Part 1/2-My friend &I have been friends for a good 10 years. But it's definitely hard for me to relate to her in the past 4 years. We're both in long-term relationships. The only difference is hers is long distance. We talk about everything like any other friendship. But there's a lot of things that shell question about. I don't mind explaining things to her. But I never know if she's playing dumb or if she really doesn't understand something. Because there are times when I'll say ' the bar was
Continued: Part2/2- bar was packed’ she’ll say what does packed mean? Like was it closed. I have no problem explaining anything to her. But sometimes I can’t tell if she doesn’t understand or if she’s just playing it&I know it sounds awful as a friend to say that but it’s been difficult lately explaining everything to her. sometimes she needs like a 30-minute explanation on something. It sometimes worries me.I don’t want any of this to come off mean. So please don’t take it that way. What can I do?
Jennie: That doesn’t sound mean - it just sounds like you’ve been growing apart for a few years, and you’ve maybe got to a point where you’re not sure if you’re getting anything out of this friendship any more.
Have you tried actually asking your friend if she’s serious or just playing? Next time she asks something that seems like something she would already know, maybe you could ask “hey, do you really not understand or are you just joking?”. That way you can limit your explanations to things that she actually doesn’t understand. Also, it is okay in some circumstances to say “I don’t have time to explain that right now - why don’t you google it?”. You don’t have to spend 30 minutes explaining the definitions of words to her if you don’t want to.
If this is the only thing that’s bothering you about this friendship, then maybe you can solve things by simply asking her to clarify whether she actually needs something explained, and by limiting your explanations to the amount that you want to explain. However, it’s also possible that you’re just growing apart from this friend, and if so, that’s okay. If you’re not enjoying spending time with her any more, it’s okay to start spending less time with her, and more time with friends who you can relate to more.