Things my extremely Italian physics professor has said:
“If you are walking in the woods nearby Chernobyl, you will probably be fine. But if you pick something up off the ground and eat it, you will die of radiation poisoning. Of course you may die if you eat things from the ground in other places, also, but likely not of radiation.”
“Unfortunately there is nothing I can teach you that will prevent you dying if there is on your house a hydrogen bomb. That is a politician problem. If any of you are president later, please do not hydrogen bomb my house.”
“Radioactivity could perhaps be used by terrorists, but it has not yet. Likely this is because terrorists do not study much physics.”
“Why is it that physics graduate students cannot make a nuclear bomb? It is not that they do not want to. They simply have not the money to buy the materials. Or anything else.”
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Jazzercise!: Hazbin Hotel
Buckle up, Buttercups! This one's long.
Charlie: (wearing a pair of pink leggings, rainbow sneakers, white exercise t-shirt, and a red sweatband around her head) Alright, Everyone! Today, we're going to be doing some team bonding exercises throoooough- Da-Dada-Daaaaaah! -Exercise!!!
Hazbins: (all groan in dismay and grumble and clamor in annoyance)
Angel: (wearing powder pink leg warmers and neon green leotard that looks like it came out of an 80s) Is there any way we can sit this out? Some of us are hungover.
Vaggie: (wearing a black and purple sports bra and black spandex shorts that cut off halfway down her thighs, hair tied up in a ponytail) Still? We celebrated the hotel's grand reopening last week.
Husker: (wearing your stereotypical gym teacher windbreaker pants but no shirt or jacket) The empty liquor wall at the bar will verify.
Lucifer: (magically appears wearing a pair of bright red, men's booty workout shorts from the 70s, white Dad sneakers with tall red socks, and a white and red sleeveless shirt tucked into the shorts) Well, I'm all for a little sweat and hard work! Whatcha got for us, kiddo?!
Charlie: Dad! (Averts her eyes) What are you wearing?!
Lucifer: What?! I wore this in my college days!
Angel: Oooooh! While I'm not complaining there, Short King, I don't think Charlie appreciates seeing the "King's Apple" lodged in your shorts.
Lucifer: Huh? (Looks down at the natural, indiscreet bulge in his shorts) ........But these shorts cup the boys so nicely.
Charlie: (about to puke like when she watched Angel's best porno during show and tell)
Vaggie: Babe, let's just focus on getting the workout done. Alright?
Charlie: OoOookay.... Um... Do you mind taking over? I actually have no idea what I'm doing.
Vaggie: (sparkle in her eye) Sure thing, babe. (Turns to the rest and squares her shoulders) Alright, we are going to start with two easy laps around the track followed by partner bear crawls for two hundred meters, thirty burpies, and ending with twenty inverted push-ups! Any questions?
Hazbins: (awkwardly glance at each other)
Niffty: (wearing a 50s style one piece workout suit) YAY!!! PAIN!!!
Vaggie: THEN MOVE!!!
-One Hour Later-
Hazbins: (moaning and groaning in agony as they lay defeated on the track)
Angel: (rolled out like a spider that got run over) Charlie..... Toots.....
Charlie: (gasping for breath as she falls to her knees and holds herself up on shaking arms) Yeah.... Angel?
Angel: (Looks over to Vaggie who is on her third iteration of bear crawls and using an equally dead Lucifer for weight) If this psychopathic bitch of a stamina monster brings this kind of energy to the bedroom, (wheezes and coughs) then I'll pray for your loins the next time you guys have sex.
Charlie: (panting as she rolls onto her back, too tired to even correct the inappropriate statement) Thank you, Angel. (Tilts her head up and leans on her elbows to watch Vaggie)
Vaggie: (finishes the bear crawls and drops Lucifer off with a jump) Thanks for being my partner, Sir. (Breaks into her burpees)
Lucifer: (wheezes through little spindles of smoke) No problem, Vaggie. Anytime. (To Charlie) What do you feed that girl?
Charlie: (watching Vaggie intently with a fresh blush not caused by exertion)
Angel: Charlie?
Charlie: (watches the muscles in Vaggie's thighs and shoulders work as she speeds through her burpees)
Lucifer: Chaaaaarlie? (Snaps fingers) Little Duckie, are you alright?
Charlie: (hearts beat in her eyes and Careless Whispers plays in the background somewhere as she watches Vaggie's leg, shoulder, and back muscles contract and flex under the duress)
Vaggie: (finishes her burpees and goes into a handstand, briefly getting her balance before starting her handstand push-ups)
Charlie: (watches a bead of sweat follow the contours of Vaggie's shoulder muscles and scars and drool starts dribbling down her chin) Angel.... I need that prayer now....
Angel: Huh? (Follows Charlie'sline of sight and groans in pain as he brings his hands up in prayer) Our Unholy Father of Debauchery, please see that this horny bitch's snatch makes it safely out of the upcoming pounding she is about to receive. May her holes be elastic and well lubricated to avoid tearing, her legs be flexible as they reach behind her head, her orgasms shake her very foundation, and the aftercare be filled with all the cutsey cuddling she can handle. Amen.
Charlie: (continues watching) I wanna climb her.
Lucifer: (awkwardly) Uhhhhh.... Vaggie's not a tree, sweetie.
Charlie: I want her to *CENSORED* my *CENSORED* and *BEEEP BEEEP BEEEEEEEEP* while *CENSORED*,and then *BEEEEEEEEEEEP* and *CENSORED*
Angel: (gasps and clutches his imaginary pearls) Holy Fuck, Babe!!! Cool your jets! (Pulls out his phone and starts recording) I gotta use some of these lines at the next recording!
Charlie: When she smacks my *BEEEEP*, I want to *CENSORED* *BEEEP BEEP* and *BEEEEP-EP-EP-BEEEEEEEP* to taste *CENSORED*.
Lucifer: (faints after hearing his daughter saying such filth)
Angel: (stops recording) ......Fucking-A, Charlie, that's even making me feel dirty.....
Thank you, @sevi-fuk, for giving me the idea of Charlie going fiendish about Vaggie and her muscles.
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hello I saw your tags - can i ask about alectophant theory?!
Alectophant is my exhaustively researched and very serious theory that Alecto's problem with the body John made is not that it's a blonde barbie body, nor simply that it's a physical or human body at all, but:
Nona chortled. “Not one bit.” Nona hated having hands.
“Well, tell me your theories,” Nona demanded, feeling much better from sheer excitement. “Say them out loud. Am I nice? Am I good-looking? Do I have lots of friends? Does everyone listen to me? How many legs do I have?"
Nona made her body stand on its two feet. Two feet—the worst number for feet; not so many that they were ever useful, not so few that you didn’t have to think about them.
John had made her so ugly, so unbearably ugly. The terrible face, with the terrible arms and legs and the terrible middle part, and the terrible hair, and the terrible ears: the nose too short, the ears too brief.
her ideal body is an elephant.
Problems Nona has with human form:
hands are dumb
two is a dumb number of feet
(her only specifics about the body John made) nose too short, ears too brief
Features of an elephant:
zero hands (who needs them!)
four feet (a useful number!)
enormous (and practical!) ears
a VERY long nose that's way more useful than stupid hands
And, finally:
Nona looked down at the animal she had drawn, and thought perhaps she understood. She said, “No, I made it up. It does work, I promise. See these things? They’re its ears,” she said, in much the same tones as she would have explained to Kevin. “This thing is its nose, and you can’t see it because I didn’t draw it, but the mouth is under here. When first it was born it used to live in a river, but then it got cold so it had to get large. I know the legs can’t rotate, but you don’t think that’s stupid, do you?” She looked up at Camilla and the Angel, then said, “Am I in trouble?”
She draws one for the Angel.
In conclusion:
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