cute bpd things!!
paranoia
*small inconvenience* BREAK UP BREAK UP BREAK UP BREAK UP
yeah im fine lol look at this meme :D
paranoia
mood depending on them
every text hurts or feels way too good
intrusive thought yeouch okay ouch thats another one yeOOUCH
the 50000+ articles on how youre abusive
paranoia
fp is bad for me but its ok i love them<3
"if i hurt someone its gonna be myself"
becoming completely obsessed with someone the moment they give you the slightest attention
never being able to cut anyone off ever. immediately go running back
cry because theyre talking to someone that IS NOT ME
oh my fp isnt here. okay. oh im dissociating okay i dont have any purpose to continue living without them okay my life literally revolves around them i want to die where are they are they safe i dont know what to do with myself
"just leave. everyone does anyways"
5 minutes later theyre the worst person ever
*looking for an identity* hmmm, where could it be?
dependent on fp like theyre a parental figure you never had
paranoia
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
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Perv Soap who lets his other teammates grope you as much as they want, as long as they make you cum so that he can condition you to like being treated like this.
perv soap who shares you with his friends oh i am. i am simply unwell
cw for dubcon/noncon and manipulation
you love your boyfriend soap so much, you never want to give him a reason to leave you! and that means that you let a lot of shit slide that you might not with another person. johnny's really pushy in bed (always wanting to do things you try to make clear you're not comfortable with) and he's really into PDA. but every time you ask him to back off he gives you one of two excuses - either something about how his love language is physical touch, or something about how nobody else is even looking and you're totally overreacting
but he's also really sweet, so it's easy to let most things slide. it's hard to remember how uncomfortable you were with his hands under your shirt at dinner when he cuddles up to you so tight in bed <3
johnny always likes to show you off. he'll buy you clothes you'd have never bought on your own, dress you up in little scraps of fabric that make you fidgety and uncomfortable all night :( mini skirts and crop tops, never gives you a bra or underwear to wear with it, wants as much of your skin on display possible
and his friends get this look when they see you. you tell yourself they wouldn't do anything to their friend's girlfriend, but they look at you the same way johnny does - hungry and predatory
ANYWAYS. set up done
johnny sits you on his lap during dinner, stands to go get another round of drinks and drops you onto ghost's lap before he leaves :( lifts you up by the hips, gives you a quick tap on the ass and says watch her, lt, yeah? then just struts off. your face goes hot and you try to move off of him, already muttering apologies, but ghost wraps an arm around your stomach and holds you close to his chest :( rumbles something like stay where your boy put you, love and holds a heavy hand over your bare thigh to keep you still. he's also the one you catch watching you and johnny the most, his gaze heavy and dark.
(johnny keeping you sat on ghost's lap, straddles you - both of you - and makes out with you. ghost's hands run up your sides, occasionally over to johnny, and you can feel him breathing against your neck, hot and heavy. johnny grinds against your stomach until he comes, smiles down at you and finally pulls away, dragging you into his lap for a cuddle)
making out and dancing with soap on the dance floor and you feel another body behind you. you don't think much of it until the person starts grinding, and then you jolt away from johnny to look over your shoulder. it's gaz - smiling down at you and working his hips against your ass in far too sexual ways. you think maybe johnny will scare him off, but he just turns you around and starts leaving hickeys along your neck with his hands keeping your hips moving, so you're stuck sandwiched between the two of them. gaz leans down and you're convinced he's going to kiss you too, go stiff and wide-eyed because you have no idea what you'll do, but instead he just leaves little kisses peppered around your face. and that's not so bad, gaz's lips are soft and the little touches are kinda nice, each one longer and a little wetter than the last. you hardly even notice when he finally kisses your lips, the slide of his tongue soft against yours.
price always scolding johnny for the way he treats you :/ sees all the bruises on your neck and goes you know she's not a chew toy, right son? but soap just smiles real big and hugs you tight to him, says she's whatever i want her to be and you don't really know how to feel about that. johnny gropes you and works you up at a dinner with everyone despite all your whispered complaints and begs that he stop, then leaves you just on the edge of coming. price rolls his eyes from across the table, snaps something about how it's rude to leave a lady wanting, johnny. go ahead and get her off, make it quick. and he does and you're all wiggly and teary in his lap, keep trying to hide your face because you can feel gaz and ghost and price all staring at you :( price calls johnny good boy when you've gone limp
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