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#pieces of my heart

pride sometimes has the strength of a lion capable of devouring everything around us … a giant that keeps us from growing and understanding that those we love are being hurt… Andy


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So I mean I tapped out and tripped up for a bit

skipped across some rivers and went where the darkness hits the depths

I sunk into the bottom and felt the absence of oxygen settle in

I settled in and

Set myself up under the blanket of darkness I came out sometimes to skinny dip in the liquid gold of the sun

And sometimes I took a bath in the moonlight or cuddled up in the crevice of the star’s corners at night

I kept asking the milky way where I should go and the grass would look up and laugh

send butterfly kisses and hold my bones down so my spirit could freely fly

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Learning to grow into my own skin

How to wear my bones bare and how to let

My hair blow in the wind

Adapting to broken heart valves and half pumping lungs

Keeping my nerves calm and cool like ocean waves

Trying to keep my head above the water and my knees steady

Trailing across the grass and bathing in the kisses of the sun

Leaning my head back and drinking the waters of crying clouds

Holding my hand out but keeping my spirit tucked away and my soul dancing in the dark where no one can quite see it..

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At Night.

I break down at night. At the time when, after the entire day, I could be me to you being you.

At night, when my tiredness would wash away, it now drags me down.

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today, you stood behind my chair as you talked to me, and it felt like we fit together. it felt as though I could just tilt my head back, and I would feel at home, and you could wrap your arms around me, like we were each other’s.

but I know we aren’t, and we will never be, but in this moment, I allowed myself to think it could be possible.  

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Kissed by the Moon

Darkness slowly crept across the midnight sky, swallowing the world and reminding the moon to come out soon. The fog peered over the one tree that silently stood in the soil, parched and deprived of water. The moon, isolated and distant, merely hung above for all to see. Its gauzy, white light was followed by the looming shadows of secrets and reflected its to the world underneath it. The moon came and kissed the world, promising to return once again when darkness echoed it name.

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The snow fell down the earth like never before as she knew that someday, she will find her way. On the path she followed all these years, there were temporary people, oh so amazing and beautiful, but the pain they leave behind when they decide that she does not belong in their tiny universes makes her hands tremble and her mind sour ( the pretty smile fades as she breaths in the cigarette’s smoke). ‘’Oh you are young and so dramatic’’ She is a mountain stone, she passes everything through the filters of her mind and soul, living passionately every experience as if it was a first time. She quited smoking years ago, but from time to time she needs a cigarette to remind her that she is on the edge of lost and found. In the middle of this place, she knew that this world is composed of nothing but people who are lost and willing to give their souls away to feel found.

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So I was reading a fanfic about finding love and its supposed to be cute and soft and warm, but the author gives it a twist and all of a sudden everything you read that didn’t make sense, fit like pieces in a puzzle and I find myself holding onto that last piece. Not wanting to complete it. Not wanting to finish because I think I know how its going to end, but I don’t. I don’t know how it ends so I keep reading, I move my hands to my heart to make sure its still beating….to make sure I keep going. It was facing the loss and dealing with the aftermath that this character was facing that made me realize that everyone has secrets, everyone has their demons no matter how much they shine….it, its hard to keep going, but it was the love and support of all the people around this character that made me keep reading. 😭😭😭😭

So my message if you will is that, if you feel like you can’t keep up or your demons make the dark come faster, its okay to take your time. Its okay to take a long and shaky breath and stop for a little while, just as long as you keep going. Someone or something will carry your light for you. Believe in yourself and you’ll be okay. Turn the page….it’s going to be okay.


😭😭😭😭 darn fanfiction 😭😭😭

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