Frodo: We need to limit the amount of time Boromir is spending with Merry and Pippin.
Frodo: Because they’re teaching him how to use new pop culture phrases and it’s-
Boromir, walking in: Rise and grind, my dudes! Let’s eat today’s ass!
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Gandalf: That's not funny
Pippin: I thought it was funny
Gandalf: You don't count. You started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw on Facebook
PIPPIN: I didn't think it would end this way.
GANDALF: End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you see it.
PIPPIN: What? Gandalf? See what?
GANDALF: White shores, and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise.
PIPPIN: Well, that isn't so bad.
GANDALF: No. No, it isn't.
Next on the list of time travel AUs I would like to write but you need skills for that: Shire in time
About a week or so after ending of last LOTR movie (after Sam has returned to Shire amd his kids and Frodo and Bilbo have sailed to Valinor), the whole Shire wakes up and Something is Wrong. They time travelled.
Like, the whole area within Shire borders + Buckland time travels to just pre-Hobbit. Everyone in Shire stays the same as they were in fourth age (meaning who was dead in fourth age but not a century earlier stays dead, also Bilbo and Frodo are not there, because they left for Valinor before this happened).
Cue a lot of confusion. And distrust for outsiders, everyone still remembers the Scouring of Shire. (Yes, I am mixing book and movie timelines here, whatever)
And then, then the Company of Thorin Oakenshield arrives for a dinner at BagEnd. Except, the hobbits seem much more distrusting and hostile than one would rationally expect. Except, it is not Bilbo Baggins who opens the door, but Rose Cotton Gamgee. With kids. Except, instead of a grocer, a burglar, the one who they are to convince to burgle for them is the Mayor of Hobbitton (??).
A lot of confusion there. But then Sam realised that if they are back in time, the Ring has not been destroyed yet, it must still be with Gollum.
Rose to Sam: "Darling, I love you, but this is bigger than us, bigger than Shire. Master Bilbo and Master Frodo are not here, you are the only one who knows how the Ring looks like, how to get to Mount Doom inconspiciously. I think you should go destroy the Ring again. Just try to be reasonably fast about it, I will be waiting with kids and potatoes for you.
The Company gets two additional warriors when they are crossing fields to get to Bree. Pippin and Merry are affronted that Sam tried to sneak out for adventure without them, AGAIN. Dwarrow are confused. Gandalf is even more confused. The storyline is a mess, because Company tries to get back Erebor, but Hobbits are trying to destroy One Ring and warn everyone about Mordor and why does one of them go in colors of Rohan, one of Gondor, last one has a mithril shirt of all things and all of them have elven clothes ????
(Reminder that this is before Battle of Four Armies, there are no treaties, no understandings, no alliances yet)
Pippin: When’s the last time I ever asked you for anything?
Merry: Yesterday. You asked me to look in your ear to see if there was a ladybug in it.
Pippin: Okay, when’s the last time I ever asked you for anything that wasn’t a medical emergency?
Merry: Yesterday. You asked me to look in your ear to see if there was a ladybug in it.
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crusty ipad pippin
special thanks to my bestie josephine for brainstorming crusty pippin
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Found this chat for you on Tumblr
Tolkien Update #2! (24 June 2021)
SPOILER WARNING FOR LORD OF THE RINGS: RETURN OF THE KING
Hey everyone! If you're reading this thanks for visiting my page again. My journey with Tolkien continues! I'm still reading through Chapter 7 of The Two Towers "Helm's Deep" so that update will come soon!
Last night, I decided to watch the first part of The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003). OH. MY. GOD. This is the first time I've ever watched The Return of the King, although I've watched The Two Towers and The Fellowship of the Ring before (fun fact, watching the theatrical version of The Fellowship of the Ring was actually what first interested me in Tolkien!). So, as you can probably tell at this point, this update will be about my experience and first impressions watching:
Part 1 of The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
I would like to start off this update by saying that I finally know where all (most) of my favorite LOTR GIFs are from, LOL! I collect GIFs of Aragorn (one of my favorite characters) in a folder on my computer, and I honestly did not know what scenes of the movies some of them came from. Now I do! If I can figure out how to do it, I'll link them and talk about my favorite ones in this post :) (I'll try to go somewhat chronologically, so as to be as little confusing as possible lol). I would also like to start off this post by saying "FOOL OF A TOOK!" and also stating (and I will die on this hill) that although I was only nine months old, I was indeed alive when ROTK was released so therefore I was alive when the LOTR movies were coming out.
Now that we've got those disclaimers out of the way (COUGH I LOVE EOWYN COUGH) I will now begin my commentary :D
To begin with, everytime I'm watching a LOTR movie and this motherfucker shows up:
I FLIP MY SHIT. EVERY SINGLE TIME. BECAUSE I JUST LOVE IT SO MUCH. I love how the logo looks and what it represents, I love what it means and what it promises. It's also just a really fucking cool piece of art in and of itself. Masterpiece.
AND IF YOU CAN IMAGINE ME FLIPPING MY SHIT AT THAT LOGO, YOU CAN IMAGINE HOW I FELT WHEN I SAW THIS:
Also, I would like to present to the reader a portrait of Howard Shore circa 1999:
I didn't take notes while I was watching, so I'm trying to think of things that really struck me. One thing was definitely the shot where Deagol grabs the ring from the bottom of the river. LOTR really takes things full circle, and I appreciate it. It's the same shot from the prologue in The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)! I thought that was really cool. Also, my man Andy Serkis finally got some human screen time!
Continuing on, I would like to express my resentment toward Gollum and the seeds of resentment that he sows between Frodo and Sam (All my love to poor Smeagol, though :( ). Sam is literally giving his everything to Frodo and because of Gollum Frodo begins to distrust the wrong person. It broke my fucking heart when Frodo told Sam to leave as they were climbing the mountain above the City of the Dead. Like, bro, think rationally for like half a second. YOU GUYS ARE IN MORDOR. YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FOOD OR WATER. SAM BARELY MADE IT HERE WITH EIGHT OTHER PEOPLE YOU REALLY THINK HE CAN GET ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE SHIRE ON HIS OWN?? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU >:( . I'm very angry at both Gollum and Frodo, although I understand that Frodo is under the influence of the One Ring and is not completely himself.
Next I would like to say, PIPPIN. As the youngest member of the Fellowship he can sometimes be a little foolhardy through no fault of his own (hence, "Fool of a Took!" as is Gandalf's choice phrase when referring to Pippin). At the same time, however, he is mature and courageous. When accompanying Gandalf in the confrontation of Denethor about the lighting of the beacons of Minas Tirith and on realizing that Denethor has received news of the death of Boromir, he pledges his service to Denethor--a stubborn, greedy, idiotic, unloving, and cruel man who serves as the Steward of Gondor. While in some ways misguided, this action by Pippin is a show of his loyalty and raw courage as well as his growing maturity. Also he looks really dapper in the uniform (later revealed to have been that of Faramir in his youth). Also I love how he's still wearing his elven cloak from the forests of Lorien!
Love my boy Peregrin Took. Representing the Shire, and all of Eriador for that matter! His singing in the hall of Denethor--fun fact, in the books, the poem he sings appears in The Fellowship of the Ring!--while Faramir rides out at Denethor's behest to attempt to retake Osgiliath from the orcs of Mordor makes me cry every single time. Incredibly moving. See above portrait of Howard Shore.
AND SINCE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE HOUSE OF DENETHOR, I WOULD LIKE TO ADDRESS THE ISSUE OF FARAMIR. Poor Faramir, justice for Faramir :( . I HOPE DENETHOR FALLS DOWN A DEEP HOLE AND CAN'T GET OUT. I FEEL SO BAD FOR FARAMIR. EVERY TIME HE APPEARS I JUST WANT TO GIVE HIM A BIG HUG AND TELL HIM THAT HE'S DOING A GOOD JOB. HE TRIES SO HARD. HE DOES EVERYTHING TO TRY TO PLEASE HIS FATHER AND EMERGE FROM THE SHADOW OF HIS OLDER BROTHER, TO NO AVAIL. AND DENETHOR HAD THE UTTER NERVE TO SAY TO FARAMIR'S FACE--TO HIS FACE--THAT HE WISHED FARAMIR HAD DIED INSTEAD OF BOROMIR. I MEAN COME ON, MAN. Faramir has been camped out at Osgiliath--LITERALLY SAURON'S DOOR--holding the lines, protecting Minas Tirith and therefore all of Gondor, while you have been sitting on your ass doing NOTHING yet for some reason you think that it's okay to talk that way to him??? Okay, please exit the room sir you are not welcome anymore. NOT TO MENTION THAT WHEN FARAMIR COMES BACK FROM TRYING TO RETAKE OSGILIATH WOUNDED DENETHOR ANNOUNCES SIMPLY THAT HE HAS DIED EVEN THOUGH THIS IS CLEARLY UNTRUE. DENETHOR JUST WANTED HIM DEAD. HE'S A HORRIBLE FATHER. THANKFULLY, HOWEVER--AND MAY I SAY VERY ASTUTELY--GANDALF GIVES HIM A GOOD KNOCKING AROUND THE HEAD WITH HIS STAFF SHORTLY AFTERWARD. If I never hear of Denethor again in my life I will have heard too much. BYE.
Okay, time to address the matter of Aragorn and Eowyn. Given my utter love and devotion to each of them respectively (and my wish to be them), I would like to formally state that I actually like how things have turned out so far. When I first watched Two Towers and saw what was developing I was firmly against it. I also didn't like Eowyn. But since I have now read halfway through The Two Towers and watched the first part of ROTK and all of Two Towers, I have changed my mind. Eowyn is a fucking badass (as I have said before) and I love her. I want to be her. I feel the same way about Aragorn. It would be wonderful if they were together, if Aragorn was not previously committed to someone else. I believe that the bond that Aragorn and Arwen made between themselves is unbreakable, especially since Arwen gave up her immortality to be with Aragorn and bestowed him the gift of her Evenstar. I now understand, however, that Aragorn believed that Arwen was leaving Middle Earth via the Grey Havens, along with an envoy of elves, never to return again. Given that context, I understand the nuances of the relationship between Eowyn and Aragorn. Once Elrond informed Aragorn that Arwen had stayed, he very quickly and clearly communicated to Eowyn that nothing could ever happen between them. I respect that, but I also feel bad for Eowyn. I love her. I love him. The look on her face when he leaves to summon the Army of the Dead... Heartbreaking.
On that note I would like to once again express my love for Eowyn and her badassery, and my disdain at Eomer for that "war is the province of men" comment! Was that honestly necessary? Same thing with Merry. You have to willing and able soldiers who want to fight to protect the things they love, but because of the provenance of their stature or gender they are somehow unworthy to fight just like every other soldier of Rohan or Gondor? Good on Eowyn for saying fucking that, finding some armor that fit her, hoisting Merry onto her horse, and riding into battle with the rest of them. I would give my life for this woman.
NOW TO DISCUSS SOME OF THE PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED GIFS!
Okay so it was really just one GIF. I can't find the rest of the GIFs.... TBD... ANYWAY I didn't realize until last night that this GIF takes place during the scene where Aragorn believes that he has failed in summoning the Army of the Dead and exits the mountain to see the forces of Mordor congregating on the Anduin next to Gondor. Heartbreaking :(
Another scene that brought tears to my eyes and sent shivers down my spine was the one where Aragorn receives Anduril from Elrond (as well as news of Arwen). There are no good GIFs of it that I can find on Google but I do have this (which really doesn't do it justice, I highly suggest searching the clip up on YouTube):
This whole scene was just utterly empowering. You can see Aragorn coming into his own as heir to the throne of Gondor, you can feel his growing power and the shot where he pull Anduril out of the scabbard is masterfully shot and choreographed. Although in the books Aragorn does receive Anduril in The Fellowship of the Ring and not in the Return of the King, I believe this rewrite was perfectly written, planned, and implemented. The whole sequence of the reforging of Anduril, Arwen's recitation of the famous poem that we first encounter at the beginning of the first book,
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be the blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.
and Aragorn receiving it from his mentor Elrond and pulling it out of its sheath is awe-inspiring. The poem itself, every time I encounter it, brings tears to my eyes. This scene gives me hope. It makes me strong. Everyday I try to be like Aragorn. He is one of my foremost role models. I know that if I'm acting like Aragorn would act, I am doing the right thing.
Professor Tolkien's writings, and the thousands of subsequent artists who adapted his work so wonderfully and perfectly, hold a very special place in my heart. I think that they will for the rest of my life.
I believe we've come to the end of this update. I'm ending on a more somber and serious note this time. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading. As you can probably see, Tolkien is a topic I am always willing to discuss at length. I'm really excited to watch the second part of ROTK (the last part of the entire LOTR trilogy!!) and I will make sure to post an update on here when I do. Hoping to see an epic conclusion! Until then, "Forth Eorlingas!" my friends! Take care of yourselves and stick around. I hope to talk to you all again soon! :)
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Screw whatever Amazon’s doing, I want a tv show about King Elessar’s time on the throne beginning immediately after his coronation. I want to know how he handled the clean up of Gondor and which advisors he disliked the most but couldn’t fire because they were very good at their jobs. I want to know how he and Faramir got along as King and Steward vs as friends, and if they indeed even became friends at all or if they avoided each other entirely outside of work (you can love your King and still dislike him, though I think their personalities are similar and compatible enough that they’d be friends)
I want Queen Arwen and I want little Prince Eldarion and I want Imrahil to be involved in some way since he wasn’t in the films. I demand Fellowship dinners and Merry and Pippin getting everyone but Legolas drunk and then Aragorn waking up hungover on the day of a pretty important meeting (+ I want Faramir both teasing him about it and subtly helping him through said meeting)
I want Elboron and I want Eowyn’s adjustment to Gondor/Ithilien (whether she was liked or disliked) and I want Eomer’s son and I want family visits to/from Rohan. I want Eomer figuring out how to be King (he wasn’t the heir to the throne until Theodred died! There is no reason he’d have been taught the same things his cousin was, no reason he’d have been prepared to take the throne! I think he was a wonderful King but he sure as hell got tossed right into it) and on that note I want Aragorn giving Eomer advice
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Besties watch me learn how to reality shift just so I can strangle Denethor. I am THIS CLOSE 🤏 THIS FUCKING CLOSE and I just think that bashing his head against the wall of the citadel a few times is the best way to quite literally hammer the point into his ridiculously thick and empty skull
FARAMIR IS BRILLIANT! HE IS WONDERFUL AND YOU HIT THE JACKPOT WITH SUCH A SON BUT YOU CHOSE TO BE AN ABUSIVE FUCKBAG! YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW UNBELIEVABLY LUCKY YOU ARE TO HAVE HIM
Anyways this is my official notification to Denethor son of Ecthelion, Steward of Gondor: I will find a way. I will. And once you burn (again) I will be filing adoption papers because clearly you cannot be trusted to parent a goldfish let alone an amazing and kindhearted man
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“Would you punch me for a billion dollars?”
Pippin: Would you punch me—
Pippin: ...for a billion dollars?
Pippin: You answered before I could finish the question
Merry: Well, you irritate me quite a lot recently. Would you punch me for a billion dollars then?
Pippin: Of course not
Merry: Oh...well now I just feel bad for saying yes
Arwen: Would you punch me for a billion dollars?
Éowyn: I can try, I don’t want to be arrested for punching the lady of rivendell though
Legolas: Would you punch me for a billion dollars?
Aragorn: Can I buy swords with that money?
Aragorn: Then yes
Faramir: Would you punch me for a billion dollars?
Éomer: I don’t think you know how strong my punch is. But you can punch me though, then we can split the money. Good thinking right?
Frodo: Would you punch me for a billion dollars?
Sam: Absolutely not
Frodo: But it’s one billion dollars!
Sam: No, Frodo
Frodo: Aw come on, really? Just one punch!
Sam: Not a chance
Tauriel: Would you punch me for a billion dollars?
Sigrid: I’d deck you for a penny if you keep bothering me
Tauriel: Now that’s just sad
Bofur: Would you punch me for a billion dollars?
Nori: I’d bang you for a billion dollars
Bofur: ...That’s just not at all what I asked
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If you're doing any of those "open me" requests still, could I ask for a Pippin one? As for things to say, uhm.. maybe something to help someone feeling anxious? Thank you so much💙
I hope that whatever you are passing through eases and you can take a breath of fresh air in peace :)
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Pippin: If anything goes wrong, fake a heart attack.
Merry: What are we thinking? The classic Angina of something sexier, like a Myocardial Infarction?
Pippin: Just drop to the ground and wiggle.
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OC designs 2/10
(These were all made on Picrew, https://href.li/?https://picrew.me/image_maker/565738) These squads featured more prominently in the Clone Wars Senior Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi series, but they have also had smaller cameos in the Vopak AU series. I will give short information about them in this post, but if you search on this blog using their squad name, you will get more detailed information about them.
Victor squad - batchmates:
Corporal Glim (CT-1291) - is assigned to 41st Elite Corps. Short brown hair, right-side of face scarred from being on the edge of an explosion. Glim can be quiet, but also loud, no one personality can describe Glim.
Sergeant Delightful (CT-2112) - is assigned to 41st Elite Corps. Military regulation black hair with a scar across his nose. Delightful got his name because he is not someone you want to talk to before he has had two cups of caf in the morning.
Sunny (CT-1921) - is assigned to the 13th ‘Iron’ Battalion. Military regulation blonde hair and clean shaven. He was named for his blonde hair and his sunny disposition.
Flycatcher (CT-2253) - is assigned to the 212th Attack Battalion, Ghost Company, Waxer’s platoon. Clean shaven and slightly shaggy, short dark brown almost black hair. Flycatcher is my little cinnamon roll who must be protected at all costs (but a cinnamon roll who can and could kill you if the need arises). Flycatcher got his name because he caught a fly in the mess, the fly was still alive and so he let it go outside. He also loves all types of creatures and if he was allowed, he would be hiding as many small animals in his bunk as he could.
Blackeye (CT-2121) - is assigned to the 212th Attack Battalion, Ghost Company, Waxer’s platoon. Short scruff beard and military regulation black hair. He also has a black circle painted around the right eye on his helmet. As has been stated in fics, he is very protective of those he considers family. Aggressively protective. Which very much includes Obi-Wan.
Papa squad - batchmates:
Painkiller (CT-1619) - is assigned to the 212th Attack Battalion as a medic. He has regulation cut black hair, clean shaven and with a small tattoo on the top right side of his forehead of the medic symbol. Painkiller is the hardass of the medics. If you try to say you're fine when you are not. Painkiller will make you clean up your own blood if you have left a mess in the Medbay. One of his best friends is fellow 212th medic, Needle. (I found a picture of the medic symbol and pasted it onto Painkiller’s picture.)
Plates (CT-1612) - is assigned to the 212th Attack Battalion. He is bald and clean shaven. He works in the mess and kitchen of the Negotiator. While he is quite a friendly person, if you annoy him you will be served disgusting slop for breakfast, lunch and dinner for a few days.
Pippin (CT-1691) - is assigned as a pilot in the 104th Battalion. He has short red hair and is considered the most chaotic one in the batch. Painkiller has spent most of his life worrying about Pippin, the fact that Pippin is in a battalion without anyone from his batch is very concerning for Painkiller. Pippin likes to joke that he and Painkiller are twins because of the last digits in their CT numbers being reversed (91 and 19), Painkiller does not approve of this. No Pippin, they are not twins!
Pace (CT-1635) - is assigned to the 91st Mobile Reconnaissance Corps. He has buzz cut black hair. His partner in crime is Pax, they make Painkiller worry about them and their slight chaotic tendencies, but they are not as bad as Pippin.
Pax (CT-1624) - is assigned to the 91st Mobile Reconnaissance Corps. He has longish brown hair. Pax is the slightly more dramatic one out of him and Pace. Secretly likes musicals and will dance around humming or singing to himself when no one is watching. Pace is definitely watching and records him.
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judeau my beloved
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Angel Dominic <3 <3 <3 <3
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Pippin, to himself: you can buy two (2) candies
Pippin: *spots 17983621 gummy bears stuffed into a bear-shaped container*
Pippin: this is one candy
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You get to put the word "Fuck" anywhere you like in The Hobbit or LOTR, however you may only use it once. Where do you put it?
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