#people will do this to any character who can even be interpreted as autistic whether theyr childish or not but whatever

[maevearcher]

...um, okay, so, @pennyblossom-meta, here is part one of my two cents. I...I actually decided to peruse the manga again, so I'd pay more attention to specific things instead of...just living it over and over again, and beyond... So, I've decided to split things into parts, so it doesn't get insanely long either. This first part covers up to the point where Misa introduces herself to Light.

…I never know how or where to start these things….

First things first, I want to be clear on the fact that this, everything that I’m going to say, comes from the perspective that I’ve held true to my core values over as many years as I remember, ever since I learned how to read, namely that the book is better and truer that the movie. That the original written word is the baseline truth on which I must build any interpretation that will not result in me falsifying the very essence of what I’m trying to understand.

On that assumption, in any analysis of the character of L, I always, but always refer back to the manga, with the anime serving as completion of details here and there, with the anime giving me the absolutely exquisite feel of actually hearing him (and for me, the English dub is the best, I love Alessandro Juliani’s low, vocal fry-ish rendition, I love his harsh tones here and there, which I find most fitting for the particular manga scenes they are constructed upon.

It is true that anime and musical and whatnot paint a much more….humanized, softened picture of L A rounder, more sympathetic, more socially palatable picture. An image of this lonely autistic genious, locked inside the confines of his ways, waiting for the right person to come along and save him from the banes of his solitary existence…until he meets Light and realizes there’s someone out there who he can relate to, for understanding and stuff. I personally don’t buy too much into that.

I am not going to debate too much whether or not he’s autistic, because I cannot presume to understand that kind of a mind, that kind of an IQ, and the emotional development losses that come with it (because nature doesn’t make presents, almost always a high IQ comes with a lower EQ, grain of salt added). However, I can see neurodivergent traits, such as preference for low-stimulation environments, perhaps sensory sensitivity (such as preference for one particular type of fabric or comfort in clothing style…. – or perhaps he simply can’t be bothered with style choices and all, and tee and jeans seem like a safe perpetual go-to option)….but these have been analyzed to death.

As for the Ryuzaki persona theory….from what I’ve read and from what evidence I can put together, I find it only partially correct. Excluding the autorial intent (or rather, lack of) from the equation, going completely in-universe and treating fiction as reality….it is true that he acts differently when he is alone, prior to meeting the task force. He stands up straight and sits differently, he even does yoga and meditation to think. But later he slips into this total weirdo of a person…but I think this is highly intentional. I mean, he doesn’t fake his personality when interacting with the task force, he blatantly exaggerates some behaviors, with the purpose of being underestimated, as well as to cover some of his tracks, which people can chalk off to him just being a weirdo. Another thing….I think he has a waaay better understanding of social norms and regulations than people usually give him credit for. I mean, he is not socially awkward, that would amount to making involuntary mistakes out of genuine ignorance of social norms, because one cannot figure out the appropriate response. However, I cannot see him doing that. He is blunt and sarcastic and mean because he’s sort of a jerk when he wants to be… and he has little reason to be otherwise in the little slice of his life we are shown.  

What I believe he truly struggles with is an understanding of emotions  apart from their motivational aspect. We always see him having a very fine understanding of behavior, but he’s always, always asking “why? what are they hoping to achieve? what are they after? what is their purpose?....”  I don’t think he has ever been confronted with the possibility of having someone be kind, nice, affectionate towards him for the simple enjoyment of his company, without being out to get him, or get something from him. He sees people either as neutral entities, or as people who either will hurt him or will use him.  (And I would soo much like to see more of his life outside this particular situation when adrenaline is through the roof both from the chase, the thrill of the game, and from the fact that he is , in fact, in very real mortal danger, much more so than the relatively risk-less situations he has been in in his previous cases.)

What he comes across at first is…extremely self assured, to the point of egomaniac from the point of view of a normal person. But…he HAS to be this way in order to do what he does, he has to over-believe in himself because if he were to second guess himself and waver, he would have self destructed years ago.  At first, he acts  from this higher ground vantage point, allowing himself to even show Light that he was unsure about the action plan, during the initial televised confrontation (how he was like “I…I don’t believe it…I couldn’t believe it until I saw it with my own eyes…”) Then, his choice of words, how he is always using his pronouns well (“Listen to me” instead of just “Listen”, “I want you to…” instead of “Please do…”) he is very assertive about his position of authority.

What I also love is that he’s sooo expressive through body language, especially frustration (fist slam to the floor, clenching fist, gritting his teeth in frustration, throws the stack of papers on the floor, especially before meeting the task force, when he can actually afford such transparency). That fades a little bit later, and is only apparent in him gripping his knees a little more forcefully and (what I imagine, with the help of the voice dub in the anime) slightly colder and more distinnctly pronounced words, these being the ways of conveying. frustration and anger.

However, that’s not the only emotion he is expressing. He is caring and considerate. He refers to the FBI agents as “precious lives”. He acknowledges the integrity of Soichiro Yagami (a man who earns L’s respect and keeps it throughout….)  and allows him the privacy of secrecy over the surveillance footage from his home (and again, as my only concession to the anime, the warmth in his tone when he allowed him this privacy…). He repays transparency with  sincerity - he tells Soichiro that the surveillance period of seven days will not be extended secretly, telling him that he has his word on this…. And you can feel the honesty radiating from him at this point, he's never being a jerk for the sheer hell of it, in a completely undeserved fashion. One can argue about the way he belittles Matsuda, but let’s not forget Matsuda screwed up majorly a few times, and I for one would have been harsher on him than L was, so…. Besides, I do think, as  I said in a previous post, that L actually came to like Matsuda  and was affectionately cruel towards him the way you make life hell for a younger sibling. Which in turn proves (a manner of) attachment from L, he certainly does not see them as pawns.

I love it how he proves himself to be soo far from the image of the recluse genius, working only from behind the comfortable shield of his computer, unable or afraid to face the world outside……no, guys, he is aggressive and decisive, both in his opinions and in his actions, he is dead set from the beginning on having Kira commit a murder in front of him so he’d find out how exactly Kira kills, therefore, being pushy and (almost) reckless in some decisions, he takes the step of actually meeting Light and forcing him to make his next moves….He’s being force-of-nature aggressive….while having this…strange duality between cynicism and idealism where he almost wants to believe in the normalcy of Kira’s psyche, how no one can be so absolutely cruel as to kill someone without batting an eyelash…..

Somehow, I don’t believe for a second that he’s as listless and apathetic as he sometimes wants to appear. There are all these emotions brewing under the surface, barely masked by the “please” politeness, almost like I can see the “go fuck yourself” underneath haha. But there are times when he breaks that stance, for instance when he is confronted with the possibility of the shinigami being real, which disrupts his whole thinking system. That’s what he’s reacting to, to the internal earthquake (which he quickly tries to rationalize away), not out of fear of the supernatural... Also, I love his instinctive spasm of a reaction in the manga, compared to the long-drawn panic mode in the anime (completely out of character and unjustified imo)....

Aand...the reason I fell in love with him oh so many years ago. I mean, not The reason, but the moment where admiration morphed into love. The moment where he basically bled right there, emotionally, for Ukita. Now, I don't see it for one lousy second how Aizawa was abusive in his touch (he was just...having a normal emotional reaction using normal male tools), AND I don't interpret it as aversion to be touched, on L's part, as he is shown to shake hands with Light and such normal human interactions. What's happening here is his desperate attempt to remain in some semblance of control, to not let this whole situation unravel into tragedy (as he actually says, in so many words), not to break down emotionally under the weight of the guilt....for a man whose blood is directly on his hands, as well as the "precious lives" of the FBI agents. He is basically shaking with guilt and sorrow, and, of course, a little fear (he's human after all).

To be continued...

#l lawliet #death note #l death note #death note l #death note analysis #death note meta

[jojotichakorn]

What are your thoughts about the fandom believing that Ray doesn’t “deserve” Sand and that Ray thinks of Sand as someone he can purchase and then own. I don’t quite agree with that interpretation of things and would love to hear your thoughts.

listen, i could sit here all day talking about how most of sandray problems occured due to communication issues on both sides and the unique insecurities both sand and ray have all day. i could also talk about how sand is not the saint uwu baby that some people seem to think he is and - as someone whose favourite ofts character is sand - his woobification is truly the bane of my existence. however, i will not be talking about any of that in detail, because it kind of doesn't make sense to mention while answering your particular ask, considering the fact that i simply fundamentally do not believe that love is something you deserve.

there is no special formula that makes someone deserving of being loved by another person, nor is there any comparison list on just how many times each person can fuck up before one of them stops deserving the love of the other. that's just bullshit. two things are true: 1) sand loves ray and 2) that love is in no way intrinsically damaging or bad for sand (yes, there have been times when he was hurt, but that was, for example, due to lack of communication in episode 5 or ray jumping to conclusions in episode 10, which he apologised for - esentially, none of it is an inherent feature of their relationship).

see, i don't know whether it's people projecting their personal issues on the characters or - much worse - thinking ray being "difficult" (read: in most cases, just mentally ill and an addict) makes him fully unlovable or undeserving of love, but that's not the case not just in general, but specifically with sand. the simple truth of the matter is: sand does NOT find loving ray or being with ray or the person ray is difficult.

from the very beginning, even before sand falls in love, he is annoyed by ray but he also takes care of him - not just because sand is a helpful person and that's what he's used to doing but also because he does not find it burdensome. like, if someone would find it difficult to be in a relationship with a suicidal alcoholic - alright, they're not alone, they can go hang out with mew and chueam, who are in the exact same boat. and if someone would find it hard to be in a relationship with someone who is extremely emotional and "blows up" a lot - ok, then don't be friends with or date people like that. but sand just does not find it hard.

and that's kind of the whole point. there are always people in the world who will love someone with ALL their issues and flaws and idiosyncrasies and complexities. there are genuinely people who are going to be in a fight with someone who is deeply emotional and also deeply intoxicated and not internalise what they are saying. not because they don't care about themselves and are with someone undeserving of them or whatever, but because they understand that the person doesn't mean what they are saying in that moment and they can deal with it. if every time i was rude to someone because i was overstimulated (due to being autistic) that someone dropped me and called me undeserving of their love, i'd have no fucking friends, which is thankfully not the case.

when mew told ray "no one can put up with everything you do" he was wrong. plain and simple. just wrong. sand can. in fact, it's not even that he can "put up" with it - it's more like he can live with it just fine. let sand love the man he loves, seeing as he is very much not struggling with any part of their relationship or his partner's personality, especially after they resolved the issues they had (which is fine, by the way? just because someone is having issues in a relationship doesn't mean they gotta jump ship - if they want to and can deal with them, that's a good thing, actually).

as for the purchase part of your ask, i do always find it quite peculiar how simple people can make things. "rich + poor = automatic objectification" wow thanks for the analysis, boss! profound! like, i truly wish i knew where this could be coming from. i am also a dangerous romance watcher and if someone asked me about this in regards to kang and sailom, i would dive head-first and deep into those waters, because that's actually something that's relevant there. but with sand and ray... truly, i'm baffled by the suggestion.

the whole point of it to ray is that the relationship is genuine. that's deeply important to him, in fact - that is why he reacted the way he did about his father giving sand money. how in the world do you combine "(angrily and in disbelief) so this was all about money to you?" and "i literally bought you, i hope you remember that"?

idk, is this about ray buying sand gifts? 'cause gift giving is just an expression of love and ray just happens to be loaded so yeah, it's guitars and coachella trips or whatever - the guy lives in a mansion, i think it'd be weirder if he went "well, just to be sure i am not buying you, here is a pebble i found on the street for your birthday". is it about him being jealous or perhaps even possessive in the penultimate episode and likely the finale? 'cause that's just an emotion lots of people feel and while you could argue about 'ownership' in terms of the wider optics of how lots of monogamous relationships work, regardless of the financial situation of the partners, this is definitely just a fairly standard situation where two people are in an 'exclusive' relationship and suddenly a clear third party steps in.

ray has never expressed any disdain or even weirdness towards his poor friends in terms of their socioeconomic status, he has only brought up the wine selling issue when he fully blew up because he clearly understood that it was a source of income for sand, his initial suggestion to pay sand to hang out was in response to sand working at that time and literally needing the money he was meant to be earning that day to survive. like, where are we? how did we get here?

#i don't really go into the ofts tag - i only go to my dash for ofts content so if i didnt touch on common talking points or whatever #i apologise i genuinely dont know which ones exist lkgjdklgjfdlkgj #which is probably obvious by my confusion #gods bless #archer responds #anon #only friends the series #ofts

[original-character-championship]

Bracket D Round 1

Poll 26

Amanēas (@kohkum) vs. Westley "Wes" Weston (@daddyplasmius)

243. Amanēas (@kohkum)

She/Her but also culturally it doesn't really matter to her. But also autistically if you switch it up too often she'll kill herself

Shes preoccupied with ideas about becoming god so this win would bring her one step closer to that. Think about it. A vote for her would be a vote for feminism or orcs or something. She beat the shit out of the equivalent of a 12 year old to prove a point about the whole god thing but the 12 year old bit off two of her fingers and mangled a third with a rock. They're on good terms now though so its ok. But look at that dedication. Who wouldn't want to vote for that. She also killed maybe a billion people along the way to prove the point as well but thats Ok. She had a really cool giant sword while doing it and also she doesn't do that stuff anymore shes reformed. Shes so ok. Vote for her. Cmon. Shes not going to ask you shes too autistic to speak frequently. But I'm not (lying) so I'm asking you. I'm being so nice right now. Cmon. Make her god. Pretty please? Shes tits out all the time its pretty cool. If she wins this I'll stop making her heterosexual I'll make her a lesbian instead. So vote for her. I think I've lost the plot here. Vote for Amanēas 2023!

shes hairless due to regular shaving because otherwise she pulls all of her hair out. shes got seal eyes. and her nose doesnt have like much going on its just two nostrils that can seal close when needed. shes got a scar on her scalp thats formed a depression. and multiple beaded earrings from her in-laws. and then an eyebrow piercing from her husband. bulky weight lifter build going on. her skin is a purple-grey with pink undertones. and her eyes are a dark brown. and shes got silly angry eye brows. i dont know what else to say. i could just say shes an orc but the thing is she isnt like the popular interpretation of an orc or even the original interpretation because i found those racist and wanted to see if i could write orcs that werent. but anyways she's beautiful to ME !

244. Westley "Wes" Weston (@daddyplasmius) - the entire Phandom I guess

He/Him

Wes Weston is thee OC of all time. He belongs to the entire Danny Phantom fandom as a whole & is so well known we have tricked people outside the Phandom into thinking he is canon.

Wes Weston was created in 2014 when a tumblr user noticed him in the background of a single shot. He was given the role of "one guy who knows that Danny is Phantom" as a joke, named Wes Weston, & his character quickly rose to fame with the Phandom.

Wes evolved from simply "guy who knows Danny is Phantom" to ex-popular kid on the basketball team, who was ousted for claiming the hero of Amity Park could be that loser ghost hunter's son Fenton. He took up photography in order to get proof. He could never quite get it any, though.

Eventually, he learned that his father's boss, Vlad Masters, is the same as Danny, with an evil ghost alter ego. Of course, no one believes him except for his brother Kyle, who knows that Danny is Phantom too but thinks it's cosplay because he doesn't believe in ghosts, only aliens (& weed).

By this point, anyone who's heard his spiel has started a meme that Wes must be so hellbent on proving Fenton is Phantom because Wes himself is trying to hide His identity as Phantom! They even have the same butt.

Danny gets tired of trying to hide his identity from Wes, and because no one believes him anyway, Danny just stops pretending around him, to Wes's eternal frustration.

Wes slowly comes around, learning that there is a reason Danny is hiding his identity from the greater public (threat of vivisection from both his own parents & the government). Whether they become friends & Wes joins Team Phantom or they stay relatively neutral to each other is up to the lucky person who's adopted Wes Weston as their OC!

Wes looks similar to Danny, except he has red hair, green eyes, freckles, & is a bit taller.

#oc championship #round 1 #bracket d #tournament poll #243 Amanēas #244 Wes #okay wes is so funny to me for some reason I can't just throw him out

[sister-lucifer]

hey its me lons again. give me your most autistic take. what's the opinion you've had (any fandom) for so long as the result of your deep, soul-crushing obsession of canon. the comsic truth of the universe

oh boy i’ve. i’ve got quite a few. let’s get these over with

(multiple fandoms ahead)

Bubba Sawyer AKA Leatherface from Texas Chainsaw Massacre is NOT a villain. He grew up away from civilization and only ever interacted with his family, and therefore only knows what they taught him. he is also clearly disabled to some capacity and literally does not grasp the weight of his actions because he’s only ever done what his family has told him to. He has had no other significant human interaction besides his family. he is an antagonist, an opposing force, yes— but NOT a villain

The Batman fandom gets really pissy when characters are confirmed as canonically queer in any iteration, usually the Riddler and/or The Joker. This makes me angry for a few reasons. One, literally who gives a fuck, just because you don’t like a single interpretation of a character doesn’t mean all other media of them doesn’t exist, just go watch that. Two, it’s literally denying the entire history of these villains. “But isn’t making a flamboyant man gay a stereotype?” Yes. Exactly. Because they did that on purpose. Whether conscious or not, DC has been queer coding their villains since the beginning. They were literally made to be theatrical, flamboyant gay stereotypes to demonize gay people. There’s a reason all the male rogues are so out there and colorful and batman is stoic and dark. we deserve to reclaim them. Three, it’s been confirmed like a million times that the Joker is in love with Batman in his own special messed up why, and if you deny it you’re literally just lying go read a comic (this can also be applied to Venom + Eddie…Venom literally sucks eddie’s dick, gets him pregnant, tongue kisses him, and eddie refers to their relationship as a love story. they’re dating get over it).

The reason people hate 2022/Dano Riddler is because fandoms hate any significant change and because they can’t read between the likes enough to actually see the nuance and understand the character. Superhero fans need every aspect of a character fucking spoon fed to them and it’s so frustrating.

Nina The Killer’s rewrite was a downgrade, sorry. she’s just a copy of Jane now. which i was confused as to why she was rewritten anyways was because i always thought that the point of her story was to be satirical? Like…the whole joke was that she wasn’t actually talking to Jeff, just an impersonator messing with her not realizing the damage they were doing, and the moral was about the dangers of extreme idolization. but idk maybe that’s just me

Tim punching Jay in the parking lot in MH was totally justified. Deserved, even. Imagine if someone recorded you and posted it on the internet without your consent, and on top of that had been basically stalking you and totally lying to you. Jay was basically on a mission to uproot Tim’s entire life whether he knew it or not. I know Jay didn’t totally realize what was going on, but he needed the wake up call. He was doing some fucked up shit

No, [WOMAN CHARACTER] does not deserve to be hated on, you’re just misogynistic. hope this helps!

oh boy that was a lot. I have many more of these but this is all i can make myself type out rn. hope this is satisfactory!

#hot takes #fandom opinions #marble hornets #tim wright #jay merrick #creepypasta #nina the killer #batman #dc #the joker #the riddler #edward nygma #texas chainsaw massacre #bubba sawyer #leatherface #the batman 2022 #dano riddler

[neon-moon-beam]

Wasn’t thrilled to see this while googling info about Emmet...

cw for ableism

Really annoyed that when I searched Emmet on google, one of the suggestions that comes up is “yandere”. Unfortunately depicting him this way is almost always rooted in ableism (see this list of resources for details about ableism regarding Submas). 

Anyway, if you’re going to play the card of “but Ingo and Emmet aren’t canonically autistic!”, you need to educate yourself about what coding is, why characters with coding are important, and why it is important to not create depictions of them that perpetrate stigma.

If you’re going to play the card of “It’s just fun/my interpretation/online so it doesn’t matter/count”, you need to realize that everyone who sees your work is also a real person. Many autistic and ND folks have found positive representation for themselves in Submas, and seeing you depict them as unhinged, yandere, enjoying them being in an abusive relationship with another unhinged character, or attractive because they’re mentally unwell actually hurts people who saw themselves in Submas! And when the general consensus of a fandom is a character is unwell, unhinged, scary, etc, people feel like they can no longer identify with or even like the character because of how other people who have been exposed to the interpretation may see them. Often my roommate, @1863-project will tell me she wonders as an autistic person who saw herself in Submas, if the people creating the unhinged and yandere content would think that way about her since that’s how they perceive Emmet (and less often Ingo).

I’m not sure why, other than ableism, even if only accidentally/unconsciously, people are looking at two characters who are positive and supportive of each other and everyone they meet, intense about battling (mainly Emmet) but never cruel about it, and deciding “Let’s make one or both of them unhinged!” There’s a difference between making someone appropriately upset over their sibling disappearing, and using it as an excuse to make them as ooc unhinged as possible. And if you’re going to take Ingo and/or Emmet so far out of their canon characterizations that they’re only visually recognizable as themselves, you’re better off making an OC (and really, this goes for any character from any series). Yes, we don’t have a ton to work with for Submas so there’s a lot of room for interpretation, but we do know enough about their personalities to know that they wouldn’t go around intentionally hurting people. Also they’re from a series primarily aimed at children; Gamefreak is not going to take them in a grimdark, edgelord, or overly angsty direction.

Please people, educate yourself on these issues and use critical thinking about whether or not you’re perpetrating stigma for ND people. Neurodiversity is not a prop for angsty or edgy content, nor is it by any means a tool with which to make a character unhinged, and if you think it is, you really need to examine why.

#Submas #Ingo #emmet #Subway Master Emmet #Pokemon Emmet #Pokemon Ingo #this is not about anyone in particular just a google suggestion #I know I'm making a risk by tagging this but I'm so tired of this folks #any rude messages about this will be ignored and deleted so don't bother trying #i don't have time to argue with you about not being ableist #and if this post touches a nerve with you in the first place you need to ask yourself why #do some soul searching and self reflecting etc etc

[musashi]

im here to essentially second the "its mostly projection" anon re why people are Like This to you.

most people on this website just really fucking hate themselves. You're the only person ive seen on this website afair that doesnt. i think a lot of these people see "oh autistic mentally ill queer person! we must be the same!" and then treat you the way they desperately wish someone would treat them, or the way they treat their friends, who may prefer things that way.

i think the assumption that everyone on tumblr hates themselves really hits whenever you talk about how people perceive you especially. a lot pf people on tumblr would see someone saying "people dont really find me attractive" and interpret it as "/I/ dont find me attractive and my ridiculously low self esteem means i assume all people feel the same way.

i also rather doubt that any of these people actually read your carrd unfortunately. they see what they perceive as someone in distress and in need of comfort and rush right in to "reassure" you. carrds are also one of the hip things to make fun of right now, the assumption may be made that its mostly unimportant stuff about like fandom bullshit.

I think also the fact that you are in fandom makes people think you're like a teenager. a loooot of people, especially actual teens, see fandom as something for "young people" and surely a tax paying adult wouldnt be writing fanfic? a lot of antis will tell older adults who dont buy into their bullshit to "go do your taxes" or "shouldnt you be taking care of your kids" and shit like that

finally, talking about like otherkin stuff, or really just being otherkin is seen as juvenile as well, especially by non kinfolk. i think a lot of people see it as sort of an extension of "playing pretend", rather than the legitimate spiritual belief that it can be

so yeah essentially people are projecting and or see that you do a lot of things they feel are childish or whatever and thats why theyre like that. i dont think theres much you can really do about that unfortunately, short of maybe changing the ask box prompt to like "i am an adult who pays taxes" or something

one small thing that might possibly help is changing your icon? it's ridiculous that people think this way, but from what i can tell, a lot of people see "cartoon character on a pride flag" as a juvenile trait, something only teens really do. whether they know your actual age or not, they could subconsciously assume you are a child essentially.

this is all so valuable information thank you for sending it holy shit.

to be honest. i forgot. that people in the current climate view ANY of these things as immature. i am so steeped in my own reality full of adults who collect toys and write fanfiction that i wholly forgot that there are swaths of the world who view those as hobbies for teenagers and kids. like that thought did not even occur to me. every single adult or friend i have in my life is in fandom in some way fsdgsfd

i really am sympathetic to people with low self esteem who need support but i just wish they wouldn't project onto me. i have my doubts and problems sure but they are not something i listen to, and when they are fixable i simply fix them. i wish people would understand that my peace in life comes from a conscious effort and dedication to loving myself and being happy. there is no secret caveat, there is nothing deeper than that. once upon a time i was miserable. it sucked. so i took the steps to change it, and i will do that forever, as things shift and change. end of statement.

you're right, there's really nothing to be done about this. prompting my ask box is a good idea though, that might get some people to stop. i can't change my icon cause i match with jessica :3 and honestly as much as i'd love folks to leave me alone, pride flag icons are too cute to pass up.

thanks again this is all good food for thought

[for the love of god someone please tell me why everyone treats me like an uwu soft baby who needs protecting/support]

#wendy answers #milesfagworth

[lesenbyan]

12, 24, 45 for Eve, Aki, and Cyn (all three girls for all three questions, to the best of your ability)

Character Development Questions: Hard Mode

12. In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been?

the cheating answer for all of 'em is the first time they get a whole cuddle pile after they get aki back. nap pile of girls.

Otherwise I'd say...Cyn's the type to get calm right before a battle, deep breath in, let it out slow, everything relaxes so probably before a big battle. I don't think she has any like, routines or rituals before fights (and she's def not the meditating sort.) So top contenders are end of SB, Seat of Sacrifice, and Her Turn in Ultima Thule.

Aki's Happy Calm Space since being taken by garlemald is while doing needlework. Arguably this is a dissociation tactic and disqualified therein but irrelevant bc everything in garlemald is a dissociation tactic.

And Eve's....Ibakha afterglow maybe? Happy and sated, for the moment she's not doubting her place with the Xaela or thinking about being the Warrior of Light bc she's not here bc of that she's here bc Ibakha saw her across the battle field and she doesn't get many of those anymore

24. How quick is your character to trust someone else?

The twins are always much quicker to trust someone if Eve trusts them/Eve's around. Left to their own devices Cyn's trust is hard to earn and not necessarily always easy to recognize bc this girl is autistic coded before I realized I was coding her autistic and emotes? don't know her. She's not great at reading people and tends to extrapolate that out into extra wariness. Whereas Aki's got Anxiety and her sisters were her comfot that helped her try new things and she Suddenly Doesn't Have Them and then you pour trauma on top of that? She also barely trusts. But, again, the exception is if they know Eve Trusts* someone, whether she's present or not.

Eve on the other hand, well, being an empath helps a lot, slap on her echo that makes her literally see others' emotions as colors and it's easy for her to figure out who to trust and who not to once she learn to interpret the color changes. She can however, be a little quick to trust, but that evens out as she gets older and gets more worldly.

*unless they have Good Reason to not that Eve is selectively ignoring or they are unable to share

45. What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?

Eve doesn't know. This is a source of actual anxiety for her because While she's been raised Dotharl, she's not even Xaela. She's not even from the Steppe. Could her soul be reborn Dotharl? Does she want to be reborn Dotharl? Or does she want to be Miqo'te again but ""right"" this time? Or does she just want to float in the aether so long she loses all memories and meaning of this life so her next life has a clean slate? or does she want this to be her last life? She doesn't know what she wants and she doesn't know what she beleives and she tries not to think about it because it always ends up with an identity crisis that no one but she can answer but she has no answer.

Cyn 100% believes she'll be once again born Dotharl. She's Dotharl to her blood and bones, she's mom's daughter, she loves the thrill of battle and what great warrior is there than one of the two warriors of light? there might be some haziness in her mind about what happens between her death and her rebirth but ultimately she figures it doesn't matter. she doesn't remember it now, she won't remember it then.

Aki is also strange in that she's never been a particularly good fighter (in fact instead of glass canon shes just glass) so mom did her best to not tout Dotharl belief at her bc this girl was never going to be a warrior and she loves her girls more than she Insists they live a Good Dotharl Life. She doesn't fear death, like any proper dotharl, but she's not throwing herself into battle (tho perhaps that's part of why she's reckless enough to get kidnapped.) However she's also got like 15yrs of garlean propaganda on top of everything and so her beliefs in the Dusk Mother or the Twelve are hazy and uncertain. Mostly, at this point, Aki fears dying without living and she's determined to make up for lost time. Whatever she believes, if she lives a good life, she figures nothing ill can await her.

#Eve; #Cyn; #Aki; #sezja; #asks; #ask meme; #\o/ i did it it i answered it i managed a focus

[c0smicfern]

today, i find myself thinking a lot about if it could just be high sensitivity that i'm dealing with. to clarify, i definitely am a highly sensitive person, but i'm wondering whether or not that's a complete answer for everything that i'm dealing with & generally what the actual difference is between having autism or being highly sensitive. here are some things i've been considering:

sensory sensitivities. on one hand, i don't seem to have as severe sensory sensitivities as most autistic people seem to have. on the other, somebody yelling (in general, doesn't even need to be directed at me) or having too many people talking around me can cause a meltdown or a shutdown. but then again, these could just be things triggered by a high sensitivity to emotional stimuli, not necessarily sensory stimuli, which would point to me just being an HSP. i struggle to think of other sensitivities that would even qualify. i have a weak sense of smell & awareness of my own balance & where my body exists in space that is exacerbated by stress, but that's really it?? i also enjoy listening to music & smelling things more than the average person as the former helps me regulate & i enjoy the latter bc i don't normally pick up scents very well. these things could point to autism, but they're not the only factors i have to take into account.

early development. i engaged in imaginative play, made eye contact (i assume bc i forgot to ask my mom when i was asking her about this stuff last week), and woke up when i heard my name called at 9mo. i mean, if that isn't a silver bullet for any chance at me being diagnosed with autism, i don't know what is. i was relatively nonverbal for much of my childhood & especially when i started school, but this could be construed as me just being overly shy. in reality, i generally had no idea how to engage in conversation beyond the things that interested me. can that be explained by HSP? is there room for a relative lack of symptoms in early development where an autism diagnosis would be concerned? i don't know.

communication issues. i don't remember when i started having issues with eye contact or if i always have, but i know that i definitely do now as i generally prefer to avoid looking people directly in the eye too much. i just find it to be kind of stressful & disorienting during conversation. i've always sucked at small talk. i mean, it's boring, and i still struggle to think of what to say if i'm not talking about my interests. i also have somewhat inconsistent difficulties with reading social cues as i trend towards interpreting things negatively if there's any room for ambiguity. gestures can confuse me at times as well. i work in a very diverse area, and we oftentimes have customers come in who speak limited english. sometimes, they'll point to something on the menu, and it'll take a second for it to click what they're trying to communicate. after that, figuring what they're actually pointing at can be a struggle as well. i also don't generally use a lot of body language or gestures because it's not really something i think about. on my end, i experience nonperformative facial expressions normally, even if they can appear flat to other people. social smiling, on the other hand, creeps me out even though i've had to be on the receiving end of it my entire life. i also rarely do it back bc my smile either looks flat or unnatural depending on if i'm trying to smile with my teeth or not. i generally experience these things as a physical inability to replicate what other people are "performing" for lack of a better word, though.

monotropism. my mind does often get stuck on things, and i can spend most of my waking life thinking about them. after i've watched a show/movie & if i really liked one of the characters, i'll continually go on yt just to look up specific scenes or lines of dialogue with that character. is this normal fangirling or autism, though? i genuinely don't know. i feel like i also don't experience what i consider my special interests the same way as most other autistic people do because of my issues with executive functioning. i care about writing & being a writer deeply, and i especially love worldbuilding & sussing out the mechanics/concepts i need to build in order for a setting to function & appear how i want it to. i feel like i only do it a few times a week, though, just because i find it incredibly difficult to start tasks or see things through to completion. not exactly the stereotypical vision of autism.

so what have i learned? what is the most accurate theory of mind for me to hold about myself? i can't say. in some ways, i relate to the autistic experience deeply. in other ways, i don't seem to fully meet the diagnostic criteria. could it be inattentive adhd (formerly add) & being an hsp? could it be generalized anxiety & being an hsp? or is it really autism & i don't know, depression? i may not know or learn until i finish the diagnostic process. or i may never know, and that scares me on a level that i can't express.

#autism #hsp #personal #rant

[unproduciblesmackdown]

furthermore it’s something that quant kid 2 was supposedly written as “guy who sucks who we never see again” (which, underwhelming execution of that lmao even hypothetically just on paper) & then there’s will roland’s interpretation, with will never really mentioning like yeah i decided to try to put a spin on it, or anyone else really providing more specifics rather than they Liked his live & in person je ne sais quoi & acted performance. and idk, just said Je Ne Sais Quoi & the presumed approach of Acting In Earnest rather than that the character being a joke is something that the actor is inviting the audience in on. acting like “this is how it’d be if this was a person.” no character has Real internality the way a real person does but we can interpret it As If They Did anyways, a whole conceit of art imitating life imitating art and narratives / stories / media as an interpretation of life experiences / realities....winston’s autistic. writers doing caricatures of autistic people they’ve unknowingly encountered, with the assumption in life carried over to the assumption as a creator of fictionalized versions of Guys Like That which is that well i guess those weird nerd mathy computer guys are grating losers who annoy us b/c they do that on purpose, like an asshole. and they’re like really good at some specific thing sometimes, but actually that’s Sad even if it’s useful, so it’s also just kind of annoying & wrong of them. done. winston’s autistic, and that also autistic people hardly always know they’re autistic and everything can be a blend of “idk, this isn’t how it is for everyone?” and “i guess things must be my fault on account of being a guy who sucks b/c of whatever’s wrong with me & all” like, for winston to work with taylor he has to say “yeah i suck” before he gets to again mention he’s super good as his shit though, which is apparently also something that sucks of him. ok. it will never be more decipherable, except that it’s indecipherable in the very same way Being Autistic Irl is lmfao. he’s autistic. he’s also autistic b/c a) i think he is, and b) does anyone care otherwise. like who would even truly give a shit about their “winston is some guy i think. idk” interpretion enough to argue for it. or even “yeah winston is some guy who is like a cringe loser to me, idc” like is it important to you. thinking about winston as [autistic character] and secret cassandra (general secret weapon in other ways) for it as well is like, idfk, the alternative is just what most people surely do which is taking the face value “jokes boy who gets dunked on” context and not a step further. okay. i hope to god this is all rhetorical like, if anyone Is out there like “i’ll join this conversation and devil’s advocate about why it’s important for winston to be allistic” it’s like, first of all, already for that b/c the counterarguments to the counterargument are beyond [well ig at the end of the day it’s just all our interpretations =) lol like yeah no shit. anyways] include stuff again like how ppl can be autistic without even their themselves knowing it and the fact of like, irl you don’t need to go “oh it’s okay for people to do [xyz] if they’re autistic =)” like it’s way most likely to be okay whether they’re autistic or not and certainly whether you Know it or not. like, i’m monologuing out here. idc abt any other opinions lmfao like hello?? mine are more than good enough

anyways like the only discussions possible like hmm david levien maybe i have some questions but if you don’t have good answers i’ll just throw it out, idc, i wouldn’t necessarily say i trust this writing or any of you involved in it half as far as i can throw it, just inquiries for fun. i’d discuss it with will roland’s mother, or him himself. like here you can also be given [honorarily autistic] by me if you want at this rate. anyhow send post. i can’t say [winston billions autistic character] enough

#as already sprawling as this is i excised plenty to Only be saying [overly long paragraph] [brief like somewhat related conclusion that's #also just kind of an addendum] #i can't say it enough b/c i'm just rotating it in my mind always. the default funny little guy. accidental autistic character of all time #completely took out stuff about [more arguments about why i also think it's Not objectively epic & correct that ppl give him shit always] #which like yeah sure no guarantee the show thinks so either but they're sure having it both ways in the meantime. to the inherent greater #validation / support for the ''no yeah it's epic & correct & he brings it upon himself'' argument really #marinating on it all last night i had like a mental powerpoint w/a slide ft ''wow these are the same to me'' antifascism diagram lol #would say they're tangents but eh not even. it's relevant but sprawling but here's me just getting some of it out w/the usual #the usual being: posting ''winston billions autistic character like. omg'' #winston billions

[looniecartooni]

Analyzing Alador Blight (Sorry no pictures...)

Warning: This theory may be clunky and contain spoilers for The Owl House. I also do not have a psychology degree so whatever I analyze is mostly off of limited research, analysis, and personal experience. If something is inaccurate or offensive, I apologize deeply- that is not my intention. If you have any words of criticism or agreement, please kindly share them. 

When Alador Blight first appeared onscreen, people were weary and suspicious of him. When he made his official appearance, most people instantly fell in love with his goofy personality and completely opposite nature to his wife Karen Odalia. However, people are still weary of him and not very happy that he helps enforce his wife’s insane treatment towards their daughter Amity. And many people are confused on why he seems so different from his first debut or why he doesn’t divorce Odalia and take the kids with him. But- I think I have the answers to tie up all these loose ends.

Let’s start of with the basic suspicion most people have... Alador Blight is very likely on a neurodivergent spectrum. He has special interests that take most of his attention away from the world around him such making abomitrons and chasing butterflies. While he tends to remain mostly silent and seemingly in his own little world, he does speak to Luz directly when she asks what it is Blight Industries does.

For the sake of this theory, I’m going to go ahead and say that Mr. Blight might be on the Autism Spectrum. It is possible given his attention span that he may have ADHD, but my knowledge on that is limited so I’m going to go off with what I know. Some variation of autism also might be the more likely candidate given that not only does Alador have special interests and deep focus on those interests, he also doesn’t quite react (and I apologize if I offend anyone with this statement) to emotional situations in ways more neurotypical people might. This in Autism can often be interpreted as a lack of empathy.

Alador does have empathy as we’ve seen him looked shocked and sad when a butterfly he chased was crushed by the hand of his wife. He has also shown somewhat a bit of empathy towards Luz at the demonstration where he warns her that Blight Industries focuses mostly on weaponry and that she “might want to duck” from an incoming projectile. And when Luz asked for the demonstration to stop, he was the first one to pipe up and say, “She has a point, Odalia.” That of course did nothing to stop Odalia or the abomitron which raises the question again of why does he put up with Odalia.

In my own personal experience (contributing to the Autistic theory), I was always told people on the Autism Spectrum tend to be “rule oriented”. For the sake of this analysis, let’s assume that statement is somewhat true and apply it to Alador Blight. Why? Because this key to his character...

The times Alador does act serious seemingly without his wife’s manipulation, he always mentions the Blight family as a whole. For example, in Understanding Willow, he says, “Blights only associate with the strongest of witchlings.” When he confronts his wife with her own “A Blight always upholds their end of the deal” he mentions the family name again. This to me suggests these were things his parents or other Blight relatives told him (assuming that Odalia married into the name Blight while Alador always was a Blight). He’s enforcing the rules of his family. If that’s the case, it might also explain why he follows Odalia’s crazy regime of tiger mom Karen. Perhaps he’s used to being told what to do and/or her attitude to how her daughter should behave is similar to the Blight standards he grew up with. In his mind, the standards of being a Blight must not be broken.

Whether or not that “Blight Rule” following is a sign of his own abuse from family or simply being a rule follower shall remain ambiguous for now and whether or not he is on the Autism spectrum and if it contributes to his enforcement will be left up to you or remain obscure until further is revealed. (sorry for that run on sentence) But this “Blight Rule” probably explains why he wasn’t too troubled on getting Gus, Willow, and Luz expelled from Hexside via his wife’s request. Blights only associating with a ”select few” as Amity puts it while clearly Odalia being a female dog and controlling/ manipulating her daughter, he probably thinks he’s contributing to helping his daughter succeed by only associating with the best.

As far as we can tell though, Alador does still exercise his own form of control over his wife’s craziness. During the Blight sale, he did see his daughter stand up to Odalia and his unstoppable creation and seemed quite fond about how strong she has become (which he mentions when confronting Odalia) (he probably also knows about Lumity too and supports it- but that’s for another time). He isn’t afraid to confront Odalia on her own contradicting lies and even somewhat even perhaps has his own way of manipulating his wife as he puts the notion in her head that Amity might become a coven head someday. Given that it appears that the Blights seem to only like being “the best” (or in Amity and possibly Alador’s case feel pressured to be the best) (not sure about Edric and Emira- they seem to like to just have fun), Alador could be speaking the truth. However, given that his eyes were on another flying creature while talking to her and immediately he goes chasing after it, he may have been trying to ham her up so that she kept up her end of the deal and perhaps realize Amity is stronger before going after things that matter to him.

I’m sure Amity does matter to him and is probably one of the main reasons why he goes along with Odalia too. But he does also seem to really like tiny creatures that move too (Edric might be the same way given the bat situation at the Knee). Speaking of Alador and Amity, Amity seems to have picked up the habit of enforcing the “Blight Rule” too often saying “We Blights” when describing her behavior like who she associates with and what she does.

Is Alador a completely evil parent for letting his wife use Amity the way she does? Is Amity a reflection of his own upbringing and values? Does he associate with Odalia because of these values? Will we see him change? Well we’ll have to await for more information in further episodes but hopefully, we will have our answers soon. If you have any questions or theories, please share them or tag me in them. I’d love to hear and discuss. And I apologize again if I got any neurodivergent facts wrong or offended anyone by my observation. Hope I helped you understand Alador and thank you for reading my theory.

#holy cow! I might want to make a theory video out of this #going to be a lot of work though... #the owl house #owl house #toh spoilers #toh theory #the owl house alador #alador blight #toh alador

[imagining-in-the-margins]

Hi! You often give alot of insight into anons like this and your my fave CM blog so that's why I'm here! So I'm finishing up the last seasons (and lord it is hard to get through) and they just introduced Max and I cannot stand her. She was just so rude and it felt like she had 2 different personalities the entire time she was on screen. And I worried that this meant I was like hating women because I don't like other female characters like Maeve, JJ, Hailey, and Seaver. But then I started thinking and I honestly think it's cause these Characters are women poorly written by men. But then I wondered how they created likeable Characters like Emily, Kristy, Blake, Tara, and Penelope (leaving out others like Savannah because they're under developed in my opinion) I don't know what's the difference in the writing for these Characters or of there isn't any at all and I'm just being hateful in a way. What are your thoughts?

Ah, I think about this a lot. Thank you for thinking I’m interesting enough to answer this, also!

I think you’ve really hit the nail on the head with the writers doing a poor job at most of their female characters. However, I think it’s possible (and very common in this fandom) for people to dislike any character Spencer showed an interest in, which is also problematic and rooted in internalized misogyny. To me, it all comes down to why you dislike the characters.

(A LOT More Below - Bit of a Rant)

The first step I took when reflecting to see if this was my problem was rewatching and seeing which female characters I loved. Along with the ones you listed, I also found a number of side characters I greatly enjoyed, including Lila, Austin, Dr. Linda Kamura (from Amplification, the anthrax episode), Einstein, Megan Kane, and a few other random case characters. So, right off the bat I found multiple characters who Spencer showed an affinity for. I also greatly enjoyed Cat’s character, although I found her to be underdeveloped in canon (Fanon has done a good job, IMO) and often contradictory in her character design.

If you didn’t like any of these women, and your reason is related purely to Spencer’s reactions to them, chances are you might be suffering from a bit of jealousy rather than improper character design - not that you need to like them all (or the ones that I like), but because they are all very different. You should, theoretically, find something to enjoy about at least one of them.

But the CM Writers have a TERRIBLE habit of writing women that are easy to hate.

There’s a bunch of controversy I see over Haley Hotchner, but the truth is that they wrote her to be hated. That was her sole purpose. Her character’s decisions were poorly thought out and she was shown to be malicious 80% of the time. This was intentional. She was written to personify the trope of the nagging housewife. If you dislike her, you have done nothing but follow the narrative.

That being said, you should also criticize why they wrote her this way. Because it didn’t make any sense. She married a prosecutor - a dangerous, time consuming job. She had Jack when she knew he was with the BAU. Why did she randomly change her tune? Why did she suddenly demand he gives up on his dreams that she was fully aware of for years? I’d argue they wrote it like this to further the narrative of “the wife who traps you with a child to force you to do what she wants” which is garbage writing. I wish people could look at the potential she had if they hadn’t written her like... that.

Maeve, I find, is problematic on multiple aspects and I’ve talked about it before. Her narrative was poorly thought out because as soon as they pitched the idea of a long-term love interest for Spencer, everyone (most notably Gubler) rejected it. They didn’t think it was necessary for his character, who already had a lot going on with the ignored plot lines of his drug addiction and mother.

There were multiple problems associated with her character that were never addressed. The fact she essentially just took advantage of a patient because she was bored, she seemed to “correct” his interests and show annoyance when he disagreed with her, she lied about having a fiance, she was shown to be considering breaking up with him... there’s a lot.

Her character is poorly written. It had a lot of potential, but they just kind of stopped caring once they decided to kill her off. She had more faults shown on screen than redeeming qualities. For many, they liked her because they see there was a potential that we’ll never see (fair). But for people like me, we interpret it as a idealized fantasy of what could have (but probably wouldn’t have) been, which is not healthy for Spencer.

JJ is an interesting character because you can feel the constant struggle between AJ Cook and the writers. They really sabotaged JJ at every step of the way. I’ll be honest and say that I think there are some reasons to hate JJ, but they aren’t the reasons I see most often. Almost all of the JJ hate I see is surrounding the idea that JJ is an evil, manipulative, jealous bitch. But.. she’s not. Even in Truth or Dare, when she pulls that asshole move that was wildly OOC for JJ (in my opinion), she isn’t shown to be jealous or cruel about it.

I think she’s the most likely target for people who’s hatred is driven from jealousy or disliking conventionally attractive women and assuming them to be bitchy by nature of looking “beautiful.” I think Lila Archer* also falls into this category.

But as I said, JJ was also written with a lot of flaws. I think it’s fair if you don’t like her character or the way she treats Spencer, but I also hope that you similarly criticize the whole team in the same way, and don’t just pity Spencer because he is smol uwu babie who needs protection.

(* Yet another reminder that I ask everyone to not message me about J Depp or Amber Heard. Reactive Abuse is an extreme trigger for me and I will block you if you try to get me to talk about it)

Seaver got a lot of hate based off one line of dialogue. I think it was a bad line. If they had left it out, there would be essentially no reason in my mind to dislike Seaver. I used to dislike her a lot, but the more I rewatch the show, the less she bothers me. She was just a young student who wanted to learn about her father/herself. She was MASSIVELY underdeveloped because they kicked her off just as quickly as they invited her in.

NO character was developed that quickly. Her scenes were a bit cringey and the plotlines were bad, and her character was mediocre. I don’t think she deserves the hate she gets. She is a lukewarm character.

I hate everything Max’s character represents. She was introduced to show that Spencer could be trained to be “normal” and it’s anti-autistic bullshit. She had no personality besides “I hate my low-brow job as a teacher and couldn’t be fucked to change it until a man told me I was smart.” She was cracking high-school-clique jokes while her family was about to be murdered. She immediately abandoned said family to make out with her boyfriend who just admitted to enjoying kissing the woman who tried to murder her family.

Her character makes absolutely zero sense. I do not understand how she is so liked. I really don’t (other than the fact that RLC is absolutely wonderful).

If they had left her character out, I think we would have been better off for it. We could have seen Spencer wrestle with defining himself by the women in his life and learning to love himself (without just replacing those women with... another... woman...)

That being said, those who cling to Max for hope of a happy ending for Spencer... I felt that. Fanon and fanfic can solve all character deficiencies. I believe in you.

So, yeah. I’d say if you’re worried about why you dislike women characters, you’re probably on the right path. I’d just reflect on why you dislike the characters you do and whether they are written as misogynistic stereotypes. It makes complete sense to reject characters written for the purpose of making you hate them, but we should all pour one out for the brilliant actresses that had characters with so much potential if not for men ruining it.

#Criminal Minds #anti-maxcer #anti-maeve #answer #answered

[slasherholic]

Essay: On Michael Myers and Muteness

A little foreword: This essay is in response to a sentiment I’ve noticed circling in the slasher community for some time. While nobody, to my knowledge, has been outright accused or attacked about this, I do find it concerning how eager some are to spew hate when confronted with people who don’t share their specific ideas of how a fictional character should be viewed—especially when those ideas have very little ground to stand on.

This essay will cover common sources of psychological mutism, and examine how they apply (or don’t apply!) to Michael’s character, to determine the most likely cause for his mutism.

Disclaimer: I have no formal education in the field of psychology. All information presented is taken from case studies and the dsm-5.

Let’s begin with some definitions to clear up a few misconceptions.

Selective Mutism.

Selective mutism is defined as the consistent failure to speak in specific social situations in which there is an expectation for speech, despite speaking in other situations. (DSM-5, pg. 195) 

Selective mutism can be diagnosed only when a child has an established capacity to speak in some social situations (e.g., typically at home). Selective mutism is not the consequence of trauma, neglect or abuse—it is strictly an anxiety disorder.

Progressive Mutism.

Selective mutism may develop into progressive mutism. (Note—progressive mutism does not appear to be mentioned in the DSM-5, but it did show up multiple times while I was researching selective mutism. Take the following with a grain of salt.) Progressive mutism is when a child becomes mute in all settings, with all people, even at home. It occurs due to heightened stress within their environment, or by way of negative reinforcement—for example, if an adult tries to help the child out by “speaking for them” during an episode of mutism.

Traumatic mutism.

Traumatic mutism is sudden mutism following a traumatic event (e.g., the death of a loved one).

Note: There are a great many other causes of mutism resulting from psychological factors, ranging from autistic spectrum disorder, to dissociative disorders, to schizophrenia—but considering how we don’t know enough about Michael’s backstory to say whether he is affected by any of that, I’ll be staying away from explanations requiring heavy speculation.

Alright! We have our definitions. Now, let’s see if any of these would apply to Michael’s case.

(Of course, the only interpretation of the character where his muteness even needs an explanation is the “Michael has a mental illness” take—which, again, is just one possible way of many to view him. The mindset that Michael must be unwillingly mute excludes the most canon-compliant take on the character—that he is just evil. Obviously, a Michael who is “just evil” chooses not to communicate with others because he doesn’t fucking care.)

Option one:

Michael is selectively mute. He suffers from an anxiety disorder. He is physically unable to speak under certain circumstances, but, by definition, he is able to speak under other, more comfortable circumstances.

Why it isn’t likely: There is no evidence in canon to suggest that Michael suffers from an anxiety disorder. Zero. You simply won’t find it. If you want to label Michael as ‘selectively mute”, by all means, do so—everybody has the right to their headcanons! But please, understand what you are saying by using that label; that Michael does not suffer from total mutism. There are situations where he can speak, and there are situations where he cannot.

Option two:

Michael is selectively mute, and his muteness has advanced into progressive mutism. 

Why it isn’t likely: Again, for this type of mutism to occur, Michael must have first had selective mutism. We are not told enough of Michael’s background to speculate about whether he suffers from any sort of anxiety disorder, and I doubt we ever will be. While this explanation for Michael’s mutism is technically possible, to treat it as immutable fact would be nothing short of dishonest.

Option three:

Michael is totally mute as a result of trauma. Whether from the shock of murdering his sister, or being suddenly separated from his family, some traumatic event triggered an episode of mutism that Michael never recovered from. He is now permanently mute.

Why it isn’t likely: Let’s get one thing straight—this view of mutism is a Hollywood bastardization.

The trope in which a character is rendered permanently mute due to trauma/psychological factors may be popular in movies and television, but in real medical cases, this idea holds little merit.

“While cases of mutism have occurred as a result of a child being abused or emotionally or physically traumatized, it seems to be very rare. I have not yet seen such a case, where a child spoke normally until a traumatic incident and then stopped speaking.” (https://www.selectivemutismfoundation.org/knowledge-center/common-myths)

“While it is possible for a child to become mute after a traumatic experience, usually the child avoids talking about aspects of the trauma itself, rather than becoming completely silent.” (https://childmind.org/guide/teachers-guide-to-selective-mutism/what-is-not-sm/)

Of course, this is not to say that trauma-based mutism does not exist. It is a documented occurrence, and it inarguably does.

However; to insist that Michael must have been rendered completely, irreversibly mute due to childhood trauma, and that his mutism persisted for the next 55 years, (2018 Michael is 61,) is not a medically feasible claim. This trope works fine in a fictional setting, but please, acknowledge that this attitude is more rooted in fiction than fact. I scoured case-studies on psychological mutism for hours, and was unable to find a single occurrence of something comparable happening. It is statistically more likely that a person who is mute for this long is making a conscious effort not to communicate. Which brings us to the final explanation:

Option four:

Michael can speak, but willfully chooses not to.

It should not come as a surprise that this is the only explanation for Michael’s mutism that can be sourced by canon material. Dr. Sartain, whose entire job it was to observe Michael’s behaviors, concluded that his patient was indeed capable of speech, and that his mutism was self-imposed. In all brutal honesty, the mental gymnastics required to get around this statement is pretty damn ridiculous; and to knock others for not performing the same mental gymnastics is even more ridiculous. 

This explanation is further evidenced by the 1978 novelization of Halloween. (Which, I don’t personally view as canon, but I know of some who do, so it is worth mentioning.) In the novel, Michael continues to speak normally up to a year after his institutionalization. There is no mention of a traumatic event at the sanitarium that might have triggered his muteness; the closest we get is the near-death of a girl at a Halloween party, but it is very heavily implied that Michael was responsible for that incident—and all because the girl beat him at musical chairs.

Simply due to the evidence we have, this option is the most likely explanation for Michael’s mutism. (For those interested, I go more in-depth about this interpretation of his mutism in this essay.)

But! All of this speculation is ignoring the fact that Michael Myers is a fictional character. His behaviors cannot be studied in a medical setting, by a medical professional—meaning that he cannot be diagnosed with psychological mutism in the first place. If you are one of the individuals trying to claim that Michael is undeniably afflicted with any of these forms of mutism, or any other mental illness, etc. You are wrong. That is not how psychiatric diagnosis works. The absolute best we can do is speculate.

So here it is, plain and simple:

If you hold the belief that Michael Myers must be fully, 100% incapable of speech due to psychological factors, and insist that your viewpoint is the only valid one, not only are you ignoring the ambiguity of this 40-year-old franchise, not only are you ignoring the massive potential for individual interpretation, but you are also fundamentally wrong. You are perpetuating false, or highly simplified information about psychological mutism, and you are trying to apply that false information in an ambiguous fictional setting. Please get off your high horse.

The takeaway: Michael’s mutism has many possible explanations.

Due to the fact that his background is not extensive enough to supply us with a set-in-stone answer, it is irresponsible to insist that any explanation is “the right one”.

So headcanon Michael as mute. Headcanon him as fully capable of speech. Headcanon him anywhere in between. I can’t believe this needs to be said, but you have the right to enjoy this ambiguous piece of fiction however you want—and nobody can tell you that you are wrong for doing so.

Thanks for reading.

#michael myers #slashers #essay #writing #horror

[heraldofzaun]

what are your thoughts on viktor and being neurodivergent? though like, obligatory disclaimer that if riot ever did come out and say that "hey! viktor is canonically [something]" that would be catastrophic but i think it is a little bit of fun for consideration

Oh! Well I like to think he's autistic, which is partially because I am too. (Of course in canon it would be catastrophic because haha, oh man, look at how they've treated Blitzcrank's biographies ever since they gave him an updated one. There's some coding in there, alright, and I am... not a fan...)

I’ve posted a lot of long posts recently (this is no exception) and this is also on a kind of tricky subject, so I’m readmore’ing it.

So anyways, while I have to admit that some of the reason why (my) Viktor is autistic is because I am - I think that you can make a general semi-convincing argument. Or I'm so wrapped up in my own interpretations that I can, at the least. Anyways, from here on out when I say Viktor I mean my personal take. Your mileage may vary on applying this to other interpretations.

(Also, thoughts on new lore Jayce's being kind of coded to be like, a stereotypical autistic dude? (If you have any I mean.) I don't like that Riot is doing it, of course, but I've seen a few good rehabilitative takes on it in fandom. @hamartio's Jayce springs to mind, because their Jayce has been developed over the years and also written by someone who like. Cares. Anyways, I have my own personal Jayce ideas that rely on his old lore so he's not really an asshole there, at least in those regards, so I don't really have many thoughts on new Jayce. I think new Viktor is... pretty coded as well, but it’s also insanely stereotypical. The whole “always working, always wants certainty, gets into automation not because he (primarily) wants to help those injured by catastrophes in Zaun but because the catastrophes interrupt his work” thing makes me uncomfortable. Maybe I’ll write sometime on why the rewrite of his lore fails, in my opinion, to hit upon the same themes of his first - would that be of interest to folks? Anyways, this parenthetical is too long.)

I think that autistic Viktor is cool and makes sense, somewhat because of the fact that the ways he goes about solving his problems are, er, unorthodox. (Of course I am not saying that the GE is because he’s autistic, because that’s stupid. This is why I’m kind of squirrely about talking so openly about what I think Viktor’s got going on, and why I don’t really trust if a non-autistic person headcanons him as autistic. There’s a lot of room for that headcanon to just reinforce the “autistic people are supergeniuses with no emotions that work based off of Facts and Logic” trope, and I hate that.) Since a lot of autism is about feeling adrift from/at odds with neurotypical society, I think that Viktor’s general solutions and also his idealistic leanings in the face of everything Zaun is tracks for that. Roboticization makes sense as a way to stop suffering and death, because it’s more achievable than individual feats of immortality through magic or whatever. Viktor doesn’t really get why people would be so opposed to it - he’s made it clear that while he dislikes his own emotions and wants them gone, he doesn’t expect others to cast off theirs. (Maybe he expected that when he was in the thick of his emotional pain, mostly because he couldn’t imagine others choosing differently than he at the time, but not in the current day.)

Of course, externally, when the scary cyborg man who admits to cutting off his own limbs says “no, being a robot is cool, you can keep your emotions even”, any Zaunite (or any person) is going to interpret that as “he is definitely lying”. Viktor doesn’t quite make that leap. (I have thoughts on the whole Theory of Mind concept and I don’t mean to say that Viktor can’t empathize - he does, and does too much - with others, but I think that in this instance he just can’t quite understand sometimes why people don’t believe him.) He also doesn’t quite get why people would be so attached to the bodies that they’re currently in, especially if he can make a mechanical replica. Or why people might want to die and pass into non-existence after a life well lived. (To him, personally, there’s always more to do. Also he’s terrified of death but that’s another topic.)

I also think that Viktor’s empathy is of the hyper- rather than hypo- kind, partially because I feel like outside of self-advocacy groups the mere concept of autistic hyperempathy is seen as like... impossible? It’s also because he generally seems to be kind of an emotional guy in canon before Stanwick, what with the lore saying that “almost no trace of the original man remained” in reference to Viktor reemerging as someone without emotions. That, combined with the fact that he was described as having a “hope to better society” before everything went down, kind of makes me believe that he was a naive idealist type. (Again, not that autism makes you naive, but...) But yes, hyperempathy. Hence "no pain, no wars, no suffering, no death” being part of his ideology for the Glorious Evolution. He gets pretty ripped up about people being hurt, and it’s really only gotten worse over the years as he’s grasped the full scope of pain in the world.

Personally, I write pre-Stanwick-incident Viktor as someone who is still somewhat awkward with expressing emotion, but it’s not due to him not having them. It’s due to the fact that the ways in which he naturally expressed them and in which he interacted with the world were just... seen as odd/different/etc. (I don’t think Runeterra has an autism diagnosis or particularly excellent psychology, even in Piltover and Zaun, so he just gets the “you’re a weird dude” treatment for his entire life.) Stimming or smiling a certain way or talking a lot about his interests or, you know, the general autistic existence is weird to most people around him, as it unfortunately is in real life. So he’s more reserved until you actually know him, because he’s just masking all the time. (Fun fact about my Viktor: he’s pretty expressive under that actual mask of his. It helps to not have to micromanage expressions all the time when he isn’t experiencing a bout of flat affect due to [gestures vaguely at everything else going on with his mental state], although he sometimes feels poorly about not being able to manage himself. But that’s his issues, and I think it’s good for him to show emotion.)

Side note - Stanwick was able to do such a number on Viktor due to: a) Stanwick being very charismatic and manipulative, on top of being an actually smart man and scientist - he’s really a great example of a “good Zaunite”, in the sense of being good at being what the culture rewards, b) Viktor actively dealing with the death of his parents and Stanwick being an older adult who’d treated him kindly and had never seemed put-off by Viktor’s oddities, and c) Viktor not realizing that he’d get backstabbed, because yes he knows that that happens in academia but Stanwick’s nice. Whether or not the outcomes would have been the same if Viktor were more competent at being “a good Zaunite”... well, probably not. Viktor ended up where he did because of who he is.

(Secondary side note: Viktor has a very strong and very black-and-white sense of what’s right and wrong, as well as general black-and-white thinking. You can see how that would have... not helped in the situations he was put through.)

This is getting kind of rambling, but I guess the point of this is that Viktor’s wanting to remove his emotions may be cloaked in the language of them being “inefficient” or “unhelpful”, which would feed into autistic stereotypes, but it’s really more of a matter of them being too painful and raw for him to process. He feels too much and hurts too much, and no amount of positive emotions in the world will (in his mind) make up for the pain he’s felt and will feel. So it’s better to not feel anything at all, isn’t it? At least then you aren’t overwhelmed by it all.

Viktor just hasn’t fit in with Zaun for all his life, really. Not as an odd child who can tell you all about science-fiction and techmaturgy, not as an odd and reserved teenager/young adult, not as a bright young doctoral student still dealing with grief but trying to make the best of it, and... not as the Machine Herald. But now he’s given up on trying to fit in, for better or for worse.

(Other miscellaneous and less serious autistic thoughts on him: generally a pretty fixed diet, partially due to being autistic but also due to what’s easily available in Zaun + what agrees with his stomach. A fan of weight and pressure - I like to think that the reason his outfit is like that is that he finds it comforting, and also that he has a weighted blanket or two around. Special interests of general techmaturgy, robotics, and science-fiction. He can talk for hours about any of those, and has. Both his parents were mildly spectrum-y, his mother a little bit moreso, so they just kinda assumed that him being him was out-of-the-ordinary and a bit strange but not something “horribly wrong”. Oh! And his third arm, which is under a little less conscious control than the rest of him, still stims sometimes when he’s working or otherwise not paying attention to it.)

This was very long and jumped around a lot, because I find it hard to give a convincing paragraph-by-paragraph argument about exactly why I think that Viktor is autistic, or rather why I headcanon him as such. But hopefully it was interesting! I just have a lot of thoughts on him, as well as the general state of autistic-coded or perceived-as-autistic-by-individuals (both allistic and autistic) characters in media and so it’s very hard to do anything concise without branching out into discussing other topics.

#anonymous #headcanons | beneath the mask #//preemptive remark that these are my own thoughts on autism which are filtered through the lens of my life experiences #//as well as that of some aspects (emphasis on some) of academic research. baron-cohen can choke with his theories #//also i did not explain some terms here under the assumption that those reading would probably already know them. feel free to ask if not!

[aliennopossumm]

Like Real People Do

Happy 11 months, @andromedaspace ! I love you more than words can describe

Pairing: currently platonic Analogical, future romantic Analogical

Warnings: some cursing, cult joke, one line mentions bullying, “nerd” used affectionately, some of Vee’s teasing makes Logan upset but xe comforts them, brief blood mention, anxiety

Characters: Logan Sanders, Virgil Berry

Character notes: autistic nonbinary Logan [they/them], autistic trans Virgil [xe/xem]

Fic summary: As they usually do, Logan adventure’s into the forest. But when they explore somewhere they haven’t been before, they meet somebody new

1,795 words 10,235 characters

Logan, despite how well they behaved academically, was never one for following orders. Whether it was pirating a video game, or staying up until 2am on a school night, they didn't mind bending a few rules. More often than not, as well, they weren't caught. Their rule breaking wasn't confined to their own apartment either, occasionally exploring the forest by their highschool, staying out ten minutes to several hours too late. No matter what weather or time, they loved to walk through the trees that towered over their, now seemingly small, self. Nature was so fascinating to them. Books about plants and animals were scattered in their room, as well as writing in a journal about their favourite parts of the world.

They brought along the book on this particular day, tucked away safely in their messenger bag, along with pens, coloured pencils and other essentials. Wind barreled through the trees and their hair, making Logan subconsciously pull their hoodie closer to their skin. It was surprisingly cold for an average windy day, possibly too cold. Logan mentally pinned it down on being close to water, taking a seat next to a large, moss-covered rock. Whilst humming along to the sound of the birds, they started to remove their journal and stationary from their bag to comment on the plants around them. They opened the book to about three-quarters through, jotting the date down on a clean page. It was starting to become difficult to find new information, laying the book open on the dirt in front of them. A small, but happy, sigh escaped their mouth, turning to the rock behind them and starting to inspect the moss, their pen balanced in their mouth.

Hardly any sound surrounded them now, only quiet chirps and now softer wind being heard. Logan looked back behind them, where-

"Oh..?" Logan breathed, now slightly concerned at the lack of their book. It wasn't as if the wind blew it away, the pencils were much lighter than the journal, and yet they were in the exact same place. Attempting to not panic, they looked to the lake first, then to the tree's, before finally looking up.

"Looking for this?" Logan gasped shakily, finding their book in the hands of a stranger.

"Give- give it back!" It became embarrassingly obvious Logan had never been in a situation even slightly similar to this one.

The stranger, dressed in dark, just laughed softly, "what even is this-" they shut the book, the only thing on the cover being a name and a small yellow, white, purple and black flag, "Logan?"

"It's a journal, now give it back!" Despite their tone attempting to be intimidating, Logan still sat on their knees, seemingly shaking. "Who... who even are you!?"

"Well, I know your name, so it's only fair if you know mine," they jumped down from where they perched on a tree branch, starting to walk over, "it's Virgil. Don't laugh."

"Why would I... I laugh?" Logan's voice was now unmasking their anxiety, watching as Virgil moved closer. Along with their dark black clothes, the way they walked only made them look more bat-like.

Virgil shrugged, crouching in front of them, "people can be rude. You're alone in a forest, you probably know that well enough." They squinted their eyes slightly at the anxious person, "but you don't look like an outcast."

"Look closer at the cover," they mumbled, biting their lip slightly. Logan turned their head away, but kept their eyes focussed on the odd stranger. Virgil did as prompted.

"It just says Logan Sanders? That isn't a weird name," it slightly surprised Logan that a nice comment escaped their lips.

They took the journal from Virgil, poking at the flag, "Nonbinary."

"Ah."

"Yeah," they started to pack away their stuff, "just call me a name. I'm leaving. This is obviously your turf."

Virgil gently grabbed their wrist, "no. I didn't mean it like that, I'm just dumb and-" they sighed, unzipping the black and purple patched hoodie with their free hand and pulling one side back to reveal a trans patch on their chest. "Xe/xem. My dumbass just didn't process the flag."

What felt like a boulder of anxiousness was lifted off their chest - this was somebody in their community. Of course, that doesn't make xem an inherently good person, but it helped Logan feel safer.

"That's valid. They/them," Logan anxiously held out their hand. Is this how people introduce each other?

Xe looked at the awkward hand, "are you sure you're not a part of a forest cult and this is a blood pact?"

As if Logan was literally invited to said imagery cult, they let out an almost anxious gasp. Virgil's teasing smirk started to fade, "I'm kidding, L. You just don't know how to socialise." Xe gently shook their hand.

"That's- well-" Logan tried to gather words to defend themselves before just sighing, "yeah, you're correct. I don't."

Yet again, the forest fell silent, bar the sound of the wind. By this point, Virgil let go of their arm and hand, moving back by a foot or two. Logan took this as a sign to silently unpack their bag yet again, gently laying their beloved possessions back onto the dirt. Xe glanced at the bag. "Got anything else in there?"

Logan couldn't help but interpret this as a taunt, lowering their head to focus on finding today's page in their journal, "just general stuff." They didn't look back up, still sorting through the papers, until they felt a gentle hand on their shoulder. Even a gesture as simple as that made their soul melt in the best way possible, making them crack the first smile Virgil saw of them.

"Hey, L, I was being genuine. What do you have in there?" Xe smiled back, showing sharp teeth.

Trying to not focus on how attractive that was, they nodded and pulled the bag between the two of them. Virgil let go of them, sitting opposite Logan.

"You probably now think whatever's in here would be amazing, but it's really not," Logan frowned a little at the thought of letting their new possible friend down, opening the bag wider so they could both gaze in. "It's really just essentials other than what's already out - food, water, cellphone, nature books. There's some small scissors in one of the closed pockets in case I need a sample for something. I rarely test on plants, and never on animals, but sometimes it can be pleasant to just own a part of nature." They froze up slightly once the ramble escaped their mouth, "Oh- I'm sorry for speaking so much, Virgil."

The taller one just smiled, "no, no, don't apologise. I like hearing about all your nerd ramblings, it's sorta... sweet, how much you care."

They nodded, a small smile cracking onto their face again. "Thank you. Do you uh- do you have anything in your..."

"I don't have a bag, if that is what you're asking," xe chuckled a little, inspecting the book labeled 'Common Berries and Mushrooms', "most of my stuff is kept in the jacket. Same stuff as you, mostly. Just replace books with crystals and your journal with headphones."

Logan didn't know whether to question xem about the crystals or what kind of mystical jacket could contain all those things, resulting in them blurting out the gibberish of "how crystal fit."

Xe chuckled at them, "you're adorable, L. The jacket was modified to fit more shit, deeper pockets and that. And I work with crystals, if that's what you were trying to ask." They nodded in understanding, breathing out what sounded like 'fascinating'. "So, what brings you to the forest?"

Trying to gather themselves again, Logan cleared their throat and starting to flick through one of their several books, "I find nature amazing. How a single bug could run the entire forest... it truly is beautiful. I like coming down to the forest, usually after school or dinner, and just walk around, commenting on everything I see - new or known. I love learning. I hadn't been to this part of the forest before, I tend to turn right when entering, but this time I chose the left path."

Nodding along, Virgil listened intently to another one of their infodumps, which ended in xem learning new information about the forest as well. Xe couldn't even blame Logan for finding the forest interesting once xe heard it from their perspective. In all honesty, it made xem want to learn more so they can have genuine conversations about it, as right now it was similar to Logan literally talking to a plant. The ramble continued for almost twenty more minutes, Virgil warming up to asking questions and even making a few notes in xyr phone about this all. It slowly started to form into a proper conversation, eventually leading Logan to politely question the crystals xe carried, which in turn led them to dedicating an entire page to the rocks.

By the time both had worn themselves out with talking, Virgil smiled at the orange and purple sky, "I think it's getting quite late... do you need help packing your things up?" In the time they were infodumping, they also shared a picnic of sorts, leaving a lot more mess than Logan usually had at the end of their forest sessions.

"No, I'm alright..." They smiled, starting to gently stack the large informative books at the bottom of the bag, so they would not crush anything else. "Thank you for this, Virgil, it was nice to talk to somebody."

"Virge."

"Mh?" Logan looked up, Virgil appearing half-blurred as their glasses had slightly fallen down.

Xe chuckled, pushing the glasses up for them with what seemed like a fountain pen, "call me Virge, it's what my friends call me."

Blushing at the gesture, Logan went back to packing their bag, "we're friends?"

"Of course, I don't sit in the forest for hours with strangers," Virgil smiled warmly, the sound of pen scratching being heard as the rest of the forest seemingly fell into quiet. The sound stopped, "well, I better get going back to my dads. I'll see you around, nerd."

As Logan looked back up, xe was already in the tree's. They chuckled softly, "bye Virgil- Virge." After a few more minutes of rearranging their items, the bag was now almost fully packed. Logan took their journal from the ground, about to close it but noticing some new writing. It was in bright purple pen and scruffy handwriting, standing out amongst the neat, black text on the rest of the page.

"Call me - [phone]"

They smiled gently, shutting the book and placing it at the top of their bag. Maybe they should.

#virgil writez #sanders sides #analogical #virgil sanders #logan sanders #tw cult mention #tw anxiety #cursing #tw blood mention #ask to tag #fic #fanfiction #sanders sides fic #fanfic #tss #andromedaspace #🌌my moon my sun and all my stars #platonic analogical #analogical fanfic

[luque-moreau]

y'know i think its about time ive refurbished my psychonauts headcanons/theories

what??? me??? rewriting my psychonauts headcanons in a more comprehensible and informed way???

ye

alright, i think everyone knows what im talking about, by headcanons i mean headcanon as in singular, and as singular, i mean my "raz is somewhere on the spectrum of adhd".

so lets just get into it:

what is adhd actually?

adhd by definition stands for attention deficit hyperactive/hyperfocus disorder (yes, let me get into the details in just a sec). it is a nerodevelopmental disorder that is almost completely reliant on genetic factors, however conditions during pregnancy can sometimes contribute to certain aspects of how adhd manifests itself.

long story short, people with adhd have a smaller frontal lobe, and therefore less dopamine in general (even though yes, it is more complicated than that).

theres also a little bit of "chicken or the egg first" goin on here, certain behaviors or personality tendencies can also affect how adhd is presented in one individual to the next, however its still not clear if that is because it is an accommodating for a certain thought process or if someones experiences and personality shape their symptoms of adhd entirely. its a very blurry line, and the answer is different for everybody.

hyperactive type

hyperactive type is probably the closest to most stereotypical depictions of adhd, think the 5 year old whos parents brush off their child’s hyperactivity as something that will “go with age”. however, this isn’t only present in children, adults with adhd have to deal with a constant need for stimuli to make up for the lack of dopamine their current activity is providing them. this results in someone fidgeting frequently in repetitive or predictable motions, unable to hold attention to a specific task for long periods of time, or many other of the symptoms associated with adhd.(i sadly cannot provide more information in this area, i am not knowledgeable enough to...)

hyperfocus type

hyperfocus type is a tricky one, it can look like the complete opposite of adhd in theory. hyperfocus can look similar to special interests or hyperfixation, a great deal of time and knowledge dedicated to a very particular thing (although it is important to note that even though hyperfixations and special interests are incredibly similar, special interests is a term more typically used within autistic-circles, and isnt really the best word to use if you happen to be neurotypical). Think of maybe that kid who knows all the cool animal facts and won’t shut up about them. Its because certain trains of thought or activities might release more dopamine then others, so to get more of that dopamine, someone of hyperfocus type will be mentally unable to stop thinking or doing a very specific task or topic. this results in someone seemingly always spacing out, unable to change subjects or changing subjects too fast or with little to no correlation, or being completely unable to have enough motivation to do simple things.

personally i tend to fall under the category of hyperfocus myself rather than hyperactive, however the two are not mutually exclusive, its more common to find people with both types rather than just one. even myself, i might exhibit more tendencies to place me under the label of hyperfocus, but that doesn’t mean i don’t have any symptoms of the hyperactive type. its my personality that affects my mannerisms, which then makes certain aspects of my symptoms more or less apparent. Thats because im an INTP-T, i just tend to be more to myself and constantly in a state of thinking abstractly. I have trouble communicating and even sometimes recognizing my needs, and get to a point where im unable to do the simplest of things without feeling emotionally drained. Thats just my experience though, everybodys different. 

so what the fuck does this have to do with raz then?

well lets think about it, rather than have it just be me projecting myself onto a comfort character:

raz finds issue with connecting to kids his age

lets be honest. none of the campers really like raz that much. or at least some do the bare minimum to be try and be polite. it doesn’t seem like any of the other campers besides dogen, whos also socially outcasted, are really fond of raz. lili might like him, but that can definitely be interpreted as curiosity in someone new and different from the norm. It might not be that the kids despise him, but nobodys opinionated enough to care whether he is around or not.

social isolation is one of the most damning things i had to experience from an early age and still feel even today. there is a sense of feeling that you are different among your peers, whether that is a good thing or bad thing. it feels difficult to interact with other people you are not familiar with, and can really stunt you emotionally and socially. from a really early age, theres somethin in you that knows something is very different between the experiences of your peers compared to your own, and it can feel incredibly isolating.

raz and his borderline stupidity

time to get real again. raz is a fucking idiot. at least in the sense that sometimes his decisions seem incredibly spontaneous and not really thought through. he runs from home to attend a summer camp, not really thinking about the logistics of how he will get there, how the staff will react, how long its gonna take for his parent to find him, and so on. it doesn’t seem like he over or underestimates his abilities, he just goes for it without considering. that doesnt seem like the smartest thing to do, even though we know hes incredibly intelligent when it comes to larger, abstract situations. its the little details that he misses, small minuet things that seem unimportant that he overlooks, which can sometimes make things harder for him in the end.

i think its obvious that impulsivity is one symptom of adhd. however i cannot stress how difficult it is to think at supersonic speed and still feel incredibly stupid. i mean, thinking faster doesn’t inherently mean you will have better ideas, you can always be stupider faster, but being able to realize stupid mistakes or inconsistencies in your own thought process is annoying as hell. it feels like every time you try to recognize the issue, fix it, and move forward, you only end up not paying attention to another issue that gets bigger and more annoying than the first. Its always two steps forward, one step back, constantly making the same mistakes even though you try everything in your power to avoid them or grow as a person. The simplest of facts, ideas, or just things to remember end up being forgotten, and once youre reminded of them you remember them and feel like an idiot. however, arbitrary things and complex issues are much easier to digest and remember for me, things like history and the whole blame game charade of it all, biology and how every minuet thing has a greater impact on others and intertwines with every single factor of its environment, philosophy and theorizing why we think the way we do and what can be changed. but oh shit, im a dumbass i forgot to do my laundry. shit. god fuckin dammit.

empathy over sympathy

one of the basic themes of psychonauts is empathy. simple as that. raz goes around into other peoples brains, and tries to help them as much as he can, even if his efforts are not always successful in the way he intended. he never demonizes anyone to the point of unredeemability, and can empathize and understand other peoples perspectives. hes open to new ideas and

although some studies out there theorize that empathy is impaired due to adhd, from my perspective i feel like that is simply not true. if anything, i would say the sensitivity that comes with adhd (hypersensitivity) only enhances that empathy. i could definitely see social disconnection being one of the reasons it might appear that someone with adhd is less empathetic, however i would doubt that adhd would impair a persons empathy. adhd tends to also entail heightened emotions, this doesn’t necessarily mean a more outwardly emotional person, however it definitely shifts a persons perspective of their own emotions as well as others. the concept of hypersensitivity also completely contradicts the idea of people with adhd be less empathetic.

miscommunication and disconnect

sigh, the dad thing. yup. raz has that very iffy relationship with his dad at the beginning of the game which is eventually resolved. very abruptly, might i add. but thats not what this is about, thats a topic for another day. miscommunication seemed to be the root of the issue, however we only get razs side of the story. not to mention the severity of his claims and willingness to seemingly drop everything afterwards. kinda sus, ngl.

alright this ones a doosey. this, i feel, cements my theory pretty well. like i mentioned before, social disconnect and hypersensitivity are side effects of the symptoms of adhd.  this means people with adhd are highly more likely to either misinterpret someones words or actions if those in question are not completely transparent, its because they tend to overthink and interpenetrate responses with too much thinkin n such. the social disconnect makes a whole lot of it worse, it can just pile on top of already established feelings of inadequacy and isolation. and oversharing as a poor coping mechanism isnt an exclusively adhd related thing, it tends to be shared within similar neruodevelopmental disorders such as autism or even ptsd. i find it incredibly easy to disconnect myself from my own emotions at times and think critically at what i feel and how it affects me. which is a bad thing. if i dont acknowledge my emotions like they are my own for too long, everything falls apart. its not fun. but, that disconnect can make talking about certain more traumatic experiences or instances that had deep personal effects on my life and development as a person much easier to just share. and not always in an appropriate manner, comedic opportunity can be   v  e  r  y   enticing. this also explains why raz might have been able to drop everything about his dad after he apologized. he didn’t really, he probably still suffers just as much afterwards as he did before. but he probably wont realize that for awhile, since logically, the issue has been resolved. long story short, he has not had the time to cope, and to put that off he detaches himself from those feelings. w a c k

of course i have other reasons why i feel like raz could potentially have adhd, or at least be accurately represented in headcanon with adhd, some minor mentions being:

he uses his camp map as a journal to track his in-game progress, list of goals, and notes/snip-its of information. writing down information on some form of notepad or book is a common tool used by kids and even adults with adhd to help them keep track of minuet, individual tasks. its just using a planner, but with a bit more information. 

just from my personal perspective, the lengths raz goes to pursue his dream of being a psychonaut feel more like a special interest/hyper fixation sort of thing. he can jump between having genuine conversations with his fellow campers and just exploring the campground, to investing himself entirely in obtaining his goal, even when it seems almost impossible. thats some serious dedication to one very specific thing, y’know?

this one isnt as solid as the other but: m̶̖̰̯̫̍͝o̵̦͖̟͈̹̤̥̝͐̿̄̀̀̎̓ņ̶̛̭̠̐̊̆̍͝ķ̸̝͈̺̙̰̊e̶͉͚̼̅̔͗̂͐̍̕͝͝y̶̦̖̼͖̪͎̝̖̠̐̑͋̾̔̑́͐͘ ̵̢̲̘͎͉̔̀͒̄͌͊̀͌̀m̴̲̫̮̪̖̍̐͆̕͜͝ͅả̶͙͚͗n̶̗̳̩̙̘̼̦̦͇͝ ̷̡̨̡͔̗͕̘͍̥̑͒̎̐̃g̴͔̔̈̅̐̏́̌̔̈́́o̶̥̱̽̆̂͌̀͗ ̶̝̩͙͕͛́s̴̛͓̥̲̜͓͚̣̠̆̓̌͌p̶̜̹̯̦̫̯̣̎͐̽̉̾ḙ̴͇̬͑̈́̐̈́͘͠ͅȅ̶̡̗̞̩͔̫̪͈͑̓͗d̵̠͇͎̜͔͇͒̈́́̀̅̈́̒͘y̸̡̦̠̻̖̥̿ͅ. yeah, its the most generalizing reason but look, hes moving nonstop the entire game, climbing and running around the entire goddamn place wrecking havoc. a bit of imp can be found in most people with adhd if you look hard enough.

so thanks for reading this far i guess? im oversharing even right now with this, like an i d i o t but yknow what i dont want to read the great gatsby rn, so ive got nothin better to do. who knows, maybe the second game will give us more info to either support/discredit this theory? gotta wait for pn2 i guess

:^)

#psychonauts #psychonauts 2 #theory #headcanon #razputin aquato #this is real biased #isnt it

[autisticchicc]

Autism and Love

TW: Mentions of physical and emotional abuse, drug-related metaphor

Love and obsession, for me, are separated by a very thin line. Even if I weren’t autistic, I know I would still love fiercely, but I also know that autism has a profound effect on the way that I feel and express love.

In my life there have been numerous occasions where I thought I was in love, and I often still debate with myself about whether I have ever been ‘in love’. Nowadays I tend to take the view that love is something very personal, and just because it doesn’t last doesn’t make it any less valid. Being someone who is still on good or even great terms with all of my ex partners, I’d say I absolutely loved them at one point in my life. Maybe I still do love them, but I live a strictly categorised life. That love is now a purely a platonic love that comes from knowing and trusting someone for a long time. That ability to categorise so strictly is something some of my exes have had a hard time coming to terms with, I am quick to move them into the platonic love category and keep them there. Once someone has been placed in the platonic category, they do not leave. I don’t get back with ex-partners, and I don’t actually think its possible due to that strict categorisation.

My very first boyfriend sent me a message the other day asking if I ever still think about him. I replied honestly and said that I do not. I think that this comes from the strict categorisation too. If you are my friend, I think about you, but not that often. I have a lot of things happening in my head at all times, a sensory cornucopia that is exhausting to sort through, a conscious stream of five or six trains of thought, and my special interests. Special interests are a really intriguing factor in the context of autistic love, because I believe that the intense focus and adoration we treat our interests with absolutely translates to the people we fall in love with.

Anyone who has been close friends with me while in a relationship knows how insufferable I am when I love someone. I talk about them at any given opportunity, for longer than the other person probably cares to hear about it at times. When I love someone, they become a source of great inspiration, I find the characters I write resembling them, I could spend hours editing pictures and videos of them, my artwork is littered with their image. Love, for me, is an all-encapsulating thing. It invades every aspect of my life, consciously or subconsciously. They become the most beautiful person in my eyes, I drink in their image as though dehydrated. Curiously, even things I perhaps did not like about them before suddenly become things I look at fondly. Something about that shift from like to love, it is a very powerful shift for me.

Ironically, I’m not very forthright with my expressions of love. After mulling it over for years, I’ve realised that I’ve been conditioned to believe that love and pain go hand in hand. When you love someone, you must expect them to hurt you. At least, that’s what I thought until I deconstructed why I thought that. I had become accustomed to people weaponising my love for them, using it to blackmail me emotionally or to excuse physical abuse. As such, although I feel so deeply for the people I love, I am always very anxious about showing it in ways that can be used against me. I don’t show them the story or the art that I created inspired by them, for fear that they might think me obsessed for spending so much time on something pertaining to them.

I get very embarrassed when performing acts of service for my partners. I enjoy tidying and cleaning a lot, and I often want to do it for my partners to make their lives easier, but I get scared that they will think I’m being subservient and that they can take advantage of me. When I see my partner enjoying something or fostering a talent, I desperately want to invest in it, buy them tools and find resources so that they can develop it further, but am scared that they will think me strange and over-enthusiastic. I’m the kind of partner that loves extremely hard, and wants to express it as such, but I cannot quite get over the shame.

I have only recently been able to engage in non-sexual physical touch without flinching. Learning that touch is your love language when you have been shying away from it for years is a strange thing. It almost feels like a betrayal of sorts. Why was I denied this thing that I love for so long? And the reality is, it was a part of that fear. I have to be vulnerable with someone in order to allow them to touch me. Vulnerability has never come easily for me, although I always desperately wanted it. Finding someone that I can entangle limbs with, that I can kiss and hug on a whim, that I can show physical affection in my ‘weird’ autistic ways with has been very therapeutic for me. For the first time, I feel like I can have vulnerability and touch without it being thrown back in my face. It feels desired and reciprocated, not only do I want to touch and hold this person, but they want to touch and hold me too.

Another lesson within that has been ensuring that while I maintain my tough, outer visage, I am honest about needing to be soft and fragile sometimes. I have always been forced into being strong and resilient, it was never a conscious choice that I made for myself. I was forever pushed to be strong for other people, constantly making sure that those that needed me didn’t have to see me struggling or breaking under pressure. I never had someone I felt I could truly cry in front of, ugly, drunken sobbing type of crying. At least not without feeling judged or treated like a flight risk. Having someone I can be unapologetically sad in front of and they don’t force me to be strong for their own comfort feels so alien to me, but the relief it fills me with is immense. I am no longer pretending, and I am no longer embarrassed to be fragile. I can break down in front of this person and they will never question my strength.  

While crying and vulnerability are certainly an obvious hurdle for plenty of people in relationships, for autistic people there is the added stress of getting used to unmasking in front of a partner. I didn’t get diagnosed for a very long time, which will tell you just how good I am at masking. As a Hispanic girl, a lot of my behaviours weren’t reprimanded too much. Being loud and aggressive is normal in Spanish culture, and oftentimes isn’t even interpreted as aggression the way it is in the UK. Conversely, I did terribly with the tactile nature of social interaction in Spain and among Hispanics. I didn’t want to kiss strangers or even family members on both cheeks, I didn’t like having my cheeks squeezed by old women, and I didn’t like people touching, grabbing, or shaking me. But I was unfortunately forced to do it for my own survival. I don’t know if the sentiments around disabilities have changed in Spain, but the way I remember it in the part I grew up in was that they weren’t talked about. I didn’t even know what disabilities were until I came to the UK.

In England, pretty much every aspect of my behaviour was reprimanded; my loudness, my ‘aggression’, my opinionated disposition, my lack of a filter, my inability to understand my classmates’ feelings… The list goes on and on. At a certain point, I learned to just hold in a lot of my personality until I got home. What I didn’t realise that I was actually holding in some instinctive behaviours in privacy as well, I would flinch and stop if I noticed myself stimming, my face would go red when I couldn’t verbalise properly, and I often found myself practicing facial expressions in the bathroom mirror because I was self-conscious that I wasn’t doing them ‘correctly’. I started my own personal journey so to speak about a year ago to completely unmask, alone. I still cringe when I catch my arms pulling up into ‘t-rex’ form or if I start verbally/physically stimming, but I’m slowly becoming less ashamed of myself.

Consequently, unmasking in front of someone else has been incredibly nerve-wracking. The ‘issue’ (I say issue but it’s quite the opposite) is that I’m so comfortable in my partner’s home that I unmask without even realising it. Something I’ve noticed however, is that half the time they don’t. When my fingers twist and rub against each other, I glance up nervously to see if I’m being watched. No one has even glanced at me. I stammer and mess up my sentence, or my mouth fails halfway through, and yet even then no one laughs or looks at me strangely, they just wait for me to rectify or finish the sentence. I wonder if part of me still thinks I’m under the ultra-critical gaze of my secondary school peers, expecting to be torn to shreds verbally over my quirks as I always was, but it never happens. I have to constantly remind myself that I am well liked here, and my quirks are something people are fond of now.

Overall, love as an autistic person is intense and difficult, but an experience that is so all-consuming it feels almost like you’re on some kind of drug. I’m a very logical, science-based person, but love is one of the few things that still feels remotely magical to me. It can draw me out of my cold, black and white world and into an illogical whirlpool of emotion. I rarely act on emotion alone, but love is something that certainly has the power to make me do so. It embarrasses me a lot, it makes me feel out my depth, it makes me behave in ways I normally wouldn’t, but I’ll endure those feelings any day for the reward. I still have a long way to go before I can properly express myself to a partner, but one day I’d really like to be able to show them all my projects inspired by them, and the true level of sappiness I’m capable of (lol).

#autism #asd #aspergers #autism and love #asd and love #love #disability #disability and love #aspiegirl #neurodivergent #neurotypical #neurodiverse #autistic #autism spectrum #autism awareness #autism and relationships