly like you, it won’t matter because they’ll know everything you’ll do and vice versa!”

“I don’t even play the games, I just commentate!”, cried Sunny Day as she was taken away with the others.

“I thought all these extra Webbers would be a good thing!  Curse you, math!” Tony exclaimed as he was captured.

“Oh no!” exclaimed Sydney, “I didn’t want this to happen!  Ashley, where are you?  We have to fix this!”  She frantically searched among the crowd for her real sister.  Wondering how she could identify her real sister in a sea of copies.  Then it hit her, the copies didn’t have the memories of the originals. “What’s our cat’s name?!” she yelled.

The mob stopped and turned with confused looks on their faces until one girl leaped and said “Hamburger!”  The real Ashley was found.  Now they had to fix the problem.  They needed to find Dmitri and Reese.

~

Back in the shed, the boys and the robot tried ramming the doors down to no avail.  “Oh!,” groaned Dmitri, “The only thing we’re breaking is my shoulder!”

Reese then had a bold idea.  “What if Mr. Clanky shot a baseball at the center to bust the lock?”

Dmitri gestured as to do math in his head. “If he shot it hard enough, with enough precision, it just might work.  Can’t think of anything else anyhow.  Alright Mr. Clanky, hit the center of the doors with a fireball!”

The robot buzzed in affirmation.  It sucked a baseball with one limb and built up pressure to make it hit as hard as possible.  Finally, the other arm began to move as the ball was beginning to be positioned to hit the bullseye.  Dmitri and Reese moved as far from the door as they could.  But just as the machine fired, the doors swung open.

“What hap- WOAH!” Ashley and Sydney hide behind the open doors to avoid the flaming-fast projectile.  It flew straight into the duplicator, causing it to explode and take many clones with it.  The destroyed copies turned to sparkling dust and disappeared.

“Huh, I guess that works.” said Reese.

“What happened to you guys?”, asked Ashley.

“Um...To whom am I speaking too?”, asked Dmitri while nervously grasping for a baseball bat.  He had every reason to be suspicious.

“We’re the real Ashley and Sydney!  The copies don’t know anything about us very deeply. Only we know our cat’s name is Hamburger!” Ashley explained.

“OK, whose birthday are we celebrating in less than a week.”, Dmitri inquired.

“Jesus’.”, the girls responded.

“Who’s birthday was yesterday?” Reese asked.

“Angela Delvecchio’s.”, the girls said.

“What did Gretchen have at that party last night?” Dmitri asked with intensity.

“An eggnog milkshake.”, the girls said, “With peppermint sprinkles.”

Dmitri and Reese smiled with relief.  But a different question needed an answer.  “Did you guys use our duplicator?” asked Dmitri.

The twins hung their heads in shame.  “Yes.”, Sydney said.

“We just thought,“, said Ashley, “that it was how our Christmas wish would be granted.”

“Are you mad?!”, exclaimed Dmitri, ”You’re supposed to wait until Christmas Eve to make a wish like that!  The magic wasn’t ready!  Think, girls!”

They couldn’t help but think that was an odd response for Dmitri, of all people, to make.  But now was the time to fix the problem they started.  The girls picked up their tennis rackets, ready to show what the real Webber twins were capable of.

~

The last few kids were placed in the cramped closets.  The clones were engaging in a game of basketball that was almost through the first quarter with no baskets made from either side.  Barry was right, it was boring when everyone was the same.

Suddenly, Mr. Clanky flung open the door to the court and began firing volleys of baseballs in rapid succession.  The balls impacted so hard it turned the copies into dust like when the duplicator exploded.  The Webber twins used their tennis rackets as weapons to fight back while Dmitri and Reese freed the other children.  With the other kids freed, the tide turned against the clones.

But just when the battle looked won, a strange pair of duplicates stepped forward, the first ones.  They wore different clothes.  Punkish style, one with green highlights and the other with pink.  Their faces were mopey.

“What’s up with your hair and clothes?” Ashley asked.

The two let out a long sigh.  One said, “We saw how bland it was for everyone to be that same so we tried to be different.”

“But... you’re both wearing the same thing.”, said Sydney.

“Yeah,” said the other clone, “that’s why I made my hair green.  But it doesn’t matter, even if we tried to be different, we’d be different in the same way.”

“There really should be only one so we can be unique.”, lamented the pink punk clone.

“Who cares about being unique?”, said Ashley.  “Especially when trying to be different for the sake of it just makes you a copycat.”

Sydney continued for her sister. “Having someone who is the same as you is a blessing too!  It means that when Ashley and I were born we each came with our best friend.  But I do see what they mean when they say “two is company, but three is a crowd.”  So, point there I guess. But Ashley and I aren’t totally the same.  She’s not as pretty as I am.” she grinned.

“Well, you’re not as good at video games as I am.”, countered Ashley with a matching smile.

“Well, you’re not as good at tennis as I am.” said Sydney.

They put an arm around the other and said “But you do the best with what you’ve been given!”

The copies thought for a moment and then said, “Nah, we’re still gonna turn into a monster and eat you all.”

“What?”, everyone asked.

Then the clones swirled together with the dust of their fallen sisters and became a giant, two-headed monster with a regal dress, blue skin, sharp teeth and spider legs.

“Well,”, said Ashley, “I didn’t see that coming.  At least they’re unique now.”

“Really?  Because it seems vaguely familiar.”, said Sydney.

Dmitri’s face was a mixture of fear with something he couldn’t place.  He thinks he figured out something vital that could explain everything.  But he needed to know for sure.  “Ashley, Sydney!  What did you do when you woke up this morning?”

Sydney spoke up, “We went and saw you guys working on-”

“Before that?”, Dmitri interrupted.

The girls tried to think, but for some reason neither could think of what they did before coming to play today.

Ashley sheepishly spoke, “I... can’t think of how today started.”

“Because it hasn’t!”, Dmitri declared.  “Girls!  I need you to wa-AAAAH!”  The monstrous fusion picked him off the ground, it’s eyes filled with anger and hunger.  “HELP!  JOSEPH!  HELP ME!” Dmitri shrieked before he dematerialized to the confusion of all in the room.

“What was that about?” asked Ashley.

“Don’t ask me,”, said Reese, “I haven’t seen “It’s a Wonderful Life” yet.”

“Wait,”, Sydney raised her voice, “if you haven’t seen it, how do you know it’s from-”

“BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!”, went Mr. Clanky.  He beeped continuously in a way he never did before.  In fact, it sounded less like a noise he’d make and more like...

~

Their alarm clock beeped to get them ready for the day.  The twins jolted awake.

“Sydney!”, Ashley exclaimed, “I had a weird dream!”

“Me too!”, replied Sydney.

“Our wish came true but it all went wrong!”, they said in unison.  They both laughed.  Maybe Dmitri was wrong about twin telepathy?  One thing was for sure, Christmas movies made for weird dreams.

Sometime in the afternoon, the girls came by the clubhouse and saw Dmitri and Reese with a bunch of books ranging from science to science fiction.

“So while matter duplication is still very far off, recent developments in 3-D printing hold quite a bit of promise.” Dmitri told his young companion.

“Too bad it’s so expensive.”, said Reese.

“All new things are, but future models will most likely be cheaper and work better anyway.” said Dmitri with zeal. “Imagine having a design and producing your own toys with it.  Take that, eBay scalpers!”

The twins smiled and turned to each other.

“We’ve learned our lesson.”, said Ashley. “Be careful what you wish for.”

“Especially when you wish for it.”, replied Sydney.  “But maybe we should come up for a better wish this Christmas.”

Ashley gave a little laugh.  “We have time.  Until then, I’m glad I have you, sis.”

“Thanks.  Besides,”, smiled Sydney, “two is just right for tennis.”

#backyard sports #fanfic #fanfiction #merry christmas

[hoff-a-day]

[tabloidtoc]

Globe, April 12

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Brad Pitt Blindsided by Abuse Bombshell

Page 2: Up Front & Personal -- former Vanderpump Rules hunk Jax Taylor hauling trash outside his L.A. home, tennis star Venus Williams had some courtside cuddles with her pet pup in Miami, sitcom star turned pot peddler Jim Belushi during a spin around Santa Monica

Page 3: Chrissy Metz runs errands in L.A., David Hasselhoff with his wife Hayley Roberts in Calabasas, Lena Headey buzzed around in L.A. on an electric bike

Page 4: Toxic TV talker Ellen DeGeneres is trapped in a tragic tailspin, belting back booze while struggling to get a grip on her fading career and rocky marriage -- after losing 1 million viewers this year alone, Ellen's once high-flying show is on thin ice and she's fighting with wife Portia de Rossi amid talks of a $300 million divorce -- her ratings are tanking, and her marriage is coming apart at the seams and she's knocking back the red wine to drown her sorrows -- her strategy is to let the storm about her talk show die down and then pull in some huge guest stars to win back her audience and reestablish herself as top dog on the talk show circuit -- at the same time, her 12-year marriage to Portia has been hanging by a thread and the two had been at loggerheads after serial house-flipper Ellen put the estate she bought from Maroon 5's Adam Levine on the market for $53.5 million and Portia thought it was finally going to be their forever home and it was like pulling the rug out from under her -- then another crisis struck home as Ellen rushed Portia to the hospital after she collapsed and Portia underwent an emergency appendectomy and is now recuperating but her spouse is a mess over Portia's health crisis and she's been drowning her sorrows in booze -- Ellen realizes much more than ever how much she desperately loves Portia and what she's got to lose if they split but she also knows it's be a lot of work to get the relationship back on track once Portia recovers

Page 5: Chevy Chase secretly cheated death after a secret heart condition landed him in the hospital for five long weeks and now he may never be out of the woods -- the 77-year-old, who is now recovering at his Westchester, N.Y. home, recently revealed the heart issue snuck up on him -- Chevy needed valve replacement surgery, and recovering boozer Chevy's long history of swilling alcohol had left him with an enlarged heart and acute cardiomyopathy, a disease that makes it harder for the organ to pump blood to the rest of his body and his heart problems stems from his years of drinking plain and simple and it's affected his heart, weakened it over the years -- however, before risky surgery could be performed, docs needed to make sure the comedian was stable enough for the procedure -- in 2017, Chevy claimed he'd finally gotten sober after one of his daughters said she gave up on him and his wife Jayni threatened to leave him if he didn't clean up his act but it may be too little too late for the comedy legend because valve replacement surgery could affect his activities for the rest of his life and it means his heart was pumping through an ineffective valve, and this damages heart muscles, which never grow back and he could have ongoing chest pains or dangerous heart rhythm disturbances, which could lead to heart attack or death

Page 6: Dr. Dre's estranged wife, Nicole Young, claims the rap mogul knocked her out cold in a drunken rage -- it's the latest bombshell in the couple's brutal divorce war, with Nicole making the explosive charge in an application for a restraining order that was denied by a judge and she also alleges Dre punched her squarely in the face after he felt she disrespected him at a party in 1999 and Nicole claims she woke up in their car with Andre speeding at over 100 miles per hour, drunk and out of control and he was swerving and weaving and she thought she was going to die and she also claims a drunk and angry Dre held a gun to her head during a 2012 dispute, saying she was terrified he was going to kill her -- Dre has denied all of Nicole's abuse claims

* In a desperate bid to save their crumbling romance, Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez are seeing a sex therapist to spice up their fizzling bedroom romps -- the duo called off their wedding plans after a stormy four-year affair and are on the brink of the end -- A-Rod staved off a break at the last minute by dashing down to the Dominican Republic, where J.Lo's filming her new flick and patching things up for the moment -- the biggest issue has been Alex's roving eye plus sexting various women on the side, and Jennifer wants to get to the bottom of why she's not enough for him

Page 7: Jeopardy! contestants want celeb medic Dr. Mehmet Oz axed as guest host -- casting the dubious doc celebrates the elevation of talking heads at the expense of academic rigor and consensus, according to a group of the game show's former winners and contestants in a letter -- the letter cites instances in which Dr. Oz used his authority as a doctor to push harmful ideas, and referred to a 2014 letter penned by faculty at Columbia Medical School, where Oz also teaches, calling for his removal from the program and the letter concludes inviting Oz to guest host is a slap in the face to all involved

Page 8: Jeffrey Epstein's accused madam Ghislaine Maxwell's third desperate bid to get out of jail on bail has been nixed by a federal judge -- the 59-year-old British socialite it rotting in a Brooklyn, N.Y. federal slammer denying charges she recruited underage girls to be sex slaves for her late lover Epstein, whose 2019 death in his jail cell is suspected on being a staged murder, despite an official ruling of suicide -- Maxwell's offer to plunk down $22.5 million and give up her citizenships in England and France was nixed by Judge Alison Nathan, who agreed with prosecutors the suspected Israeli intelligence asset was still a flight risk -- meanwhile, Ghislaine's lawyers claim she was abused by a guard and is losing hair and weight due to poor treatment in the slammer, where she's awaiting a July trail date

Page 9: Billionaire Queen Elizabeth is bracing for a big pay cut -- due to the financial crash triggered by the COVID pandemic, the Sovereign Grant, the tax money allowance the royals get, is expected to be slashed by more than 25 percent when it comes up for its five-year renewal in 2022 -- last year, Her Highness raked in $114.2 million from taxpayers, but that bundle was exceptional and cannot expect that to be repeated -- a major cost, besides allowances for the royal family, is a renovation of Buckingham Palace, which prices out at $500 million over 10 years -- one saving is Prince Harry and wife Meghan Markle have been stripped of their titles and public paychecks -- Her Majesty is aware of the current financial situation and is happy to play her part in cutting costs

* Prince Harry has landed a job as a hot-shot exec of a firm providing mental health and life counseling but it sounds like the tech start-up company is really using him as a celebrity showhorse -- Harry, who studied art and geography in college, will be Chief Impact Officer for BetterUp Inc, saying he intends to help create impact in people's lives -- BetterUp CEO Alexi Robichaux refused to say how much he's paying the prince, but noted Harry will have a meaningful and meaty role and will attend all employee meetings at the San Francisco headquarters and Robichaux also hinted at Harry's true value, saying he'll be a special guest at company events; in other words, the company will use him as a celebrity draw and they'll lure potential clients and investors to events by saying they can run shoulders with the prince and Harry has no psychology training; he will be a showpiece -- Harry first hooked up with BetterUp by using its app that gives proactive coaching and provides endless possibilities for personal development, increased awareness and an all-around better life and Harry says he was matched with his coach who is truly awesome and has always given him sound advice and a fresh perspective, which is so valuable

Page 10: Lisa Marie Presley is getting back on track after her son Benjamin Keough's tragic suicide and bitter divorce from Michael Lockwood, but she's still a hopeless addict -- Elvis Presley's 53-year-old daughter smokes like a chimney from morning until night and is struggling for every breath and she goes through a pack or two a day minimum and she simply can't quit and she has cut out triggers like booze and coffee, but she still needs her cigarette fix from the moment she wakes up until she puts her head down at night -- she was snapped having a smoke outside a COVID-19 testing center in L.A.'s San Fernando Valley and it was the only time she was spotted in public since her son died in July -- she started smoking at age 15 and has admitted this is the one thing that got her and bit her in the ass that she can't shake even those she's kicked pain pills, cocaine, booze and opioids and she's tried everything she can think of to quit: patches, nicotine gum, going cold turkey, but nothing works and she did stop for a spell after being hypnotized but a day or two later she was lighting up again -- she's losing weight, exercising more and eating healthier, but her smoking habit is the elephant in the room

Page 11: Following the heart-crushing suicide of her brother, Elvis Presley's granddaughter Riley Keough has become a death doula, a counselor who helps terminal patients and their cope with the devastating trauma -- Riley announced she'd completed her training on social media -- the daughter of Lisa Marie Presley and her first husband Danny Keough, Riley was devastated when her brother Benjamin Keough committed suicide with a shotgun last July -- spurred by the tragedy to become a death doula, Riley says she thinks it's so important to be educated on conscious dying and death the way we educate ourselves on birth and conscious birthing

* Reality TV train wreck Mama June Shannon claims she and her boyfriend Geno Doak spent $900,000 in a year to feed their drug addiction and the couple were spending $2500 a day, if not more, on methamphetamine -- June entered rehab with $1.75 in her pocket and they've been clean 14 months

Page 12: Celebrity Buzz -- reformed boozer Luann de Lesseps sips a soft drink in Mexico (picture), Real World star Rebecca Blasband believes she had an otherwordly 15-year beyond-the-grave relationship with Beatles legend John Lennon's ghost, in Australia a not so itsy bitsy spider bite turned into a giant wallop of a headache for Melissa McCarthy, Ilana Glazer and husband David Rooklin are happily expecting their first baby ironically right before of her horror movie False Positive, Sarah Silverman says no one ever told her not to use tongue in screen kisses and it got her fired from a show called Pride & Joy

Page 13: Al Pacino gets all gussied up in Italy to play fashion godfather Aldo in the biopic House of Gucci (picture), Justine Bateman (picture), Tom Selleck covers up his signature 'stache with a mask in L.A. (picture), first-time mama Katharine McPhee hit a sour note with composer husband David Foster for blabbing their newborn son's name Rennie David Foster on Today

Page 14: Rihanna plunked down $13.8 million for a new Beverly Hills mountaintop mansion that's literally surrounded by noteworthy neighbors like Paul McCartney and Mariah Carey and Madonna who live in the same exclusive star-studded cul-de-sac, Tom Cruise is on a mission to unload his Rocky Mountain getaway for $39.5 million, Goldie Hawn gushes her life partner Kurt Russell is still hot as heck after turning 70

* Fashion Verdict -- Miranda Lambert 4/10, Taylor Swift 5/10, Phoebe Bridgers 1/10, Giuliana Rancic 7/10, Brandi Carlile 6/10

Page 16: Cover Story -- Angelina Jolie is determined to paint her ex Brad Pitt as an abusive, drunken monster, and now she's got their kids backing her claim that he's the dad from hell -- the mom of six, who's been battling Brad in court over custody and money for five years, filed new bombshell papers saying she and her children want to testify their life was the pits -- while the documents are sealed, Angelina is making sure their kids paint Brad as violent and aggressive and her shocking charges continue earlier accusations by oldest child Maddox, now 19 and in college, who accused a booze-fueled Brad of abusing him on a private flight five years ago and Maddox essentially painted his dad as a demented monster and he went into detail about Brad's terrible temper, the abuse he inflicted on the whole household with his binge drinking and the scars that exist to this day because of the appalling way he alleges Brad treated his mom during the marriage -- Brad has reportedly been sober for years and Angelina's new claims of domestic abuse are basically a rehash of the old accusations -- legal experts also maintain the minor kids can only testify if Brad agrees to it, which is doubtful -- the superstars have spent a combined $10 million in legal fees and are currently battling over visitation rights for their brood and Angelina has refused to compromise, wants full custody and calls it a fight to the death and she doesn't care about Brad or how anybody sees their fight, she just wants what she feels she is entitled to as a mother and will fight with every inch of her body and soul to get it

Page 19: 10 Things You Don't Know About Topher Grace

* Katherine Heigl boasts she's bionic after having two titanium disks inserted into her neck and the actress says the surgery has freed her from the most excruciating pain

* Wendy Williams broke wind in a stunning fart-burp combo while she was live on camera, right in the middle to discussing Kim Kardashian's divorce from Kanye West -- the gassy lassie seemed surprised at her own outburst and apologized to the audience

Page 20: True Crime

Page 23: William Shatner is creating an artificial intelligence-powered version of himself -- in true sci-fi fashion, people in the future will be able to ask him questions about his life and times -- the 90-year-old icon is the first person to be captured by an advanced video and sound system developed by the L.A.-based company StoryFile -- Shatner says with StoryFile, we can now be present for the future; your authentic self, for all time

* Furious perfume mogul William Lauder is battling to kick his former mistress Taylor Stein and their 13-year-old love child out of her home and into the street, because their supposedly secret love affair was revealed -- the big stink exploded after the 60-year-old Estee Lauder heir learned his secret teen daughter wrote on social media that her parents were divorced but actually, Lauder never wed Taylor, but kept her like a queen in a $7 million, 6000-square-foot Bel Air mansion with a $1 million annual allowance for years and the only condition was that she keep their affair and the child under wraps, but the Park Avenue playboy claims she blasted their pact to smithereens when his illicit daughter blabbed about the relationship online -- Lauder hooked up with Taylor in Aspen in 2000 while still wed to wife Karen, mom of three of his daughters -- he knocked Taylor up in 2005, but told her to get an abortion because he was then in the midst of divorcing Karen but three years before the 2009 divorce, Taylor got pregnant again and gave birth to their girl and that's when the moneybags lover boy drew up the hush-hush deal

Page 24: COVID vaccines hidden dangers -- scientists warn shots don't work and have nightmare side effects

Page 27: Gal rock roadie Tana Douglas is snitching on music superstars including George Harrison and Iggy Pop, who she got close to during her wild years traveling with bands -- in her book called Loud, she recalls her job hauling equipment for bands nearly ended at age 21 when Beatle George Harrison was ready to propose, but she blew it; the two were getting close under a kitchen table after George fled his own birthday party, where he was embarrassed by his present: strippers and she ruined the mood by firing up a cigarette and George told her he would marry her tomorrow if she gave up smoking but the first female rock roadie couldn't kick butts -- she has crazy stories about saving AC/DC's frontman Bon Scott when he overdosed, Elton John who did drugs and threw tantrums, The Go-Gos, and doing a line of coke with Iggy Pop intended for David Bowie

Page 28: Health Report

Page 30: Julianne Hough has plumped up her kisser, and her new look falls flat -- the newly single star may have gone overboard with lip fillers to the point where she's almost unrecognizable -- Julianne's had some surgical and nonsurgical things done, but her lips just look wonky and no one can understand why she'd do it because her lips looked fine to her friends and family, but Julianne obviously thought they needed more volume and clearly got carried away -- she's also totally gone overboard with the spray tanning and hair extensions and she ditched the short blond bob that suited her so well and now she's looking like a Kardashian -- her lips look a bit swollen, so it's possible they will settle down and her natural lip proportions appear to have changed, with her upper lip the same size as her lower lip

Page 32: Tori Spelling has got the marriage blues and she's been out and about without her wedding ring -- the 47-year-old mom of five was spotted buying veggies at Underwood Family Farms in California's Moorpark with her kids but minus husband Dean McDermott and her wedding ring -- Tori's fed up with her mate, whining he's not doing his share around the house or paying her enough attention and they've found themselves in a real rut where they spend less and less time together and barely mention one another on social media and they haven't had a date night since goodness knows and Dean is never in the romantic mood and lately, they're more like brother and sister than husband and wife -- Tori wants Dean to step it up and start acting like a hubby instead of a leach and Tori's exhausting herself by taking care of the domestic chores single-handedly at times while Dean has other things on his mind and he hasn't picked up a vacuum or washed the dishes in weeks and sometimes he doesn't seem to be aware she's in the room and it's frustrating her to no end -- ditching her ring is sending Dean a very clear message that he needs to stop taking her for granted and work on the marriage

* Paul McCartney dove deep into his Beatles past and emerged with a children's book inspired by the group's 1966 hit Yellow Submarine -- Grandude's Green Submarine, a sequel to Paul's picture book Hey Grandude, will be released in September and changes the color of the submerged vessel

Page 36: Reality TV momager Kris Jenner is worth an estimated $190 million and masterminded the megabucks careers of her reality star daughters, but she confesses she was clueless about dough when she became divorced -- Kris confesses first husband Robert Kardashian handled everything and she never paid a bill during their 13-year marriage that ended in 1991 -- she said she woke up to responsibilities that she didn't have the day before but she says she's a quick study and she knew she had to get it together and she felt such an enormous sense of accomplishment to be able to figure it all out and pay her own bills and make her own money and do her own taxes and there were times when she didn't have a lot of money, but she was very organized -- now she studies business for new opportunities and she's interested in different businesses and how they evolve and how they become successful and she just enjoys the business world

* Bobby Brown's son Bobby Jr. died after accidentally overdosing on a killer cocktail of alcohol, cocaine and fentanyl, his autopsy reveals, but lawmen say they are now opening a criminal investigation into the 27-year-old's death at his father's home in suburban L.A. -- the autopsy report showed in his final hours Bobby Jr. consumed a deadly mix of tequila, cocaine and the prescription medication Percocet -- he was Brown's second child with former galpal Kim Ward

Page 38: Long-lost letters written by Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler's father, Alois, reveal the freaky Fuhrer grew up to be a cruel, tyrannical, arrogant lout, just like his old man -- the 31 letters were discovered by retiree Anneliese Smigielski in the attic of her house in the Austrian town of Wallern and are the basis of a new book by historian Roman Sandgruber -- penned to Anneliese's great-great-great-grandfather Joseph Radlegger, who sold retired customs official Alois a farm when future Nazi monster Adolf was six in 1895, the letters reveal Hitler's dad was a brutal boozer and boss of the house, but depended on the skills and money of his third wife, Klara, a former servant girl the cheating creep had seduced and wine-guzzling Alois was awfully rough with her and beat little Adolf and the other eight kids -- like his father, Adolf felt superior through the knowledge he had acquired in self-study and he saw himself as a military, technical and artistic genius, not only as a painter, but also as an architect, writer, composer and actor

Page 40: Bethenny Frankel is sporting an engagement ring from fiance Paul Bernon -- the three-stone ring features a huge eight- to ten-carat emerald-shaped center stone and if it's a real, natural diamond, its estimated value is up to $1 million

* Gwyneth Paltrow just babbled something her second husband, Brad Falchuk, probably doesn't want to hear: she never wanted to get divorced from Chris Martin but she wed Brad in 2018 and Gwyneth calls him the most amazing man adding they've built something that she's never had before

* Suzanne Somers brags she and husband Alan Hamel are having sizzling sex three times a day before noon -- she blames doses of hormones for their frisky urges in their golden years

* Klutzy comic Chelsea Handler jokes about her subpar skiing skills online, but later revealed she wrecked her knee and broke two toes after she flew into the trees on a snowy slope in Canada -- Chelsea confesses she took the terrible tumble in British Columbia, where she was training with a personal instructor

Page 41: Vin Diesel's son Vincent is learning it's a good career move to have a movie star dad -- the 10-year-old has landed a $1000-a-day role in his father's new Fast and Furious flick -- the kid plays the younger version of Vin's character Dominic Toretto in the already completed, ninth F&F film -- Vincent's mom is Vin's longtime galpal, Mexican model Paloma Jimenez, who also has two daughters with Vin -- unlike his dad's megabucks salary, Vincent got the basic $1005 daily rate

* The faith-based Duggar family of 19 Kids and Counting fame is still feuding after a sleazy sex scandal ripped them apart -- Jill Duggar Dillard, who's outed herself as one of four sisters molested by big brother Josh Duggar, reveals she hasn't visited her parents' home in years -- Jill and husband Derick Dillard, say they aren't allowed at Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar's Big House without her father's permission and Jill reveals there's some restrictions but also they just feel like they have to prioritize their mental and emotional health -- TLC axed the family's show after Josh was exposed as a child molester and in the past, Jill's admitted she's not on the best terms with some of her family

Page 42: Kim Kardashian has been getting back in touch with her body big-time now that she has booted Kanye West from her bedroom and her life and she's been strolling around totally nude -- with the pair's six-year marriage officially kaput, Kim is gleefully letting it all hang out, while indulging in once-forbidden McDonald's french fries -- Kanye made a habit of telling Kim to cover up and picked her to pieces for wearing sexy outfits and he said she needed to class up her act and grow old gracefully but now she's free to express herself and a lot of the time, especially when Kanye's looking after the kids, she's walking around totally in the nude and it's liberating for her to be at one with her body and she's made no secret of her desire to pursue a racy image and right now Kim's priority is to get her mojo back and learn to love herself again physically

* Britney Spears confesses she's been so wrapped up in battling the conservatorship over her estate, she forgot about singing until her mom reminded her -- the singer hasn't cut an album for five years as she's battled dad Jamie Spears for control of her $60 million fortune after a court gave him control when she went bonkers in 2008 -- she now realizes she's neglected her career after mom Lynne Spears sent her a video of her signing You Got It All at a '90s concert in Singapore and Britney tweeted that her mom reminded her that she can sing and she never sings anymore

Page 44: Straight Talk -- Cradle-robbing Scott Disick has struck again, scooping up a new galpal half of his 37 years, who is barely out of high school -- the latest victim is Amelia Hamlin, 19 years old and daughter of Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin

Page 45: Sharon Osbourne is demanding at least $10 million to walk away from The Talk after being accused of racist and sexist attacks on co-hosts -- Sharon is playing hardball, saying she was wrongly vilified for branding lesbian co-star Sara Gilbert a fish eater and calling Chinese-American Julie Chen slanty eyes -- it's going to become a battle royale and Sharon's made her demands clear and will fight tooth and nail and she's a street fighter and is used to playing down and dirty, owing to her years as a hard-nosed rock manager for husband Ozzy Osbourne

#tabloid #grain of salt #tabloid toc #tabloidtoc #brad pitt #angelina jolie #brad and angie's divorce #ellen degeneres #portia de rossi #chevy chase #dr. dre #nicole young #jennifer lopez #alex rodriguez #dr. oz #jeopardy! #ghislaine maxwell #queen elizabeth #sovereign grant #prince harry #betterup #lisa marie presley #riley keough #mama june shannon #topher grace #katherine heigl #william shatner #william lauder #taylor stein #wendy williams

[thefivecalls]

Things I associate with each of the sides for no reason

Logan:

I understand he's supposed to be dark blue or indigo. Regardless, he will always be teal. This teal:

For some reason when I got detention that one time I got a Logan vibe so yeah theres that

"Space... The final frontier..." But uhhh just the opening has his vibes

Why is he always whereing a neck tie and not a bow tie? If anyone has necktie vibes its Janus not Logan

Logan also has chaos incarnate vibes that are only in check because of his last shreds of humanity one of these days he'll break and when he does thomas can and will set something on fire using bill nye the science guy tactics

He is waking up early and going to bed late

He is framing posters

He is dancing in your bedroom to awesome music that has never been such a vibe before that moment and will never be again.

Broken clocks

Beaker from the muppets? I don't quite get it but yeah

Rock of ages

Getting a pitcher of soda or tea or whatever and setting it on his desk, then getting 23 straws and taping them together so he can lay in bed on his phone and safely drink it without spilling

Grilled cheese

Kahoot music

Remus:

Death waltz. Not the synthesia no the one that takes 14 people to play.

Canoeing

Obviously he has close combat weapons but have you thought about giving him a bow and arrow? I have and yes thats a vibe because he is one of three people I've ever met with those vibes ok

Portable speakers

He is bonfires and fireworks.

He is hyperfixating on something and writing a story until 4 in the morning.

Potions!

The fact that witches ingredients are actually just named strange things but are edible somethings? Like mustard seeds being newts eyes and the like

Acid

In my human anatomy class we dissected deer hearts and when we found the blood clots we called them the Forbidden Jellies.

The county fair

The circus that comes around at fall festival time

Homecoming game in football/rugby

I feel like if he played an instrument he'd be a baritone

The lime green smoke Disney villians have

Roman:

Zootopia the movie

Hopping. Or bouncing in place.

My family's crest?? I think its because of his crest but he had those vibes before the outift upgrade???? Idk

The ponytail thing that give you a unicorn horn when you've got short hair but bangs that are beginning to grow out

He is picnics at the park

He is also going shopping

He is also dancing in the rain at four in the morning with the outside lights on and the music blaring but its ok the neigbors are four acres away and they sleep like the dead.

When I went to my first metal concert and I saw the mosh pit? The exhilaration that comes with wanting to join but not wanting to get crushed is a Roman thing.

Pancakes

Cold pizza at midnight

Succulents!

Fire and cane whiskey

The warm smiles that the bearer never gets to see because they don't get the chance to see it in a reflection

Butterscotch

Janus:

Springtime showers that makes snowmelt rivers

Prom. Dont ask this is just a him vibe ok

He seems like the guy that would make a blanket cacoon/nest when his bedsheets are in the wash and can I say mood

Sunlight

Looking off my back porch and seeing the feilds of corn beginning to dry out in late fall every three years.

Pumpkin soup

Apple cider

Lemonade

Not only is he snowmelt rivers he is also the first thunderstorm of summertime

Sun tea. Not the brand the stuff that you make via harnessing the suns power

Cucumber facemasks

Wildflower honey

The person who youd never guess goes to comic con but is actually the one who wins first place in the costume contest every year

Oversized sweaters

German Sheppards and yellow labs sunbathing after playing for hours

Antique mirrors

Burlap canvas bags

Oil paint

Espressos at ten at night

Late night chinese food runs

Dragons

Spice. Not the average spice either I'm talking could eat a carolina reaper and yes he'll be more red but he could still talk and thats more than I can say for myself

Virgil:

The red rubber balls from kick ball in elementary. By god I can smell the plastic just thinking about it

Flappy stims! Almost every time I flap he comes to mind I never really questioned it

The weighted blanket my dad got that I steal from him all the time

'He's a Mary poppins in a world of hasselhoffs" my friend once said that not even talking about Virgil but like. Come on.

Basically all of Star Lord's vibes are Virgils

Deadpool

Jack Skellington (kinda obvs)

Sample perfumes that are like the size of a pinky

Telescopes

Not writing an essay but instead learning all about world history or astronomy or psychology

Earings. Specifically hoops

Black pearls

Boardwalks that have tiny shops along them with a bunch of food.

Going to a club or a party with flashing lights and even though you're kinda nervous you have fun and live like tomorrow is still a dream away.

Ripped movie posters that the theater is selling

Tying ropes together to make nets.

Fairy lights

Taping movie theater tickets to your wall after you've gone and seen it

Scarecrows sitting on bales of hay at sunset next to my willow tree and the cicadas are on their 13th year so they're the loudest they'll ve until another 13 years have passed

The glint in someone's eye when they think of something mischievous

Bang by AJR

The corpse bride's tale/song

Patton:

The lazer eye meme. This one

Graham Crackers. Not smores, not candy crack-just the cracker ok

Pep rallies

The pet store??

Sugar sculptures

Corn pits (strictly midwestern thing)

Driving for hours upon hours and seeing the strange statues some towns have as you pass them by

Silver sparkles

Art herpes glitter

Photo booths

Riding in the back of a pickup truck on the county's main road

Wedding crystals cabinet where you put the fancy china you're going to give to your children that never gets used once but is probably worth half your house

The chubby bunny challenge

The moment when you tip your chair back too far and you know it but you can't do anything because you'll be on the floor in a second anyway

The thing maya did from Girl Meets World when she slammed lockers closed and caused the chalkboard to let its dust fly

Dusk.

That moment when everything is going by so quickly so you step back and watch the world go by for only a few seconds but then you're back in the present laughing with your friends

Snow cones melting and getting the syrup all over your hands

Orange Side:

All things citrus but especially lemons no not oranges lemons

Sunglasses

Men in black 1 not the rest just the first

Pineapple too hes got a lot of pineapple vibes

Combat boots but with spikes

Also lace?

And tea. Like, all kinds of tea but especially the really expensive stuff that I've only tasted like twice thats imported from Ireland

Himalayan salt lamps.

Sensies. the wax melting things

Candles too

Once we meet him I'll have more but this is it for him for now

Thats it! If this gets notes I might do emile remy and thomas but I think I'll leave this be for the moment. Have a great day y'all!

#sanders sides #logan sanders #remus sanders #virgil sanders #janus sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders

[elliebartlets]

1.16 20 Hours in L.A.

Episode:

• “We’re gonna race the sun to the pacific horizon!”

• “Where it says your name, Leo. You’re not the Belgian foreign minister.”

Margaret’s sass

• this isn’t the same fundraiser they were talking about in ep 5, is it?

• Ted Marcus, the guy hosting the fundraiser, is Phoebe’s dad from friends

• “How’s he doing in there?”

“He’s got that look on his face like he’s thinking about ways to kill himself.”

• Toby not allowed in the limo cause he was thinking of making fun of the guacamole lmao

• yeah like those 2 guys standings right in front of the gate glaring at Zoey aren’t gonna draw attention to themselves...

• “I’ll be at the bar, drinking a lot if anybody wants me.”

“Nobody will.”

• “Matt Perry right there goodbye.”

always makes me laugh because he comes in the show later

• “Of course it’s possible they’re just pretending to be talking.”

Lol

• oh yeah Joey Lucas ends up with Al Kiefer lolol

• lots of finger pointing by Bartlet

• I thought Bartlet’s sleeping problems started later in the show...

• it’s funny I liked this episode a lot more than the previous times I watched it. whereas take this sabbath day I didn’t really like this time around.

Podcast:

• Bartlet critizes Hollywood in The Crackpots and These Women and in this episode, he’s attending a Hollywood party

• “The era of big government is over” was a quote from Clinton’s SOTU in 1996

• the storyline with Ted Marcus frustrated with Bartlets lack of stance on gays in the military was an actual issue between President Clinton and David Geffin, who raised millions of dollars for Clinton and was publicly displeased with “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.”

• I too also like seeing Bartlet/Martin Sheen fired up

• “pre floor hamburger david hasselhoff” ....what

• oh nvm just looked it up

• wait the guy who played Al Keifer was in Breaking Bad???

• yeah, I never got really worked up over flag burning either....does that make me un American? 🤷🏽‍♀️

• oh I just realized this is the first ep where it’s made clear that Zoey and Charlie are officially a couple

• the show recieved backlash for having the first daughter date a black guy. (And I might be wrong here, it wasnt talked about in the podcast but I think Dulè, like Charlie, also received some letters about it...gross but not shocking.)

• the first space where Donna and Josh are outside of the office, there in a bedroom....and she helps him go get another girl.....even tho it’s very obvious she likes/wants him.....*scream*

#the west wing #20 hours in LA #the west wing weekly #tww #rewatching tww

[helianthus21]

Hi! I would love to see #10 and destiel if you are up for it! Can't wait to see what you come up with for some of these!

10. “Teach me how to play?”

“So, this is our mark.” Charlie pulls up a picture of a middle-aged dude, well-built, with Prince Eric hair and stunning blue eyes. “Siren. This club over there is his number one hunting ground. We gotta stop him. Who’s volunteering as prey?”

Sam and Dean look at each other, ready to whip out their hands for a match of rock-paper-scissors but Cas speaks up before they can even lift a finger. “I’m going,” he decides. When Dean opens his mouth to protest, he adds, “I’m the only one who is immune to his song. It’s only logical I go.”

Charlie hops up from her perch over her laptop to give Cas a quick makeover. She makes him lose the trenchcoat, rolls up his sleeves so he can show off his strong arms, and opens a few buttons of his dress shirt. “There,” she says, hands on her hips and smiling in silent self-laudation at the result. “You look great, Cas. That siren’s gonna be all over that! Doesn’t he look great, Dean?”

And Dean can’t really deny that.

But he doesn’t have to admit it either. So instead, he points out, “Cas doesn’t even know how to flirt. This isn’t gonna work.”

But glancing at Cas, he gathers from the petulant look the angel sends his way, that this comment has only served to reinforce his resolution to go through with this plan. “Teach me, then,” he all but orders.

Dean swallows. “Uh, come again?”

“If you’re so well-versed in the art of ‘flirting’,” Cas says, inching closer to Dean, and it doesn’t seem to matter that he’s shorter than Dean, his intimidation level is top-notch. “and you think you can do better than me. Then teach me.”

In an attempt to shake off the hot feeling somewhere down by his gut, Dean tries to ridicule. “I’m not gonna flirt with some wannabe Hasselhoff for you, come on.”

Because now that he looks at the mark a little more closely, he finds that Prince Eric aura has been a hoax. In fact, the guy looks more like the kind that goes to the gym just a little too often, takes an hour in the bathroom every morning and is probably on steroids too. Definitely not Dean’s type. Or anyone’s for that matter. How this dude can be a siren that people are actually attracted to enough that they’d die for him is a mystery.

Apparently not suspecting anything about Dean’s inner monologue, Charlie keeps on being a bad wing woman. “I think it’s a good idea, actually,” she says. “Remember when you talked me through flirting with that security guard? It worked then, too! You’re just gonna give him directions through the ear piece.

And Dean is powerless against that much determination.

“Great,” he grumbles. “I’m gonna teach you how to play, whatever. But when he inevitably dumps you, don’t come running back to me. Can’t do anything about your stupid face after all.”

Cas shoots him that look again, like he’d love nothing more than strike him with lighting right where he stands. “Your concern is noted,” he says, in that fake-polite way of his that makes Dean feel like an ass.

Well, screw him, Dean thinks.

The siren wants to. The siren really, really wants to, judging by the predatory look on his face.

“What is an ethereal being like you doing in an establishment like this.”

In the little surveillance van parked at the corner near the club, Sam widens his eyes at Dean. “Did he-? Are we busted?”

But Dean doesn’t panic. He has other concerns. “Nah, he’s just a slimy douche.” If that’s how he wants to get into Cas’ pants, he’s got another thing coming.

As he’s busy imagining dumping a bucket of goo over the guy’s head to make him really slimy, he misses Cas’ answer and only catches Douchebag McJerkface’s next cheesy line. “It is a shame to see such a gorgeous young man standing there all by himself.”

Dean watches as the siren extends an arm for Cas to hold on to. “Care to join me, handsome?”

“We get it, dude, you looked up all the synonyms for ‘pretty’ in a thesaurus,” Dean scoffs, shaking his head. “Amateur.”

“Dean!” Cas chides. Aloud. To the siren who shouldn’t know that three hunters are listening in from afar.

Next to Dean, Charlie slaps a hand against her forehead.

“Dean? What a beautiful name for a beautiful man.” The siren says, blessedly unaware of Cas’ little slip.

Dean snorts.

“Okay, tell him you’re new here and could do with a tour ‘round town.”

Cas says, “I’m new here and could do with a tour around town.”

Charlie’s hand flies against her forehead again at the bland tone in which Cas just repeated Dean’s line. Girl can talk. She didn’t do much better back at Roman Enterprises.

Apparently not minding Cas’ weirdness, the siren suggests, “I have a hotel room not far from here. How about we move the party over there to plan our little,” he lowers his tone to a sultry murmur. “Tour.”

“Oh, we’ll give you a tour alright,” Dean comments. “One way ticket to Purgatory, do not pass ‘Go’.”

On the other side of the connection, Cas chuckles. “Monopoly. I understand that reference.”

The siren looks puzzled. “What?” And it’s in that moment, head still lowered as if to better whisper more of his cheap flattery in Cas’ ear, when the siren notices something is wrong. “You wired? You a cop? A hunter?”

And before Cas can deny the accusation, the siren bolts.

“Fuck,” Sam exclaims. He grabs his gun and runs outta the van, his brother following close behind.

“Cas, you good?” Dean finds it necessary to ask in the middle of the chase after the siren.

“Yes, I’m,” Cas sounds a little breathless, like he’s elbowing his way through the crowd to catch their mark as well. “I’m alright.”

“He’s trying to get out through the back exit,” Charlie informs them helpfully from her all-seeing perspective in the surveillance van.

Sam gives Dean a sign and they split up, both of them circling the building from different sides.

When they reach the back door, though, Cas has already tackled the siren to the ground. And from there, it’s a cakewalk.

“So,” Dean says once the siren is dealt with. And after having checked Cas for any injuries, just to make sure. They’re standing too close, their arms brushing, and Dean itches to reach out, take Cas’ hand in his, pull him a little closer maybe.

Cas looks at him, that hopeful shine in his blue eyes, like he’s waiting for Dean to say more.

So Dean does.

“Told you your stupid face would ruin it.”

#replies #prompt #destiel #spn #ficlet #inspired by s1e6 of leverage xd #couple of dumbasses #beefcakemish #long post #the spaces were all fucked up for some reason #but i think i got them all now

[serendipitousrambles]

Keep your enemies close

Chapter one: This ain’t child’s play

El swung her feet over the edge of the roof, looking down into the New York night. Lately she'd been coming every night, waiting for something to happen. She'd grown tired of hiding, and wanted to actually do something with the gift she'd been born with. Her dad didn't know anything about it, and she wanted to keep it that way.

She managed to find a black eye mask to hide her identity and her hoodie would be enough to hide her hair. But she didn't have a proper outfit.

At last, something she'd been waiting for. A shady looking van pulled up outside a bank. She stood up and used her power to manipulate the air in order for her to jump across to the next closest roof top to get a better look.

Two men in masks that looked like celebrities hopped out of the van carrying a duffle bag and guns.

“Bingo.” She lowered her mask over her eyes to conceal her identity.

“Hurry up before the cops come.” One man said, the other trying to cut the glass on the door so they could step through it.

“I'm going as fast as I can.”

They both had thick new yorker accents.

They crept in, spraying hairspray in order to see the alarm trigger lasers.

“Hello there.” El's voice made the men stop. They turned, and almost burst out laughing when they saw a 17 year old girl.

“Get outta here will ya?” One laughed. “This ain't child's play.”

“Is that so?” El didn't see the lasers and walked straight into one, tripping off the alarm.

“Gee thanks!” The criminal in a David Hasselhoff mask shouted as the alarm rang out. “We gotta hustle!”

They began shoving dollar bills into their bags.

“I don't think so.” El stretched out her hand and the bag went flying from the criminal's hand, hitting the wall.

She grabbed his mask, pulling it back to see who was underneath.

“Hey, you're not the president…” El mocked disappointment as she released the mask, slapping back into the criminal's face.

“Oh and I bet he's not David Hasselhoff.” She turned to face the other criminal and motioned her hand so he was pinned against the wall.

“Where do you even get those masks? I'm thinking of having a costume party.” She laughed. Suddenly, she heard a click of a gun and without missing a beat she turned on the first criminal, gun flying out of his hand and kicking him to the floor. “Ooh, nearly got me there.”

The red and blue flashing lights of police cars filled the dark bank. Thank god it was her dad's night off.

“Freeze!”

“I'm not the one causing trouble officer.” She held her hands up, the other criminal falling to the floor.

The officers pushed past her, handcuffing the criminals.

“Look at the damage you've caused.” One came up to her, adjusting his hat. “Next time, leave it to the professionals. Alright, kid?”

“Kid?” She couldn't believe it. He called her kid? “But i-”

“I don't know who you think you are, but we don't need no superhero running around doing our job for us.”

“I wasn't I was just-”

“Go.” The man said, pointing his arm at the door. “Wait a second.”

She turned, hopeful that he was changing his mind. But he merely handed her a tissue.

“Here, you seem to have caught a nose bleed.”

She took the tissue, wiping the blood from her nose.

The police began to close the area off for investigating, El being pushed out of the place.

She sulked away, glancing back over her shoulder to see the police take credit for all her work.

“I just want some recognition for once in my life.” She snuck back home before her dad noticed she was missing. He'd have a heart attack if he knew she was out using her powers. “I'm just trying to do some good in the world. Is that so bad?”

El closed her locker and jumped when her best friend Max's face appeared suddenly next to her. She was holding her skateboard under one arm, her red hair still slightly askew from the wind on her way in to school.

“Did you hear?”

“Hear about what?” El turned to face her, pulling her backpack strap higher on her shoulder.

“About the robbery last night. They saw a kid trying to stop the theives.”

Her blood drained from her face. She couldn't be found out. She'd stopped criminals before but last night was the first time she'd been caught out by the police.

“El, are you ok? You look pale.” Max put a hand on her shoulder.

She politely shrugged her off. “I'm fine. Just... hungry. I was late and skipped breakfast.”

“Anyway,” Max continued, “There was some kid in a mask and suit like some kind of superhero or something. That's crazy.”

“Yeah...weird.” El couldn't meet her eyes. “Probably just some dumb kid playing a game.”

“I wonder who it is.”

“We probably don't know them.”

“But imagine, an actual superhero. It's like something from those dumb movies you love.”

“I'll have you know,” El cracked a smile, “that those movies are not dumb.”

“Uh huh. You sure their appeal doesn't have anything to do with a certain nerd?” Max raised an eyebrow.

El's voice raised an octave. “What?”

“Not a particular boy you've been friends with since freshman year? Been in love with - should I say - since freshman year?”

“You're delusional.”

“Clearly.” Max nodded. She glanced down the hall. “Speak of the devil…”

“El! Max.” A tall, black haired boy came running up to them.

“Jeez Wheeler, calm down.” Max scoffed as he was trying to catch his breath.

“Superhero. There's...real? Last night?” His face was slightly flushed with excitement, highlighting his freckled cheeks.

“The superhero? Yeah we heard, Mike.” Max shrugged. They got along well enough, but it didn't stop them occasionally getting a rise out of each other.

“I can't believe it's real. I mean... people with powers ? That only happens in movies.”

“El was just saying how she loves those movies.” Max looked over at El and she shrunk into herself.

“You do?” Mike turned to her, his warm smile making her blush.

“Uh, yeah. They're cool.”

Mike nodded still smiling, but unsure what to say. He was just staring at her.

“Um, I should get to class.” He suddenly said, stepping backwards. “I'll uh, see you at lunch?”

“Yeah.” El smiled.

“Ok.” He stepped back again, still smiling. He wasn't looking where he was going, and stepped into a football player dropping his books.

Max laughed but El tried to hide her smile behind her book.

“I'm sorry.” He mumbled, as he picked up his books.

“Watch it nerd.” Mike was taller but far skinnier than the jock. But when the jock walked off, Mike turned back to El one more time and waved briefly before heading on his way, not letting the incident affect him. He was used to those guys talking to him like that and it didn't mean anything to him.

“Wow.” Max lost it. “He's so got a crush on you.”

“No he doesn't.” El stopped watching Mike.

“Sure…” Max shook her head. “Come on, we've got algebra and I need to get there before Lucas.”

“Why do you even have those dumb competitions?”

“Because it's how we show our love.” Max shrugged.

“Ew.”

“Ew.” Max mimicked. “Come on.” She grabbed El's hand and pulled her down the hall.

#mileven au #keep your enemies close #el hopper #mike wheeler