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bebepac · 1 year

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One Year Has Passed

In case you were wondering what depression can look like. It can look exactly like this.

Cheslie Corrinne Kryst

April 28, 1991 - January 30, 2022

It can also look like this:

And.... it can also look like this....

But what I’ve come to realize, which has made me take a step back from social media platforms in general since her passing is something that she had mentioned before. “Social media is a highlight reel.”

I would say I can’t believe a year has passed since she made the choice to leave this world, but I can, because I felt various levels of grief throughout it. I followed her avidly on social media on several different platforms. I perceived her to be happy, and funny, goofy, constantly with a smile on her face. I also perceived her to be kind, intelligent, goal oriented, ambitious, and a powerhouse of a woman, that had many many skill sets, and a wide knowledge base. Which is only a few of the reasons I had picked her to become my face claim for my Riley in most of my stories when I started writing on the fandom. I looked up to her as a minority woman from my home state, and she had accomplished so much in her 30 years walking this earth.

You can show what you perceive to be the “best of you” to the world and can be struggling with so much more under the surface. She talked once on a post about how many pictures they had taken before they decided on the one to post that made her look “flawless.”

We put so much pressure on ourselves to make an effort to be what we perceive to be “perfect.” Some of those pressures are societal, feeling you have to conform to a certain standard of “beauty” or “professionalism” even racial norms, what it means to be “Black” or a minority navigating this world, or simply being a person navigating this world.

For this, I say, we must have more grace with ourselves. The things we say to ourselves in our minds, we would never say to our best friends. So why do we feel it’s ok to say those negative things about our selves?

We must stop being our own worst critic. We have to love ourselves more. Have those conversations not only with the people that look to be visibly struggling but those that look perfectly fine. People are leaving this world by their own choice at an alarming rate. We have to have those conversations with each other that are difficult.

Because I don’t want to lose someone else, I care about this way.

No, I didn’t know Cheslie personally, I wish I had, and over 3 years, I created a world here for her in my stories I created, and I feel like I knew her, and I still miss her. Seeing all the tributes come across social media for her, by family, friends, and fans, shows the impact she had on the world, and the legacy she will have. I really do hope that she found the peace she was looking for, even though selfishly I still wish she was still here in physical presence.

Every person that we lose this way, is one too many.

#bebepac writes #cheslie kryst #rembembering cheslie #tw suicide #suicide awareness #please get help if you need it #please stay #rip cheslie #you will always be my riley #tw depression #high functioning depression

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nicksbestie · 10 months

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Fading

THIS IS DEPRESSING AND TRIGGERING AS FUCK, DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE NOT IN A STABLE PLACE THANK YOU !! I TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY IF YOU IGNORE THIS AND CONTINUE TO READ IT

word count: 1647

content warnings: self-harm, descriptions of blood, gauze, depression/mental illness, descriptions of pain

this is ur last warning to step away !! otherwise, enjoy

There was so. much. blood. The sight of it would make anyone dizzy, and as Scarlett stared down at her upper legs and inner wrist, her hand shook harder than it ever had before. The resemblance of her name, her fiery red hair, and the red liquid pooling in her bathroom was not something she had ever found ironic, but right now, she wondered if it was a coincidence or a cruel twist of fate.

This had always been something that was private, something she dealt with alone. She’d always been able to handle it, she’d never wanted to talk about it, to put the burden of her mental illness onto someone else. It’s not like she didn’t have people to talk to, she just couldn’t hurt them with that when they definitely had their own shit to go through. It’s just not who she was.

She had a boyfriend who had been there, who had lived through what she was doing, who had talked to her about it. And yet, after two years of a relationship, he didn’t know. She felt horrible about it sometimes, but he had always assured her that she didn’t owe him anything, and he would never push her to speak about anything that she didn’t want to. But as her vision blurred with tears, tears of fear, mixed with a large amount of pain that mostly hadn’t hit her system yet, she didn’t know what else to do.

She had never been more grateful that she agreed to move in on their two year anniversary, as the metal blade clattered to the tile floor and she sobbed out, sitting down on the toilet seat and staring in shock at her body, letting out just one word, in the form of a yell.

“Ash!”

Ashton was nearly on the verge of falling asleep, as it was nearing one in the morning, but the absolute panic in his girlfriend’s voice flowed through his veins like an electric shock. He sat up, throwing the covers off of his body and standing up, immediately noticing the light seeping out from under the bathroom door.

“Scarlett?!”

The door was locked. He rattled the knob twice, getting no response. He pounded on the door, once, before slipping his thumbnail into the small crease in the doorknob, twisting it and popping the lock on the door.

“Scar- Scarlett.”

She could barely see through the waves of tears, but she will never forget the look on his face. Fear, blended with heartbreak, all coated in a layer of fresh pain.

It only made her cry harder, unable to form words. She turned her face away, refusing to make eye contact with him. Seeing the absolute shock in his hazel eyes was too much, it made her feel way too fucking vulnerable. Not like she already wasn’t feeling that, but since she was, that was a level she couldn’t handle right now.

Ashton tried his hardest not to think. He couldn’t spare the time to think, she needed help. But at the same time, he didn’t know how to turn off the millions of thoughts racing around his head.

How long? Why didn’t she tell him? She didn’t have to tell him anything, but he thought maybe she would come to him if… Regardless, it didn’t matter, he was finding out now, and she needed him.

He immediately grabbed a washcloth and ran it under some cold water, offering her his hand as he kneeled in front of her.

“Oh, baby. Here, tighten your grip, this is probably going to hurt pretty badly.”

He firmly pressed the material to the deepest set of wounds, wincing slightly as a pained cry slipped past her lips, and her hold on his hand tightened until he thought he’d lose circulation. Whispering soft words and encouragement as the bleeding slowly began to clot and stop, he gently wiped the excess blood from around them as he moved from one set of cuts to another. Examining all of them as he cared for them, he took great relief in noticing that the deepest ones were not deep enough to need stitches, and while they would hurt like a bitch to heal, they would be okay.

She would be okay, at least physically.

Continuing to dampen the washcloth and adjust it to a less blood-soaked side every few minutes, he spoke loving words to her the entire time. He’d been here, he knew how it felt, and he hated that she was suffering. Her crying hadn’t slowed, and she still refused to look at him. He tried so desperately to not take it personally, knowing that when he had been where she was, he didn’t want to look or talk to people either. He wanted to reach up and wipe her tears away, but he couldn’t, not with one hand holding the fabric and the other held in a death grip. It would have to do for now.

“We’re going to get through this, love. I’m here with you. I’m here for you.”

She didn’t reply, though her sobbing had slowed. It was now just a steady stream of silent tears racing quickly down her face, but she was looking at him now, which was progress. He slid the wooden drawer next to the sink open, hand easily locating and finding the medical gauze that remained in there. His heart sank and clenched at the same time when he realized just how little there was left. He had replaced the roll just earlier that week.

Softly wrapping her upper thighs, gentle hands tying it off tightly to keep the bleeding to a minimum, he pressed a kiss to the top of the bandaging on each leg before moving to her inner wrist. He easily wrapped it as well, hating how familiar the feeling felt, yet on someone else’s body. Taking her hand once more, he stood and gently pulled her to her feet, immediately wrapping his arms around her body. His chin rested on top of her head, and while he normally teased her for their size difference, today he hated how small she felt against him.

“I love you. C’mon, darling. It’s late, let’s go lay down, and we can talk.”

She didn’t fight him, but she didn’t agree either. Her body was nearly limp against his as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and gently led her back to their shared bedroom. He noted that she was already in comfortable clothes, and his heart felt like it never stopped aching as he considered how much she may have, for lack of better words, prepared, before doing this.

He laid back down in the bed, motioning for Scarlett to come lay against him. She did, wincing slightly when the sheets rubbed against her arm and thighs. Ashton had a sad look on his face, and she hated herself for putting it there. She never wanted to hurt him, and now she had. The thought of that did nothing to calm her already raging anxiety and pain, and the tears that had slowly stopped easily picked their pace back up again, this time soaking a spot into Ashton’s shirt from where she was pressed against his chest.

Normally his heartbeat relaxed her, eased her to sleep, comforted her in times of distress, but tonight, all it reminded her of was blood. Pumping through his body, just like her own was. Blood running in veins through wrists and thighs, blood that had been spilled onto their bathroom floor, that she had just sat and sobbed in while Ashton cleaned up her mess without so much as a single complaint. His heartbeat was no longer a comforting sound, only making her eyes blur with tears and her airway clog up with snot from the meltdown.

She pulled herself away, turning her back to him, trying to put some space between the two of them. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to be comforted, but she felt like a burden. And the last thing she wanted to do was burden Ashton, as she’d already hurt him tonight, clearly beyond repair. But he immediately reached out and turned her back around, not letting her hide from him again. She didn’t say anything, but he seemed to know anyway.

“We should talk, but I don’t think that it would do you much good right now, so I’ll talk, and all I ask is that you listen. I know how much you’re hurting. I’ve been where you are, my love, and it is horrible. You are so strong for going through this, and dealing with it alone, but you don’t have to anymore. I’m more than willing to help you carry this pain, and I hope that you will let me. I know you, Scarlett, and I know that you are independent. I’ve always admired that about you. You never want to ask for help, and that is an admirable trait, but I know that sometimes you need it. If you don’t want to talk about this, we won’t, but I won’t forget it, either. I will be here when you need me, and we’re going to get through this.”

Sometime during his small speech, her tears had stopped again, and she had moved back to his side. His arms were wrapped around her again, and she only spoke a few words to him.

“You promise?”

He smiled down at her, gently rubbing her back, using the pad of his thumb on his opposite hand to wipe tears from her lash line.

“I promise, Scarlett. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

This time, when she fell asleep against him that night, his heartbeat didn’t bother her anymore. In fact, it was the catalyst for her getting rest, for her new beginning with him by her side. A sign of life.

#ashton irwin fic #ashton irwin angst #self h@rm #mental instability #original character #5sos fluff #ashton irwin fluff #5sos angst #this is depressing as shit #i love you all #please get help if you need it #vent fic #feeling dumps #shitpost #tw blo0d #tw blade #tw self harm

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egophiliac · 12 days

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IT WAS ERIC AFTER ALL!!!! I'm so glad we got to meet him (before Vil snaps him away with those Infinity Gauntlets) (can't wait to see what happens when we get the matching Infinity Tiara to go with them, there will be no survivors)

(sorry to be so slow/rough lately, just got a lot of stuff on the ol' brain at the moment! alas, if only I could spend all my time drawing incredibly stupid characters I mean I do but)

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #tapis rouge #i know these are not my best but by god i needed to draw ~daddo venue~#he is a treat! can't wait for him to yell at us for screwing up a shoot or whatever the last-minute disaster will be #i am SO HAPPY it turned out to be about movies after all! ...i mean sort of anyway #i'll take what i can get (and i do enjoy twst trying to be all cute about snow whAHEM i mean beautiful queen) (i see you there twst)#(also to be fair it actually wasn't poisoned in historial-revisionism-twstland so i think we can trust this apple. a+ acting eric)#anyway we are still. very solidly in the 'stand around and talk about the wallpaper for three hours' part of the event.#but HEY we got to meet eric! i was not really expecting it to be him so i am VERY pleased #also god help me i did think the shopping montage as portrayed by a rhythmic where they literally SKIP down the street was hilarious #there's a lot of Choices that were made in this event and that was a good one

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royalarchivist · 2 months

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Quackity: These past days I've been in many calls, and I'm not done yet. I've spoken to a lot of people and creators. I've read your comments and I'm well aware of what needs to be done to carry out this project. I want to tell you all, beforehand, that for me the team's well-being is fundamental. I'm very involved in this topic to sort it out and I want to make that very clear. I want to tell you something... I want to tell you all that the administrative staff responsible for so much harm to the project has been fired. Specifically, those who made decisions without my permission, affecting the administrative and financial area of the project. Consequently, after this, I was in charge of doing a financial analysis that's carrying out for the QSMP.

Guys, to be really honest, it was not going to last. Therefore, I've had to make deep drastic structural changes that have lead me to reduce the performance of the server down to the most essential, and this is in order to ensure the well being of everyone involved in it. Having said this, I want to give a very important update: I want to let you all know that the QSMP will have to slow down temporarily. This is to ensure this new structure adapts to the project, because it's a restructuring that's taking place. I'm letting you know, and I reiterate, there are no voluntary positions inside the QSMP.

At the moment, there will not be any more individual update accounts of all 5 existing languages in the project. In any case, during this transition, there's going to be a temporal absence of all Eggs and NPCs. I know these are difficult changes, and I repeat, it's temporary until we adjust to these new conditions that will improve the performance of this new structure that's being made from scratch, both in the administrative and financial part. I'd like to reintegrate people fro the QSMP as time goes by if a financial viability can be found for the project Taking advantage of this update to tell you guys that within the changes of the server as it is, creators will have full control of their lore and stories. The team will not intervene in the way that it was being done. Moreover, efforts will be made to change the competitive dynamics inside the game so as to ease up the game style for the creators. Like I'm saying, all of these changes, and more, are being carrying out to have the project as best as possible, and they're being done little by little. This is a whole new structure that will ensure the best continuity and experience for the creators, the community and the team behind.

Guys, I want to make very clear that this is restructuring process, and again, it's not a fast one. The server being open does not mean everything's perfect, I understand that very well. Conversations will keep taking place, communication will continue and the constant improvement of the project as well. I ask, please, for everyone's patience and understanding regarding all changes. Please do wait for official announcements since a lot of incomplete and incorrect information is being spread. I want to tell you all something- if you don't trust in these changes or have many doubts about it, and don't want to consume any more of the project's content, I understand 100%. I have a personal commitment with the QSMP and I will work until it functions in the way it is supposed to do.

Lastly, I want to let you know that it was being worked on for months on finalizing the integration of Korean creators to the QSMP. For that reason, tomorrow we will be welcoming the new Korean creators of the QSMP, of course, taking into account all the changes I've just mentioned. I hope you can give the new Korean members warm welcome to the project. And as you know, their schedules are earlier. For everyone who would like to watch, they will be joining at 11am Mexico time and at 9am US time. Basically, I wanted to give that update regarding everything that's being done within the project. Again, thank you for your patience and understanding- these are necessary changes and I'm glad they're being done now. And many more things will keep being adjusted.

via @QuackitySubs

#Quackity #QSMP #QSMP Official #Translated #This is very long and I bolded parts to make it easier to read #but if there's a way to make it more accessible to folks lemme know!#I personally find the bolding thing helpful but I know everyone is different #Edit: got rid of the additional ''Quackity:'' bolded parts since that's unnecessary #since. you know. he's the only one speaking here #Quackity Subs also missed a few words in here so I added those in but otherwise this is exactly what was posted #Minus the part where they said ''fro''#I don't know if they meant for or from but that's a very vital difference so I'm leaving that as-is #IMO: It's reassuring hearing the full statement #''Please do wait for official announcements since a lot of incomplete and incorrect information is being spread''#is an especially important reminder #There has unfortunately been a lot of misinformation and catastrophizing / doomposting going around #I understand it's a very scary stressful time for many people #and it sucks being told to be patient #but we actually DO need to be patient if we want to get actual accurate information

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heartorbit · 2 months

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i'm sending this endless melody to a nameless you

#SKELETON ORCHESTRA AND LILIA I NEED YOU #project sekai #emunene #emu otori #nene kusanagi #pjsk #prsk #proseka #wxs cover wishlist copium.. 2!!#i have lots more of them i wanna draw but ill do st least one duet for each pair i think. maybe nnks next ive had one for them forever #Gyaaaa #Crying i have szks lunar new years art that idk how to render im missing the holiday. lord in heaven #Ik every leaker or whatever says this is going to mmj snd it probably will and i'll love the cover but still. emunene save me #wxs gets songs with nonsense lyrics its possible right Right right #i also wanted setsuna trip to go to emu in any duet but i looove the mnai cover so i won anways #Kind of too sleepy to do my usual. Sorry viewers who like reading theough my insane tags. Dont get covid it makes you sleep 13 hours a day #For the next month.#my friends saw me going nuts over this drawing actually and i gave up hard on nenes dress i just wanted to be done.. love how emus looks..#wait i actually can be insane in the tags THE WXS WORLDLINK SONG SJHDDYDJKYMY TGYAYDHUA!!! HAGSGYAAH!!!!! GY6;$;$;$;$;$ WHEHEHEHEHEH #WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH. Its so good please help. Wxs tetrad that illuminates the world save me.#why does the 2dmv have all of them under a WEDDING AROOOR WHY IS THERE A WEDDING BELL. CONGRATS ON POLYSHO MARRIAGE. HWATEVVRR!!!!!#wonderlands x showtime killing me taking damage augh Auughg akk akcghj

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chynandri · 3 months

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may this last!

#come home PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEPLEASE PLEASE PLEASE #fe8 #fire emblem the sacred stones #chyna draws too #posting this here bc I need your help charging and manifesting my chances of getting them #I redownloaded feh JUST for this and also so I can make vday ephraim and Chrom support you know how it is #fire emblem heroes #feh

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inkskinned · 2 years

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in recent years, there's been a push in therapeutic circles to shift the language from "attention-seeking" to "connection-seeking" behavior.

i was an attention-seeker. i was the textbook example of an attention-seeker. i was a troublemaker. i would self-harm. i destroyed my own relationships. i was uncontrolled, dramatic, sensitive. i took everything personally. i had "nothing" to be depressed "about," but made a big show of how sad i was nonetheless. i was really unsafe about myself in a lot of ways.

the strange thing about that is: it meant others could ignore me. the prevailing wisdom behind knowing something is "attention seeking" is to say: well, since you want it that bad, you're not getting any. it meant i was lower-on-the-list of concern. it meant an eye-roll.

the belief was that: since i was obviously doing these things on purpose, it would be bad behavioral training if i was "rewarded" for it. it would "teach me" that i simply had to make enough fuss, and i'd finally get all that missing attention and love. no, it was better to ignore that stuff.

i was suffering. and it felt like - oh, it doesn't matter how loudly i am in pain, nobody gives a shit about if i'm living or dying.

awhile ago, i went through my journals from that time. a lot of them read the same thing. in them, i am convinced i am invisible. that nobody wants to hear me, to see me. that i could die or vanish and nobody would even notice. i didn't even want attention - not really - because it was always dismissive, mocking. nothing i ever did would be good enough to get someone to actually-worry about me.

that's a terrifying thing for me to read as an adult. that is a child who fully has no problem committing. that is a child who has no concept of feeling loved. the most basic human instinct is missing from her life.

i needed help. i didn't know how to ask for it. i was a kid. i was a kid in a bad home, and whenever i thought things couldn't get worse there - they almost always did.

and the ways i showed that - the ways i tried to deal with that - they made others dismiss me. i wasn't suffering prettily. after all, if i was really in trouble, why wouldn't i just march into the first counselor's office and ask someone to help me? i had the opportunities, right? what did i think would happen, exactly? that someone would finally stand up and do something? who even wants that kind of responsibility?

i heard connection-seeking for the first time about three months ago. my therapist mentioned it when we were talking about my history. it rang some kind of horrible bell, deep inside me. i don't know what she said in the rest of her sentence. i just started... crying.

"oh no", i said to her. "i think i just realized: i have no idea how to forgive them for minimizing the ways i was hurting."

how many other kids, though. how many other kids were out there drowning, snatching around for a lifevest, some kind of rope - how many were straight-up ignored.

how many of those kids aren't gonna get old.

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wolfrunner25 · 2 years

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24 May 22

Good morning. “If you know the enemy and know yourself you need not fear the results of a hundred battles.” - Sun Tzu

While Master Sun was a general and was speaking of war itself, I think you can apply this quote to your own mental health. When you are struggling it is a war inside your own head. If you feel like you are losing then I plead that you find someone like a therapist to help you. If you have a physical illness you see a doctor. When your mental health is bad you should see someone for that as well. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. It does not make you weak. A therapist can help you learn ways to win your war inside you head. Knowing you need some help and accepting help shows you are stronger then you think. I hope each of you has a good day. (Side note: I have taken a few vacation day for the rest of the week so my morning quotes might get posted a little later then usual. Since there is a slight chance I might sleep in, but I wouldn't bet on it.)

#good morning #war inside your head #mentalheathawareness #mental health #please get help if you need it #you are worth it

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normafuckingrockwell · 2 months

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“you can’t hear pictures”

well explain this:

baby baby please believe me

c’mon take it easy

please don’t ever leave me

he’ll never be like you…

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dudefrommywesterns · 3 months

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look, i'm fully aware this is partially my parents' fault for being irresponsible and i might not care if my guinea pigs and my brother didn't live there, but if you could help us out, we need about $1,400 for the mortgage next month.

i've been covering everything for months (i really can't keep it up) and my brother is looking for work (he has no work experience so it'll be a bit hard for him.) my dad has been looking for work but his age, and that he can't work in his former field, has been making it hard.

my brother and i are hoping to move out very soon but it's not in the cards until the end of this semester.

it's not my brother's fault this is happening and i can't house him in my college dorm. if i had somewhere else i could put my brother or my guinea pigs, they'd be there.

i really hate to ask since everyone is struggling right now but i gotta do something. don't worry if you can't help, i understand. it's a lot.

my p/ypal is @/asyetuntitled

#typewriter dings #please help us get out of this ridiculous situation if you can #we need to start creating credit too #we need to hang on just a little while longer and we can leave #our other family won't take him in

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cordiallyfuturedwight · 8 months

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bangtan boys in turtlenecks (10/??) ↳ cr. 0613data, dwellingsouls | bonus striped sope for @raplinenthusiasts:

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ineedtherapydesperately · 3 months

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need more chaggie wing fics where charlie is just absolutely obsessed w vaggie's wings like look at her face

she's obsessed and with good reason too

#chaggie #hazbin hotel #vaggie #charlie morningstar #do i need to cook my own food #please im just a struggling uni student #feed me before im forced to feed myself #okay but imagine charlie just absolutely mooning over vaggie's wings and vaggie is just embarrassed as hell #like charlie i appreciate this attention and i love you but what are you doing they're just wings #omg and the angst potential of vaggie just hiding her wings 24/7 bc they remind her of her dark exterminator past #but then she gets wing pains and cramps #and charlie finds out and then helps her preen but her heart is absolutely breaking for vaggie bc vaggie shouldn't need to hide this #ugh the endless potential for angst and hurt comfort #this is a need not a want #hazbin vaggie #hazbin charlie

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nonoqy · 3 months

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hi i'm learning how to make gifs

#o7 susan thank you for the tutorial it was very helpful #ITS SOOO EASY TOO i need more people to get into gif making we have like two and a half gif makers please please please please #my gifs #<- idk if this will be an actual tag maybe i'll get bored of it tomorrow

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royalarchivist · 1 year

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With over 20 members currently on the QSMP and more on the way, it's almost impossible for a single person to stay up to date on everything that happens, even with help from QSMP's official Twitter recap accounts.

For people who are interested in QSMP's story, characters, and/or streamers but don't have time to watch hundreds of hours worth of VODs, I've created the QSMP VOD Timestamp Archive.

If there's a particular lore moment you missed live and can't find, search for it in the archive!

Timestamps include quotes, notable lore events, and funny interactions. Interesting or important moments from each stream are bolded for emphasis. I'm also adding short summaries for lore-heavy / eventful stream.

I've organized the document so it should be easy to navigate, and you can CTRL + F to search for specific streamers and/or events.

Complete VOD playlists, recaps, and additional resources are also included in the document for people who might be feeling overwhelmed by the amount of QSMP content out there. It's never too late to get into the series!

If you have a streamer you watch consistently, consider writing down important timestamps to help fellow fans! You don’t have to take detailed notes like mine – even one or two timestamps can be a real lifesaver. If you have any helpful timestamps you want added to the list (or even a 1 sentence summary of a particular stream), send it to me via DM so I can add it to the archive.

I am just one person, so unfortunately this archive is by no means comprehensive, but I'm constantly updating things and adding more streams and timestamps to the document. I've been working on this project for a while now, so even though it's not complete, I hope people find it useful!

[ VOD Timestamp Archive ]

#QSMP #Quackity #QSMP Resource #QSMP Masterpost #QSMP VOD Timestamp Archive #Also I saw the comments and tags y'all left on yesterday's post... thank you....#That made me smile a lot :')#It's nice getting feedback and it's nice knowing my stuff is helping people #I know most of the people featured here are the same 5-6 people I'm trying to diversify but good god there's so many frickin streamers on th #I wanna watch Maxo more but his streaming schedule doesn't match up with mine very often #also. My Spanish needs work.#But I'm giving it my best shot!#Also if you have any feedback or suggestions on the organizations please let me know #I'm going to try and start linking to the official QSMP stream summaries they post each day #and then I'll retroactively add those to past streams #because god fobid you try and find anything on Twitter #after 24 hours its wiped off the face of the earth practically

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genacity · 2 years

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can i request having sex with virgin!diluc? riding him and making him feel good just praising him and he can barely get a word out bc he feels so good

⌗ diluc riding dirty

cw. dom! gn! reader x sub! virgin! diluc. cock riding lololol, dumbification, praise, unprotected sex, use of “darling”, a little plot before porn, fluff @ the end because i need to write it more often lmao

an. gaww omg i love diluc… also new fic layout for my works LOL i kinda js wanted to try smth new.. anyways hope u like it cause this been on my mind 4 a while </3

the conversation was brief.

half a glass of whiskey down the hatch, many more to come. and already, you sat beside kaeya at the bar in angel’s share, snickering like a drunken lowlife.

“you, diluc ragnvindr, are a virgin?” you snorted, bringing your glass to your lips and drinking down the copper liquid. the rush of the whiskey burned your throat, its tangy aftertaste leaving your tastebuds almost shivering.

diluc grumbled and turned away, his actions making both you and kaeya cackle. “aww, is someone embarrassed?” kaeya giggled, words melted together. you could tell the multiple glasses of alcohol he had succumbed to earlier were taking a toll on him.

you teased poor diluc later into the night, but it only lasted for a few more minutes before kaeya had mentioned something else— something more important than humiliating the redhead in front of all of the visitors at the bar that night.

but you couldn’t stop thinking about it. so, you decided that maybe you could help him solve his little predicament. which is how you ended up here.

“c’mon, let me hear you…” you beckoned to diluc, leaning into his ear, voice barely above a whisper. you had him sprawled onto his own bed, naked, with your hands around his aching cock for the first time in his life. he gasped, bringing a hand up to his mouth the muffle the whimpers and groans he dared to let slip his mouth.

dissatisfied with his ability to listen, you pulled your hand away from his cock and sat up on your knees, shuffling around to straddle the poor man.

diluc looked up through his long lashes, mouth slacked open and eyebrows raised in hunger and disbelief. his stomach twisted into knots. feeling your body hover above his had him whipped.

“you ready?” you cooed, looking down at the gorgeous view. “yes— please, i want it, i want you—” diluc said shyly, a small smile appearing on your face before you pushed yourself down onto his cock.

“fuck!—” diluc sobbed out, his thighs tensing, head thrown back and mouth open. pathetic streams of sobs and whines filled the air, symphonies of pleas and mantras of begging following suit as you slammed yourself down on his dick repetitively.

your head hung low to watch the sight beneath you, your own lips parted to let out breathy pants and satisfied chuckles. “so gorgeous, fuck.. so pretty for me, darling.”

diluc could only whine, the feeling of your hole just too much for him to bare! you worked him so easily, it felt so good— his mind went foggy, all remaining composure slipping from his grasp.

“so good, baby. you’re being so good.” you grinned, putting your hands on his stomach to steady yourself. diluc moaned loudly at the feeling of your touch gracing his body, the ability to string words together completely gone.

“m—mmh! oh, i— i’m— fuck!” diluc sobbed, bringing a quivering hand up to his mouth. but the pleasure, oh the pleasure… it left him helpless, for all he could do is hover his hand over his mouth and just barely cover it. “no no, baby, don’t do that. lemme hear you,” you cooed, pulling his hand away by his wrist, a loud whimper escaping his lips.

diluc’s head began to spin, an unfamiliar feeling bubbling up in his lower abdomen. he opened his mouth to warn you, to tell you he was going to cum, but all that came out were incompressible moans and sobs of pleasure. “y—n!” he stuttered, just barely able to think. “cuh— mm! gon’— haah!”

he was almost there, he was so close— all he could do was chase his high hungrily. diluc bucked his hips up into your ass, eyes squeezed shut, body shaking. this feeling was nothing like he’d ever been used to before. the bubbling grew stronger, threatening to spill over and completely ruin you— ruin him.

“you gonna cum, ‘luc?” you purred, that familiar knot twisting in your stomach as well. diluc nodded, thighs trembling as you rode him out. “go ahead. cum.”

and at your command, diluc could only moan and take your order, waves of pleasure crashing down, spilling inside you. that spark of greed exploding in his stomach, gulping him down and swallowing him up, an almost euphoric feeling taking over his entire body.

you stilled yourself after your high, heavy breaths making your chest heave up and down. you looked down at diluc to see him completely ruined. bangs stuck to his face, long red locks scattering the pillow, long out of their high ponytail. the hair tie was probably on the floor.

“you okay?” you asked. he nodded, smiling softly. you grabbed diluc’s hand and brought his knuckles to your lips, leaving small kisses on his flushed fingers. “you did so well. i’m so proud of you. thank you for letting me do this.”

you lifted yourself off of diluc to put yourself beside him instead, pulling the covers over your bodies. he leaned into your chest, strong arms pulling you in as he quickly melted into your touch. your hands found their way to the back of his head, fingers intertwining with individual locks to wrap them into weak curls before letting them slip into their original wavy state.

diluc sighed and looked up at you, amber eyes glimmering with love as they hung low. even if he was tired, he still needed to say something before he went to sleep. he smiled, snuggling into you before saying something that made your heart sigh.

“i love you, y/n. please, don’t let me go.”

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lgbtiwtv · 1 year

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god it’s soooo difficult to put into words but like. while lestat’s love and violence and emotional impulsivity could be stifling at times and even dangerous, it was his love and insecurity that was the problem. he didn’t want to keep louis on display, he wanted to love him and be loved by him. of course, problems arose because lestat is both a terrible communicator and has severe uncontrolled abandonment issues and rage and unresolved trauma, but his actions came from a place of deep, deep fear of being alone and wanting someone to love/someone to love him. he wanted to travel with louis, he loved louis for his hobbies, he loved sharing his interests with him and opening up when he could. he wanted him and louis to experience life, the world—together. armand is not like this. he’s obsessed and “in love” with louis the same way you become enamored with a rare bird, a priceless one-of-a-kind piece of art. he’s a thing to keep, to take care of, look but don’t touch, etc. like all of the art in his penthouse. he controls louis’ safety, his eating schedule, his time outside the house (which at this point seems nonexistent). he keeps the books out of reach. he keeps an artificial tree and light and pebbles to placate his deeply depressed lover. he doesn’t want to travel the world with louis, he doesn’t want louis to be out on his own, and he frames it all under the guise of protecting him. louis is reserved and depressed in a way that is so opposed to his depression in the rue royale era. whereas before he was incensed with guilt and anger and fear and grief and sadness, now he seems like an empty shell. his deep well of emotion, even negative emotion, has turned to apathy. and obviously this could very well be caused by claudia’s death and lestat’s disappearance, but armand very obviously is not trying to help louis. in this state, louis is at both his most vulnerable and his most likely to go along with armand’s whims, to sink further and further into that apathy because then his trauma won’t hurt so much. and it just plays right into armand’s hands…..

#this still isn’t 100% my full and accurate thoughts but!!!!!!!! god. louis please get out of there #in conclusion: GILDED CAGE #I want to take him to the sea I want to take him to the park he neeeeeds to breathe fresh air he needs to put his toes in the water #louis sweetheart blink twice if you need help PLEASE #hell blink ONCE I’ll take it as a sign!!!#on god we’re going to get you out of there babygirl…..me and lestat (new and improved) are scaling the side of the penthouse as we speak #iwtv spoilers #amc iwtv spoilers #iwtv #interview with the vampire #louis de pointe du lac #lestat de lioncourt #the vampire armand #loustat #m watches iwtv

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