#plan medical disability

[vvictuss]

so im totally pro therapy but we should really talk about therapist abuse outside of inappropriate relationships/direct SA because the other stuff will supremely fuck you up too man. like this guy came into my life when i was a severely psychotic and vulnerable teen with a genuinely impaired grasp on reality and 4-5 years later he’s handing me a loaded handgun at a park. if i had known what to look out for, maybe it wouldn’t have gone so far and led to the more common types of therapist malpractice. maybe i could’ve spent those years actually healing instead of getting pulled into codependent insanity with him

fuck u allen you fuckibg creep weirdo. go to mormon hell. i wish the heart attack had booked you

#planning on making a post about some warning signs later #??? #???:3 #therapy #therapist #therapist trauma #mental health #bipolar 1 #schizoaffective #trauma recovery #recovery #sa mention #vent post #mental health awareness #psychology #abuse of authority #abuse recovery #medical malpractice #disabled

[petiolata]

Going to see a new specialist today. Mentally preparing myself to be mansplained and gaslighted, maybe treated to completely unconcealed disgust over my minor bodily imperfections.

Like yeah it might go fine and they might be qualified and treat their patients decently, but it's such a tossup even with a woman doctor, and with a male doctor it's been like...99% of them have been an ass in some way.

So, best to expect the worst. Then the blow doesn't sting as much when it's given. And if it's not, holy shit, what a pleasant surprise.

#chronic illness #chronic disability #disability #chronic pain #autoimmune disorder #medical abuse #medical malpractice #medical neglect #ableism #op #personal #this is why I'm breaking my NaNo schedule for today and planning to write in the evening

[honey-dont]

heartbreaking: guy who hates making phone calls forced to make several phone calls

#trying to juggle all my medical appointments and filing for disability and trying to secure housing and preparing for an interview #all while my spine feels like it’s in micky’s dick smasher #i can’t even do comms for extra cash like i was planning to lmao #david.txt

[thedisablednaturalist]

Theyre going to put me in the fucking tube again!!!!

^^^Doctors dragging me away to the MRI room after not believing I have spine problems yet again

#wrenfea.exe #at least the copay is less with this insurance than my previous one #sigh #degenerative disc disease #chronic disability #chronic pain #spoonie #disability #i hate MRIs they have to give me medication bc i have severe claustrophobia #i hate the tube i hate it #its loud and scary and dark and small #why cant they just look at my previous doctors records #i was on a treatment plan that worked why do i have to start over #bc they dont want to read a 155 page document?

[arctic-hands]

I learned what a bullet journal was by watching a few YouTube artists set theirs up and my algorithm spiraled out of control from there so I guess I have all the bujo influencers to thank for getting into it because it has been a godsend so far on my third attempt, but damn if the over emphasis on aesthetic over the actual practical organizational aspect of it doesn't rankle me a bit

[thirty rambling tags later] huh. I didn't know there was a thirty tag limit in all the years I've been on tumblr. Whatevs I can't copy paste the tags onto the main body because I'm on mobile and I don't want to write it out again so I'll just summarize the last bit here:

If you are browsing the bujo tag because you feel bullet journaling will help you but you feel intimated because you don't think you can make it look pretty, or that the bullet journal method could never help you because it looks exhausting or the inspo you see doesn't cover what you need, I am pleading with you to ignore all the pretty inspiration, take the most common and even original Ryder Carroll formats and spreads with a grain of salt and eliminate or change them as needed, and talk to people who have similar needs than you even if they don't bujo and suss out what's important to keep track of. My bujo is eighty percent important medical bullshit, because that's what I need more than a book tracker. You prolly have your own unique needs. And hell, if you want a book tracker then add a booktracker. It's your bujo to format and plan out.

So like if you want to start bullet journaling, go to Michaels and get a seven dollar Artist's Loft dot grid journal. Or a binder you have left over from school years past and print out your own dot grid paper if you have enough ink and paper and printer that can do double sided (Kevin McLeod's site I forget the name of has free adjustable dot and other grids I've used), or buy a pack of 8.5x11 dot grid paper, and grab a crappy hole punch that just barely does the job. Get yourself a nice pen you think looks and feels nice in your hand and on the paper–or if that doesn't matter to you go get pack of Bics or even pencil if that's what you prefer (I use a pencil for things I can't have be permanent, like temporary meds or the dates of yearly vaccines). If you're twitchy about messing up then get the cheapest wite out they have (but don't worry about messing up especially if you're not even showing it off to anybody). A cheap yellow highlighter if you think it'll help. And a ruler if straight lines are important to you. I lost mine so I just wobble my lines now I don't care (and it's marginally easier to get a line adjacent to straight with a dot grid)

Anyway. If you want to bullet journal but don't know where to start or how to make it pretty or how to make it work for your needs, just try it in the cheapest way possible and rearrange the guts of the bujo as you see fit. And don't worry about the optics as long as you can make sense of your methods and writing.

(and for the love of God if you're bipolar don't make an hourly mood tracker yes our moods can and will fluctuate throughout the day but goddamn was that a bitch to log and abandoned a few weeks after inking it out)

#i see this with in regular journaling/diary circles too #people saying 'i want to start a bujo/diary but I'm not good enough at art ☹️' #like more power to you if you can make it pretty but it shouldn't be the primary emphasis especially with how useful it is #(it's especially depressing with just regular diaries and journals because like. you're under no obligation to share that shit with anybody) #I'm on my third bujo attempt because i got overwhelmed with my first two because i didn't know how to customize it with me and my needs #the most i got about symptom tracking was like a weekly layout checking off if the criteria was hit #and mood tracking was like daily smiley or frowny face in the corner #like my siblings in planning that is not enough for my chronically ill bipolar ass lol #i went way overboard my first attempt with just mood tracking. i planned it out HOURLY. every week #and that got overwhelmingly tedious and i use overwhelmingly deliberately. so i just stopped mood tracking #and then the whole thing got overwhelming so i stopped it entirely #gave it another shot because my method of scheduling things and symptom tracking was to write appointments and symptoms on post its #and pray they didn't fall off and i could remember where i even put them #and i see a lot of doctors so that was a LOT post its to keep track of #so i did another bujo but had the same problem as lack of resources and inspo and how to make it work for my needs #plus future logs were hard to parse AND i often felt too tired to lay out a new month or two every time #so like there were just whole months and the symptoms and appointments within just missing and i might as well not even have a bujo #so i stopped that one too #FINALLY after a little bit more watching Ryder Carroll and looking at prefab medical planners that were still woefully inadequate #AND MORE IMPORTANTLY talking to my fellow chronically ill. mentally ill. disabled. or all three. friends on what i should jot down #i finally got a system that worked for me thus far #i got rid of even staples like future logs and just laid out a monthly calendar format because that was easier FOR ME #and i laid out the year in advance so i could still have the scheduling part of i was too tired to do entire layouts at the beginning of the #month #my mood tracker was merged with my symptom tracker and turned into a symptoms *list* #with a section for every specialist i see. mood stuff just went under psych/therapist #also i switched to a binder format instead of a bound book for even more flexibility #i can easily remove things i no longer need. i can rearrange what goes in what section. i can easily add more to a section before the next #bujo #bullet journal

[bbreaddog]

.

#personal #the boy had big surgery day yesterday #vet check up this morn #and then of course we had planned on going to grandparents’ house for lunch which is an hour away #I really wanted to stay home with him but I am one person and my parents are two #majority rules etc #I was supposed to call the vet this arvo to give them an update on how he’s progressing but #what update can we give if we haven’t seen him all day? #and it took so long to get mum in the car to go home after lunch bc she’s very much undiagnosed adhd #and I was trying so hard not to burst into tears from the amount of stress I’ve had the past few weeks #and now that I’m home with the boy sleeping it up after some much needed tlc #I can’t even fucking cry when I have the space to now #and somehow that feels worse #i’d just started my disability support pension claim yesterday too #and there are so many different clinics i have to catch up with in order to get all my medical evidence for this claim #and I’m so overwhelmed #I’m so overwhelmed #there’s so many things to do #there’s so many things to worry about #and the stress is not fucking good for my heart #I’m so afraid of ending back up in hospital again #i feel so out of control of my own life #i feel too young and too old at the same time #i feel like i have so many responsibilities to tend to and being completely unqualified to do so #where do i start? WHAT do i start? #life is so fucking hard #i wonder why i still want to do it #because despite all this i still do want to do it #it makes so little sense #when does it start to make sense? does it ever start to make sense at all?

[bananonbinary]

hey i saw your tags on the mental health walk post and i have major Sensory Issues that can be exacerbated by being outdoors (and am literally allergic to uv lmao), if it's not weird can i ask what flavor of spd stuff you're dealing with? i have some Techniques that may be useful if we've got overlap

hm. that's a bit of a difficult question, because i'm still sort of figuring it out? i went diagnosed for most of my life (which is insane cause it turns out its pretty severe lmao), and even now that i've been diagnosed, the doctors/therapists i've spoken to about it either have no experience in the area or are worse than useless, so i'm sort of piecing it together all on my own here.

the main obstacle for Outside is the sun. i don't LOVE all the other uncontrollable Stuff out there (wind, temperature, bugs, etc), but i can manage it okay. meanwhile i hate almost any light at all, and spend a lot of time in my room with the lights off and the curtain drawn, on my computer with a yellow light filter. i can hang out in the rest of the house without a problem as long as i can return to my dark room when i need it, but to go outside on a sunny day for more than like 10 minutes results in a full meltdown and often physical illness just in case i missed the memo that my brain Did Not Like It. i mean, i do it, because it's always worth it, but it takes like a whole week at least to claw my way back to my baseline again.

i would love to hear about your techniques even if you don't think they're very applicable, like i said i'm sort of in the dark about "normal" coping and treatment for the whole condition. my current coping techniques consist of a weighted pack i wear around my neck that my mom made (which does help a lot, i wear it every time i leave the house), and taking benedryl until it knocks me out of an overstimulation spiral and i can pass tf out for the comedown.

#i went to OT for a bit and they just wanted to talk about basic adhd techniques for children #like no maam im not having trouble making plans. the world makes my head explode #no one believes you can go so long undiagnosed so no one is willing to tell me how to manage as an adult #in the medical community i mean not other disabled ppl #not mentioned coping technique: my mom had these suuuuuper dark colored glasses (like. real shitty and disposable like old 3d glasses) #that she needed for some vision therapy ages ago #i yoinked them when she was done #i wear those in the car but its not very useful for walking around outside cause i cant see shit lol

[mythicalcoolkid]

If I had a nickel for every time I had to watch "I can't believe they're doing this!! This is heinous, who could have seen this coming?! <thing a minority group repeatedly and explicitly said would happen if x other thing went unchallenged>" I could afford to live somewhere with fewer human rights violations

#m/cc #negative #'transition and abortion restrictions I understand but criminalizing transition and overturning Roe v Wade?!' #'and NOW talking about overturning gay marriage?! and interracial marriage??' #woah maybe if you'd listened to the trans people who said heavy transition restrictions were setting a dangerous precedent on #bodily autonomy and LGBTQ rights you could've maybe made a plan for what to do if these things were proposed #this is also specifically about everyone shocked and horrified that medically assisted death is being pushed on people with depression #WE TOLD YOU THIS. WE TOLD YOU EVERY TIME THAT IT WON'T BE USED ALL IN GOOD FAITH #DISABLED PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING THIS FOR DECADES. YOU HAVEN'T BEEN LISTENING #THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS when you ignore disabled people's warnings about eugenics because you're not disabled #EVENTUALLY IT WILL EFFECT YOU #and you will be shocked every time!! #eugenics will not stop at the smaller subgroup you aren't part of. it's the testing ground for tolerance #you think they're really like 'oh trans people are gross but gay people are a-ok' or 'the person who's terminally ill deserves to die (!!) #but certainly not the person with painful cancer treatment #or permanent disability #or chronic illness #or serious long term mental health problems #or intellectual or cognitive disability #those people OBVIOUSLY can find quality of life still. it's ONLY these specific people that should be offered death as a solution' #I'm just exhausted. I feel like my voice is hoarse from screaming about this. conservatives do not see a difference between #killing a future baby via 'sterilizing' HRT or surgery and abortion or birth control #or gay people vs trans people as a risk to children #ableists see 'no possible quality of life' in both constant unbearable physical agony without ease and in treatment resistant depression #no difference between the prototypical Right to Die patient and someone who can absolutely have high quality of life #and with the last one any US people who didn't see this coming have never dealt with the US healthcare system long-term #when I took my medical and healthcare ethics course I was So uncomfortable because it was. so clearly written by someone not a part of it #'hospitals would never WANT someone to use euthanasia.' I can think of five reasons off the top of my head for why they would #politics #current events

[monty-glasses-roxy]

Oh ya know, most of my ideas feeling tired and boring is probably because I haven't like. Just chilled and done whatever for a while. Been stressing over this gecko and am not likely to get to stop doing that until after the health check. Thankfully there's not as much to do now, but it still feels like a lot to do.

#i don't think this is the right medication for me ngl cause this is harder than it needs to be #but it also could be the overwhelming nature to this #the part where getting a new pet hasn't been exciting it's just been stress after stress #and no one is listening to me about stuff and I'm relying on being awarded disability benefits #to be able to get the money to replace the tank to the appropriate size #with the appropriate design for a house with cats #which is pushing things that i myself need back because i can't afford both #AND it's forcing the hand and making me HAVE to do things which is putting so much pressure on me #and then bosh is still here and i still have to work with him cause no one else will #apparently he's not leaving anymore so thanks now i have MORE to do #and just!!! everyone has thrown a grenade at my plans and progress!!! #and now that I'm struggling AFTER I've been succeeding? WELL GUESS WHAT PEOPLE ARE EXPECTING FROM ME #i just. god. #everything's gone... so fast... #i can at least do the digital stuff now. maybe some of the tank stuff... #cause that's a desperate case too... i just... god... i had plans and they were going well #and i was struggling yeah but i was coping but then everyone just. GOD I HATE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE #'why are you always getting at me?' BECAUSE YOU KEEP IGNORING MY NEEDS FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE #AND FOR THE EXPECTATIONS OF OTHERS #OBVIOUSLY #I'm not even mad at the gecko. I'm scared to say I love him. it's not his fault whats going on. #the only innocent here #hhhhhhhhhhhh sorry to personal ramble here I'm just. struggling. #and mum bought crickets. great. not like there were fifty reasons why we didn't have them before or anything. #cool. #fun. #get me out of here fucking hell I'm tired #I'll be happy once geck is safe with all his needs met. until then I'm stuck in purgatory. #and freaking out over nothing (waxworms that obviously move)

[dinaniktorl]

Hiii hello logging in to remind you to ship Harvey and mr.Owl

Mr. Owl must have given his personal arsenal of weaponry to Harvey when he died.

Knives.

Pistols.

The fucking. Tit clippers.

And matches, as a treat <3.

#theyre keeping me stable #i have college homework piling up AND i have to work as a teacher to other anklebiters #also i need to plan when to play my dnd sessions anD ALSO when to go to a doctor(s) #and i need to go to the library and ask for new set of books for my project #BECAUSE APPARENTLY i can't write about teaching disabled without a medical degree #and i have to plan two month in advance to buy train tickets to visit my partner right after the New Year #can you see im going mental #the fucking fish and a bird bring me so much joy #i WILL write more about the rusty lake lore #i just don't have enough spoons #but i am researching! reading about the african masks and christianity at the moment

[smokeys-house]

It will never not upset me that my brother's friend gets to live off a huge budget bc he tweaked his back a teeny bit in the military but because I was born with an illness that developed over many years and did not join the military I'm just supposed to suck it up and work myself to death I guess.

the man literally plays full contact sports for fun and has full mobility. I can barely work an 8 shift as a custodian and am regularly disabled. which one of us gets paid a living wage hmmm

#smokey talks #looking into disability stuff rn. union rep figured it might be an option for me but its really not looking like it #theres this thing where they can find me a job but they still need to fogure out whats wrong with me and #its not a guarantee that ill get benefits or anything either. it feels so unfair #i dont have time or money to solve my medical mysteries. i need them solved in order to get the time and money though #so unless a benevolent doctor angel comes by and gives me a magic diagnosis im just 'sick' #vent post #hes literally planning a cross country vacation and unemployed but has like 2x my income

[lupismaris]

I'm just gonna complain in the tags tw medical stuff tbd etc

#its the final stretch and i refuse to will anything into this universe other than this is the final stretch im having treatment and it ends #this is the end of this here and now i will not continue to live like this i cannot continue to live like this i cannot carry this fatigue #any further genuinely i cannot its not a matter of will not anymore i just... i cannot. im legitimately still hiding at the office #despite everyone else having gone home because it takes too much effort to gather my things and walk to my car and im afraid of falling #i forgot my cane at home and its cold and my body struggles with temperature regulating and seizes up so badly #but the fatigue has finally reached a point where its hard to lift my bag or put my coat on or my jewelry without help #or walk across the parking lot just to get to my car and its not like the usual hey we have to adjust to new level of disabled #it's fatigue kneecapping you put of nowhere with a tireiron until you can barely loft your bag or fix tea or prepare dinner #and the fact the all the joy of food has been robbed from me because everything takes so much goddamn effort now #everything takes ten more steps and an hour more planning and special ingredients and yes i know lots of people live like this always #but i haven't and its been a forced short term adjustment period with absolutely no support from medical professionals #and im the only cook in my household/family/immediate social circle so all the labor inevitably falls on me not out of malice #but by default even if they try to help they can only do so much because they dont know what to do #i am literally on the verge of a meltdown just thinking about how much effort dinner is going to take because i cant just #eat a fuckin box of easy mac or ramen with an egg and go to bed no I've got to make a special soup with special ingredients #or a proper balanced meal with protein and veg and whole grain and certain seasoning #and im just so fuckin tired im so goddamn tired if this radiologist doesn't come back and say i can eat freely come Friday #i genuinely dont know what im going to do #food is one of my greatest joys and to be limited even in such bizarrely simple ways requiring so much excess labor #is too much. its too much on top of all this hypothyroidic fatigue. i cant do it. #i dont want to go home and make a fuckin soup. i want pizza. i want take away. i want lamb curry and rice. i want food i dont have to cook. #god im so fuckin tired my body feels so ancient like something wrecked in the seabed being involuntary hoisted to the shallows again #and im not sure its going to survive the process. i mean it has to. we dont have a choice. but fuck.

[ask-mrxmts]

//uhHh gunna go on a small hiatus due to not having internet+other (ill expln in the tags c/tw vent/rambling)

#// i owe like 300+ for my internet ($200+ to reactivate) reason i havent been able to pay it was due to paying rent/bills/groceries/gas #and medication(for my partner) and weve applied to a better job but we need funds to pay for the livescan to continue/finalize the hiring #process but sadly we wont be able to pay rent this month due to some circum's sothats sm ;u; #and aside from all that both of us going thru heavy depression and mental fog #we want to hang out w irl friends but feel like we cant cuz were always broke (our friends still live w their parents/have a safety net) an #we feellike a buzz kill cuz we cant pay for our own meals or afford to go out in general just feeling left out causing us to be depressed #and not wanting to go out/be invited out #we had one friend lecture us abt money when its like dude you&gf pay $200 in rent to ur parents; we live together(w my retired/disabled MIL #and we pay rent household bills groceries gas car stuff medication we get paid bi weekly so like first/ending monthweek checks are for rent #and the mid week check we have to save accordingly for rent but were cured w the pharaohs curse cuz whenever #we have money that we plan to get alil smth for ourselves something goes wrong w the car #like we cant do shit and honestly it feels like someones praying on our downfall or smth cuz its every fkn time we cant catch a break #so yeaa gunna go on hiatus dunno how long tho but wont be too long but i will still be drawing so maybe expect some art dumps #ily guys thank you for putting up w me i dont ghost on purpose im just always depressed and need to be distracted or else the urges comebac #trying to be okay but its hard but i need to grow up #//i have my parents but theyre going to financial hardships too so they cant help and my sisters cant help cuz older sis started a family #amd my twin sis lives w my parents #my mom started working but hadda stop due to having a grapefruit sized tumor on her ovary (which is the other main reason4 my depression #and dad could care less abt my moms condtion (hes the reason for her suffering but ahe refuses to leave him #vent post #sorry went off on a tangent #but istg if i lose my mom im going to fkn hurt him cuz i already lost my dad (my FIL) and i will not be able to mentally recover #like i was there when we got the phone call (couldnt be at the hosptial due to covid reg.) i dont ever want to go thru that heartache again #edit if youd like to help me out i have comms open and i have a cshpp if ur feeling generous ;; $altereghost

[dailyrandomwriter]

Day 332

I appreciate my family doctor, if for no other reason than making sure my dumb ass doesn’t make things worse.

The fun (insert sarcasm here) thing about being chronically ill is that sometimes you don’t really know if you’re sick, or you’re just having an off day, and if you’re really bad sometimes you try to ignore it when it’s not yet affecting you.

I can almost hear Were-Ah screaming at me in the background as I type this.

Fun fact, what made me go to the ER the first time this happened was that I was staring down at my dishwasher and thinking, “I can’t comfortably bend over anymore… huh.. This means I cannot look after myself, I should take myself to the ER.”

I was later told that I had a very blase attitude about that whole event, and seeing as I sent Were-Ah a picture with my IV line typing “Guess where I am?” She’s not wrong about that. 

Anyhow, I had been keeping a close eye on myself because for the past two years my body has decided it cannot handle whatever shit my inners are giving them anymore resulting in an infection about every six months. Though last time it was five months… So when I saw the signs I emailed my doctor and said, “so this is happening, but I’m still mobile, and comfortable should we nip this now or later.”

The child part of me hoped the word would be later.

My doctor is much better than me and said, let’s nip it now. Also bonus marks for my doctor who also wrote “and let’s hope it’s 7 months next time!”. Well, one of us is hopeful at least. So I will probably have to head to the pharmacy later for pills.

Oh right… I also have to revamp my work schedule again.

#disability #chronic illness #medication #meds again #I just realized I should just start making a plan about this with my manager

[madigoround]

Something happened at work and I don’t even have the words to ramble about how upset I am about it I just feel so defeated and I don’t know what I can even do or why someone in a position of power would choose to do this to someone like as human beings

#I’ll talk about it later but broad strokes my friend who has similar mental health issues as me has been fighting to get disability #accommodations at work that like aren’t even really an ask they’re things that other people are allowed to do without accommodations #the only thing that not everyone is allowed to do is have two telework days a week most everybody gets one and they’re requiring her to take #an all day state psych eval and release all her medical and mental health records to the company and kind of also therefore all other #employment through the state of Virginia because it’s a state job? and she has been diagnosed and getting medical treatment for years her #therapists have been fighting to get her these accommodations and talking with hr and hr and my boss (also her boss) have been saying if she #doesn’t do the evaluation and release all her medical records she’ll be fired and it’s discrimination and she’s planning on quitting before #the eval that they sprung on her for Friday but like this is a job where we defend people with mental health issues and you’re just going to #discriminate against mental health issues within your company? #if they made me do that I would have to quit I’m not going to let Virginia state jobs have access to my mental health records but also it’s #so shitty and it’s coming from HR and our boss so it’s not like she can go to HR about it f #other people in the office knew before me and have done nothing but say oh that sucks #maybe I did have enough words to ramble about it actually my bad #I’m going to cry about it I feel like but it’s not going to help anything and I just want to fix it #this isn’t how you should treat people #it’s disgusting and discriminatory

[yououghtaknow]

#ANDREW!!!!!!!!!!!!! #ANYWAYS. fucking hate the medical system. hate being mentally ill. hate being disabled. hate this life. #but at LEAST my parasocial bway besties are making good music #[everything is falling apart] [five minutes later] omg musical theatre #deleting so many tags because i have so much to say but i can't because of the [redacted] of it all #going to try and go for a walk and listen to music and try not to go insane #i love simultaneously oversharing and being a man of mystery. i am everything and nothing and so so special. #evening plans: walk. music. dinner. try and do a little creative work. sleep. #i have planned social things for the weekend so i am NOT isolating myself #i am doing all of the things i have been told to do to get better AND YET!!!!!!!!!! #it will be okay. at least i'm at my parents' house for the weekend so i can belt about it #anyways if my paranoia is Correct and my irls are reading this Hello. I Will Explain All Of This Eventually But You Probably Know What's Up #in many ways i am just like alistair fletcher but in many ways i am not. i contain multitudes. #ooh i should try and finish the current episode of my skambr annotations tonight. at this rate i will finish s1 by the end of the summer. #the thing about sandy neuman is she's sooooo flawed but in a way that is just like me (conflict avoidance and over/undersharing) #she would fuck with yellowjackets sooooooooo much. she's a soccer player she's a lesbian she has fucked up girlbestfriendships. #ANYWAYS. if you're still reading this hiiiiiii. going to feel the sun on my vampiric skin now. #Spotify