#people are so hard to deal with god

[omtai]

got too crazy last night & made a fake Gerard Fangoria cover... 🧛‍♀️

📸: Jess Gleeson

#omtai art #mcr #mcrsydney #i had a dream i got a cease and desist from tumblr if i posted this... #But its literally fine and nobody cares and jimmy from fangoria said its fine #my brain so wack #anyways. making this was so so fun #the bordering on the logo is really fucky btw so dont look too hard at it #cuz i couldnt find a highres vector anywhere so i had to screenshot the svg off the site 😭 & then magicwand it #but the site didnt have the border so i had 2 add it myself #and its too thick and wraps weirdly but Deal with it i dont have photoshop i made this in csp #also god bless the people at mcrchive for making clean drumhead writings. i was fully prepared to just do it myself #i did for the 'in the swarm' tho its really hard trying to digitally mimic drip markers... #i wanted to put the guys in the boxes on the side but the photographer didnt post any photos of frank #if they took any #and it was like 4am at that point i dndt wanna go hunt for a frank photo from that night #So this is the gerard solo cover. enjoy #blood

[puppyeared]

man

#maybe im being pessimistic abt this. im not saying u should wear a mask every waking moment of your life god knows i cant #but also. hell no i dont trust u if anything i distrust u ppl even more after how things played out for the past 3 years #like there are situations where it might be inevitable catching covid. most of my family members are nurses and in constant contact #but there are also a ton of ways to make that risk low as possible like masking and wearing a face shield and having sanitizer #for me its not enough to just say oh we're in a small group and we're all vaccinated #motherfucker your kid is sick from preschool EVERY TIME WE VISIT. of course ill be wearing a mask she gave me covid last year #also no the fuck it isnt seasonal the cases go up because lack of caution makes the virus spread and mutate especially around times when #ppl gather. add that with virus transmission in cold weather and its a matter of different factors increasing the risk of spread #im also tired of ppl not understanding that i wont be their responsibility if i do get sick. maybe they can help me recover #but at the end of the day the risk of death and long term health is all on me. i cant change that #the govt barely gives me accommodations what makes u think theyll do anything for every individual case of long covid or worse #im so tired. im so tired #i dont even know if its possible to want this to be over anymore i just wish we didnt have to deal with this in the first place #ALSO COUGH INTO YOUR SLEEVE SERIOUSLY HOW IS THIS SO HARD TO REMEMBER #oh its just a cold/dry throat its not like i have covid or anything. no!! its basic hygiene!!! how is this so hard to understand!!!!!!!!!! #and no this isnt abt whether people have the means to protect themselves this is me bitching abt my relatives not taking me seriously #vent #my art #myart #doodles #covid 19

[yoteblog]

I'll say it once before I feel like hitting my head against the wall-

the lgbtq+ community isn't a club that you can exile people from. If you are queer, you are welcome to participate in anything that people do for the community such as parades for example. But you don't have to. Not doing so doesn't make you not lgbtq+. And if someone who is queer is also a bad person, that doesn't give ANYONE the right to strip them of their identity.

I see this with trans people. If a trans person does something that isn't good at all, transphobes use it to their advantage to deadname, misgender, and harass that person, under the guise of "respect" and them not having it for bad people. I was told that it was OUR job to keep "the bad ones" out of the community so people like us.

Funny, that sounds familiar to something else, doesn't it? 🙄😒

There are going to be horrid people in any minority group, just like how there are horrible people in majorities. Nobody has the right to strip someone of their identity that they can't control if that person is deemed "bad". Bad people exist. Bad people can be queer. Suck it up, they're both queer and bad now. We can hate them for the things they did without dehumanizing them

#lgbtq #trans #transgender #cishet people making me dislike them so much more day aftet day #like why is it so hard to be respectful of how people were born #I don't actually dislike cishet ppl btw #but god I'm tired of dealing with the lot of them being annoying about how other people identity as and try shoving a purity complex

[royalarchivist]

There’s not a lot of Karmaland enjoyers on Tumblr, but I need everyone to see this clip of Quackity, Rubius, and Luzu in therapy anyways because I’ve never heard Quackity laugh this hard

#Quackity #Karmaland #Luzu #Rubius #MCYT #MCYT Video #Translated with help from Quacklate on Youtube #I have a hard time understanding when people talk over each other like this #This joke came out of left field and made me laugh so suddenly I pulled a gut muscle #(ALSO FOR CONTEXT: Rubius and Quackity are friends #so don't take this joke too seriously) #Gosh. This entire therapy bit was so frickin funny #For those of you who don't know: Karmaland is a Spanish Minecraft RP server #and it's like. the BIGGEST Spanish server and it was a huge deal when Quackity got invited this season #especially because Quackity loves Karmaland and he's watched a lot of the creators on it since he was a kid #Anyways; Quackity's been doing his usual thing and thus far he's kissed and/or banged half the server members #Luzu (Mr. Therapy here) is someone who's been very interested in Quackity from the start #but Quackity keeps breaking his heart over and over again #Karmaland is my favorite telenovela #also Quackity's been picking fights with the gods lately which is. You know. Par for the course #just thought that was a fun little detail #October 1 2022 #Translated #Subtitles #Edited #subtitles #translated

[possiblytracker]

coughs loudly. scheduling this post for slightly later today so i have time to get lunch and not chicken out before it goes up

firstly i gotta apologise for dropping off the face of the earth. in hindsight it was creeping up on me for a long time I just didn't think anything of it/had enough stuff going on to ignore it for a while, but ive been wrestling with pretty abysmal mental health that just kinda hit me like a truck back in august. i wont get too much into it but things just ground to a halt and in the span of a week or so it legitimately felt like i stopped being a Person- i just stagnated, felt like i lost the ability and will to do anything or enjoy things or create like i used to, all my energy went into keeping it together in front of my family, and it made me way too anxious and ashamed and guilty to want to show my face. like who would want to put up with my stupid bullshit, right (wrong! that idea just made me unbelievably worse and i regret it extremely, but my anxiety was going extremely unchecked at this time). i don't think i've ever been that depressed before and i didn't at all know how to handle it or begin to claw my way out

fortunately, a combination of getting exercise + touching grass regularly and new enrichment/hyperfixations to latch onto like an orphaned duckling are very recently kicking some life back into me so to speak. who wouldve thought. and now where i used to still feel stomach-turning dread and paranoia thinking about getting back on tumblr and discord a week or two ago, it finally feels like i can handle dipping my toes back in. i'm making this post first bc i know most of my friends will see it, and that feels less taxing than explaining myself a bunch of different times over and over and dragging it out, but ofc i will try and get back into conversation when and as i can (askbox and discord is still best to reach me if you wanted). i'm just really sorry, and I hope you can forgive me, for making you worry or otherwise

i'm not sure what to do from here (i'm considering maybe moving main blogs to a clean slate eventually? this one will still be here i couldnt bear to get rid of it, i've just had it since i was 16 there's Baggage attached) but i'll be trying to ease my way back into relative normalcy before doing anything big ofc. in the meantime i will be vaguely floating around here again. see you around and thank you for your time..

#cryingcat.png #god i hope tumblr doesnt send out a stupid notifcation to all followers that i posted i dont know what the time limit for that is but augha #here i am tho either way #vent/ #i have missed people the entire time it is very hard to describe how stupid and cowardly it feels knowing i Could come back at any time #but also being utterly paralysed and afraid to do so. like surely i could just suck it up and i Tried but i am so so mentally unwell #i need to work on how fucked up my freeze/flight response to stress is really bad it ruins my life but i am still too unemployd for therapy #so my broke ass just has to deal with unpacking my own shit for 2 months/j #anyway the point is even tho i am getting better somewhat irl ive still been struggling to pluck up the courage to come back online #but i can't keep it up forever and completely shut down just bc it makes my anxiety superficially feel 'safer' #so here i am. feeling slightly less full of dread. bc i at very least owe it to everyone to let you all know im not dead or something idk #and i also owe it to myself to not be miserable on purpose forever!! #now i just have to get everything unmuted and wait for this to post see you on the other side

[sophiethewitch1]

in my hater era

#sophie speaks #tw vent #like. what. what??? #i do try not to upset anyone with trauma dumping or whatever but sometimes that bites me in the ass because people assume I'm not strugglin #struggling hugely #had one of my most violent meltdowns ever recently and it was after pushing myself to do something #and you know. thats on me #but saying like #im NOT trying?? #i dont want to start any problems but oh my GOD what do you think being sick constantly does to a person #what??? #trying to be a proper adult here but i am quite upset #idk how are you supposed to deal with shit like this #express this has upset you and that you are having a hard time #but then they dont believe you?? #trauma dump it is. hope you enjoy my psychiatrists notes #like im level 2 support needs autistic. i need a little fucking leeway or i genuinely try to kill myself #i KNOW its pathetic i KNOW its weak but my number one priority is keep myself alive #im so tired #ive been suicidal for like 7 years now #my life sucks so incredibly hard and I'm in constant pain and that just #it doesnt make me willing to deal with this shit #cripplepunk core lmao #cripple and im going to kill you #this is just geniunely upsetting #i feel like i need a good cry #i really am so tired #i feel like i just dont want to do this #why am i paying for this? why am i doing this? #if im not enjoying this why the fuck would i do it

[gaminegay]

it is so insanely frustrating for me to be the only person working who has an ounce of Disaster Thinking because it means I'm the only person who says "hey, this has a possibility of not going well, we should be ready for that" and get dismissed out of hand because I'm thinking too hard about things. And then that eventuality HAPPENS and everyone's like oh no how unfortunate. Yeah if only someone saw that coming and proposed a solution beforehand.

#alda rambling #Ok yeah I am riddled with the anxieties and a lot of the time I AM thinking way too hard. #But not at work! And also Im logical! We are working with PEOPLE I feel like its okay to be extra cautious- #-when things going wrong means people feel bad and potentially we have to send in a notice #Also boss I respect you but you're in the office #You do not have the same experience as the people who work the actual job all day every week. #So just fffffffucking listen to me. #'Hey this means i wont be able to step out unless someone else covers me.' 'Its NOT that big of a DEAL-' #I KNOW ITS NOT IM LITERALLY JUST SAYING. WE TALKED ABOUT INFORMATION SHARING IN THE MEETING I AM JUST FUCKING SAYING IT. #Ok I'm done. God damn. Mondays am I right

[bluesidedown]

.

#this just in: moving to another continent to live and work with complete strangers for six months #incredibly distant from every important person in your life and your supportive community #is in fact. incredibly difficult. #like idk it's hard to describe because it's also been amazingly cool and i'm so thankful i get to do this #and like i can see God's hand in so many things that have happened and are happening #and He's providing what i need in such amazing ways #but also i'm exhausted and really really homesick #and i miss my people #and i miss going to chapel at school #and honestly just attending church in a language i understand #and rn i'm dealing with a crisis at least every day about what i'm going to do with the rest of my life #and long distance dating is really hard and need i reiterate i am exhausted and when i get tired and sad i self isolate. which is unhelpful #and generally i'm in that weird state of being where i genuinely have no clue how to persevere and i feel deeply deeply out of my depth #and also God is just. so present. #tbh i'm terrified that the rest of my life is just going to be Like This #and i'm also terrified that the rest of my life is not going to be Like This #because the last 5ish years have been Like This to varying degrees and i've learned and grown so much and i've come to know God so much mor #but i'm so tired. #and i'm tired of getting up every day and dealing with things that are scary. #but i'm scared of a life where i don't because i'm most scared of stagnating #anyway wow congrats if you made it this far into my venting #on the bright side yesterday i experienced one of the weirder (in a good way) social situations i've ever been in #walked into my language learning partner's mother-in-law's house (who i'd never met before) at 10pm and was instantly given two plates #of beautiful homemade (culturally appropriate dumplings) and a cup of tea #and proceeded to stay for 40min listening to a conversation where i understood about 3 words out of every 50 #couldn't have experiences like that if i stayed in my comfort zone could i

[buppypuppy]

.

#vent post essay ahead lol #having complexes about talking about your emotions is literally the fucking devil . its miserable. it sucks so bad. #the aamount of damage that is caused to someone by like #i mean im talking abou t me here obviously. #being the person whose like. overall ultimately tends not to feel horrible as often is like. #it's nice not feeling bad emotionally all the time but also it's like. i develop this complex about being like able to help. #i don't feel bad anywhere near as often as my friends so i can help them out and listen to them vent i can have the mental room to #like listen to them talk about their problems. yeah. but it makes me feel like. well this is my job now so i shouldn't fucking talk about m #i shouldnt vent when i feel bad because that's not what i'm known for. plus my friends already all feel worse than me more often than me. s #i don't want to dump any more on their plate than they have to deal with. i don't want to burden them anymore than i have to. and like it's #it's hard. i hate fucking talking about it and it's made so much worse when its like people i love . always been a fucking problem becaus #i just feel fucking horrible admitting that i feel bad i hate that so much. i don't want to like turn away people who care about me but li #i feel like if i tell them what's wrong with me i'll like do it anyways. i feel like i come off as super normal and happy go lucky and like #ostensibly fine. so when i admit this shit its like. oops the facade is cracking!!!!!! uh oh uh oh you can't help people so you feel bad!!! #because your fucking npd has made you feel self centered in a way that means you want to help people or some shit i dont fucking know #and so when i feel bad or get mad over something unreasonable it's like. well i hope i fucking keel over and die or something i dont like . #i don't want people seeing me like this or whatever. and my stupid fucking personality disorder just ruins every god damn thing its so bad. #my past experiences giving me complexes that lead to me feeling fucking left out over like small stupid stuff but god the worst part is lik #my brain categorizing something as being ''My Thing'' so somebody else talks about liking my thing AFTER my brain has designated it mine #makes alarm bells go off and feel like theyre fucking. i don't know encroaaching on my turf or what the fuck ever? it SUCKS ASS #it makes me feel HORRIBLE . and it's like i'm not gonna fucking bring it up because i don't wnt to be like a dick but also it's like well. #i feel fucking miserable about this but it's just like mean and unnecessary and cruel to like stifle people's fucking fun because of my dum #fuckin complexes. it's fucking constant. like oh look at you girl you feel fucking left out because you never get characters who really gri #you mentally and so now you have one but oops! someone else talked about them and now you're seeing red! you like this person though #so you're gonna feel fucking MISERABLE about this . you're gonna feel HORRIBLE because of this. and there's nothing you can fucking do #and it controls my goddamn life and i HATE IT i fucking HATE IT i wish i knew how to fix it. ghghrgurghrughruhg i want to fucking explode #and then you feel bad about feeling bad because you are fucking sisyphus. you're sisyphus. and your own anger is your boulder. you ingrate. #i hate this. i just wanted to have a good day. #jane mary cry one tear

[nexus-nebulae]

odd thing we've noticed. the less okay we are the smaller our active system gets

#like logically you'd think we'd get more members while stressed but we don't usually #we actually split way more often when we're feeling okay and alive #i think it has something to do with mental bandwidth #like when mental health bad we don't have enough mental energy to put towards the system #so we just. reduce a lot in size. to make the workload easier #like a few months ago we had about 100+ people active at once all rotating out frequently and cofronting a TON #and now we're down to like. three or four active the rest really only able to be active for a few minutes at a time #we're just too exhausted to deal with the chaos of so many people so it kinda. slows down a ton #it's hard to get used to when everything was So Loud before. its kinda scary sometimes #like damn. i cant just call Incredibly Specific Task Guy to deal with this task i really cannot do right now. that kinda sucks #but knowing that this is like. more bc of the fact that we Can't Deal With Much More Than This makes it a little easier #we're a bit like my current computer. shit ass RAM bc its got like 50 malware (illnesses) on it #and once i get a new computer (get a little better and more functional) i can get back to multitasking #side note my god my RAM on this computer is shit running tumblr and minecraft at the same time totally breaks it #like it makes the Entire Computer run at 10 fps it's Great #i'm getting a new one at the end of this month hopefully #and hopefully Actually Nice Thing Accomplished will also help brain a lot #also not having to stress about how annoying to use our computer is should help lmao

[rxttenfish]

shoutout to all us personality disorder bitches who have been constantly accused of making the lives of everyone we're close to worse, or even abusing them, by doing nothing other than being severely mentally ill.

#all the care guide says is 'biomass' #i swear to god every time ive been told im an abuser #or told that other people just cant deal with me and im making their lives worse #because IM struggling and IM suicidal and IM in a mental breakdown #or even. you know. #having high interpersonal needs that i try to warn people about long before and tell them about prior #that they deem just too much and just too hard to deal with #i dont know what it is about having a ''scary'' mental disorder that makes people act like #theyre in so much more pain by having to deal with you than like. you experience. trying to deal with your own shit. #my disability causes more pain to other people than it ever causes to me #I Hate You I Hate You I Hate You (thinking about all the people who have decided im Too Much and Too Much To Deal With)

[beautifel]

i. hate that i cant ignore any longer how fucked up i am

#ask 2 tag idk what to tag this but its negative. idk if i’m hormonal or whatever. it’s just that i’m so extremely emotional lately #like i always havebeen but it’s insane lately and i know some of the reasons but i have no idea what to do abt it. which is bad #i wish i knew how to confront …it all. im so avoidant it is genuinely pathetic #and even if i wanted to confront anything iwouldnt know how… n how to tell ppl around me #the pains ive taken to ignore my issues over the yrs n by that i mean suppress the knowledge that they even exist Lmao it is so pathetic #let alone the pains ive taken to hide from other ppl that which im suppressing. and to hide how badly i cope with anything #like any problem at all not just things that have anything to do with The Thing #i finally told my girlfriend about something i never thought id ever say out loud to anyone n it was so hard #the whole convo was so hard bc shes dealing with so much too and shes been getting help for 3 yrs n i know #with her baggage of trauma a relationship is one of the hardest things #n ive never ever regretted our relationship but with the things we are both dealing wtih. or rather not dealing with in my case #it is so . hard.. and i feel like ive been so unfair bc i havent been getting help even tho i need it. and she has. #the sheer irony of me refusing to get help or even admit 2 myself i need it even tho im literally about to be the person who helps others #this cannot go on lmao. the only thing im sure about is that i wanna spend my life with her but with everything tht we have on our plate #its so.. unsure i feel so powerless . i cannot change the past i cant change either of our previous experiences #its so unfair how we risk losing the best thing that ever happened bc of things out of our control #ive genuinely never been more scared of anything than i am of the idea of losing this relationship #we had such a deep conversation today and it was necessary and good but god we’re fucked up people #so i .contacted the uni psych today finally but im so fucking scared and idk what to even say when i get there #ive never until today said it out loud ive never even written it down anywhere

[caeslxys]

certain beloved members of vm and m9 are similar levels of morally ambiguous and unable to decisively deal with their personal shit that imogen temult is but only one them is constantly shit on for it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#cr spoilers #vaguely? I don't even wanna tag that bc this is a little controversial in tone #'but imogen's shit doesn't make sense bc she has a support system and still refuses to deal' #liam obrien had an evil caleb playlist READY TO GO like???? #taliesan has talked On END about how percy is a piece of shit #(affectionate) #god forbid the woman who had her entire life repeatedly wrecked from before the first episode and every five or so episodes after #be just like. a little fucking frayed. a bit on edge #also she repeatedly REPEATEDLY asked to just be told she was wrong all episode. she was BEGGING for clarity #not because she thought they were right. but because it's so hard for her to say that her mother is wrong #when she so badly wants to be able to save her and love her #she just wishes her mother wasn't involved how she is??? #oh I'm sorry I forgot she's supposed to just. get over that. in a totally believable and human way #this is the closest I'm gonna get to Discourse bc it's not worth it but keeping these thoughts in my brain is abt to make me explode so #also!! this is not me shitting on percy or caleb!! they are also The Skrunkly of their respective campaigns for me!! #and I don't think either is a bad person!!! #I do think they were given more incentive to heal in less episodes than imogen has been given all campaign tho lol #also yes I know that people exist who Do shit on these two for exactly this #even with that it is not nearly what I have seen go imogen's way #also the universal queer sentiment of 'she tried to show me a world that was peaceful if only I went back to being normal' #I just don't get it 😭

[daydreamingmiller]

need a federal investigation into why basic decency is so difficult for some people. just like bare bones politeness. why do some people struggle SO badly.

#hey!!!! literally all I am asking of you is to treat me w respect!!!!! maybe even responding to my greeting. a thank you perhaps??? #our cafe is in the bottom of an office building full of self important lawyers and corporate ppl and OHHHHH MY GOD #did you guys know that if there’s a long wait time you can just wait patiently? #or if we make your coffee wrong we can actually just … remake it? you don’t have to do all that ??? #IT IS NOT HARD😭😭😭😭 if I can be nice to people for 8 hours straight I think u can deal with this five second interaction #I have seen some of them every single week day for the past almost 3 years #and they still treat me like dirt #customer service is soooo rewarding sometimes but Jesus fucking Christ treating people with basic human decency is so simple😭 #RAHHHHHH #screaming into the void #g rambles

[rosicheeks]

Unfortunately relatable. I grew up in the church and have a lot of Christian trauma from that. I show up for special occasions for my parents… sometimes. But it’s uncomfortable from the moment I step through the door. Bigoted pastor, the self-righteousness disguising the prejudice, the political comments from the altar. Shots at young people left right and center as if the hell on earth wasn’t caused by the same older generation 90% of the congregation belongs to..

I miss being young in the choir and the youth groups and not struggling with it. It’s wild to look back at the younger version of me who was unshakeable in his faith and honestly just saddening.

I was texting my sister today about it and she said

“I 100% think ALL of us have a ton of religious trauma and everyone else in the family just doesn’t realize it cause they’re still drinking the kool-aid.”

I ran out of tag room and didn’t want to delete any 😭 seriously not lying I could write a book about all my thoughts and experiences

#I relate to all of this so much #and it’s so sad how many people truly have religious trauma #I still find myself lucky and privileged cause I know there are stories MUCH worse than mine #it’s really hard cause my parents still think I’m a Christian #honestly at this point I have no clue what i am #even if I end up still being a Christian that doesn’t help or heal all of the years of church trauma #but the hard part is still acting the part for my parents #growing up I always tried to fit into the good Christian girl mold #cause I know that’s what my parents wanted and I didn’t want to disappoint them #but once I started smoking weed and they found out? it went all downhill from there #their perfect angel fell from heaven #and I feel like ever since I haven’t been really their daughter…. I’ve just been living on the outside looking in to everything #it hurts looking back at all the years I spent brainwashed into believing that was the ONLY faith #it genuinely makes me sick to my stomach thinking about the fact that I went to a pro life rally #the thing I was talking to my sister about was how mental health was never talked about in the church #when I started dealing with it and went to my parents or the pastors or any adult really and told them what I was dealing with #wanna know what the first thing they would ALWAYS say? well have you prayed about it? the way they treated mental illness was that it was #YOUR fault cause God is punishing you for something…. that you need to pray or go to church so then God will eventually take it away #and the thing is I don’t necessarily blame my parents (which kinda sucks cause I want to blame someone) #but honestly it’s just the environment they grew up in too… like I’m 99% sure my dad has dealt with depression his entire life #but won’t get diagnosed or anything cause they always believe faith has something to do with it #which makes me incredibly sad cause I just think about how much my dad has suffered and how he didn’t need to #^^ I was typing this out when I was late to my family gathering hahaha but then I think my sister called or something so I had to stop #sorry this post is all over the place - I swear I could write a book about religious trauma #yesterday went ok surprisingly but today? TODAY is going to be so much worse #sure I’ll make a post about it later but I guessssss I should go to bed now? it’s 2am and I have to get up at 5:45 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 #and I have a fuuuuull day of fun Christian festivities while I’m dealing with all of this bottled up and unresolved crap from my past #please don’t get me wrong I love my parents and like I said I don’t blame them - they did their best #it just really sucks wondering what my life would have been like if I didn’t grow up in the church or in a super religious family #I wonder if when I told my parents I was depressed if they would have instantly brought me in to get help