Alastor who did you make a deal with?
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You can choose only ONE no in-between answers. Be brave and bold and decisive and elaborate in the tags if you wish
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beatles opinion kinsey scale
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anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...
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they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?
they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.
you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.
you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.
mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.
you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.
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john gaius is an interesting character because he is a charismatic and nice and funny guy AND he is an indigenous man living in his homeland that has been colonized by a brutal imperial force for centuries AND he's an anticapitalist working hard to prevent climate change AND he's a biologist trying to save all of humanity and get everyone out alive, not just the elite with the means to pay for it AND he is an indigenous healer being targeted and hunted down by multiple colonial governments AND he is entrusted with the powers to save people by the spirit of the earth itself AND he kills everyone on the face of the planet to try and stop the trillionaires from leaving but fails AND he resurrects his colleagues and friends but wipes their memories AND he cannot forgive himself but also cannot let go of the very feeling that made him guilty to begin with AND he puts the soul of a planet and 10 billion people into a flesh-and-bone doll AND when she is furious at him (what they did to you and what they wrung from you and what shape they made you fill) and scaring the others he locks her away AND he's a masterful manipulator AND his actions towards the earth are a metaphor for sexual assault AND he based an entire society around violating other people's bodily autonomy AND he's committing genocide by killing all the other habitable planets AND he kills his closest friends a second time when they learn the truth about him AND he half-resurrects his own daughter to use as a weapon AND he's a neoliberal fascist and serial liar and in all his time searching for revenge, he still hasn't noticed that revenge is out for him instead
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sometimes all you need is one passionate person who goes berserk for your work to keep you creating
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The way in Knives Out that the entire Thrombey family constantly subjected Marta to racism for years ranging from micro aggressions to outright threats of deportation, that she knew all their fucked up dirty laundry and how they all were constantly exploiting Harlan's wealth, that they excluded her from Harlan's funeral and each blamed everyone else for it, and that they immediately dropped all pretenses of condescending civility when the will was read, yet she spent almost the entire movie sympathetic of them and wanting to gift them the fortune Harlan left her before finally standing up for herself in the last hour
Vs
The way in Glass Onion that Helen outright hated the entire "disrupters" group for at least ~10yrs before the movie even took place and made her opinion explicitly known, that her acting as her twin sister being jilted was so easy to maintain because she hated the entire group so much, that she didn't at all humor their extremely conditional "comradery" with her cause against Miles, and that in the end when everything was said and done she didn't stick around to watch them all turn on each other because it didn't matter anymore if they did or didn't
Marta's kindness got her the house.
Helen's justified fury burned Miles' down.
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THE WAY OLLIE SAID THAT HIS DREAM WOULD BE TO DRIVE NEXT TO CHARLES AND NOW HE GOT TO DO THAT AND HE WAS LOOKING AT CHARLES WITH THE SAME ADMIRATION AND AWE THAT CHARLES USED TO LOOK AT SEB!!! LITERALLY NO ONE TOUCH ME I AM ILL!! I AM UNWELL!!
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Twilight clone redesigns!!!! i love those fellas
i like to hc that sunset is part kirin! and i imagine she got the flame hair during "my past is not today" and she was VERY surprised when going back through the mirror
the other two i don't really have many headcanons for, surprisingly! despite being some of my faves
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Imagine Death comes to collect your mortal soul and her emo brother is just standing there like 🧍♂️
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
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