#people are going to say that it was justified bc she had a knife on her

[ddarker-dreams]

Keychains.

Makima x F Reader.

Warnings: Slightly unhealthy undertones bc, y’know, Makima . Word count: 1k. 

“… And after I see how that goes, we’ll meet again in a week’s time to review…”

You want to focus. You should be able to focus, given your serious line of profession, which entails risking your life in a seemingly endless uphill battle against the supernatural. There is no justifiable reason you’ll be able to offer when your superior inevitably picks up on your wandering attention span.

Is it ever exhausting, to be as keenly aware as she is? To her, everyone else must seem like they live wearing horse blinders, bumping into each other, and making a general ruckus. Does she find it pathetic, or amusing?

Considering how difficult Makima is to read, you doubt you’ll ever be able to tell.

“I’m transferring you to our Hokkaido branch, effective immediately.”

This abrupt declaration breaks through the mental wall you’ve built up like a knife stabbed into your abdomen.

“Wait, really? What good can I do up there?”

“Gotcha,” she hums, her eyes smiling where her mouth does not. “You weren’t listening. I assume you are now, correct?”

“I’ve never been a fan of the cold, so yeah, that reeled me back in.”

“What managed to steal my [First]’s attention, I wonder?” Makima muses, muted mischief in her tone. She follows your line of sight — more for show, if you had to guess — finding an array of capsule toy machines to be the culprit. Your cheeks burn and you hang your head in embarrassment when she turns back to face you.

The following silence drags on for a painfully long few seconds. Just when you fear your professional image in Makima’s eyes has been ruined forever, she posits,

“Want to play?”

You sputter, your head snapping up to gauge her expression, which betrays nothing as usual. If your life depended on it, you would still be unable to guess if she was joking or not. She had a penchant for saying the most unusual things without batting an eyelash. It’d always come out of seemingly nowhere, too. She could go from discussing the most bureaucratic topics to making you wonder if your ears are working properly. The present predicament is an excellent example of this.

Really, you should awkwardly laugh and wave this issue off, getting back to the important matters at hand here—

“Be honest.”

“I do,” you say before you can even think to stop yourself. Huh? “I don’t have any change, though.”

Makima procures a 100 yen coin from her blazer’s inner breast pocket. “Win something good.”

For some reason or another, you feel compelled to accept the bizarre offer. Her fingers brush against yours ever so slightly when you take the coin. Without further delay, you make your way over, acutely aware of how silly this must appear to any onlooker. A grown woman dressed in a pressed suit and tie eagerly half-jogging to some capsule toy machines? The people’s hard-earned tax dollars at their best.

Childlike delight at the cute options listed quickly overshadows the self-awareness you felt earlier. Without further ado, you insert the coin and twist. A capsule then falls into your possession with a resounding thunk. Hurriedly, you unscrew the lid, revealing the special prize inside. You have to refrain from exclaiming in excitement — the sweet Pompompurin released only a year prior awaits within.

“Did you get what you wanted?” Makima inquires upon your triumphant return.

“I did! Thank you, Makima-san. I’ll treat us the next time we get drinks, or something,” you clear your throat in an attempt to regain your composure. Here’s to hoping that'll be the end of things. You’ll put your newfound spoil in your pocket, scream into your pillow later tonight, then try and forget this ever happened.

She rests her head on her fist and outstretches her palm. “Let me see.”

You do as you’re bid, obediently placing the figurine into her awaiting grasp. She studies it for a second, then as if arriving at a conclusion, voices another softly spoken command.

“Your phone too.”

Makima immediately sets out to work after you fulfill her request. Your flip phone in hand, she fastens the newly obtained keychain into place. Out of the repertoire of uncanny nightmares that haunt your memories, this might be the sight to trump them all. Your superior studying a dangling Pompompurin with that little enigmatic smile on her lips she so favors. She returns it without further fuss, leaving you to ponder what her intentions might possibly be.

“It suits you,” she decides, her eyes that seemingly swirl like a vortex fixated on your form. “Keep this on always and think of me whenever you see it.”

“I can do that, sure.”

Himeno is so going to be on your case about this later… you’ll need to think of a cover story. She probably wouldn’t believe you even if you did tell her the truth. You make a mental note to never answer your phone in her presence.

“I want one like that too,” Makima nods her head toward your newly decorated phone. You go to take a sip of your water, finding this entire interaction draining on account of how unusual it is. Although, you can count the number of times you’ve had normal interactions with your coworkers on one hand. “Then we’ll match. Almost like girlfriends, wouldn’t you say?”

At this, you almost choke on your drink. She’s benevolent enough to give you time to recover, sitting straight with her hands resting on her lap, while you’re fighting for your life. Eventually, your body sees fit to calm down. Aside from your heart. The traitorous organ is pounding at an unhealthy rate.

How does someone respond to that!? Public Safety has got to get better HR to curtail these sorts of things in advance. Now that you think about it, do you guys even have HR…?

“Oh, uh,” you cough lamely into your fist, “I’d love to help with that, Makima-san, but it’s all up to luck. Those machines can bleed you dry if you’re not careful.”

Perfect, that’s a solid, decidedly cool response that should help rebuild your shattered ego. She places a finger to her cheek while considering your words. After a moment’s deliberation, she reaches into yet another pocket that jingles upon being disrupted. A bulging coin purse is placed on the table and slid over to your bewildered person.

She takes your frozen hand and gently moves it onto the purse.

“If it’s luck that you need... then I’ll be your lucky charm.”

#makima x reader #chainsaw man x reader #CSM x reader #reader insert #is this a win or a loss for feminism ? #my stuff

[sandersgrey]

"Kit's silence treatment to Ty isn't healthy because it's stewed in shame" uh YEAH. Nearly ALL of Kit's relationships are.

He's JUST starting to figure out a healthier dynamic with his family in Devon, and they havent done anything to upset him yet, so he hasn't had any reason to try and figure out healthy forgiveness.

The only real, meaningful relationship Kit is shown to have before the Institute was his dad, who we never see him saying no to.

You think Johnny Rook was out there showing Kit how to establish and enforce boundaries in a healthy way? Fuck no.

Kit was, as far as we're aware of, not only obedient to Johnny's wants but also willing to go out and put himself at risk by pickpocketing as as ten years old. He's not even outwardly angry when he realizes his own father didn't unconditionally love him.

Kit is consistently shown to be people pleasing when it comes to people he's attached to.

He jokes but plays Ty's Watson nearly as soon as he realizes that's what Ty wants from him; he assumes he has to repay Jessa for the love they show him before Jem assures him he doesn't; this all stems from Kit's core belief that love is earned.

And yeah, he thinks he hasn't earned Ty's. There is some deep shame in there, born from internalized homophobia, but also from Kit showing vulnerabilty for the first time in his life and getting... nothing. The realization that he means absolutely nothing to Ty.*

Of course he doesn't want to be reminded of that. The sheer humiliation would've killed a lesser teenager.

That's the same kid who saw a werewolf transform in front of him as a child and had a breakdown so public his dad pulled him out of school and kept him at home for at least five years, and he still has werewolf friends.

He dated someone who he was 50% sure was a werewolf, and only broke up w her bc it was too awkward... to not know if she was or not. He never hints that her being a werewolf would be a problem itself. It's just the awkwardness of asking.

He jokes that his dad isn't in heaven, but that's as far as his anger there goes. When he finds out that Johnny lied to him his entire life, Kit is upset. He's not mad.

This is the same kid who grew up being told shadowhunters snatch children, who had a knife held to his throat in his first close interaction with one, and still was able to become best friends and eventually fall in love with the exact same shadowhunter.

Kit can't do confrontations. He assumes that whenever a relationship goes wrong, it's because of something that makes him unlovable. That's obviously untrue and unhealthy.

But Kit doesn't hold grudges. He might avoid a more intimate relationship if things are awkward, but he's clearly willing to be close to people who he would be somewhat justified in believing have hurt him in the past.

The fact that he doesn't want to see Ty is stewed in shame.

The fact that he's so willing to enforce that boundary that he'll tell his friend's ghost that he won't talk to her anymore if she keeps trying to bring that up? That he's not rude, or mean, but honest about his unwillingness to be around Ty when Ty himself shows up?

Honestly, I'm kinda proud of him. That couldn't have been easy.

* Btw, this isn't Ty's fault. Ty was trying to bring back his sister from the dead and was not prepared for Kit to just straight up tell him he loves him. He needed 3-5 business days to process that, but, of course, both of their trauma responses clashed. That's what trauma responses often do.

#alex wont shut up #tda #kit herondale #kit rook #sobh #twp #tda meta #fuck johnny rook all my homies hate johnny rook #i saw a post saying that Months ago lmao it just takes me a while to Marinate

[alternis]

another third eye au future evil titans thought

I do not have Details or Plot Outline but I do have a Scene and setup

so probably evil future titans is lead by evil future cass since she never had an evil arc in this au.rhey take over titans tower and Tim gets taken out of the equation and shoved in a relatively nice holding cell with one of the future titans checking up on him, and via the power of Deduction realises that the reason they're not trying to convince him to join their murder cult thinking or treating him as a potential future threat is that. he isnt involved in their future.

and bc of the psychological problems he is very quickly able to be like "ah its bc I am dead in their future. ah well, sucks but i knew it was coming"

he strikes up conversation with his captor (not sure who exactly but likely a meta) and gets them to open the cell door to talk with him (while standing in it to give them a false sense that he's still super trapped) by laying out that he knows he's dead in their future and would like details.

they're like wow forgot how creepy it was when you did that. Well I cant give you details because you just vanished one day and when we tried to figure out what was going on we realised you'd given most of your stuff away to different people. and then months later we hear that lady shiva says she killed you! what the hell

and Tim gets to be like, well if your future selves also went back and met you qs you said and this is all one big closed loop then this conversation between your future you and your timeline's me probably happened as well which means I already knew what was going to happen. and since you seem upset by me dying I'm gonna be compassionate and reassure you that I'm not entirely surprised and have been ready for this for a While. so in your timeline I probably didn't tell you bc I knew it would upset all of you, but tbh I've been living on a countdown timer for years and my time just ran out.

and the evil future titan is like wow. you have psychological problems 👍

and he's like yeah BUT let me divulge my traumatic backstory. so when i was 13 I killed a person. somebody with a grudge against my family paid a serial killer to make me his next victim. he attacked me with a knife and I panicked, picked up something heavy, and hit him in the side of the head with it. most people would say that was justified. self defence, right but? but I didn't just save my own life. that man had killed over a hundred people. by killing him, I prevented the creation of any future victims. and I'd already crossed the line by killing somebody. when Shiva offered to train me, i accepted. i knew that eventually she'd kill me, and with what she taught me i could have kept killing until then. i already had blood on my hands.

but I didn't. I never killed another person. not even when I knew it was justified, that they deserved it, that the world would be better without them. killing is a line you can't uncross. every time you kill somebody you take another step forward, until the line is so far behind you that you forgot it was ever there. ive seen a lot of people who live their life that way. I was trained by one.

you can't undo what you did. you can't escape the consequences. I can't un-kill that man, or escape the bargain I made afterwards. but you don't have to keep going forwards, either. no matter how far gone you think you are--you always, always can choose to stop. I don't think me telling you this will convince you, but you should think it over at least.

the future titans realise they've been leaning into the doorframe as they talked and tries to straighten up only for their vision to swim and their legs to give out.

surprise, the cell has been pumping out nerve gas (that he already had an immunity built up against), something he'd suggested be built into the cells as an Extra Restraint, but secretly as a contingency plan in case the other titans ever turned on him or somebody took over their base and tried to lock him up. he just had to trigger it and get them in the cell (or the doorway of the cell) long enough for it take effect. paranoia saves the day!

#third eye au #my writing

[ellavaday]

screaming into the void (and explaining references/subtitles) for the lastest episode of dres, ball challenge edition

look at me not writing a dissertation for once i am so happy lol

when juriji is going all "yes we're friends but idc onyx left" she is not calling diamante rude... chunga/o is more like. A person that has had a rough life and is rough as a result of it. You'd use a word like chungo to talk about a rough neighborhood (and a person that comes from a rough neighborhood but it doesn't have to be bc there's a slippery slope there with stereotyping people, juri is not accusing diamante of mugging someone w a knife or anything, she's just saying she's coming off a little harsh)

congratulations sharonne for being a track record legend

the subtitles in english when diamante is explaining how she did the lipsync are giving me brain damage because they are odd (... and there's a typo that mixes part w parents) but whatever moving on, it's close enough

sharonne laughing about marina in confessionals for using silicone because 'who does that!?' me, sharonne I've done that (also by accident like marina, in my case the silicone mixed up with the skin safe glue by accident) 0/10 would not recommend, i had silicone residue stuck to my forehead for 3 days pls learn from our mistakes lol

when they're entering the workroom the next day sharonne says they're imitating hocus pocus and then the subtitles say abracadabra when she says el retorno de las brujas (the return of the witches), abracadabra is the name of hocus pocus the movie in LatAm and return of the witches is the name of it in Spain, hence also why she says 'but the witches never truly left the workroom'

i think it's a bit unfair to accuse diamante of not caring for onyx [and i don't love this edit for her nor how many people have justified sending her lots of racist shit since the show begun because she comes off as cocky, the fact that she's not taken any of it to heart (or expressed so publicly) fills me with admiration bc i have cried for much less than stuff i've seen people write about her]

e n o u g h with the closeups to the crotch of the pitcrew

unconventional materials sewing challenge here we go, milagros a lourdes, no a las travestis (go ask for miracles to the lady of lourdes not to the crossdresser) indeed venedita, but i did kinda love that supremme sat on the ground with the girls to see what they had so far rupaul could never

when they announce choriza as a guest judge her message is soy choriza may y comparado con ésto ni el brexit ni valencia tiene tanto petardo junto. Keep calm y amunt el socarrat, "i'm choriza may" is straight forward enough, "compared to this neither valencia nor brexit has seen so many petards in the same place" the subs translate it as excitement but petardo is also how you call a dimwit and a petardo is also an actual firecracker and chori is from valencia where pyrotechnical events that use petards are traditional, they're called mascletà. Amunt el socarrat would be 'long live socarrat' in valencian, socarrat means scorched and it usually refers to the scorched rice at the bottom of the paella pan but also it's the name of a decorative medieval clay tile placed between beams and joists in houses that are also very typical from valencia

the next day when venedita says she wants to change her name to Ester Colero it's a wordplay for estercolero = dunghill or manure heap 💩

when they're teasing marina because she stapled her dress and is going to rely on her silhouette, diamante in confessionals say that marina is rara de cojones, it just means diamante thinks marina is just really weird, not that she gets angry or mad like the subs say

can't be certain this is for sure but i think the entire caricari family thing of estrella's friends in bcn (which i find stinkingly adorable btw) is because it's pretty common to call people cari as a diminutive of cariño (i do that a lot, cari is my endearment of choice, like cielo)

alright runway time

when presenting the runway; when supremme says they're all very well dressed, javier calvo says que mona va esta chica siempre which is a meme from a long running sitcom called aquí no hay quien viva

when introducing choriza, supremme says that if she was a contestant in spain her name would have been martadela which is ofc a pun for marta and mortadella but just as a curiosity, chori's actually name is a wordplay not only for theresa may but because in spanish you call thieves (and also politicians) a chorizo and british ppl pronounce theresa and chorizo almost the same

people were teasing chori a bit online because just like juri says she sounds the tiniest bit guiri when speaking in spanish but it's charming and it makes me feel better about my own accent (but some of it is just her voice lol)

10th century runway

sharonne quotes gollum from lotr mi tesoro = my precious in the spanish dub and calvo says abrigoberta bandini which is a reference to rigoberta bandini (she's a singer that got second place in the benidorm fest, the contest that chose who would represent spain in eurovision this year)

when estrella gets on the runway calvo says guarra de arco, it's a wordplay for guarra = naughty/dirty and joan of arc; estrella doesn't know what the crux in her clothes is for but it is a greek crux, specifically a cruz de calatrava (she says she's a mercenary but it's more templar knight vibes if i'm honest); when calvo says me caso y me mato (i'll marry and i'll kms) is a quote from la veneno and chori actually says estrella likes to suck on the sword not swallow it but eh close enough

venedita's first look personally reminds me of george melie's a trip to the moon from 1902 but i'm a fan (during the 10th century a good portion of spain was governed by moors and the first astronomy studies were in fact done by them so that's what she's representing); also i am almost certain 'the hidden side of the moon is a woman' is a reference to the lyrics of a song but idk which (it is the name of a romantic novel, i don't think it's a reference to that but who knows)

diamante is dressed like córdoba's mosque (and i'm sorry that critique about it being too fashiony but not draggy enough was complete bs) ambrossi made a pun that was translated a bit oddly but we're letting it go

sethlas look is inspired by the glosas emilianenses, they were considered the earliest spanish language text till 2010 (nowadays it's considered early navarre-aragonese rather than spanish by the royal spanish academy) written in the 10th century to a 9th century latin codex; when supremme says una glosa es una glosa the sub says a book is a book... maybe a pun for a rose is a rose [by any other name] but most likely on una rosa es una rosa the mecano song and the subs don't pick it up but ana answers with que glosa usted? which was a terrible pun for 'what did you say?'; chori says she thinks sethlas wrote it with feathers, feather is a shorthand for saying something is camp, effeminate or just very gay

as soon as marina comes out ambrossi says in the subs don't be shady but no es trigo limpio (lit. she's no clean wheat) means she is not to be trusted (as in that's an idiom); supremme sings a punny version of lágrimas de amor by camela (changing sueño contigo, dreaming about you, with sueño con trigo, dreaming about wheat); ambrossi also makes a reference to maria teresa campos, a journalist and tv host bc campos = fields; the marina, meteorica, mariconica, is the obligatory maricon = fag pun chori's travesti a la fuga feels like a ref to the runaway bride film

when juriji enters calvo says fray luis de putón; putón means slut and fray luis de leon was a 14th century agustinian monk, teologian and poet; ambrossi says juana de armas which is a reference to ana de armas (an actress that became popular here for being the main character in a 2007 teen drama called el internado; she's also in knives out and the 2021 bond film) i might have screamed when i saw that look

20th century runway

sharonne says the woman she's playing is a bit yuppie and a bit extra, sobrada can be extra but here is more like wealthy/cocky; ana says verde que te quiero verde which is translated to i love her for her money in the subs, it's the name of a lorca book and an expression for loving money bc green; when calvo says that look is very money it's a pun, moni is a diminutive to mono=cutesy

when estrella walks in, ana says de cabo a rabo which is an expression that means from begining to end and it's also a pun cabo=corporal and rabo=tail and colloquially in spanish ráno also means dick; tbh mariconizar a franco was an inspired idea but sadly it fell a bit short just like the rest of her looks for today

matching with estrella who did francisco franco venedita is doing his wife, carmen polo; who was mockingly called la collares (lady necklaces) because she loved pearl necklaces; she's also wearing a peineta (spanish decorative comb) and a mantilla (lace shawl used as a head cover for church or special occasions); as she walks ambrossi says esto con franco no pasaba which the subs translate as 'this thing with franco is a bad idea' but would literally be translated as 'these things didn't happen when franco [was alive/in power]'... used here mockingly, bc when franco was alive you couldn't even breath wrong his name if you wanted to live, but also it's a quote often used by fascists and perjudiced ppl being dickheads; ana says se habrá encollado? which the subs translated to a fully different thing, it means 'do you think she's collared?'; ambrossi says 'that pearl smells like an oyster' when she takes the pearls from her crotch, as you might guess from juriji's mussel runway in episode one, oysters are an euphemism for vaginas

diamante's second runway is inspired by casa batlló and diamante i mean this with love... no. la casa batlló is a catalan modernist building made by the architect antonio gaudí (who also did parc güell and la sagrada familia in barcelona) and diamante is right for sant jordi's day (also known as day of the rose) the front of the building is covered in roses; it is a lovely inspiration and both the tradition and the building are near and dear to my heart, but it feels more like an homage to revolutionary girl utena; in the story of saint george a kingdom was being terrorized by a dragon that saint george kills and from the carcass of the slayed dragon grew a rose bush, dragona is also a way to refer to a drag queen which is why choriza says she doesn't trust sant jordi, bc he goes around killing drag queens (dragonas)

when sethlas comes in as a non-binary computer; calvo makes a reference to taking the blue pill or the red pill which from the matrix (and to party drugs)

nothing for marina that was pretty straight forward, i did like hers a lot as well

when juriji comes in and ana says she's very swedish, hacerse la sueca (to pretend to be swedish) means to pretend you don't know what's going on; cine de barrio (cinema from the neighborhood) is a tv show that has been in emissions since the 90s, it's currently host by alaska (the spanish singer) and it's the projection of the movie (anything made in spain from the 50s to the 90s) + interviews made to people that performed/filmed them; she also uses a very particular word called el destape for reveal, el cine destape was what the movies made after 1975 were called, immediately after the francoist censorship committee was disolved, bc many of those were basically accused of being porn movies with the flimsiest excuse of a plot; el felpudo de la cantudo is a reference to 'la cantudo's welcome mat' la cantudo was maria jose cantudo, and the welcome mat in question is her crotch which appears in a movie in 1975 for like 9 seconds in a fully useless shot that made everyone lose their shit (the first frontal nudity shoot in a movie after 40 years of censorship would do that... idk if it was the first one ever made in spanish cinema but it probably was); and that reference to fernando estesos sucking on nipples is a reference to another spanish sitcom called la que se avecina (a raunchier sequel to aquí no hay quien viva) in which a character -an elder lady- is always saying that estesos (who is a famous actor) sucked on her nipple when she was younger and worked in cinema (he made a cameo in the series after years of being name dropped on the show) ((i am well aware this is a lot for a simple look of juri in underwear lol but i don't know how to explain any of these in any other way i am sorry))

30th century runway

when sharonne enters ambrossi makes a reference to a popular kid's riddle oro parece plata no es (looks like gold it's not silver, it's a wordplay for platano = 🍌); the judges make references to the scarecrow and the lion from the wizard of oz and when she's leaving calvo says 'es muy cañera' (she's very powerful) it can mean exactly that and it can also reference papel de caña (recycled paper)

when estrella is walking the runway ambrossi says she's cybercelia; cybercelia was the host character from a kids show segment in tv from the early 00s called the cyberclub that had cartoon episodes in-between educative segments; albal flores is a wordplay on papel albal (aluminium paper, albal is a popular brand) and alba flores (family of the flamenco dancer lola flores and actress in the money heist tv series) and alba carrillo is a model and tv host

when venedita is walking the runway choriza says venedita has a flower on her ass, it is an expression that means being lucky; when calvo says she's been seeded, plantada actually means she was stood-up

when diamante enters the runway ana makes a pun on anténa dragbolica (parabolic antenna); I'm sure the robot 3000 is a reference to something but idk what is it rn

when sethlas walks the runway calvo mentions punky brewster which was an actual tv show but also punki is how you call a punk music fan here; chori's comment in the subs is watch out for the edges but in spanish it's more like mírate esas puntas/get a good look at those [hair] ends and that she would go to sethlas' bermuda triangle not that she has been there already

when marina leaves the runway, chori says tiene el corazón contento which is from a song by marisol

juriji won me when she said she was inspired by barbarella even if i don't think the look was anything special; calvo says 'what a cone' not 'how can i say no?'; chori makes a reference to jordi hurtado who is a game tv show host that seems like he doesn't age at all (him being immortal or time traveling are memes); barbarella rey is a reference to barbara rey (a performer) not lana lol

judges critiques

un ole para sharonne for saving herself and this being literally the lowest she's landed in 6 episodes

there's a typo when estrella is getting critiqued by the judges bc it looks like she says she thinks she did a lot with the looks, but she says she is very aware she does not look her best even if she tried

the winner of this week challenge for me is dovima nurmi who, for someone that got to top 5 doing nothing, has been name dropped in almost every episode so far

the 'hey babes' from sethlas is a reference to alex gibaja (the person sethlas didn't play in snatch game)

waiting for deliveration

juriji says valen más dos tetas que dos carretas which is a rhyme that basically means two tits are worth more than two wagons (not quite 'i have to believe in myself' but i mean that's a valid way to interpret that saying sgsksh)

ofc choriza enters saying gibraltar español hdsdhj señora

venedita says they can keep horchata and paella but valencia has the best drag; i am not even bothering with paella, you all know what that is (and it is very valencian and does not have seafood or chorizo, do not listen to what jamie oliver says) but horchata is a drink, google says it's tiger nut milk in english but i've never heard of that my life... whatever is a tiger nut supposed to be, we call them chufas in spanish (or xufas in valencian)

and back to the main stage

ambrossi says marina's last look was like a maqui which specifically the name of the antifranco dictatorship guerilla active till the 60s

congratulations to sethlas 🥰 (when she says she's used to winning, for those of you that don't keep up with canarian drag, she's won the most important pageant they have more than a couple of times and it's a big deal)

the way carmen or jota would have been amazing for this lipsync... so much drama (not my thing if I'm honest) and we're going five for five for cadiz queens having wardrobe malfunctions, not a wig this time but estrella's bra

aaand we are done! what did you all think of this episode?

#drag race españa #drag race espana #rpdr spain #sandra's translator era #personal

[waitwhathelp]

Around the same time as the verdict in the Derek Chauvin trial came out yesterday, police in Columbus, Ohio shot and killed a black teenager. Her name was Ma’khia Bryant, she was 16 years old, and she should still be alive.

George Floyd’s family got to see accountability for his death. That accountability does not change the system that allowed him, Ma’khia, and hundreds of others to be killed in the first place.

#I don’t know exactly when it happened I first started hearing about it as the decision read #but I saw one report that said it happened like 40 minutes before that #Columbus police have a history of cruelty #people are going to say that it was justified bc she had a knife on her #police are not supposed to be executioners #even when someone is doing something wrong police are not supposed to kill people #i’m not saying that ma’khia was doing anything wrong just saying that even if she was it doesn’t justify her death #ma’khia bryant #makiah bryant #columbus ohio #ohio #columbus #blm #black lives fucking matter #black lives matter #say her name #justice for george floyd #george floyd #alicia hail #tw police violence #tw police murder #tw police brutality #tw police mention #tw mention of death

[autisticandroids]

Okay so this was a while back but im preety sure you had mentioned an au of yours where dean is a serial killer and cas successfully stalks him but i don't think you talked about it more than that and i just really want to hear a bit more bc that idea sounds so tastefully fucked up

okay so. weeks later i finally end up answering this ask. it inspired this post btw. anyway spn is a show that's like. all about justifications, as i said in the post inspired by this ask. it's about having no choice and doing what you have to do. and like there is the phantasy embedded in it, a phantasy that is both indulged and punished. but most importantly it's justified. the monsters are super strong to show how brave our heroes are for fighting them, the main characters let out great wails of grief every time their lady loves are violently ripped from them (even though now they are free to do whatever they want), the narrative twists to show our heroes as correct whatever they do. the fantasy (of being allowed to enact violence, of being free from feminine "control," of being right) comes first. the material construction of the universe of supernatural comes afterward. whatever the fantasy is, the universe of supernatural will provide material conditions to justify its acting-out.

and what this means is that our protagonists, dean in particular, are constantly doing just horrific things, which in any other circumstance would be unconscionable. but the universe of supernatural provides justification for these acts. the point of my serial killer au which i think about so so so much is to ask the question: what if these justifications melted out from under their feet? what if dean was left holding nothing but a lie and the weight of everything he's done?

therefore, the premise of my au is such (under the cut because this baby is long):

john and mary winchester, in the mid seventies, joined a doomsday cult known as the men of letters. the men of letters were rather unusual for a doomsday cult, in that they believed that the apocalypse could be prevented by human behavior. this started as correct living, correct worship, yadda yadda, the kind of behavior and thought control that cults are known for, but with the justification of: if you don't do this, the world will end. eventually, this escalated to human sacrifice. the men of letters managed to untraceably kill two homeless people in the late seventies. but they eventually fell apart. however, a month after john and mary left the men of letters (mostly john's choice, mary still believed), mary died in a house fire. john took it as a sign from god that actually, the men of letters were right, and the world would end unless john himself did something about it. so he took some of the (intensely numerological) theology of the men of letters. and he worked out his own formula. and he applied it to the yellow pages. and started ritualistically killed people to prevent the apocalypse, with his two sons in the back of the car.

now, obviously, this is some kind of grief induced temporary madness on john's part, shaped by the mental abuse he suffered in the men of letters. but the thing is, once you've killed a couple of people to prevent the apocalypse. well. there's this thing called the sunk costs fallacy. john wasn't gonna question his own beliefs after that.

and he raised his boys to believe it, too, or at least he raised dean to. they didn't tell sam what they did until he was twelve, and sam didn't buy it, tried to call the cops on them several times but in the end, they always prevented him. eventually sam ran off to stanford, where he now lives under a cloud of guilt that he's too loyal to his family to rat them out.

john died a few years back of a heart attack, but dean is convinced it's because he messed up a ritual two weeks before it happened, so it pushed him further into this belief system.

dean's killings (and john's before him) are ritualistic and distinctive, obviously the same killer each time. but they happen anywhere in the united states, seemingly at random, there are inconsistent amounts of time between each one (sometimes as short as days, sometimes as long as years), and there is no particular victim profile. obviously, since our killers are following an arcane mathematical formula to make their choices for them, but the police don't know that.

castiel novak is an unemployed shut-in with a small inheritance which he's living off of, a cryptography degree, and an obsession with all things morbid. he spends most of his time on the reddit true crime forums, playing amateur sleuth. by complete chance, he happens to recognize one of the symbols frequently used in corpse displays by the so-called sioux falls satanic slaughterer (so named because the first time three of his victims were in the same part of the country, it so happened that they were all in sioux falls, south dakota. this was in the late eighties.) as being mostly only used by a little known cult group called the men of letters, which dissolved in the mid eighties.

he only notices this because, as a teen, he had a special interest in cults and fringe religious groups. the men of letters weren't a particularly notable or well known phenomenon; they were small, and a lot like every other cult that formed during the seventies cult boom. (no outsider ever heard about the human sacrifice; there were rumors, of course, but they were garbled, sensationalized, and mixed up with satanic panic fodder.)

(the men of letters' two sacrifices were nothing particularly romantic or fantastical. they first lured panhandler josie sands back to their compound with promises of food and a warm bed when she admitted she couldn't get a bed at a shelter, and was thinking of getting caught shoplifting just so she could be under a roof in the county jail. the men of letters' leader, a man who took on the name alistair, forced his inner circle to dress in the ceremonial black robes he had given them when he initiated them into his nearest and dearest, and which his wife had sewn out of old bed sheets and dyed black with home made oak gall dye. these robes still left black smudges on the wearer's skin occasionally if they sweated too much. josie was laid, bound, on the altar, a slapdash thing constructed over the course of two days from scrap plywood and a couple of milk crates. a rich red tablecloth purchased at macy's for $3.99 hid its ugliness and gave it grandeur. alistair attempted to kill the struggling miss sands by bringing a sharpened kitchen knife down on her bosom and piercing her heart, but, having never killed a human or even slaughtered an animal before, was unaware of the problem presented by the human ribcage. after rather ineffectually poking at the area beneath sands' bosom with his knife while she shrieked in pain and terror for about ninety seconds, alistair tried a different tack, and slit her throat, which worked just fine, and she bled out quite nicely. the second and final victim of the men of letters was a local vagrant named larry ganem, an older gentleman who walked with a limp. he was lured back to the compound in approximately the same manner as sands, but instead of being bound, he was fed stew laced with sleeping pills. even if alistair hadn't slit his throat, he wouldn't have woken up. it's actually arguable whether he was still alive at time of sacrifice; mary winchester (eight months into her first pregnancy), who, as a member of the inner circle, was in attendance, actually tried to take ganem's pulse as he lay on the altar (now covered by a different tablecloth; the red one had turned stiff with sands' blood and been subsequently burned) and found nothing, so it is entirely possibly only sands' death can be directly laid at alistair's feet, and ganem's is the fault of mrs. ellen harvelle, who prepared the laced stew. regardless, these two deaths are lessons in the nature of human evil: it is very rarely skilled, suave, or smooth. it's often slapdash, half-hearted, and just plain incompetent. but that makes it no less grisly. alistair may have begun to drink his own kool-aid, as it were, and escalated this far out of genuine belief that the apocalypse was coming and it was up to him to stop it, but it is far more likely that he sensed the imminent collapse of his little empire, and wanted to bind his subjects to him through the horrors of shared guilt, considering two lives a small price to pay for the continued loyalty of his inner circle. and the tactic worked: the men of letters didn't start to collapse in earnest until almost four years later. perhaps if alistair had continued the killings, the men of letters could have lasted for far longer, maybe even up until the present day. but it seems that alistair, a psychiatrist by training and unused to violence, simply didn't have the stomach for it. unlike, say, john winchester, who before his time with the men of letters had done a two year tour in vietnam, during which he had killed three living, thinking human beings with the american government's go-ahead.)

anyway. castiel is the first person, ever, to make the connection between the men of letters and the sioux falls satanic slaughterer. and once that connection is made, castiel begins to research the men of letters far more in-depth. and he notices something: the theology of the men of letters was intensely numerological, filled with patterns, significant numbers, and even spiritual equations.

castiel thinks of the seemingly random selection of the slaughterer's victims, and has an epiphany.

he cracks all his fingers, and gets coding.

six months. it takes castiel six months to discover an equation that could fit the slaughterer's pattern. it's complex, but also clearly based on several of the men of letters' holy numbers, and accounts for every single one of the killings. it also suggests that there should have been two or three more deaths scattered across the years, but more than likely those did happen, it's just that they weren't reported as part of the slaughterer's portfolio.

but much more importantly, castiel's model can also make predictions. there will be two killings, fifteen days apart, in a city seven hours' drive away, six weeks from now.

so castiel waits. and he books a hotel room. and two months later, he's waiting outside 217 oak street when a shadowy figure climbs up a tree and lets itself into the upstairs window.

dean winchester is feeling particularly all alone in the world when he breaks into maisey banks' home (217 oak street). his father has been dead for half a decade, and he hasn't spoken to his baby brother for twice that. it's not like this whole grizzly saving the world business makes him a lot of friends. so once he's done killing maisey (which is easy, she was ninety three and dying of cancer anyway. she doesn't even wake up when he slits her throat) and arranging her corpse in the appropriate manner, with prayers and sigils, he turns around. and sees a man standing behind him.

smiling slightly.

as he watches dean gut this old woman.

dean freezes.

the man takes a step forward.

"you're very attractive for a serial killer who's been operating since the eighties."

dean is silent.

"family business, is it?"

silence continues.

"i'm not here to report you to police. i'm just here to see if my algorithm worked right."

and dean finally breaks his silence: "what the hell is wrong with you?"

what's fun here is that dean knows (or rather "knows") that he isn't a serial killer. so he finds what cas is doing, this amoral serial killer stormchasing, morally repugnant. because cas has no way of knowing he isn't a regular serial killer.

there's also the fact that that cas proceeds to flirt with him. aggressively. and follows him back to his motel.

but the thing is that dean is all alone in the world. and as cas continues trailing him around, he starts getting, well, flattered. and feeling a little bit less alone.

it doesn't take very long before they fall into bed. even if cas is an amoral stalker with a fetish for what dean considers a distasteful yet necessary vocation.

so. they fall into bed. they fall in love. they make a little life together, in dean's big sexy car. dean tries to explain to cas that he's saving the world. that these people's lives are a necessary price to pay. and cas seems to listen.

of course, castiel doesn't believe a word of it. but he's found that he likes dean. really likes him. and he realizes that the collapse of dean's belief system would destroy him.

so he sets about becoming as complicit in it as possible.

even to the extent where, when dean is hit by a car and ends up into the hospital a day before one killing is meant to take place, castiel agrees to take on the job. (he doesn't actually kill anyone, obviously. but he does use his extensive skill with computers to create three fake newspaper articles which make it look like he has.)

but five years later, something goes wrong. really, really wrong. dean miscalculates the formula. and by the time he checks his work, the actual date of the next kill, as demanded by the formula, has passed. in fact, so have three others. and the world didn't end.

dean collapses. he hyperventilates. all those people. all those people. for no reason. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people. all those people.

cas seems totally unfazed. dean stares at him in shock. but cas just takes dean in his arms, and whispers in his ear: "oh, dean, i never believed in the equation. i love you no matter what you've done."

and dean buries his face in cas' chest.

#spn #asks #anonymous #abuse tw #violence tw

[phoebehalliwell]

i don't know if i'm the only one but i've often wondered exactly how hard it was to convince julian mcmahon to stick around for season five. they took his character, a feared powerful half demon and made him into the butt of the joke and the whole joke was basically ha ha look at this lovestruck fool obsessing and suicidal because he's got nothing to live with but can't die. ain't that funny? like how the fuck did the writers sell that to julian is my question

i find the entirety of season five just so goddamn insulting to cole's character. hell the fact that he got possessed by the source and this was treated as him turning evil instead of a shitty situation that got out of hand. like it wasn't bad enough he was villified for something that he wasn't even in control of half the time they couldn't even just vanquish the dude, they dragged it on and ridiculed him. i hate it here

lol. i mean. yeah. i really. like. it's like. like okay we all know cole was a fan favorite right and he & phoebe were really meant to like. be the sex appeal to the show no one else was really filling that role they were charmed's Sexy Couple tm. so like. in a sense i get the notion ab wanting to keep him around. because everyone loves him! he's bad boy! he adds this dangerous edge love balancing on a knife's point stuff like that. so like. that being said. u wanna keep him around. i just like Do Not Get how you opt to keep him around Like That. tbh. as w all things. i am blaming brad kern. i think it all really started to tank s4 (well, with mortal cole, but like) with source cole. that was bad, but i know it was part of the push to have like long form season drama character driven plots conflict between the sisters themselves it just like. sucked ass and balls imo. like i mean the fact they had to do the source as a possession just so they could get demon cole and lover cole,,, i mean it speaks to how stupid it was. the fact that u wanted cole to be a villain So Bad but the only way to do it was like. possession? sign that u should not do that like. like. like. i don't know how we're supposed to feel ab that.

and then. the vanquish. not sticking. i think like. i think they probably had the vague idea that cole having a mortal soul would not be able to be vanquished properly right? like. demons get destroyed into nothingness, but the human part of him lives, so i think they probably knew that was what they were going to do, that's what they sold to jmm and like. we sowed those seeds in the s4 finale w his ghost whispers and materialization. so i think like. they knew they wanted to Not Kill Him because he was such a fan favorite. maybe there was an intention to do a will they won't they variant of phole? and then. of course. there was the whole idea of paige cole, which, as the rumor goes, was meant to kick of in the s5 pilot, but both julian and rose shut it down. but i feel like. assuming that's true (which i 100% do assume that's true absolutely and i'm not endorsing it i don't think it would have been good or well written or whatever but like. 👀. you know?) but yeah. assuming that's true, i feel like that piece really speaks to what their designs for cole were: man meat. he was meant to be their male sex appeal and they weren't going to be picky about the narrative itself as long as he was still kicking.

but like honestly? i mean i shouldn't have to say this it's a given: it's not enough to just put your sexy man in front of a camera and call it a day like imo even a man who is not sexy can be made appealing through the power of the narrative. like, to level with you, i never really ever shipped phole nor found cole attractive at all like ever, but i can see like the fucking support beams you know i can see the infrastructure on which this whole thing can you know take on a life of its own in the earlier seasons because they very consciously put it there!! people shipped it for a reason n not just because they were two people standing next to each other on a tv screen i mean hello almost sinking a dagger in her heart but can't do it sends her away back to her sisters because he can't act out on his evil plan!! that's something!!!! that's so very something and they gave us Nothing they gave us nothing in the later seasons. and still expected it to fly. like. tbh julian was probably just like unwittingly duped like dragged along for the ride s5 which is likely why he was vanquished halfway through because i'd imagine roughly three episode in he went okay! um. what's this? guys? what's this? and then they said cole<3 you know he like knew he had to get the hell outta dodge.

anyways. if i were to resuscitate phole in s5. which like. to level w u. i wouldn’t. because they would need a lot of one-on-one screentime and we already spent so much of s4 splitting up the sisterhood in the name of phole i wouldn’t really want to continue with that per se But. if i were. this ask is getting long it’s under a cut 

something something demon of the week something something realms the point is cole is there when he very much shouldn’t be and like. he and phoebe get knocked into a different plane. so their bodies are fine and at the manor, but their minds are elsewhere and they need to solve whatever it is in order to get back. and we’ll say there’s a fuckin deadline because the girls need the power of three and right now they are sealed off from accessing it. and you know phoebe’s pretty fuckin pissed with cole because you know. he dragged her down to hell and she almost gave birth to the antichrist. actually source’s heir might be fun to keep around in this au idk. the point is phoebe’s pissed at cole and cole’s pissed at phoebe because phoebe’s pissed at him but he literally didn’t have control over himself in that era and he’s not getting the space he needs to justify himself because phoebe keeps stepping over him. but they gotta work together to get out of here. and were kinda doing enemies to lover 2.0 but like now they have History. of course we’ve gotta do a moment where cole has idk done something normal and phoebe’s so riled up that she does something rash and almost dies cole saves her like catches her bridal style or something faces inches apart breathing heavy and there’s a moment. like a we’re back in early s4 moment. which phoebe immediately breaks from and like walls going flying up but just for a moment there we see it it’s obvious: she’s still in love with cole. which then segues into an argument because like. cole wasn’t sure. right? he wasn’t sure if phoebe now just genuinely hated him. but now he knows right he knows better now so why are you acting like this? why are you taking every opportunity to shut me down to shut me out? why are you acting like you hate me when you know that’s not true right that whole thing to phoebe who gets the Classic because i do hate you. i hate you for what you did to me for what you did to my family and i hate you because i loved you so much and you destroyed me and i hate you because no matter how hard i try that love is still there and i know that for a second if i stop hating you i’m going to love you just like before and you can destroy me again and i hate myself because i’d let you because i love you. you know? big speech. big reveal. i have No Idea what piper and paige are up to right now. the point is. after this big confession we get the lull the cards are on the table what the fuck do we do now which is when cole Finally gets to opportunity to say he was actually possessed by the source and manipulated by the seer and the only thing that kept him holding on was his love for her and after she became queen of hell after he saw what the source had done to her he knew it had to end he doesn’t hold it against her for vanquishing him right this is where we exonerate all wrongs we’re just saying anything bad that has happened ever? scrub it. it’s the source’s fault. cole has no resentment against phoebe. he loves her a healthy, normal, non-possessive amount, so much so He Loves Her So Much he let her kill him and like honestly would probably do it again. idk and then they make out or something. and then they’re out of whatever plane they were in by the end of the episode. And Then we get a buddy cop episode with paige and cole where they bond and also sort through everything that happened there. slowly but surely. and then we do a real phole wedding a super small affair in the manor lowkey bc i hated their wedding episode it blowed we give them a good one. wallah <3

#charmed #cole turner #phoebe x cole #💌

[korissideblog]

[slams my guitar into the stage bc im past my teen years and yet still full of unbridled teenage rage]

so this ending is dumb and stupid and I hate it 😭 pretty much the plan for this fic was just a bunch if monologuing, and I didn’t know how I was gonna end it till I was. ending it.

ok, groveling aside, fic uses characters labled in part 1. I’m very sleepy. Here’s part 2 of

The Hedonist

“Jetsam Kisa?”

“Yes.” Aito shuttered, as if a sudden cool wind had blown through the room. “He was my best friend… and… well look at me now.”

Normally when this was said by someone draped in silk and gold, it was supposed to be a positive thing, but the pain in Aito’s face told the real weight of it all. How heavy the luxury really was.

“I’m sorry.”

“No need to be.” Aito mumbled, quickly waving off the comforting words. “You haven't done anything to cause it.”

“I'm not sorry for something done wrong, I’m sorry that I can’t help you through it.” Sakura said, her voice lowering as she explained herself, frowning a bit as Aito finally removed his hand from her’s.

“Again, no need.” Aito repeated, stepping back from the settee. “Despite appearances, I’m fairly settled in it. Despite… everything...” she said, gesturing vaguely. “I know who I am. And who I am is a villain.” a small smirk tugged at Aito’s lips as Sakura handed the book back. “I’d even go to say I'm your best villain.”

“I’m not one to disagree, pet, but may I ask,” Sakura continued, watching Aito over her shoulder. “Why would you label yourself so?”

“Simple.” Aito chuckled, walking the book back to the shelf it belonged to. “Given my background, I know more about any hero we encounter than anyone else.”

Sakura squinted as Aito slipped the book back into the empty spot. “Given your background?” she repeated.

“As a past student of UA, I’d say I know most of the heroes out there- and their abilities- fairly intimately.” Aito hummed, pleased with the shocked face Sakura made when he turned to face her.

“Checkmate… you have a long leash- I let you associate with who you please, I let you go and come from this place as you wish, you have more say in my plans than I afford to many- but… I hope you understand my… insecurity in this.” she said, lowering her voice as if Aito’s education was something to be kept secret. “The implications alone are dizzying.”

“I know, but believe me, Sakura san.” Aito said, his face falling back into its usual stoic expression. “I buried my sympathies for my classmates a long time ago.” Sakura still felt a tinge of nervousness, but it melted away as Aito returned to her side. “I do what I want now, without regard for good or bad. Interesting how I seemed to fall right in line with people like you.” he hummed hurmously, patting Sakura’s shoulder in a rare display of affection.

“I’d say.” Sakura laughed as Aito quickly removed his hand. “Interesting though, that people’s suffering is what you want.” she mentioned, tapping her cheek as if considering it. “Masochist.”

“The word you’re looking for is sadist.” Aito corrected her. “The correct word is schadenfreude- but I prefer hedonist.” Aito noticed Skaura’s eyebrow raise minutely, as if asking a silent question. “Hedonism being the philosophy of pleasure. Though not a slave to my whims, I still try to give myself anything I want. My goal is to maximize pleasure, and I think I do it well.” she explained further. “Villainy… Well, if heroism was this fun, I would be a hero.” he paused, shrugging, “but it’s not… so I’m not.”

Sakura smiled, seemingly pleased with the answer as she resettled herself on the settee. “Authur Ashe once said ‘True heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic. It is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever cost, but the urge to serve others at whatever cost.’ I believe myself heroic, at least in the sense that I serve villainous causes.” Sakura reasoned, purposefully perverting the message “But you… you don’t serve anything but yourself?” she asked, her smile widening as she looked up at the villain before her. “How do you justify it then? All of this.” Sakura continued, grinning as Aito sat down next to her feet, unusual behavior for the distant and stoic man Sakura knew. “Who does your heroism serve, pet?”

Aito paused, thinking hard as he leaned against the back of the little couch. “I don’t believe it serves you, Sakura san.” Aito reasoned, his hands slipping behind his back as if in thought. “Nor any specific villainous cause… I guess I’d say that my heroism serves my friends, my community, and my family.” Aito settled, her posture straightening as she turned to face Sakura. “As well as the heroes of Japan.” and before Sakura could even process the sentence, Aito was already tackling her to the ground.

The fight was short, Aito quickly getting the upper hand on the villain, and pinning her on her stomach as he cuffed her hands behind her back. “Checkmate!” Sakura barked, struggling under Aito’s knee. “What are you doing!”

But she was ignored, the character Checkmate immediately falling as Aito came back into the spotlight. “I already told you! I’m doing what I want!” he giggled, Sakura shouting in protest as he stood up and kicked over the settee. From his pocket Aito produced a small folding knife, which he used to cut open the bottom of the couch. Aito stuck her hand into the space and pulled out a bulky handheld radio. She flicked it on and messed with the knobs till there was a definite beep, quickly pressing the button on the side. “Iku! Yessam! My 9 months are up!” she chirped, Sakura stunned by the difference between her teammate and this new person, both somehow seeming to share the same body. “Yua Sakura is detained, I’m gonna need help for transport though.”

“Detained- you can’t detain me you brute!” Sakura barked, the chains around her wrists clattering as she fought against them. She was happily ignored by Aito.

There was a pause, and then a scratchy voice came through the other side of the radio. “Great job Aito!” the man replied, seemingly just as excited as Aito. “We'll be there in half an hour! Just keep Sakura entertained till then.”

Aito nodded quickly, looking down on the villain with a grin. “Awe you should have seen it, Ikuto! I was monologuing and everything! I was like a real life villain!” she giggled

“Troubling how well you can do that.” a different voice now, one Aito seemed just as pleased to hear. “But still impressive, good job Aito.”

“You bet your ass it was!” Aito yelled in excitement, practically bouncing in place. “Awe, I missed you guys so much! My hair is… wow, it’s rough. Blonde is not my color.” she laughed, noticing Sakura messing with the chains on her handcuffs and immediately realizing what was going on. “h-hold on there!” she barked, kicking Sakura’s side to discourage her from using her quirk against the metal.

“I-I can’t believe! You were nothing when I found you!” She yelled, curling in on herself to guard against any other attacks.

“God she’s a pain to deal with- but whatever! Jetsam! You have to take me to get my hair cut! Long is cute but it makes everything so much harder! Do you know how many times I’ve been grabbed by the hair? It’s wicked what people do to me.” he whined, glaring at Sakura before stepping away from her side.

“Sounds like a plan Aito.” Jetsam laughed, the background noise probably coming from whatever vehicle they were using to find the hide away. “Are you starting on the scene? We may not have a lot of time before the rest of the villains arrive.”

“Already on it!” Aito laughed, shoving her shoulder into a nearby bookcase and watching it fall into the ones behind it. “After this we only need to torch the place a bit, and it’ll look just like a kidnapping!” she giggled, watching all the books spill onto the floor with a chaotic glee.

“You- you traitor!” Sakura screamed from her spot on the floor, seemingly not enjoying the mess like Aito was, and still struggling against the cuffs. “I’ll destroy you- ruin you- I’ll burn- your heart.” She had actually managed to sit up by the time Aito had strolled over, but was quickly stopped by the hero.

“Awe…”Aito cooed, leaning over a bit to look the woman in the eye. “You’re cute when you’re mad, too bad you weren’t this entertaining the entire time. Hell, maybe I would have become an actual villain.” he joked dryly. “Sorry for this, but I can’t have you getting away.” Aito smirked, not looking sorry at all as he threw a punch at her temple, knocking her out cold.

“Mama always says never to hit a lady.” Aito sighed, talking back into the radio

“I think these are extenuating circumstances. Mama would understand.” Ikuto laughed, back in control of the radio. “Jetsam’s driving, we’ll be there soon. Have fun destroying the place.”

And have fun, Aito definitely did.

#Nico said I should have fixed the beginning #And I really really agree but I didn’t know how and #[rattles the bars of my cage with. malice] #this is the first fic that I actively dislike #Hoooo it gets so off topic and aisgjsvsjsbshs #Why must I write Good Stories with a Coherent Plot #Isn’t it enough for me to just Have Thoughts on philosophy? #Bnha oc comeback #knha // kimi no hero academia #aito takao #jetsam kisa #ikuto maekawa #Literally punching the air as we speak I hate this fic so much

[kaialuna]

All the things I never had the space to say; why you failed me.

Your emotions are so unpredictable, there was never room for mine. There was never a feeling of safety to feel mine.

I don’t tell you things because I don’t trust you. If that upsets you, you should reflect on why I don’t trust you. There is no secrecy with you, you blab to the next person. You discredit the things I say.

If it was up to me, you’d never known I was in the mental hospital. I’d never have told you anything. I’d lie and say I went on a vacation for a week to get away. Actually I did a pretty good job hiding it from you, given my psychosis episode started a month before I was admitted. And during that month how you verbally abused me. Yelling at me to clean dishes, when I was in my room trying to suffocate myself bc my twisted delusions told me death was rebirth. And I wanted to be reborn away from your grasp. But you know victor shouldn’t have to clean his burnt Italian sausage pan because it’s a woman’s job to clean, so there’s the familiar banging on my door with my name being screamed, demanded to come clean.

You barged into my room threatening me with school, unaware that the voices in my head wanted me to jump from a window - yea that’s why it was opened the day I was admitted I almost jumped. And by the grace of an angel, I didn’t. I remember you telling me that the whole family said you should kick me out since I’m a waste of space and not doing anything with my life.

Sometimes I think of what my funeral would be like and it motivates me to stay alive. I don’t need you having a pity party in my name as if you missed me when all you ever did while I was alive was verbally abuse and belittle me.

I remember a lot of shitty things you’ve told me over the years. Some cut deeper than most. I remember when victor destroyed the house and I was riddled with anxiety convinced he was taking you and my brothers to a promised death- and I got yelled at for spreading your business. Because I called auntie looking for you and she noticed I was stressed. She actually cared and asked what’s wrong. But you, you came in yelling at me screaming that I’m the reason you want to kill yourself and that we’re all better off dead. But I’m sure you don’t remember that. I’m sure you’re gonna gaslight me and tell me none of these things happened. Because that’s your nature: you deny the truth when it makes you look bad. You lack accountability. You manipulate situations and twist things into partial truths. A prime example of this is how you wanna act like I hurt a mans feelings at a bar as if he didn’t call me a bitch- oh I’m sorry bitchy. Did you ever once think “hey don’t talk to my daughter like that,” of course not because you allow people to disrespect me. You’ve practically raised my brothers to openly disrespect me.

Then I think of the ways I defended and shielded your kids from your irresponsibility. I remember Christmas of 2015, maybe 2016. It was one of those. Victor shot Elijah in the head with a long range dart gun and you wanted to call it an accident. But why the fuck is he, a grown ass man who was drunk, execution style shooting Elijah in the forehead on Christmas. I remember him raising his hand at me telling me I talk out of place because I don’t have a father. I wanted him to hit me. Bc when he did I was going to reach for that knife that was sitting on the counter drenched in dried tomato and taking it to his neck. But you got between us, and I don’t think you did it for my safety but for his. Because if he hit me, how could you ever justify staying with him?

But the boys? They were young enough for him to comfortably abuse. Like when we went to Red Robin’s and he destroyed Josh’s childhood by insisting he couldn’t have a balloon popping them over and over again. And what did you do? Not a damn thing. The same way you didn’t do a damn thing when Josh got out that car and victor flipped him upside down and knocked the air out of him. What about that time I was writing an essay in my room and I couldn’t stop shaking and sobbing because I heard you and victor abusing my brothers through paper thin walls. Yelling at them to clean throwing shit at them. Allowing victor to stand at their door and delegate. I remember him getting mad at Josh for not being fast enough and you know what happened next? He took the broken chair leg and swung it above Josh’s head. I still remember his blood curdling scream. I remember doing my essay at the bottom of the hallway stairs bc it hurt too much to be there. I didn’t have the energy to fight and I needed to finish my school work. But you said “why the fuck are you doing homework at the bottom of the stairs, come up here.” Don’t remember? We’ll dont gaslight me acting like I’m crazy when these are memories I’ve vented about and carried around in my pocket for years.

My brothers are too young to say it but I’m not: you’re a shitty mom and you failed me by always prioritizing your boyfriends over us. You lack the ability to emotionally support your children and you make us feel guilty as if we owe you for the one type of support you do provide: financial. You’re the only parent we all have access too, but yet I feel more comfortable talking to a man from Colombia that I’ve never met more than you.

I think the worst part of this all is, every time you had the chance to be a mother and prioritize us, you skipped it and chose a man. And that’s what Nick is, the man you chose to escape emotionally supporting your children. Why else would you be so desperate to dive into a relationship after finally getting rid of Victor only because I was in the mental hospital. And it’s not like that actually got rid of him. The damage he caused to all of us on an internal level has already set in and spread. His toxicity lives within us. But we’re not allowed to talk or heal from it because it makes your new man uncomfortable.

So why am I saying this? Because every time you have a bitch fit (let’s call a spade a spade) caused by your unmet tasks, you see us an extension of yourself and become demanding and verbally abusive to get tasks done. But my problem is you get like this around cleaning. So clearly (clear to me, not to you because you lack the ability to self reflect) you’re projecting your unhappiness with your ability to maintain a clean space, so you turn it on us that the house is messy instead of taking initiative to clean. But the worst part is you’ve made me be the initiative my whole life. You’ve dumped your filth on me and I won’t take it any more.

And one last thing: I did have a therapist in high school I saw behind your back. You know why I stopped seeing her? Because she wanted to get child services involved. So I stopped talking about what was happening at home. I decided to stay in the city in case my brothers ever needed me. And that was my biggest mistake, because now I’m stuck living with you in survival mode. I carry so much resentment towards you, I can’t heal these feelings in your space. So for that reason, I need a lot of space from you because your presence enrages me with memories of all the times you failed me. I already don’t have a dad, but to live my life feeling as if I don’t have both parents because my mom is present but emotionally absent, has taken its toll to say the least.

[hongism]

hi caly boo its ur 🌊 anon! i finally finished the most brilliant darkness and oh my lawd i’m in spain without the s. to put it shortly: U DID NOT DISAPPOINT BESTIE, and it seems unreal that u and ur mind and this fic even exists bc every moment is just polished to perfection, while simultaneously every character is polished to a sort of imperfect perfection(?). i have so many questions and things to say idek where to start, and tho im not good with words and even worse at deciphering hidden meanings, here are just some of my thoughts that i remember from the story.

hello my dear!!! eee im gonna answer separately since i think i’ll be very long-winded as usual but first of all thank you so much :(( this fic is actually very full of subliminal messages and hidden nuances that are weaved throughout which i think could be quite confusing so i apologize for that! if i had managed my time better, i would have adjusted when i started the fic to account for managing those aspects of the fic but alas i’m terrible at time management and i suck so. anyways.

first of all, ngl halfway into the story i lowkey forgot this was a wooyoung fic bc SANNN and also bc wooyoung appeared like 3 times lol. even after it finishing all that, i still had my doubts as to why this is a wooyoung fic, or more like why is san this significant in a wooyoung fic. im still a bit slow on these pls forgive me and im just curious why u made it like that.

i think yeah the most interesting thing about this fic is the emphasis on san over wooyoung. and when looking over it yeah i could have switched san and wooyoung’s characters and called it a day, but wooyoung really in my mind acts as the integral turning point for decisions made in the story. 

the goal with the fic wasn’t really to be hyperfocused on the pairing itself, but rather the emotions and thought processes of each character (aside from wooyoung). wooyoung was kept intentionally mysterious and a bit set apart from the rest of the fic because his role in story was moreso an abstract of hestia, the goddess of the hearth and home. wooyoung’s character appeared in times where y/n was struggling with the thought of home or adjusting to the new changes in her life! wooyoung’s pairing itself was actually intended to be solely platonic at first, but as the story went on i thought having mc develop feelings for him added another turning point in the fic!

moving on, the second biggest question i had is the whole hestia!wooyoung and cafe aurora situation. i did a bit of reading on hestia and only found out that she was the goddess of hearth, which might explain the fireplace and the kind of homey feeling to the cafe. and ‘cafe aurora not really existing to most’ part, which was already hinted at wooyoung randomly disappearing, mc never seeing the cafe before or wooyoung only bringing people he wants into it. i get that him inviting mc must suggest her significance to him, but why was he so adamant about his friends not mentioning him or the cafe to mc before that? wooyoung is quite a mysterious character i think, and given that this fic is supposed to be about him, it’s a bit odd that there’s still so many things left unknown, but its kinda cool that way nonetheless and im guessing u would also like to explain that further outside of the story too.

i think my biggest regret about this fic is the fucking summary.... i wrote that summary well before i even started writing the fic thinking it would go in that direction but it didn’t. and since this fic was for a collab, i left the summary as is because i genuinely cannot for the life of me figure out a better one. but i’m trying to figure out a better one. but i really fucking hate the current summary because it’s not at all what the fic is truly about and i hate it.

however, i don’t hate the fic itself, and the reason why i don’t is because i got to play with both my writing style and how i displayed the story. for this collab we were asked to pick a greek god and one of the seven deadly sins, and i selected hestia and sloth. and initially i had intended to have sloth be represented by the reader’s depression, and wooyoung be a more ‘real’ depiction of hestia. i shifted gears very early on in the fic but what it became is moreso abstract realizations in the characters.

san’s character is meant to be this idea of sloth, and it’s mentioned several times that he doesn’t want to move forward, he wants to go slow, he wants to stop moving so fast through life, and those things point to him being a depiction of sloth

wooyoung’s was harder to encapsulate in a more abstract way but you hit the nail on the head really with the homey feeling of the cafe. beyond that, mc talks about just naturally feeling at ease and comfortable with how things are with wooyoung and being around him, and he takes up this role of being the likeable, warm, cozy, comforting character. it all comes to a head in the last scene where he brings both y/n and san into the cafe.

and again wooyoung’s character is meant to be most mysterious and abstract, but if i had had more time to fully flesh out the fic, i think i would have liked to touch more on him. at the same time however i left it more open-ended and open to interpretation. the significance in him inviting mc in and not being mentioned by the others sooner is twofold. one; the others never really had any reason whatsoever to mention wooyoung. he was a friend outside the circle who never joined in with them when mc was around. i personally in my own friendships don’t mention friends outside the circle by name or anything, just kinda vaguely talking about them unless im certain the people know who this person is. the concept of wooyoung having to invite mc in was more nuanced and vague as well, intentionally so, but that was moreso meant to represent this idea of ‘you can’t make a home somewhere where you aren’t invited’ so y/n couldn’t fully make a home of the place she was in without being invited in and welcomed in, but again that’s something i wish i had more time to fully flesh out.

the hongjoong speech about love (and also the interaction with seonghwa after that) deserves a standing ovation of its own 👏 unfortunately, or not, im not actually going through the emotional turmoil regarding love the same way as hj or mc to be able to fully relate to his words, but the whole ‘if you dont love what u see in the mirror then u dont love it’ mentality really hit me hard, and i’d like to hang onto that when i make decisions in the future haha thank you wise caly! seonghwa and hongjoong’s story is also beautiful, and just like mc said, the more i look at it the more it hurts :’)

the hongjoong speech about love was meant to be something very jaded and specific to his worldview. it actually isn’t wholly how i view love personally, but it was a perfect description to how both he and y/n perceived the love in their own lives. mostly thanks to their own emotional turmoils. the mentality of the mirror quote is something that i think i also struggle with, which is why i included it. it’s hard to do, but even in friendships, i think it’s necessarily to stop and look at the person you were before this relationship and then the person during this relationship. if you don’t love the one you are now, then maybe it’s a sign to reflect and see the bigger picture, so that was a lil reminder to myself and i’m glad it touched you as well!!!

“do you love him, or do you love the idea of being in love with him?” - haha i see what u did there (or maybe i didnt please dont laugh at me if i didnt). its still so good everytime i see it bc i keep finding myself loving just the idea of things time and time again even when this makes total sense to me oof :/

heh yeah again with the more abstract concepts this one was more direct and ‘cliche’ but i fully wanted that cliche in the fic because i thought it suited the situation where mc was constantly struggling with a version of san that she thought she loved vs the version of san she got every time they were together

despite how enlightened she seems to be, mc still made the same choices, and i wanna smack her for it and pat her back at the same time. and maybe also bc of the fact that she feels so differently for the two men that i feel like no ending could really justify her decision, so ending in the vague is probably the best. your ending might kind of allude to someone more than the other already, and tho i still don’t think he’s the best one for her based on just my pov on love, i kinda agree with you. but again, this raises the question of, why a wooyoung fic and not a san fic?

and yeah the whole knife in the chest at the end of it all is that she was still too scared to face the music so to speak. but really i would say she made the same choices up until the conversation on the balcony with san. and you’re absolutely right, the reason i chose the ending the way i did was because either way, there’s no justification. and actually although it might seems like i was alluding to someone specific, san being in the cafe at the very end was moreso to represent that as much as they fought, he still very much loved her and wanted to be loved by her. it was kinda an open casket ending there were no nails in the coffin, the choice between wooyoung and san still stands and an argument could be made for either of them! i think this is a fic that i could see myself revisiting one day with two endings - one for san, and one for wooyoung.

something i didn’t mention earlier about wooyoung’s character being left intentionally mysterious was that he was representing a new and budding love. the honeymoon phase where you’re falling for someone you don’t even really know. you are the reader aren’t meant to really know who wooyoung is because of that beyond what you read about him, so his past and such was left out intentionally to represent that idea of ‘hey wow im in love with a stranger!’ whereas san was this gritty love that’s bad for you. and there are pros and cons to each just as with anything!!

so,,,, why a wooyoung fic and not a san fic? well i picked wooyoung for my collab so he was one of the main focuses of the fic regardless of which direction i took with it. as for why wooyoung wasn’t more forward, i already answered that but !!! i view it as both a wooyoung fic and a san fic. both are highlighted characters with main pairing roles!

i literally just woke up to write this and am going back to sleep ahaha so i apologize if this makes no sense. i somehow felt like i’ve read so much yet so little at the same time, maybe bc there are still so many things i havent fully made sense of, and that’s where i hope you come in and enlighten me. i still stand by my word that this fic deserves so much more recognition despite the lack of explicit smut bc of how much more you’ve explored through character building. love you caly and thank u for working so hard <3 — 🌊

no worries my beloved i hope you go back to sleep and get lots and lots of rest!! and i hope my response helps enlighten the not so clear things as well dgjdklfg but really thank you so much. it was a long fic and hard to get through at times, but as a whole, i’m proud of it and what i created, so thank you for recognizing my efforts and appreciating them 🥺

#🌊 anon #fic; the most brilliant darkness

[startwithbrooklyn]

THE GREAT ND REWATCH OF 2021 / SEPTEMBER 28-29, 2019 // the bonny scot

posting this a day later than normal because this is one of the rare episodes that shows a passage of time from one day to the next yayy love that for them

-wonder what filming these beginning sexy scenes is like for them in real life

-sooooo can lucy see nancys sexy dream? is she judging? does this mean she likes nancy with owen or nick more? or is she trying to tell nancy that her sex dreams are irrelevant to the mystery at hand and she needs to focus?

-seeing people in the ✨prison chair✨: gomber, carson, karen (voting for josh s3 just saying)

-completely ignores carson's question about herself typical nance

-"or maybe i did stumble across a knife" its like hes trying to make the case against him look plausible while attempting to maintain innocence. this is a slippery slope for carson to try and encourage her to keep her pacified + hide the truth while also trying to keep her from getting involved bc hudsons

-"genetics gets you in the door" aaaaand then she walks in to everetts office to meet him and crashes their family dinner

-ok who tf is dawn and why is she in charge here

-this guidance counselor of nicks is my favorite person

-"i admire your allergy to pleasantries" bess and nancy both have reveals to big families but nancy does not have the graceful, accepting reveal to her rich family like bess does at this lunch. nancys reveal is messy, cold, bloodstained and sticky-fingered, not nice in any way whatsoever. and this little chat with everett (bit of a parallel to lucy's) just highlights how nancy is always bad at bargaining with her grandparents*- always trying to fight on their level but giving up her equal hand bc she doesnt know how to hide it when they bring up something she doesnt know. like confronting celia at the masque: she was so confident with her theory and what she knew, but then we got a "what does that mean?" like. the instant you say that, you lose. and she walked right into the "yes i do have someone, hes in jail" 🤦🏼‍♀️ even in the car with ryan at the end of s1, he literally just fucking leaves her there. like 🤷🏼‍♀️ what did u think was gonna happen sis?? for all she can predict how past things lead to present circumstances shes fucking awful at seeing the direct future *(grandparents except for patrice bc her dementia makes her inaccessable)

-lmaooooo this awko ass portrait...i get the empty space is for nance but who on earth thought this was a good pic??

-LISBETH 🥺💙

-"will u help the claw for me?" george struggles financially to keep her livelihood while nancy is somehow shown as being taken care of even when her parent is incarcerated; both nancy and george live in single parent homes now with mention of both medical debt and george being breadwinner yet nancy has no struggles while george does. (i wonder if ryan had been able to help george here how the story would have changed)

-"when it comes to following people around without their knowledge or consent i am somewhat of a repeat offender" 😂😂😂

-"he wasnt endgame after all" BESS lmaoooo

-"...okay." lmaoooo i fuckin love owen

-i was hoping the girls' faces would be more shocked like with a glance to owen but they just....werent

-"we're the good guys" <---- this statement is soooo interesting in terms of how they structure the show and how the characters see themselves (its an interesting contrast with the more definitive good vs evil with things that are both clearly good and clearly evil but theres also a lot of moral grey area here, the show is kinda swamped in it. are nancy and crew the good guys? are they the bad guys in someone else's story? concerns.)

-"i'd call it more than just stuff" like why did u concede that??? and then the shit about oof that didnt sound like a compliment lmaoooooo why does she suck at arguing?? she and owen wouldnt work long term bc theyre so similar (as mentioned later on)

-i LOVE george slowly falling in love with nick here- hence how upset she gets when nick bails on her for nancy later (which is totally justified!!!)

-i am LIVING for the little nod this driver guy gives bess when she turns back around all nervous 😂

-"i do like buying things" i would so say that too tbh

-"you'd have plenty to talk about" LMFAOOOOOOO SHE KNOWS "marvins dont marry drivers" so diana is totally fine with the gay its just the poor she has a problem with 😂💙fuckin love that

-love how nancy just casually ruins everything for nick/george lmaooo

-"i have seen you at your best, nancy, and there is nothing like it." 🥴😳 i love this still-in-love look nancy gives him thats so strong he had to change the subject

-so is haunting time 11 pm? from that clock of bashiir's?

-how do NO neighbors notice this fucking water and shit

-these are TOTALLY AWFUL fake screams from the bonny scot crew 😭

-"i know well enough not to get involved when he's in play" both carson and ryan avoid engaging with everett even though nancy is willing to do so armed with less info and more balls/ but "could i trust him" and ryan says yes lmaooooo NO honey + that makes ryan 0/2 for helping the girls when they ask this ep

-"find a project of your own" and he does, with his youth center 🙏🏻💙 what s2 foreshadowing!

-"god i wish i still drank" 😂😂😂

-"she is darling." 💙👌🏻

-okay wtf is mirror bay??

-i really wonder about the extent of celia x sebastians relationship here. did she truly care about him or was it just secret and exciting sex? also would love more hints of diana vs celia moments like these. celia doesnt even look upset. i mean shes had time to deal but like wtf. and who exactly is sebastian to diana? not her husband? like damn what if he was. somehow i doubt she'd talk about him diddling celia if diana was disrespected also

-i wonder if celia being so invested in dna testing nancy was bc everrett dna tested ryan to make sure he was his bc of sebastian / other men (which would be totally valid on his part!! but wouldnt it be funny as fuck if ryan wasnt his 😂)

-what a neat hiding place in this frame lmaooo who put that in for them tho? like how do u go about ordering that

-"you certainly are your fathers daughter" this quote is doubly ironic and foreshadowy bc theyre referencing carson here as being a useful hudson attaché but nancy is playing everett just like ryan played celia about putting his house up (but TRIPLY ironic bc carson pulls off the long con of hiding nancy from the hudsons right under their noses this whole time!) the one time nancy is successful against them

-that bess/lisbeth look while lisbeth does something badass (+diana reassessing now that lisbeth has been revealed to be useful)

-"almost as fun as a real fight" why do i believe him? lmaoooo a bit weird that he would enjoy a fight w a partner, but i also think this is an acknowledgement of nancy being an "opponent" who exists at his level. but i also love the "let me take you out" as a direct mirror of her relationship with nick, where she avoids the public acknowledgment/"going out" but prefers the more subtle/hidden arrangements of staying in. but as shown with later eps, owen is way more capable of meeting nancy where shes at, which is so important to her + the only way of getting close to nancy. (the only foil is ace who somehow is able to do both)

-"not always about a guy" <---- this could have been such a powerful statement if the show had thought having nancy end up alone/choose herself instead of pitting her between love interests (nick, owen, gil, even potentially ace, in only 2 seasons) was a more worthy stance to take ; as an aro/ace person i cant tell you how much i would kill to see just one female protag choose herself over a man. and its more realistic to end up alone than have a happy ending anyway, for all that these shows try to be as "real" and gritty grimdark as possible

-"is that what you want?" this is an interesting question to his mother- like maybe he senses her unhappiness? combined with his issues with his father- still trying to look out for his mom? either way it's sweet. (it could also potentially work as foreshadowing of something happening to her, but i think that was played with but then diverted when it was revealed who really killed her) "i think its time i steer this ship" still kind of patriarchal tho. i get that its him coming into his own as a dad technically but still. i also like how he calls her "mother" and not mom

-love that old white people thumbs up at george asking about his clams 👍🏻

-okay fuck dawn tho lmfaoooo

-"stressful dinner huh?" 😂 i fucking love lisbeth so much why didnt they bring her back (wouldnt it be Fucking Hilarious if they brought lisbeth back to bounce bess on her expired visa since the marvins kicked her out and didnt fix it lmaoooooo)

-BESS IS A TOP lmaooooooo i fuckin knew it

-nick says "you can pay me back" wonder if thats gonna come back in s3 considering their "marital problems" (also, those bonds are sosus lmfaoooo if any single person cashing those was looked at sideways they'd confess in 2 seconds that some random guy is handing out bearer bonds they dont even make anymore with absolutely zero proof as to how he got them)

-"you wanna finish what you started?" 👀 (dont mind if i do)

-"i need my dad back" parallels s2 when she asks him to come home

-parent politics: "you are taking your life in your hands / no, i'm putting it in yours" vs "i know well enough not to get involved when hes in play" both carson and ryan try to dissuade nancy from pursuing her pulling this con on everett but go about it different ways: carson is wildly concerned with nancys physical wellbeing but ryan appears to be leaning more towards weighing the odds for her/ like a "you cant win so cut your losses/dont try" scenario which interestingly might have more weight with nancy; its easy for her to brush aside carson's worrying like second nature but nancy has been established to be a determined winner, and ryan speaks to her here like shes a beginners luck prodigy at a blackjack table by encouraging her to keep her record clean by not dealing in this next round. of course she herself admits shes incapable of not dealing in ie "you know me better than that" but i have lots more thoughts on how effective ryans approaches to nancy can be sometimes (saving for the reveal ep 🙏🏻)

-wonder what all carson knows about the hudsons? + that look on his face when he hangs up... wonder if he was just lying to her about knowing anything or just ashamed at having to admit bad things hes done for them

-love nick & bashiir waiting together 🙏🏻💙+ nicks very strong and pointed "good night" as a means of ending his convo w nancy on his terms (gotta reinforce those boundaries man!)

and lastly

-celia + that gossip girl moment when she just throws the whole phone away 😂(wonder if she was just talking to "gus" or whoever that guy was. keep forgetting the bobbseys' dad is in prison too, wonder if he'll feature in s3)

#brooklyn's ND primer #nancy drew cw #the Great Rewatch of 2021 #you best start believing in ghost stories miss drew - you're in one

[lingeringscars]

bellamy’s mindset through the show can basically be broken up into 3 parts: we save who we can save (s1-4, 6), the ends justify the means (5), and sacrificing the few to save the many (7). there are caveats to all of this: in s1-4, bellamy will put the life of octavia over everyone else. in season 5, spacekru is where his loyalties lie and who he is willing to protect above all else, but only after his relationship with both octavia and clarke is severed. in season 7 this just isn’t true anymore. he’s trying to save everyone, not just his people, and he isn’t willing to run into situations that would get himself killed to save them anymore. it was the start of him learning how to balance himself and what he wants/believes in ( for once ) with the interests of the people he loves. for the first time ever, the few include his family. prior to that, he was willing to do anything for them, willing to die and kill, and it was just what could have been a conclusion to his arc because finally finally finding self love and not putting everything he is in others. that’s all i’m gonna say about s7 bc .. yeah. 

in early seasons, he also focuses more on protecting his people as a way to justify his choices. i once read a post talking about how bellamy says protect and clarke says save, and I think that does a good job at hinting where his mindset is. bellamy takes preemptive action as a way to try and protect his people. he can’t see 89 steps ahead of him, he only sees what is directly in front of him. this inability to look ahead and focus on saving who is in front of him has indirectly caused the deaths of multiple people -- and because it’s bellamy he of course blames himself for them too but it’s not something he thinks of until confronted with it. 

season 1

i don’t really have a lot of examples for s1 because it’s really .. a lot of protecting octavia & himself

hanging murphy is one though. when they discover murphy’s knife, i do believe bellamy put the pieces together before everyone else. i’ve talked a bit before about that and how based off what’s been shown, i think he was going to talk to murphy when they were alone instead of outright. this is also one of my examples when i think about how bellamy & abby have a similar leadership style. he’s more willing to keep that a secret because he understands how people will response - and he ends up being right. instead of blaming himself for this though, he transfers the blame onto clarke because he didn’t want people to know for this exact reason. he at that point had also put trust and faith in murphy and would have wanted to protect him from that, but by the time he hangs him, he has to choose between murphy and the rest of the delinquents. the delinquents are more important to keeping octavia safe if they’re on his side, and he has to go through with it. flash forward, and his relationship with murphy becomes increasingly contentious because murphy then leads the manhunt against charlotte. charlotte, to him, is just an innocent kid and he can’t handle murphy being willing to go after a child ( basically insert misplaced big brother feelings ). he feels the intense need to protect charlotte, even when it comes out that she’s guilty, and that goes first.

destroying the radio. this was a big protect himself ( and therefore protect o because he still believes he’s the only one that can ) moment. if raven could contact the ark and let them know that they’re all alive, then he’s as good as dead. he doesn’t know about the culling of the ark, at least not that it’s happening now. even still, clarke saying that it’s his people ( factory station ) that will die... isn’t on his mind. he knows that’s true, knows that it’ll be his people and not the elite. the beginning of s1 is rooted in his focus on the power dynamics on the ark in this way and it’s how he connects with the delinquents. by destroying the radio, he effectively signs the death warrants of 300 people. while he does try to stop this by showing them where he threw the radio and working on setting flares off, it’s another way that bellamy indirectly kills people because of his desire to protect (himself and) octavia. 

focus on the number dead vs alive. this is just a big bellamy thing especially earlier on. bellamy focuses on the number dead when they’re leaving camp, and clarke has to correct him to the number that are still alive. the delinquents at this point are his people, and he has felt every death ( she only came because of me ). his focus is on the people he couldn’t save, and that continues going into season 2

season 2

mel. when faced with mel, bellamy says that they don’t know how if their people are still alive, but they can save this one girl. this really begins his we save who we can save today mindset, and he focuses on the fact that they can help her when the odds are insurmountable. 

infiltrating mount weather + protecting echo. the 100 are his people; it doesn’t matter what the risks are because he’s doing what he can to bring them back and get them out. while in mount weather, other people become his people, such as maya. it’s also another moment where bellamy has to kill someone in order to escape the cages ( a direct threat to himself and others there ). bellamy has no reason to trust or protect echo at this point because he’s just come out of the war with the grounders and still prejudiced against them, and yet when they come at her, he makes noise so they take him ( the strong ) instead. he does what he has to to ensure that she’s protected for the time being, and then she helps him in return. killing the mount weather guard didn’t completely hit him until he saw the son of the person he killed, having to confront that there are children in mount weather and that the person he killed had people that needed him. 

pulling the lever. bellamy focuses on the people that have helped him and the children in mount weather as people that need to be saved too. they helped him so there has to be another way. it’s hearing raven being tortured and seeing that octavia will be too that makes him change his mind and help clarke because he sees that they don’t have time. as much as the other’s have helped him, they aren’t his people. octavia is his responsibility and he needs to make sure he protects her first. 

season 3

the massacre. i’m only going to focus on this here because it’s really the main thing but also brings him back into the we save who we can save. he asked gina to stay back to protect her, thinking she’d be safer there. he spent early s3 focused on finding and bringing clarke back as well. bellamy is also still recovering from having to kill people in mount weather because of lexa’s betrayal, and because of his prejudices, he lumps all grounders into one and is unable to see that azgeda blew up mount weather, not trikru. when lexa sends trikru warriors to protect them, he doesn’t believe the intentions because the last time they were there to help them, they made a deal with the enemy and turned their backs. they’re always going to put their people first. so is bellamy. the entire time he backs pike, it’s focusing on protecting their people. he doesn’t go into the massacre thinking that he wants to kill people, tries to get pike to spare the women and children and does convince him to spare indra ( i honestly don’t remember what the reasoning was but i think it has to do with her importance to octavia and at this point lincoln too ). he thinks that he’s protecting his people before they can get killed. this is a shift from the past two seasons too, which obviously influence this because he didn’t strike first in season 1 or against the mountain men in s2 and it led to the deaths of some of the delinquents and torture of raven. act first and he doesn’t have to live in fear of them attacking first, and thus convincing himself that he’s protecting everyone. 

season 4

blowing up the hydrogenator. this is one of the best examples of bellamy being unable to think ahead. outside of his intense faith in raven, he thinks they have six months to figure something else out. he sees the suffering in those people now. he can’t do anything about praimfaya, but he can save the people here. they’re being forced to work, they’re going to be moved, and a little girl tells him all of this. he sees the suffering and has to act ( how many people do you have to save before you forgive yourself ). these people had one day, but by saving them, the skaikru survival number has gone from 500 to 100. raven and clarke are able to see that he just sentenced all of these people to death, but bellamy sees that he gave them another day to live. 

opening the bunker. octavia above everyone else. clarke is telling him what the consequences of opening the bunker would be, but he can’t focus on that because octavia is on the other side of the bunker. it’s not just octavia though because kane is out there too. by opening the bunker, bellamy is again sentencing 400 people to death, and he again doesn’t view it this way. he sees that octavia and kane will die if he doesn’t. by doing this he also inadvertently saved 600 more people, which matters after the time jump.  

protecting echo. this !! is the moment that sparked this entire thing. it’s so subtle but when emori’s suit breaks, bellamy steps in front of echo and stops murphy from taking it. it’s another one of those moments where by doing this, he effectively sentenced emori to death. it’s not that he was trying to do this, and while i also use this moment as a way to show that b/echo always had a foundation even if bellamy pretended like they didn’t, it’s also just that he knows echo. anyway, if murphy takes echo’s suit, echo will die. bellamy steps in front with that mindset, not that by not letting murphy do this, emori dies.

season 5

threatening the lives of 300 inmates. not much has changed huh. bellamy threatening 300 people for the life of 1 ( who it’s important to note he originally thought was octavia ). octavia still comes first even after six years in space. upon finding out that clarke is alive, he doesn’t change his strategy because ... well.. she’s alive. he then uses this as leverage to save the rest of his people -- which at this stage, now includes wonkru just not in that train of thought. when it comes to saving the people in the bunker, he wants them all saved. even if o is still the priority at this point. 

killing kara. ends justify the means. taking lives to save them. the difference is that now bellamy actually views it this way. it isn’t just about protecting his people, he’s acknowledging that he is killing them. he is sacrificing the few to save the many. the only reason why he isn’t completely in this mindset is because he’s trying to save octavia from herself. it’s the beginning stages of sacrificing his own people though, which was never an option prior to season 5. he was willing to do anything for those he had promised to protect, and kara was originally skaikru. now, she was completely wonkru but bellamy didn’t want to believe that wonkru was completely the enemy and that his sister was still in there somewhere ( this didn’t change until after she burned the farm because he would never be able to forgive her willingness to sacrifice her own people when there was another option. when peace was an option. he is entirely unable to see octavia’s perspective and why she needs to be out of the bunker. he’s had peace the past six years, even if not peace of mind, unlike octavia and so he only sees that there is another way ). 

poisoning o + putting the chip in madi. prior to s5, he never would have poisoned o. he always thought that she would wake up and that they would have peace and she would understand. honestly prior to s5, putting the chip in madi probably also wouldn’t have been an option because of her age. this time he actually can see ahead more than he could before space, but he still doesn’t anticipate what does happen. he’s willing to betray clarke because honestly he thinks she’s overreacting. he still doesn’t think octavia will harm madi and he believes this is the only way to save them all. he’s terrified when it looks like madi might not wake up / take to the flame. ( and honestly part of why he can forgive clarke quickly is bc of this - he put her daughter in danger and he once upon a time would have done anything for o. ). putting madi at risk was a necessary risk to him though because it meant that all of their people might survive. he knows that the rest of his family is in danger if this doesn’t work, so it’s also putting spacekru above everyone else, and in the end he does decide them over o and clarke.

season 6

casting octavia out. while in s5 he had decided that his people specifically were spacekru, casting octavia out was because she was a threat to all of them. she had walked them into a war that destroyed earth, and after monty and harper died, he takes doing better to heart. he hasn’t forgiven himself for his actions on earth, many of which were to protect octavia, and his first action on sanctum is deciding that octavia is a threat that needs to be contained. she isn’t someone he knows anymore, and she is a threat to his family and everyone else. it’s not an easy decision, but he is deciding that she needs to go to keep everyone else safe from her. if octavia had died, it would have been another indirect death as a result of his actions, which i think he knows. i also think he blames octavia for monty & harper because if she hadn’t forced them into war, earth never would have been destroyed and they wouldn’t have spent their entire lives trying to find a new home for them. he isn’t going to let octavia threaten what monty and harper left for them.  

clarke. i don’t remember a lot of s6 but he does backslide into putting one above all. he does try for peace prior to finding out clarke is alive, but clarke brings up all of these feelings in him about protection in general. he’s already cast out octavia, lost harper and monty, and he’s grieved clarke before. he can’t go through that again, so they come up with a plan. when it goes south, he still looks to echo for confirmation that she can handle it. when she gives him permission, he leaves. he no longer thinks about the people he left behind because all he can see is that clarke will die. if he doesn’t take action, she WILL die. he believes in echo and thinks that she can handle herself and so the people he left behind.. they’re safe in his head but clarke isn’t. he also partially blames himself for this because he should have known clarke would be a target and didn’t do anything. clarke is the person that needs to be saved and the one he knows that they can. when he finds out that that aren’t safe, he works to make sure that they will be.  

#long post #long post for ts #do i ever shut up? no. #i've thought about this for Months and just had to get it down #there are so many more examples these are just the ones that stood out #ask to tag #muse: bellamy blake #meta: bellamy blake #in case anyone forgot i am a bellamy blog first and have spent tooooo long analyzing his headspace #i've seen the first 4 eps of this show 4 times and then ep 5- 5x09 twice and then 5x10-7x13 once #a lot can happen in one queue

[ziracona]

And I hate to do this- So on that thread, not that he's as bad, why do you think Michael is redeemable? (and also Frank) Especially by his main victim? :? I hope that isn't as bad or as judgmental as I think it sounds... - Sleepy (its like 5am here :3 living up to my name i see)

So, these I gave a short and a long answer for under cut, but forgot I’m on mobile and can’t do that. I can tag it “long post” but uhhh, sorry about this. Anyway, thats why Frank comes in two chunks. I wrote it expecting to be able to use a read more. :’-] also ya fine. And I hope you’re in bed 🤣 now. Okay so. Here’s my reasons:

For Michael, to start, Halloween is complicated af. You have to know what timeline people are talking about, because there are like 8+ and Michael has been written as a wildly different character by wildly different content creators, and I would not feel the same ways towards them all. They’re not the same character. When I talk about Michael, unless I’m going on about a specific other film, I mean either H20 canon, or DbD canon, which are in line with each other when it comes to characterization. (This also includes Halloween’s 1 & 2 in the H20 line, and Halloween 1 at least in DbD). In those timelines, Michael has like at best 2% agency and choice in his own life and what he becomes. That’s why I am sympathetic. I still root for Laurie to nail his ass to the wall of course, and everything he has done to hurt someone isn’t okay just because his life is unfair & awful & out of his control, but I still find him a very tragic character. He was canonically suffering violent psychosis his parents refused him treatment for, isolated with a monster as his doctor & only human contact for 15 years from age 6 on, overdosed on medications that when OD’d worsen psychosis symptoms and can cause permanent brain damage, and stuck like that until escaping briefly when he turned 21.

In Halloween canon, Michael tells his parents he hears voices telling him to do bad things like hurt people, but they tell him he is imagining stuff, and ignore his attempts to get help. The voices say they will be quiet, which is what he desperately wants, if he kills his sister Judith. So he does, at age six. Scientifically speaking, that’s literally too young to really have a complete grasp on death and mortality itself, let alone complex ethics. He immediately goes to his parents after doing the deed, so they can do whatever they need to do. Instead of getting him help, he is sentenced to 15 years in a 1960s American sanitorium (hell), until he turns 21 and can be tried for murder as an adult (fucking ridiculous and unfair?? Tried as an adult is for like, upper teens who commit heinous murders. How tf you justify trying a six year old literally too young to really understand murder as an adult for murdering someone??). They give him to Dr. Sam Loomis, a fucking horrible person, who says he spends 8 years trying to help Michael (a fkn lie), but canonically by only a few months of meeting the kid is thoroughly convinced he is evil, the devil or a demon in human form, faking his psychosis and side effect symptoms (trauma induced mutism from killing his sister, onset of catatonia/motion loss symptoms, etc, all of which are common with his disorder & trauma), desperate to kill again, and an evil mastermind doing the devil’s work, and says so. Spends four hours every day accusing Michael as a six year old child on, of planning to do horrible things and faking his illness and being a demon and not a human, and Loomis, from age 6 to 21, is this kid’s only human contact. And the staff knew it and how wrong and disturbed Loomis was, but did nothing. So from age 6 to 21—barring one or two visits from his mom & Laurie before his dad beat 4 year old Laurie for saying Michael’s, who he hated after Judith’s death, name—until she trauma blocked out having had a brother or sister at all, and then both parents died in a car crash—his only human contact in complete isolation was an adult man who told him for four hours a day he was an evil lying demon faking his symptoms and plotting murder and not a human and promised he would kill Michael and stop him, from childhood on, and that was it. He was never given an understanding of what was medically wrong with him, or that anything was at all. He was threatened and abused and kept overdosed on drugs for 15 years since early childhood, and his only understanding of the world taught in that absolute isolation, was that he was a demon who wanted to get out and kill again. And the violent psychosis, telling him if he killed both sisters, they would go away and leave him in peace with no more constant noise. With no normal understanding of the world or people or life like he was owed ever given to him, no understanding at all of what you were going through or were aside from the promise drilled into your head you were a monster who wanted to kill every day for 15 years while drugged up? Like, I’m a firm believe people are responsible for their own actions, but in a case as extreme as that, honestly, how else was that ever going to even be able to end? You forget, as a child. Who you used to be. That’s beyond grooming even, it’s being grown in a lab for the sole purpose of someday walking out, taking a large kitchen knife, and killing Laurie Strode. And it’s tragic. It’s unfair. Halloween is a tragedy, not a horror film. It didn’t have to be that way. He wanted help. He asked for help. Loomis is directly and pretty much solely responsible for the lives lost in 1978. You know he won’t even call Michael “him”? The only human he contact he had since age six on called him “it.” And no one stopped any of that. And even then. Even then, even with all that. With the drugs, and the lab grown killer, and all of it? Michael is pretty much the single least sadistic slasher killer there /is/.

Everyone he kills in Halloween? He kills fast. It’s actually kind of boring if you’re expecting a scary slasher, because there’s no chase until Laurie. He just appears, runs you through, and you die. Very fast. And if there is any emotion expressed towards the act of killing or aftermath, it’s not pleasure or hate or happiness, it’s curiosity, because literally everything is something he wasn’t allowed to experience growing up and just has no practical experience with yet. And on top of all that, he also just doesn’t kill people he doesn’t have to. He kills one man for clothes, kills Annie to re-do Judith’s murder since it didn’t work the first time and he needs both sisters for the voices to stop, and he kills Bob and Lynda becuase they stumble onto where he is & are a threat to success. (This + Judith 15 years prior is all the deaths in Halloween period, btw). Michael routinely only kills his target, and anyone who is a threat to success. Literally doesn’t even jump out to kill Bob or attack until Bob opens the door to the closet he was hiding in, and he has been seen. Walks past a security guard and lets him go in H20 becuase he doesn’t see him, steals keys from a mom with her 4 year old kid and doesn’t even hurt them because they don’t see him really either, steals a knife from an old lady making a sandwich who is one foot away but looking the other direction, so he lets her go. Even with all the possible stakes against him, really, Michael is like, the least cruel and most sympathetic and merciful version of that lab grown killer possible, which can only be a testament to the person he was initially/still somehow has managed to keep faint traces of alive inside.

As for Laurie finding him redeemable, answer is threefold I guess, and I’ll start with the most important. 1: in Halloween canon, Laurie cares for Michael and is incredibly sad about what he turned into and wishes he could be different (once she remembers who he is). That’s established canon, not a choice of mine. In Halloween 2, she tries to talk him down before shooting him, and he hesitates when she says his name and lowers his weapon for a moment. In H20, she talks about him a lot & even asks her boyfriend (a psychologist) if he thinks something so traumatic can happen to someone that they can never recover, bc even though she hasn’t seen him in 20 years, he’s still on her heart. She hesitates to kill him once she has him helpless in the finale, and when he reaches out for her hand, she almost cries and starts to reach back because it’s what she has truly wanted for so long. 2: Michael & Laurie are siblings, and that’s a very important relationship to me. Obviously, there’s lines where you cross, it’s fkn over, but it is special, and I’m weak for it. They were both cheated of the good family life they could have had, and I like characters I care for getting recovery and rehabilitation, and I would like them to be able to recover and have whatever fragments of the lives they wanted which are still possible. And then 3: Laurie is his victim, but they’re also both victims of Loomis, and the system, and her parents, and if she does /wish/ for him to be okay and things to be like they were, which was canon before me, so she does, then I think them finding happiness and her relief and new hope in regained family and him redemption and rehabilitation through the quite literally only person he has /ever/ known who treated him well or like even a human at all & is still living, that’s so good. It’s sweet, and it makes sense. I like broken people putting the pieces together and finding ways to be okay. None of the shit that happened to either of them was okay, and Michael sure did fucking do it, but it’s about as “it’s complicated” as literally possible, and Laurie wants him to be her brother again, and Michael deserves a chance to experience personhood enough to want anything like that again too, and I think it’s sweet. To be able to find happiness and peace and a new life in that rubble. It shouldn’t be possible, because Halloween is a tragedy that never gets a happy ending, no matter how many timelines they create or versions they tell, but I wish it could have one. It needs one. At least one, among all the fated tragedies for those two cruelly cursed siblings. They both had their lives stolen. Michael by Loomis, and Laurie by Michael. And I want them to find those stolen lives again. And if they can do it together, that’s a very odd and unusual set of circumstances for that kind of thing, but it’s a very complete way to tell the story. He tried to kill her, but if she asked him to stop and he stopped, if he himself chose to change on his own, when it really, really mattered—decided that it was what he wanted more than all the things he was before, and she decided that was enough, and they could both have a future as family? I like that. It’s a happy ending stolen back.

Long Frank Answer, in case you /have/ read ILM & thus short answer did not answer your question: So. Again, for me, I always talk about Frank as in the version of him I myself write, and I wrote ILM before the archives retcon, and also just ignore them because they’re usually dumb and blatantly contradict well established and longstanding canon. Even then, I usually don’t like Frank though—didn’t like him when I started writing ILM. But Frank has very little established canon character. All there is for sure is he was a foster kid that went through some bad stuff, he met Julie and changed his mind about desperately trying to be homed somewhere other than with Clive bc he liked Julie a lot, he met Susie and Joey, they became a gang chilling in Ormond’s abandoned lodge, then tried to rob a store Joey was fired from, were surprised by a cleaner who grabbed Julie, and Frank impulse stabbed him, freaked, and ordered the others to finish it with him and be in it together. Then before they’d even really finished burying the body, they got snagged. That leaves a whole lot of personality and thoughts and motivations and future choices and person wildly undetermined. Writing, sometimes characters just do their own thing completely out of my control, and I have to adapt. Frank chose not to kill Meg at the end of Tenacity, Adrenaline, & Grit, which surprised me, because he’d been nothing but a dipshit asshole bastard till one minute ago, but I knew it was because he recognized what she’d tried to do at great pain to herself because she wouldn’t bow down and die, and he connected/empathized or sympathized on some level. He also couldn’t go through with killing Quentin immediately after being helped by him in Distortion/Iron Maiden. Neither was like, planned. It’s just who the character was. I was frustrated. I did not want to like or feel sympathy for Frank at all. Then in The Lost, Jeff just fkn hijacked the whole plot and added 20 pages not in the outline because he wanted to be kind to Frank & it’s not like I can stop characters when they do whatever they do. And while writing it, I got to know that the version of Frank Morrison in the world I was writing—which is always the version I refer to/think of him as & write now myself—was not somebody past saving. He’s a piece of shit and he’s done fucked up and inexcusable stuff, and he pays for it. In many ways, Frank gets away with a lot over the course of ILM, but it’s always because characters choose on their own to forgive him, not because they or he doesn’t think it was fucked. And Frank suffers—a lot—for his choices, and has to live through appropriate and large amounts of regret and remorse about stuff he did before the end. He gets the chance to make better choices several times, and mostly he doesn’t. He continues to fuck up. But right near the end, he makes a couple good decisions when it’s down to the wire, sees where his bad choices got him and what he has to live with, and then he does live with it. He almost dies, and then ends up falling on Jeff’s mercy, which he knows he doesn’t deserve and doesn’t expect to get, for a last chance to make it, and because Jeff is an ungodly kind and forgiving soul, he makes it.

Frank isn’t a good person, and he does a lot of stuff that isn’t remotely okay or justified or excused, but he /is/ a kid—the upper end of it, but he’s not a full grown adult. He has every reason to believe nothing of himself or others, a fucked up childhood and life which isn’t his fault, and the Entity got all four Legion kids before they’d even had time to process the one and only violent crime they did (which was unplanned), and it is historically running a PHD in psychological warfare vs everyone. Absolutely none of that excuses or justifies him, but it is an explanation for some of it that is not as bad as say, doing that shit for fun or cruelty or hate or what have you, which makes him a bad person, but one with a lot more humanity left than say, Kenneth. Who is at -100 or something. If he’s still got a lot of humanity left, that means he could be redeemed, and he eventually chooses that path for himself and hits the appropriate “I did something horrible. Fuck. It was really bad. I should not have done it.” “I am really sorry I did this. I feel awful. I’m sorry.” “I cant change it, but I can try to do better and make whatever reparations I can.” “I want to be better, and I am going to try.” necessary stages of actually trying to improve. So, I like him. He did a lot of really awful shit that wasn’t okay, but he was never without sympathetic elements. He does love his friends and his girlfriend, he is a good boyfriend to Julie and selfless towards her and his crew (overall anyway—has even risked death for them very willingly, even the one who was fighting with/kinda hated him), will keep his word in deals and has some semblance of both sympathy and honor, feels guilt, is a kid, did not choose this life but was rather catapulted into it and too weak to climb out once he landed in the mud. All of that together makes him someone I feel sympathy towards and find quite redeemable, so long as he will decide he wants that, which, in ILM, he does. If you just meant Frank in general then idk how to answer because there’s not much established Frank period it’s kinda a shell like all original dead by daylight characters, and I have no thoughts on it by itself because it’s not a whole person, and so I really only think of Frank as ILM verse Frank now.

#ask #sleepy #hope this is coherant. I love answering but I’m also on vacation trip rn so I’m not proofreading & u get what u get 🤣 adds flavor #in living memory (fic) #in living memory #spoilers #ILM spoilers #Halloween #dead by daylight #long post #Michel is not the villain of Halloween: he and Laurie are both the victims & it’s a fkn Greek tragedy #they both deserved so much more than the lives they were thrown into #: ( #sad now just thinkin bout it

[indulgnces]

hello! it’s jess again with my new final girl bb brooke under the cut! (AHS 1984 SPOILERS!) I’m playing her pre-prison for the most part, but legit after this next episode there are gonna be some new attributes given to her, so I’ll circle back and change as needed after Wednesday!

❛  ( LILY COLLINS )  ◈  dude, shut up ! BROOKE THOMPSON from AHS: 1984 is on screen. their fans swear they’re just COMPASSIONATE & CLEVER, but we’ve all seen their RESERVED & SKEPTICAL side ! according to TRUMAN WIKIA, they’re TWENTY-FOUR years old, CLOSETED BISEXUAL, & identify as CISFEMALE ( SHE/HER ). they’re currently a VETERINARY ASSISTANT & are CONFUSED about life in truman. luckily they have THEIR ENGAGEMENT RING AND HER KNIFE with them & can visit THE ROLLER RINK whenever they want. penned by JESS.

so her bio is always subject to change depending on what happens, as her show is currently airing, so a final version of her won’t come around for another couple weeks. but below is a sketch of my sweet & badass final girl brooke thompson (spoiler warning for ahs 1984!!)

CANON LIFE 

(gun tw, murder tw)

“I, uh I had this dumb idea, this, this dream to-” “To be somebody?” “No. To be nobody.....I pretended for so long to be somebody that I wasn't. Now I don't even know who I am.”

was a smart child who liked to learn. top of her all her classes. goodie-goodie who I wouldn’t call a nerd or a teacher’s pet, just like a prepared student who kept to herself and aced all her shit

things were smooth but then there was this entitled jerky bad Nice Guy who kept coming in 2nd behind her, and instead of pushing himself to idk be smarter than brooke and be on top on his own, he bitched and straight up stopped talking to brooke

that wasn’t enough for the baby tho, and so he convinced everyone else in their class to stop talking to brooke too. fucking iced out by her entire class

brooke did not like that. v much did not like that. she is a bit of a people pleaser, and can be easily peer pressured, and the idea of people thinking of her in a negative light, the idea that she was making other people mad or upset for some reason, didn’t set well with her, so she started to fail on purpose

pretended to be dumber than she was until she fell into the #2 spot, then the icing out stopped and the mean Nice Guy asked brooke out and ....she said yes bc well, why not?

flash forward and he’s asking her to marry him and she says yes for the same reasons before and though they’ve been together for years, they’ve never had sex/were saving themselves 

did i forget to mention Nice Guy was a jealous guy? i feel like that was implied, but yeah he was a v jealous boy, and during their wedding he accused brooke of sleeping with his best man sam duke (montana’s brother wassup), then proceeded to shoot sam, brooke’s dad when he tried to protect brooke, and then aimed that gun at brooke before shooting himself instead

#traumatized 

brooke got the hell out of dodge after that. didn’t want to be that girl anymore. didn’t want to be the Smart Girl or the Girl Who Slept With Her Fiance’s Best Man or the Girl With The Crazy Fiance or the Girl With The Murder Wedding like she just didn’t want to be anybody, wanted to blend into a crowd of strangers and disappear

where better to do that than los angeles? 

moved to la, got into santa monica college to take classes towards becoming a veterinarian assistant, was just gonna chill

then the night stalker decided to break into her apartment and try to kill her, but she’s got Balls and is clever when in danger, so she beat him with a frying pan and made a lot of noise and her neighbors heard and saved her life so #bless

decided again to get the hell out of dodge and go with a group of new friends to be a camp counselor at camp redwood for the summer because fun!!!! and safety, mostly

except not fun OR safe bc their first night there and she’s nearly killed by THREE killers (richard, mr.jingles, and fucking MONTANA) on separate occasions, had a traumatized night all around, and when daylight broke, she managed to kill that bitch montana in an act of self defense

bad timing tho bc she gutted her when a bus full of children were driving by, so like, not a good look, and then that bitch camp owner & true serial killer psycho margaret decided to pin all the murders on brooke so (upside down smile face emoji yknow the one)

brooke was found guilty and, after five years in jail, was sentenced to death by lethal injection

sentence was carried, brooke died an Absolute Boss, giving no fucks to richard (this man terrified her before and now she doesnt give two shits my gIRL!!), spitting at margaret, just being a badass, and then afterwards donna gave her a dose of adrenaline and brought my girl back to life

donna brought her back to health, and during that time brooke bonded and began to trust her. she also found out about margaret returning to camp redwood for a festival, and has made it her mission to go back and gut that lying bitch for the hell she put her through before she can go on with her life

also on her one day of fun out of the hotel after her recovery, she had a brief run in with a psycho serial killer bc (donna &) brooke’s apparently just serial killer BAIT, but guess what? just like every time before my girl used her fucking brain and got both her and donna out of their situation, and because she’s a badass now, she didn’t run away this time, instead she stayed and finished the job - opting to tie the psycho up and cut off his hitchhiking thumbs like a fucking BOSS i love her

now walking the way to redwood with her girl donna

and that’s everything of brooke thus far in canon! I’ll add more when the series ends!

FUN FACTS & HEADCANONS

did not sleep with sam, thank you very much

lost her virginity to ray, the ghost, during that traumatizing night at redwood and it was only Okay

was kissed by montana during that traumatizing night before it came to light that montana fucking hated her guts, and um that split second kiss did more for her than sex with ray? (no tea no shade ray you got a shudder or two out of her okay (but not the o oof)) brooke didn’t know she could feel that way towards women until montana kissed her and that shit SCARED her so she freaked and ran

so you know how brooke told donna not to kill that psycho killer who tried to kill them when they were on the road? it wasn’t because she wanted to torture him. it’s because she didn’t want donna to have to go through the trauma of killing somebody. bc even though she knows she was justified in killing montana, and she had to do it to save her life, she still went through the trauma of knowing she ended someone’s life, and she compassionate and doesn’t want her friend to deal with it either. she’s not about that murder game now, she’s not gonna kill if she don’t have to. but she’s not the same as she was before, not gonna let ppl get off scotch free - aka why she took the man’s thumbs & tied him up: punishment for what he did, and she left him there vulnerable to either die, or more likely: be found by a passing car, and face the punishment for what he did

girl really is serial killer bait though. idk what it is. when she was an innocent girl just trying to get through life? encountered her joey her fiance (killed 3 ppl including himself), ramirez (killed 13? people and counting), montana (psycho killed at least 2 people, presumably more, and counting), and mr. jingles (killed 5+ people) - most of who just wanted to kill her to killer her. then she became a bad bitch. and again, serials killers took an interest in her, with both ramirez & psycho bruce hitchhiker both amused by her new thick skin smhhh, girl can’t catch a break one way or another with these killers.

TRUMAN

“I don’t know what’s real. I- I don’t even trust myself.”

ah, truman, brooke has been utterly confused about truman

because brooke, she buys the story the actors have told her 

okay, so she moved to truman after the Red Wedding nightmare, okay, sure

but like, she spent five years in jail for crimes she didn’t commit, and that shit has left an IMPRESSION on this girl and so she’s also like, something doesn’t add up

but she’s not suspicious by nature, and she’ll believe what she’s been told, because why rock the boat and say otherwise? 

so she got her degree in truman in biology, with intentions to pursue veterinary school for her doctorate and obtain her license, and she hasn’t spoken her doubts aloud 

but like, LATELY (*cough* with the season’s premiere *cough*), babe’s been more confused than usual, with intense bouts of memories coming back to her

and she’s expressed these distressing memories to the actors, who act the same way the redwood crew did to her when she told them she was being chased by mr.jingles that first episode: they mocked and laughed her off, got her to believe what they needed her to

but just like redwood, with each passing week the memories won’t stop, and she’s been Distressed and then her PRISON EPISODE hit her and the sensation of dying has fully convinced her that these are not just dreams, these events are real, and she’s not sure how to process it

since the memories have returned, her new experiences and thick skin from prison has returned, making her wary of strangers once again, but it’s battling with her current perception of the world, and it’s all especially especially in this place that’s filled with people trying to tell her that’s she crazy for her memories

PERSONALITY

okay so, before prison? girl was naive and dependent and trusting and believed n the best of people. she got scared easy, had trouble being alone at night, and relied on the people around her for protection in life. she went with the flow and had little agency in her life, as she allowed her controlling fiance to p much dictate her life tbh 

before prison but after her red wedding, brooke became more reserved then usual, because she had an intense desire to be alone, and to be away from the stigmas and the reputation she had in her old life following the nightmare event. it was her first taste of independence, though she was still dependent in nature, as the second a group of friends came into her life, she found herself following their lead, tagging along.

after prison? total change. five years - NO, 1825 DAYS - in prison absolutely changed her. she looked back at her life and that night and realized she was too trusting. she got warnings and scares multiple times that day and night at redwood, from the gas station employee to the hitchhiker to the mystery phone call to the news report to LITERALLY BEING CHASED and she still didn’t follow her gut - instead she tried to do what everyone else around her told her to do, which was relax because she was supposedly being paranoid. if she had pushed, if she had the nerve to walk away even, none of this would have happened. and she hates herself for that. 

she spent five years as an innocent victim with scary guilty criminals, and she grew a thick skin as a result. lost her innocence and her wide-eyed charm. 

not she’s skeptical, and even more reserved than before, and wary to strangers. she’s still compassionate and helpful, still feels for people and had an urge to help, but she doesn’t follow those urges as helplessly as she did before. she trusts her gut more.

carries around a knife too because, as said earlier, she’s some kinda magnet for killers and you can never be too safe!

I called her clever because my girl, when in life and death situations,is SO FUCKING SMART like she does not go out without a fight and it’s never full on “imma hit you with my fists” its “let me see what I have around me at my disposal” like she is smart and she is quick to grasp a new situation when her life is in peril, she out here wielding frying pans and canoe paddles and using two serials killers pushing her around in a net as momentum to grab a tree and climb out of her net like she’s so smart

when her life is not in peril, though, she be doing dumb shit like sleeping with her window open KNOWING serial killers take advantage of that shit and answering creepy pay phones in the middle of the night so, shes a naive bitch too

positive: compassionate, determined, honest, clever, resourceful, helpful, kind

negative: reserved, skeptical, resentful, paranoid, tense, touchy, withdrawn

SUBJECT TO CHANGE! as the season progresses.

CANON CONNECTIONS

i basically love brooke with all of the redwood gang tbh

montana? love it. angsty dark shit im game. xavier? love it. soft as fuuuck. richard? game, tell him to fuck off sis he don’t scare you no more. donna? bet, I need this badass duo in my life!!! chet? adorable babies, let them share more marshmallows together. ray? also cute, he may be a coward but he was soft with her so!, trevor? #letsmakebrookeblush2k19 bc that big dick interaction was funny and I wanted more moments of blushing virgin brooke becoming speechless around trevor (and montana, or the ultimate combo of trevor & montana) during a summer at redwood bUT THAT NEVER HAPPENED 

anyways

TRUMAN CONNECTIONS

once again, I’ll probs post smth separate for her connections!

and yeah! that’s everything on my new girl! if you’ve made it this far, you’re still the best my dudes!! if you’d like to do any kind of plotting with my girl, just go ahead and hit that like button, and I’ll slide in y’alls dms! ♥

#truman:intro #intro #face is subject to change as I feel lily out for her #i also didnt proof this so #ahs spoilers

[sirro85-blog]

Dark Horses 3

Becca felt a bead of sweat run down her face and felt it run onto her top lip, as she panted heavily it must have caught on her breath because she saw the drop fly though the air. Out of options she fell backwards and rolled desperately to her left kicking out, there was a solid connection and her on rushing attacker stumbled, Becca had a moments glimpse of an exposed jaw as both arms shot out to break their fall, she snapped out a heel and felt the crack as it made connection.

"Fucking lucky!" Yelled Sergeant Knickers from the edge of the ring as Petra jumped up to check on Barbie.

"No kidding, shit she's fast," Becca lay flat on her back gasping for breath, "I need to stop relying on being taller than all of you."

"Yes, you do," said Kovac, "you need to remember what are stopping blows and what are just pointless combatives that look pretty."

"Like you're a shining beacon of variety Mr I'll-just-punch-them-into-submission. Get in the ring and show me something that isn't counter striking," Panther jeered vaulting the ropes and beckoning Kovac.

"Hardly a fair fight, I've got damn near a foot in height on you and I'm probably twice your weight, not sure this is gonna prove much," Kovac said waving her off. "Besides I've proven it repeatedly, I can't hit girls, I remember those nuns who raised me and I can't do it."

"If we get Dorman down later?" Asked Becca.

"Oh him I'll hit," Kovac agreed, "sergeant-major, a word," he called to Panther.

"Wolf has been in touch, Fluke has successfully defended three transports. It shouldn't come as a surprise that it's the Galax. Its always a smash and grab job, any organised defence and they give up." Kovac said as he walked down the hallway, Panther having to scurry a little to keep up.

"Wolf has asked if a second troop can join him, I'm going to go out to the Towoli and take a look at the situation with the Bartuq. 2 Troop will accompany me and Gilly's aux troop is going to go out and get set up. Dorman and 3 Troop will stay here and move out to assist Wolf if necessary." Kovac pushed open his door and gave his sergeant-major a nod.

"Yes sir, And you want me to..." Panther felt her voice have a slight upwards inflection as she spoke annoyed at her uncertainty.

"To oversee all this and keep it off my desk sergeant-major."

The door closed, Panther cursed inwardly, this new position kept overwhelming her, she had served under Kovac to one degree or another for over 10 years now but this was the closest she had ever worked with him and suddenly she found him intimidating and found herself unsure around him.

Panther was heading for her office when she met Knickers, the taller woman was looking the other way as she approached and in profile the thin cheeks and slender nose made her seem particularly striking, as she so often did Panther's eyes traced the scars on Knicker's forearms.

"Sir," Knickers turned to Panther, "the captain said you'd have orders."

"Yes, 2 Troop will be heading out to the Towoli with the Major, as will 4 Troop, the auxiliaries, let Staff Frank know will you?"

"First deployment, uhh, any advice?" Knickers asked.

"Talk to the captain if you have any questions and rely on your section commanders and their 2IC, remember your job is to see them do their job, not do it for them and don't worry, you were given this job for a reason," Panther realised she should take her own advice.

Wolf nodded as Dorman entered the room, he gestured at the table and said, "you get a look at the plans on the journey?"

"Yeah, looks solid, we can probably push through their defences before you swing in, means it makes more sense for you to roll up behind us and break their centre." Dorman said.

"If you think so, you'll need to hammer them in that first assault though, we need to be amongst them before they know it or they'll rabbit."

"You worry about drawing them in, let me worry about the attack," Dorman replied, "Now, more importantly, did you know Sharon was married!?"

Wolf stared at his friend for a few moments and closed his eyes, "dude..." he said his voice pained, "in three months she never once had you round to hers, she had a patch of lighter skin on one finger and never used her communications when around you." Wolf stared into middle distance, "I think at this point bud, just assume you're catnip to bored, married women."

"I swear I'm not looking for married women!" Dorman said rather pathetically in Wolf's opinion.

"Look, I don't know what to tell you, maybe ask them outright? You're not the sort of guy who wants to date married women, you're not amoral...you're not Kovac but you are gonna get your ass shot if you keep sleeping with these women, especially on Pelcar-3."

"That's a bit hard on Kov, dude wasn't intentionally sleeping with married women," Dorman said.

"No he just slept with anyone he could and didn't care...Look at some point the five of us will sit down with some drinks and we can argue the right and wrong of sleeping with married people and we can all laugh at Becca as she ties herself in knots trying to justify being the other woman to both the husband and wife but as far as I'm concerned if you know someone's married they should be off limits. Now, are your troop ready to start a dry run or do you want some time?"

Dorman had a few more moments of looking wretched, "No it's fine I'll dig Sergeant Webb out and we'll start an exercise."

Sergeant Glover didn't like it when his men had to stop being soldiers, he had no regrets in the choices he had made in his life and he would always be proud of the loyalty in his heart but when soldiers turned mercenaries were asked not just to take off uniform but to start playing sneaks he was unhappy. That being said, Captain Wolf's plan was sound and more importantly Major Kovac had signed off on it.

"Ty, Costa you two are no longer soldiers but that doesn't give either of you leave to carry bowie knives on your damn belt," Webb snapped.

"Interestingly sir did you know that the bowie knife was named for the man who carried it not it's creator and the man it was named for may have been mostly fiction infact..." Ty began but was cut off by Sergeant Webb.

"Not now damn it Ty, a bayonet is enough, who needs so many damn blades?"

Sergeant Glover watched this exchange and knew the response before it came.

"Major Kovac carries karambit knives and so does Captain Wolf, I've seen Captain Becca carry 3 or 4 Wasp axes," Costa started up, "Not to mention Corpo I mean Sergeant Knickers carrying..."

Webb cracked his fist into the table top, his voice cold and hard, "when the operation is over, you will come to me and we will discuss the addition of equipment to your standard issue, until that time, take off the damn blades."

Glover knew this would happen, once you left the army rules were harder to maintain, order could be lost. His own men knew that to carry a non-issue weapon they had to prove they knew how to use it which is why most carried a bayonet and why the captain carried a BC-41 and a push dagger on top of the karambit knives the men knew about.

Webb joined him shaking his head, "I dunno Fluke, why do they all want to be Rumble? What's that stupid phrase the SM says?"

Glover winced at the mispronounced name, "it's Rambo, and the SM says "guns for a show, knives for a pro."

Webb shook his head again and glared at Ty and Costa, "If those two weren't my best I'd kill them and bury their bodies to save me my misery."

"Problem is Captain Dorman finds 'em funny," Fluke said as close as he'd ever get to criticising the commissioned officers he'd grown to trust.

Webb grunted and started to move off, "Fluke once we're in you'll need to come hard to keep the roll going."

Glover nodded, certain things didn't need saying in his opinion.

Wolf watched as the raider vessels came alongside the freighter, for the first time since he'd started defence they were able to pull alongside and dock. Within minutes they were on-board and moving deck to deck. Timing in his head, Wolf guessed that Glover must have moved into position, he signalled Dorman that 1 Troop were on the move.

The transmitter chirruped as Wolf's message arrived, "alright!" Dorman shouted, "the raiders are engaged, time to take out their bolt hole before they know it's engaged."

3 Troop were moving quickly, Dorman pulled his men forward while 3 section dropped back with Sergeant Webb, this first part needed to be quick and quiet.

Wolf watched as Fluke and his section sprang the trap, the Galax raiders had fallen back towards their vessels as soon as the Dark Horses had engaged, and now as they neared them Fluke - already secured their ships - struck from the rear cutting through their numbers.

The second message from Wolf confirmed they were on route, Dorman gave the command and his men launched their assault. The design of the Galax position meant that the only way in was a frontal assault but human weapons and munitions should blast through the entrance and then it should be a case of room to room and making sure the Galax couldn't escape with their equipment to continue raiding, in those close quarters the Dark Horses training should do the job.

Dorman watched as Gray led his fire team forward and placed detonators. In position now Dorman saw no point in delaying, he gave the signal.

Wolf willed the distance to close as they sped towards the Galax position, now they had engaged he had more doubts about allowing them to assault in two waves, as they slowed he sprang from his seat, Fluke moving too. They found a young riflewoman at the breach, alone.

"Mfene, isn't it?" Wolf asked, "where's your dual?" Soldiers were never left isolated like this in combat.

"Ito is inside, went in to protect the medics sir," Mfene answered.

"The medics are inside!?" Wolf bit back a curse and ran forward.

The Galax compound was basic in its layout, built into a cliff face it had a high fortified wall that Dorman had breached with a centre compound filled with the Galax raiding vehicles, behind which three tunnels ran off, the centre tunnel was known to be more heavily fortified. Dorman's men were supposed to be in the left and right tunnels but possibly a third of them were engaged in a firefight with the centre tunnel defences.

Wolf pulled up as he scanned the fight, Dana and the other medics were in one corner they seemed to have half a dozen patients, two Riflemen stood guard over them. By all evidence the remaining soldiers were in the two other tunnels.

"Banjarjee take two section and sweep the two outer tunnels, O'Shea with me, clear the outer defences of the central tunnels, Flowers, 3 section should be prepared to provide fire support. GO!"

O'Shea ran forward, Wolf close behind him, as they reached the combatants Wolf signalled to Sergeant Webb who gestured his acknowledgement of the plan and had his men pull away from the centre, smoke grenades and other ordinance sailed through the air and with a roar the men of 1 troop launched themselves into the tunnel.

The fight was bloody but over quickly, the injury count was less following the second wave but still over a dozen troopers were needing medical treatment back on base.

Little was said as the Galax vehicles were destroyed and their weapons confiscated. With the loss of their attack vehicles the surviving Galax would be arrested by local authorities and usually moved on to less criminal activities provided no other raiders tried to recruit them.

The journey back to Pelcar-3 was subdued, word passed that Kovac and 2 Troop had returned following the officers reports from the Galax engagement.

Once returned to the Dark Horses compound Wolf pulled his men to a debrief in a separate corner leaving 3 troop to handle their own injured and return certain kit to stores. Dorman was checking weapons back into the lockers when the Quartermaster approached him.

"When you're done here Hero, the Major wants to see you in his office," the derision in her voice was stronger than normal.

"I'll be there after I've checked on my men in med-bay," Dorman replied, not looking up.

"I'd avoid Staff King right now Hero, and I'd not be late for Kovac, I believe it's an interview without coffee," growled the Qm.

Dorman stared after her as around him a slight muttering spread among the men, turning to his sergeant Dorman asked Webb to take over the checking off.

Ten minutes later Dorman knocked on Kovac's door, for once closed. Inside Kovac sat behind his desk, unusual for a man who tended to sit on his desk as often as use it.

"You changed the plan, I understand it was your choice though Captain Wolf was at pains to tell me he agreed." Kovac didn't greet his captain.

"Yes sir, I assessed the enemy's strengths and concluded my troop capable of the task, which they were, I believe we would have been successful with or without the support of 1 Troop."

"You believe...this isn't 1914 Captain, we don't measure success by numbers dead, them more than us? Oh it's a victory. You believe..."

"I believed my men capable of..."

"You believed," said Kovac raising his voice for the first time as he stood up, "The hype, you believed our own propaganda," Kovac put on a sing-song voice, "Humans we're bigger, badder, rougher and tougher, believe me brother their ain't no other," his voice changed to one high and clear with careful enuncuation, "hard to stop and impossible to kill the human is a deathworlder that is capable of preternatural feats," Kovac's voice returned to normal, "damn it Dorman, you behaved like...like we're damn space orcs, expendable in numbers and unbreakable to boot, we may sell ourselves to the galaxy as the interstellar hobgoblin but we know different, we're professional and highly trained. That was bloody amateur hour."

Kovac took a long breath, and sitting down, "Dorman you're a good officer but you have a tendency to think you can do it all, and at times that's good, but you cannot put my men's lives on the line like that again. I would suggest you pay the injured soldiers bonus from your own pocket and a sizeable donation to the fund would be advisable. If you're feeling particularly contrite perhaps letting Wolf punch your teeth out in the ring would be a good idea?"

Dorman looked as though he wanted to reply but stopped himself, he nodded and turned to leave then stopped, "I'm sorry sir, I know you hate your men getting injured, I genuinely believed it was a smart play."

Kovac sighed, "I know you did mate, find that balance between impulse and hesitancy, remember to take a breath and re-evaluate and you'll be a great leader of men. Better angels and all that."

Dorman nodded and left the room.

#humans are space australians #humans are insane #humans are space orcs #space faerie #space australia #space orcs #humans are space oddities #humans are weird #earth is a deathworld #this is why i call kovac daddy #kovac #dark horses

[asknightqueendany]

Whenever I’ve seen u hate on Sansa you always point out her trusting baelish in s7 and her behavior with the Karstarks. Both were bad decisions but the reasons make sense. Karstarks- Sansa went through hell with Ramsay and she I think she wants to be strict making sure that the north knows there are consequences for their actions should they turn on her. Deep down she probably knows two children can’t hurt her much but since she’s been betrayed a lot and in the worst ways- she’s very paranoid.

Part 2- she is just falling into the bad habit of being overly paranoid. Next her trusting baelish- Sansa always ever since s2 knows that baelish is not trustworthy but she never had anyone else that seemed willing to actually take her home. Yes he betrayed her but at that point it had become a habit to trust him and to be manipulated by him. Dany took 7 seasons to acknowledge that drogo raped her. Sansa took 7 seasons to finally realize that baelish will NEVER be on her side.   

Part 3- a lot of ppl also bring up the way she acted with the lords when they spoke abt Jon. Sansa has never been seen as anything but a pawn and now she’s actually valued by the lords so it went straight to her head. Also she did explain that the northern lords are always shifty and that she needs there support in the wars to come so she can’t anger them! I love all the asoiaf ladies and I think the reason some may not like Sansa is bc it’s harder to get inside her head and understand.     

Separate ask but also about Sansa so I’m combining them (Anon 2):

You don’t have to like Sansa but if you ever become part of the Sansa fandom.. not all of us hate dany or hate every character besides Sansa. Everyone I follow loves Sansa and Dany and especially loves Sansa and Arya. Yes ppl ship jonsa (I personally don’t) and most ppl who ship jonsa dislike Dany but a lot of ppl that like Sansa don’t even ship jonsa. There are lot of vocal jonsa fans but that fandom is VERY small.            

Okay. I am so tired of talking about Sansa on this blog. Why do her supporters continue asking me about her? My opinions of her have not changed. The first 3pt ask did not made me change my opinions about her. And I severely disagree with everything the first asker wrote. Surely Anon 1, you had to have know I’d deconstruct your argument in my answer, right? So are we to have a back and forth of you sending me anons in regards to Sansa, and me continuing to dig my heels in about her because I firmly believe where I stand on here and have canon to back it up? It’s kind of exhausting.

I will answer these questions today. But I ask that people stop sending me questions about Sansa. I don’t like her. I have never liked her. I have never wanted to be in the “Sansa” fandom. I don’t enjoy watching scenes with her character in them. I didn’t enjoy reading her chapters in ASOIAF. And I don’t want to discuss her character anymore. I don’t even enjoy comparing her to Daenerys and don’t see why so many people do because they are very different characters with very different stories and journeys but since her rabid stans (not the non-rabid ones) hate Daenerys and always make Sansa-Dany comparisons, I’m forced to do so also to refute the wrong and hateful assumptions made about Dany.

But from now on, I’m going to try to refrain from talking about Sansa as much as possible because...I really don’t want to and don’t like to. So again, please no more asks about her.

Anon 1: You admit Sansa is overly paranoid and that Sansa likely knew the Karstark and Umber kids wouldn’t hurt her and blame her paranoia on Ramsay and say her “bad decisions” as you call them - trusting Baelish and not trusting the Umber and Karstark kids - make sense.

Whoa, there’s a lot to unpack there.

Let’s start with Ramsay - Sansa is paranoid because of Ramsay (and likely all her other tormentors - Joffrey, Cersei, and Lysa). But who put Sansa in that position with Ramsay? And the position with Lysa? BAELISH. If Baelish hadn’t kissed Sansa out in the open where Lysa could see, then Sansa’s life wouldn’t have been threatened by Lysa in the first place.

It’s almost as if Baelish did it on purpose so he had an excuse to kill Lysa and further endear himself to Sansa. Lysa comes across as crazy. She nearly kills Sansa. Baelish steps in and “saves” Sansa. But Baelish only saved Sansa from the threat that HE opened her up to.

AND Baelish didn’t need to kill Lysa. She calms down once he tells her he’s only ever loved one woman. He could have continued lying to her but he wanted to get her out of the way so he killed her.

Sansa learns about Lysa being the one to kill Jon Arryn on Baelish’s orders. She learns that it was Baelish’s idea for Lysa to send the letter to Catelyn that it was the Lannisters who killed Jon when really it was Lysa, thereby starting the conflict between Stark and Lannister. Baelish doesn’t kill Lysa because he just doesn’t want her around anymore and doesn’t want to deal with her. He kills her because she knows too much. AND NOW SANSA KNOWS TOO.

Doesn’t this sound familiar? It’s just like with Ser Dontos. Dontos knew too much and was a drunk - Lysa knew too much and was not of sound mind. Sansa has witnessed Baelish killing both these people who know too much of his shady dealings and yet...she still keeps him around. WHY???

He’s also the one who sold her to Ramsay Bolton. Saved her from monsters who murdered her family and gave her to other monsters who murdered her family. Even if Ramsay was a stand up guy...Roose still plunged a knife into Robb Stark’s heart. Her father-in-law would be the man who killed her brother. That’s all kinds of fucked up.

And it’s all because of Baelish.

Knowing all this about Baelish, Sansa keeps him as her ONLY confidante. She doesn’t even seek Maester Wolkan’s council! The man who is MEANT to council and serve the Lord/Lady of Winterfell!!! We’ve only got one scene of the two of them together and Sansa is telling Wolkan what to do, she’s not asking for his advice. Wolkan would have been a much more neutral and wiser advisor and yet, Sansa never seeks his advice. Not on what to do about the Northern Lords, not on what to do about Arya - WHICH IF SANSA HAD CONFIDED IN WOLKAN ABOUT THE ARYA SITUATION AND THE LETTER SHE WOULD HAVE SNIFFED OUT BAELISH’S PLOT THAT MUCH QUICKER!!!!!!!! FFS I’m getting so mad about this. Wolkan was a man of the Citadel, sworn to the castle he served, sworn to HER. And she never sought his advice. Damnit this makes me so mad. How can anyone justify this? How can anyone say Sansa’s mistrust of people in general would mean she turns to the man she’s seen kill two people because of wanting to keep his secrets safe and not trust the man who’s sworn to serve her.

If Sansa is so goddamn mistrustful, she should have kicked Baelish to the curb. Not kept him in her presence whispering in her ear 24/7. How could she not suspect him of trying to play her? HOW???

Moving on....

On to Alys Karstark and Ned Umber. You say this was a bad decision but one that made sense for what Sansa’s gone through. I call bullshit. Alys and Ned are meant to be portrayed as children, Alys possibly of an age with Sansa, but Ned clearly much younger.

However, Alys’s age doesn’t really matter because Sansa treats her and Ned the same. She wants to kick them out. Anon 1, you say this is because Sansa wants the North to know what happens to people who betray her - which, hello, I’m surprised you even worded it like that because that’s usually the kind of accusation that gets hurled at Daenerys. So you’re saying Sansa is vengeful? She wants her people to fear her? Because that is ruling with fear. Making her people afraid of the consequences if they cross her and making an example of two innocent children - that’s ruling by fear. I don’t know how people can see it any other way.

And Sansa, who was a child with the label of “traitor’s daughter” after Ned’s whole ordeal, should know how children can often get caught up in their parent’s political mishaps. While she wasn’t forced from her home, she also couldn’t go back to her home because it was taken from her family. And yet, knowing what she went through, she wants to do the same thing to Ned Umber and Alys Karstark. I’m saying it was a bad decision...and it didn’t make any sense.

The people Sansa really should have been critical of and kept a watchful eye over - were the Lords who were directly involved with not coming to House Stark’s aid. Manderly, Glover, Cerwin. They were the ones who truly turned their backs on House Stark. Ned and Alys however are innocent, weren’t the ones who betrayed the Starks (it was their fathers who are now dead) and they both showed up to court at Winterfell when they were called to do so! Ned and Alys left their homes and went to Winterfell - likely at Jon’s command - knowing there was a possibility they may be going to answer for their father’s crimes. But they dutifully went anyway. Ned and Alys just by being at Winterfell in 7x01 rather than holding up in their castles fearing the Starks - shows way more loyalty and faith than what Manderly, Glover, and Cerwin did before the Battle of the Bastards. This has nothing to do with Sansa’s previous experiences with betrayal and Ramsay’s savagery and whatnot. It’s just plain ignorance and stubbornness. And it may have earned her enemies in Ned and Alys should the North get divided between her and Jon (not that it ever would, but just saying).

Now, Anon 2

As stated, I don’t want to be in the Sansa fandom and don’t care. However, I think you’re severely mistaken when saying the Jonsa fandom is SMALL. They’re not. They’re all over the place on Tumblr and have pretty much taken over the Sansa Stark tag here. I honestly don’t know how her fans who are not Jonsas or don’t hate everyone else, Dany included, can even operate on this site because of all the bile they spew. I truly feel bad for the Sansa fans who are kind and enjoy other characters and don’t post hate. I really do. I don’t know how you guys stay sane. It seems like an even more difficult part of the fandom to reside in than being a Daenerys stan to be honest. But I want no part of it. I am a Daenerys blog, a Daenerys stan. I love other characters, but Sansa isn’t one of them - though I will acknowledge her wins and achievements when it is appropriate because I am not so lowly that I think everything Sansa does is a mistake and try to hate on her all the time. I can see when she’s done good and has a win and I will celebrate her wins with the rest of the fandom because I love Game of Thrones and ASOIAF and if Sansa has a win, then that’s great.