Peter B: I don’t look older I just look worse.

Tony: … What are you doing?

Peter, with ducklings following him: They finally accepted me as their leader.

Peter: Why are you dipping your pizza in ranch?

Stephen: It’s good, you should try it.

*later*

Tony: What are you eating?

Peter: PIZZA WITH RANCH IT’S THE BEST THING I’VE EVER HAD

Peter: Seriously, I have no idea what to do.
Peter: Oh, wait! Yahoo! Answers.

Peter: I had one hour of sleep, one brownie, and two shots of espresso, and I am ready to either fight God or die trying.

Peter B: Everyone always asks me how do I handle this team?

Peter B: The secret is, I don’t. I have no control over them whatsoever. This morning, Miles called my name, and when I showed up to see what’s going on, Ham shot me in the throat with a nerf gun.

Tony: I hope you two have a good explanation for this.

Harley: We have three, actually.

Peter: Pick your favorite.

Peter: I’m quick at math
Tony: Ok what’s 38 times 76?
Peter: 24.
Tony: That wasn’t even close
Peter: But it was quick

Peter: Fuck capitalism. It’s a rigged system that keeps us poor and it isn’t fair. You shouldn’t need to work three jobs to afford basic necessities.
Peter, playing Monopoly: Sorry, if you wanted to win you should have tried not being poor.

Tony: I am at loss for words!

Peter, narrating: Despite being at a loss for words, Mr. Stark yelled at me for the next ten minutes.

Peter: Who the fuck–
Steve: Language!
Peter: Whom the fuck–
Steve: No.

Peter: I had a brother once, sometimes it feels like i can still hear his voice.

harley: Peter… i-i just went to the bathroom…

Peter: How do people not swear??? Like where does their anger go?? How do they show their enthusiasm??? What if they stub their toe??? Like saying golly gosh isn’t really going to cut it Barbara.

Spider-Ham: *won’t get out of Peter’s way*

Peter B: I’m just about to pick you up and put you some place high so you can’t get down.

Tony: You’re up early

Peter:

Tony: … You never went to sleep, did you?

Tony: Any ideas?

Peter: Yes, but they all require a green lantern and a power ring.

Peter: These peanuts are really good, but they make my stomach hurt

May: Maybe you should stop eating them

Peter: Okay

*later*

Peter: Alright May is at work so she won’t know I’m still eating the peanuts

Tony: Well what are you waiting for

Peter: I don’t know, something amazing I guess

Tony: Me too kid

Tony: Why are your shoes soaking wet?

Peter: There was a puddle.

Tony: Why did you step in it?

Peter: It was a puddle.

[Texting]

Peter: omg I’m dying

Shuri: lemme see

Peter: what?

Shuri: lemme see the meme

Peter: there is no meme, I’m literally dying

Shuri:

Shuri: gurl same 😗✌