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incorrectbatfam · 2 months

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How do you think the Batkids would react to Bruce pulling the classic 'calls every name before the kid he meant to yell at/for?'

Bruce: Cass?

Duke: *keeps using his phone*

Bruce: *waves his hand in front*

Bruce: Cass, I told you to pick up your laundry an hour ago.

Duke, confused: ???

———————

Steph: Here's the Croc file.

Bruce: Thanks, Carrie.

Steph: Still not my name but better than Jason.

———————

Bruce: Tim, your classmate is calling.

Damian: *scoffs*

Damian, going downstairs: *scoffs*

Damian, taking the phone: *scoffs*

[later]

Damian, venting: And then he called me by Drake's name! I have never felt more hurt and insulted by a family member in my life.

Steph: There, there. It's gonna be alright.

Duke: We're here for you. You're not alone and we'll get through this together.

———————

Bruce: Barbara, can you put this away please?

Bruce: *hands Cass a batarang*

Cass: ...

———————

Bruce: I emailed you the witness report.

Barbara: No you didn't.

Bruce: Yes, I did. Try refreshing your page.

Barbara: I don't see anything.

Bruce: Check your spambox.

Barbara: Still nothing.

Bruce: Damnit, we must have been intercepted by the Court of Owls. I had my suspicions they were tracking me this past month but now there's proof.

Harper: *clears her throat and holds up her phone*

Barbara: *glares at Bruce*

———————

Bruce: Thanks for collecting the evidence, Damian.

Harper: Okay, you're not even remotely close.

———————

Bruce: Don't forget to take the meat out the freezer, Steph.

Jason: That's it! I'm becoming a villain and it's all gonna be your fault!

Bruce: Huh?

Jason: You clearly can't even be bothered to remember me after I died! It's like the Big Bad Bat has better things to think of instead of all the friggin' kids he keeps adopting. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna do many crimes and then watch Titanic while eating a jar of pickles.

Jason: *storms out the room*

Jason: And scene.

———————

Bruce: Duke?

Cullen, the only one in the room: *sighs*

———————

Bruce: Dick, I need you to stay back at the harbor and look out for any stragglers.

Carrie, imitating Dick: Sure thing! I'll just cancel all my fancy dinner plans, drive all the way from Bludhaven, and pick up a shift I had requested to have off weeks ago. Anything for my amazing and precious batdad.

Bruce: Message received.

———————

Tim: Night, Dad.

Bruce: Goodnight, Cullen.

Tim, to himself: You matched the butts. You donned the mask. You chose this.

———————

Bruce: Hey, Jaylad—

Dick: ExCUSE ME?!?

Bruce: Sorry, Dick. Can you—

Dick: Sorry's not good enough anymore. Time to square up, old man.

Bruce: Here we go again.

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tragedy-of-commons · 1 month

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no pickles

stellaron hunters & gn!reader | wc: ~750

In which they get your order wrong. Kafka, dear friend that she is, decides to make it known.

tags/warnings: crack, reader is not described, vague canon-typical violence, comedy, found family, everything is platonic

notes: oops updated formatting

When you first joined the Stellaron Hunters upon Elio’s suggestion (death threat), you never would have imagined the scene unfolding in front of you now.

Silver Wolf is double-dipping a greasy french fry into a dollop of ketchup. Kafka is dabbing her mouth with a napkin after her only sip of whatever soda she decided to humor, and Blade is standing guard by your table like some kind of intimidating fast-food sentry.

You, squished between all of them, lament your existence. Sam got to stay behind to “keep watch”, but you know the truth. His robot suit would terrify any children within a fifty mile radius, and this CosmiBurger is teeming with them.

“Silver Wolf,” you mutter.

“I’m not sharing,” she answers immediately.

“That’s not what I–! Ugh, whatever. I was gonna ask why you chose this place for lunch. Don’t you think it’s a little below our pay grade?” “We don’t get paid, newbie. Elio doesn’t cover us eating out, so we have to be cheap.”

“You’re just saying that because you blew our budget on Roblox Premium,” you deadpan.

Kafka interjects. “Look on the bright side, hm? The novelty here is something we rarely get to experience - and I don’t think I’ve ever seen Bladie this happy.”

You spare a glance at your colleague. His scowl speaks for him.

Ignoring the fact that apparently Kafka’s got jokes now, you heave a sigh and poke at the lump of foil in front of you - a tangible warning of an impending stomach ache. The burger inside will have to serve as sustenance if you don’t want to wait twelve more system hours to eat.

Since Silver Wolf is now preoccupied with one of her handheld consoles, you don’t delay with your squabbling any longer. When you unwrap it and take your first bite, you’re blindsided by the overwhelming sour note of what can only be The Condiment That Shall Not Be Named. You can’t obscure the subsequent (ugly) scrunch of your brow and lips.

“Cyanide?” asks The Gamer That You Will Strangle One Day.

You glare at her and deposit your now even-more-unappetizing sandwich on the table. “You wish. They, uh, just got my order a bit wrong.” There’s a contemplative hum from your side that makes your heart skip a beat. Kafka stops playing with a strand of Blade’s hair to give you a coy smile. “Is that so?”

“Don’t look at me like that,” you complain. “It’s not a big deal, I’m just not a fan of pickles.”

“You should ask for a replacement. After all, you did mention that in your order,” she drawls.

You bristle. “I doubt the employees get paid enough to put up with that.”

Blade speaks for the first time today in that gruff tone of his. “You draw the line there? You’ll slaughter on command but stop at inconveniencing the working class?”

“Everyone’s picking on me! Smear campaign!” you accuse, pointing at the brooding man.

You don’t expect a reply from him, which he honors by staring at your outstretched finger with what could be described as murderous intent. Kafka chuckles.

“It’s the principle of the thing, darling. I’ll handle it.”

“Wai–”

You don’t get another word out before she confidently rises from her seat and saunters over to the register, leaving you with your jaw on the floor.

Silver Wolf is back to blowing bubblegum and spawn-killing some poor sap, but she makes the time to snicker at your plight. “That’s weak, newbie.”

All you can do is become an idle passenger in your own body as the scene unfolds in front of you. Maybe you try to stop her, but Blade’s lanky arm blocks your path.

Sometimes you wish she’d just have a little more fear. Kafka converses with the cashier with her innate allure as you resign yourself to your fate of public humiliation.

The words audible over the ringing in your ears sound through the air in Kafka’s dulcet voice. “They asked for no pickles.”

When she returns from the counter two minutes later with your presumably correct order, you’ve already decided that today has been the most harrowing twenty-four system hours of your long-life. Your stupor is cut short as the new pickleless burger is dropped into your hands like a gift from the Aeons.

“See?” Kafka teases. “It was no trouble at all.”

“..Thanks,” you cough into your hand awkwardly.

Lunch resumes its usual flow, but you’re still stewing in regret that boils down to a simple, bitter thought: You should’ve just ordered the chicken nuggets instead.

#✧ my works #—stellaronhvnters.#honkai star rail #platonic honkai star rail #platonic honkai star rail x reader #platonic kafka x reader #platonic silver wolf x reader #platonic blade x reader #hsr x reader #hsr kafka #hsr blade #hsr silver wolf #blade x reader #kafka x reader #silver wolf x reader

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fuckyeahgoodomens · 2 months

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Peter Anderson: Hi, my name is Peter Anderson. I'm from Peter Anderson Studio and we created the title sequence to Good Omens Season Two. So this scene is quite literally a continuation from Season One.

An interesting detail with this scene is the fly. The fly is significant because it stores Gabriel's memory.

Gabriel is hidden in every scene. This is the first time we see it.

This goat is half bird, half goat, representing a mistake in a moment of transformation.

In the pickled herring barrel, we have literally red herrings sticking out.

A lot of the gravestones have hidden engravings, easter eggs, all written by Neil.

[This one says: HERE LIES THE FORMER SHELL OF BEELZEBUB referncing Beelzebub having a new face in S2 :), another ones are: EVERYDAY, JANE AUSTEN, Here lies ADAM (the Adam from Adam and Eve is meant)]

Another hidden Gabriel.

Our same character that was trying to escape Hell in Season One titles is also trying to escape here, moving in the opposite direction to the rest of the procession. Except this time he's apprehended and dragged back into the procession.

Our Hell spider from episode four makes a little appearance in the background here.

Can you tell where the bus is going? Director Douglas McKinnon selected Powell and Pressburger's Stairway to Heaven to put on the billboard.

Another thing to note here is the type is all handmade specifically for Good Omens. The Alphabet only exists within the show.

The big floating turnip is a nod to Azirafel's magic tricks.

The Ladies of Camelot poster we pulled from the show.

We added plaques to the back of the chairs and Neil chose who to honour.

[There are: A TALE OF TWO CITIES by CHARLES DICKENS, PRIDE AND PREJUDICE by JANE AUSTEN, THE CROW ROAD by IAIN BANKS (twice!) and GOOD OMENS by TERRY PRATCHETT (Neil missing for some reason :) <3)]

Saraqael made an appearance from Heaven.

Our Space is back from Season One. Aziraphale and Crowley are having a little dance here. A moment of flirtation. There's a tiny planet in the middle that comes into existence at this moment.

Our Scottish tartan hills make an appearance here.

The aeroplane and the airline is a little bit of a clue here.

[THY KINGDOM AIRWAYS 👀]

It's raining love hearts in reference to Aziraphale's attempt at making Maggie and Nina fall in love.

Here are elevators to Heaven and Hell. A wee thing to spot. Here is Gabriel in the lift arriving from Heaven.

We've updated our flags to reference some of the plotlines in Season Two. For example, The Second Coming.

The movie poster artwork changes every week, representing the episode plotlines and the minisodes. We made the posters to look like the time period and in this case we've got a Good Omens version of Buddy Holly.

[The posters are:]

In the snack bar some of our popcorn is actually communion wafers.

There are specific characters from Season One in the boxes watching the movie as the procession goes by. This includes some of our original concept art from Season One.

The duck playing the accordion is from a newspaper headline that someone is reading in The Dirty Donkey from one of the episodes.

[this is also from the Good Omens book :): "Daily Mail. 'Letter From America.' Um, August the third," said Newt. "Just after the story about the woman in Worms, Nebraska, who taught her duck to play the accordion."]

Each episode is showing a new movie on the screen, each one selected by Douglas, and has clues about what's to come.

The season one phone box tumbles in the background.

The big mountain is made of all the ingredients from Season Two and a couple of remnants from Season One. We are heading towards the biggest Easter Egg, which is the lift. We're heading towards the Second Coming..

#good omens #perer anderson #peter anderson studio #bts #opening title #s2 opening title #fun fact #second coming #kingdom thy airways #duck playing accordion #videos #bts videos #easter eggs

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i-turned-into-the-stone · 22 days

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Smut Dump 3: SinB

A/N: A quick smut for a friend in the basement so might contain some nonsensical scene. This is also my last smut fic for the time being because I received a new commission, yay! My inbox is always open though. A lot of stuff is marinated in there but feel free to throw in more pickles, lol.

T/W: (A little heavier stuff than normal) Rape, Dorm Invasion, Degrading Dialogue, Hardcore, Anal, Anal Prolapse

You slowly unlock the door of Viviz's dorm room and slip inside in the main area, your heart racing with sick excitement at what you're about to do. The living room is empty except for SinB herself, sitting on the couch watching a video of old GFRIEND's live performances, reminiscing good old times in her lonesome.

She doesn't notice you at first, too engrossed in the video of herself dancing and singing on stage. You lick your lips hungrily as you watch the way the blanket covering her legs rides up, giving teasing glimpses of her smooth thighs.

Moving up behind her, you clamp a hand over her mouth just as she senses your presence and tries to scream. "Don't make a sound bitch," you hiss in her ear, "Unless you want your pretty little face all over the internet."

She trembles against you, her eyes wide with terror as you use your free hand to bind her wrists together with zip ties. "I've wanted to fuck you for so long, been dreaming of stuffing my thick cock inside that perfect pussy and ass of yours."

SinB whimpers against your palm, struggling weakly as you drag her over to the TV and force her to kneel in front of it. With a few taps on her phone, a compilation video starts playing - a montage of SinB's most provocative dance moves and upskirt shots taken by obsessive fans.

"You're going to watch this whole fucking thing while I use those slutty holes," you snarl, undoing your pants and taking out your already hard cock. "If you're a good girl and take it all, I might let you cum too."

She shakes her head desperately but you just grab a fistful of her hair and shove your cockhead against her sealed lips. "Open up whore or I'll fuck your pretty face bloody!"

Sobbing, SinB reluctantly parts her lips and you immediately thrust your hips forward, burying half your shaft in the wet heat of her mouth. You groan loudly, savoring the feeling as you lock eyes with her reflection giving a sultry look in the fap video.

"Yeah, that's it you little slut. Suck my dick while you watch yourself being a cock tease on stage..." With your free hand you reach around and grope her full tits roughly through her shirt, using them as handles to fuck her face harder and deeper.

SinB gags and chokes as you mercilessly skull-fuck her, drool leaking from the corners of her stretched lips and tears streaming down her cheeks. But you couldn't care less about her discomfort, bucking your hips wildly to bury your cock to the root in her convulsing throat.

"Take it all you thirsty whore!" you grunt, getting off on the sight of her pretty face contorting so lewdly around your fat dick. "Feel how fucking hard you've made me by being such a filthy slutty tease!"

On the TV, the fap video loops to SinB shaking her hips suggestively, her tight skirt riding up to expose the curves of her ass cheeks. You pull out of her spit-slick mouth, smearing the mixture of spit and pre-cum across her gasping face.

"Look at yourself, fucking begging for this cock," you hiss, roughly flipping her over onto her forehead and knees. Her short skirt has ridden up, putting her panty-clad ass and thighs on full display. "You want this so bad, don't you slut?"

She shakes her head but that only makes you chuckle darkly. Seizing the back of her underwear, you yank it aside, exposing her bare pussy lips already glistening with arousal despite her fear.

"We'll see about that.” Line up your cock and drive it into her tight pussy in one violent thrust. SinB screams in pain as you bottom out inside her, her pussy stretching to accommodate your girth. "Fuck yeah, take every fucking inch you little cumbucket!"

Grabbing her hips with bruising force, you begin pistoning in and out of her dripping slit, keeping a brutal pace. With the fap video playing on loop in front of you, fucking this K-pop goddess's perfect cunt is even hotter than you imagined.

"Ahh! Please, no more!" SinB cries out desperately, her body jolting with the force of your savage thrusts. "It hurts so much! Take it out, I'm begging you!"

But her whimpered pleas and tears only stimulate you on, driving you to fuck her abused pussy even harder and deeper. You keep your grip on her hips, pulling her back onto your jackhammering cock with each brutal stroke.

"Shut the fuck up slut," you shout, drunk on the tight, wet friction of her velvet walls convulsing around your cock. "I'll fuck these whore holes however I want, you got that?"

You punctuate your words with a series of punishingly deep thrusts, making SinB wail as you batter against her cervix. Her petite frame shudders beneath you, overwhelmed by the ruthless reaming you're giving her sopping cunt.

"P-please...have mercy...I'll do anything..." she sobs brokenly, drool and mascara streaking her anguished face. But her teary, debased expression reflected in the TV screen, juxtaposed with the video of her confidently performing, just makes you want to defile her even more.

Letting go of her hips, you grab a chunk of her hair and yank her head back at a cruel angle. "Yeah, you'll do anything I say like the worthless fuckdoll you are!"

SinB's wails become muffled groans as you jackhammer into her from behind, taking her throat in a strangling side choke with your other hand. Overstimulated and choking, she convulses but your iron grip holds her in place, ruthlessly pumping her cunt full of your thick meat.

Your savage rutting of her dripping pussy eventually sends SinB into a series of shuddering, toe-curling orgasms. Her strangled moans fill the room as her cunthole clamps and quivers around your invading cock.

You laugh as you watch her frame convulse from the forced climaxes, smacking her ass hard enough to leave a red hand print.

But as soon as her shuddering slowly subsides, you yank your slick cock from her gaping, swollen hole with a satisfying wet noise. SinB whimpers pitifully, gaining a brief respite that you have no intention of allowing.

"Did you really think I was done with you?" you sneer, grabbing her hair again and flipping her over onto her back.

Through tear-streaked eyes, she watches helplessly as you lift and spread her legs in a wide split. Your thick, spit-slicked cock bobbing mere inches from her pink asshole, teasing her with what's still to come.

"This ass is mine next, bitch. I'm going to fucking ruin you, make sure you can never walk right or look at yourself on stage again without remembering how I turned you into my personal whore!"

SinB's eyes roll back in her head and she wails like a woman possessed as you press the bulbous head of your cock against her puckered, virgin asshole and start pushing.

"Oh god, please NOOOOOO!!!" SinB howls in excruciating anguish as you force the bulbous crown of your cockhead past the clenched ring of her untouched asshole.

Her entire structure thrashes beneath you as you impale her mercilessly, not stopping until you've brutally sheathed every sadistic inch inside her vice-tight anal passage.

"Fuuuck this ass is squeezing me so fucking tight!" you grunt, savoring the hot spongy friction gripping your pulsing cock.

Tears of agony pour from SinB's eyes and she writhes in tormented ecstasy, stretched to her absolute limits around your thick cock reaming out her most private depths.

"You'd better relax that slutty hole of yours, because I'm going to fucking destroy it!" you state, grasping her ankles and pinning her legs to either side of her quivering body.

With that warning, you withdraw until just the engorged head of your shaft remains, then surge forward in one stab. SinB's shriek of pain reverberates through the room as you start throwing the full weight of your body into raping her virgin ass.

The TV screen gives you a POV look at her face twisting in depraved euphoria with each savage stroke, mouth gaping and eyes rolling as you constantly rip her asshole. Her hands under her back claw futilely at the floor as waves of torture overwhelm her senses.

It's almost too much for you to handle - the unbearable tightness of SinB's rubbery asshole clenching around your dick, trying to repel the relentless anal reaming. Her shrill screams of pained ecstasy fill the room, echoing through your pounding head.

"That's it bitch, take every fucking inch like the worthless whore you are!" you roar, spit flying as you pile-drive her backside without mercy. "I'm going to rip you in half and leave you gaping!"

All sense of pleasure blends into an agonizing, blinding blur for her. SinB's mind shorts out, brain reduced to a primal state by the sadistic treatment her once virgin asshole is enduring. She can only lie there and howl like a banshee, eyes bulging and body jolting with each jab that hilts you balls deep.

Suddenly you seize her ankles like a hawk, pinning her trembling thighs vertically and suspending her lower body in the air. This new unforgiving angle allows you to hammer right into her core, impaling her helpless sphincter with pile-driver force.

“Take my fucking dick, you cumrag!" you howl, sweat stinging your eyes as your assaulting hips become a blur.

Her screeching hits fever pitch as you mash her female prostate, railing her ass with fury. You're distantly aware of the sounds of her sphincter squelching and stretching to its limits around your pistoning cock.

SinB can barely process the sensations wracking her body anymore. Her mind has fogged over, overwhelmed by the waves of anguished bliss crashing through her nerve endings.

Fuck the pain in her now-bloodied, gaping asshole as you degrade it without letup. Her pussy has betrayed her, convulsing erratically and squirting rivulets of girl cum across her heaving belly and thighs.

This bitch toy is in a semi-conscious nirvana now – eyes rolled back, chest flushed crimson, mouth lolling open in a silent scream of tormented ecstasy.

You can read it in the glazed, cock-drunk look on her face as crystal-clear as the fap video looped in front of you: She's becoming addicted to the act of being savagely defiled.

"That's right you fucking whore, just let it all go," you grunt, sweat and spit raining down on her splayed, convulsing form. "Give in to being nothing but a set of fuckholes!”

With one hand, you slide your thick fingers into her sloppy, overflowing cunt, finger-banging her as your hips shoot forward in piston-blur, anal-digging her within an inch of her life.

SinB barely registers your harsh words, lost in a transcendent state of masochistic rapture as you violate her most intimate spaces. Her swollen pussy spasms and squirts around your probing digits while her bowels burn and stretch around your ravaging cock.

"Now THIS is how you make fucking music video cum-slut!" you roar through gritted teeth as your hips become a blur - alternating between rail-gunning her abused asshole and resurging forward to corkscrewed-fuck her squirting cunthole.

SinB can do nothing but moan and drool, her legs akimbo in the air and limbs flopping lifelessly like a broken puppet's as you use her petite frame as your personal onahole playground.

You're huffing, simultaneously driving your cock to the base in her bowels while fisting her sloppy, overwrought pussy. She makes a gurgling sound - eyes rolled back and tongue lolling out as you balls deep inside her. Her abused anal fuckhole fibrillates and flutters around your pumping cock, as though begging for mercy. You grant SinB none.

You groan in pleasure, giving no quarter as you wantonly violate her spasming holes. Your sack clenches suddenly, taut and heavy as the volcanic orgasm builds. With a loud grunt, you snap your wrist forward, burying your fist knuckle-deep inside her pulsating pussy even as you rail her sticky pooper to the insheathing.

"Get fucking bred, you whore!" you bellow, as thick volleys of bubbling spooge begin filling her abused intestinal tract.

A deep, cataclysmic groan escapes your lips as that pent-up load finally erupts. Blast after blistering blast of boiling jizz hose into SinB's asshole, immediately overwhelming her previously vice-tight sphincter into a gaping, prolapsed ruin.

"AAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!" she shrieks almost subhumanly as her bowels inflate with your scalding seed, belly distending obscenely to accommodate the flood of baby batter pumping her ruined guts full.

You don't stop there however, snarling like a rabid beast as you fuck her demolished ass even after unloading what feels like a gallon inside. SinB's frenzied howls of pulsating pain and rapture provide the perfect symphony to your merciless coda.

Cock still lodged to the root in her sloppy, spooge-drenched asshole, you rain a flurry of brutal slaps and hooks across her tear-streaked face and tits. The once-proud K-pop idol's groans dissolve into dazed gurgles of submission, features swelling into a chaotic mess of red.

By the time you wrench free your still-throbbing member from the ruins of her rectum, SinB is all but catatonic - consciousness shutting down from the singularly shattering ordeal of being sodomized into oblivion.

Reddened handprints and cum seal the broken, conquered look on her ruined face. Her gaping, prolapsed asshole now adorned with a disgusting crimson ring - a permanent souvenir that will forever garishly remind her of her true value as rape meat.

#kpop smut #male reader #kpop gg #kpop girls #girl group smut #non con smut #viviz #viviz smut #sinb #viviz sinb #sinb smut

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happiest-hotch · 1 year

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i think you did one of there with spencer and it was cute so i was wondering if you'd write one for aaron, a full fic or blurb where Aaron guesses she (his gf) is pregnant before she guesses? thanks in advance

i'm glad you liked it !! it's the type of scene i love writing

Summary: basically as above, but they are married

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Reader (Fluff)

Content Warning: pregnancy (obviously)

Word Count: 1.5k

It's a quiet day at the BAU, and you and Aaron are in his office, having lunch together on the rare occasion you're not out on a case, there aren't any urgent consults, and he doesn't have a meeting.

He starts smirking when you complain about there not being enough pickles in your burger.

"What?" you asked, raising an eyebrow at his sudden change in demeanor.

He leans back in his chair, his hands clasping behind his head. "I don't know, honey. You've been acting kind of strange lately. Do you think it's possible that you're pregnant?"

You roll your eyes, playfully kicking him under the desk. "Haha, very funny, Aaron. You better watch your mouth." You say jokingly.

He chuckles, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "I'm teasing, but if I'd take a bet on it. Seriously, you've been craving some weird foods lately, and if I was dumber, I'd say you were having some mood swings. Maybe you should take a test, just in case."

You shake your head, laughing at his persistence. "I highly doubt it. You know, with the birth control and all that? And you know it's a bad idea to offer me a bet." It might have been why he did it because you're both insanely competitive.

"Why don't we up the stakes?" He offers, the signature smirk that only you're privileged to lighting up his face.

You grin mischievously at him. "What do you have in mind?"

"Well, you know how the team bet on if we were dating?" He asks and you nod. "Let's include them. Only if you're comfortable." He's only joking, and you're so sure he's off the mark.

"A chance to show to prove your profiling skills wrong?" You ask with a giggle. "Derek would kill me if I didn't take it."

"You're on," Aaron says, holding out a hand to shake yours and make it official. "But when I'm right, you owe me."

You chuckle again. "Yeah? What will I owe you?"

He grins, his nose scrunching adorably as he thinks. "I'll get back to you about that."

You notice the team walking back in from lunch. "Let's do it."

Aaron and you walk out onto the landing, and he makes his announcement. "Conference room, everyone."

They look at you both with a high level of concern written on their faces, scurrying like something urgent has happened which, due to the nature of your jobs, is reasonable. "Don't use your Unit Chief voice." You scold, hitting him on the shoulder. "And don't even think about bullying anyone into agreeing with you."

"Deal, but you can't make it seem offensive for them to bet against you." He instructs.

"I won't." He assures you, placing a hand on your lower back and guiding you to the boardroom.

Penelope's jumpy when you two walk in and stand in front of the screen, not doing as well as everyone else to hide her worry. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong." You tell them all quickly, but it's a message to Aaron as well: that although you're sure he's wrong, it wouldn't be a bad thing.

"Y/n's pregnant," Aaron announces.

You hit him on the shoulder, quickly speaking before everyone jumps up to hug you and offer congratulations. "That's just what he thinks." You say.

Even Spencer had a puzzled look, but Derek verbalizes their thoughts. "What?"

"We're betting," Aaron explains. "I think she's pregnant, she thinks she's not, so like you all bet on whether we were dating or not, we thought you might like to bet on this."

For everyone who has known him longer than you have, it's astonishing to see Aaron so open with his personal life, but you bring the playful side out in him.

The bets are in, more in favor of you, although the doctor of the team bets against you which is a little worrying. Of course, Spencer isn't a medical doctor, but he knows more about pregnancy than even JJ, who has been pregnant.

"So when do we get the results?" Derek wonders.

"Right now?" You offer. "Well as soon as I go get a test."

Aaron shakes his head beside you. "No, no way. I want it to be just us because it's going to be a special moment."

You roll your eyes at him. "Okay, but you're not coming in the bathroom while I pee on a stick." You inform him.

"We'll see." He settles, looking at you fondly before dropping the smile reserved for you when he looks back at the team. "Let's get back to work."

Aaron stops at a drug store on the way home, determined and cemented in his position as he buys three boxes of pregnancy tests.

"I don't have enough pee for all of these." You inform him when you're getting ready for bed that night.

He opens each of the boxes, handing you one of each. "Get your cute butt in there." He directs.

"I'm not taking this for you." You remind him with a smirk. "I'm taking it to prove you wrong."

"So, for me then?" He jokes, chuckling at you.

You're not really sure why you are taking the test. Of course, it's gotten to be a bigger idea with the team's involvement, but now that you're doing it, you're kind of hoping you lose. The excitement engulfing you is a shock, but it's so unlikely that you don't want to give in to the delusion.

"Are you okay?" Aaron taps on the door after you've been in there more than a reasonable amount of time.

You open the door, trying to keep a calm facade, and welcome him in, handing over the capped tests and sitting on the counter.

"You actually want this, don't you?" He profiles within a second.

It's an annoying trait of his when it shows up in your personal life, but sometimes you are glad since you're feeling like you don't have all the words. "It just threw me." You admit. "I didn't realize that I do feel ready until today."

His face drops in an instant, guilt sinking in. "I'm sorry I pushed so hard." He says very apologetically, a hand going to his forehead. "And I got the team involved."

"It's alright." You soothe, taking his hand in yours. "It's not like we can't just make a baby once we know."

Aaron nods, a cheeky smile taking over his face. "I'll give you a baby if that's the prize you want for winning the bet."

"Did you figure out what you want?" You wonder. "If you're right."

He thinks about it for another moment. "Baby or not, I can't think of anything else I need in life." His hand rests on your thigh delicately. "Ready to look?"

You shake your head, the nerves overwhelming you. "Let's not bother. We can go not knowing."

Aaron chuckles, shaking his head. "We both know we can't." He doesn't give you much more of a choice, figuratively tearing the bandaid off as he flips over the test. He's usually so good at keeping his face neutral, having had years of practice, but he doesn't. Not in your tender moment where his eyes go glassy, and he grins broadly. "Mrs. Hotchner, congratulations, you're pregnant."

"Oh, my god." Your hand clamps over your mouth in shock, but you quickly tear it away to take the test from him, needing to see it to believe it. "We're going to have a baby?"

"Yes, we are." He answers.

"I can't believe you realized before I did." You chuckle. Without a doubt, it's going to become a story that frequently gets retold.

Aaron leans forward, pressing his forehead against yours. His warm hand rests on your lower stomach, and it suddenly feels very real. "I know you that well." He reminds you. "But I will still be collecting my betting money."

You giggle at him. "I would."

It's probably clear to the team when you and Aaron are late for work, the team likely assuming you're at the doctor's office. The team is already waiting in the conference room, Rossi waving you two in.

"So, who won?" JJ wonders, struggling to curb her enthusiasm.

You share a quick smile with your husband that no one can decipher if you're gloating about winning. "Fortunately... Aaron." You inform them.

Penelope grabs you in a hug first, and you're sure she's crying. Then you're passed around the team for more hugs, sharing delighted looks with Aaron between receiving congratulations.

He's the last person to wrap you in a hug, holding you tightly to his chest. "You're so incredible." He whispers to you. "And I was thinking we could get lobster rolls with my prize money for dinner."

You quickly pull back, shaking your head. "That thought makes me feel nauseous."

His mouth drops before he quickly recovers. "Alright, pickles it is."

You're in your own little world with him until Derek gets your attention. "So, when do we get to bet if it's a boy or girl?"

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner x y/n #aaron hotchner fanfiction #aaron hotchner fluff #criminal minds #criminal minds fluff #criminal minds family #aaron hotchner fic #aaron hotchner angst

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ozzgin · 8 months

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I remember a show about pandas in a zoo where the keepers were watching the bears, expecting them to mate (they didn't realize when the bears were doing something, whether the pandas were playing or mating). And when the female panda gave birth (observed through the camera), she just lay down, ate leaves and a cub was born. Sorry.

Imagine that when a primal!reader gives birth, she doesn't panic or make loud noises (although she knows she's in the warm safety of that weird cage with the tree and toys, and predators won't come into her cave at the sounds of birth and baby), whether or not she and Pickle have any visit fighters, she goes behind a tree where no one is, or hides in a hollow tree and gives birth there. And then she grumpily shows the born baby to her partner and possible onlookers. The fighters and guards are definitely shocked and horrified. (I imagine Pickle taking the little baby in his big palms and wanting to show it to the sun, stretching her arms up to the sky and making joyful noises)

I’d find it extra funny if the birth happens right before the sneaky visit of all the fighters. Doppo and Jack hiding in the enclosure can hear some wet noises and just assume Pickle is probably eating or something, but it’s you casually sliding the offspring out. Then the rest of the men show up so Pickle’s attention is drawn to the noise outside. They have their little chitchat, Yuujirou breaks the security glass and in the middle of their tense exchange it occurs to them that a faint whine can be heard from the corner.

“Is that a fucking baby?” Is exclaimed and you just look at Pickle with the face of “Took you long enough to notice your own damn child”. Katsumi, Doppo and Retsu cannot look away faster in shame. Dear Lord, to think they just interrupted a literal birth. Yuujirou didn’t expect this and turns around, hands in pockets, minding his business. Same for Jack.

And then the helicopter lights flood in and Pickle thinks it could be some divine congratulation, so he takes the newborn outside for the blessing.

Your last comment tempted me too much so I doodled over the Lion King scene and made it extra dramatic haha

#baki #baki the grappler #baki headcanons #pickle baki #pickle x reader #doodle

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aphroditeinthesea · 30 days

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heyyyy could you write jason x daughter of Poseidon. where the reader gets taken with percy to camp jupiter and when the argo two arrives jason and the reader slowly become flirty friends. but at a very unfortunate time they flirting turns too real.

“ sparks fly ”

jason grace x daughter of poseidon ⚡️

i really don’t like how this turned out but i hope it’s okay that this is half hcs, half one shot-ish and tbh i didn’t wanna post this but also didn’t wanna like ignore this request

⋆ ˚｡ 𓆟 🌊 𓆞 ˚｡ ⋆

- y/n was holding onto her brother’s arm as she tried to get through the crowd of people

- “is that…?”

- but her brother didn’t hear as his green eyes locked with grey ones

- but she heard reyna speak and her attention turned to someone else

- “jason grace, my former colleague”

- when she looked forward, she saw the most beautiful boy she had ever laid eyes on

- although she was soon distracted by her brother leaving her grasp

- she let go of his arm and let him run to his girlfriend

- as everyone watched the scene unfold, she turned to look back at the son of jupiter

- only to find blue eyes meeting hers

- she quickly looked away but couldn’t hide the pink on her cheeks

- when she got to know him, the way she felt only grew

- she found herself doing everything in her power to talk to him

- sitting next to him at meals or even acting like she needed help with something she could completely do herself

- “hey, jason, can you grab that for me?” she would ask, pointing to a high shelf

- “yeah of course,” he would always respond

- but she would watch as his shirt would slightly show his abs as he leaned up

- and percy would be standing behind her like🧍‍♂️

- but when a monster attacked the ship and was 2 seconds away from killing jason???

- y/n was there in a second, slicing that monster

- and jason was like “that was amazing for someone who can’t open a jar of pickles”

- and she was like “i know right”

- or when she came into his room late at night after having a nightmare

- “is it okay if i stay with you?” she whispered into the darkness

- “of course,” he was already awake so he scooted over to make room for her

- she quickly took the spot next to him and let herself burrow next to him

- “why didn’t you ask your brother?”

- she couldn’t think of an answer

- after all, there was her brother or annabeth, who she had known for far longer than the boy she laid next to

- she just sighed and finally spoke again

- “i knew you’d be awake”

- that wasn’t the last time she did that either

- every nightmare she had, she would find her way to his room where he welcomed her with open arms

- but when percy and annabeth fell into tartarus, the nightmares only worsened

- night after night, she would wake up in a sweat

- she got too embarrassed to keep bothering jason, which he took notice to

- one night he found her sitting in the mess hall, staring off into space

- “y/n?”

- she looked up at him and tried to force a smile

- “are you okay?”

- “why wouldn’t i be?”

- he took the seat next to her, “can’t sleep?”

- she shook her head, “i just know i’ll be waking up soon enough from a nightmare, so why even try?”

- he worriedly looked at her, but she wouldn’t even face him

- “you need to sleep, y/n,” he whispered

- she stayed silent

- “you can stay in my room, i really don’t mind”

- still silence

- “y/n?”

- “i don’t have a crush on you,” she suddenly spoke and looked up at him

- his eye widened, “what?”

- “i thought i had a crush on you, but i don’t, jase”

- he felt his heart heavy as he still stared at her

- “jason, i am so in love with you”

- he completely froze, his brain basically short circuiting

- kind of literally too as his hands slightly sparked when she spoke

- “i’m sorry, i had to tell you. there’s just so much going on right now, and trying to hide that was just one more thing i had to stress about”

- “no, y/n, it’s okay”

- “really?”

- “really.”

- she looked away, “i should get to bed anyways”

- she began walking away but he followed behind her, “wait”

- she turned around, waiting for the embarrassment to hit her

- but instead only a pair of lips did

- “i love you, too.”

- she didn’t say anything as she pulled him into another kiss

#jason grace x reader #jason grace #heroes of olympus #percy jackson #percy jackson x reader #percy jackson and the olympians #daughter of poseidon #daughter of neptune #jason grace x daughter of poseidon

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loz-the-noob · 2 months

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Because I’m playing dual destinies and I miss Ema Skye with my whole heart, please take this WIP list of Silly Goofy Things Ema Has Done throughout the games I’ve played. Feel free to add to it if you think of anything I’ve missed.

Things Ema Skye has Done

Threatened to spray potentially hazardous (?) chemicals on a child

Unwittingly convinced everyone she was a crack addict

Sung a song in a court of law with very little persuasion

Openly admitted that she intended to commit tax evasion. To a lawyer.

Accused a blind orphan of murder with a 45. caliber revolver

Cried because she couldn’t push something over

Essentially received a bonus in the form of snacks and was completely fine with this

Apologised to a trash can

Bullied Apollo into buying tea for her from an overpriced vending machine

Somehow confused the words “pickle” and “sausage” in the context of a well-known phrase.

Inexplicably physically morphed into the Prosecution’s imprisoned brother briefly during a trial. This is never addressed.

Said ‘Ah’ AT LEAST 12 times in Apollo Justice. I’m pretty sure I missed some

“Eh heh heh, you want to know about my tool do you?”

Signs legal documents with a little heart next to her name

Was placed on security for a major venue with literally no means of communication with backup?? She had to physically go and get people. This is not her fault.

She has been set on fire. This was also not her fault.

She’s canonically very clumsy. Allegedly breaks bulbs all the time. Did I mention I love her.

Momentarily considered going on a destructive rampage at a concert she was supposed to be security for.

Very nearly let a 15 year old girl convince her to eat potential evidence at a crime scene.

I’m 90% sure her footwear is a health and safety risk

#I’m not sure if she’s quite as silly in investigations so I don’t have anything from there BUT feel free to correct me if I’m wrong #PLEASE add things it’ll be fun #I know I’m definitely lacking in the rise from the ashes department in this list #ema skye #ace attorney #pw:aa #aj:aa #ace attorney spoilers #tw drugs

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jade-len · 3 months

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so today i tricked my very straight male friend into reading svsss.

okay look, i wasn't planning to at first and it's not like it was completely my fault. he wanted to read it!

i was showing him how badly they fucked up mu qingfang in the donghua by comparing it to the english novel design (he said that mu qingfang went from looking like a soft dilf to a predator registered on the epstein island list). and then, i showed him how different some of the other character designs were like gongyi xiao's ("he looks like he'd be a genshin character" -friend, to eng novel design) and luo binghe's ("lowkey, he kinda gives airbender vibes" -friend, to bunhe eng novel design)

so that was all i was gonna show him, nothing else. but after seeing them, he goes, "these designs actually look hella cool. what's the book called?"

now, do i:

A. tell him the name, eventually revealing that it's a danmei when he looks it up?

B. just straight up tell him that it's a danmei?

C: don't tell him the name just yet, spill the summary, get him interested, and tell him to not search anything up about it because there's heavy spoilers and it will reveal them the moment he types it up on the search bar

i go with C, obviously.

me: so, basically, some guy named shen yuan transmigrates into an incel harem male power fantasy novel where the protagonist, luo binghe, has hundreds of wives. thing is though, the guy pretty much took over the body of binghe's teacher he had when he was a teenager, who turns out to be a really scummy dude. and now he has to be nice to him so that the protagonist doesn't rip off his limbs and put him into a pickle pot in the future to suffer for eternity.

friend: that sounds hilarious and horrifying at the same time.

me: yes it is, and you should read it. it's like. my favorite novel at the moment. but don't search up anything about it because people spoil that shit. i'll let you borrow my novel

friend: nah don't worry, i'll just pirate it

friend: wait. does it have pictures?

me, my plan coming together: yeah, it has pictures. buuut, when you pirate it, it doesn't. trust me dude, i tried and was severely disappointed. plus, the physical copy is so much better

friend: fuck yeah ok thanks

me: hold on though. i'll text you later to see if my friend who's borrowing it rn is done reading it

he's hyped. he's excited. he craves a good book and a good transmigration interpretation. he's especially happy about the fact that it takes place in a chinese setting with cool powers and an actual good main character. "this sounds so good, god i wanna read it so bad."

i tell him that binghe is actually adorable, too. that it's pretty much found family! my friend then asks if shen yuan adopts him and becomes a father figure or something.

and i said "yes". you know, like a liar. (the father figure part probably isn't a lie though)

now i'm gonna give him the novel tomorrow! of course, i'm gonna cover the chapter 2 bunhe sexual awakening scene with washi tape and say that my baby cousin (sorry baby cousin, you would never <\3) scribbled all over that paragraph with her markers, and since i'm a neat book freak, i put washi tape and just wrote the scene! i don't know if that's really all too believable, but he didn't seem to care that much. just a simple "if my baby cousin did that to my book i would punt them into the sun"

i think what'll be more hilarious is the fact that you can't really tell that svsss is a BL. especially not volume 1. there's like, only a few lines indicating, but if you remove the baby binghe sexual awakening scene then you probably won't be able to know (...if you don't really read romance or anything. idk he's kinda dense anyways). so let's hope he gets attached and has a slow descent into the homo before i drop svsss vol 2 on him!

ok anyways i'll update you guys later with a reblog. maybe in about two or three days lol

(also don't worry, we already fuck around with each other on a daily basis like this. he's already tricked me into reading some manga i was unprepared for, and i thought that it'd be funny to mess around with him using svsss this time lol)

#greatest prank ive ever donee i think #manipulation 100 fr #absolute tomfoolery #am i a bad friend for this? perhaps. is it hilarious? definitely.#this is truly the most moment of all time #svsss #mxtx svsss #the scum villain's self saving system #luo binghe #luo bingmei #shen qingqiu #shen yuan

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