#phd with a mental illness

[generic-sonic-fan]

A character foil thing between Metal and Omega for me is that Metal refuses to feel its emotions while Omega feels his too strongly. But the result is that they're both so out of touch that these emotions control them.

Metal is incredibly OCD-like (and I do say that with the fullest connotation of that mental illness, as someone who has that mental illness: I fully mean to imply that Metal has a robot version of OCD here) in keeping its thoughts and actions in line with its values. It is constantly self-analyzing. It's very in-tune with the operations of its processor to the point that it would be able to trace the inception of an idea to the exact point in its memory banks. The only problem is that it uses this ability to insist that any emotion it has is illogical. . . which means that it doesn't understand its emotions and how they impact its behavior at all.

Whereas Omega, though running on essentially the same hardware, is damn near oblivious to his own thought processes. He's impulsive as hell and leans into what he feels/sees as the only correct option. He never analyzes why he might be feeling the way he does; he just goes guns blazing if someone sets him off. He'll be able to name you, with relative accuracy, the emotion he is experiencing, but he'll never do anything with this information other than stew in it.

But the unifying point between these two is that they're both so full of rage. They're just on polar opposite ends of the spectrum about how they deal with it.

#I'm going to get my PhD in projecting onto sonic the hedgehog characters. watch me #sth #metal sonic #e-123 omega #e123 omega #it/its pronouns for Metal in this one since my take is basically pure headcanon #wrote this post thinking about how I write narration styles for these two #I've had trouble nailing down Omega's narration (hence the lack of fics about him) #compared to Metal whom I gave my mental illnesses to

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before #is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things #the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the #weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad #not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a #prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country #my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for #treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad #as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain #shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing #to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird #when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk #i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach #out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like??? #this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home #somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms. #but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long #term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting #whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot #i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors #i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival #unrelated

[retromutagn]

STARTER CALL - like this for a starter! i would appreciate if you specified muses, especially if you're also a multi!

#𓆉 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐬 / the kind of mentally ill that makes you get a phd.

[randomreasonstolive]

Reason to Live #8180

  To see if I can finish my PhD, I won't know if I don't try! – Guest Submission

(Please don't add negative comments to these posts.)

#sad #help #hope #reason to live #depressed #depression #empty #alone #mental illness #anxiety #trauma #guest submission #mental health #PhD #education #university #college #learning #goals #strength #hard work #determination #career

[melodioustear]

Data from my fanfiction and mental illness survey is now publicly available!

It is stored safely and eternally on the Harvard Dataverse. In accordance with the request of my ethics board (University of Kent CREAG), the demographic data has been disaggregated (separated) from the long-form responses on fanfiction practices in the public files. However, anyone can request the disaggregated version through the link above.

The data has been randomised on all three files for safety, and redacted of the thankfully small amount of identifying information that was given by participants, thus rendering it as anonymous as possible.

It is under a creative commons license that allows anyone to use it for their research, but please do cite the original dataset if you do.

Thank you to everyone who took part - I know already that there are some incredible insights here and really thoughtful reflections on how we approach mental illness in fanfiction.

#fan studies #fandom studies #fanfic #mad studies #fandom research #fanfiction #phdresearch #fandom #fandom stats #mental illness #data #data analysis #academic #research #phd

[doloresabernathysworld]

You merely adopted the depression. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn't see mental health awareness until I was already a PhD candidate, by then it was nothing to me but a bunch of coping mechanisms!

#context #I'm at an emotional management workshop #bane #the dark knigth rises #phd causes mental illness #meanwhile I had depression way before the phd #jo gets that phd

[fisherkings]

anyway i’m about 4 days out from relocation to my new city so consider this the official “i’m starting my PhD in the U.S. this fall” existential reckoning post. i am trying not to throw up or combust about it but the theme of life right now very much is “i’m scared” / “do it scared!”. and i’m also very very excited.

#i’m mentally ill / do it mentally ill!! #like there haven’t been scared mentally ill people in grad school before…🙄 #i do feel very ‘this feels like a huge vocational sort of choice and i’m very excited and very happy and very lucky’ butterfly flutters #and i’m just beginning to sift through the ripples this feels like it has in my personal and spiritual spheres. #but i’m genuinely so excited to be getting to throw myself into the things i love and take some risks!! and be challenged!!! #and maybe even grow!!!! #or failing that uhhh: get a driver’s license and touch some really old rocks #captain’s log #also yeah there might be more phd posting here once things start bc i am trying to be more reflective and document more! or i’ll make a 2nd #(😉 ikykyk 😌 ) #*4th blog

[jurisffiction]

so like can someone make a dta amv how people make fic amvs using clips from other media except it's mostly riverdale. doesn't even need to be serious. im imagining a sketchy cut of "an invisible barrier around" [sharp static jump] "the town?" antics. real proper 2014 stylings. my blog is where i put out The Secret esque requests from the universe. Thanks

#if i have to execute the vision we're looking at a late 2023 release schedule #i now work full time and still haven't submitted my phd on account of illness both physical (deficiencies) and mental (took a destiel year)

[papershipghosts]

he's literally me

ALSO THESE ONES LMAO?

do not befriend me❗

#do not befriend me #what if you wanted to be normal #but god said mentally ill #i love lars sm #holland march is babygirl #considering I'm basically doctor house should i get my phd be honest

[chronicillnesscaneffoffplease]

I graduated from my bachelor degrees yesterday. It still feels like a bit of a dream.

I’ve got two fancy pieces of paper now, and a fancy hat, and a feeling of pride that I made it through uni, let alone while my health crashed and burned around me, through multiple investigative surgeries and procedures, and so many diagnoses, in the midst of a global pandemic. I, and many of my friends, and my peers, we made it.

But the day took a huge toll on me. Wake up early to get ready. Ready includes the waist-high compression stockings I sometimes don’t have the strength to put on. Struggle with them for a solid while. A beautiful dress, with pockets!! Wear sensible shoes, with a low heel and additional arch support. Worry about tripping or fainting while walking the stage for a good long while. Instead, trip and fall on the way to registration, banging my knee onto carpet covered concrete. Ouch. Sit in the shade, with sunnies on, hoping I don’t develop a migraine while waiting for doors to open for us to be seated in the hall. Walk the stage without any issues, but lean heavily on the bannister as I cautiously take the steps off the stage. Let loose and allow myself a glass of champagne to celebrate after. Roll my ankle again, walking to a photo location after the ceremony. Start to feel exhausted, but know we still have dinner plans. Majorly enjoy dinner, almost forgetting that my stomach will hate me for it later. Still had to take my meds, still had to pay attention to most of my pain and migraine mitigation strategies on this day that’s so special, but cannot be just about me, because it is also about my managing my illnesses and how they are never going away.

So here I am at home, resting, nursing a twice sprained ankle, a sore knee, a gastro intestinal tract that can’t deal with the excitement and nerves and lovely celebration dinner, a flu-like feeling and thermoregulation issues and malaise (so a fatigue flare up basically). But it was worth it.

I did it. And I’m going to keep doing it at my own pace as long as I can. I’ve been accepted for an honours year (or 2- part time) and I hope to do more after that. Disabled and chronically ill people belong in academia. Our voices are important.

#the ups and downs of chronic illness #chronic illness #gastrointestinal fuckery #graduation!! #disabled in academia #disabled academia #chronic illness academia #the fact that I can’t just uninstall my conditions for major life events is really inconvenient #and it’s sucks when you make sensible decisions and it doesn’t even help any way #I’m really salty at myslef for rolling my ankle-twice!!- bc it means I probably can’t even wear my very conservative heels safely anymore #also dw I am resting this whole weekend and am adhereing to the rice protocol re my injuries #my podiatrist is going to be sad when I tell him about my ankle woes #but yeah!! I got into honours -at the same school- and I’m doing it part time to better accomodate my health #and allow for some field work #which my doctors have cleared me for and I kind of have the mentality of if I don’t do it now who knows what else #my health will throw at me. so best do it now while I have some things under control #the plan is to go from the honours to PhD but we’ll see

[pepprs]

lmaooooo i think i need to quit teaching forever and also bury myself in a hole. lol

#purrs #grading papers on a sunday and the WAYYYYY this one students paper just hurt my feelings so fucking bad. i mean it’s not just hers but like. #god. it’s the most childish thing in the world (which makes sense / is the literal problem. that i am a child.) but im coteaching this class #(WHICH I TOOK and my co-instructors were MY instructors and now im replacing one of them who’s also the one who left in july lol 😍😍😍😍😍😍) and #ive had WICKED impostor syndrome bc… not to air it all out but im airing it all out bc im so mad lol. they’re both older men with phds and w #wives and families and im a 24 year old in the first year of her career with a bachelors degree who stilllives at home w her parents and #also the two of them and the third instructor literaly developed this class together and again i TOOK IT as a student in their class 2 years #ago. so again… WICKED impostor syndrome. and the class is all abt figuring out how to thrive in different contexts that are constrained by s #social norms so it’s relevant to talk abt impostor syndrome and i have talked about it. and also i get substantial parts to lead in the #classes and whatever and take attendance and grade papers and send out emails to the whole class etc etc. so WHY are the other two #instructors getting shoutouts in the papers and i am getting… NOTHING!!!! naught a SINGLE mention. when i am literally fucking LIVING #THROUGH the things we’re taking abt in class abt the first year of ur career and impostor syndrome and shit……. oh iknow why! because they #don’t actually see me as an instructor because im short and a nothing girl and an IMPOSTOR!!!!! LOLLLLL 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 and the book chapter was the #same too lol like im the only co-author who doesn’t actually get individually named as making a contribution in the text of it and nobody #noticed but me because it’s a stupid thing to notice but i still noticed. awesome. i love being invisible and not actually mattering ♥️ < #<- has the mental illness that makes you utterly unable to see evidence of how you actually do matter and only hyperfocus on the evidence th #that you don’t <- but also is trapped in the psychijc prison of some parts of her environment telling her she does matter and other parts t #telling her she doesn’t so can you blame her for going CRAZY!!!!!!!!! like is this literally not the normal well adjusted reaction to have #to GENUINELY LEGITIMATELY JUSTIFIABLY upsetting thigns. when the circumstances are fucked up and deleterious 😍😍😍😍😍😍 #delete later #oh also im apparently not even an official instructor in Da System (which is a problem and it is not supposed to be that way) so i won’t #even get to read abt how the students fucking forgot about me and think im a nothing girl because they won’t even have a chance to give me #that feedback!!! lol. i think * and * should just do everything together because they are both qualified to do it. and i should spin off #into the abyss and quit my job and never be heard from again. that’s how this shit makes me feel. like ik it’s just a couple of students and #their opinions literally don’t matter but im like hm how about i go fuck off then since clearly i don’t make a difference to you. lole <3 #* i won’t get that feedback etc etc bc i am not going to get course evals because im not in Da System. lol ♥️

[filthyjanuary]

SUCCESSFULLY OBTAINED PERMISSION FROM SHEILA TO WRITE ABOUT SUPERNATURAL FOR MY QUEER THEORY FINAL ESSAY PEACE AND LOVE ON PLANET EARTH

#sheila nodding her head thoughtfully and saying i've convinced her to watch it #after i spend 15 minutes explaining the fucked up relationship sam and dean have with each other LMFAO #that was the only way i was getting through this class ngl it is a sociology class and i have NEVER taken sociology before and my classmate #are all sociology PHD students and im just a little comcult MA #so i never know what the fuck is going on #BUT SHE APPROVED MY TOPIC WHICH MEANS I CAN LEAN INTO MY OWN EXTENSIVE MENTAL ILLNESS TO WRITE IT

[khalesci]

if you need to know just how much dany brainrot I truly have, know that every single quote I used in that meta, I already had annotated in my reading app sdfljdflsjklkj

#♛ ooc. ⊱ ❝ 𝘖𝘩 𝘯𝘰 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘪. ❞ #I reread her chapters a lot okay #and I do take notes and cross reference shit because I'm Mentally Ill #where is my PhD

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

What is schizophrenia? In general, schizophrenia is an overwhelming experience of drowning in the powerful realm of the ‘collective unconscious’ - the deepest level of our shared soul life. It’s a bit like the ocean rushing into a swimming pool. This leads to a dreamlike state of consciousness arising from a dissolved, fragmented, or lost sense of separate individual identity. The normal boundaries between self and the world break down, such that sufferers - for better and worse - find themselves identifying with everything within their scope of perception. They may appear to be lacking in emotion, but in reality are in an imploded state of emotional intensity, such that heightened sensations of joy and fear are usual. Because of their fragile personal boundaries, schizophrenia sufferers typically see, hear and sense things that others are unaware of. Secret, or symbolic meanings tend to be seen and heard in everything and the schizophrenia sufferer often feels responsible for the fate of the World. c. Maureen B. Roberts, PhD [Physician of Soul]

[Psychiatry with Soul]

#Schizophrenia #psychiatry with soul #Maureen B. Roberts #Phd. #collective unconscious #boundaries #quotes #mental illness

[ghostie000]

i have a lot of acronyms after my name, but they’re not degrees!

entry number 23452 in the big book of funny ways to talk about your mental illness

#phd? more like bpd! #badumtiss! #bpd #mental illness #serious mental illness #smi #IM A MAGNUS ARCHIVES BLOG #not tma #cluster b #borderline personality disorder #cptsd #trying to have a successful post for the serotonin #i'll clutch it to my chest at night and think about how funny and smart i am

[melodioustear]

Research Updates

Hello, friends - long time no see. As ever, the world persists in hurling difficulties in my direction which then cause work delays - on top of which I've also been observing a lot of strike action as a member of my union, the UCU (who have won some important progress with pensions and I'm really, really hoping we might get some progress on precarity - maybe - probably not but I can dream).

All of which is to say, I have only just put my survey in for ethical proposal this past couple of weeks. It's been signed off on by my supervisor, I'm partway through getting approval from my school representative, and after that it needs to go to the central committee for formal approval.

I thought I'd go over what this application entails for those who might be curious, as it's certainly something I'd never had to deal with before! For those unaware, I'm preparing to do a survey on fanfiction practices around mental illness. Read on for all the nitty gritty of ethical approval in the UK university system.

So first of all there is a form you go through to work out if you even need ethical approval or not. This is a checklist where if you answer yes to any of the questions, you need to get formal approval from the central research ethics committee. For me, this included things like: the research will gather data around sensitive topics; the research is with vulnerable groups; the research is personal or psychological in nature.

Once that's done you have another form to fill out (you'll spot a trend here), where you give the full detail of what the project is and what it will be studying. This also requires you to explain a lot about the security of data for data protection purposes, that you know how to do GDPR compliance, and if you're studying under 16s, justifying this & explaining how you'll protect underage persons during the study.

Side note: working to understand GDPR was the worst part of this process.

This form requires a lot of supporting documents. You have to give the full research proposal, a copy of the consent form, participant information, proposed research questions (if relevant - for me it's obviously the main part), and finally any advertising copy around it. My application literally contains an example TikTok script!

Once you have all this filled in (this will take a while), you then send that to your supervisor. They give you any changes, which wasn't many for me, and then it's off to the school representative. I'm in the Division of Arts, Humanities and Architecture, which is then made up of various Schools - I'm in the School of English. So my application goes off to that representative. I've had some feedback from them already which has been super helpful, and now I'm waiting on their confirmation that I'm good to send it to the central committee!

The way that process works is that they assign two random reviewers from their list of reviewers, and they go over my application and approve/approve with changes/reject. This can take anything from three days to three weeks; bit of a piece of string. But once that's done, I'm good to start!

I'm very excited because I'm so keen to have this data and to really get to see what fanfic authors & readers do and feel around Madness. We have nothing remotely like this data wise so it's going to be super exciting to see.

So that's your update! Hope you enjoyed this glimpse into academic bureaucracy, haha <3

#fan studies #fanfic stats #fanfic #fanfiction #fandom research #fandom studies #fandom stats #phdresearch #phd #mad studies #mental illness