#people make this mistake a lot tbh

[inkskinned]

he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.

except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?

at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.

except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.

about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.

he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.

#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag #writeblr #it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal #fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho) #healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy #im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage.... #1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind #and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes #2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception'' #3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.'' #idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh #im sure there are people who have this experience normally #but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists #when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band'' #edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful #once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large #but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry. #but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes #but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally. #i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes #people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism #but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet . #i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY #and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound. #but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in #i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too. #here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change #was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort) #choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL

[verflares]

hi, ive had this art [ https://www.tumblr.com/verflares/739780313844252672/now-spell-angel-z-e-l-d-a-wrong-try-again?source=share ] as my phone background for several months and i find myself just...staring at it.

i love the muted colors. i love that Zelda has her back turned to the viewer, her solemn expression, holding aloft the stone in an ethereal way. the light dragon mourning a life she doesn't remember.

thank you for drawing it <3

!!! oh my gosh, thank you so much for the kind words! 🥺🥺 i'm really glad i could create and share something that people enjoy so much;

#its a lil crazy to me tbh because its been some time and that means i can see a lotta mistakes in it like anatomy or colouring... but #botw/totk zelda is for sure one of my alltime fav characters and a lot of aspects of her arc are very deeply personal to me #+ the gradual reveal of the light dragon is probably my fondest highlight from totk (and the ending sequence of course lol) #even if the game as a whole may not have been everything i had been expecting or wanted #so needless to say it makes me very very happy that i could create something for Her that people really loved <3 thank you again! ^_^ #ask

[caelanglang]

What brushes do you use on procreate? I just got an iPad and thought I’d give it a try but all the brushes are giving my primal traditional paper and pen drawing brain a headache

Do you have any tips?

Thanks

As someone who prefers paper too, I totally understand. I enjoy the built-in sketching brushes of procreate! If you’re using an Apple Pencil, tilting it gives pencil like results! Here are some of my favorites (these are all on default settings)

Pencil tests ft. Dazai

If you want a digital brush, the one that I am using for most of my sketches came from a brushset I found on Bilibili! I lost the original source but the brushset name is called NAY. I tried looking for them again on Bilibili but I couldn’t find them anymore I’m so sorry T-T)// I would love to share the brushset but I can’t do it without asking for permission….

But here’s the brush settings of my favorite brush from the set! (I highly recommend customizing your own brushes if you wanna mess around! :3)

Also for streamline, I love increasing that one for my fave brushes just so that I could have cleaner lines :)) I have a procreate pencil and 6b pencil duplicates of the exact same settings but with increase streamline

ps. I actually don’t know much about these settings but mess around and find what suits you the most if :,3

If you also want to have the traditional eraser feel, I recommend lowering the opacity of your eraser! It gives the sketch on paper vibe more imo :))

For coloring I use airbrushes and also mess around with the ink brushes! Here are some of the built-in brushes I love using

To be honest, I like to gather different brushes I find on the internet and test them out as I paint, so I don’t really have a ‘main’ preference but these are the built-in ones I always resort to for coloring! (Airbrushes of all kinds of range save lives in my humble opinion) let me know if you want me to compile some brushes / artists brushes :)) I’ll try my best to find them ><;;

Hope this helps! I wish you all the best!!

#procreate has a lot of amazing built in brushes tbh #pls don’t overlook them just because a lot of people are sharing their own custom brushes #pls don’t make the same mistake as I did #but custom brushes are cool too #inbox #wip jail

[saint-ambrosef]

After my parents hit me they’d always apologize, they’d always say it hurt them too, sometimes they would even cry. There is a very large difference between that and “angry violent parent with no mercy, gentleness, or self control who hits their children (whether a small slap or severely) for every little minor infraction”, just like there is a difference between loudly and sternly scolding someone for doing something wrong and violently insultingly screaming at them/verbal abuse. The bigger issue might be that people don’t have much self control and let their wrath (whether anger motivated by injustice or anger motivated by pettiness and vengeance) get the best of them rather than “hitting someone or raising your voice at someone is intrinsically abusive”. However it also very much depends on the person. Some of us (myself included) are very sensitive so even a small smack or a slightly harsh tone will hurt us very much and have us still hurt by it even months later. The problem is people don’t have prudence.

Yeah that's kind of my take too. It's just really frustrating 'cause it feels like we (as a culture) can't have an actual conversation on the question of physical discipline, because people refuse to acknowledge the potentially nuanced areas where it could have legitimate use.

Like yeah, most people agree that beating your child out of anger because they broke a plate is bad. But what about a kid who keeps running into the street without looking both ways, who is too young to understand the concept of getting hit by a car and on whom milder punishments and positive encouragement aren't working? There's a legitimate probability for justification there that merits discussion, but nobody wants to acknowledge the gray area in their "spanking is abuse" argument.

And, as you said, kids are wildly different in their disposition and so different kinds of discipline work better for different kids. Some children are people-pleasers who only need positive feedback from authority. Some respond best to lost privileges. And some will refuse to cooperate until physical discipline is in the picture. (My brother was the latter).

There's this tendency now to pathologize everything kids do. And yeah, sometimes there are deeper psychological reasons behind a child's behavior that needs addressing in order to get to the root cause. But not always - sometimes kids really are just like that: strongly-willed personalities looking to test your boundaries and see what happens. There's not always some complex psychological justification where if you figured it out, all the behavioral issues would be solved. (An argument I see a lot, with the implication that a child acting out is ultimately because you're being a bad parent somehow).

#tbh an element that makes this even harder to have fruitful conversations about #is that a lot of people bring their baggage into the debate #like people who were hit indiscriminately by their parents as kids for really minor misbehavior or mistakes #they seem to have a hard time imagining a case of parental physical discipline that would be different from what they grew up with

[svtskneecaps]

literally it's 3am where i live and i'm on mobile but FUCK IT i haven't posted any actual writing in like a YEAR on this blog whose description include the words "I WRITE" and i can't tell if i'm even going anywhere with this so fuck it under the cut is the prospective absolute mess of the first chapter of the flipo family time loop fic. (for clarity, flipo family as in slime, mariana, and juanaflippa) this covers loop 0, aka the relevant parts of canon. words: 1630

parts of it i popped off with and other parts i hate; up to you to identify them. also the italics and other formatting got erased when i copy pasted and i'm re-adding all of it by hand so if i missed a spot, no i didn't. if i missed an accent on a letter in spanish that was a typo, if i missed a ¡ or ¿ that may have been on purpose.

oh and for obvious reasons, content warning for mentions and mild descriptions of child death and child murder. no blood, and most of it is a three word mention; i'd say the brief paragraph beginning "Tilín didn't scream" is most of the reason this warning exists.

Charlie Slimecicle stepped off the train.

He’d been hoping for a bright, sunny day to start their vacation, but was sorely disappointed. The portal had apparently taken them pretty far, since they’d gone from noon to night time. Talk about jetlag. They hadn’t even been on a plane.

“What happened to the other guys?” he wondered aloud as he stepped onto the platform.

“Yeah no clue,” Phil said, scanning the empty station. “Thought they’d meet us here.”

“Guys!” one of the Spanish speakers--Vegetta, he’d said, when they’d all met up at the first station--called, from a lectern at the wall. “There is a book!”

They crowded around as he read the instructions aloud--something about pressure plates, Slime wasn’t paying that close of attention. He was a little more preoccupied with making sure it only felt like his brain was dripping out of his ears. That would be kind of embarrassing.

Which was not to say that he wasn’t enjoying the constant onslaught of people talking over each other using words he may or may not understand. In fact, it was the opposite; he was frankly thriving in the absolute chaos that kicked back up around him as a timer appeared in the wrist communicators they’d been provided along with their tickets.

“Como se dice ‘we are going to die now’?” He giggled, chasing Phil and Fit to one end of the station.

“¡Vamos a morir!” shouted Spiderman, echoed seconds later by the black bear in the collared shirt.

Giddy over the high of attempting to use his high school foreign language for the first time maybe ever, Slime absolutely didn’t contribute much to solving the puzzle, and before long the sound of the timer ticking down was accompanied by a loud buzzing alarm.

“It’s been an honor!” he shrieked at the top of his lungs. “It’s been an honor!”

The bear ran past them again, shouting, “I’m going to die!” in English this time.

“Adiós amigos!” Slime yelled.

The countdown ended.

And then his communicator buzzed, and there was a video playing on the screen, showing a cartoonish yellow duck in front of a blurry beach stock photo. He skimmed it absently--some generic welcoming message and another side quest for them--distracted by Maximus audibly losing his shit laughing across the station.

“Come on, I’m trying to take a vacation, I gotta work now?” Fit complained. “This is ridiculous.”

Slime wanted to jump on that bit, but the message cut off with coordinates marred by static and the noise of the emergency weather alert system and he lost his train of thought completely.

“I got the English book!” Spreen called, holding it with two fingers like it had personally offended him.

“English leader,” Vegetta said, seeming to find that amusing.

“English leader.” Spreen laughed and flicked the book away. Slime stepped back but somehow it still nailed him in the chest.

“Guess I’m reading then,” he said cheerfully.

“In Spanish?” Maximus said.

“Um.”

Vegetta called something, backing across the plaza with the book open in his hands. Phil backed up to the wall.

“Here,” Phil instructed, “we’ll read it here.”

“Okay okay.” He flicked it open. “So we have to get water wheel planks--”

Their peace lasted a grand total of thirty seconds as voices suddenly began shouting, overlapping in chaotic chorus.

“What is that?” Fit demanded.

“Is that coming from the other side?” Phil stared up at the top of the wall.

“This is the thinnest thick wall I’ve ever seen,” Slime said, giddy laughter bubbling out of him again. “Is this thing made out of pencil shavings? If I sneeze on it, is there gonna be a hole?”

“Nevermind, we’ll read it over here.” Phil dragged them away again, but the Spanish speakers were dispersing into the trees.

“Forget the book,” Fit said, “follow them!”

(In the end it was explosives that took the wall down, which in hindsight was a precursor to how a not insignificant portion of time on the island was spent. The first day, however, it was just funny, much like everything else.)

(That was to say, the first first day.)

The communicator had indicated that today there was something special planned, so he made an extra effort to wake up.

“Morning Jaiden!” he called to his upstairs neighbor.

“Hi Charlie!” He could hear her farming through the wall. “Glad you woke up on time!”

“Well you know, you know, El Backflipo couldn’t miss it,” he joked, sifting through his backpack. “Got any spare food? I’ll trade you uno backflipo.”

“I have so much toast, come here and get some, free of charge.”

With a quick backflip and some toast to start the day, he popped open the map.

“There’s a lot of people down the wall,” he noted, their green dots so clustered they formed one. “Wanna check it out?”

“Yeah sure.” Jaiden tossed some seeds into a chest. “Do you know what this event’s gonna be?”

“I have no idea,” he admitted cheerfully.

She laughed. “Yeah, me neither. I guess there’s an egg involved, but that’s all I know.”

He dug around in his backpack for a paraglider, nodding along. “Yeah, yeah, un huevo, I get you.” Shuffling the landmine from Vegetta to one side, he yanked out his glider and threw himself out her window. “Let’s go!”

(nothing like getting struck by lightning to wake a guy up in the morning)

Slime fiddled with the communicator as he waited for the line of people to get through the ticket machine; he already had his own, a nice B for Backflipo. The new live translations still boggled his mind. He had to fight the urge to chant weird shit under his breath, just to see what the bubbles would say.

He paid a little extra attention when Mariana walked up to the machine. That guy seemed cool. They’d done that pequeño dormir together on day one, and he had a good sense of humor. Egg parenting would probably be funny.

He was thrilled to see the B for Backflipo on the ticket Mariana stepped away with, even if Mariana was decidedly less so. This was gonna be good.

(it was, and it wasn’t)

So, Mariana wasn’t exactly the coparent of dreams. Then again, Slime was pretty sure Mariana could say the same about him. In fact he was pretty sure Mariana had said the same, but in Spanish, when he wasn’t checking the translation.

It was great. They thought they’d killed a child immediately and then decided to fake their own child’s death to get away with it, and then confessed their sins to a bilingual angel and built a farm and then he buried himself beneath an improvised cross and went into a coma until his sins were forgiven, or something, except his sins weren’t forgiven in time to save his own child’s life.

And then Juanaflippa was dead. Dead at Mariana’s hand.

His bitch wife killed their daughter.

(Everything went faster, after that.)

Slime wanted to kill him.

Slime wanted to kill him for killing their fucking daughter, but of course, Mariana couldn’t even be bothered to be around to take care of her alive, never mind to pay for his crimes when she died by his hand!

(in a better world, his rage started and ended there. in a better world, the anger fizzled out with the lack of a target.

this was not that world)

There couldn’t be an Egg Event with no eggs.

If he killed them all, it would bring her back.

(in a worse world, he succeeded. in a worse world, the Egg Event ended there.

this was not that world)

They held a trial.

If he won, it would bring her back.

(in another world, he didn’t convince them. in another world, they left his daughter in Hell.

this was not that world)

Tilín was still before she hit the ground.

Tilín didn’t scream. Maybe they didn’t have time. It happened so fast. He was sure it happened fast. Almost too fast. But everything went so fast, now, even though Flippa was back. Yet, time slowed down for this, like a rubberneck driving past a highway accident, watching him desperately trying to shock their heart back into motion.

“YOU KILL MY BEST FRIENDS,” Flippa wrote. He begged her to understand. She wrote, “i can’t believe it.”

She wrote, “I HATE YOU.”

(in a better world, the error would have been caught in April instead of July.

this was not that world)

His daughter fell to his bitch wife’s sword. The same way. The next day.

They’d only just gotten her back. And Mariana killed her again.

He only left eggxile for the funeral. She wouldn’t stay dead, but he had to be there.

Time went even faster after that. He was Gegg, or maybe Gegg was him, or maybe Gegg was Gegg, or maybe. . . ?

He went back to eggxile.

He wasn’t leaving without them. Tilín. Juanaflippa. He would do whatever was necessary. He would pray to any higher power. Lil J still owed him a goddamn favor, but the guy wouldn’t pick up his calls. Maybe if he put more shit in the shrine; angels liked shiny shit, didn’t they? He went back to the mine, where the gasses swirled in his head. He built the shrine. He mined. He built the shrine.

He went back to the mine.

He went back to the mine.

He went back to the mine.

“This is where I sit, this is where my bitch wife sits, and this is where my daughter sits, if I had one!”

He’d said that before. No he hadn’t. Yes he had.

No, he just needed to clear his head.

Charlie Slimecicle went back to the mine.

Charlie Slimecicle stepped off the train.

#qsmp #qsmp fanfiction #qsmp slimecicle #qsmp juanaflippa #won't tag his partner since he didn't get to star much in this part #this idea is at its core a flipo FAMILY fic though it starts out with slime #just. the problem is getting to that point. bc beyond these words i have like 500 more lmao #for anyone curious for directors commentary in the tags: #pequeño dormir' is on purpose; i figured that would be a mistake slime would make at day 14 on the island #i also omitted the ¿ and ¡ from slime's spanish dialogue for the same reason; it's as close to an actual accent as i can get in text #(accent as in accented speech not accented letter; speaking spanish with an american accent) #slime's quote at the end about where people sit is taken verbatim from one of his streams #at time of posting it is available on his vods channel titled 'we won the war. (qsmp)' #a lot of the day 1 dialogue and flippa's dialogue from tilín's death is also verbatim #oh and the sequence from the 'we won the war' vod carries a lot of weight in the idea (wasn't the spark but it filled some gaps) #for me the cave gases are what drives every loop; time rolls back whenever slime inhales too much gas and 'forgets' #i don't have exact mechanics about it but suffice it to say if ANYONE were to spend too much time in this random ass cave #they would also loop back in time; slime's just the one who in this timeline Happened to discover it #shut up vic #block game brainrot #yea idk i just liked some of the dialogue tbh i think this gets super messy after they get flippa and then brings it back around at the mine #it's got some messy pacing in that middle bit but the foundation of a time loop story is its loop 0 #that's what every loop after it has to call back to; that's the beauty of a time loop story #how is this different from loop 0; how is it the same #we've come so far only to get nowhere at all yknow #i'm a fan of stories rhyming but ESPECIALLY time loops so this is the setup for a lot of that #dude i gotta send this i've been sitting on parts of this draft for a year #may someone besides me read these words 🙏 thank you and goodnight #if people say nice things maybe i'll finally wring more words out of my brain. idk. #long tags

[theophagie-remade]

I don't have much to say about Magne other than there was an Attempt, but. That time when Twice and Toga got angry with Overhaul for misgendering her was already indicative of what I'm going to get at in a sec, and obviously it was especially relevant because it was a direct show of respect and support from people who very clearly cared about her (and who called her big sis already as it was!!) (×2 imo because Twice was intentionally written to be the readers' insight into the LOV, and the character with whom they were supposed sympathise with the most at/since the beginning, so it's especially important that the first one who spoke up was him), but the story's progression (especially in recent years) is what most assures me that despite a rather poor execution (definitely not the best, but also certainly not the worst) Horikoshi did mean well with her. "People bound together by the chains of society always laugh at those who aren't" :(

#^ when she quotes her friend. like had the manga not gone on like it has that could have very well been a generic #We Live in a Society moment. but it wasn't. and that's what's comforting tbh #in general i think a big issue with magne from what little we know of her is that her reason for joining the lov was fighting back against #a tangibile real world issue (transphobia) vs all the other villains. whose situations Are partially real world issues as well #(eg child abuse) but they also very much present fantasy elements to them (eg toga's treatment due to her quirk) #and i'm not saying this as a justification for killing her off but. when you're writing a superhero comic with a target audience of young #cishet men it is much easier to present them with fantasy solutions to fantasy problems. again not that i think it's right!!! #but i do assume that horikoshi's thought process was more or less this. like. tiger is there alive and well #but he passes and was confirmed to be trans only via word of god so his identity has no bearing on the story itself #while magne's did. which doesn't make tiger's transness any less ''real'' than hers ofc but again i think it was a matter of what horikoshi #could actually deal with (fantasy problems) with the average readers that he has. it sucks all the way around. #which begs the question. ''why create her character in the first place then'' to which i answer: i don't fucking know man #bnha #animanga #mytext #in general. i've seen lots of people do this even with eg toga and her bisexuality (and when it comes to her i completely disagree but w/e) #but. authors who want to depic queer characters in good will but make mistakes or do it awkwardly or anything else #should Not be put on the same level as actively queerphobic authors. at all. do criticise what's worthy of constructive #criticism when you see it but don't even pretend that those two are remotely the same thing #(jic i didn't explain myself well bc i don't think that i did. what i wholly disagree with is that ''toga is a bad bi stereotype''. #i am bi people and i disagree!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[devilsskettle]

anyway this scene is making me insane like this is literally what i’ve been talking about . i think she is so sick of being confined to her role and like having to be the “good one” or something and having people tell her what she should or shouldn’t do, or should or shouldn’t be okay with, and now with what happened in the desert she’s sorted out her priorities and they’re different from what everyone is telling her they should be and yes one of her priorities is her pro bono work but another one is pulling off these elaborate cons with jimmy and actually those two things are not that different to her, it’s a similar kind of challenge/risk/reward situation . and like she can be honest with herself about what she wants without having it compromise any other part of her life . and for both of them now i think a lot of their boundaries have been revealed to be lines drawn in the sand that are very easy to step over, over and over again . so anyway idk what i’m talking about but i get frustrated for her that other people are constantly trying to put her on a pedestal, because sure it’s nice to be admired but what about like her agency and her actual desires and personality and shit like that . anyway i think she should be allowed to be as fucked up and conniving as she wants. as a treat 

#kim wexler #jimmy mcgill #bcs #better call saul #anyway that guy who wouldn't move out of his house for the mesa verde call center told her she did good things for others to feel better #about herself and my friend who i'm watching this with kind of took that at face value and agreed with him #i do not think that's right though! i think even when she's conning people it's with a sense of justice tbh #and like a feeling of productivity and accomplishment that she doesn't get with straightforward corporate success #and after FIVE SEASONS does jimmy not realize that she is ON BOARD with all the antics #she loves that shit. now she doesn't have a reason to feel tension between doing what she wants and having a sense of like professionalism #or whatever. i don't think it's just straight up moral vs immoral i think her moral compass allows sketchy shit #like idk not that she doesn't care about morals but i think her morals are a lot different than other people expect #fucking over howard is acceptable to her because she thinks he's a condescending asshole who needs to get knocked down a peg #and it will help her and jimmy and a bunch of old people get a decent payout . and she can pull off a great little scheme #that is NOT contrary to her morality!! even if it's contrary to conventional morality i guess #i feel like the mistake people make is thinking kim is normal lmao there is something wrong with her and i'm obsessed with it #anyway i'm just saying shit recreationally.

[alexalbongf]

i may not know anything about astrology but i am a virgo (like esteban) who was in a codependent and eventually toxic best friendship w an aquarius (pierre’s star sign) as a child so. i do think i am qualified to give my opinion

#like yeah i get it i get a lot of it #when u go from being notorious for chit chatting and laughing in class to seeing each other in passing and not even acknowledging #that’s a different kind of pain tbh… #she was very bad to me that’s all i’ll say but also i know i could’ve been a better friend #and to make matters even more like pierresteban the reason we drifted was bc of competition but for us it was in school #yeah i mean i hate her and i’m pr sure she hates me but i think if she asked me to do her a favour or if i ever had to absolve her of a #mistake i would do it. and she would do that for me as well #like in crazy rich asians someone was like ‘when u grow up w people u tend to make excuses for them’ #ok sorry guys class over. good bye #beep.txt

[oscill4te]

One day i will not be obsessed with the cr/amp twins. Maybe i will like it a normal amount. Or maybe not even like it at all one day. I intertwined that show too deeply with my identity. Generally when I am super hyperfixated on something, i am using it as escapism from thinking about my real life.

#like to me 2023 is just mass escapism via an obscure cartoon and internet addiction. kind of sad. #2022 was awful though so 2023 is a mass improvement but damn #some parts of myself looove the show. others parts hate it for what it represents in my life. #i also should stop using tumblr/my phone or at least limit my usage. but. one day at a time #escapism is just nice in general #txt #not in the longrun but it feels so great in the moment being immersed in something that isnt your real life #when your current real life sucks ass but feel too scared to make those big changes that are essential #to you being happy and stable in the long run #easier to forget your real life and just watch shitty cartoons. idk. i shouldn't even be blogging this stuff publicly lol #like i am genuinely not well. i am a benign lolcow. #who overshares and tbh i never even expected this blog to even get followers o.o so now im like #maybe i should stop. i dont know. find better outlets. lol #maybe try to connect with my realworld. my brain desperately doesn't want to leave the fantasy escapism world it created though #i feel like an age regressed loser and idk I want to shape up so badly #im 24 i should be way more ahead than this yknow. i just stagnated in 2023. because 2021-2022 was so awful #idk its complicated man #like 2023 was needed. but it is such a hazy blur. it feels so unreal. we are still in 2023 and it already feels so far away #i feel i need to try to change my life and priorities in 2024. i just have no roadmap. no people to ask.. #i have to teach myself on my own. ill probably make a lot of mistakes but thats okay #my next goal is to try a new job even though it scares the everliving shit out of me #i accepted i wont be able to drive safely so I need to carefully plan. i need to be okay with taking risks. i need too. #i need to work on my tardiness social skills and my appearance so I can get a new job too without insta rejection #i dont know. i want to prove my family wrong too and have good things. good mental health. financially stable. takes care of herself. #ik spite is a shitty motivator. but i just wanna prove it to myself. that I am capable of m #okay too many tags smh. gonna stop here

[astrxealis]

sometimes i wonder why a lot of you haven't unfollowed me yet i ramble so goddamn much <//3

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #i'm not sorry ofc bcs this is my personal lil tiny space and all! but sometimes i feel kinda wgbajgbjegjjdgjhsbdagjnakjdgn #i really like tumblr w the tags bcs yeah primary purpose is for people to find stuff easily and organization etc but #i love using it to just ramble a lot! it's like my little diary. i should probably use/make an actual one #also it's almost 11 pm and i still haven't done my homework... i'm kinda exhausted and tired and confused and conflicted tbh so agh #MILGRAM what have you done to me. #me with how i can't get into things 'normally'. learning everything about an interest as soon as i get into it #and man kpop was really something. me stanning every group i got into and listened the music of #i liked a ton of groups. by multifandom i mean Really multifandom #and it's interesting how i'd not have it any other way... i think that if i was. 'chill'. it'd be just boring and i'd prolly mistake it for #depression tbh (i have actually done so before! although i did/do have depression too so uhm that's that) #im just listening to fuuta's songs on repeat maybe i should stop. i'll start rambling so much again

[raskies456]

like I get that these things are subtle and that everyone makes mistakes, but when you go out of your way to avoid exclusionists it really sucks to see people unwittingly putting their rhetoric on your dash

#like I’m not innocent of unwittingly sharing stuff either I get it #I’m just venting not blaming anyone I follow #if someone is like. really bad at catching it I do unfollow but usually it’s more a cumalitive thing #if every person has a small chance of making a mistake and you follow a lot of people then you’ll prob see a couple posts each day #it’s just tiring #and that doesn’t count the posts shared from users I’ve filtered tbh those bother me less #I just filter them so I don’t accidentally share them #bc usually those posts are innocent themselves #I’m more talking about the actual rhetoric #and often it’s stuff that’s super contextual like #I see a post and I’m like this take is fine on it’s own but not if it’s made by an exclusionist #so then I check out op #and lo and behold! #anyway guess what just happened #it’s like. i don’t expect perfection and I don’t really blame people for missing a thing a small portion of the time #but it still sucks that it’s like this #456 words #vent #vent post

[niconiconwo]

I actually read more about the guidestones after that and it makes more sense/isn't really that strange considering. Still don't think post-nuclear holocaust we should cap our global population but generally it isn't really some bad Stele of Evil that it was made out to be.

I could see how a post-nuke society that is rebuilding and decides to embrace peace might be considered an age of reason compared to the multiple crises of the atomic age where people thought for sure we were gonna nuke ourselves into oblivion any day now, the Nam war and so on etc.

#tbh it makes a lot of sense and is very human to try to warn future peoples to avoid the mistakes we've made #so it's a case of right-side loonies turning it into something it wasn't for votes #should have known better tbh so shame on me

[mizuthe-cat]

I- I think I figured out a root for some problems I’m experiencing right now

#mizu nonsense #Ok so I’m afraid to work on a thing #because I’m afraid of being annoying or because I don’t want to make a big mistake that makes people hate me #Probably because a lot of my friends growing up weren’t actually my friends #and I was just clinging to them because I had no one else to talk to #Once tried to leave one of the friends too but then they got the school councilor involved and- #yeah #that’s kind of how it was #Pretty sad tbh

[insert-game]

it’s so hard to tell tone on the internet, but Especially in an environment like hellotalk where any number of strangers get shown your post (and every stranger has a verging degree of a grasp on your native language/your target language)

#for this reason i really hate the app #because i Know it’s like a new thing where people are too comfortable with being kind of mean to strangers #so i feel like with that it’s incredibly hard to tell the nature of a message #i have not really had many good experiences with the hellotalk app at all tbh :( #learning a new language is very hard but also people making fun of you for making a mistake is like so brutal #because it IS such a hard thing to do especially when you’re no longer a Child with a lot of Brain Absorption power

[stinkbeck]

i am just heebie-jeebied. everyone irl is giving me the creeps

#i also fucked up my workshop lol. people were criticizing my factual research which i’d done on a lot of the things they were saying + i #couldn’t keep my mouth shut lol. #didn’t tell them that the thing they thought was a plot hole was actually quite intentional LOL #but it is good info that i have 2 make it more obvious. i didn’t make a mistake. the characters did + when u figure it out it makes it far #more fatalistic #hence the title and dream!!!!! AND ALL THE GODDAMNED TRACK IMAGERY I PUT IN THERE #oiiiiiiiiiiiii ah whatever i did what i could. my bestie got it LOL! #tbh i’m getting nervous that people don’t expect people 2 think through the things they write??

[greywooden]

.

#my job at the moment is taking up so much of my enery (physical and mentally) and so much of my time #the lab i work for is having new problems every day nothing works smoothly and the people in charge don't really care about it #its so tiring tbh especially since i am very sensitive person its stressing me out so much #and i also feel like a failure #i am making more mistakes and i feel overhelmed 24/7 #also i am scared they will let me go but leaving this place would also make me feel releaved #i don't wanna complain its sometimes just a lot #and i need to wake up in a few hours again and take the train and its dark and cold where i am from #i just want to be enjoy my life on my own terms lol