cw: mention of his job post timeskip (involves funerals)
matsukawa craves your presence after a long, tiring day of work. he's a strong man, anyone in his line of work has to be — but some days hit him harder than others do.
you can sense it as soon as the door opens, his dress shoes clunking against the wooden floor as he kicks them off. hearing him sigh before making his way to where you are, you can see every emotion in his expression as soon as his eyes meet yours.
it breaks your heart, seeing him so exhausted. the hardships on the day weighing heavy on his shoulders. you watch him closely as he unbuttons his suit jacket, taking it off to toss unceremoniously onto the couch.
"c'mere" he requests softly, arms remaining open for you to make your way into. you do, of course, bringing yourself to stand and walk into his secure embrace.
his nose nuzzles against your neck immediately, taking in the scent of you and the hoodie of his you must have just washed. the smell of home. his home.
with the hand skating across his back and the other wrapped around his waist, he wonders if this is what heaven feels like. with the sheer number of times he hears those speeches, all he can picture when he hears a better place is here.
you, in the home you share together, waiting for him.
the two of you stay like that as long as he needs, only the mention of dinner being already made for him bringing him out of the fog surrounding him.
with your hand taking his larger one, you let him trail behind you as you set everything up — knowing he can't be apart from you long on days like this.
time passes in comfortable silence, until he's ready to tell you about what it was that got to him.
he has always had a kind heart, such a thing extending to everyone he encounters at his job. he treats every person he sees with great care, unaware that he doesn't often spare that for himself.
it's one of the reasons he cherishes you so immensely, you who is so willing to spend time listening to him and running a hand through his hair when he feels the emotions creep up the back of his throat.
the two of you go to bed early that night, allowing himself to be held as you tell him all about your day in return. it allows him the chance to finally relax, fall asleep peacefully to the sound of your voice as it guides him there.
Breathe. You’re going to be okay. Breathe and remember that you’ve been in this place before. You’ve been this uncomfortable and anxious and scared, and you’ve survived. Breathe and know that you can survive this too. These feelings can’t break you. They’re painful and debilitating, but you can sit with them and eventually, they will pass. Maybe not immediately, but sometime soon, they are going to fade and when they do, you’ll look back at this moment and laugh for having doubted your resilience. I know it feels unbearable right now, but keep breathing, again and again. This will pass. I promise it will pass.
Has anyone ever used "straight passing" in a way that doesn't stigmatize being closeted, erased, and/or misgendered? "Perceived straight" may be a better term as it doesn't act like it's something a queer person is inherently doing, and it's a term that can apply to anyone because almost anyone can be perceived as straight in a society erases everyone that isn't straight.
We need to be able to talk about the treatment of different relationships without making assumptions about that the treatment of the relationship inherently means privilege for the people inside the relationship. It's more complicated than that. Bi (and probably other mspec) women and men often face higher rates of abuse than straight or gay women and men respectively. I don't know specific stats on nonbinary people, but trans people in general also face higher rates of abuse. Trans people who are being misgendered by being perceived as straight are literally being misgendered. That's. Not. A. Privilege.
It's time to retire "passing" language from sexuality. If someone is intentionally misrepresenting their LGBTQ+ sexuality to be seen as straight, that's called being closeted. If they're being been as straight without intentionally trying to be, that's called being erased.