Hi my name is Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, and I have two steel automail limbs (that’s how I got my name) and bright yellow eyes like molten gold and a lot of people tell me I look like a Xerxian (AN: if u don’t know who they are get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Olivier Armstrong but I wish I was because she’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a teenage boy but my hair is long and golden blond. I have sun tanned skin. I’m also an alchemist, and I report back to this shitty place called Central in Amestris, where I’m a certified State Alchemist (I’m thirteen). I’m emo (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Rockbell’s Automail and I buy all my automail from there. Today I was wearing my red cloak with the Flamel symbol stamped in black on the back, over top a black and white jacket, over a black short-sleeved shirt. I was also wearing black leather pants with a brown belt to which my State Alchemist pocket watch was clipped, and red and black boots and white gloves. I was walking outside Central Command. It was raining, which I was very happy about because that meant the Colonel was useless today. A lot of military officials stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.
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It is 2028.
There was no revolution. You are stuck in a job that pays 75% of your life expenses. On the weekends, you write essays for lazy exchange students.
You do not remember what it was like to not spend most of your entire check on rent.
But at least, when you get home, before you collapse into your shitty foam rectangle on the floor near the window, you get to browse memes.
"Ha," you rasp, scrolling past with lightning fast fingers on your cracked screen. "Ha. Ha."
There are so, so many layers to them. All of them, cascading off each other, on so many levels of irony, all flowing into a seamless peak of humor.
And you understand them all.
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