How do you guys drink your coffee?

Peter: Sometimes Mr. Stark asks “What do you think you’re doing?” But that just means stop. He doesn’t actually want to know my thought process.

Creds: @hotdamnsebstan

(I'm sorry in advance XD ) Ok guys, what goes in first, the cereal or the milk?

Morgan: Can I keep the nightlight on?

Peter: And provide the demons with a beacon to your location?! You know better. Goodnight.

Tony, from the other room: Peter!

Nat: ow! son of a bi-

Steve pointing to Peter: Nat! children!

Nat: … iscuit. son of a biscuit.

Tony: nice save.

Nat: yeah. fucking nailed it.

everyone is talking about how tom holland and zendaya are dating but no one’s talking about how a fan tipped the paparazzi off in order to get those pics. like “yay, they’re dating how exciting”. but also we need to have a serious discussion on like privacy, even if they’re celebs

Who has the best facial hair amongst the avengers? #avengersrealityshow

Peter: What's nostalgia?

Y/N: It's when you miss something that's really old. 

(Later)

Steve: I'm back. 

Natasha: Hey! We missed you!

Peter, whispering to Y/N: Nostalgia.

Steve: WHY IS THE BUILDING ON FIRE?

Tony: a dragon sneezed.

Nat: I tried to light a cigar with a flame thrower.

Y/N: Dropped my latest mix tape.

Steve: Peter, please tell me what happened.

Peter: Um.

[flashback to Tony and Nat arguing with Y/N that it was impossible to light a fire extinguisher on fire]

Peter: I don’t remember.

Y/N: Fitness tip: never stop pushing yourself. Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Why not 9? Why not 10? Strive for greatness.

Natasha: Next time you’re working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Burn your ex’s house down. You can do it. I believe in you.

Bruce: There were so many mixed messages in that I can’t-

Peter: Natasha isn’t answering her phone

y/n: I’ll call her

Peter: Tony and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-

Natasha: Hello?

Narrative voice at Captain America's exhibition panel: and they were best friends since childhood...

Peter Parker at the school trip to the smithsonian with his class: omg they were best friends since childhood...

Peter: we have a word for a romantic interest “crush” and a word for platonic interest, “squish”.

Peter: but what about a word for mentor interest? Like how do I tell SOMEONE I want them to teach me, make me a better person, and love me like the son they never had???

Harley: just hack into his computer and put his digital signature on your adoption papers. Tony’s been my legal guardian for three months and he doesn’t have a clue.

Peter: Look guys, I need your help.

Thor: Love help?

Y/N: Food help?

Tony: Legal help?

Wanda: Magic help?

Steve: Emotional help?

Loki: thieving help?

Natasha: Help moving a body?

Everyone: 

Natasha: ... what?

Peter: Just be yourself.

Y/N: 'Be myself'? Peter, I have one day to win Nat over. How long did it take before you guys started liking me?

Wanda: Couple weeks.

Tony: Six months.

Steve: Jury’s still out.

Y/N: See, Peter?

Y/N: 'Be myself'. What kind of garbage advice is that?

Peter: I told Mr Stark to chill and he said ‘I am chill’ and I said ‘I thought you were Mr Stark’

Peter: I dad-joked Mr Stark! I am the revolution!

Tony: Hello revolution, I’m Mr Stark

Peter:

Peter: A bitter defeat

Tony: HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE!

Tony: *Aggressively throws water bottles*

Y/N: Uh... what's up with him?

Harley: He's trying to yell mental health and wellbeing into us.

Tony: I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU!

Peter, crying: It's working.

Peter : “So Y/N is a wizard.” 

Y/N : “Actually, it’s master of the mys...” 

Doctor Strange, from afar: “Apprentice of the mystic arts.” 

Y/N : “Yes, that.” 

Peter : “Ok, so wizard. And Loki is a divine snake with powers.” 

Loki : “In a way.” 

Peter : “And you two are... something. So, if one day we need code names for you, I was thinking Loki could be Snake, and Y/N... Lizard.” 

Y/N : “... No.” 

Loki : “Yes.” 

Doctor Strange, still from afar : “Apprentice lizard.”