#personal moodboard: i am the worst person alive | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thesassenachswiftie · 4 years

Text

Lover Chapter 5 - “False God”

Read on AO3

Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 // Chapter 4

Summary:

Claire has made up her mind to end things with Jamie. How will he react when she makes a confession to him?

Notes:

Thank you all for following along on this journey. We left off in a pretty angsty spot and the angst is going to continue for a bit here.

New chapters every Friday, moodboard release every Monday, previews on Wednesday

Chapter 5: “False God”

Claire managed to somewhat keep it together all morning as they picked up their discarded clothes scattered about the room, grabbed a quick breakfast and got on the road. Jamie, of course, noticed the look on her face shortly after waking. When he inquired, she blamed a hangover (which wasn’t entirely a lie) and assured him she would be fine. She would not be fine, and neither would he, she suspected. He seemed so chipper, so alive, like he was ready to conquer the world. She knew she was a terrible person to do this to him, but if she didn’t do it now it would be so much worse for the both of them later. She decided to tell him when they were about a half hour from her house. That way, if he left her on the side of the road--which she wouldn’t blame him for--she’d be close enough to call Jo to come pick her up. She had made sure her phone was charged the night before if that was to be the case.

For the first stretch of her trip, she remained quiet, still blaming the hangover and staring out the window as Jamie talked about Scotland and England and all the places he’d love to take her and people he wanted to introduce her to there. She tuned out most of what he was saying. She couldn’t bear dreaming with him, and needing to mentally rehearse what she would say when the time came. She watched the road ahead of her, trying to focus on the movement of the car instead of the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Eventually, the time came--she couldn’t put it off any longer.

“Jamie, we were crazy to think that this could work” she blurted out, more abruptly than she had intended.

“I know Claire, but we might just get away with this, it’s going great so far--”

“No Jamie, I mean, this isn’t going to work. We can’t keep seeing each other like this, and what’s going to happen when you leave?”

“Have you not been listening to me for the past hour? Remember how I said I’d fly ta ya? What are you doing Claire?”

“We were stupid to jump in with an ocean separating us. We can’t just fly back and forth whenever we feel like it. It’s not realistic. We’re living in a fantasy world, Jamie. We’re living in a dream and it’s time to wake up to reality.”

“Claire, I--”

“No, let me finish. I know I’ve had a setback in my career, but I still want to be a doctor. I’m not going to be able to spend any time with you when I do eventually start my residency, whether you fly here or not. It’s not fair to you or me. It’s not fair to you that I keep you away from your family. It’s not fair to you that you have to sneak around and lose sleep on my account. I’m doing this for you, believe it or not.”

Jamie’s hands gripped the steering wheel, turning his knuckles white, his jaw tightened and his face felt hot as something within him broke. “Claire, how could ye possibly be doing this for me when it isna what I want at all?” He reached for her, knowing it would be easier to talk to her if they touched.

Claire stared out the passenger window, arms crossed across her chest, shrinking herself as far away as she could. “Don’t touch me.” she hissed. She knew she couldn’t do this if they touched, she’d be lost in him again, it was taking all her resolve to say her piece.

Jamie, ever the gentlemen, knew even something as small as a touch on the shoulder was something that needed consent, and reluctantly put his hand back on the steering wheel. “I can’t talk to you when you’re like this, staring out the window like I’m not your favorite. God dammit Claire, it’s hell when I fight with you.” He felt so frustrated, he couldn’t understand how less than twenty-four hours ago she confessed her love to him and now she was doing this. “This canna possibly be what you really want. We belong together, we were meant to meet Claire, we were meant to be together. Ya really wanna leave? Go ahead, try and leave me, try and tell me honestly that’s what you really want.” He thought if he could scare her maybe she’d come to her senses and change her mind.

The tears were flowing freely from Claire's eyes now. “Yes.” she said quietly. “Jamie, I’m New York City, you’re the English countryside, we don’t belong together, we don’t fit together. If this was meant to be we’d be on the same path, and we’re just not.”

You’re not New York City, you’re my Sassenach, you don’t belong to any place, that’s what I love about you, you just belong with me. Jamie thought to himself. “Claire, I can’t let you go that easy. I love you so much, I’d die for you Claire. If you want me to fly to you every week, I will, I swear to it, tell me what to do Claire.”

Claire’s resolve was weakening, he wasn’t supposed to keep loving her, to keep worshipping her as if she were worthy of his love. She only had one thing left to say, the confession she hoped she wouldn’t have to share. The last thing she wanted to ever tell him, but the thing that might finally make him leave. “I’m not what you think I am Jamie. I lied to you!”

“What are you talking about?”

“That first night we were together, I told you Frank broke up with me… he didn’t. I didn’t even talk to him. I used you. I wanted you, I wanted to piss Frank off--I was bored and lonely and horny and I lied to you to get my way. That’s the type of person I am, I’m not this wonderful person you’ve made me out to be.”

All he could do in reply was grunt a Scottish noise of disapproval. Her confession ignited a livid fire in him, he didn’t know what to feel or how to respond. He would never have consented to sleeping with her that night knowing she still belonged to Frank. God, she was engaged to him for heaven’s sake. How could she let him do that, knowing how he felt about the situation. He had been under her spell, completely captivated by her, and he didn’t know if he fully regretted it. The final minutes of their car ride continued in heated silence. The air in the car was thick with something that felt like it would ignite and burn up fast if either of them uttered a word.

Jamie dropped Claire off at the end of her street as she had requested earlier, she grabbed her weekender bag from the backseat and softly said “Goodbye, Jamie” before shutting the door, not daring herself to look at him as she did. She walked to her house as quickly as she could and collapsed to the ground sobbing as soon as she was inside her door. She knew it was for the best, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

----------

Jamie drove away from her, glancing one last time at her figure in the rearview mirror in spite of himself. He felt betrayed, upset, confused and aimless. Above all, he felt heartbroken. They had warned him about times like these--his father, his Godfather, even his brother-in-law. “When you fall in love”, they said, “the road gets hard and you get lost in it” and Jamie was just now figuring out what they meant. He had been following her with blind faith, doing anything she asked without a thought, sneaking around--even allowing her to cheat with him, albeit unknowingly. He was still too eager, too willing. How could he forgive himself for that? How could he allow a woman to consume him so deeply, body, mind and soul? Worst of all, who was he without her, now that she had walked away?

He found himself pulling into the parking lot of a Catholic church. He didn’t attend weekly anymore, nor did his family. “The Lord kens how difficult it is ta get seven bairns dressed and ready for church and the Lord kens how much we love him.” his sister Jenny would say. He knew he didn’t need the church building to love and worship God. He also recognized that the Roman Catholic Church was as flawed and marred by sin as the worst sinner, but he still found something comforting and spiritual about visiting. Something about the waxy smell of candles and the glow the stained glass cast on the cold marble interior, made him feel like he was connected to something ancient and holy, something bigger than himself--and in this moment he needed something bigger than himself to help him make sense of this situation. He dipped his hand in the font and crossed himself as he entered, strode to the pews, and genuflected before taking a seat in the middle of the empty church. He rested his forehead on his clasped hands, elbows resting on the back of the pew in front of him, ready to speak to the only one who could listen. The one who knew him best and could help him sort through all the raw emotions that weighed so heavily on him in this moment.

He allowed the tears he’d been holding back to flow freely as he prayed: Lord, please have mercy on my soul for I am a sinner. I thought that you had made her for me, I selfishly thought that we were meant to be together. I tried to be good, I tried to respect and honor her. With her I knew heaven was a thing, I went there when I touched her. Lord, I confess I coveted my neighbor’s wife--well, fiancée if we’re being technical about it--but you of course know these things. I beg you for forgiveness for that, and I’m afraid I am guilty of a bit more than just coveting. Please forgive me for the sins I did not know I was committing. Lord, if you did not make her for me, please, please, take my desire for her from me, I beg of you. I fear even if she is a false god that I am still sorely tempted to worship this love. However, Lord, if you did in fact make her for me, and me for her, as I believe you are good enough to do, please Lord, bring her back to me. Heal her wounds and bring her back to me, I swear to you I’ll care for her, honor her and never let her leave me again. I’ll do whatever it takes Lord, please, just free me from this pain I feel. It’s too much to bear without her.

#lover #false god #outlander #outlander fanfic #outlander fic #outlander fanfiction #jamie fraser #claire beauchamp #jamie x claire #modern au #inspired by taylor swift #angst #i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry

46 notes · View notes

nashibirne · 3 years

Text

Safe Haven 7

Safe Haven

A Maze Runner Fan Fiction

Pairing: Thomas / female OFC

Setting: After the end of 'TMR - Death Cure'

Summary: Thomas is dealing with the aftermath of the events since the glade and learns that falling in love can be painful

Warnings: (in this or in upcoming chapters) smut/sex/porn, swearing, mentioning of death, traumatic experiences, violence, sexual frustration, promiscuity, homosexuality, daddy-kink, oral, nsfw, 18+ readers only

Credits: TMR-Characters don't belong to me / are based on the books by James Dashner and the movies. All pictures I used for the moodboards/headers are from pinterest. If I violate any copyright please let me know and I'm going to remove the pictures.

Beta by my pretty badass - @hell1129-blog Thanks for your support! xo

Comments, likes and reblogs are very much appreciated.

Please don't use my work or parts of it without my permission.

Previous parts:

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6

In Part 7 Thomas and Kasey finally share their first kiss! But don’t get too exited...no happy ending yet.

~~~~~~~

Thomas was surprised to see someone sitting on the tree trunk besides the glowing remains of the campfire at this late hour. Usually he found the place abandoned when it was one of those nights again he couldn't find some sleep and tried to get his mind straight by staring into the peaceful dark void at the ocean. When he came closer he realized the person sitting there, deep in thought, was Kasey. His body reacted in the usual way, his heartbeat speeding up, his palms getting sweaty, butterflies buzzing in his stomach.

"Hey" he said softly to avoid giving her a fright but he made her jump anyway.

"Timber...you scared me." Kasey gave him one of those smiles that made his heart melt. "Wanna sit with me?" She patted on the empty space next to her.

"Sure." Thomas sat down on the short trunk, his thigh brushing against hers. He had never been so close to her before and it felt so good that he already wished this moment would never end. He turned to her and noticed that there was something in her eyes he had never seen there, something dark. It wasn’t sadness or worry, it was melancholy. A kind of tristesse that was very untypical for her.

"You're all right?" Thomas asked softly.

"Yeah. I just need a moment alone from time to time. And I love the special atmosphere at the beach at night."

"Yeah, me too. It's so peaceful. I come here often, when I can't sleep."

Thomas looked at her. Her skin was glowing golden in the fading light of the fire, shadows of the flickering flames dancing over her face.

"What keeps you awake?" Kasey asked with a frown, concern showing in her eyes.

You, he should have said. I can't get you out of my head. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't think of anything else but you, because I love you. But he didn't because he was a fucking coward.

"I don't know, it's all and nothing. I just can't turn off my brain." he said instead.

"That's not a surprise with all you've been through. You still have a lot to process."

"Everybody here's been through a lot."

"Thomas, you fought WCKD, freed Minho from their headquarters, made it through the storming of the last city, discovered that your blood can cure the flare, lost your best friend and your girlfriend and you got shot. You almost died." she said sympathetically, touching his arm, sending shivers down his spine.

"Yeah, I know. I'm a hero" he said bitterly.

"You are." Kasey looked him in the eyes, her hand still on his arm. "You are a hero even if you don't want to be one, but still. And I know it's hard for you."

"It's just a lot of pressure. Everybody expects me to be a leader....but I'm not. Not yet. I'm not ready."

"Of course not. Just take your time to heal, Tommy. To get whole again. Step by step. Step one was to give up your career as a lumberjack and use your brain again." she winked at him. "Step 2 is working in the library with me. And maybe someday you'll be ready for the next step. Maybe someday you will be a leader, if you want to. Life goes on and time will show."

"It doesn't go on for all of us, Kay."

"I know. Believe me...I know." she gave him a sad smile and he took her hand, squeezing it lightly. She didn't pull back.

"I think that's the hardest thing for me." Thomas sighed. "Thinking about the ones we've lost, I mean. Not only Newt and Teresa but all the others. Alby, Ben, Winston, Chuck...and so many, many more. It haunts me at night that I've made it and they haven't. I'm not better than them, not stronger, not smarter, not more important. Just luckier." He fought back the tears building in his eyes, staring into the darkness.

"Yes, I can relate." she said. "We lost so many good men and women along the way. It all seems so unfair and senseless ."

"You lost your boyfriend." Thomas said quietly. "Vince told me."

"Yes, two years ago. Cole fought a crank to save my life. He didn't make it, was eaten alive by a mob of these monsters. I still hear his terrible howls of pain in my worst nightmares. But it's true what they say. Time's a healer. The scars remain but the pain gets better."

Now it were her eyes that were glistening. Without thinking about it Thomas wiped away the single teardrop that rolled down her cheek with his thumb gently, letting his hand slide down her arm then, taking her hand in his again.

And then there finally was the moment he'd been waiting for. The moment he looked her in the eyes, deeper than necessary, longer than necessary and this time she didn't look away, she held his gaze and seemed to look right into his burning heart. He leaned in slowly, looking for the slightest hints of resistance in her eyes. But to his big relief she didn't hesitate, she leaned in too, her eyes straying back and forth between his eyes and his lips. It was obvious that she wanted this as much as he did. He closed his eyes and their lips met in a tender, sensual kiss. He cupped her face with one hand, his other hand wandering to her waist, sliding carefully under her shirt, feeling her soft skin. Deepening the kiss, he entered her mouth with his tongue slowly, meeting hers, the kiss getting so intense, heated and erotic, it made both of them moan.

He felt his dick getting hard and his heart racing wildly, beating heavily against his ribcage, almost exploding with happiness. The moment of joy ended abruptly when Kasey suddenly pulled away.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this, Tommy."

"What? Why? Have I done something wrong?"

"No! No, of course not. It's not your fault. But I shouldn't be doing this." Kasey stammered.

Thomas just looked at her. Speechless. Disappointed. Embarrassed.

"You and me...it can only go wrong."

"Why would you say that?"

"Tommy...girls talk a lot. The girls in this camp talk a lot. Especially about men...about you pretty often. So as a matter of fact I know your creed. You don't do relationships. See and I don't do one-night-stands. That's why it wouldn't work. You like sleeping around and that's perfectly fine, but it's not what I'm looking for. I don't want to be one of many. I don't want to be just a notch in your bedpost."

Thomas didn't know what to say so he simply stared at his feet, ashamed that she knew he used to screw anything with a heartbeat, realizing that his worst nightmare was coming true. She was turning him down.

"I see." He whispered in a hoarse voice.

"I'm not saying I'm not attracted to you, Tommy. I am. And I like you. A lot. You're handsome and sexy, smart and funny. I'm sure physically it would work out great between us. But I need more than sex. I need someone who wants to be with me. Someone who loves me"

Thomas' head shot up realizing what she needed to hear from him and he was just about to tell her that he needed exactly the same, how much he was in love with her, how much he wanted to be with her, how sick he was of meaningless fucks, but before he'd sorted out how to say it, they heard footsteps behind them. Thomas turned around to see who was coming. It was Quincy who was raining on his parade. "There you are, Kay. I was starting to worry because I couldn't find you anywhere." he said when he was in earshot. Kasey got up from the make-shift bench hastily.

"Umm...yeah...Thomas and I've been talking. Why have you been looking for me?"

"Nothing special, just wanted to have a chat. I hope I'm not interrupting something?" Quincy asked uncertain, suddenly sensing the tense atmosphere.

"No, absolutely not." Kasey said, avoiding to look at Thomas and he knew their conversation was over. He'd wasted the chance to confess his feelings for her.

"I should get going." He got up, smiling at Quincy.

"You don't have to..." Kasey looked at him with a mixture of disappointment and relief.

"Nah...I really should get some sleep, I'm tired." he lied. "See you tomorrow."

"Sure. Have a good night, Thomas."

She watched him leave and couldn't help but feel bad. She liked him so much more than she wanted to admit to herself.

"What was that about?" Quincy asked, confused.

"What?"

"I was clearly interrupting something. What was going on leaving both of you so flushed?" he eyed her suspiciously.

"It was nothing."

"It didn't look like nothing. Come on Kay, don't leave me in the dark."

"If you really have to know...we kissed, but...."

"You kissed? Oh wow, Kasey, I didn't know there's something going on with you and him." he interrupted her excitedly.

"Quince...if you'd ever let me finish my sentences...we kissed, but then I chickened out and turned him down." Kasey sighed.

"Why?"

"Well, his friends call him Casanova for a reason, you know. And I don't need a Casanova in my life. You should hear all the girls swooning and gossiping about him. I know a lot of things, I don't even want to know. From his dick size, over how loudly he moans, fucking them to the fact that he absolutely never does relationships. Only one-night-stands."

"I see." Quincy took her hand, giving it a sympathetic squeeze.

"Is he big then?"

"Quince!" Kasey couldn't help but laugh.

"What? It's an important question, isn't it. I bet he's big. It's always the still waters that run deep. The ones exuding big dick energy often have tiny wieners, I can tell you. I had this huge guy once, looking like a wrestler and his dick was so small I needed a magnifier to find it." he grinned.

"Oh my god, too much information, Quincy!"

"Okay, okay, but am I right?" he wiggled his eyebrows.

"Well, from what I've heard so far he is very well armed." Kasey cringed. "I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you."

"And is he a good kisser?"

"Yeah." she sighed. "He is. Very sensual. Very sexy. Very soft lips."

"And you find him attractive."

"Of course...I mean, just look at him. Those cheekbones, those lips, his smile and his eyes. I've never seen such beautiful brown eyes before. The color is so special, like liquid chocolate or a very old Tennessee whiskey, when the sun shines through the bottle. And don't even let me start with his body...he likes to work shirtless and I can tell you he has some fine abs..." Kasey said, blowing a chef kiss in the air.

"Don't start drooling, honey." Quincy smiled at her. "So you have the hots for him and he seems to be a nice guy. Why not give it a shot?"

"No, Quince, as I said. I don't want a fling."

"And what do you want? Parker?"

"Yeah, maybe. I don't know." She got up from the bench and wrapped her arms around herself. "I can't think straight 'cause of this fucking kiss."

"You're in love."

"No, I'm not." she lied. "Just...I don't know...physically attracted."

"Ok...so you're horny."

Kasey made a face at him, sticking out her tongue, but she couldn't help but grin.

"So what are you going to do?"

"About being horny?" Kasey said with a smug smile.

"About Casanova, silly."

She sighed, shrugging her shoulders. "Pretend nothing's ever happened and go on with business as usual, I guess."

"Well...good luck with this, then." Quincy said with a frown.

~~~~~~~~~

I hope you liked this chapter. Let me know what you think!

#tmr fandom #tmr fanfic #tmr thomas #tmr thomas x oc #dylan o'brien #tmr #maze runner thomas #maze runner fanfiction

8 notes · View notes

hatake-no-sharingan · 3 years

Text

ASK: @theimperfectkunoichi (if this is not a problem, I'm writing it here because it doesn't send the ask..sorry.) Good morning! I was reading about the weeks you are going to spend and I hope you will be fine.❣️ I am new here on Tumblr and honestly I am a very shy person.ʕ≧㉨≦ʔ I wanted to ask you if it is possible to have one of those little "games", but..which one? They all seem to be so. Umh..I guess I'll choose the first 🥺. (you have to excuse me for my bad english,but I'm not a native of the language.✨)

... I am a girl, 18 years old, just over five feet tall I am, (as mentioned before) a shy person, very reserved, insecure about my appearance and skills but also loving and sweet with whom I believe deserves it (when you'll get to know me better, I'll be your worst nightmare 😂). Three years ago I started suffering from some problems and I realized that after that, I became pessimistic, I often lose patience easily and I am also very short tempered. I often get away from people because I really can't establish a feeling of friendship, which lend me to crave for some sort of "sentimental feeling" (?). I hope this doesn't mess you up and doesn't bother you.💓 Have a good day. (PS:I was reading your blog for a week and start following you just yesterday, and I LOVE it.)

MY REPLY:

Hiiii hello hello. Thank you so much for requesting beautiful person💓💓💓Okay so, I thought this, your soulmate has to be a fun and energetic person who’ll make you fall in love over an over. Someone who helps you let go of the pain and makes you feel alive all the time. Your soulmate will make you remember how to establish friendships, and as much as you pull away, he’ll be there to remind you how special you are.

there is only one ONE person who can do this, and it’s of course, the one and only, NARUTO

Hear this

He won’t care that you’re short tempered, and he’ll show you the silver linings of things, turning your pessimistic view upside down.

Naruto will shower you in love.

He knows pain, and he’s capable of understanding you so much, so he won’t pressure you, but he’ll take matters into his hands and help you heal your wounds slowly. He’s the type of person who makes you get back your faith in humanity.

His days will be spent trying to make you smile in the most outrageous, ridiculous ways, because even if you’re shy, he’s totally not. This is a very happy case of opposites attract. He’ll always be thinking about you and about doing stuff you like.

Days with him are bright and sunny, even if there’s a storm outside. He knows when he has to get serious, but most times, he’ll die to hear you laugh. For a date he’ll take you to eat popsicles, going to a carnival, of course eating ramen together, he’ll buy you balloons, and tell you the silliest jokes.

This guy will seriously be head over heels for you and I swear you’d be the cutest couple ever.

Here’s your moodboard:

Disclaimer: the images aren’t mine, i found them on pinterest :)

4 notes · View notes

ironicscavenger · 4 years

Photo

Fernanda Trevino for @boomchicapopdatsims‘ Love is Blind

Though she’d never admit it, Fernanda is a hopeless romantic. She loves her life and everything she’s accomplished. Constantly travelling to incredible places and getting paid for it. But there is something missing: true love. She knows she doesn’t need to be with someone to be complete, but she still wants it. Having being divorced for 3 years, with a job that soaks up all her time, dating has been low on her priority list, but she hopes to change that.

About Fernanda

Fer, as everyone calls her, is a 34-year-old bisexual woman. The daughter of a single dad, Fernanda was born in San Myshuno. Her father, Marcelo, is from Spain, and her mom, Alba, was from Mexico. Though she never met her, her father did his best to keep her memory alive, so it feels like she does know her. She loved photography since the moment she knew what a camera was. After her dad gifted her one, she never stopped taking classes, learning and photographing everything she could. She loves animals and the earth above all, so being a wildlife photographer was perfect for her, though she also does scenery and likes to photograph cities as well for a hobby. Something that often throws a wrench in her romantic plans is the fact that she does not want kids. She might consider adoption at some point, but she knows she does not want to have biological children. So, if the person she’s dating wants to have a family, that would be a deal breaker. The environment means a lot to her. She is a vegetarian, recycles, uses cruelty free products only, and is wary of big corporations. Though she would never try to “convert” others to her own views, someone who shares them would be highly appreciated. She will not, however, waste an opportunity to preach the benefits of her lifestyle. In fact, this caused quite a few fights with her ex-husband Sydney.

Fun Facts

Syd taught her Swahili, which comes in handy in her line of work.

Her other hobbies are candle and soap making.

She loves to shoot in Selvadorada. Not only does she get the most beautiful pictures, she gets to trudge around the jungle, and she loves it. One of her coolest stories involve a close encounter with a jaguar. Definitely one of her favourite animals to photograph, along with foxes.

Her and Sydney are best friends and they still live together. They are just roommates though. They have not had any romantic interaction since the divorce (though they still find each other extremely attractive).

When they were still married, they often took trips together for work, and would go camping together. He loved it, but she did not (she’s never told him that). She loves nature, but camping is the worst. She hasn’t done it since they divorced.

It’s tradition for them to go to San Myshuno’s Pride together every year. They hope next time they go, each of them will have a partner.

Until she met Sydney, she thought she was gay. Being attracted to a dude made her question her sexuality, again. In the end, she loves all genders. She finds freedom in that.

She hopes to live in a farm someday and have a big garden. She knows nothing about gardening, but wishes to learn some day.

As for her clothing style, she loves short skirts and boots, dresses and all things girly. She’s not afraid to show off her body, and prefers to wear Red and Green.

Sydney and Fernanda’s Audition Tapes | Pinterest Moodboard

Unedited Picture under the cut

So, again, I went off. I am so in love with Fer, and I hope you will lover her too. I also used a faceclaim for her, but, again, I suck at it. Still, that girl is also cute.

#ts4 #sims #ts4 edit #love is blind sims #boomchicapopdatsims #fernanda trevino #she is so dang cute #i'm gonna do some outtakes soon #you may be asking #both of them are bi?#yeah! it's pride and i'm bi and i'm still mostly closeted #so yeah #have some more bi sims #i love bi!

22 notes · View notes

lightskinrry · 5 years

Text

If You’re Good…

Harry meets you in a bar and is seduced by your bubbly and outgoing personality, he asks you on date to know each other better little did he know he was not the only one with a special job

Part One: Bloody Mary and Museum Dates

A/N: Here she is! Part One of If You’re good… Let me know how you like it!

Word Count: 7.3k

TW: Alcohol/Mentions of BDSM practices

A huge thank you to my little love @harryscumcloth for beta reading that shit and being so supportive!

This story is dedicated to @lovegoodcrown (i can't tag you so I just hope you’ll see it) because they’ve been so sweet and excited! They fucking deserves it!

Moodboard! Talk to me about If You’re Good...!

“I would go for a Bloody Mary, if I were you.”

The voice came from behind you; its depth, its pace and rawness sent a shiver down your spine and your palms started sweating. You took a deep breath and tapped your fingers on the cocktail menu the barman handed you earlier. An obvious sign of your anxiety.

You closed your eyes as you turned around. “It’s not fucking…” The voice in your head was cut off by the sight of the man who addressed you and… It fucking was. It fucking was who you thought it was.

You stumbled over your words, “W-What?”

“They have great Bloody Marys here. You should go for one if you don’t know what to order.”

He smiled at you widely and you inhaled deeply; most likely to keep you from passing out. You bit your lip and your eyes widened. He was even more beautiful in the flesh and you just couldn’t believe he was talking to you right now.

You blinked twice to be sure you were really seeing him and not just imagining it.

“Are you… talking to me?”

You pointed at yourself, your eyes shifting everywhere to see if you were mistaken but the tension inside your brain just blurred your vision and you couldn’t quite see whoever was around.

He laughed for a second and squinted at you. He furrowed his eyebrows and passed a hand through his hair.

“I think I’m talking to you. But I’m not sure.”

He looked around at the empty bar, making you realize that you were alone at the inn. You looked around confused, “I’m sorry… I’m just-”

You held a nervous giggle in before telling him defeated… “I’m a dumbass.”

He chuckled again, the sound making you even more nervous and endeared by him as he stepped closer.

“It’s okay. We’re all a little bit of a dumbass, aren’t we?”

“Yeah. I guess we are.” You let out a jumpy laugh.

You tried to gain some composure. You were pretty much freaking out, but you had a good reason to; Harry Styles was talking to you. You smiled at the thought. You told him you were a dumbass. Your smile disappeared and you felt a bit embarrassed, but the feeling left soon enough when you just remembered yourself that auto-derision was a good way to introduce yourself to him.

You cleared your throat before speaking again, “So… Bloody Mary is your advice?”

His dimples popped out when he started to grin. Ask him to marry you right now, coward. The voice in your head gained way too much confidence in a matter of seconds.

“Yes! They’re really great here.”

You nodded and watched him call the barman to take his order.

“Two Bloody Marys, please.” He looked over at you and smiled.

Apparently it was your order now, not only his. You stepped up to pay, but like the gentleman he is, he held his hand up to stop you.

“It’s on me.”

He smiled tenderly and handed his credit card to the barman who swapped it with the drinks.

Who would’ve thought that your wooliness and your incapacity to make an easy decision in a social environment would gain Harry Styles’ attention?

Social awkwardness is sexy. The voice in your head was getting a little bit too full of itself and you felt a puff of confidence burst inside your body.

“Thanks for the drink.”

You gave him a smile as you lifted yourself onto the high stool, silently inviting him to sit with you.

“I’m a huge fan, you know?”

You watched as he sat next to you, his fingers toying with the top of his glass. He beamed at you and his eyes smiled from his cheeks.

“Oh yeah? Thank you!”

“I am! I really loved your album! Looking forward to what you’re going to do next!”

You gave him your worst wink and laughed before taking a sip from your glass.

He looked at you with a smile and gave you a sly look when you mentioned his next move.

“This is very sweet! I’m happy you liked it! Have you come to the tour?”

His lips reached the glass and you looked at him swallow his drink before you continued the conversation.

“Of course! The last night of the tour! At the Forum! What an amazing show! Like… You’re such an amazing performer!”

He snickered at your enthusiasm and gave you a tender smile before thanking you again.

“I mean… You sang Kiwi three times, that’s some performance skills!”

You both giggled. You remembered being at the show and the adrenaline rushing through your veins when instead of leaving, he just kept on performing it over and over.

“That was sick! By the second time I was like... exhausted!”

You got up from your seat and placed your hands on your knees faking your exhaustion and breathing loudly.

“I was like… He’s going for a third time? Really?”

You heard him laugh but his stare never left you, watching your every move.

“That’s some stamina here, man! I almost broke my leg dancing to Kiwi that night.”

You sat yourself back on the stool. His smile making you feel so warmed and welcome.

“I don’t regret it a bit, though.”

He snickered again while you took a long sip of your cocktail. Not so embarrassed and nervous now, are you? It seemed that his presence was just so natural and easy. His aura was just so friendly that you felt like you knew him enough to be yourself.

“It was my favorite show of the tour! I didn’t want it to end! I just couldn’t leave the stage!”

The eagerness in his voice made you giggle. Both of you really enjoyed the show and that was a beautiful thing. You loved his artistry so much, and his dedication to his fans. He just kept giving. It was just such a rare and genuine feeling of being cared for by the person you looked up to the most.

Truth was, you were quite a casual fan, if that was even a thing… Fairly, you weren’t freaking out as much now as when he started talking to you. Thank the alcohol slowly running through your veins, sister. You had to be thankful for it silently.

“I had an amazing time. It was so much fun.”

He smiled at you and raised his glass. “So did I!” He took a quick sip before placing his drink on the counter.

“Did you come to the show alone?”

His question surprised you. Not that it was inappropriate but you always read too much in people’s voices and interrogations. He’s asking if you’re single. You shushed the voice in your head and tilted your head to the side, pinching your lips.

“Well… Yes.”

He gave you a little smile, and brought his glass to his lips. He answered before taking a sip.

“Going to shows alone is such an exclusive experience. I love that!”

He drank.

“Are you alone tonight?”

You looked around, a playful pout on your face.“Well it seems that I am.”

He grinned and you felt a shiver down your spine.

“I’m alone most nights anyway.” You coughed for a second before picking up the conversation again.“I like being alone.”

“It’s quite nice being alone sometimes, for sure. Am I bothering you?”

You felt your cheeks burn. Of course not! Please stay with me! Forever! Forever would be nice… Your inner self was sure a clingy one. You chased your thoughts away and bit your cheek.

“No! Not at all! You- You’re really nice.”

A smile crept across his face when his eyes met yours, leaving your face flushed at the sight of his dimples. Not only was he gorgeous, but he was also sweet and witty. But you? You were just.. you. You being yourself had always been enough for anyone else, but no matter how friendly he was, he was still Harry Styles.

“You’re really nice, too.”

He tilted his head to the side, giving you a side smile and a tender look.

You giggled and tried to exhale the stress away. Just go for it! For once, you might listen to your inner self. How wrong could she be? It was worth a try.

“Would you want to dance?”

You asked him with a shy smile and just hoped that the next song would be something that would not require physical proximity. You were not quite ready for that yet.

You knew if his hands even brushed your skin, you might collapse… It was a lot of pressure that you didn’t really know how to work with. You needed to be in control; to be in charge, and letting go wasn’t really one of your strengths.

His lips formed a tight line before shaking his head. “I’m a terrible dancer.” You could tell he was trying his best not to laugh in your face.

You swallowed the gulp in your throat, you felt wrong for asking him to dance now that he refused. You didn’t want to insist; you just felt your confidence decrease drastically. Your eyes searched around the room, looking for something to keep the conversation alive. You weren’t ready for him to leave yet.

You stammered, “Well, it’s okay. I just… I mean… It’s cool. Do you… come here often?”

He grinned and took another sip of his Bloody Mary, his glass slowly emptying while yours was still half full. You thought maybe you should drink it in one go and you’d feel better.

“I came here a few times with some friends but tonight I felt like coming alone.”

You wondered what would bring him alone in a bar. Was he as desperate as you to meet somebody to sweep him off his feet? Was he depressed? Was he bored? Was he sad? Was he lonely? There were so many questions that you were dying to ask but you were too scared of overstepping and you valued his privacy.

It was kinda hard tip-toeing around the conversation because you were overthinking his status. If he was any stranger you would’ve asked but there was this weird line between the two of you where you knew he was on the lookout and he wouldn’t share personal information with you. He had to be careful and you couldn’t blame him for that.

“Why did you feel like coming alone tonight?”

Of course your curiosity was stronger than all of your principles. So fuck personal space?

“Well…” It seemed he didn’t expect this question because he didn’t have an answer.

“I guess… Sometimes going out alone feels good too?”

You shrugged, remembering that well you were alone tonight and as you previously told him, you were alone most nights.

“I won’t argue with that.”

You two shared a chuckle before you finally took another sip of your drink, relaxing you and making you feel easier. You asked him about the other nights he would spend alone. Were there many? He told you about every time he felt like the world left a bitter taste on his tongue and that being alone or with family was necessary to take a break.

He was so much more open than you thought he’d be. You still didn’t know anything about him but every detail he sprinkled in his conversation were little treasures to you.

You talked about your favorite books and asked him for some music recommendations. He told you about his creative process and how writing helped him cope with communication issues; to which you responded that it did the same for you. Sparking the conversation over the fact that you liked to write too.

He asked you if you were living in LA and if you liked it here. You asked him about what it was like living in the UK. You wanted to know if he felt sad that he had slightly lost his British accent. You were curious to know if he enjoyed gardening, or if he liked Pride and Prejudice? Had he ever binge watched a show for 15 hours straight before? Was he into video games? Was he an active user of MySpace in 2007? All of his answers were as valuable to you as they would be from a very dear friend.

He was curious of you also. He had questions like; How do you like your eggs? Have you ever gotten into a bar fight? Did you fancy Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter more? Have you ever danced in the rain? Were you interested in art? What's your favorite genre of literature? Could you stay in apnea for more than a minute? What's your favorite instrument? Can you play the kazoo? You answered all of his questions with delight. The two of you were getting along so well. He was very relieved to know you had never gotten into a bar fight.

You stayed at the bar for hours, just talking and laughing, until the barman asked you to leave because it was closing time. The clock was reaching three o'clock and you and Harry hadn’t finished your conversation yet.

“Mind if I give you a ride?”

You smiled widely to his proposition as the both of you walked out the bar. “Sure. Thank you very much.”

He pressed his car key, and you saw the black Tesla’s headlights light up from across the street.

“If you don’t mind, go ahead and get in the car before I do.”

You noticed Harry side-eyeing around him, looking around if anybody was taking pictures of him, and more, if anybody was taking pictures of you and him. You didn’t want to take that risk. You nodded and, in the light of your alcohol consumption, started your best FBI moves to get to the car, brushing the walls, trying a stupid twirl and if it wasn’t for your natural self-consciousness, you would’ve probably pulled a Starsky and Hutch move by rolling over the car hood.

Harry watched you climb into the backseat of his car with a smile plastered across his face as he tried to hold in his laugh. After a few minutes of laying on the leather seats, you heard the front door open. Harry placed his arm behind the head of the passenger seat and turned to look at you.

“Everything’s good, down there?”

You grinned with all your teeth. “Yep.”

You climbed over the seat to get in the front, sitting your ass down on the passenger seat. You put on your seatbelt and watched Harry do the same. He started the car and asked you for your address to put in the GPS. Once all the settings were done, he turned on the radio. Bohemian Rhapsody started playing. You looked at each other as if it was a decades old habit of yours and started singing (or more like screaming the lyrics) in the car.

The ride wasn’t long. He finally parked down your building. It was the moment you had feared the entire night; goodbyes. What if you never saw him again? What if you leaned in to kiss his cheeks? Kiss his lips, idiot… The voice in your head was definitely too loud.

“So… Well, I guess this is where we part ways?”

He smiled softly. “Yeah…”

“Well… Goodbye, then.” Your bottom lip hung lower than usual, a sure sign of sadness. You reached for the door handle and gently pushed it open and stepped out.

“Hey!” You turned around and watched him scratch his head shyly, his eyes shifting from yours. “Hm.. I had a nice time.”

You looked down and smiled. “Me too.”

He bit his lips nervously, you could tell he was jittery and the shy look in his eyes made your heart beat a hundred times faster. He looked out the window before his gaze ran over your face. “We could go out sometime?”

You couldn’t even stop yourself from smiling, you immediately answered. “Yes. Yes. Absolutely. I’d love to.”

He chuckled at your enthusiasm. You were definitely too much into it but you couldn’t hide your excitement.

“I’ll hit you up?”

You plucked up some courage and a lot of alcohol to ask him. “There’s… Hm… This Art Exhibit that seems interesting at The Getty. If you feel like going this week?”

He offered you a huge smile, both of his dimples showing. “Sure. I’d love to.”

You walked back to your place, a blissed look on your face; even your roommate asked you what was going on. You just smiled at her and told her that you had a lovely evening. But you couldn’t quite believe it. You had to pinch yourself three times before going to sleep to be sure it wasn’t a dream. You had a museum date with Harry. It wasn’t usual for you to feel so drawn to someone that quickly.

***

The chemistry between the two of you was crazy. You went to the Getty on Wednesday. You walked through the exhibition, commenting on every work of art. He would ask you how you understood the pieces and you’d ask him how he felt about them. You two engaged in a heartfelt analysis of every piece in the museum; some of them being emotional others being hilarious. You’d stop in front of odd looking sculptures and give them names. He took pictures of you in front of the fountain, saying how pretty you looked and how your shirt matched the water colours.

You’d make silly faces to children and he’d laugh from the back. You two played hide and seek in the basement of the museum; sneaking around the hallways to avoid the crowded areas. You settled in a group of teenagers to which a guide was explaining a very old painting. You sat down on the floor with the group, legs crossed and your head raised to look at the painting as the guide explained the creative process behind it; the years it took to make it and the legacy it held. Harry sat next to you the same way and later the two of you discussed the piece in a refreshing discourse.

He brought some very interesting arguments and you found out he was way more educated on that matter than you thought. As the conversation flowed, you discovered that he was educated on a lot of subjects you never knew he had an interest in.

You spent the afternoon in the museum. You went out as the sun starting to set. You ordered ice creams and sat on a bench behind the huge building. The golden hour made everything bathe in a dim light, the birds sang behind you and the large fountain in front of you reflected the sunlight. A light breeze made your hair dance in the air and your cookie dough ice cream made the moment even sweeter.

Harry turned his face to you, his own ice cream in hands. “Want to taste mine?”

“Is that mint chocolate chip?”

He smiled, “Yes.”

“What kind of sociopath are you?”

You chuckled slightly as you watched him roll his eyes before a smile appeared on his face. He licked his ice cream vigorously. “Too bad for you.”

“Alright, let me have a taste.”

He held it to your mouth and you took a lick. Your face scrunched to the taste of the mint and you stuck your tongue out. “Really not my thing.”

You held yours to his face so he could taste it, he chuckled before trying your ice cream. “I like it.”

“That’s because cookie dough is good. Mint chocolate chip is like… How many people have you killed?”

He laughed before tasting his ice cream again. “Too many to count.”

“Not a good answer.” You licked your lips and shrugged. “But I’ll take it.”

You were enjoying Harry’s presence more than you’d want to admit. He was sweet and witty and oh, so dreamy. You looked at his lips for a second. Kiss him, you fool. You shushed your thought. Imagine if his lips roamed around your thighs and traced your body up and down. You took a deep breath. What if you sat on his face and gave him a taste? A shiver ran down your spine and left a shock at your most sensitive spot. You tried to focus on something else. While his hands are tied above his head. And he’s helpless and hungry for you. You squeezed your thighs as the images of Harry being tied up filled your mind.

“You know what we haven’t talked about yet?”

His voice woke you up from your daydream. “Huh?”

“What you’re doing for a living? Like you told me you were a student and you had some other job.”

Your eyes widened as the image of Harry’s long body squirming underneath you as you ask him if the rope is too tight, slowly faded away.

“I’m a student yeah. And I have two jobs ‘cause living in LA is expensive.” A chuckle left your lips as you took the last bite of your ice cream.

“It is…” He smiled softly as he cleaned the corner of his mouth with his paper napkin. “What do you do?”

“I do… A lot of things.” You laughed nervously. “Anything that can get me some money and that’s fun enough to keep me entertained.”

He smiled and didn’t ask for more. After all, he’d know soon enough and right now wasn’t soon enough.

***

You and Harry went through all the museums in Los Angeles in less than 2 weeks and it seemed that now you were art buddies, despite your urgent need and desire to be more than his buddy. You’d say it was always so hard and awkward for you to grow touchy feely with someone you like, like more than a friend. As paradoxical as it was, touching a friend or a stranger never felt weird to you but the moment it was about someone you liked more; it was the hardest thing to do. You didn’t want Harry to get mixed signals, but if he wasn’t the one to place his arms around your shoulders or run his fingers on your cheeks first, you wouldn’t know how to act. You just hoped you were more than a friend in his eyes too.

Since the two of you had seen most of the art exhibits and gallery openings in LA, for your next date, you agreed on something even more cliché than museums dates; the movies.

You would've proposed netflix if you weren't terrified to be alone with him, but the cinema was fine too. You still got to be in the dark with him.

You had this mixed feeling growing inside of your stomach. You wanted to be alone with him. You wanted to touch him, to run your fingers through his hair, to bite his lip, to control him, in a way that would leave him wanting you even more but he had this power over you. The kind of power you usually have over people. He made you nervous and shifty and craving for his lips and you just couldn’t wait to reverse the trend. Get back in your place and exercise your power over him. If he wanted you to…

He was a tough one to analyse though. He was confident, yet shy. Outgoing but still reserved. He was a lot of things at once and you were eager to discover every single side of his personality.

The two of you laughed a lot during the movie, getting shushed by the other people in the theater. Every time he would touch you, you’d shiver. Like when his fingertips grazed your knee, or when his hand crept onto your thigh or that moment he stretched his arm out behind you and it fell on your shoulder, but especially when his lips brushed your ear when he whispered to you.

You felt helpless, but you knew that somehow, at some point, the table would turn in your favor. It didn’t take long to come. The two of you were sitting in his car outside of the theater with the rest of your popcorn in hands.

“Let me help you.” He smiled as he took the box of popcorn out of your hand, giving you the space you needed to readjust in your seat.

“Thank you.” You gave him a soft grin and took your popcorn back, bringing a piece to your mouth.

He looked outside the window, as the dark of the night surrounded the car. He looked at you for a second before a smile appeared on his face again, his body sprawling on his seat. His head fell back and his smile never left his face. “I love spending time with you.”

He looked at you from the side and you felt your cheeks burn. A nervous laugh left your mouth. “Thank you. I love spending time with you too.”

He placed himself correctly on his seat and leaned towards you. His hands grabbed the popcorn box and put it out of the way. You could tell he was one to take the lead; that was usually your place. Grab his face, girl. And kiss the shit out of him. You didn’t know if listening to your inner self was a good idea right now. You preferred staying still. Harry’s face got closer to yours, so close you could feel his breath on your skin. His fingertips brushed your cheek and he whispered against your lips, “Can I kiss you?”

You felt your heart jump out of your chest. Fuck yes! Fuck yes! Kiss me! Kiss me and then fu-! You shushed the voice in your head as you swallowed the gulp in your throat. “Yes.”

His lips were about to reach yours, his hot breath warming your skin and his hands cupping your face. You felt his wet lips land on yours but before you could open your mouth and taste him, the ringer of your phone resonated in the car. You slightly pulled away from Harry. You watched him take his hands off your face, a smile on his lips as he leaned back in his seat. “Do you have to take it?”

You checked your phone and grimaced at the sight of the caller. “Yeah. It’s work.”

You got out of the car as Harry’s smile slowly faded away. “Sorry. It’s important.”

He gave you a weak smile and a thumbs up as you closed the door of the car. You started walking aimlessly as you spoke with your client on the phone. Harry was watching you through the windows, while his fingers ran through his own phone.

You stayed outside for about 6 minutes and when you got back inside of the car, the atmosphere felt a bit heavy. Kinda awkward. Go back to business! Mouth on the mouth! Hands on the D! Your inner self was one too fast for sure. You smiled softly to Harry.

“Is everything okay?”

You sighed as you sat back at your place. “Yeah. Sorry. T’was a call from work. Kinda got me stressed out.”

Harry pinched his lips as he gave you a compassionate look. “Oh. What was it all about?”

“Nothing too interesting. Just a client that wanted to squeeze in my schedule tonight.”

He smiled and a giggle left his lips. “Tonight, I’m the one on your schedule?”

You felt a boiling sensation in your stomach as Harry’s smirk widened on his face. “What?”

He looked at you deeply before licking his lips. “You know you haven’t told me what your job was, yet.”

You felt out of breath for a second. Time to show him who’s the boss, girl. You backed up with your inner self. You used your teasing tone. “Haven’t I?”

He raised his eyebrows as he looked down at you. “No…”

You felt a new burst of confidence and you gave him a smug look. “Well... I don’t talk much about it. People can be judgmental and I don’t have time for that bullshit.”

He looked a bit surprised by your answer, kinda intrigued, kinda amused. But mostly, he went on with the teasing turn the conversation took.

“I’m not ‘people’, am I? And I’m not judgmental. You do whatever you want.”

You smiled to his answer. He was definitely not “people”. He was Harry fucking Styles; that’s someone. And more, he was someone you liked. But you decided to play it cool. “I work in an Insurance office.”

He gasped dramatically as his eyes widened. “Oh my god. You do not!”

His laugh resonated in the car as his eyes ran over your face, offering a kind look. You batted your eyelashes at him and licked your lips as a conceited grin appeared on your face.

“Only on Wednesday and Friday afternoons. But every night of the week, I’m a Dominatrix.”

You talked fast enough for it to go unnoticed but slow enough for Harry to understand every word you said. You watched his mouth open as he started talking.

“That’s nice! Only on Wednesdays... And what?” He stopped mid-sentence, realising your revelation.

“And Fridays.” You smiled as the weird look on his face turned into a nervous expression.

He ran a hand through his hair and moistened his lips. “But every other night of the week?”

“I’m a Dominatrix.”

He blinked twice in surprise. Maybe what surprised him most was your assertive and prevailing tone more than the words you said.

He looked like he ran out of words to say and you liked that now, the tables have turned. He was the helpless one and you were in charge.

He looked surprised for a moment but then his expression changed and he started to laugh.

“That’s funny! I definitely wouldn’t have guessed.”

He didn’t believe you. He truly thought you were joking. You smirked down at him. Of course he wouldn’t have guessed. Maybe you should show him what you can do. You ran your tongue over your lips before talking again.

“Nobody ever guesses.”

It took him a few seconds to breathe as the realisation struck him. You were very serious about it.

He laughed nervously as his fingers tangled his curls. “You’re being serious right now?”

“I am.”

His smile disappeared for a second and you felt awkward. You knew now that once you revealed this information about yourself, things always change. People don’t see you the same way. You would always feel the need to explain yourself as if your job wasn’t legitimate, as if it wasn’t proper. You felt like you needed to tell him that you choose everything you do, that if he was uncomfortable with it, he could leave. But his little smile and the sparkle in his eyes made you feel at ease. There was no need to explain anything. He understood but you could also tell he was curious.

“It’s a very humane experience. You learn a lot about people and the way they cope with their lives. But it’s treated like a dirty little secret or something disgusting and unnatural.”

“I don’t think it is. I think it’s a great way to cope with life and... I mean it’s great. As long as it’s safe, you know?”

You smiled softly as the tension eased. “Of course.”

“You’ve been doing this for a long time?”

“Two years now.”

He nodded along with your answer. You watched a little pout form on his lips. He was probably wondering what questions he could ask and what questions he shouldn’t. It was cute to see him nervous, tip-toeing around the conversation. The same way you felt when you first met him.

“Hm…” He paused to think for a second. “What’s the weirdest thing you ever encountered? I mean if you want to talk about it... You don’t have to, of course.... Just if you feel comfortable.”

You giggled tenderly. It was sweet of him to ask if you were comfortable with it. “You’re cute. The weirdest thing I encountered was a guy who was into kangaroo fighting.”

He laughed just as confused as you were when you met your client for the first time. “Kangaroo fighting?”

“Yeah…” You chuckled with him, admitting to yourself that it was, indeed, something unusual for the least.

“How did you help him...?”

You laugh as you shook your head. “You don’t want to know.”

He snickered as he watched you intensely, trying to decode you. Now you were no longer the nice girl he shared a few museum dates with. You were also the sex worker; the Dominatrix in his car.

You took a deep breath as you got more assertive and teasing. “How do you cope with the stress of your life? I’m sure you have kinks.”

He smirked and a breathy laugh left his lips. “Maybe.”

You raised your eyebrows at him. “You won’t tell me? I’m a professional you know.”

He licked the corner of his mouth before running a hand through his hair. You could tell the two of you were playing a little game here. “So you can help me with the stress of my life?”

You grinned and bit your lower lip before shrugging. “Only if you want me to.”

“Depends what you propose to help me.”

“Depends what you’d like me to do to help you.” You snapped right back at him.

“Touché.”

You tilted your head to the side. “So?”

“I could use some help.”

You smiled widely before your inner self took the lead, getting more commanding and tough. Hearing the tone you used, you could’ve grabbed his jaw and choked him a little bit, the sensation would’ve been the same. “My question isn’t if you could use some help. My question is do you want my help?”

“I…”

You cut him off. “You?”

“Yes. I want your help.” You could hear his obedient tone, he was getting more docile. You liked to have him this way. It was definitely different from your usual interactions with him.

“Good. I like to hear it.”

He smiled as he gave you a chaffed look. “How can you help me, then?”

“Well, I can make your client chart, if you want to.”

“Like any other client?”

Mister Styles wants to be treated a certain way. What a diva. You agreed with your inner self and gave Harry a complacent look.

“You want special treatment ‘cause you’re a superstar?”

He scoffed in an over-dramatic way, as if you offended him and then a smile settled on his face. “More because I’m your... friend?”

His answer took you by surprise. His interrogative tone when he said he was your friend made you feel like he wondered if he was more.

“Oh... Yes. You’re not like any other client but I won’t differ from my usual routine of work though.”

“Which is?”

He furrowed his eyebrows in concentration as he listened to you.

“I make the client chart, have a training session to set all ground rules and apply the chart for the first time and then if the client wants to continue, we set a date for our first session and what package they’d be interested in purchasing.”

He smiled softly. “Sounds fair.”

“So, we can make your client chart right now?”

A surprised and amused look crept on his face. “Right now?”

You shrugged. “Only if you want to.”

“In the car?”

You giggled a little bit as you leaned back in your seat, pulling on the safety belt. “No I’ll need something to write on.”

You watched him start the car and put his seatbelt on. “Let’s go back to my place?”

You nodded as he smiled softly to you, running his gaze over your face before his eyes landed on the road.

The ride to Harry’s place was silent, a little bit awkward as both of you were realizing that what was coming next would be rather intimate. He parked in his alley and you stepped out of the car. His house was huge and beautiful. He invited you inside, took off your jacket and gave you a small tour of the place. You came back to the living room, and Harry offered you a drink that you accepted politely. You sat down on the couch and Harry sat in front of you on the other sofa, only a glass table separating you from him.

“So?” He looked at you with a smile.

You sipped on the drink he brought you. “Let’s make your client chart.”

He grinned widely.

“Paper and pen, please.”

You watched Harry get up and bring you a stack of white paper and a pen. You thanked him and you placed the paper in front of you. You placed your glass on the table and pushed it away.

“So, let’s make your chart funnier.. I can practice my guessing skills.”

He looked confused. “You’re going to guess... my client chart?”

“I can try.”

He chuckled slightly before taking a sip of his drink. “What’s even a client chart?”

You chewed on the pen for a second.

“It’s my work file if you want. All your contact info, the submissive Q&As, and a first set of rules and boundaries.”

He raised his head in interrogation. “The submissive Q&As?”

You smirked as your fingers played with your pen, tapping it on the table. “It’s a little grid of questions concerning your ‘kinks’.”

“And you’re gonna guess my ‘kinks’?”

You offered a smug smile and sipped on your drink before answering. “I’m gonna try.”

You stared at Harry for a few seconds. You tried to analyze his moves before asking your first question.

“The first thing I usually ask is if you’ve ever been with a Dominatrix or if you have any experience of Domination and BDSM.”

“I’d say I’m new to Dominatrix stuff but… I know a little bit about BDSM, yeah..” He looked down with a smile.

“Good. You’ll know a few things already, then. Do you identify as more submissive or dominant in your intimacy?��

He smirked. “What’s your guess?”

“You switch.” Your tone was assertive. You knew your game.

“What makes you say that?” He seemed intrigued by your assumption, not surprised though. “You play it easy saying I do both.”

“I think you present characteristics usually linked to doms, the same way you present some associated to subs.”

He furrowed his eyebrows.

“You’re very confident. You take the lead. You’re usually quiet and laid back. You’re assertive and not boastful. Very dominant like.”

He shrugged smugly and you kept delivering your discourse.

“You like teasing and being playful while also discrediting yourself from it. You’re like “I didn’t do it.” And you don’t like confrontation. You get easily intimidated as much as you know for a fact that you are very intimidating yourself. A perfect balance.”

He smiled softly. “Did you spend the last weeks analyzing me?”

“I’m used to doing it. Gotta read people and understand them to be a good dom.”

You gave him a smug smile and cocked your head to the side. “So...? Am I right?”

He smiled as he answered unashamed, “I’d say I’m usually more dominant than submissive in my intimacy.”

You licked your lips before gazing at him through your lashes, looking directly into his eyes.

“I’ll teach you how to be a good sub, then.”

You watched his cheeks get all red as his eyes shifted away from yours. He coughed a little bit before passing his tongue over his lips.

“What kind of things are you into? Whether it be as a dom or as a sub.”

He took a deep breath. “Weren’t you supposed to guess that?” He decided to be a little tease and play with you. You liked it.

“Indeed, smart mouth.” You took a long look at him. “Spanking?”

His eyes widened before a smile appeared on his lips.

“More into giving than receiving, I’d say.”

His usual smirk was plastered on his face. “Why do you think I wear so many rings?”

You giggled at the thought of him picking up rings just so his spank hurts more. Such a dom move.

“I think you’re into bondage. You give me Shibari vibe.”

You wrote down a few things as you waited for an answer from Harry. “Do you know what Shibari is?”

“It’s a Japanese art of bondage. It can be quite extreme.”

“Indeed. You know your lesson.” You smiled down at him. “I think you like light bondage... Being tied up... Maybe a bit of choking.”

He choked on his drink for that matter. You touched a soft spot.

“You like slapping. Being slapped. I can tell.”

He laughed nervously and you wrote your assumptions down waiting for him to confirm it.

“You’re into humiliation?”

“I…” He took a deep breath and another jittery giggle fell from his lips. “I like bondage. Never been slapped unfortunately. And I think choking is quite cliché.”

You laughed at his answer. He was a little brat. He probably never been into the actual position of a submissive. A power bottom at best. You liked the idea that you could be the one to get him there. You noted what he said and drank out of your glass again.

“Anything you’ll never ever do? What we call hard boundaries.”

“Anything that involves blood, knife and unhygienic things.” He larked about the comment. It was usual for you to hear these type of things when you ask about hard boundaries.

“What about soft boundaries? Things you’re not much into but you’re willing to try?”

“Hm…” He took a minute to think about it. “Wax play?”

You giggled. You could tell he said that out of the blue but you liked his eagerness to answer the questions. Make hot wax drip on him until he’s squirming under you. You were not quite there yet. But it would come.

“Alright. If you’ve had experiences with BDSM what was your safeword?”

He rubbed the corner of his mouth with his fingers and laughed. He coughed before answering. “Kiwi.”

You felt your blood run faster in your veins. The song had a whole different meaning to you now. And you liked it. You raised your eyebrows at him. “Oh. I see. I like it.”

He gave you his usual smirk and took a last sip of his drink.

“I have a few ground rules.”

He made his head move in a motion to let you know he was listening to you.

“I don’t have sexual intercourse with clients. I don’t switch. I need full communication no matter the subject at stake. It’s completely private and under oath of never revealing my real name when talking about my work as a Dominatrix. I work with rewards and punishments and I’m the one choosing them. I don’t engage in personal relationships with my clients.” You smiled at him for a second. “But you’re not any client so I might go around this one.”

He ran his tongue over his lips. “Might not be the only rule you’ll break for me.”

Your cheeks burned as his gaze intensified. You couldn’t let him win on your territory but he knew how to make you swoon.

“We’ll see that. If you’re interested in trying things out.”

“It sounds good to me.”

You looked down on him, taking back the lead of the conversation. “So? Ask me nicely.”

He batted his long lashes at you, smiling shyly; giving you a glimpse of a side of him you were very excited to discover or at least uncover. You smiled back and licked your lips, taking the lower one between your teeth.

“I’d love to try a session.”

“Please.” You ordered him.

“Please.”

You liked hearing it coming out of his mouth. It sounded really lovely. He chuckled slightly before bringing his glass to his lips. “You seem good at your job.”

You smirked down at him. “We can plan that, no worries.” You raised your eyebrows in a smug way. “And I am very good at my job.”

He blushed for a second, his cheeks painted in a lovely shade of pink. You took another sip and you giggle slightly.

“Now it’s all about knowing…” You tilted your head to him, licking your lips. “If you’re good.”

-------------------------------

taglist: @shhh-you ; @libbyhermione

224 notes · View notes

clumsybookworm18 · 4 years

Text

and my burden to bear is a love (i can’t carry anymore) | pt.6

ao3 | Moodboard | parts: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5

Summary: Josh awakens after dawn and makes an upsetting discovery.

A/N: This is me trying to write a simple flashback scene that ended up turning into a whole chapter and a bunch of ANGST™

Enjoy :)

Josh didn’t remember how he got here.

One moment he was in the mines. The next, he was walking through the station’s doors. The precinct was crawling with activity. Phones continuously ringing, rangers coming in and out, even a few EMTs walked in. For the life of him Josh couldn’t remember how he got here. Everything was so fuzzy.

The mines... He’d been in the mines with Mike. They were supposed to regroup with Sam and the others at the lodge. But he doesn’t remember getting out of the mines… He followed Mike. He saw a stranger's body hanging on a hook. He jumped into the freezing water. And then… and then… and then what?

Josh peered down at himself. His- the Psycho’s- overalls had been replaced by black clothes. His hands weren’t dirty anymore. His face no longer hurt. What happened? Did he make it out? Had the others?

He approached the man sitting in the front desk. Josh cleared his throat. “Excuse me.”

The man didn’t look up.

“Uh excuse me,” he repeats a little more louder. The man still didn’t look up.

Okay, rude. “What are you, deaf? Hellooo?”

Still not looking at him.

“Listen pal, I just had one of the worst nights of my life so if you could help me out here, that’ll be fucking swell.”

But the man kept scribbling some forms on the desk and didn’t answer him.

Oh, fuck this.

His eyes flickered towards the open door where an officer just came out of. Since the man in the front desk was still ignoring him, Josh saw no fault in walking in. Nobody stopped him as he made his way through the hallway, nobody acknowledged him.

For a moment, Josh wondered if this was another of his hallucinations, but it didn’t feel like one. Usually his hallucinations involved accusations or pointed fingers at him. Here, there was nobody telling him what a piece of shit he was, instead they were just ignoring him.

“Okay…” he murmured to himself. “This is freaking me the fuck out.”

Even with all the activity, there was a preternatural quiet- like an omen. Josh kept walking, ignoring the trepidation that tugged inside him. The flutter of uneasiness that grew as he slowly treaded farther. He took a turn and-

There she was. Sitting alone in the hallway, was Sam, her fingers clutching the blanket thrown around her shoulders.

“Sam,” he breathes, relieved to see a familiar face.

He doesn’t hesitate to approach her but she doesn’t look up, not even when he’s standing right in front of her. Josh frowns, studying her in the wan light, his eyes going to the blood smeared across her forehead and her cheek. She looked like she’d been to hell and back. “Sam.”

She didn’t answer. He grew more nervous with every passing second of silence. Josh knew he’d fucked up, that he and his friends weren’t on the best terms at the moment but Sam wasn’t one to ignore him for the sake of it. Especially at a time like this. Josh kneeled before her, her unseeing eyes making him uneasy. This wasn’t the same girl he saw in the mines.

Something was wrong.

“Sammy?” He raised a hand to brush a stray lock of hair from her face only for it to go through her. Josh stumbled back, falling on his ass.

Something was very wrong.

He touched his chest, his face, but they felt solid. He felt a sinking dread as he reached out, as he tried to touch Sam again but his hand went straight through.

What. The. Fuck.

“Samantha Giddings?”

They both looked up to see a cop approaching. Josh didn’t react fast enough, didn’t have time to move away before the man walked right through him. He doesn’t feel it, not physically, but the reality of the situation arrowed into him.

No. No way this was happening. Not to him. This had to be some mistake, he couldn’t… he wasn’t...

Dead.

Josh’s ears were ringing. No one can see him, no one could hear him, no one could touch him. Shit, someone just walked through him like he was nothing...

The cop said something. Josh couldn’t hear him. His eyes went to Sam again. She was being led to a door labeled as Interview Room 1. He called her name in a hoarse whisper.

Look back. Please.

She didn’t.

***

Rain fell without mercy as Josh walked upon rows and rows of gravestones, the sound of water hitting stone growing louder with every step he took. The cemetery was empty, something he didn’t find surprising, considering that not many people liked to spend their time among the resting dead.

After that godawful funeral that put his memory to shame, Josh didn’t know where else to go. Didn’t know what else to do. Since there was no way in hell he was going back to the manor (he had already haunted those halls long enough), he’d ended up making the graveyard his new lair. Josh was still getting used to the idea of being dead when he wasn’t actually gone. Not completely. And he found the grim ambiance of it all a perfect fit for his new predicament.

He finally reached the miniature city of mausoleums, striding his way across the sea of white marble to enter what had been appointed as his permanent residence. It had grown dark inside thanks to the stormy weather, the only light in the room coming from the candles placed on the small altar and the entryway.

The Washington mausoleum was a big, black block of granite with stained glass windows and arched bronze doors, placed on the outskirts of the cemetery with the ominous Washington supported by roman columns. Posh. Lofty. A bit Gothic. Pretty hard to miss.

What can he say, his family had a dramatic flair. Himself included.

For the past few days, he’d been prowling around the grounds, searching for signs of any other ghosts, lost souls, anything at all. Something that indicated that he wasn’t alone on this other side. And the cemetery seemed like the perfect scenario for wandering spirits, with its eerie atmosphere, and the obscure mist surrounding the graves. Makes perfect sense that it would be haunted. Right?

Yeah, no.

So far there have been no sightings of anything. Zero. Zilch. No other ghosts or spirits. No guardian angel to lead him up. No fiendish demons to lure him down. Not even the Grim Reaper himself. Nothing. He was truly alone on this ghostly plane.

So Josh had been biding his time, lingering close to his crypt. Waiting for any signs or answers because something had to give. Fate, God, Death or whatever the fuck is supposed to be in charge couldn’t just leave him here. Stranded.

The echo of footsteps alerted him to a presence. Josh instantly recognized the gait of the person striding his way. The heels of her shoes clicked against the polished granite floor, drowning the sound of the drizzle beating against the windowpanes.

She hadn’t been to the funeral. Everybody else had gone. Chris. Ash. Mike. Even Emily. But not Sam. So nobody could really blame him for being surprised when she showed up to his family’s mausoleum out of the fucking blue. That she even showed up at all.

She looked so tired. Even in the faint light he could see the smudged purple beneath her eyes, that familiar haunted look brought by a night of nightmares. He wanted to believe he was wrong, that this couldn’t be her. But it was. Josh was surprised to see how much she’d changed in such a short time.

Sam stopped in front of the joint grave beside his and murmured something he didn’t quite catch, before hesitantly moving to his own. She ran a tentative hand over his name engraved on the stone. Josh didn’t like it. It felt so… final. Well, as final as it could get, since apparently death wasn’t as permanent as he would’ve liked it to be.

Two tears slid down her face. Swift and cold. She didn’t wipe them away. “You lied to me.”

He went to stand next to her. “As much as I want to apologize, you can’t hear me,” he offers with a sad smile, looking at her face glowing in the dim light of the candles, her skin still glittering with rain. “So I won’t.”

“I am so angry with you. Furious,” she went on, unaware of the ghost at her side, her eyes desolate. “But for the most part I’m just tired. Tired of racking my brain, of trying to understand why, and I just-” The snag on the words was like a blow to his intangible gut. Sam puts her hands on her face, running them up through her wet hair. “Fuck, I don’t even know what I’m doing here. It’s not like you can hear me or anything.”

“Hey, hey. Don’t.” He cups her face between his hands, trying to wipe away the tears. The corners of his mouth turned down when he couldn’t. “Don’t say that. I’m right here.”

He scans her eyes, her face, looking… What was he looking for? Some sign of recognition? And if so, was he able to handle Sam’s reaction? Would she still be saying the things she’s saying now? Would she recoil at the sight of him? Would she be scared? Or would she be angry?

He drops his hands. If Josh were alive, she would hate him. He knows that much.

But her face didn’t change. Her eyes were still liquid, somber, lost. “You know I was thinking about what I last said to you,” she said, her voice quiet and loud at the same time in the silent mausoleum. “‘Josh, do you have the key for the cable car.’ God, I was so stupid…. All I was thinking about was getting us out of that mountain, you know? I didn’t think about saying goodbye- didn’t think I needed to. You were supposed to come back with us.”

He remembers her urgent expression, clear in the darkness of the mines. The light of her headband shining brightly on his filthy face. Her cold, bloodied hands brushing his palm, her touch brief but soft as he handed the key. Her voice, somehow still composed, even after everything she had gone through, as she and Mike planned their escape while he uselessly stood on the sidelines. The quick glance she gave him before she climbed away.

Sam took a shuddering breath, her voice turned unsteady. “I know you were hurting. That you lost your sisters, that your parents became more distant than they usually were, that you pushed everyone away but you had me… You had me. I only hoped that you saw that through this mess.”

Josh doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t know what to say. Not like it would matter anyways. So he only stands frozen in place as she walks out of the mausoleum, the rain still beats outside.

Later that night, he finds himself staring up at Sam’s bedroom window like he had done so many times before. Only this time, the lights were off.

***

Josh stays around her after that.

The days came and went, and Sammy seemed unaware of the time passing. She mostly stayed in her room, not getting out of bed, refusing to eat, not answering any of her texts or calls. What little time she managed to sleep, she awoke gasping and shaking. The liveliness that lived inside her now quiet. A static that made him uneasy. Everything about her was now static.

She was a ghost. Just like him.

Josh has stopped trying to make sense of it. He was dead and he couldn’t do anything about it. Instead, he spends his time trying to communicate with Sam, trying to let her know he was still there. But it’s proving to be difficult, especially when she doesn’t care about anything. She couldn’t hear him, no matter how loud he talked. He tweaks and moves some stuff here and there but she doesn’t pay any mind to it. Josh doesn’t bother to try touching her again, not wanting to see his hands go through her again.

It was hard to see her like this. But Sam was strong. She could survive this. She could survive anything.

Josh didn’t leave- he couldn’t. He wouldn’t. When he needed someone, Sam had been there. Month after month, Sam had been there for him. Even when he pushed everyone away, couldn’t bring himself to care about anything, Sam hadn’t given up on him.

And Josh wouldn’t give up on her.

***

She searches for him in the dead of night. Puzzling, since he was the root of many of her nightmares and yet she wakes up coated in cold sweat, her hand palming what used to be his side of the bed, searching for the familiar heat of his body. Hoping that her nightmares were just nightmares, and not the cold, harsh truth. But she could never forget for long. Inevitably, she relieves her grief all over again when she finds nothing but frigid sheets and emptiness.

Sam adds it up to the fact she had gotten used to sleeping next to him, to the codependency they both developed the last year (even though deep down she knows it was more than that- for her at least). A habit, she tells herself. And habits die hard.

But she can’t help but feel that his presence was still there with her, hiding in the shadows.

***

One afternoon Sam picks up her sketchbook. The one he gave her for her 19th birthday- the last one they celebrated together. She stared at it for a long time. Long enough that Josh was convinced she might throw it out in the trash or even burn it. But to his surprise, she flipped it open, flashing through the pages with enough agility that he couldn’t catch a glimpse of her older drawings, as if she herself didn’t want to see them either, until she settled on a blank sheet.

Mindlessly grabbing a pencil, she started sketching, brows furrowed and hand gliding through the page forming unsure lines that turned into rough curves that turned into confident shapes, transforming into something. Josh looked over her shoulder and-

Huh.

She had captured its cloudy predatory gaze, all of the sharp teeth and sharp claws, with its long limbs curved, the Wendigo looked ready to strike out of the page. Of all the things she could’ve drawn, she drew that. Don’t get him wrong, he was all in for the weird and creepy shit, but Sam? Trying to get her to watch a scary movie was a trial in itself.

Sam doesn’t stop to take it in. No, she passed that page and started doing another sketch. Then another. And another. Before they both knew it, it was already dark out and Sam had spent most of her day doing something other than moping.

***

The creepy drawings became a thing. Not that Josh was complaining. Her coping mechanisms were a hell lot better than his, that’s for sure.

In a matter of days, Sam had turned her room into a makeshift art studio. An easel beside the window. Paintbrushes in glass jars. Charcoal stained finger prints. She’d dropped out of all of her classes and had nothing else to do but paint and draw. Channeling all of her pain, sadness, and frustration into her art. Josh lingered by her side as she poured her heart out, filling white sheets with mountains and darkness, with monsters and death. It was terrifying… he loved it.

Sam had always downplayed her artistic skills, something Josh never understood. Sam was an artist, had always been. He’d seen it from something as simple as her nails, over to the rare occasions she’s shown him some of her drawings, either of a landscape she saw during one of her hikes, or a quick sketch of one of his sisters doing a silly pose (Beth) or staring off with a dreamy look on her face (Hannah). Hell, he was pretty sure she was the one that had helped Hannah design her tattoo. When he’d ask, she’d always shrugged it off with an It’s just a hobby.

Josh knew, even if he was stuck on his own personal hell, that Sam was gonna be alright.

Tags: @xmxisxforxmaybe

Anyone who wishes to be tagged can let me know!

#until dawn #josh washington #sam giddings #jossam #ghost au #ud sam #ud josh #until dawn fanfiction #jossam fanfiction

28 notes · View notes

wayward-river · 5 years

Text

I Do

Here is a Jordan Connor x Plus!Size reader.

AN: This is sort of a continuation of Walk With Me but it can be read as a stand alone. All mistakes are my own. I do not own the gif. Hope you like this nonny!

AN 2: I love Jinjara. I love both of them together this is just a work of fiction. No hate to either of these people.

Requested: Yes! Maybe like the wedding maybe they aresnt super traditional and she gets in her head again and Jordan helps her

Special shout out to my beta @xserpentlife who also made this A M A Z I N G moodboard! Check her out she’s amazing!

You looked in the mirror, your hands bunching up the dress you had on. Drew swore to you this was the dress but now looking at it you weren’t so sure. A knock on your door startled you.

“Come in...unless your Jordan then go away!”

You looked over to your brother entering the room a small chuckle leaving his lips. “I wouldn’t let him in here, even if you said it was okay.”

You turned around smiling. “What do you think?”

“I mean wow Y/N/N.”

You dipped your head. “Awh Mack you have to say that.”

“I don’t but I am here to take you somewhere.”

You raised your brow. “Uh Mack you shouldn’t have given Jordan your blessing a year ago if...”

“No, Y/N/N. You are still going to get married I’m just going to kidnap you for the time being.”

“I’m supposed to walk down that aisle to Jordan in forty five minutes. I don’t have time for a Mack and Y/N adventure right now.”

“Y/N Y/L/N, just will you trust me?” Mack offered his hand, you accepted it as he led you out of the room. You stopped pulling on his hand.

“What if Jordan sees me? Does he still want to marry me? Mack don’t you lie to me.” You breathed out the thoughts racing as you were leaving the church.

“Y/N breathe, everything is fine, Jordan is being quarantined and of course that boy wants to marry you. He would give up anything in this world for you, so get out of that head of yours.”

You nodded. “Oh and Y/N, grab your bouquet.”

You grabbed your bouquet of sunflowers, orange roses, and baby’s breath. As you followed your older brother out the door. He led you to Drew’s car. Confusion spread across your face once again.

“Drew?” You looked towards Mack.

Who gave you a slight nod as he hopped on his bike. “Trust me Y/N/N.”

You took a deep breath as you opened up the passenger door, bunching up your dress you got into the car. Looking over at Drew you couldn’t help the tears that brimmed your eyes only imagining the worst.

“Drew…” You sucked in a breath.

Drew placed his hand on you. “Y/N/N, I promise everything is fine.”

“You wouldn’t lie to me right?”

“I promise.”

“Well let's get whatever we’re doing on the road then.” You tried your best to be convincing.

Drew gave you a smile as he pulled out of the church. You fidgeted as you watched the city pass you turning into your favorite place on the outskirts of town.

“Drew? Where are you taking me?”

“I’m taking you to marry you myself. That okay?”

Your laugh making him smile. “I love you Drew, but I think I’m going to marry your best friend. I mean he might murder you if you try to steal me.”

“That’s good because this would be kind of awkward.”

You looked forward to the field in front of you. The field of sunflowers, the place Jordan took you for your first date and proposed to you in. You gasped as you brought your shaking hand over your mouth. In the field you saw Jordan standing with his Riverdale castmates, his and your friends, he shook his hands nervously, his head was down but you could see the red bandana that covered his eyes.

You looked to Drew his smile infectious. “Surprised?”

You nodded your head as you didn’t trust your voice at this moment. Drew got out of the car running around to your side and opening it for you. “Mack is going to walk you to Jordan okay”

You nodded as you grabbed Drew’s hand letting him lead you to Mack. You walked past Cole and Lili both of them giving you wide smiles. You stopped at Vanessa. “You kept two secrets from me now” You joked.

She laughed. “Both were good. Do I still get to be your Maid of Honor?”

You hit her arm. “Of course.”

She threw her arms around you hugging you tightly, tears escaping both of your eyes. “I love you V.”

“I love you too Y/N/N.”

You let go of Vanessa, taking hold of Macks hand.

“Ready to go get your man?”

You nodded as you looped your arm through Macks.

He led you a few steps away from Jordan leaning down and placing a kiss on your cheek. “I love you Y/N/N”

“I love you too Mackoroni”

Mack stood back leaving you alone looking at Jordan. His hands were still shaking as you stepped closer to him. You placed your hands on both sides of his face. His hands covered yours. As his eyes were still covered by the blindfold.

“Y/N,”

“Nope it’s Drew.” You giggled.

A smile spread across his face. “Well I mean leave it to him or Cole to pull something like that. I’m nervous enough as it is.”

“You? Nervous?”

“Well I’m marrying the most gorgeous girl on this planet. Hell yeah I’m nervous.”

“Did you just want to talk to me in our place before we go back to the church?”

A small chuckle left his lips. “Baby I didn’t think we would ever get married in a church.”

“Then what are we doing, you still want to do this right? Cause I don’t think I “

Jordan cut you off with his lips on yours. Pulling away you were silent. “Get out of that head of yours beautiful. I would go to the ends of this world for you baby.”

“Well J, what are we doing then?”

“Well Y/N/N, we are going to get married in our spot. Just us. Yes our close friends and your brother are also here but out of hearing distance so it can be just you and me baby.”

You smiled, your fingers playing with the bandana. “Can I remove this?”

“If you’re prepared and ready to marry me sweet girl.”

You bit your lip as you lifted the bandana off of Jordan’s eyes and put it in your hands.

You looked up into Jordan’s brown orbs brimmed with tears as yours filled.

“J, is it too much?” You asked looking down at your dress slightly cursing Drew once more. “Drew helped and he said it was okay, but I just don’t know I want this day to be perfect.”

Jordan cut you off once more with the press of his lips against yours. “I think your stunning”

You blushed. He still got to you even through the years. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“So we are getting married out here?”

Jordan nodded. “I thought we could say our vows here and then you can pick Drew, or Cole to actually marry us since they both decided to be ordained for some reason.”

You laughed. “That sounds perfect J...can you start cause I’m going to be a blubbering mess.”

“You think I’m not… but I’d do anything for you so yes pretty girl.”

Jordan took a breath as he gripped your hands holding them as he looked into your Y/E/C eyes.

“Sometimes I watch the smallest things you do and just think that I am the luckiest man alive, and I believe I am. I am a better person because of you. You changed my life the moment I walked into that tent seeing you in my chair. I was a mess then because you made me so nervous. I have never known someone so strong and beautiful and stubborn.”

You chuckled as the tears flowed down your face.

"I will shield you from the wind, cover you from the rain, and make a home for us inside my heart. I will protect you through everything, I will try to always be there to pull you out of that pretty head of yours. I vow to love you as your husband, your family, your friend your forever and ever, and to know that as we write our story together it will be the greatest ever told or at least my favorite one.”

You let go of his hands to wipe your tears but Jordan cupped your face using the pad of his thumbs to wipe them away. You brought your hands up to his wiping the stray tears that fell down his.

You took a deep breath your hands still resting on the sides of Jordan’s face. “I don’t know why I was so keen on you going first I’m still a blubbering mess.”

“It’s okay baby, take your time.”

You sucked in another breath as your eyes locked with his once more.

“Wherever our journey leads us, I promise to walk with you arm in arm, hand in hand, to hold you as your wife and to learn from you, love you, and surprise you forever. You are my love, and my guide, a true partner, a man that I will love, hold close, honor, kiss, and cry with for all the days of my life. I trust you with everything in me, you have been able to light my life up, to get me out of my panic attacks and my head and I am forever grateful for that J. You are the love of my life and make me the happiest woman on earth. Happier than I could ever have imagined. You brighten every dark day that I have and I feel so blessed to start our lives together.”

“Wow. That was amazing.”

“And all ours.” You smiled as you pressed up on your toes locking your lips with his.

“You ready to become Mrs. Jordan Connor?”

“So ready J.”

“Drew or Cole?” He laughed.

“Oh man, I feel like Drew is your best friend and your best man so Cole?”

Jordan laughed. “He lost the bet. I’ll be right back.”

“J?” He looked back at you. “Let’s just go to them? I mean I want to be surrounded by our family and friends, plus I really want V at my side.”

Jordan chuckled as he intertwined your fingers leading you to your brother and friends.

“Let’s make this official!” You smiled as the cheers erupted from your friends. “Cole, if you would do us the honor.”

“Awh man.” Drew whined.

“Go stand by your boy. V..will you come stand by me?”

“You don’t have to ask me twice girl.” Vanessa smiled as she and Drew joined the both of you as Cole stepped up in between y’all as you interlocked your hands once again. Cole smiled and began his speech. You not hearing anything until Cole cleared his throat as Jordan squeezed your hand.

“Baby, wanna say I do?”

Drew chuckled as you sent him a playful glare. “I do.”

“Jordan do you take Y/N as your lawfully wedded wife?”

Jordan smiled. “Forever, always. I do.”

“You may now kiss your bride.”

Jordan pulled you into him as you met in a heated kiss, the whoops and hollers from your friends making both of you smile through the kiss.

#jordan connor x reader #Jordan Connor x Plus!Size Reader #jordan connor imagine #jordan conner #riverdale imagine #riverdale x reader #riverdale reader insert #riverdale x you #jordan connor x you

81 notes · View notes

tidustargaryen · 5 years

Text

Loneliness is my fur coat and my only friend

Well, I have not written anything for a very long time, but I felt compelled to contribute to Daenerys. After all she has to go through, I want only one thing, happiness for her, I do not think she will be happy in Westeros, sincerely. I do not see her ending up as a peasant woman, even if she dreamed of it, with, unfortunately, only one dragon now, she can do so much, that she will always feel compelled to use it to bring freedom, peace, where it can, but not to Westeros. I also did not expect a happy ending for Jonerys, honestly I know that Jon could never be happy in the south, we see him besides in his scene with Tormund and Ghost, he is held by an oath to Dany, but we can see that he is unhappy, and that he would like to stay north. And Dany, it's not her place in the north, but I did not expect him to reject her like that ... Nor did I expect Northerners to be so ungrateful after she was helped north against Night King, I really thought that Sansa and Arya would thank her, but most of all, I did not think Jon would leave her alone ... He does not realize how much she must be sad, and how lonely must she feel? We know the story of Dany, we know that what always accompany Dany is loneliness, that's why I have a hard time forgiving Jon, let alone D & D, no matter what what happens next, he completely abandon her when she most needed him ... We're asked to understand Jon because it's hard for him the revelation, but do they understand Dany ... Can not he be there for her, just a little hug, no need for sex if he is uncomfortable, just comfort her, is not asking too much ?

I did not even appreciate their kiss, while the boatsex ... yum lol But the scene where she is alone during the feast, Jon does not even see that she's leaving, and he's not even going to see her, she's the one who has to go see him ... Then the look of disgust he has when he pushes her away ... I have lost taste for the Jonerys couple, maybe it'll come back, I'm happy for you if you still get to ship them, but I'm not. I'm going to look for fics with Dany in the main character, fics to her glory ^^ Without men if possible .... But I thank all the authors who have spent time writing, there are stories that were really worth it.

I do not know if it's good, English is not my mother tongue, so ... Surely full of mistakes lol

And I'm warning, it's very sad ... I'm going to do a little bit of toshop to do a kind of moodboard, I'll post it again later, when I have time, but I do not guarantee it will be good either, it's been a very long time that I did not use the software ^^

I also wanted to pay tribute to Dany and Missandei :) The sister Dany never had.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The dust layer had found its place on the painted table, just as the first time she had entered this room, she touched her finger all the way until she reached the edge of the room giving a wonderful view on the environment composing the island. Except, this time, Tyrion was not present, she had wished to remain alone, she was alone ...

Silence reigning all around her, except the sound of the waves crashing on the rocks, emptiness had invaded space, as it had invaded her heart. Had she been such a sad person ? So alone? Not even when she still had Viserys, not even in her life just wandering the streets in search of food and escaping the murderers. It would give everything to find this time, with Viserys ... What a drama ...

But at least they would still be alive ...

And the Dothaki, they were the people who gave her everything, without them she would not be the woman she is today. She was only the toy, the slave of Viserys, weak, useless, but with the Dothraki, she had found people who loved her, who respected her, they had delivered her ... Of course,she had also had her difficult moments, at first, life is never easy ... But it was the beginning of a new life, a better life. And she had led them at their death ...

How could she still stand, she did not know, but she felt so empty. After all she had lost because of the Night King ... Why her?

It was so hard to look Grey Worm in the eye now. She had failed him, failed her people, failed her friend, her confidante, her sister ... Sweet Missandei, if only I had sent you back to Naath earlier ...

I regret so much my dear friend, will you ever be able to forgive me, no matter where you are now?

-------

“My Queen ?” She had found the North so cold, the people even more, they clearly did not like strangers, even those who came to save them ... Of course she knew they would have had a hard time accepting a Targaryen, given what her father had done to the Starks, and if what was said about Rhaegar was true ... But her people was in no way responsible. She blamed herself for taking Missandei to such a place, she was so kind, so sweet, these people did not even know her, and yet they gave her such nasty looks ... This place was clearly not a place where she was loved. Even Jon had been so distant with her ...

" My queen… ? "

"Sorry Missandei, I think the cold got the better of me. "

"Do you want me to go find Jon Snow?” Missandei had a slight smile on her face as she waited for her Queen's answer.

"I ... No ... I do not think he wants to see me ... I mean ... he has to be busy ..." Her friend walked over to her and took her hand giving her a reassuring look.

"You deserve a good man, he is a good man my Queen, you should ask him if anything annoys you.” Of course, Missandei had also noticed, after a month on a boat where her Queen had been often busy, that the Northerners had not been very present these days, they had just arrived in a foreign place, with people very difficult it was understandable for her that her Queen desires the company of a man for whom she had developed a sudden dependency.

"Thank you, my friend, but I am afraid that these days we are going to spend here are going to be very sad, very cold and very hard. I regret having driven you to such a strange place. "

"We will follow you to the end of the world, and we will defeat this monster for Viserion, but I would like to ask you something ..." Daenerys shook hands with her friend, urging her to continue. "Grey Worm and myself, once you have your throne, would like to live in Naath ..."

Daenerys smiled at her friend, she would be sad to lose her, but nothing would brint her more joy than to see her friend happy. "Of course, you know you do not have to ask, you and Grey Worm are free. "

----

... .If only she had known ...

The Unsullied were trained warriors to no longer feel emotions, nor pain, and yet she could see how much Grey Worm was suffering ... She would give her own life a hundred times if it could make his lover back to life.

Anyway, she did not have much, except Drogon ...

Rhaegal ... my child ...

I swore that no one was going to take you to me after Viserys, Drogo and Rhaego ... I failed again ... Am I a monster to lead all people who believe in me or who love me to death ?

Viserion, Rhaegal, she might lose Drogon if she continued ... My children ... And why? A country of ungrateful people who would never be able to love her?

When she arrived at Dragonstone, she had felt that she was not at home, just as she certainly was not in the North, how ironic that she had been searching for her house all her life, believing Westeros was her home... I only found death here, death and disappointment. I do not belong anywhere, I do not belong to anyone?

Not even Jon ...

She had thought to find love here in those desolate lands, and that's right, she loved him, oh she loved him so much ... It was perhaps her biggest mistake, she had given him her time her body, her heart, her armies, her dragons, and what remained to her now? A tiny little army and Drogon ... She had felt so lonely in the North, she understood that he could not be very present for her, he had to organize Winterfell's defense, he had to spend time with his family. Was not she his family to ? Even if they did not share this blood tie?

No, clearly he was not. She had not really had time to appreciate that she was no longer the last of her family, in other circumstances she would have been delighted, but this revelation would make her lose everything, everything she was fighting for since she was a child, Jon had pushed her away, and soon the wolves and the lions, as well as the serpents, would feast on her corpse and place a "male" heir on the throne. Why did not he just understand that? He did not want to be a king, she knew it, they knew it too, but who cares ... She was a woman, impulsive like her Hand liked to say, a mixture that did not make a good Queen apparently ... And Jon ... An honorable and fair man an ideal candidate, even if he did not want it, would he have made a good king if he had been unhappy in the South and in his duty? Surely not, but what does it matter ....

After all she had gone through in her life, now that she was on the verge of having what she wanted, everything was torn out, again. I had a family one day, and everything was tear off away from me because of my naivety. Had she been too naive to think that she could still have a family, a man who loves her? If she had not let herself be guided by her emotions for Jon, maybe things would have been different ...

The worst had been to see the look of disgust in his eyes after he pushed her away. The drink had made him forget of their blood tie, but his honor had quickly reminded him that she was her aunt ...

Why did it have to bother him so much? My family always practicing incest to keep the lineage pure, for the dragons ... My parents were brothers and sisters ... it did not bother him the first time he came to knock on my door ... My blood forever was a sin in the eyes of his Gods, and yet, he still wanted me ... Why now ?

Maybe....

Maybe...

Who could love a dragon.... ? Not even another dragon...

Three betrayals ...

It was a long time ago, so long ago that she had forgotten, or maybe she had trusted him too much to think that it could be her betrayal for love ... I told him to not trust his sisters, of course, Sansa had immediately informed her Hand, he chose to trust her, not me ... He knew what kind of man was Varys, he knew that from the moment a male heir is available, Varys will plot against me so that I die ... He certainly does not wish for my death, I know, of that I am sure ... But he would have been responsible ... Because he has chose not to trust me. Could he love me if he did not even trust me?

She had given him so much, and lost a lot by following him to the North. Oh of course she did not regret coming to help, how could she leave all these people, even if they had no gratitude, no love for her, to be enslaved in death by the Night King. She really deserved her title of the Breaker of Chains.

Where maybe she should have stayed in Essos, she would never have known, and her people would still be there, and Jon would be dead ...

A noise brought her back to reality, she kept her lost gaze on the ocean but allowed her visitor to enter the room.

"Your Grace," Tyrion came in and noticed the neglected aspect of his Queen, never since he served her he had seen her so bad ... She looked like the people of Flea Bottom, certainly much more beautiful, and less dirty, much less fragrant too ... He had pain for his Queen. He had doubts, he was tearing up between his family and the hope that he had put in Daenerys Targaryen, and he had failed in his task, and because of that, he was part of the reasons why his Queen was here, in mourning.

He had ended up denouncing Varys, and revealing what Sansa had entrusted to him, perhaps it was a way to redeem himself, although he knew that nothing could ever redeem the disappointment he had been once again, as it had been in his father's eyes, except this time he deserved it. Varys had of course been executed by fire, as Daenerys had promised him so little time ago, when she still had her dragons, Missandei, her armies ... The Greyjoy, the Martells, the Tyrells ... If only I had not wanted to save the life of Cersei, and the baby ...

"The troops of the North should still put a fortnight to arrive ..."

"Never mind ..." Daenerys turned around and looked at Tyrion at last. "Send a horseman, warned the Warden of the North that I would no longer need his armies, tell him that I am sincerely sorry for having made them go all this way for nothing. Warn him that food will be sent to the North as an excuse. "

"My queen ... But Cersei, the Iron Throne ...? "

"An iron chair that has made too many victims ... I saw it once in my dreams, really ugly, I'm sure you'll agree with that ..." Daenerys had this fatality in the voice that displeased Tyrion. She turned back to the ocean while her hand proceeded to what she had said.

"I pride myself on being a smart man, but I confess that now I do not understand you. "

"I refuse to risk the life of my last child Lord Tyrion. I will not stand it. And if I manage to escape from your sister's Scorpions, she will still refuse to give me the city, and if she burns the red dungeon with the Wildfire? Innocent people will die, far too many innocent people. There were enough deaths ... "

"My sister will not leave you alone ..."

"I will not stay at Dragonstone ..." Tyrion took a few steps back, refusing to believe that his Queen, this proud Queen Targaryen could give up so easily ... He understood that she could suffer sudden losses, but to the point of giving up this why has she fought since her brother was gone?

"Your Grace, I beg you to reconsider, even if you leave, Cersei will not leave the North alone, you will let it destroy after all you have lost to save them? And Missandei? You do not want to have her ... "

"ENOUGH LORD TYRION! My decision is made and it is irrevocable ... You are free, I discharge you from your duties as Hand of the Queen. "

Tyrion stayed a few moments without being able to say anything ... He stared at the Hand's badge and gently removed it from his coat, placing it on the painted table. He knew that his Queen would not change her mind, he tried a last approach anyway.

"And Jon Snow? He is your blood, but more than that, you love him, you will abandon him to his fate without even saying goodbye? What did he do to deserve such coldness? "

Of course, Daenerys knew that Jon would go back to the North, the real North, where Cersei would never find him. She had seen it in his eyes, he would never have been happy here with me, even if he had finally accepted our bond of blood ...

"He does not want to stay in the South, he does not want to have a relationship with his aunt. He is a Stark, he belongs to the North. I release the slaves, I do not chained him Lord Tyrion, I will never force him to do something he does not want. I will not be the woman who will make him unhappy, I deserve better, and him too. "

She turned around and stared at her old Hand a few moments, "It was pleasant the time that it lasted, thank you for your services, I wish you to be happy. "

"It has been an honor to serve you my Queen, may I ask you what you are going to do now? "

Daenerys watched the waves crash on the rocks, then Drogon who had just appeared in the sky. With a smile at the corner of her mouth she answered Tyrion:

"There is still a place where people need help, where I can still break the wheel, where I can save lives, where people respect me, love me and where I feel a little less alone. "

And so the Queen prepared her departure to Essos, hoping that one day she might be happy, that she would continue to liberate the slaves, that she might find joy in the arms of a man who loved her and that she would end up visiting Naath one day, even if her friend was not there to enjoy it with her, she would never forget it, just as she would never forget Ser Jorah, who had saved her life so many times, and of course, she would forever remember her children, the only ones she would ever have, the one who's still with her, who protected her, and those who had joined her husband, and her son, her brothers, her mother and all these Targaryen ancestors.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She deserve happiness !!! She deserve the world, and if people have read this, thanks and please, cry with me :’(

#daenerys targaryen #missandei #tyrion lannister

21 notes · View notes

theartof-rebelcaptain · 5 years

Text

Welcome to The Art of Rebelcaptain!

the purpose: to give positive feedback, to encourage artists to keep art’ing, to encourage reblogs, and to inspire others to do the same. tumblr is great for presenting this stuff, and it’s also great for sharing it, but it is also The Worst™ at giving people the ability to really give some comments on the posts, especially when they aren’t cross-posted in other places (like deviantArt or ao3). I’ve heard from multiple fandom members in the course of two years that their content largely gets reblogs with only filing tags and hardly any comments, which dampens their mood over time and discourages them from making more moodboards/graphics/art/manips. Conversely, I’ve also heard from multiple fandom members that they have absolutely no idea what to say about the visual content because there aren’t really words for them to pull from like when they read fanfics (and even then, those comments are scarce as well).

the mission: This blog aims to address the above issues by reblogging art with positive feedback in the tags, and hopefully encourage others to do the same by setting an example of what sorts of things can be said to the artist.

the operation: I find the media. Or someone @’s me/tags me so I can more easily find the media. I throw it in my drafts. I take a thorough look at the posts, then leave a few lines of positive feedback before throwing a few in the queue. The queue will publish at least one post per day, but no more than four. I am, however, a one-person show, so the more media you folks can help me find, the longer I can keep this blog running!

I think you all get the gist, but if you’re interested in the nitty gritty of this blog, more details under the cut!

the visual media: primarily fanart, graphics, and photo manips, but also moodboards and other visual media that is uncommon to the fandom. Moodboards that were made purely to introduce a concept/blurb will be considered a higher priority, as opposed to moodboards specifically catered to a fic that was created first (unless the moodboard was a gift from a fandom member), but I will throw them all in the drafts for positive feedback.

the process so far: I’ve pilfered through a handful of tumblrs and bookmarked them so I can refer back for regular content- these blogs are normally ones that either 1) have a huge repository of fanart found in lesser-known places in their fanart tag, or 2) regularly make visual media. I throw them in my drafts and set time aside to update my queue by picking a variety of posts and adding feedback in the tags (usually about 10 or so each time).

Since I want to give older media more exposure, I do not intend to post things in chronological order, nor do I want to make back-to-back posts of the same kind of content. I want to display lesser-known artists as well as the better-known ones, and I want to display fanart and doodles between the gifs and the graphics and the moodboards. As such, if I’ve been @’d or if a post has the #theartofrebelcaptain tag in it, I’ve likely found it and set it aside for another time.

please help me keep this blog alive! I am but one person with a life outside of this fandom, so if you can alert me to any lesser-known visual media that i may have overlooked, please @ me, submit a link to the tumblr post, or tag your posts with #theartofrebelcaptain so I can include them as well! I’ve spent a huge chunk of my weekend procuring more than 100 posts to set up for a queue, but that level of time commitment isn’t something I can do every day.

okay, who’s running this blog? ...lol

#rebelcaptain #rogue one #jyn erso #cassian andor #jyn x cassian #cassian x jyn #theartofrebelcaptain #admin post #about the blog

50 notes · View notes

sleepy-and-anxious · 5 years

Note

I really want to know all of the different aesthetic ask things but I really don’t have the energy to pretend to be 5 different anons😬

Because its you, and only for you, I will answer every question I haven’t already answered because I hate myself U W U

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?

Saturday afternoon in the car on the way back from wales!!! I sang Drumming Song by florence and the machine

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

Eh! I went for cocktails with my uni friends the day or so before I left and I got a little rubber duck in the cocktail and we all had a really lovely time. I paid for everyones drinks so that people weren’t worried about spending money and it was just a really really happy night uwu

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?

I’d take more chances and sit down more often to write my wip ideas down!

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

Kinda? Publish a book, get all the tattoos on my list, meet a lot of my internet friends!

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

Not particularly - but I think I did okay with what I was given.

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

uhhhhhh.... yesterday? I cried in front of my mum.

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

Always. I hate small talk but deep talks im g o o d with.

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

uhhh.... most likely @notanotherhour because I was snapchatting him when I couldn’t sleep at like 4:30 am on saturday.

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes?

A D O R A B L E 10/10 YUMMY

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?

A Charismatic Loner ft Too Much Cake

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

Uh... buy a flat? Save it? Travel?

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

I’d like to think i am? I think I could always be more forgiving.

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.

I don’t need 100 words i’d just need a few:

“Keep going; theres light at the end of the tunnel even if you wont see it for a while.”

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

p u n k

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

j’adore both

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

I wear a bit of makeup? I usually fill in my brows, wear eyeshadow, eyeliner and mascara. Sometimes i’ll wear foundation, but I find it uncomfortable a lot of the time. But if I am wearing foundation then I will usually go a contour and highlight too.

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

Be fucking kind to each other

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

Oh damn okay so:

Kerrang! tour: Fearless Vampire Killers, Tonight Alive, Chiodos, Black Veil Brides. my first concert! it was a friends 13th birthday and she wanted me to come with her! I went for tonight alive and ended up in love with chiodos!

Pierce The Veil: I still adore. This was my favourite. small emo me was living.

Paloma Faith: I c o n i c

Fall Out Boy: amazing! I bought tickets for my two best friends.

One Ok Rock: “SENPAI NOTICE ME!” taka: “wait- Senpai?” legendary moment

Twenty One Pilots: one of the most amazing live performances i’ve seen. A r t i s t s.

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?

Chaotic organisation is my shit. I know where everything is but its rarely neat.

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine?

Depends. usually, unless im going out im winding down at approx 9pm... sometimes earlier. I usually read or watch netflix at this time. Sometimes I have too much energy and can be found going absolutely bat shit crazy and dancing around my room with my earphones in. Then by 11/midnight im usually in bed scrolling through social media or reading!

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

Okay, so i’ve been dying my hair since I was like 13 but uhh my hair is now died black and styled in a long asymmetrical bob with an undercut. I’m really digging the style, but I might consider going a lighter colour again soon.

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?

Never gotten high, but i’m usually just a really flirty drunk. So maybe some fluttered eyelashes at other people but nothing more than that .

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

hmmm one song would probably be one of the songs i mentioned in the bands question in another ask... I wouldn’t know about only seeing one person o3o

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love.

Yeah, I think so. Its a comforting feeling where your stomach does summersaults and you find yourself smiling/blushing uncontrolably when thinking about them

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

I’m not sure... I’d love to rock short hair but I don’t think I have the right face shape for it!

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

skinny hazelnut latte (iced or regular depending on how warm it is)! Uh, my uni friends, my ex and the starbucks baristas back in wales bc they know my order by heart lmfao

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

my freedom, the ability to create things and all the possibilities I have now.

7 notes · View notes

wackygoofball · 5 years

Note

Not sure if you take requests or suggestions, so apols if I'm overstepping here, but how about a J/B Homeland-inspired moodboard?

Hi anon, thanks for the suggestion. And no, you are not overstepping boundaries by suggesting something to me. The only thing is that I can never make solid promises to fulfill whatever prompt someone may send my way, though I always try my best, that much is for sure.

As to your suggestion, here is what I came up with. I hope it is to your liking:

Moodboard: Jaime x Brienne - Homeland AU

Brienne of Tarth observes with growing agitation as the news about Commander Lannister’s return home flicker across her TV screen. While most others are simply happy to see the war veteran return after eight long years in a prison in Asshai everyone believed was his final destination, The WIA officer is not sure whether this is indeed a moment to cheer for. After all, she heard from an informant not too long ago that the terrorist group Red God, which follows the faith of R’hllor all the way down to burning people alive, managed to turn someone and make him one of their own.

Which begs one major question: What if Commander Lannister is the one they managed tomake into a double agent?

And what damage can he do, considering that JaimeLannister is one of the most capable generals the Westeros Army has ever seen?

Her concerns remain mostly ignored by authorities, a circumstance not new to Brienne ever since Renly’s assassination. They think she is mad for believing that Stannis Baratheon had his hands in this, even more so when he was confirmed dead in Asshai and Brienne still insisted on following up on the leads she had gathered on him.

Death does not release you from a vow, after all, and Brienne is determined to find out the truth, even if that means being ostracized by the rest of the department, even if that means staying alone. They mocked her even before she was labelled as “the crazy one,” feeling ever the more confirmed when she was “diagnosed” with PTSD. Brienne doesn’t have the time for that kind of nonsense. She has a case to solve, two now, in fact, because Jaime Lannister may be part of the missing link between Asshai and Westeros, between the attack on Renly, Stannis’ death, and the ominous woman Melisandre A.

In a group therapy session Brienne is required to attend as part of her regiment, she is surprised to run into Jaime Lannister, who is apparently the newest member of the group. Though, as he says, he doesn’t want words to get out about the matter because he is already being chased around enough by news anchors and paparazzi wanting to know all the things he would likely rather keep to himself.

“It’s making me dizzy to be bathed in all of that attention. It actually makes me miss my prison cell sometimes.”

Brienne finds herself caught up between wanting to press for information and actually having conversation with the man all over the news. Because Jaime seems much different from the image she had of him even before he disappeared – he doesn’t seem like the ominous Kingslayer, the man who shot his own commander Aerys Targaryen in the back during an operation, just like he doesn’t appear like the great threat she saw in him when she saw Jaime get off the plane, looking perfectly out of place as the entire nation watched on.

But Brienne won’t be fooled. If what her sources say is true, then that is a wolf in sheep’s skin, or rather, a lion in sheep’s skin.

The young woman remains surprised that the man seems to have little hesitation to open up to her after some casual conversation during and after the group therapy sessions, a circumstance Brienne is both glad for, for the sake of the investigation, and irritated by, because it raises more and more doubts in her. And Brienne cannot afford having doubts, not on this.

Can this man be the mole her sources mentioned, set on carrying out the will of Red God, of Melisandre A and her followers, when Jaime simply appears to be a broken man who can’t seem to adapt to the life he returned to, as it carried on without him there?

“I visited my own grave a few weeks back. It’s quite an experience,” he tells her one time, the way he always does, with a smile he doesn’t ever seem to mean.

“I can’t say it’s much of an experience to go see other people’s graves.”

“The quirks of being a believed-to-be-dead-though-actually-not prisoner of war.”

While Brienne tries her best to maintain emotional distance from the man, she seemingly can’t help but remain closely tied to Jaime even outside the job. Against all odds, there appears to be a special connection between them, one that goes deeper than sharing in similar experiences or finding their psychologists not worth their time.

“You may be the first person to treat me like a human being instead of a ghost from the past,” Jaime tells her one night when both agree to have a coffee in a nearby diner. “I am either the war hero or the long lost son… or if you asked my sister, I waited too damn long to come back because I could help it and just chose out of spite to be imprisoned… but never quite… me. Whoever that is. But with you… I at least feel like a person, you know?”

“Or maybe it’s just the group therapy showing effect at last?” she suggests uncertainly.

“I don’t think so. Last time you weren’t there and it did nothing for me. There’s something about you, Brienne of Tarth.”

“And do you find that good or bad?” she asks.

“I don’t know. I just know that there is something. And what about you?”

“Me?”

“Well, I bet you have better to do than listening to me moping about how shitty my life is, even though I should consider it all a gift and all that crap, being the ungrateful bastard I happen to be,” he huffs.

“It’s tough to be the one surviving while others… have not. Gift or not… it’s tough to accept it.”

“You mean Renly.”

“Yes, I mean Renly.”

He smiles. “You know you didn’t answer my question, right?”

“We all got something to hide, don’t we?” she sighs.

“What? Me? Having something to hide? Please. What could I possibly hide?”

“Just about everything?”

“But only just almost.”

It isn’t until long that Brienne crosses the dangerous line between personal and professional, leaving her wondering whether the security she finds in that man’s embrace is real or just part of a game he tries to play against her. At the same time, Jaime seemingly starts to have doubts of his own, questioning Brienne’s background and motivation more and more frequently, wanting to get more information on what she actually does for a job, something they normally don’t speak of, seemingly sensing that their private bliss hidden away in a house by a lake is not entirely what it seems to be.

“Maybe I am not the only one who has something to hide.”

An upcoming summit where Jaime is supposed to give a speech to address the war in Asshai throws Brienne into an even greater emotional turmoil, a condition impossibly worsened when she receives conflicting information on the mole supposed to get revenge on behalf of Red God. Some sources suggest that Jaime is behind this, other sources hint at another person who has not revealed himself just yet who may be in one camp with Melisandre A.

The fact that Jaime and Brienne have a huge fight when he confronts her about her investigation after going through her personal belongings does nothing to help the matter. Both feel betrayed and like they are betraying one another, and that even though they wanted to dare to trust one another against all odds.

When Jaime does not show up to the summit as a guest and news reach the WIA that Melisandre A. managed to get into King’s Landing without anyone’s notice, Brienne already fears for the worst - namely that she will be proven right.

And for the first time ever, Brienne hopes, prays that she is wrong.

That it’s not him.

That it’s not true.

That what is true is what passed between them over bad coffee and sitting on a dock, watching the sun rise over the lake and share everything of themselves in the fraction of a moment of a kiss.

A race against time begins as Brienne keeps searching for the mole, all the while hoping that it isn’t the man she learned to trust, learned to love. After all, the mole is the man she will have to take down to protect the people.

Because Brienne will do it if she has to, because that is her job.

Though does she have to?

And who will be held at gunpoint when the trigger is pulled?

Additional Image Sources: Homeland (2011 – present).

#jaime x brienne #jaime lannister #brienne of tarth #moodboard #aesthetic #got moodboard #got aesthetic #wacky tries gimp #game of thrones #au #homeland au #anon #ask #thanks anon #prompt

56 notes · View notes

settle4half · 6 years

Note

can you answer like.. all of those aesthetic questions??

(YOU KNOW ILY RIGHT - also under a read more for those who want to know me better i guess)

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?

yesterday, bc the new bts album came out and i was humming anpanman ~

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

there’s no question of truthfulness that i want to know the answer of.

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

i was born on the same day/year as jungkook from bts. i’m still alive.

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

wow, idk?? spending a chill afternoon with one of my best friend? supporting her??

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?

i would drop out of university, get a loan from a bank and travel the rest of the year.

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

visit another country this year, pass all my exams this session, get a job during summer.

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.

one of the most hard-working, talented and good people i know. literally the prettiest person, very understanding and loving and supportive. being around her literally puts my soul at ease. very funny, nerd-ish in the best way possible of the term, living too far-away from me, wish i could always hug her and kiss her puffy cheeks. she made me who i am today.

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

not really, when i think back, it’s generally the bad thing that comes to mind; i was a very lonely child well into my teenage years, and my relation with my parents only recently became good enough to call myself pleased as well. it could have been WAY worse, so i’d say it was just okay.

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

yesterday, of frustration.

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.

my friend (soul sister really) carmela whose @ i don’t know anymore bc i’m a mess on tumblr. she loves the stars, she knows the stars, and it’d be the most magical thing in the world to be there, watch the admiration on her face, hear her explain things to me.

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

sure, i’m an open book.

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

my best friends, idk, last time 3am caught us all together, maybe a couple of weeks ago.

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?

ugh idk, i have nothing to say to anyone.

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes?

I LOVE THEM i have brown eyes and i love them bc it’s either starry-eyes or melted chocolate eyes AND BOTH are magical i love brown eyes so much.

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.

“I have cried myself to the person I am today” bc it’s my own life journey, tbh.

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?

“Overcoming and accepting the wrongs of my self”

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

BTS CONCERT TICKETS !!! travel!!!

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

i feel like i am!!! i can get over so many things in the name of love (of all types)!!! and i hate it bc no one actually appreciates it!!!! fuck off!!!

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.

you are so damn angry all the damn time and rightfully so. you’ll go through shit for a while still, but you’ll meet people so extraordinary that you’ll cry in a bus station because you feel too blessed and happy to be met with kindness. i miss your desperate determination and resolution. you will create so much out of it and i’m so proud you made it. i know it’s not easy, it never was. you’ll change so much, i can barely recognize myself in you anymore. you’ll learn so much more. hey, regrets are piling up. but go forward, i’m waiting.

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

pastel at heart, punk at exterior.

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

I’D LOVE THEM ALL. i want all the piercings, and tattoos are cool but i feel pressured to find some i really love b4 getting any. i’ll eventually get both tho!~

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

depends on my mood, my general go-to make-up consists of face-cream, eye-shadow and mascara, and maybe lipstick. i barely put any face make-up bc i’m lazy, but i’d love to look on fleek all the time.

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.

BTS saved my life, and i’m not just dramatic when i say this. they literally help me be a better version of myself every single day.

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

“Don’t break your tenderness.”

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

basically summerwell 2016/2017, i looooved the years&years performance, they were my fav band at that moment, and i cried throughout all and i just?? it’s very emotional, the kind of energy that forms in a space where you know everyone loves the same thing as you do, wow!!

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

can i be a cheese ball? bts: we see you.

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?

i have!! cups (one for each type of beverage) some pen holders, tissues, and that’s kind of about it ~

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine?

read fanfiction for 3 hours until you fall asleep.

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?

don’t have such a thing.

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

i’d like green at some point, but i’m quite pleased with a black bob at the moment ~

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

my 2 uni best friends, my other 2 best friends and before mentioned carmela. let’s see japan together!

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.

i prefer to keep them secret until i can make them happen heheh, but you can figure them out from answers on some other questions here... oups.

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.

the bed-sheets ghost.

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?

uhm kissed someone?

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

kill someone, but tbh i’m so desperate for money that i’d step on any other of my principles.

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

why is this question so radical omg!!! song: paradise from bts and person.... my best friend that i described (heheh sorry you got stuck with me)

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love.

yeah..... with park jimin from bts, this is SO LAME but like??? i literally smile like a fool when i see his selfies and i feel my heart grow 10 times in size when i hear his voice and i just want him happy forever.

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

yeah sure, and i guess i tried it, but i don’t think short hair really fits me, not with my current body proportions.

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

americano, it’s not that hard, anyone can work that one out.

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

my friends and BTS.

#theopotterhead #personal

2 notes · View notes

itsachillesbtch · 6 years

Note

All aesthetics 💗

Sweet jesus OKflower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?I am now lmaofairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?If I am loveddaisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?Falling in love1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?Earlier today at lunchmatte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?My clothesblack nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?1.) Visit Italy 2.) Watch P!ATD live 3.) Have a nice life in generalpantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.An angel, beautiful eyes, memes, that one lizard gif, lmaomoodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?Kinda, yeahstars: when did you last cry in front of another person?Todayplants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.Kaleigh because I love her so muchconverse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?Yeahlace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?Saturday, my best friendhandwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?I love you to my momcactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes?I have them, and they are magicalsunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally."I dont talk in elevators, motherfucker" -Unknown, I Really love it because I'm socially awkwardoil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?Mom: a story of Depressionoveralls: what would you do with one billion dollars?Leave this horrible town combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?Yes, it hurts a lotwinged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.Okpastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?A mix of both tbhtattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.I have a lot of piercings, and a tattoo, so I lile thempiercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?Sometimes, because I just like itbands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.XXXTENTACION because 17 made my life so.much bettermessy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.I hate myself lmaocry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.I've been to one and it was a country one, and I had the time of my life, but that was 2-3 years ago so lmaogrunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?Do they have to be alive?space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?Yes, not what so everwhite bed sheets: what is your night time routine?I don't really have one lmaoold books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?How much I would disappoint thembeaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?It is noweyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?@genericplanet @rarf-ile @verypaige @starboy-howell ehhh probs a road trip lmao11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.A better future, dogs, a life with Kalepainting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.My mermaid one I wore to school lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?Take really weird selfies that won't see the light of day lmaothunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?Suck a dick lmaostorms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?Kaleigh because she is my life at this pointlove: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love.Yes, it's like standing up from a crash, like flying above water, leaping in meadowsclouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?Girl, and if I didnt have a scar around my head, probably?? coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?A grande double chocolatey chip frappe, and Sam because she knows it too well lmaomarble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right [email protected]'re welcome

4 notes · View notes

crimsonrevolt · 6 years

Photo

Congratulations Tess you’ve been accepted to Crimson Revolt as Alastor Moody!

↳ please refer to our character checklist

Alastor is a character that I know we have all been keen to see on the dash, even more so when it means an old member is returning to us! Your app was fantastic and went into such detail that it gave us a really clear idea of who he is as a person and what motivates him, it was truly a pleasure to read! I don’t think I can pick out just one thing that I loved when all of it was so wonderful, from the expansion of his traits to the writing sample and his reaction to the most recent plot drop it was all so well thought out and developed. We’re thrilled to have you bakc, Tess! *your faceclaim change to Gael García Bernal has been accepted

application beneath the cut

OUT OF CHARACTER

INTRODUCTION

Tess, 21 years old, she/her, pacific time, USA.

ACTIVITY

I’m not going back to school until the fall so I have more time than originally expected. I’m able to log in daily, since the threads on this group tend to be on the longer side I’m contemplating I’ll be able to get at least one reply a day.

HOW DID YOU FIND US?

I’m a former member but originally through the tags.

WHAT HARRY POTTER CHARACTER DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST?

Hedwig because I too would die for Harry Potter. No but really I think I identify the most with Bill Weasley, mainly because I always liked the career of curse breaker and I think that going far away from the family to do something he loved was amazing (and brave).

ANYTHING ELSE?

I’m really hoping to get accepted again. I had an amazing time when I was part of this amazing group last time. I’ve been feeling a little out of it since the baby came and the doctor recommended I do something I love, and getting to write with you all is really one of my favorite things in the world. I hope I get to be a part of this group again!

IN CHARACTER

DESIRED CHARACTER

Alastor Moody

Alastor: Ancient Greek for “he who does not forget”. Thus “avenger”, “persecutor”, “tormenter”, “one who suffers from divine vengeance”. Which is rather fitting as he made a career out of putting bad guys in jail, when failing to stop them before hurting innocent he made sure to avenge those lives that were lost.

Moody: Temperamental.

FACE CLAIM

Matt Ryan, or Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, or a POC rec from you. Honestly I would be willing to work with whoever you see fit.

REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER

I have always been a fan of Alastor, I just never had the confidence of playing him before. But with this plot, and everything going on, I couldn’t let the opportunity pass. There’s something about how the order is going to deal with Aversio. Slowly coming to the realization that it is because in a way they were not getting results that this other group decided to come into action. And then there’s the ministry, specially the aurors. I want to have a chance to explore Alastor’s feelings, how he questions if they have been doing a good job training the new recruits. He is going to be set on the fact that Aversio does more harm than good, but there’s going to be something reminding him that if only they had acted sooner, all of this could’ve been prevented. Plus, the paranoia is only going to grow, he now realizes that there’s definitely no one he could trust, he could very well be surrounded by enemies. I felt drawn towards him because he is a good guy through and through, his methods might not be the best, and he is not the nicest guy around, he’s far from it, but he knows what path he wants to follow, he has a clear objective in mind. I hope I get to do him justice the same way he seeks to achieve justice for all those who have been wronged.

PREFERRED SHIPS // CHARACTER SEXUALITY // GENDER & PRONOUNS

I’m all for Alastor/Chemistry if the opportunity presents. Alastor is way too paranoid to let himself be vulnerable, but with the right development I’ll be on board with a ship. My anti-ship would be something out of character for Alastor, like death eaters. Alastor is a cis-male and uses he/him pronouns.

CREATE ONE (OR MORE!) OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER:

-A MOODBOARD ( here )

-AN AESTHETIC ( here )

-A PLAYLIST

For Those Below – Mumford & Sons

Pompeii – Bastille

You Are a Runner, and I Am My Father’s Son - Wolf Parade

Barton Hollow – The Civil Wars

Beat The Devil’s Tattoo - Black Rebel Motorcycle Club

Warrior - Disturbed

Fears - Serj Tankian

The Kids Don’t Stand a Chance – Vampire Weekend

When The War Came - The Decemberists

Seven Devils – Florence + The Machine

Ready! Aim! Fire! – Imagine Dragons

Knights of Cydonia – Muse

The General - Dispatch

Broken Road - Sully Erna

Ghosts That We Knew - Mumford & Sons

-EXPAND ON THE TRAITS ( and here’s a character tropes edit )

✓ Hard-working. He comes from a family of Aurors, both his parents as per canon were Aurors, and I feel like that gives us a glimpse into his early life. It’s like coming from a family of cops, there’s a need to prove you too can achieve greatness while at the same time showing people you have earned the right to where you are, and that it wasn’t given to you because of your family. So Alastor works harder than anyone, since he demands that from people he leads by example.

✓ Great mentor. He will never be one to sugar coat things, but he knows the right way to encourage people. He wants to train London’s best, and he would try his best to make sure that happens. He guides by example, and tries to keep everyone under his watch alive.

✓ Persevering. Linked with hard-work, perseverance is something in Alastor’s nature, he never gives up despite everything that has happened to him. Despite everything that’s happening in the world he will keep pushing forward.

✓ Open-minded. There’s nothing he hasn’t seen, and still believes there’s more to see. Moody likes to keep an open mind, would always listen to someone before making a decision, he’s never one to be prejudiced, as that is what’s killing this society.

✕ Harsh. Greatness is not achieved by babying people, Alastor believes in though love, it’s how he was raised. He has never been one to be tactful and is not going to start now.

✕ Gruff. Life made Alastor into a bitter person, he sounds like he’s always mad, even if deep down he cares about everyone around him, he knows it’s best to keep a rough front.

✕ Paranoid. When someone has lived what he has they would have no trouble believing that is best to be wary and not trust anything or anyone. He is constantly worried someone is going to try and kill him or worst betray him.

✕ Anti-social. He prefers to keep people at arms length, after all no one knows when is the last time he’s going to see them.

-A FEW POTENTIAL PLOT POINTS

connections & wanted plots

&&. KEEP ME GROUNDED Is not that Alastor forgets social niceties and manners, is that he just couldn’t care less whether people likes him or not. Which only leads to him coming off as a straight up asshole on his worse days, and a paranoid grump on a daily basis. He could use someone he respects and is strong enough to call him out when he’s being a jerk. To point out where the line is, and making it clear that it is not okay to cross it.

&&. BROTHERS IN ARMS You are only as good as the person fighting next to you. Someone Alastor had grown to respect and rely on. They might not always have a heart-to-heart about their feelings, but this is one of the few people Alastor knows he can turn to. Whether sharing drinks or just being there for each other, this is one of the few people Alastor can honestly say he trusts.

&&. SURE I’LL TEACH YOU Alastor has a hard time believing anyone in their right mind would chose him as a mentor. The role of mentor and teacher coming easy to him despite originally having being appointed head of the department because there were no other options around. Alastor stepped into the role and with each passing generation he gets better at preparing aurors. Now with the order he had also taken the responsibility to get them ready for a fight he wished they never had to fight. Alastor is always willing to work with anyone who wants to be better prepared and work on refining their technique.

&&. JUST PROMISE YOU WON’T END UP LIKE ME Callous grumpy nature aside, Alastor is a mentor at heart, and sometimes even if it surprises everyone around, he might end up giving some advice to those brave enough to bring up discussing their feelings with him. Rumor says the best time to approach him is when he’s drinking, that’s when he’s more at ease, he might even pour you one. OPEN

&&. FIGHT ME It’s not that he lives to make enemies, that’s just something that happens from time to time. With the wizarding society hanging by a fine thread, and Alastor living up to his last name every day of the week, everyone could easily fall into this category. Whether this is someone who annoys him, like a fellow ministry employee, or someone Alastor would love to punch their teeth out if the opportunity ever were to arise.

&&. NOTHING LEFT TO SAY BUT GOODBYE Alastor was born and raised into the pureblood life. His parents were never pureblood elitists, and coming from a long line of Aurors they had an impeccable reputation. His family was murdered before any of them could be labeled blood traitors. At sixteen Alastor was left to carry one a family legacy. He cultivated many friendships through his childhood and early years in Hogwarts. Some of those friends, that he once considered family, have now turned out to be on the other side of the war. What happens when the person you would take a hit for is the one pointing the wand at you?

&&. I WOULD FOR YOU Alastor’s family was taken from him in the blink of an eye. For years he convinced himself that caring for anyone was only going to end in pain and heartbreak. Despite having friends that he cared for and loved, he always tried to push them and keep them at arms length. After a failed engagement he accepted the fact that he was not meant to have a family. Always the man with the plan, he failed to prepare for what would happen when they wrapped their small hand on his finger. Alastor might never have children of his own, but family has always been about more than blood.

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it:

“This one is easy. A truth spell. And not like that veritaserum rubbish. We all know that bloody thing doesn’t work. But with a proper truth spell, interrogations would go smoothly. And it won’t just benefit the department, but people who are wrongly accused would have a better chance at clearing their name. Of course it should only be used with regulations, there should be training, an official team like the obliviators. Just think about how much good a truth spell could do.”

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you:

“I see the tactical advantage of having someone when you venture into the Forbidden Forest, but I wouldn’t risk anyone’s life, but if I have to name someone I would pick Minerva or Kingsley. And I’ll take my invisibility cloak.”

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make?

“All decisions are difficult to make. But the hardest ones are probably the ones where the only choices you have are bad choices. Because you still have to choose. You still have to make a decision.”

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you?

“Why would I bloody care about what people say about me? People are always going to say things about you, no matter what you do. Good things or bad things. You are still going to be judged. You can’t let that stop ya.”

Alastor shifted a little before adding, “…that I didn’t try.”

REACTION TO LAST EVENT DROP

Is no secret that Alastor was never fond of the Ministry of Magic, he never cared much for the bureaucracy and the red tape, but he had been hopeful that with Millicent in charge things would change for the better. The auror department on the other hand, well that was his entire life. Every single person in that office was his responsibility, and Alastor was not there for them. Alastor’s paranoia is through the roof, knowing that Aversio stemmed from the order had already made him doubt everyone around him, but when it was clear that the initial attack to the Ministry had to be aided by someone in the aurors’ department, well that just made him mistrust his own shadow. Alastor is angry, and more determined than ever to put and end to the war. He might not be entirely convinced about letting aversio members join the order, but at least he can keep a close eye on them. After the attack on St. Mungos he’s starting to reconsider his stance on non-lethal, because arresting people is not going to be enough, specially since the death eaters are in power and he knows there’s no way to get justice unless they make their own.

WRITING SAMPLE

They were failing. That much was clear. And in the long list of categories under which a failure could fall, their failures were the worst kind. People were dying left and right. A hate group and a terrorist organization fighting for control, meanwhile the Ministry could barely hold together, let alone put out so many fires. And the order. The order was filled with well intentioned people, kids really, they were mostly kids who had wanted to do good and ended up having to fight a war against two ruthless enemies. If fighting one group had proved to be hard, now, after what Alastor had learned. A house divided could not stand. Aversio had infiltrated the order, that much was clear, and now Alastor could not help but wonder, if the death eaters had someone on the inside too. Concentrating on those particular thoughts were simply maddening. He would rather not think about it, but if he didn’t, then no one would. There was something about human nature that refused to believe someone you care for could betray you. Life had thought Alastor better. Anyone can turn on you at any moment, people are capable of doing all kinds of things under the right pressures. Loyalty for many was a matter of circumstance. There was of course a few that were loyal, to the cause, the people they loved. Those were the ones in the most danger. The ones he worried the most about. And out of those only a few he could really trust. Trust being a term he had not used in a while, and that he was sure he wasn’t using properly. These were difficult times for trust.

Alastor could no longer remember when going to work was just going to work. When it was boring and bureaucratic, and he had to write reports, and his only concern was making sure the trainees completed the program. Now every day was a new tragedy, a new horror to be seen, analyzed, pictures taken and pinned to a wall. Alastor still remembered the day everything changed. And no, it wasn’t the day they told him he had lost his entire family. That had been so long ago, at times he even believed that the person he was at sixteen, before that, didn’t really exist, had not really existed. No. The day everything changed had been but a few years ago. At the time he had been mad, annoyed was more like it, that the auror department had been called into that crime scene when it had been cleared of any dark magic. The auror department was supposed to chase and capture dark wizards and witches, not waste their time with common crimes. But upon arriving Alastor realized that there was something far more dark, something that was about to change their lives.

“Do we keep track of hate crimes?” Alastor had asked, confusion was the only answer he got, “we should start” he had said looking at the crime scene in front of him.

He had been right, everything had changed. A war had started and it had not slowed down. And since that moment the auror department had handled the cases that had fallen under the criteria of the thing propelling this war. Hate.

It was a misconception that people got used to it. Seeing a crime scene, specially one where it’s clear how much hate was behind it. It’s a lie. No matter how many times you walk into a scene there’s a moment when you wonder how can people be capable of so much hate. There’s a moment when for a split of second you wonder what’s the point of fighting back, if all that’s inside someone’s heart is hate. But then the fog clears, and the realization that the point of fighting back if so that this doesn’t happen again. So that the next family is saved from this fate, so that the next person walking alone in an alley makes it home. It felt as if he had not slept in days, but before he could rest, Alastor knew he had to eat. He was in the middle of making diner, and some extra meals he could store for the upcoming days, when he heard a knock. The alarm had not been raised, there was only a handful of people that would be allowed near the perimeter without the defense charms going off. Alastor crossed the room in a few strides and opened the door. Panic was the first thing that came to mind, people usually sent word that they were coming, “is everything okay?” he asked as soon as he opened the door.

//SAMPLE TWO

Alastor let out an annoyed huff. He had been waiting for more than ten minutes now, talk about these people having little regard of the time of others. As he looked around it was more and more evident that he did not belong here, he was not made for this sort of job, he was the kind of person to be out there, getting his hand dirty, doing real work, he had never wanted any of this. A few days ago an owl had arrived at the Ministry, it had been carrying a very urgent letter, it requested Alastor’s presence immediately. He figured it must had been someone high up on the command chain, as he had never been one of the Ministry’s favorites, and yet he had been ordered to leave for America at once. He had offered many good reasons as to why leaving in the middle of the current situation was a bad idea, but as always he had been tasked to do the trip anyways. At least he made it clear that he was not going to play along or be nice to whoever was waiting for him. He was not one to care about diplomacy when they had so more pressing issues at hand. Now as he waited in this pristine lobby, full of people is expensive suits, he was glad he didn’t have to work here. One look at him was enough to figure out how much of an outsider he was, at least back at London people were not as elegant as the ones here. Honestly it was baffling to picture them working on such fine clothing, but then again Alastor had never been one to dress so fine, even as a child, even at the request of his parents, he had always done as he pleased. Being the youngest of four sons gave him a little bit of leeway when it came to getting away with things. But that was before he had lost his entire family, now there was no one but him, all alone in the world.

“Alastor Moody” a voice called, a very familiar voice, one that Alastor hoped he would never hear again, one he feared he was never going to hear again. “Clarissa?” he asked turning to look at the approaching figure, she was just as he remembered her and so different at the same time. The light coming in through the elegant and unnecessary, they provided an exposed lobby, glass windows hitting her just right to make her look like an angel. He quickly got rid of those thoughts, they belonged to someone long forgotten, the person he used to be. “I wasn’t even sure you were going to show up” she said with a half smile. “It’s not like I was able to refuse, I assumed the sender was well connected, as they didn’t even listen to my complaints” Alastor informed her. “Please follow me” she asked before Moody walked behind her.

They got to her office and Alastor started to list all the things she could do to improve security, she had left so many weak spots, it was during his assessment that he almost missed the way she was extremely closed to him. “What are you doing?” he demanded walking away from her, “What do you think? I’m giving you a hug, I haven’t seen you in years, I’ve missed you Alastor” Clarissa told him in a confused voice. “Need I remind you whose fault that is?” he said harshly, “I’m not the one that left.” Alastor had never been one to pick the right words, he mostly said whatever came to mind, what he was feeling, not caring how it sounded, he always spoke the truth. A hurt looked crossed Clarissa’s features, she never quite had a chance to see this new Alastor, it was hard to her to hear him sound so, bitter. “I know that, I know that I made the choice and I can’t take that back, but how could I’ve stayed Alastor? I couldn’t, not after- not when they all-” he watched her struggled for the right words, “when they all died?” he finished for her. “When they were murdered” she argued back, “how could I stay and live a life they were never get to live?” she said in almost a whisper. “Bloody hell Clarissa, I never asked you to stay so we would get married and have a family, I wanted you to stay so I wouldn’t walk into that place, into those empty cubicles, and miss our friends on my own” Alastor admitted.

The mood had grown tense; it was like even a word would set off everything they had been keeping in for years. They had survived when their friends had not, that tended to do something to people, even when they ought to have stayed together they instead had only drifted apart. “Why did you called me here Clarissa?” Alastor asked wanting to get this over with, “Because you are the best” she told him in a firm voice. “That’s not true, you know that’s not true, you know that the only reason I have this job is because there was no one else around to take it, had you stayed it would’ve been you. It would’ve been you the one to have to watch new kids sit where our friends sat, do you know how many kids I’ve trained?” Alastor asked angrily, “how many kids have not made it? How many of the ones I’m currently training remind me of them, of us? Do you? Do you know what it is to wonder if they are going to end the same way? Of course not, because you left, because you ran away and turned your back on us” he finally admitted.

“You are right I don’t” Clarissa spoke with a pain in her tone, “but I couldn’t stay” she said prompting Moody to scoff, “it was because of me that we survived Alastor. It was because of me that we weren’t with the others when- when they were murdered. How do you think that makes me feel? You were always giving work your best, you wanted to go, to get there on time, but I didn’t. I convinced you to stay, to- If we had not been so-” she shook her head, “irresponsible” Alastor said sarcastically. “So stupidly naïve to think we could have made it, if we had not been so” Clarissa looked at him to see if he knew what she was trying to say, he dared her to finish her thought, “so in love” she finally said, “we would’ve been there with them.” Alastor scoffed again, “and do what? Like two teenagers would’ve faired better than more trained Aurors in that ambush, our friends died, our mentors died, everybody that was there died, it was a trap, a set-up. What do you think we would’ve been able to do if we had been there?” he demanded. “Die with them!” Clarissa said before bringing her hands to cover her mouth.

“Why am I here Clarissa?” Alastor asked again, “I have a feeling that you telling me that you wish we had died is not the reason I’m here” he said with a smirk. “I left London in the middle of crisis, and like I said I was thrust into a job I never wanted to do, but I still have a responsibility to my people.” Clarissa reached for some files and handed them to Moody, “Whatever is happening back home” she said and Alastor scoffed, “yes London is still my home, it will always be my home” she stated, “whatever is happening, is spreading. There have been some cases of no-maj, muggles, getting killed by magical means” she said as he combed through the files, “the ideology is spreading, we need to put an end to this Alastor.” Moody nodded, “I appreciate you telling me about this. I have no doubt you know how to take care of your people, I need to go take care of mine. I’ll appoint someone to stay in touch with you about any developments, I will put an end to this. Take care Clarissa.” Alastor gave her a nod before walking out of her office. Coming to America had been a mistake, but at least it had added a new sense of purpose, to stop this madness from spreading, they had to kill it at the root. Once he was back he was not going to rest until every single person responsible was caught. Alastor had already lost everything once, he was not going to lose anyone else.

#accepted app

9 notes · View notes