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lily-janus · 10 months

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Brothers, am I right?

Summary: a classic fight between a hero and a villain takes a rather... interesting turn.

Pairings: platonic Loceit, platonic Analogical

Warnings: guns, weapons, death mentions, violence (not very destcrictive), rivalry, blood mention.

Word count: 3,185

For day 2 of @loceitweek Masks/Chalk.

This is a fun superhero AU I felt like writing^^ hope you enjoy!

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Logan has fought many villains ever since he decided to use his powers for the greater good, in order to honor the memory of his late father.

But Logan won't be exaggerating when he said that Deceit was the worse one by far.

It's not that he was more powerful or smarter than his past enemies. No, he met Deceit at his best for the most part in those regards. What made him the worse villain Logan ever fought was simple, he could figuratively get under Logan's skin with nothing more than a single sentence.

It drove Logan crazy! They don't even know anything about each other's true identity and personal lives! And yet, it always seems as though Deceit can read him like Logan would easily read a book.

But, this time, Logan was determined not to let his sneaky way with words distract him. This time, Logan can't afford the mess up.

Because Deceit has decided to mess with forces he doesn't seem to understand, and Logan was the only one who can stop him.

It all started when he got an emergency signal from his - what would movies like to call - 'man in the chair', his scientist friend, Virgil.

He always helped Logan with either, figuring out his rival's next moves, making him useful gadgets, or simply just being a good friend and company to be around.

Logan always had a great appreciation for his intelligence and the brilliant way he tackled problems which allowed him to create some of the most unique weapons Logan has ever seen.

…just don't tell him any of that, every time Logan does it makes him uncomfortable even though these were merely facts.

Logan tasked Virgil with figuring out Deceit's next move, hoping he could finally be a few steps ahead of the sneaky villain.

So, when he got the emergency signal from him, he wasted no time and rushed towards their secret base fo find out what Virgil discovered.

"I received your signal, what is he planning to do?" Logan asked as soon as he stepped out of the elevator and caught sight of his friend.

Virgil was pacing and fidgeting with his lab coat, all signs of his clear distress, it must be bad then.

Upon hearing Logan's voice, Virgil froze in place and turned to look at him, biting his bottom lip idly. "It's… it's bad Logan, really really bad. I… I don't think anyone even tried something like that before… there's no telling what-"

"Virgil." Logan cut him off gently when he noticed Virgil started mattering to himself and spiraling deeper into his panic. "Slow down and tell me what you learned."

Virgil nodded, taking a deep breath, "somehow… Deceit found a way to take away powers… you know, turn them off."

Logan took his time to process that, it was the last thing he'd expected to hear from Virgil… and he wasn't sure how to respond.

"...how exactly is he planning to do that?" Logan settled on at the end.

Virgil went to his computer and typed a bit before projecting an image through the projector.

It looked like plans for some sort of weapon. "A machine that turns off powers?" Logan asked, just to be sure.

Virgil nodded, "it seems to be some kind of laser ray that alters the neurons in your body." He explained.

"Do we know what will happen for someone with powers if those would get taken away like that?" Logan asked next, as he examined closely the plans Virgil was projecting onto the wall.

"Yes… in theory at least. As I said, it's never been so much as experimented, all we have are scientific assumptions." Virgil said, starting to pace again to burn some of his nervous energy. "People with powers, like you, Logan. Their bodies work differently than those without. Studies show that the very basics of functions in your bodies rely on the powers you were born with." He stopped for a bit, letting that sink in a little.

"So taking the powers away, or turning them off…" Logan pieced it together out loud

"Could very much have the same effect as losing blood, or a heart… it could mean death, Logan." Virgil finished for him, and the gravity of the situation was finally fully realized for Logan.

Logan swallowed, "I have to stop him, do we know if he completed the weapon yet?"

Virgil shook his head with a grimace, "we don't know for sure where he is in the process of making this weapon, but I did manage to find out where he's building it. You're gonna have to sneak in there and destroy it before he gets a chance to use it." He explained.

Logan nodded, he was fairly certain that Deceit didn't know… or didn't care about what kind of damage his machine can cause, and it was up to Logan alone to make sure it doesn't get used. He can do this… he has to.

"Okay, send me the coordinates and I'll be on my way-" he started saying, but Virgil cut him off with a light chuckle.

"Hold your horses there, mister Save-The-Day, you're not seriously about to go to the snake's lair unarmed, are you?" Virgil said with slight amusement.

Logan blushed in embarrassment, how could he forget something as basic as taking a weapon to a fight?

"...right, of course, that was… what I was about to say as well." Logan said in hopes of keeping his compuser.

Virgil rolled his eyes, "sure you did, Specs. Anyway, I prepared your usual weapon belt," Virgil walked to a table a few feet away from them with various devices and lifted a belt with Logan's most preferable choice of weapons and handed it to him. "And take this, my newest invention, it should paralyze anyone within 10 feet of the user for about 30 minutes. It should give you enough time to destroy the machine if you were to get caught."

Virgil threw him what looked like a clicker of some kind, he raised an eyebrow at Virgil, "should? Are you using me as your figurative lab rat again?"

Virgil shrugged, "how else am I going to test my newest weapons? You don't want me using innocent people and get arrested, do you?"

Logan knew by now that Virgil was just being sarcastic, but the mental image still bothered him a little. "Fair point, thank you, Virgil, I couldn't ask for a better friend." Logan offered him a slight smile.

Virgil fidgeted in place uncomfortably, blushing, "...just don't die, okay?"

"I don't think I would be given much choice in the matter-"

"Logan!" Virgil protested.

"Okay, sorry, I won't die today, I promise to do everything in my power to prevent that." Logan relented and he could see the relief in Virgil as his shoulders slumped and he nodded.

"Good… good luck out there… and punch that snake in the face for me!" Virgil called after him as he left.

…

He arrived at the location Virgil sent him and saw an abandoned warehouse.

Cautiously, he moved inside, being wary of traps or cameras Deceit might have installed.

His powers allowed him to hear others thoughts as well as moving things with his mind and turning invisible, which was what he did now in case someone was watching the place.

There was nothing in the first floor, as far as Logan could tell, so he went up the stairs to the next. They were a bit squeaky, though, and Logan looked around frantically, hoping no one noticed.

When nothing happened, he continued on his way.

Now this floor looked more like Logan expected, different tools and machinery scattered about on tables, and when he reached the center, there was a large object covered in a white sheet.

Watching his steps and looking around carefully, Logan walked closer to what seemed to be the machine Virgil was telling him about.

Something felt off, though, it was too easy and obvious, it felt more like…

He stepped back at just the right moment before a net shot from the ground where he'd been standing and hang in the air.

A trap.

"Aww, you're no fun, I almost had you." He heard a familiar, sleek voice and turned around to find Deceit smirking at him.

He was wearing his usual yellow, snake skin, suit, with his mask that covered his entire face and only left the mouth, nose and eyes exposed. Half of the mask had scales in it, while the other was plain yellow.

"Deceit, this time you went too far." Logan hissed.

Deceit clicked his tongue, shaking his head, "oh Logic, Logic, Logic. That is what you always say. You really need to learn what fun means." He chuckled, walking slowly closer to Logan.

"I know what fun means, Deceit, it does not include hurting and killing people." Logan said angrily in response, "this machine that you're building can do irreversible damadge! Did you think about that? Or do you not really care?"

Deceit shrugged, "people die all the time anyway, so why aren't I allowed to have some fun out of it huh? Tell me." He smiled a sinister smile.

Logan growled in frustration, "you're not listening!"

"Well you're not captivating your audience." He rolled his eyes, "really, Teach, it's like you're not even trying to sound convincing."

Logan shook his, trying to get Deceit out of his head, trying to focus on his mission. Get in, destroy the machine, get out.

He turned invisible again and dashed towards the machine, pulling out his laser gun from his belt and preparing to shoot it at the device under the sheet.

But, as his first shot hit it… it vanished into smoke, together with the tables with tools.

An illusion.

But, by the time he turned around to face Deceit again, it was too late. Deceit had already pulled out his own gun and was pointing it directly at him.

"Surely you don't think I'm stupid enough to leave my toys laying around where every hero can walts in and ruin them?" Deceit said, amused.

Logan wanted to hit himself, of course he wouldn't… such a foolish oversight in his part, it was too obvious for someone as sneaky.

"Now, be a good boy and drop your gun if you please." Deceit drawled, sounding a lot more satisfied by the situation than Logan would have liked.

Gritting his teeth, Logan let go of his laser gun and kicked it towards Deceit, this was not looking good for him, he needs a new plan. But Deceit made it so hard for him to think!

"There we go, now that's much better, isn't it?" Deceit snikered, continuing to mock Logan.

Logan closed his eyes. This was it, he was about to break his promise to Virgil, he was going to die.

"Take off your mask." Deceit ordered instead of shooting.

Logan opened his eyes slowly to stare in surprise at the villain in front of him, "what?"

Deceit rolled his eyes, "I know you heard me, c'mon, you might not be the brightest but surely you're not deaf too?" He raised an eyebrow.

Logan swallowed, trying to figure out Deceit's objective here. "W-why?"

"I believe I'm the one with the gun here, I ask the questions, Logic. Take it off." Deceit said, sounding impatient.

Seeing no other choice, Logan grabbed the edges of his mask and slowly pulled it off, being careful around his glasses.

He didn't understand the situation, what could Deceit gain from this? Deceit never did anything if it wasn't in his own best interests. But only seeing Logan's face won't reveal his true identity. Not right away at least… unless they know each other without knowing it… could Deceit have found out something about Logan's true identity?

No… that's impossible… right?

Deceit drew a shaky breath as Logan tossed his mask aside.

"Impossible…" he mattered to himself, "how is this possible?" His hands started to shake around his gun, "L-Logan?" He asked with a sob.

Logan frowned, "do I… know you?" He tried hard to recognize Deceit's voice from his civilian life but nothing came to mind… What's going on here?

"You don't remember… of course you don't, they loved playing with our minds since we were kids…" Deceit continue to matter nonsense and Logan tried desperately to make sense of it.

Who's they? Play with our minds? His parents had mind manipulation powers but they'd never… would they?

"What are you talking about? W-who are you?" Logan asked, confused. Deceit was acting… strange, could this just be another one of his tricks? But for what? He already had Logan unarmed and unmasked, why would he need to trick him?

Deceit moved his hand and Logan flinched, thinking he's going to shoot him after all. But all he did was remove his own mask.

Underneath was a massive scar covering the left side of his face, one of his eyes were green while the other was chocolate brown, and he was looking at Logan with such longing and sadness that had Logan frozen to the spot.

"My name is Janus, I got kidnapped 15 years ago and was presumed dead ever since… I didn't think I had any family left… I barely escaped and have just been trying to survive ever since." Dece- Janus, explained, then lowered his gun with a sigh. "Logan… I'm your brother."

Logan shook his head frantically, "that's not possible, I'm an only child." He insisted, none of it made sense!

Janus let out an empty chuckle, shaking his head, "no, Logan, don't you get it? Our parents erased your memories of me." He countered, "they arranged for me to get kidnapped! They never approved of me, they thought my powers were too villainous, they were afraid of me…" he trailed off with another sigh, "who am I kidding? You're not going to believe a word I say…" he covered his face with his hand.

Logan thought briefly about escaping, Janus wasn't pointing his gun at him anymore and he was clearly deranged… but, a spark of curiosity at this strange behavior kept him where he was. Plus… there was something familiar about Janus… something he couldn't explain.

"...can you prove it?" Logan asked after a while of consideration.

Janus removed his hand from his face and stared at Logan with a spark of hope in his mismatched eyes, "what?"

"Can you prove we're related? …that you're my brother?" He couldn't believe he was asking that but, as crazy as Janus' story sounds… what kind of scientist would he be if he didn't at least test it out?

"Is our resemblance not enough?"

Ah, there's a familiar tone from the guy he's been fighting for the past few months, joking.

But Logan looked closely anyway, there wasn't anything he found to be very similar about their features and the massive scar on half of Janus' face wasn't helping…. But, his eyes.

One of them an earthy green, like Logan's… like his mother. And the other… the other a warm, chocolaty brown… like Logan's dad.

"No… it's a start though." Logan said as he continued to inspect the man in front of him, "anything more?"

Janus laughed lightly, shaking his head, "always so serious…" he thought for a moment, "well, I know you were always way too smart for your own good, you have a weird and pretty entertaining habit of taking things too literally, Agatha Christie is your favorite author… should I continue?"

Logan swallowed, shaking his head, "you could have learned that from Virgil somehow, tell me something only my brother would know and maybe I'll take your story into consideration." He tried desperately to keep his composure but the possibility of him having a long lost brother was… bothersome.

Janus sighed, "well, how about this then, I know that, deep down, you never wanted to be a hero."

The words seemed to hit Logan like a punch to his gut and he tensed, looking wide eyed at Janus. "N-no… you're wrong! I chose this path I-"

"Did you? Or did our parents make you think that this was the only path you can choose? I know you, Logan. We would often talk about it. You expressed to me your desire to simply live your life, instead of carrying the world's weight on your shoulders… you don't believe in heroes and villains, you never did." Janus insisted, walking slowly closer as he talked.

Logan was frozen to the spot… he never told anyone that… there's no way Janus could have found out… could he have simply guessed it? No, it's too accurate for a guess… but how?

"I… never told anyone… not even Virgil… how did you.." the words got stuck in his throat, this can't be true! But at the same time… it has to be true to make sense…

He didn't realize how close Janus got until he felt the light touch of his hand on his shoulder, Janus was smiling softly at him. "I missed you so much, Logan."

Logan pulled away slightly, just enough so he could feel like he could breathe again. "Hold on a moment… what about all this?" He gestured towards Janus' costume and where they were right now, "the damage you caused? The people you hurt?"

Janus raised an eyebrow, "name one person I actually killed or hurt beyond recovery. I told you, I'm just trying to survive, I'm supposed to be dead so can't really have a job, being a hero doesn't really pay and brings too much attention… The villain act was the only thing I could think of, it also helped a bit with the boredom." He laughed slightly, shrugging.

Logan narrowed his eyes, "and what about the weapon you're building?"

Janus waved dismissively, "a ruse to get you here, fed Virgil some incorrect information, wasn't hard. You were gaining on me too much and I just wanted to know who you are to get some advantage… didn't expect you to be my little brother though…" he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

"I see…" was all Logan can think of saying before he went quiet again.

"Does that mean… you believe me now?" Janus asked, looking hesitant but hopeful. "Can we stop fighting each other and go back to being brothers?"

Logan drew a shaky breath, "I… I don't know… I guess it's a start-" he was cut off by Janus crushing him with a hug, something Logan is not usually a fan of, but he found the embrace oddly familiar and found himself melting into it.

"I missed you… Logan, my little genius, I won't leave you again, I promise." Janus whispered softly in his ear, still refusing to let go.

"I think… I think I missed you too, in a way." Logan said, surprised at how true those words felt. My little genius… just like his father used to call him…

They stayed like that for a long while, neither wanting to let go ever again.

#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfic #loceitweek2023 #day 2 chalk/masks #Lily writes #cw gun mention #cw weapon #cw blood mention #tw death mention #cw violence #platonic loceit #platonic analogical #ts logan #ts janus #ts virgil

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fangirlwriting-stories · 10 months

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Protector

Chapter One

Chapter Thirty-Seven:

Janus woke up with a splitting headache that almost felt worse than the hole in his chest.

He groaned and pushed himself up, dropping his head in his hands and rubbing at his face.

Well, today was the backup to his pushed back deadline. He had to get out of his room sometime today. He’d have to find a way to deal with everyone’s hatred. He’d made Virgil and Remus put up with it for long enough, after all, and turnabout’s fair play.

And if Remus was right and Virgil really would be worried about him if he stayed in his room all day, then Janus wanted him to be focusing on anything else but that. He deserved a chance to recover. Besides, he could give Virgil plenty of space outside his room too.

Janus checked on Thomas in the corner of his mind as he climbed out of bed. Not any better than he was yesterday, not that that was a surprise. He wouldn’t really get better until Virgil returned.

Or, well, maybe that wasn’t entirely true. Thomas wasn’t really good, obviously. But he didn’t seem to be having breakdowns while smiling anymore, which was a definite plus.

He must have the others to thank for that. Janus was glad they were fixing things. Just because they weren’t going to be his family anymore didn’t mean he didn’t love them dearly. He’d just have to want good things for them from a distance. It would be fine.

Janus looked around his room, trying to find some excuse to hang out here for another couple hours. He’d be a lousy Deceit if he didn’t try and put off the inevitable for as long as possible.

Janus winced.

He was a lousy Deceit.

Well then.

Janus took a deep breath, snapped his clothes on because he was still feeling lazy, and walked over to his door. He took one more deep breath and pulled it open.

He was met with the surprised face of Patton who had held his hand up to knock, now just hanging in midair. Behind him were Roman and Logan, looking just as surprised.

For a good ten seconds, all of them just stared at each other.

Finally, Patton seemed to come to his senses with a jerk.

“Janus! Here, this—” he reached into a pocket and pulled something out. “This is for you!” He shoved a piece of paper at Janus’ chest, and Janus took it without getting a chance to really look at it.

He swallowed. “Okay. I’ll look at it later, if that’s okay,” he said, not surprised at how scratchy his voice came out. It had been a while since he’d talked.

“I— I think you should look at it now, Janus,” Roman said.

Janus squeezed his eyes shut. “Do we have to do this now?”

“We do,” Logan said firmly.

Janus sighed, and looked down at the paper.

He honestly hadn’t been sure what it would be. Maybe some kind of list of demands, or new boundaries they hadn’t wanted to say to his face.

He hadn’t expected a simple card. The front read “Ur Fam” and Janus opened it to find “ILY” written on one side and the four of them drawn on the other.

He looked up, trying to hide any emotion from coming through on his face. “What is this?”

“We just wanted to make something to make you feel better, kiddo,” Patton said.

“Why.”

“Janus,” Roman said softly.

“Honestly, just go,” Janus said, crossing his arms. “I don’t want to try and have this conversation, okay? We all know what’s going to happen.”

“We don’t know that, Janus,” Logan said. “It is impossible to know the outcome of events that have not taken place.”

“And yet the impossible is occurring,” Janus said with a cool glare, leaning against his doorframe. “Please don’t patronize me. Just go and do what you wanted to before you came here.”

“Janus,” Roman said, stepping forward and crossing his arms. “This is exactly where we all want to be.”

Janus gripped the side of the doorframe. “Don’t lie to me, Roman.”

“He’s not lying, Janus,” Patton said. “Could you please just hear us out?”

Janus didn’t say anything for a moment. He wasn’t exactly thrilled at the idea of talking with them all only to be inevitably disappointed when it went exactly how he expected it to go. But he probably owed them something of an explanation. And if this was going to have to happen eventually, it was probably better to get it all out of the way.

Janus sighed, long and exhausted. “Fine.”

He stepped back inside his room and walked over to lean back against his desk, letting the other three walk in. Logan came through last and closed the door behind them.

“What do you want to know then?” Janus asked, looking tiredly up at them.

“We’re not here to interrogate you, Janus,” Logan said.

“Then what do you want?” Janus asked, looking up at the ceiling.

“We’re here to check on you, kiddo,” Patton said softly. “We figured you’re probably not doing too good.”

“You don’t need to worry about it,” Janus snapped. “I’ll be fine.”

“Falsehood,” Logan said, raising an eyebrow.

“I will be fine,” Janus insisted.

“That is not what I was referring to, though I doubt that is true either.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Of course we need to worry about it,” Logan said. “You’re our family, Janus.”

Janus tensed.

“And that’s why we’re here too,” Roman said. “To make sure you know we’re not going to get rid of you just because you made a few mistakes.”

Janus grit his teeth. “Well, I didn’t realize you were all so exceedingly stupid then,” he hissed.

“Janus,” Patton said. “Stop it.”

“I did not make a few mistakes,” Janus said. “I made many large mistakes. Mistakes that badly harmed other sides and Thomas.”

“And ostracizing you would not remedy those mistakes,” Logan said, raising an eyebrow. “It would actually be quite a bad idea. It has not seemed to be successful in the past.”

“You misunderstand, Logan, that’s just a reason to get rid of the problem entirely,” Janus said, spreading his arms.

“You’re not a problem, Janus,” Patton said.

“Well I’m a failure then,” Janus said. “And it seems that it would be a much better idea to simply get rid of failures entirely.”

“You are not a failure,” Roman said firmly.

“Yes I am.”

“Janus—”

“Please do not twist facts just to make me feel better, Roman,” Janus said. “I am a failure. I failed to protect Anxiety and Remus, I failed to protect Thomas, and I failed to properly guard the others.”

“How does that make you a failure?” Logan asked. “I thought that part of your job was only to assess whether Thomas was ready to meet the others.”

“Yes, you thought that because I lied to you about it,” Janus snapped. “But I suppose I also lied to you about my function as a whole, so I guess I did part of my job alright.”

Well, maybe he shouldn’t have said that, because now everyone was staring at him. Or maybe he should have said that. Maybe this was how he got them to leave.

“Did I not mention that?” Janus said, rolling his eyes and trying to act like he didn’t care. “My original function was Deceit. I figured none of the core sides would really like having a side like that around, so I lied about it. Seems rather fitting.”

Patton made a wounded noise, which Janus was going to pretend didn’t sting. “You lied about it for fifteen years?”

“Yes, because I’m not a good side to have around,” Janus said. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. I lied about that and I lied about what my job was and then I tried to cover up all of those lies when Anxiety and Remus came here. And all of that caused all of this. So why don’t you all get rid of me and be better off for it?”

Patton took a couple steps across the room and wrapped his arms around Janus with no warning. Janus stiffened in surprise, but Patton just squeezed him tighter.

“Janus,” he said. “Didn’t you know we love you for you?”

Janus scoffed and pushed Patton off of him. “Oh stop it,” he said. “How naive do you think I am?”

“Janus you moron, you’re our family, not someone we’re interviewing to hire,” Roman snapped.

“Roman is correct,” Logan said. “You are not going to drive us away by telling us that your job is different from what we’ve thought.”

“I can’t drive you away by lying to you for as long as I’ve known you? What would it take, then?” Janus asked, rolling his eyes.

“A lot worse than anything you’ve done,” Roman said plainly.

Janus scoffed. “Get out.”

“Do you think we’re lying to you?” Logan said, raising an eyebrow.

“Of course you are. You can’t forgive me just like that.”

“And why is that?” Patton asked, putting his hands on his hips.

“I’ve done despicable things. I don’t deserve it.”

“It’s not about deserve, Janus,” Roman said. “And you can’t decide that for us.”

Janus looked between the three of them. “Try me.”

“Excuse me?” Logan said.

“I said try me,” Janus said, and he reached out and shoved all three of them from his room. He heard the beginnings of Patton crying “Wait!” before they were all gone.

Then he sat down at his desk and put his head in his hands.

…

Janus felt it when Virgil came back. Thankfully, he was holding up Remus’ end of the bargain, and he was down in the kitchen when it happened making something to eat. He did imagine Remus hadn’t exactly been suggesting that Janus sneak out in the middle of the night to do everything. But Janus was going to keep his room firmly locked unless some unforeseen circumstance happened, like Remus or Virgil or Thomas needed him. For some reason.

He did head up and look for Remus for this one reason, though. He imagined Remus would forgive him, just this once.

Janus knocked on his door, and it was less than two seconds later that Remus had opened his door and was glaring at him.

“I thought I told you—”

“Virgil’s back,” Janus said, pointing at the door right next to them.

Remus froze, and for a second Janus was almost sure he imagined a look of terror that flashed across his face.

“Remus?”

“Did I say you could speak?” Remus snapped, but his voice was shaking, and so were his hands, and now he was backing into his room and leaving the door wide open.

Well. This was a terrible idea.

“Remus, what’s wrong?” Janus asked, pushing the door open further as he walked into the room.

Remus shook his head, turning around to face away from Janus. “Can’t go see him,” he said, burying his hands in his hair and pulling again.

“Don’t do that,” Janus said, walking forward and pulling them down.

“I said don’t touch me!” Remus screamed, smacking Janus’ hand away.

“Why can’t you go see Virgil?” Janus asked, lowering his hands.

“It was my idea,” Remus said, turning and sitting down against the desk and burying his head in his hands. “The nails. It was my idea. Gave it to Malice when I was bored.”

Janus clenched his hands past the wave of guilt that hit him in the next second.

Get out of your own head. This isn’t about you right now.

“Okay,” Janus said slowly, trying to keep his voice even as he sat down across from Remus. “What does that have to do with going to see Virgil?”

Remus looked up at Janus like he was an idiot, and Janus took a minute to analyze Remus’ face, and found the guilt he saw in the mirror.

“Oh, Remus,” Janus said gently. “It isn’t your fault.”

“Shut up, you don’t know anything,” Remus snapped, burying his head in his knees this time.

“I do know that it isn’t your fault, Remus,” Janus said softly. “That’s too much to put on yourself. You can’t be held responsible for things that Malice did to Virgil.”

“But it was my idea,” Remus insisted. “I gave it to him.”

“Oh, and of course if you hadn’t done that, Malice would have had a complete change of heart and decided not to hurt Virgil at all. Right, that’s what would have happened.”

“Virgil wouldn’t have wanted to die,” Remus whispered. “He would be here.”

“Virgil is here right now,” Janus said softly. “I imagine if you wake him up he’ll be very happy to see you.”

“Or he could hate me because I hurt him,” Remus said, starting to rock back and forth. “And then the only person I’ve ever had would hate me and I’d be totally alone and no one would ever want me ever again—”

“Remus,” Janus said. He reached out and put a hand on Remus’ knee, and Remus jerked upright and stopped rocking.

“Don’t touch me! I told you don’t touch me!”

“I’m sorry,” Janus said, backing up. “I’m sorry, I was trying to help ground you.”

Remus hissed and buried his head in his arms again.

“Remus, please listen,” Janus said. “I know I’m not exactly your favorite side, but I’m who’s here right now, and you need to listen. You’re going to have a panic attack.”

“Fuck you,” Remus snapped weakly.

“Remus please, please look at me.”

There was a long pause, and then Remus slowly pulled his head up and looked at Janus.

“It is absolutely not, in no way, not in the slightest your fault,” Janus said. “No one is going to blame you. Especially not Virgil.”

“How do you know?” Remus said, glaring away, though he sounded more hesitant. “You don’t know anything about me and Virgil.”

Janus winced, but pushed the guilt firmly aside. “Remus, if Virgil can forgive the rest of the core sides, which a lot of his behavior seems to demonstrate he’s done, I doubt he’s even slightly mad at you.”

Remus hesitated, but that seemed to get through to him.

“Will you come see him, at least? I bet he’s ready to be woken up after a week of being gone.”

Remus was quiet for another moment, then finally he nodded. “Okay.”

Janus moved back and waited for Remus to stand up before he did the same, and then he followed Remus out into the hallway and to the next door.

Remus somehow managed to open the door completely silently, but then moved immediately across the room to Virgil’s bed and knelt down on it, and that was all it seemed to take for Virgil to shift and open his eyes.

And, thank Thomas, Janus had been spot on, because the second Virgil saw Remus he sighed in relief and reached up to pull him into a hug, with what looked like very weak arms too.

Virgil glanced over at the door and spotted Janus, which Janus took as his cue to go, and he turned and shut the door quietly after him.

He had one more thing to check before he went to hide back in his room, after all. And he was pretty sure giving Virgil and Remus a moment was the right move.

…

“Thomas?” Janus murmured, quietly just in case he was asleep, but he doubted it.

Sure enough, Thomas was sitting up awake in bed. He was also crying, which didn’t surprise Janus at all. This couldn’t be a fun experience.

Thomas looked up at Janus as he appeared and wiped at his eyes. “Hi Janus,” he said weakly. “How are you doing?”

“I’m fine,” Janus lied instantly, moving to sit on the bed next to Thomas. “I’m here for you right now.”

“It feels like Anxiety’s back,” Thomas said, rubbing at his chest.

“He is,” Janus confirmed. “Are you feeling better?”

“Define ‘better.’”

“Fair enough,” Janus said with a sad smile.

“Are you okay?” Thomas asked again.

Janus clenched his hands together behind his back. “I said I’m alright, Thomas,” he said.

“Are you sure?”

“Why… are you still asking?” Janus said, squeezing his hands together tighter.

Thomas stared at him. “Because your entire world just got flipped on its head, Janus,” he said. “Because I would be devastated and you’re part of me, and because I’m not okay.”

“Well that’s why I’m here,” Janus said, hoping Thomas would just take the hint. “What can I do to help?”

Thomas took a deep breath and wiped at his eyes. “I think I’d like a hug, Janus,” he said, giving Janus a knowing look that Janus did not like.

Janus tensed. “What else can I do?”

“Why don’t you want to do that?”

Janus bit his lip. “No reason in particular. I just think—”

“Is it because you’d like a hug too?”

Janus scoffed and crossed his arms. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“The others came to talk to me, you know.”

Janus swallowed. “Ah. I’m sure they exaggerated.”

“Oh, did they really?”

“Thomas, I’m trying to help you.”

“Janus. I want you to listen to me now please.”

Janus cursed his inability to deny Thomas something he wanted and sat back, glaring down at the blankets.

“Are you trying to push everyone away?” Thomas asked.

“I don’t understand why they wouldn’t want me to,” Janus muttered.

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“So what if I am? Why would you care? Why wouldn’t you want me to?”

“Janus,” Thomas said, a pained look in his eyes. “No one hates you.”

“Remus does,” Janus pointed out.

“Remus is different.”

“If you’re trying to say Remus and Anxiety are allowed to hate me then just say it.”

Thomas sighed. “Fine. Yes, Remus and Anxiety are probably allowed to hate you. But that doesn’t mean everyone does, and trying to push everyone away is just going to create more problems, Janus.”

“I already did that,” Janus snapped, pushing himself to a standing position. “I don’t understand why you think you can prevent more problems by keeping me around! Clearly I cause them! I’m trying to fix it for you! I’m trying to make up for the problems I caused!”

Thomas was quiet for a long moment, to the point where Janus stopped breathing heavily and started to worry.

“Thomas?”

“Janus,” Thomas said quietly. “To me it just seems like you’re trying to punish yourself.”

Janus didn’t have a clue what to say.

“I— I’m not—”

“You know that’s not a helpful reaction, right?”

“I—” Janus pulled his hat off so he could hold it to hide the way his hands were shaking. “Thomas, you— you don’t understand. They— I left them there.”

Thomas nodded. “Yes.”

“Why aren’t you angry with me? Why aren’t you screaming at me?”

Thomas gave Janus a pained look. “Could I say anything that would make you feel worse than you already do?”

“I—” Janus’ legs were shaking. “I—”

“Janus,” Thomas stood up and walked over to him, and held out his arms. “Come here.”

“No.”

But Thomas didn’t move, and Janus was pretty sure he was about to collapse, and he couldn’t think of a better place to do it than in between Thomas’ arms.

And he always had been selfish.

Thomas ran his hands through Janus’ hair, and before long Janus was pretty sure they were both crying, though he doubted Thomas could match the heaving sobs Janus was choking out.

Thomas made quiet shushing noises, and Janus hated how much they made him feel better.

“It’s going to be alright,” Thomas murmured.

“Thomas,” Janus managed. “They’re my boys. I left my boys.”

There wasn’t a good response to that and they both knew it, so instead Thomas just shushed him again and kept running his hands through his hair.

“Do you know why the others came to talk to me?” Thomas said after a minute. “They said they were worried you were going to succeed in isolating yourself. I— I didn’t really care then, because I couldn’t, but I do now.”

“Why,” Janus said. His voice sounded like he’d dragged sandpaper over his throat.

“None of us hate you, Janus.”

“I do,” Janus muttered, half on purpose.

Thomas made a wounded noise and tightened his grip.

“Please let us help you,” Thomas whispered.

“I’m supposed to help you, Thomas.”

“You’re part of me,” Thomas said. “I want to help you Janus, please.”

“Why?”

“Because I love you idiot,” Thomas said. “We all do.”

Janus shook his head, but didn’t say anything.

“Are you going to keep trying to push us all away?” Thomas asked.

Janus didn’t say anything.

“Janus? Are you going to stop hurting yourself?”

Janus just ducked his head down further.

“Please, Janus. I don’t want to see you hurt.”

Oh, now that was just mean.

“I’ll try,” Janus whispered.

All of the tension rushed out of Thomas’ body at once, and he sighed in relief and pulled Janus closer.

“Promise you’ll talk to the others?”

“Don’t push it, Sanders.”

Thomas gave a displeased huff, but left it there for now. And for a long while after, the two of them stayed there together.

...

Chapter Thirty-Eight

#sanders sides #janus sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #remus sanders #virgil sanders #that's right my boy has RETURNED #platonic moceit #platonic roceit #platonic loceit #platonic dukeceit #platonic anxceit #my fic

23 notes · View notes

pencilpat · 5 months

Text

Sanders Sides: College AU - Part 5

Logan finally has a talk with Janus. Virgil is noticing some changes to Patton's behavior that are a bit familiar. Janus realizes a heart can't stay closed forever with such insistent knockers on its door.

4,062 words

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Janus is practically dragging herself on her crutches as she tries to make it around the school. Over-the-counter pain killers aren’t cutting it today, and she grumbles under her breath as the crowds begin dispersing quicker, the bell toll nearing. Already wobbling and stumbling, it takes one bit of slippery floor for her foot to come out from under her. Janus falls with a yelp, her backpack only serving to crush her further down. She groans and curses, laying limply on the floor from pain, trying to breathe.

She can’t seem to will her arms to be strong enough to lift herself up, even when trying to pull herself up with her crutches. She lets out a loud sigh in the empty hallway, resting her forehead on the cool floor despite how gross it is. The bell sounds anyway, uncaring of her plight. Footsteps fill the hall after a few long moments, and she grits her teeth, prepared for embarrassment. The footsteps round the corner, and stop. Great.

“Janus?”

Oh. Even better. Someone that knows her. Wonderful. She turns her head and sees Logan, hanging back slightly in the hall.

“The floor is not a very sanitary place to rest,” she says, straight-faced.

“10 minutes later than usual?” Janus drones in a mimic of Lo’s voice. Logan’s face falls into a frown, but not an angry or upset one, it’s something worse; pity. Janus turns her face away again, burning with embarrassment. Logan comes over to her, crouching beside her.

“I was preoccupied this morning,” Lo says in a mumble. “Do you need help getting up?”

Janus so badly wants to turn down the help out of spite, but desperate times and all. “If you could. Thanks.”

Logan hums, and then hefts her up into a sitting position by her shoulders. She grabs her crutches, and sets them up in a standing position. “Are you able to pull yourself up using them?” Janus nods dully, gripping the handles of the crutches and, slowly, with Logan’s help, pulling herself up and back into the support of her mobility aids. She’s panting slightly from weakness.

Logan looks at her, that same sympathetic frown tilting her lips downward. “Will you be okay?” she offers, touching Janus’s shoulder in an oddly warm gesture given how Janus usually knows her. Janus nods, lips pressed together thinly, her brow slightly sweaty. “We will be in less trouble if we are both late. The professor likes me. I will explain your fall. You just sit down.”

And she does, crutching silently through the lecture room and into her usual seat under the watchful gaze of the entire class while Logan pauses up front, murmuring to the paused professor. The professor nods at her, glancing at Janus, and with an even quieter muttering he sends Logan to her seat as well. Logan sits with a sigh, massaging her temples. Janus has her head rested on the table, trying to take the chance to rest. Logan reaches over and takes Janus’s notebook. “I will copy notes for you. Please, just rest.”

Janus can’t meet Logan’s eyes, staring at the dark wood of the desk instead; the genuine pity in her eyes is more physically painful than her physical pain. Nodding, she silently concedes to it. She hides her face in her arms, as though they can hide every ugly, broken part of her if she buries deep enough into her yellow sweater. She breathes out slowly, trying to relax, even if just for a bit before the day full of classes.

She ends up half asleep, and Logan’s tapping of her arm wakes her up to the students clearing out of the room. Logan is standing, half ready to go, looking down at her with that same oddly soft look. “I take it the couchmate has been a… nuisance?”

Janus laughs half-heartedly. “No, it’s actually… actually the opposite. I’ve been more of a nuisance I suppose.” Logan notices how far off and exhausted her voice sounds, frown deepening.

“Janus, do you have any breaks throughout the day?”

Janus blinks a bit dopily, still tired and very much in pain. “Why?”

“If our schedules align at any point, I would like to get coffee with you.”

“Are you hitting on me?” Janus asks flatly.

“What? No. I just want to have coffee together.”

“Why?” she practically hisses, her instincts to shove the closeness away rising up in her throat like bile.

“Because you need someone to talk to-“

“I don’t want to talk to you, Logan. Isn’t getting to chat with me for three minutes before class enough for you? Do you really need to be blessed by my presence that much?” Any hint of playfulness is out of her voice, Janus trying not to clench her teeth around the words.

“Your couchmate is my partner’s brother,” Logan interjects soundly, her face determined. “And his brother would like an update on him.”

Janus just sits there, heat boiling under her skin. Of course. The only hint of a friend she thought might be there was somehow tied to those idiots. Of course, because she’s the most cosmically unlucky bitch out there. She doesn’t respond, picking up her bag and setting herself in her crutches. She doesn’t respond, making her way towards the door as fast as she can.

Suddenly, Logan is in front of her, grabbing at her elbows in the crutches and holding her still. Janus blanches, freezing up and looking up into Logan’s face. They have angers on their faces to match each other, in a battle of who will wither first.

“Coffee. When?”

“I don’t want-“

“Janus. We are going to get coffee, and you are going to tell me about how Roman’s brother is, and you are going to tell me why you have never told me a single true fact about yourself, and then if you would like, I can never see you again aside from this single class. I- I enjoy your presence. You are intelligent, and witty, and very bright, even when you’re literally on the ground. Janus, you are very strong, but I still think you’re holding too much.” Logan’s face softens, and Janus breaks the eye contact, staring hard at the floor. “Stop doing this – whatever this is – alone. Take allies where you can, for fuck’s sake.”

Janus hides her shock at the genuine, panicked tone in Logan’s voice, an actual show of emotion. She gnaws on her lip hard, trying to avoid talking for as long as possible. “Fine,” she breathes out shakily. “Fine. I have a free period at 2:30.”

“I have some time around then,” Logan says, seeming to purposefully soften her voice as though she’s afraid she’s scared Janus. Her hands recede from her crutches, and Logan steps to the side, her outfit and hair slightly more frazzled than usual. “Please go to your next class, and I’ll see you then. Our grade comparisons are still very promising.” Logan begins to walk away, then stops. “I think there is more in common between us than you think.

Janus sighs out a held breath, and exits as swiftly as a girl on crutches can manage.

Virgil is buzzing with nervous excitement as Patton drives them down the brief stretch of highway, twirling his hoodie’s drawstrings. He keeps glancing around with a giant smile, eyes constantly shifting.

“We are going to be in so much trouble,” he snickers. Patton shushes him, also giggling.

“It’ll be fine, Virge, I texted the other two that we weren’t meeting up with them for coffee to let them have more time together, and they completely bought it. It’s technically true!”

Virgil laughs. “Where did this spontaneity come from, bluebell?”

“I don’t know, violet!” Patton taps their fingers on the steering wheel, grinning. They pull the car off on an exit, and nearly immediately into the parking lot of a Denny’s. They both exit the car and clasp each other’s hands once they’re at the front, grinning at each other.

“Logan is going to be so mad if she finds out,” Virgil says, a hint of genuine nervousness in his voice. “I don’t know how I feel, lying to her…”

Patton turns to face him, pouting. “Aw, but Virgil, we haven’t had time for a date in so long!” They swing their hands back and forth together softly. “It’s only a few hours of skipped classes, and I got Tammy to copy my teaching classes notes and Rico to handle your engineering notes until we get back – it should be okay.”

Virgil sighs, nodding and sending them a smile. “Okay. Let’s go.”

The host calls a greeting to them as they enter, telling them to sit anywhere. They shuffle into a booth on the same side as each other, Virgil laying his head down on Patton’s shoulder. “This is really risky.”

“How come?”

“I- I don’t know, I just feel like we’ll end up in trouble somehow. You know I hate lying. How I feel about it.”

Patton frowns, turning to him and lifting his chin gently to look at them. “It’s okay, I promise. It’s only a little one just so Lo doesn’t have another panic attack like when Roman skipped that one day last year. I don’t wanna make her any more stressed,” Patton pouts slightly. Virgil looks vaguely uncomfortable for a moment, blinking quickly.

“I trust you,” he mutters, before laying back on their shoulder. Patton rests their head on his, giggling quietly at the feeling of their hair – currently in its natural puffy state and simply held at their shoulders in a ponytail holder and pins - squishing against him.

A waiter comes over to them, and Patton touches Virgil’s hand. “Buy anything you want, okay? I asked Rom to borrow his card.” They turn to the waitress. “What’s the biggest thing of pancakes you can do, ma’am?”

The waitress chuckles. “Only two per the order, but you can get multiple orders.”

“Okay! Three orders of the banana pancake breakfast, please and thank you.”

“And you?”

Virgil startles, rapidly flipping through the menu again while stuttering. “Uh- Cheese fries, and- and the quesadilla. Please.” The waitress nods and smiles at him, walking off after writing it down. Virgil sinks down in his seat, then hides against Patton’s shoulder. “I haaaaate ordering things.”

“Aw, honey…” Patton grabs his cheeks and peppers kisses over his forehead until he’s bright red and batting at them while laughing. Patton grins at him. “I’m really happy we get to go here again. Even if we had to… force in the time for it. I missed just having fun with you.”

Virgil is mostly hiding behind his bangs, but Patton still sees his smile. “Missed it with you too, Pat.”

They end up not even chatting much, just hanging off each other in their seat, occasionally sharing light kisses. When the food comes, Patton thanks the waitress profusely for all six of the pancakes. She lays out multiple syrups, then sets out Virgil’s meal as well.

They both begin digging in immediately, Patton eating fast per usual. “Dang, slow down, you need to let yourself enjoy it,” Virgil comments through bites of his own meal. Patton pauses, dabbing their mouth with a napkin and laughing nervously.

“Sorry!”

“No, it’s okay.” Virgil leans to their ear. “You know I know why you do it – I just want you to focus on fun stuff instead of all that right now. Enjoy it, okay?” Patton gives him a syrupy kiss on the cheek, to which he proclaims, “Gross!” They both dissolve into laughter, and then turn back to their meals.

As Virgil eats, he tries to ignore the nauseous worm of guilt in his stomach that’s not making way for the meal at all. He really, really hates lying, even a harmless one like this. The hand on his chin plus the sugary reassurances were… triggering, he realizes faintly. He leans his chin on one of his palms as he chews, beginning to poke at his food. He hasn’t thought about Janus in a long time, and he prefers it that way. Finding out Remus was staying with her resulted in probably one of the worst anxiety attacks he’s had in a while, even if he never had much faith in Remus in the first place. Though the fear of what lies she could be feeding him right this moment begins making him even more nauseous. She’s a manipulative snake of a person that Virgil had hoped would never be anywhere close to him again, never close enough to lie to him again-

“Virge, you’re panting,” Patton’s voice speaks, drawing him back to the present.

“Huh? Oh, s-sorry. I got a little lost.”

Patton holds his shaking hand softly. “Do your breathing exercises, honey.”

Virgil nods, and complies, breathing in and out in pattern until the world feels slightly clearer. He settles himself, turning his face to lay on their shoulder. “Let’s- let’s not lie like this again. Even if it is really nice to spend time with you. Can you promise?”

Patton nods rapidly. “Of course- I’m really sorry, bug. I didn’t know it would get you that bad.” They lift his face in both hands and rub their foreheads together. “I promise. No more lies if we can help it.”

Virgil calms down a lot at the much more Patton-like show of attention, sighing. He goes back to eating his meal, and from there on it’s only idle chatter as Virgil’s anxiety has worn him out a bit. They pay with Roman’s card and head to the car, heading back into town quickly at Virgil’s request. Virgil curls up at the window, his hood pulled up over his hair as he rests there, hoping that promises can still mean something, even if he has everlasting fears about them.

Janus drags herself to the on-campus coffee shop, annoyingly having to fumble with the door in a way that won’t make her fall over. She immediately spots Logan in a corner, who also spots her and begins making her way over.

“Want me to order you anything?”

“I can order on my own-“

“Janus, please. Allow me to assist you, just for today. You are sweating and you look sick with the pain you are in.” Logan looks at her, eyebrows tilted into a genuine, caring look. “Please.”

Janus sighs. Logan really doesn’t leave much choice to others with the way of authority she speaks. “Okay, fine. I just want chai, I’ll go sit across from where you were.”

She nearly collapses in the chair she chooses, leaning her crutches against the side of said chair and setting her forehead in her hand, exhausted. Logan approaches maybe ten minutes later with the tea and a black coffee for herself. Janus doesn’t thank her as she takes it, but it doesn’t feel like Logan was expecting one in the first place.

“So,” she begins. “To begin with, how is Roman’s twin? I feel that is the easiest subject to delve into.”

“He’s fine,” Janus says with a sigh. “He sleeps, he eats, he cooks, he makes stupid jokes. All healthy behavior of a Remus in the wild.”

“As far as I know he is just a human being,” Logan says, seeming to be trying to show genuine reassurance. Janus just kind of silently stares at her, not even sure what to say to that. Logan continues anyways. “If possible, try to ask him to text his brother back. Roman has been extremely worried these past few days.

“Shocking. Roman is a prissy asshole, I don’t care what he has to say or what he has to say to Remus. They need distance for once in their lives.”

“Could you at least provide updates through me?”

Janus waves her hand dismissively, but nods in agreement.

“Then, on to the next question. Janus, why do I not know anything about you? I can… tend to misunderstand relationships, but I did think of us as at least somewhat friends. Is that not true?”

“No, Logan- No, we technically are friends. A little bit. I wouldn’t talk to you and sit beside you every weekday if I didn’t like you, I typically am not that tolerant of annoying people though it may shock you.”

“I enjoy speaking to you as well, as I said you’re very bright and intelligent. You did not explain why you don’t talk about yourself.”

“I don’t enjoy having others that know things about me.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s bothersome.”

“How?”

Janus sighs, a bit frazzled. “Because when people know information about you, they use it against you and or talk about it behind your back. Such as to a group of old buddies that would be very keen on all the hot goss about Janus and her sick little impoverished life.”

Logans sits back slightly, sipping her coffee. She remains silent. Janus does too, until the silence is making her uncomfortable.

“I’m chronically ill. And poor as dirt. And maybe, just maybe, barely able to afford college in the first place. I’ve been supporting myself and doing everything myself since I was 16, I’m used to it.”

“But it’s killing you.”

“Not if I have a say in it.”

“You no longer ‘have a say,’ your body is breaking down further from the amount of stress you are putting yourself under.”

“Figure that out yourself, doctor?”

Logan stares at her hard. “The majority of chronic illnesses are exacerbated by stress. I don’t need a medical license to know that.” Janus stays silent, examining her gloved fingertips. “For whatever it might be worth, I know the others would not use points like those against you in any way,” Logan attempts to reassure.

Janus scoffs. “I don’t know if you know them that well then, Logan.”

“Did Remus?”

Janus hesitates bitterly. “Well, no. But he was always different. He was… always an outcast too, I guess. So, he isn’t a preppy rich kid or a ‘mommy’s favorite traitor.’ Remus gets it in ways the others never did or will.”

“Still, Roman would like to hear about his brother in one way or another. My intention isn’t to mend a long dead friendship or force any of you to see each other. Given how Virgil reacted at just the mention of your name, I don’t think it is salvageable.”

“Oh, how he reacted. Of course, because he’s the one with the right to feel betrayed and hurt by that shit.” Janus tries not to seethe through her teeth so obviously, but it’s difficult. Knowing that Virgil still somehow thinks he’s in the right is threatening to make her bite off someone’s head. He really will just think he’s better than everyone on earth until the day he dies, huh.

Logan sets her already empty mug on the table between them, looking at her with open curiosity. “None of you are ever very specific over what happened in high school. I do not understand the need to act like nothing will have changed about you as people in three or four years.”

“Losing any ounce of faith in a friend tends to include the faith in them to better as a person.”

“Fascinating,” Logan muses. Janus shoots her a weird look, and she stumbles to correct herself. “A-apologies, the intricacies of human relationships are interesting to me. I didn’t mean to-“

“It’s fine, Logan.”

“You may call me ‘Lo’ if you would like,” she says after a pause.

“What, why? What did I do to earn cutesy nickname privileges, I just insulted your friends and was mean to you on purpose.”

Logan shrugs, a slight smile on her lips. “I don’t know. Call me crazy, but I don’t sway particularly to either side, nor do I trust the two groups to asses each other’s character accurately. I still like you, and I see no reason to discontinue the friendship we have.”

Janus hides her face in her tea, taking a long sip to try putting her thoughts together. Logan doesn’t really strike her as even capable of lying, so there’s no reason to think she would be manipulative – it seems like she really just wants updates on Remus and to keep talking to her in the mornings. It’s weird for her, if she’s honest with herself. Logan’s form of genuineness, just like her way of speech, leaves no room to be questioned or argued with. She puts the cup down, licking her lips nervously.

“Alright, Logan. You get your way, hope you’re pleased. I’ll let you know how Remus is every now and then.”

“And will we remain companions?”

“If you talk as little as possible about those two then we can manage.” Janus sighs, glancing at the time on her phone. “My break is almost over,” she lies, technically still having 20 minutes, but too emotionally exhausted to talk about things like this anymore. “See you in class, I suppose.”

Logan stands as well, watching as Janus scrambles her way into her crutches. “I will see you in class. Hopefully we can get coffee every now and then. Or do other things you are interested in, if you prefer. I could see you aren’t a coffee person.”

Janus nods tersely, ready to just get through the rest of the day, somehow. “I really have to go, but we can chat about it tomorrow morning, ‘kay?”

“Alright. Take more pain killers before the school day ends. Bye.”

“…Bye, Lo.”

Janus makes it through the day, and through the drive home, thanks to some miracle. Remus seems to immediately notice how exhausted she looks, but he hesitates to get up and help her, just rocking and staring at her from the sofa bed as she leans her crutches on the wall and sets away her books. She meets his gaze, leaning on the island to support herself. “Hello,” she offers.

“Hi, Jan! You look like absolute shit; do you need anything?”

Janus gestures vaguely. “I don’t know, Remus. I don’t know what I need.”

“How does eggs and some pastries I got at the place next to my work sound, to start with?” He has a wide, slightly wild smile, and she faintly wishes she could match his energy.

“Just to start? What, do you have plans?”

“Ehh maybe something or other! I did bring a PS4 with me, y’know, and even if you’re too hurting to play with me, you can watch while you eat! I’ll cook for you, go sit! Sit!” Remus scuttles around her and into the kitchen, clanging through her pans and starting up a quick batch of eggs. She sits on the bed, and sees a half-eaten box of doughnuts and other goodies open beside where Remus had been sitting. She rolls her eyes somewhat affectionately, picking up a lemon iced cake. Ridiculous that Remus seemingly cared about her enough to remember her favorite types of pastries after three years.

She listens to him making random noises at himself in the kitchen as though beatboxing badly, and tries to stamp out that wretched warm feeling in her chest. How dare I do this to myself again, she chides herself. How dare my heart get close to more idiots who will only break it.

An hour or so later, with a full stomach and a bit of laughter at how shit at games Remus is, she hates herself a bit less for it. She laughs at him getting headshot by some other player, instinctively hiding her face against his shoulder to mask that she's having fun. Remus’s hands fully pause on the controls, laughing turning a bit breathy as he feels himself flushing. She stays leaned against him even after their laughter has died off, and they fall into silence, rested against each other.

“You’re such an idiot, Carmona. Alas, I think you’re one I’ll be stuck with for life.”

“Y’know, I think I’d be okay with being your idiot my whole life,” Remus chuckles to himself. Janus’s face stays hidden, her hair covering any hint of expression. They both sit still for a long moment before Janus rises.

“Let’s bet on it. If you can win even one round of this game, just one, then I might not kick your ass to the curb tomorrow morning.”

“Oh, you are so on!”

#college au #sanders sides #sanders sides au #tss au #SaSi au #SaSi #tss fanfic #sanders sides fanfic #janus sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #remus sanders #moxiety #dukeceit #platonic loceit

17 notes · View notes

sympathetic-deception · 2 years

Text

Janus: I can't believe you've done this.....

Logan: I'm sorry I didn't know-!

Janus, on the verge of tears: YOU CAN'T JUST BUY ME A GIFT OUT OF NOWHERE NOW I FEEL LIKE A HUGE ASSHOLE!

#caps tw #incorrect sanders sides quotes #sanders sides incorrect quotes #loceit #logan sanders #janus sanders incorrect #janus sanders #platonic loceit

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edupunkn00b · 2 years

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French Kiss: Tale of the Revolution, Ch. 9: Stay

Prev - Stay - Next - Masterpost - [ AO3 ]

16 June 1789

Janus could hardly believe his eyes. He didn’t know what else Remus had said to the head chef, but not only had she allowed him to steal Prince Roman’s tea and replace it with a much simpler meal, but she'd piled the misappropriated tray high with sweets and confections fresh from the ovens. Before they left, Remus scrawled something on a scrap of parchment and secured it under a saucer, winking at the servant preparing to take it up to the younger prince.

“He’ll know it really was me,” he said vaguely and the head chef poorly hid rolling her eyes and returned to her duties, an actual smile peeking out from the corners of her stern mouth.

Bearing the tray proudly in front of him, Remus strode down a new corridor where the doors were placed closer together than in the rest of the palace. The prince seemed to know where he was going, so Janus followed, eyes scanning from side to side as he wondered where they were headed—and whether he’d ever be able to find his way back unassisted.

His concern must have been obvious because Remus moved a little closer as they walked. “My brother and I used to sneak off and explore the palace when we were young. We would run away from whichever tutor or nanny was in charge of us and just start chasing each other down the halls. Well….” the prince grinned, “We hid from everyone except our music tutor, at least.” He shrugged, a fuzzy smile turning up his lips, bright eyes dancing around the corridor between the doors. “We got to know these hallways well.”

“That is reassuring,” Janus said smoothly. “I don’t suppose you would be willing to share where we are headed?”

Remus pressed his lips together in a crooked smile, eyebrows raised. Instead of speaking, he extended his elbow and looked pointedly at it. After Janus hooked his hand over his forearm, Remus nodded and tucked the offered hand close to his side and continued walking. Janus chuckled, shaking his head. “I see you don’t want me to ruin the surprise.” He turned and lightly kissed Remus’ cheek, darkening his rouge. “Carry on, then.”

They walked to the end of the corridor and down a small set of stone stairs until they finally reached a heavy wooden door, a little larger than the others they’d passed. Remus balanced the heavy tray on one hand, then knocked three times and, after a bit of shuffling from inside the room, the door slowly creaked open.

The prince grinned and gave a little bow. An old man leaned on the door, smiling up at Remus with a shake of his head. “To what do I owe this pleasure, Remus?” Janus’ eyes widened at the familiar tone he took with the prince and looked quickly at him for his reaction.

His smile widened and he presented the tray. “Merely delivering a little something for you, Maître.”

“Maître,” Janus repeated quietly, confusion pinching his face, but he followed Remus when the man gestured toward a small table near the only window in the tiny stone-walled room. The walls were bare, without the tapestries common in other parts of the castle. A small wood stove stood in one corner, a few feet from a narrow bed, neatly made. A small shelf next to the bed was lined with worn-looking books. At the other end of the room, though, was a polished mahogany piano, leaves of sheet music scattered about, a tiny bottle of ink and a worn quill on the top.

“Have you been practicing your scales, Remus?” the old man asked. Maître. It finally clicked. This must be Remus’—and Roman’s—music instructor. In the thin light pouring from the window, Janus could now clearly see the tremor in the old man’s hands, the ink stains on his thumb and forefinger.

“Yes, Maître.” Remus replied with a dutiful nod of his head. Janus had never seen him so quiet… so deferential.

“Well…” he waved his hand at the piano as he slowly lowered himself into a chair. “Show me, then.” He struggled to lift the cloche from the tray and Janus rushed to his side.

“Allow me, Sir,” he said automatically.

Remus’ eyes flicked over to his, a small, grateful smile curling up his lips before he bowed his head again at his old music teacher. “I thought you’d never ask, Maître.”

~~~

Remus played until the sun had dipped below the window sill and the room grew dark enough for candles. “Thank you for having us, Maître.” He bowed his head and Janus quickly followed suit. “Oh,” he gestured to the tray still laden with pastries and fruit. “Chef knows where I was headed with this,” Remus grinned as they left. “You’re likely to get some hungry visitors at the shift change.”

Maître smiled, his eyes wistful. “I would like that.”

Remus took Janus’ hand and laced their fingers together. “I thought you might, Maître. Enjoy your evening.”

“And you, as well, Remus,” Maître murmured, his smile growing as he looked down at their interwoven hands.

The door closed behind them and they began the long walk back toward the music room. Or, at least Janus had expected it to be a long walk. Instead, his eyes widened when, with a wink, Remus pushed on the wall a few feet from the entrance to the kitchen and a narrow section of the wall popped open like a door. The prince raised one finger to his lips then stepped inside and beckoned Janus to follow.

He sealed the door behind them and they were enveloped in darkness. Janus’ hand tightened reflexively in Remus’ and he struggled to steady his breath. Remus squeezed his hand back and slowly raised his hand close to his lips. “You are safe, mon douceur,” He kissed Janus’ hand then placed it on his own waist. “For just one moment. I’ll need both hands to light a candle.”

In the dark, Janus’ grip gradually tightened until he clung to a fistful of Remus’ coat. He felt the velvet shift, then the sharp sound of a flint box and the bright golden light of a candle filled the space. Remus held the candle out and above their heads, illuminating the space but keeping the threat of dripping wax far from them.

Embarrassed by the strength of his grip on Remus’ coat, Janus let out a small laugh. “Do you always carry around a candle and flintbox?”

“Of course I do, mon douceur,” he murmured with a little smile. He tilted up Janus’ chin and pressed a slow kiss against his lips. “It’s very helpful for skulking around secret passages.” He smiled and offered his arm, holding the candle up high in front of them. “Would you join me and find out where this one leads?”

Lips still tingling from their last kiss, Janus chuckled and he rested his hand in the crook of Remus’ elbow. “My intuition tells me you know precisely where this passage leads, Your Royal Highness.”

“Your intuition is wise,” Remus murmured, bending his head to press one more kiss against Janus’ lips. “Will you join me?” he whispered, his eyes impossibly large and sparkling in the candlelight.

Janus’ breath caught in his throat. “Lead the way, my prince.”

They’d walked in silence for a few yards when Remus tucked Janus’ hand closer to his side and murmured near his ear, his tone low and serious. “I haven’t forgotten what you told me. About Paris.”

Janus looked up at him in surprise. When Remus had bent near, he’d half-expected, perhaps even anticipated a flirty little kiss. He stopped mid-stride and met the prince’s gaze. Remus stared back, eyes glistening in the candlelight. “Good,” Janus said, buying a bit of time to work out what else to say. His throat went dry when he realized he’d forgotten why he was even there, Logan’s warning tearing through his mind.

“The people are depending on you,” Janus said to the prince. And to himself.

Remus nodded slowly. “I know. I have a formal meeting with my father tomorrow. He has to know the truth of what's happening in Paris. I know—“ he began when Janus looked ready to remind him of the king’s tour only a few decades ago. He pulled Janus’ hand close to his own heart as he spoke. “If he knows the situation has only worsened, I am confident I can convince him. He has a heart.”

Janus smiled up at the prince, his optimism and his hope contagious. Perhaps this really was the path, perhaps this was how they would change Paris, change France. One heart at a time, starting with his. He nodded slowly. “If anyone can change his mind, I believe it’s you,” he whispered, warmth spreading through his chest and up to his cheeks at the smile that burst onto Remus’ face.

He brought Janus’ hand to his lips and gently kissed it. “With your faith, mon douceur, I could do anything.” Remus stared into his eyes for a long time before finally returning his hand to its place in the crook of his own elbow and gestured further down the dark stone corridor. “We’re nearly there,” he murmured, and led Janus down a few more feet.

When they stopped walking, he handed him the candle, then pressed a stone on the wall that, to Janus, at least, didn’t appear different from any other. Light spilled out from the long vertical crack that opened before them. Remus pushed it and they slipped through together and into the music room.

“That… that took us five minutes,” he stammered, thinking about the long, winding path they’d taken to get to the kitchen and then to the Maître’s room.

“I know,” Remus grinned, dancing his shoulders back and forth as he blew out the candle “It was fun, too, wasn’t it?”

~~~

Almost an hour later, Remus rang for Alienòr and asked her to send for Janus’ carriage. When she left, he smiled and offered his arm to Janus with a little bow. “May I escort you to your horses, mon douceur?”

Makeup freshened, Janus’ face powder hid his needless blush and he bowed his head. “Are you certain you do not wish I simply roamed the castle? See what other secrets I may find?” he said, lips twitching in a smile.

“No need to roam, mon douceur .” Remus stepped closer, one hand slipping around his waist and drawing him close. Janus had to tilt his chin up to keep the prince’s gaze. “I think you’ve discovered the key to all my secrets.”

“I have?” He could barely manage a whisper, his throat gone dry, lost in Remus’ eyes.

Humming quietly, Remus bent his head down and pressed a featherlight kiss on Janus’ lips. “You have,” he murmured, then stepped back and offered his arm again. “Shall we?” He held open the door, smiling with another of his little shoulder dances when Janus placed a hand on his arm.

They walked slowly toward the grand entrance, the prince uncharacteristically quiet, but he kept his little hopping step and peeked at Janus every few seconds, watching him more than he did the hall ahead of them. Suddenly, Remus turned and glanced down either side of the corridor. He grinned, then cradled the back of Janus' head before pressing him against the wall and kissing him. Janus melted against him before he regained his sensibility and broke away, breathless.

“Someone will see,” Janus whispered, cheeks pink beneath his powder.

“Let them see,” Remus whispered back, but he waited, gaze bouncing between his eyes and his lips as he turned Janus' hand. He stroked his palm and bowed his head to press another small kiss into the center. “Let them see who I love.”

“You…” Janus blinked up at Remus, grateful for the wall at his back keeping him upright. Remus grinned and took advantage of his momentary speechlessness to steal another slow kiss, one hand still cradling the back of his head, while the other slid down to the small of Janus’ back, holding him close. When he broke away, both of them were left breathless and they stared at each other in silence.

Finally Janus regained his voice. “You love me?”

“You needn’t say it back,” Remus quickly murmured, eyes a swirl of softness and heat. He bent down, forehead resting against Janus’ as he brushed his thumb over Janus’ lips. He smiled at the touch of rouge left behind. “I know it is sudden. Even I am tempted to dismiss it as simple infatuation.” He met Janus’ eyes, his face serious. “And there is still a great deal we don’t know about each other.”

Remus touched his left cheek and Janus wondered how much of his scar showed through his smudged face powder. “But everything I’ve learned about you, mon douceur … Everything… has only left me craving more.”

He leaned in and kissed Janus again, softer this time, and slower, carefully tasting his lips and his mouth. He pulled back just enough to speak. “Will you give me the honor of getting to know you more? And of sharing with you more of myself?”

“That is an irresistible offer,” Janus whispered against his lips, then smiled. “Not that I’d ever want to try to say no.” He nodded slowly, before lightly kissing the smile spreading across Remus’s face. “Yes, Prince Remus. I would like that very much.”

Remus’ joyous laughter sent sparks through Janus’ heart. “Will you come see me again… soon? And… and when you do… if you do… Will you stay with me for a few days?”

Janus’ breath stuttered and his shock must have been clear because Remus stepped back and added, “You’ll have your own room, a wardrobe of anything you like, privacy, anything… I am not asking you as a consort.” He met Janus’ eyes, his face serious. “There will be nothing required of you. I…”

A mixture of relief and… disappointment washed over him and Janus decided to interrogate his complicated feelings later. “I will come. I… will need to make some arrangements…”

“Of course, of course! And you needn’t worry about packing up your household for a few days, I…” Remus traced the line from Janus’ temple to his jaw. “I will provide you everything you need, I can send a carriage—”

“Thank you, but no.” Janus smiled, mind racing as he fought competing impulses to run from this game where he’d already gone too deep. And the impulse to run right into the prince’s open arms. “I simply have some business to attend to.”

Remus held his hand, gently stroking his fingers over the back of it. Eyes locked on Janus’, he bowed his head and gently kissed the bare skin on his inner wrist between his glove and his sleeve. “So you will come? Is a week enough time for your preparations?”

“I will be here, Remus,” Janus promised, his lips moving independent of his mind. ”In a week.”

~~~

That morning, when Logan had arrived at the palace stables with his carriage, a small group of ostlers were preparing to leave for de Choisy, the tiny hamlet that served as a market for the staff and long term guests at Versailles. “Could you use another set of hands?” he called to them. “I have little to do once my horses are watered.”

The driver eyed him warily, brow relaxing marginally when he took in Logan’s mended shoes and the worn patches in his breeches. Logan grinned. “I promise, I’m stronger than I look.” He reached to shake the driver’s hand. “My name is Logan.”

“Jérôme,” he nodded and waved him toward the large, open wagon. He smiled when Logan easily scrambled aboard. “We’ll test that promise,” he laughed good naturedly. “We have a lot to load.”

In the town, Logan worked side-by-side with the ostlers as they loaded the wagon with sacks of flour and millet, and baskets and baskets of apples, wax-covered cheeses and preserved jambon sec. When they were done, the driver clapped him on the back. “You were good to your word, camarade. We finished early, thanks to you.” He gestured toward a pub a few storefronts down. “Come, join us for a small drink before we head back. Their beer’s terrible but it’s cheap.”

At the pub, Logan listened as the patrons gossiped—mostly inconsequentially—about the palace. It wasn’t until their drinks were nearly finished that someone mentioned the carriages arriving for the Estates General.

“They’ve had to open up the Trianon to make room for them all,” the tallest of them, Gérard, murmured. “That’s what the coince little steward claimed, at least.” He swirled the dregs of beer in his tankard and swore. “I think the prissy royals just don’t want to rub elbows with the rest of them.”

“Ha! Serves them right,” Jérôme laughed. “Let the bishops see what it’s like to be the racailles for once.”

Logan leaned forward to be heard but spoke casually into his beer. “You don’t think they’re concerned about security?”

“They should be,” a low voice replied from the next table. The man was older than most in the pub, and wore a bright red cravat around his neck. The rest of his clothes were fashionably muted, shoes polished and he had traces of white powder around his hairline, as though he’d recently removed a court wig. “Thankfully, cooler heads have prevailed so far, but I don’t know how much longer that’s going to last.”

“Would you care to join us, Monsieur—”

“Colére,” he said with a curt bow of his head. “No, I am due to greet more members of the Third Estate arriving today.” He left three shiny silver coins on the table and bowed his head. “Good day to you. And… keep your eyes open. If things go the way I fear, anyone at the palace could be a target. If you don’t take up arms against the King when the mobs arrive… get out.”

During the two mile ride back to Versailles, Logan turned the man’s words over in his head. The red cravat was a clear signal to the rest of the movement, but he spoke like a pacifist and their ranks were shrinking fast. His name was familiar and with a jolt, he remembered the day he’d met Patton, and the table of students from the Sorbonne. Colére. He must be Lucas’ father. Logan looked out toward the sun slowly dipping down to the horizon, suddenly anxious to return to Paris to see what may be fomenting in the café. And the streets.

He looked up when the wagon suddenly jerked to a stop. “Back with us!” Jérôme cheered. “We’ve arrived. Come, many hands make light the work and other mierde”

Logan nodded with a wry smile, hefted a sack onto his shoulders and followed the line of ostlers toward the back entrance to the kitchen.

With the help of a few kitchen staff, it took even less time to unload the wagon at Versailles. Logan had been pleased when Patton had joined the group, literally bouncing with energy as he ran up to the wagon. “Logan!” he called out to him as he picked up a crate. “Logan, can I help?”

“Your help would be much appreciated, Patton. We’re bringing all of this in.” He chuckled when the cheerful young man hefted with two giant sacks of millet on each shoulder. The burly ostlers watched his pace barely slow under the weight. They added more to each of their own loads, red faced and grunting as they lumbered down to the pantries.

When they were done, Logan pulled Patton aside, claiming he needed his assistance with the carriage. “I see you have managed to find a place with the staff.” He spoke quietly and pointed to a loose bolt on one of the carriage steps. “Well done.”

Patton’s cheeks turned pink and he grinned brightly, nodding and using a small tool Logan provided from the driver’s perch. “Thank you, Logan.”

“Are you able to return to Paris with the same driver you came in with? Or should we pick you up?” He met Patton’s eyes when he nearly dropped the spanner and jerked his head up. “We have much to discuss.”

“He’s heading out tomorrow at dawn. I’ll be back in Paris before noon.” He grinned up at Logan and stood. “See you at de Foy?”

Logan gave his shoulder a little squeeze. “Excellent. We’ll see you then.”

A few hours later, a pinch-faced courtier appeared in the stables, lip curled up and stepping carefully along the edges of the path between the horse pens. “Your employer is readying to leave,” he said without greeting, then turned and left without another word.

Shaking his head, Logan waved to Jérôme, who laughed, “His Lordship awaits?”

He chuckled as he led the horses out of their pen and hitched them to the carriage. “In truth, he is a decent man. I suppose I got lucky.” Logan reached out to shake his hand. “If you’re ever in Paris, come find me at Café de Foy.” And with one more nod, he climbed onto his perch and led the horses down the widening path back to the gate to wait for Janus.

~~~

“Thank you, Logan,” Janus murmured to him as he helped him up into the carriage. He looked over his shoulder, but instead of watching Logan as he spoke, his golden eyes lingered on the palace, scanning the large windows at the center. He suddenly smiled and when Logan followed his gaze, he spotted movement in one tall window, as though someone was waving the curtains back and forth like a flag. He glanced back at the pleased smile gracing Janus’ lips. Or perhaps like a signal.

Logan cleared his throat. “I still have your more comfortable riding clothes, and I fetched some water and…” He gestured toward a tiny wooden crate with various cloths and a solution of herbs a milkmaid told him would remove rouge. Solène had then surprised him with the bottle before he’d left to meet Janus at the gate. “And the box for your wig is still there… ” Logan smiled at Janus before quickly looking away. ”If you wish to change.”

“Is my court makeup not pleasing?” Janus asked lightly as he examined what Logan brought.

His throat went dry. “N—no… I—I mean, it’s perfectly pleasing.” Logan took a deep breath and pressed a smile onto his face just before Janus looked up at him. “I merely intended… They are supplies in case you are more comfortable without it.”

“Lo, I am only teasing.” Janus reached over the window sash and squeezed Logan’s hand. “This is incredibly thoughtful. Thank you.”

“Of course,” Logan whispered, his eyes drawn to where Janus lightly gripped his hand. “It was my pleasure. Why don’t you relax and I’ll stop once we’re past the last checkpoint and we can ride together.”

“I’d like that, Lo, thank you.” Janus smiled at Logan and relaxed against the seat. His eyes still darted back to the palace and Logan thought he spied a touch of longing in his gaze. He nodded again, and climbed onto the driving perch and led the horses down the road back to Paris.

They made it through the checkpoint without incident. The guards were beginning to recognize him and waved them on without even looking inside the compartment. Once they were out of eye and earshot, Logan stopped the carriage and knocked.

Janus opened the door, fresh face glowing in the soft, early dusk. He was still lacing up his tunic as he stepped out of the carriage, a broad swath of his chest exposed, revealing the cut of his muscles. Logan averted his gaze, attention seemingly focused on a joint near the wheelhouse. He looked up when Janus let out a low sigh.

“I feel back to myself now. Thank you again, Lo,” he said before settling on the driver’s bench. He looked over his shoulder at Logan. “How are you feeling? Would you like me to drive for a while and you can nap in the passenger compartment?”

“No! No, that is quite alright. It’s lovely evening. It would be pleasant to share the fresh air with a friend.” Janus’ responding smile strengthened his own and by the time he’d joined him on the bench, his wide smile was genuine.

Janus described his visit with the prince, stammering and blushing at some points, leaving Logan with the impression that he was hearing a slightly edited version of their time together. Janus became more effusive when he talked about visiting the kitchen and the switched trays. “Oh, and I nearly forgot. Patton was there. How did—”

“I asked him… to see if he could stay close while you were in the palace.” Logan kept his eyes on the road. “Last night, he charmed his way onto a carriage headed to the Estates General assembly. Promised to help with the horses when they stopped. He’s staying in the servants’ hall overnight and heading back to Paris with them tomorrow morning.”

Janus was quiet for a while and Logan finally turned to him. “They’re a friend of a friend. I trust they’ll keep him safe. And he knows his way around the palace—”

“Oh, yes… Yes, I could see that. And I know he’s tougher than he looks. And… wilier.” Logan chuckled, Janus’ observation bringing to mind their young friend’s minor theft of a bottle of wine from the palace. “I am confident he’ll be more than fine.” He licked his lips, mouth working without any words coming out.

“Janus, are you all right?” Logan rested his hand on his forearm. He’d never seen the great Janus Robespierre need to search for words.

Nodding quickly, Janus smiled at Logan. “Yes! Yes, I am.” His eyes were bright and a small, tentative smile twitched the corners of his mouth. Finally Janus shook his head and said in an uncharacteristically jumbled rush. “The prince asked me to stay with him… near him, I—I think. It seemed to be up to me, but… I mean… A—at the palace. He asked me to stay with him for a few days. At the palace.”

“Oh,” Logan’s voice faltered and he took a slow breath before he attempted to say more. He slowed the horses and turned to face him. “Do you believe his intentions are to make your relationship… physically intimate?”

A soft pink the same color as the sunset bloomed over Janus’ cheeks, neck, and chest. “Yes,” he whispered. “I do.”

“Did he say or do anything that made you feel this was a command and not a choice?”

“No! No, of course not!” Janus shook his head, a soft smile pulling at his lips. “Remus isn’t like that. Not with me… and as far as I can tell, not with anyone in that palace.”

Logan was quiet for a long while. During the past two visits he’d spent with the workers in the stables, Logan had made a few whispered inquiries along those lines. Everyone he spoke to confirmed that, while he was blasted royal, he’d never been known to be abusive to any of the staff.

That information brought him some comfort. “I cannot counsel you on what your personal boundaries should be.” Logan swallowed hard, iron bands wrapping around his chest and his heart. “But we cannot deny that spending additional time with the prince, with the future King of France, is a remarkable opportunity. Both to learn more about the workings of the castle and to, perhaps even influence his thinking. Perhaps we truly can find our way out of this morass without further bloodshed.”

Logan took another deep breath, his voice low. “What will you say?”

“I already said yes,” Janus whispered.

“Oh.” Logan’s fingers tightened on the reins and the horses whinnied quietly. He relaxed his fingers and turned to his friend.

“Remus’ company is not… objectionable," Janus began slowly. "He’s charming and funny and… attractive.” He cleared his throat and avoided Logan’s gaze. The soft bare skin at the curve of his neck and his jaw flushed brightly in the fading light. “Under other circumstances…” his voice trailed away and he didn’t need to finish his sentence. Under other circumstances, Janus sounded as though he would have been pleased to be courted by the man. “I told him I would stay.”

“That is… most excellent news,” Logan said, eyes on the road. The last sliver of the sun had slipped under the horizon and they were cast in a growing darkness, but the pavers were near iridescent under the starlight. He delayed lighting the lantern, and instead hid his tears in the gloom that hung between them.

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