have you ever noticed you pick up little habits and phrases from the people you love? it’s no wonder our hearts are so easily broken when people leave. we become a reflection of the people that we care about and those personality traits stick with us even if the people don’t
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I wrote to you each day, even though my letters never reached you, I have still spent time with you like I always used to, no matter where you actually were, for me, you were always here, with me. Right here.
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when people leave, it's never like a bandaid. the pain keeps following you, along with their coffee stains and paper trails. all those memories and the little things that made them special. and so you find yourself crying in front of that coffee shop where you always used to go and you turn off the radio whenever their favorite song comes on. their ghosts keep haunting you but here's a thing about wraiths: they are not real.
giulswrites
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Words are all I have
Words are all I have because I can only give you that
You are so far away from me,
Where my hands cannot reach,
Where my lips cannot touch,
All I have are my words
So I gift them to you,
Every morning when I rise,
Every evening , every night
I pour into them what my body wishes to tell you but can't
I imbue them with all I am
So that when you read them
They will sing to you the song found in my heart,
For words I have come to treasure,
Because your words to me are all I have of you
e.v.e.
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kiss me one last time / before the moon and sun steal / you away again
haiku: burning twilight kiss
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love me on the moon
without gravity to weigh us down
we’ll dance among the stars
with nothing to erase
the marks you’ve carved
without wind to blow away
your tender kisses on my scars
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The 'you', in my poems, is never the same you.
A writer’s secret // m.r.n
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Lesson Learnt
Around birthdays, Christmas, or valentine
I get swallowed by this empty feeling
There are people for whom secret parties are organized
Special attentions and grand gestures of love and affection
There are people who are given their days of glory
Their moments in the sun
Showered in converged attention
And I will never be one of them
I try not to mind, not to look
But, nose stuck to the window
Fogging it with my breath
I stare at those worlds I wish I belonged to
A sinking pit in my stomach
Something rising all the way from childhood
Suddenly carried back with a vision so clear
That I'm seven again
Standing in the hallway behind the glass door
Looking at my family in the living room
Self-absorbed and laughing
As if they had fully forgotten about me
I had sneaked out of the room that I was grounded in
Stealing painful looks that are now branded in my brain
I can still see them around the dinner table
In the yellow light hanging from the ceiling
And the sporadic blue flashes of the television
My sister sitting in my chair
Glowing with the ecstatic halo of a successful scheme
And me, silent, excluded, having taken the bait
Hook, line, and sinker
Having been so maddened by injustice
That I looked to be the rowdy one
The louder I got, the more I made her right
And this rage lingered long in my chest
Stoked by her smug, delighted smile
Her constant provocations behind their backs
It tasted more bitter than anything I've known
Like biting into a rock, trying to swallow it
Gravel grinding between your teeth
I'd cry long into the night, from isolation and fury
Because I was the bad child, the noisy, the dark, the messy
Because I'd lost movie time privilege
Because I hadn't deserved it
Because it wasn't the first or the last time
I've never known jealousy as arid as this one
I had both been framed and pushed out of the family picture
I learnt that way that you don't get liked by being truthful
It's all an act I was not calculating enough for
She looked and played the part
And reaped the benefits
It was the same in school,
The cool kids were the cruel and shallow ones
The ones whose birthday invitations were sought after like golden tickets
I've never wanted to be like them
But I couldn't help but envy the comfort
That seemed to come with such falseness
Inspired by @sparkandashes‘s prompt “World I wish I belonged to” for @poetryclub13
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Her virtue was color-blind
From all the hues Passion
assaulted her heart's eyes,
Her wishes were Earthbound,
stars have failed her enough
empty promises, night wishes,
Her breaths were tantalized,
A reflection shone her path
Light was blinding, unwanted,
But eye-opening, and warming -
Unexpected want unsheathed,
A myriad colorless rainbows,
countless stardust sorrows,
and ashen emberless hearths,
Erased from memory, overwritten,
have gone when a beat returned
And enflamed became her heart,
She saw her self for the first time,
And finally this time, she promised
But only this time it was to her self.
--- she dreamt awake again
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2/15/19
love has been blinded / by bad intentions far too / many times, no more.
haiku 46/365
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you must learn her. you must know the reason why she is silent. you must trace her weakest spots. you must write to her. you must remind her that you are there. you must know how long it takes for her to give up. you must be there to hold her when she is about to.
you must love her because many have tried and failed. and she wants to know that she is worthy to be loved, that she is worthy to be kept. and, this is how you keep her.
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Darkness means to me
What light means to you.
Darkness feels like both-
grave and home,
For it is where I dwell, I mourn.
There's no life in light,
To me darkness is bright.
@sparkandashes
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Some things, you can't just leave them behind. Like the little girl who's still inside you and fears rejection so much that she keeps to herself all the time. The one who believes she's not worth anything good. The same one who fights negative thoughts every day and tries to come out stronger. That little girl will always be part of me and there's no reason to fight her because she taught me so much and she helped me become the person i am today. So, I'm sorry for trying to hide you and blaming you for everything that goes wrong. I promise that, from now on, we'll do better, together.
giulswrites
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If you only knew
If you only knew how deep I hold you in my soul I wonder if it would scare you.
I wonder if you knew how often my lips say your name and how many times in the dark, while in bed, I lay awake with thoughts of you in my head.
I wonder if you knew how profound and true my love is for you, whether you could stay away another minute of this day or if you would run to my arms instead.
I wonder if you knew how I've memorized every shape and curve that make you up so that in my mind I see you all the time.
I wonder if you knew how hot I burn for you, if you would chose to be consumed.
I wonder if you knew what kind of power you hold over me if you would abuse it at all. I hope not but I've been hurt before.
I hope you really know how fragile and wonderful is this love.
e.v.e.
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A part of me is always thinking how I wish you would kiss me one last time. But that's not what I want. Not really, anyway.
After all, you still greet me with the same smile and the same twinkle in your eyes. It's only that our lips don't share anything but smiles and secrets anymore.
"Just friends" has become something so much better than fine by me.
There's just something about the way my own voice echoes in my ears, cutting our goodbye kiss too short as I pushed you out the door. "Next time," I laughed. Only there wasn't one.
I don't need you to kiss me now, I just wish I'd let you kiss me then, one last time.
--kiss me one last time // 4lornly
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