#people will straight up be so misogynistic and cruel as a ‘joke’ youre just insulting women its not funny or cute youre evil

[into-control]

submission:

for the anon asking about conversion therapy

The conversion therapy I went to was different from others, I think, because it was linked to a private boarding school. It was divided into 2 age groups. 11-15 years and 16-19 years. I was in the latter group. There weren’t many of us in that age group. Less than 30, for sure.

Idk what it was like for the younger age group. I’m assuming they were less harsh on them and were less detailed and explicit about sexual things to them than they were with us.

They would mention sexual things a lot to us. That’s a big thing that was focused on.

A married couple were the ones running it all. The husband focused on the boys, and the wife focused on the girls.

The husband wasn’t as bad as the wife. He was less harsh and a bit softer. But the wife was seriously disturbed. Evil is the worst that comes to mind, but maybe that’s being too harsh. I can almost forgive the husband, but the wife, I still extremely resent to this day. She was fucked up.

For the most part, it wasn’t physically abusive. They’d hit the boys occasionally, and the girls would get slapped on the arm or the back sometimes, but that was it.

There was a lot of religious preaching.

There were a lot of sexual talks. The husband was too embarrassed to talk to the girls about that, so the wife would do that.

She would go on about how heterosexual sex is normal, natural, and beautiful, and that it’s for the man’s pleasure and that women need to do it, even if they don’t want to. “Your husband owns your body and has the right to do whatever he wants to it”.

There was a lot of brainwashing. They would tell the guys that, even though they think that they’re not attracted to women, their bodies are attracted and will react to women. And with the girls, they’d say it’s impossible for two women to have sex and that women aren’t even supposed to want sex as it’s only for procreation and male pleasure.

If we ever thought something gay, we would have to snap a rubber band on our wrist. We also had to mark every gay thought we had on a diagram of a tree. Every leaf represented a gay thought.

If we were ever seen showing affection to someone of the same gender, we would get screamed at like we’d committed murder. We weren’t allowed to hug each other, hold hands, sit too close to each other, etc.

The wife would tell us that just because being gay is being normalised in society, that does not make it okay, and that we’re disgusting.

They would show us videos and tell stories about situations where people “became straight”, and they’d tell us things to scare us. Like, they’d say that most lesbian relationships are abusive, and they’d say that most gay men are gonna die of AIDs.

One thing that made me really angry just because of the sheer hypocrisy of it is that they would encourage the boys to  watch porn of a single woman alone in their free time. That’s supposed to be a sin too, but I guess for them, anything was better than being gay.

Of course, they wouldn’t encourage the girls to do that because girls were told they had to be “pure” until marriage because men don’t want “used goods”.

The wife would ask us really invasive, personal questions about our sexual attractions.

That’s one thing I really hated. She never once even mentioned falling in love with the same gender. It was always just her acting like we’re all sexually-obsessed perverts who want to fuck every girl in existence.

The level of sexism was disgusting. The wife was much more sexist than the man. She was an actual misogynist. She would always talk about how much she hated women. She seemed to think she was one of the only decent women in the world.

The boys would be allowed to play football during breaks, but the girls would have to stay inside and talk because “it’s not feminine” for women to play sports.

The wife would tell us stuff like, “If your husband hits you, it’s your fault for making him angry, and you probably deserve it”, “you have to obey everything your husband says”, “a woman’s only purpose in life is to serve her husband and bear his children”.

Other stupid, sexist rules. The girls weren’t allowed to wear trousers. We had to wear skirts or dresses. She told us lesbianism is only a thing because society encourages women to behave like men. And she said men aren’t attracted to women anymore because “women have started dressing like men”.

They were also really invasive about things like body hair. They would do checks to make sure that the boys weren’t shaving their armpits, legs, or arms because it was considered feminine. And the girls had to shave all their body hair, but she only checked our legs and arms.

The husband had some kind of sympathy for us at least, but the wife hated us. She would constantly insult us and call us disgusting, freaks, homosexuals, lesbians, f*gs, etc.

Oh, I just remembered something so stupid she said that it’s almost funny. She said that, in hetero sex, the woman shouldn’t ever be on top because that can cause the man and woman to become gay because the man is in the woman’s position (submissive), and the woman is in the man’s position (dominant). So fucking stupid, lol. She must think half the straight couples out there are gay then, following that logic.

I can’t emphasize how horrible the wife was. I have no idea how she can claim to be a religious woman when she was practically the devil incarnate. I hate her so much, but I feel guilty for hating her. She would try to emotionally manipulate us into believing that she cared about us and only wanted to help us.

One of the boys was on the autism spectrum, and she’d always call him a “r*tard”, “disabled”, and she’d call him a liar and say he was faking it for attention.

She was a really unkind person. She would constantly mock us and try to humiliate us. She was very sarcastic too.

The husband would try to get her to stop being so harsh.

I swear, with the way she used to speak to us, it was like we were the worst people in the world. She made me feel like I’d committed murder or something. Like I was dirt under her shoe and worthless. She was really, really, really horrible.

It definitely had a really big impact on us. Some of the girls would self-harm. Another girl tried to overdose on tablets, but she survived and got kicked out after that. They called her attention-seeking.

One of the girls ended up running away from the place. She climbed over this fence right at the back of the outside area where the boys would play football and never came back.

I hated myself so much. I literally wanted to die most of the time that I was there. I think I might have had depression. I was there for a year and a half.

The place shut down years ago. The whole thing caused a bit of a scandal in my city at the time. The woman actually had the nerve to contact me and try to ask me to defend the place against the accusations.

She really managed to brainwash some of those girls though. Some of them are married to men now.

To summarise, it was the worst experience of my entire life, and it fucked me up. I would cry almost every day, and then there was this period of a few months where I actually physically couldn’t cry. Like, I’d feel sad and try to force tears, but I couldn’t cry. I don’t know why.

It’s taken me years to recover, but I still have a lot of internalised homophobia deep down. And I still haven’t fully forgiven my dad for forcing me to go there.

And I’m actually still anxious every time I go outside because I’m worried that I’ll bump into that demon woman. After I finished the conversion therapy, I kept having this recurring dream for a few months where I was running and trying to hide, and she was chasing me.

I’m a calm person, but I end up freaking out if anyone says something that reminds me of something she said to me. Like one time, someone made a joke about beating gay people up, and I FREAKED. I lost control of my emotions and ended up yelling at them and then sobbing. I’m never like that usually.

I still can’t bring myself to date a girl, even though it’s been years. I feel too ashamed, like I’m doing something wrong.

That woman is easily one of the worst people I have ever met in my entire life.

I hope she realises what a cruel, stupid, toxic person she is one day, and I hope she feels extremely guilty and ashamed like she made us feel constantly. And I hope she cries about it like she made us cry. But in the end, I hope she changes and becomes a good person. I would try to forgive her if she did.

Anyway, I’m getting kinda emotional, but to summarise, anon, PLEASE do not go to conversion therapy. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life. It DOESN’T work. I’m still gay. All it did was make us miserable and make us hate ourselves. And the stuff that they tell you really stays in your mind, and it’s very hard to clear your mind of it completely.

#anon #submission