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#please don't ask me how I'm doing right now
nana-gumi · 2 days
Note
I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOUR ANGST SM, WELL WRITTEN ISTG!! as one of my favorite angst writer, i had this idea in my mind for a long time. imagine you found out that you're 12 weeks pregnant and you were too excited to surprise satoru about it but when he came home, he broke the news that he got his ex pregnant. he was cheating and the surprise slipped out of your mind and you got angry at him and led into an argument... YOU CAN CONTINUE IF YOU WANT. I REALLY WANT TO SEE HOW OR WHAT ENDING YOU'LL WRITE. and also, make it a very very angst 😋
anyway, don't be a stranger g.satoru
pairings: gojo satoru x fem! reader
cw: heavy angst, infidelity, pregnancy, illness, mentions of death, cremation, as usual not proofread hehe
a/n: YOU ASKED FOR THIS OKAY?? anyways, happy reading :p
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it was positive.
the moment you saw two red lines from the pregnancy test you bought, you didn't know what to feel at first, you were in disbelief so you tried it for the second, and third time, but the results did not change at all so you took this as a cue to visit a doctor, and there was no doubt in it, it was revealed that you were 12 weeks pregnant.
how should you tell your husband? satoru was barely home from his work after all. you knew how hard it is to be a new company's head so you understand him.
and so you dialed satoru's number as you nervously bit your bottom lip. he answered at the fifth ring.
"hello?"
"satoru–" you paused, and a small smile made its way on your lips. "can you come home, tonight? are you busy?"
"uh, not really." he sounded unsure but you didn't even noticed it on how excited you were.
"can you come home tonight, please?" you repeated.
"alright." he said as you heard him sigh from the other line "i– wanted to tell you something." he said and satoru's tone was unrecognizable, it was like his voice was slightly shaking.
"okay?" you worriedly said. "see you later, satoru. i love youuu."
"mhm, i love you too."
-
if someone would see you right now, they would, in an instant, notice that you were celebrating something special. you sure were prepared for satoru's return, you even wore nice dress and a cardigan as you await for his arrival.
and here he comes.
satoru enters the door and saw you approaching him.
"welcome home." you said as you leaned your face his chest followed by a kiss on his cheek. it was unusual on how he didn't return your advances as he walked past you.
his gloomy approach was affecting you as you placed a concerning hand on his shoulder, the surprise you prepared for him suddenly slipping out of your mind.
"what's wrong, honey?" you asked as you felt him tense up.
"you know i love you, right?" he said, and you thought you've read those words from a book before. you just hoped that the words he would say next wouldn't hurt you as much as the words on the book did.
you hummed in response as satoru turned to face you.
"i'm really sorry, my love. please forgive me."
"satoru, what's wrong? why are you– i'm scared." you said as satoru face palmed, his own body giving up as he was forced to sit down on the couch as he opened his mouth to speak and..
what was he saying? you sure you've heard it but, it sounds muffled when it entered your ears.
"i'm so sorry." he said as he stood up, embracing you as tight as he could so you wouldn't have a chance to step away from him.
"how long?" you muttered and satoru wasn't familiar with the tone of your voice. he didn't respond and it made your blood boil as you pushed him. "i asked how long!" you yelled.
"4 months."
"4 months?! 4 fucking months and you're just informing me about it right now? is that why you're not always home?!" you were screaming at this point and satoru tried to reach for your hand but you were quick to draw back.
"i already cut off ties with her! please believe me."
"satoru, you got someone pregnant! do you want the child to grow up without a father?" you exclaimed as you released a heavy sigh.
"it was just a mistake, we were drunk." satoru said as he embraced you.
-
"are you sure you'd let me attend the reunion?"
"yup, why? don't you want to?" you said as you fixed his tie.
"my ex is going to be there, though." he said and out of all the reactions he could get from you, he didn't expect you to smile at him as you pinch his nose.
"i trust you, satoru. i already did the moment we exchanged vows."
-
satoru was sure that the trust you had for him was already gone by now.
"take responsibility, satoru." you said as you push him by his chest.
"i love you so so so much, (name). please, i can't live without you."
"satoru, you can't just have me around while raising a child with another woman! what would people say?"
"like i told you, i already cut off ties with her."
"i know how it feels to grow up without a father, satoru." you mumbled as you look down on the ground. "it'll be fine. i'll manage, somehow."
"no–"
"why are you being stubborn!"
"you're being selfish!" he exclaimed as you gasp in surprise. selfish? you? how could he say that.
"you'll thank me someday, satoru." you mumbled.
"(name), please.."
"satoru. understand the situation." you weren't screaming anymore and.. why was he crying?
satoru took your hand on his as he placed it on his cheek and leaned on it, his tears stopping on your fingers and, you couldn't help but tear up as well.
"it'll be fine." you mumbled, voice breaking as you closed your eyes.
"i swear will all of my heart, that i love love love you. i'm sorry, forgive me. i didn't have enough courage to tell you sooner, because i was scared that it'll end up, like how it is now."
"it'll eventually come, you can't hide it from me forever, y'know." the storm was starting to calm as both of you spoke with hushed tones. "now go."
"let's talk about this one more time, please?" he mumbled as you slowly removed his hand on yours.
"then tell me, 'toru. what's there left for us to talk about?" you asked and satoru was, unfortunately quiet. "there's nothing, right?"
"love, please. i'm so sorry."
"what's done is done, satoru. we couldn't possibly go back in time and fix everything, right?"
"please." he whispered, hoping for something that he, himself doesn't even know what.
"i won't hate you for this, satoru. it's just– i hope you told me sooner."
"i'm so sorry. i'm grateful to have you as my wife, i'm sorry if i couldn't treat you like how you deserve it."
he really didn't deserve you. you were so understanding that satoru couldn't even look at you in the eyes.
"i'll say it as many times as i could. i love you. i didn't regret marrying you." he said as he cupped your tear stained cheeks and leaned his forehead on yours. "i don't really deserve you." satoru leaned in, kissing you and kissed back because both of you knew that, it was for the last time.
satoru left your apartment after settling things out. you fell on the couch as you felt something on the pocket of your cardigan.
"fuck." you muttered as you laughed bitterly, clutching the results in your hand, placing it close to your chest. you forgot the surprise and now that satoru have made up his mind, you knew there was no point on telling him anymore. grow up without a father, huh? now you're the one to talk.
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a week has passed.
"hey." he acknowledged as he sat beside you inside the court.
"hey." you responded as you fiddle with your fingers. a gesture satoru noticed when you're uncomfortable. were you uncomfortable around him?
"how have you been?"
"i don't know." you said as satoru went silent.
"are you okay? let's stop this divorce if you–?"
"no, i just don't feel well."
"you can still change minds, y'know." satoru mumbled, anxiously tapping his feet on the floor.
should you tell him? it was a chance, the only chance left before you and satoru have to separate ways. but as you recalled it, he mentioned that his supposed to be ex was 4 months pregnant and you were just on you were just on 12 weeks, equivalent to more or less than 2 months. it was her advantage.
"it'll be fine." you said as you sighed.
"you always say that."
-
"so, this is it?" you said as you stand across each other and satoru looked to his side and he was caught off guard when he felt you hold his hand, he took note of your cold hands.
you placed the wedding ring on his palms as you forced to close it.
"no." he said as he placed it back on you after removing his own ring. "i want you to keep it. for us." he said.
"okay." you said, turning around as you placed his ring and yours inside your bag.
"(name)." he called as you looked back. "i'm sorry i broke my promise, to have a happy family with you." he said and you wanted to tear up but you reminded yourself that it's not the right time to as you smiled at him.
"find me in another life then we can have a happy family there." you joked as both of you laughed.
is it normal to be like this with each other as if satoru hadn't just got his ex pregnant? as if both of you just haven't came out of the court after signing the divorce papers?
"i'll come and visit when i can." he said, and you hoped he would keep his words this time.
"okay."
"for the last time. i love you." you do too, but this time, you didn't say it back anymore.
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"don't you think sanyu is a good name for our child?" satoru said as you look up at him.
"do you want to have one?"
"i'd love to have a happy family with you."
"is that so? but why sanyu?"
"sanyu means happiness. it means we are happy that we have him." he said as you chuckled in response.
"and how are you so sure that it would be a boy?"
"instincts."
-
his instincts was right. you had a son with him and you named him sanyu.
unfortunately, when sanyu turned a year of age, it was found that he had a very weak heart. there wasn't a day where you and your son doesn't visit a hospital. he was just a kid but they already wanted to take him away from you.
"mama." sanyu called. there were a lot of tubes that was connecting his body and it hurts to see your son suffer like this. you always hoped that it was you suffering instead of sanyu.
"yes?" you responded as you sat on the nearby chair.
"papa? where?" he curiously asked and your heart couldn't hurt more. you were lying to your child all this time, that his father was not around because of his job. you'll have to explain it to him when he grows up though.
you held sanyu's hand on yours as you softly caress it.
"papa's not here. he's very very busy!" you said as sanyu frowned. "don't worry, papa will see you soon, okay?"
"okay. love love mama, papa."
-
you bit your bottom lip as you stared at your contacts. you're eyes switching from the phone to the surroundings as you slowly became anxious.
his contact was still in your emergency. you took a deep breath but in the end, you just couldn't dial his number, proceeding to call the person below his contact as you place the speaker close to your ear.
"hello?" you said as you heard a small gasp from the other side of the phone.
"hey, how are you? we haven't seen you since."
"i'm doing fine, thank you for asking, geto."
"what's the matter? why'd you call all of the sudden?"
"satoru." you said as you paused, gathering some courage left in you. "um, how is he?"
"well– he's doing good."
"he is, huh?" you mumbled. "can i ask you a favor, please?"
"of course. is it about satoru?"
"kind of?"
"alright, but satoru's a very busy man now, that's why it's gonna be hard to contact him these days."
oh.
"don't worry, it's not about that. can you– can you come here at the hospital? i'll send you the address and explain it to you later."
-
suguru arrived early than you expected it to.
"i'm sorry for calling out of the blue." you said as you approached him on the front desk.
"it's fine." suguru said as he shrugged. "why here at the hospital? are you sick?"
"i'm not. come, follow me." you said and suguru silently obliged as you finally stopped at a certain door. suguru noticed your discomfort as you slowly opened the door.
"mama!"
"hi baby. i brought someone." you said as you approached your son.
"what?" suguru mumbled in disbelief and he was left frozen on the door, his eyes widening. it was like a child version of satoru was infront of him.
"papa?" sanyu asked as he tilted his head to the said.
"i'm sorry, sanyu. i can only bring papa's friend." you said, your heart aching as your son frowned.
"sanyu?" suguru asked as he approached the two of you.
"i'm sanyu!" your son exclaimed and once again, suguru could only sigh in disbelief.
-
"how old is sanyu?" suguru asked when both of you left the room to grab a drink outside.
"he's 4 years old."
"does satoru know?"
"no."
"then tell him." easier said than done.
"you know i can't." you mumbled. "the favor–" you said as you faced suguru. "can you tell sanyu about his father? i just couldn't.." you mumbled as you played the can of the drink with your thumb.
"alright." suguru said and you smiled at him in return.
"thank you so much. it's just.. the doctors said he doesn't have enough time to–" you paused as you wiped your tears with your sleeves. "sorry for asking you this, geto. you are the closest to satoru, that's why."
"i understand, don't worry about it too much."
"i just couldn't tell satoru. i want sanyu to know what he wants to know. i couldn't tell him because i'm scared that i'll tear up once i mention his father to him. they said sanyu's running out of time.. i don't know– i'll just have to accept it nonetheless." suguru looked at you in pity as he embraced you.
"don't think about it, okay? sanyu will live and so satoru will know about it. i'll help you with it, 'kay?"
"okay, thank you.."
-
"you look like your papa."
"really?!" sanyu exclaimed happily as suguru hummed in response. "mama said papa is busy.."
"it's true, that's why i am here to tell you about your papa." sanyu looked at suguru hesitantly as he proceeded to ask a question.
"hmm.. is my papa good?" sanyu asked as suguru looked at you.
"he is. and he loves your mama so much."
"then why is he always busy?"
"sanyu." you called him, indicating to not asked those type of questions as he frowned.
and so sanyu asked a lot of things about his papa like what's his favorite color, favorite food, what he hates the most and many more, and you were thankful that suguru was there to answer it all when you couldn't.
-
"thank you, geto. i somehow feel at ease now."
"why don't you tell satoru about this?" suguru said as you started to zone out. should you? or should you not?
part of you believes that satoru has the right to know but part of you doubts it. satoru have a family now, a family without you. how would people think if they found out the owner of the famous company has a son from another woman?
you were once married to satoru, it was a mistake to let him take responsibility of his ex' pregnancy but, she was already at her 4 months of pregnancy while you're on your 12 weeks, she's clearly at the advantage.
"i'll try." you said as you embraced yourself for warmth.
"he's free around this time every thursdays." suguru said and you only nodded at his words.
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satoru was on his way to his office and he thought he caught a glimpse of you and, he wasn't wrong, it was really you.
"(name)?" you were startled at the voice as you placed your phone behind you.
"gojo–"
"i hate it when you call me that. call me satoru." he said, frowning at you as you laughed nervously. "you look tired. what's–"
get straight to the point.
"are you busy?" you asked, cutting him off.
"well.." he placed his palm on his nape as he looked behind your shoulders.
"dad!" a voice called as a kid you haven't saw appeared beside him. "what's taking you so long? mom's waiting."
"i'm sorry (name)."
"no, it's fine." you said, smiling at him and satoru knew better than anyone that your smile was forced.
"who's she, dad?" the kid asked. this must be satoru's child.
"an old friend, sanyu." satoru said as he looked at you and he wonders what made you look surprised. "go ahead first, i'll follow after you." he said as his son started to walk away.
"sanyu, huh?" you said as you looked behind his son's retreating figure.
"yeah. sorry about that." satoru said.
"why?"
"i don't know. but it was supposed to be our son's name."
"that's all in the past now." you didn't mean to sound harsh and it hurts.
"right."
"i'll take my leave then." you said, every step you take makes your heart ache as an apology for you son slipped out of your mind.
"(name)." he called once again as you stopped in your tracks but you didn't face him.
"you were right when you said i'll thank you someday." he mumbled and you knew very well that he was smiling as you gulped the lump in your throat. "so thank you. i am the happiest father, ever. even if–" he paused and you didn't respond. it was like he was rubbing a salt in your wound as you heard him sigh. "see you then." he said as you felt his hand on your shoulder for a moment before his footsteps disappeared, and then you took your leave after, going back to your son, who was waiting for your arrival.
but, why was this happening to you? of all people?
"hold onto mama's hand, mhm?"
"mama, sorry."
"mama's sorry too, i promised that you'll see papa but–" sanyu shake his head, something like disagreeing to your apologies.
"it's okay, mama." sanyu mumbled, the sound of the monitor beeping slowing down as you hold onto his hand tight. this happened before already, he will get back to normal soon, you were sure.
"mama loves sanyu, papa too. always remember that, okay?"
-
"hey (name)!" suguru called from the distance as he approached you. "what are you doing outside? oh by the way, i was wondering if i can bring shoko too? she would be delighted to see a carbon copy of satoru." suguru chuckled but he noticed that you were quiet, your hand was between your thighs as you stare at the ground.
the door opening caught your attention as the doctor came out after what it seemed like a year as he slowly shake his head left to right.
"i'm sorry ms. (name) but your son didn't make it."
"but you said he'll be fine! i am paying enough why couldn't you–!"
"i'm very sorry. we already did what we can." you were about to start an argument when you felt a hand on your shoulders and the doctor bowed at you before leaving.
and it all came crashing down as your body lost its strength, unintentionally leaning on someone, which was suguru.
"what am i supposed to do now?" you asked, the emotions you've been keeping all this time was starting to go out, all at once. "sanyu's all i have." you didn't even care if people watch as they walk pass by. "what should i do now, satoru?" you mumbled, voice breaking as you call the name of the person that wasn't even around.
-
"my condolences, (name)." suguru had managed to calm you down as he handed you a bottled water and sat beside you.
"i've decided to cremate sanyu. it hurts but it'll be for the best so.. so i could keep him near me." you said.
"i'll support your decision but i think you should tell satoru about it."
"no." you said, your tone was strict but it was quick to dissipate as you clutched the bottle in your hand. "i went to his workplace yesterday."
"what happened?" suguru asked.
"his son's name is sanyu too. i'm guessing you know it?" you asked as breath hitched silenty.
"yeah." he mumbled.
"well, it was the name he wanted when we were still planning." you mumbled as you smiled at the memory. "geto, i trust you not to tell anyone about this. it's just you and me who know this, okay?"
"i'm sorry but–" suguru paused. "i told shoko about it." you were surprised at first as you sighed at him.
"it's fine. i trust shoko too."
"yeah, sorry about that but– i was really hoping that you tell satoru about it because–"
"there's no need. thank you for telling my child everything he wanted to know, geto. i owe you."
"listen–"
"geto, as much as i am thankful for you, please understand that i don't want to hear things regarding satoru anymore." you said as suguru nods in response, feeling bad for pushing you when your still mourning for your lost and now that you had lost your only strength to continue living, what should you do now?
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I don't know if how readers going to get everyone jobs once their all humans, I know you've only just touched on it and will be exploring it more later, but I could imagine there being sooooo many shenanigans around it.
~
Reader: Okay Charlie, it says here to fill in all your details. I got your full name, address, blah blah blah... Hey, whats your age? Forgot to fill that one in.
Charlie: Oh! I'm 271. Hehe, time sure flies by you know.
Reader: ... Okay. *types 27*
~
Reader: Okay, so there isn't any available host positions at the local station but they are looking for some intern with pay. It says here that there is an option to rise the ranks if you take them, is that alright?
Alastor: I suppose it will have too do, at least its better to work in radio than in any other pointless media. Besides, I'm sure they'll see I'm quite the suitable candidate if the current host needs to be... Replace.
Reader: Please don't kill our local host Al.
~
Reader: Age?
Angel: 36.
Reader: Date of birth?
Angel: 1911, just after the turn of the century.
Reader: *Do mental maths to figure when Angel should have been born if he's currently 36*
~
Reader: Any useful skills relevant for the job in question?
Lucifer: I have been the King of Hell since its creation, that should count for something.
Reader: ...
Lucifer: ... Um, I am a hobbyist toy maker? Would that help?
~
Reader: So it says that there are plenty of bars, restaurants, clubs and café in the area looking for waiting staff. Do you want me to send your CV to all of them right now or do you want to look them over first?
Husk: I don't see why I can't just walk in and ask for a job, that's what we used to do. You even printed a CV out for me, that's alot more than I had when I first got employed.
Reader: ... You do not understand how much I currently wish ya'll could do that.
Okay I absolutely love all these little scenarios you've made and I can definitely see them happening 🤣🤣
Readers gonna have one helluva rough time getting them in jobs and with this cast, woooo boy!!
I feel like we both have the same brain rot for this au (⁠~⁠‾⁠▿⁠‾⁠)⁠~
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little-diable · 3 days
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Too Sweet - Dean Winchester (smut)
Of course I had to write something with one of Hozier's new songs. We aren't surprised, are we? Please like and reblog if you enjoyed reading this, your comments keep us writers motivated! Enjoy my loves. xxx
Summary: Dean and the reader are stuck in a back-and-forth they can't escape from, until his jealousy manages to push her away from him. But Dean won't let her go, he just won't.
Warnings: 18+, smut, oral (f), piv, some jealousy/possessiveness, quite fluffy
Pairing: Dean Winchester x fem!reader (2.3k words)
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It can't be said I'm an early bird, it’s 10 o'clock before I say a word, baby, I can never tell, how do you sleep so well?
“Dean, c’mon! We have to go.” (Y/n)’s voice echoed through the Bunker, hands pressed to her sides as she called for the older Winchester brother. Annoyance was flushing through her system, already fed up with Dean not managing to get up on time, already fed up with how he went against everything she told him. “If you don’t get up, I’ll kill you in your–”
The door to his room was pushed open before (y/n) could finish her sentence, eyes staring at Dean. He wore his signature smirk, arms crossed in front of his chest to study her as he leaned against the door frame. 
“You will kill me where?” His voice still had the morning rasp to it that left her thighs trembling, unable to say something as Dean reached for her, pulling (y/n) flush against him. Her breath hitched in her chest, her heart pounding against her ribcage as if she had just finished fighting a supernatural being. “Speak when you’re asked to.”
“Fuck you!” She ripped herself free as Dean’s loud laughter clawed through him, high on the feeling of (y/n) pressed against him. Heat flushed through her as she turned from him, putting some distance between her and Dean before he could taunt her some more. 
For years, the two had been stuck in the same circle, a back and forth that never crossed any lines, just filled with teasing, bickering, and some unspoken heartbreak whenever one of them took somebody else to bed. A circle both desperately wanted to escape from, a circle both hated more than words could express, a circle neither of them managed to speak of to the other.
……
You keep tellin' me to live right, to go to bed before th​​e daylight, but then you wake up for the sunrise, you know you don't gotta pretend
She had her eyes focused on Dean, how he was leaning against the bar with a beer in his hand, with his eyes focused on the blonde woman standing close to him. Anger was flushing through (y/n)’s veins, wondering if he simply wanted to taint her, to annoy her some more after a day filled with bickering, or if he was genuinely interested in the woman who looked like all others he had chatted up in the past weeks. 
“You look lonely.” A voice spoke up, forcing her out of her thoughts. (Y/n)’s gaze found the dark eyes of a man standing close to her. For a second, she wanted to push him away, to tell him to leave her alone, but knowing that she was desperate for any kind of distraction guided her words right out of her mouth. 
“Seems like it.” He sat down next to her, and let his eyes wander over her features, while (y/n) managed to look back at Dean once again. She almost choked on her sip of beer as she found him staring at her from the bar, lips pulled into a thin line, jaw muscles ticking in anger. “What’s your name?”
“Mike, and yours?” A smile began to widen on (y/n)’s lips, urged on by the feeling of Dean’s intense gaze, knowing that he now felt the same annoyance she had felt only moments ago. (Y/n) murmured her name, but no further word managed to leave her. 
She felt him before she saw him, with goosebumps rising on her skin, with her breaths growing shallow, with her mind and her heart racing. Dean came to a halt next to (y/n), staring at Mike before his dark green eyes found hers. Without speaking another word, he cupped her cheek, leaned down and pressed a kiss to her lips. 
The kiss was over before she could begin to freak out, not sparing Mike, who left the two without another word, a thought. Neither Dean nor (y/n) spoke up, wide eyes staring at one another as both began to realise that they had just shared their first kiss. 
“What the fuck, Dean?” She gave him a push away, reached for her jacket and pushed past Dean before he could say something. For years she had waited for a kiss, needing to feel his lips pressed against hers, imagining feeling him close. But now, as it had happened because Dean had tried to prove something to himself and perhaps to her, she couldn’t find any enjoyment in it.
The cold night clashed against her warm face, she tried to blink her angry tears away as he called her name, catching up with (y/n) within seconds. Dean’s hand clamped down on her wrist, forcing (y/n) to a sudden halt.
“How dare you?” (Y/n) spat her words as she ripped her hand from Dean's grasp, wrapping her arms around her middle as if she were hugging herself. There was something swimming in his pupils, something that tightened her throat, that made her mouth feel dry. 
“Why are you so angry?” A scoff clawed through her, a sound so angry that Dean was close to taking a step away from her, close to flinching. For a few moments, all they did was stare at one another, eyes not daring to break contact, even as her tears resurfaced, blurring (y/n)’s vision. 
“For years I wait for you to kiss me. For years I had to watch you chat up some women who weren't me. And then you kiss me to prove some fucked up point? You kiss me to push away a man who showed some form of interest in me. And for what? For what Dean?” Her words worked like a slap, forcing him to quiet down. (Y/n) turned from him again, she began walking, took about five steps before she came to another halt. “I don’t want to see you again for a while, you can work the case on your own.” 
And for the first time since knowing Dean, she hoped that he’d chase her, that he’d force her to give in. But he didn’t, all he did was stare at her, and watch her leave. 
……
I think I'll take my whiskey neat, my coffee black, and my bed at three, you're too sweet for me
“(Y/n)?” Dean’s voice echoed through the evening, forcing her eyes from her book. It had been days since they had returned from their last hunt, forced to share an uncomfortable, quiet drive home. Ever since they had returned, they hadn’t spoken, (y/n) had kept her distance, and Dean had somehow disappeared, no longer crossing paths with her. “Can I come in?”
The hum leaving her urged Dean to step into her room. Their eyes were drawn to one another like magnets, leaving her trembling as she closed her book. Slowly Dean walked towards (y/n), sitting down next to her to pull her against his chest before she could pull away. 
“I have been stupid, so fucking stupid. Ever since I met you, I knew that I needed you, wanted you, but fuck, I knew that it was a dangerous game, and losing you was too high of a price. Seeing you with that guy did something to me, I don’t even know what. I shouldn’t have kissed you, at least not like that.” She shuffled around in Dean’s grasp, cheek no longer pressed to his chest, though eyes now fully directed at his face. “I wanted to give you time, but staying away from you is something I can’t do, something I don’t want to do.” 
“I wish you would have kissed me sooner, or in some other situation. You had no right to act like that when you’re the one talking to other women no matter where we go, Dean.” The hum leaving him drew a sigh from (y/n). Wordlessly she placed her head back down on his chest, letting the seconds blur by as he got lost in his thoughts. 
“Can I have another chance to make things right?” Dean’s hand found her chin, forcing her eyes back towards his again. All she did was nod her head, watching him dip down to softly kiss her. No longer did she feel the same anger, no longer was she annoyed at him for treating her like that, no, she was now solemnly focused on the feeling of his lips moving against hers. 
Dean pulled her into his lap without breaking the kiss, leaving both to hiss as she ground her middle against his. Their hands did impatient work, tugging on one another’s shirts, exposing her bra-clad chest to his wandering eyes. He ripped her bra from her frame, tongue finding her left nipple as his hand worked on the other, high on the sounds wrecking through (y/n). 
“This is even better than I imagined.” She wanted to comment on the fact that he had seemingly imagined a situation like this, she wanted to tell Dean that she had been held hostage by the same thoughts, but she couldn’t. (Y/n) felt his hardening cock press against her core, urged on by her need for friction. “I can’t wait to fuck you, to show you how you’ll always be mine.”
“Forever.” The single word rolling off (y/n)’s tongue left Dean groaning, flipping them around to pull her trousers from her trembling legs, panties following. His darkening eyes wandered up and down her frame while he undressed, exposing his hard cock to her hungry eyes, leaving (y/n) breathless. 
Dean spoke no other warning as he buried his face between her thighs, lapping at her arousal-covered folds, desperate to taste her. Curses rumbled through the both of them while (y/n) was high on the feeling of Dean’s tongue pushing her closer and closer to the edge, the feeling of his thumb circling her pulsing bundle with just enough pressure to leave her gasping. Dean found himself addicted to her taste, to her sounds, to the way she trembled for him only. 
“This is better than heaven, fuck, I’ll do that daily from now on.” He murmured his words against her warm skin, leaving the spots trembling as he let his gaze flicker up to her pleasure-drunken features. One of her hands found his, interlacing their fingers to squeeze his hand, telling him she was all too close. 
“Cum for me, sweetheart, show me how good I’m making you feel.” (Y/n) came with a call of his name, eyes squeezed shut, lips parted. Dean was close to reaching for his phone to film every passing second for him to watch whenever he’d be away from her. But the sight of her orgasm wrecking through her was enough to leave him frozen to the spot. 
“Dean,” (y/n) panted his name, slowly opening her eyes to stare at him. “I need you to fuck me, I can’t wait any longer.” 
Within seconds, he had them repositioned, with (y/n) back in his lap, holding onto his shoulders. He rolled a condom down his twitching cock while (y/n) caught her breath, preparing herself for another intense orgasm. Dean’s hands held her waist as she sunk down on him, foreheads pressed together to adjust, to grasp onto the sensation. 
“Oh god, Dean, you’re so big.” Her walls fluttered around him, trying to get used to his size, to the feeling of him stretching her. Dean’s raspy chuckles guided her on, urging her to move, to rock her hips against his. He supported her every movement, stabilising her as she rode him. Their sounds grew louder, more passionate as they took what they were aching for, clinging to one another like boats rocking ashore. 
He’d forever be her lighthouse, the guiding force she’d search for in times of need, while she was the boat sailing him home, allowing him to be the truest form of himself. 
“You’re doing so well, sweetheart.” Dean’s praises shot heat through her, forcing her fingernails into his shoulders to cling to him, trying not to pay the ache in her thighs too much of her attention. But Dean seemed to pick up on it, giving her a slight push away to force her down on the mattress. 
With their eyes holding contact he pushed back into her, groaning at the feeling. Dean fucked her as if the devil was chasing him, begging them to give in before he could get his grasp on the two lovers. Their moans ripped through them, telling them that they were close, oh so close. 
“Touch yourself, make yourself cum on my cock.” Her fingers blindly followed his command, circling her clit to push her over the edge. (Y/n) choked on Dean’s name as she came, letting her fingernails scratch at his skin to leave behind marks that wouldn’t fade for days. Dean gave it a few more thrusts before he gave in, letting go with a groan that made her clench around him once again. 
“I don’t think it’s ever been this intense for me.” (Y/n)’s confession left Dean chuckling, he parted from her to press a kiss to her lips, eyes searching hers for a second. He threw the condom away before he returned to her bed, wrapping (y/n) in his arms with his eyes glued to hers. 
“Trust me, sweetheart, it had never been like that for me as well.” 
 I take my whiskey neat, my coffee black and my bed at three, you're too sweet for me
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bellodazai · 2 days
Text
‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚. - Kiss it better
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breaking the peaceful silence of the armed detective agency on a gorgeous sunny day was the yelp of Dazai. He who had for once had put pen to paper and was sorting through paperwork had given himself a paper cut.
"belllaaa" he whined to you from across the room to where your desks were placed, separated, as Dazai could not go for 5 minutes without distracting you in any way shape or form if you were close together. He. In his words would say "how can I not give attention to my bella when she is right there just begging for me to smoother her with kisses" he would say in a overdramatic tone as if you were dying and closing his eyes with his hand thrown over his forehead to add emphasis to the drama.
Dazai rolled his chair over to you making sure to bump into as many people as possible on his way, he stops right next to you at your desk his rolly chair bumping yours slightly making you stomp your feet to the ground to keep yourself in place.
"it hurts" he whined to you showing his tiny paper cut on his index finger which had a small white slash, not even oozing out blood. You stare at him, not phased by his dramas anymore as this was the norm. "this is a sign to never do my paper work again! to think of the time i spent slaving away today, only to be bestowed upon the paper attacking my poor flesh!" he said quite loudly causing an irritated Kunikida to shoot Dazai a glare as if to say "shut up" from the commotion he was causing in the one peaceful office. You gave his forehead a gentle kiss before saying "you'll be fine, now off to work please." Dazai stared at you for a split second flustered by your affection big brown eyes staring at you. The PDA doesn't go unnoticed by Kunikida who voices his displeasure with this being a "professional space" and not a place for PDA. Dazai just snickers, ready to antagonise Kunikida who can never catch a break. "you're just jealous that I have a beautiful girlfriend and you don't" he jeered towards his partner while half throwing his body onto yours over the rolly chair armrests. his words resulted in a threat being yelled at towards Dazai by a poor overwhelmed Kunikida.
You stand up before Dazai could say anything else, rolling Dazai back to his desk by pushing is chair his feet dragging against the ground in protest. he sighs loudly at his desk and begins to recklessly sort out his paperwork and not even a minute later theres a high pitched shriek from Dazai who yells out "i'm bleeding! the paper has yet again damaged me, i'm bleeding out now!" Before Kunikida can yell at Dazai again who looks at Dazai as if he is ready to strangle him, you grab Dazai by the arm pulling him into the infirmary currently empty a small smirk plastered onto his face shot towards Kunikida unnoticed by you.
Dazai sits on the bed long legs touching the ground, you look around finding some alcohol wipes and some bandaids before placing the items on the bed next to Dazai's seated form. Grabbing his bleeding index finger you take one alcohol wipe dabbing the small open wound wiping away the blood. His face winces in slight discomfort from the sting of the wipe on the wound. "this is what you get for acting recklessly Osamu" you said softly tossing the wipe in the bin before grabbing the bandaid and wrapping it around his index finger.
You keep ahold of his finger as he whines about how much his poor poor finger hurts and how he will never do paperwork again. Bringing his finger to your lips you gently kiss it softly causing Dazai's breath to hitch for a moment in slight shock, he stares at you lips parted slightly. "better?" you ask with a smile, a small smirk at making Dazai flustered. Gaining back his composure Dazai shakes his head "hurts here too" he said giving you his other index finger holding it up in front of your face waiting for you to kiss his other finger, to which you do earning a mischievous look to flash in his eyes.
"i knocked my head today here" he said with a sad tone pointing to his forehead. "kiss it better?" he asked jutting his bottom lip out into a pout which you can't say no to leaning down slightly to kiss his forehead.
"and here" he said as he kept directing you to different places in his face to kiss. "you know what hurts the most and is in desperate need for your precious healing kiss?" he asked hiding his smirk.
Dazai pointed to his lips and innocent look on his face. "my lips are in agony for your lips to give me a healing kiss to relinquish me from the horrors of injury" he exclaimed. You stare at him unamused by his antics but he grips your wrists not letting you move away from him.
"bella" he pouts "kiss kiss?" he said making kissing noises. "kiss kiss pain go away?" he said in a sad, innocent way. You lean down and press your lips to his gently, Dazai doesn't waste any time reciprocating, letting go of your wrists to bring his hands to cup your cheeks urging for more, whining when you pull away. "one more? it still hurts." he said still feigning misery from his 'pain'.
"no more Osamu' you giggle. "we need to go back to work if you want to go home on time today." he shakes his head in protest "just one more bella?" Dazai brings one of his hands to his heart, placing it palm down, the other raised slightly in the air "if you give me another kiss I promise to do some dreadful paperwork"
"Just one more" you smiled before leaning down to kiss him again.
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©bellodazai 2024
thank you for the love on the last post ❤️😭 I hope you enjoy this one :) Likes and reblogs are appreciated
dividers by @/benkeibear
taglist @saelique
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maplesyrupsainz · 1 day
Note
Congrats on 1k angel! So proud of you and your incredible mind! May I please request a Charles Leclerc blurb with number 5 off the prompt list? My bashful, shy self would melt, especially with it being written by your hand.
pairing: charles leclerc x fem reader y/n (she/her)
genre: blurb
warnings: none
prompt: five [driver] trying to get you to go on a date with him
a/n: thank u so much omg this is the sweetest ask ever i hope this lives up to ur expectations 🥹🥹🫶🫶🫶🫶 it's kind of SO LONG hahahaha but it was fun to write tbh i couldn't stop 😛
my masterlist | 1k celebration
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you knew nothing about formula one whatsoever. well, you knew it was fast cars driving around in circles. somehow your best friend had finally dragged you to a race after begging for what felt like forever.
so here you were, stood in the middle of the paddock alone, lost and extremely confused. your friend was dating a driver and had said they would both meet you at his garage, however you did not know where you were at all.
“lost?” you heard a male voice from behind you, startling you slightly. “oh, sorry. i didn't mean to scare you.”
“you're fine,” you brushed it off, “i actually am super lost.”
“yea, you're not keeping it much of a secret.” he chuckled softly, causing a slight blush of pink to rise onto your cheeks. “where are you trying to get to?”
“my best friend, i'm supposed to be meeting her at..” you paused softly as you unlocked your phone to check the garage name you had been texted earlier that morning. “alpine.”
“ah!” the man's eyes lit up with some sort of recognition. “you are kika’s friend. i will take you to her.”
“oh, it's really okay if you just send me in the right sort of direction. you don't need to go out of your way for me,” you smile at him softly, willing him to leave you alone with your eyes – you are much too shy to be spending too much time with a man, a very attractive one at that.
“oh don't worry, i couldn't leave a girl as pretty as you out here alone. follow me,” he wiggled his eyebrows at you before turning on his heel, with you following behind meekly.
“so,” the dreaded word left his lips; now you were going to have to converse with this gorgeous man. “how long have you known kika?”
“my whole life, we went to prom together and everything.” you smile to yourself at the memory, and he lets out a laugh that sounds like music to your ears. the mindless small talk seems to come somewhat easy to you with him, a first for sure. you almost feel disappointed when you see what is clearly the alpine garage ahead of you.
“ah, here we are.” he smiles at you, before suddenly offering his hand to you. “by the way, i'm charles.”
“y/n,” you say and nod softly at him, taking his outstretched hand to shake hesitantly.
“y/n,” he repeats, studying your face much too intently, causing the pink blush from earlier to return to your cheeks. “and what are you doing this evening, y/n?”
you shrug and mumble out a reply along the lines of claiming to be hanging out kika and her boyfriend, pierre. in reality, you have no plans at all but the way this stranger says your name sends your head spinning and butterflies filling your stomach.
“let me take you out.” he states abruptly, catching you off guard completely. you have never had a man as gorgeous as charles hit on you so blatantly before.
a small laugh escapes your lips as you begin to shake your head before speaking, “i'm not sure about that..” you see charles’ brow furrow slightly at your reply; a man so beautiful must be shocked by a rejection.
“y/n! charles! you guys met!” you almost sigh in relief as you hear the voice of your best friend behind you, and the feeling of her grabbing you into an embrace that you gladly return.
“kika, i'm so glad to see you,” you say, muffled into her hair as you hug. she lets go of you, holding you at arms length and studying you intently, making you laugh.
“you just get more and more beautiful every time i see you!” she exclaims in glee before turning to charles, “hi charles, i'm glad you got to meet my beautiful friend.”
“the pleasure is all mine,” he flashed a grin at you, causing the butterflies that lay dormant in your stomach to take flight again.
“anyway, i just wanted to say, y/n,” kika looked at you mischievously, “me and pierre have something on tonight. i wanted to check that you're okay keeping yourself entertained this evening?” you narrowed your eyes at her. you knew exactly what she was doing.
“actually,” you look up at the new voice in the conversation, to see pierre with his arm slung lazily over charles’ shoulders. “how about you and charles hang out, y/n? i think you'd get on.”
“what an amazing idea!” kika lets out a squeal, clapping her hands together.
“no, i–”
“i'll see you tonight then, y/n. 7?” charles winked at you, before turning on his heel and heading back to his own garage, you assumed. you groaned.
“guys...”
“oh y/n/n, you'll thank us later, i'm sure.” pierre, laughing at your obvious discomfort.
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hoonloml · 2 days
Text
PARTY ; LEE HEESEUNG
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hoonloml masterlist
pairing : roommate!heeseung x fem!reader
wordcount : 1521 words
warning : um touching her body a little 🤏🏻
chérie speaking : I'm lack of idea for the prince series actually, im this close 🤏🏻 to discontinued. But i still trying find idea. And here i am 😶
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You see Heeseung sitting alone on the sofa drinking in the living room. He looks lost in thoughts, you can hear music playing around you. You carefully sat next to him, your voice tender as you called him by his nickname, "Seung"
He looks up at you silently, his expression remains blank but you see some pain reflected in his eyes. He looks like he will cry but doesn't allow himself to do that. "Hm?"
"You didn't go to the party...?" you asked, a hint of surprise in your voice as you glanced at him. You remembered how desperately he had pleaded for you to come early, but you had to reject his invitation since you were busy with other tasks.
"no,"
He sips the drink and stares at the floor as he puts the glass down. He doesn't wanna look at you, seems like he is trying to avoid eye contact. A few seconds later he looks up at you still silent, he seems a little drunk. He puts the glass down again and turns his head to face the sofa. His lips curl into a bitter smile. "It's not like anybody noticed anyway, right?"
"I'm sorry, Heeseung," you apologized softly, regret lacing your words. "I'm very busy with my assignment."
"I heard that before."
He replies, his voice is cold and emotionless. You are not exactly used to this tone from Jay. Seems like you hurt him more than he showed.
"Look, it's not even a big deal about the party," you reasoned gently, trying to diffuse the tension. "Let's just focus on ensuring you're okay right now."
"I'm not just talking about the party! I'm talking about the whole thing!"
He slams his hand on the table and makes everything fall in place. He is drunk now and he is not keeping his emotions in control anymore.
"I tried. I put my heart in this, I tried to reach out to you, I tried to talk to you, but every time I had to deal with I'm busy, I don't have time bullshit."
"Please, Heeseung. I'll hang out with you after my exams, I promise. Please?" you pleaded earnestly, hoping he would understand your situation.
He puts the glass on the table and turns his body towards you finally looking at you. You can see he is a little mad now, his expression still serious but there's a certain bitterness in it. "You just want me around when it suits you, huh?"
"W-what do you mean?" You asked, your voice is full of uncertainty, and I would like clarification on his intentions.
"You are not interested in me otherwise; you avoid hanging out with me, you give me lame excuses, or don't give me an answer when I ask if you wanna hang out. But you'll come to me and pretend to care the night when I need somebody. Because you need me to make you feel better when you are lonely, right?"
"no, I'm not Heeseung"
"Yeah, sure."
He cuts you off, his eyes narrow. "I don't expect you to understand, I never expected it anyway."
He finishes his drink and tosses the glass behind him, it shatters on the floor in pieces. His voice gets rougher as he continues. "You don't even wanna try."
He stares at you sharply, his body is tense and it's hard to believe this boy is the one who used to be so kind and soft. You recognize it but he seems to be a completely different guy right now.
You were shocked when the glass shattered, your voice filled with concern. "Heeseung, are you crazy? You could get hurt!" you exclaimed, rushing to his side to make sure he was okay.
He didn't seem to care much about the glass. He doesn't look like he is sober anymore, his mood is getting worse and the alcohol is taking over.
"I'm a big boy, I can take care of myself."
He trails off for a moment and his grip loosens a little, he's breathing heavier. He shakes his head and clears his throat.
He stands up, a little wobbly, and starts walking towards you. He steps closer to you and puts his hands into your hair, a little roughly, he starts twisting it around his fingers, his grip is tight and your neck is pulled a little. 
"I'm so tired of those words... I'm always there for you, right? Whenever you need me but you.."
"I'm tired... I'm tired of being just your friend while I want something more." 
He says in a low voice. His tone changed suddenly and now he sounds like he is pleading you. He moves his face closer to you and tries to make eye contact.
"You know how I feel about you... So, please...I just need you to be by my side. Do that for me." He sounds soft and a bit desperate, his voice has cracked a little bit. He's getting drunk now.
Before you say anything, he suddenly moves his hand down to your waist and pulls himself closer to you, now he is directly facing you closely and their faces are inches apart. He keeps his grip tight and his other hand goes to your hair pulling you even closer. His breath hitches for a moment when his lips are only inches away from your face but he doesn't kiss you just yet. His hand on your waist gets lower and his gaze is fixed on your lips. He is drunk but he knows what he is doing right now.
"You're drunk, Heeseung... You will regret this tomorrow," you said softly, your words tinged with worry as you watched him, hoping he would listen to reason.
"Maybe I'll regret it." He replies with a strained smile, still doesn't move his lips away from yours. He is not drunk enough to lose control yet.
"But right now I wanna kiss you so let me enjoy it at least for tonight."
He leans in to close the gap and finally, your lips meet. He pulls you even closer as he starts kissing you. His kiss is sloppy, and his mouth is rough but his grip on you only gets tighter, his hand wraps around your lower back pulling you even closer to him.
It's not the kiss you would expect from Heeseung, he is usually sweet and gentle but tonight he is passionate and desperate. His lips bite on you playfully and his hands start gliding against your body. Despite your hesitation at the beginning of his kiss, you begin responding to him now, at first it's hesitant and a little uncertain but eventually you melt in his touch. His kiss turns more aggressive, now it's full of passion which makes your breath catch in your throat
Your bodies are pressed together, your lips parted with him, and his hands are all over your body. Heeseung is completely lost in the kiss. It feels so good, so right, like you have always been meant to belong with each other. His body moves around you while he deepens the kiss, leaning forward and then slowly tilting your head back. There is no reluctance anymore, you both are enjoying the kiss. Your bodies are pressed together tightly, he caresses your hair and neck with one hand while the other one goes lower towards your thigh.
Heeseung's body is pressing against yours now. Both of you are breathing heavily and you can feel his warmth around you, it feels so good. The alcohol has made him so bold and he is not holding back right now. He is slowly bringing down his hands to your thighs before his fingers reach under your shirt. He doesn't move his mouth away from you either to speak, it seems like he wants to keep this moment going for as long as possible.
His lips trail down to your neck and he starts kissing and nibbling on it eagerly, his other hand continues to wander under your shirt but now he is touching your bare skin. Heeseung is completely focused on you now, nothing else is important but the feel of your skin under his fingers. He wants to explore every inch of your body, the feeling of your skin is so addictive.
When his tongue finds its way to your neck and starts sucking on it, your body shivers in response but you don't pull away. Your chest feels like it's heavy and your heartbeat quickens. You put your arms around Heeseung's neck and pull him closer to you, you want to be even closer to him while he explores your body.
Heeseung's mouth is exploring your neck now. He kisses and bites you, he wants to devour you, and he starts to mark you as his. You can feel his warm breath on your skin and the hand under your shirt moves towards your stomach. Heeseung's heart is beating so fast that his chest is trembling, the passion and intimacy is driving him further and further.
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©hoonloml, 2024 - please do not steal, copy, or even repost on other platforms. Thank you 🙏🏻
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minkyungseokie · 2 days
Text
When Nothing Goes Right | LS2
synopsis; Y/n, Logan's long-distance gf, surprises him at the AusGP, but things aren't as happy as they should be
warnings; none
note; requested
note 2; Y/n has no mentioned race but doesn't know English. Jackson is an Oc and the reader’s older brother
Let me know whether you prefer first person or third person pov Please be nice. I haven't written in years and this is my first time writing for F1
Autosports Masterlist | Main Masterlist
I do not give anyone permission to change, copy, or put my work on any other platform. It will only be on top, so if you see it, please report it. Or let me know.
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It had been a few years since Y/n and Logan had begun dating. The two met as children after Y/n had started karting herself. They immediately hit off and stuck to each other like glue. Wherever Y/n was, you'd find Logan not far behind with a big smile on his face.
Their families could already tell that the two would be something more in the future. Your older siblings even started a bet on how long it would take for the two to fully understand their feelings and confess. Neither of them won because it only took them until the sixth grade to realize that what they felt wasn't platonic. They didn't understand their feelings fully, but they knew that they were no one just friends.
Everything has been perfect until Logan's career in karting began popping off and he soon entered F4. To make matters worse, Y/n's parents had split and decided that Y/n would go with her mother back to their home country. Dalton and Jackson thought it'd ruin the relationship the two youngest siblings had built and they'd break up, which would break the two since they were madly in love even if they fully couldn't understand what love was, but that wasn't the case.
Despite the distance between them, Y/n and Logan had decided to stay together and find long distance a try even though their parents, siblings, friends, cousins, and neighbours warned them that long distance was hard. Even people online said that long distance wasn't the best idea because it tended to end with one or both partners cheating on each other, however; Y/n and Logan trusted each other with their lives, so they decided to give it a chance.
                     •⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•
Now, Logan was a driver in Formula One and Y/n was studying at Uni. During their time apart, they'd only seen each other at least twice. Even though they haven't seen each other properly in years, they have only grown fonder of each other.
As the saying goes, "Distance makes the heart grow fonder"
Y/n plopped down on her bed in nothing but a towel, answering a FaceTime call that came in on her computer, "Hey, you." Y/n greeted happily, "Hey, babe. I'm sorry to call you so late. I know you're probably busy and tired from work..." Logan sighed. "No! You're fine, love. I just got out of the shower. Anyway, what's up?" Y/n asked, removing the towel off her head and running a hand through her hair, "Nothing much. I just wanted to see you." Logan flirted, giving Y/n a smile.
Y/n stood up from the bed and began towelling herself off, "That's cute. If I'm not wrong, the Australian GP is coming up. How do you feel?" Y/n questioned. "I'm excited. To be honest, I want doing well last year. But it's a new year and you know how I worked hard during the break, so I'm ready. Speaking of the Australian GP, do you think that you can come watch?" Logan hesitantly asked, looking down before looking back at Y/n, who was now sitting on her bed in pyjamas.
"I...Logie, you know I'd love to..." Y/n hesitantly started, "I know. You have work and school, but you have never come to a GP before. I want you to come to support me at least once. But I understand. I don't want to force or coerce you to do anything you can't or don't want to do. You'll eventually come to one, right?" Logan asked. "Of course. I plan on coming as soon as I have the time to." Y/n promised.
She kept thinking about the fact that she had never attended one of Logan's races and began feeling like a shit girlfriend, so she ended up DMing Logan's childhood friend whom she had only heard about from Logan, Oscar Piastri and he somehow got her in contact with Alex Albon, Logan's teammate. Together the three made plans to sneak Y/n into the GP without Logan noticing.
It wasn't hard.
She had notified her job and her school of her trip and packed for Australia. She got on a plane as soon as she could, which ended up being the afternoon of FP2,dropped her things off at the hotel, leaving it behind the desk so she could share a room with Logan, and made her way to the track with a VIP pass in her hand.
The girl was practically vibrating as she walked through the paddock by herself. She was supposed to be looking for Oscar or Alex, but she was way too excited to see her boyfriend again. Luckily, Alex spotted her while she was roaming the paddock, "Hey! You're Y/n, right? Logan's girlfriend?" The man asked, approaching her, "Oh, yes. You must be Alex. The teammate." Y/n said, holding out a hand for Alex to shake.
The British Thai driver looked down at her hand before taking it and giving it a firm shake, "It's lovely to meet you. Logan's been talking about you. A lot." Alex said, jokingly rolling his eyes as if he was annoyed, but he truthfully enjoyed seeing his teammate talk about someone who made him happy and kept him sane while he was having a shit year. "Hey, mate. Is this her?" Another voice asked, but this time it was with a strong Australian accent.
Y/n turned to see a brunette in an orange and black shirt approaching them, "You must be the Oscar Piastri that I heard so much about." Y/n said, reaching out fit his hand. Oscar smiled and shook her hand, "I am. You must be Y/n. Logan talks about you a lot." Oscar commented. "So I've been told. It's lovely seeing something other than the pictures Logan sent to me when you guys were younger." Y/n chuckled.
"Come on. FP2 is starting soon and we want you to reunite as quickly as possible." Alex said, leading you towards the garage with Oscar following behind, "So how long have you two been together?" Oscar questioned. "We've been dating for eleven years, I believe. Since we were twelve." Y/n answered, "Eleven years! That's a long time." Alex awed
Once they were close by, Y/n’s heart began to race. She hid behind Alex and Oscar so she was hidden while Oscar pulled out his phone to film the interaction, “Logan, mate! Come here.” Alex called, “What? Do you need something?” Logan asked, voice getting closer as he walked up to them. “We noticed you were feeling a bit nervous, so we brought you something to cheer you up.” Oscar spoke, “What is it?” Logan asked, narrowing his eyes. “Why don’t you guess?” Alex suggested, “Just tell me.” Logan said, “Come on, have a bit of fun with it. Guess.” Alex insisted.
“Just give me whatever it is, mate.” Logan groaned, Y/n chuckled and tapped the boys on their arms, signaling for them to step aside. Logan watched as Alex and Oscar shared a look before stepping aside to reveal his girlfriend. Logan’s jaw dropped and his eyes widened, “Surprise!” Y/n cheered, giving the American jazz hands. Logan ran towards Y/n and scooped her up into his arms.
“You’re here! You told me—“ “That I wouldn’t be able to come. I lied.” Y/n said, burying her face into his shoulder. Logan put her on the ground and bent down, kissing Y/n softly, “I’ve missed you so much.” He muttered, “And I’ve missed you, my love.” Y/n responded, kissing all over Logan’s face. “Logan, Alex, it’s time for free practice.” A engineer called out, “Go out there and do your thing. I’ll be rooting for you.” Y/n said, cupping Logan’s face and connecting their lips.
•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•
Y/n stood in the garage with headphones covering her ears. She couldn’t understand why she never came to a race weekend before, it was exhilarating. She could tell that her boyfriend wasn’t the best on the grid, but she knew he want the worse. It was just amazing to see him in his element, “Go, Logan!” Y/n muttered, clenching the chord between her fingers.
Y/n frowned as an odd feeling settled in her stomach. Y/n put a hand on her stomach and focused on the screen, attempting to ignore the feeling. Something was going to go wrong and she didn’t know what or when. Unfortunately, she didn’t have to wait too long to find out because Alex crashed his car, “Oh shit.” Y/n hissed, biting down in her knuckle.
“Hey, Alex. Are you alright?” Y/n asked, looking at the British Thai driver with concern. “I’m fine.” Alex answered walking away, obviously upset by the accident.
Y/n couldn’t help but feel bad for him, knowing that it absolutely sucks to crash even if she never watched or read up on the sport before.
Y/n made took off her headphones as Logan came back to the garage and jogged up to the American man, “That was so cool! I feel sorry for Alex, but that was so cool! I can’t wait to see you actually racing.” Y/n rambled, grabbing Logan’s hands on hers. While she rambled, Logan just smiled down at her with the softest gaze, “Do you want to go out after this? Or we can go to my hotel room? Have you gotten yourself one?” Logan asked, cupping your cheek.
“We should stay in. Catch up everything we missed and couldn’t talk about on the phone and no, I don’t have my own hotel room. Although, if I did, it probably won’t be getting used.” Y/n tittered. “Let me go get changed and we can go back to the hotel.” Logan said, kissing Y/n’s forehead before rising off to his driver’s room.
Y/n waited and waited, but it seemed like Logan was not coming out, which worried her. Did he get hurt or something? What was teasing so long? Y/n was leaning against the side of the garage, waiting for any sign of her boyfriend, but there was nothing. Until Alex came out, looking conflicted, “Hey, Alex. Where’s Logan?” Y/n questioned, pushing off the wall, “Um, he’s on his drivers room. He’s, uh, not happy right now, so maybe it’s better if you go see him.” Alex suggested.
He pointed out which room was his and continue on with his day, which didn’t really seem out of the ordinary to Y/n. She approached his door and knocked gently, “Logan? Is it alright if I come in?” Y/n called in a gentle voice. It was quiet for a moment before she heard a croaky, “Yeah.” Come from inside.
Y/n opened the door to see Logan sitting on the bench looking distressed, “Oh, what happened? Are you okay? Alex told me you were upset.” Y/n rushed over to her boyfriend, bombarding him with questions out of worry. Logan shook his head, “Alex wrecked his car,” Logan started, “Yeah, I saw that, but what does that have to do with you?” Y/n questioned, kneeling down in front of Logan and grabbing his hands.
“We don’t have a spare chassis, so they’re taking mine and giving it to Alex.” Logan sighed, “What?!” Y/n practically screeched, her confusion and weird turning into anger. “They said that since Alex is the better and more experienced driver, he most likely get the team points.” Logan explained further, “That’s stupid.” Y/n said bluntly, “Y/n…”
“No, don’t “Y/n…” me. I get that Alex it’s better and has more experience, but that’s that dumbest fucking decision I’ve ever heard. That’s like rewarding someone for fucking shit up! He crashed his chassis to the point where it had to be retired, so you have to give up yours? That’s bullshit, Logan!” Y/n argued. “I’m aware. I’ve given my all to this team. I worked myself to the bone during winter break when I could’ve been with you because I wanted it to be beneficial to this team. They are all aware of it.
James said he believed in me. James said he knew that I could go far if I just had a little more time in the car. But it doesn’t seem that way. Maybe I’m just not good enough.” Logan sniffed. Y/n wrapped her arms around Logan’s neck, placing his head on her chest and rubbing his back, “Shut up, Logan. Don’t you dare continue saying those things about yourself. You are good enough. If you weren’t, you would have been chosen for this team in the first place.”
“But—“
“No buts. The previous Williams owner saw something in you that no one else saw and picked you from Formulas Two to drive in Formula One. If you weren’t good enough, he most definitely wouldn’t have chosen you so early. James know he’s dead wrong for this. James know that this is going to be a blow to you, but he thinks getting points is more valuable than your growth. I’m sorry to say this, my love, but you honestly deserve so much better. It’s not your fault that Alex crashed the car. It’s not your fault that this team is so broke that it can’t afford another chassis.” Y/n angrily said, raising her voice before taking a deep breath.
“I’m sorry. You’re upset and I’m over here ranting.” Y/n quieted down, pressing a kiss too the crown of Logan’s head, “It’s okay, babe. It’s what has to be done for the team to gain some points. It’s whatever.” Logan shrugged, “ no, it’s not whatever, but I’m not gonna continue talking about this. Instead, let’s go to the hotel and order food. We can watch our favorite movies together and cuddle until you feel better.” Y/n said, lifting Logan’s head so his eyes met her and giving him a calming smile.
Logan smiled, albeit it was a sad one, but a smile nonetheless, “I’d like that.” He said, “Good. And since you’re not racing tomorrow, maybe we can do a bit more than cuddling. But that’s only if you’re comfortable and willing.” Y/n teased, pulling Logan up from his seated position, “I’d really like that. Thank you for being here for me and I’m sorry you came all this way only to not see me race.” Logan apologized, “Bah, I do anything for you. It doesn’t matter whether you are racing or not, I’m still here for you and I’d still come. Y/n waved off his apology
“I love you.”
“Love you too. Now let’s go.”
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leneemusing · 2 days
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A FEW VARIOUS SENTENCE STARTERS
❝ i wouldn't find the need to tell you 'i told you so' if you weren't so allergic to admitting i'm right. ❞
❝ there are better hills to die on but i find this one quite comfortable. ❞
❝ would you come with me please? i adore your company. ❞
❝ that's not the worst thing i've ever heard but it's certainly up there. ❞
❝ i would love to help you but i'm afraid i'm suffering from a terrible case of 'it's not my problem.' ❞
❝ could you just think about anyone other than yourself for once? ❞
❝ i'm not going to stand here and argue with you about how much you need to get some rest. if i find you passed out on the floor i'm leaving you there. ❞
❝ would you be a dear and shut the hell up. ❞
❝ i know i need help but i'm not quite ready to ask for it. ❞
❝ do you know where we're going or are we just trying to get lost now? ❞
❝ i have confided this in you, please do not betray that trust. ❞
❝ do you like it here? with me? ❞
❝ are you still happy? with me, i mean. with us. ❞
❝ i didn't lie, i simply presented a selective truth. ❞
❝ do you actually like spending time with me? because i feel like all you do is argue. ❞
❝ one of us will eventually have to have the strength to be honest with ourselves about each other. ❞
❝ i want to tell you something i just need a moment to figure out the right words. ❞
❝ if you were the religious type i would challenge god to win your devotion. ❞
❝ don't tell me to quit being melodramatic it's the only time i have any fun. ❞
❝ were you ever going to tell me or were you just going to make me guess what you're thinking and feeling. ❞
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drdemonprince · 1 day
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What if your unmasked self is unacceptable even to other autistics? I feel like if I don't carefully curate myself I'm too weird and annoying to sustain friendships even with other weirdos. This thing where unmasking makes people like you more because it's more ~authentic~ just hasn't been true for me and it makes me really sad.
Well, what does "weird" and "annoying" mean in this case? In unmaskers I frequently see a lot of understandable social trauma playing out in, let's just say, not the most socially effective of ways at times. No longer mindreading and people pleasing and fawning is all to the good; becoming completely unfiltered while still harboring a ton of deep-seated fear of abandonment and then spilling it out all over people will understandably drive them away. No longer faking emotions and tone of voice preserves energy and helps us feel more genuine, but never putting any energy into trying to understand a friend's interests or emotions will kill a friendship.
There is a messy counterbalancing that has to occur for many unmaskers; at first we focus on never doing anything false and allowing our unbridled selves to roam free -- and then we often recognize that we will need certain self-advocacy, listening, communication, and even diplomacy skills to actually relate to other people, even while remaining true to who we are.
It's normal for the unmasking process to initially seem like it's making you harder to love, more annoying, more bizzaree -- that's a necessary corrective to having previously aimed to make yourself unremarkable or widely liked.
But if you find yourself repeatedly socially alienating even out and proud neurodivergent people, it may be worth asking whether you are taking actions that are pushing them away. Things like interrupting people when they are trying to open up to you, invalidating their feelings, seeking reassurances that no other person can provide, not interacting, self-victimizing, just generally hurtful interpersonal stuff that us traumatized folks sometimes do even in community with one another. If this is the case, you will have to work on accepting the feedback when people are kind enough to tell you that you're bothering them or disrespecting them -- it is not the end of the world, it is a habit you can notice and correct.
Or you might just still be withdrawing and inhibiting very hard, and doing self-protective things that convey to others that they should give you a wide berth. Lots of unmaskers give off really strong "dont talk to me dont come up to me i feel socially unsafe right now" vibes that are completely honest and authentic to where they are at the moment, even if they wish they could seem more welcoming. Please give yourself some grace to feel all that if that's what it is.
No one is too weird or too annoying to make friends. But you might need to find the people who are weird enough and mad enough and disabled enough for you. Alternatively, you might have some interpersonal baggage that affects how you treat others you still need to work on. Or your internalized disability stigma might just be telling you that youre being too much when youre barely taking up social space at all.
You know your pattern of experiences and the feedback others have given you, so hopefully you can sort out what is currently missing in your social life based on that and some reflection and more testing. Good luck and let me know what you figure out.
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atinylittlepain · 2 days
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Part One
no outbreak!joel miller x f!oc
series playlist
joel miller masterlist
series masterlist
She's tired. He's tired. They're neurotic. They're in love. Something needs to change. They need to change.
word count | 4.5K
chapter content info | 18+ angst, discussions of pregnancy, people being WASPy, marital squabbles that become something more serious some of the time, but also real, persistent love
a/n | listen, don't look at me. not gonna lie, it feels good to be back in the ring and i'm excited to share this one with y'all. special thanks to @wannab-urs for beta-ing and for encouraging me along with this one - love ya, twin.
................................................................................................................
He looks handsome and he’s getting on her nerves. She looks beautiful and he still doesn’t think it’s a good idea for her to go to this. She knows he doesn’t think it’s a good idea for her to go to this, but she thinks that’s bullshit, kid gloves that she doesn’t need from him, or from anyone for that matter. 
He could, but he doesn’t tell her that her left eye is twitching a little bit. Her left eye is twitching a little bit, she blinks hard every time she feels muscle starting to spasm, keeps her face turned away from him and toward the passenger side window. 
“What is it?”
“What?”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong.”
“You keep sighing.” 
“I’m just tired.”
“It’s ten in the morning.”
“It’s been a long week.”
“It’s Sunday.”
“I meant last week then.” 
“Are you taking those multivitamins I got you?” 
“Uh, yeah.”
“I checked the bottle this morning and the safety seal is still on it.” 
“Cass.”
“What?”
“I don’t think a multivitamin is going to be the thing that makes me feel less tired.”
“I hate it when you say my name like that.”
“Okay, how should I say it?”
“Nevermind.” 
“What?”
“It’s fine, okay? Let’s just drop it, I don’t want to start the day like this.” 
“We’re not starting the day like anything, we’re just having a conversation.”
“Joel, please, I’m not doing this with you right now.” And he asks it before he can think much about it, knee-jerk and maybe a little mean, did you take your pills this morning?  Right, going for the nuclear option this morning, she lets out a clipped sound that could be a laugh if it wasn’t so sharp and he wishes there were a way to pluck words out of the air and swallow them back down. And she knows that whatever she says to that is going to be a failure. If she gets angry, if she blows up, she’s crazy. If she informs him that she did, in fact, take her pills, then she’s a liar, because she did, in fact, not take her pills, so she’s even crazier, right. 
“You know, that’s a fucked thing to ask me.” Ring the bell because she’s won this round. He thinks about offering her an apology, a glance while they’re stopped at a red light that only affords him the slope of her cheek and her hair tucked behind her ear with the way her face is turned away from him. He sighs and it makes her shoulders hike up a little higher. 
There’s a spiral of pink balloons wrapped around the porch banister when they pull up, and of course there is a spiral of pink balloons wrapped around the porch banister, she thinks, because Tommy and Maria are having a girl, and that’s lovely, and she is going to smile when she gets out of the car because of how lovely that is. Already thinking about what her face will have to do to make that smile happen while he parks at the end of the driveway because they’re a little late, always a little late these days. At least they have a clear and present escape route, he thinks. 
“Here, let me.” He does, stays still while she runs her fingers up behind the collar of his shirt to smooth it down, and she thinks that she’s not the only one trying to buy a little more time. Made it out of the car, but still standing in front of the car, he has always liked the feeling of her palms splayed over his chest, hums and thanks her for fixing his collar, leans in for a quick smacking thing of a kiss that she gives back to him all ease, and he thinks that maybe they’ll get to be normal today. 
“Remind me again what we got them?”
“Bottle warmer and a set of swaddling blankets.”
“What, they can’t use hot water from the tap like everyone else?” That gets him a clipped laugh from her, and he knows he’s bordering on something tender that could snap and snarl if he says any more, so he takes the laugh and leaves it at that. She laughs, feels stupid for the heat that thickens and closes in behind it and hides the flush from him by collecting the gifts from the trunk. Pastel pink and perfect wrapping paper with thin ribbon curled and bouncing. She briefly considers how it would feel to rip it all to pieces. But no, none of that, because this is Tommy and Maria, and she loves Tommy and Maria, really, she does, so happy for Tommy and Maria. Happy, happy, happy. 
Maria is the one who opens the door, all smiles, all round because she made it to the third trimester. He glances at Cass as they enter into the usual greetings and congratulations, leaning hugs and Tommy somewhere in the fray. Cassandra thinks she’s doing a good job of smiling but she can’t really feel her mouth, letting her lungs collapse a little when Tommy pulls her in for a quick squeeze, hey, Cassie, good to see you. And maybe it’s the lack of pills in her system but is he? Is it? Verging a little close to hostage negotiator territory? Talking to her like she’s a skittish horse? Because, apparently, it’s not just Joel, but the whole clan who seems to expect her to have a hard time with this. His and Tommy’s parents smile and pet at her shoulders when they see her, that same so good to see you, as if they didn’t just see her a month ago for the fourth of July barbecue, as if she’s the one who’s–
“I appreciate y’all being here, I know Maria does too.” Everyone in the backyard even though it’s already pushing eighty degrees, linen dresses and blue jeans and fluted glasses filled with orange juice and something a little stiffer. He squints at Tommy, nods, of course, lets his eyes drift out over mingling friends and family, settling on Cass. She’s smiling, mouth moving around easy words in a small cluster of women. Her arm is curled across her stomach, elbow held in hand, drink held aloft. She is doing fine, he thinks, good. And of course she’s doing fine, everything fine, and he’s fine too. Her eyes catch his and her smile stays, and he feels one of his own, there and gone. They are doing fine.
“Is Cass, you know, doing alright?”
“Oh yeah, she’s doing fine.”
She can feel sweat starting to collect along the waistband of her underwear, a cool, nauseous shiver, so terrible running beneath the skin. Someone, she can’t remember the name, a friend of Maria’s, is saying something about tits. Well, she doesn’t use the word tits, no, that word couldn’t come out of her baby pink painted lips. Breasts, and Cassandra curls her lips back into her mouth to stop herself from offering up mammary glands, if you want to be so proper about it, smiling and mmhmming instead about stretch marks and leakage and sore, seaming skin. Not that she’d know anything about it, not really. But all the other women do, something close to sharing war stories, all the space the body can make, and what remains when it’s empty once again. Now that, empty, she knows a thing or two about empty. 
“You hear from Sarah lately?” 
“You wanna know what I hear from her? Is mom there? And then can you put her on?” Tommy laughs, continuing to make quick work out of carving up another watermelon, pink, pink, pink while Joel enjoys a second to breathe in the air conditioned kitchen. Almost eleven, and they’re going to do cake at almost eleven, and he supposes he doesn’t really know what the etiquette is for things like these so sure, he thinks, cake at almost eleven.
“I guess dad’s advice can only work for so long, huh?” 
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“She’s a freshman in college, man, you don’t remember what we were like at that age?” 
“I’d rather not, thanks.” And the truth is he remembers very little of that time. Playing at boy king, at living forever, and then the flashbang burst and bloom, obliteration and letting the shrapnel boomerang back together when Sarah came. And then, he thinks, back out on the porch and squinting at the sun threaded through the branches of an elm tree, then, it was a sort of crawl in those first few years. 
What he remembers, very little eye contact from anyone, and wanting it more than anything. Never expecting the father to be the one to stay, the very young, very bleary-eyed father who eventually learned to stop looking for other eyes to meet his. Yes, a crawl, kept his head down until one day, two-year-old in tow in the grocery store, looking at pouches of pureed sweet potatoes and peaches, someone ducked her head down alongside his, looked him in the eye, and asked him if it was his wallet she found at the end of the aisle. For the record, it wasn’t his, but he can’t remember who it got returned to any more. That Tina Turner song was playing over the speakers, he remembers that. What’s love got to do with it, what’s love got to do with a HEB on a Wednesday night? Just enough for him to keep going to the HEB on Wednesday nights, hoping to run into the woman who looked him in the eye and told him his daughter was beautiful and had his smile.
“How many do you and Joel have, Cassandra?” Must have been smiling and nodding a little too well to get that question from Sally, Sammy? She doesn’t know. She doesn’t care. Maria needs better friends, she thinks, or maybe just less of them for her to keep track of. 
“Oh, just one. Sarah started college this year actually.” And the usual sequence of snobbery that follows her sharing that detail. Yes, had her very young, yes, must be so proud, and she is proud, she can mean that yes, at least. 
“But she’s not yours, is that right?”
“Excuse me?” Excuse you, Sally, Sammy, whoever the fuck you are. Excuse you in your baby blue linen dress and your fuckass bob. Sally, Sammy, whoever the fuck she is, eats her words fast, quick flickers of french tips and well, I just mean, not yours biologically, you know, I think Maria mentioned something about you adopting her when you and Joel got married. Said with that pitch that winches higher and higher with each word like a question going nowhere. She clasps her hands behind her back and digs her nails into the soft of her palms until the urge to throttle Sally, Sammy, whoever the fuck she is passes.
“Yeah, well, she’s not mine in that way. But I’ve been in her life since she was two so, I think that matters a little more than if she slid out of my vagina.” Shit, slipped, should not have said that, gets a glossed gasp from the peanut gallery and she’s just glad Maria is off hostessing with other people right now, not bearing witness to the way she just slaughtered this conversation with the sharp of her words. Excuse her Sally, Sammy, whoever the fuck you are, and excuse her, all the rest of you, she needs to get out of the heat, out of the sun, out of whatever this is. 
He knows what looks mean what by now. A pinched brow, a frown that’s just barely a frown. She breezes past the kitchen with one hand pressed high against her stomach as if to make sure the rise and fall is still happening. Says her name once and she waves a hand behind her, already halfway down the hall and not turning around now,  sorry, just need the bathroom. Tommy’s eyes do that thing, that softening, slipping thing, looking at him and not asking the question, though it hangs in the air somewhere between them. He excuses himself, walks slowly enough that the bathroom door is already shut and locked by the time he gets to it. The faucet is running, all he hears when he says her name again, feeling like a perfect fool knocking on the door. Not the first time this has happened, and she feels more foolish every time it does. But he’s already asked her if she’s taken her pills today so at the very least, that question is out of the way. Or maybe he’ll ask it again, and maybe she’ll break something, and then report back to her OB-GYN who, for some reason, is the one prescribing her these pills, and tell her OB-GYN that she’s getting crazier and needs more pills that she’ll forget to take. Repeat ad nauseam. No, she thinks, too tired for any of that, two years too tired. She presses her fingers into her temples and closed eyes until the throb in her skull begins to still.
“Do you want to go home?” He doesn’t know how to handle this, not really. Seems to get it wrong more often than not, and sometimes his own frustration turns into meanness that makes it worse, he knows that. He doesn’t know how to deal with her any more, she knows that. The truth is she doesn’t even know how to deal with herself any more, everything always raw and hurting, blistered brain and aching heart and wilting like a frail, flimsy thing. She does alright keeping it tamped down most of the time, keeping it cool and closed off. But, there are times when it flares, like a thin flume of disease nested somewhere deep inside of her. During things like these, around people like these, and the month of April, forget about it. 
“I said something a little awful, I think.” Sheepish, the door still only cracked, enough that he can see that she isn’t crying so, little lift of relief in his chest, at least. 
“What’s that?” He slips in through the half-opened door and she lets him, shuts the door behind him and tells him, may have snapped, may have used the word vagina. It’s a relief to hear him laugh, a single breath of it like he’s not sure if he should. He touches her hand, her wrist, her elbow, little pulse points, half a tired smile.
“There are worse words to use.”
“Could have said cunt.” She shrugs and you’d think he’d have gotten used to her surprising him like that after sixteen years together, but it’s still a giddy little shock to the system, her brass and brash. Like another vital sign, so long as she has her fang she’s fine, at least he thinks so.
“Yeah, that.” He laughs again, coughs, heat flushing down fast in his face and there’s a quick kick in her chest at the sight, something dormant getting stirred up. She likes that look, coaxing that look out of him. The first time, way out of line and out of place, she thinks. Fresh out of college and buying condoms and pretzel rods at the HEB down the block from her apartment and she shouldn’t have, pretty guy, man, father with pretty brown eyes and a little girl in the seat of his shopping cart with pretty brown eyes like his and she shouldn’t have. Thought she was so smooth, pretending like the wallet she showed him wasn’t hers, like she had found it on the linoleum floor, yeah, so smooth, just looking for a reason to shuffle down the baby food aisle and talk to pretty guy, man, father. That same flush, that same smile, little shock, though he had caught her too, taking a sharp glance down at her basket before she could tuck it behind her legs. And then her turn, little shock when he made some joke about little late for me, for that, shrug and smile and yes, she thinks, she didn’t exactly love him right then and there, but whatever comes right before love, it was that. 
“Listen, if it’s getting to be too much for you we can–” Wrong, all wrong, sound in the back of her throat like a scoff that’s how wrong those words were.
“Why does everyone seem to think this is too much for me? It’s a fucking baby shower, not a, I don’t even know what. I’m fine, it’s fine. It’s Tommy’s and Maria’s day and I’m so happy for them that they’re having a–” It catches her off guard, the way the sound gets stuck in her throat, not quite a sob, but verging on it, hiccuping out the rest, a baby. He reaches for her arm again but she jerks it away, hands clasping opposite elbows, all tucked in on herself. 
“It’s okay if it’s not fine, you know, nobody is expecting you to–”
“Nobody is expecting me to keep it together, right?”
“Would you let me finish speaking?” No, never winning any points for patience, ever. Not too many for thinking before he speaks either. Her face crumples for a breath, if that, smoothing back out with a scoff, I’m so sorry, Joel, what were you going to say? No, not normal, not today. He wonders briefly how long they’ve been in the bathroom now, and whether they’ve been speaking loudly enough to draw attention to the fact of how long they’ve been in the bathroom now.
“You know what, forget it. If you say you’re fine then I guess you’re fine. Can we just get through fucking cake and leave, please?” She’s very good at this, at turning herself off, something cool and distant slipping over her eyes, her face, shoulders rolled back sharp. Of course, she says, whatever you say, she says, doesn’t give him another glance as she opens the bathroom door. 
“Oh, I’m sorry, I wasn’t standing here long, just waiting to use the–” 
“Cunt.”
“I’m sorry?” 
“Cut– I had a cut and I needed Joel to look at it but I’m fine, right, Joel? Aren’t I fine?” She doesn’t give him a chance to answer that, doesn’t give Sally, Sammy, whoever the fuck she is a chance to say any more either, already moving past both of them and back toward the sound of laughter and cake, fucking cake about to happen. 
He needs to keep his mouth shut, all he can figure. Keep his mouth shut and maybe, maybe, they’ll get through fucking cake without any more seams splitting. Nothing like this when Sarah came, no balloons, no perfectly frosted and tiered cake with a whole cluster of people around it, and he thinks briefly that maybe he’s the one who isn’t fine being here. Like an ache, or an absence, a place inside of him that has been scooped out and left empty. He doesn’t let himself get sad about it often, mostly because he’s too busy being angry about it with (at?) Cass. But he feels it now, a sinking, swimming feeling that weighs everything down, slow to smile when Maria hands him a plate with a slice of cake on it. 
She takes a plate and pushes around globs of pink icing with her fork for a while, standing in another cluster of people she doesn’t really know, one of the women commenting on how good she’s being when she sets her plate down on the kitchen counter, smile and laugh, though the truth is she’s not sure she could stomach pretty pink icing right now. A small mercy when Tommy steps over alongside her and effectively relieves her of having to continue pretending to be interested in a conversation about kitchen remodels. 
“Looking a little green, Cassie, you alright?”
“I think the heat got to me, but I’ll survive. Congratulations again, you guys are going to be great, really.” And she hopes he interprets the pitch, the little catch of her words as a good emotion that is entirely for him and his family. Not anything else, not anything that would be entirely ridiculous and well, crazy, on her part. 
“I just want to say thank you again for giving us all that furniture, and the clothes, we really–”
“Oh of course, Tom, you did us a favor taking all that stuff. It’s not like we were going to–” Going to what? She doesn’t finish that sentence, and Tommy doesn’t need her to, already nodding, already that look in his eyes that she has come to recognize as thinly-concealed pity. Not like they were ever going to have a use for that furniture, those clothes, not again, not after. A foreclosed room in their house that stayed as silent and shut up as a tomb, and then the happy, happy, happy news from Tommy and Maria and of course, they said, take whatever you want, take it all, actually. The room is empty now. The door stays closed. 
He wants to leave and he wants to leave now. The walls creeping in closer and that hollow thing in between his ribs starting to ache and twinge. He catches her eyes from across the room and it takes little else for a knowing to pass between them, both of them already moving, already starting a string of polite goodbyes, friends and family, sorry, yes, really have to go, it’s becoming hard to breathe, really have to go. 
Early in the afternoon and the sun so bright it makes him a little dizzy when they step outside. He follows the sound of her heels on the sidewalk back to the car, relief in the closing of the door, in settling into the driver’s seat. 
She feels like her brain is deflating in her skull. Enough normal for the day, don’t ask her for any more than that. She props her head in her hand and lets her eyes unfocus, turning the suburban streets they're driving through into pale blurs of minivans and basketball hoops. And there is little fanfare to what happens next, she glances at him once, then looks out the window, hears a metallic clink, and when she looks at him again, there’s a cigarette dangling from his lips. It’s so absurd, so out of nowhere, that she has to laugh. 
“Since when do you smoke?”
“I don’t know. Tommy’s a bad influence.”
“Tommy quit.”
“Well then I did him a favor finishing off all his packs.”
“Joel.”
“Yes?”
“How did I miss you picking up smoking again?”
“It’s not like I do it around the house, I know you don’t like the smell.”
“Oh, but you’re happy to trap me in the car with it?” 
“The windows are down.”
“Secondhand smoke.”
“Would you prefer to get out at the next red light?” 
“You know, you’re probably gonna die before me. Then what the fuck am I supposed to do?”
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“I’m serious. Statistically speaking, men die first–”
“I wonder why.”
“Cardiac events.”
“That tracks.” 
“You’re already two years older than me and now you’re doing shit like this and I’m probably gonna be like, sixty-eight and a widow, and then I’ll die of stress from being a sixty-eight-year-old widow.” 
“Are you done?” 
“Oh fuck you–”
“Hey.”
“No, what next, huh? Are you gonna ask me if I took my pills again?”
“Well, did you?” 
“That’s not the point.”
“Jesus Christ, Cass, it’s like you don’t even want to get better, you don’t even try.” Silence, she doesn’t fire back, doesn’t make a sound, her lips parted around a wordless frown. The only noise is the turn signal clicking as he pulls into a gas station, his heart sunk down low in his chest, shrinking back in on itself. Too far, too mean, and not even knowing what he was saying until he said it, until she was looking at him in a devastated crumple. 
He parks beside a pump but doesn’t get out, doesn’t move at all, really. Waiting. For what, he isn’t sure. When he looks at her again, that stricken look is gone, something slackening, something tired settled in its place. 
“Do you remember when you stopped shaving and you asked me if your beard looked stupid and I told you it didn’t?” 
“Uh, yes.” 
“I lied. Your beard does look stupid.” And with that, she’s out of her seat, out of the car, and clipping fast toward the convenience store, not sparing him another look. He doesn’t know whether to laugh or scream. 
The light flickers a little in the convenience store bathroom when she flips it on, locking the door behind her just as the first sob shudders up and out of her throat. She doesn’t look in the mirror, she has no use for that, just grips the edge of the sink and allows herself this, a few minutes to get the worst of it out. 
He had finished pumping gas ten minutes ago when she comes back out with a bottle of snapple lemonade tucked under her arm. She has been crying, he can see. He doesn’t know why she always hides it from him. It catches him off guard when she walks around the front of the car to stand in front of his rolled-down window, something bordering on sheepish in the set of her expression, her eyes doing a quick loop from her feet back up to him.
“I didn’t mean that.”
“Okay.”
“I don’t think your beard is stupid.”
“Okay.”
“I like it, think you look handsome with it.”
“Honey, will you get in the car, please?” She does, offers him the bottle of lemonade and they both take a swig, waiting for whatever words are supposed to come next. A car honks at them, still at the pump, and he has enough sense to wave an apology behind his head and pull over into a parking spot instead.
“I’m sorry for what I said. Cass? That was a stupid thing for me to say. I didn’t mean that.” She wants to say no, not a stupid thing to say, not unfair, not really. But that would be an admission she doesn’t want to make, so she nods, accepts his apology, both of them having a hard time looking at the other, suddenly so interested in the brick wall of the convenience store. 
“We can’t keep doing this.” She doesn’t realize how much she means that until she’s done saying it. Finally saying it, this truth they have been scrapping and snapping around for months now. He says, no, we can’t, and she braces for impact, anticipating the worst, the nuclear option, and she wouldn’t blame him for it. But that blow doesn’t come. He takes her hand over the center console, as simple as anything, and she is reminded again of how much she loves him. 
“Something has to change.”
“I think so.”
“We can figure this out, can’t we?”
“It’s us.” As if that’s an answer, though he still nods, repeats it back to her, it’s us. It’s them. They can’t keep doing this. They have to change. They can figure this out, can’t they?
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prentisssgf · 2 days
Text
THAT’S WHEN | emily prentiss x reader | angst (reader is hurt on a case) | 1405 words
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You knew it was coming, you knew the talk you were about to have was Emily was going to be tough, and you definitely knew it was a stupid thing to do.
"A word in my office please" JJ called down to you, now with her being the Unit Chief, that meant that she was the one that was giving you the talk and you had to fill out the paperwork.
You looked around as you walked up to her, you couldn't see Emily, you were only met with either disappointment looks that said "i can't believe you would do that" or smiles which said "i'm glad you're okay".
Your palms clammy as you walked up to her office, you knocked on the door quietly, almost hoping that JJ didn't hear you "Come in" she said, you shut your eyes and swore under your breath.
"Have a seat, Green" you nodded as you shut the door behind you, JJ gestured to one of the empty seats in front of you, you looked at her and furrowed your brows, silently asking who the other chair is for "Emily" she said, almost as if she could read your mind, you sat down and started nervously playing with your fingers.
"What you did today was extremely irresponsible Green" JJ sighed rubbing her temple.
"Yeah" you muttered under your breath.
"Green-"
"Treat me like I'm a human being here JJ" you gritted your teeth "Charlotte" you corrected her.
"Charlotte" JJ nodded "What you did today-"
"I was doing my job" you sighed "anyone else in the same position as me would've done that"
"Maybe so" JJ agreed "but you are the one who jumped in front of an agent to get killed"
"When you say it like that" you huffed, mumbling under your breath.
JJ stood up and slammed her palms on the desk, making you jump a little "oh, how do you think I should say it then" she shrugged slowly making her way around the desk, stopping next to you.
Your body stayed looking forward but you turned your head to look at her "An agent on my team- a friend on my team was being shot at and I couldn't do nothing, I couldn't just stand there and watch my girlfriend get shot at" you could see a slight chance of forgiveness in her eyes "Please come on Jay, if this was Will" you begged.
"But it's not Will" you heard a stern voice behind you, you turned around quickly to find Emily standing there, you rushed up to greet and hug her but she pulled away slightly, her body was tense but her eyes were so full of love and gratitude, it was hard to work out exactly how she was feeling.
"You've been put on desk duty for the next week" Emily nodded and ran her tongue over her bottom lip, you all knew that whenever she did this she as very serious about something.
"Is that an-" you said gently to her as you looked up at her.
"That's an order" JJ said, you turned around quickly, stabilizing yourself by putting your hands behind your back on Emily's stomach "I need you to go home and I need you to have the next two days off"
"What?" you scoffed "no, the hospital cleared me to work" your breath becoming heavier.
"You don't work for the hospital, you work for me and I am telling you to go home" JJ demanded "right now" she nodded in affirmation.
"Fine" you gritted your teeth, you snatched your bag and left before anyone else could say anything.
"We've got him" Emily spoke through her radio "Green and I are here now and we need backup, It’s Scott Daley"
"I knew it would be you two who found me, you both are the BAU's best agents" you and Emily looked at each other and then back at him.
"Put the weapon down" you spat.
"She said put it down Scott" Emily screamed.
"You're just gonna let this bitch speak to me like that?" he looked at you as he scoffed.
"She's doing her job" you shrugged and you weren't about to apologize for that.
"Then i'm about to do mine" he smirked, you could see he was about to pull something out from his pocket, you looked between his hand and his eyes, lazer focused on Emily, multiple times, you knew what was about to happen, your body kicked into fight or flight mode and you leapt over to protect Emily from the gunshot wound, the bullet landed in your shoulder, inches from a near death, you landed in Emily's arms, backup was already there so she stayed with you.
"Emily, I'm sorry" you whispered.
"I need a medic, 16th and Broadway" she panted into her radio "I need a medic right now" she shouted.
"Honey I need you to open your eyes, can you do that for me?" Emily smiled, tears running down her cheeks and landing on your face.
Too weak to say anything you just shook your head as you felt your head become lighter and you felt dizzy, you were so tired and you felt as if you couldn't keep your eyes open anymore.
"Yes you can, yes you can baby" Emily tapped your face gently to try and keep you awake.
"Finally" she sighed as she saw the ambulance pull in, Emily explained your situation to one of the doctors as you stayed in her arms, she stood up and held you in a bridal position, she smiled down at you before gently placing you on to the stretcher, you could feel that she wasn't holding you anymore so you grunted and held out your arms for her to take again, feeling like a child, but you needed this, you needed her.
"You're gonna be okay" Emily smiled as she climbed into the ambulance with you.
"Are you coming with me or?" you rolled your eyes at Emily.
"Someone's got to take you home, you can't drive in that state" Emily scoffed.
You looked at her and took in a deep breath, you nodded, not wanting to further anger her, you turned around quickly and carried on walking to Emily's car.
Emily's car was quiet, none of you said a word, you glanced out the window most of the journey but occasionally you would look at Emily, her grip on the steering wheel said more about her being mad at you then she did, her hand lingered on the gear stick and you saw your opportunity to grab her hand and interlink your fingers, she stayed for a while and then just as quickly ripped her hand from yours.
"Em" you sighed.
"I do not want to talk to you right now" Emily said sternly.
"Emily please-"
"No"
"But-"
"No"
"Let me explain-"
"I said no" her tone harsh and loud, completely opposite to the way she spoke you to you only hours earlier.
"Fine, that's fine" you quietly sniffed as tears started to roll down your face, you reached out your hand to turn the radio up, you looked over to Emily who rolled her eyes slightly, you shifted uncomfortably in your seat, getting to your apartment minutes later.
"Do you want to come in?" you asked softly with a smile, you and Emily both still sitting in her car.
"Um" Emily reached up to itch behind her neck, obviously feeling uncomfortable.
"Emily just please talk to me"
"Charlie, JJ was right" she sighed "you could've got yourself killed"
"But I didn't Em" you scoffed, laughing slightly "I'm right here" you grabbed her hand and linked it with yours.
"Charlie I love you" Emily said out of nowhere "I almost lost you today and it was my fault and I don't think I could've lived knowing that you died for me" Emily cried.
"Emily, I love you and it's okay, it's okay, I'm right here and I do not plan on leaving any time soon, I'm not dead" you smiled, brining your hands up to kiss her knuckles "Do you wanna come in?" you asked again, Emily only nodding.
"Only If I get to make the tea, I'll make us food too, I bet you probably don't feel like cooking I expect?" Emily raised her eyebrow, expecting an answer, to which you laughed and shook your head.
"Come on" she nodded her head to your door.
73 notes · View notes
noraunor · 24 hours
Text
His loss and ruin.
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Angel x sibling reader
๑ | synopsis: after a few years in hell, angel met a certain demon that he thought he could actually trust. Angel did actually fell for him, sadly, kindness nor love was a thing in hell, so he became more ruined and broken. Until a certain gambling demon came for his rescue.
๑ | tw : cursing, panick attack, abuse will be mentioned, blood, gore, death will be also be mentioned.
๑ | a/n : a part two from " my little sunshine " ig? HAHA I just watched HH ep 4 or 5 just right now and it just booster my motivation to write a second part of that one HEHE hope y'all liked it! ~
" My little sunshine "
Master list
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After the chaos occured on Valentino's studio and his very first heated argument with husk, angel ran off to a strip club to blow off some steam, but Satan must be hating on him somehow to bring husk to his tail and be his 'little-shining-armor' and caused more chaos.
" husk, what the actual fuck you are doin' here? " angel groaned as he struggled against his hold.
" let go off me! " he tried to pulled his arms back but fails miserably when husk tightened his hold to him and proceeds to push him away from the club.
" no, I'm takin' you back to the hotel. " husks gruff voice grumbled behind him.
" gett- off! " he groaned as he kicked his legs back trying to push him away to his relief, husk finally let go of his arms. Angel dusted off non-existent dust off of himself as husker gave him a frustrated look.
" that fucker put somethin' on yer drink. " angel glared at him.
" you don't think I can't tell when someone spikes my drink?! " he snapped as he run his fingers to his hair " I do this all fuckin' time! " he continues as husk gave him a look of disbelief.
" you just let people drug you all the time? "
More anger and frustration bubbled to angels chest, the bottle is in the verge of exploding.
Angel snapped his body to husks direction as his hands were in front of him, indicating his distress and frustrations.
" you think I ask for it? ! " he snapped, catching husk off guard. " I don't ask any of this shit! "His hands flew above from his head as more of his bottled emotions pour out.
" I didn't ask to be this way. " he turned back to him as husk stared at him.
" I didn't ask for you Charlie to save me, " he pointed at Huskers chest as he stepped away.
" I didn't asked for you to save me. " he pointed more to his chest, there nose were barely touching.
" I can handle myself. " he huffed pointing at himself " really? Because I just see someone self-distructing. " husked snapped back pointing back at angel's chest which angel leaned away. Husker pauses before continuing.
" it's seems like-- " just turned away " I don't know.. " he shook his head. Husker turned back again to face angel as he shrugged awkwardly " it seems like you need a bartender to talk too. " angel laughed at he placed his hand to hide forehead.
" oh, so— " he flew his hands again to his side as he chuckled. " now you're going to act like you give shit about me? " he places one of his hand to his hip.
" you think after how you treated me—" he quirkee a brow a him, pointing at him " I'm going to open up to you? Please. " he huffed as he opens his arms again dramatically as he turned away ready to walk out of this, and this conversation before he breaks more.
" maybe I would treat you better if you you were real, " more anger filled angels nerves as unwanted memories flew back to his mind. From the start where he was alive. Where he was still with you.
Anthony came back home late again with more bruises on his neck, his body was swaying as he stumbled to his steps when his eyes landed on you.
You were seated in front of the door with your arms and legs crossed.
He wondered, why we're yous till awake.
" anth. "
Anthonh breath out before cracking up a wobbly smile as he leaves ok the door frame " heya sunshine. " he shot and finger guns at you, but your expression remains the same and clearly unfazed.
He gulped, " why- why are you still awake? It's in the middle of the night.. " he stumbled up on his step as he walked towards your direction.
" oh I don't know, maybe because I was waiting for my idiot, stupid of a brother to come home and actually eat with me in the nights and sleep together and cuddle like he promised? " you quirked a brow at him as you stand up from your seat.
He gulped once again, " oooh.. " he breathe to his teeth as he sighed and gave you an apologetic look. " I'm sorry sunshine.. For- not being able to eat dinner with you.. It's just- "
" work has been very tougher lately and you/i can't afford to leave early. " you rolled your eyes, perfectly synchronizing with him which he gave you a shock look before letting out a breathless laugh.
" well- wow. " he coughed out.
" anth.. " you sighed frustratedly as you walked towards him " I know you, we're literally siblings. I know you from head to toe and you're like an open book to me. "
You stared up at him with a frown, he looked completely nervous, making you sigh as he averted eye contact again.
" I know when soemthin's up or not, and I can tell that work has not been only tough, but rough for ya too. And don't think I can't see the bruises anth, I can literally see the dried blood on 'yer nose. " you squinted an eye at him which he flinched when you noticed this.
He sighed as he slumped before chuckling.
" I just can't hide anythin' from ya, aight sunshine? "He cocked his head to the side.
" bitch, I've been with your for years, what did ya expect? " you chuckled when you felt a stinging pain on your forehead.
" hey! Language. " he pouted.
" Italian and english? " you sarcastically replied.
" Gesù Cristo, sei una minaccia, " he chuckled as he shook his head ruffling your hair.
" hey! Watch it! I just groomed that! " you groaned. But giggling afterwards, he too started to chuckle as the both of you shared a heart laugh.
Once the both of you calmed down, a soft from were on your face again as you sighed.
" I just don't want'cha to hide things from me anth.. You've been there for me ,and I wanna be there for ya too, so please just cut the act ok? " you dropped your head softly to his chest as you lazily hang your arms around his waist.
" I don't want to see you silently suffer so please, " you tilted your head to meet his troubled face.
" don't be afraid to lend me 'yer troubles ok? "
Angel stared at you for a moment before sighing as he hugged you with his other hand on your head.
" what can I do? I can't say no ta that eyes sugar. " he softly laughed as you smiled brightly at him.
" good, now let's eat! "
Angel felt tears swelled up upon his eyes at the memory as his heart pounded, he the lump of his throat thickens as he listened more to husk.
" and not some bullshit version of yourself, ways pushin' my boundaries. " husks scoffed as he watched angel walked away from him. This grew more frustration for husk.
" lemme tell ya, nobody in that hotel cares who you are! " he snapped as he swung his hand to his side. " how famous, how hot. "
" so you might as well just cut the act. " angel stopped from his tracks. With that single sentence, he finally snapped.
" anth.. We talked a bout this, I told you to not be afraid of lending me your troubles. If I were to loose my life just ta have you to open up then sure I'd fuckin' bet my life on that. " you sighed dramatically as angel shot you a look for swearing but you ignored it " like I've said, I've been with you for years, I can literally see through that mask that you're in trouble. So please just drop the act, ok? "
Your voice rang onto his mind as his mind finally went blank, emotions finally exploding.
" IT'S NOT AN ACT! " he snapped turning around to face husk again, tears were threatening to fall from his eyes. Husk was once again, shocked as he finally see his walls breaking down.
" it's who I need to be.. " he hugged himself as he averted his eyes.
" and this— " his hand flew above his head " this is my escape " escape from everything,escape from val, escape from the memory,the memory of you dying into his arms. He smiled but it was strained and tensed.
" where I can forget about it all! " he turned again stumbling as he leaned into the clubs wall for support. An image of you dead in his arms flashed into his mind again.
" h-how much I hate-! " himself, he hated himself for for not being able to save you from that night. " everything! " he continued.
" a place where I can get high, and not have to think how much it hurts. " he clutched his chest. He wondered, what would you think if you saw him now, would you still care for him? Love him? Would you still see him as an older brother?
" and maybe.. " he pushes himself off of the wall as he places his hands on the side of his head as he looked down on his foot. " I can ruin myself enough in the process, " his hands slowly went limp to his side.
" if I end up broken, I won't be his favorite you any more and.. I wont have to remember that fuckin' night where she died right into my arms. " his voice shook as he shook his head trying to shove away the memory of you slowly going limp into his arms.
Angel sat on the side walk, hugging his legs into his chest.
" and maybe he'll let me go.. And maybe.. And just maybe.. I might get actually redeemed and see her again. "
Husk looked down at the spider demon sadly, he wondered who's she he was talking about. But he figured that it must be someone from the day he was life, deciding not to push it, husk sat down beside him.
Husk sighed heavily as he started, " I was an overload once you know." Husk started. Angel turned his head to look at him to see if he was lying.
Husk met his eyes before smiling awkwardly.
" yeah.. And uh.. " he trailed " it's was nice to have that power, but when your dealing with souls, while Also being a gambler, the stakes are pretty high. And loosing a few more hands can be more than a little dangerous, so when you're down on you luck, you turn into anything to..keep you afloa even making deals yourself. So I know what is like to.. Regret the choices made and.. " he pauses for long before starting again. " knowin' ya can't take it back. " he finishes, a thickening silent envelopes them before angel broke it.
" I..." He trailed as he stared at the puddle infront of him " had a little sister. " husk perked up at the mention of this before turning to look at angel,
' so that was the "she" he was talking about. ' husk thought. He remains silent and listened further.
" she was my everything, my source of light, my little sunshine. " angel smiled sadly, husks eyes widened a little to see him talking so sweety about someone, but it was a relative anyways so of course he'd talk sweetly about it. But it was new to see angel dust being like that.
" our parents were never good, so we eventually ran away from home once I turned 18,she was 16 back then. " he pauses before continuing " her name is Y/N, Y/N is.. Someone ya should not mess with, the girl was like a tiger on loose when mad. " he chuckled dryly " but overall that chaotic personality, she was the sweetest sugar you'd eva' picked, a delicate little flower. " he sighed as he stared into the distance.
" back then, I was very secretive, hidin' my outside doins from her, comin' home late and neva' eaten dinners with her, no cuddles night and such... " he sighed before continuing " she confronted me once about that, but.. I choose to hide things from her again, till one night. I caught myself in a bad deal and stole bunch'a drugs and money.. And that stupidity of mine caused her life. " he tests finally pour into his eyes as he let out a little sob.
" I watched-... Husk i watched her.. Died right in my eyes! " he panted as he turned to the feline who had his eyes wide at the information he was getting. " and.. Right into my arms. " angel hugged himself tighter.
" so that's why.. I did everything.. Everything to ruin myself more.. Just to get that wipe off of my mind, to forget- her hands slowly let go of my hand.. Her eyes running out of life.. That- little sad smile she held even dying. " he cried, shoulders were shaking as he sobbed, husk sighed as he placed a hand ok angels shoulder and pats it.
" everyday.. Everytime, I regretted not coming home early, I regretted not spending enough time with her, I regretted for not listenin' to her.. If I could turn back the time.. If I had a second chance to be with her.. I'll.. I'll be a better brother this time. " he sobbed.
Husk was silent, trying to look a better words to ease up the spider demon, he let out a heavy sigh before smiling lightly.
" well , I never known the gal but.. I'm sure she forgives ya. " he started as he watched angel tears up.
" you did fucked up big time but.. " he pauses as he stand up and walked in front of angel.
" I'm sure the gal still see's you the bestest brother she eva' had. You did took care of her once the both of ya left yer parents house, so the little gal must be waitin for ya up there. " husk smiled at him before holding out his hand, angel smiles before wiping off his tears and accepted his hands pulling himself up.
"... Thanks.. For.. Listening. " angel awkwardly rubbed his arms as husk shrugs.
" told ya you could need a bartender to talk. " the both of them chuckled when the clubs door busted open and saw them.
" THERE THEY ARE, FUCKING GET THEM! "
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I'm the heavens, on your room, your hands fiddled with the necklace on your neck as you stared off into the distance.
Suddenly your nose itch making you sneeze, you rubbed your nose as you sniffle groaning a bit.
" to who ever the fuck talkin about me, I hope you bit your tongue. " you groaned.
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After the little massacre happened, angel and husker were covered in blood as the two happily walked their way back on the hotel when angel suddenly bit his tongue.
" OW- FUCK-"
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ccsainzleclerc5516 · 2 days
Text
This Is Where You Stand With Me (part 3)
Pairing: Charles Leclerc x reader
Warnings: none
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Part 2 here
Y/N's pov
We flew to Spain ten days before the Grand Prix. Carlos wanted to introduce Sophie to his family, and since his family is in Madrid, the two of them decided to go there for two days.
It's Friday night in Barcelona and Lando asked me if I wanted to go out with him and the boys. Of course I agreed because I don't plan on being in the hotel room until Sophie and Carlos come back. Since Lando is the only person with whom I am closest, I asked him to wait for me so that we go to the club together. And him being the sweetheart that he is he agreed to wait for me.
A few minutes after I replied to his text, here he is knocking on the door of my hotel room.
"Give me a second!" I yell as I quickly throw on an oversized t shirt and some shorts on myself.
"Hello!" I smile from ear to ear and tilt my head to the side as I open the door for him.
"Y/n!" He shouts. "Your hair is wet and still in a towel! You haven't even started getting ready yet!!" He scolds me as he enters my room.
"Well I told you I just got out of the shower! But don't worry I usually don't take long to get ready." I assure him.
"Yeah, yeah sure. We'll see." He rolls his eyes as he throws himself on my bed.
"If your shoes touch my sheets, you're going to have a problem with me." I warn him and he laughs at my threats, but listens to me and takes off his shoes.
"By the way you look very handsome." I compliment him. He was wearing a short-sleeved white linen shirt and loose, but not too loose, light blue washed jeans. And of course two necklaces around his neck that fit him so well.
"Thank you, now please start getting ready so we can see what you'll look like."
"So? How do I look?" I ask him 45 minutes later as I pose in front of him.
"I-I.." He looks stunned, measuring me from head to toe with his mouth open. He's never seen me dressed up like this before and I must say I'm flattered by his reaction.
"I hope that's a good sign?"
"I'm sorry." He laughs nervously. "You left me speechless, you look beautiful."
"Thank you Lando." I blush at his compliment.
"Shall we go?" He asks extending his arm for me.
"Be sure I'll hold your hand until we get there because I don't wear heels very often."
"As long as you'd like."
It was around 10.30 p.m. when Lando and I arrived in front of the club. We didn't get out of the car right away because there was a bunch of paparazzi in front of the club and I was slowly starting to get anxious. I didn't feel comfortable being photographed and ending up all over the internet the next day just because I came with Lando. I didn't feel very safe either, and I surely didn't want them to spread any rumors about Lando and me.
"Are you okay?" Lando asks me because he noticed that I was squirming in the seat and breathing rapidly.
"Yeah, I'm just, I'm a little nervous. There's a lot of them." I say biting on my lower lip and he puts his hand over mine.
"Just hold onto me and we'll be inside in a few seconds okay?" He says and I nod.
"Okay."
The driver opened the door for us and Lando got out of the car first. As soon as he stepped out of the car people started shouting his name and the camera flashes went off like crazy. For a moment I thought about not getting out of the car at all but asking the driver to take me back to the hotel, but luckily the desire to have a good time was stronger than that.
"You okay?" Lando was so sweet checking up on me.
"Yeah, let's go."
I climb out of the car and keep my gaze down holding Lando's hand tightly with one hand and trying to cover my face with the other. It definitely looked like we were a couple and that's why the paparazzi immediately began to bombard him with questions.
"Lando who is this? Is this your new girlfirend?"
"What's her name?"
"Look over here! You two look great together!"
At that moment I didn't care about the questions or the comments, I only cared about whether I would trip and fall in my heels in front of all those cameras. About thirty seconds later, which by the way felt like 30 minutes, we finally got inside the club.
"I must say you've got a pretty tight grip." Lando says and I can't help but laugh at his comment.
"I'm sorry." I try to pull out my hand from his, but he doesn't let go.
"I don't mind though."
And so we continued to make our way through the crowd of people until we reached the VIP section with a booth where Pierre, Kika, Max and Charles were. As Lando and I got closer I felt that all eyes were on us. Before my and Charles' eyes briefly met, I caught him scanning Lando and me and looking at our hands. I wasn't surprised when I saw that Ava wasn't with them.
"Hello, guys." Lando greets them and I give Kika a hug.
"Hi!" I wave my hand and everybody but Charles, of course, greets me back.
The night went great, we danced, we sang, we drank, some of us maybe a little too much, but that's okay.
At one point we all left the booth and went down into the crowd to dance. That was by far my favorite part of the night. I was so relaxed and careless I enjoyed every second of it.
Lando was dancing with me, he'd spin me around every now and then while we were singing to spanish songs from the top of our lungs even though we didn't understand a single word. If only Sophie and Carlos were here, I'm sure it would have been even better.
"Are you having a good time?" Lando slurs. Out of all of us he drank the most and it was very obvious that he was wasted.
"You're so drunk." I laugh. I was a bit tipsy, but I knew when to stop drinking because I didn't want to get drunk. He ignored my observation that he was drunk and continued to bring drinks.
"Lando, you should really stop. You've had enough."
"Nooo." Whining like a baby, he pulls me into a hug and rests his head in the crook of my neck leaning his weight on me. You could see it was time to go to the hotel because his eyes were closing from tiredness. He could barely stand on his feet.
"Lando, your're heavy, we're both gonna fall down. Stand up straight please!" I say struggling to somehow hold him so he doesn't fall and brings me down with him.
"You're gonna knock her down you idiot." Luckily, Charles noticed the situation and pulled Lando off of me. "C'mon it's time to leave." He says to Lando who protested a little, but listened to Charles anyway.
"I'll help you with him." I say and we start making our way to the exit.
A car was already waiting for us in front of the club, so all three of us sat in the back seats, Lando between Charles and me. As soon as he sat down, he fell asleep. My feet were killing me and I couldn't wait to go to sleep, and Charles seemed tired as well. I'd say he was a little tipsy too, but nowhere near as Lando. He definitely outdid us all tonight.
Charles and i haven't spoken a word tonight and I didn't want to be the one to start any conversation in the car so the ride was quiet, but luckily short. When we got to the hotel, first Charles got out of the car, then I.
"Lando, wake up." I say gently shaking him by his shoulder. He just mumbled something refusing to get out.
"I would prefer leaving him in the car to sleep since he had to drink this much." Charles says getting annoyed at him. "Lando, wake the fuck up or I'm gonna leave you here."
When we somehow managed to get him out of the car, I held him by one side and Charles by the other and so we started to walk to the elevator. We entered the elevator and I pressed the fifth floor on which Lando's room was and mine was on the floor below.
"Does he normally drink like this when you guys go out?" I ask.
"Not really, this is the first time I've seen him like this in a long time." Charles replies.
"Really?"
"Yeah, maybe you are a bad influence on him." Charles says, but I can't tell if he was joking or what he already meant by what he said.
"Yeah, sure." I roll my eyes at him.
When we reached Lando's room, we barely managed to find the card in his pants that unlocks the room. I was a little surprised, but relieved that he didn't lose it. We get inside the room and lay him down on the bed.
"Fuck, I'm sweating." Charles says while stretching his back.
"Should we just leave him like this?" I ask referring to his clothes and shoes.
"Well, I don't know. Aren't you gonna take care of him tonight? I bet you were gonna spend the night in his room anyway." As the words leave his mouth, I feel as if someone has knocked the breath out of my lungs. I was shocked at what he said.
"Excuse me?" I was immediately overcome with anger and the alcohol coursing through my veins definitely contributed to that feeling. "How dare you say such a thing to me? Who gives you the right to insult me like that? You don't know shit about me!" At this point I was almost yelling and I didn't care about Lando sleeping because he was passed out anyway he couldn't hear a thing.
"Well you two came holding hands, he was all over you the whole night hugging you and dancing with you. What else can a person think?"
"Lando is nothing but a good friend to me and someone who I trust and feel safe next to when I'm here alone without Sophie and Carlos! And I don't look at him as anything other than a friend!" I continue to justify myself to Charles for some unknown reason.
"And you don't trust me enough to ask me if you need anything while they're gone?" He asks and I just can't believe what's coming out of his mouth. For a moment I wonder if I'm crazy or if he is.
"Are you seriously asking me this right now? How do you think I trust you or even feel comfortable in your company when you constantly treat me like this? Ever since we met, I've been nothing but polite and nice to you and you just keep putting me down for literally no reason! One minute you are nice, attentive and caring and funny and then the next you have some unnecessary rude comment to say to me, or you don't even deign to greet me, or even better you don't even acknowledge my existence! You're so pathetic Charles! I had such a good night, but you managed to ruin it, congratulations!" I almost run out of breath after my angry rant and I can already feel tears welling up in my eyes, but he got what he deserved.
"Why do you seem to remember so good all those situations? Why do they bother you so much if you don't care, huh?" He asks taking a step closer to me. I am irritated by his calmness while everything inside me is burning with anger.
"I don't know maybe because I'm a good fucking person who doesn't treat other people the way you do so I don't except to be treated that way from you either if I've been nothing but kind to you! And you know what else? I keep thinking how badly your girlfriend treats you because she isn't there to support you when you need her. I felt so bad for you for the Monaco Grand Prix, I even wished to comfort you when she wasn't there to. But the further I go, the more I think that maybe you are the problem, not her." I turn on my heel and head for the door, a tear escaping my eye in the process. I was fighting them back really hard and I'm furious at myself for letting him make me feel this way.
I leave the room, but he follows me outside and stops me by pulling me by my hand.
"Wait." He says.
"No, don't touch me!" I say yanking it away from his grip.
"Then why weren't you there for me instead of her if you wished to?"
"Because of all the things I just said. And why don't you start giving some answers instead of just asking questions?" With that I leave him standing in the corridor of the hotel as I hurry to the elevator and into my room.
part 4 here
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sparrowrye · 1 day
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Demi Demon || Alastor x Reader, A2 part 20
Synopsis: It’s been over a year since we were brought under Alastor’s watchful eye. We’ve unlocked our Demonic powers, discovered our own talents, and began building the Safe Haven with Charlie and co. Alastor seems increasingly interested in the power we hold as one and intends to use it properly.
Previous part
Part 20: fixing
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Reagan and I were alone on the shore. We had spent time alone recovering, physically and mentally, before agreeing to talk. She sat on one of the smooth boulders while I stood in the water, claws sinking in the sand in an effort to help ground myself. I was still buzzing from the skirmish.
"Why didn't you tell me about the blood thing?" she asked after several minutes of silence.
"I didn't want to scare you," I admitted. I was in my Demon form, per her request. She wanted to talk to 'the real me'.
"I'm not fourteen anymore."
"But you liked me. We were close because I wasn't like the 'other Demons'." I pulled my feet out of the sand to allow them to sink again. My tail moved through the water like a fish.
"I thought we told each other everything."
I looked over my shoulder at her. She was a friend and a daughter to me. I was amazed that we had even reached the point we had in less than four years. I was destroying it now. "I'm still trying to be comfortable with the nature of who I am."
We fell silent. She pulled her legs up to wrap her arms around them. The sun was warm and the Fall wind mixed with the ocean breeze. I had yet to actually be warm since...well, everything.
"What did he say to you?" I asked.
"A bunch of random crap."
"Like what?" I pressed, my back still to her.
"Like how Demons always see themselves as more powerful than Humans. That without Humans they would still just be spirits. And that they were the reason I don't know my real parents."
"You don't know them because you're a child of the ring fights," I answered a little too harshly. I quickly dropped it to something more lighter. "Something that Humans and Demons both do."
"I know that."
More silence hung overhead. I took a step further into the water so it reached my shins.
"Why did you call for me?"
"What do you mean?"
I turned around to face her finally. "Why did you call for me? I'm sure he was going to take you with him to wherever those other pure Humans are. So why call for me? Why did you want to come back?"
She didn't answer right away, casting her eyes down at the sand and face still hidden behind her knees. She looked like her fourteen-year-old self who I first met.
"Because I care about you," she admitted, "and because...you aren't...like other Demons." She put her legs down so she was sitting cross legged. "And because I know you care about the haven just as much as I do."
I stepped out of the water and walked over to her. She was at my head level while sitting on the rock. "I'm sorry. For not telling you the truth about myself." I gently placed my hand on top of hers and she flipped it over to hold it. "Thank you for trusting me."
She let out a sigh as I wrapped my arm around her back in an embrace. "No more secrets? Please?"
"No more secrets." I squeezed her once then let go to look at her. "I suppose this is a good time, then, to clear the air and tell the rest of my secrets. I'm uh...I'm not just a Demon. I'm half Angel, too."
She just kinda looked at me, eyes unblinking and body very still. Then she let out a loud, "What!?"
****
Alastor returned later that night in the pouring rain. I was in the living room reading, waiting for him to come back. His shadow sneaked up the stairs into his room where I heard his footsteps walking around. I let out a sigh and put the book I was reading on the side table.
I felt my nerves prickle down my back as I climbed the stairs and came to stand in front of his door. I could hear him pacing, the slight creak of the floor being the only hint. Red seeped out from under the door as I knocked gently on it. There was a moment of silence. Then he opened it. 
A wave of cedar and smoke reached my nose and warmth spilled out of his room into the cold hallway. His towering form blocked the light coming from behind and his red eyes locked with mine. I felt an odd spike of fear and excitement.
"You should be asleep," he said. His face looked like his usual smile but his eyes weren't as sharp. His smile actually looked fake. I noticed his monocle was missing, too.
"Is he dead?" I asked.
He let out a sigh through his smile and averted his eyes. "I'm afraid I failed to find him. Lucifer will send a message to the Overlords to make him their top priority." I nodded my head softly and looked down at my claws, tapping the edges together perfectly. "Was there something you wished to speak to me about?" he prompted.
"Well...yes." I glanced up to see his eyes were back on me. I put one foot claw on top of the other. I had spent the entire day thinking about how I wanted to word it yet failed almost immediately. "I um...thank you for today."
A breath of silence. "Perhaps you should withhold it."
"Why?" I tilted my head back to look at him fully.
"In order to find you, I had to violate our deals. Lucifer undid it so I could reach you through your mind."
My mouth hung open. That strange feeling of something being unwound when I was trapped had been our deals. I had no idea that Lucifer could undo a deal like that. Then again, he was the King of Hell.
I dropped my gaze back to my claws. "I'm glad you did. I don't know how I would've gotten out. I'm sorry."
"What for?"
I shifted uncomfortably. "It seems you always have to save me. I'm sure it's annoying."
"You saved me today."
My head snapped up. "What?"
"I have relied on my magic for centuries and when it was striped from me, I had next to nothing to defend myself. You, however, tapped into your own skills and saved us both from that situation. So I believe you also deserve a thank you."
My mouth moved but nothing came out of it. He has never said anything like that before, let alone even say thank you to anyone. I felt warmth creep into my chest and up to my cheeks. I felt the urge to run back to my room, to safety, but I didn't want to leave his presence. I didn't want his attention to be anywhere but on me.
His teeth had disappeared to allow a gentle smile on his face. "I will be awake for some time," he started, "perhaps you'd like to accompany me?" He stepped to the side and motioned into his room. His room. I finally had a full view of what it looked like.
On one side was a warm fireplace adjacent to a large window. A table and set of chairs sat in the corner in between them. On the other side of the room that he was partially blocking, I saw a massive bed with red curtains on the edges. A desk was immediately next to it, covered in a mess of papers and books.
Fear prickled in the back of my throat. He must've caught on because he turned on the radio sitting on the mantle to a soft melody and manifested my book on the table. I regretted wanting his attention but didn't dare pass up an opportunity of him being this kind, this open, with me. So I forced my feet to unstick from the floor and walk into the room.
It was warm, almost too warm, and the air felt strangely heavy. The smell of smoke was stronger here but I saw no evidence of a cigarette or anything like it. I watched him walk over to his desk to retrieve a handful of papers and a single book. I sat on one of the chairs and opened my own book, my fingers struggling to fiddle through the pages. I rubbed one of my sweaty palms on my pant leg under the table.
He sat in the other chair, legs crossed, and laid out the papers and book. He reached into his pocket to withdraw a pair of glasses. My mouth dropped open and he smiled at me with his teeth. "I seem to keep surprising you."
"I've never seen you with glasses."
"You've seen me with my monocle." He let the glasses fall lower on his nose so he could look down at the papers.
"That's different."
He let out a soft, deep chuckle. "I suppose." He was writing something on the papers. He looked like he was copying something from the book but I couldn't tell what it was or where it was from. He noticed my staring and I tried to avert my eyes back to my own book. He continued to stare up at me past the rim of his glasses, sending a funny feeling in my stomach.
I finally gave a terse, "What?"
"You're allowed to ask me questions."
"I was just observing. That's all."
His toothless smile reached further up his face. "I've had a love for history since I was a child. Once the Great Collapse started to happen, I began collecting important books or copying them. You'll find most of the books in my office are all history books from before the collapse."
"What exactly are you writing?"
"An abstract version of the book. It helps to solidify the information in my memory and allows me to return the book when I'm done reading it. I think it important for the few libraries we have to keep as many books as possible. Perhaps it'll help society to avoid another Great Collapse."
I wanted to ask when he was born but the question fell silent as he began to write again. I pretended to read but my eyes frequently went back up to watch him. I wasn't used to seeing him so...calm? Still? Normal? The longer I looked, the more relaxed I grew. I noticed Alcine and Alastor's shadow staring at each other on the wall, neither moving very much at all. It wasn't an aggressive stance, as if they too were simply observing each other.
After some time and a few songs later, Alastor began to hum along to the radio. The sound made my ears perk up instantly. I ignored the words on my page as I focused solely on him. He reached up and hooked a red claw on his bowtie. He placed it on the table and let the tail hang off the edge. His eye caught me looking and I pretended to be looking around at his room instead.
I shifted in the chair and brought my foot up to slid it underneath my other leg. I leaned on the armchair and pretended to flip the page. Had our chairs always been this close? I could easily touch his sleeve if I wanted to, but my better judgement prevented that.
After the first two songs, I found myself quickly growing tired. My head began to nod forward as the words on the page began to blur. I was reading the same sentence over and over again. My back was hurting from sitting up for so long but I didn't want to leave. Not yet.
Eventually, I fell asleep completely. The book slide out of my hands and into my lap. My dream felt warm, soft, and safe. I could hear him humming still and it felt like a blanket was being draped over my body. A soft smile tugged at my lips.
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Author's Note:
We've got a few sweet chapters ahead so if y'all have any ideas or requests, now would be a good time to send them ;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Taglist:
@wendigonamecaller @saccharine-nectarine
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calisources · 2 days
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𝐌𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐄𝐕𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐒.
All of these sentences are mostly taking by my own mind and i'm not joking. It was hard finding material quotes regarding tournaments in historical or fantasy setting. Some are from shows or media but eighty percent is all from my own mind, please give credit if use these. Change pronouns, names, locations as you see fit. All of these involve the medieval event of a tournament and what happens around them.
I fear I am already bending far too many rules just by taking you, my young princess.
Show me your hands, you will have blisters soon.
Lady Eglantine doesn’t believe in love, only lust.
In the world of competition, only the strongest shall prevail.
A true champion is not defined by their victories, but by the obstacles they've overcome.
Victory is sweetest when it's earned through sweat, hard work, and determination.
Will you not participate in the tourney, my lord? 
May I have the honor of wearing your favor today, my lady?
Good luck to you, my Prince.
The tournament is not just a test of skill, but a test of character as well.
Is it always this bloody? Will those poor men die? Someone must see them.
I want him to wear my favor.  Only him. 
If he wins, the knight has the right to name his Queen of Love and Beauty. And at the feast, they shall dance.
Be careful. A tourney is a grand place for courtly love, but also, for blood to rise and affairs to appear.
Call me what you like, say I'm without honor, I don't care. I'm not getting on any more horses to whack you people with a stick.
Kings may be chosen by God, but they still make the mistakes of men.
When even those who rule can sink this low, it is not possible to change anything.
It's my lucky charm, be sure to bring it back to me.
My favorite blue ribbon. Take it.
It will bring you good fortune and you will return from joust unharmed.
I was hoping to ask for the Princess's favor.
How about a kiss, for luck?
Courtly love was the culture around the performance of love at court.
And now, rather than admit these feelings, you're dancing around one another with this mind-numbing and frankly boorish mating ritual.
The knights take on the duties of shadows with pride.
Whoever wins the tournament, shall become the prince/princess’ new betrothed.
You want to marry my daughter? Prove yourself worthy.
Petyr survived only because I begged Brandon not to kill him.
When Petyr heard of my engagement, he challenged Brandon to a duel. 
You do qualify to marry my daughter.
What matters most is who she will give her favor to. 
Her face is one that can create dynasties or crumble empires.
I was hoping for a word before you rode on the tourney, my Prince. 
My brother is the one competing against you, please be gentle with him.
The games are done for the day, please, feast and drink as you wish. 
You have been staring all day, my lord. I was beginning to wonder if I had something in my face.
Any damsel that's in distress - she'll be out of that dress when she meets Jim West.
Great men do not seek power... they have power thrust upon them.
My daughter seems. . .infatuated with you. I have yet to see why.
The princess is naive and thinks any man who is kind means well. A tournament will only show her the reality of life.
You honor the arena with your combat. May your swords and shield preserve the peace.
In the songs all knights are gallant, all maids are beautiful, and the sun is always shining.
I will be brave for Princess Pea.
As a squire, your first duty is to your knight’s armor. Your knight’s armor is more important than your own life. 
You will be knighted and you will have earned your knighthood.
You are hurt. At least let me tend to your wound.
The men laugh and fight and the ladies search for husbands.
Nothing like a good tournament to find a husband, or a companion for the night. 
Rumors are always spread with ease in these.
Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life?
You say I'll never get your blessing till the day I die.
We're married now, but we still haven't told your dad. This is the right time.
Are you promised to someone?
My sister's getting married. It's a love match. A rare thing. I’m not so lucky. My husband is to be chosen by who can hold a sword the longer.
Why can’t women participate in the games?
There are games for the ladies, Your Grace. But they are less. . .gruesome. And of course, the dancing.
Princes and Princess all over the realm and across the sea are coming for this event. You must shine brighter.
Let me help you with your armor. It appears loose.
As I promised, I return your favor to you, my lady. 
The Prince never loses a joust. He will crown his queen and then all will be well.
I do not understand the appeal of this. 
I spend days making these favors, let me stay a little longer.
My lady, I do not need your favor to win, but perhaps, a kiss of good faith. 
I do not care who wins these games, your hand is already arranged for another.
Men are scoundrel, specially when blood runs hot after a good battle, stray away from them.
These games are done in honor of the king’s heir.
The lord’s daughter is said to have bloomed, and the man chooses to announce it like this. 
A tournament is for men to boost their strength, fathers sell their daughters like mares and for affairs to happen.
I saw you on the stands today, my lord. But you did not participate on the games.
My brother wishes to dance with you, my lady. He is all too shy to ask himself.
You were injured. Have you allowed someone to heal them or are you too stubborn to let them?
Princess, you must not stray too far away. 
Mother is too drunk and annoyed to care, she won’t mind. 
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darlindeer · 23 hours
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A Good Place III
tags:fem!reader, takes place post-canon, reader is/was chronically online, reader is actually a bad person, cursing, Lucifer lowkey is having a mid-life crisis (again), Lucifer has very strong feelings about sinners, I am afraid that reader is a girlblogger, reader has daddy issues, Vaping (don't do it, is not worth it). words: 2.7k a/n: HI :D sooooo I really like this chapter, and I hope that you do too :D its a short one buuuut yeah :D ALSO I am starting a taglist soooo if you wanna be tagged do let me know ^^
part i, part ii, part iii
Do all therapists go to heaven? 
Well surely not if they are like creeps or like… malpractice? Yeah… that sounds right? 
Either way, you were sure that listening to Lucifer talk about himself and his life is definitely winning you some good person points or whatever it is they measure “goodness” by. Sure, you were doing it out of the kindness of your heart as Charlie likes to put it as but… its gotta be helping with redemption right?
“And.. uh.. Oh” He trailed off, his eyes falling on you, seeing how your half lidded eyes and sleepy look in your face “you should probably get to bed, sorry, I didn’t mean to bored you” 
“No, no… is just… your voice is soothing I guess” You half lied sitting up straight 
“Oh…” He blushed and looked away “so… uh… how are you doing?” He asked awkwardly 
“Huh?” 
“Well, after I ran out of thing to ask you I just sorta started talking about myself and you just sit there and listen” He was looking away still. He never really looked at you for longer than a couple of seconds, at least when he had your attention, sometimes during the day you’d feel his eyes burning into the side or back of your head until you turned around and he would quickly look away. But like with most things you would simply ignore it, at least you knew that he wasn’t staring because he wanted you to drop dead, like he did with Alastor. 
“Oh, uh… well… I guess I’m fine?” You shrugged “I don’t know, I… I like being around here, but it just feels like I’m stuck… I guess?” You confessed quietly as you brought your knees up to your chest, as if you were protecting yourself from the little vulnerability you let out “like I don’t fit” You mumbled even quieter than before. 
You weren’t lying to him, not like when Charlie asks and you tell her you are great because you don’t want her to worry. You felt alone still, almost two months in the hotel and you still felt out of place. 
Lucifer sucked in air through his teeth, letting out an awkward hissing sound. He really wasn’t expecting that to be your answer, you always seemed so confident and smiley throughout the day, he figured your quiet demeanor during your talks was just because you were tired not because you were sad. He was wrecking his brain to find something to say but he looked over at you when he heard you let out a giggle 
“Y’know I’m terrible at comforting people too” You said with a small smile “I think most of the time I make that exact sound, one time I just said “bummer” when a friend told me her mom died” You giggled again, before burying your head into your knees. 
“That’s horrible” He gasped looking at you, seeing how your hands gripped the sides of your legs slightly tighter and your tail, wrapped around and laid over your feet. “Sorry…” 
“I just don’t know how to… feelings properly” You groan, your voice slightly muffled 
“Hey, I’ll drink to that” He said with a small chuckle, slumping back on the couch, now staring at the wall, you didn’t say anything back. The silences between you didn’t feel awkward anymore, nor empty to Lucifer, they just were. Part of whatever this is that you are doing.
“Don’t tell Charlie…” You mumbled looking up and turning your head to him 
“Huh? Tell her what?” 
“That I said that I feel like I don’t fit…” you sighed and closed your eyes “please… I know that I'm asking you to lie to your daughter but-” 
“I won’t” He interrupted you, you opened your eyes, and for once he didn’t look away as soon as you did, but it felt weird, he was looking at you with understanding and something else… it felt weird, so this time you looked away 
“Thanks” You sighed, staring at the wall, the room was illuminated by the tv, it was on but on mute, set on some random channel, it casted a blue-ish light that would ever so often change depending on the scene of the show that was on, you found it a little odd how the entire room changed because of the light, it made the overwhelming amounts of red seem bearable, but who cares, you certainly don’t you are just looking for something to distract you from the weight that lucifer’s look was starting to weigh on you. To think that a few minutes ago you were wondering why he never looked at you for longer than 5 seconds, now you just want him to look away.
And for the first time, the silence seemed unbearable to you, you never minded before, hell! You could even say that you liked it, a break, a moment to breathe, to settle before moving onto whatever next topic Lucifer wanted to talk about. Now it just felt like you were drowning, soon you’ll be gasping for air and reaching for whatever you could get a hold of to escape the crushing weight of it. 
You let go of your legs, stretching them out and took a deep breath. 
“I think I am going to go to bed” You said standing up from the sofa, “goodnight” You flashed him a small smile before walking away, giving him a small wave 
“Night…” he mumbled waving back 
・༓☾  ☽༓・ 
Lucifer knew he hadn’t really made a “personal” connection with you, you were… friends… of sorts. You’d talk and listen to him, and he did the same, but there was something different about it, like a weird shame… that was part of the reason he had asked you to keep your conversations a secret, but he wasn’t quite sure why he felt this weird encapsulation shame whenever he was around you. Even though you two would only speak during nighttime, whenever he had the time to “spare you” a glance during the day, he couldn’t help but stare until you turned to look at him, granted you always looked slightly annoyed when you turned which only made him turn his gaze away. That only led him to believe that you felt this same weird feeling he had about this “relationship”. 
Sure, during your talks you were nice, you smiled and looked at him when he spoke, you gave him undivided attention, and he knew that you did too because there had been a few times you recalled things he had said, little throw away things that he would not have remembered, but you did, you’d tilt your head to the side, your ears turning outwards a little, your eyebrows knitting together in slight confusion before you asked about the small inconsistency on the story he was telling you, it wasn’t like he was lying, he wouldn’t lie, he would just misspeak, but you noticed. 
And that attention to detail wasn’t something exclusive to him, he noticed how you would randomly recall in the same way about the other residents, same expression, same tilt of your head as you asked them about the smallest of details or inconsistencies in their stories, Alastor specifically seemed to detest this about you. 
Maybe it was the hypocrisy he was performing, so adamantly disliking sinners and actively avoiding them publicly, even slightly resisting his darling daughter’s request for him to try, only for him to seek you out and practically beg you to talk to him. There was definitely… ways… for him to learn about the things you told him about, but maybe it was because you were a sinner that he wanted to hear it from you, someone that had actually experienced it, not just read it off a book or recall old old memories. 
Any way, you were a plague, there was no other way he could describe it. You had infested his mind, everything made him think of you. And it didn’t help that he literally would see you everywhere since he had been staying at the hotel to help Charlie contact heaven again. He could hide away in his studio/room for most of the day, but if he wanted to eat, or have some down time, chances were that he would see you, even if it was only a glimpse of you, your image would be plastered all over his mind. He could make a chart of every outfit you had worn this week. 
“Dad…Dad?” Charlie waved her hand in front of Lucifer’s face until he reacted and looked her way again since it seemed he was staring at the floor before “did you listen to anything I said?...” 
“Uh no, yeah totally” He said confidently looking up at his daughter with an awkward smile “but you could repeat it… just to confirm I got all of it”
“Right… so both Angel and Y/N are out today and I know we should focus on getting sinners into heaven but I think we should brainstorm some advertising! To get more sinners in here!...” Charlie continued to ramble on about one of her ideas, going full on the theatrics. 
“So where oh… where did Y/N go?” He asked after Charlie finished, looking at his nails as if to seem uninterested in the question he asked. 
“Uh, she said she had something to do, didn’t give much information, kinda just said be back later” Charlie said hand on her face as she thought back to this morning “and Angel had to work so, it’s a day off for them today at the hotel at least” 
“Right right, Andy is at work and Y/N is just out?” He hummed, still trying to look uninterested 
“Yes… ANGEL is at work and Y/N is somewhere, I think she said something about a sale, uh a five finger discount, so like 50% off probably!” Charlie said in a hopeful tone and then Lucifer tried to explain that you were probably shoplifting without crushing all her hopes. 
・༓☾  ☽༓・ 
You waltzed into the hotel near 3am, several bags hanging in your arms, holding your phone in one hand as the other held up a pink vape up to your lips, the little light at the bottom and the unbelievably bright screen of your phone, lighting up the mostly dark room. 
The only thing that could be heard was the clacking of your boots as you walk. You exhaled the smoke as you started walking up the stairs, using the light of your phone as a guide.
When you finally got to your room you found no other than lucifer, kinda just pacing in front of your door 
“Oh… hey” you said walking to the door and opening, he was wearing pajamas, like an actual two set pajamas, light blue with little duckies all over “you… uh been waiting long?” 
“You were out all day, uh andy got here before you” he said looking as you walked in, standing at your doorway 
“And you were worried?” you asked looking at him “are you just gonna stand there?... who's andy?”
“Y’know tall, spider fella” He raised his hand as far up as he could
“Oh, Angel” you said and nodded, taking out the several boxes from the bags “so, you were worried?” You asked in a teasing tone, your tail wagging slowly and low 
“Well you haven’t been in hell for long and those sinners out there… they are…” he followed with a long strained groan “t-they are violent and… and depraved-” 
“I just went shopping” You interrupted and shrugged “so like, I’ve been posting like a bunch of stuff on sinstagram and tiktok and like I’ve gotten a BUNCH of followers and like a couple stores were like, “come take a bunch of our stuff for free and just post a video or post a picture at the store” and well I love free stuff so I went and then after they were like “hey! Lets go to the club!” and my mom always told me to never deny a free drink or free anything so I went!” You explained taking out a pair of long boots “can you like, come in, its bugging me that you are at the door, I have… a poof you can sink into” 
“Oh yea yea, suuuuure, just come into your room, okay” He said quietly actually stepping in 
“Close the door behind you please” You pointed at it and he closed it, before just standing there awkwardly making you giggle a little “you can relax sire, is not like I have my panties on the floor” you giggled before looking around just to make sure “yeah no panties on the floor” 
“Haha sire, ha!” He chuckled to “himself”, he can’t really recall a moment where you had addressed him properly… or like at all… now that he is thinking about it you haven’t even said his name, not that he can remember. And it made his chest tight, he never has been fond of the tittle’s, tho he always wants to be addressed with respect. 
“I heard that” You said in a sing-songy tone “you can sit on the poof or my bed or… the floor, my rug is pretty soft” You pointed around “if you want to stay… you seem… kinda wiged out” 
“No is just… y'know your room, is a personal thing… and we… are like…. Not like that” He mumbled 
“Right… uh… right” You mumbled looking at the clothes in your bed. All of the sudden you felt as awkward as he did now, and when you feel awkward you feel vulnerable and that puts your defenses down, the delicately constructed walls you had built up on uneven ground, cracking at the first disturbance “y’know I… uh, I know it's you who normally asks the questions but…”
“Yeah?” 
You cleared your throat still not looking his way gripping the garment on your hands “I just… I don’t get it… why me?” 
“Why you what?” he questioned, head tilting to the side slightly 
“Why ask me? I just… everyone else in this hotel had far more interesting lives than I did and I just… why?” 
“Its because… well they have been dead for so long and you are the freshest” He shrugged, not really getting why you are asking it seemed like an obvious reason why he choose you 
“No. because… no, like.. I think I am also the youngest, I lived 24 years only, I, I… I barely experienced anything, and I’m also like… Like I barely did anything to get into hell, I mean, lie, steal, scam, I’m pretty sure that a visit to any catholic church would have saved me from all of this-” You continued your ramble, now moving around your room, 
You were sort of right, yes, a visit to any church would have definitely saved you, but you shouldn’t have gone to heaven, no, he would have never met you otherwise, and although he can’t fully admit it, he enjoys you, heaven doesn’t deserve you, they couldn’t appreciate you, with their stupid strict rules. You were right, you were barely a sinner, maybe that was why he didn’t mind you as much as the others 
“I mean all I was… was a hedonistic party girl that stole wallets and and!-” 
“Well, maybe that’s why” Lucifer shrugged “you are not like the rest of them, you aren’t violent or sick or depraved-”
 “maybe a little depraved” you whispered 
“And that’s why I like talking to you, you don’t have some sort of sick twisted version of earth in your mind, you didn’t see a pond with duck and think “that’s a perfect place to dump a body”, you saw calming place, you saw earth for what it was, I like that”
You stayed quiet, glancing at him, he was still standing by the door, and you were in the middle of the room, he was looking at you, with almost a sad look, like pity but different, he wasn't looking away or just past you. 
“You should go to bed” He gave you a closed eye smile before turning around and opening the door “Charlie has a big day planned for tomorrow so you should definitely get some rest, good night” 
“Good night” You said softly watching as he left, closing the door behind him
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ ☽༓・*˚⁺‧͙
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