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thepenguinclub · 2 years

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3am on a School Night is the Best Time to Summon Satan

Co-written with @rozhanelle.

romantic analogical, everyone and everyone, analogical week 2022 (@analogicalweek), somewhat crack, text fic, groupchat.

Summary:

raccoon boy: u dont need to be nervous L

raccoon boy: Ure super smart

raccoon boy: ull do really good. u know all the stuff

Logan: Thank you, Virgil. That’s kind of you.

Princey: This is really heartwarming.

Princey: Which pentagram should I use? Greek or Babylonian?

raccoon boy: isnt it latin?

raccoon boy: or is that the stuff u say

Logan: What are you talking about?

raccoon boy: romans being stupid

Princey: HOW TO SUMMON SATAN

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Analogical Week 2022

Day 7: Free Day

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day 7: free day

Penguin: Day 7!! It's over! *cries* We both put so much work into this week and I'm so happy and proud of what we accomplished. This has been a rollercoaster of many, many, different emotions, but it was worth it and now we are free to work on our various WIPs. Thank you everyone for reading and commenting, every single one makes our day.

This was something that Rozh and I worked on a while ago, and it's still one of my favorite things I've done. Hopefully you enjoy it as much as we have!

Rozh: this is our baby. we worked on this about a year ago, when i sent a photo of a broken down house nearby where i lived, and Penguin revealed A New Side of herself and said: "oooh summoning satan time!!" me, an anxious enby: "no. i have seen movies. i know how this will end." penguin: "yess but think of all that you can do!" me: "yes but think of *your life*" penguin: "I feel like this is a conversation Roman and Virgil would have." my mind: akdjakdj yes then: we were sharing a doc and just typing. so. here this is. [heart eyes] i love this, and i hope you all enjoy reading it too :)

Roman: Princey Virgil: raccoon boy/Stormcloud Logan: Logan/Loganberry/Starlight Patton: pattoncake Janus: Snek Boi Remus: Trash Man

Warnings: swearing - bad typing from Remus, but we have written it clearly next to it in parenthesis and italicized - anxiety - mentions of the devil - mentions of blood sacrifice - mentions of explosives - crude language - ingesting potentially poisonous materials (not poisonous, but don’t drink soap kids)

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Virgil’s Phone

🌈💗my famILY💗🌈

Princey: YALL WILL NEVER GUESS WHAT I JUST FOUND

raccoon boy: why are u awake? its three am

Princey: Thats not important

Princey: Are you gonna ask what i found

raccoon boy: no

Princey: >:(((((

raccoon boy: deal with it

Princey: Im gonna tell you anyway

Princey: Deal with it

raccoon boy: im sighing at you so hard right now

Princey: [image.jpg]

[Image description: abandoned wooden house, frames are broken down. Windows are cracked, there are black burn marks covering a good bit of it. There are trees surrounding the area/clearing. The sky is dark.]

raccoon boy: why the fuck r u outside

Princey: Thats also not important

raccoon boy: wtf roman what r u doing

raccoon boy: r u near that house

raccoon boy: roman istg

Princey: Unrelated to the house, I need to go and get Remus

Princey: Hes still at your house, right?

raccoon boy: no i refuse to let you and remus get together and do some stupid shit that will burn down the world.

Princey: Hes my brother, I can do what I want to with him

raccoon boy: y do u want him??? u never want him around

Princey: ….

Princey: No reason

raccoon boy: bullshit

raccoon boy: wtf do u want roman

raccoon boy: why do u want remus???

Princey: He won’t mind

raccoon boy: he doesnt mind anything

Princey: thisll make him happy ! Don’t you want him happy???

raccoon boy: that doesnt make me feel better

raccoon boy: remus would be happy if someone sacrificed him to satan

raccoon boy: it isnt a high bar

Princey: Exactly!

raccoon boy: ….

raccoon boy: exactly what

Princey: He would be happy if someone sacrificed him to Satan XD

raccoon boy: roman wtf ypu are not sacrificing your brother to the devil

raccoon boy: *you

Princey: I am not!

Princey: Not yet, because he isnt here!

Princey: This is his choice, Virgil. You can’t come in between true love

raccoon boy: what part of this is love?????

Princey: Remus would love this. And you are stopping him from being happy!

raccoon boy: i hate u

raccoon boy: so much

Princey: Oh please.

Princey: We all know yo love me.

Princey: you*

Princey: And you cannot stop this!

raccoon boy: i can do whatevr the fuck i want thank you very much

raccoon boy: especially if it means remus stays alive

Princey: But do we really want that?

Princey: Satan would love Remus.

raccoon boy: and patton loves ice cream

raccoon boy: that doesnt mean he should ignore his lactose intolerance

raccoon boy: just like remus shouldnt ignore life

Princey: You never let me do anything fun! Come on, Virgil! Live a little. Embrace danger!!!

raccoon boy: i am the reason you are still alive dipshit

Princey: Alive and bored! And I shall not stand for it! Not anymore

raccoon boy: oh my god why are you like this

Princey: Practically perfect in every way? It’s a question no one has been able to answer

raccoon boy: maybe because theyve been asking the wrong qs

Princey: Quiet.

Princey: Why isn’t remus answering his phone?

raccoon boy: he chugged a bottle of shampoo and has been out ever since

raccoon boy: not poisonous

raccoon boy: hair products always makes him sleepy

Princey: Do you think red paint is okay to use?

Princey: To draw the summoning circle

raccoon boy: black would be less noticable in the dark

raccoon boy: especially if its on that burned wood

Princey: I thought you said you were against this!

raccoon boy: ys the deals always have a catch and ull prob die in 10 yrs

raccoon boy: but i cant stop u

raccoon boy: so im gonna make sure u dont piss off the demon king

raccoon boy: its good to be on satans good side

Logan: What is going on? I have almost 80 notifications.

Logan: Also, it is four in the morning. Both of you should be asleep.

raccoon boy: so should u

raccoon boy: i get prince moron, but y r u awake, lo?

raccoon boy: dont u have an exam?

Logan: I was asleep. Until the incessant buzzing from my phone woke me up.

raccoon boy: ...oh

Princey: Why do you know he has an exam tomorrow?

raccoon boy: shit L im sry

raccoon boy: sorry

Logan: It is of no importance now, Virgil. I wasn’t sleeping well anyway.

raccoon boy: why not?

Princey: Do yall want a room or…?

Logan: I find myself slightly apprehensive about tomorrow.

Logan: And I do not see why we would need a room, Roman, seeing as we are texting.

raccoon boy: u dont need to be nervous L

raccoon boy: Ure super smart

raccoon boy: ull do really good. u know all the stuff

Logan: Thank you, Virgil. That’s kind of you.

Princey: This is really heartwarming.

Princey: Which pentagram should I use? Greek or Babylonian?

raccoon boy: isnt it latin?

raccoon boy: or is that the stuff u say

Logan: What are you talking about?

raccoon boy: romans being stupid

Princey: HOW TO SUMMON SATAN

Logan: Well, in that case, the most common incantations are Latin, you are correct.

Logan: The best pentagram would most likely depend on what type of demon you plan on summoning.

raccoon boy: how does that work? is it like, stronger demon, stronger pentagram? or is the difference in smt else?

Princey: How are you turning this into a classroom?

Princey: Oh, so now you’re all for it, V?

Princey: I see how it is

raccoon boy: stfu

Logan: Anywhere can be a place of learning, Roman. Although, seeing as we are still texting I don't know how this could be a classroom.

Logan: What part of communicating through instant messaging are you not understanding?

raccoon boy: jdkfjvjfkbef

Princey: -_-

Princey: So? What pentagram for Satan, pocket protector?

raccoon boy: and how is satans pentagram different from low level demons?

Logan: Well, it depends what legends you are going off of. Typically, they aren’t. Pentagrams are classically a star shape in a circle, and the only reason is to focus the energy of summoning the demon in question, so the summoner knows where the demon will appear. The more complicated designs are actually usually demon traps, to bind the demon.

Logan: Will you be binding the demon? I suggest you do so, as it can be a protection against the demon harming you. It will also stop the demon from being able to exit the circle. If you bind it, all you will need to do to dismiss the demon is a simple command, instead of a full ritual dismissal.

Logan: The demon is unable to hurt you, and you are unable to hurt it. Any physical, magical, or spiritual object crossing the circle will break the wards and the binding.

Logan: Make sure to have wards in place as well. And make sure they are not disrupted. They must be a part of the circle. If you are incapable of exerting your will unto the wards- by falling unconscious, going to sleep, or leaving the area, the wards will very likely fail, and let the demon loose.

Logan: Also, you said you were summoning Satan? Typical binding spells use substances that oppose the type of demon you are summoning. A fire demon would be sand or water, a messenger demon would be scribbled words and burned books, etc. Satan would be much more difficult, because he is much more powerful than an ordinary demon. Roman was correct, though, a sacrifice would be a good place to start, to appease him, and a blood sacrifice is as good as one could get.

Logan: However, I’m going to let personal bias in and I’m going to tell you not to sacrifice your brother.

Logan: When it comes to negotiating, it is best to ask for simple things. As it is Roman who is attempting this, I don’t have much hope. The only advice I can offer is to be sure to be very clear and precise about what you are asking for, as demons are known to purposefully misinterpret requests. Also offer realistic gifts in return. If the demon is appeased, then everything will go by much smoother. If the demon is unhappy with the deal, dismissing it can be quite an ordeal.

Logan: Do you need more information?

raccoon boy: ….

Princey: ….

raccoon boy: ….

Princey: ….

raccoon boy: im in love with you

Princey: Why do you know these things?

Logan: Well, you asked.

Princey: I didnt expect an answer like that!

raccoon boy: im not kidding right now

raccoon boy: im very in love with you

Logan: Thank you, Virgil. I appreciate your eagerness to hear my rants. You are a very good friend.

Princey: Oh my God

raccoon boy: course L. u know i like listening to u

Princey: Wait no. You have to be joking right now

Logan: Joking about what? I just told Virgil I appreciated him as a friend.

raccoon boy: yeah roman whats wrng

Princey: What the heck-ity heck? five abs and a peck?

Princey: Am I dying? I think Im dying

Private Chat: Starlight

Stormcloud: this is so funny

Starlight: I do admit, Roman is being quite entertaining

Stormcloud: “ a very good friend”

Starlight: Well, you are a good friend.

Stormcloud: u r smt else, Lo.

Stormcloud: smt out of this world

Starlight: :|

Stormcloud: ;P

Starlight: I love you as well, Virgil.

Stormcloud: sfut up

Stormcloud: *shut

Starlight: I don’t think I will.

Starlight: <3

🌈💗my famILY💗🌈

Princey: I need- I need someone to tell me if this is real?

Princey: Why is no one else awake?

Princey: What could people be doing at this time of the morning?

Princey: Did they just-

Princey: What are you people doing?

Princey: Oh my goodness.

Princey: Oh dear Disney.

Logan: Seeing as it is five thirty in the morning, I assume that they are all asleep.

raccoon boy: ROMAN!

raccoon boy: r u still out?

raccoon boy: ohmygod ure gonna freeze what is wrong with u

raccoon boy: why tf wold u b out

raccoon boy: roman what

Logan: Roman, I do hope you are inside and somewhere warm.

Princey: …

Princey: Sure, Im inside.

raccoon boy: r u iside the fucking house of doom roman

raccoon boy: thats not warm

raccoon boy: or fucking safe

raccoon boy: roman what is wrong with u

raccoon boy: i dontt think

Logan: Virgil. Virgil?

Logan: Virgil, you need to breathe. Roman is going to be fine.

Princey: shit.

Logan: Roman, go somewhere warm and safe. Preferably your house.

Princey: Yeah, on it.

Princey: Come on, Doom and Gloom. No need to worry. Peoplell think you care.

Princey: Look here, I’m in my car. I’m turning it on. And I will start driving as soon as you txt me back, okay? I’ll go home. Just let me know you’re okay.

Princey: V?

Logan: Virgil, please try your best to breathe.

raccoon boy: it’s janus, he’s calming down.

Logan: Thank you for informing us, Janus.

raccoon boy: give me a moment

raccoon boy: virgil has calmed down. he is breathing slowly and he is much calmer

raccoon boy: he says not to drive, roman. and to get out of the car

raccoon boy: also you are an utter moron.

Princey: Alright alright whatever

raccoon boy: did. did v say he is in love w/ u and u said he's 'a very good friend'

Logan: Yes.

Logan: I don't understand why this is a confusing thing to comprehend.

raccoon boy: he said he's in love with you logan.

Logan: Are you referring to the 'in' before 'love'?

Logan: It does create a difference of meaning, I admit, but I don't see why this is confounding you and Roman.

Logan: Virgil has expressed his enjoyment of things in this manner before.

Logan: "I am in love with coffee."

Logan: "I am in love with Patton and his cookies."

Logan: "I am in love with My Chemical Romance/Evanescence."

Logan: He seems to enjoy it when I provide explanations. And this was a topic which he enjoys.

Logan: His admiration was expected.

raccoon boy: did u just logic your way out of this?

Logan: There was nothing to “logic my way out of”, Janus.

raccoon boy: for someone so smart you're such an idiot

Logan: That is unnecessary.

raccoon boy: is it? i mean. you just friendzoned him!!

Logan: Janus.

raccoon boy: okay, fine, sorry.

raccoon boy: but did u seriously just do that??

Logan: If there is anything Virgil wishes to tell me, he will.

raccoon boy: riiiight. sure. of course he will.

Logan: I am glad you see reason.

raccoon boy: 🤦🏽

Princey: What should I do??

raccoon boy: well, V says no taxi cause they can be a murderer. no walking hime cause you might get attacked by a dog. no getting in your car cause you might explode

raccoon boy: home*

Princey: Thats all very helpful.

Logan: Janus, please give the phone back to Virgil.

Incoming call: Starlight

Call accepted: 6:14 am

Call ended: 6:32 am

Logan: You may drive your car back home, Roman. Please send a message as soon as you reach your destination.

Princey: Ok

Princey: Sorry V

raccoon boy: sorry

raccoon boy: i didnt mean to freak out

Logan: There is no need to apologize, Virgil.

Logan: You have anxiety. You just experienced a minor panic attack. It is natural to worry about your friends, and as a person whose anxiety is somewhat heightened it is completely understandable that you would feel a great deal of worry. You do not need to apologize.

Princey: At home.

Princey: Also yeah what the nerd said.

Snek Boi: Lo is right Virgil. You don't need to say sorry.

raccoon boy: y r u texting me we r right next to each other

Snek Boi: I don't want to wake up Remus.

Private Chat: Starlight

Starlight: Are you okay?

Stormcloud: yeah im fine

Stormcloud: thanks

Starlight: Anything for you, love.

Stormcloud: sshhhhhh no

Starlight: I love you, Virgil.

Stormcloud: i hate u

Stormcloud: j is right next to me stop

Starlight: I am merely telling my boyfriend how much I love him.

Starlight: Any of your reactions are completely out of my control.

Stormcloud: go away

Starlight: As you wish, my love.

Stormcloud: omfg

🌈💗my famILY💗🌈

raccoon boy: he wont wake up if u blow smt up

Princey: Its true we tested it once

Logan: I don’t want to know.

Princey: I wasnt offering to tell

raccoon boy: of course u were ure dying for a chance to be dramatic

Princey: How dare you

Snek Boi: We all know hes right

raccoon boy: i can hear the offended princey noises from here

Princey: ….

Princey: Shut up emo

raccoon boy: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Snek Boi: I cant believe that remus had the healthiest sleeping schedule between us

raccoon boy: he drank shampoo i dont think hes healthy J

raccoon boy: do u think hes ook? maybe we should hv stopped him

Snek Boi: V this is not his first time chugging shampoo

Princey: Yeah he’ll be up and awake and bothering us bright and early

Trash Man: YoU cAlLeD??

Trash Man: why did u screeem so loud vv

Princey: Speak the devil's name and he shall appear

Snek Boi: wtf is wrong with you

Trash Man: do u watn teh list alphabetivally or choronolgoically (do u want the list alphabetically or chronologically)

Logan: I will never understand why you have to type like that.

Logan: Autocorrect is a thing for people who don’t know how to spell.

Logan: You should try using it.

Trash Man: tihs is so mch morre fun tho it anoyys u so mch (this is so much more fun tho it annoys u so much)

Logan: I hate you.

Trash Man: i lv u 2 lolobear

raccoon boy: yeah lo lo bear

Logan: No, no, no. Please don’t.

raccoon boy: y whats wrong lo lo bear

Logan: You are lucky you’re adorable, otherwise I would be tempted to hurt you.

Snek Boi: are you talking about Virgil or Remus?

Princey: please be talking about the Emo Nightmare

Logan: I was complimenting Virgil.

Logan: Remus can go die in a hole.

raccoon boy: tnx for the compliment lolobear <3

raccoon boy: u’re not too bad looking

Logan: I appreciate the compliment.

Princey: Im dying

Princey: Im dead

Princey: This is what it feels like to die

pattoncake: oh no!!! Why does it feel like you’re dyiiing, Roman???

pattoncake: Oh. Right.

pattoncake: Good morning everyone! Looks like you were having a party

Snek Boi: You arent dying roman

Snek Boi: (Logan and Virgil might be pushed down the stairs though)

Snek Boi: Good morning Patton

raccoon boy: morning pat

Logan: Good morning, Patton. How did you sleep?

Logan: Why would Virgil and I be pushed down the stairs?

raccoon boy: theyre jealous of our friendship lo lo bear

Logan: Please cease calling me that, Virgil, or I will be forced to do something drastic.

raccoon boy: oooohh what lo lo bear

raccoon boy: what r u gonna do

Logan: While you are incredibly brave and witty, you are also as sweet as honey.

raccoon boy: what

Logan: You are the kindest person I’ve ever met and your loyalty to your friends is one of the most admirable things I’ve ever seen.

raccoon boy: waht r u doing

Logan: You are absolutely adorable when you’re sleepy, and the most gorgeous when you’re in the moonlight.

raccoon boy: shut tf up

pattoncake: oh this is so sweeetttt !!!!! me too😆

pattoncake: Vee, you are the bestest friend ever 💜💜! you’re super brave and funny and you hug me when im having a bad day and you love drawing little things and putting them in our bags which is so sweet and i feel so happy wehn i see them 😻😻

pattoncake: when*

Logan: You are incredibly intelligent even though you don’t think so, and you are an amazing musician. Your dedication to the arts and your drive to be better is motivating and I love watching you do what you love.

Snek Boi: [image.jpg]

[imagine description: Virgil in a dark room looking at his phone. The phone light shows that his face is bright red, and he is pressing a hoodie covered hand to his mouth.]

Princey: Im crying how do they not know

Trash Man: tehyre so oblivoisous its so funny (they’re so oblivious it’s so funny)

Princey: It’s torture.

Private Chat: Starlight

Starlight: You’re beautiful. I’ve been in love with you for longer than I can remember, and every day I fall more in love with you. I’m extremely happy that you feel the same way about me, and the time that I spend with you is the most important and I treasure every second of it.

Starlight: You are the most important person in this world to me and I hope it doesn’t make you uncomfortable for me to say that I would be delighted to spend the rest of my life with you.

Starlight: I love you, Virgil.

🌈💗my famILY💗🌈

Snek Boi: Virgil just threw his phone across the room

Logan: Ah. That would explain the lack of response.

Snek Boi: And he has decided to hide in his hoodie. Hes making a very high pitched noise.

Trash Man: im recorndin tihs (im recording this)

Princey: I cant believe two of my best friends are two of the DUMBEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD

Princey: I want a copy

Trash Man: 600 dolars

Princey: …

Princey: Does monopoly money work

Trash Man: then imma need 600 1$s

pattoncake: I hope yall remember that we have school???? And are ready????

pattoncake: And Roman are you still picking me up???

Princey: …. Of course I remembered. I’ll be there in aohdaipoajdila

raccoon boy: did he die

Logan: I’m glad you’re back with us, Virgil.

raccoon boy: ….

raccoon boy: you know L u like to preten that u dont hav any feelings but really ur the sweetest most compassionate person ever

Princey: Omg its happening again

raccoon boy: and like u always know how to help me and i really appreciate that. ur super awesome and smart and thebest person

raccoon boy: and speaking of smart ure crazy smart and brilliant and the way u light up when u talk about the things u like is amazing to watch

raccoon boy: and speaking of things u like, ur obsession with crofters and the berry jam is so cute and its just anothe reason ur amazing L

Logan: ….

Snek Boi: I cant believe Ive been watching this happen for years

Snek Boi: This is ridiculous

pattoncake: its so sweet!!! 🍬🍬

pattoncake: i would compliment you too logan but roman just got here so ill be right back

Private Chat: Starlight

Stormcloud: ur so fucking pretty its a crime and the more passionate about something u get the more i fall in love with u

Stormcloud: and i am in love with u. god logan ur the most amazing person and i dont deserve u

Stormcloud: ur smart and loyal and talented and amazing and so fucking gorgeous and ur just perfect

Stormcloud: i love u more than anythign

Stormcloud: *anything

🌈💗my famILY💗🌈

Logan has changed his name to Loganberry

pattoncake: awwww for the berry in loganberry in the crofter jam u like!!!

pattoncake: and virgil said it was cute!!

pattoncake: y’all are so adorable!!!!! 😻😻

pattoncake: roman says to tell y’all that “you’re disgusting and he hates you”

pattoncake: roman doesn’t care that that isn't nice so im saying sorry for him

raccoon boy: im not surprised

raccoon boy: roman has no manners

pattoncake: now kiddo, that isn’t very nice.

raccoon boy: sry pat j is being a bitch gtg c u

Snek Boi: @Loganberry, where tf are u?

Loganberry: I apologize. I was getting my bag ready.

Trash Man: srue (sure)

Loganberry: I’m getting in the car now, I have to go.

Snek Boi: Mhm

Snek Boi: we’re waiting at the doors for you three, and its cold.

Snek Boi: were going inside.

Snek Boi: Virgil has disappeared.

Snek Boi: I hate you all so much, where did he vanish to?

Snek Boi: that boy needs a bell

Snek Boi: I swear he can teleport

Princey: Janus? Not like you to stop complaining so suddenly

Princey: You good?

Operation: Make LV canon

Trash Man: [image.ipg]

[image description: Virgil and Logan kissing against what appears to be the wall of the school.]

pattoncake: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Princey: Holy shit

Snek Boi: I hate them

Snek Boi: I hate them so much

Trash Man: in skool!!! Scanadaolus!! Perfekt boy Lo lO Ber is k-i-s-s-i-n-g -ing bad boy VeeVee!! (in school!! Scandalous!! perfect boy Lo Lo Bear is kissing bad boy VeeVee)

Princey: How long has thi been happening??? Are they together??? Is this the first time???

Snek Boi: How tf are we supposed to know

pattoncake: they were throwing compliments at each other like confetti!!!🎊🎊

pattoncake: maybe they realized? finally!!!

Snek Boi: Did you really just call Virgil a bad boy??

🌈💗my famILY💗🌈

Loganberry: Where are you guys?

Princey: Do you have smt you want to share with us??

Loganberry: …I will not be giving you the answers to whatever paper you decidedly were not writing during the many hours you were awake this morning.

raccoon boy: L no give him whatever he wants he has the coffee

Loganberry: I will not help your incredibly unhealthy caffeine addiction.

Snek Boi: Oh my god, they're married

Princey: I MEANT THE FACT THAT WE JUST SAW YOU MAKING OUT

Loganberry: Ah. Okay.

Princey: OKAY?????????????

raccoon boy: r u ok roman

Snek Boi: What the fuck

Princey: NO?????????????

pattoncake: i think what they’re trying to say is that we’re all a little surprised, kiddos.

pattoncake: happy for you!!! but surprised.

Trash Man: were a lil mre thn surrprisedd we jst saw u sucking facces so what is goingg on i wold lik to kno (we’re a lil more than surprised)

raccoon boy: why are u surprised?

Loganberry: I, too, am curious to know why you were surprised by this.

Princey: WE HAVE BEEN WATCHING TE TWO OF YOU FLIRT FOR YEARS

Snek Boi: What the fuck

Loganberry: Exactly. I don’t understand why you are surprised when you have been watching us ‘flirt for years’.

raccoon boy: i thought it was pretty obvious

raccoon boy: i guess u guys can be pretty oblivious

Snek Boi: What

Snek Boi: The

Snek Boi: Fuck

Princey: OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD

Trash Man: tihs mihht be teh funienst tihng ever (this might be the funniest thing ever)

pattoncake: kiddos i mean this in the nicest way possible cause you know i love yall

pattoncake: but what the fuck

raccoon boy: i just screenshotted that

raccoon boy: i plan to frame it and hang it on my wall

Princey: WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO US

Princey: WE HAVE A GROUPCHAT DEDICATED TO YOU TWO

Princey: A GROUPCHAT

raccoon boy: aww ure a fan

Loganberry: Dedicated to us? For what?

Trash Man: getig you 2 togerher to make out of corse (getting you two together to make out of course)

Snek Boi: What the fuck

Trash Man: i tinhk yuo broke janny (i think you broke janny)

raccoon boy: hey L

Loganberry: Yes, my love?

Princey: omg

raccoon boy: do u remember that one time they all said we couldnt act or lie to save our lives

Loganberry: Why yes, actually, I do remember that. Funny.

Snek Boi: i will hunt you down and kill you.

Trash Man: jannys not brokn!!

pattoncake: that’s… not very nice, guys.

Princey: If I had known it would cause me to suffer thos much i wouldn’t have said it!!!

pattoncake: i get why ud be upset at the others, sure. but i mean…

raccoon boy: sorry pat

Private Chat: Starlight

Stormcloud: we made Patton upset

Stormcloud: what do we do

Stormcloud: do we bake cookies for him

Stormcloud: or should we get him a hypoallergenic cat

Stormcloud: logan what do we do what do we do waht do we do

🌈💗my famILY💗🌈

Loganberry: We apologize for deceiving you, Patton. We intended to get back at what the others had said, and we did not realize how this would affect you.

Loganberry: If there is anything we can do please don’t hesitate to tell us.

Loganberry: Your hurt is very understandable.

raccoon boy: im really really sorry pat

pattoncake: i know you guys couldnt have told me! I would have given it away because i would have gotten so excited.

pattoncake: i guess you two can tell me all the details and buy me ice cream

raccoon boy: deal

Loganberry: you’re allergic to lactose.

raccoon boy: we’ll find him ice cream without lactose

pattoncake: 😋🤗😆💙💜🍦 🍨 🍦

Snek Boi: How long has this been going on

Princey: I CANNOT BELIVE THIS

raccoon boy: believe it princey

Loganberry: I hate to interrupt, but class will be starting soon.

Princey: You expect me to be able to pay attention to class when this happened????

Loganberry: This has been going on for quite a while, so I don’t see why you shouldn’t be able to pay attention to your very important classes that are happening now.

Loganberry: We can continue later, although I’m not sure there’s anything else to talk about.

Snek Boi: how long is quite a while?

raccoon boy: peace out :P

pattoncake: bye virgil!!👋👋👋👋

Princey: NOTHING ELSE TO TALK ABOUT!!

Loganberry: Farewell.

Snek Bo: I hate you both. So much.

pattoncake: bye lolo! 😄😄

pattoncake: Imma go too guys, class started. Bye!!!😁👋💕💕😻

Trash Man: byyyyyyeyeyeeyetee

Princey: YOU CANT JUST LEAVE

Snek Boi: They left

Princey: I KNOW

Snek Boi: I hate them

Princey: I know. Me too

Snek Boi: Happy for them tho

Princey: I know

Princey: Me too

Private Chat: Starlight

Stormcloud: that was amazing

Starlight: I do admit, it was very funny. Although I didn’t expect to get caught.

Stormcloud: i think we played it well

Starlight: Are you still worried about Patton?

Stormcloud: a little

Stormcloud: i know he'll forgive us

Stormcloud: but i still feel bad

Stormcloud: and i cant belive i didnt think about how hed be upset

Starlight: He doesn’t seem too upset about it. And I’m sure the ice cream will cheer him up.

Stormcloud: he can act pretty well too

Starlight: I don’t believe there’s anything to worry about, Virgil. But the fact that you are worried means you’re an incredibly good friend.

Stormcloud: i guess

Stormcloud: you always know what to say

Starlight: I love you, Virgil.

Stormcloud: i love u too logan

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Penguin: Thanks for reading! Whether you came from Rozh, from me, or because the title looked moderately appealing, I'm grateful you're here. If you haven't already, be sure to check out both of our other works for Analogical Week 2022 by clicking into the series' that this work is in! You can read my stuff on my ao3 (@/thepenguinclub)! Have a great great rest of your day, drink water, go to bed at a good time, and know that you look amazing today and that you're loved. <3

Rozh: and this wonderful (and anxiety inducing) week comes to an end! i had fun writing these up and talking them over with Penguin. you can find me on ao3 if you like. sleep if it's past midnight and you're awake only because you're reading fanfics. they shall still be here in the morning. hydrate, stay safe, snack, nap, and much love to you all <3

#ts logan #ts virgil #ts patton #ts remus #ts roman #ts deceit #ts janus #analogical #analogical week 2022 #sander sides #sanders sides fanfic #penguin writes

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ironwoman359 · 4 years

Text

HEY SO DID Y’ALL KNOW I LOVE STARDEW VALLEY WITH ALL MY HEART CUZ I DO AND I WANNA TALK ABOUT PATTON’S INVENTORY BECAUSE I LOVE IT.

So first inventory slot we see the cat onesie, which I just love.

Then in the next four slots we have the ingredients necessary to play Pattoncake!

Then we have the Christmas sweater, and what I assume is the sheet music for that carol, unless anyone else has a better idea.

Two cookies, because my boy deserves a second cookie.

The hat and scarf from his Watson costume!!!

POTATO

Oh honey is that the picture frame from Moving On?

His Scooby Doo costume <3

And the very last one is Lee and Mary Lee

I love how much thought Thomas and the team put into literally every aspect of this video, MAJOR PROPS to the sprite artists that they collabed with on this.

#thomas sanders #sanders sides #patton sanders #ts spoilers #screenshot queen #longpost

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dukeofonions · 3 years

Text

So I thought I’d try something a little different (and slightly more fun than my usual saltiness) and do my own little personal ranking of Sanders Sides episodes!

Now I actually haven’t watched anything from the series for awhile so these rankings are going to be based purely on my own memories of each episode and how much I remember enjoying them. I’ll also be splitting the rankings up so I’ll do season one today and season two later on.

Eventually I want to go back and actually rewatch everything but I’ll probably wait until the season two finale comes out (whenever the heck that will be) but until then I think this will cover it.

Also important to note is that I will not be counting Asides in this since

1. I’m salty

2. It’s not supposed to be Sanders Sides anyway so why include it?

and 3. I’m very salty.

Alright, let the ranking begin!

Dang, can you believe season one has seventeen episodes? Starting with My True Identity on October 19th, 2016 and ending with Accepting Anxiety on July 15th, 2017.

These episodes were a lot shorter too. The longest one, Growing Up, is only about 15 minutes long (14:39 to be exact because I already have the playlist pulled up to get all these references so I might as well use the info I have) and the shortest episode was Way Too Adult that barely makes it to the four minute mark. (Okay it’s 4:18 but that’s still closer to four)

It’s really interesting to see how much the series changed just throughout season one alone, especially once it shifts from just being a silly series of one shots to a series with more fleshed out characters and beginning to scratch the surface of dealing with heavier topics.

How did it do for me personally? Well if you made it this far I assume you actually want to know my opinion so I’ll go ahead and tell you...

For real now, let the ranking begin!

*cue drum roll*

#17 I'm in a Disney Show

Yeah this one is pretty forgettable, and it really sticks out like a sore thumb among the other episodes in this series since it’s based on something that happened in real Thomas’s life and later on they try to establish that Sanders Sides isn’t about real Thomas. Not only that there wasn’t much in this episode that stuck out as funny to me. The only bit I actually remember laughing at was when the Sides were throwing around click bait titles.

So yeah, boring episode, feels out of place, moving on.

#16 Becoming a Cartoon

Like with the last one this one is just very forgettable to me. It also features someone who turned out to be a pretty shitty person so I can’t even watch it without feeling uncomfortable.

The only thing I remember laughing at was Patton holding a potato.

#15 My True Identity

Okay I know it’s harsh putting the first episode so low on the list, especially when most of my problems with it stem from it being made before there were any intentions to make it a series, but like the first two it’s also kinda boring. I mean on it’s own it does a good job of introducing people to the basic idea of the series and gives an idea of what the characters are like, but they all basically act like the same person (yes I’m aware of the irony) with just one or two minor things to set them apart.

Can’t really hate this one like the other two since, again, this was made with no intention of plot or character development, so it’s only this low because it doesn’t really stick out to me. But hey, it did its job at getting people interested in the characters so in that aspect it did its job perfectly.

#14 Taking On Anxiety

Oh the second hand embarrassment in this episode is too much to bear. Honestly any episode that has Thomas interacting with someone from real life just feels so weird to me and takes me out of the episode. However, I do actually have a bit more positive things to say about this one. The advice they give is actually helpful, and my gosh I love pre-AA Virgil.

The snark, the sass, it’s easy to see why he became a fan favorite so fast. And fortunately for me, there’s plenty of episodes for me to love him in before I start to hate him.

#13 Way Too Adult

This is gonna sound repetitive but again, forgettable. Doesn’t give me second hand embarrassment or make me feel negative in any way so that’s why it’s higher than the others. And hey, 13 is one of my favorite numbers so that’s gotta count for something right?

The best part of this episode is Patton, I really miss the earlier version of him where he actually took on more of a fatherly figure and had more of a serious side. Not that I don’t like him now and I still think he’s one of the better written in the series (more on that in another post) but it’s kinda nice to see him being portrayed in a way that doesn’t feel like he’s being dumbed down for laughs or is just sad and confused.

#12 The Mind vs The Heart

Or as I like to call it “Selfishness vs Selflessness in Five Minutes.” This episode is way too relatable which is both fun but also I don’t need the reminder that I can’t say “no” to people, but that’s a me problem not the episode’s. I like the format of using cutaways to show examples of how Logan and Patton clash in Thomas’s day to day life and honestly I wish they’d use it more since I think they only do it in this episode and in Growing Up but I could be wrong and I’m too lazy to check.

All in all this a cute little episode (and not cute for the reason you might think) and I enjoy it.

#11 Accepting Anxiety Part One

Honestly not much to say about this one? It’s funny watching Thomas’s antics while the Sides have to try and figure out what’s going on. Which is a nice change of pace from the usual “The Sides are being goofy and zany and Thomas has to try and get them on track” that I kinda notice throughout season one and that starts to change to become the norm in season two, but I’ll get to that later.

Reason this one isn’t as high as others is just because besides that one gimmick of Thomas saying and doing silly stuff is that there isn’t much beyond that, and of course that’s just because this is the first part of a two part episode so I’ll give it grace for that. Still a great set up though and is funny on its own.

#10 The Dark Side of Disney

Alright, we’ve made it to the top 10! Here’s where things start to get interesting.

Personally, I find this episode hilarious because I do this kind of stuff to “kid’s films” all the time. Never to actual kids but to adults, it’s fun to see just how dark I’ll go.

Of course this isn’t really what the episode does, it talks more about the messages in these movies as opposed to talking about how “dark” they are. Which, now that I look back I clicked on this episode thinking that it was going to be a part of the latter and had no idea it was a Sanders Sides episode. Maybe that’s how I found the series? I always forget which episode was my first...

Back to the episode, it also establishes Virgil and Roman’s little dynamic of being rivals and I love it. They have some of the best exchanges in the series and it’s fun watching them go head to head here, and even bonding a little as well. All in all, fun episode that provides some good character moments and some laughs.

#9 A New Year of Lying to Myself... In Song!

Just the song, man. It slaps.

But am I the only one miffed that Virgil technically got a villain song (about lying no less) and Janus didn’t? Not even an evil reprise? Yeah that’s some bull spit right there.

#8 Growing Up

Aw, the first name reveal episode on this list! This episode is a lot of fun, mostly because of the scenarios they come up with and the little cutaways they add in. Seriously. Just use these more instead of going to these great lengths to show us something that can be accomplished in six seconds of footage.

It also has one of my favorite moments with Logan quietly asking Patton what they’re doing wrong after Thomas tries to force himself into the “serious adult role.” I really got a soft spot for this episode and honestly talking about it makes me wanna watch it again, but I’ll hold off for now.

And I think Patton has one of the best name reveals. Like Thomas really thought his name was Pattoncake, and Patton’s reaction is priceless. I still want to know what “Pattoncake” actually is and how it’s played, but part of me also accepts that it’s probably better if we never know.

#7 Making Some Changes

Why are Thomas’s friends so good at acting as Thomas acting as his characters? Seriously half the time when I watch this episode my brain doesn’t acknowledge that the Sides are now being played by different people until halfway through.

This episode is one of the funniest in my opinion, and one I remember coming back to a lot. Do I still want an episode where the Sides pretend to be each other? Yes. Do I know it’ll probably never happen and if it did they’d find some way to just make it full of angst? Yes, yes I do.

#6 Alone on Valentine's Day

The first episode to be officially cowritten by Joan, and it’s great. It’s hilarious, and just seeing all the varying ways each Side tries to portray their idea of romance is the cherry on top. What more can I say about this episode other than I’m curious as to what Janus and Remus would have contributed to a conversation like this, maybe they’ll do another episode like this in the future with their inclusion, but who knows what the heck they’re doing at this point.

#5 Sanders Sides Q&A

Top 5 here we go!!! This is when ranking started to get difficult because I love all of these episodes so much. Especially this one. I think I’ve watched this one more than any of them and why not? It’s just pure goofball shenanigans and seriously, Thomas, why haven’t you done another one yet? Especially with Janus and Remus?! I mean I get if you’re waiting for “all the characters” but come on man! I need more of the energy this episode gives off.

#4 My Negative Thinking

This episode made me realize just how underrated Logan and Virgil’s relationship is. It’s also the second entry in the “Logan Fights Everyone” saga. I do love how this episode has actually helped me with my own negative thinking and I just freaking love Virgil’s sass in this.

Did I mention I also love Logan and Virgil’s friendship? Ah, good times when they all more or less liked each other.

#3 Losing My Motivation

The set up of this episode is just brilliant. Having it be a “mystery” for Logan to solve with Patton as his sidekick provided a lot of laughs and one of my favorite Logan moments with his little bit he does after realizing he was the “culprit” in all of this. Ugh, I really wanna watch some of these episodes now but I’m gonna hold out.

One thing is that I feel like Logan got the short end of the stick with his name reveal. Like Patton just casually calls him by his name like it’s no big deal, yet pretty much all of the other names are revealed after some kind of emotional moment and are treated as a big deal. If Patton was comfortable enough to just call Logan by his actual name and Logan himself was fine with it then why didn’t any of them introduce themselves before? There’s not really an explanation within the series itself as to why this is or why the Sides even have names in the first place, like it makes sense why Virgil or Janus would hide their names but Logan, Roman, and Patton have been there since day one so what gives?

My personal headcanon is that the three of them had a bet going on to see how long they could go without calling each other by their names in front of Thomas and Patton lost because he forgot.

#2 Am I Original?

Look, Roman is my favorite so of course he’s up here! Not only that but this episode resonates with me a lot as a creative person, and I just love watching the Sides trying all the ideas Roman comes up with.

And his name reveal is also great, probably my favorite one, and of course it’s followed by the now infamous, “You’re my hero” line. But I’m just gonna ignore what became of that and focus on the fact that Roman was actually happy at the end of this episode.

#1 Accepting Anxiety Part Two

What can I say other than this was the perfect way to end this season? Virgil has been the outsider of the group since day one, and seeing him go from this snarky antagonist to gradually being tired with the role until he decides that it would be better if he just wasn’t around at all. This episode has some funny moments too, but what sticks out to me are the more emotional ones.

Roman’s entire speech to Virgil is just *cheff’s kiss* perfection. Their relationship has finally come full circle and when Virgil smiles at him? Ah it’s so good!!! Like the music, the acting, all of it comes together so perfectly and it makes my heart happy.

Virgil’s name reveal is also great, after being teased about it over and over again we finally get the real thing and it’s executed perfectly. Although my favorite thing about this episode is probably the end card, it’s so sweet and makes me all sentimental. Why? I dunno, I’m supposed to be heartless but I somehow find my heart melting when Patton gives Virgil the card anyway. Ah, I love Virgil’s relationships with the others by the end of this season, and honestly I would have been satisfied if this had been the end of it.

Just a neat little way to wrap up this neat little series.

Of course we all know that wasn’t the case and oh boy things certainly took a turn, but that is for another post!

And that was the first part of my ranking! Like I said this list might change once I go back and watch the series again, but I’m pretty sure things won’t change much then.

I’m actually surprised at how many happy memories I have with the season, like I seriously want to just go back and watch my favorite episodes again because I’m all up in the nostalgia but again, I’ll hold off for now.

I hope y’all enjoyed this and I’d be curious to see other people’s rankings of season one. I’m glad I was able to have fun with this and just gush about the series for awhile because oh boy I know things are gonna be very different once I get to season two...

#dukeofrankings #new tag for this because why not #long post

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emy-loves-you · 4 years

Text

Wrong Numbers and Useless Gays Chapter 5

Drunk Sad Boys and Katanas

It’s Roman’s birthday and Virgil has a gift for him.

Warnings: Alcohol use, mentions of genitalia, vomit

Chapter 4 | Masterlist | Chapter 6

Virgil sat up from his spot on the bathroom floor. It was early August now, 6 weeks since he met Princey and 2 days since their tour officially ended. The tour was a success, with nearly all of their concerts being fully booked. As soon as they got back they had one day to relax before their yearly tradition: Remus’ birthday. Remus refused to tell them the day of his actual birthday, only that it was in July. So they usually picked a random day in July where they had no plans. They would then proceed to get wasted, share some depressing and/or embarrassing shit about themselves, and have penis-shaped pancakes the next morning (Remus’ favorite). They weren’t actually able to celebrate it in July this year, since they didn’t think Thomas would appreciate them getting wasted while on tour. Virgil now sat there the next morning, trying to vaguely remember what embarrassing thing they confessed last night.

Janus had confessed that he was depressed and slightly suicidal before he met Virgil. “I was just takin’ a walk, thinkin’ ‘what if I just throw m’self off that cliff? Make those bast’rds find my *burb* body.’ Then YOU showed up outa NOWHERE, and then I was like ‘shit, I can’t die, pretty boy needs me.’”

Remus had confessed to having a twin. “He was Mr. Perfect, a jock with a 3.8 GPA and theatre nerd to boot. We had a fight right ‘fore I came out, he said ‘stop tryin’ ta be me!’ He went to a friends house while I came out to mom an’ pa. ‘You’re wrong,’ they said. ‘We have one son, not two!’ I left ‘fore he could go and ‘gree with ‘em. That’s why I don’t cel’brate on the day. He’s prob’ly sitting in their kitchen, the perf’ son with perf’ wife an’ kid with a big cake and no fuckup twin to ruin it.’

Virgil had confessed to having a crush on Patton, Logan and Roman. He blushed, remembering his word vomit- and literal vomit. “They’re all so goddamn cute. Pat texts me every few hours to make sure I’ve eaten. He makes puns and cookies and he’ll blabber on ‘bout the cutest little things. Lo’ll type a speech worth of stuff over jus’ ‘bout an’thin’. He uses r’lly big words, but he gets some wrong. He said that the number of stars ina sky are inf’itesimal, which realy means tiny. It was so damn cute. Then Princey! He has all these lil nicknames for me. He called me hot! What the fuck ‘m I s’posed to do? I’ll fuck it up like I always do and-” He then proceeded to vomit all over himself. Luckily, Virgil has multiple sets of clothes at Janus’ house.

Virgil eventually got up, going to make the aforementioned phallical flapjacks. Soon enough, everyone was sitting around the kitchen table with pancakes and headaches.

Bzzz

Virgil ignored his phone for the moment, going to clean up his dishes and get himself a fresh cup of coffee. He heard his phone go off two more times before he sat down. I wonder what they’re talking about this early in the morning.

P- (10:28 AM) Hey Ro? Are you gonna want the last slice of this Bday cake?

R- (10:28 AM) You can have it, Pattoncake. Though you shouldn’t be having cake for breakfast.

P- (10:28 AM) I know, but it’s SO GOOD!

Virgil nearly spat out his coffee. Birthday cake? Did one of them have a birthday and not tell me?

V- (10:29 AM) Who’s Bday was it?

L- (10:29 AM) July 28th was Roman’s Birthday.

R- (10:29 AM) Logan!

L- (10:30 AM) What? I was merely answering his question.

V- (10:30 AM) Why didn’t you tell me, Princey?

R- (10:31 AM) I’m sorry, storm cloud. You were busy traveling and I didn’t want to interrupt it. We don’t even celebrate it, really. It’s just cake and ice cream between the 3 of us.

P- (10:31 AM) And Presents!

R- (10:32 AM) And presents

Virgil bit his lip. Should he do this? Will it come off as too forward or creepy? Virgil sighed, sending his response before he could change his mind.

V- (10:33 AM) Name your gift. Anything you want

P- (10:34 AM) That’s not necessary, kiddo! But thanks for the offer!

R- (10:34 AM) A KATANA!

L- (10:34 AM) Roman, for the last time, you don’t need a katana.

R- (10:35 AM) Why?!? It would just be for decoration, I swear! Imagine: a stainless steel katana with a red and gold hilt, with the name PRINCE engraved into the metal. I would hang it above the mantle in the living room! It would be perfect!

Virgil looked up, Remus and Janus still eating. “Hey J, remember that favor you owe me?”

Janus looked up, looking perfectly calm and collected, even though his hangover was probably worse than Virgil’s. “Which one?”

“That time you groped a stranger, thinking it was Remus. You were too drunk to properly respond so I took the blame. And the ban from that club.”

He cringed, taking a sip of his coffee. “Ah, I remember now. What do you need?”

“How long would it take to get a stainless steel, custom made katana anonymously sent to a house around 20 minutes away from here?” Virgil had been surprised to find out that his new crushes lived in the same city as him. They didn’t know that, however. Actually, they hadn’t asked Virgil anything too invasive, usually sticking to hobbies and daily life. Virgil didn’t know how he felt about that.

Janus sighed, pulling out his phone. “Give me the details and address. I’ll see what I can do.”

Half an hour later, Janus told Virgil that it “would arrive at Prince Charming’s house in two weeks.” Virgil blushed at the nickname (so what if he’s fantasized Princey as Prince Charming? That’s none of J’s business) and pulled out his wallet. “If you attempt to pay me back I will personally remove your testicles.” Janus smirked, “Besides, you totally want to know how much it costs to order a katana.” Virgil sighed, pocketing his wallet. He pulled out his phone, deciding to leave it a surprise. He would also have to find a good apology gift for Logan and Patton.

V- (11:10 AM) I think I know what to get you now. It should arrive in 2 weeks. Happy Belated Birthday, Princey!

R- (11:11 AM) Ooh, what is it! I need to know, Marilyn Morose!

V- (11:11 AM) Not telling :)

And Virgil kept his word. Every day, Roman would ask what the surprise was, and every day, Virgil would refuse to answer. Two days before the katana was scheduled to arrive, Virgil called up the local confectioner and had them send Logan and Patton’s favorite chocolates to their house (dark chocolate-covered pomegranates for Logan, white chocolate-covered strawberries for Patton). When asked, Virgil had called them “Pre-apology sweets.” That only fueled Roman’s need to know what his belated gift was. Finally, the day arrived. It was a Saturday afternoon, so Roman would be at the theatre and Patton would be at the bakery. Virgil kept his phone glued to him all day, waiting for the inevitable Logan rant.

L- (2:32 PM) VIRGIL!

V- (2:32 PM) Yeah, Lolo?

L- (2:32 PM) HOW COULD YOU?

V- (2:33 PM) In my defense, I gave you pre-apology chocolates.

R- (2:33 PM) IS IT HERE?!!? WHAT IS IT??? I’M ON MY WAY HOME NOW

L- (2:34 PM) ROMAN NO

R- (2:34 PM) ROMAN YES

R- (2:40 PM) SQUEEEE [*Photo Attachment*]

Virgil opened the attachment, excited to see how the katana turned out. It was stainless steel; with a red, gold, and white hilt. Both the metal and the sheath showed the word PRINCEY. It turned out quite nicely, in Virgil’s opinion.

V- (2:41 PM) Happy Birthday, Princey

R- (2:41 PM) I LOVE IT! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

L- (2:42 PM) Roman, where are we gonna put a FREAKING KATANA?

V- (2:42 PM) Roman said you guys had space above the mantle.

R- (2:43 PM) Logan just made the Windows error sound. I’m kinda terrified

L- (2:43 PM) FLAMES! ON THE SIDES OF MY FACE!

Virgil laughed, flopping back onto his bed. He called the confectioner again (he’s pretty sure their name is Joan?) to order another set of apology sweets for Logan and Patton. Logan liked Crofters Jam, right? Maybe he’ll like the jam-filled pastries. Today was a good day.

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Taglist: @bisexualdisaster106 @self-taught-mess @itawalrus @arodynamic-enby

#useless gays #sanders sides fic #LAMP fic #virgil sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #remus sanders #janus sanders #texting fic

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brandstifter-sys · 3 years

Text

Under Pressure

Chapter 9: Violet (Ao3)

Word Count: 1113

Characters: Roman, Remus, Janus, Virgil, Patton

Relationships: Roceit, hinted Dukexiety, one-off Dukeceit

Rating: T

Warnings: Sexual themes, fire (like a person is on fire but unharmed), bickering, Villain!Logan, intrusive thoughts, food mention

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As they entered the next chamber, Roman and Patton immediately moved closer to each other. They could hardly see in the dark room. Janus was perfectly fine, studying the traps they couldn't see.

"He's clever, I'll give him that," Janus huffed, "Tasteless and crude, but clever."

"What are you talking about?" Patton pouted, not commenting on how Roman was clinging to him. Janus glanced over his shoulder and smirked at the pair, cuddled together for protection.

"Simply that there's a web of deadly lasers between here and the exit, and he completely destroyed the floor."

"He did what?!" Roman and Remus shouted as Remus entered the room with Virgil. Remus set Virgil down and marched up to Janus, ready to fight a bitch.

"Jay!" he groaned, "He switched to boring tiles! Don't scare me like that!"

"He did what!?" Roman snapped, his cheeks and hair glowing faintly.

"How are you seeing any of this?!" Patton cut in.

"We can see more light than you guys," Virgil grumbled, "it's all ultraviolet light in here. I don't wanna know how Logan managed it."

"You guys can't see?" Remus gawked, "Damn it's gotta be so boring upstairs!"

"It's not! Just because we can't see the same stuff as you doesn't mean it's boring!" Patton argued and clung to Roman for comfort.

"Pattoncake is proof of that," Virgil mumbled and curled into himself.

"Pattoncake? Is that just patty cake?"

"It's a game I made up," Patton answered, "and it's not like patty cake. It's got a lot of stuff patty cake doesn't. There's goggles and tennis rackets and tuna."

"And candle wax," Virgil added and flinched.

Hot wax dripping onto Remus' exposed chest

"Sounds like my kind of game!" Remus laughed and glanced around the room again, "We are definitely playing once we get back! But first—" He set Virgil on his feet and crouched next to Janus.

The web of lasers was invisible to Roman and Patton, and as far as Remus knew, Logan. Yet here he was, staring at a bunch of crisscrossing beams that shouldn't exist. That is to say, there shouldn't have been so many. Remus followed the lasers with his eyes and found that there was only one direct source near the exit and several intricately placed mirrors.

"These have to be at least UV-C light," Janus muttered, staring out across the room, "Terrible for your skin. I should be backing out of this room immediately."

"So snatching one of the mirrors is a no. Damn," Remus pouted and eyed Janus thoughtfully.

"What?"

"You don't happen to have a compact on you?"

"No. I only have some chocolate and my hat," Janus sighed, "I see where you're going with this but it's not going to work."

"Damn. And I can't just throw you guys through the one hole in the web—the aiming is easy, but getting the throwing right won't be a piece of cake—"

Remus paused and stood up. He had an idea just crazy enough to work!

"Patton!" Remus shouted, loudly enough to have the bespectacled side leap into Roman's arms with a yelp. Virgil went rigid, but Remus was focused on other things.

"You said your game has tuna, do you have a can of tuna in your inventory?"

"Yeah," Patton said warily and pulled a can of tuna from his hoodie pocket, "Why?" Remus snatched the can from his hand and stormed over to Janus without another word.

"Hey!" Patton yelped, but Remus wasn't listening. He crouched next to Janus with a bright grin.

"Okay Monty, gimme some basic bitch chocolate!"

"Magic word?"

"Please!" Remus cooed and loosened his shirt, "And I'll do whatever you want me to!" Janus' eyes trailed over the bit of exposed skin as he considered that offer. He could think of a few things he wanted Remus to do.

"I'm holding you to it," Janus hummed and handed him a piece of candy–a cheap kiss–and winked. Remus kissed his forehead and got to work unwrapping the chocolate.

Virgil inched closer and knelt beside him. He had to see what Remus was up to. He wasn't exactly surprised to see Remus rubbing the candy on the bottom of the can, polishing it. Who needed a mirror?

"You're a mad genius," he said softly, making Remus preen.

"Mad as a hatter, Emoraptor!" he hummed and inspected his work. The can was shiny and ready to go! He booped Virgil's nose, smearing the last of the candy on it and somersaulted into the web of certain doom.

Janus and Virge watched him with bated breath. He was so graceful, evading the lasers with precision and finesse, weaving his way to the conduit with ease.

"Bitch I am Kim Possible!" Remus cackled and crouched next to the conduit. He was so careful, lowering the tuna can at an angle so that he wouldn't get burned.

The can reflected the beam onto the ground as planned. Remus slowly twisted his wrist, watching as the laser rose, hissing as it hit the conduit. The sparks that flew just before the lights vanished brought a proud twinkle to his eye.

"Great, now no one can see!" Janus groaned and stood. Remus twisted his mustache and hummed in thought. There was definitely a way to bring some light to the area.

"That's Roman's fault!" Remus shouted, "Mr. Hero here's supposed to be the one saving you and what's he doing? Cowering like a hatchling!"

"Why you—!" Roman snarled. Patton yelped and jolted away from him as flames consumed his entire body. The glow emitting from him wasn't the most brilliant but it certainly was enough to brighten the room.

He stole forward, set on throttling his little brother for such an underhanded sleight on his honor. What he didn't realize was that the other three were trailing behind him closely.

"There we go!" Remus cheered as Roman grabbed him by the shirt. Roman growled and shook him like a ragdoll.

“What are you playing at, you scoundrel?!” he barked. Remus smiled at him and shrugged.

“Just that you got everyone across safely, look!” he giggled and nodded toward the trio standing behind Roman, albeit at a safe distance. Roman glanced back at them, at their wary faces, and took a deep breath, extinguishing the majority of his flames, except on his head.

“Attaboy Phoenix Righteous! Now let’s get you some sweet, sweet vengeance!”

Roman dropped Remus and marched toward the door, not bothering to glance back when he said, “Try that stunt again and I will be sure to end you, mark my words.” Remus shrugged and guided the others to the exit, not sure what would be in store next.

-------

(Master Post)

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patton-cake · 3 years

Text

People who use she/he pronouns are just really cool

#pattoncake talks #yeah <3

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5-falsehoods-phonated · 4 years

Note

for your bad things happen bingo: prank gone wrong with romantic intruality? happy ending though? :3

Thank you for the prompt!

Knot A Prank

Summary: Patton tries pranking Remus in an effort to make him feel more welcome. It does not go as planned. (Happy ending)

Warnings: mention of bugs, unintentional strangulation, non explicit sexual innuendo, cursing, caps to signify shouting, injury

Prompt: Prank Gone Wrong

Ships: Intruality, Patton x Remus

Wc: 1672

AO3 link

Learning to live with Remus since he began coming around more often was...interesting to say the least. His suggestive language and random bouts of murderous imagery was something that concerned Patton in the beginning, believing it couldn't be good for Thomas' mental well being and moral standing for someone like Remus to have as much room to talk as he did. But the more he was around the more he began to understand that he really was just an excitable person who couldn't stay on one subject of conversation for mode than a few minutes to save his life. When Patton began humoring him, listening to the more vulgar ideas and getting used to his presence in kind, the duke seemed to get a little calmer, pick fights a little less...leave less fake blood on the carpeting.

Through all that the most he brought to the mind space they shared was pranks in any and all forms. Jump scares that sent Virgil clawing and hissing his way up the fridge and sent Remus cackling. Filling Deciet's gloves with copious amounts of mayonaise amused him to no end when said side would pretend he didn't even notice, delicately excusing himself with a far too put together expression. Making Roman's sword melt and snapping it back together in a hiding place, gluing pages of Logan's books together and fixing it just before he lost his cool, even pranking Patton by replacing the pepper with ground up crickets. (Which he didnt notice until he tated a distinct lack of peper flavor on his eggs that morning and Remus casually mentioning it, though after the initial shock he had eaten them anyway, much to the dukes surprised amusement.)

Everyone had been more than a little surprised when Patton had simply taken the pranks in stride, finding them to be a nice day to day mix up as long as they didnt go too far. He even began learning more about Rrmus as time went on. His favorite pastime was defacing disney coloring books, which Patton had a hunch was just to get to Roman. He liked doing his nails and had even offered to do Patton's at some point, to which he refused only because he hated the feel of it. He liked cooking and was surprisingly good at it when he wasnt trying to put something completely inedible on their plates just to see their reactions. His favorite desert was, again, surprising in its simplicity and healthiness, which is what Patton was making now to lure the other to the kitchen.

No one had managed (or tried) to prank Remus back since he began coming around more. Whether thay was from fear or lack of trying Patton wasn't sure but he was fixing that today. He smiled as he heard thumping down the stairs. Game. Set. Match.

"What the hell??"

Patton whirled around and tsked. "Language Remus."

Remus raised an eyebrow and tugged a bit at his arms, huffing when they only tangled further. Now that he was trapped the ropes that were slung in the doorway were clearly visible, hung in such a way that it was easy yo get tangled and hard to get out of. With Rrmus dangling in the middle of it Patton smiled at his pranks success.

Huffing again, Remus spoke up in a sultry tone. "Oh Daddy, if you wanted me tied up so badly all you had to do was ask."

Heat erupted under Pattons skin as he sputtered. "Its a prank! I wanted to prank you since you're always pulling them on the others!" He gestured to the freshly dipped caramel apples. "So I made your favorite desert and you're trapped and cant have any."

"You...know my favorite desert?" All suggestion left his voice as he stared at Patton with barely contained adoration.

"Of course! I...wasn't fair to you before so I'm trying my best to make up for it."

Remus cackled. "By tying me up and refusing me my sweets?"

Admittedly it was a lame prank but it was his first he'd ever pulled! He wasn't really sure how it was supposed to work. "I didnt think this through very well..." he admitted, shame faced.

Laughter dying out Rrmus shook his head. "Hey no it's fine Patty whack, just means we gotta work on it a bit! How about-"

Remus was cut off as he was pulled violently downward, turning both of their complexions pale white for entirely different reasons. While it was possible to resist a summons, catch a side off guard or in a vulnerable position and it became that much harder.

"Remus! No, no, no this wasnt- okay just hold on I can-" Patton rushed to start tugging at the rope, cursing both his stupidity and the timing of the others. Another tug sent Remus down further, ropes tightening and catching his fingers which he snapped back with a yelp, watching helplessly as the other gurgled and struggled against his confines. It was tangled everywhere, swinging around his arms and legs, one tangled loosely at his waist and another pulled taunt right under his jaw. He was beginning to turn red, fingertips blushing as their circulation was cut off and mouth gaping in an attempt to get air into his closed windpipe as Patton tugged valiantly at the rope, at his clothes, at anything as tears ran down his face while continuing to curse. It was just a harmless prank it shouldn't have- HE shouldn't have-

He laid a quick hand on Remus' cheek and sunk out quickly, popping up in the living room in the middle of the others' debate.

"The pranks cant have been that detrimental to Thomas' mental well being but it would still be a good idea to address it as a possible- oh Patton, you aren't-"

Paying Logan no mind Patton looked straight at Thomas and screamed. "STOP PULLING!"

Instantly the room fell silent and Tbomas' hand flopped to his side while opening his mouth in question. Not even bothering to explain, Patton quickly sunk out again, rushing to the Duke's side and frantically pulling away the rope, finally able to disentangle now that it was loose. He gasped sharply as Remus did nothing but fall limply to the ground, rope burns standing out an angry red around his wrists and neck. Seeing he was breathing, albeit shakily, Patton quickly scooped him up and moved him to the couch, biting his lip in guilt ridden worry as he noticed dark bruises already beginning to form. He heard a soft whoosh behind him and turned to see Logan standing shocked in the doorway. All at once he burst into tears again, clutching desperately to Remus' hand.

"Help me."

Snapping out of it Loagn took quick strides to examine Remus, hissing in sympathy at the discoloration. Poking and prodding got barely a wince from the unconcious side but Logan seemed satisfied, turning to Patgon with a furrowed brow.

"I'm going to get ice and vaseline. Stay here."

Nodding numbly he pressed the hand he was still holding his cheek as he continued to cry, guilt twisting his stomach in tense knots that made him want to puke. It was just supposed to be a harmless prank but he had been stupid and careless and now-

He watched as Logan came back to lay a thin towel and an ice pack over Remus' neck, taking the hand gently away from him to slather vaseline on the worst of the rope burns before wrapping them in soft bandages. Satisfied with his work Logan turned to look at him.

"I assume those ropes in the doorway are what caused this."

A fresh batch of tears cascaded down Patton's face as he practically wailed into the reclaimed hand. "It was an accident I swear! It was a stupid prank and were gonna have apples after but I couldn't get the ropes undone and oh god what if he died? Lo, what if i killed him, he can't-"

"Patton breathe." Sucking in a huge breath his sobs stuttered out and left him silently shaking, the reassuring hand on his shoulder doing little to ease his worry. "Remus will be fine, and as figments of Thomas' imagination we are unable to die anyway. It most likely won't even take him that long to heal, I promise you. What you did was done with little forethought but that doesnt mean him being hurt was your fault."

Patton sniffed. "It doesn't?"

"It was just unfortunate timing on both our parts. I'm sure Remus will forgive you readily enough."

"He already does." Patton gasped and turned at the slightly raspy voice, finding the injured side smiling Foothill up at him. "Hey Pattoncake it's okay. I've done worse to myself."

Crying with relief now Patton through himself on the other, unabashedly dusting kisses all over the other face as gently as he could. Remus laughed, tugging the other on top of him and only wincing slightly at the pressure, squeezing him tightly in his arms as be continued go be bombarded with love.

"Remus I'm so sorry I-"

"Hush it's fine. It was exhilarating until I passed out." Waggling his eyebrows for effect he let out a relieved sigh as Patton giggled. "This just means I'll have to teach you how to pull pranks that couldn't kill someone if they were real. No harm done."

Neither of them noticed Logan leave to dispell the others worries, too wrapped up in eachother figuratively and literally to pay any attention. Remus expression grew serious however making Patton suck in a worried breath.

"I seem to remember desert being a thing, and seeing how I almost died I'm thinking I should definitely get first pick."

Laughing softly Patton leaned up to give him a quick peck on the lips, earning a rare blush in return. "Of course!"

He watched as Patton left. "If this is what I get for almost dying I should do it more often."

"Absolutely not!"

#bad things happen bingo #sanders sides #false writes #sanders sides fic #ao3 #prank gone wrong #ask #request fill #patton sanders #remus sanders #logan sanders #intruality #patton x remus #patton sanders x remus sanders #false bthb

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thomas-and-the-chocolate-factory · 4 years

Text

Thomas and the Chocolate Factory - Chapter 2

A Sanders Sides / Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Crossover

Summary: Remus Duke is the greatest chocolatier of all time, and after living the past few years a recluse, he decides to finally open his factory once again. And it's young orphan Thomas Sanders' dream to win a ticket and get to go! Will he win a ticket? And if he does, will he make it out alive?

Masterpost

----------

Thomas’ stomach growled as he dejectedly walked home from his paper route. He groaned, hugging his tummy as he walked, rain soaking him as he went. Curse Florida weather...

It seemed his wish upon a star had not been accepted. Instead of some miracles coming his way, things had gotten worse. Breakfast wasn’t an option for anyone at the orphanage anymore. Instead, they had to go hungry until lunch. So, Thomas had only had one meal so far today, and it wasn’t even that good. The food served as school meals cannot count as actual food. How are they allowed to serve that stuff?

He got even more annoyed when a van drove quickly past him, going through a large puddle in the process, which splashed over Thomas, soaking him even more. Thomas took a deep breath, trying not to lose his temper, glaring at the van, only to pause when he saw what van it was: a Duke chocolate van.

Thomas’ eyebrows furrowed. It was known through the town that the vans delivering Duke chocolate only left the factory after dark - something that only added to Remus’ cryptidness. Seeing one out during the day was very strange.

And it got even stranger when the van pulled to a stop nowhere near a candy store, and instead by a lamp post. An arm reached out the window, sticking a flier to it, before the van drove off.

Thomas blinked, watching it go, before his attention went back to the lamp post. He wandered over to it, reading the message written on the note.

Dear guys, gals and non-binary pals all around the world,

I, Remus Duke, am opening my factory to the public. But hold your horses, don't come running to my factory just yet! Not just anyone can come. I will be sending out five golden tickets hidden under the wrappers of five Duke chocolate bars for children to find. The five children who do find the tickets will be invited on a tour around the factory conducted by myself, and after will be given a lifetime supply of chocolate. However, one child may receive a different, special prize should I see them fit for it...

Happy hunting, and good luck!

Remus Duke

Oh. My. Gosh.

Thomas pulled the flier off of the post, needing to feel it to see it was actually real. It was. Oh my gosh, Remus Duke’s factory was opening.

After staring at the letter in shock for a few more seconds, he turned and took off running. He didn’t stop, going as fast as he possibly could until he arrived at the orphanage, practically slamming on the door instead of knocking. After a few moments, it was opened by Dot.

“Thomas, you’re soaking! Come on in, let’s get you dri-”

“Dot, look look! I saw this being put up coming back from my paper route! The factory, it’s opening! Remus Duke’s opening his factory!” Thomas pushed the flier into Dot’s hands, practically jumping up and down in excitement.

He honestly didn’t know why he was so excited. He knew full well, he had basically no chance of winning a ticket and being able to go on the tour. Well, he had a chance, but only one: the Duke bar he’d get on his birthday, which was coming up soon. But that was the only chance he’d have. Other kids would be able to get tens, maybe hundreds of bars a week. Thomas and the other children in the orphanage could only get a single one a year. Thomas shouldn’t have been getting his hopes up like he was…

“This is real?” Dot asked, drawing Thomas’ attention back to the present.

Thomas nodded. “I saw a Duke truck drive by and the person driving it pinned it up!”

“Thomas, that’s wonderful news. I bet everyone will be really excited. I’ll go spread the news, and in the meantime you should probably have a warm shower and get dry. We don’t want you getting sick, do we?”

Thomas nodded, before turning and running off upstairs and to the bathroom. One shower later, he got dressed into some clean, though still tattered and old, clothes, before running back downstairs. It was obvious Dot had told the other kids what had happened, as everyone was gathered in the living room, talking excitedly. When Thomas came in, two of the younger kids in particular ran up to him.

“Thomas! Is it true?! Is the factory really opening?!” Kai bounced on the balls of his feet as he asked.

Thomas nodded. “Yep!”

“Your birthday’s coming up!” Elliot said. “You could win a ticket and get to go!”

“I really really hope I will.” Thomas did wish on that star a few days ago… Maybe this was because of it! Maybe he was destined to win a ticket; maybe, on his birthday, fate was going to make it so that there would be a golden ticket within his chocolate bar, and that would be the good luck he wished for!

“Now, Elliot, don’t get his hopes up,” Larry said. “There are millions of Duke bars being sold every day. It’s highly unlikely Thomas will win a ticket and be able to go. It’s practically impossible in fact.”

“Larry…”

“What?” he turned to his wife, who had folded her arms. “We shouldn’t give them false hope. It’d just be cruel to make them excited and then have it torn away.”

Dot sighed. “I guess… but they don’t get much to be excited about. We should let them have something to be happy about.”

The two continued talking to each other, most of the children ignoring them and going back to their excited chatter, talking about what they thought the factory and the man who ran it would be like. Thomas was the only one who kept focused on Dot and Larry’s conversation. He guessed Larry was right, he shouldn’t get his hopes too high. Not to mention, winning a ticket would just let him tour around the factory. And while, yes, that would be amazing and a dream come true for him, it wouldn’t help with what was important. A lifetime supply of candy can’t make up for proper nutritious meals. Meeting Remus Duke wouldn’t save the orphanage from closing. He shouldn’t put so much on the idea of winning.

“Thomas? Are you okay?” Elliot must have noticed his thoughtful expression.

“Oh, yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry. Just a little tired after school and work.” He raised his voice so all the other kids would hear and listen. “How about we put on a movie?”

Voices of agreement rang through the living room. Suggestions for movies were called out as Thomas went and got a bowl and notepad. Once the suggestions were put forward, Thomas handed out strips of paper for everyone to vote. When all the votes were in the bowl, Thomas counted.

Soon, all the kids were gathered around the living room, as well as Dot and Larry, whose discussion had ended, watching Tangled. And as Rapunzel sang, Thomas couldn’t help but wonder. In the film, Rapunzel went on a quest to get what she wanted: to leave the tower and see the lanterns. But she ended up getting what she needed: to be reunited with her family and be free from Mother Gothel.

What if something like that was true for Thomas? What if getting what he wanted - winning a tour around the factory - would lead to getting what he needed - a new happy life and an orphanage that won’t close?

And that thought? Well, it was hard not to get his hopes up when thinking about it.

Patton giggled as Toby excitedly ran over and jumped up onto his bed, curling up to his side. He scratched the scruff of the dog’s neck as he settled down under his duvet. “Night, Tobes.”

Patton made sure his night light was on, before flicking off the lamp on his bedside and laying down to go to sleep. He wasn’t sure how long he slept - heck, he didn’t know if he even got to sleep at all - before the door to his bedroom was pushed open, light spilling into the room.

“Sorry to wake you, Pat, but there’s something I think you’d really want to see!” Harley was smiling brightly from his doorway.

Patton rubbed his eyes, sitting up and turning his lamp back on. “What is it…?”

“Come see!” Harley came over, taking his hand, and leading him out of his bed and out to the living room. Toby followed at Patton’s heels as the boy, clutching his favourite plush toy - a frog - to his chest, went over and sat on the couch. He blinked at the TV, willing his tired eyes to focus on the bright screen. It took him a moment to realise that the blurriness wasn’t because he was tired, but because he forgot to put on his glasses before leaving his room. Luckily, it seemed his mother had seen him overlook this and gone to get them, as Harley suddenly slipped them onto his face.

“Thanks, Mum!” Patton gave Harley a thankful smile, before looking back to the screen as Harley unpaused it.

It was a news report. Patton was confused at first as to why, of all things, his mother would show him a news report. He was only ten, usually he wasn’t told about stuff in the news unless it was really important stuff.

But as the report went on, Patton found his eyes widening in excitement and shining in amazement. When the report finished, he could barely form words. He turned to his mother, who was smiling at the joy on his face. “How about I get you a Duke bar for you to have before you go back to bed?”

Patton nodded, and Harley headed off to the kitchen. Patton looked down at Toby, smiling. “Did you see the TV, Tobes?! Isn’t it exciting?! Oh, I really really really hope I get to go! It’d be a dream come true…”

Harley came back, handing Patton the chocolate bar. Patton went to excitedly tear it open, only to pause before he did so. Harley frowned. “What’s the matter, Pattoncake?”

“Nothing, I just… I’m really excited. I really really hope a ticket is in this.” Patton closed his eyes, wishing as hard as he could possibly wish, before opening the bar.

He opened his eyes.

Nothing. Just a chocolate bar. He sighed. “Oh… oh well. I guess I can always buy some more after school tomorrow?”

Harley smiled at her son’s optimism, kissing his head as he started eating the Duke bar. “I’ll give you some money tomorrow morning. Now finish that chocolate, and then it’s back to bed, Pattoncake.”

Patton nodded, munching happily at the chocolate bar. He was going to win a ticket, he just knew it! It was his dream after all. He’d eat as many Duke bars as it took!

Knock knock knock!

Romulus didn’t look up from his laptop as he called “Come in!” to whoever the person outside his office door was. He was in the process of writing an email to the CEO of another company and he could be about to make the biggest business deal of his life. He wouldn’t let himself get distracted by one of his workers, probably demanding a pay rise they didn’t need, and threatening a strike they would never follow through with if they didn’t get it.

“Mr Salt?”

Now Romulus looked up from his laptop, frowning. “Pryce? What are you doing here? It’s past Roman’s bedtime, you should be at home with him.”

Pryce stepped into the room. “I know, it’s just there was just an announcement on the news, and Roman demanded to come see you right after. I told him to wait in the car while I informed you, and though I know he probably won’t listen and will scream it to you whenever he gets here, I thought I should let you know calmly first: Remus Duke is opening his factory.”

Romulus’ eyes widened. “He’s what?” He paused. “This could be a great business opportunity… Possible partnership between Salt’s Nut Corporation and Duke Chocolate...”

“The news said that five tickets have been hidden in the wrappers of Duke bars, and those who win them will get to go on a tour of the factory. So, Roman will probably want you to buy as many as you can so that he can go.”

Perfectly on time, the door to the office suddenly slammed open, Roman storming in. Romulus and Pryce shared a ‘here we go’ kind of look, before Roman started ranting.

“I want a golden ticket! Get me a golden ticket !”

Romulus nodded. “Yes, of course, Roman. I’ll start placing orders for Duke bars later tonight, and you can open them when they arri-”

Roman scoffed. “Are you kidding me? I’m not opening all those bars by myself!” He paused, before a grin spread across his face. “Get your workers to do it!”

Romulus blinked at his son, before raising an eyebrow. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Your workers spend all day shelling nuts. When the bars arrive, make them start opening up the chocolate to find me a ticket instead. And I won’t take no for an answer!”

Romulus sighed. That would not at all be profitable, stopping production for so long… but if he didn’t do as his son said, he would never hear the end of it. The screaming… the screaming would never end. He’d need all the headache medication he could possibly afford to get through it.

“Okay, Roman, I’ll get my workers to look for a bar for you.”

The anger disappeared from Roman’s face, replacing itself with a sweet smile. “Great!” He turned, and marched out of the office. “... PRYCE! LETS GO!”

Pryce jumped at the yell. “Uh, coming!” He turned to Romulus. “Goodbye, sir.” He quickly hurried from the room after Roman.

Romulus sighed, opening the Duke website on his laptop, and starting to place orders.

“Excellent vault, Alexander! Next time, try not to stumble when you land. Stay strong and keep your form. Now, Logan, you’re up.”

Logan stepped up to the run, taking his gum out of his mouth and sticking it behind his ear. Rather unhygienic, he knew, but where else was he supposed to keep it? He couldn’t exactly keep chewing while vaulting, he’d choke on it.

Today in his gymnastics club, they were supposed to be doing front handsprings on the vault. Logan, however, had a little surprise up his sleeve.

He sprinted down the run, jumped on the springboard, and planted his hands on the vault, performing the front handspring with ease. However, as he pushed off the vault to land, he added in a half twist before his feet planted solidly on the mat. He stood up straight, smiling proudly as Mr Wyatt called out, “Excellent, Logan! Now, Logan just demonstrated a front handspring with a twist on the landing. That is what you’ll be learning after you’ve perfected the front handspring.” He turned to Logan as the boy walked back over, popping his gum back into his mouth. “I’m assuming you’ll work on something a little more difficult for then?”

Logan nodded. “Definitely. I’m thinking-”

He was interrupted when the door slammed open. “LOGAN!”

Logan’s best friend, Joan, was running over so fast it was a miracle their beanie didn’t fly off their head. They panted as they came to a stop in front of Logan. “Duke… opening… tickets…”

Logan went over to where his water bottle was resting at the side of the room, picking it up before running back over and offering it to Joan. They muttered a “Thanks”, taking a drink and a deep breath before speaking more clearly. “Remus Duke is opening his factory!”

Almost immediately, all the other boys gathered around Logan and Joan, yelling questions, all desperate to hear what Joan had to say. They quickly answered, explaining what they knew. “He’s released five tickets hidden in Duke bars, you need to find one to get to go!”

“Okay, the session’s over early today, boys, you can all get ready to head home!” Mr Wyatt called out. He seemed just as excited about the news as all the kids.

“Wait here, I’ll be out in a minute,” Logan told Joan before he turned and ran to the changing rooms along with all the other boys. When he arrived and started getting changed out of his leotard, his phone vibrated with a message.

Pa: You’ll win a ticket, won’t you? You’re my little champion after all.

Logan smiled, before responding.

Logan: Of course. Win or die trying.

He finished getting dressed, straightening his tie, before heading back out to Joan, the two leaving the gym.

As they started walking down the road, Joan frowned. They pointed behind them. “Isn’t the store that way?”

Logan, however, didn’t turn around. “If you want to look for a bar, go ahead. But I’m not heading to the store, I’m heading to my house. There’s no need to waste a bunch of money and time getting a bunch of chocolate bars. All I need is a little bit of research.”

Joan raised an eyebrow, but shrugged. “Suit yourself. Good luck!” They turned, heading in the direction of the candy store.

Logan continued his way home, pulling his phone from his pocket as he blew a bubble with his gum. Time to see if he could get some information about Duke chocolate distribution over the last few days.

“Shoot shoot shoot shoot!”

“What’s up?”

“Not much, apart from the fact there’s a fricking creeper in my house! How did you get in here?! Leave!!!”

Virgil chuckled, calmly collecting wheat from his farm in Minecraft. Andy didn’t seem to appreciate the lack of reaction from the other boy. “C’mon, Verge, get over here and help me!”

“Hmm… nah, no thanks. Not gonna put myself in harm’s way. I’m not losing all this experience.”

“Betrayal. Complete and utter betrayal, Verge. I thought you were my friend.”

Virgil shrugged. “Hey, at least I just didn’t arrive at all despite saying I would.” He paused. “Where is Missy, anyway?”

“Dunno- GOD DAMN IT! The creeper blew up! I didn’t even get close to it! Oh, my precious items...”

“Big oof.”

It was at that moment that Missy finally joined the discord call. “GUYS! MY BROTHER JUST TOLD ME THE BEST NEWS!”

“It can wait, Missy, get in the game. I need all hands on deck to rebuild my house.”

“Your house can wait, Andy! No offence, but I really don’t care!”

“Full offence taken.”

“Ssh! Ssh! Shut up, Andy! Let me speak!” Missy took a deep breath. “Guys… Pranks told me that Remus Duke is opening up his factory.”

There was a long pause, before Virgil replied, “Um… Missy, you literally gave your brother the nickname Pranks. Has it occurred to you that maybe, possibly, this could be a prank? I mean… the Duke factory hasn’t opened for years.”

“No, I mean it! I was sceptical at first as well, but I looked it up, and it’s true! Everywhere’s reporting on it. Go on, google it yourselves.”

Virgil pulled his phone from his pocket, assuming Andy was doing the same. He googled ‘Duke opening’ and, lo and behold, all the results were news sites announcing that the factory was indeed opening.

“Holy sugar honey iced tea…” Andy mumbled.

“Told ya! Five tickets are hidden in Duke bars. You find one of them, you get to go.” Missy gasped. “Hey! We should all try and win one each! Then we can all finally meet each other in person!”

“Sounds cool!” Andy said.

Virgil, though, wasn’t so sure. Whenever either of the other two brought up meeting in person, he tried to subtly decline, pretending he was busy or something. He was scared. What if they didn’t like who he was in real life? What if, after spending a day together, they decided they didn’t want to play with him anymore? “I dunno, guys… I mean, it’s really unlikely any of us will win one. Even less likely that all three of us do.”

“There’s still a chance,” Missy replied, finally joining the Minecraft server. “And hey, even if not all of us win, maybe one of us will, and that person can tell the rest of us about the factory.”

“I’m in,” Andy said. “Verge? C’mon, buddy, don’t miss out.”

Virgil didn’t know why his response was what it was, and he regretted saying it right after. But he sighed, “Fine. I’m in."

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Taglist: @writetherightwordsdammit

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forestfanders · 4 years

Text

Birds of a feather - pt 3 Emoticons

A long list of injuries on the page, and a longer list of potential responses to their trauma. Working out how to treat the pair of tiny humanoid avians was going to be a challenge, but it is one Logan and Patton are determined to meet. Pt 2: Roman tests the boundaries of this new place. whump, hurt/comfort and dehumanisation <3 wingfic tw: animal abuse, mention of burns and neglect AO3 link

chapter 1/ chapter 2/

The bird man had given Patton the most adorable little wave, and the therapist had felt his heart break a little more.

The pair had been a mess. Their tiny bodies were swamped with bandages, but most harrowing was the wariness in their postures. Princey’s eyes had been clouded with fear, but held a longing to interact, to answer Patton’s questions. Patton just knew there was an outgoing free spirit under there, just waiting to be given permission to shine beneath the fear he had been subjected to. And Anxiety had lived up to his name. The poor kiddo had been practically catatonic in a dissociative fugue, but Patton knew that with a good environment and plenty of reassurance, he too could find peace.

When he looked at them, Patton knew he wanted to protect them.

And he had a plan.

Step one was to get them feeling a bit more secure. Remy had mentioned the pair weren’t eating, weren’t speaking, weren’t doing much of anything in their frightening new surroundings filled with uncertainty. And so Patton had talked gently to the other sick animals in the room, reassuring them, and carefully laying the groundwork for a conversation with the avians. And it seemed to have worked: while not exactly comfortable, they were able to pay attention to what he was saying.

Step two was to get them actually eating and looking after themselves. After what had seemed a gargantuan feat of bravery, Princey had managed to eat some chicken. Logan had stealthily wandered past a couple of hours later and had sighted Anxiety tackling a large piece of spinach, so there was hope that he too was now eating.

The next steps were to find a temporary home for them, work out some habitat enrichment to keep them entertained, and finally, to introduce enough human interaction to help them on their way to long-term psychological recovery and a forever home.

Patton had been picking at ‘creating a welcoming home for your avian’ and ‘cute toys for bird bois’ articles since he had got home. He put another round of notes in the haphazard googledoc he was compiling. He wanted to do the very best he could for them, but it was starting to get overwhelming.

-88888-

It was only 7:58, but Logan couldn’t wait the extra 2 minutes to text Patton tonight. His brain would not switch off from the events of the day, could not be swayed from the conundrum that was the animal rescue’s latest arrivals. He may be breaking his standard evening routine texting early, but tonight it was necessary.

Logie Bearry Jam: Good evening Patton, how was your dinner?

He sent the text, and picked up the blanket he was crocheting, trying to lose himself in the movement of the hook and the weaving of the wool until Patton replied back.

Pattoncakes: tofu and carrot stir fry with rice 🥕🍚😍🥰😇🍽️✨👻😽

Logan smiled internally at Patton's enthusiastic use of emojis. While in others the behaviour may have been grating, with Patton, it was just another outlet of the man’s effervescence.

Logie Bearry Jam: that sounds delicious. I had pasta with tomato sauce. I liked it.

These texts were a ritual, the same kind of message Logan sent every night. Peace washed into his veins.

Patton shot off a gif of the spaghetti scene from Lady and the tramp.

Pattoncakes: Spagooto🍝👨🍳sounds good! What are you up to tonight?

Logie Bearry Jam:: I am crocheting a blanket. How about you?

Pattoncakes: 🐥🐥💞🤕I have been reading a lil bit about our newest arrivals <3.

And there was the perfect opportunity to sway the conversation in the direction of his current worries. It was understandable that Patton would also be worrying about the same subject, and yet he suspected Patton knew he was worrying about the avians as well. Logan knew many people saw him as unfeeling. But Patton understood. He was good like that.

Logie Bearry Jam: I too have been thinking of the avains. Have you read anything interesting?

Patton sent a link to a google doc filled with links and notes.

Logan threw himself in.

For such delicate pets as humanoid avians, the information on how to look after them was muddied and mixed up, torn between the reality of what they were and what owners wished them to be. Dolls, children, highly-trainable, simple animals, held to the behavioural standards of adults, there was a mishmash of conflicting ideas.

Patton’s notes were in the early draft stage, filled with questions and ideas. He was not as focused on medical concerns Logan, instead choosing to consider a wide range of issues. He outlined every issue well, and had the therapeutic knowledge to challenge false behavioural information.

The document was beautiful.

Logan and Patton’s work rarely intertwined, and so it was rare that Logan got to see this side of the therapy worker. The side that was intelligent in his kindness, the thought process behind his ability to make people feel safe. Logan marveled anew at the incredible man his co-worker was, how capable, how eloquent...

What a joy to be a friend to a man like that.

Logan abandoned his crochet hook in preference of giving his laptop his full attention. They sent back and forth all manners of articles from owners tips to scientific studies. Taking in data, and weaving it into a usable care plan, evaluating all with a vets knowledge and a therapist’s experience.

They danced between information together, shifting through articles. It was so much more fun with Patton (metaphorically) by his side.

Logie Bearry Jam: Perhaps their enclosure can be moved to the vet’s office so that they can get used to humans coming and going, and so we can keep a close eye on them.

Pattoncakes: the vets office is pretty busy! Maybe once they settle a bit more. But right now i think that would be a bit scary

Pattoncakes: maybe the small animal room?

Logie Bearry Jam: It is the correct conditions in there for them.

Pattoncakes: aww and they can watch the bunnies playing!

Pattoncakes: I always find them fun to watch when i am sad

Logie Bearry Jam: Watching the rabbits would also be restful enrichment.

A gif of a happy rabbit running wildly around a room appeared on his screen, before swiftly being superseded by a barrage of twitching noses, floppy ears and bouncing bunnies.

Pattoncakes: i also like taking my laptop in sometimes for paperwork, so i can pop in for a lil lovin socialisation too

He smiled at the mental image of Patton camped out on the floor of the rabbit room, trying to focus on work while Ted Bunndey ate his notebooks. Logan sincerely doubted much work would be completed. But Patton did indeed make for the very finest socialisation.

Pattoncakes: aaaw there are so many cute toys on the market for Avian humanoids!

Pattoncakes: so expensive though

Pattoncakes: look at this!

He sent a photograph of some over-the-top prince outfit aimed at owners with more money than sense.

Pattoncakes: Princey would look so cute in this!

Pattoncakes: I don’t suppose it is the kind of thing the avians would actually enjoy though *a sticker with a confused looking pink bear*

Logie Bearry Jam: It is doubtful, though some do enjoy it the way many children enjoy imitating their parents. I believe it to be unsanitary at this stage in their recovery, but if they do express a wish to wear garments it is not unhealthy to do so.

Pattoncakes: you could crochet them matching jumpers! ;P

Logan and Patton wove a plan together. A shining roadmap, flexible but comprehensive. Something that accounted for their physical recovery and mental capabilities. Rules on how to treat them to build trust, further the concept that they were safe. Ways to let them confirm that they would not be touched without permission, that play did not warrant punishment, that there would always be food.

Their web of plans completed, Logan picked up his crochet hook and resumed working on his blanket, the weight gone from his chest. Their conversation pooled into its regular comfortable flow, chatting back and forth about their respective days at work and discussion of mundane things. It was with regret Logan initiated his goodnight messages and deployed his customary goodnight sticker of a sleepy light blue bear with glasses that reminded him a bit of Patton. Patton sent his customary bombardment of illogical stickers and gif which tonight included a pair of canaries hopping around a bowl of water, a dragon with hearts for eyes, and a psychedelic goat.

-88888-

In the recovery room of the Animal shelter’s vet clinic, Virgil sat holding a peanut.

The room was almost dark now, the only light the soft glow of a nightlight in the corner that had been left on for them..

He had eaten 6 peanuts, several spinach leaves, and 4 ½ cubes of glorious chicken.

Roman was asleep behind him, his own hunger sated. Opposite them, a pair of rabbits munched hay. The mewling cat had been returned to her owners. It was quiet in the vets now.

Cautiously, he touched his stomach over the bandages. It gurgled happily beneath his fingers.

Virgil smiled.

===

Aaaand the emojis have not worked for the second half of the fic. Oh well, imagine Patton as the emoji fiend he is.

masterlist next chapter

But Virgil eats a peanut! Yay XD This chapter is a lil shippy for you <3 Patton's texting is inspired by my girlfriend who is just the cutest emoji-wielding dork to walk the world. And while the fic will not focus much on romance, the carers deserve some soft times.

#sanders sides #logan sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #whump #sanders whump #infinitesimal!sides #wingfic #animal abuse #animal neglect #food #just a little gay as a treat

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perspective-series · 4 years

Text

Injured Perspective (1/12)

By: @arc852 and @hiddendreamer67

Warnings: Roman’s injured but that’s just a thing, he’s already in a cast

First Chapter (here) || Next Chapter

Summary: Roman wouldn’t stop bemoaning his broken leg, forced into bed by a stubborn mother hen Patton, but then a small discovery makes his required bed-rest a lot more interesting. Meanwhile, Virgil the borrower is freaking out- he’s been seen. He needs to move, right? That would be the smart thing to do; but then again, Logan’s looking a little too ill to travel... and it doesn’t look like the human’s going anywhere anytime soon...

(psst... lowkey this is like our favorite perspective story, that’s why it’s last)

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“This is torture!” Roman’s moans echoed throughout the hall as he was all but dragged to his bed like a limp rag doll. “Bedridden? Me?” It was all because of one stupid incident, and now, one broken leg later, Roman would not be premiering in the summertime production of Shakespeare’s Hamlet. Roman was not taking this development well.

Patton hoisted Roman into his bed with a small grunt. But after Roman was in bed, he gave him a small smile. “I know, Ro. But you need rest if you want to get better.” Patton placed the crutches he had also been carrying near the bed. “Here’s so you can get around for the bathroom but you should only use it if you have to. The doctor said you need to stay in bed for the next few days so your leg heals properly.” Patton explained.

“What does he know?” Roman muttered, crossing his arms like a pouting child. “Just because he went to nerd school.”

Patton looked at his best friend fondly. “Don’t worry, you’ll be back up and putting on a show in no time!” Patton exclaimed, before standing up. “I have to get to class, but I’ll be back to make you dinner. And if you need anything, don’t hesitate to call, okay?” Patton said.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh.” Roman threw his head back, letting out a groan. “I’m going to be so bored.”

Patton couldn’t help but chuckle at Roman’s dramatics. “Well, good. Maybe you’ll actually get some rest.” Patton’s lip twitched up in a little smirk.

Roman just glared at him, clearly not as amused.

Patton chuckled again. “Or, you could watch all the Disney movies I downloaded onto your phone while you were at the hospital.” Patton said with a grin, this time.

“Pat, you did that?” Instantly Roman’s face morphed into one of gratitude. “You are an angel, Pattoncake. The sweetest cherry to ever make it to the top of an ice cream sundae.”

Patton blushed at the compliment, grin growing wider. “Aww, Roman! Honestly, it was the least I could do.” Patton glanced at Roman’s bedside clock. “Oh, but I really should head out. See ya later Ro!” And with that, Patton exited the apartment.

Roman did end up watching his phone for a while. That was when the hours seemed to pass easily. Unfortunately, his phone battery didn’t last forever, and he had foolishly left his charger on the other end of the room. Roman groaned, feeling far too exhausted to try using his crutches again. He had failed at it the first few times to the point where Patton just offered to help him.

So instead, Roman spent much of his time trying to figure out things to do. He tried singing songs and telling himself stories, but soon his voice began to ache from constant use. Now Roman just sat staring at the ceiling, listening to the clock tick.

Was this what purgatory felt like? Roman felt trapped in this bed, slowly losing his mind.

Virgil peeked out from his entrance on the floor, eyes going to the bed. He sighed as he saw the human was back. Darn. And it had been so nice when he was gone those few days. He had been able to get an abundance of supplies with him being gone all day. In fact, he had been planning on getting the last of his items tonight, not realizing the human would be back.

Though...maybe he could still get it. What he needed was on the human’s nightstand, right next to where the human was right now. But...if the human was asleep then maybe Virgil could do this. Besides, the human seemed injured and injured humans tended to sleep longer, didn’t they?

Biting his lip and pulling together all his bravery, Virgil marched up to the nightstand and through his hook up. Once it caught, he started to climb. Just grab it and go. Simple enough.

Roman froze, hearing a soft scraping sound off to his right.

... that was new.

Did his apartment have mice? But why did it sound like it was getting closer? Cringing, Roman turned his head, hoping he could at least catch a glimpse.

Virgil pulled himself up, stretching as he stood up. Alright, now, where was it? He scanned the nightstand, wanting to grab it and go so he could get away from the human.

Roman’s eyes widened, hardly daring to breathe. Only in his wildest daydreams would Roman have imagined this would be the source of the noise. A miniature person, standing but a few feet away from himself.

Virgil made to step closer but paused. The hair on the back of his neck stood up and slowly, ever so slowly, Virgil looked up.

Only to meet the human’s wide-eyed gaze.

Virgil stood, frozen in fear as his eyes widened to match the human’s.

“Who are you?” Roman asked quietly, slowly reaching out a hand as if to confirm this was real.

Virgil backed away from the hand, almost falling off the edge as he ran out of nightstand. He had been so stupid. Why hadn’t he checked the human out more? Now, he was going to pay the price. He shut his eyes tight, waiting for the inevitable.

Roman grunted, his fingertips just falling short of the tiny person. No matter how he strained, his arm couldn’t reach from the bed.

“You are real, right?” Roman asked, setting his hand down defeatedly on the nightstand surface. “I’m not crazy?”

Virgil looked as the human spoke again. The hand laid there, unmoving and...unable to reach him. Oh, what a lucky break. “No, you’re crazy.” Was what Virgil said as he started inching his way towards his hook to get the heck out of there. He didn’t dare take a step closer to the human though, for the fear of being grabbed.

Roman grinned, too excited that the creature had spoken to feel offended. “This is wild. Who are you? Where’d you come from? Why’re you so small?”

Virgil didn’t answer, looking around for his hook. Where was...oh. Virgil stood there, staring at his hook that was well within the human’s reach. Well, that was just great.

Roman caught the person’s gaze, spotting the fishing hook embedded near his hand. He reached over, plucking it up in his fingers. Roman brought it closer to himself, looking it over. It had a string attached to it and appeared to function like a mini grappling hook.

Virgil blinked and then glared. “Hey! Give that back!” He almost stomped forward but stopped himself.

“Relax, I’m not going to break it.” Roman assured him. Getting an idea, Roman set the hook down on the nightstand nearest to himself.

Virgil glared at the human. “Nice try.” He growled out.

“Oh come on, I’m not going to hurt you.” Roman assured him. He stuck out a finger, beckoning the tiny closer.

“Yeah, not taking that chance.” Virgil glanced at his hook but knew he couldn’t get it. Instead, he turned and started to climb down the nightstand without it.

“Wha-? Hey, where are you going?” Roman sat up further, trying to keep the person in his sights. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it. I’ll give it back for real this time.”

“Yeah, like I’m gonna fall for that.” Virgil said out loud. When he reached the floor, Virgil wasted no time in jogging across the floor towards his exit.

“No tricks, I swear!” Roman called out, having lost sight of the tiny person. “...hello?”

Roman groaned, realizing he was talking to the empty air again. Great, he blew it.

As soon as Virgil got back into the walls, he fell to his knees. His body shook as he processed what had just happened. He...He had almost gotten caught. Just because he had been stupid and had forgotten to check to see if the human was really asleep. Those days he had gotten alone must have lowered his guard. Well, never again.

He was just thankful that the human hadn’t been able to reach him. If he hadn’t been hurt and in bed, Virgil would have been...well, he wouldn’t have been able to go home, like he is now.

Still, it sucked that he lost his hook. It sucked even more, because he didn’t have any string to be able to make another one. Great, what was he gonna do now?

----------------------------------------------

Patton hummed as he used the spare key to get into Roman’s apartment. He had a bag of groceries with him, having seen before that Roman barely had anything to cook with. “Roman! I’m back!” He called out. He set the groceries on the counter and went to Roman’s room.

“You doing okay?”

Roman blinked, startled out of his thoughts when Patton returned later in the day. “What? Um, oh just dandy.” His hand clenched tighter around the hook, held under the blankets.

“That’s good! I’m gonna get started on dinner. Anything you craving? I bought a bit of everything.” Patton said with a bright smile.

“Anything is fine for me.” Roman shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant.

“Alright! Well, I’ll be right back.” Patton went back to the kitchen, looking through the food before deciding on making some green bean and tater tot casserole.

Roman pulled out his hand, slowly uncurling his fingers and looking at the fish hook. He debated back and forth about telling Patton. Should he? Patton might think he was crazy, but he did have proof...sort of. Then again, Roman kind of liked the idea of keeping this a secret. His own little mystery to solve while stuck in bed. Besides, he could always tell Patton later, but he could never UN-tell Patton.

Thus decided, Roman tucked the hook underneath his pillow.

It was about a half hour later when Patton brought up a steaming plate of food. Two, in fact, since he wanted to keep Roman company while he ate. “Here you go!” He handed the plate to Roman and then pulled out Roman’s desk chair to sit by his bedside as he ate his own.

“So! Anything interesting happen?” Patton asked, despite knowing that probably nothing did. Roman was stuck in bed all day, after all.

“Oh, just a few little things.” Roman sniffed the aroma coming off his plate with a smile. “Mmm, Patton this smells delicious.”

“Why thank you!” Patton grinned and then went to take a bite after blowing on it. He hummed. “So, did you want me to stay the night? Or are you okay here alone until morning?” Patton asked.

“I think I’ll be alright.” Roman said. “Besides, if I need anything I can just call you. Ooh, speaking of, could you move my phone charger closer? My phone died earlier and I can’t reach it.”

“Oh, yeah, of course!” Patton set his plate aside and got up to hand Roman the charger. “There you go! Sorry, I should have thought of that before I left.” Patton said sheepishly.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” Roman waved him off. Honestly, if his phone had remained charged he might never have noticed the little man.

��Patton nodded, finishing up his plate. “Is there anything you need me to grab for you before I head back home for the night?” Patton asked, taking Roman’s plate after making sure he was done with it.

“No, I’m good.” Roman shook his head, giving Patton a sweet smile. “Thank you so much for all your help, Pat. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Aww, of course Ro. You know I’m always here for ya!” Patton stood up, heading towards the door. “I’ll see ya in the morning! Get some rest!”

“Will do!” Roman waved goodbye.

Virgil couldn’t actually believe he was entertaining the thought. He had already been stupid once today, he couldn’t afford to be stupid again. But...well, it was the middle of the night now. The human had to be asleep, actually asleep, this time. Right? And maybe, if he came back so soon, it would be completely unexpected and the human wouldn’t be looking for him.

Ugh, the only reason Virgil was entertaining the thought was because he wanted to get his hook back. He had already looked all over for supplies to make a replacement, but it seemed he was at a loss. And if he didn’t have his hook, it would be a lot harder to get around.

Virgil started walking towards another one of his exits. If he...if he was going to do this. He had to be sure the human was asleep this time. Which meant getting a higher point of view. He slowly and carefully exited out of the wall and onto the human’s wooden dresser.

His eyes scanned the room, landing on the human in bed.

Roman had his eyes closed, looking to all the world asleep. However, Roman was far from resting. His ears were focused in, trying to pick up any sign of the person’s return. He had no guarantee he’d see the little man again, but Roman certainly had to try.

Okay, so it looked like the human was asleep this time. Good. But he still had to be careful. Virgil’s eyes went to the nightstand, the one he had been on before, and saw his hook laying there. Okay, his target was in sight...but how was he going to get to it. He was loath to get that close to the human again, but if he had to…

Virgil couldn’t help as he started pacing, thinking up a plan.

There. Roman heard it, the soft pitter patter of tiny footsteps. He slowly opened his eyes, squinting in the darkness. His eyes widened, landing on the figure pacing back and forth on his dresser. Roman couldn’t help but grin at the sight of him.

Maybe if he just went up and got it real quick, everything would be fine...of course, that was the same line of thought he had before, and look how that turned out. Virgil sighed, at this rate he was never going to get his hook back.

He turned back to check on the human again, only to freeze for the second time that day as he met the human’s eyes. Oh...not again.

#injured perspective #perspective series #borrower!virgil #human!patton #human!roman #part 1

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hiddendreamer67 · 5 years

Text

Roman the Tooth Fairy (Epilogue)

Summary: Roman, a dedicated servant to tooth fairy kind, returns to the Sanders household to dote on an emotional young boy by the name of Patton. Read the original story here.

Word Count: 1,550.

October prompt #22: Candy

Check out more of my work at @hiddendreamerwriting

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Roman crept in through the nursery window, a golden trail left in his midst. His eyes adjusted to the darkness, spotting the child seemingly fast asleep. However, as he flew closer Roman noted that the glasses were still perched on the adolescent’s nose, not carefully placed on the nightstand as they were meant to be.

“Shouldn’t you be asleep?” Roman scolded, fluttering onto the nightstand and crossing his arms.

Patton sheepishly opened his eyes, trying his best to hide his excitement and look properly scolded.

“Come on, hand it over.” Roman put his hand out, having done this song and dance before now.

“Don’t I get a question?” Patton asked, sitting up and holding the tooth to his chest.

“You just asked a question.” Roman chuckled, amused as Patton’s face began to fall. “Alright, calm down, you can have another. What is it this time, you interrogating infant?”

“I’m not an infant.” Patton huffed, a bit of a lisp forming from all the teeth he had lost.

“Tik tok, Patton.” Roman reminded him.

“Do you visit other children?” Patton leaned forwards. “That was my question.”

“Really?” Roman looked unimpressed. “Yes, of course, it’s my job.”

Patton seemed uneasy with this answer. He twirled the little baby tooth between his fingers, and if he were more of a strict tooth fairy Roman would just dart in and grab it and be done with all this fanfare.

“Even…even the cruel ones?” Patton asked timidly. “That’s not a new question, just an addition, so it doesn’t count. Do you talk to the mean kids as well?”

“oh, that’s what you meant by visit.” Roman said in realization. “No, Patton, believe me, you’re special. I don’t talk to any other children.”

Patton blinked. “You don’t?”

“Certainly not!” Roman assured him. “No, most of the time I just swoop in and steal their teeth. With the really naughty ones, sometimes I don’t even leave more than a penny. I must leave something, of course, but if I had my say those brats wouldn’t get a cent.”

“But what makes me so special?” Patton seemed puzzled by this answer. “And why do you have to leave them something? And what happens-”

“I said one question.” Roman gave him a look, gesturing for Patton to hand over the tooth. He knew, left to his own devices, Patton would just continue going on and on.

“…okay.” Patton sighed, handing over the tooth. “But you’ll be back soon, right?”

“When you lose your next tooth.” Roman put the tooth in his bag before pointing an accusing finger at Patton. “And no more knocking your teeth out on purpose with the doorknob, you’re going to drive your father insane with that behavior.”

Patton pulled his blanket up to his nose, looking timid. “How’d you know about that?”

“I know everything.” Roman said cryptically, not bothering to explain he had overheard earlier on his way to the nursery. “And I’ve also been informed that you’ve been eating too much candy, Mr. sour gums.”

Patton groaned, throwing his blanket fully over his head to try and block out the scolding. “It was just a few pieces.” Patton whined. “All the other kids celebrate Halloween too, you know.”

“And did all the other kids remember to brush their teeth?” Roman argued with a smirk. “You have to take care of them, especially as your adult molars are coming in so they can stay big and strong. You want your adult teeth to be healthy, don’t you?”

To Roman’s surprise, Patton gave a little shake of his head.

“No?” Roman said in bewilderment. Patton had always been one of the best children, wanting to do exactly as Roman instructed and be on his best behavior. “Why not?”

Patton slowly pulled the blanket down, just enough so his eyes were visible. “Because then you’re gonna leave me.” Patton said softly. “Like you did with dad.”

...oh.

Roman cleared his throat, uncertain how to phrase this particular part of the conversation. It was always his least favorite truth, of course, the knowledge that he had had to leave Logan Sanders behind.

Logan had grown up fine, evidently. The curious child grew into a competent young man who graduated with a Doctoral Degree in Dental Surgery with a masters in Pediatric Dentistry. A children’s dentist by practice, Logan worked at ‘Floss and Gloss Dental’ and complained near daily to his sympathetic husband about the ridiculous name. Regardless, Logan was one of the best dentists around; despite having grown up, it seemed he never forgot the magic of those moments shared with Roman. He was patient and kind with children, listening to their stories and answering every curious question.

Roman loved watching Logan thrive from afar the few chances he got- which were few and in between. The tooth fairy was only meant to visit a household where tooth business needed to be conducted; and this meant Roman wasn’t able to return to this nursery until Patton had lost his first tooth. Only then had Roman’s fears been addressed, knowing that Logan had found a loving family after all.

His beautiful son was so much his spitting image that sometimes Roman wondered if Logan had a side business in cloning. Patton was so curious, with those same big doe eyes filled to the brim with wonder. Of course, Roman could see differences as well. Patton was more emotional, and thankfully more polite than Logan initially had behaved. Patton had clearly been given some notice on how these things were meant to run, as on only the second visit he had already been lying awake in bed practically vibrating in excitement.

“You’re real!” Patton had excitedly gasped, the tooth fairy forgetting to disguise himself at all in the familiar nursery. Of course, Roman would never dream of doing such a thing here. He was just as curious to talk to Patton as Patton was to speak with himself.

“So are you!” Roman had gasped, pretending to be just as shocked. Patton had giggled, his laughter spreading through the room with the most pleasant of infectious magics. That was another difference- Patton giggled more. He was not ashamed to be himself, wholeheartedly. Roman was already in love with every aspect of Patton’s bubbly personality; he knew it would hurt just as much to leave Patton behind, and with every visit Roman dreaded that day a little more.

Roman shook his head, focusing on the present rather than the fond nostalgia or the regretful future. He was here, now, with Patton. That was enough.

“I’m not going to leave you.” Roman’s throat felt thick, forcing the words out as he tucked Patton’s hair behind his ear. “Not until you’re ready.” That, at least, was true. Unfortunately, the universe would decide when Patton was ready much sooner than either could hope.

“What if I’m never ready?” Patton asked, his eyes brimming with worried tears. “What if I’m not ready but you leave and I’m all alone?”

“Now come now!” Roman put on his stern princely mask. “Don’t you dare say you’re alone, little princeling. What would your father say? Who loves you so very much that he would never let you be alone? Or your dear uncle Virgil? He’d do anything to make you feel loved. Why I do believe he would threaten to keep me in a night light if he thought it’d make you feel better.”

“Uncle Virgil wouldn’t do that!” Patton gasped, throwing his blankets down to his lap, and his astonished expression made Roman laugh out loud. “Don’t be mean, it’s true- he wouldn’t!”

“Of course he wouldn’t.” Roman chuckled good-naturedly, remembering how Virgil had all but threatened to do exactly that for his brother Logan back in the day.

“And that wouldn’t make me feel better at all.” Patton pouted, making sure to get his point across. “I want you to stay, but I don’t want you to be sad about it.”

“Oh my dear Pattoncake, I promise you, I would stay if I could.” Roman assured him, placing a gentle kiss on Patton’s forehead. “But my point is that you are surrounded by people who love you, and who won’t be leaving you anytime soon.”

“...I guess so.” A begrudging Patton agreed, slowly laying down in his bed. “But that doesn’t mean I won’t miss you, too.”

“Patton, I’ll still be here a while yet.” Roman assured him, pulling up the blankets with a grunt to tuck in the child. “And if you stop eating so many sweets, your baby teeth won’t fall out so much.” Not completely true, but Roman figured he should at least try and convince Patton to stop decaying his teeth so fast, for Logan’s sake.

“No candy?” Patton looked as though Roman had just told him Christmas was cancelled, and as a fellow lover of sweets Roman could feel his pain.

“Less candy.” Roman corrected, always a sucker for puppy dog eyes. He gave Patton another kiss. “Besides, you’re already sweet enough as it is.”

Patton giggled, which turned into a yawn as the late hour began to catch up with Patton.

“Get some sleep.” Roman suggested gently, Patton’s eyes already drifting closed. Roman hefted the glasses off his nose, laying them to rest on the nightstand.

“G’night.” Patton murmured sleepily, curling into his pillow. “Love you.”

“Love you bunches, little biscuit.” Roman said farewell, giving Patton one last fond look before leaving the Sanders household for another night.

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