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lovesosweeet · 5 months

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better left unsaid // cth

chapter twenty seven

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

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june 14, 2016 rome, italy orion

After our brief time together in the UK, Calum offered for me to join him and the band again in Italy. I’ve always wanted to visit, and class hasn’t started yet, so I once again took him up on the opportunity. It’s not every day that you get an invite to go backstage with a band and hang out with them in various foreign countries.

I once again asked my flatmates if they wanted to join, and this time Paula took me up on it. It was nice to have someone with me on the plane, and she’s excited to go to the show again tonight. She plans on hanging out with a friend for most of the day, and of course I’ll be hanging out with Calum, so I’m glad I’ll get him alone for at least some of today.

This time, Calum insisted on picking me up from the airport, which I sort of prefer considering I don’t speak Italian at all and don’t know how easily I’d be able to get around Rome. Paula is texting her friend — someone who had formerly lived in my bedroom in our apartment — and she’s going to meet him here, too. He’s been instructed to head to the drop off/pick up area where Calum’s supposed to be waiting, too.

“You excited to see your man?” Pau asks as we walk through the airport, following the signs that say uscita.

I roll my eyes at her question but can’t help having my cheeks turn hot. “He’s not my man.”

“He’s picking you up from the airport, giving your friend a hotel room for the night, spending his whole day with you, and, look,” she motions out the sliding glass doors, where I can now see Calum standing with a bouquet of flowers. “He brought you flowers. I’d say he’s your man.”

“He’s just being nice, Pau. That doesn’t mean he’s my man. He’s a nice guy.”

Paula hums a ‘mhmm’ and she waves to Calum, who’s now wearing a dopey grin and walking towards us with arms wide open. He once again is wearing sunglasses to try to mask his identity, but it’s obvious to anyone looking for him that it’s him. I’m not complaining — it makes him easier to spot in the huge crowd of people at this airport.

He pulls Paula into a quick side hug, holding the bouquet of flowers out so they don’t get crushed.

“Hi, Pau, so good to see you again!”

“You too, Cal! Can’t wait for the show later.”

Once Pau steps back from Calum, he turns to me and wraps me into a tight embrace. I hug him back quickly, inhaling his scent. It’s a faint mix of cigarettes, coffee, and evergreen.

“Hi, love.”

I don’t have to look at Paula to know she’s smirking at his use of ‘love.’

“Hi, thanks for coming to get me,” I quietly say into his chest.

Cal steps away from me to create a bit of space, and then he kisses my forehead, sticking the flowers he’d brought in between us. “Happy to come to get you whenever. Here, some flowers for you.”

I look down to the bouquet. It’s a colorful mix of wildflowers and greenery, a few stems of chamomile mixed in. I haven’t even told him that chamomile is my favorite. The bouquet is beautiful. Far nicer than any bouquet of flowers any other boy has bought for me. Exes have always defaulted to roses, assuming that’s what I’d like because they’re a very popular choice of flowers. I never complained, always grateful for any kind of sweet gesture but feeling like they don’t really know me.

Here Calum is, just shy of knowing me for two weeks, and he already has flowers for me that would be an arrangement that I’d pick out myself, but never buy because they’re probably expensive.

“Thank you, Cal,” I all but whisper, grabbing the multicolor bundle from him and taking a whiff of the floral scents.

I glance over at Paula and find that she’s grinning like a Cheshire cat.

“Here, let me take your bag,” Calum says, reaching for the straps on my backpack. I don’t fight it, somewhat stunned by the whole flowers thing, and just let him take it.

“Paula!” A voice calls out, and then her friend is coming up and giving her a bear hug. I know that his name is Giuseppe and he used to live with Paula and Marta before Ilse and I moved in. He’s also the one who introduced Lucia to Paula, but I don’t know the full story on how that happened.

“Giu, so good to see you!” Paula says. They break their hug quickly, and then Paula motions toward me. “This is Orion, your replacement, and the reason I’m here today.”

I wave awkwardly. “Hi, it’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you!”

Giuseppe, or Giu, smiles at me and then leans in to kiss each side of my face. It’s a practice I’m still getting used to and it makes me feel so European when I do it, but it almost always catches me off guard.

“You as well,” Giu says. He turns to Cal then, holding out his hand to shake. “Hi, I’m Giu.”

Calum shakes his hand. “Calum, nice to meet you.”

“Is this your boyfriend?” Giu asks, motioning between me and Calum. I widen my eyes and shake my head no.

“No, no, he’s not my boyfriend,” I say before Calum has to explain anything. I try not to notice the somewhat disappointed expression that paints Cal’s face when I say it. It’s the truth, so he shouldn’t feel slighted.

Giu eyes the large bouquet of flowers in my hands but nods, I guess dropping it based on how quickly I corrected him. He starts to study Cal’s face for an oddly long amount of time, all four of us standing in silence. “Why do I know you?” He finally asks.

It’s Calum’s turn to blush then. He looks down at the ground and his sneakers, kicking a small rock. “Oh, um, I’m in a band. Maybe that’s why.”

Paula cuts in then. “Have you heard of 5 Seconds of Summer? Calum is the bassist.”

Realization washes over Giu’s face and he nods. “Yes! My sister has your poster in her room.”

I try my hardest not to laugh, even though I do find it quite funny. Cal’s embarrassed, but he should be proud. People know him and who he is for something he loves to do. It has to be cool to be famous for doing something he’s passionate about.

“Giu, let’s grab a picture of you and Calum so you can show your sister that you’re the coolest big brother ever.”

Cal and Giu are both reluctant, but neither argues. Paula grabs Giu’s phone and pushes the two guys together, aiming the camera as they pose. They both just hold up a peace sign and awkwardly smile.

“Adorable, she’s gonna freak out,” Paula says while she hands his phone back.

“Y’know, if you’d like to come tonight, I can get you and your sister in. If you want, no pressure.”

Giuseppe looks surprised and raises his eyebrows. “Oh, you don’t have to. We just met, I don’t want to—“

Cal shakes his head and smiles. “No pressure, but we’d love to have you. Any friend of Orion’s is a friend of mine.”

Giu and I just met, so we’re not really friends, but Cal is obviously being generous. It’s a good look. I appreciate someone so willing to do kind things. It makes me like him more, and the weight of the flowers I’m holding reminds me I have several reasons to like him even more than I already do. I love it and hate it at the same time.

“Thanks, man, I’ll send her the picture and ask. She may already have a ticket.”

Cal nods. “Even if you just want to come and hang with Pau, you’re welcome to. Just give me a heads up and we’ll make sure you’re on the list.”

“Should we go? Giu has a full day planned for us, don’t want to miss anything from my official tour of Roma.” Paula must sense that I’m starting to feel a bit overwhelmed by Calum’s kindness, and I’m grateful she’s picked up on it.

“Yeah, we’ve got a lot of ground to cover,” Giu says, giving Paula a playful smile.

“Okay, well, we’ll catch up with you guys later?” I ask. I would like to actually get to know Giu. Any friend of Paula’s is a friend of mine.

“Definitely. We can plan on meeting at the hotel later this afternoon? Just keep an eye on your phone to confirm details.”

Paula and I hug quickly, and she waves goodbye to Calum before she and Giu start walking away, leaving me with Cal. He’s smiling at me an has an arm wrapped around me protectively while the people at the airport mill around us.

“You didn’t have to get me flowers,” I whisper to him. My cheeks are hot. He’s being so sweet, and I don’t really know why.

“Of course I don’t have to. I want to. Do you like them?” He looks so nervous while he asks.

“I love them. Thank you.”

Calum smiles with his award winning grin and he goes to grab my hand, but stops himself. “Can I hold your hand today?”

I look around and don’t see anyone staring at us or paying any attention, so I grab his hand in mine. “For now.”

He laughs. “Is kissing you on the table?”

I sigh, once again checking to see if anyone is looking at us. I have had a handful of pictures of us together pop up on 5SOS fan Twitter, and nobody has any idea who I am, thankfully, but still. There are some from each place we’ve been — Madrid, London, and Brighton, and I have no doubt that some will come from today and tomorrow since we’ll be together. I like Calum. I really do, but I don’t want to be just another face on the 5SOS gossip pages.

“When we get inside the van, yes, please.”

“Okay, then come on. Wanna kiss ya.”

Calum starts walking with me in tow. We’d been fine in London without security, so for now, we’re allowed to walk around freely without needing a bodyguard, but if anything happens, that privilege will be easily revoked. He takes me to the van that’s parked down the street about 100 meters or so, opening the door for me and letting me climb in first.

“Good morning,” I say to the driver.

Calum tosses my backpack into the backseat before throwing his body next to mine and swinging the door closed, instantly leaning over and pressing his lips to mine and resting one hand on my jaw and the other on my waist.

When he pulls away, I curse. Cal looks concerned and raises his eyebrows to ask what that meant, just as the van starts moving.

“We should’ve taken Paula’s bag to the hotel, too. I feel bad.”

“I’m sure she’ll live.”

I nod and lean back in my seat. This van is far more comfortable than the shitty seat I had on my RyanAir flight and I appreciate the cushioned bench more than I should.

“Any specific requests of things to do in Rome?” Calum asks. He has his arm wrapped around me now, his eyes focused on me. I feel nervous under his gaze and look out the window, watching the streets of Rome come to life.

“Hmm… probably just see the Colosseum if we can? Oh, there’s a really neat boat fountain I’d learned about in high school that would be neat to stop by. I want to get gelato and some kind of pasta. I don’t really want to go into the Vatican, but just seeing it could be nice? Oh, and the Trevi fountain, of course. I’m really up for anything, though. Just happy to spend the day with you and your friends.” I realize my list just kept going as I started thinking about it, but I really do want to do all of those things if we can.

“Oh, most of our friends went back to LA and London, so it’s back to just being the boys,” Cal says. His fingertips are tracing circles into my side and it feels so nice to just… have him next to me. “Oh, and Crystal, she’s still here.”

Crystal is Michael’s girlfriend, but Luke’s was with us before, so I question it. “What happened to, uh… what was her name again? Luke’s girlfriend.”

Cal chuckles. He’d explained to me that none of them like her, aside from Luke (obviously), but I still expected that she’d be here if Crystal is. “They’re so hot and cold. They’re in an off phase of their off and on relationship, so he’s probably on the prowl for a replacement for the night. We can join the crew on a night out tonight if you’d like? Paula is invited, too, of course. Everyone loved her in Madrid.”

I doubt Luke has any difficulty finding a replacement, and I’m sure that Calum and Ashton have a fairly easy time finding someone to fill their beds with for the night. It wasn’t exactly difficult for Calum to win me over two weeks ago. The same could go for Michael if he wasn’t taken.

“That sounds fun, and happy to help play wingman for Luke,” I joke, although not really. He and all of the guys and their friends have been nothing but sweet and friendly. I’m happy to help them out, though in this particular situation I doubt I’m the one they want help from, though.

Cal tightens his hold on me. “Uh uh, no, I need you all to myself. No wingman-ing, please.”

I roll my eyes. “Your fans won’t like it too much if we’re all over each other, you know?”

He sighs. “Don’t worry about the fans, Orion. They tend to actually like the people we hang out with if they’re… y'know… decent people. Might take some time, but don’t stress, OK?”

I nod, wanting to drop it as soon as I’ve brought it up.

“Besides, we’ll likely be in the VIP area tonight if we go out. Space Monkey was a rare occasion when we went somewhere so casual. Normally we go places where we can be separated from the general crowd.”

I nod again. I hadn’t thought about it, but when I got the recap of the night in Madrid after the show, the girls said they went to a nicer club called Capital, and when we went out in London, we went to a very fancy club where we were in a roped off VIP area. That night is quite blurry for me. I’d been slid a few too many espresso martinis by Calum, so I have to jog my own memory to have that in mind.

Calum seems to be concerned by my silence. “But we totally don’t have to go out tonight if you don’t want to! We can order some pasta and a bottle of wine from room service and just hang around my hotel room. It’s up to you.”

I turn back to him and give him an uneasy smile. “We should go out. I want to. Just not used to being a VIP, or, I guess, being with VIPs.”

“Good, but if you wanna head out early to, uh, head back to the hotel…” Calum trails off, as if he’s nervous to mention that we’d probably hook up again tonight. I didn’t think it was even a question. I came all this way to see him again, didn’t I?

I smile then, for real. “I think we can manage to cross multiple things off the to do list.”

He grins at me again cheekily and leans so his mouth is right by my ear. “You’re on my to do list.”

I gasp and hit him on his chest. “Calum!”

He just giggles, leaning back in his seat next to me.

Then I remember that I’d only brought sneakers with me. “Shit,” I mumble.

Cal perks up. “What’s wrong?”

“Is it okay if I didn’t bring heels? I was turned away from Capital last night because I was wearing my Converse. I had to run back to the apartment to change.”

He laughs and shakes his head. “You can wear whatever you want. They tend to, uh, bend the rules for us, wherever we go.”

I blush, a bit embarrassed. I forgot that when you’re famous, people kind of give you a free pass. When I’m with Cal, I’ll be extended some of that same luxury.

Calum and I keep talking about the plans for the day, and we’re on the same page about getting pasta and gelato. He also wants to get coffee with a cannoli, and I tell him I’m more than game for that. I like that we both prioritize eating good food. I hope to try a few good wines, but that feels like an unforgettable, mandatory, and easily achievable part of visiting Italy.

We get to the hotel and Calum carries my bag for me again, and when we get off the elevator on the floor we’re staying on, we run into Crystal, Michael, and Ashton. Crystal lights up when she sees me. On my last trip to visit Cal, she and I got to talk a decent amount, and she said it’s always nice to have a girl around when on tour, since it’s usually just the guys and their friends.

“Orion! Yay, you’re here!” She almost screams with excitement, pulling me into a hug.

“Hi!” I say, happy to see a friendly face. I hug her back as well as I can while still holding my bouquet.

Crystal steps back from the hug and eyes the flowers, her eys widening and her smile growing. “Oh my god, Cal, did you buy those!?”

Calum looks embarrassed and stares at the floor, his cheeks turning red. “Yeah, I did.”

“They’re incredible, oh my gosh!” Crystal gently takes the bouquet from me, examining the flowers. “Mike, why didn’t you get me some?”

Michael groans, and I watch him give a sneaky glare to Calum.

“Crys, we just got up, when would I have had a chance?” He sighs.

Crystal laughs, slapping him on the arm softly. “I’m kidding,” she says, even though I don’t think she is. “But seriously, those are incredible.”

I smile, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks, too. They really are stunning, and I’m flattered that Calum got them for me. “They are.”

“Well, we’re headed out for breakfast, or…” Crystal checks the time on her phone. “I guess it’s almost lunch time. Do you want us to wait for you guys? We could all go together.”

I make eye contact with Calum, trying to gauge what he’d like to do, but his expression looks like he doesn’t have a preference. He shrugs. ‘Up to you’ he mouths. I look between the three boys and Crystal and nod.

“Yeah, sure, let’s grab breakfast together, and then I think Cal and I will go hit up some touristy things on our own after.”

“Yay! Okay, we’ll head down to the lobby and meet you there in a few, sound good?” She rests her hand on my arm, taking a step toward the elevator.

Calum speaks for us then, his arm find its way to rest across the small of my back. “Sounds great, we’ll see you in a bit.”

We all swap places, Mike, Ashton, and Crystal getting into the elevator and Calum and I walking into the hall. He guides us down all the way to the end and opens the door on the left.

“Pau’s room is right across from ours, do you think she’ll be okay with that?” He asks as he steps into the hotel room and turns on all the lights.

“I’m sure that’s perfect,” I tell him. “Thank you for getting her a room, I would’ve helped her get one since I dragged her out here.”

Calum shakes his head. “Nah, we always book a whole floor when we tour for a safety thing. Nobody would’ve been in her room if she wasn’t.”

I nod. I walk through the room, taking in the fancy hotel bed and the art on the walls. There’s a vintage-looking photograph of the Trevi Fountain above the bed, and a small collection of photos of the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel hanging above the dresser. When I step onto the balcony, I’m left breathless.

“Holy shit,” I say.

Calum follows me, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind. “Sick view, right?”

I nod. What feels like the entirety of Rome is visible from the balcony. So many streets, a park or two, bustling people, and the Colosseum is off in the distance. I can’t wait to see it at sunset or at night. I bet it’s incredible.

“This room was originally assigned to Luke, but I bargained with him.”

I look up at him and find him already trained on me. “What was the trade?” I ask. I’m flattered that he bargained with him in order to get the room with the view for us. It’s exceptional. I can imagine under normal circumstances the hotel can charge more for this room simply because of it.

“I buy all his drinks tonight. Not that bad of a trade if it means it makes you happy.”

It takes everything in me not to melt in his arms. I settle for giving him a swift kiss. “Thank you.”

Calum grins. “Here, let me take a picture of you out here. So Instagrammable.”

My knees go weak again and I just smile and hand him my phone. “Would you? Do you remember how I like them?”

He rolls his eyes. “You only spent 10 minutes in front of the Eye showing me how to take a proper Orion-approved photo. I think I got it.”

I walk out onto the balcony and give Cal my biggest cheesy grin for a photo, and then start posing. A peace sign, holding my arms out and almost tipping over, leaning over the rail on the balcony, and fixing the hem on my dress.

“Are they cute?” I ask, not moving from the balcony in case they’re not good.

“Orion, any picture you’re in is cute. I’m not the best judge. Wanna look?”

I nod, and Cal walks out and holds my phone out to me, the photos pulled up. They’re cute, and he did a great job. “Thank you, they’re great.” I then hold my phone out in front of us, the front-facing camera open. “Smile,” I tell him.

Cal grins for the photo and I click the shutter a few times. Right when I go to put my phone away, Cal pinches my waist and says, “Just a few more.”

I start clicking the shutter again, capturing Calum pressing a kiss on my cheek and my subsequent blush.

“Okay, we should go down to your friends.”

Calum shakes his head no and then takes my phone from me again, leaving it on selfie mode while he takes photos of us kissing for real. “Now we can go downstairs,” he says, handing my phone back.

I’d thought our pictures in London would be our only photos together, and here we are with at least 10 more good ones amidst the few dozen we just snapped. It makes me happy, having someone to have cute pictures with, but at the same time, it makes me sad. This is just a casual thing, and I feel myself falling quickly, which I don’t want to. I decide I should just enjoy it while it lasts. If anything, it’ll make a great story to tell people someday. I had a fling with the bassist of 5SOS.

“Is my outfit okay?” I ask Calum before we walk out of the room.

“O, you look beautiful.”

People call me O a lot, but it’s Calum’s first time calling me that, and it makes my heart flutter a bit, especially when paired with that compliment.

“Thank you.” I reach out to take his hand while we walk out of the room and into the elevator.

When we get down to the lobby, the three of them are all sipping on coffee cups.

“Took you guys long enough,” Ashton says with a chuckle.

I blush, a bit embarrassed that they had to wait on us. I hate making people wait and I hate being late to things. I’m a very punctual person. “Sorry, we had a bit of a photoshoot.”

We all start walking out of the hotel, using the service door so we aren’t met with a crowd of adoring fans. Crystal pops up next to me before I know it, Cal holding my hand on the other side.

“I wanna see the pictures! Cal said your guys’ view was incredible.”

I sneak a look to Calum, wondering why he was talking about the room with her, but then I remember he had to barter with Luke, so I’m sure it was a conversation point for all of them before I got here. “I’ll show you when we get to breakfast.”

“Crys, leave her alone, she just got off the plane,” Michael says, grabbing his girlfriend’s hand and pulling her in front of us.

“No, she’s fine!” I defend. “I swear.”

Michael just laughs and keeps walking with her, and she turns around and smiles at me, so I know she doesn’t think I didn’t want to talk to her.

In Crystal’s place, Ashton appears.

“I don’t feel like we’ve gotten to really talk, so I’m glad we’re getting breakfast together,” Ashton says to me. His smile is friendly and his eyes are warm.

I didn’t realize I was supposed to be talking to all the members of 5SOS. I thought I was just here for Calum. I’m not opposed to making friends, especially not with people as nice as they have been to me, I just didn’t think it was my place.

“Oh, yeah, well, I fucking love breakfast, so I wouldn’t turn it down, ever.”

The sound of Ashton’s and Calum’s laughter fills my ears, and makes Michael and Crystal turn around to see what’s so funny.

“I’ve never met someone with such an intense dedication to a meal,” Ashton says, giggling slightly and making me laugh at the sound of his giggles. His laugh is infectious.

“Don’t get her started, Ash, she’s got a whole spiel if you wanna listen,” Calum tells him, his own laughter in between his words.

I look to him with wide eyes. “Excuse me, but my spiel is entirely warranted.”

“See?” Cal says. He’s not talking to me. He’s talking to Ashton.

With that, I drop Calum’s hand. “You lost hand-holding privileges, my guy.” I fold my now free hands across my chest.

Cal’s jaw drops in shock and everyone, including me, starts to laugh loudly.

“I like you,” Ashton says to me, smiling and looking back and forth between me and Calum.

“I like all of you guys, honestly,” I confess. Crystal turns around to quickly smile at me, letting me know she feels the same about me, too.

I’m glad that it seems like Michael and Crystal know where we’re going, but I’m not sure if they’re just walking until we pass by something that looks good or if we’re going somewhere specific.

As if they can read my mind, Michael speaks up. “A fan who met us at the airport told us to come here, and we checked it out online and decided it looks good.”

“She said it’s run by nuns and all the profit goes to charity,” Ashton adds on. All of this sounds good, but the food is my main concern, although I do like the idea about the food going to a good cause.

“They have vegetarian stuff,” Calum mentions. His hand is now pressed against the small of my back as we weave through other pedestrians, still following Michael and Crystal’s lead. “I checked.”

“Thank you,” I tell him, and I mean it. “I appreciate that.”

“According to the reviews on Yelp, they have the best Nutella croissants in all of Italy,” Ashton says.

At that, I’m sold on this place, and happily continue our walk to wherever we’re going. I’m now quite excited about it, even though I’m excited about any breakfast. We’re not that far from this place, apparently, because not even a full minute later, Michael is opening the door to a cafe for all of us.

I thank him and follow everyone inside. It’s busy, but I see a table available in the back corner that I hope we can take. A nun is waiting just inside the door and she says something to Crystal before we all walk through the restaurant to sit at the table. She hands us all menus, completely in Italian, and grabs a carafe of water for us before she disappears.

Another nun comes a few moments later and we all order cappucinos. Once she’s gone, Ashton sets his menu down on the table.

“Orion, we wanna know more about you,” he says.

I nervously glance at Calum, wondering if he knew this was coming. He reaches over and squeezes my leg reassuringly, and I grab his hand under the table.

“Okay, what do you want to know?”

Ashton giggles again, and once again, his laugh makes me laugh. “Well, I mean, everything, but let’s start with the basics. Where are you from? What do you do? Cal’s a closed book when it comes to talking about details about you, other than that he’s very, very interested in you and the things you guys have done together in Madrid and London.”

Calum coughs when he’s mentioned, and I just squeeze his hand. We’re both kind of being grilled now.

“Ash, tone it down a bit, please?” Crystal says, sensing that his comments and questions make me nervous.

“Sorry, I just… you seem great. Just want to learn more!”

I smile. “I mean, I wanna learn more about you guys too, so I get it. Uh, so…” I trail off, trying to remember everything Ashton had said. “The basics. My favorite color is green, second favorite is baby blue.

“I’m from San Diego but go to UCLA, so when I am done with my semester abroad, I’ll be back in LA. I’m a student, but I work at the library on campus. I want to be a lawyer, though, so school is far from over for me and the start of my career is several years away.

“I believe that everything is better when you have a yummy drink in hand. I’ve been vegetarian for about three years now. Um… my favorite band is this kinda small one called The Wldlfe. They’re from Indiana.

“Oh, I have a younger brother. His name is Eridanus, but we call him Eri. He’s four right now and very, very cute. We’re both named after constellations.

“My best friend in the whole world is named Emelia, she’ll be visiting me during her Thanksgiving break and I’m really, really excited about it.

“I’m a scorpio, ENFJ, and enneagram 2.” When I finish my speech, I look to Calum, trying to make sure I’d covered enough. I try to remember if I’d even told him all of it, but I’m almost certain I have by now. He smiles at me and squeezes my hand, letting me know I did well with my brief explanation of myself.

Everyone else at the table is nodding, so I’m hoping I didn’t say anything that has them questioning me and my presence at this table.

“I’m a scorpio too!” Mike says.

“I’m also an ENFJ,” Ashton chimes in.

“My favorite color is green, but I know nobody would guess that,” Crystal says. She smiles at me and motions to her outfit of black clothes and purple hair.

“See, everybody gets along,” Calum tells us all, and I just elbow his side. I try to be a generally agreeable person, so I like to think I get along with most people.

“It’s just nice to get to know the girl Cal won’t stop talking about,” Ashton says. He smiles at his bandmate with sparkling eyes. I find myself blushing for what feels like the hundredth time this morning.

“I mean, I am pretty cool,” I say, trying to steer the conversation away from Calum’s feelings for me, whatever they are.

“Far cooler than any of the other girls these boys bring around these days.” Crystal’s tone is clipped and somewhat annoyed, and it makes me feel awkward to be here, witnessing her dig at the others’ taste in women.

Mike snorts a laugh, and it lets me know that his girlfriend is at least partially kidding, but also that he mostly agrees.

“Hey, Luke’s trying to get out of that,” Ashton says.

“Is he?” Cal asks. He sounds quite unsure. The other two boys sigh and shake their heads. I wonder what the full story is there, but I know I’m not in a close enough relationship to anyone to merit them telling me the story, which is fine. Maybe I’ll find out tonight or tomorrow.

“Trying is the key word,” Michael clarifies. “Succeeding? Who knows.”

I try not to laugh at Michael’s comment, even though I find it funny.

“Let’s not forget the girls you’re finding, Ash,” Crystal circles back with another dig.

“Hey, that was one time!”

That sounds like another story I’d like to hear, but I understand that I’m essentially a stranger to most of the people at this table, so I don’t ask any followup questions. My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I take it out to see what it is.

From: calum 5sosAsh accidentally brought a hooker back to his room. Poor guy didn’t realize.

To: calum 5sos hey, sex work is still work!!! but yeah, kinda funny lol

“Anyway, it’s nice to have a new, normal human here who happens to be very nice and fun,” Crystal finally closes the door on this weird tangent, and I’m grateful.

“I’m glad you guys like me,” I confess, honestly. “For the record, I think you are all also very nice and fun.” I think I’ve told all of them I like them nearly a dozen times already this morning, but the whole thing feels quite blurry.

The nun comes back and we all order. The boys all order some variety of breads, prosciutto, pesto, cheese, eggs… I don’t even know, it’s just a huge selection of food, and I just make sure we get at least one of those Nutella croissants for each of us. I guess we’re all kind of just planning on sharing things, which is totally fine with me, as long as I get an egg or two and a croissant. I’m not a big person, so I don’t need much food, but I do need at least a little protein to be equipped for a full day of exploring Rome.

When the food comes, I just about lose my cool.

The eggs are the best eggs I’ve ever had, and I love eggs, so that’s saying something. The croissants are incredible, and I tell Cal we should order a few to go so I can bring one to Paula. The breakfast with everyone truly makes my heart happy, and I’m so glad Cal and I decided to join his bandmates and Crystal.

Crystal makes one of the nuns take a photo of all of us at the table, and she then texts it to me, making sure I have her contact and can talk to her whenever I want. I feel welcomed into the group, even if it’s only temporary. I’m also so grateful for whoever suggested to the boys that we come to this restaurant, because it’s easily going down as one of the best breakfasts of my entire life, both due to the food and the company.

“Orion, are you coming to the show tonight?” Ashton asks as we are all just hanging out at the table. The check has come and gone — Ashton picked up the whole thing, but I offered to at least pay for a third of it — and it’s nice to just be sitting here with everyone and chatting.

I look at him in disbelief. “I’m sorry, but you think I came all this way to hang out with the ever so lovely Calum Hood, only to not go see his show?”

Calum squeezes my hand, hard, under the table, and Ashton takes on an expression I can’t read.

“You’re right, Cal is quite lovely.”

I look at him through the corner of my eye. “Literally the most lovely person I’ve met in a very long time.”

—

Paula and Giu meet us at the hotel a few hours later, after we’ve crossed off most of our to do list, bar the hooking up part, and Calum and I take Pau up to her room. The view from her room is also very nice, but I won’t pretend that the view from Calum’s isn’t better. I haven’t told her that ours is breathtaking, but I’ll probably show her the photos later if I don’t post them to Instagram.

“Oh, wow, this is nice,” she says when we walk in. Giu carried her bag up for her, and he tosses it onto her bed when we get inside, headed straight for her balcony.

“Damn, wish this was my view from my place,” Giu says, taking in the sight of an almost birds eye view of his city.

“Giu, where do you live? Is it far?” I ask.

“I’m back at my parents’ house, about an hour out of the city by metro and about 20 minutes by car,” he says.

“Oh wow, you’re still a student?”

“Yeah, I was in Madrid on Erasmus. I still have another year of university, and then I plan to go to the US for my masters’ degree.”

I nod, all of what he’s saying adding up in my head. “Ilse, the other new girl in our apartment, is also on Erasmus and has the same plan. Maybe once we’re all in the US, Paula and Marta can come visit and we can all hang out?”

Paula claps her hands together excitedly at my suggestion. “YES! That would be perfect!”

“What’s Erasmus?” Calum asks.

I decide to answer, even though it’s not something I’m an expert on. “It’s basically just a study abroad program, but within Europe. A lot of the EU countries participate.”

He nods. “A whole different world in a different life, I guess,” he says, laughing.

Paula heads into the bathroom to freshen up, and then I’m left with just Giu and Cal.

“I’ve gotta head to soundcheck in a bit, do you want to come with, or do you guys want to go walk around and head to the show later?” Calum asks. He’s grabbing some things from his suitcase in our room across the hall with the doors open so we can still see and hear him.

I debate saying my feelings, but decide transparency is most important. All I can think about is that we haven’t had a chance to get gelato still. “I mean, I do kinda still wanna get gelato…” With everything else we did today, we didn’t have time and neither one of us was hungry enough to get any when we’d passed one of the hundreds of shops.

Calum looks to me, nearly offended. “We can get it after the show! I want some too!”

I laugh. “Okay, then that’s fine, but I need to get some gelato before I leave this country.”

He pouts. “Not without me.”

“Look, as cute as you guys are, I do need to go get my sister for the show. She doesn’t have tickets and she would kill me if I didn’t go get her. Orion, if you’d like to come with me and Pau, we’re definitely going to be back in time for the show, but we do need to head out soon.” Giu lays out the plan, and I appreciate it.

I look at Calum. “Do you mind if I go with? I’m happy to join for soundcheck if you want.”

Cal shakes his head. “No, no, go with them. As long as you’re at the show, cheering me on, we can hang out later and I promise you, hand to God, we will get gelato.”

“I promise, I’ll be at the show.”

He smiles. “Okay, yeah. Go ahead, and I’ll see you in a few hours?”

I nod.

Without much warning, Calum crosses the space between us to softly kiss my lips in front of Giu and Paula, which, frankly, catches me off guard, but I don’t want to not kiss him back, especially since we’re sort of in private. Thankfully, Giu and Paula don’t say anything about it.

“Okay, I’ve gotta get going,” Calum says. He reaches into his pocket and holds out a few key cards to us. “Here are some keys to get in and out of here, in case you need them. Call me if you have any problems, and I’ll make sure you and your sister are on the list, Giu. Just have Orion text me her full name to be safe.”

“Thanks, bro,” Giu says. He has a big smile on his face. “She’s gonna be so excited.”

“Anytime. Happy to do anything for Orion and people who matter to her.”

Calum exits the room then, leaving just me, Paula, and Giu. As soon as Cal’s out of the room, Paula squeals quietly, running across the room and grabbing me by the shoulders.

“Ohmygod, Orion!” She says. “He’s so into you!”

I roll my eyes. “Pau, don’t read into it.”

When I look at her, she looks like she wants to smack me. Thankfully, Giu steps in before she can say anything else.

“We should get back to my place, so we can grab Francesca,” he says. “And maybe we can grab a drink before the show? Or we can catch soundcheck, but either way, gotta get moving.”

“Sounds good, let’s get going,” I say, grabbing my bag off the desk by the door and opening it, tucking my key card into one of the pockets.

After a lot of train changes and several minutes on the metro, and a brief bus ride, we end up at Giuseppe’s family’s house, out in the suburbs. Francesca runs out of the house when we get there, without even knocking on the door. She’s dressed in a pair of black skinny jeans and a simple white t-shirt, Vans on her feet and a cardigan in her hands.

“Hi!” She says as she approaches us, giving her brother a hug and greeting Paula like they’re old friends. When she turns to me, she gives me the signature ‘kiss kiss’ that the Europeans I’ve come to call friends have all done when I’ve met them.

“It’s nice to meet you,” I say, taking in her beauty.

She has straight, long, dirty blonde hair and dark brown eyes. Her lips are full and pink, and she’s tall, especially compared to me. She’s wearing a very 5SOS appropriate outfit, so I can tell just how big of a fan she is. If I didn’t feel as comfortable in my situation with Calum as I do, I’d worry about bringing her. She’s stunning, to put it simply.

“Oh my god, no, it’s nice to meet you! You’re the reason I get to meet 5SOS!”

I roll my eyes. “Sure, if you want to put it that way, but really, thank Calum. He’s the one who said you and Giu should come.”

Paula looks at me with an expression I can’t read. “Orion, my sweet, sweet Orion… that boy is a goner for you.”

I roll my eyes. “Pau, he’s a famous musician. He’s good at putting on the charm. I’m nothing special, it’s just who he is.”

Francesca’s eyes flit between all of us, unsure of how to respond to any of us, which is fair. She’s 17, still getting a handle on the world. Not that I’m any different at 19, but still. She doesn’t know me, and, while I think she’s met Paula before, I don’t think they know each other very well. “I don’t really care, but I have you to thank for opening this opportunity up for me, so I am going to say thank you to you.”

“If this is all it takes to get a thank you,” I say, “then you’re welcome.”

Paula sighs, looking quite annoyed next to me, but she doesn’t say anything else.

“Alright, let’s get going. If you want to meet the band before the show, we’re running low on time.” Giu has his phone out, and I think he’s calling an Uber or some other similar service that they have here.

We all wait patiently for a few moments, and then a dark blue SUV appears in front of the house. Clumsily, we hope into the car, and Fran pulls a flask out of her purse once we start moving.

“Don’t know if you guys like vodka, but I do,” she says, taking a quick swig from the container.

I laugh and take the flask from her, swallowing a big gulp and trying my hardest not to wince as it burns my throat.

Giu then takes it from me, swallowing vodka himself, and I think Pau feels left out, so she sips from it, too.

“OK, Giu doesn’t know, because I asked and he said he didn’t, but I’m dying to know,” Fran starts. “How the hell did we end up here?”

I laugh, and Paula is giving me some kind of weird ‘knowing’ eyes. I also giggle because of her reference to their song title. “I mean, there’s not really much to tell,” I start. “We were out at a club. Actually, the club Paula’s girlfriend works at, and Calum was there, and we started talking… and I guess the rest is history from there.”

Francesa looks at me with a weird expression. “That’s it?”

“No,” Paula injects. “That’s not it.”

I look at her, not fully knowing what she means.

“He came up to Orion in the middle of her trying to take a picture of me and Lucia, and he’d scared her, and she fully dumped her drink on him. They started talking, and the next thing any of us knew, they were leaving the club to go on a fucking ‘night adventure.’ We didn’t see or hear from her until 4 pm the next day, and then they invited us to the show. Orion and Calum went back to his hotel to do god knows what, and the rest of us got to party with the band and their friends. Now she’s chasing him all over Europe for their tour.”

I glare at Paula. “I basically just said the same thing,” I say. “And, I am not chasing him all over Europe. This is my third time seeing the man.”

She goes to say something, but Francesca interjects.

“For the record, as an outsider, Paula’s not wrong. Your story definitely was missing some key details.”

“Oh my god, so we go get some fucking falafel after we meet at the club and spent the night talking in a park, is that really that big of a story change?”

“YES!” Paula and Francesca yell at the same time.

I just roll my eyes, and Francesca asks for more details about what’s happened since then with Calum. I make her promise to keep all of this to herself, and she literally promises on her brother’s life, so I fill her in as well as I can. It includes him paying for our late night falafel, sightseeing in Madrid and London, sneaking off to his hotel after each of the shows I’ve been to, the flowers from this morning, and, only because Pau drags it out of me, the fact that he’s followed me on Instagram and liked every single one of my posts.

“I’m on Pau’s team. He likes you.”

I just roll my eyes. “I’m sure literally every other girl he hooks up with thinks the same thing.”

“HE GOT YOU FLOWERS!” Paula practically screams. Our Uber driver makes eye contact with her in the rear view mirror, glaring.

“People also get their family flowers, and their dead relatives, and their sisters at their dance recitals… flowers can mean a number of things.”

Paula looks like she wants to kill me. “Orion, he got you flowers. Flowers that you would like. Don’t act like that was some generic bouquet a man gets for a woman. Those flowers were for you.”

“Once again, I’m on Paula’s side,” Francesca says. I turn around in my seat to give her a death glare.

“Alright, listen. If I text Cal right now and ask him to take y’all off the list, he would. If I were you, I’d say you should shut the hell up about this,” I say, hoping people take me seriously, but knowing that I’m not exactly intimidating, and I wouldn’t actually do that because I know how excited Francesca is right now. I would never rescind an offer like this one, and I hope Fran knows that.

“Jeez, take it down a notch,” Paula says.

“I will if you do.”

I give her a death glare, and then the car is silent, listening to the radio that the Uber driver has playing. It’s ‘Gasolina’ by Daddy Yankee. Normally, it would hype me up, but I’m somewhat frustrated by Fran and Pau.

“Anyways, I’m excited about this concert!” Giu interjects, obviously trying to lighten the mood.

“Oh my god, me too! Are we going to be front row or off to the side? Or are we going to just get whatever random tickets are left?” Fran asks. She looks so excited, and I’m glad we get to bring her along. If it means this much to her, it’s absolutely a worthwhile excursion.

I smile. “Whatever you want, actually.”

Her eyes light up and I am happier than I was before that I’ve gotten Calum to give her this opportunity. She really loves this band.

“Damn, Orion! You really are my new favorite person.”

We get to the venue, and I’m excited when I see Gus on the side of the building where Cal had said we should walk toward upon arrival. He’s busy talking to some of the crew when he sees me, and then he waves at me happily.

“Orion!” Gus cheers, and he pulls me in to a one armed hug.

“Hi, Gus! So lovely to see you again.”

“Oh my goodness, you, too! It’s always a pleasure. Here, come on through, are these all your friends?”

I nod. “Yep, I can give you their names if you need to check the list?” I ask, unsure of if it’s OK for all of them to just follow me.

“No, no, you’re fine. I trust you,” Gus says, winking at me.

I feel a bit uncertain, but Giu, Paula, and Francesca all follow me backstage, where I find Crystal waiting for me.

“Orion! Yay, you’re back!”

I smile, giving her a quick hug, and then go to introduce everyone to her. “You’ve met Paula,” I say, motioning to my beautiful roommate. “This is Giu, and his sister Francesca.”

Crystal smiles and pulls all of them into their own individual hugs. “It’s so great to see you again, Paula, and to meet you two!”

“Oh, my, God,” Fran breathes out. “Crystal!”

Crystal looks at me, uncertain about Francesca’s reaction. ‘She’s a fan’ I mouth to her, and she nods. Francesca is so excited to be meeting the band and, apparently, Crystal, too. She can’t wipe the huge smile off her face.

“Do you want a tour of the backstage?” Crystal asks her. Fran nods excitedly. “C’mon, let me show you around.”

Crystal and Francesca disappear then, and I’m left with Paula and Giuseppe. I see the boys’ typical cooler of beers in the corner of the room, so I start toward it and pop it open, finding about 6 cans of both a random lager and Red Bull.

“Beer?” I call out to them.

“Porfi!” Paula says.

“Same, thanks!” Giuseppe says.

I grab three cans and hand each of them their own. “If we need more, I can go find Gus again.”

“Wow, you’re so official,” Pau says, laughing as she cracks the seal on her can of beer.

“Yeah, three shows and I learned the ropes,” I roll my eyes. I just picked up the habits and learned the patterns. I know if Calum was back here he’d make sure I got my beer and told my friends where it was, so I just assume it’s fine. If it’s not, I’ll take it up with him later and take the full blame for drinking their beer.

“You’re basically his girlfriend,” Giu says, laughing, probably thinking back to this morning when he asked if Calum was my boyfriend.

That startles me, and I almost stop breathing and almost drop my can of beer. I’m not Calum’s girlfriend, and I feel far from it. I know I keep saying it to everyone, but we’re just casual. It’s just having some fun while we’re both in Europe, and I’m okay with that.

“No, no, no, I’m not!”

Paula and Giu both look at me with a look of disbelief.

“Guys, I’m keeping my expectations low. It’s chill, it’s casual. We’re just… we’re just messing around.”

Paula snorts and I watch her hold back her laughter.

“Sure. It’s casual.”

After soundcheck, Cal and the rest of the band run offstage. I finally get to see Luke for the first time today, and he breaks out into the widest smile I’ve ever seen him have when he sees me. Crystal and Fran come into the room at about the same time, and I think they probably watched the end of soundcheck from the side of the stage.

“Orion!”

“Luke!” I mock. He gives me a somewhat sweaty hug.

“Sorry I missed breakfast, was a little hungover.”

“It’s cool, maybe you can join us for gelato after the show?” I question, looking between Cal’s silly smile and Luke’s tired face.

“Fuck yeah, I want gelato!” Luke says.

“OK, whole band and guests, gelato after the show.” Calum says. He weaves his way past Luke and everyone else to give me a hug and kiss on the cheek.

“And then we’re going out, right?” Ashton confirms. He looks far sweatier than the rest of the band, but I think that comes with his territory of drumming. If I remember correctly, Ashton was the absolute life of the party when we went out in London.

“Oh, yeah, I’m happy to show you guys the best clubs in the city,” Giu interjects.

The band, aside from Cal, look very confused by his presence, but nobody questions him. It makes me wonder how often random people get invited backstage.

“Yeah?” Luke asks.

“I’ve lived here almost my whole life, I can definitely make some recommendations,” Giu continues.

“Sick,” Luke says. He holds his hand out for Giu to shake. “I’m Luke, by the way.”

“Giu, I’m Paula’s friend!”

“Oh, Pau! Didn’t even see you there!” Luke says, acknowledging Paula on the other side of the room. She looks slightly embarrassed as she looks up from her beer can and whatever she was doing on her phone, but gives Luke a hug too when he approaches her. “Glad to have you back with us again.”

“Hi Pau,” Ash says, crossing the space between them and giving her a hug, too.

“Oh my god, Pau! So sorry, can’t believe I didn't think to say hi to you!” Mike says.

“Guys, it’s fine, I’m here, it’s not a big deal,” Paula says and laughs.

“No, but we like you!” Cal says. He’s not the person I’d have expected to say it, but I’m glad he’s being extra nice to my friend. I’ve learnt that Calum doesn’t often say much in groups. One on one, or in very small groups like just three or four people, he speaks more, but he’s definitely more of a bystander in general. It makes me feel lucky that I’m someone he seems to be able to speak with freely.

“I feel like you guys were more excited for her than you were for me,” I add in, laughing. I’m just kidding, and I know everyone knows it.

“No one could compare to you,” Calum whispers, taking my hand. I hear heavy breathing and am brought back to earth, realizing it’s coming from Francesca. She’s is standing off to the side with Crystal and practically foaming at the mouth with excitement.

“Oh, sorry, everyone, this is Francesca, Giu’s sister. She’s a huge fan, hence the excitement,” I say and walk over to her to pull her into the small circle we’ve all formed.

Fran raises her hand in a shy wave, and she doesn’t resemble the confident, fun girl she was before the boys showed up or who pulled a flask out of her purse in an Uber. She’s very nervous and reserved. “Hi, I love you all.”

The boys all laugh and come up to her to give her a hug, introducing themselves, even though she definitely knows all of their names. I take a quick picture of them all together but promise we can take more later if she doesn’t like it. She breaks out her vodka and asks anyone if they want some, and the boys all take a quick gulp. She seems to chill out a little bit after that.

“Guys, I’m so stoked for tonight!” Luke randomly cheers. I think he’s already drunk, but Fran’s vodka is definitely helping get him there if not.

“No, me too! I’m excited to have you as a wingman, Luke!” Ashton yells.

“Hey, was I not a good enough wingman?” Calum asks.

The three of them start arguing then, each of them trying to win the title of best wingman. I then wonder about the night Calum and I had met. He approached me, and we started talking, and it took off from there. Was he someone’s wingman that night?

“No, you’re the best wingman ever, Cal, but I get that you’re busy tonight and don’t wanna ask you to be on duty,” Ashton clarifies finally.

Cal looks at me and smiles, but my thoughts continue to race.

“Do you guys always have wingmen?” I ask, looking between all three of the ‘single’ guys. Luke is sort of single, but Cal and Ash are fully single right now. I assume they’re constantly trading off duty.

“Always,” Ashton says, not thinking twice, but I catch Calum glaring at him, which makes me think maybe he didn’t want Ashton to say that.

I realize I’ve had a beer or two when I am bold enough to ask, “Who was supposed to be your wingman at Space Monkey?” My question is aimed at Calum, but I can’t help but look between Ashton, Luke, and him.

All three of them convert into nervous messes, sharing anxious glances.

“Uh,” Ashton starts, but he doesn’t dare continue, looking at Calum very nervously.

Paula springs into action then, apparently also very curious suddenly. “Well?”

“I mean, we aren’t always each other’s wingmen,” Luke says. His voice is shaky and nervous. I feel like I’ve found the three of them inside a rabbit hole that they can’t dig themselves out of, and now I’m too curious to drop it.

No one dares speak after that, because they literally just said they “always” have wingmen, and Crystal, Paula, Fran, and I start communicating nonverbally.

“Ladies, let’s go grab a drink,” Crystal says, ushering Paula and Francesca out of the room. Even though he’s not a ‘lady,’ Giuseppe catches on quickly and follows them.

“Well?” I ask, looking between the boys of 5SOS, waiting for someone to clarify.

As far as I know, Calum had walked up to me and that was the end of that, so I’m now curious about what the wingman situation was that night.

“Does it really matter?” Mike asks. His voice is shaky and nervous, just like Luke’s, and I can tell he’s trying to redirect the conversation. Once again, I feel like we’re too deep into this to just drop it. I’m not known for being someone who can just let things go.

“I mean, based on the fact that all of you are now nervous wrecks, I can’t help but be even more curious.” I cross my arms across my chest, looking between each of them.

Ashton coughs. “Cal, sorry, but I’m terrified of her. I’m gonna have to dip out.”

He then walks out of the room, following everyone else who’d evacuated the conversation. Nobody’s reactions are helping this situation, and I’m more curious now than ever. How had Calum and I ended up talking enough that night to leave together?

“Mike, leave while you can, we all know you weren’t wingman-ing, so go!” Luke says, and he leaves it to just himself, Calum, and me. I don’t know why he’s sacrificed himself and stays behind, but he does.

“Well?” I ask, staring at Calum, whose dark brown eyes are avoiding mine.

He’s silent and doesn’t say anything. I look over to Luke, who looks helpless. ‘Sorry’ he mouths to me before he runs away, too, leaving me and Calum in the green room alone.

“Jesus, Cal, all this silence is making things worse for you, you know?”

He sighs, finally meeting my gaze. “No, no, I know, I just don’t know how to tell you.”

His words send my heart plummeting to the floor, but I try to remember that we’re not ‘really’ dating. This is just a casual thing and whatever the wingman situation is doesn’t really matter, because we don’t matter.

I sigh. “I’m a big girl, Cal. Just tell me the truth.”

Calum takes a big, deep breath before he says anything else. “You were my wingman.”

I raise my eyebrows in confusion, not understanding what he means.

He watches my face change and then he speaks again. “I was going to use you as my wingman.”

Oh, I think. I wasn’t his target. The truth dawns on me. He was after someone else.

I should have known. I’m not ‘model pretty.’ I’m not even generic pretty, honestly. I don’t want to say I’m ugly, becasue I know I’m not, but I’m definitely not anything special. I’m not ‘get-rockstar-at-a-bar-to-talk-to-you’ pretty. Why would Calum have approached me at that bar? It doesn’t make sense, so I should’ve thought this through before now.

I want to have hurt feelings, but I know I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t have expected that he wanted anything to do with me just because he saw me across the room at Space Monkey and wanted to dance with me or buy me a drink.

“Who… who were you after?” I ask. I wonder what pretty girl I’d interacted with that made him think I was the ‘in’ with.

He sighs frustratedly. “Orion, me telling you this is pointless.”

“Okay, if it’s pointless, then you can tell me, no?”

Calum shakes his head and takes a few steps back to put space between us. I can tell he’s on the verge of getting upset.

“Cal, c’mon, dragging this out is making it worse for you, by the way. Just tell me.”

He sighs, and when I look into his eyes, it’s almost like I can watch a battle going on in his mind. He’s at war with being honest and sparing my feelings.

“Do you really want to know?”

“Yeah, I mean, it’s fine, really. As long as whatever you were originally plotting to do isn’t illegal, it doesn’t actually matter to me now. I’m here, with you, and I’m happy.”

Calum studies my face, making sure I really mean what I’m saying, and then he takes yet another deep breath before he speaks. “I was going to use you to help me talk to Paula.”

A normal person, under normal circumstances, would wait a few seconds to figure out what to ask next, but I apparently am not a normal person under normal circumstances, because my followup questions come immediately.

“Paula? Why?” She’s open and obvious about her relationship with Lucia, a woman. She hopped up on that bar to dance with her and they kissed, right in front of everyone. Regardless of her partner’s gender, she’s taken, and even if she wasn’t taken, she’s not interested in men.

Cal rolls his eyes. “Don’t play dumb.”

“I’m not playing dumb, I just don’t get it.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes, Cal, seriously.”

With frustration laced through his every breath, Cal inhales and exhales. “I saw Paula and thought she was hot. I’d seen her talking to you and you seemed friendly and approachable, so I approached. When you turned around and I finally got to see your face, though, I promise, O, on my mum’s life: I was a goner.”

Things start to make sense. Paula is model pretty. She’s tall and tan with striking green eyes and a smile that could light up any room. We had been standing at the bar alone right before Calum had come up to me, and I had helped her up onto the bar, probably right as Cal was walking over. She probably kissed Lucia right as Calum placed his hand on my back, so it was too late for him not to speak to me once realizing that Paula was taken and interested in women.

It was a mistake. He wasn’t trying to talk to me. He wasn’t interested, but I spilled my drink on him and he had to talk to me, at least for a few seconds.

“Got it,” is all I can think to say.

I had said it was fine. It is fine. We’re just having fun together, and as far as I can tell, we’re both having plenty of fun, so whatever it took for him to talk to me shouldn’t matter.

“Are you mad?” Calum asks cautiously.

I can’t be mad.

“No, I mean… I don’t know. Feels a little shitty, but… we’re here now. We’re having fun. You’re having fun, right?”

Calum steps toward me, grabbing my face in his hands. “Orion, the time I’ve spent with you throughout these last two weeks has been the most fun I’ve had in a long, long time.”

I nod. Normally those words would make me melt, but in this specific situation, it doesn’t. It’s just a bandaid over the problem, which is fine, but it doesn’t mean as much as it could. “Yeah, so… we’re good. It’s fine.”

I lean up as much as I can to kiss him, and he kisses back without hesitation.

“I’m glad we’re good. Ash was right, you’re scary when you’re upset.”

“I am not!”

He rolls his eyes, kissing me again, and then wrapping his arms around me in a hug with his head resting on mine. “Whatever you say, tiny human.”

—

Francesca chooses that we watch the show from the pit, which I prefer anyways. We stand off to on the end on Calum’s side, with Giu and Crystal standing behind Francesca, Paula, and myself. Francesca gets the end that puts her closest to the middle of the stage, and I get to be in the middle of her and Pau.

We’re all just in front the barricade, which security has to escort us to, but we don’t take a spot that fans have waited hours, or maybe even days, for. Francesca is shaking with excitement the whole time, and I take close to a thousand photos of her so she can remember this night forever. Most of them she has no idea I’m taking. She’s just talking to the girls next to her in Italian and they squeal so much I wonder what they’re saying.

Crystal has on a hat to partially hide her purple hair, hopefully making it less likely someone will talk to her. She’s well known enough in the fandom that people may want to take pictures with her, and if it gets too much, security is close by to take her backstage.

I hear someone talking to Giu behind us and I turn around to see what it is, and Paula does too.

“How long did you guys wait in line?” A girl is asking.

Giu looks to me with panic in his eyes. He doesn’t know what to say. I don’t know where it comes from, but I pull a lie out of my ass.

“We’re manning the social media for the venue tonight, so we didn’t have to wait in line.”

The girl looks surprised and impressed. “Oh, wow! That’s so cool.”

I nod and turn around, hoping that’s the end of the conversation. I don’t want it to come off as rude, but Crystal is right here with us and I don’t want her to have to leave unless she wants to. I don’t want her to get ambushed by fans and she have to retreat to backstage for safety.

Between the opener and 5SOS taking the stage, I lean closer to Fran.

“Are you excited?” I ask her.

She grins and looks back to me. “Oh my god, so excited. Thank you so much for getting me in!” She speaks a little too loudly, because the girl who’d spoken to me a while ago pipes up again.

“I thought you guys were working for the venue?”

I cringe and look at Crystal, silently pleading for any kind of help.

“Wait, you’re…” Another girl says, and I feel her studying my face and outfit. “You’re the new groupie!”

Fuck fuck fuck.

“Actually, she’s a friend of mine,” Crystal says, drawing attention to herself, taking one for the team.

I don’t know what to say next. I look between the fans’ faces, waiting for someone to say something else.

“You’re no better,” one of them sneers to Crystal, and I wince.

“Here, do you guys want my spot? I don’t mind switching,” I offer. I want Francesca to be able to stay, but if I can get out of the way and cause less problems than I already am, I want to.

“Orion,” Crystal starts, which makes me recoil. Now they’ll know my name. I don’t think Calum follows a ton of Orion’s on Instagram and they’ll be able to find me now. I have a private profile, so they can’t see anything, but still.

“You think giving me your spot makes up for you being a slut?”

“Woah!” Giu says, suddenly springing into action. “That’s a bit much, don’t you think?”

“Giu, it’s fine. I’ll leave now. I don’t want to cause a scene.” I start to move toward Crystal so she and I can go backstage, hoping that at least Fran and Giu can stay.

“Jeffrey, can we get through?” I hear Crystal yell as we start to move off to the side further. I just grab onto her arm and let her lead the way.

We weave our way through the mass of bodies and off to the barricaded area for crew and press. I try to stay calm and act as neutral as I can considering a stranger just called me a slut for doing… whatever I’m doing with Calum. Once through, we walk quickly back to the green room, where the boys are doing pre-show shots. They look surprised when we get back.

“No pit tonight?” Calum asks. He’s only talking to me. Crystal was only out there because we were; she far prefers to be away from the crowd, and I definitely understand why. I understand why now more than ever, but experiencing what we just did didn’t need to be a firsthand experience.

“Yeah, felt a little claustrophobic,” I say. “Think I’m a little dehydrated from our day in the sun.”

Crystal looks to me, and I can tell she thinks I should elaborate on what actually happened, rather than lying, but I don’t want to. I knew that getting spoken to like that was part of the risk of choosing the pit, so I don’t feel like it’s worth bringing up. Calum looks concerned and he heads over to a fridge that I hadn’t even noticed until now. He grabs me a bottle of water and brings it over.

“Sparkling okay? Do you want to sit down? Or do you need to go back to the hotel to rest?” He has his arm behind me, soothingly rubbing my back.

“Thank you,” I say, opening the bottle and taking a big gulp, trying to pretend like I actually am dehydrated. “I should be fine. I’ll just hang out here for the show. I’ll come stand on the side of the stage for part of it if I can.”

Calum has a worried expression on his face. “You sure? I don’t mind if you want to go back. I don’t want you to feel crappy and be stuck here. I can come straight to the hotel after the show and hang out with you.”

I shake my head and try to fake a smile. “I’ll be fine. I promise.”

“Boys, stage in 2 minutes,” Matt yells, sticking his head into the room.

“Duty calls,” I tell Calum, and he nods.

“If you end up going back to the hotel, just shoot me a text if you need me to get anything for you on my way back.”

“Thanks.”

He kisses my forehead before he and his bandmates head out in the direction Matt just came from, leaving me with Crystal. She’s smiling at me with sympathy, and I kind of hate it.

“You okay?” She asks. We both take a seat on the couch and she’s got cans of beer out for both of us.

I crack open the beer and take a few sips. “Yeah, fine. Sorry you got roped into that.”

I pull out my phone to text Paula.

To: paula sorry about that 😅 please stay out there and have fun!!! will catch up with you guys later, okay?!

From: paulagirl no that wasn’t your fault. they’re just jealous. are you okay?

To: paula yeah, i’ll be fine.

From: paulayou don’t seem all that convincing

To: paula it’s cool, i swear. just wish the guy i’m hooking up with didn’t have such a devoted fan base.

From: paula for the record, you handled that like a champ. i’m proud of you.

To: paula it’s not that deep! just enjoy the show pls! 🙂make sure fran has the BEST time!!!

From: paula oh trust me, she’s having the best time. see you after!!!! try to enjoy the show still.

Once I reach a good ending point in my conversation with Paula, I look up and find Crystal’s eyes trained on me. She looks very concerned.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” She asks.

I nod. “It’s fine, I knew this kind of stuff could happen. I guess there’s no more going in the pit for me, which sucks.”

She shakes her head. “No, I promise it’s not always like that. I’ve been in the pit more times than I can count with friends and sometimes the fans are so sweet, like Fran.”

I sigh and just nod again, taking another few drinks from my can of beer. “Cal seems so unbothered about the fans, but they—’

Crystal cuts me off. “Are scary?”

I laugh loudly. “Yes!”

She grins and shakes her head slightly. “I know, Mike is the same. Actually, all of them are. It really does get better over time, though, but, it’s important to know, you can’t make everyone happy.”

I want to talk about whatever my status with Calum is, but I also don’t want her to think I’m reading into things. I know she’s pretty close with him and I don’t want anything to get back to him that I’m asking about my level of importance and exclusivity is with him, because at the end of the day, I know it’ll be a letdown. What I don’t know can’t hurt me.

“Let’s go to the side of the stage and watch the show?” I ask after a few moments of us just drinking our beers.

Crystal smiles sympathetically. “Sure, if you think you’re up for it.”

I roll my eyes. “I got called a slut. I think I’m fine.”

She giggles and then she hops to her feet, sets her beer down on the table, and holds her hands out to me to help me up. “I say we do shots and then go.”

“Deal.”

Crystal and I both do two shots of the tequila we find in the freezer — she says it’s Luke’s, but promises he won’t mind — and then we head to the side of the stage to catch what’s left of the boys’ set. They’re playing one half of my favorite song that I’ve heard by them so far, Outer Space. I’m a little sad I missed them playing the other half, Carry On, that they open with, but am glad to at least not miss out on this one.

She and I sing along together, swaying slightly.

“You learned the words!” She says to me about halfway through.

“I mean, it’s the least I can do with all these backstage passes!”

She laughs so loud I can hear her over the music and the screams of the crowd.

We’re standing on Calum’s side, but have a clear view of Michael’s mic stand. He notices his girlfriend and he grins at her. Somehow, Luke and Calum see it, and then they both take turns looking off to where we are.

Cal fixates on us, and I watch with bated breath as he practically serenades me with the bridge.

The darkest night, never felt so bright, with you by my side

They sing it over and over before moving on to other lyrics and Calum looks away. It feels special to have him stare at me while he sings the words, and I try not to let it get too much into my head.

It feels like such a privilege to witness their show from this angle. We can see both the crowd and the whole band, watching the energy exchange that’s purely electric. The screams from the fans are deafening, but the boys manage to stand out above everything else. They sound so different live, compared to their recordings, in the best way. Calum continues to look at me throughout the set, and I try not to worry about anyone in the audience noticing his continuous checking in with me. I don’t doubt that the slut shamer from earlier has noticed, and hell, she might even be Tweeting about it.

In between their penultimate and last song, aside from the encore, it’s Calum’s turn to speak. They finish their cover of What I Like About You, and Michael plays a few simple chords on his guitar while giving Cal time to talk.

“Roma,” he begins. “You’ve been fantastico tonight! We’ve got one more for you guys. I think you’ll like this next one. It’s one of my favorites. Also, the name of this song reminds me of some lovely people in the audience tonight, so this one’s for you. You know who you are!”

Calum sneaks a look to me before they start playing.

My girlfriend’s bitchin’ ‘cause I always sleep in

Luke starts the song out and everyone goes crazy, and I find myself blushing given Calum’s speech about their song She’s Kinda Hot.

The boys run off the stage after they finish the song, Michael running straight up to Crystal and giving her a fat kiss. Calum smiles widely at me, sweaty and going in for a hug, but I take a step back. I’d tell him he’s too sweaty, but the screams from the audience are far too loud to even attempt trying to say anything.

I lean up and give him a kiss on the cheek, squeezing his hand and just giving him a wide smile. I feel the beer and tequila in my bloodstream now, so when he bends down to kiss me, I just let him, even though I’m sure some of the folks in the front row can see it happen and could very well be taking pictures.

After I’ve been slutshamed tonight, I might as well try to live up to the name.

The band stays off to the side for a few moments, waiting for the appropriate amount of time before the encore. They just goof off with each other in the wings until a crewmember gives them some kind of cue to go back out. Ashton goes first, starting a drum beat, and then Calum, adding his bassline, and then Mike, who plays a guitar riff, and then Luke walks out, his guitar swinging from his neck.

They sing their most popular song, and the only one I’d known before meeting Calum, She Looks So Perfect. The whole room sings along, even the crew members and security people nearby. The energy in the air feels like electricity, and it’s infectious. I knew from the first time I saw them take the stage that there was something special about them, but now I get to watch with a newfound sense of pride. They’re amazing.

After SLSP, they do their bows, which Crystal and I head to the greenroom in the middle of, giving the boys space to do their thing and take their time.

The four of them run to the green room moments later, Ashton carrying Luke on his back and they’re all whooping like the goofballs they are. They’re chanting that it’s time for shots, and when Luke pulls his bottle of tequila out of the freezer, he immediately notices that it’s less full.

“Alright, who drank my tequila!?” He holds the bottle up high, right as Fran, Giu, and Paula enter the room again.

“Not me!” Pau says, running over to me. She’s giving me an up and down look, taking in whether or not I’m upset.

“I’m fine,” I whisper to her. She nods, leaving it be for the moment, thankfully.

I think Crystal has had more to drink than I’ve realized, because I try not to freak out over the comment she makes next.

“Orion got slutshamed, so we took shots!”

If looks could kill, the glare I’m giving her would have her funeral scheduled for next Tuesday.

Calum looks to me, concerned. “What’s she talking about?” He walks closer to me, reaching out to grab my waist and pull me even closer.

I sigh. “It’s fine, just had a weird encounter in the pit.”

Francesca stumbles over to us now, and I think she’s drank a lot more vodka from her flask, because she’s giddy and barely standing. “They called her a groupie, and a slut, and got pissy because she had such a good spot!”

Yet another person who would be dead if my death glare could actually cause death.

Calum looks shocked and almost like he pities me. “Orion—”

“It’s fine,” I tell him, cutting him off. “I thought we were going for gelato!?” I ask the room, and Luke and Ashton start cheering, thankfully. Calum’s concern is sweet, and cute, but I don’t want to talk to him about it, especially considering I’ve already mentioned feeling watched and uncomfortable by the fans. I’ve already made efforts to ameliorate that situation as a whole, and, well, here we are.

The other boys run over and grab Cal’s arms, pulling him in the direction of their wardrobes so they can change out of the sweaty clothes they wore on stage. They disappear briefly, and return a few moments later in fresh shirts and with freshly washed faces.

“GELATO!” Luke yells, and for some reason, he chooses to charge at me, throwing me over his shoulder and starts running outside.

“How much tequila have you had!?” I ask him through loud, giggly, almost embarrassing laughter.