#pay me more and I might care more

[431989]

more resident alien posting. predictions... spoilers so beware

well. i'm upset that the shows going to have a difficult time having more serious scenes now. and that's probably what it's going to try and set itself up for.

i reaaaally would have loved to see this show do something ACTUALLY different and good. by different i mean in terms of writing and not necessarily drifting from source material. yes i'm still sour over last ep, but i wouldn't be AS sour if everyone on the show didn't treat harry and asta's relationship as "mother and child." and also if the show didn't take such a nose dive into the type of comedy it's putting out.

ALSO? IN A RECENT INTERVIEW? Sheridan going on to state that harry would lose his first """love""" (more like lust. awesome that a show trying to teach human emotion gets those two things mixed up) and then realize there's love everywhere or something? why does this feel like "weird" people are forever left to the role of outcasts. already fucked it up once i guess the guy's trying to fuck it up more. could've just left it at "he'll lose his first love, then he will have to reconcile with his feelings." but he had to drop in that last corny bit.

like. the show's source is already good. i don't understand all these decisions they're making to try and make it seem "unique." and now to get numbers back they're dumbing it way down. WHICH. BY DOING SO. HOW ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE YOUR DRAMA? like how am i supposed to take anything seriously in the show. i *could* in season 1 and parts of season 2, but now it's just whatever. it's too goofed up for me to care. and now people who love the goofy won't give two shits about whatever message you want to drop or plot you want to develop. i dont give a shit about the greys!!! i dont care what theyre doing!!!! who gives a fuck if theyll blow up the earth. none of the characters really care anymore either. oh well!!!

also, predictions kind of. i'm not trying to say this will be the be all end all but it certainly could be a turn the show takes. in one of the issues of the comic (suicide blonde i think), harry is investigating the "suicide" of a woman. by the end of the issue, he catches up with her ex-lover and ex-roommate. they were both ladies. and the girl who died had a drinking problem btw. and was constantly seeing boys. i'm all for gay couples on screen as a gay guy myself but it'll feel so cheap to pair darcy and asta together despite the way theyve been played on screen. maybe its doable. i don't know. but i genuinely could care less considering the overall tone of the show's drifted more towards a sitcom than anything else. i think the small handful of 40+ year old gay wine moms would probably love it, but the vast majority of viewers wont. either they'll hate it and say it's forced diversity (there's already people saying that about the gay couple on screen this past episode) or it'll be another nothing moment to a further nothing story. if anything it'd feel one step removed from tokenization, considering they see harry as a manchild. ableism! show's trying to seem fucking wholesome but they can't be bothered to care about their nd viewers. like "haha look we have a main gay couple!!! what do you *mean* our show has rampant ableist tropes, we have a gay couple!"

i'm just so bummed. the show's cornered itself into a sitcom so meaningful moments aren't a thing anymore. plus the comparison of harry to a child is really getting at me. like he's a grown man as a human, and hes a grown alien thing as an alien. it's such a big slap in the face to any person who cherished the witty and unique story telling of the first season... like.... i don't know.... people who would've been fans of the comic too? i have small gripes about the comic, but at least it takes itself more seriously. but the show runners haaate the people who read the comics. why? i dont know. well maybe i do know. probably seen as too nerdy and weird for their idea of the show's viewerbase. despite the fucking basis of the show being weird and nerdy.

they couldve done the darcy asta thing better if they do go down that road. i'm just saying i wouldn't be surprised. they already scared off everyone who would've cared for something like that, so i don't know how they'll manage to find an audience that cares. everything in s1 was so organic and felt real!!!!! now its just!!! nothing!!!!!!!!!!

im also thinking about the fact that after posting that one resident alien drawing i did, i've had to block tons of people because they're freaks. loud and proud conservatives. man this shit sucks.

#resident alien #ra posting #sorry this one's kind of long #i'm still mad #i'll still keep up i guess out of spite #no i'm not paying for shit either LOL #i'll also clarify that i was in a sleepy daze when reading the comic #so i could've glazed past some things or the connection i made in my sleepy daze might not make sense now #which do correct me on that #but buhhhhh #whatever!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #god forbid a guy have meaningful development in a show he cares about!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #also for anyone tempted to read the comic its written by two english guys so. keep that in mind i guess. #this is alllllll making me want to make my own thing #guhh #tbvh the show took out a lot of the comics... mysticism... but then the show shat all over the work they did to make it real and charming #flanderization hit it hard #feels way more tokeny. and also harry atp is nothing more than described as a manchild #EDITTING IN THE TAGS THEY DID CALL EACH OTHER FAMILY DIDNT THEY #technically they hadnt done that yet for asta and harry on screen i dont think but the interviews are still there #god what a mess

[silenthillbunni]

.

#got an emergency dentist appt today at 14!!! T-T #sadly the dentist is a man but... beggars cant be choosers nd all that 🥲 #they opened at 7.20 nd i woke up from a dream w a start nd was like ?????? if was 7.21 #my alarm didnt go off T-T #luckily i woke up only one minute late omg what if i'd slept nd slept #but yeah have an appt now. i rlly dont wnna go lmao #now my teeth hurt a bit less nd im like hmmm... do i have to go ?? 💀 #i should but it's just the money aspect that stresses me out #i might have to pay using the only $200 i have in my account #nd then get sent that money by my social wellfare worker #who has been terrible at replying lately so i might have to call her #it just stresses me the fuck out i wanna cry #if i had a job w my own money i wouldnt care at all i'd just pay whatever i needed nd then go when i needed #but now i made that appt nd my teeth do hurt so i'll just have to hope it works out .... #i have anxiety abt going to the dentists normally but now that i know it's a man im even more anxious T-T oh well... :((

[miodiodavinci]

well 😔 after literally 3+ years of masking and double masking with N95s and KN95s and social distancing and not going anywhere where i can't be assured i won't be in close proximity to someone with COVID ya boy got COVID , , , ,

#my lungs feel like absolute shit man ; ; #it's like a footballer rammed straight into my back and stood on top of my crumpled body for good measure ; ; #all because my brother still hangs out at movies and restaurants with his friends . . . . . . . . #and stupidly i was so excited to see him back after a month of being away #so we sat and watched a movie together on tuesday #and then wednesday he was like 'oh shit turns out i have covid sorry' #ogughgh . . . . . . #apparently he was feeling bad even on tuesday but he has such a history with head colds that COVID didn't even show up on our radar . . . . #i'm paying for it now though hhh ; ; #hindsight 20/20 and all that #can't stop coughing and i'm running a low grade fever #but most of all JESUS my chest hurts so much ; ; ; ; ; #it's like the agony of an asthma attack only so much more focus on the pain than the inability to breathe #i'm lucky that at most it just feels like there are rubber bands around my chest when i try to breathe deeply #but god #i'm supposed to start my internship through my college next week #this. might literally fuck me over in so many ways but hopefully my mentors will be accommodating . . . . . #in any event uhgghghgh i'm just frustrated because i've been so so careful for years and years . . . i never stopped masking . . . . . #i got the vaccine and all the boosters and yet . . . . . . . .

[du-hjarta-skulblaka]

So yeah avoiding my phone didn't work and also meant I sat on the kitchen floor staring into space for about 3 hours before Alfie woke up but hey at least I didn't break anything

Them being around is helping a little but they're also struggling and it fuckin sucks bc I know we're both just. Rotating money stress in our minds

#like. i went out earlier to get bread #just bread bc we cant afford anything else #got just enough in the bank to cover the work thing but since management stjll hasnt gotten back to me on HOW to pay it its like #our electricity is already in debt lol it has a thing where you can go £10 into debt before it switches off #and it usually wont switch off over weekends #presumably bc all but 1 places nearby thst we can top it up at are shut on weekends but anyway #so we're like. okay. it MIGHT last today and if it does thst SHOULD mean itll last till monday. #but then itll be at least a tenner in debt #then we only have to last till thursday but its. do we keep this money thats for The Thing that is once again unclear on how urgent it is #or do we spend it on the Soon To Be Immdiately Urgent thing #and thats not even CONSIDERING food lmao we. i got 2 loaves of bread so we can at least survive on toast for a few days #we got 3 maybe 4 meals worth of stuff still in the kitchen #like...at this point i dont even care if i have to go a few days without eating at all to make it to thursday but its. #its so fucked up those are the terms im thinking in #and this isnt asking for more donations i really cannot take that today im at the fuckin bottom of my barrel #and already feel hopeless and useless and an active drain to everything around me #but its. like. how. why. why is it still like this. why is it looking extremely unlikely its ever gonna change. #whats the point if its all for a few scattered handful hours of actual peace and comfort never mind happiness #tldr yes i am once again suicidal but small s #like in the sense of i would feel immense relief if a truck came at me on my way to work tomorrow and would not step out of the way but #dont have it in me to actually consciously act upon

[lucysweatslove]

I got my new car today!!! I haven’t actually driven it yet. Because new things are scary for me and it takes me a little while to get used to something like driving a new car, I wanted to drive it around my parents’ a little before going in a busy road. Rob said it has “responsive break” and i wanna get that “feel” down before I’m in heavy traffic. I like it though and am very grateful and excited!!

Being at my parents’ hasn’t been too triggering this time around. Usually there are some kind of comments about my body or what I’m eating, but we have such a short turn around this year that thankfully it hasn’t been too bad…

Did have to listen to my mom talk about this guy who has multiple myeloma (my mom has a precursor to MM) and apparently is in “full remission” using an antiviral but it came back because he got the covid vaccine…. Tried to explain why that’s probably not true actually but you know… I think she just desperately wants there to be simple/easier answers to the cancer she might develop, which I get, but I also feel like this is how misinformation takes roots.

(We don’t have a perfect system here in the US by far, but we aren’t lagging behind in the cancer treatment realm…. If antivirals worked to cure MM, there would be research on it… and people would do it… contrary to popular belief, Big Pharma isn’t pushing ineffective expensive drugs to steal your money and keep you sick…drugs are ridiculously expensive, but it’s not malicious… insurance companies are far more malicious for refusing coverage than the pharma companies imo)

Also listening to some people talk about pot shop workers (specifically managerial roles) not deserving to be paid a certain amount, all the gender critical bs, like yall, I don’t like government regulations in general and I have my views on how we attempt legislating morality and why it doesn’t work, but like…… when you use that argument to justify why people who “don’t have any education and just know drugs” (not a real quote just a paraphase) don’t deserve to be paid a certain amount, AND you don’t use it to say that like, gov shouldn’t restrict access to health care like abortions and gender affirming care… that’s not “government shouldn’t legislate morality,” that’s “government should legislate the morality I agree with” which is… the same thing you’re complaining about the “other side” doing.

Especially the gender stuff. It takes very little actual energy to use somebody’s preferred, correct pronouns. Affirming care literally saves lives. When you spend a lot of energy and time lobbying against these things, it really just tells me how uncomfortable you are with the idea that somebody could have a different life experience than you. The only person who should be spending that much time and energy caring about those things… should be the person themselves. Partners or family ofc should care too, but in a “how do we support this person so they can live a fulfilling life” way, not in a “i can’t handle anybody having a different lived experience than me” kind of way.

And also if you’re gonna complain about federal spending and budgets, can you at least acknowledge the ridiculous defense budget? Even if your viewpoint is “I don’t know how we can realistically and safely scale that back,” just like… recognize how little the government actually spends on programs like VA health care in relation to the massive defense budget. We rank third in the world for per capita military spending… I’m not saying you need answers on how to solve anything, but if you’re gonna criticize the drops in the bucket, acknowledging that they are in fact drops in the bucket comparatively would be nice.

#political bs sorry #I’m grateful for my parents in so many ways #but it would be great if they could acknowledge their own biases #and also look at the actual data #like no you don’t care about the trans persons health #because if you did you’d realize that gender affirming care and BEING A KIND HUMAN is the most life sustaining thing you can do #lord forbid they ever find out I like neutral pronouns and hate the concept of gender all together #also like yeah a pot shop manager might not have advanced degrees #but that doesn’t mean they don’t deserve the same pay as managers in other retail fields??? #so much work these days actually doesn’t require higher Ed #and not pursuing higher Ed doesn’t mean you’re incapable or contributing less to society #it’s giving ‘burger flippers dont deserve more than minimum wage because I don’t actually see them as valuable people’ #call me radical but I’d like to see people who work full time regardless of industry be able to afford to live #I’m not saying push legislature through to ensure everybody is making enough to buy a 4 bed house in their own #just like maybe don’t talk about pot shop workers with disgust and vitriol #like the TONE man it’s the TONE

[dreamlogic]

...

#chronic blogging #shit chat #well at this point both of my parents (who i inherited my Just Tough It Out streak from) have #upon hearing how bad my post-hysterectomy pain has been #told me 'umm no you need to go see someone.' and 'please just go to urgent care i will pay for it if your insurance won't.' respectively #haunted by the ghost of my right ovary (sharp stabbing pains & debilitating muscle spasms around the incision site) #it's been 1.5 years since surgery and it's getting worse not better #at my 1mo post op i was like 'hey right side hurts a lot worse & the incision seems really wonky & off-center. thoughts?' #they said it was nothing to worry about give it time i might still be feeling pain up to 6mo post op #sooo 8mo post op contact surgeon again 'hey remember that thing i mentioned? yeah still hurts bad enough i struggle to walk sometimes' #she says eeehhh maybe you developed pelvic floor dysfunction or always had it and surgery made it worse. read this book & do some stretches #book stretches & muscle relaxers helped for a bit so i just carried on but it was not improving in fact becoming more persistent #lil over a year post op contact surgeon like 'HEY do not ignore me i am in an amount of pain that is NOT NORMAL and you WILL see me' #drive 1+ hrs for her to poke at me for ~10 minutes ignore most of what i was saying and determine it's just muscle spasms do more stretches #said physical therapy MIGHT help if i did it 2x monthly for at least 6mo. which would've involved commuting over an hour during the workweek #no THANK you i'll just keep doing my stupid stretches. and the thing is. #the stretches ARE helping. i feel my overall balance/flexibility/stamina improving #but that by contrast is making the STABBING PAINS WHERE MY RIGHT OVARY USED TO BE all the more obvious #'oh it's just muscle spasms' well why the FUCK are my muscles spasming around THIS SPOT EXCLUSIVELY for SEVENTEEN MONTHS STRAIGHT #i have essentially no pain on my left side at all. i feel overall just fine & dandy but i am convinced there is something #like. very seriously wrong on the right side causing this #and yeah if my surgeon won't listen to me maybe i will check myself into urgent care and demand an ultrasound #(which btw i asked for during my last visit & she told me it was unnecessary & to fuck off) #but now the two people who instilled me with a very deep mistrust for the medical industry #and from who i learned from via a lifetime of observation how to dissociate from chronic pain in order to function #are telling me 'yeah no this is bad you need a DOCTOR.' umm. i probably need a doctor. #was talking w/ E last night about degrees of pain & like. avg day is like 4-6 on a 0-10 scale. good days 2-3. #i don't consider calling out from work unless it's like an 8 or higher cause i'm just so used to it. #i'm sick of it. so fucking bored with being in constant pain. i want my life & energy back. i want a personality beyond Oh Just Tired back. #i wanna be able to enjoy touch again with immediately hitting overstimulation threshold due to pain.

[beevean]

It’s one thing to read casually that Isaac spread rumors about Rosaly being a witch and caused her execution.

It’s quite another to see him yank Hector’s hair and hold his head tight, preventing him from even screaming in pain, forcing him to watch his beloved Rosaly being hanged in front of him. Oh, and then he dangles (the illusion of?) her severed head in his face.

Fucking hell, Isaac. You felt Hector’s tears on your fingers and still mocked him. Talk about being cruel. This is near Griffith’s levels of pure spite.

The only thing that would have made this worse would have been Rosaly being burned at the stake.

(The pages were translated faithfully so I’m using those - although maybe it should be “When you become fearsomely cruel, who and what is to blame?” - but one detail that cannot be conveyed in English is that, in this scene only, Isaac speaks in kanji and katakana)

(Considering that Isaac himself is drawn in an unrecognizeable way, I think that it’s meant to convey that Hector can’t even recognize his old friend anymore, not by appearance nor by voice, so much he has been twisted by the Curse.)

#castlevania #curse of darkness #prelude to revenge #i don't know isaac you wanna carve hector's eye out while you're at it channeling good ol' femto? #the more attention to detail you pay the more vivid it gets #yes hector yelling 'i'm over here! she's my rosaly!' genuinely got me okay i care too much #also this might be the only time long hair is painted as a detriment in castlevania lol #with how many long haired men there are i'm surprised there aren't more instances of hair pulling

[orbmanson7]

:(

Very bad grade in therapy today

#thought i could make progress this year and yet here i am having done jack shit by now #what has even been the point #i just wanted to do something today that didnt feel awful like try to encourage people to watch a show or play a game #and now im just right back to Why do i bother staying alive? im never going to make any progress #and even if i do I'm going to just be worthless the whole time and waste precious resources others could be using #oh yes just try saying a nice thing to yourself for once! yeah sure that will help when i cant do anything worth a damn #i want to help people but i have no skillsets and no money to further my education and teaching myself gets me right where i already am! #continuing like this is like spitting in the face of anyone who is actually out there pursuing their dreams and thats not fair to them #they put in all that hard work and im over here being a whiny ass bitch bc i want so badly to do better and learn more #but the only thing holding me back is that im a dumbass who cant do anything right and no one will ever think differently #why am i trying to make myself something i can never be? what is goddamn point if its just a waste of everyones time and effort #i just... it feels like the least i can do is just stop taking up space #free up some oxygen for someone who really needs it and shelter for someone who truly deserves it #i shouldnt even have these things and yet i complain about how much gas i have to pay to commute to my jobs #like such an asshole #and i said i so much in these tags bc im such a selfish jerk who coearly doesnt care enough nor has a worthwhile vocabulary to say otherwise #theres just no fucking point to any of this #... #its cold today #might be a good day to do my favorite plan #actually yeah fuck it im gonna go #hope you all stay kind to yourselves and enjoy your 2024 #you absolutely deserve it and everything you can get out of it #keep being amazing yall #see you on the flip side or whatever #orbs thought bubbles

[ftmbruce]

dick grayson categorically does NOT have "eldest daughter syndrome." sorry if that hurts your feelings or whatever but i understand him on a more personal level and i would not describe him with that whatsoever.

#as the oldest of 10 the phrase has always irked me and i can't exactly articulate why other than being transmasc #that might be the whole reason who knows #but even taking the phrase at face value i think it is intrinsically about mothering tasks that oldest daughters are expected to do #like genuine caretaking #yes he was damians guardian for a while but thats. simply not the same thing #if u wanna call him that fine whatever i guess its not hurting anyone but i just think it's doing a disservice to the actaul complexities #of his relationships with his brothers #and honestly all the reasons people say he has it is just. like normal eldest sibling pressures and expectations #yes bruce isn't necessarily a normal parent but still. #i think things ive done like caring for infants doing kids homework making dinner doing laundry paying for groceries and field trips #thankless unpaid babysitting no personal space no privacy #is more relevant to the phrase then the things people say about dick #whatever tbis is just off the cuff dont come at me with a genuine argument because i dont have one #or do ill listen to your case i just dont have the energy to make mine #dick grayson

[kempt]

my mom is so infuriating

#we were doing just fine when she got home from work but then i started to fuss over the fact that my cat hasnt come back yet and im afraid #the other cats will fucking beat him up because it has happened once and it was not nice and she was like well what can we do if #something happens i guess he will just fucking die because i cant deal with this #and EVERY TIME she says this same thing and it just feeds my anxiety and paranoia more and more #like i know it's my fault that he ran away i took my eyes off of him for 2 seconds to take care of YOUR KIDS and that happened it's totally #on me #so. i might as well just be fucking worried if my cat gets hurt too badly because apparently no one is here for him but me #i get the money struggle. i understand you cant pay hundreds on vet and meds and whatever. but does it hurt to just #be a tiny bit just a little bit comprehensive. #do you not fucking know how important this cat is for me. do you know how far i would go for him. what i would do. what he has done for me #just by BREATHING just by sleeping in the same bed as me #i got carried away anyways. im just really anxious and sad and tired and stressed and really really anxious

[godblooded]

guys wish me luck i start day 1 / 3 for training as a registered autism behavioral tech in 10.

#ooc. o kaptain. #[I want to come back but i have to get my shit together and frankly im getting there. we're working on it. this job is a big pay raise and #it's pretty rad. and it's kind of literally my neurodivergent specialty i've basically been trained for. me: i don't have experience. #also me: says this with 10+ years of experience in the educational field working with undiagnosed AND diagnosed kids. i'm stoked. i might #even make icons maybe. which i never do lmfao. no i'm not kidding i've been writing for more than a decade here and i still don't ever have #icons. and no i do not care lmfao. time to go! have a class!!! and then!! chill out maybe write maybe bg3.]