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utterlyinevitable · 4 years

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The Conference (Part 5)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Paring: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Rebecca Lao) Word Count: 2.9k Rating: T+ Warning: Some cursing Summary: Rebecca reminisces about the night she finally pushed Ethan away.

Author’s Note: ngl the last part with the ryan arc was 100% self indulgent. it was also the first thing i wrote and built the series around. have ya ever had a friend/lover/someone you never got a proper goodbye with and carried with you everything you wish you’d said? yeah. that’s what that was. it also is the perfect contrast to mc x ethan’s relationship.

Taglist: @ohchoices @dulceghernandez @aylamwrites @binny1985 @ramseysno1rookie @interobanginyourmom @queencarb @imactuallytheceoofthecompany @rookiefromedenbrook @eramsey28 @choicesficwriterscreations @heauxplesslydevoted @schnitzelbutterfingers @purpledragonturtles @ramseyandrys @ermidc @mrsdrakewalkerblog

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I finally walked into the foreign and dimly lit tavern after wasting the beginning hours of my day off scrolling through Bumble, scouring the app for a good distraction. Eventually I found one - a legal assistant named Cameron. He was cute and his choice of profession gave me the feeling he could carry an intelligent conversation with minimal sexual advances. His tone was friendly enough and a little awkward at times but harmless. We messaged back and forth for like an hour and a half before agreeing to a date across town.

I made sure to put on my best face, watching youtube tutorials for the perfect date night eye to accompany my black cap sleeved maxi dress - you know that one with the high slit. A little bit of sultry but not enough to give him the assumption he could take me home.

I’d never been to The Happenstance tavern before. Hell, I barely had any time to explore parts of the city that weren’t directly surrounding Edenbrook. I was pumped with adrenaline for my first actual date in god knows how long. Thus for once in my life I was fifteen minutes early and decided to sit at the bar to calm my nerves.

I’m meeting a stranger I’ve had half a conversation with an hour ago! In a part of the city I’ve never been to! What am I doing!?

I didn’t even have a chance to flag down the bartender before my name was called over my shoulder.

“Rebecca,” my name fell expertly off his lips and I turned towards the velvety voice fully thinking my date was nervous enough to arrive early too.

There he was, only a footfall away. My eyes quickly and involuntarily trailed over him. His slate gray slimming slacks elongating his legs and outlining the curvature of his manhood, a navy blue polo tucked in with the two top buttons undone and form fitting to hide the taut muscles underneath but accentuating the uncertain look in his eyes.

The hair stood at the back of my neck and I swear goosebumps coated my skin.

Nope. No. Nope!

Immediately I turned right back around on my stool.

Not happening!

“What are you doing here?” he asked, taking the empty seat and motioning to the bartender for two more of whatever he had earlier.

I had been ignoring Ethan, as best I could given our close workplace dynamic. We’d only talk about patients and pertinent information to the caseload. No hello’s, how are yous or see you tomorrows. Nope. Those little accolades were reserved for friends - someone you actually give a damn about.

It had been nearly twelve weeks since we spent that last night of heated passion in my apartment; 12 weeks since I thought it was the start of something new, the start of us. As surely as he promised me we would make a future work, he took it all right back. Running all the way to the fucking Amazon. But I forgave him the moment he came back and our eyes locked in the beer garden of Donohue’s. I trusted him above all else - his reason for leaving was probably justified. Oh how wrong I was. I kissed him and he - he did nothing. He reset us without my knowledge. He made the executive decision for my heart.

That was the final straw.

He couldn’t keep toying with me and my emotions. No. No more push and pull. That’s not a lover that’s… that’s... I’m not quite sure what that was but it certainly isn’t the actions of a respected partner. He knew where I stood and I needed to take my own stand - to continue living my life as if I never experienced him.

I chose to push him away.

To move on from chasing the notion of wholly and completely loving The Ethan Ramsey. Finally.

“If you must know, I have a date,” I said with the most nonchalant malice I could muster.

There was a thick and uncomfortable silence taking up the small foot of space between our seats.

I was staring dead ahead at the bottles meticulously placed behind the bar but out the corner of my eye I could see Ethan’s eyes fell from me to the two tumblers now sitting in front of us.

I reached out for my drink, letting the cold glass soothe my boiling blood. “At least someone wants to date me.” I muttered it mostly to myself, but secretly hoping the words would hit him where it hurts the most.

Take the hint and leave, Ethan.

His voice was even and the words melted off his tongue like butter, “It has nothing to do with want, you know that.” It was a truth he came to know.

My eyes now fixated on the decorative mirror behind the bar as I took a drag of the scotch, hoping to take a peek at how my words affected him. With a thick roll of my eyes I shrugged, “Want, can’t, what’s the difference?”

“The difference is your professional development and our jobs,” his voice was straight as he repeated his same rationale over and over again. “Once you’re an attending -”

That’s a new additive. What -?

The last words took me by surprise. He’d never added them into the mix of rejections before - he never added a glimmer of hope into the mix before…

Don’t let him suck you back in, Bec.

I shook my head dismissively to myself. “You’ll find other excuses to push me away.” I brought the liquid to my lips as I took a moment to let myself turn enough to see his full body language. He was at the edge of his seat, body angled towards me, one arm leaning on the bar and the other tightly gripping his thigh, his scotch untouched and forgotten. An onlooker would assume he was a casual man but to me he looked distraught; the careful ridges in his daily features had fallen.

Good.

My glass hovered just above my lips and I could feel the heat from Ethan’s gaze boring into my cheek. With a little bit of courage and a sly smirk I added, “Either way you’ve made your choice and I'm moving on, don’t worry.”

I checked the time on my phone, downed the rest of the scotch in my glass and slipped off the stool gathering my things into my bag, preparing to head to the back where I agreed to meet Cameron at a reserved table.

My feet fled all of two steps before there was pressure on my forearm grounding me back towards the bar. I whipped around to finally see him face to face, my heels bringing me to his level.

We were close. Much too close. In the simplest of movements his body could be flush against mine.

Stop, Rebecca, don't go there. Don’t think about it - don’t think about his lips or…

I was acutely aware of his firm yet gentle hold. His shoulders once stiff and rigid fell with vulnerability. His soft and supple lips were parted and begging to be bitten.

Pull yourself together, woman!

“Rookie,” his grip on the back of my arm tightened, lighting every nerve in my body on fire. “Rebecca,” he breathed, “Please.” Ethan’s stormy blue eyes were pleading, conveying all he wished he had the strength to say.

I tried to coax it out of him, “Say it.”

“I -”

Even now. Even with me visibly moving to put us in the past like he instructed and the shattered heart he must have had, he doesn’t have the balls to tell me.

If he can’t say it he can’t have me.

“Say it and I’ll stop,” I taunted. “I’ll squash this right now.”

Our eyes locked in showdown. Enraged brown overtaking conflicted icy blue. Standing my ground with a tightened jaw I internally gave him just three seconds before I pulled away once and for all.

Three...

His grip on my arm loosened.

Two...

His eyes squeezed closed and he shook his head.

O-

I was being pulled towards the exit by my hand.

“Lets go,” Ethan said gruffly as he laced out fingers together in a tight hold.

My heart fluttered, Good enough.

I wish I was stronger. God, do I wish I was strong enough to pull away from the black hole that is Ethan Ramsey but I couldn’t. His gravitational pull was too strong. I was and will forever be sucked in. I had a probably perfectly nice boy waiting for me in the other room with a promise of mutual affection. And what did I do?

I got into Ethan’s car.

On the drive we sat in silence, Ethan’s hand never freeing mine except to start the car. The purple and pink evening Boston sky passed by the window. I smiled at the people out the window who were still going about their day and, for the first time in months, I was content. Content with my feelings that never seemed to fade away no matter how hard I tried. Content that he feels the same way. Content that this is an actionable promise that we can be something.

I noticed Edenbrook pass in the distance. My eyebrows furrowed as I realized we were getting further from his apartment complex. The other all-too-familiar street now coming into view.

“Ethan, what the fuck. You’re taking me home?”

He said nothing.

“I thought…” I trailed off, mentally chastising myself for thinking he’d actually give in and let ourselves be happy. I huffed, “So I can’t have fun and I can’t have you. That seems fair…” I tried to free my hand but he held onto me tighter.

A few moments of time passed in the dead silence of his car. Ethan was focused on the road ahead and I was trapped in limbo. Again.

“Are you gonna say anything?” I bit, clearly needing an explanation for this round of betrayal.

He opened his mouth slightly but nothing came out. My unencumbered rage started bubbling over like an active volcano.

WHAT THE FUCK!!!

“Let me out, Ethan.” I said sternly and yanked my hand out of his. His hand now left palm up on the center console as he kept driving.

And he wasn’t slowing down.

I rose my voice through gritted teeth, “Let me out of the fucking car right now.”

Still the side streets passed behind us at a steady pace. Surely he was ignoring me.

My red hot anger reached my ears when I yelled, “Doctor! Ramsey!”

Ethan jumped bringing both hands securely on the steering wheel. Within thirty seconds he pulled the car over. Panic set in and I needed to use all my strength to control my breathing.

Not again. He’s not doing this to me again.

As soon as the car stopped at the curb I unbuckled my seat-belt.

Still staring out the windshield and white knuckles gripping the wheel he begged, “Please let me get you home safely.”

I scoffed, “I can take care of myself.”

What the fuck does he want from me?

He pinched the bridge of his nose as he sighed, “I know.”

I looked over at him completely dumbfounded. If we weren’t going to be anything he should just let me move the hell on.

“I’m not your responsibility,” I said honestly through my rage as I moved to get out of the car. “I know deep down you want to help but you’re not. You’re making things worse.” I looked over at him. His fingers left his nose and he started to sit up straighter at my words. “You - You…”

I wanted to tell him he’s broken my heart over and over again. I wanted to tell him how much I missed him and that if he just promised me we’d give us a proper try I’d forgive him. But I didn’t, because saying those words out loud wouldn’t change a thing. Everything with Ethan was inevitably complicated.

He looked over at me for the first time since the tavern. The whites of his eyes were starting to go red and my chest began to ache at the sight. He shakily asked, “I… what?”

Why do you keep doing this to yourself?

“Nothing. It doesn’t matter.” Furiously I pulled the door handle and jumped out of the car as best as my dress would allow. The air in the car was suffocating.

Behind me I heard the car shut off and a loud slam of the door. There were two beeps alerting me that Ethan did indeed leave his car in the no parking zone. Heavy footfalls caught up to me on the sidewalk accompanied by the uneven huffs of breath from the brisk jog.

“Let me walk with you. Please.”

We were only a 10 minutes walk away from my place. As mad as I was at Ethan for the false pretenses, I was angrier at myself for falling for it. For letting him have me unconditionally. The thought of going through this same old cycle with him again and again made me nauseous.

I can’t do this anymore.

“Stop,” we both ceased our movements at my definitive tone. Turning to Ethan I saw the storm brewing within. Frankly, I didn’t give a damn. “You’re not listening to me.”

His eyes widened like that of a scolded child.

My next words were frank and to the point, “I cannot do this anymore. You cannot turn up and pretend you care when it’s convenient for you.”

“I do -”

“No.” I shook my head. “You’re self-serving,” the words fell quickly off my expert lips. “Choose me or lose me, Ramsey. You don’t get both.”

I paused my rant for a brief second expecting the rebuttal that never came.

“I’m confused enough as it is,” I continued. “Jus - Just get back in your car and find me when you figure your shit out.” I bit my lip before harshly saying, “I’ll be fine without you.”

There on the narrow street on a Tuesday evening in Boston my chest tightened as I took one final look at the man I once trusted above all else. His hair windswept, cheeks flush, shoulders slumped in defeat and...

His hand twitched at his side beginning to reach out for mine. But I was quicker on my heels, turning around and storming off.

The last thing I heard as I sauntered off with a heavy heart was the unlocking of a car.

“Hey, I thought you had a date tonight?” Sienna asked from the kitchen when she saw me cross the threshold of our apartment.

“It didn’t happen,” I said flatly.

“Oh no!” My dearest friend started moving around the kitchen, pulling out all the comfort food we had on tap - a pint of ice cream, cookies she had made earlier that evening, a bag of popcorn - all because she thought I was stood up.

“I…” Fuck, how do I tell her? “didn’t make it.”

Sienna stopped in her tracks and her light brown eyes looked up in confusion, “Huh?”

I shouldn’t feel guilty but I do. Sienna’s the only person who would understand, she did catch him sneaking out of my room that last morning. She’s also the only person whose opinion matters most to me. My stomach tied in knots as I sighed, “Ethan…”

“What!” she practically shouted. Luckily the others were in their rooms for the night otherwise it would have been a very awkward conversation between us. Having to tell Aurora about Ethan is another certain kind of hell I’d rather not deal with any time soon.

“He was at the bar,” I began to explain in complete exasperation. “Of course he was at the bar, of all the bars in Boston he had to choose this one tonight.” I threw my hands in the air for dramatic effect. The irony isn’t lost on me; I agreed to The Happenstance because I knew I wouldn’t run into anyone I know and yet the one person I absolutely never would have wanted to see was already there. “He stopped me before I could meet the guy.”

There was a hopeful gleam in Sienna’s eyes, “And?”

“And he had the audacity to drive me home.” I made a ‘here I am’ motion with my arms.

“That’s it?” she pouted, obviously wanting this story to have a happy ending.

I leaned my arms on the counter and rested my head in my hands, trying to rub the evening out of my eyes and the weight of what I’d said finally sinking in.

“I told him to leave me alone until he got his shit straight. I’m done with him,” my voice cracked at the end and I hoped Sienna didn’t hear it.

If she did, she didn’t let on because her next question was, “Then… why don’t you call that guy and tell him something came up at the hospital?”

Why wasn’t I going to call Cameron? Well for starters I was embarrassed for standing him up - no fake medical emergency could blow that over. I also never wanted to set foot in another bar again - Ethan can set claim to every bar in the state for all I care. I don’t want to see him outside of work ever again.

If you don’t want anything to do with him why do you feel so guilty?

With a weighted sigh I said, “I think I’m just gonna go to bed.”

And that’s the story of how I pushed the man I loved away.

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A/N: becca is literally the most unreliable narrator, she’s so problematic 😔 also sorry for this chapter, it’s not the best thing i’ve written :/ fun fact: this scene started out as a one shot called ‘good enough’

comment/reblog bc i need the validation

#had mc stand up my actual husband #soz lover #lol #open heart #open heart fanfic #choices open heart #choices fanfic #choices oph2 #ethan x mc #ethan ramsey x mc #ethan ramsey #oph #oph ff #ff

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mtg-thrill-of-possibility · 3 years

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A Reflection on Magic, the Pandemic, and the Dark Side of Arena

Hello to all the readers who may stumble upon this in the search for new Magic content. I wrote this mostly to fill a void in my life that has opened up over the last year and more of a mental health thing than some form of Magic related advice but since it is about that, I thought they’d go hand in hand. I love Magic. Or at least I have loved Magic? It’s hard to tell. Like nearly everyone on this planet, I’ve been shut off from in-person Magic and it had/has me left down. I normally volunteer at my LGS and help them organize their tournaments and judge the events and generally whatever else they ask me to do because I really love Magic. I love playing with my locals who don’t spend hundreds of dollars and craft GP/MF level decks. I love watching a group of people playing draft chaff and off beat home brews and where adults and teenagers can compete with one another on that level. I enjoy sitting off to the corner on the store’s EDH night and listening to games and drawing tokens for games in my own corner while I wait for my own games or sometimes my ow turns. I also love traveling with my wife to cities and go compete in GP/MFs where we usually both scrub out of the main event by round 3 or 4 and then hit the vendors and side events as well as explore the cities for new restaurants. I miss Welcome Days where adults bring in kids and I show them the ropes. I love meeting adults who poke their noses in and ask me “Magic is still a thing? I played that in high school” and show them the changes. I can still remember the Theros Beyond Death prerelease last year and thought how much fun it was to not work the event for once and just play. And looking back, boy am I glad I entered the THB prerelease.

February was the start of the downturn. Our EDH night was slightly less full but I just figured it was due to the weather since the winter usually has a downturn in the attendance for every event. But then the rotating cast of 10-15 FNM players was 6; Pioneer on Saturday had 3. The next week, the EDH crowd was down to from the usual 6-8 pods to 2. FNM and Pioneer failed to fire. The news that COVID-19 was starting to creep into the Midwest prompted me to ask the store what precautions we wanted to take and when we were going to stop in general.

I work in chemical research and I have a background in pharmaceuticals and once (or twice) studied the MCATs and considered going to med school. I was definitely concerned but in February it hadn’t reached my state (yet) and I wanted the store to be ready for the imminent shutdown and continued downtick in participation (my LGS and I had been strategizing how to move up in events and the store ranking on the WPN). But it’s a red state. Science denial must be a recessive trait that the Midwest incorporated into its identity for a long time and I was told that I had some freedom but to not go crazy. I thought I’m a volunteer. I’m not spending what little money I have on stuff for you guys. So, I did the best thing I could think of for free, I started a Discord server. I was really excited at the prospect. I had just bought a webcam in case my workplace started working from home and thought how cool it would be to be able to organize events in Arena and talk through Discord when the store wasn’t available. I asked if we could hang up a flyer and tell all the Magic customers that they continue with tournaments and Magic if they joined the Discord I set up in the store’s name.

My LGS asked how much this was going to cost them and I said exactly as much as it costs them now if not a little less since we don’t need the store’s utilities or a cashier behind the counter in the after hours to work the tournament. They were happy and I got the greenlight. Things worked okay at first. Those with Arena accounts showed for a few weeks. Others I knew were interested were convinced that we were overly sensitive to the virus and FNMs continued to limp along with 4-6 people until everything ground down to a halt.

Come mid-March, COVID had finally reached the state and the city. Cases were light, a few hundred people tested each day, single digit cases detected but I again was worried. My workplace had already begun educating everyone on how to wash their hands properly and disinfect every surface and everyone was issued a bleach spray bottle with their name and a serial number on it. While the mayor and governor hadn’t ordered a shutdown yet, I advised strongly that the store go ahead and if they wanted to continue that I wouldn’t be there to assist until the curve was sufficiently flattened.

I’m not sure why but they trusted me and listened. I was glad and I pushed again for people to join the Discord server. Players were reluctant but I assured them that this may be the future for some time and if they get on now, they can still get the Ravnica intro quests and start building up their Arena collections. I got more on my side, we had 8-10 and got them all to try and hook anyone else they knew to join us. However, by the end of March, my workplace had moved to 100% virtual and with my extra time, I had begun to unwittingly shift the power dynamic in the store by accident. You see, I really love Magic. I was now working from home for a job that required me to have direct physical access to hundreds of thousands of dollars or sensitive equipment that need recertification when they get moved 12 inches down a work bench and dangerous chemicals I don’t want near me unless I know there’s an inspected chemical shower nearby. When the campus shut down, I got very bored. I did what research I could from my home portal, attended virtual conferences and webinars every day, but I had tons of down time. That meant watching my wife play Animal Crossing, playing with my dogs, marathon sessions of Civilization but most crucially, I also began grinding Arena.

My local meta had been defined by the understanding that none of us were really Arena players. I had played when the Kaladesh and Amonkhet closed betas were happening, but I was turned off by the fact that all my playing of those formats amounted to nothing when it launched with Ixalan and I would start from square one. Everyone in the group typically shied away from tier 1 tournament decks because to all of us, it was more fun to goof around with RG auras and Tilonalli’s Summoner decks than it was to grind Esper Hero or the new Uro decks. And the limitation that everyone didn’t have all the shocklands meant we were all playing on roughly the same card pools with some variation due to our play styles. So when I suggested we all start playing Arena to replace the tournaments, it worked because it meant we all played the same dumb decks we’d play in person with a few exceptions of having less than perfect mana bases.

But I would find myself grinding Arena everyday where my friends and locals were not. Even though I jumped into Arena at mid-March, I finished the Theros Beyond Death mastery at level 78 when Ikoria began to creep around the corner. I had just begun to get back into Magic when Fate Reforged hit and didn’t realize how much I love wedge color alignments over shards but boy did I love Abzan in Khans standard and now I was in love with Abzan again in Ikoria standard. Grinding the way I did meant I drafted most afternoons for the first month of Ikoria (and forced Temur every time) and started climbing the ranked ladder in the evenings. Ikoria would also mark the first time I spent money on Arena. I’m notoriously spend-thrift in video games and anything you can free-to-play I do religiously because you shouldn’t make a game grindable over the course of years if you give me that option. But drafting took gems and I really love drafting but most people at my LGS are too concerned about rares than learning to do it properly and a lot of younger players feel lost when I draft a zero rare deck and go 4-0 and collect my prizes. By the end of April, I would reach Platinum in constructed and Gold in limited. But now my LGS was far less inclined to play with me. I didn’t brag about any of my rankings but the skill disparity had begun to creep in as well as the difference in our collections. Having played so much Arena, I could see the tells the software gives away that paper Magic doesn’t. I learned to read when the game would hang up on the beginning of combat and end steps because they’re holding potential responses. I began to do the full control shortcut to bluff counter spells and removal. In paper Magic, if my opponent would sequence things wrong or tap their mana wrong, we’d make jokes and rewind it because it’s one of those human errors that we all make and redo it the right way.

But Arena was different; some learned the hard way to not trust the auto-tapper, some didn’t realize that the way they normally stack triggers in paper is backwards and too late to fix after a spell or ability resolved. And I couldn’t help them. And I let them make their mistakes because I can’t change Arena. If they use the auto-tapper and they realize that Arena doesn’t tap the Castle Vantress even though they couldn’t activate it anyway and they lose a dual source, I couldn’t help them. If they have the lethal Explosion in hand but forgot to hit Control in their second main so they can stack the Wilderness Reclamation triggers in their end step, I don’t concede out of pity.

In May, I try and keep the Magic going by suggesting that we shift the format to a draft limited but they’re unconvinced of the website that allows you to simulate an 8-person draft and then import the drafted card lists to Arena. Why? Because they don’t have the cards already and I’ve changed the dynamic. They know I’m much more skilled at Arena and Ikoria drafting. The news has also been reporting that the curve was flattening, and our state was lifting restrictions on gatherings. They want to play EDH and paper Magic, not this digital intangible game. I reluctantly agree but keep grinding on Arena anyway. My friends didn’t want to play Magic on Arena and I couldn’t understand why. I was getting burned out on drafting at this point and the drafts were harder to fire off a month and a half later, work was returning on a limited schedule where I was onsite 75% and virtual 25%, it really did seem like things were returning to normal.

In June I finish the Ikoria mastery and at this point my wife had begun to show more interest in playing on Arena and trying to get her account a little more stocked since our normal paper system is I aggregate everything we typically need and I make her desired deck and hand it off to her to wreck people on FNM but since I didn’t have to judge, I got to play and we couldn’t both play from my account at the same time. I casually start hers and I get the wild hair that maybe I should make a loaner account in the store’s name and if anyone says they don’t have the cards, they can borrow the store’s account for the tournament. I make the account but put the pipe dream on hold when Wizards announces that in-store play can resume with the Core 2021 prerelease. I could read between the lines and see that the curve was trending the wrong way and thought it was a bad idea but at my insistence, everyone would have to wear a mask at all times and hand sanitizer was available every 15 feet and the store had lots of space for players to spread out. The turnout was low which helped as well, and I had everyone who showed up at least aware that I was trying to keep the Discord going and that in case there’s another shutdown that there was another avenue for them.

Well, I got my wish because within a week of the launch of Core 2021, my state had regressed, and cases were exploding and gathering restrictions were sent back in place. Shortly after that, Wizards suspended in-store play again and with that I created the store’s Arena account. At the time, things were pretty good. The locals weren’t playing as much and my server was still fairly empty but most of the Magic Twitch community I interacted with had strongly adjusted to the new paradigm. EDH streaming was commonplace, I had my new Arena account to focus on building up as well as my own. Pro level events and Opens were being held on Arena and the expansion of Amonkhet Remastered gave me hope that Magic was on the mend. But I also think it was with Core 2021 that things started to slide into the negative for me. Grinding the second account was frustrating me a lot. The lack of human interaction was tilting me out for no reason. Some days the server would have me wait a whole minute (the horror?!) for a game and then my opponent would be the world’s slowest red player where everything seemed delayed. There would strings of games I would play where I couldn’t get a third land drop after a mull to 4 and other times where I’d flood out and would have won if it weren’t for generic whiny reason why everyone says they lose.

Maybe it was when I began to see that Arena is not Magic the Gathering as much as it is a video game that it began to really sour on me. For those of you who don’t play a lot of Arena and instead interact with humans over webcams is that Arena is designed for you to not play off beat home brews except in direct challenges with your friends. The game is meant for you to play the best combination of 75 cards and for you to help it machine learn through millions of matches what is and what is not the correct play pattern based on the available information you have. It wants you to play the very best decks in a format against the other best decks. I started to see this in Ikora standard when decks would scoop if you were on the play and went turn 2 Agonizing Remorse. Decks were and still are so linear that they can’t handle that kind of disruption or it’s a matter of the players know it’s faster to accumulate wins by scooping than grinding out a long game.

If you need evidence of whether or not this is true, you should play Arena now and see how often people scoop against the double Ruin Crab opener with a Fabled Passage back-to-back. Or if an opponent against your Lurrus Auras deck will time out when they know they can’t win. In paper Magic, when you drive 4 hours to a major venue, pay your entry fee, you never see your opponent rage scoop unless it’s Legacy and you know what your opponent’s on and you mull to zero so you can see what’s in their deck. You call a judge to your table if they start stalling. Nothing is more annoying that an opponent spamming “Good Game” at you through a match when it’s obvious that you’re not killing them that turn but they’re empty handed and have nothing relevant on board.

I’ll admit myself that what my wife calls “Wizard Chores” for the Daily quests, if I’m 1 red spell short of finishing a quest, I’ll log in for one more game and Boulder Dash my opponent’s creature or cast Shock to face and immediately scoop. Who is that helping? I’d spend the week at work in my down times thinking about what dumb cards I hadn’t played with from a set, start making a list, furiously find the cards on a Friday afternoon and grab dinner with the wife and then race to my LGS for FNM. Magic used to be something I only got to do twice a week with people in a shared setting and we’d unroll our playmats, shuffle up our jank, and laugh and generally have a good time for three to four hours. With Magic at my fingertips, Arena is a distillation of efficiency at spell slinging combined with the minor rewards system we’ve come to recognize the free-to-play traps to “encourage” us to play different things. If I want to play 100 matches in a day, all I need to do is sit at my computer long enough. If I want to play my old jank on Arena, I can’t even count on the Casual play channel to help since it’s always filled with people with 55 of the 60 cards that make the best deck learning how to play before they commit the wild cards for the deck.

Zendikar Rising has been a pretty dark point for everyone on Arena I believe. It seems like a lifetime ago that Omnath was printed and that I had immediately cashed in four mythic rare wildcards for the deck I would get to play with on Arena for 2 weeks before Wizards realized their mistake. Honestly before I had started writing this in the week before Kaldheim will hit Arena, I forgot that Omnath was part of the most recent set as all I can remember Zendikar Rising giving us is the extremely irritating Ruin Crab and Soaring Thought Thief. The few locals I had left on my Discaord server when ZNR released had lost interest in Arena since they enjoyed the Ravnica standard that was rotating out and Pioneer was not yet available for Arena. I’ve encouraged nearly everyone I know from my LGS to buy webcams since October given that the current state of the COVID world is not likely to go away and the new culture and channels that have opened up in the world to fill the void of EDH has some level of benefit even when in-person play resumes. Not many people play and I’ll search for an occasional game on the official Discord when the craving strikes. Some of my friends have been taking advantage of the webcam world and started playing older formats with me over webcam such as Pioneer and Modern to rekindle their love for Magic and the hope that we can start playing tournaments over webcam. Finishing up the ZNR mastery passes on my two accounts and my wife’s account has been giving me a much-needed break from Arena and honestly, it’s probably done the most to lift my spirits.

I’ve been taking a lot more time to reflect on why I love Magic and I plan on doing in the future. The first thing I know I’m going to do and stick to is not get a Mastery Pass for mt LGS store’s account. They don’t pay for all the work I put into the one already grinding multiple accounts is not good for my mental well-being. The second thing I know I am going to do is relearn how to have fun in Magic again. Not really hinted at in this article so far is the fact I love the art in Magic and I’m often inspired by my own crazy mind to illustrate my own works or reimagine my favorite cards with my own art. Since the release of Rise of Skywalker, I had been working on a personal project of creating a second expansion to the largely underground Star Wars the Gathering card game and ended up making 200 unique, draftable cards. I wouldn’t call myself an artist because I’m still learning and I don’t necessarily aspire to an artist but I would love to improve my skills and one day make a piece that’s so good someone wants on a card. Over the last two years, I’ve been deeply jealous of how amazing and hard working the Magic cosplayers are and that I should put my art to good use and make my own cosplays. And then there’s the playing of Magic. I miss the Gathering part of Magic. So this brings us to the bedrock of this piece. I hope to continue this blog steadily as time moves forward. I’m rarely ever satisfied or have my attention on any one project for too long but 2021 is a new year. And I hope that the title is a hint to the future. Whatever it is; whether it’s deck construction, art alters, or Magic cosplay, story, general discussion, that’s what I’m here for. It’s the Thrill of what I might work on next and I promise because I’m terrible right now at doing so, I’ll be sure to take pictures and try and stream when I can to keep myself honest about the whole deal. I hope you’ll all join me or at least join the Discord to yell at me.

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topethgame1976pb-blog · 4 years

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Huge dry goods�UAs of June 2020, the growth position of Ethereum 2.0 is definitely "panoramic interpretation"

This article wants to provide everyone inside our community-the Ethereum community-with a panoramic interpretation from the development position of Eth2: what are we developing at this point, what could be developed, and what you need to focus on . I will offer just the right technical description to help you understand our purpose, our vision, the current status of the project, and the work that should be done, and do not let everyone suffocate in mathematical terms and our expert terms. This article comes from this article "The State of Eth2, June 2020" by Danny Ryan @ ethereum.org, compiled, written and organized with the columnist Ethereum lovers. However, this dynamic and conversational technique, although valuable, nevertheless makes many buddies locally baffled. Moreover, Personally, i have to solution the same queries again and again, and even more frightening is the fact that I will be asked exactly the same questions after 6 months! Obviously, there is a communication problem. Although the information exists, it is scattered through the entire Internet - from research posts, technical specifications, to specification interpretation, general public meetings, public conversation channels, reddit community forum posts, and foundation blogs. After Devcon 5 ended, my first try to bridge these details gap was to write the "Eth2 Up-date GLANCE" series of blogs. This series of blogs provides a lot of small clips to help readers understand Eth2.0, but I steadily realized these blogs cannot help you truly achieve a panoramic understanding. Although this bigger picture is often talked about in Podcasts, AMAs (question and solution actions) and meetings, it is still helpful to explain it in text. So here I am! This article should also be ideal for those technical professionals who've a deep understanding of Ethereum but not so much about Eth2. Don't worry, I also recognize that the whole project is large and complicated, also it appears that you can't find yourself solving the issues you encounter. Hope this article can help you better understand what will come in the future. As for friends who know Eth2 nicely, don't miss this article-you can realize where we have been from a broader perspective and exactly how I start to see the possible future growth. Disclaimer: The written text is only my personal opinion on the current improvement of Ethereum 2.0. There are many different voices and views driving the constant development and development of Eth2. This short article is a snapshot of my own interpretation. Eth2, WTFEth2 is a scalable proof-of-stake facilities. Eth2 was built "for" Ethereum and can ultimately "become" Ethereum itself. Eth2 is definitely committed to delivering a safer and scalable environment for the existing Ethereum mainnet, as well as the deployment method won't cause a split effect. At the same time, it also has an upgraded environment for the continuous progress. Long before the release of Ethereum, people knew that a single blockchain model could not supply enough "bandwidth" and for that reason could not end up being the backbone of a new decentralized network. Ethereum-related equity proof research and sharding study can be traced back again to 2014, that is the early days of Ethereum (Ethereum hadn't yet started). Both the proof-of-stake protocol and the sharding architecture are designed to answer the next questions: Given the amount of resources committed to a crypto-economic system, can we enhance security and throughput at the same time, and allow ordinary consumer-grade hardware to take part in consensus and synchronize blockchain? I will not go into the history of these studies here. In a nutshell, these explorations took several years, and several of the original ideas have been proven wrong. In the end, our answer was ��yes,�� and it was the Eth2 task. Eth2 can be an ambitious and protracted task that people will launch in phases. These plans have already been thoroughly narrated and discussed, but I nevertheless propose a quick-sighted, not-so-technical interpretation. Related topics: Ethereum 2.0 Newest Staking Information : The many stages of Eth2 Related topics: Ethereum�USeven reasons why ETH2.0 will create economic transformation Phase 0 Stage 0 will start the primary of Eth2's new consensus mechanism, the Beacon Chain. The beacon string is definitely where all system-level routines occur, which is also the place for collaboration and conversation within the system. The development objective of Stage 0 would be to allow thousands of consensus models (verifiers) distributed around the world around thousands of nodes to take part in consensus at the same time. Because of the technical dependence on assigning validators to multiple shards following the Phase 1 phase starts, we are in need of the beacon chain in order to handle a lot of validators. A lot of engineering complexity originates from this technical necessity. Other non-fragmented equity proof mechanisms generally only have significantly more than 100 or more than 1,000 verifiers, however the design goal of Eth2 is to accommodate at the very least 16,000 verifiers, and this number is likely to reach thousands in a couple of years. Phase 1 Phase 0 would be to launch a consensus mechanism, while Phase 1 would be to allow plenty of content to reach consensus. This article comes from the shard string. You can understand a shard chain as a blockchain with almost the same complexity as the present Ethereum, but its operation must adhere to the consensus rules of Eth2 (that's, it should be controlled from the beacon chain). Verifiers from the beacon chain will undoubtedly be randomly designated short-term duties: build and verify blocks on a particular shard chain, offer cryptoeconomic guarantees for the state, availability and usefulness from the shard chain, and finally send back To the core system (shard chain). Currently, we be prepared to start 64 shard stores at startup, and the info availability of the entire network will achieve 1 to 4 MB per second (yes, this is a lot of information). Phase 1.5 Stage 1.5 is the consensus system that combines the Ethereum mainnet into Eth2 being a shard (it is constantly on the exist as one of the many shards developed in Phase 1). After that, the Ethereum blockchain that people know and like will no longer be supported by proof-of-work mining algorithm, but will undoubtedly be built by Eth2 validators. For existing applications and users, the hot switch of the consensus mechanism is actually transparent. The application form will persist, however the opener could have a stronger underlying system (much better security attributes, better economic finality, which means that the transaction could be reversed following a huge price is paid, that's, the huge amount of violation of the agreement Transaction certainty shielded by price), more Coating-1 data area, can assistance Rollup and other interesting applications). Related topics: Dry products�UIn-depth understanding of OVM (Positive Rollup): Compatible with EVM and Ethereum Level 2 growth plan Phase 2 Phase 2 must add condition and execution systems to various other shards other than the initial Ethereum shard. There are lots of methods which may be adopted, and figuring out various types and details may be the focus of current research and prototyping. I'll discuss this matter further in a later article. Eth2 will bring benefits to the Ethereum local community. So, we will achieve the aforementioned goals in the future, and Phase 0 is right in front of us, but the whole roadmap seems a little too long. Through the entire upgrade procedure, what advantages can we get from Eth2? good question. Overall, every action of the improve will touch the deeper primary from the Ethereum blockchain, so it will bring greater rigidity to the complete community. As being a user, it is possible to participate in the PoS block production in Stage 0, or it is possible to await the Ethereum blockchain to be fully built-into Eth2 (needless to say, this process should be seamless in the perspective of designers and users of). Regardless of how you elect to participate and that stage you begin to participate, these phases are essential milestones, plus they all have significant benefits. Among the first benefits is that I know that many folks are diehard ETH and can't wait to participate in PoS. Stage 0 is for you personally potential verifiers (and our PoS is certainly amateur-friendly)! Learning to be a validator in PoS offers its own dangers, and the period of staking money is also lengthy. These may dissuade some individuals, so I believe this stage can be an chance for both amateurs and long-term believers of Ethereum. Finally, there is this opportunity that you can enter the game early, help realize our vision, and get higher ETH rewards for participating previously. What about Stage 1? Prior to the integration of Ethereum into the Eth2 system, will there be any use for us to accommodate so much data? Needless to say it works, therefore glad you inquired! Even without native computing power, the data space on Level-1 is very useful. In fact, the most appealing Layer-2 extension system that has emerged before 12 months, known as the "rollup" part chain (that includes optimistic schemes and ZK strategies), is able to follow Layer-1 data Technologies that expands room availability and increases throughput. The data layer of Eth2 is usually expected to offer data option of 1 to 4 MB/s, which may be combined with rollup technology and transformed into massive scalability. But as the Ethereum main chain was disconnected from the brand new sharding universe at the beginning, it made statements about the eth2 shard data is difficult (making claims about the eth2 shard information is difficult). This is also one reason EIP 2537 is very important to the Ethereum mainnet: After the BLS (the brand new signature algorithm utilized by Eth2) can be pre-compiled for the Ethereum mainnet, we are able to write an efficient Eth2 light customer within the Solidity contract, allowing applications on the Ethereum main string (coming in Phase 1.5) Before) be able to declare information on Eth2. Related subjects: Column Sights�UWhat really does the discovery of Ethereum Level 2 in 2020 mean? As stated above, Stage 1.5 is an important milestone; before that, Eth2 had been built for Ethereum; after that, Eth2 can be Ethereum itself. All programs will be built-into the upgraded Eth2 consensus mechanism, which not merely retains the functions we are utilized to, but also opens up a new world of secure equity proof algorithms and extremely scalable data layers. For me, this is actually the core of the entire upgrade procedure; its success implies that we have completely anchored Ethereum right into a new reality, which really is a historic moment. After that, turning on hawaii mechanism/execution system on other shard stores can gradually bring additional scalability benefits. The execution mechanism may be by means of EVM, or it may be a new virtual machine called eWASM. Regardless of the choice in the VM, the EVM shards formed by the initial Ethereum along with other shards can socialize and communicate through the beacon chain to form a multi-threaded and sharded system. did you see it? This is a long trip, but with blooms along the way. Related topics: What is the distinction between Ethereum 1.0 and 2.0? "17 FAQS" about Ethereum 2.0 The difficulty of Eth2's implementation and why it is worth it. A lot of core the different parts of the verifier's sharding structures rely on arbitrary sampling of consensus participants (ie verifiers), as well as the sampling constitutes a committee to confirm an integral part of the process (such as a shard chain) . As long as there are enough verifiers within the protocol, even though there's a largest attacker (for instance, controlling 1/3 of most verifiers), it really is almost impossible for your attacker to regulate a committee and damage the entire system ( The possibility is extremely little, and it must be determined with a little order of 1 1 / 2^40). This enables us to design the system (This allows us to create the machine) in order that a person with consumer-grade equipment (like a laptop or even an old mobile phone) may become a validator (as the validator Will undoubtedly be assigned to verify an integral part of the system, which area of the verification task could be finished with the computing sources of an ordinary machine). This is the magic from the sharding architecture and its difficulty. For one, we must have sufficient validators in order that random sampling will undoubtedly be safe: therefore the expected number of validators for Eth2 is much greater than most (I believe even all) other PoS protocols. This creates challenges at every step of the growth process-from research to technical information on the consensus mechanism, to networking strategies, to client source consumption and optimisation. Every step must consider this into consideration: each extra verifier will introduce a little more burden to the machine. The Eth2 client team has accomplished the impossible task of allowing hundreds of thousands of validators to participate in the consensus at the same time, so we are able to safely and efficiently join a lot of shards. Another basic style choice for many shards that makes our development extremely difficult is that we really want scalability without compromising decentralization. Unless you care whether users can confirm the integrity of the entire chain independently, or whether the data within the chain is available to the entire network, it is not difficult to increase the processing quickness of the blockchain to several thousand transactions per second. https://cybersucks.blogspot.com/ is that we need a fragmented consensus system that can separate the machine into several verifiable parts. Can you envisage how difficult it is to conceive and even implement such a consensus mechanism. Related subjects: Popular Technology�UEthereum 2.0 Staking Guide : Sharded Consensus A creed of several client Ethereum is that Ethereum is first and foremost a couple of protocols. Ethereum is an abstract collection of many rules that make up the protocol, instead of some implementation of the rules. Thus, the Ethereum local community encouraged multiple customer implementations right from the start. Now there are besu, ethereumJS, geth, nthermind, nimbus, open-ethereum, trinity and turbo-geth so many client software can synchronize the Ethereum blockchain. Within the Eth2 side, we've various client software such as for example cortex, lighthouse, lodestar, nimbus, prysm, teku, and trinity. The multi-client paradigm offers many benefits: * Multiple client implementations can produce a wide range of ideas, algorithms, and architectures (each customer implementation will give its own sights and strategies). This kind of cross collision is very good, and in the long run we are able to all develop a lot more reliable software. * Different client software usually has different design goals. Then over time, customers and applications will become more diverse. Your client software will be developed pretty much around the subsequent goals: performance, protection, horizontal scalability, consumer experience, light customer, browser-friendly, resource conserving, etc. * If there are always a large number of client software obtainable in the production environment, a major strike may only trigger one client software to crash (for example, a DoS assault), while some other client software is still intact, and the destructive power of the attack is bound. . This is exactly what happened when we experienced the "Shanghai DoS Assault" in the first days of Ethereum: some DoS attacks could cause the geth client or the parity client to crash, nonetheless it never triggered both. * Each client is a portal to some programming language local community. A client in a particular language may be used as a foundation for introducing tests and innovations for the reason that language. Moreover, the essential tools surrounding your client usually snowball through the language's contributors and device ecosystem. The paradigm of multiple clients strengthens the selling point of Ethereum. Of course, we must pay some price because of this: * Technical specs and testing equipment must be impeccable in order to avoid accidental forks following the mainnet goes reside. If the process has only 1 implementation, after that that implementation will become the protocol itself. In cases like this, any "bug" in the consensus mechanism provides essentially end up being the agreement itself. From the purely neutral point of view, this may not really seem a good factor, but it will get rid of the risk of unintentional forks. As a solution, if there is a healthy submission of client usage in the synchronization main network (for example, no more than 1/3 of most nodes/validators are using the same customer), then your entire network can also be used on a particular client Stay in existence when consensus problems arise. * Compared with an individual client, N types of clients have to cooperate with one another and will expose additional work. A good work may be a burden of linear development, but sometimes it'll be a burden of quadratic growth. We can use some methods to reduce the burden-such as consensus system test suites (and network test suites)-but it is impossible to completely eliminate them. Current standing of Eth2 customer and testnet Phase 0's Eth2 customer has become very complex software in the past two years, and for that reason can handle distributed consensus processes among thousands of validators and a large number of nodes. We've a testnet, and we are moving towards the state launch each day. The so-called half-ninety individuals who travel 100 miles, facts have proved that it's true. I hope you may get out of your safe place and try a variety of clients during the time period before launch. They often times have trade-offs within their implementation, and you also have to do it yourself to find the software program that best suits you best. Moreover, to seriously reap the advantages of the Ethereum multi-client paradigm, we need users to use multiple customers (creating a healthy distribution of use among all sorts of customers). In addition, an anti-collusion motivation mechanism is built into the contract. In the extreme case where a particular mainstream client can make an accidental error that triggers the verifier by using this client to go offline or be fined, if your verifier also shows action relevance for the same client, you then may also be punished. It is much more serious than if you only make errors and have nothing in connection with other people. Quite simply, running a specific niche market client at the moment is better than running a customer that everyone is using. Make sure to think clearly-if there are multiple accessible and secure clients, it really is your responsibility to perform niche client software program and advertise the healthy distribution of client utilization across the network. The other stage is, avoid being embarrassed. If you make an error when running the software according to the documentation, please allow everyone know. Even if it is a spelling error, it is possible to send an adjustment request. If the program crashes or a bug pops up, please be sure to review it on github or the discord channel of the client. You are a beta consumer, sufficient reason for your help, we can make the client better, that is good for everyone. Testnet We have been currently running a small developer network, restarting every one to fourteen days. The reason I state "Developer System" is these testnets are mainly for the designers of the client team to get bugs and make optimizations. These networks are general public and we desired everyone to become listed on, but please note that these systems are not since durable because the Goerli or Rinkeby test networks. The latest testnet launched is the Witti testnet (initiated by Afri Schoedon), which operates the 0.11 edition of the specialized specifications. The client group is now hectic upgrading your client to edition 0.12 from the technical specifications, which integrates the latest IETF BLS standards. After implementation, we shall convert the developer network to version 0.12 and continue steadily to expand the level of the network to allow clients to bear more and more load. Whenever we have 2 to 3 3 types of clients that may successfully synchronize to the 0.12 programmer network and operate under high fill, we will create a more open test network to allow the community to participate more fully. Our goal here is to make a long-term multi-client check system, and simulate whenever you can the operating environment of the primary network that's not yet on-line (allowing users to apply how to operate nodes and test anything they would like to test). The perfect situation would be to start only 1 test network and troubleshoot faults while sustaining the network procedure. But in fact, we may restart or even open another test network multiple occasions depending on the location and intensity of the fault. As well as the regular test network, we will furthermore open an "attack system" with incentives: a well balanced test network will be run by the client team, and you will make an effort to disrupt the network. Successful attackers can obtain ETH benefits provided by the Ethereum Foundation. Related topics: Vitalik: ETH 2.0 is definitely on track, the new "multi-client" testnet Schlesi lays an integral foundation The current condition of Eth2 tools Although the tools surrounding Eth2 remain very immature, also, they are thriving and thrilling. As stated above, tools are often born out of the client's code bottom and the growth work of your client team, however now increasing numbers of people are becoming involved. In order to better understand Eth2, interact with Eth2, and even protect and reinforce Eth2, our neighborhood needs to continue steadily to develop Eth2 equipment. Some teams and individuals have provided excellent value with their own Eth2 tools, and I wish to applaud them! I furthermore welcome everyone to build up new tools, forge ahead and consolidate results. Eth2 tools are a completely new field, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to dig out pain points, provide worth, and stay alive. Below is a list of some work happening, but there's still a lot to do! * Block explorer: Beaconcha.in, Etherscan, Eth2stats * Network equipment: Prrkl, Rumor, Pyrum, Stethoscope * Budget and Keysotre: ethdo, down payment cli, EIP 2335 and other new standards * API style and prototype binding * Forfeiture detection device: Prysm "hash slinging slasher" also has some open tool topics: * Eth2 verifier alert: remind the appropriate node operator when the verifier's performance is not ideal * Validator deposit monitoring: Help the Eth2 obstruct explorer connect with Ethereum by monitoring the validator's deposit processing process * The usage of the verifier safety measures brought: use a proxy to monitor the verifier's messages and ensure that your client cannot deliver insecure messages. There are still many issues-and the introduction of tools is not limited by the areas already mentioned in the technical specifications . Creativity is the key. If you wish to contribute your personal strength, please contact the Eth2 customer team. The current state of Eth1+Eth2 integration In today's Ethereum client (such as for example Geth), all of the technical complexity can be brought about by user-level activities-transaction pool, block creation, virtual machine calculation, state storage space And retrieval. The core consensus mechanism-proof of work-is a relatively simple area of the agreement. Therefore, a lot of the complexity can be handled by complicated hardware beyond your core protocol. On the other hand, the Eth2 customer implementation is completely focused on the consensus system. In the proof-of-stake mechanism and sharding structures, plenty of complexity is usually endogenous to the protocol itself to experience a scalable consensus system. This difference allows Eth1 and Eth2 clients to form a beautiful pairing. The geth customer team under the Ethereum Foundation and the TXRX team of ConsenSys are doing preliminary work to merge the two. The work consists of: (1) Determine the communication process between Eth1 and Eth2 clients; (2) Put in a consensus engine that may be controlled with the communication protocol for Eth1 clients; (3) Prototype and simulate clients in Eth2 Phase 1 End habits to check coupling. We be prepared to see some concrete results this summer. You may get an overview from the Eth1 + Eth2 client relationship within this research post; the technical scope from the integration can be found here. The current study status from the execution mechanism as well as the cross-shard communication system is as defined above, the specific path to open the cross-shard execution perform is an area that is still under intense discussion and research. There are still many problems to be solved urgently. For example: * Just how many shard chains should allow execution function? * Aside from Eth1 sharding, do we need to use EVM or eWASM like a virtual machine? * How to effectively construct and process cross-shard transactions? * What changes have to be made on the prevailing EVM to aid cross-shard transactions? * Can/should the execution system and account construction be usually extensible? The eWASM group (under the Ethereum Foundation) as well as the Quilit team (of ConsenSys) did a lot of research in the past 12 months. The conclusion would be that the field of options is very broad, and although we have fully understood the breadth of the fields, the current focus would be to find easy and reliable solutions that enable us to test, prototype, and actually start discussions. Because of this, the Eth1by64 plan of the eWASM team was created (here's an overview of the project; there are also some technical specs under conversation). There has been rapid progress in translating abstract cross-shard transaction concepts into dependable technical specs (for dialogue and final prototyping). Please stay tuned, especially if you're a dApp creator. We intend to provide something you can understand and operate within the next couple of months, and we look forward to your feedback. The partnership between stateless Ethereum and Eth2 Another section of ??study and growth parallel to Eth2 is called "Stateless Ethereum". Stateless Ethereum research is to solve the issue of Ethereum's state data scale. The solution is to enable network individuals to confirm the validity of the block without keeping the entire Ethereum blockchain state locally. The existing Ethereum state changeover function implicitly needs the complete condition as input. The thought of ??stateless Ethereum is to include the witness of hawaii of the deal to be changed in the block. This makes hawaii transition procedure (also hawaii verification process) a functionality that only takes the obstruct itself being an input. For users, which means that it is possible to synchronize the blockchain and even monitor some of the states you value, but you won't need to store all of the state information. Some participants (such as for example block producers, prevent explorers, paid state service providers) may store all claims, but most individuals may not shop all states. For Eth2, statelessness can be an important technical system to make sure that nodes and verifiers can confirm and protect methods without the burden of storing all user claims of most shards. On the contrary, the verifier can selectively become the block manufacturer of particular shards, as well as the baseline verifier just verifies stateless blocks. Stateless Ethereum is a powerful complement to the Eth2 vision, since it can ensure that the foundation of the sharding protocol is still lightweight. On the other hand, although we plan to operate Eth2 statelessly, if the stateless path shows to be unworkable in the end, we have other ways (although Personally, i have a lot of self-confidence in statelessness ??). I will not really interpret the status quo of stateless Ethereum any more, as long as I know that is an fascinating parallel research field with the purpose of making sure the long-term sustainability of Ethereum. If you wish to learn more, please notice Griffin's The 1.x Documents series of blogs. Conclusion Eth2 is really a large-scale project to supply Ethereum with a far more advanced, next-generation, highly scalable, protected, and decentralized consensus mechanism. Many groups and countless folks are developing it night and day, hoping it will become a fact. The path we choose is usually difficult, but we've made tremendous progress and will continue to make progress. The core of this new consensus system (the beacon string) is around the corner. If you are a aspiring validator, now is the time to participate. Try a variety of customers, assistance multi-client paradigm, and help Ethereum 2.0 obtain rich client diversity as a base at the start! If you're a user or a dApp developer, make sure you continue to develop on the existing Ethereum, and we will continue to prepare a safer and more scalable operating atmosphere for you. When the time comes, the process of switching to Eth2 will undoubtedly be as smooth as you possibly can. Thank you to the teams and individuals who assisted Ethereum keep running and in good problem today; also thank everyone who ready for future years of Ethereum in Eth2; give thanks to all users and developers who made Ethereum stunning and amazing?? ??

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apparentlynotreallyfinnish · 5 years

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Do you have any advice on how to develop a long fic plot? Most of my ideas have little plot, and I have no idea how to come up with one. My simple ideas might be okay for a 2000 word fic, but not a 75,000 word one. My ideas are like Rhett and Link go to a fancy restaurant, or Rhett has a backache and Link massages him. They aren’t these big, multifaceted ideas that make a whole story like good writers (like you!) seem to have. I wish I could figure out how to get better at ideas and plotting.

Hello, lovely anon. I’m gonna describe my process plot planning Let Me Be Your Light. Maybe that will help you. :)

This became quite long, sorry…

It started with the idea of Rhett being a lighthouse keeper. That was the starting point. (I’m pretty sure I was heavily influenced by @its-mike-kapufty‘s tmoy fic that was posting around that time and wanted to do a grumpy Rhett.) I don’t remember if Link being a helicopter pilot was the first thing I thought for him but it was one of the firsts. I wanted them to meet intermittently so there would be plenty of pining (lol). I decided on a monthly meeting and figured a year would be a good timeline. So, originally the fic was supposed to be 12 chapters long.

I started by doing some research on lighthouses and decided that it would be located on Canada. I did some weather research and figured that near St. Johns would be best fit for the mood of my story (or the mood I had in my head at that point). I actually found two islands names North and South Bird Island and made up a third one for Rhett. ^^

I did some research on the area’s flora and fauna and what kind of unusual weather they might have etc. Some of it is used in the story, most is not. I had about 4-ish pages of notes on Newfoundland after I was done with my research. (Side note, don’t get too caught up on this part. There’s always more stuff to research. You gotta stop at some point and actually plot plan/write.)

The grumpy Rhett premise kind of naturally lead to a ‘hate to love’ story but that’s something to decide. What excites you? What kind of fics do you love to read? What would you like to read but haven’t seen?

I wrote little character bios for Rhett and Link. Not sure if anyone cares but here they are (some stuff was added later after developing the plot):

Rhett: writer, phd in some scientific field, a marine biologist. Lives off of book money and writing scientific excerpts for magazines. Was married. Wife died (was pregnant) when he was 33. They were in the car together. He has severe ptsd and survivors’ guilt. They’d been together since high school. Been alone for 8 years. Been at the light house for 6 years. A colleague helped him to rent it. The lighthouse itself is automated. He does do little maintenance stuff like clean the solar panels and change parts etc. Is probably like a 1-2 in Kinsey scale. So mostly straight but… Being alone is kind of a punishment but also something he needs, because people and crowds freak him out. He was like that even before the crash, but it made it worse. Also, can’t deal with people anymore. Especially happy people. Is basically afraid of happiness.

Link: a helicopter pilot, the supply runs are a monthly sidegig. Usually flies a medical helicopter. Openly gay. Dating a lot, a few longer relationships but nothing really serious. Always felt like something didn’t add up. Generally happy person with childlike wonder. Very impulsive and emotional. Open book. Often speaks before thinks. Has a lot of buddies but not many close friends. Always felt it was hard to feel connected with a person. Might be because was in a closet for a long time and always felt like he was lying to everyone around him. Has been out for 10ish years now. After he came out, kind of went to the other extreme and constantly threw his gayness in other people’s faces. Is still a bit like that but not so much. Loves flirting and getting a reaction, but really just wants everyone to be happy.

I would probably do this for other major character but didn’t have many in this fic. Stevie and Alex kind of sneaked their way in later. :D

I’m a visual planner so at this point I took a big sheet of paper and divided it into 12 section. I wrote the beginning (they meet for the first time) and the end (the proposal) in boxes 1 and 12. Then I added some bits: this is where they fight, this is where Link can’t come, this is when they have sex for the first time, this is where Rhett needs to go to the hospital etc. Then I looked at my researched and did some shuffling around to match the weather appropriately. The beginning month was purely decided on the fact that I had to have Link stay the night during the Nor'easters (storm) that are the worst between November and March. There were other stuff too, like when was the best time to see the icebergs. I went a bit crazy here and actually looked at weather history form 2017 (or 2018, not sure anymore) to get exact weather information for the dates. So while I was writing I knew exactly what the weather was like. :D

Little by little I added bits and pieces. This took a few days. I can’t really give advice how to exactly do this. I just think of stuff up and try it out. When I had something for every month I started to write.

I can’t have a too detailed plan. Usually I have a sentence or two per chapter; the main thing that needs to happen. Otherwise I won’t feel compelled to write. But this may be different for you. Some people need the detailed plan.

The plan changed a little when I started writing. After I wrote the first chapter I added the stones. At first I searched for a new stone every time I wrote a chapter but after like 4-5 chapters I made a plan and figured all the rest, so I had a list of those. The last few changed though when the whole ending changed.

I updated my chapter plan as I wrote. I write in order. Some people write the bits they are most excited about first but I could never do that, I’d never finish the boring parts after. I need the good stuff as a motivation to get over the writing lulls.

I got @sass-and-panache as a beta after I had written the first chapter. She helped immensely with the plot planning. We brainstormed together when I felt stumped and she regularly reigned me in when I went OOC with my characters. Sometimes I get stuck on a tiny idea and refuse to realize it does not work in the story. She was very good in telling me when I did this. There were a few things we disagreed on, though. ;) And when that happened I just did what I wanted. (Because I’m stubborn AF.)

Gosh, this became obnoxiously long… Sorry. Not sure if there is anything useful here. Maybe I’ll try to bullet point a bit:

1. Think of a premise. A couple dynamic you want to explore or an interesting setting or maybe a certain kind of ending.

2. Do some research if you can. It might spark some plot points you wouldn’t have thought otherwise.

3. Get to know your characters.

4. Make a plot plan. Visual or written. Don’t consider it written in stone. It will change.

5. Write.

6. Talk to someone about your plot. Get a beta if you can/want.

7. Re-plan if necessary.

8. Write some more.

9. Get stuck researching puffins (oh, sorry, that’s just me…whoops!).

10. If something doesn’t seem to work, don’t be afraid to scrap it. I’ve written whole chapters again when I’ve realized they didn’t fit the story. (If you do this, save the scrapped bits on another document. Sometimes you can use parts later.)

11. Write some more.

12. Cry when it’s done.

13. Write a way too detailed description how you planned the fic that no one wants to read. Think about deleting it and replying something else. Be too lazy to do so.

I hope this helped. Or if it didn’t, I hope this amused you a bit.

#lovely anon #Appa gives bad advice #lmbyl #writing long fic #writing #fic writing #rhink #plot planning #not a professional #Appa's way of doing things

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lexosaurus · 5 years

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I just wanna ask who let you be this fuckin good at music

Wow I’m actually really glad I got this ask because I was NOT always this good at music. In fact as a teenager I was very much the opposite of where I am now.

youtube

This was the first ever song I wrote, which I did back in like 2013. The full song is like 4min long but honestly you get the picture from this 1min clip. This^ took me months to do. Which now is like…what? You can definitely see I was always fairly good at getting a decently melody but like the rest of it is yikes.

Uh yeah it’s very different than say,

youtube

So, how the fuck did I get from point A to point B???

Ok. Let me let you guys in on some of the trade secrets of building a song.

1) Pick up an instrument, whatever instrument you can (I like to use a piano for this part), and just pop off. You don’t have an instrument at the ready? Use your goddamn voice. No, I don’t care if you can actually sing or not. Just GO FOR IT. This stage is what I like to call the brainstorming stage. And my dudes, this is hard to do at first. It takes practice to get comfortable at just letting your brain wander around your instrument of choice. Like, I’m not even that good of a piano player. My movements are jerky and unclear, and I’m not on beat most of the time, but the point is I’m just collecting data. I’m exploring potential melodies, chords, whatever I want. When I do something I like, I grab my phone and video my hands or if I’m walking and humming to myself I’ll open up my voice memos app and record that shit asap.

2) Now go to your program of choice and start writing stuff down. It’s gonna look messy, it’s gonna sound unclean, but just go for it. You can always go back and edit. You can always move parts around. Just get your melodies, basic chords, and song structure down. This is often referred to as the skeletal stage, cuz you’re legit building a rough “skeleton” of what you want your song to sound like. This is also where you have to rein in on the creative side and be more realistic to what the song needs in its skeleton. You might have to let go of some ideas, but don’t worry! You can always use those ideas in a future song!

3) Now go in and edit, build, change, explore, doesn’t matter. Don’t be afraid here. Let your fears about perfection and inhibitions go. Because wanna know something? Some of the best ideas I’ve had were done by accident.

Take, for example, the Koto song I’m putting out this weekend. That space right when the drop hits? Where the basses wait two beats before coming in? That’s because my dumbass fingers slipped and I accidentally deleted the first two beats of my 2 bass synths and then when I realized what I did, I kinda vibed with it and modified my drum synths to sync up. And BAM better drop made.

4) Now clean up. Fill in holes, gaps in the song. Make sure your automation/dynamics are good. Be meticulous, go through every single note and make sure each one blends well in the song.

Ok in terms of actual music theory rules now:

So here are some just guideline things you can do to make any song sound better by default.

1. Know your key, know the style of the song, know the bpm. Even if you don’t have your circle of fifths memorized (cuz I for sure don’t), find some way to figure it out. I’ve seen so many people write their song as a C or an F major when like, bruh you got Eb’s everywhere? And there have been moments where I’m like “Whoa is this in 6/4 or 6/8 time signature? Google’s not helping what do I do?” In those moments, ASK A FRIEND! And my inbox is always open too! Just by understanding these fundamental parts of your song will 110% guarantee a better song, trust me.

2. If your music sounds like it’s missing something, it’s either 1) Imbalanced. Maybe you made your lows or mids too quiet. 2) You’re missing a note in the chord. 3) Your main melody is too lonely and you need a counter melody.

3. In terms of chord-writing, whenever possible, write your lowest notes moving IN CONTRADICTION to your highest notes. So if your main melody moves down, your bass should move up. If you can. That way you’ll get a nice full effect.

This means that this simple 4 bar melody:

Would actually sound way better if you played around with the note octaves and wrote it like this:

Same notes, just different placements.

Another example is those opera voices in the build up of Koto? Those vocals looked like this:

As you can see, whenever the highest note goes up, I bring the lowest note down. Whenever the highest note goes down, the lowest note goes up.

I hope this helps people! Making music is just like writing a book or painting a picture: it takes practice and skill building. Your first song is NOT going to be good. Mine wasn’t! But the more time you spend building skills like practicing musical improv, learning about chord-building, learning different song structures, and allowing yourself to make mistakes, then the better you’ll get at it!

And remember, like any creative skill most of my plans don’t work the way I want them too. More often than not I’ll start something and it’ll just suck. But those “bad” files on my computer are just as important as the ones I do choose to share with everyone. Because even if you fail, you tried! And trying means practicing! Which means improvement for the next time!

#wow this is a long response #sorry anon!#but for real people in music composition like to make it seem like it's this secret language that only they know #when really like...anyone can learn how to write a song #you just have to learn #and you have to be okay with the fact that you're going to fail #a lot #my music #how to write music #music composition #quality content #ask #music reference

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v-le · 5 years

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Ktravels/Klife: Halfway through it all / 첫 학기 끝 !

Foreword: I am almost done! I am almost done with my first semester at Yonsei… damn.

I honestly cannot believe that time flew by so fast. I’ve mentioned this before, but I had been thinking about studying abroad for over a year before coming here. And now that I am about halfway through with this experience… damn, I just have no words. Jk I do, which is why I’m writing this right now lol.

My favorite parts about Korea so far: it is my emotional, musical wonderland. More on that later, but… it’s heart-warming to hear so many of my favorite, treasured artists occasionally on the streets or in a café. And no, not K-pop lol I know nothing about K-pop anymore. In terms of café culture, it’s a love and hate relationship because some of them are just so expensive sigh. BUT, after going to so many different cafes like all around Seoul, I have come to actually have specific preferences for what constitutes a gr8 café (for studying specifically bc that’s all my friends and I mostly do at cafes anyway LOL) hehe:

AFFORDABLE!! No normal person should be paying like 7 or 8 bucks for a goddamn coffee. Base price for drinks should be around 5,000 won. If their iced caramel macchiato costs more than 5,500 won, the place is too expensive. If it’s less than 5,000 won,

Reasonable cup sizes! Or better, LARGE ONES! (안녕, 낯선 사람 in hongdae has some super bang-for-your-buck coffee drinks, the best I’ve seen!! :^))

Music that isn’t too loud

OUTLETS. OUTLETS ARE A MUST.

Plentiful seats so that it’s never too packed & large-enough tables

Nice temperature (aka not too cold in the winter, not too hot in the summer)

You can sneak in outside food & eat it blatantly even if there are signs saying not to, and no one will ever say anything

Not too crusty: cozy, but clean

A nice, well-maintained bathroom

It may seem impossible to find the perfect café that could meet all of these expectations, but honestly there are just SO many cafes in seoul, that if you search hard enough or have enough luck, some will be out there somewhere :^)

ALSO can I address the business turnover rate here?? Is this why Seoul is considered a fast-paced city?? So many times, my friends I have tried to go to cafes or restaurants or stores we’ve seen online or found on Kakao/Naver Maps, only to arrive and discover that THEY’RE GONE. Even if I did thorough research and found a blog post of a place from 2 months prior, the place is just POOF, disappeared into thin air. This has literally happened countless times and we are flabbergasted each time LOL. As limited as the database of 맛집’s and cafes already is online, the Internet & maps can’t even keep up to date with information either. Businesses open up so randomly fast, too it’s crazy… Mangoplate, the supposed “yelp” of Korea honestly is not that useful either LOL it usually has places on the pricier side, it is also not always up to date, and I just feel like Seoul/Korea has way too many places & businesses worth trying that they can’t even all fit into one database. There are just so many of those un-documentable places. So I suggest: find a neighborhood, go with your friends, take a stroll around the place, and try to stumble upon a place of your liking. Unless you can read Korean & utilize naver blogs (slightly more extensive and useful than mangoplate but still not 100% reliable all the time), then walking around is probably your best bet rather than attempting to do research online. Trust me.

Hmm what else is there… It’s really nice to be able to get/buy anything pretty easily, with convenience. I am afraid I will get too used to this once I go back to the states.

I think once the work started to pick up later in the semester, I definitely started falling into a routine of going to my morning class & then leaving sinchon to run errands elsewhere in Seoul, or simply doing work in the business building which quickly became my go-to spot because 1) outlets, 2) can eat food 3) very nice facility, literally sparkling 4) on campus. It kinda hurts to think that this short-lived routine will be over quite soon, but maybe next semester will be a little more exciting.

Although I haven’t been speaking as much Korean as I would like to, I do feel like my Korean has improved to an extent: (very slightly) vocab-wise, reading-wise, and writing-wise. It is honestly SO refreshing to finally be learning Korean in a formal, classroom setting. It honestly makes me regret not doing it sooner. Why did I lock myself up in my room for 8 years and only settle for learning on my own?? Sigh, it’s okay. I can only get better from here, right? As much as I hate the timing of KLI, I still really do enjoy the class nonetheless and I feel some sort of… growth? I appreciate how all my background knowledge of Korean has helped me up to this point as well. That at least, I can be proud of lol.

With languages and culture in general, throughout the semester, for the first time ever, I got to reflect on how valuable languages are. It is so interesting; I’ll try my best to explain my realizations, but it might come out as gibberish in the end… I really think anyone that has been born & raised in the US should spend a prolonged amount of time abroad. As homogeneous of a society Korea is, being here has opened my eyes to the global society. The society in which multiculturalism is embraced, there is no one correct language of communication, and every member listens to the various cultural values of one another without judgement. I never thought of English as being a powerful language. In fact, I honestly think I have been taking English for granted. I have never realized the immensity of the English language, how the rest of the world vies to master it, and how I have been blessed to have grown up with English as my native tongue. But on the flip-side, learning other languages is just as worthwhile. Communicating in a different language is literally honing a different perspective, mentality, and set of values. You can try to translate target languages into your native tongue for ease of comprehension. Or, what I have come to deeply appreciate and understand is, you can and should take the target language as it is. In order to connect with the language and consequently the culture, stop thinking in terms of your native tongue. Doing this to a deeper extent in Korea than I ever did before has felt extremely rewarding: it makes the language dynamic and exciting to learn. It has led me to cherish specific words or phrases, more so than I already did before arriving here. And it really is just… beautiful. LEARN A SECOND LANGUAGE! EXPLORE GLOBALIZATION!

Quite frankly though, I am disappointed that I haven’t been able to go to as many places as I would like, within in Korea. Okay more like: I am super grateful for the gorgeous places I have been to, but I also wish I could’ve visited those classic, “must-see” places like Busan, Jeju-do, Jeonju, Daegu, etc. I did however, visit lesser known, less expecting (??) places like Gangwon-do (Jumunjin Beach, Gangmun Beach, Gangneung, Yeongwol, Jeongseon, Pyeongchang) & Gyeongju & like Anyang & Seongnam…? Do these last two even count LOL theyre just smoller cities outside of Seoul… but yeah, I guess I’ll just have to save Busan and Jeju and the others for next semester… when I’m not as broke hopefully lmao.

But forreals, I actually really appreciated my trip to Gangwon-do even though it was technically an assignment for one of my courses called “New Media and Digital Storytelling” (shoutout to prof ted for supporting us with this valuable experience!!) because it was literally a breath of fresh air. Seoul is constantly jampacked with people and cars and smog and noises, but Gangneung was still a city, still just as civilized, but much quieter. Granted, nothing much happens out there and some parts are straight up just farming grounds, but the beaches have these stunning sunsets that look like they’re straight out of a graphically-altered fantasy movie. It was stunning and the image still lasts behind my eyes to this day.

One of the other things that I have been struggling to accept is that fact that I feel… unproductive in life? I wish I put myself more out there this semester. Even though I met a good number of locals and have had a few valuable conversations, I never deeply connected with any of them. Plus, almost all of them are going abroad next semester or graduating ☹. I also did not join any clubs or organizations or sports teams nor did I get a job or an internship or do any tutoring or volunteering on the side… I have just been going to class, occasionally spending a lot of money, and then spending some more. Last year at UCI, I feel like I ran into my freshman year with a fiery heart: I joined the badminton team, became a part of the Antleader Mentorship Program (AMP, which I miss so dearly with all of my heart) in fall & winter quarter, and took all upper division education courses my spring quarter as well as fulfilled my fieldwork major requirement by tutoring at a Kindergarten class for 6 hours every week. But coming to Korea, everything felt stagnant. Academically, career-wise, I feel like everything has been on a pause. Granted, many people could tell me that “Oh, you just being in Korea is already so much more than you need! You are doing more than enough, don’t worry”. But am I really?? I beg to differ. I am honestly pretty disappointed in myself and at this point all I can push for is to try to get more involved next semester. It has also been hurting to know that I have been digging into my precious savings that took over 2 long years to build up so quickly :(.

SO yeah, as great as Korea has been, it’s also been money-draining and disappointing from a personal-growth kind of view. Maybe I’m being too hard on myself, but that is also simply my reality. I think I am also choosing to be hard on myself because my luck with all my favorite artists has just been… totally undeserving.

I feel so blessed and “but why me??” at the same time. I have gotten to see Roy Kim four times live (fifth time will be this coming Sunday; the Seoul shows were blessedly scheduled the weekend right before I leave) & he released a new song in September. Eddy Kim, whom ive been waiting 4 years for to come back, finally did so right in the middle of my time here. Fromm, my extremely beloved indie goddess for YEARS now, released a new mini album in November; I got to see her 3 times live, and even attended her breath-taking solo?? Alone?? Personal? 그냥 단독 콘서트. Sam Kim, who I first listened to when I was 15, who has saved my life so many times with his music, finally released a FULL-length album 2 years and 6 months since his debut EP. Not only was I selected to go to his album’s release showcase, but I also got to a meet him through a fansign event. Oh yeah, I also met Fromm through a free fansigning & Eddy Kim through his new album’s fansign event, too. (I will post about these artist-meeting experiences separately because I feel like these three occasions alone have taught me so much). I saw DAY6 live for their third-year debut anniversary and I could feel the immensity and sincerity brimming from their voices, especially with an unfortunately missing member from stage; I will be seeing them soon for their newest music release, which also happened to come out this December. Nam Woohyun of Infinite, the group that I gave my heart to for over a third of my life, the group that I owe so much of my existence to, released another solo mini album, and I was lucky enough to even attend day 3 of his solo concert series; I saw a few other members of Infinite, I could feel my 12-year-old heart screaming & flailing & crying & apologizing from within because I’ve missed them for so long now, and I even heard a never-before released track from him as well. It was a miracle; I saw Woohyun & glimpses of the others on November 4th. Almost exactly 5 years ago in 2013, on November 11th, I went to a concert for the first time in my life and saw those very own loves with my own eyes: Infinite.

ALL OF THESE. ALL OF THESE EVENTS. Have been a blessing. Have been some sort of indescribable, boundless, breath-taking stroke of luck. I promise you, just luck. Roy just somehow decided to take a break from school at Georgetown THIS semester. Eddy Kim, Fromm, Sam Kim, Woohyun, and DAY6 all just somehow decided to release new music within the last half of this year. ME, I, just somehow decided to study abroad not as a 3rd year nor a 4th year, but a mere 2nd year. I decided to leave my home university barely 1 year in, and go to Korea. Just because. Because it felt right and I knew I wanted to, I knew I had to. But never could I have predicted any of these things to happen. Never in a million years. The very artists that I had only been listening to and watching from my computer screen for years as I hid beneath the deep blankets of my bed, the artists that have made me cry on cue because of how beautiful, meaningful, and healing their music is, the artists that seem to barely exist on the Internet, that are so lowkey and precious that I feel like I am the only that really listens to and loves them, the very artists that make my world revolve, that push me to go on when I want to give up, that I owe so much of my life to, all decided to release music, suddenly be active, hold events, and meet their fans in one way or another. Right. When. I am here, too. This sort of timing in life is nothing I had control of. It was all luck and I am just so deeply, infinitely, perpetually, until the end of this world, thankful. Every day I am so thankful. I didn’t ask for any of this, I didn’t hope for it, I didn’t even think about the possibility of these events happening in my life. But they did somehow. And for that, I am just so so so grateful. It’s just crazy to think that years ago, as a sophomore in high school. My heart would bulge with immense affection for these people & their music. They were unreal, almost-fantasy-like existences that made life-saving music and that I cherished so immensely. But little did I know 4 or 5 years later, this could happen to me. That there was actually a worth to loving these almost “nobody” musicians. I just constantly feel like I am always receiving from them, and never giving back. I really do owe them so much. Thank you, to my beloved artists. For everything.

Moving on to the people that have made my first semester here at Yonsei even brighter: our dumbass squad consisting of lil hoorey, 왕언니 ana, smol laura, dumbass closted weaboo Wilson, & even dumber josh LOL I am so blessed to have met such funny, stupid, understanding friends. Before arriving to Korea, I was STRESSED that I wouldn’t be able to find friends because I hate alcohol, I hate clubbing, I hate mainstream K-pop and simply many parts of popular Korean culture are things that I am not particularly a fan of. But thankfully, I have found an endearing group of friends that share these same sentiments. These reliable people have honestly shaped so much of my experiences here and I am forever thankful. IT JUST SUCKS THAT I AM THE ONLY ONE STAYING FOR A YEAR LOL. But yes, thank you friends, for everything <3 .

Have I exhausted all of my thanks at this point?? Probably not. But I’ll save those for my own heart and mind to cherish. Going abroad was and has been and will be an experience that I don’t think I could ever properly express with words alone. I think it’s always like that when it comes to these rants LOLLL. I rant because I need to vent these feelings and emotions and flaring thoughts. But I just end up struggling to articulate everything and get my heart across properly. Sigh.

Homesickness? Is this something I was supposed to address? Maybe exchange students are probably expected to always talk about this. But for me, it was a nonexistent notion. Being born and raised in the bay area, having lived in the same exact house, having slept in the same creaky, old bed for 18 years in a row, has provided me with a comfort that I probably take for granted more than I should, but has also left me with an intense urgency to explore more, see more, do more, and just breathe more. The Bay Area can be extremely toxic and suffocating in so many ways, and it a space that I know I can go back to whenever my heart desires, but it is also a space that I do not wish to prolong my stay in any further. My immediate family has also never been a significant part of my life: I have never relied on them for emotional nor mental support. Maturing into an adult with this sort of detachment has hindered and helped me in countless ways. There were definitely times throughout my life where I despised them for the way in which everything turned out. For how miserable or lonely or stuck or negligent I sometimes felt. But I know that without that detachment, I would not be where I am today. To my next semester at Yonsei, you look questionable, daunting, and exciting. I honestly can’t even begin to imagine what will be in store for me. All I can wish for is health & happiness.

가즈으으아!!~

#korea #yonsei university #should this be called klife or ktravels i have no clue #i am quite confused about myself still #i am also currently very sleepy #i cant believe it's coming to an end so quickly..

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jaylos · 7 years

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i hated descendants 2 and here's why

a collection of reasons why i am utterly disappointed in this sequel.

warnings: there will be swearing and negative commentary about these ships: Mal/Ben, Evie/Doug, Carlos/Jane. (so basically all the canon pairings lmao)

buckle up this is gonna be long and salty. (also spoilers, duh) (and i take artistic liberty in the capitalization of words and i like to be dramatic)

also check out other rant posts i made bc they kinda tie in with all of this (reading not required in order to understand it tho): magic ban Rise of the Isle of the Lost my thoughts during my first time watching it Bal

1. Characters

Ok i need to go back to d1 for a second: they already did a bad job on introducing the characters to us there. For exapmle: Carlos and technology. He does that thing where he locates the museum or when he turns off the alarm, but without the first book (the isle of the lost) the fact that he is supposedly a tech genius would've flown over everyone's heads. And this is the problem: the movie(s) rely on spin-off media (the books, wicked world) to explain the characters to us. A movie shouldn't have to do that in the first place, but what makes it worse is that the books and the webseries are inconsistent like no tomorrow and also contradict each other on several occasions. Now that wouldn't be so bad if the movies were enough to solidify the characters, but they're not. They also try to patch up plot holes in the books so they don't have to deal with it in the movies. But someone who hasn't read them might wonder how the pirate crew got their ship, and they're offered no explanation in the movie whatsoever. (i'm pretty sure this could've been avoided with a few tweaks to the script tho??)

What I think happened here is that they simply had too many characters and so basically all of them fell flat because they didn't have time to explore them properly. And what did they do in d2? they dragged that problem with them, introduced more characters who's arcs they could half-ass and got rid of what little personality the original characters had.

We don't actually know shit about them. What are their hobbies? What are their interpersonal dynamics like? What are their struggles in Auradon after a life of abuse and neglect? (i'm convinced that that last one can absolutely be dealt with in a child-friendly manner, but instead they brushed it off almost completely. I say almost because we got a few tidbits here and there but those were about as deep as a puddle on a sidewalk)

1.a. Jay

Why is he depicted as a main character when he has less lines & relevance to the plot than Jane? Even the gotdam dog had some purpose. wouldn't change a thing if Jay wasn't there at all.

l i s ten i love Jay for the character that i made him out to be in my head and through some of the things the fandom has contributed but in canon he is redundant as all fuck.

Also i'm not gonna go into the outfits in this rant bc that's too subjective and is not what contributed to d2 being a bad movie but let's just say i found most of his looks kind of.. off-putting. why they didn't take advantage of Booboo Stewart's beauty is a mystery to me. Especially since his looks are supposed to be Jay's strong suit.

2.b. Chad

He was a completely different character. Not only did his personality shift from deceitful to moronic but his morals changed?? like in d1 he didn't actually play by the rules - he let other people do his homework, and he didn't tell on Evie because he found her cheating wrong but because he wanted payback.

And in d2 he suddenly cares about rules word for word because the writers and the (young) audience already hate him so he can be sexist too i guess. Instead of making him a meaningful threedimensional character that offers a different perspective as the child of a disney hero he was turned into the comic relief and the overdone trope of the jock that lost his status and is now laughed at. Groundbreaking. you hate him i get it i g e t i t. (also stay tuned for the sexism part i'm not done with that)

1.c. Carlos

to get super subjective again: i absolutely hate the direction they went in with his character. why not make him even more nerdy now that he has the freedom to do so? the only thing that referenced his tech stuff was that he supposedly improved their 3D printer. wow. his new hairstyle, the golden headphones etc. were things that don't fit into the impression i got from the first movie and/or the books at all. they didn't even show him tinkering with some device or whatever? how tf am i supposed to believe that he's a techie???

Also in Rise of the Isle of the Lost he is anti-magic for some goshdang reason, but in d2 he asks Mal to help him with magic, which is one of those inconsistencies i was talking about.

1.d. Evie

here's what i would have done with her instead: make 4 Hearts less relevant (do show her sewing and talking about commissions) and let her care for the remaining isle kids from the very beginning. her introduction in d2 could've been her talking about wanting to bring them over, but having difficutly to make it happen (maybe the royal council pushes back or whatever).

instead she spends 6(?) months doing jackshit about the isle kids and only remembers it like halfway through the movie.

1.e. Ben

he just pisses me off. not only is he dismissive and ignorant of Mal's struggles and blames her for when she fails to be perfect, but he is also incompetent as a king, at least when it comes to the Isle. Why the fuck did it take him so long to bring more isle kids over? and why does he need to hear it from Evie first? it was his idea in the first place but then he completely forgets about it for some reason even though he is literally dating a vk. "i guess i've just been busy" with what? being a fuckboy? (also sidenote: there it is again with the "tell don't show" that i've already talked about in the rant about Rise linked above. it's one of the biggest problems i have with the storytelling across all installations in this franchise. Ben is not shown being busy one single time. We're just supposed to believe it because they said so.)

(another sidenote: why the fuck does he have those beast traits, by which i mean all that redundant roaring like i get they want to reference beauty and the beast but do the writers realize that his father was cursed he does not actually have those furry genes)

1.f. Jane

? per s onalit y ?¿?? literally who is she

There's not much to say about the others (some i will cover later when i talk about relationships). Do you know that thing when a character's potential is wasted? In descendants this happens with every last one of them. They're like those cakes that are just for show: they look amazing and tasty but when you take a bite it's cardboard.

2. Plot

pretty basic for the most part, but i personally found the suspense curve really weird. it has two climaxes (? what is plural): 1. the sword fight and 2. at the cotillion. Also i hated that it took place over the course of like 2 days, but that might just be my personal taste. There are some plot holes of varying degrees of annoying. For one, Maleficent probably starved to death in that box because Mal and the writers forgot about her. And her moped is gone, it left, like i should have as well, good-fucking-bye.

Then there's the fact that Mal didn't go back with them because she learned some kind of lesson or grew as a peson or whatever but because she didn't have a choice and they never talked about her initial struggles except "my hair and dress are purple again so it's fine". i mean yeah she said her piece about not fitting in or whatever but we don't actually see it working out after all that trouble?How did the dynamic in their relationship change? who knows.

Then there's the fact that Uma is somewhere in the ocean, she's a giant monster and 100% capable of using magic but no one gives a shit??? at this point i'm willing to bet that in the next isle book it will be explained what happened to her so it doesn't have to be dealt with in descendants 3 and i will scream.

By the way i didn't understand what it was that Ben said that convinced her to retreat, his speech was so lame.

Also the octopus/dragon "fight" was ridiculous. they didn't do shit? Uma was just wiggling around and Mal was floating, which looked stupid because she made flying/gliding motions but stayed in the same spot.

And one thing that really annoyed me is how they only made 5 smoke bombs and then also needed exactly 5. b better prepared u idiots. that whole thing was so weird anyway bc the point was to avoid a fight but it didn't work. maybe it would've worked if they had made more than 5 who knows. and the plan to make them in the first place came completely out of the blue. (-plan? -smoke bombs -k)

Also why did Uma expect the wand to work under the barrier? The only explanation I can think of is that it's because the wand was what created the barrier (although the whole thing about the Isle is that magic Does Not Work and we should have been given an explanation as to why the wand is an exception) but 1. How would Uma know that and 2. If it had been the real wand they could've used it to knock the pirates out or whatever and Uma should've expected that. This whole trade-off thing was sketchy and holey as fuck.

You know what was one of the best things about d1? The parents. I mean this was probably a budget issue but the parents were arguably one of, if not the, most entertaining aspects. and boy could it have been interesting to see the confontation between them and their kids...

The isle was really weird and underwhelming btw. i saw people say it was great bc we got to see more of the isle but did we really? it was just a bunch of disjointed locations and we still have no idea how anything is located in relation to one another, how big it is, or how and how many people actually live there. And why did no one there give a shit that the rotten four were back? most of all Mal, whom the people hated the most for betraying them and becoming a princess. Also why did Mal not go back to her old home instead of this building that was a.. warehouse? their gang hangout?? that came out of nowhere??? correct me if i'm wrong but do they say something along the lines of "we used to hang out here" even once? why was there a bed in there

And hey remember tourney? It's not even like roar was necessary so that they'd have swords? Also it could have been mentioned like "now that tourney season's over we're focusing on roar" but no?? Let's just forget about it like the writers did.

3. Music

not really much to say, except that they used way too much autotune but i guess overall it's an improvement compared to the first movie but it's whatever. the only thing that confused me about what's my name was that in the movie (as opposed to the music video on youtube etc) there was this weird echo that made it sound like it was playing in another tab with a slight lag??

and another thing that stuck out to me was it's going down: the rap parts were already hella uncomfortable to watch but when ben started singing i just about died of secondhand embarrassment it's so bad lmao.

4. The Thing With Lonnie

Don't get me wrong, i love that she got a bigger part and that she's a good swordfighter and whatnot.

BUT:

First of all, why is it even a thing that the roar rule book has gendered language like that? i mean aren't there countless women in auradon who have proven over and over again that they're just as capable as man? why does Lonnie need to prove anything. especially since her mother is mulan of all people???

listen, the exploitation of gendered language has brought forth some great moments (eg: lotr "i am no man") but it's getting old. Girls and women have proven countless times that they can do "anything a boy can". how many times more does it have to happen until we can take the next step?

And it wasn't even handled well in d2. Sure, Lonnie's captain now, but do we really have to wait until d3 (or god forbid the next book in the isle series where the movie can lean back and let the book do all the storytelling work) for something to actually change in a system that is still misogynistic for whatever goddamn reason??

for this sideplot not to fail miserably like it did, what should have happened is that Lonnie changes the rules so that anyone can join the team, because as we were left it was still "captain and 8 men". we did not see the actual change happening and this was a half-assed attempt at this tired old "girl power" shit.

in this kind of storyline we only ever see the first step, we never see the actual progress that follows. it's always just "huh, i guess girls aren't useless after all" it's 2017 get with the program and move the fuck on.

OR just drop this overdone trope and have a team consisting of different genders from the very beginning.

It's time to tell girls that they don't need to prove themselves in order to be respected.

5. Relationships jesus christ here we go

okay okay there is a number of things that get my blood b o i l i n g and one of them is lazy fictional heterosexual romances and boy oh boy is this movie a fucking gold mine in that regard.

5.a. let's take a look at janelos first (don't worry i will talk shit about bal and devie individually as well): it's boring, shallow, if it was a spice it would be flour. look, if you ship it, by all means be my fucking guest. i even encourage you to write fanfiction or do something to make something out of this bland ass mess of a supposed romantic relationship.

it's a perfect example of what is wrong with this kind of fictional romance. first of all i will disregard the books bc 1. the movies shouldn't need the books for that, yadda yadda and 2. they don't do much to save it anyway. so. it's the easy route, the tried and true formular, and that's the problem. he was a boy, she was a girl, and that's enough to make their interest in each other believable, right? the answer is no. it's lazily written and i am tired™. why, how, when did they fall in love? are they even friends? what do they have in common? what activities do they enjoy together? those are all things we don't know, this relationship comes out of nowhere. how did they go from not even so much as look at each other in the first movie to being head over heels for each other? and not to mention, was it worth sacrificing their personalities for? you guessed it the answer is no yet again. Neither Carlos nor Jane receive any character development whatsoever. None. They could have done so much with them (if you hear a strange sound it's me weeping).

And it is replaceable. Change their names and it won't make the slightest bit of difference, because this relationship does not have one single distinguishable trait (in fact it has no traits period) compared to the 87632947 others out there. it is so. generic. and frankly i don't understand how people can settle for it. i mean i get how people can just watch the movie and not care bc why would they, but how does someone look at this and go "yes, this is a well-written romance" ????? ? ? up your standards people.

and now some predictions that came (somewhat) true from that Heterosexual Romantic Subplot Bullshit Bingo i wanted to make for d2 but never finished:

- by the end their relationship won’t have developed like at all, but they dance together to show us that they’ve come sUcH a LoNg waY

- one wants to ask the other out/they both want to ask each other out, but they’re too shy and also the plot keeps interrupting them.

- it will take away screentime they could have used to give them actual character development.

- jane won't receive an arc besides being and obligatory love interest.

- carlos tries talking to her but he stammers and it’s supposed to be cute.

5.b. Devie

Like i get that Doug is jealous bc of his own insecurities but what is hip with the kids in the year of our lord 2k17 is mutual trust and communication. To think that Evie would cheat on him is such an insult tbh?? And why did Evie not tell him where she was going in the first place? i mean granted i could think of a few reasons why she wouldn't but we don't even see her give a shit bc Doug is irrelevant in her quest to go and sing a duet with the person she'd rather be dating. She probably just forgot about Doug like I, the viewer, did the second he left the screen.

Also it's just the same bs again. We don't know shit about their relationship. What is it like? What do they enjoy doing together? What is their dynamic? Doug could literally be a pair of Pradas and it wouldn't make a difference.

But for real tho can we go back on how he accuses her of cheating?? like wow dude that's so gross pls don't present that to young viewers as cute because i assure you it is not.

5.c. Bal (h e r e w e g o)

Ben is such a bad boyfriend omg. I mean i get that he couldn't possibly understand what Mal is going through, but he isn't even trying. She changes everything about herself and he doesn't get suspicious in the least. And apparently they don't talk about anything that matters because 1. Mal can't be honest with him (she dragged all that shit around with her for ~6 months!!!) and 2. he would know more about the isle (but he has no clue).

out of all the relationships in this movie this is the one they should've put some effort into. i mean they succeeded in making Ben look like a dick but that wasn't their intention so i just ended up feeling sorry for Mal for being stuck with him bc it's ~true love~ .

Mal to Ben: "you've always known who we were" he didn't tho?? just bc he gave her a purple dress in that stained glass picture? he could've just told her that instead of letting her suffer for months bc she thought he'd leave her if she was more like herself. and that's the resolution, Mal shouldn't have been worried oh how silly of her! i guess everything is fine after all!

but you know actually their love for each other is totally believable bc they had an emotional and heart-wrenching duet together - oh wait.

A big reason why Sofia Carson and Dove Cameron got a duet is probably because they're professional singers and Mitchell Hope apparently can't get out a single correct note without 10 layers of autotune but when the story is about true love saving the day shouldn't that aspect get a little more attention? i mean don't get me wrong i like that the duet between mal and evie is there at all (but hey @disney make it gay you cowards) bc the friendships between the characters and especially the vk's don't get nearly as much attention as they should.

not to go on a tangent about how hand-holding and forehead-touching can totally be platonic but put next to Ben and Mal who Do Not Do That it makes their romantic relationship even less exciting. like, i don't know why i should care about it.

also while typing this i realized that it's not really that different from other movies and i thought hey, maybe i'm being too hard on it, but then i remembered that 99% of all canon heterosexual romantic relationships are bland and boring and i need writers to try harder (or try at all) because i am bored to death by the same shit over and over again.

i know i'm wasting way too much energy on this but i was already too invested in descendants so might as well go all the way amirite. i just had to get it all off my chest. if you need me to elaborate on anything feel free to message me.

and the first movie wasn't all that good btw, it is trashy in a way that was enjoyable, but the second one is just trash.

so yeah all in all that script was just straight up a pile of garbage consisting of washed-out tropes and no amount of bright colors or catchy songs can save it.

#disney descendants #descendants 2 #descendants 2 spoilers

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we-nick-posts · 5 years

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peachymess · 7 years

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1/4 I realize this might be a wrong topic for this blog, but I enjoy your mature take on these things, so I thought I’d give it a go. I, once again, just have to wonder out loud how there are still so many snk fans who believe Eren and Mikasa romance? I realize that the ending of s2 left us on a high note for the romance, but literally everything else in the manga speaks against it more or less. In fact, if you really think about it, Isayama pretty much ended it in ch 50, but I guess he didn’t

2/4 say it clear enough. I don’t say this to rile people up, I don’t say this out of spite or something like that. Like, honestly, there just really isn’t anything else that would back Ere//mika up in the manga. Maybe in shonen, but not by Isayama’s standards. People should, by now, now Isayama’s way of storytelling, and still they are seriously speculating about Ere//mika becoming canon at some point, while ignoring the obvious, more relevant stuff around them. I’m not a shipper, or read snk

¾ for romance, but what I do appreciate is well thought, wrote and explored relationships between characters, and if these kinds of relationships end up become romantic ones, then I’m all for it. I see people hoping Mikasa get a character development before the manga ends, and honestly, one of the greatest things Isayama could grant her, is to make her give up on Eren in a sense she can free herself and start living as her own person again. Maybe it’s my age and I’m getting old for cheesy,

4/4 cliche shonen stuff, but snk has maintained its unique and mature touch despite being serialized in a shonen magazine. As for Eren and Armin, since I feel I need to touch this as well, and it’s the theme of this blog. I certainly appreciate for what Isayama has done with them in a story being published in this kind of magazine. I’m storyteller myself, and could probably continue about this topic for ages, but I guess I end it here. Have a nice day.

Hello, anon! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me! I’m honored that you’d want my input!

(Disclaimer: this got really long, so I’m putting up a “keep reading” - please proceed with the knowledge that I’m not an ere//mika shipper, and that our opinions may differ. I’m not interested in trying to be converted, but once my inbox re-opens, feel free to discuss the topic with me in a mature fashion, if you want my further input on this topic):

Yes, I realize it’s always a risk of riling people up when someone who doesn’t ship the pair in question, takes on an ask about said ship - but I’ll do my best to give my own personal opinion in a mature and coherent fashion. Just like you, I don’t talk about it to bug people, but obviously I have my own thoughts on the subject - and in my case, I lean towards the same conclusion as you: that ere//mika was not written not be a romance. I’m still on the fence about how much or how little Isayama actually intended for Mikasa to read as in love with Eren, as opposed to motherly protective/childlike dependent on - but I also think it doesn’t matter either way; I don’t believe Eren was meant to reciprocate romantic feelings towards her, even if she was designed to be smitten with him.

No, I think that Mikasa’s strong feelings for Eren were supposed to be a sign of her being a lost and misguided title girl (and I say this not in a spiteful way, but in the endearing “protect her” kind of way); we know that the Ackerbond and the Ackerawakening are two different things, but for Mikasa, Eren was the one whom she both got her awakening from, and whom she imprinted on. This all in the midst of Mikasa violently losing her parents as a very young child, then instantly being taken in by Eren. It makes sense that a girl who’s overwhelmed with all of these intense shifts at the same time, would start to cling to the safe center of all of this; Eren. He saved her, woke her up, wrapped her in a scarf that would come to be a symbol of this spiritual rescue and more, invited her “home”, and she of course imprinted on him. … Listen, I’d like to add a personal story time digression here: I used to be bullied at school, and none of the boys ever talked to me unless it was to taunt me. Then one day, when I was 12, we got assigned new seats in the classroom, and I ended up next to a boy who actually started talking to me. I was so grateful that he’d have a conversation with me, that I quickly became smitten with him. I thought I was in love with him, but in reality, I was just in love with how good I felt whenever he’d make me feel like an accepted, normal human being. I kept nurturing this idea of love and it grew for months, until one evening when I joined a game of spin the bottle, and I was asked to reveal my crush. I said it, even with him right there, and despite his vague shrug and smile, I felt an intense relief at getting it off my chest. And just like that, the idea of romance left me. I realized that I loved the person he made me feel like I was. And once I realized that, I was able to hold on to that idea, even when he wasn’t there to produce it. … In many ways, I see myself in Mikasa regarding this. I feel like Mikasa’s attachment to Eren can be read very alike my own attachment to this boy. I think Mikasa spent a lot of years nursing her dependency on Eren because even if she didn’t know anything else for certain, she knew one thing: she loved the feeling of safety and belonging that Eren provided, when nobody and nothing else seemed stable in life. I’m also strongly inclined to believe that she, a young teen full of emotions, could have started to mistake her feelings for a standard crush - but if so, I don’t believe the right way to resolve it, would be to indulge her. Of course, you speak of standard shonen love, and I see how ere//mika could become that, if this was meant to be an unproblematic shone story (their grey-are sibling-y bond is nowhere near “out of bounds” if you compare them to a lot of the onii-chan culture you can find in Japan).

However, SNK isn’t meant to be a regular shonen story; Isayama seems to take not only pride, but also pleasure in avoiding tropes and turn things on its head - of course only to a certain degree, given he’s published through BSM and have a wide YT audience. I am, regardless, very confident that if there’s one department Isayama doesn’t leave unpolished, it’s characters, their dynamics, and their inner workings; I think 3D characters is one of the strongest aspects of his story, and that’s why I’m much more inclined to believe that Eren and Mikasa’s bond is meant to be complex and full of friction. And frankly, I’d say that’s to be preferred; if they became a regular romance, that’s something we’ve all seen many times before, but so far, what I’m seeing, is something significantly more complex - and personally, I feel like it’s deeper this way, too. Look, the incest discourse has been pulled out many times, so I’ll try to make this brief, but I feel like it’s important point to touch upon: we can argue until we’re blue in the face in either direction. It was never stated that the Yeagers ever officially adopted Mikasa, as opposed to just took her in for charity. And either way, there’s a relevant question posed of “does it matter, when she only lived with them for a year?” You can see Mikasa being referred to as “adopted sister” and “motherly” in many Q&As, but then the very same, or other authoritarian sources can do a 180 and produce content that almost explicitly shows Mikasa in love with that very same “adopted brother”. So what are we supposed to believe? I can’t tell you that, but I can tell you my personal take on it: The reason incest is illegal, has to do with biology. If you inbreed, there’s a much bigger risk of genes “malfunctioning” in offsprings. The reason it’s seen as disgusting, is - beyond the biological - that the regular person wouldn’t want to “do it” with a family member, and thus shudders by the thought of someone else finding a situation that they see as uncomfortable, pleasurable. This is why some people can argue that it’s not incest (and/or unnatural) if two adoptive siblings have sex; it doesn’t compromise the offspring, which was the reason the act would be illegal. Now, the people still claiming it’s incest, say it’s so because they realize that there’s more to the act than the physical; you’re not supposed to feel sexually attracted to someone you view as your own flesh and blood - and so, if you truly view an adopted siblings as your sibling, you shouldn’t fancy them. In a sense, both sides of “it’s incest/it’s not incest” are right on paper. But I’d advice against downplaying what role being adopted into a family actually plays; an adopted child is taken into a family with the intention of being a spiritual part of the family just as much as any other biological child - and that’s why, unless otherwise stated, an adopted sibling should be viewed as 100% another member of the family (and thus not an romantic option). But this is generally speaking. Bringing it back to ere//mika, my stance is this: it’s not biologically compromising, so it all comes down to how Eren and Mikasa view each other. The vibe I got from them, personally, was that they were to be seen as family (hence, perhaps, why I did not see the romantic inkling until I heard about it through tumblr and went back to re-read). If they are both comfortable seeing each other as a romantic partner, then I won’t get in their way, but I’m not sure this is the case - and mind you, both of them have to agree on this; if Mikasa waves, it doesn’t matter so long as Eren sees her as family.And welp, I said I’d try to make this brief, but true to my character, I failed horribly at that. No matter; my point is: whether ere//mika is incest or not, is grey-area because their situation is so unique. And I think it may be intentional: this arguing back and forth could very likely be exactly the uncertainty Mikasa is wrestling with in her own approach to her feelings on Eren. Are they siblings, or are they not? Are they family in the traditional sense, or are they family in the expanded sense that all three of them (EMA) belong together? If she feels butterflies towards him that seem different than regular familial love, is it love? Is it ok to be love? Etc., etc.,… On top of this, she seems, as I talked about, to be very deponent on him - which is, mind you, completely understandable. But it makes for a complex conceptions of feelings that are neither here nor there. And that’s why I think resolving it like a regular shonen romance, would be a cop-out on Isayama’s part. Something I don’t expect him to opt for, given what a driven story teller he’s been so far.

Isayama has spoken of how Mikasa letting go of Eren, would be a return to innocence. And I think I understand that, if what I’m saying is anywhere near what Isayama was thinking when he made these two. Because Mikasa isn’t perfect; she may be strong - she’s and Ackerman after all - but she suffered a lot of trauma, and she’s still a young child in literal war. It would only make sense that she’d be less than master of her inner workings. And this constant nursing of the one beacon she has, wouldn’t be healthy for anyone. That’s why I see her moment in chapter 50 as a level-up in her chemistry with Eren. She managed to put into words some of those feelings that must have been running on repeat in her heart ever since that fateful day with her parents… and she got a response that finally differed from Eren’s usual disgruntled retorts. Because just like Armin obviously didn’t hear from Eren what he thought of him, Mikasa didn’t hear that Eren did care about her despite all the bickering. I’ve spoken about this before, but Eren’s very certain in his feelings, and he doesn’t question them - but he also doesn’t express them because they appear as facts to him, so he doesn’t think to wonder if he needs to confirm them to others (well, he’s gotten better, too, but that’s besides the point). So all this time, Mikasa has been fighting tooth and nail to stay be Eren’s side because he’s given no indication that he’d stick around by choice. Of course, that’s exaggerating it, because obviously EMA love each other and they know it - but to what degree do they know it more than the doubt in their head disputes it? Well, Mikasa finally got her answer in 50, and that alone, helped her grow considerably. I think her feelings became more healthy after that. The way she steps down a little after 50, tells me that she didn’t need romance, she needed love. If the opposite had been the case, Eren’s response would not be a resolve, but rather the trigger event making the beginning of advances and Mikasa’s wish to further expand on what they both meant back there. However, Mikasa leans back and seems more assured of her spot (until Eren pulls back and starts talking more with Historia; I think both Mikasa and Armin are visibly affected by this). I realize it still remains for me to answer why I think people ship ere//mika, though. The simple answer is that romance is often the most appealing relationship, simpler or not. Is a complex and difficult relation more interesting? Maybe? But is it much more appealing to go with the ideal, fluffy, happy solution? For many, definitely! I think ere//mika is a very deep bond, as you can see, but also in the sense that it’s possible to interpret in so many different ways. People love love, and if they love Eren and/or Mikasa and want him/her to be happy, of course a happy romance is much more appealing - especially when it’s backed by so many intense canon moments! I won’t go through the manga to look it up myself, but you’ll definitely find a lot of ere//mika meta here on tumblr that will explain exactly who and how their bond can be read as romantic. Just yesterday, I answered an ask on why people would ship Armin with Annie, so honestly, there doesn’t even need to be a lot of canon to support a ship, for it to be appealing. But for those who think ere//mika will be canon, I thin my guess would be that fiction trains us to expect romance - and most often involving the main character. What more, we expect a straight couple, because that’s what’s most common - and just with those formulas alone, Eren with Mikasa seems like the obvious front runner. That being said, my take is the above rambles.

All in all, anon, I can definitely understand the popularity of ere//mika, but I don’t think it’s designed to be a regular romance. And although I prefer it as the sibling bond I see it as, if ere//mika is what would genuinely make Eren and MIkasa happy, I’d want that for them. I guess that’s why others ship it too.

#ask #anon #ship discourse

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labellerose-acheron · 7 years

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Name: Queen MK

Characters: Belle Rose Beauton, Onyango Simba Lyons, Copper Thomas Russell, Drizella Catherine Tremaine, Toulouse Henri Bonfamille, Bambino Daryl Basurto, Perdita Mariel Faye, Joshua “Strongbear” Sweet, Maui, Urania of Hesiod, Attina Morgan Triton, Hercules Odysseus Persaud

**i just want to note that i wrote the vast majority of this at the beginning of the month before we got all our lovely new members, so just shout to everyone for being lovely writers and lovely people and making this community special!

Pick a thread from the past six months that you’re proud of and talk about why. Ugh, fuck, okay. I’m gonna try to go character by character bc so many good ones??

Belle: “Letter of Recommendation” - Beautibbs. Man, this thread straight fucked me up. It was supposed to be just something really chill, because Belle was a huge Charms nerd and she totally would’ve been a teacher’s pet to Tibbs. In HP world, I took advantage of the fact that Belle’s father left more recently than in current canon, and wanted to explore that and, surprisingly, Beautibbs was where I got to actually feel it the most. Belle is normally so composed, and the fact that she broke down--well, it was so real. She’d been putting so much pressure on herself and to see her crack was kind of cathartic for me, and for her. The fact that it was totally unexpected was what made it feel even more natural.

Simba: “Stays in Vegas” - Simber. I loved “Stays in Vegas” because the whole marriage thing was something I’d wanted to explore for a while. There are a lot of things about Simba and Ber’s relationship that are not what Simba anticipated in a relationship, and as someone who has spent his whole life thinking about the person he’s going to be with and what that relationship is gonna be like--it’s interesting to break that down. And I like exploring Simba’s insecurities too. Not his whole “I Killed My Dad” thing, but the fact that he is really always afraid of people leaving him in relationships, or that he is “too much” or pushes for things too soon. So, yeah, idk, that was really fun.

Copper: “Pixie’s Stalker” - Coperi. This thread was so good for me, because it had so many layers. It was Copper at his purest. He wanted to help Peri and give her good advice. At the same time, he was trying to think of Tink too, who he has kind of a special bond with. Then, thinking about his own mother, which he never really does, so that was nice too, because he does have some unexplored abandonment issues.

Drizella: “The Perfect Dress” - Double Trouble. What I really love about RPing with Kiara is that she has this natural instinct about the way a thread should go, and it just makes threads with her so pleasant. The chemistry that Zella and Ana have is so good, too. This thread was great because both of them were dealing with things that they weren’t talking about, it was all underground, but they still knew that the other person was dealing with things. It just felt really natural and totally sisterly.

Toulouse: “Miscalculations” - Berlou feat Roscoe. Big shout out to Lauren for this one, because when I first brought her the idea I wanted a duel, I didn’t mention anything about unforgivable curses or anything, but then she brought it up and I was really excited (especially because we didn’t tell Lauryl, sry lauryl.) It was just so great, because I always say Lou would be entirely ruthless if anyone ever hurt his siblings and I mean it. I finally got to show that, and it was so thrilling to write. Getting to write a really dark side of Lou was so great, and the fallout was lovely too.

Bambino: “On the Edge” - Merfawn. FUCK. This thread was so great. Like, I loved it because we didn’t have a plan for it. We just wanted them to RP together and they both run around in the woods, so it would be a good spot for them to meet up. It was Reanna who took it in such a great direction by having Ariel bring up the Prince. It was just such a good instinct and since this was one of my first threads with Reanna, it really impressed me and I just had a lot of fun with it.

Perdita: “Isn’t There Any Hope?” - Fate. How could I not talk about this thread? It started in December, but I can’t help it. The first time Paul and Perdita see each other in 4 months and it was just so full of emotion. I loved that Lauryl and I had discussed kind of the entire timeline of their backstory because it made it really easy to draw from and their chemistry felt really natural. It’s always a worry with relationships that are pre-established, there is going to be no chemistry, but man, do Paul and Perdita have it and you could just feel the love they have (had) for each other and the struggle that they were going through.

Sweet: “A Code in Process” - Sweet Mouse. Ugh, this one was just so good. Mostly because I actually got to perform surgery!! And that was just so fucking fun, and Kiara made it a blast. It really kind of solidified Minnie and Sweet’s relationship during this high stress environment and I just thought that was super rewarding. (Shout out to the Mr. Crowley arc with Nala, Tibbs, and Minnie. It’s been so much fun and I’m excited for the conclusion.)

Maui: “Helping Hand” - Celaui. I think Katie listed this one as well, and well, yeah, totally makes sense because this is the thing that everyone wants out of a starter. The relationship that was built after this initial thread was so beautiful and nuanced and is continuing to grow, and I just love that.

Urania: “Follow Up Interview” - Star Destroyer. Fuck me, I love this thread so much. It was kind of a random idea that just steamrolled into what it is now, and it’s another one of those plots that just feels really natural to me. And I love the dynamic of both Urania and Dornan thinking that the other is below them. They’re totally underestimating each other and I’d love to play with that power dynamic more and dig deeper into it.

Identify a challenge you’ve faced in this rp. Reflect on why this is a challenge for you. Are there any strategies you can develop to overcome this challenge?

Like many people, I struggle with plotting. A lot of times I have an end goal in mind, but I struggle with how to get there. For me, I don’t have a problem approaching people, I love talking and I don’t mind bothering more shy people to talk to me, but I have a problem sharing my ideas, because I worry that people won’t like them.

I’ve just tried becoming more confident with my ideas. I get characters now with secrets, or an end goal that I can kind of use as a jumping off point for plots. It has really helped because I feel like I can almost always find a reason or a thing that my character is grappling with.

Pick one of your characters and talk about their growth (we recommend choosing an older character, but it’s up to you! ) What about their story has surprised you? What are you proud of? How have they changed from their original inception to now?

Copper. Copperrrr. My lil honey. So, lots of people know that Copper is my hardest muse. I really don’t know what the problem is, but it’s just always been that way. Recently, though, he’s come so far, and I’ve kind of finally unstuck him from his shitty thought processes. I think that was the problem, now that I’m writing this lol. He was so resistant to change, but I just completely broke him down. Between Tod and Rajah and Shego, I managed to break him and now I’m building him back up, and that’s really satisfying to me.

He feels much more malleable, which is kind of where I wanted him to start with. So, that’s really nice. And making him a dad was really the right move because now he has this thing that reminds him to stay grounded and to be patient and understanding and more open, because his daughter is going to have magic and he loves her so much, so how could it be bad or wrong?

I am curious to see what he’ll be like as a single dad. Should be interesting.

Zella, also, has been so great. I really wanna push her more, but I’ve loved what has happened with her the past few months. She’s made a lot of mistakes and she’s trying to distance herself from them and start being serious about her future and she’s growing so much (even if no one but me can see it lmao) and I’m excited to see what happens.

Pick another character and talk a little about where you WANT them to go. What are your plans for them for the rest of the year?

Well, like a good mother, I have plans for all my beebs.

Belle: she is growing so much and getting so strong. I want to continue that thread for her. I want her to go back to school (I’ve started planting the seeds for that already.)

Simba: ugh, my babe. He has some hard times coming up based on a plot that will come to fruition at the end of summer. Through that I really want to explore Simba’s plurality of independence and doing what is expected of him and how that will affect his relationships and, in turn, affect how he views his “duties” to his family name.

Copper: be a dad. That’s p much it. I think Copper has had a really hard life, and he deserves to just enjoy being a father and be as good of one to Isabel as he can be.

Drizella: I want her to have everything stripped from her (in the process of doing so.) I want her to become more of a champion for women and move away from her mother’s toxic thinking. I want her to grow closer to both her sisters and to embrace her own path.

Toulouse: ugh, i just want my baby to be happy. I don’t know what it will be that makes him happy, but I know it won’t involve painting, at least not as a career, and I want him to accept that and realize it doesn’t make him a bad son for wanting something different. Also, I do want him to find love again, because tbh I like him better in a relationship lmao.

Bambi: explore his sexuality more. Embrace himself. And definitely get closer with his dad. That’s super important and I want it really badly, because Prince is really the only one who can help Bambi heal from his mother’s death.

Perdita: Well, she knows about her post-partum now, which yay! So, now I want to work on her relationships. I want her to start mending the town’s image of her, because she’s really not as crazy as everyone thinks she is, lol. Like, she is a normal person, I promise. She won’t be having any more manic episodes or huge explosions. (Unless something goes real wrong, lmao.) I also want her to get a better job, that’s more in line with her long term goals for herself.

Sweet: MORE SURGERY. Also I want to explore his past more. I want him to open up to someone about his magic. I also need him to make friends outside of the hospital, pls and thanx.

Maui: I want him to fall. I want him to totally crash and burn. I want someone to steal his hook and leave him with nothing. (Before that, though, I want him to get risen up, and to help a few people so that when he crashes, they can come to his aid and make him realize that he’s good enough without his hook.)

Urania: She wants to take over the world. I want her to take over the world. Simple.

Attina: As one of my new babes, I have a lot of plans for her. I want to explore her relationship with each of her sisters. I want her to go on lots of dates and to get herself crushed and to have successful dates too. Also, long term, I want her to like re-examine her life and figure out that she really is not happy and wants so much more.

Hercules: UGH my lil babe, I have so many plans. I need him to learn to control his strength, though I want this to be a slow process. And I definitely, definitely want him to figure out where he is from. (I have a whole idea set up, but I just need him to get there. It’ll also be a slow process, probably.)

OPTIONAL (REQUIRED FOR THOSE WHO DIDN’T DO THE LAST QUESTIONNAIRE): In terms of your own writing, identify 1-3 strengths and talk about why you think it’s one of your strengths.

Setting: I have a very visual memory. Like--I can remember where on a page something was, even if I don’t remember the exact wording, and I almost always remember what people were wearing during important events. So, I know details about where someone are can be really important and I love describing like the things around someone. All my characters’ homes (and their other spaces, like Chapter Three), I have the entire floor plan of.

Action: I was always taught that movement was really important in a story. And my teacher was big about character quirks, so I just naturally incorporated it into my own writing. Body language is super fascinating to me and I love including it into movement for my characters.

Character Detail: I’ve become obsessed with charting out my character’s lives. It might because I’ve gotten older characters recently, but, I find it really important to know like--everywhere my character has lived and their families (including uncles/aunts/cousins). So, I really feel like I know my characters as people. Which makes it easy for me to slip into their skin and know how they’d react to a situation. I know their little ticks and what their motivations are.

OPTIONAL (REQUIRED FOR THOSE WHO DIDN’T DO THE LAST QUESTIONNAIRE): In terms of your own writing, identify 1-3 areas of improvement.

Rambling: Sometimes I feel like my posts have a point in the beginning and then the middle is a mess and then I’m like oh crap I gotta like do an action/dialogue/have a point to this lol. I think that kind of thing can work when you have a point, go on a tangent and weave the point through the tangent, but I don’t think ahead in my posts, so that always falls flat. It’s always a happy accident if I can find a way to draw it back.

Proofreading: I know it’s RP and we all write a lot so missing a word here or there or something isn’t a big deal. But, I feel like if I read back through my posts sometimes, I could incorporate later ideas in my post. That’s just something I wanna kind of work on, so I can be more thoughtful with my posts.

OPTIONAL (REQUIRED FOR THOSE WHO DIDN’T DO THE LAST QUESTIONNAIRE): Reflect on other writers you love– in the rp or out! How have they influenced you? What do you love about their writing that you want to bring to your own?

Man, I love all y’all. Shout out to some of our new babes: Silv does so great with backstory, I’m always so intrigued, and like I said above, I love planning that kind of shit out, so I always get hype when other people do it too. Also Reanna puts so much enthusiasm into everything she does, it makes me excited to RP, and I love that. Bee also cranks out some lines sometimes where I’m like umm?? Wtf?? That was so good?? Chloe too, just, ugh her writing sometimes. It’s so minimal but not in an obnoxious hemingway-way. Her one shots are so succinct. I love reading them.

I can’t wait to get to know our new-new babes tooo!

IF YOU DID THE LAST QUESTIONNAIRE: Alright, now pick an item from the Wishlist you completed in January that you’ve started to pursue. How far are you from completing this goal? Talk about the steps you took to make it happen.

I’m getting ready to (and have started to) explore race/sexuality in an off dash kenya thread w simba and kiara and ber and that’ll be interesting bc they all relate to their race/sexuality differently. It’ll be interesting putting them in an entirely different worlds. Of course, Simba and Ber have been lots of places, but mostly pretty liberal. Kenya is a place where sexuality is not really talked about and there is a bit of hostility towards white people. It’s basically the reverse of everything they’ve known.

I think it’s really interesting to explore Simba’s relationship with his race and sexuality through this, since he loves his family so much and he doesn’t like to lie; but he knows a good bit of his family doesn’t approve. And then, with Kiara, who is half-black/half-white and gay herself, and Ber who is white and queer--it’s gonna be really interesting to see them all navigate that space and still try to find a sense of belonging within it.

Oh, as for making it happen, I have mostly Lauryl to thank, though, I mean I orchestrated some of it myself. Simba was cut off from his family (voluntarily). He reconnected with his mother in July but didn’t reconnect with everyone else until around December, when one of his cousins had a baby. Which led to Simba connecting with all of his cousins again. And then, after everything that Kiara has gone through, Simba wanted her to realize that she does have a place that she belongs, and a family who love and support her; hence why they made the trip to Kenya.

IF YOU DID THE LAST QUESTIONNAIRE: Pick another item on your wishlist that hasn’t happened yet. We’re gonna do a MOCK-PLOT!!!

Zella Follows her Dreams:

This might be cheating, since one thread has already started, but we’re gonna use it anyways.

Milla confronts her daughter about not having any plans for after school. Zella confesses she wants to be a stylist. Milla cuts her off financially.

Zella throws a fit about this and disowns herself from the family, bumming around places. (Marie’s, Jenny’s, etc.) They start asking questions Zella doesn’t want to answer sooo

Zella finally shacks up with Ella.

Ella encourages her to #followherdreams and in return Zella tells Ella to get a fucking backbone (but hopefully she’ll be nicer at this point.)

Zella applies to a few internship programs and gets one!! Then she goes to follow her dreams!!

(I would also like to include Ana in this plot but idk how Ana will react so that is something I’ve got to discuss w Kiara.)

Finally: write a NEW wish list for the upcoming half of the year. It’s fine if you use a lot from your previous wish list if you still haven’t completed them and you still want to!

Smut – well, i still haven’t bottomed as a male; but i’ve done some hetero from the female perspective so that’s fun. My new smut goal is: different positions!! Different places!! Missionary is fun and all but;; gets borin and i like body positions so it’d be interesting to try some new stuff (i am talking about this like it is my actual sex life lmao)

Slow Burn – who doesn’t love a slow burn romance? i think it makes a ship feel so much more real when characters are angsting and pining and things keep them apart, whether it be timing, one of them dating someone else, miscommunication, or just general fear of hurt–ugh just give it to me (but not for months). This hasn’t happened yet and that is #rude someone get @ me.

Murder – i want to kill someone. i want someone to kill one of my characters. either one. both. who knows. Okay seriously; Urania needs to kill someone.

Kidnapping – someone kidnap one of my characters. ← still relevant

Abortion – i mean, i just think it would be interesting to have a character go through/have to contemplate getting an abortion. from either male or female perspectives. i have several possibilities /eyes zella in particular or tbh lou /eyes lou too ← also still relevant

Surgery/Illness – i love me some good ol’fashion hurt/comfort. also, sweet loves surgery, so if anyone’s characters need surgery, you want them to get hurt or sick, sweet is your guy. but, i mean we all know i love fucking up my characters (gave simba appendicitis, had lou get impaled, copp got shot like forever ago who remembers that eh?) so if you wanna beat up/attack my characters get at me ← always down for this if u wanna injure ur babe

Travel – i’ve had a few characters (lou, zella, simba) take trips to other places; but i would love to get out of swynlake for some threads. why not? ← always down for travel too

Race/Sexuality – i have a couple of characters who i’d love to explore their racial identity in a negative situation. swynlake is pretty free of, like, blatant racists (excluding magick-ists), so i would be curious to see how simba/sweet/etc deals with that. same with sexuality, swynlake is pretty accepting but i’d love for them to confront some homophobia because both that and racism, is, unfortunately realistic and prevalent. ← this is always something interesting

Big Plots – i LOVE big plots and i want to do them with more than just lauryl sorry lauryl i love u. but i want big plotty plots with EVERYONE! stuff that’ll fuck up your characters or my characters or both or they’ll GROW by the end, just stuff that will be an uphill battle. who wants to fight with meee? ← still RELEVANT

In more specific terms:

I want Belle to go back to school.

I want Simba to also go back to school lol

I want Copper to learn how to be a dad, even if that journey eventually takes him out of Swynlake to somewhere he deems “safer.”

I want Zella to go to her internship or w/e and embrace her differences and unlearn the toxic behavior her mother encouraged.

I want Lou to figure out that painting is not what he wants to do w his life. I also want him to date bc I like him better in a relationship lol

I want Bambi to kind of shed his reservations about being who he is and embrace it (both as the Young Prince and his sexuality.)

I want Perdita to continue to recover from her post-partum and mend her relationship with Paul so that they can successfully coparent their kids (and fall in love)

I want Sweet to make friends outside of the hospital. I also want him to mess up and have his hubris catch up to him.

I want Urania to take over the world.

I want Maui to get bolstered up and then I want him to crash and burn and then I want to raise him up again.

I want Attina to find love, but more than that, I want her to accept that she’s not gonna be able to control her sisters and learn to do her own thing.

I want Herc to learn where he’s from, but even more importantly I want him to accept himself for who he is.

#inspiration #questionnaire #bdrpquestionnaire #y'all hmu pls #tho im sure no one is reading this #if u r skimming pls go to the end at least #plot w me #also sorry i went extra on my banner love me

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team-adults-blog · 7 years

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4.04 A Lie Guarded

[More like ALIE Guarded mmmhhhhmmmm. I see what you did there.]

Now featuring 3 convenient plot headings this week because we jumped around so much!

Arkadia:

Jasper with the comic relief- Jaha go float yourself. Hah. Ok, but after 6 months I’m sure some of the people from the ark have learned how to swim. Maybe not well. Jaha certainly hasn’t learned; he was out in the desert poking at landmines. Also Jasper drugged him to get him out there? That’s a little scary, bud.

“Bellamy should be back by now” poor Clarke. Left behind by bell and her mom’s tech crew to ALIE’s Island. Reverse engineer it from Luna, but is Luna cool with that? Parallels to Mount Weather. Kane wanted to donate blood marrow, but it would never have been enough. Fortunately for Luna, only a small sample of her blood should be needed for reverse engineering.

Clarke saying her mom isn’t a geneticist either is pretty dumb because Abby actually went through all her medical training on the Ark. Clarke is smart but didn’t. You’re upset that you don’t really have anything important to do at the moment, but don’t act like a brat. Sometimes I feel I’m too hard on Clarke, she’s constantly making the best of crappy situations, but I feel she can handle my criticism.

Black Rain- ok but how do they know if the clouds should look different from regular rain? Honestly.

Harper won’t let Monty save Jasper- Jasper scares the shit out of them like a jerk. No a funny prank like Jaha.

Jasper talks Monty into pranking Clarke. Jasper finds Clarkes list. Clarke def should have at least put it in a drawer instead of almost plain sight. Yes, technically Monty and Jasper shouldn’t be in the chancellor’s office, but you’ve got to do better than that. For plot purposes I understand I had to be open enough to be found so that people can get upset, but it was careless. Also Clarke is so serious did you honestly think pranking her would go over well?

Monty and Miller senior not on the list! You don’t get to act on Kane’s authority and shocklash Jasper, Clarke. You freaked out and made a rash decision. You’re going too far and you can’t hide behind Kane’s name. Monty trusts Clarke when other people don’t, partially because he’s seen her have to struggle with the big decisions

OF frickin’ COURSE doctor mom Abby Griffin is first on the list with her children Eric Jackson (HE HAS A FIRST NAME!) and Raven.

Riley don’t drag Darcy. I’ve had enough of you and you’re in 5 more episodes. I bet you die. I have no emotional attachment to you yet.

Say what you want about Jaha, but he’s got charisma and his preachy butt saved Clarke. This is why Clarke doesn’t lead well alone; she makes the hard decisions, but she doesn’t inspire people to follow her. That’s what Bellamy does. And the adult leaders too.

“He used to be everything I hated, maybe he was keeping us together” what a compliment. Clarke’s shifted from Jake Griffin’s daughter who wanted to tell everyone of the air leak on the Ark to closer to Jaha’s wanting to keep it a secret. I don’t think she’ll ever go full Jaha because she has people calling her out all the time and Bellamy to balance her. I’m with Jasper that she should reevaluate the situation and herself if Jaha is looking like the ideal leader.

The Adventures of dad!Kane and his kiddos, the Blakes:

“I wish I were with you” “me too” “stay safe, Abby” “you stay safe too” UGH. I have a head canon they radio good night and reminders to eat and fluff like that. Love it. But I doubt either of them will actually stay safe. They’re risk takers.

Dad!Kane. “what did I do now”- Octavia. It’s lecture timeeee.

Omg when she tries to leave and he says “Sit down” whoaaa 1) she sits down. She does exactly what she’s told. Octavia is an assassin but she listens to dad!Kane and I find that hilarious. 2) He hasn’t used that angry tone in a while and wowieee I did not know I missed it. Boss more people around. ¿Escupir fuego, no? One of the consequences for killing people is that O has to go home. Aka grounded, but away from the grounders. Da dun tshhhhhh. Thank you, thank you.

Kane is in full-on dad! mode for the entire episode. I love it. Some kid named Stevens (don’t get too attached because p soon his head won’t be, amiright? Offensive and inaccurate. he only got his throat slit. sorry.) and Bellamy got captured. That’s where he is Clarke, you were right to worry. Dad!Kane rushes to his son to check on him. *Face cradle* He knows the other kid too, but Bell will always come first. Duh. Roan fears assention, Kane has to explain metabolism, lol. This whole show is a great social comment on trying to save the earth with nature stacked against you. Plus having to get other (nations) to work with you and try to solve this problem that affects them too. #goodstuff.

Alliance Broken. #notgood. Abby needed you to keep the peace so that her engineered nightblood could go to everyone. Bell and Kane hostages. Octavia and Indra to be hunted down. Not a good situation. That’s why honesty and forwardness is so important. parallel Jake Griffin, Raven Reyes

Echo gives Octavia three chances to come quietly. She clearly doesn’t want to do this Octavia

Bell x Kane in Jail

Such faith in Abby. This is the relationship I’m here for. I love Kane. Dad!Kane trying to reassure his son. His disbelief blink™ at Roan. Like TF you mean you’re going to take over my home? Where my wife and children live? Priceless. ANOTHER reiteration of there has to be another way. I’m all about these lines and themes popping up. Kabby’s faith in finding the best solution is what I’m here for. Also the live tweets between Paige and Ian killed me:

I can’t handle this. I can’t handle this AT ALL.

Remember when Echo wanted to be Bell’s friend? I think she’s finally realizing that after killing Octavia, this will never happen. She’s clearly emotional about having to tell him. And even if she disliked Octavia, Echo clearly respected her as a warrior.

Give Bob Morley an Emmy.

Kane in his “hands on forehead= distressed” pose. Someone comfort them. Kane is having such a hard time keeping both of the Blakes safe and happy at the same time. I feel for him.

Here comes Helios, the best character of all. I’d better not get too attached because I doubt he made Clarke’s list. There are rocks down there. It looks to be over 200 ft. she would have broken something. It looked like she landed on her back. The 100 writers, are you aware of physics and the force of gravity accelerating Octavia’s body at 9.8m/s2 over this 200 ft cliff? Bellyflops hurt at 4 ft above the water because of surface tension. Imagine that pain multiplied by the heightened acceleration. I can’t believe O is unharmed enough to pull herself up onto Helios while possibly bleeding out from the side wound.

It’s so terrible (and good tv) that everyone thinks Octavia is dead. We get to see Bellamy mourn during a time when he has to stay focused on saving his people from Ice Nation and the radiation. No doubt Kane feels somewhat responsible for sending her away, but if she was in Polis she would have bee A) a prisoner with them- good.. or B) killed because she’s too much of a risk/ threat. Dramatic Irony is such a basic and useful plot device. We just want to tell them SHE’S ALIVE before they go too far down a potentially bad path. I think it would be really cool if she made it to Niylah or Trikru first and recovered there before going on to Arkadia. Then she can stroll in for the war all “Surprise, bitch. Did you miss me?” If this goes down, we get emotional character development of Bellamy, Indra, Kane and more! And then hopefully a fam reunion scene where they’re all so happy to have her back. The grounders are for sure giving her a new nickname. Say goodbye to Skairippah and hello to the grounder equivalent of Skai-back-from-the-dead.

DOCTOR TECH SQUAD:

Jackson, my sweet angel, checking on Raven. He’s not being a jerk like Nate is 2 minutes later about it. Everyone loves you and is concerned and it sucks because that sets you apart. I get it. People need to learn more subtle ways to check on you.

Luna says she has no choice to Nyko… UH OHH Mt. Weather call-backs.

Don’t pass the line. All I was thinking about was Lost during this scene. Here come the drones. I know they can be useful for stuff, but weaponized drones are scary af. Plus it’s creepy that they have cameras and can spy on you with no serious consequences. They give me anxiety in real life.

Nate. You’re now on my bad list for a while because it took you TEN SHOTS to shoot down the drone while NYKO. MY HERO. Is killed. Cryin. Emori wants Murphy to ditch Abby? Oh heck no, she adopted him.

Raven shot at Luna. Wow. She did that. She continued to point the gun at her the whole time they were talking, risky.

“Jackson’s hit”-Nate

“What do you mean Jackson’s hit?!?”- Concerned doctor mom

ABBY YOU SHOULD NOT DRAW THE DRONE’S FIRE. I GET IT, SAVE JACKSON. THIS IS EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT “STAY SAFE MEANS.” Kabby will always put others before themselves. I love this, but it’s also worrisome and dangerous. Also Jackson’s like Abby. No. Don’t. my frail heart.

“Luna, I’m sorry about Nyko.” Me too Abby. He was your friend! There was mutual respect as healers. Nyko knows all the plants and herbal medicines while Abby has all the sophisticated technology and a different set of knowledge. I’m pissed that dynamic of different knowledge getting used together only got to be explored a little before they killed my man. L

What a cool looking lab. Abby and Raven super excited, lil’ happy grins. So nice to see. I’m looking forward to the call backs of them working together as they did on the escape pod in S1. Let the sass and problem solving begin!

With that said, I have some serious science questions about the process of reverse engineering nightblood to put in people’s bodies. Could non-nightbloods reject the nightblood? If it is its own sugar coating on blood cells genotype, which it must be because it’s some sort of recessive trait, they’d have to make different forms for each of the grounder and Ark blood types (I list them separate because they’ve had different levels of radiation). I don’t know a lot about the processes at play here, but my limited science brain wants to know the nitty-gritty of how this gets explained.

Up Next:

Roan is due for his radiation attack soon. Abby better get on that nightblood serum fast. I feel like his past medical involvement with Abby means that he’ll be more inclined to trust her and be one of the first to become a nightblood, despite protests from Echo. This is a risk for him- if it fails he’s dead and loses power. If it works he’s seen a Mr. Fearless and a good leader.

I find myself hating Jaha’s character less and less. I know, I know, but hear me out, OK? Part of that is definitely because he’s interacting in interesting ways with Clarke and the others. He’s plot relevant. Part of it is the way Clarke/Bellamy/Raven/all the delinquents are being set up to fall into different schools of thought on openness in leadership roles in the way that Jake Griffin/Abby/Jaha did before Jake was floated. No one is ever going to be full Jaha, because he distanced himself while in power so that he’d be able to put aside his personal feelings for someone so he could float them if needed. Everyone else in the show has at least one other person they can connect to and lean on. Parallels are so fun. Quali-tea writing.

The next ep is called Tinder Box, which I am 100% sure is not about “how people meet. It’s like real life, but better.” Lol sounds like CoL. Probs some box of fire starters. Almost all the faves look like they’re in it. My prediction is that Bellamy and Kane make it back to Arkadia with Azgeda. Clarke then has to step in and try and save her fam. I have a feeling the doctor-tech squad will stay at Becca/ ALIE’s island working as a separate plot, even if they find out what’s been happening with everyone else. It should push them to work faster + feels too soon for a Kabby reunion. Poor Clarke has to do all the heavy lifting again. Maybe someday she can just go draw in the woods.

WHICH REMINDS ME! I would love if the Eden Tree popped back up. Like if Kane has been going off and taking care of it this whole time (not likely because he’s been imprisoned like 4 times) and we see that. OR- equally excited but in a visual emotional way- when the radiation hit and we see fire or this black rain destroying everything and the camera pans to the Eden Tree being destroyed. SYMBOLISM. Or Kane digs it up and brings it back inside? Poor tree, but gotta keep momma’s spirit alive. I would love some reference to Vera with or without the tree. LET’S GOOO.

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Mid writing this, my roommate texted me that she was mad at Abby after watching 4.03- she thought Abby killed Adrian, which she ABSOLUTELY DID NOT. She has to go to the gym and do a burpee for every mean thing she’s said about Abby- which is like 100. Girl gonna be fit™. She’s totally going to slam Abby to tease me and get under my skin, so that’s something to look forward to.

#4.04 #a lie guarded #the 100 #reaction post

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biofunmy · 5 years

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How ‘Jane the Virgin’ Made a Better Man of Justin Baldoni

For five seasons, fans of “Jane the Virgin” have swooned over the transformation of Rafael Solano from playboy hotelier to doting baby daddy and the wokest bae in Miami.

But for Justin Baldoni, who plays him, that evolution wasn’t just an act.

“What’s interesting about the journey of Rafael as a character is it in some strange way resembles and intersects with my journey as a man,” he said. “I explored masculinity, digging into the parts of myself that are uncomfortable, and learning about equality and privilege. And it really cracked me open.”

It’s still anyone’s guess whether Jane (Gina Rodriguez) and Rafael will get their happily-ever-after in the CW telenovela’s finale on July 31 — the “after” including the return from the dead of Michael (Brett Dier), Jane’s first husband, and a series of unfortunate events that keep derailing her wedding to Rafael.

Wherever the soundstage sun sets, Baldoni’s offscreen metamorphosis is ongoing.

Baldoni, now 35, began directing music videos and commercials when he was about 21, even giving up acting at one point — his résumé includes soapy stints on “The Young and the Restless” and “The Bold and the Beautiful” — to make documentaries. Following his feature debut, “Five Feet Apart,” in March — starring Haley Lu Richardson and Cole Sprouse as cystic fibrosis patients who are in love but who dare not touch — Baldoni will soon begin preproduction on “Clouds,” about a teenage cancer victim. Both connect back to stories in his digital docuseries, “My Last Days,” now shown on CW and SoulPancake, that follows terminally ill people as they come to the end of their lives.

He’s also banging the drum for “Man Enough,” a collection of online conversations with other men on topics like “fast cars, fast women,” “I have a long history of hurting women” and “men and women can’t be friends.” Those dialogues prompted Baldoni’s 2017 TED Talk, titled “Why I’m done trying to be ‘man enough,’” which more than five million people have watched. And next year his wife, the actress Emily Baldoni — with whom he has two children, Maiya, 4, and Maxwell, 20 months — will host a spinoff that expands the brand into femininity.

In a phone call from Cannes, France, where he spoke about masculinity to an audience of advertising and marketing executives, Baldoni talked about his quest to become a better man — and why he has no regrets.

These are edited excerpts from the conversation.

The suspense is killing me! What do you think of the way “Jane the Virgin” is wrapping up?

In any TV show, especially when you have a love triangle, you can never please everybody all the time. And of course there was some pushback from people upset that Michael came back and a lot of uncertainty around how that relationship ended. But I think that the writers did a really beautiful job of using telenovela tropes and twists and magical elements to create a dynamic season where all the characters got a moment to shine. At the end of the day it’s a love story, and I believe it plays out nicely.

We still don’t know whether you and Jane will end up married, but you performed a blessing at Gina’s wedding to Joe LoCicero in May. Should we assume that you and Gina will stay in touch?

Absolutely. We’re not going anywhere. We’ll be friends for life. That was a beautiful, beautiful experience. Gina’s my soul sister.

You were freshly married when you started the show and then had two children in the next five years. Did that affect the way you played Rafael?

Oh God, yeah. We got pregnant and I started thinking about what life would be like for my daughter, and then I started openly sharing on my social media these thoughts and feelings, and I was labeled a feminist. Then I had to really figure out what a feminist was. I realized, well, I am a feminist because I believe in the radical notion that women are people.

A big credit to [the creator Jennie Snyder Urman] for allowing me to play a character that actually learned and grew and got feedback from the women in his life and became a dynamic man that wasn’t afraid to show his feelings. She never wants to ask me about anything because she’s very competent and she knows her characters and where she wants to take them. But I can’t believe that no part of Rafael was influenced by Justin.

You’ve been directing for more than a decade. But how did you find the time to juggle “Five Feet Apart” with “Jane”?

When I made “Five Feet Apart,” I had to jump back on the show and shoot the final season but I still had to edit the movie. [The CBS series] “Scorpion” had just been canceled and we shared a hallway with some of the dressing rooms. So we ended up renting three of the dressing rooms next to mine, and I moved in my editor and postproduction into those rooms. So for the whole first half of the final season, I was bouncing between these super heavy emotional scenes with Michael coming back and then editing my lighthearted “Five Feet Apart.” [Laughs] I was basically living at the studio until early 2019, which is why I just took my family on a one-month vacation.

About five years ago you came up with the idea called “Man Enough.” What inspired that?

It stemmed from conversations that I would have with guys in the locker room, where so many problems started and silence became complicity — and that eventually had to change. Right before [the sexual assault charges against Harvey] Weinstein, I took this all over town. I told people, I really believe that masculinity is going to be something that we’re going to be talking about, and let’s have this conversation and be vulnerable with each other. And everyone kind of laughed at me. Nobody got it. So I funded the whole thing myself.

You’re open about your adoration of Emily on social media. Does that make you a Wife Guy?

I have issues where we start uplifting our wives because suddenly it’s cool. So I’m probably not the right person to ask about that. Movements are important because that’s how we reach the masses. But at the same time, I would love to see it being done quietly also. It’s one thing to do something publicly and to show a picture of your wife and how great she is, but it’s another thing to make sure you’re treating her that way in private.

Now that you’re primarily focused on directing, what kind of stories are you looking to tell?

I would say if a project makes me laugh and cry, it’s something that I’m going to be very interested in — specifically social justice and giving people opportunities to tell their stories that maybe haven’t had that chance because of myriad reasons, whether it be the color of their skin or the place that they’re from. Because I was one of those people that had the door slammed in my face over and over and over again when I was wanting to make content that made us feel good. And I believe that there’s a whole generation of people out there that are having that door slammed in their face. And I want them to know that my door is open.

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deargoditsgrace · 5 years

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2018 WRAPPED.

Just finished reading 2017′s recap and even though it’s only been a year, a lot has changed. In 2017 I grew a lot spiritually, which led me to the Philippines, struggled with relationships, but ended up finding someone even more amazing. My family dynamic got better, and we learned to trust each other and support one another in our struggles, and my friends remained my constant. I started 2018 with my friends who, in my opinion will be my friends to the end. We might not catch up regularly, but often enough to know the importance of the relationship. And I’m not just talking about Ekim and Eyang, but everyone else too. I also started and ended the year with Andrew, mi amore. Thinking back, the year felt so short, but a lot has happened in a year.

I’m definitely not the same person I was in 2017, and prior years. I’ve grown in ways I haven’t before and was tested in even harder ways. In terms of faith, I face planted, took an L, dove straight into the deep end, complained, and almost straight up gave up. It was hard. It’s hard not being in the home environment that cultivated your faith from the start. It’s hard to share with faith with people who haven’t been there for the worst times, and it’s hard to open up. It’s hard to meet people on the same wavelength and even then, its hard. It’s hard to stay faithful when the world drags you into the mud and gives you enough reasons to leave it behind. My faith suffered a lot this year. I forgot to trust God with everything..my life, my relationships. But in the silver lining of it all, I know he still showed me grace, because he allowed me to have grace for CCPC. He allowed me to give it a chance and find people, women who lift me up, who encourage me and one another to fight the good fight and remind me that I’m not doing this alone. I found a women’s ministry group that meets every Wednesday. It’s not the deepest bible study, but the women in the group make it worth going to every week. We’re all at different places in our lives, yet we still can all relate and pray for one another. And through it I was able to get closer to Esther mainly but also Shalom.

Our CG last year also ended in pieces. People, including myself, not caring anymore. But Andrew, my Andrew, stepped up and became a CG leader. Woah.. never did I think he’d be one so soon in our relationship, but it was pretty amazing to see his courage throughout it all. I know it stemmed from wanting to contribute since he’s been a member for a while now, but he’s really taken on a lot of responsibility and hasn’t complained about it once. Our CG is definitely something special and feels so different from last year. I feel like we all genuinely want to get to know each other and encourage one another, and I hope we continue to keep that energy going into the new year. I’m looking forward to all the adventures our CG will take, especially the ski trip coming up in a few weeks.

Moving on to Andrew and Relationships. It’s been a ride, for sure. Never in my life did I dream of dating someone so seriously .. just kidding I did, but I never really dreamed of the reality of it all. The first six months were challenging and a whirlwind. I started working, I was working the weirdest hours, which was tough on both me and Andrew, we went to a wedding, and we did cool things. But during it all, I don’t think i let myself be 100% with him knowing that he could leave at any moment, that his attraction for me could disappear at any moment and that it wouldn’t last. Thinking of those things kept me on my toes and didn’t let me fully enjoy the person I was with. I’m not sure when that all changed, but when my mental state changed, it felt like all the weight and pressure of just being in a relationship also completely disappeared. So now, I love it. I love spending time with Andrew, and probably enjoy his company more than he enjoys mine. We got a routine and I like it. But i really do love spending the time I do with him, and everything just feels right. We argue, but we always try to talk it out, we’re sensitive to each others’ feelings, and yeah... I honestly can’t wait for what the future holds, but I imagine it’s really bright.

For all the Esthers and I, we all got into relationships all around the same time. WEIRD. It’s weird to think that even happened but also weird to think that a couple years back we were all thinking about totally different guys. Like our boyfriends now weren’t even in the sphere. AT. ALL. But i think it worked out perfectly... wow. There were definitely some testing times in our relationship, but I’m kinda glad we all disappeared at the same time so that we can all reappear at the same time. I’m grateful and blessed to have friendships like these... and I really do hope to continue to foster them in any way that I can.

OH CRAP. A huge thing for me in 2018 was traveling. I got to travel a lot and to opposite ends of the earth. In March I got the opportunity to go to Singapore with Addie and Syd. Eat at some amazing places, and stay at even greater places. Honestly the food wasn’t as good as the hype, minus the soup dumplings, but now I gotta go to Taiwan for the real deal. But I got to travel to Malaysia, stay at an amazing hotel and an even better spa program. See the hustle of Singapore and how the crazy rich live, and even stay at Marina Bay Sands- the kind of hotel people shoot documentaries of. The experience was so rich and never in a million years would I have imagined going to a country like that so soon. But like something Andrew said was, well if you wanna go, just make it happen instead of making excuses for a while and never going.

In April I got to go to Chicago for Hannjoo’s wedding. The wedding was so sweet and even though I never met Dan before it was so palpable how much they loved each other and that was the best sight to see. I hope whenever I get married, the man I marry loves me as much as I hope to love him. But before and after the wedding we got the chance to explore Chicago and all it’s offerings. We tried the best burger I’ve ever eaten at Au Cheval, played ping pong at a ping pong bar, and even watched a movie. For a city, I was so pleasantly impressed by everything, the architecture, the history, and all the things that make it a “cool” city.

In May, I went to Vancouver/Whistler with my parents for my graduation trip. I finally grew up to realize hiking aint so bad, then we hiked the hardest and most exhausting hike ever. The snow hadn’t melted all the way so we walked half the trail on snow. And it wasn’t even just a layer, it was ... i don’t even know how to explain it, but it was rough. It was a lot of fun traveling with my parents though. We rented this sick Jeep, and it felt so right to be in it. ahhh the dream car for me and mom. But we didn’t even fight! Appa had to leave early but his flights kept getting canceled and/or delayed so me and mom stayed in our AirBNB to make sure he got home okay. Even with that, the whole trip was really nice and relaxing. But I never knew there were so many rich Asians living in Vancouver.

In late September, Andrew and I went to Colorado for his birthday. The day we got there we drove up to Boulder so that we could hike the Rockies in the morning and dayumm that was tough. The altitude got us, but the views were incredible. All I remember is that I couldn’t stop talking about how beautiful everything was. And it’s not like I haven’t seen mountains before, but the mountains there weren’t like the mountains back home. The rocks are grander and because of the altitude there aren’t a lot of trees. We also fought, and made up. I also realized we are compatible traveling buddies, and we ate the best croissants in the whole wide world.

That’s it on travel, but I’m not done cause the FOOD of 2018 was pretty epic. We tried our first Michelin star at Rose’s Luxury, our second in Chicago, and our fifth back home at the Inn. I ate more than this, but it was a pretty epic year in terms of the Michelin guide. Now, back to eating 2 for $5 at McDonalds, and scraping our monies together.

I ALSO GOT MY FIRST OFFICIAL JOB. like it’s legit and I get paid via direct deposit every Saturday. C R A Z Y. The job itself is in the industry I wanted, and I honestly got everything I thought I wanted, but a couple months in, I can kinda tell this isn’t where I see myself in the long run.

So now, onto my 2019 dreams, wishes, desires....

1. I hope to CONTINUE on my faith walk with Andrew. We had some ups and even some downs, but all in all, God was gracious to us. I hope that we can reflect on his faithfulness going into the new year in hopes to seek Him even more than we did in 2018. In addition, I hope to create bonds within our own church to help us grow and mature in every way that we can, that we can lean on our brothers and sisters so that if we falter we have people to continue to encourage us to keep fighting.

2. I want to take this real estate situation seriously. I’m not sure if I’m even meant to be a realtor, but I should try.

3. I want to be a better daughter to my parents. I want to honor them better, think of them more, and care for them in ways i haven’t been able to

4. In the same way I want to be a better sister to my friends, especially the Esthers but also to everyone in my life.

5. I want to live in the present but be aware of what I do and the implications of it. I want to be more self reflective and more often. So through that I want to be more accountable for my actions and change if i need to.

6. Grow. In any way. aka go to the gym, create discipline.

2019, I don’t know if you’ll be easy or challenging, but I hope this year is another good year for me. If not, I hope to really grow from these experiences.

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caveartfair · 7 years

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This Photographer Captured the Glitz and Despair of the Global Culture of Wealth

Lindsey, 18, at a Fourth of July party three days after her nose job, Calabasas, California, 1993. Lauren Greenfield Fahey/Klein Gallery

There were many people for whom the election of Donald Trump as President of the United States came as a total surprise. Photographer Lauren Greenfield was probably not one of them. For nearly three decades, Greenfield has been meticulously documenting wealth: those who have it, those who aspire to it, and its pernicious influence on our culture.

In that period, she’s watched how a worship of prosperity has spread, transmitted and amplified through technology, popular culture, and the media. Is it any wonder that someone who so perfectly embodies our fascination with wealth, and all the emptiness and artifice that so often lies beneath it, ultimately snaked his way into the White House?

“Generation Wealth,” opening later this month at the International Center Photography, features over 200 of Greenfield’s photographs from her decades-long exploration of the culture of affluence in its many facets. It’s accompanied by a mammoth book of the same name, published by Phaidon this May and bound (naturally) in gold cloth.

Greenfield decided to bring these works together, she said, in the aftermath of the financial crisis. She, like many Americans, found herself reflecting on what had caused an entire nation, seemingly, to run amok.

She realized in looking back at her early work that what she had documented was “a time of cultural change, and of change in our values and change in technology which was a big driver of these values,” she said. “Where I started ended up being really important, because it was kind of the beginning of all of these trends which I ended up covering for 25 years.”

Greenfield had not intended to become a visual chronicler of the wealthy and their aspirants, an F. Scott Fitzgerald or an Edith Wharton wielding a camera instead of a pen. She grew up in what was then the grungy neighborhood of Venice, Los Angeles, but attended the ritzy private high school Crossroads, alongside the children of Hollywood’s rich and famous. After graduating magna cum laude from Harvard University in 1987 with a degree in visual and environmental studies, she embarked with her mother, a psychology professor, on an assignment for National Geographic in Chiapas, Mexico. She quickly realized her status as a cultural outsider (and the discomfort her subjects felt with being photographed) was hindering her work; she longed instead to return to Los Angeles and “[turn] the camera on my own culture,” she said.

That project became her first book, Fast Forward: Growing Up in the Shadow of Hollywood (1997), a broad exploration of Los Angeles youth culture, which took her to East and South Central L.A. to photograph the young people who were part of, or adjacent to, the gang culture that Crossroads students, enamored of hip-hop and graffiti, tried to emulate. At the same time, she notes, the youth in South Central and East L.A. themselves lusted after the markers of wealth (gold chains, designer clothes) the Crossroads kids took for granted.

“There was this kind of homogenization of culture that I was seeing from kids from really different backgrounds, even in the ’90s,” said Greenfield. “Part of Fast Forward is about the rich kids and [their] disproportionate influence.” The Generation Wealth book, she added, is “really not about wealth, it’s more about the influence of affluence and the aspiration to wealth.”

So what does Generation Wealth look like? Greenfield notes that it’s “really not about wealth, it’s more about the influence of affluence and the aspiration to wealth.” As the photographer writes in the introduction to the book, her subjects “seek material-based status, from Minnesota to Milan, South Central Los Angeles to Shanghai, Dubai to Moscow.” At one end of the spectrum, there are mansions, designer handbags, two-year-olds getting pedicures, the staid rituals of France’s aristocrats, portraits on the tarmac in front of a private jet.

But just as compelling, if not more so, are the images of what it looks like to merely aspire to that lifestyle, with varying degrees of success. There are unfinished homes in Dubai after the financial crisis, women making thousands of dollars a week as strippers to support their families, people posing on a toilet made of solid 24-karat gold in Hong Kong, four-year-olds sporting tiny false teeth at beauty pageants, the funeral of a teenage gang member in an L.A. suburb. Across the social and economic landscape, power and money tends to concentrate in the hands of men.

“It was important to me to include so many different kinds of places because in a way, what I’m looking at are the similarities more than the differences,” Greenfield said.

In chronicling Russia’s emerging elite, for example, Greenfield meets a Moscow real estate developer whose luxury homes come pre-stocked with a library of the finest Russian, British, French, German, and American literature, and an art collection for which he’s also printed a hefty catalogue that the buyers of his homes can leave prominently displayed, in case there’s any doubt as to how important the art collection is. But Greenfield is quick to point out that deploying culture to signal taste and class is on a continuum with the behavior of a newly flush finance bro in New York, only more visible.

“As an oligarch, you could buy culture. And in a way that was the ultimate thing to purchase: education, class, culture…kind of what money can’t buy,” said Greenfield. That explicitly transactional approach to culture might seem extreme, she said, but it can make visible similar, if more hidden, dynamics around us.

“In New York, you might have a wealthy person who hires an art consultant who buys for them, and so the owner doesn’t actually know anything about the art,” she said. “Well, that’s a hard thing to document here: It’s like so subtle, they probably would not want to share that they don’t know the provenance of their actual art.”

In both the book and the show, Greenfield’s photos are accompanied by the subjects’ own words. There is a series of portraits of Jackie Siegel, the wife of time-share mogul David Siegel, dubbed the Queen of Versailles (after the spectacular mega-mansion the couple was building before the economy collapsed in 2008). Siegel started her career as an engineer at IBM in upstate New York, but quickly realized she’d fare better modeling in New York City and marrying rich. “You can never be too rich or have big enough boobs,” she told Greenfield, reflecting on her four breast augmentations (whose end result fills the entire frame of one photo).

Adam, 13, and a go-go dancer hired to entertain at a bar mitzvah party at the Whisky a Go Go nightclub in West Hollywood, 2012. Lauren Greenfield Fahey/Klein Gallery

Or consider 13-year-old Adam, a subject in Fast Forward who told Greenfield that he and his peers feel compelled to spend $50,000 on a bar mitzvah or risk being unpopular. “Money affects kids in many ways. It has ruined a lot of kids I know. It has ruined me.” His parents know that, and send him to summer camp in Michigan where “the kids are so different,” he said. “They are nice.”

“He had so much insight,” Greenfield said. “He was kind of a social critic, but was still affected by these pressures, and right in the middle of them.”

That helped her see that the subjects’ voices were a critical component of the project, documentation that rounds out—or often stand at odds with—the accompanying images. “A lot of my work is about this conflict and contradiction between image and substance,” she said.

“Photography is a great medium to think about image, because I can use glossy colors and shiny surfaces and strobe,” Greenfield continued. The interviews, by contrast, “provide a deeper cut, sometimes even a contradictory cut to what’s going on. The photographs are really my perspective, and the interviews allow their voices to come through in a deeper way.”

She knows that ambivalence from her own relationship to material goods, even as her decades-long dive into the culture of wealth has made her extra conscious of how destructive it can be to covet.

“If I didn’t care about those things I don’t think I’d be able to document it either,” she said. “I’m not immune to the things that I cover. When I go into a store I’m…attracted and excited by shiny objects. I kind of know that about myself so I try to stay out of that environment unless I really want something or need something.”

Lauren Greenfield, Ilona with her daughter, Michelle, 4, Moscow, 2012. © Lauren Greenfield/Institute. Courtesy of Phaidon Press.

Greenfield credits her kids with holding her accountable, describing a recent incident when her youngest son chastised her for putting a $55 face cream in the grocery basket. Perhaps more Americans could use a similar watchdog. The nation’s credit card debt hit highs this year not seen since 2009, and defaults have begun to climb, too. The worship of affluence, by some measures, is as strong as ever, with Donald Trump its reigning deity. Greenfield’s ongoing examination of wealth (she’s currently working on a related documentary film) feels more urgent than ever.

Incidentally, Trump is one person who she never got to capture on film, even though she tried, although she observed that time-share magnate David Siegel (who called Trump’s election “the greatest thing that’s happened to me since I discovered sex”) embodied many of the same qualities.

“The one dream shoot that I never got for Generation Wealth is the President, because he embodies so many of the qualities of Generation Wealth,” she said. “That was probably the fish that got away.”

—Anna Louie Sussman

from Artsy News

#Artsy News

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