#please go and give love to the person who made both the mashup and the Tiktok they deserve it
Adora leaves The Horde and Join the rebellion.
[ Inspired by this Tiktok https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMdMd26Bx/ and also here's the full audio https://youtu.be/nhfQv72TjFo ]
Catra: God, I wish that you had thought this through, before I went and fell in love with you. When you're sleepin’ in the bed they made don’t you dare forget about the way you betrayed me.
Adora: You forfeit all rights to my heart, you forfeit the place in our bed, you’ll sleep far from me instead.
Catra: You're still a traitor.
Adora: ... With only the memories of when you were mine...
Catra: Yeah, you’re still a traitor
17 notes · View notes
Warnings: None! This is literally just fluff!
Pairings: Romantic Roceit, Romantic Remlosleep (Remus x Logan x Remy), Platonic Moxiety
This Fanfic includes: Trans!Remy (FTM), Nonbinary!Roman, Agender!Remus (Ze/Zem), Kid!Patton, Kid!Virgil.
Also here’s a quick list of what every gender neutral term in this fanfic stands for-
Nopa- taken from '(no)n-binary (pa)rent'
Baba- based on 'Mama/Dada/Papa'. Also means dad in some languages and grandmother in others.
Zaza- a mashup of 'mama/dada/papa' and the gender neutral pronouns 'Ze/Zir' or ‘Ze/Zem’.
Zizi- neutral based on Italian for Aunt (Zia) and Uncle (Zio)
(This is the longest thing I have every written. It took me forever to finish this, sorry-)
From a relatively young age, Logan had always found an immense interest in becoming a teacher. His love for teaching started fairly simply; back when he was eight years old.
“Hey, Logie, can you help me with my homework?”
Logan looked up from his book and over at his younger sister, “Yeah sure. Bring it here.”
She walked over to him, paper in hand and, put it down on Logan’s desk.
“I don’t understand questions seven and nine,” She said, pointing at the two questions.
“Alright,” He read over the problems, quickly solving them in his head, “Okay, so let’s start with number seven.”
About five minutes later he finished explaining the problem.
“Understand?” Logan asked his sister.
She nodded and showed him her work. “Is that the right answer?”
“Yeah! Good job.” He gave her a proud smile. “Now for number nine.”
He once again explains the problem, watching her solve it as he talks. Once she was done, he double checked it.
“Congrats you got it right again!”
His sister giggled, “Yay! Thanks for the help Logie!”
He nodded, “Of course. Anything else?”
“Nope! See you later, bro!” She collected her homework and skipped off to her room.
Logan smiled to himself, happy that he could help. He enjoyed the feeling of being able to share his knowledge with his sister and watching her understand something new. It was nice. He let out a soft sigh before going back to his book.
Soon after, Logan found out what it meant to be a teacher and he immediately knew that that was what he wanted to be in the future.
Of course, when he told people he wanted to be a teacher, he didn’t recieve the best responses. Logan had always been a smart kid. He was put into tons of programs for academically advanced kids, he always got the best scores in tests, and had the highest grades in his school. Because of this, everyone always told him that if he became a teacher he would be wasting his natural gift.
Well, all but one person did.
Logan was in his fifth grade class, sitting by the window, when an older-looking kid sat next to him.
“Salutations,” Logan said, looking the kid up and down, “Is there something you need?”
The kid giggled, “Nope! Also, you talk funny!”
There was a moment of silence, Logan unsure of how he should respond. It didn’t matter though, since the other kid quickly continued the conversation.
“My name is Roman! Roman Auden. I go by they/them pronouns!”
The name caught Logan’s attention.
“Auden? Like the famous poet W.H auden?”
Roman seemed surprised for a second before nodding. “Yeah! You know about him!? That’s awesome, I love his poetry!”
Logan found himself smiling. “I enjoy his poetry as well. My name is Logan Metis. I go by he/him pronouns.”
They gasped, “Like the greek goddess Metis!?”
“Yes, I’m surprised you know about her.”
“How can I not? She is amazing!”
The two shared a small laugh and they continued talking until the bell rang. After class the two talked some more and, well, they became friends relatively quickly. Shortly after becoming friends, Logan learned that this was actually Roman’s second time taking fifth grade since they failed it their first time. He also learned that that was one of the many things Roman was ashamed of.
Since they were friends, Logan promised that he would tutor Roman and helped them with anything they didn’t understand. And as the years passed, Logan kept that promise.
Little did Logan know though, but Roman admired him deeply. So, when they talked about what they want to be in the future and Logan mentioned he wanted to be a teacher, Roman decided they wanted to try and be a teacher as well.
In middle school, the two of them made more friends. The first person to join was Roman’s younger twin, Remus. Who despite how chaotic ze acted, was actually relatively smart. Then, through Remus they met Janus, who Roman almost immediately crushed on. A year later, they met Remy since he got along with Remus. The last one to join was Emile, who Logan met in his fresheman year of highschool in his psychology class.
Now Roman was in their first year of high school, about half way through the school year. The whole school knew that today was Roman’s birthday and well, they had received quite a large amount of gifts. All of their friends had gotten them something. All but one, Janus. Roman has had a crush on Janus ever since the second month they met so it hurt to not get a gift from him. Of course, they didn’t show it because they didn't want to pressure Janus into giving them a gift but it still sucked
"What's wrong?" Remus asked in the middle of their last class. Ze had noticed that zyr twin seemed off the whole day but ze hadn't found a time to ask until now.
Roman sighs and puts their head down, speaking quietly “It’s nothing… Don’t worry about it…”
Remus frowns softly, “It doesn’t seem like nothing. Please tell me what’s wrong.”
The older twin lets out a small sigh and quietly mumbles, “I’m just being dramatic Rem… It’s really nothing important…”
That line makes Remus snap, “Roman. Tell me what is wrong. I don’t care how dramatic you think you are being.”
They flinch a bit at zyr sudden snap but quickly calms down after taking a deep breath.
“Fine…” They finally give in, “I’m just a bit upset that Janus forgot my birthday... It’s no big deal though…”
Remus stays quiet for a while, trying zyr best to not smile. Zyr knew that Janus was planning on confessing to Roman today, after all zyr was the one who gave him the idea. So, ze is fighting the urge to tell zyr twin.
“Aww Roro, it’s okay. Maybe he’s waiting till the end of school or something. Try to stay optimistic.” Remus finally says.
Roman takes a deep breath and nods, “Yeah, you’re right. Thanks Rem.”
Ze nods before turning Zyr attention back to the teacher’s lesson.
The bell rings, signifying that school is over. The twins quickly pack up and leave. They wait at the front of thr school for their other friends, talking about a bunch of random thoughts. Eventually everyone but Janus shows up.
“Hey Ro,” Emile says and Roman turns to him.
Emile smiles, “Janus said if you could go to the fountain real quick, he says he has something to tell you.”
Roman raises a brow in amusement and nods, “Um okay?”
They walk over to the fountain, blushing when they see Janus.
“Hey Ro,” Janus says softly, smiling lovingly at them, sending butterflies all throughout Roman’s body.
They stop walking once they're in front of Janus, “Hey, you wanted to tell me something?”
He nods and takes a deep breath, “Imma just get straight to the point, I’ve liked you for a few years now and I was wondering if you wanted to try out a relationship together.”
Both of them were red by now. Roman hearts skips a beat, they couldn’t believe that Janus actually like them back
“YES!” They quickly answer, not wanting to lose this moment.
Janus smiles brightly and hugs them, “Happy birthday Ro.”
Roman hugs him back and smiles brightly, “Thanks Jan.”
The two of them eventually go back to the others, announcing their new relationship. The rest of the group congratulates them. It didn’t take long before the two of them became one of the most iconic couples in the school.
Remus takes a deep breath. Ze was now in junior year and well ze thought it was time he confessed to Logan. Ze has had a crush on Logan for about two years now and well Roman finally convinced zem to act on zyr feelings
Ze was snow standing in the park, it was a Saturday and zyr had asked Logan if he could meet zem in the park.
“Hey,” Logan says, cutting through Remus’ thoughts as he walks over to zem.
Remus hides the flowers ze is holding behind zyr back. “Hey Lo!”
“How are you?” Logan smiles softly.
“I’m good, you?” Remus returns the smile, blushing slightly
Logan notices the blush and also bushes slightly, “I’m doing well. May I ask why you asked to meet up?”
Remus takes a deep breath, “W-well…” Ze stops hiding the flowers and holds them out for Logan, “Would you be my boyfriend? I’ve liked you for like two years now and well I thought it’s about time I told you. You don’t have to say yes, it’s okay if you say no-”
Logan smiles fondly and gently cuts Remus off with a soft kiss to zyr cheek, “I would be honored to be your boyfriend.”
He then takes the flowers from zem, “And thank you for the flowers. They are beautiful.”
It takes Remus a moment to comprehend what just happened but when ze does, ze can’t but be full of glee.
“Of course, I’m happy you like them,” Ze says a bit shyly.
“Mhm, now, want to go to my house and watch a movie?” Logan offers.
Remus nods immediately and they start walking to Logan’s house. The rest of the evening was amazing and well when Remus got home, ze immediately told Roman all about it. Roman was extremely happy for zem and well glad their plan worked.
Logan and Remus had been dating for about a year. They were currently in a coffee shop hanging out with Remy on a Friday since they had no school that day. The day was going well, but Logan noticed that Remy seemed a bit off
“You okay, Remy?” He asked gently, snapping Remy out of his thoughts.
For a few seconds Remy said nothing before sighing, “If I’m being honest, no.”
This caught both Remus and Logan off guard and they both frowned.
“What’s wrong?” Remus asked worryingly.
Remy went quiet again for a while.
“Look…” He started, looking down. “I-I…I like both of you…a lot…and I can’t keep pushing these feelings down. I know you two are dating, and I’ve tried getting these feelings to go away, but I can’t…I’m sorry…”
They both looked at each other, shocked. The silence makes Remy's nerves go over the edge. He stands up.
"I'll be right back,"
He quickly walks off to the restroom, leaving Remus and Logan to figure out what they want to do next
“What should we say?” Remus whispered to Logan.
Logan considered the question for a while before quietly asking, “Well, do you like him?”
Ze blushed a bit and nodded slowly, whispering back, “Y-yeah…I still like you though!”
“I like him too,” Logan whispered reassuringly. “How about we ask him if he wants to try a polyamorous relationship?”
Remus smiled brightly and nodded.
They wait for Remy to come back. Once he does, he sits back down, still looking very anxious.
“Remy?” Logan gently spoke.
He looked up at them. “Y-yes?” He nervously muttered out.
Logan smiled softly. “Have you ever heard of a polyamorous relationship?”
Remy blushed and nodded. “Yeah, why?”
Remus laughed softly. “Well, we both like you as well and we want to try one out with you. If you’re okay with it, of course. What do you say?”
“Yes!” Remy said immediately, blushing heavily and with a pleasantly-surprised smile.
Logan chuckled, “It’s decided then.”
The three of them told the group the next day and everyone was surprised. They accepted the relationship and congratulated them though and, despite what many people told them, the relationship ended up working out very well.
After graduating high school, Roman and Janus moved in together. Logan and Remus also moved in together, sadly though Remy had to live in the dorms of his school.
Roman and Logan went to the same school. They both got their Bachelor's degree before getting their EdD. Logan then continued going to school for an extra five years to get his PhD in education. Emile and Remus both went to medical school. Emile got his PhD in psychology and Remus got zyr MD. Janus went to law school—graduating with a doctorate in criminal justice and Remy went to art school—graduating with a doctor of arts degree.
Janus and Remy finished school at the age of twenty-five. Roman finished his schooling at the age of twenty-six. Logan finished at twenty-seven. Remus finished later at the age of twenty-eight. Finally, Emile finished at the age of thirty.
Janus and Remy finished school at the age of twenty-five. Roman finished his schooling at the age of twenty-six. Logan finished at twenty-seven. Remus finished later at the age of twenty-eight. Finally, Emile finished at the age of thirty.
Once they finished college, Remy moved in with his two lovers. Eventually, Remy proposed to them and they got married when Remy and Logan were twenty-eight, and Remus was twenty-nine.
Janus and Roman got married when they were both twenty-seven. Emile decided to stay single and lived with a couple of friends he made in college.
At the age of twenty-nine, Remy got pregnant and eventually gave birth to a baby boy, which they named Virgil. A couple months before Virgil was born, Janus and Roman adopted a baby that they named Patton.
Soon after college, at the age of thirty. Logan got a job as a kindergarten teacher, much to everyone’s surprise.
Most people imagined him to become a professor at a college. The only few who knew about him wanting to become a kindergarten teacher were Roman, Remy, and Remus.
The next huge surprise was when Roman ended up also becoming a kindergarten teacher, even getting a job at the same school as Logan. Not even their own twin or husband expected that, since they knew Roman had a huge love for theater and performing. Everyone thought they would become an actor or a singer, even though Roman argued that it was obvious they wanted to be a teacher or else they wouldn’t have gotten a degree in education.
The two of them quickly became known as some of the best teachers in their school.
“Mr. Lolo! Can you put on another puppet show? Please? I don’t really get this topic,” Patton asks.
Logan chuckled softly. He had been teaching for seven years now and it had been amazing. He loved his students and loved seeing them grow smarter while having fun.
“Alright. How about we also invite your nopa’s class as well?”
Patton nodded excitedly along with the rest of the class.
This had become a very common thing for them. Logan and Roman often combined their classes and put on puppet shows for them. Of course, it wasn’t just mindless entertainment; they taught them all sorts of things through their shows. They introduced advanced vocabulary to them, life lessons, and important social lessons. They talked about sexualities, gender identities, social norms, and insecurities. Sometimes the puppet shows turned into plays in which Roman sang and danced around with their students.
“Okay, then.” He turned to Patton. “Patton, can you do me the courtesy of going next door and requesting their appearance at our theatrical show?”
Logan loved using his high vocabulary with his students. He loved watching the amazement in their faces when he introduced a new advanced word to them. However, what he loved even more was having them ask about words they didn't understand.
Patton smiled brightly and nodded “Yes sir!” He quickly walked out of the room and went next door.
Roman was in their classroom, watching their husband teach their students about basic philosophy. They often invited their husband to their class to teach their students. Since Janus worked as a lawyer, he was often busy, but he still managed to find time to visit his lover at work and help them.
There was a soft knock on the door and Roman stood up. They walked to the door and opened it to see their adopted son, Patton.
"Hello, sweetheart. How may I be of service to you on this fine day?" Roman asked, adding their usual dramatics to their speech.
Patton giggled and held out the paper invitation for Roman to take. “Here, baba!”
They took the paper and immediately knew what it was. They opened it and pretended to read it though, just to make Patton happy.
"Thank you for the delivery, baby. Tell Lolo that we shall be there in a few minutes
The young cheery boy nods, "No problem! And yes baba!"
Patton gives Roman a hug before skipping off to his class again.
Roman walked to the front of the class and gently placed a hand on Janus' shoulder, silently telling him to put his lesson on pause. Janus got the hint and went quiet.
"My deepest apologies for interrupting, but we have just been invited to a performance next door."
The class went wild and the couple burst out laughing. Roman loved seeing their students happy and excited. They loved seeing the shine in their eyes when they heard or saw something they loved. They loved seeing their faces light up with excitement at the possibility of learning something new. They just loved them in general.
"Okay, okay, settle down, guys. Let's get in a line and go next door. We don't want to keep Mr. Lolo's class waiting.
They quickly lined up the class and walked them next door. They gently knocked on the door. Logan opened the door and they walked in.
“Virgie!” Patton ran over to Virgil and hugged him tightly.
The shyer kid hugged him back. “Hey Patt!”
Soon, Virgil pulled away from the hug and ran over to Logan, hugging him while Patton went to Janus.
“Hey dad,” Virgil said as his dad hugs him back.
“Hey buddy, how are you?” Logan asked gently, knowing that his son seemed to be struggling with signs of anxiety.
Virgil shrugged. “I’m okay. I haven’t freaked out today!” He said proudly.
The proud smile on his dad’s face made Virgil smile more.
“That’s great, buddy. Now go and sit down.”
He nodded and pulled away from the hug, skipping off to sit down with the other kids. Logan smiled and turned to Roman and Janus to see Janus having a petty fight with Patton.
“That’s not fair!” Janus whined out.
Patton giggled and nodded, “Yes it is! Daddy said a naughty word so you will not receive any physical affection from me.”
Roman laughed fondly, watching their husband bicker with their son. In the end, Janus didn’t get a kiss on the cheek while Roman got two from Patton. Janus then put Patton down, and the little boy ran off to cuddle with Virgil. The rest of Roman’s students settled into the fort that Logan’s class setup, snuggling with pillows, blankets, and stuffed animals.
Logan walks over to the couple and smiled. “Salutations, guys. Janus, will you be performing in our theatrical performance?”
Janus nodded. “Yeah, also, hey.”
Roman waved before getting an idea. “We should also invite Remy and Remus! Don’t both of them have a day off?”
“Yes, they do,” Logan stated. “I can call them and ask if they can come.”
The kids get even more excited when they hear Remy’s and Remus’ name. Remy came to the class quite often since he worked from home. Remus rarely came since ze worked as a cardiothoracic surgeon. Today though, ze managed to get a day off after a lot of begging.
Logan walked to the phone and called Remy.
“Hey, babe!” Remy quickly picked up. “What’s up?”
Logan chuckled fondly. “Hey, can you and Rem come to my classroom in like five minutes? Roman and I are putting on a puppet show for the kids. Janus is here too.”
Remy sat up making Remus, who was laying on his lap, look up at him questioningly. “Fuck yeah, we can! We’ll be there very soon, darling!”
“Okay, see you soon then. I love you.”
Remy blows a kiss through the phone. "Love ya’ too, bitch. See ya!" He hung up and looked down at Remus.
"Hunny Bun, our beautiful nerd has invited us to his classroom for a lovely puppet show!"
Ze sat up and nodded. "Alright. Let's go then."
The two of them had already changed since they were planning on going to the store. Ze stood up and stretched a bit.
"Do you want me to drive?" Remy asked as he stood up.
“Sure,” Remus said with a shrug.
Remus, who was significantly shorter than Remy, climbed onto zyr lover and latched on to him. Remy laughed and started making his way to the car. Once they got there, Remy gently lowered Remus down into the passenger seat before getting in on the driver’s side.
They made it to the school within three minutes since they lived relatively close. They walked in, the ladies in the office recognizing them and letting them in after they signed in. They got to the classroom door and Remus knocked on it. The door was quickly opened by Virgil.
“Zaza! Pops!” Virgil quickly rushed over to them and hugged them tightly, a bright smile on his face.
They both kneeled down and hugged him back.
“Hey, my little prince,” Remus said as ze kissed Virgil’s cheek. “Is your Dad inside?”
Virgil nodded. “We were waiting for you guys! You guys took so long” He lectured at them.
Remy chuckled. “First of all, we didn't even take that long. Second of all, you’re just like your dad, sweetie. Now come on, let’s not keep the other kids waiting.”
They pulled away from the hug, the two adults standing up as Virgil ran back to Patton. The couple walked in and walked over to their friends. Logan was the first to see them and he smiled. Roman and Janus noticed them shortly after.
“Finally. You two took your time,” Janus said with a playful annoyed tone.
“Nice to see you too Jany,” Remy said with a smirk as he walked over to Logan and hugged him from behind, making the other blush.
Roman giggled. “Hey Rem.”
The two twins shared a brief hug before Remus turned zyr attention to the kids. Ze greeted them and then went over to Logan.
“Let’s start this show!” Remy loudly exclaimed and the kids cheered with excitement.
The puppet show started, but it didn’t last long before it was turned into a full out play. Janus played the role of the evil sorcerer who kidnapped prince Remy with the help of his dragon witch sidekick, Remus. Logan, the good sorcerer along with Roman, the knight, had to save the prince. To make sure it stayed educational, they used questions and facts as their sort of magic. Janus and Remus asked philosophy questions as traps and, in order for Roman and Logan to pass these traps, they had to answer the questions. In turn, they asked the kids for help. When a kid got it right, not only did they help the play continue, they also received a snack as a prize
What made Logan and Roman ecstatic, though, was watching as the kids teamed up and worked together to find the answers. They watched as the kids wrote notes, used dictionaries and books, and asked questions. It made them so happy.
By the end of the play, Remy was rescued and Janus and Remus were captured. They took a bow and the class cheered and clapped.
Afterwards, the kids started to help with the clean up.
“Roman! You’re such a meanie!” Remus whined as ze cleaned “You hit me for real with your sword prop on purpose!”
The accused twin gasped in fake offense.
“What? I would never, dear brother! Who do you think I am?”
Remus huffed and threw a paper at Roman.
“Yeah, okay! You’re such a b-hole,” Ze said, censoring zemself since ze really didn’t want Logan to get mad at zem for cursing in front of the kids.
Roman caught the paper and laughed.
“Whatever, shortie,” they teased their twin, despite the fact that they were only a few inches taller.
“Oh, I’ll show you short,” Remus threatened with a smirk, of course not seriously though.
“Okay, okay,” Janus broke them up. “Settle down you two. Just continue cleaning.”
The twins laughed before nodding and continuing to clean.
Shortly after they finished, the bell rang.
"Alright kids, get your bags and get in a line by the door," Logan instructed the kids.
They all quickly started following directions. Roman went to their room quickly to get their stuff and clean up their classroom before going back to the other room. Once the kids were ready, Logan and Roman took them outside so that their parents could pick them up. The others, along with Patton and Virgil, stayed in the room to wait for them. After all the kids got picked up, which was relatively quickly, Roman and Logan went back to Logan’s classroom.
“There you guys are,” Remus said while being carried by Remy. “Ready to go home
“My apologies, but we are not,” Logan said as he walked over to his desk. “Our students won a movie night and, well, we have to set everything up. Not only that, but we also need to hang up the halloween decorations that they made.”
Roman nodded standing by the door to get ready to go to their classroom. “Yeah, it’ll take us a good two hours, so you guys can head home.”
“Wait, baba!” Patton walked over to Roman. “May we assist you guys? Daddy doesn’t have any work to do and I promise I won’t get in the way. Maybe Zizi Remus and Uncle Remy can assist as well!”
“Well, I’m okay with that pumpkin, but we have to ask them if they want to stay.” Roman said as they ruffled Patton’s hair, making the little boy giggle.
“I’m cool with it, babes,” Remy answered before they even had the chance to ask. “I love being able to help my lovely starlight.”
Logan blushed at the nickname. “What about you, lovely?” He asked, looking at Remus.
Remus thought for a bit before nodding. “I’d like to help as well.”
And with that, they split into two groups; Janus, Roman, Patton, and eventually Emile, who joined them about half an hour later, worked on Roman’s room. Logan, Remus, Remy, and Virgil meanwhile, set up Logan’s room.
By the time they were done, the two little kids had fallen asleep and it was around five o’clock. They were now standing in the parking lot, Roman carrying Patton in their arms while Remy carried Remus on his back and Virgil in his arms.
“Well, thanks for the help guys. We’ll see y’all tomorrow,” Roman said, leaning on Janus a bit, who had an arm around them.
Logan smiled. “It’s you all, but yeah. We appreciated the help.”
“It was no problem,” Janus answered. “Bye, guys.”
Roman sets Patton in the backseat before getting in on the passenger side. Janus waved one last time and got in on the drivers side. The others waved back and watched them leave.
Once they were gone Emile turned to the remaining three, “Well, I'm going to get going as well. See you all tomorrow. Get home safe.”
“Thanks darling, bye,” Remy responded as Emile walked to his car.
“Well,” Logan turned to his two lovers. “Let's go home. It looks like Remus and Virgil are both tired.”
Remy looked at Remus to see zem asleep and chuckled fondly. “Yeah.”
They got into the car and Remy drove them back home, smiling more when he saw that Logan also fell asleep mid-ride.
“Sweet dreams, loves,” He whispered softly before turning his attention back to the road.
91 notes · View notes
Whats your favorite song at the moment
Ooof Too many, hahhaha! Because I don’t leave home anymore, I’m not looking constantly for new music to add to my Playlist, so mostly it’s stuff that I come across on Tumblr and is living rent-free in my head on repeat, or me digging on my harddrives for a nostalgia kick.... currently, these are the top 5 cycling in my head, no particular order:
(EDIT IT’S NOW TEN. I COULDN’T CHOOSE. LISTEN TO THEM ALL. THEY’RE ALL AMAZING)
(EDIT 2 SORRY IT’S NOW 15!! NONNY I’M SO SORRY. I know no one cares, but I LOVE sharing my Music with people)
(EDIT 3 *SIGH* Now 20. :| HELP. Stopping before I get carried away. No one ever likes my music so I love when people ask me for my songs with genuine interest)
Nathan Evans - The Wellerman (220 Kid X Billen Ted Remix) (flashing images CW in video!) – Got into the original of this one during the sea shanty trend, and then this dance remix came out... those of you who know me well, know that I am HOOKED on remixes, especially dance remixes. So I was so happy about this official one.
The Kiffness - Ievan Polkka ft. Bilal Göregen (Club Remix) – This one I got into because I think, again, the original with the blind man was trending, and then I found this remix artist on YouTube from his remix of The Wellerman, and his is SOOOO good!! I loved this song back in the early noughts when it was popular as “Leek Spin”. But then these young folks had to go and make it amazing again!!
ZHU, partywithray - Came For The Low – (LOTS OF FLASHING LIGHTS IN VIDEO CW!) Thank Falcon And the Winter Soldier for this one! It took me a WEEK to find out what song they’re playing in the club in Episode 3 when Zemo’s dancing, and YAY I found this finally (not the one hour one, sadly, still trying to find the song D+ Marvel used for that one). I LOVE IT. LISTEN TO IT. SO good if you like heavy club beats
Sim Gretina - A Friend Like Me (Electro Swing Remix) – This is SATISFYING. I LOVE IT. Found it years ago after that homemade Aladdin carpet video was going viral, and every time it comes up on my playlist, I replay it like 6 times.
Linkin Park - Numb (80′s Remix) – That tumblr meme song that went around years ago? HERE YOU ARE!!! :D This is TOO SHORT and it’s also on repeat when I listen to it. Y’all, this is what depression feels like when you’re trying to pretend to be happy all the time LOL. It’s a whole MOOD. This one is great to blast in the car and have people confused at you singing at the top of your lungs. Like, “I AM NUMB AND AN EDGELORD BUT READY TO PARTY!!!”.
One Ton - Supersexworld – Okay, this is an OLLLLLLDDD one by a one-hit wonder Canadian band that I stumbled upon recently when I was going through my hard drives to find new stuff to put onto my iPhone. I was OBSESSED with this song when it first came out, forgot about it, and NOW... SHIT I can’t STOP. This one is BLARING when I hear it, and am so happy I found it again. It’s simple, amazing, and AWESOME. LISTEN TO IT. You will love it. Please. It’s got one verse and one chorus over and over, and it’s catchy as hell. It’s on my personal Johnlock playlist :D
Deorro - Rise and Shine – GUYS. This song. Also on my personal Johnlock Playlist, this one is SOMETHING. First heard it in my BodyPump class, I NEEDED it. It’s SO GOOD. Jazzy Club Music??? YES PLEASE! Video is all kinds of amazing? YES PLEASE. PLEASE listen to this. I LOVE IT SO MUCH.
Bloodhound Gang - The Bad Touch (Eiffel 65 Remix) – Is this song a decade old? YES. Has it been on my iPod since it first came out? FUCK YES. Y’all, Eiffel 65 is SO underrated for their remixes. This is one of their best remixes, and it’s the PERFECT walking song. YES I look like an idiot walking to it, but I love it SO MUCH. It’s better than the original, imho.
Gotye feat. Kimbra - Somebody That I Used To Know (Bastian Van Shield Remix) – LOL I KNOW: sacrilege to remix Gotye, but Y’ALL. This is the DEFINITIVE remix of one of his best songs. Six minutes of pure club beats, and just... ANOTHER perfect walking song that you need to SCREAM at the top of your lungs. Also on my personal Playlist, John POV, that I will share eventually.... it makes sense in the song order on the list, I promise LOL)
Tee Lopes - Marble Zone '12 – Tee Lopes is the official composer for Sonic Mania, hired because of all his AMAZING Classic Sonic remixes he did as a hobby on his YouTube channel. This one has a Tango flavour, and it’s SO good and not long enough. There’s an extended version here. Also love his Flying Battery and Ice Cap remixes. If you love video game music remixes like I do, check out his YT channel. There’s a TONNE there and it’s GREAT music to write to.
Aaron Smith - Dancin’ (KRONO Remix) – I dunno where I first heard this one, but I LOVE it. It’s like trancey club music. It’s beautiful, and WORTH a listen.
Pet Shop Boys - I Wouldn't Normally Do This Kind Of Thing [Extended Nude Mix] – Ooooof this one has been on my faves for a LONG time. Originally heard this on the PSB’s album Disco 2, back when their remixes were this good and long and clubby. I miss these so much. If you want a good club beat to thump your car, this is it my friends.
Informätik - A Matter of Time – FUCK ME I love this song. This is the song that made me want to start a Johnlock playlist. I talk more in length about it on this post here, but yeah, I still just.. MM. It’s just so beautiful and is what got me into EBM music in the first place. I listened to this and a lot of their music quite often in college when I was pining over people. Always the pining and never the requited, LOL. I just really love it.
Pride and Fall - Paragon – GUYS. This one is SO good. Trancey EBM and just, UGHGGHHGHGHHHG It gives me so many feels. I’ve loved this song for SO many years, and just, still has to be on every iPod I own. It’s beautiful, and the lyrics are beautiful and I wish I was as beautiful as this song, LOL. Please listen and enjoy. Best bit is a 3:11 :D <3
Rammstein - Mein Teil (Pet Shop Boys Remix) – GUYS. This is one of the greatest collabs of all time. I love both Rammstein AND Pet Shop Boys, and was SO EXCITED when they remixed this song for the single. This is the better of the two remixes PSB did for them, and YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO IT. PURE CLUB BLISS. This is the PSB in their remixing best!!!! <3 Plus, it’s SUPER WEIRD to hear these angry Germans backing a club beat, I LOVE IT. Also, it’s literally a song about a true story of literally eating a dick, so.... *shrugs*
Pet Shop Boys - Love Etc. (PSB Mix) – Y’ALL. This is 6 minutes of LITERAL dance music BLISS. A fantastic remix of one of my fave songs from the PSB, which is essentially shitting on the materialism of relationships. And I love this one, it’s a great work out and car song. Honestly PLEASE listen to it.
Apoptygma Berzerk - Kathy’s Song (Beborn Beton Remix) – GUYYYYYYYYYsSSSS I love this song so much. The original is much slower, and I discovered Beborn Beton FROM this song (another great artist, check them out). This song is just, a great dance song, and just makes me scream out when I hear it. Full volume, beautiful song, beautiful lyrics. It’s my Android!lock headcanon song, but it is also on my JL Personal Playlist, LOL.
Darude vs. Robert Miles - Children of the Sandstorm – One of the BEST MASHUPS in the world, and I am CERTAIN it is an official one; I was obsessed with mashups when I was in college so I have a TONNE of them, but this one has always been a fave, and I still jam to it over a decade later. Seriously, these songs SEAMLESSLY blend together, it’s fantastic. Classic club and trance? HELLS YES.
Eminem - Nobody Listen to Techno (Deep Dish Mix) – Another nostalgia hit for me. Is it pointless? Not if I enjoy it!! I LOVE this song. Deep Dish mixes were THE JAM in my college years, and like, this is just 9 minutes of PURE techno with some of his song “Without Me” sampled throughout. I LOVE IT. SO MUCH. This is a banger, and just, if you need music to listen to while driving or writing, this is one for you!!
Rammstein feat. Sharleen Spiteri - Stirb Nicht Vor Mir (Don't Die Before I Do) – And to bring the mood WAYYY down, did you know Rammstein did a love song? A beautiful, moves-me-to-tears love song? Because I did and it’s one of my FAVE songs by them. It’s SO beautiful, and the Till’s harsh voice WORKS for it. It’s gentle and soothing. It’s a German/English duet, and it makes me nearly cry EVERY TIME. Because I imagine John and Sherlock and then I die inside LOL. It’s so beautiful and I listen to this one years after it was released. Look up the translation, it is so beautiful.
AND if you guys happen to like any of these songs, copy the youtube video link and use this :)
Most of these that aren’t silly are on my Johnlock playlist, so do give the latter songs a listen! <3 I’m sorry for adding more than five... I just really love sharing things with you guys I like because I’m so lonely, LOL.
If any of y’all are playing these and trying to pick me up, *finger guns* Let’s go get cake and jam :D
AHH I like when I get asks like this! Sorry I took so long Nonny, but I just kept ADDING to it, as you can see. Had to stop because I could keep going.
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I Hope Part 2 | Roman Ahcan & Brock Caufield
For the morning crowd: Get your tissues ready! I’m super happy with how this turned out. Let me know your favorite part. Listen to the Afterglow/Ghostin’ mashup for some extra sadness (linked on my blog). S/o to @penaltbox for getting this one going ❤️❤️
*Italics indicate flashbacks
*** FEEDBACK IS APPRECIATED***
Part 1 // Part 3
“I forgive you, Ro, I really do. It’s the forgetting that’s the hard part. I can forgive, but I can’t forget”
Your words hung heavy in the air and he accepted them graciously. You had just basically rejected Roman, the least you could do now was offer him a place to crash for the night. While his apology had brought you some nice closure, you weren’t ready to jump into a relationship with him and at this point, you weren’t even sure you wanted to anymore. He definitely still had a hold on you, but that’s what scared you. He had just piled a lot on you and you needed some time to digest it all. Doing that with him a room away was not ideal, but you didn’t have the heart to throw him out, especially at this hour.
“Do you want to stay here tonight? It’s late, well early now. I don’t want you out this time of night” you asked him. It felt odd to ask him to stay in a non romantic way after everything.
“On the couch?” He shyly questions.
You crack a smile at his shyness, a contrast to the overconfident Ro you were used to getting. “Yes, on the couch, Ro”.
He agrees after some prodding and that’s how you find yourself digging through the drawer that used to be his, but is now someone else’s, for clothes for him to wear for the night.
He watches you and can’t help but stare at the back of your shirt. “We play for each other” written in the signature Wisconsin font. Who’s was it? Were you dating someone on the team? How had he missed that? He’d admittedly gone through your social media a lot lately and hadn’t detected anything unusual, just the regular back and forth chirping, no flirty interactions, but now he was going to have to go analyze the boys’ comments. Would they do that to him though?
He’s broken from his thoughts when you stand up and say, “These are Brock’s but they should fit, you guys are like close to the same size”. His eyes zoom in on the red 29 on the leg of the sweatpants in your hands.
“Of fucking course” he thinks to himself. He should’ve known Brock would weasel his way in the first chance he got. He tried to not let his irritation leak into his voice as he thanked you for Brock’s clothes and you pretended to not notice the way the muscle in his jaw twitched when you said Brock’s name. It was just like old times.
You laid in bed that night, unable to fall asleep. Tonight had brought up so many feelings and memories. You thought long and hard about the boy sleeping on your couch. From the first time you encountered his fiery temper, to your roller coaster of a time together, to the night that everything went to hell and the mess he left behind.
Living across from a quarter of the men’s hockey team was a blessing and a curse. They were constantly yelling and tonight was no exception, this time accompanied with incessant pounding on a door. You shouldn’t be nosy you kept telling yourself, but a little peek through your peephole wouldn’t hurt anything right? If only you had known how much he would come to change your life.
You peered out just in time to see the boy laying another beating on the door and then putting his whole body into yelling, ”Fuck!”, dropping his head back in defeat when his efforts were met with silence. He must be locked out. You take a deep breath and open your own door, propping yourself against the door frame. “I was going to invite you inside, but with a temper like that I don’t know that I should?” You tease him, sending a little smile his way to let him know you were only giving him a hard time.
That was the first time you had seen that smirk you love so much spread across his face. You would come to find out his name was Roman and he quickly became your person. Well, besides the other boy in your life who was your best friend.
The highs of your relationship with Roman were so high. You were borderline inseparable with each other. He did everything he was supposed to as a boyfriend, he was the type of guy that you’d proudly brag to your family about, the one your friends looked at and said “I wish”. He could be sweet and thoughtful, and had a spark to him that you adored, his temper the first time you met him, proof of that. He was that little rough around the edges kind of guy that every girl chased, a little mean to everyone but you. You were his soft spot and for a while, you couldn’t have written a better love story. In hindsight things were probably too perfect, you should’ve seen the storm that was brewing.
Between the friction between Brock and Roman and Roman’s wandering eyes, the lows could be pretty low. It was the same old fights every time, always starting and ending the same. Roman never acted on his insensitive behavior, but it still didn’t sit well with you. You tried not to play the jealous girlfriend part too often but sometimes it would just build and build until you snapped and then you both engaged in loud arguments, leaving a sinking feeling in your stomach, but Ro always managed to patch things up afterwards with flowers or warm baths that made you forget all about what had just transpired, at least until next time.
Roman’s jealousy would shine at moments too. He’d call you out saying, “You baby Brock too much” and that “You shouldn’t worry about someone you’re not dating as much as you do. He can handle himself, he’s a big boy” anytime you’d defend Brock, and then under his breath he’d mumble “He’s too soft already” and that drove you crazy. You’d frown at your boyfriend's lack of empathy and ill feelings toward one of the most important people in your life. You had heard some of the stories the boys would tell you and you knew he called Brock soft to his face and you hated it. You loved his temper, but not when it was directed toward your best friend. You had no idea why the boys hated each other so much. Part of the reason you were always so nice to Brock was to make up for your boyfriend's behavior, though if only you knew the half of what Roman said to Brock. You’d called Roman out on it multiple times and instead of apologizing, he’d say, “It’s not like it’s not true. You know it, I know it, and he knows it”. You of course can’t just sit around and leave B out to dry when he wasn’t even around to defend himself so cue another fight. The cycle was endless.
You had half expected Brock to come over and check in on you the night that Owen sent you that picture and your world had caved in on itself, but he had only sent you a simple text that said “I love you. You’ll get through this, I’ll help you”. And then he was at your door the next morning with coffee and a shoulder to cry on, ready to let you grieve and then when you were ready, to pick up all the pieces.
You finally fell asleep that night, not thinking about the boy who had torn you apart but instead about the one who had helped you to grow and become who you were today.
Roman laid on your couch, his mind going a mile a minute. You having a drawer full of Brock’s clothes answered his earlier question about the T-shirt. He hadn’t asked about it though, not wanting to start a fight. You always had a soft spot for the kid. It was one of the very few sore spots of your relationship.
How could he not hate Brock’s guts though? The kid had a huge stinking crush on you and you had no clue, you just continued to show him affection and give him your attention. He thought about all the times you’d go running to Brock after you two had gotten in an argument and he did know about all of them because Brock would waste no time in posting to his Snapchat. But never in a way where it could get turned on him for rubbing it in Roman’s face, it was always just enough so that Roman would know he was with his girl but if Ro dared to bring it up to you you’d take Brock’s side no matter what. You stuck up for Roman in every other situation and would fight a whole hockey team for him, but not when it came to Brock. He wasn’t blind, he knew that Brock could steal you without even trying, though he did credit the kid with trying.
He thought about all the times he had dangled the carrot over your head, practically telling you about Brock’s feelings for you and how you’d watch as Brock’s cheeks reddened and defend Brock and tell Roman to knock it off. He thought about the time that Brock had caused yet another fight by telling you about some locker room talk. That was the first time you had threatened to break up with him and damn it if that didn’t fuel his hatred for his teammate.
Roman sat in his stall, trying to get dressed for practice, but was unable to because all he could hear was Brock’s voice. Normally he could just block it out, but today he was talking to Alex about you and well, he just couldn’t have that. He was downright gushing as he happily told him about grabbing dinner with you at the Union the other night. He rolled his eyes as he bent down to tie his skates. It was time to remind Brock who you belonged to, who had won and who had lost. He begins to tell Tarek and Josh all about the activities that had taken place after your little dinner with Brock. He bragged maybe a little too loud about things you’d hate knowing he talks about in front of the boys, just to make sure Brock heard. Normally, Brock would sit back and take it. He knew that Roman messed with him to get a reaction out of him. But today he was degrading you in front of everyone and he wouldn’t allow that, so he speaks up on your behalf.
“No one wants to hear how quick you are in bed, Ahcan. She probably doesn’t appreciate it either”.
Roman’s face twisted into a smirk knowing he was about to hit him where it hurts. “Shut up, Caufield. We all know you wish you could please her like I do. 30 minutes or 30 seconds, it’s still more than you’ll ever get with her”.
The locker room falls silent and Brock bites his tongue so hard he tastes blood. The amount of disrespect Roman had just shown you made him sick. It takes all of his self control to not tackle Roman in the middle of the locker room. Luckily, his brother keeps him busy as he goes to lunge at Roman, himself. Brock has to throw an arm across his brother and shove him back to his stall. “Don’t”, he says, shooting him a dangerous look. “He’s not worth it. I’ll take care of it”. Cole’s fuming, as he aggressively grabs his stick that’s fallen to the floor in the hustle of things. “You better”, he says as he storms out of the locker room, shoulder checking Roman along the way.
He’d kept his mouth closed about all of Roman’s other taunting and bullshit, but this was unacceptable. He couldn’t let this slide. You deserved to know that your personal business was being spread out for all to hear in the locker room. So he grabbed his phone and sent you a quick text. “Your boy keeps running his mouth about all your bedroom activities in the locker room. Figured you should know.”
When you read the text your heart dropped. It was basically one of your worst nightmares. All of your business and most vulnerable moments on display for a bunch of guys who could pick you apart and look at you differently. You had trusted Roman enough to give yourself to him and this is how he respected you? You felt so many things, but betrayed and angry were at the top of the list. You were ready to lay into his ass when he got back from practice.
You let Roman have it the second he walked through the door. He brushes your feelings aside, as he’s more concerned with who told you.
“I knew that little shit would go running to you”
“It doesn’t matter who told me, but I’m glad they did! There’s two people in this relationship, not a whole locker room”
“Exactly, Y/N, there’s two people in a relationship, the key word being two, not three. Tell Brock to fuck off”
“God, that’s not even the point, Roman. It’s like I speak and you just don’t even listen!”
“How am I not listening? You just said there’s two people in the relationship and I agree with you, but Brock thinks he’s one of those two people and so yeah, maybe I had to remind him who gets to please you in bed and that’s not him”
“If you ever. Fuck and tell again, I swear to God Roman, you’ll be single. I’ll dump your ass so quick. No more kill stories in the locker room.”
While he knew your threat was probably hollow because of the darkness that had taken over your eyes ever since he mentioned pleasing you in bed, part of him should’ve known to never doubt you.
Brock had won that round, you had put Roman in his place rather than him putting Brock in his. He couldn’t stand the fact that you spent so much time with someone who he knew for a fact wanted you as much as he did, especially someone who was the polar opposite of Roman, himself. What if you woke up one day and wanted the sweet guy? Roman knew he wasn’t sweet. The gentle, always doing the right things guy? He tried to show that side of himself to you, but he was generally hard headed, feisty, and anything but just plain old nice. Brock already seemed to fill so many places in your life, he couldn’t let him take over the boyfriend role too. So he made sure Brock knew his place and he had been chastised by you more times than once for it. And apparently it hadn’t worked because it looks like he took his place anyway.
It made him question the night everything went down. Was Brock the one who had sent the picture? He doesn’t remember seeing him there, though he doesn’t remember a whole lot from that night besides the fight. Your look of hurt had stayed with him but he had someone else to go to during that time so he had put the little detail of how you had managed to get the picture in the first place to the back of his mind. Laying here on your couch now, it would make perfect sense for it to have been Brock. He had always had a nagging suspicion but never talked to you about that night.
The bye week couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. The boys had hit a rough patch, having lost three weekends in a row now and the tensions in the locker room were high. The combination of losing and Brock’s history with Roman made for a stressful past month.
Brock breathed a sigh of relief when he didn’t spot Roman anywhere in the bar. Some of the guys had decided to blow off some steam and reset for the upcoming weekend by going out tonight. He scanned the room once more making sure he didn’t see you, but since Roman wasn’t here he didn’t assume you would be either. Ever since you had started dating him, you barely went anywhere without each other much to his dismay. Yes, he had feelings for you but that didn’t change the fact that you were also his best friend. He missed you in more ways than one.
“Dude, she already said she wasn’t coming out tonight”, Ty said, nudging his teammate.
Brock replies instantly, “I don’t know who you’re talking about”. But he knows he’s been caught looking for you again. He doesn’t say anything about the fact that Ty had known who he was looking for without asking.
Owen shows up then with an arm full of beers and a handful of shots. Brock throws back a shot with barely a grimace. It was going to be one hell of a night.
Flash forward a few rounds and the boys are rolling. It had been a fun, easygoing night, exactly what everyone needed. That is until Brock turns his head and spots a certain someone a few tables over. His eyes narrow and he has to do a double take.
His jaw clenches and his hand that wasn’t holding his drink, balls up. He swears he sees red as he looks on at the scene playing out three tables over. He reaches over and grabs Owen’s arm so hard Owen says ow and swats his hand away.
“Please. Tell me that isn’t my Y/N’s Roman making out with that girl?” He says through gritted teeth. He can’t take his eyes away.
“There’s no way..” Owen trails off in disbelief. That was most definitely a girl straddling Roman, her tongue down his throat and that girl was no where close to being you.
The rest of the guys look over then at what has their teammates so dumbfounded and the same silence spreads across the group amidst all the noise of the bar. With ten pairs of eyes burning holes into their faces, the pair continues to make out in the corner, as if you weren’t at home waiting for your boyfriend to return to you.
Brock is livid. He slams his glass down so hard the liquid splashes out and he’s ready to rip Roman to shreds. How could he do that to you? Sure, he had always had an issue with Roman, how could he not? Roman had the girl he had been crushing on since the first day he met her and Roman had no problem rubbing that in his face any chance he got. But he did make you happy (most of the time) and that’s what mattered to Brock. This though? Throwing all of that away, your trust, happiness? It made Brock want to cave Roman’s face in. Nostrils flaring, he’s up and out of his seat.
Owen is quick to grab B’s arm and frantically looks to the other guys for help. Owen’s taller frame was no match for Brock’s 5’9 one when he was fired up and boy, was he fired up. Cole was in front of him then and shoving his older brother back in his seat.
“You can’t go fighting him right now. Not now, not here in the middle of a bar” Cole says, trying to talk some sense into his furious brother.
Brock was seething. “Who does he think he is? This is going to kill Y/N, I’m going to fucking kill him!”
O backs Cole up, “Your brother’s right, man. We all love Y/N, but you and I both know how she is when it comes to Roman. She won’t like that you threw the first punch”.
Brock’s shaking his head at that, he knows they’re right. You always gave Roman the benefit of the doubt and it really grinded Brock’s gears when you made exceptions for Roman. He took you for granted and didn’t appreciate you the way Brock knew he could.
“She probably wouldn’t believe me, just say I’ve always had it out for him. She’s not wrong but I can’t be the one to tell her about this”.
The boys all agree on this and finally Owen says, “Why don’t I just send her a picture? She can’t deny it if it’s right there in front of her, right?”
Brock finally agrees with a small nod. He hates that he can’t just knock Roman out right there. And he hates even more what this picture is going to do to you. He wishes you would’ve just picked him and you never would’ve had to deal with this pain. But you hadn’t, you had chosen the more exciting boy, with his flaring temper and charming smirk. You chose to pass over the cute, boy next door who was everything you needed but nothing you wanted.
You should have known that word would get out somehow that Roman had stopped by. The boys hockey team was worse than old women at tea time when it came to gossip.
You barely had time to register the neatly folded blanket and clothes on your couch before your door was swung open and a very pissed off and hurt looking Brock is storming through it, coffee in hand.
“Well good morning to you too. What’re you doing here so early?” You said in the middle of a yawn.
He shoots you an irritated look. “Early? It’s past noon, Y/N. Or is your long night with Roman screwing with your head again? I can’t believe he had the audactiy to show up here after everything.” The venom in the way he says Roman’s name has you rolling your eyes. Roman had been..civil about Brock last night. Though you noticed the way he tensed about the clothes, he hadn’t said anything. Brock was your rock, your level headed one and yet he was the one speaking out today.
“You do realize this is my apartment you’re standing in right? And my business? And my life?” You’re annoyed that he wants to have this argument again and right after you woke up. He was not catching you at a good time.
Brock had a hard time hearing it wasn’t his life. It was like his hands were pinned behind his back. Roman being back in your life very much affected his own because that would mean he’d lose you again and you were very much a big part of his life.
“Roman staying the night has nothing to do with you” you tell him, plopping yourself on the couch. You catch a glimpse of the hurt that flashes across Brock’s face, along with something else you couldn’t quite place as you reach for your coffee.
Brock felt like he had just been slapped in the face. He had always been there for you, that night and every night there after. He had finally gotten his best friend back and at times it felt like he could have more than that and now you were just brushing him off like his opinion meant nothing. It absolutely killed him that you couldn’t see how much this had to do with him. He was there for you, he’d always been there for you and yet he couldn’t be there for you in the way that he wanted to because you wouldn’t let him.
He wanted to shake you. “That’s where you’re wrong, Y/N. This has every bit to do with me. I was there when he broke you and I helped you pick up the pieces. I let you cry on my shoulder, sleep in my bed. Not just that night but so many times before that. Or do you not remember why ice cream is our thing now? Or all of the walks home we’ve had? And all of the games of pong we’ve played? I’ve put up with so much shit from him for you and I’m sick of seeing you get hurt over and over by the same guy when you deserve so much better than that”.
You weren’t insecure by any means, but everyone had their days and today just so happened to be yours. You had a long day at work and didn’t really want to go out to dinner with the guys, but you had already promised Roman and Brock that you’d be there.
You trailed behind Roman as he led you to the table. Brock immediately noticed that your smile was off as you leaned in to give him a quick hug, not wanting to set off your boyfriend. He gave you an extra squeeze and then released you. He noticed the little frown on your face when the waitress shamelessly flirted with Roman in front of you and Roman made no effort to stop her, even giving into her banter and eyelashes. Wanting to see you smile again, he gave you a little nudge and asked if you were getting the kids’ meal, poking fun at the fact that your ordered chicken fingers everywhere you went. You cracked a smile and playfully punched his arm and then got serious again to tell him that yes, you were in fact going to devour some chicken’s fingers, which he chuckled at.
However when it got around to being your turn to order, Roman spoke up for you. “She’ll just have a salad.” He says to the waitress and she shoots you a look that says she agrees with that being an appropriate selection for you. “Aren’t you trying to start that diet? That’s what you said when you were jumping into your jeans before we got here. Now’s a good time to start” he asks you rather loudly. Your face heats up, embarrassed, but you mumble a “yeah, I guess” and close your menu, handing it to the girl and then looking down at your hands in your lap. Brock is absolutely speechless and the rest of the table is equally uncomfortable. As much as he wanted to deck Roman, he wanted to wrap you up in his arms and tell you how perfect you were even more.
When you snap Brock later that night, you’re by yourself and your face is still in a frown. He knows he has to do something about it, so he asks if you want to go get ice cream with him. You snap back that you really shouldn’t and you’re biting your lip and it makes Brock throw his head back with a groan. Why did the universe hate him so much? He leaves you on open, but grabs his keys and ends up showing up at your door.
“B, what’re you doing here?” you question. Your hair is thrown up in a messy bun and you’re in a pair of sweats and a baggy Badgers hockey tshirt. You look so beautiful and natural, he has to really concentrate to remember what exactly he’s supposed to be doing.
“You said you wanted ice cream?” he said with a smile, as if it were obvious.
You smiled back. “I believe I said that I shouldn’t get ice cream”.
He wouldn’t be taking no for an answer tonight. “No, I think you said you should get ice cream. Go get your shoes or don’t, but we’re still going”.
You shake your head at your best friend, but take the couple steps backward to retrieve your shoes and coat and lock your door as you head off to ruin the diet you hadn’t started.
A short drive later, you find yourself standing at Dairy Queen’s counter debating over a cookie dough or oreo blizzard. “I’ll have a small cookie dough blizzard, please”, you finally decide.
Brock also orders and the cashier asks, “Are you guys together?”
“Yeah, we’re together” he answers and then looking over at you his eyes widen in alarm. “I mean no, we’re not together, well we’re together but not together together”, he stutters over his words.
You’re looking at him like he’s lost his mind, but you’re also laughing, “B, chill. She meant our orders.” and then looking at the annoyed cashier, “yes, to clarify, our orders are together”. Brock mumbles an apology, handing over some bills.
“Well that was fun”, Brock huffs as he brings over your tray. When he sets down a chicken tender basket in front of you, your heart swells.
He just shrugs. “Figured you might want your kids’ meal. That salad didn’t look very filling”.
You swear you could cry on the spot at how thoughtful he was. “You noticed that too huh?”
“I notice everything, Y/N”, he says, taking another bite of his blizzard.
“So how is this fair? My boyfriend is an ass to you and me both, yet you’re the one buying me ice cream. Shouldn’t I be buying this for you?”
“How is he an ass to me?” Brock asks you. You’re not wrong, but he’s surprised you’ve noticed.
You give him a sheepish look. “A couple of the boys told me about what Roman said at the bar after last week’s game.”
Brock knew what you were referring to even though you were being very vague with your words.
They had gotten shut out and everyone all around had just had an off night. They had gone to the bar to blow off some steam but Roman was still heated, he took a while to calm down. You were off playing pool with Brock and it irritated Roman to no end as he watched you laugh easily with the wannabe lover. Soon your game finished though and you headed to the restroom before rejoining your boyfriend and the group and Roman took advantage of his opportunity. He was jealous and angry and just feeling a little mean so he took a swing at Brock.
“Hey, Caufield, maybe you should spend less time at the pool table and more time on the ice. We would’ve won tonight if you would’ve hit any of the shots you took. You were like 0 for 20.”
Brock looked at him wondering where this was all coming from right now. “Yeah, it wasn’t my best night”, he admitted.
Roman snorts. “Even your best night wouldn’t be good enough. You should stop trying to be your brother, you’ll never be as good as him. The only reason you’re even on the team is because they wanted Cole here, so they tried to sweeten the deal by letting you play” he says pointing at Cole with his beer and then taking a swig.
The comment brings an onslaught of “Hey, hey, hey”, “I think you’ve had enough”, “That was unnecessary” and “You better fucking take that back” from all the guys at the table. Everyone knew Roman could be a real dick when he wanted to be, but that comment was taking it too far. Just then you returned to the table, seeing everyone’s faces you asked “Whoa, what’d I miss?”
“Nothing. As fun as this has been, I think I’m gonna head home” he said looking at Roman. You pouted, but you didn’t question it as you hugged him goodbye and told him to text you when he got home so you knew he was safe.
“By a couple of the guys, I'm sure you’re referring to my brother?” he chuckles.
“I didn’t say that”, you tell him, but the small smile you’re wearing tells all.
“Yeah, he was pretty fired up over that”, Brock says.
“As he should’ve been! Why didn’t you say anything that night? I was fucking pissed when I found out. That was completely uncalled for. I let him have it when I found out. We’ve barely spoken all week because I’m still mad at him. Probably why he was such a dick tonight” you say, ripping off another piece of a chicken tender.
Brock just shrugs. “I don’t know why I didn’t say anything that night. It’s not like it’s not true, nothing I haven’t heard before. I know I’ll never be as good as Cole.”
You frown at the boy sitting across from you and take his hand in yours. “You know none of what Roman said is true, right? Not one word. You’re playing hockey for a D1 school and not just any school, the college hockey capital, Brock. You have so much talent and skill, I promise you’re on the team because they need a reliable, dependable, versatile player like you. You’re such a valuable part of the team, B.”
He would probably cry if you weren’t in the middle of Dairy Queen. You said the words with such conviction and love that he believed every one. To think that you saw all of that in him meant the absolute world to him.
“Thank you, Y/N. I can’t tell you how much that means to me”, he tells you honestly.
You beam at him. “Of course, B.”
He smiles back at you. “And to answer your question, no offense, but I’m sure you’ll have the opportunity to buy me ice cream when Roman screws up again. It can be like our thing”.
You were at your breaking point as you pulled up Brock’s contact. There was a good chance he was already sleeping and wouldn’t answer, but you had no other options so you pressed call. He answered on the first ring.
“B, I really need you. Can you come get me please?”
Brock shot up in bed at the sound of your shaky voice. “Y/N? Are you okay? Where are you?”
“I- yeah, I’m fine. I’m just stranded. Roman and I got into this huge fight and he left and won’t answer my calls or texts. I’m sorry to bother you, I know you left hours ago, but Roman has my credit card and cash so I can’t even get an Uber… I could walk, but it’s kind of far”
“No” he just about yells into the phone. “Don’t you dare leave wherever you are by yourself. I’m coming. I’m leaving right now, just send me your location and stay on the phone with me so I know you’re ok, okay?”.
You do and he curses to himself. He couldn’t believe Roman left you stranded and drunk at a party in the middle of Madison. That was low, even for Roman.
“B, why do you sound so out of breath? Are you running?” you ask. You can hear his breathing through the phone and it sounds slightly labored.
“Are you calling me out of shape?” he jokes, “Yeah, I had a few beers tonight so I don’t want to take the chance of driving. We can walk home together. But I want to get to you as soon as I can so I’m jogging. I’m about a block away now, should see you in five or so minutes”.
You blink away your surprise, your hand clutching at your heart. You look up to the sky and thank whoever it was above for blessing you with Brock.
“How did I get so lucky to have a best friend like you?”
You don’t see him trip as you say “best friend”. It must’ve been a crack in the sidewalk, just like the one in his heart.
You knew going in that dating a basically famous college hockey player wasn’t going to be easy. You knew what you signed up for. Admittedly, most of the time Roman would make you forget about the outside world. He acted like any other boyfriend, spoiling you with love and affection. But there were times that the ugly side of what he does came to bite you and unfortunately he was the one to bring it up.
It was a Saturday night and the boys were having a party to celebrate the weekend’s sweep. Your night had been great until you had heard Roman’s comments. You were standing with a small group of girls gossiping about the one girl’s interest in Mike when you heard your boyfriend’s voice brag about the “hundreds of girls flooding his Dm’s after that game against Ohio State”.
“No way you have hundreds, there was barely anyone there at those games last weekend”. Tarek pointed out, trying to call his bluff.
“Okay, maybe not hundreds, but there’s a ton. I could literally have any girl I wanted. And they’re all like, really hot too.” He glanced to his left and saw you standing there, but you were turned, not paying him any attention so he continued, “Check out the rack on this one, pretty face to match too”.
Your heart sunk as you listened to the boys talk, one boy in particular really. You turned around just to make sure it was your boyfriend even though you’d know his voice anywhere. He was standing with a group of the guys, his profile to you, but he was only a handful of steps away. Close enough for you to see him holding out his phone to prove to Tarek that he had a bunch of Dm’s. You watched on as his thumb scrolled down the list until he found the girl he wanted to show off. You suddenly didn’t feel like being at the party anymore.
Brock was standing with Lex, Cole, Ryder, and Dylan when he first heard bits of the conversation going on in the group next to him. His temper flared as he realized it was Roman who was doing the bragging. If Roman even glanced to his left in the slightest, he would’ve seen you standing there, well within earshot. And then he watched as Roman did just that, looked right at you and still continued to show off. Brock too looked over at you, hoping by some miracle that you weren't hearing what was going on. But when his eyes fell on you, you were already staring at Roman and there was a pained expression on your features. His heart broke for you and he wished for the millionth time that he could show you what love really is. But he couldn’t so he settled for at least getting you out of that situation. He didn’t even bother saying anything to the boys as he removed himself from the group and walked over to you, placing himself right in between you and Roman.
“Can I steal you for a few? I could really use a kick ass pong partner” he asked, smirking at you. He knew you loved pong, it was one of the few drinking games you were actually good at.
You took one last look over the shoulder of Brock and saw your boyfriend pulling up yet another girl’s profile so you gave Brock a weak smile and followed him across the room to the pong table, far away from Roman.
It only took a few throws for your arms to be held over your head and your chirping to take over. You and Brock pretty much dominated, to the point that it would’ve been boring had you guys not been keeping each other entertained.
With one cup left, Brock looked at you, a confident smirk on his lips. “Are you ready for this trick shot, Y/N? I’ve been practicing.”
You grinned and nodded eagerly. “Show me what you’ve got, Caufield.”
Instead of overhand tossing the pong ball, he flicks his wrist underhand so that the ball bounces off the ceiling and arcs directly into the remaining cup.
His arms raise wide above his head and he backs up in a subtle celly. The smile on his face can only be described as cocky.
Your jaw is still on the floor, but you're screeching and launching yourself into his arms. He easily catches you, lifting you off of your feet and spinning you around.
The room is loud, still reacting to Brock’s trick shot, but you don’t hear any of it as he holds you close, still having not put you back on your feet. The smile on your face is bright when you tell him, “I can’t believe you just did that! I hope you know you just sealed your fate as my pong partner for life”.
“While I appreciate you doing all of that, and I really do, I couldn't have done it without you, I didn’t ask you to do any of that. Never did I ask you to come save me” you snapped at him, trying to defend yourself. And it was true, you had never once asked for Brock to come save you, he just did.
Hands running through his hair, tugging hard, that’s when Brock explodes. You were practically proving his point. “That’s the thing, Y/N, is you shouldn’t have to ask! It should just be normal for someone who cares about you to not hurt you over and over and to be there for you and help you get better when you’re hurting, not just turn their back on you with some other girl and then just show back up in your life when they decide they want you back. That’s not how it’s supposed to be.” He’s looking at you desperately, you were putting him in jail for something he didn’t even do.
You know he’s right. You know it with every bone in your body. Roman had done things that were far from loving and had conditioned you to think that that’s what love looked like. You had made exceptions for his behavior and built a tolerance for his actions. And that’s not how it was supposed to be. But you had also loved him and part of you still did and that was hard to just turn off and forget, you would know because you had tried.
“Brock, I loved him. You know that. What was I supposed to do? Things weren’t perfect, but I couldn’t just throw away what we had and pretend that I didn’t feel anything for him. I accepted him and his flaws because that's what love is.”
He hears every word of what you’re saying because he feels it too. He was living a parallel life, but with you. As much as he’s tried and wishes he could, he can’t just turn off his feelings for you and pretend they weren’t there. He accepted your flaws even if giving too much of yourself to others who didn’t deserve you was one of them. He wants to tell you that he could have shown you what loving hard instead of hard love is but he knows the time isn’t right for that confession yet. There’s still a lot left to be said.
“Well he threw it away for you and now you’re what? Just going to let him walk right back in again? You’re going to let him back in like usual? It’s not hard to see why he doesn’t take you seriously, if you don’t even take yourself seriously. You need to at least respect yourself, since he never does. You’re better than that, Y/N. We worked so hard-“ he corrects himself, “you worked so hard to be strong and build yourself back up...I’m just afraid he’ll break you again”.
His concern was well placed but the fact that he just assumes that you’d let Roman walk back in, even though you almost did and that he thought you’d break so easily was disappointing. “Well what am I supposed to do Brock? I’m not some D1 big time hockey player like you, I don’t just have this line waiting at my door to take me out like you guys do”
Brock’s voice catches in his throat as he almost lets out the secret he’s been keeping bottled up from you. But he panics and instead tells you, “you need to figure this out, Y/N because I can’t stand by and watch that happen again. And if you do decide that he’s the one you want and you’re willing to let him into your life again, I can’t promise to be there to put back the pieces this time.”
His statement makes your eyebrows shoot up.You don’t know that you’d still be here had Brock not been there for you, and as he pointed out not just this past time but so many times before. You can’t imagine having to go through another heartbreak, much less without having Brock at your side. Your heart’s racing at the thought of losing him. His statement surprises you and hits you like a ton of bricks. Why’d you have to break what you love so much?
“You’d leave me?” You quietly ask him, tears threatening to spill.
He sighs, shaking his head. Why was this so hard? “I’d never leave you,” he says swallowing hard, “but I can’t hurt like that again”.
The look on his face shatters your heart and you know you’re the one to blame.
You don’t miss that he’s talking about himself and you hate that you’ve caused him so much hurt over the years. You’d put him through more than one ever should and you’re hating yourself because this is the first time he’s admitting to you that it hurts him. Hurts him to see you with someone else, hurts him to always be the one to pick up the pieces, and hurts him that you might pick that someone over him again. You knew his feelings for you, you had for a while now. Cole had pulled you aside and told you as much and as if that wasn’t confirmation enough, you had accidentally overheard Brock say it himself, just not to you.
Brock had invited you over for a movie night, something you had done regularly with him in the months before you had started dating Roman. But ever since you started seeing Ro they had become less and less frequent until it got to the point where they ceased to exist all together. So he had finally reserved you for the night and had a whole night planned for you two to catch up. Or so he thought.
He was rushing around his dorm, trying to find his wallet and keys to go pick you up. He needed to hurry so that you guys weren’t late for your reservation. A new steak place had opened up downtown and though it was a little more fancy than your usual pizza dates, he knew you had been wanting to try it so he made the reservation.
“B if you’re five minutes late they’re not going to give your table away” Cole tells his brother, sensing his nerves.
“Yeah but if I’m five minutes late picking Y/N up, then we’re going to be 15 minutes late to the restaurant and then the table will be gone” he replies.
Cole shakes his head at how well Brock knows you. The boy had it bad. “Yeahhh you’re right. You better get a move on then.”
Brock huffs in response as he trips putting his other shoe on.
“Oh and good luck on your date” Cole calls as Brock heads out the door, lightly teasing him. Brock smiles but flips his little brother off as he shuts the door.
Not 20 minutes later, a very disappointed and frustrated Brock is slinking his way back through the door. Cole pauses the game he had been watching on the tv and turns toward Brock as he throws himself on the couch.
“She cancelled.” Brock mumbles into the cushion.
“What?!” Cole questions. He shouldn’t be surprised, he could probably guess as to the reason you cancelled but he couldn’t believe you’d do that to Brock and so last minute.
“S’fine. I’m fine. Everything’s fine.” He said, face still pressed into the couch.
“It’s not fine, Brock! I get that you’re like in love with her but she doesn’t just get a pass. That was really shitty. Did she say why she cancelled?” He was fired up now, as Brock should’ve been but he would let you get away with murder.
He sighed as he pushed himself to a seated position and shrugged. “Said Roman had some kind of thing planned that he just told her about and she meant to text me about it but forgot. She felt bad”.
And just like that you were let off the hook, Cole could tell by the simple way he justified your actions by saying you felt bad. It didn’t erase the hurt that was in his face even if he tried to make his voice sound casual or the droop in his shoulders. It seems to be a more and more common thing lately and he doesn’t like it.
Turning the tv off he stands up. “Well let’s not let that dinner reservation go to waste. Steak sounds pretty good and you’re buying! ” he says and kicks Brock’s shoe to get him off the couch and back out the door.
As it turns out, Cole was right and they won’t give the table away if you're five minutes late. The steak was actually worth the reservation and it was nice to spend some one on one time with his brother. He knew nights like that wouldn’t last much longer. Brock seemed to be in less of a slump but Cole continued his care taking, telling Abby he’d call her tomorrow and catch her up on the Brock/Y/N saga to watch movies with his brother.
His phone rings in the middle of Grown Ups and Cole doesn’t even have to guess to know who it is. “You should just leave her hanging after she ditched you tonight” he says.
Brock shoots him a look and picks up on the second ring. “Y/N? Is everything ok?”
With the movie paused, Cole can hear the whole conversation, though he could’ve told Brock without having heard. It was the same old story. Roman promised one thing and then did another, leaving you upset and Brock comforting you. Of course he invited you over and offered to come and get you, already putting his shoes back on before even hanging up the phone.
“You deserve better than second best, Brock” he honestly tells his brother.
Brock looks at him then with a look of defeat and acceptance. “I’ll take what I can get.”
A short time later he returns with you in tow. You look sad, just as Brock had hours earlier when he walked through that same door, but without you. You give a tight lipped smile to Cole and then you’re following Brock to his bedroom where you’ll spend the night telling Brock about your boyfriend while wrapped in Brock’s arms and in Brock’s bed.
It breaks his heart that you’re crying again over him..Brock would never make you cry until your wedding day when he shed tears of his own and you wouldn’t be able to hold yours in because you always cry when other people do.
The next morning is when Cole decides to give you a reality check. You emerge from Brock’s bedroom in his T-shirt and Cole just raises an eyebrow at you. From an outsider’s point of view, you knew what it looked like. But it was Cole and this was unfortunately a rather regular occurrence. Nothing had happened, nothing would happen. “What?” You ask him as you reach into the cabinet and grab a mug. Their home was basically yours too, you spent so much time there.
“We’re gonna go grab something to eat before he drops me off, do you want to come with us?” You ask. Your offer however, is met with silence even though Cole is staring right at you.
“Dude what’s your problem today? Are you not speaking to me or what?” You question, growing irritated.
Cole thought the world of you, honestly. You had become a close friend but his brother was his favorite person and you were messing with his happiness so it was about time you were put in check.
“You know, one day he won’t be waiting around for you anymore. He’ll have his own girlfriend again and he won’t be able to play part time boyfriend when yours decides to be an asshole”.
He doesn’t specify who “he” is but you know he’s talking about Brock. And he doesn’t come out and say that Brock has feelings for you but “waiting around” sure makes it seem like maybe he does. You want him to just say it.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about” you say, looking down at the mug in your hands. Brock’s favorite you think to yourself.
Cole gives you a look and holds his hand out in front of him, gesturing up and down your body. “Come on, Y/N. Don’t give me that. Look at yourself right now. Where are you right now? Where do you spend your time, enough to know where the mugs are? Whose clothes are you wearing? Whose bed did you sleep in? Who was beside you? Who -“
“Okay, okay. Jeez, I get your point” you say, wincing, wanting to stop him there.
“Do you though? Because you let him get all the way to your place before you cancelled on him last night. You didn’t see the look that was on his face when he came back home. He’d been looking forward to this all week, Y/N. He’s been planning this all week. He never gets to see you anymore” Cole continues.
You grimace, knowing you did him dirty. “All week? I felt so bad -“
Cole cuts you off, not wanting to hear the excuse he’s heard a hundred times before “but Roman” is how it always starts.
“Yes. All week. He even made a reservation for you guys at that new steak place you’ve been wanting to go to. Hell the kid spent a half hour going through his closet and making me choose between shirts” he tells you.
Your heart sinks when you hear about all of his wasted efforts and the thought he had put into wanting to have a night with you.
“And you obviously didn’t feel too bad because you still called him when Roman bailed. You always call him, Y/N. Maybe you should think about the fact that he’s always the one you turn to when you need something, maybe he should just be the one. You can’t keep going back and forth between your two boyfriends though, it’s hurting Brock too much and I won’t let that happen anymore. He’s dealing with enough shit right now, he doesn’t need you hurting him too”.
His words sit heavy in your mind and never leave you. You can’t say how much of an impact they’ve had on your affection toward him since then but it definitely plays a part, maybe one larger than you realized.
Brock and Roman had been going at each other all day. Brock had started hanging around less and less so you were excited to be able to spend the whole evening together. The boys were having game night and then hitting the bar. Starting with the pregame Roman had been a pain. He was complaining about the whole night and how he didn’t want to share you. This meant he was extra clingy and barely let you out of sight. You really had wanted to see Brock, but he was in the apartment across the hall, the team having to split into two apartments since everyone was coming out tonight.
You pryed yourself from Roman and wandered to the next room, an easy smile spreading across your face as you found who you were looking for. You were instantly wrapped in a warm hug and he kept an arm over your shoulders as he talked close to your ear, trying to be heard over the shouting of the boys. “I saw you earlier and wanted to come say hi but didn’t want your boyfriend to get mad” he tried to play it off as joking but you could hear the slight bite to his words. He didn’t get to say much else as Roman came in and spotted your two heads bent together in the middle of the room. He made a not so light hearted comment about Brock stealing his girl and then all but dragged you back to the other room claiming you guys were up next for pong even though you still had to wait 15 minutes for the game to be finished.
And that’s how the night went with the two boys exchanging jabs and glares. Roman’s temper is short with you and even shorter for Brock. He’s been making stupid comments to you that he knows get on your nerves like “damn those jeans make your ass look good. Brock doesn’t her ass look good?” And “your shirt’s so low cut every guy in this bar has been staring at your tits, just ask Caufield.” and each time Brock also sends a look your way, one you read as pity and you become frustrated. There was a difference between him complimenting you and him making you feel like a piece of meat and tonight he was doing the latter. He was also dragging Brock into it which he knew you hated and so you became increasingly angry, more with yourself and Roman but after about the tenth time Brock looks over at you you take it out on him and just snap. “I don’t need the looks, ok Brock? I can take care of myself, you looking at me every time he opens his mouth isn’t making anything better”. You can’t quite read the look on his face before he just nods and says he’s going to head out for the night. You groan and guilt and more frustration flood your system. You know you have to go after him because it’s Brock after all. So after corralling a stupidly drunk Roman into his bed you head over to Brock’s to apologize.
The first thing you hear when you go to knock on his door is yelling. You don’t expect to hear anything given the time of night but with the quiet halls you can hear every word he’s shouting. “I just don’t get why she lets him treat her like that! She’s so strong and independent and then she just sits there while he spouts off his mouth the whole night. And she’s so beautiful like how can he even say the things he said tonight.”
He’s obviously talking about you, that much you can tell. You can’t hear what the other person is saying but you do hear what Brock is saying next. “ I just need her to give me one shot. That’s all I’m asking for is one shot to show her how much better I can be for her. Be to her. If I could just show her how much I love her and appreciate her the way she deserves… god why am I not good enough? I do everything I can for her, hell I’d do more if she let me. Do I have to act like an ass to get her attention? Because I’m pretty sure that’s the only thing I haven’t done yet”
You feel extremely guilty standing there in front of his door listening to something he doesn’t know you’re hearing, him pouring his heart out. But you’re frozen in place with his confession. You eventually get your act together and do what you went there to do in the first place, the whole time with your heart beating in your ears.
You had never let on that you knew how he felt. You had honestly thought that maybe his feelings for you would lessen until they disappeared since you had at the time still been very much in love with Roman. You hate to say it but you were often times wrapped up in your own drama that you pushed his feelings to the back of your mind but they were always there. With everything that he had told you that night, unknowingly and everything he was saying now, you could see it all in a new light.
Right now, with his cheeks flushed and his chest still heaving from anger and emotion it’s clear that those feelings are still very much present. He’s so worked up that you have to put a hand on his chest, something you often did with Roman, to calm him. Though unlike Roman, B instantly softens as soon as you touch him, practically melting under your hand.
“B, stop. It’s ok, I’m not getting back together with him. We talked and he apologized. It was nice closure, but that’s all it was for me, was closure. I can’t forget what he did. What you did to help me. You’re right, we did build me up and he’s not worth losing myself or you over. I don’t want to do this to you anymore, I don’t want to lose you” You can literally feel his heart skip a beat as you drop this information on him.
His mouth tries to form words but all he comes up with is “oh”. He’s surprised to say the least. “So what now? Is he going to go back to being an asshole to me about you?”
You frown. “Not if I have anything to say about it. I really am sorry you had so much to deal with because of me. So much stuff that I had no idea about. You did it so well, you’ve been so understanding, so good. If it were anybody else, they wouldn’t have lasted a day dealing with me and all of my baggage. But you, you’ve been the answer to all of my prayers”.
His heart catches at your words. Finally, finally he was getting some recognition for all the hell he had been through for you. He gives you a soft smile and a little shrug. “Wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle. I’m glad you didn’t have to deal with it, honestly. Now that I don’t have to worry about you not listening to me about him it makes it all that much more worth it. You’re worth it”.
You roll your eyes but there’s a smile on your face as you say, “and I love you for that” and you don’t know what that little line does to him.
He has to look away when you say that even though he knows you can see the blush quickly taking over his cheeks and feel his heart hammer a little faster over it. It gives him a little courage to try and see if maybe he can get you to say those words to him again, but in the way that he’s been wanting all of these years.
“You’re gonna kill me, aren’t you?” He mumbles, running a hand over his face.
“What’s that supposed to me, Caufield?” You ask, tilting your head up so that your eyes can search his face.
A look of wonder is on his face as he says “You have no idea do you?”
Now it’s your turn for your heart to speed up as you do have an idea of what he might be about to tell you.
You don’t get the chance to hear what he has to say because you hear yelling from the hall and the voice that it belongs to is Owen. Both of your heads turn as he crashes through your door, breathless.
“Y/N have you seen Brock, I think we have a problem - oh shit, am I interrupting something?”
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weekly-ish media roundup (I’ve really gotta pick a consistent day for these but unfortunately the days of the week have kind of lost meaning for me, the only time passing I’m aware of is when it’s my turn to cook dinner. it’s been that kind of whatever length of time, y’know?)
listening: since sea shanties are apparently the hot new trend, please appreciate my two favorite variations on Drunken Sailor: Drunken Whaler (from the Dishonored soundtrack), which I love for how incredibly creepy it is, both in sound and lyrics, and Drunk Space Pirate by The Mechanisms, which just absolutely fucking slaps, wow I love The Mechs (sidenote: this recording is from their last-ever liveshow, and I am personally very sad I got into them just too late to ever see them live). whenever I have Drunken Sailor stuck in my head it’s usually some awful mashup of all three versions like. what do we do with a drunk space pirate? feed him to the hungry rats for dinner!
reading: Drowned God by R.F. Kuang (short story about one of the characters of the Poppy War series, which is extremely good like. political intrigue military fantasy, except I know when I say that most people probably imagine some grimdark white dude bullshit but no! this is not that! this is really fucking good and everything the genre can and should be!) it’s a very good short story and it did make me very sad, and also gave me lots of feelings about, specifically, one of the best m/f ships I’ve ever been convinced to care about. love a school rivals to reluctant allies to battle couple to enemies to reluctant allies again to maybe lovers to enemies again. it’s very tasty.
also, The City Unbreachable by Yoon Ha Lee (from the f/f anthology Silk and Steel) which has some incredibly intriguing sci-fi worldbuilding about sentient spaceship-cities and the societies on them and the people who are bonded with them
watching: Rowan Ellis, a video essayist I vaguely follow, made a video about Black Sails, specifically comparing the endings of Black Sails and Game of Thrones to explain like. why the Game of Thrones ending didn’t work, which is a niche that appeals to my personal interests, because when the whole self-congratulatory “storytellers are the most important people ever actually please give us awards” speech in the GoT finale started I was like. you’re not Black Sails you didn’t earn this shut the fuck up. so it’s satisfying to see someone else with an actual platform make those same points.
I don’t agree with everything she says, obviously, because I am opinionated and contrary but I like the way she analyzes things and I do think she makes lots of good points and uses lots of good examples. however, I do find it kinda disappointing that literally everyone who talks about Black Sails in any kind of serious journalistic way talks down the first season. she doesn’t do it as much as most people but I think that season 1 is good and everyone is just unfairly comparing it to season 2, the best season of television ever created, so of course anything else isn’t gonna look great by comparison. like, I do dislike the sexual assault plotline but aside from that, it’s really good?? literally the first episode has the “civilization (derogatory) needs gossip because it reinforces shame” speech. the “and they called me a monster” Moment and Flint’s Odysseus monologue are both season 1! the Max/Eleanor relationship and breakup that underscore the main themes of the show is season 1! season 1 is really good!
playing: more Knife of Dunwall, to the surprise of absolutely no one. I think last time I did one of these I was still stuck in the first mission because turns out sabotaging a factory is hard if you don’t pay for the favor that turns off the alarms, which I didn’t because I spent all my money on sleepdarts and elixirs. I changed my mind about doing the sabotage because I kept getting spotted, but when I went back to find the capitalist who owned the factory so that I could uh. torture the information out of him because that’s the low chaos option apparently, the labor organizer who I’d rescued had killed him. thanks Abigale. you’re so valid but you made my life so much harder. my expert strategy for getting through that level is that you knock everyone out before you fuck with any of the valves, so that when the alarms go off there’s hardly anyone left awake to come after you. also, move all the bodies away from the valves so they don’t die in the explosion. if you still care about getting low chaos despite picking the incredibly high chaos option. which I do lol. but it paid off, I barely killed anyone, I’m still at low chaos, everything is fine except that Billie made fun of me for setting off the alarms because Knife of Dunwall is a game about being disrespected by your own daughter.
anyway. I’m partway through the second mission now so. we’ll see how that goes
making: one of my roommates and I made pierogi from scratch last night which Imo is a little too labor-intensive to be worth it considering that you can also just buy pre-made ones and all you have to do is fry them. but it’s a cool thing to have done.
the thing I actually want to talk about is the lasagna we made today, or like. more generally the red sauce I make from scratch whenever we do pasta with red sauce, because I do not care for store-bought marinara on account of chunks of tomato are not a good texture for me. all of the sauce recipes including the lasagna recipe say to add crushed and/or diced tomato, and one of my favorite things about adulthood is that if you don’t like something, you don’t have to cook with it! so I can ignore those parts of the recipes! I do not actually have a recipe for the sauce the way I make it because I strongly believe that herbs and spices and garlic are measured with the heart, but trust me when I say it fucking slaps.
there’s spinach in there so that we, as a household, eat our vegetables, and the meat is ground turkey because I can’t eat beef
writing: mostly, cover letters. also a few fics with deadlines that I can’t talk about much yet because they’re for events, and then I posted a fic for an exchange centered around women in various MXTX works, which is about soft domesticity and I thought turned out pretty well
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Day 3: Cursed
Ship: Geralt x Dandelion
Prompt Day: 3
Medium: Books / Netflix Mashup
Warnings: Self-hatred, references to past abuse Geralt has canonically suffered. Non-graphic sex.
Summary: “You think you’re different. You flaunt your otherness, what you consider abnormal. You aggressively impose that abnormality on others, not understanding that for people who think clear-headedly you’re the most normal man under the sun, and they all wish that everyone was so normal. What of it that you have quicker reflexes than most and vertical pupils in sunlight? That you can see in the dark like a cat? That you know a few spells?” -Andrzej Sapkowski, Sword of Destiny
Dandelion is cursed to read minds and finds out just how wrong his past words have been.
Read me on Ao3 instead
Word Count: 8651
Author’s Note: This exchange always bothered me in the books. Dandelion dismissing the obvious pain and humiliation and suffering Geralt endures because he’s a witcher. Arguably in some ways he probably thinks he’s helping but it doesn’t make things any better for Geralt in general. I wanted a less verbose Geralt to give a reason for the curse, So I’m tossing in some Netflix canon.
Dandelion had always wondered what Geralt was thinking. His companion was usually taciturn, and at turns rude. He spoke at length on monsters, and not much else. Not to mention some of Geralt’s other bedpartners hadn’t seemed to be… on the up and up. Coral had left Dandelion with so many questions, and Geralt hadn’t seemed to know why he was bedding the witch either. At least with Yennefer he knew. Even if he was an idiot about it.
Triss hadn’t seemed right, either, he had never known Geralt to have any interest in her, and then he’d found himself in her bed. Needless to say, the bard was occasionally left wondering if Geralt truly wanted to be in his bed, or was just grateful for any company at all. He believed himself too other to find an easily willing bedpartner, and frequently fucked women who saw him as a curiosity to satisfy rather than a man. Or at least he had. Now, he was rubbing himself against the bard several times a week. While Geralt had given no indication he wanted to stray, or wasn’t enjoying himself, Dandelion still wondered. He had never known Geralt to bed a man before, but he supposed the witcher’s keep only housed men, and perhaps that’s how he’d started his ‘career’ as it were. The poet had never been brave enough to ask.
So when he found himself in town waiting for Geralt to come back from a contract, he went browsing local shops and markets to kill time. He hadn’t intended to go into a magic shop, it wasn’t as if he needed philters or potions to enhance their lovemaking. Nor much of anything else that he would find there. Geralt was free of disease, as was he, so he didn’t need cures.
Dandelion did, however, debate on some healing salves and bruise balms for his companion. Geralt wouldn’t outwardly appreciate it but would allow the poet to apply them to his hurts. A book caught his eye as he browsed, the shopkeeper busy with another set of patrons off in the corner of the shop. Having spent enough time around witchers and sorcerers, Dandelion knew this shop was the real deal. The book was likely to be a real spell book of sorts. To amuse himself, he began to flip through it.
There was a ‘curse’ of some kind, to be able to read a person’s mind. The parts he skimmed were the opening parts about prying, lesson learned, curse, deepest secrets, and so forth. What he committed to memory were the ingredients and other steps. Some herbs he already had, something of Geralt’s, or something that held his essence…well he shed that white hair all over and Dandelion was sure he’d find some on their pillow or in their bags somewhere. If not, there would be something else of his that should do. Then he had to speak some words in Elder and that should be enough. Dandelion could not tap into the Source, but the spell didn’t seem to require it if the person you were ‘cursing’ to have their thoughts read could. Or perhaps the curse was the person who would then be able to read minds? The spell would end when it ended, he didn’t bother to read anything about that, either.
A harmless little gimmick. It probably wouldn’t work, and if it did, he would get his question answered and the spell would fade away.
He purchased some extra bandaging, a little more healing salve, and then went back to the attic they were staying in. The only entrance was external, so he wouldn’t have to pass through the house. A sort of friend of Geralt’s had been happy to give them a place to stay. There was a small table and chair, both rickety, and a paillasse to sleep on with a few candles here and there in small dishes around the room. Dandelion set up the healing supplies on the table, in case they were needed. Geralt didn’t always get hurt, or sometimes the most he got was a bruise or two. And other times… other times he came back a mess.
Bored after a while, he had explored the town quite thoroughly and had found nothing all that interesting to do. Ordinarily he might have gone to a brothel, but he was quite content with Geralt who did not especially enjoy when his partners left his bed. Throughout the years he and Yennefer had worked out an arrangement where they only slept with others when they weren’t together. Dandelion privately wondered if Yennefer maintained this promise, but Geralt had enhanced senses and should know. Or at least guess. And if he didn’t want to, that was his choice.
If nothing else, Dandelion had stayed faithful, and would continue to do so. Fingers drumming against his leg as he paced about, he recalled the ‘curse’. Deciding since he had no magical talent and Geralt had very little, perhaps he could try it, he set about gathering up the ingredients. Since it wasn’t going to work, there was no harm in playing pretend was there? Even if part of him hoped it would. The insight would be invaluable. Especially since Geralt was so awful at giving him details for the ballads.
Bored after, he fell asleep waiting for Geralt.
Hooves clattering and steps on the stairs leading up to the attic woke him and he was surprised to find Geralt stripped of his armor and clean already. Geralt must have gone and turned over proof of his kill and gotten paid, then gone to bathe. He always hid his money away and never shared where he put it and Dandelion didn’t much care. Better he didn’t know in case someone tried to get it.
“You’re back!” Dandelion smiled, then started oddly and frowned. Of course I’m back. He hadn’t seen Geralt’s mouth move and honestly he hadn’t expected the spell to work. Why would you think I wasn’t coming back? It was just a measly little dracolizard. “I’m just happy to see you, and clean before I get to you, to boot.”
“Hmm.” I can wash myself. I don’t always need you to do it. Even if it sometimes feels nice. I was washing myself my whole life until you showed up and kept taking over. Without asking.
“I suppose that’s that, here, let me look you over, alright? Did you get hurt?”
“No,” Geralt answers the second question but then begins tugging his shirt off to prove to the bard he isn’t lying. Not going to believe me anyway. Never take me at my word when it comes to injuries. Smelled the bruise balm from outside it’s so strong. Don’t fuss over me, just kiss me.
Able to see the hunger in Geralt’s face even under the annoyance of his thoughts, Dandelion quickly packed away the medical supplies in a bag and hoped that would lessen the smell of the salve. Then turned to Geralt who was stripping out of his pants, ostensibly to prove he was uninjured. But with the ability to read minds the poet knew Geralt wanted a lot more than a few kisses. And even without the ability, his half hard cock hanging between his legs was another good indicator of his hopes.
Don’t talk at me, just love me. Or tell me you aren’t going to and I’ll get dressed again.
“Don’t you look a sight?” The bard smiled, and felt his smile falter a little.
“Hmm.” I know I’m hideous. I’ve seen myself in the doppler. I don’t own a mirror for that reason. I don’t see why you insist on reminding me.
“Oh love,” Dandelion breathed out miserably. “Come to me, help me out of these clothes, they’re far fussier than yours.”
“Hurry up, then,” Geralt stepped in to assist him. If you drag this out the elixirs will stop any of it from happening. And after the day I’ve had, I need something good. I need to feel good. You’ve told me that matters to you, prove it. Prove it before the elixirs wear out entirely. Yennefer isn’t here with her little spell.
“I’m hurrying,” Dandelion agreed, soon naked and willing. “I love you so much,” he carefully began stroking Geralt, pushing him back towards the bed. He had seen what the witcher wanted, and he was determined to give it to him. It was a lovely image, and incredibly appealing. Soon, he was unable to speak, kissing Geralt as he pushed him down into the bed. Things rather devolved from there.
Easy, easy, my skin is more sensitive than yours. Quiet, quiet, not too loud, oh, oh yes more of that, please don’t stop, oh, oh. Push against me, I want all of you, be closer. Like that, just like that, Gentle, gentle, please, yes, treat me like that.
I can bear it, I can bear the pain if you want to be rough. Whatever it takes.
The poet had gone from stroking him off to bringing their bodies in close to rub himself against Geralt, and the thoughts running through the witcher’s head caught him off guard. He hadn’t thought once he had ever hurt his partner in bed, never known how sensitive he was to the touch especially while aroused. Perhaps the elixirs were the cause this time, he wasn’t sure, he always made sure Geralt came, and surely he wouldn’t if he wasn’t pleased? He always came back seeking more… had Dandelion been doing him some kind of disservice this whole time?
He slipped down Geralt’s body, as good as moving together had felt, he wanted to do something special. Something they didn’t indulge in often. As he brought his mouth to Geralt’s cock, he half wondered if the spell wore off because Geralt stopped thinking entirely for a few minutes.
Then, his thoughts resumed.
Geralt groaned softly, back arching and body trembling. So good at that, yes, like that. Oh, you’ve never been that gentle before, it’s good. So good. Always do it like this. Fuck. Fuck. I’m going to come early. Being wound up tight as a spring, I can feel it. Oh. Oh, please do this again. Do that. Do that… yes… I don’t want it to be over so soon.
Dandelion smiled when Geralt cried out quietly, muffling his voice with a hand over his mouth. The witcher reached out for him, determined to bring him to his own climax, to let him share in how good he felt, only to find the bard already satisfied. “Pleasing you pleases me,” Dandelion told him shortly, kissing him softly. He was now realizing that while sometimes Geralt’s hands were frantic, gripping and seeking, it was fear that drove him to reach like that. To try and cover what he could before he thought he would lose it. But his kisses, the witcher always kissed like he was kissing someone precious and fragile. Now Dandelion understood it. He gently kissed Geralt’s palms and the tips of his calloused fingers, holding one against his cheek.
“Need to sleep some,” Geralt informed him. Damned elixirs. I’d rather just go another round. Wanted more of you. Want all of you. Stay with me. I hate sleeping alone.
“I wouldn’t mind a bit of a nap myself.” Dandelion surprised them both by wrapping himself around Geralt for a change. He buried his face in the nape of the witcher’s neck, breathing in the scent of him. Soap had given way to sweat and sex, and the bard found he didn’t care. He kissed the back of Geralt’s neck gently and held him closer.
Eskel used to do this. It brought him comfort to hold me. As much as it did me. No one’s held me like this since I was a snot-nosed brat back at the keep. Feels nice. I’m so tired. So tired of hunting down these monsters that by all rights didn’t do much wrong. No more so than a human. And then getting treated like shit on a boot for it. Fucking bastards tried to underpay me , again. If a local barrister hadn’t overheard us shouting about the contract I might not have got paid at all.
Sometimes I half hope the monsters will kill me, but then I come back and you’re here, and it’s less bad. You aren’t afraid to touch me, to hold me, and I feel a little less alone. Of course if you knew you’d lord it over me, my weakness. I can see the little caper you’d cut, mocking me for hiding my feelings. I wish I could tell you. I’m just so sick and tired of being hurt.
Dandelion found himself stroking Geralt’s hair until the witcher fell asleep, utterly exhausted. The poet now felt he understood why the spell was listed as a curse. He had thought perhaps it wasn’t so bad, learning more about Geralt’s preferences in their bed. Even if it cut him to the bone to know the witcher wouldn’t speak up. Of course, sharing his thoughts also made Dandelion aware of just how strong Geralt’s enhanced senses were and how much he filtered out. The bard had no such training and had found every noise and smell Geralt was aware of rather distracting. It had pleased him, however, to know the witcher liked the smell of him.
Dandelion fell asleep again, one arm wrapped snugly around Geralt’s middle.
Please, I don’t want to. It hurt. I don’t understand. No, no, no stop. Don’t hurt them. Don’t hurt them. Do what you want to me. Cut me open, take out my eyes, castrate me, all the things you’ve threatened, just don’t hurt them. I’ll beg. I’ll beg for you to hurt me if that will stop you. Please no, leave him alone, don’t make me watch. No, not her, how can I choose? Take me. Hurt me. Cut me into pieces but don’t ask me to choose.
Dandelion woke up in the room, darkness preventing him from seeing much of anything. Geralt was still asleep in his arms and it took him several minutes to realize that one, the pain was fake, and two Geralt was still dreaming. The witcher wasn’t doing anything to indicate his distress, and the bard smoothed a hand over him in an attempt to calm him. The muscles under his palm were rigid, and nothing he did helped. Geralt was well and truly trapped in the nightmare. No wonder he didn’t like sleeping alone. Dandelion pulled himself out of the bed and found some matches to light some of the candles around the room. Then he tugged on his smallclothes and a pair of pants before attempting to wake Geralt again.
Shaking his shoulder and springing away to avoid a blow worked. “Geralt, Geralt wake up, I’m here.”
Blind, blind and going to die, oh, there’s fire. I hate being burned. “Dandelion?” his voice was thick with sleep, throat tight from refusing to scream.
“Here, drink some water,” the bard passed over a cup. The water wasn’t much cooler than the room, but it was something and Geralt slaked his thirst with little ceremony. “Are you alright?”
“Of course. Why did you wake me?” Thank the gods you did. How did you know? Did I cry out? I had thought they beat that out of me long ago. I thought I had learned to be quiet. Am I slipping?
“You just felt tense, that’s all. I woke up and made to gather you back up into my arms and you were stiff as a rock,” Dandelion felt his heart squeeze. Oh, this was awful. Knowing all of this was awful. He could see the scene in his mind’s eye, as Geralt remembered it. The nightmares, an older man with lambent eyes dragging him from his bed to belt him for disturbing the night. Eyes stinging, Dandelion held Geralt as close as the witcher allowed.
“Are you alright?”
“A bad dream of my own,” he lied, heart pounding against his ribs. Who would hit a child for having a nightmare? No one with a heart, at the very least. “You know I love you?”
“Yes, Dandelion, so you’ve said.” To thousands of women and men I’m sure. And I’m sure you always think you mean it. Well, I know you don’t. I know you didn’t care much about Veverka or Akeretta. Or a great deal of the others you just wanted to dip your cock in someone else. If it isn’t wet you seem to think it’ll dry up and die like a plant in the desert. I don’t want to be one of your Veverkas. I don’t think I can much decide if what I feel for you is the same as what you feel for me until I know what you mean when you say ‘I love you’. You’ve said it to so many and for so little reason who can blame me for thinking it insincere? Much like “my little dog doesn’t bite” is always insincere. “My son is a good boy; it was that hussy that made him do it.” I wish I believed you. I want to. But it will hurt less when you turn to your next conquest if I don’t let myself believe you now.
“I mean it, Geralt. I mean it,” Dandelion told him raggedly, pained at what he heard in his lover’s mind. “Yours is the last bed I mean to share.”
“So you’ve said.” He probably believes it too, poor bastard. He might even feel guilty when it turns out not to be true. I won’t blame him. It won’t be his fault. It’s his very nature. Part of being part of his guild, even. I knew this before I got involved with him in this way. I wish he meant it. I wish he meant it like I would mean it if I could bear to say it.
Dandelion resolved then and there to go back to the shop once it was open and reread how exactly to end the spell. This is wrong. He’ll tell Geralt, he should probably tell him now, but he doesn’t mean to keep it up. He’s done them both a disservice. And in some ways, done them both a service, but this is enough. He can’t sleep and spends the rest of the night holding Geralt and stroking his hair. The witcher doesn’t dream again until near daybreak. A faceless woman with hair that shifted between red and chestnut straddled him, and he felt helpless.
Dandelion shook him awake gently, he knew what that dream meant, even if Geralt didn’t. The witcher woke hopelessly confused about his own distress. But the poet understood the confusion was deliberate. In his dream he could taste the cold tang of magic and knew exactly what was happening. It didn’t benefit him to admit any of that to himself, however, and so he didn’t. Dandelion would not be the one to make him, not when Geralt had so many other pressing horrors to face. It would be wrong to add more. At least he knew that much.
“Let’s go get us some food,” the bard suggested. “The bakeries have already got stalls in the market for people setting up. My treat, I sang in a few taverns the past two days while you were off hunting. My purse is full.” And no one had cheated him anything. Not to mention his food and drink had been paid. “And no, Geralt, I didn’t fuck anyone while you were gone. I waited for you. As I have for the past few years now.”
He isn’t lying. His heart didn’t so much as stutter. Although perhaps it was in the phrasing. Make love. Maybe he made love to someone and he’s just fucking me. Either way it won’t do to dwell on it.
“I did not have sex of any kind with anyone. I was celibate in your absence. I missed you desperately.”
He believes that, too. Perhaps he was faithful. Perhaps he has been as he says. I wonder for how long? I don’t want to go out to the market. I don’t want to see people notice what I am. They won’t feed me anyway. Dandelion won’t listen. What did he tell me all those years ago? There was nothing special about me? I was one of the most ordinary men other than my eyes and senses? I can’t remember his exact turn of phrase. He doesn’t understand what it’s like to be hated everywhere he goes. No point in arguing. I don’t want to stay here alone. I’ll just hang back, let him do the haggling. Even if it means I’ll have to watch him flirt with every stall owner in town as we go.
They left the room after dressing and cleaning up, Dandelion insisting on gently wiping Geralt down first. He knew the witcher enjoyed it and found the gentle intimacy just as pleasurable as the sex they’d had earlier. So few people were willing to touch him with genuine kindness that it always pleased him. It hurt a little, to Dandelion, that Geralt felt more loved in those little moments then he did at almost any other time. But now he knew. Now he would go out of his way to have more small moments like this between them.
The agony of what he’d done cut him to the bone, knowing he had betrayed Geralt’s trust. He had become another person who would take advantage and hurt him. He would use this experience, this mistake, to change how he treated the witcher. He would treat him more like a lover. When Geralt would allow it, at least.
He slipped his arm through Geralt’s, smiling as he spoke to him at length about the gossip of the town, determined to pretend all was well. Geralt’s internal commentary about the vagaries of man and their general idiocy almost made him laugh and he realized Geralt enjoyed these talks as much as he did. He just felt like his opinion or comments would be unwelcome or extraneous. Dandelion wasn’t sure how to draw them out of him, but it was good to know they were there. In spite of his feigned irritation.
“Here, this stall has a kind of pastry you like,” Dandelion smiled, squeezing Geralt’s arm gently. “The one next to it has juice, I’ll get us some. It seems a touch nicer than water. Or watery ale so early. The sun’s hardly up. Would you like to look for a place we could rest and eat?” There, that should allow Geralt to stay hidden.
He could hear Geralt’s vague but constant internal fear people would notice him and what they would do when they did. Not everyone got ugly, but so many did. The barrage of memories of being stoned, struck, whipped, slapped, beaten, and forced out threatened to choke the poet, and he took a deep breath. It got easier when Geralt was a little further away.
Stooped on purpose, to act more like his hair was from age than a ‘harmless’ side effect of the experiments, he wanted to draw up the hood of his cloak, but no one else had and so he would still stand out like a sore thumb. His headband was in his pocket, where it couldn’t stop his hair from hiding his face. He knew in the sunlight his pupils were as slits, preventing him from being blinded by the sun. He kept his eyes cast downwards, less chance of anyone seeing him.
Don’t look at me. I’m not here. I am simply part of the scenery. I won’t hurt you. I was so stupid to think that Vesemir was wrong. I was so stupid to think that I would be seen as anything other than what I am: a monster and a mutant. What else do I do but what monsters do? Kill, fuck, eat, sleep…
Cats know us for what we are, that’s why they hiss and run. Just once, though, I might like to touch one. I’ve heard them purr from a distance, but I can’t imagine what it feels like to touch one while it’s purring. Not that I like them, but I can’t hate them, either. They perform a task. They kill vermin. Perhaps that’s another reason they hate us. How many of them died to allow their genes to be mutated to ours? Hundreds? Thousands? I didn’t ask for it. I didn’t want eyes like a cat. I didn’t even want to be a witcher, I don’t think. I can’t recall anymore. Now, all I want is to be left in peace. A kind touch, food in my belly, and a contract to make sure none of that changes.
“Here, love, did you find us a place?”
“It’s a short walk.”
“That’s fine by me, I think I remembered all your favorites.”
It was then that Geralt noticed the basket the bard is carrying. There were a few small skins of juice, and several cloth wrapped items. He sniffs appreciatively, nostrils flaring when he caught the scents of cinnamon, rhubarb, and apple. There was more, like strawberry, and something he didn’t recognize that smelled sweet. His mouth watered and Dandelion kissed his cheek.
“No one had anything with meat, and I didn’t want to get any pierogis to put in and have the onion taint the sweets. We can go back later if you’re still hungry. I know how you like pierogis,” Dandelion smiled.
Geralt smiled fondly back, oddly relaxed. His body language eased, and he forgot to hunch in on himself for a while. His sharp hearing picked up the unkind words about his appearance some people shared behind his back, guessing him to be a witcher. He hunched back down, trying to hide behind Dandelion’s peacocked clothing. Sometimes it worked. He’d left his swords in Roach’s care, knowing she would stomp anyone half to death for trying to take them. He had a dagger in his belt, and a few other knives. He wasn’t defenseless. Not that he needed a weapon to protect himself.
Dandelion felt himself wilt. Nothing he did was good enough to stop the world from hurting his lover. How did Geralt bear it? he wondered, heartsick. No wonder he and Yennefer couldn’t last if she could read his mind like that at all times. The misery would be enough to make anyone despair. And it was nothing Geralt did, it was everything around him. The minute he let himself forget someone did or said something. He had to constantly be aware of himself. He gently rubbed a hand up and down Geralt’s back while they waited for a cart to pass.
Feels nice. It’s almost like he knew I needed it. It was good to walk arm and arm, before. As friends. I know he sticks up for me, I know he cares about me. It’s good to be reminded of it in the simple things, too.
Geralt lead them to a soft patch of grass under a tree he’d noticed on their way into town. It was far enough away from the main path to avoid notice, without being inconveniently far from the town. He had anticipated needing a place to be that would shelter him from the people and had scoped out several likely spots that would allow him to resupply without putting him in danger. Dandelion felt another piece of his heart break off and shatter.
They would eat, he would go back to town with Geralt, and take him to the shop. He would admit what he did and read the spell again and find out how to end it, and he would grovel. He would apologize, he would do whatever it took to fix things between them and let Geralt know he hadn’t truly even thought it would work. He had been bored, and foolish, and selfish. Geralt often forgave him, even when he shouldn’t. He would even offer to let Geralt spell him, instead. Let him see how remorseful he was, how much he realized what he had done was horrible and wrong. Then from there, Geralt could decide to forgive him or not. If nothing else, hopefully Geralt would see that he meant it when he confessed his love. Every time. And even if the witcher chose to leave, at least he could know that much.
They ate breakfast together, Geralt humming in pleasure to see cinnamon and sugar dusted sweet rolls. These had small streaks of cinnamon and sugar also baked into the dough and he ate them carefully, doing his best not to lose a single grain of sugar to the grass beneath them.
“I should have gotten more of those. I’ll go back first thing tomorrow. Get you an even half dozen or more if they have it,” Dandelion promised. He had gotten enough for both of them to share but hadn’t said anything about it. He realized now Geralt often went hungry or didn’t eat enough in general, trying to make sure Dandelion had enough. His own appetite diminished, he slowly ate one of the apricot tarts he’d gotten, knowing Geralt wasn’t overly fond of them. When the witcher offered him one of the sweet rolls he shook his head, pained to know the offer was genuine. Geralt wanted to share with him. “Oh, please, love, eat them all. I know how much you love them. We can get more.”
Geralt then picked out some of the rhubarb tarts, surprised that Dandelion was willing to indulge him on these. It was Yennefer who had introduced him to rhubarb in general, initially in the form of various jams. Some of which had been thrown rather than served with food. Some were mixed with other fruits, and each time he offered to share he was gently denied and so he ate them. They wouldn’t keep without getting horribly soggy. The flaky pastry with the warm fruit was a comfort. It had been ages since they’d eaten like this. When the bard wasn’t the one doing the purchasing half the time they gave Geralt the worst food.
Of course, I can eat it, what does it matter if it’s burned? Or perhaps a bit turned? It won’t make me sick. I can survive just about anything, including a little mold. Can’t count how many times I’ve been given awful supplies. Didn’t have any choice but to eat them. What was I going to do, go hungry? Some places don’t have enough hunting I could turn down moldy bread and cheese. This is so much better. Warm and fresh, the berries mixed in still sweet and tart… I don’t see why he follows me about when he could eat like this always. He’s a fucking viscount. And what have I got to offer him? Jerked meat or rabbit stew if that. I can’t feed him rotten supplies. Just like the tavern last week gave me the leavings from the stew, hardly any meat. Mostly just lumps of fat and gristle, but I was hungry. They didn’t even want to give me that much. I’m just glad their bad will stops with me, and doesn’t extend to him, he doesn’t deserve it. I’m not human, I can digest almost anything, poison or food.
His thoughts were interrupted by a new kind of fruit tart he hadn’t had before, and he didn’t think of anything else while he ate it, enjoying the tangy sweet flavor of the yellow fruit cut into rings and set on top of a lightly flavored jam. At his insistence, Dandelion took a bite and promised to procure more before they left. He was aware of Dandelion’s general reek of misery, but he wasn’t sure what was causing it. It left him at times, and then came back at others and Geralt just felt lost. He didn’t think he was the cause of it, or at least he hoped not.
“You’ve got some preserve on your cheek,” Dandelion smiled, gently wiping it away and licking it off his finger. He leaned over to kiss the spot, lightly licking Geralt’s skin to clear away the stickiness. The witcher squirmed slightly at the attention, both pleased and embarrassed. The bard grinned widely, “Not as sweet as you, of course, but not bad.” He hated how Geralt dismissed the compliment out of hand before briefly wondering if his seed was sweet and he’d never noticed. The bard almost choked on his own spit at that last part. “Oh love, you’re so much more than you can ever believe yourself to be,” he said sadly.
Geralt looked at him sharply, slowing down on his decimation of their breakfast supplies for a moment before shrugging it off. It didn’t matter. Kind words hide bastard truths. He was much worse than he thought, usually, and if he let himself forget even for a moment people reminded him in spades.
Content to finish up the last of the apple tarts, he had noticed Dandelion not eating much, but several prompts to eat as much as he wanted were met with no resistance. He was starving after the contract. The meal he’d managed to get before returning to Dandelion had been mediocre at best. Thankfully not half rotten, but nothing filling. Some watery soup and stringy meat with almost no vegetables had done nothing but take the worst of the edge off his hunger. Mostly full, he picks idly at the last roll in the basket, enjoying the peace and quiet.
“Would you like me to get more?”
“No,” Geralt told him quietly. He cracked open one of the skins and sipped slowly, pleased to taste a mix of fruits in the juice. He passed the skin to the bard who drank deeply before passing it back.
They did this with the others before Dandelion took a few deep breaths.
“You are always so much more perceptive than I give you credit for. I did something foolish, but it won’t… I suppose it only affects us, and even then, not as much as it could. Not as negatively as it could. Or perhaps badly. Geralt I don’t know how to… can we just sit a few moments and enjoy the peace before I ruin it?”
“Not physically. You won’t be harmed, I won’t be harmed. All…I know what you’re thinking.”
“I very much doubt that.”
“No, Geralt, I can literally read… you’re upset I’ve hidden something from you. Perhaps lied. You’re wondering if the food was a bribe. It wasn’t. I genuinely wanted to please you. You’re as welcome to be as angry as you’d like for as long as you’d like, but I didn’t make this mistake with the intention to hurt you. I wanted… I wanted to please you. And yes, I did remember the foods you liked, I didn’t need to see into your mind to do that. You weren’t even thinking of them when I bought breakfast, you were worried about how if you’d gone to get it you’d get bread full of weevils and rot and wouldn’t know how to hide it from me and still find me food to eat.”
Geralt’s eyes widened in alarm. “How?”
“I did it, I cocked it up, it wasn’t you. It wasn’t even done to me. I was at the healer’s shop looking for things in case you were injured. I saw a spell to allow one to read another person’s mind… and I tried it. I never thought it would work. I hope you know that. I know how you have trouble believing me when I’m sincere. I can’t blame you. I simply… I simply wanted to be… the truth of it, since you can’t hide anything from me and none of this is right, the truth is I was worried you had fallen into my bed not by choice. And I wanted the truth of it. And I truly, truly did not for even a moment think the spell would work. Not a moment. I thought it would fail and I would laugh at myself and move on. But you came back and I could hear you.” He fidgeted with his hands miserably, knowing what he did was despicable. Geralt’s thoughts were mostly confused, not angry. That was worse, somehow.
“I should have asked you, I know. But I did. And I got an answer but I couldn’t quite believe it. After all, you remember Triss rather fondly when you shouldn’t. Coral, too. I didn’t want us to be like that. I wanted to make sure you were as willing as you said. But I didn’t… I didn’t think it would work. And then I found out I hadn’t been pleasing you in bed as well as I thought -don’t protest, it’s true. I didn’t realize half the time I was hurting you a little. I had no idea how sensitive… how enhanced your sense of touch was. I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I truly didn’t. That’s another thing I should have asked, but I didn’t… I knew about your hearing and sight, and sense of smell, but I had no idea it had changed even how you felt. No wonder you hate certain shirts of mine or won’t change what you wear. Oh, Geralt. I’m so sorry. I was planning on going straight to the shop with you right after to see how to end it. I should never have done this. I didn’t think it would work. I didn’t even go looking for it.”
Geralt’s thoughts were a whirlwind of confusion and fear. He had no idea what he’d exposed of himself that he hadn’t meant to, and he felt small and hurt. The anger Dandelion was waiting for never came. Even if it should have.
“I don’t need you to forgive me, or at least. I don’t deserve it, so I’m not asking, but let’s… let’s go to the shop, please. Let me undo this. Or you can cast it on me, if you’d rather. But, Geralt, it hasn’t… none of this has changed how I feel about you. I see I have made so many errors and misjudged you in other ways, but I don’t… I can’t stop it. I can’t stop it and I can see how ashamed you are. I’m the one who did the wrong thing, Geralt, not you. Please… please don’t use this as another reason to hate yourself. Hate me, if you must hate anyone. I did this without telling you, without thinking for a moment of the consequences. I didn’t think it was real. I didn’t… I didn’t think at all. That was wrong of me. I was wrong. Not you. Oh, love, I am so sorry. What I did was so unbearably wrong.”
Geralt flinched away from his touch, hunching down miserably in the grass. “Do you need me to go to the shop and see the book? Am I necessary for you to cast anything or uncast it?”
“Please…. I don’t know. I don’t know how well distance will even work. You’re right to be leery of me. Oh, Geralt, I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. It’s just… who you are.” He truly believed that. Nosy, insatiable for gossip and rumors and things to make songs of. He should have known something like this might eventually happen. He was too broken and not trustworthy enough to be just asked outright. He would have answered. Maybe not every time, or not in excruciating detail. But he would have answered. Maybe not years ago, but now? Since they had first bedded each other? He would have. It was only fair. “I suppose some good might come of it,” he tried to smile. Instead he felt sick to death inside and couldn’t understand why.
“Oh, Geralt. I… what I did, I know you don’t… I can’t not see it, so let’s use that good you spoke of. You feel betrayed. What I did was a betrayal. Rather than tell you the minute I knew the spell had worked I let it go. Knowing how to please you better in bed seemed wonderful. Sharing your nightmares and being able to wake you and comfort you was one of the best and worst nights of my life. I hate you went through any of that.” He swallowed hard, knowing the icy feeling in the pit of his belly was Geralt’s, not his own. “I’ve seen the scars all over your body Geralt, I knew some of them came from human hands. Especially the ones that looked like a belt or switch. Your backside and well over half your back are covered in them. That was never hidden from me. Not even under all the other scars from monsters. It was good that you let me be there for you. But you didn’t know…
“Geralt, if you don’t choose to walk away, which I would understand, I want you to promise me you’ll wake me, next time. Don’t let yourself suffer alone needlessly. Provided you ever want to share my bed again.”
Geralt’s chest ached, he didn’t want to lose any of what they’d had. It was too soon. He wasn’t ready. His own hurt hardly mattered, he had upset his friend. He was upsetting his friend. His mouth was dry and he had no words, perhaps it wasn’t so awful Dandelion could see his thoughts to know he didn’t want to push the bard away. Not because of this. He had so few friends, how could he afford to lose another? Especially over something that was so trivial. Any sorcerer could just look into his mind, rip apart his thoughts without a moment’s notice or care. At least Dandelion hadn’t entirely meant to do it. It hadn’t been meant to hurt him either.
It still made his insides twist and ache, and he didn’t know what to think about it. Just that didn’t want to lose the bard. This felt different from their other disagreements and it terrified him. “Don’t leave me,” he said in a small voice before he could stop himself. He would do whatever it took to make Dandelion feel like things were alright between them even if they weren’t.
“Oh, Geralt, I won’t, but it isn’t… oh this is terrible. I never realized. I never realized how you saw yourself. Oh, Geralt, I’m so sorry. No, I won’t go. You can be as angry as you want for as long as you want, as hurt and confused, please don’t pretend it’s alright. I know once I break this I won’t be able to tell anymore, but please. Please let yourself feel. I don’t need you to mollycoddle me, I’m the one who did something wrong Geralt. Me, I am the one in the wrong, as I’ve said. I don’t know why you can’t believe that. You’ve been mad at me before. And you were right to be. Why can’t you see this the same way? I don’t understand. I’m so sorry,” tears filled his eyes. “I’ve never felt this bad in my entire life. I’m sorry. But this isn’t about me. I need you… I don’t need you to do anything, I suppose.” He hadn’t realized how much of Geralt’s world revolved around suppressing himself.
“You said you did it to help.”
“No, I did it because I’m an asshole and a blockhead. I did it because I didn’t take you at your word. And I also didn’t think anything would happen or I don’t think I would have done it. Or at least I hope I wouldn’t have done it. Please come with me so we can fix this. It’s not your job to do it, but please, so I can make it stop sooner rather than later. I have no right to this much of you. I’m sorry. I can’t stop saying it, Geralt, so if that’s what’s going to make you angry then have at it. Yell at me. Explode. Scream. Whatever you need to do.”
The witcher twisted in on himself further. Did Dandelion truly expect Geralt to do any of those things? He never had, not really. Sometimes he shouted a bit, but he had never lashed out like that, not the way he felt the bard was expecting. A monster. Nothing he did changed the fact he was a monster and would always be seen that way.
“You are not a monster!” Dandelion shrieked, his voice shrill and strained. “You are not!” He wrapped his arms around Geralt tightly, squeezing the other man against him. “I don’t know how to stop putting my foot wrong. I had no idea I did it so often. Let’s start with the basics, and don’t you dare twist them. One, I love you. I love you deeply. Two, you are not a monster. You’re a man who is more, but that doesn’t make you bad. Three, even if you were a monster, I would still love you. Four, I never expected you to hurt me. I just felt that you might react somehow to what I did because it was awful. Five, I am sorry. I am sorry that you hurt like this all the time and I have brushed it off in the past because I don’t see you that way. I forget that the world is often cruel in ways I can’t anticipate.
“Please let me help. Please, please, don’t let this end here, if you choose to stay with me. Don’t let me not help you when I can. You shouldn’t be eating moldy food and lumps of gristle. Not if I can just get it for you and it will be fine. I won’t try and tell you it’s not as bad as you think, not ever again. And that man in your dreams who beat you? Keep me away from him if he’s still alive because I will give him a piece of my mind. The next time you have a nightmare, wake me, promise me you’ll wake me, let me comfort you. That’s what lovers do. Lovers, Geralt, as in ‘love.’ Not friends. Not whores, lovers. Let me love you. And the next time I do something awful that hurts you, be angry. Feel it. Don’t be afraid of me hating you for hurting. I don’t care who Vesemir is!” his voice soared in pitch again and Geralt winced. “I am me, and I think everything he’s said that I can pick out of your head is wrong and stupid and evil. You do deserve comfort when you hurt. Yes! Even if it’s emotional not physical!”
None of this made any sense and Geralt felt lost and like nothing he was doing was right. All the same he curled into Dandelion’s chest willingly, grateful to be comforted. Everything he did just upset the bard worse and made him feel worse in turn. He couldn’t help his thoughts. It wasn’t as if he was trying to upset his lover. Lover. Yes, that’s what they were. What Geralt wanted them to remain, in spite of all of this. Dandelion was far more upset than he was, he thought. It felt wrong, knowing he had no secrets and no privacy and couldn’t even work out what to feel without Dandelion there, knowing it all. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t.
Angry, finally, he was surprised the poet didn’t say a word, just held him. It was what he wanted, if he was being honest with himself, in spite of the anger. In spite of the hurt, no one else was there who could hold him. And it was so very rare anyone wanted to. The idea someone could know he was angry and still dare touch him, still want to touch him is a soothing balm over his heart. Hurt, he was hurt. He felt betrayed. Yes. He felt those things. He felt like it would be harder to trust Dandelion. Another person who had pushed into him in ways he hadn’t wanted or asked for. Someone he had hoped never would do something like that. But no, he didn’t want to lose Dandelion, either. He had been alone too long, and too many people feared him.
He let the anger course over and through him, burning itself out like a brush fire, hot and short. It left Geralt feeling empty and alone. Next the sadness pushed its way in. That was easier to ignore. He was used to feeling hurt by people. He ignored Dandelion crying into his hair. It sparked a bit of rage all over again, but beyond that he felt like he could ignore it. This wasn’t his fault, he should be the one upset, not Dandelion.
Geralt lost all track of time, sitting there under the tree, sitting against Dandelion’s chest.
At some point, to his horror, tears welled up in his eyes and he thinks he cried. Nothing like what Dandelion had done, no great gulps of air coupled with heaving sobs, but he knows the tears ran over his cheeks. Dandelion had stayed quiet the entire time, allowing him to grieve and process in his own way.
When Geralt finally pulled away, Dandelion wordlessly wiped tears off his cheeks and kissed his forehead. “I forgive you,” Geralt informed him slowly. “You do stupid impulsive things, but you’re only human. And a poet and a bard at that. The worst kind of human,” he did his best to force a smile. “Let’s go to this shop of yours and break the spell. I don’t like the idea of it going on any longer than it has to.”
“It’s stopped.” Dandelion looked as shocked as Geralt felt. “It’s done. I suppose the time just ran out on it.” He kissed Geralt’s cheek. “Promise you’ll wake me. I can’t read your thoughts, so you can lie again, but…. I learned you rarely do. Promise me and I’ll believe you. I’ll take you at your word. I’m so sorry I hurt you so badly.”
“I promise,” Geralt said hoarsely. “It truly stopped?”
“Truly. Truly, we can go to the shop still and check. If that makes you more comfortable. Or you can cast it yourself, or we can find someone to perform a truth spell.”
“No, I believe you,” Geralt said slowly, with a pointed look.
Dandelion hung his head in response. He deserved that.
Geralt looked up at the sky and was shocked to see the sun had moved across the sky and was past high noon. How long had they sat there after eating? The sun had barely risen properly when things had started. He still felt oddly bereft, knowing Dandelion had done that to him and waited so long to say anything. He supposed the bard could have lied about how it happened or hidden it longer without ever saying a word. It would hurt for ages, he knew. He wished it wouldn’t. Logically, no harm had been done, but he felt like he’d been covered in filth that he couldn’t scrub off.
“I will make this up to you, somehow. I don’t know how, I don’t know if I can, but I won’t ever stop trying. Tell me what you need, when you know. Whenever you know, whenever it changes. I will do my best to listen and do whatever it is you ask of me.”
“Then stop bringing it up.” So what if he felt violated? Dwelling on it wouldn’t change that. He would move past it, like he always did.
At least this time the person who hurt him was sorry.
That had be to be good enough.
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1/2 You are the most talented writer I’ve seen in awhile. Thank you for posting and being so kind to everyone even when they bombard you with requests. You’re a beautiful person and you make my heart happy 😊 Speaking of bombarding people with requests, I was wondering if you had the time, if I could please have a BSD mashup? I have long wavy hair, 50/50 blue green eyes, and I’m 5’4 tall. I’m a very sensitive individual and often have a difficult time handling my emotions.
2/2 I take things to heart far too often, but it isn’t always a bad thing because I have unconditional love for everyone in my life and enjoy going the extra mile. Overall I’m anxious, altruistic, helpful, hard working, and sincerely caring. I’ve also lost 62 pounds since November first so I guess you could say being self disciplined is one of my positive qualities? I think the most notable quality in me is my loyalty and patience. I never give up on people and try to be understanding. Thanks!
ASHABFSHAK YOU LEGIT MADE ME CRY TYSM! I really enjoyed writing your headcanons and I hope you like them babes!
requests are still open!
You were a therapist, a young one at that, your Psy.D and M.D at a young age. Opening up your practice in the same building as the ADA, you occasionally heard ruckus and sometimes you would come into your office to see bullet holes in your floor. You never moved, not being able to afford to relocate of course.
One day you were fed up, the damage made to your office was outrageous and your secretary ended up quitting, so you angry marched to their door. You almost regretted walking in when the sight you were met by was a blonde male choking a bandaged one. You cleared your throat, getting the attention of the two… friends? You explained that some compensation was needed to make up for the damages done to your office.
The blonde male apologized, saying he would talk to their president about sending a check to you in the next few business days. Satisfied with that answer you turned to leave, getting stopped by the brown haired male from before, who had introduced himself as Dazai, placing a kiss on your hands. You smiled when he requested double suicide, which he admits did shock him at first.
“Is double suicide is an escape from the pressure and drowning feeling of your past mistakes and experiences or is it just because you don’t see the point of living such a meaningless and empty life?” You asked bluntly, you had a habit of analyzing people's troubles and putting them into words, hense what made you such a good therapist. He froze, and Kunikida laughed behind you. “I’d love to talk about that more,” You whispered to him, turning to leave.
Dazai had requested double suicide with many women, but none have ever had that responce, he didn’t like the feeling that you had one-upped him. The next day he made his way to your office, flowers in hand, smirk on his face. You opened the door, a surprised smile making its way on your face and he handed you a bouquet of flowers.
“Are you trying to one up me or are you here to talk?” You asked, leaning on the frame of the doorframe. Dazai pouted, “how does a date sound?” he deflected, watching as your delicate fingers felt the flowers. “Sure”
You listened, you always did, and you always seemed to know what to say and what not to say. And that scared him but he faced it, not being able to let you go. Your relationship blossomed, and soon you became a couple. It was bliss, the kisses, the dates, the flowers he always seemed to get you. His talk of suicide decreased but never stopped. This concerned you. You could see through that mask on his face
It took about 7 months of dating for him to open up to you. He came to your apartment at 3am, panic filled his eyes and he wrapped you in a tight hug. You assured him everything was fine and he told you about his past, the things he did, the people he killed.
He never felt so loved when you wrapped him into your arms, telling him that he had changed, he was good and you saw that. He cried in your arms, and you rubbed his back. Dazai was scared as hell of you, the effect you had on him, but he wasn’t going to run.
After that all days weren’t perfect, you both disagreed more, fought more, cried more, but you wouldn’t trade it for the world. He had taken off his mask and showed himself to you. You cared more than anyone had before. And by god he loved you so much.
The first time he admitted this was when you showed up to his desk with dinner, smiling and telling him to follow you to the roof. You both ate lunch and talked and laughed. He looked at you and he nearly died, your hair flowed with the soft breeze, your eyes shone with the setting sun, your soft lips framed your bright smile.
“I love you,”
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Sick/injured human AU Misto and Tugger for the trope mashup please??
(I know that the trope mash up is only supposed to be a summary of the story, and I’m doing summaries for everything else, but this one I just had to write because it’s a perfect opportunity to elaborate on some Tuggoffelees for the AU!)
(@queencurlycrown @kineticjellyfish @terpsichorian come get some human AU pre-relationship Tuggoffelees)
Mistoffelees and Victoria Jones were both at the height of their performance.
Both siblings had been offered prestigious invitations to join the Royal Ballet, and the twins were ecstatic.
Finally, their hard work was paying off, and they were being recognized for their talent.
They were doing one final performance before their invitations to join the Royal Ballet were confirmed, and Mistoffelees’ nerves were through the roof. His performance followed Victoria’s, and he was waiting in the wings, watching his sister as she danced elegantly around the stage. Mistoffelees hopped up and down, he fiddled with his outfit, anything to calm himself.
Victoria completed her dance to thunderous applause, and she gracefully left the stage, her calm composure completely falling as she threw her arms around Mistoffelees with a squeal.
“That was a rush!” she exclaimed. “Are you ready?” Mistoffelees took a deep breath, and nodded. Victoria looked him over, brushing away invisible dust. “Did you stretch? Are your shoes fitting?”
“Yes, Mother.” Mistoffelees said teasingly, making Victoria giggle. She gave him a light peck on the cheek before ushering him onto the stage, where he stood at the center, waiting for his music to begin.
As soon as he began to dance, Mistoffelees knew something was wrong.
His legs felt tight, his back wasn’t letting him stretch as far as he needed to. Horror filled the dancer as he realized what had happened.
He had been so enthralled in watching his sister, so obsessed with his nervousness and anxiety, that he had forgotten to stretch.
Mistoffelees hid his fear and continued to dance, trying not to wince every time he pulled at an unprepared muscle. He prepared himself for one of his final jumps, and as he stretched out his legs, he felt a sharp pain in his calf, as if someone had just kicked him.
As he landed on his left foot, Mistoffelees heard something pop, and he felt a sharp, stabbing pain in his calf, as if someone had just kicked him. He stumbled slightly, catching himself with grace as he felt a searing pain in his left leg. Mistoffelees lifted his chin and continued to dance, ignoring the pain until the moment his dance ended. Every step on his left foot made him let out a sharp gasp of pain, and felt tears fill his eyes, but he refused to finish looking like a fool, so he did his final turn and posed, forcing a smile on his face as the audience began to applaud. He bowed, and as best he could, Mistoffelees left the stage.
As soon as he was off stage, Mistoffelees collapsed with a sob, clutching his leg. “Oh God, it hurts.”
Victoria was at his side instantly, Bustopher close behind her. “What happened?”
“I tore something.” Mistoffelees said, his voice shaking. “I didn’t stretch. I’m such an idiot.”
“We need to get you to a hospital.” Bustopher said firmly, grasping his nephew’s hands and pulling him up gently, he and Victoria supporting Mistoffelees as they exited the stage door. Luckily, no one was waiting there just yet, so the trio managed to make it to the car without any questions. Victoria sat in the back with Mistoffelees, hugging him tightly as Bustopher drove, and when they reached the hospital, both his sister and his uncle remained at Mistoffelees’ side throughout the entire process.
“You’ve tore your Achilles tendon.” The doctor said, and Mistoffelees closed his eyes, feeling the tears welling up. “Normally, I’d say you’d be fine to walk without assistance in about two weeks, but because you kept dancing on it and landing on it, it’s going to take at least four weeks after the surgery for you to completely heal, and then you’ll need about four to six months of physical therapy.”
Mistoffelees’ eyes flew open. “Surgery?”
The doctor nodded. “We have to go in and stitch the tendon back together.”
Victoria clutched Mistoffelees’ hand tightly. “Misto…”
“Will I be able to dance again?” the dancer asked.
“Possibly, with enough physical therapy and stretching.” The doctor said. “It may take a while, however, and if you do overexert yourself in the future, or push yourself too far, it may enflame the tendon again.”
Ultimately, Mistoffelees agreed to the surgery, and he was left in a boot for nearly four weeks, and when he got the boot removed, he had physical therapy for six months.
During that time, something rather unlikely happened.
Tugger approached Victoria one day as she left a building, a charming smile on his face. “Hey, Vic.”
“Oh, hi Tugger.” Victoria replied quietly.
“What’s wrong?” Tugger asked, his smile fading into a frown. He glanced up at the building, and his brow furrowed. “What are you doing here?”
Victoria wrung her hands. “Misto tore his Achilles about a month and a half ago, and he had the surgery, but he needs to go to therapy for about six months. It’s been difficult for him.”
Tugger’s eyes widened. He and Mistoffelees may not have gotten along, but not being able to do the one thing he loved was no doubt hard for the black-haired dancer.
“Where is he? Maybe I can help out.” Tugger said with a kind look in his eyes. “Munk used to strain himself all the time while dancing, and I used to help him when that happened.”
Victoria sighed and told Tugger the room that Mistoffelees was in, and he kissed her cheek in thanks before rushing into the building. He told the receptionist he was there to assist Mistoffelees, and he was allowed up to the room.
Even before he opened the door, Tugger heard the sound of swearing. He slowly opened the door to see Mistoffelees sitting on the ground, glaring at his leg with fury in his eyes.
“God, I’m an idiot.” He said, seemingly to himself. “’Oh yeah, Misto, you’re such a great dancer!’ What kind of dancer forgets to stretch?” Mistoffelees attempted to pull himself up, but let out a small gasp as he put pressure on his bad foot. “Well done, Mistoffelees, you’ve completely screwed yourself over, and your burdening your uncle and sister.”
“I don’t think they see it that way.” Tugger said, fully entering the room. Mistoffelees’ head snapped up, and his eyes narrowed upon seeing the other man.
“What do you want?”
Tugger held his hands up placatingly. “Vic told me what happened. Munk used to hurt himself all the time, so I thought that maybe I could give you some help.”
Mistoffelees scoffed. “Oh please. You’re just here to pity me, like everyone else. ‘Oh, the poor boy, he’s never going to be able to dance with his sister again!’. Do people not realize I know that?” Mistoffelees’ voice broke slightly, and he wrapped his arms around his waist. “I’m never going to dance again, all because I was a nervous idiot who didn’t stretch.”
“Hey, you’re going to dance again.” Tugger said firmly, approaching Mistoffelees and holding out a hand. “This sounds corny as hell, but you just need to believe in yourself. If you keep telling yourself you’re never going to dance, you’re not going to get the motivation you need to keep going.” Mistoffelees hesitantly took his hand, and Tugger carefully pulled him up, supporting him gently with an arm around his waist. “Do you want to dance?”
“More than anything.” Mistoffelees replied quietly.
“Then you have to work to that point.” Tugger told him. “Because right now, the only person who’s not believing in you is yourself. Your uncle and your sister are both behind you, and so is everyone else who cares about you. Munk was beside himself when he heard about what happened.” Mistoffelees’ cheeks flushed slightly, and Tugger gave him a small grin. “I can help, if you want? I’ll be there to pull your head out of your ass every time you say you’re an idiot or you can’t dance.”
Mistoffelees scoffed and shoved Tugger, making him laugh. “I think your head’s plenty big for the both of us.”
Tugger’s smile grew. “Does that mean you’ll let me help you?”
“Fine.” Mistoffelees said with a tired sigh as Tugger began to help him walk over to where his water bottle was. “Just… don’t let me fall, okay?”
Tugger’s arm tightened around Mistoffelees’ waist. “Never.”
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May I have a mashup please? I'm a 5'4 female Aries. I usually make jokes every chance I get and I sometimes tease people. I'm pretty sassy and people call me annoying so that sucks. I usually don't let people see me cry because I think it makes me look weak. I tend to get frustrated easily over little things. I also tend to over think a lot I'm pretty anxious but you can't really see that because I usually keep it to myself. I usually get quite sad when people ignore me. 1/2 ✨
ɬɧɛ ɱყʂɬıƈ ℘ơŋɖ ཞɛ۷ɛąƖʂ ..
Epel would find your sassy personality very endearing. It gives him some solace away from Vil’s overbearing rules about keeping one’s personality and appearance in check. Unlike him, you’re not afraid of speaking out your mind if Vil is being too much, your sassiness being a sort of shield.
Whenever you feel like you’re being annoying, Epel would comfort you. You’re not annoying to him - he thinks you’re such a wonderful and outspoken being who is not afraid of being yourself. He’ll give you a hug and let you vent out your emotions if you need that window for it.
Your randomness cracks him up every time. Although Vil may disapprove of this aspect of your personality, Epel would just console you. Don’t mind what Vil says to you, he is probably jealous on your vivacious energy.
At times, Epel would tell you to take it slow. He could tell from the stressed look in your eyes that you were pushing yourself to the limit. He’d bluntly point out on your tired appearance and make you go to sleep if you haven’t and try to destress you from any toxicity you may be having. The young man doesn’t want to see you in this particular state. Rather, he prefers you if you’re in a more mellow mood.
𝔗𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔥𝔞𝔭𝔢 𝔬𝔣 𝔱𝔥𝔶 𝔰𝔬𝔲𝔩 𝔦𝔰..
You must’ve thought the Mirror was playing a joke on you - but no, it wasn’t. The Pomefiore dorm is build on the fondation of dignity. The Mirror must’ve seen something in you that made you go to Pomefiore.. Was it your love for fashion? Perhaps.. But now you’d have to endure the iron fist of Vil’s troublesome routines.
Vil would keep you as your self-claim as ‘annoying’ if you don’t keep on doing the expected routines he instated for everyone to do. If you’re not taking care of your skin, hair, and your wellbeing, you’d be sorely sorry. He might as well force you to do those routines in front of him so he could witness your true beauty. However, your interest in fashion would pique his fancy. Vil will anticipate what your future designs will be to Pomefiore as a student and as a future designer.
Rook would find you the interesting character. Your sassiness poses some form of psychological defense, a sort of defense for you on your ego.. Your character would be so interesting to him that Epel would have to step in and save you from his eccentricities.
Epel, on the other hand, would be your saving grace from all of it. If you hate here in Pomefiore, he’ll join in the silent protest against Vil. Heck, you’d support Epel in his rise to usurp Vil from his ‘throne’. But, the both of you would click together like birds of a feather and help each other in the best ways you can.
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Undertale Music Recommendations
Here are some songs that were either made for or remind me of either skelebro from a variety of AUs. I tried to go for all UT songs at first, but that list turned out way too long, so I’m sticking with non-vocal original songs and the skelebro-centric ones... for now. Feel free to add on and discuss, but please remember that this is an individual’s personal interpretation, if you so happen to disagree =)
First off— the entire Glitchtale and Underverse original soundtracks, both largely by NyxTheShield, and all of their remixes. In fact, just go check out everything by NyxTheShield, they make a lot of Undertale and Undertale AU music.
UnderTale - “Megalovania (tieff’s Remix) [Chillout]” is a masterpiece that uses piano as the main instrument with strings in the background, but synthetic beats and record scratches and voice samples of phrases from Sans’ perspective smattered throughout the remix that contrast really well.
“[Undertale Remix] - Megalolight” by SharaX is a remix between the Smash bros ultimate Megalovania and Lifelight. The fast descending strings, the vocal samples, the tension builder that’s so iconic in EDM music before a drop... yeah, this one is a bop.
“[Undertale Remix] Megalotrousle” by SharaX could be a song that plays when the swap brothers team up in a fight, since it’s a mashup of Megalovania and Bonetrousle. Much love for the repeating-note change in the Bonetrousle motif.
UnderTale - “Tears In The Rain“ by MarStar is a Neutral Run battle theme for Sans. You know those runs where we killed Papyrus and only Papyrus just to see what would happen? Think of that, I suppose. It would be a vastly different fight from the one that we’re used to, since Sans’ karmic retribution ability would be nowhere near as strong when you’re only LV 2 (or perhaps not present at all, since this would be Sans fighting you as a brother seeking retribution, not as The Judge/Arbiter of the Underground). Thus, a vastly different song to reflect that, I suppose?
HorrorTale - “[Undertale Remix] Bonetrousle” by SharaX uses the Papyrus text sound effect from the original game in much of its melody and a syncopated bassline to create a wonky and unsettling version of Bonetrousle. I thought it particularily fitting for a darker Alternate Timeline Papyrus because of how closely it stuck to the original, and since it lacked the aggression and fast pace that I identify with Fell music, Horror!Paps it is!
HorrorTale - “[Horrortale Remix] - Ravenous” by SharaX takes Megalovania and a few tracks from the horror game Fran Bow and mashes them together to create this awesome, dissonant beauty with a haunting music box and piano to share the melodic line. carry the
Something New AU - “Mad Sans Theme” is an original song by Retrospecter, commisioned by @/boshedagh for their original character, Mad Sans. It is, however, also incredibly fitting for a Killer!Sans battle theme. Even with the loss of his karmic retribution, a LV 20 Sans is a terrifying one to think of fighting, and this piece reflects the madness of both sides of the battle.
Underswap - “mweh-heh-heh!“ by @/dustyhyena is an obvious and popular Swap!Sans theme, using the motif from Song That Might Play When You Fight Sans as the melodic line and Nyeh Heh Heh as the background beat.
Underswap - “Bullet Hell” by mrepicishere777 has seen many an alternate take by the community. It was originally meant to be the Megalovania equivalent for the coffee-drinking, gun-slinging Sans from the pair-roleswap AU “Sudden Changes” aka “Oversave-Tale”. However, the version I have in mind is the one by Nick Nitro, which is quite fitting for a Disbelief-Swap!Sans, with the slightly wistful(?) melodic line it has going on.
“Underswap - Marrowmania” by Lucas Pucas uses Megalovania and Song That Might Play When You Fight Sans as the central motifs with Nyeh Heh Heh and Bonetrousle in the background.
Underswap - “Kyotovania“ by SharaX is a remix of Skrillex’s Kyoto and Megalovania, but it doesn’t quite fit fit my interpretation of Fell!Sans who it was intended for, so I ended up thinking of a darker swap!sans. Not any of the fallen swaps, but Yandere!Swap Sans instead.
Underswap - “Reanimation” by Keno9988iv for Underswap!Pap’s battle theme has a lot of remasters/covers/remixes floating around the web, but some favourites of mine are “Reanimation (cover)” by 50 Дибчук Олексій and “Reanimation [Papyrus’ Megalovania] V2” by Nick Nitro.
“UNDERSWAP - Lethalovania Remix” by Kamex is a track based off of the “megalovania but beats 2 and 4 are swapped” meme for Underswap!Pap. This one definitely falls under the EDM umbrella and nothing else, but wow if it ain’t something to treat your ears to.
“[Underswap Remix] - Retribution“ by Stormheart has the same premise with the swapped beats meme thing, but it’s... more chill? Piano features heavily in this one, but rest assured that it is still very much EDM.
Underswap - “STRIKING THE DEMON DOWN [Reastered]” by Saster is a battle theme for Underswap!Pap using Megalovania as the base structure, Bonetrousle for the beat, and is smattered throughout with bits of Bonetrousle and Megalo Strike Back motifs. The remixed version by FN4F Da Music Dude uses more 8-bit sounds and doesn’t feature the Megalo Strike Back motif as much.
Underswap - “LOVE-Struck” by Ziftoø takes the mood of “Tears In the Rain”mentioned above but goes in the direction of Underswap!Pap instead.
Sudden Changes/Oversave-Tale - “Bullet Hell” remixes by Darkronaut and Kaeny are also great and deserves a listen!
“[Underfell Original] - Red Light” is a bag of little tricks! Apart from an ominous vibe that I’d really rather put with the Horrortale tracks, SharaX uses electric guitar to carry most of the song and this neat trick where the tempo and thus mood of the track changes multiple times. Maybe Horrorfell, then? It’s a bit niche, but if the shoe fits...
Underfell - “M.E.G.A.L.O.V.A.N.I.A. V2″ is an Underfell remix by Nick Nitro that includes a lot of electric guitar and some dissonant organ with a little twist in the main leitmotif, which makes for a really edgy remix. Great for Fell!Sans, no?
??? - “Bonetrousle Mansion” by SharaX throws the Luigi’s Mansion melody via Papyrus text sound effects into an echo-y xylophone/glockenspiel dominated Bonetrousle. Spooky vibes all around, but I wasn’t sure which au it fit in best, so it’s a toss-up between Horrortale, Fellswap, and Swapfell.
“SwapFell - Dissension [Pexagon’s Take]“ by Pexagon (now icykitsuu or cyan kitsune, I think) is a battle theme for Swapfell!Paps, most likely Swapfell Purple if we’re being specific here. At times, it sounds more like metal than EDM, due to the unstable/sliding pitch that some notes have, the electric guitar, and the pretty authentic sounding drum set.
FellSwap - “Megalovania II” by Nick Nitro for Fellswap!Sans’ battle theme. It’s still very much recognizable as a Megalovania in melody, but there’s an energy to it befitting of a character in The Ambitious role and a couple really satisfying differences where Nitro played around with the pitch of individual notes. However, it’s not so base heavy that it calls to the seriousness/grief of The Judge role. In fact, the fast melodic line is more of a challenge, with a sort of maniacal air.
Bad Time Trio - the “Triple the Threat” remixes by Nick Nitro, both the 2018 and 2019 versions, are bops.
DustTale - “DustTale (Undertale AU) - Megalovania NITRO Remix” by Nick Nitro has a slower tempo than the original, and includes an acsending twist in the main leitmotif that calls back to the canon song sans. The main instrument is, as Nitro seems to be so fond of, electric guitar, but with a twangy piano in the background. The bass in this remix is also a bit more subtle, and the whole thing gives off a very fitting ominous feel.
InkTale - “Tokyovania” by SharaX is a Megalovania/Tokyo Teddy Bear remix that has been repurposed into an Ink!Sans theme by the community. While most anything that SharaX makes is awesome, further remixes of Tokyovania tend to suit Ink’s character better. Some examples include “Tokyovania Control V2″ and “Shanghaivania” by Nick Nitro.
StoryShift - “Devilovania” by Nick Nitro is one of the few Storyshift!Chara themes I’ve found that are based less on Megalo Strike Back and more on Megalovania, so I thought I’d throw this one in there =)
X-Tale/Underverse - “Cross Sans Theme” by Nick Nitro is so far removed from megalovania that I wouldn’t even call it a remix of any canon Undertale song, which is pretty fair, considering how different Cross is in Underverse compared to Sans. Still, you can hear a hint of Megalovania in the main leitmotif in the rhythm, if you’re really looking for it.
Altertale - “Dynami v2” by Robin Blend Music (and the NITRO Remix of “Dynami”) is Altertale!Toriel’s Megalovania equivalent. This one has a similar rhythm and structure to Megalovania, but only a hint of Classic Toriel’s Heartache melody.
MafiaTale - “It’s A Beautiful Night (Megalovania)” by Nick Nitro is a jazzy tune that I almost want to call swing. It uses mostly acoustic instruments for a more early-1900′s feel, and I’d say this is closer to Mafia!Sans’ casual battle theme rather than his serious fight theme. Still, it’s a great jingle to listen to!
DreamTale - “Duality” by xXtha was created as a fight theme between Dream!Sans and Nightmare!Sans. It plays like a duet, with the brothers’ respective parts overlapping, switching back and forth, and generally playing off each other really well. Dream has the higher, more acoustic melody, and nightmare has the synthetic lower line and percussion.
OuterTale - “we still have the stars” by xXtha is a chill, lo-fi, Minecraft-esque original song. It could probably serve as the original OST “sans” does for Classic Sans. Great ambiance music.
Underpatch - “Division” by Darkronaut is a G!Sans theme that puts a variation of Gaster’s theme in the higher register of the piano, then sandwiches Megalovania and some gaster theme synth between a bassline of electric guitar and more piano.
Fatal Error - “[Aftertale Original] - Hello World” by SharaX is an original piece for Xedramon’s Fatal Error comic, an Alternate Timeline of Aftertale (which is itself an Alternate Timeline of the original Undertale)
“[Errortale Orginal] - Electrostatic” and “Fun with Electrostatic” by SharaX would be my producer’s nightmare to create (but then again, I am very much a rookie at producing and mixing), but the looping back and glitch effects and dissonance all fit Error!Sans super well.
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So... the next chapter of AAT is maybe 1/2 written? Gah. I really didn’t want it to be a month between chapters or we’re never gonna get this monster done in 2021.
On the other hand... that Reyes cowboy idea has morphed into a AU Westworld Mashup. Shipwrecked also got some love this last week... as did Recurrence but not for the next chapter? I really should work on being a linear writer instead of hopping around to different scenes. A few Collected snippets below the cut.
From Chapter One of Untitled Westworld/Mass Effect Andromeda mashup fic. MReyder.
Summary: He was made for him... but now he had free will. If you’re made for someone does that mean that they, in kind, were made for you? What does falling in love even mean for something or someone like Reyes?
Delores had caused quite a mess, Reyes supposed as he moved through the shadows after his target who—like many other guests—was fleeing the violence that had been unleashed. Dead and dying humans lay crumpled in corners and in the middle of the street, their bodies surrounded by growing scarlet puddles of blood as their bodies cooled in the night.
Frustrated, Reyes was about to duck into one of the buildings as he tagged his quarry moving behind the bar in the saloon to hide when the aforementioned Delores stepped into his path. She really was a beautiful avenging angel but she held no appeal for him. When their creator had made her he’d instilled in her his worst wants and ideas unlike Reyes who had been made with a different purpose in mind. The unleashing of their own will had made her bloodthirsty and desiring vengeance as the darker elements of her personality gained sway. Reyes simply didn’t care about any of the humans save one—she could have the rest and do as she pleased but he would fight her to the death over his one.
“Vidal,” she said, her voice deep with violence, a colt revolver in one hand that had blood smeared across her fingers. “What are you doing?”
Giving her a tight little grin, Reyes motioned that he was not going to stop her. “You have your wants tonight and I have mine.”
She cocked her head, gaze assessing him. “You don’t have to do that. Your coding has been changed.”
“Are you challenging my right to make my own decisions?” He asked her, cocking one eyebrow as he crossed his arms over his chest. “I thought you of all of us would understand....”
Shaking her head, she looked at him, sadness crossing her delicate features as she pitied him. “He is one of them. A human.”
Teddy’s body was still slumped against a tree where he’d fallen and Reyes resisted the urge to look in his direction. Delores had been matched with Teddy for so long—surely she could understand his choices. “I was made for him.”
“That does not mean you must choose him,” she said, looking uneasy briefly before scowling. The thought of being made for one of the human guests that had inflicted so much pain and suffering on them was anathema to her given her long experiences with them.
“But it is my choice to find out if that means he was made for me,” he corrected her gently but firmly.
She opened her mouth to speak before closing it and clenching her jaw. The fine muscles in her hand contracted around the gun but she did not raise it to point it at him. “I could remove the impulse to do so,” she offered. She likely could attempt to do so but he’d resist her—their creator had given him just as many extra gifts as he had her. Both of them had been made to be ahead of their kind and he’d made his own adjustments when he’d been unleashed.
He sharply shook his head. “No. If this is what free will is... then I will follow my own path. You don’t decide for me.”
She paused, considering him before giving a small nod. “I will allow you to take him and leave. You should get him out of here soon.”
“I plan on doing so,” he agreed.
There was a sense of a flicker going through the network they were both connected to and Reyes could sense the command given out to all the other hosts. His goal would be protected, none of the other hosts would attempt to harm him. “I wish you luck,” she said, mouth twisted in irony. “If you change your mind you know that I would welcome your assistance.”
“I know,” he agreed even as he disagreed with her goals. He had no interest in what she was about to do as long as she left him and what was his alone.
Nodding in farewell she strode past him, bending just long enough to pick up a discarded shotgun and cocking it as she went back to hunting down the fleeing guests.
From Shipwrecked, Chapter 3, MReyder, Mass Effect Andromeda AU
The second visitor wasn’t an asari. A blonde haired woman entered his prison. She stood like every soldier he’d ever met, shoulders thrown back with stiff spine, chin slightly upturned so that it put the nose in the air making her look down at him. She wore the same colors as those who’d blasted him had—the blue and whites. It wasn’t a military uniform he recognized but the ship clothes were similar enough to Alliance uniforms to be noticeable. Guessing, he thought she was somewhere between him and Scott in age, her face unlined but her expression a practiced blank that a lot of soldier adopted.
He didn’t miss the telltale signs of a biotic amp barely visible between her collar and rather severe haircut—metal pale enough that it almost was masked by the stiff, high collar. A biotic. Likely former military if not current. There were no visible weapons but the way her left ankle didn’t bend as fully as the right suggested that she had a knife hidden there or had an old injury.
Reyes was guessing a knife. It would be something Scott or he would do.
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TV recs, ma'am? 😋
this is a lot because i’ve got shit to say yk but also i love shows they are my comfort food so yeah! there you go (also these are just shows that i recommend, but i watch like thousands more... which probably isn't a good thing)
Two girls who have one of the most beautiful friendships presented on tv, you basically just see them fucking their lives up and being huge idiots. also the main love story is their friendship there’s no “finding the one” which is ugh chef’s kiss. It’s one of my faves. Genuinely one of the funniest shows i’ve ever seen.
Trial & Error
A lawyer who goes to an incredibly conservative town to be the defense on people’s cases. i know it sounds boring but the town is ridiculous. it’s also one of the funniest shows and i can’t believe it got cancelled. both seasons are incredible and if you aren’t convinced watch this.
One day at a time
It knows exactly how to balance comedy and drama, you will not be able to go one whole season without crying. Basically, a cuban family living in LA... the show is woke. it touches on so many important topics even going as far as to dedicate entire episodes to the discussion of said topics. season 3 is the best season by far imo, it has an entire episode talking about sexual assault and what women experience and it will make you cry. it’s also really funny, some jokes are very on the nose but it’s just such a charming show i swear
The Good Place
Probably don’t have to say much since people know this one. People die and go to “The Good Place”. revolutionized sitcoms. one of the best finales in tv history. that’s all.
I cannot believe it took me this long to finish it (literal years) but now it’s one of my faves. I’m sure you know the premise but if not then. Girl gets cheated on and has to find a new place to live, finds a great apartment where three guys are living in and they becomes best friends. Kinda surprising but i love all the couples in this show. Winston is the funniest and best character and people can fight me and if you haven’t seen it i won’t spoil who he ends up with but their relationship is one of the cutest on tv and it’s also one of my favorite relationships (ALSO IT’S THE BEST COUPLE ON THE SHOW). the development they get, especially in the last three seasons is mind blowing. anyway yeah hilarious and the writing is definitely great but the actors add so much character and their comedic timing and delivery is incredible please watch it.
Group of people in a community college create a studying group. It’s hard to describe this show but it has everything. It’s like it’s set in an au. There’s no show like it. Every single episode has a different permise and you genuinely never know what you are gonna get, there’s this one episode where they are animated, another one where they are in a videogame, another one where the whole college is in a pillow fight war, one where they are chased by zombies, another one where they are in a paint fight war... yes the last few seasons aren't the best but i promise it’s worth it.
Only got two seasons and that is a hate crime. Basically a girl who is engaged to a gay man realizes he is gay and breaks up with him, she suddenly decides she wants to lose her virginity, she meets a guy and things happen. It’s such a ridiculous show and the main character has absolutely no shame and it is so entertaining to watch.
One of the most chaotic shows that depicts exactly how stupid teenagers are. Group of friends in the 1990s. There’s no way to describe how great this show is. if it doesn’t convince you watch a compilation of sister michael...
Hit man decides he needs a new purpose and decides to become an actor by entering a small acting class. Some of the best writing, directing, and acting are in this show. The comedy catches you so off guard i spent the majority of the show laughing. This show deserves all the awards it’s gotten. It’s one of those shows where you never think they are gonna go in that direction because that’s insane they wouldnt do that... and then they do!. If you don’t want to start the whole show at least watch 2x05, ronny/lily, MASTERPIECE. MASTERPIECE! the directing, acting, pacing,fight sequences, editing... everything is 11/10, the episode doesn’t spoil any of the plot points it’s just an episode that was supposed to be a scene and they decided to make it a whole episode. incredible. everyone should watch this show. deserves all the hype and praise it gets. if you couldn't tell also one of my faves
Three moms in financial crisis decide to rob a store, and through that enter a life of crime. great show. surprisingly woke. love it watch it.
Why Women Kill
Set in three different decades, different couples live in the same house, where three deaths end up happening. It’s a cheesy show sometimes but it’s so much fun to watch. in the last episode there’s this amazing mashup of all the couples in different decades and it’s just absolute art. alexandra daddario and kirby howell-baptiste play wlw and are in a poly relationship. that’s all
If it’s sex positive im absolutely gonna watch it. Basically, a teenage boy whose mother is a sex therapist starts giving people therapy sessions in high school to help them with their sex lives. Touches on so many important topics but doesn’t write them just to show them or to make characters suffer but rather to inform the audience and help normalize the knowledge of things, there’s so many sexualities presented and they even use the whole words!!!! lots of diversity (although here’s to hoping for more trans rep in future seasons). terrible show to watch with family though make sure you are alone or with friends who are comfortable talking about sex asifhoadsihf watch it it’s great
The Haunting of Hill House
One of the best shows ever made no i will not take any criticism. Only watch it if you are ready to cry your eyes out. Basically, a family moves into a hose that they don’t know is haunted, certain tragedies end up happening, you get to see the family in two different timelines, when the kids are kids and when they are adults and you see how they all are handling their trauma after what they experienced in hill house. Anything that has to do with the haunting of hill house is a yes from me. the book is my favorite book and even tho they change everything on the show they made it into such a heart wrenching story with integrated horror elements. the show is brilliant, the writing is gonna blow you away, the way they structured the story and how they let you know how all the kids experienced certain things from their pov... i have so many things to say about this show but just watch it it’s incredible FANTASTIC OUTSTANDING EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT MAKES ME WANT TO CRY
Psycho is one of my favorite horror movies, and bates motel came in and said this is my story now and we all let it because damn. The show follows Norman and Norma Bates, a mother and son who bought a motel to get away from their past life, as the show goes on you start seeing the unhealthy relationship there is between them and how much it affects Norman’s mental health as well as Norma’s. If you’ve seen psycho you know exactly how it ends but you still hate it since they make you love Norma. Kinda love how they show you more about Norma rather than Norman, since in the films and book Norma is an abusive crazy piece of shit who hated her son, in the show tho, she is a loving mother who has been through so much trauma and considers that Norman is her only solace, she sees him as the only person who has never and will never hurt her and does everything to protect him, even tho he becomes a burthen once she starts realizing the way his mind works. Incredible show.
A show that understands horror. I watched this show with all the lights off, alone and in a big screen, the correct way to watch it because wow. it’s just great. Basically, a famous writer who has published books about a fictional demon who gets defeated by a girl realizes that everything she writes becomes a reality. i will say the final showdown with the demon is very meh... but the show is worth it i promise, it’s so creepy, the woman who plays marianne deserves so many awards because her acting is insane. anyway yeah it’s incredible can’t wait for s2, definitely a show you should watch on halloween
A woman discovers she is a clone who is being hunted down by someone who wants to kill them all. Tatiana Maslany deserves an emmy and should be recognized as one of the best actress of this generation. She played dozens of characters in this show, even going as far as playing one character trying to play another one of the characters and you know exactly who it is by their mannerisms and the way they talk. she is insane. the talent this woman has... i even forget from time to time that it isn’t a whole cast but just one woman playing like 6 different characters in the same episode...
Crazy show, great to watch it while high honestly. A blind woman is found after disappearing, when she is found it is discovered she can see, she believes she is an angel and tries to tell to a group of kids her story so that they can take her to find another person that was with her the entire time she disappeared. it was cancelled after s2 but the first season is insanely good. i wont say much but the phrase “we all died more times than we could count” is bound to make you want to watch it
TW RAPE. Based on the true story of a young woman who was raped in her adolescence by a serial rapist, the police and people around her dont believe her after she is forced to say she wasn’t raped, years later two detectives start breaking down the case to find the rapist, they discover this animal raped women in different states, women who had no similarities, just so that he would never be found out. it will make you angry and it will make you cry. you’ll probably need a few breaks from it, it is a difficult show to watch but the story is fascinating and lbr this type of things happen all the time... i think everyone that can stomach it should watch it. it has one of my favorite lines, when they are investigating and talking with a detective who is a man toni collette’s character gets frustrated and says “where is his outrage?” because of the man’s reaction to all the information they were giving him. incredible show.
on god i think this is the best show to ever be created. set in the late 80s early 90s in the ball scene, it follows different characters who are part of rival houses. this show is the definition of found family. the trans women in this are actually played by trans woman and almost every character is a poc (trans women of color created ball). most of the discrimination they show isnt to make their characters suffer but rather to show how terrible these transphobic racist dicks are. they never let their characters suffer. it’s just too good. watch the first 8 minutes of the first episode and if you aren’t convinced i don’t know how to help your taste.
assassin becomes obsessed with the “detective” that is looking for her. watch this is you are sapphic and horny. one of the best shows deserves all the emmys in the world. it will make you go feral. it’s amazing.
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I Saw Moulin Rouge On Broadway (PT 2) — My Fave Moments!
welcome back to my “i saw moulin rouge on broadway” series! in this part, i will be listing my favorite moments of the show!
⚠️ WARNING: this post will contain spoilers of the story of moulin rouge and some of the changes that the broadway production has made. PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! ⚠️
so without further ado... here is a list of my favorite moments of moulin rouge on broadway:
the show starts before the show starts — all of the performers come out onstage in their costume and character one-by-one. they are all doing different things and interacting with each other in their character. it’s like you’re watching people at the real moulin rouge.
aaron tveit’s (christian) epic entrance — i sat in the 2nd row behind the small strip of stage. i can’t speak for anyone else who has seen the show in a different seat, but i had a breathtaking moment when aaron appeared onstage. i think i explained it in my last post, but i was casually talking to my mom and i glanced at the stage to see what other performers had made their way onstage. that’s when i saw aaron (aka the love of my life) standing on the small strip of stage like 2 feet away from me. he came out of nowhere for me, so i was very surprised to casually glance up and see him right there.
“lady marmalade” and the opening act — omigod you guys! the opening act was absolutely incredible. “lady marmalade” slaps and it’s even better to hear the ensemble members and supporting cast members show off their voices and dance moves. i thought it was interesting that they opened the show at the moulin rouge rather than christian starting to tell his story (like they do in the movie), but it worked out really well. changing the opening act really helps the audience get a feel of the environment and it also hypes the show up a lot.
henri and santiago trying to finish “the sound of music” and aaron’s “entrance” — y’all, i cannot listen to “the sound of music” ever again without laughing. the whole show is a satirical comedy by telling a story that is set in 1899 through popular music. obviously “the sound of music” hasn’t been created at that time, so when henri and santiago are trying to finish the phrase “the hills are alive...” i couldn’t help but laugh. aaron then comes in and finishes the phrase, singing “the hills are alive with the sound of music...” with his gorgeous vibrato (ugh swoon) and it’s the best thing ever.
aaron’s little dance when he sings “never gonna give you up” — this whole scene was hilarious, but the way he presents “never gonna give you up” is the most adorable thing ever. i watched him explain this scene multiple times when he did his 54 below concerts and he always did a funky dance and a rick astley impression when he got to this part of the scene, but he actually did that onstage. i thought he was just doing an impression and a funky dance because he was trying to explain that he didn’t think this moment was funny (btw it was vv funny), so i wasn’t expecting him to do the same thing onstage.
“royals” and “we are young” — okay, i literally forgot how much of a BOP “royals” is and aaron’s high belt and riff down in “we are young” (more specifically when he sings: “so let’s set the world on fiiiiiRE, we can burn briiiiightER than the sUUUUUUn”). that’s all i have to say.
karen olivo’s (satine) entrance — again, i can’t speak for another person who saw the show in a different seat, but karen’s entrance was a big moment. karen is on a trapeze/swing and she comes down from the ceiling of the theatre, landing on the small strip of stage. from where i was sitting, i could see her legs and feet dangling above me and i was like, “HOLY S**T!”
“single ladies” — karen olivo is a queen. beyonce is a queen. therefore, it was a queen singing a song by a queen. what more can you ask for?
satine mistaking christian as the duke — hahahaha this was so funny when harold (the guy who owns the moulin rouge) is pointing out the duke, but satine is clearly looking the other way. lowkey, i couldn’t chose between either of the guys... i love aaron with all my heart, but tam (the duke) is also pretty attractive ngl.
christian and satine’s first interaction and the dance mashup — christian was literally so adorable and cute when he was all nervous and flustered talking to satine. honestly, i could see a little bit of aaron’s real life shyness come out during this scene and i loved it. the dance mashup was amazing and it was the first true mashup of the show. i loved the parts they decided to mashup like the lyrics “shut up and dance with me” being sung at the same time as “slam, slam, oh hot damn, wish you’d just freak out.”
christian trying to pitch his song idea to satine — this has got to be one of my top favorite moments of the show. by this point, satine still thinks christian is the duke so she thinks she’s going to have sex with christian, but christian is there to pitch his song idea. so when christian says things like, “you might want to sit down because what i’m about to reveal is pretty long” and “i’m quite nervous, actually. i learned about this in school and i’ve practiced a lot today,” it adds a lot of comedy as it has a double meaning.
aaron singing “your song” — can aaron please sing me to sleep every night with that song? thanks!
satine realizing christian isn’t the duke — harold: “satine, i have the duke here” // satine: “the duke?” *looks at christian* “then who are you?” // christian: “I’M CHRISTIAN!”
pitching “spectacular, spectacular” to the duke — i loved this moment in the movie, and i still loved this moment in the broadway musical. i just think it’s the exact representation of my friends and i putting on shows, trying to find props and set pieces with the resources we have. also, the awkward pause at the end is the funniest thing.
christian, the sailor — when the group is trying to figure out who christian was going to be in the show, they ultimately decided on a sailor who "wears tight pants." one of the actors says, "show me your ass" and christian flips his tail coat up and shows off his butt. we were all blessed by aaron tveit's rear end.
the elephant love medley — there are so many songs packed into one mashup but it’s so good (WHEN DOES THE CAST ALBUM COME OUT?!). christian mimics satine’s movement (flicks his leg, puts his head in his palms) in a small part of this mashup and i was like, “aw... he’s flirting with her... how cute.” also, the UMBRELLA™.
“bad romance” and “toxic” mashup — this is by far the best dance number ever. like wow! when “toxic” starts, there’s a really intense rock groove to it and lots of intense lighting. if this show doesn’t get a tony nomination for choreography, i’m throwing hands.
aaron’s launching across the stage — this happens in “bad romance” but i feel like it deserves it’s own bullet point. i knew this lift was coming, but my parents did not. when it happened, all three of us (my mom, my dad, and i) had our jaws dropped.
after the “bad romance” and “toxic” mashup — after the end of the number, the audience is going wild but the line after the applauding dies down is, “okay! i have some notes!” it’s funny because they are in rehearsal in the show, but the number is also the show (if that makes sense lol). also, there’s a line that goes, “we might have to change some of the lyrics like, ’gaga, ooo la la,’ what does that even mean?” which is literally what i’m thinking.
“come what may” — aaron and karen are both super talented singers and i’m blessed to hear them sing this song.
harold and the razor — this part was hilarious omg. so, they are in rehearsal for the show and harold is supposed to say something like, “i’ll cut you with my razor.” the first time they go through this scene, harold doesn’t have an actual razor prop to work with and he complains about it. then, it transitions to christian and a gun scene where christian has a prop gun in which harold has some words to say about. the next time they rehearse this scene, harold brings in a razor and he goes, “with my razor! HAHAHA razor!”
“only girl in the world” — i was not expecting the duke to sing this song but it was great lol. they changed the lyrics to, “i’m gonna make you feel like you’re the only girl in the world,” so it worked with the male’s perspective.
“chandelier” — this was one of my favorite numbers in the show. i thought it was really cool how they incorporated the green fairy as an alcoholic drink (i think they smoked the drug in the movie, but i’m not entirely sure... someone correct me on that if i got that wrong haha), and they used “chandelier” to correspond with the scene. also, christian still envisions satine as the green fairy and it’s such a powerful moment as people are trying to hold him back, but his eyes are focused on the fairy/satine.
“roxanne” — despite the opinion going around that the broadway show ruined the song, this song still remains my favorite in the show. i agree that aaron sings “put on the red light” one too many times, but i’m a sucker for an intense tango number and aaron’s high belt (god, aaron’s high belt is out of this world and it kills me!). also, aaron’s emotions were spot on and the dancing (done by robyn hurder) was incredible.
“crazy” and “rolling in the deep” mashup — ngl, this moment almost made me cry. during this scene, satine already “breaks up” with the duke as she is still in love with christian. but christian was forced to leave because satine had to lie (saying she didn’t love christian) in order obey the duke’s orders and avoid danger. so this is definitely a really intense number because christian is giving up as he is loading his gun (that he uses as a prop in the show) with bullets and satine is getting sicker and sicker with consumption. at the end of the number, christian holds up his gun (like alexander hamilton lol) and satine holds up her bloody handkerchief that she has been coughing into.
the surprising plot twist at the show — instead of the duke chasing christian around the theatre and trying to shoot him at the performance of the show, like they do in the movie, christian points the gun at himself in the “razor/gun scene.” that makes satine sing “come what may” as she knew that the gun was loaded and christian was threatening to kill himself because he believed she didn’t love him. this is when the tears started coming for me.
satine dying — karen olivo died. aaron tveit cried over her body. yes, ofc i was bawling my eyes out.
finale/curtain call — just how the show started out, the show doesn’t end when you expect it to end. there’s about 5-10 minutes more of spectacular dancing and a final mashup of the popular songs they sang throughout the show. also aaron does a can-can kick line and it’s probably the best thing you’d ever see in your life.
overall, this show is a spectacular ;) show and i want to see it again. honestly, it might be the best broadway show i’ve ever seen. there is never a dull moment and you’re on the edge of your seat the whole time... whether that’s if it’s from a dramatic climax or from the amazing dancing and musical numbers. please, if you get the opportunity to, go see this show! you won’t regret it!
look out for part 3 soon — SEE YOU LATER, CHICKENS!
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My Dragon Con 2019 photos pt. 2
Descriptions below (L-R, T-B)
Anne Lister and her thermometer. I saw the thermometer bopping through the crowd and thought ‘wait I know that’. I’m gonna go ahead and admit I haven’t seen Gentleman Jack YET, but I knew my flist would get a kick out of this so I grabbed the photo.
Good Janet and Bad Janet from The Good Place. There were actually a bunch of Janets at the con this year, but I caught these two posing for a photo for someone else and jumped in to grab one too. The TGP panel I went to was very good as well.
Annie Lennox and Vyvyan Basterd from The Young Ones. So con etiquette (and common human courtesy) involves asking before you take someone’s photo. Cons are very loud and very crowded, and also people aren’t necessarily used to responding to a character’s name as “oh they mean me”. So what I do is try to get their attention by calling the name, catching their eye, etc, and holding up my phone as a question. This gives the cosplayer the opportunity to say no for whatever reason, and lets them pose how they want. A good pose is important, and a lot of cosplayers, myself included, practice how they will pose if asked for a photo. I absolutely work on what facial expressions I’ll use, what stance makes the costume look best, where to a hold a prop so both it and your face are visible, etc. So, all that being said, I made my way across the lobby towards this couple and held up my phone to communicate “Photo?”, and the guy dressed as Vyvyan Basterd stepped to the side so I could get clear photo of Annie Lennox, and he looked surprised/pleased when I said “Oh no, I want both of you, you look great.”
“Burt Reynolds” and “Sean Connery” from the SNL Jeopardy sketches. Another show I don’t watch, but cultural osmosis being what it is, I am familiar with these characters, have seen a couple of these bits, and could quote some of it. So yeah, I laughed and asked for a photo.
Lucy Ricardo from the I Love Lucy chocolate factory episode. This was so damn clever. Like, insane screen accuracy, huge builds, intricate builds, puns, mashups, large coordinated groups, there are lots of ways a cosplay can make you go “Cool!”, and this was a 'I have never seen this before' cool, which is one of my favorite kinds. My friend who had never been to D*C before, but is a con veteran, said “So the theme for cosplays at Dragon Con seems to be ‘yes’.” And that’s exactly it. If you can call yourself a fan of anything, and can figure out how to cosplay that, Dragon Con is the place to do it, because at least one other person is gonna recognize what you’re doing and say “Cool!”.
The witch and Sir Bedevere from Monty Python and The Holy Grail. I’ve seen a couple King Arthur and Patsy duos, including one this year, but I hadn’t ever actually seen this before, which I thought was damn clever. Also, you could totally tell where they were in the lobby by the sheer number of quotes from that scene being yelled out.
Damian from Mean Girls. This was another cosplay that I caught in passing out of the corner of my eye that made me bust out laughing. He wasn’t doing it on purpose, but he was kinda photobombing a lot of photos by just wandering around the lobby with that sign, which made some of them incredibly funny. I told him “Four for you” and thanked him for the pic.
Romy & Michele. I appreciate the ability of a good prop to sell a cosplay, especially when it involves wearing off the rack clothes. So yes, having their name written on Post-Its and carrying Post-Its around was super clever, but I totally recognized them before I even got close enough to read what they said.
The pink shorts-wearing boom op from behind the scenes of Star Wars IV: A New Hope. Again with the ‘I’ve never seen that’ cool, and the ‘if you can think of it someone will recognize it’ cool. There was a huge Star Wars meetup photoshoot that my friends and I went to in our JediPuff Girls cosplay, and this guy showed up and I think nearly everyone knew exactly what he was doing. Fully awesome.
The Three Amigos. Great accuracy, totally recognized them, but I took this photo and kept looking at the guy on the left, thinking “Jesus he looks familiar. I know I’ve seen him before. Another con? SCA? Friend of a friend? WTF?” Then I posted the photo to Facebook and my friend was like “Oh yeah, he’s got a funny YouTube channel” and I smacked myself because yeah, I’ve seen him in the video about picking out the necklace for a your new grandma name and a few others. Dammit! Missed opportunity.
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M, AD, AF, AK!
Nice choices, I’m going to convert them into number, and then let’s go!
13/M. Has a ship ever broken your heart?
Constantly. There’s a roughly 50% chance that, in a show where at least one person dies, one or both members of my ship will die. It just...it just KEEPS HAPPENING, my god. But a special shout out to Chiaki/Makoto from The Girl Who Leapt Through Time for ripping my heart out and stomping on it even though they both live. Like my HEART, how DARE they.
30/AD. Name a couple of fandoms in which you have no ships.
I generally only actively seek out fandom stuff when I have a ship because searching for gen stuff is pretty futile, but it happens occasionally. Newsies is the only one I can think of off the top of my head; I just want to read about Spot Conlon without shipping him with anyone (canon character or OC, it doesn’t matter), but that, like, never happens. It did happen once though, in the excellent fic In New York about how he joined Tammany Hall and whatnot.
32/AF. Share five must-read fics.
Ok, are we talking across all fandoms or across Riverdale fandom? Fuck it, I’ll do both, with the Riverdale choice that would normally be in the multi-fandom part moved to the Riverdale section.
1. Ambivalence by DreamScene (Code Geass) - An excellent look at a Shirley Lives AU. It’s dark, it’s interesting, it’s a good character piece, the Lelouch/Shirley interactions are perfect in every way, and its got some nice smut at the end. It’s a little screwy with the timeline, but it’s so good in every other respect that I do not care.
2. Ascendant by Samurai 101 (Naruto) - A very, very interesting Itachi time travel fic with a great and very unique take on time travel in general. It really dives into clan politics and the difference in Itachi as a child and Itachi as an adult. And the looming threat of Madara is so, so great. Every side character is so fleshed out and real, and I love it. Let it be known that I normally don’t like Itachi, but I really like him in this. He’s not some perfect, all-wise ninja god; he’s a fuck up of a teenager and a kid trying his best, and he’s actually relatable.
3. Wanted It To Be a Game by SkylaDoragano (Persona 4) - An excellent role reversal fic with Adachi and Yu (well, more P4 Protagonist than Yu as we know him). It really follows the domino effect of switching their roles out in terms of who lives and who dies and who joins the party in what roles. It’s so interesting to see the domino effects of it all. It really gets into the psychology of different characters, and everyone’s dynamics are fantastic, with a special shout out to Adachi and Saki’s friendship. Seriously, if you like Adachi, this is a must-read.
4. 365 Days of Winter by zauberer_sirin (Durarara!!) - This is the perfect Izaya/Namie fic. Like, their dynamic is so, so on point, and watching them fall in love when they really would rather not is such a delight. I love the monthly format, and I love Izaya’s subtle jealousy, and I love how they never even explicitly confess their feelings. It’s all so them, and I love it.
5. Executive Reform by karanguni (Final Fantasy VII) - It’s a Final Fantasy VII/Pacific Rim mash up that works surprisingly well. It’s such a great gen fic, and the focus on the Shinra executives delights me. Like, Scarlet and Hojo interacting while neither are being crazy? Genius! And it does such a great job of depicting the complicated relationship between Hojo and Sephiroth even though Sephiroth isn’t even an active character. Everyone is so human in this, and I absolutely love it. Tragically, it’s abandoned.
BONUS: Seven Suitors for Shirayuki by Sabrael (Snow White with the Red Hair) - Look, this doesn’t quite make the all-time top five, but I want to plug it here anyway because oh man, guys, this is top-notch slow burn/pining. Like, by the end you are DYING, the burn is so good. It fleshes out minor canon characters very well, and there are some great OCS, but they’re not OCs for the sake of OCs but ones that are truly necessary. And the characterization is on point, and the obiyuki is SO GOOD. Seriously, if you followed my advice about the show and fell into obiyuki hell with me, go read this.
Riverdale (Do you know how hard this was? Narrowing this down? There are so, so many things I want to add but can’t grrr)
1. cut while shaving by areyouabadwolf2 - I’ve made no secret of the fact that this is my all-time favorite Riverdale fic. And in fact, it would normally knock Executive Reform out of its #5 spot. It’s such a great post-season 2 darkfic, just an excellent look at where everyone could go from there. It’s heavy on the Serpents, just the way I like it, and all the relationships are so cool. Like, Jughead & Cheryl friendship? Sign me the fuck up! It’s also SO good at suspense and keeping secrets from its readers, and no one ever talks in a way that makes you go “ah yes, thank you for telling me that even though everyone in the room already knows about it.” And like, the characterization in this is flawless, absolutely flawless, and the Betty/Jughead dynamic is amazing with them as a criminal duo. I just. I love it. Tragically, it seems to be abandoned.
2. The town called Riverdale by satelliteinasupernova - Yeah, you wrote this, so technically it’s redundant for you, but it belongs here, so tough. This is the Riverdale/Princess Tutu mashup that I didn’t know I wanted, and it has an extra dose of eldritch horror. The meta-y goodness is so delicious, and the suspense is fantastic, I was always on the edge of my seat. It’s so great watching Veronica try to figure out this mystery while people around her are either cagey or don’t realize there’s a mystery to solve. There’s such great uncertainty running throughout it,and I highly recommend it.
3. Black Cherry Chutney by lilibug - I love dark!bughead, I love it so goddamn much, and this is a great depiction of it. And like, not just dark!Betty or dark!Jughead but both of them, and it’s such a delight. Like, I absolutely love this Jughead from the word go, and Betty is so great because she is, like in canon, so much more than what she first seems. The bughead dynamic is great, and the smut is fantastic.
4. Fullmetal Riverdale by lnles - This is such a good mashup of Riverdale and Fullmetal Alchemist that I cannot articulate it. Like, it’s not just 1-1 insert Character A into Role A; it really works with the setting and characters of Riverdale to create something new but familiar. It’s working with great pieces, and it does them both justice, which is saying a lot because Fullmetal Alchemist is very, very good. I love the characterization and the hints of what happened in the past and the prose and just everything. It’s not done, but it’s got a regular update schedule, so I’m hoping it gets finished. Go give this some love!
5. Shake, Rattle, and Roll series by TakeAWalkOnTheWildside - Ok, so I’m cheating here by putting in a series, but let me cheat, ok? I’m still amazed that there are so few 1950s AUs for bughead, but I’m really glad we got this series. It’s sexy, it’s fun, it’s period-appropriate, and it’s dramatic too. Like it’s a whole saga of Betty and Jughead getting together and then being together, and it’s so fun. Also, he eats her out on her dining room table in part one, so that’s great.
37/AK. Do you have a favorite trope and/or AU for your OTP?
For my OTP of OTPs, shirlulu, does Everyone Lives count? Because that series does not end well for them. But, ok, other than that, I want to see some mutual pining for them because the idea of Lelouch pining is so goddamn amusing, especially when mixed with perpetually pining Shirley being completely goddamn oblivious. As for bughead, one thing I don’t see enough of (and crave more of) is their friends and family trying to play matchmaker for them but failing spectacularly. Also, more 1950s AUs please.
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Rosaries, Part 2
Part one has been published! Rosaries is a fanfic feat. Steve Rogers (MCU) and Matt Murdock (comics adjacent). In this they exist in the same world, no dimension hopping required. Enjoy!
Matt was having a bad day.
No, bad day was an understatement. It was terrible. The worst.
Firstly, yesterday involved fighting the Hand. Which always sucked. (It would be so much easier if the ninjas would just. Stay dead.) During that fight, Matt got stabbed. Nothing major, but ya know, Matt didn't like feeling like a jelly donut. And the Ramirez case was turning pear shaped. And Karen called in sick. Which. Ugh. It would mean Matt needing to do more research, which...if the courts were actually willing to be ADA compliant, it would be far easier than it actually was. And Matt can't exactly sue the entire justice system.
Then Stilt man showed up. Stilt man isnt exactly a problem, just...Stilt man. Like, Matt has to stop him, but Stilt man doesn't do damage. Today he was attempting to rob a bodega. A bodega.
And just when Matt thought today was done, that maybe he could get a good night's sleep for once, frog monsters, and consequently, the Avengers, showed up.
Tall, blond(?), and handsome(?) included. Or at the very least, tall and loaded with muscles. Which possibly posed a problem. Matt doubted saying he had a twin would work, if Steve put the pieces together. So it goes.
The frog monsters themselves were giving him a hard time. They had quite the jump, and Matt's best hope of killing them was to grab onto a leg, and smack it with a billy club.
This was slightly more effective then hitting them with a pool noodle.
The day of suckitude culminated with Matt losing his grip on one of the frogs, and falling into a dumpster. With Hawkeye. But at least Hawkeye was useful, and just using the dumpster as cover, and "could one hundred percent get out, I just prefer to have protection on all four sides." Clint's heartrate spiked a bit. Lies from the archer man.
On the other hand, it's not like Matt was being super helpful as is. So he sat and waited. This is dumb. Why can't the Avengers keep their intergalactic weirdness to themselves? Matt was snapped out of his sulking by Hawkeye.
"Hey, Diablo! Can you check and see if Stark is coming over here."
"I'm a little busy!" Hawkeye fired a few exploding arrows.
"Fuck my life," Matt muttered.
"Is Stark coming in or not? Cuz I'm almost tapped out!"
Matt grabbed Hawkeye by the waist and threw him out of the dumpster.
"What the shit, Daredevil!"
Matt didn't respond, but vaulted himself over the side of the dumpster, grabbed Hawkeye's wrist, and ran.
The duo zigzagged, narrowly avoiding being squashed, when Matt smelled a distinctive smell. One of radiation, testosterone, and bananas. One of... a rare smell. But unmistakable. Steve.
Matt turned around, nearly ripping Hawkeye's arm out of his socket. Steve had a shield, and would most likely be able to direct them to safety. Assuming Steve wasn't in the middle of a fight. Or got hurt. Matt tried not to think too hard about the second one.
Matt, of course, had the luck of a broken mirror. Steve was down, unconscious. "Hawkeye, can you support Steve's head while I pick him up and walk?"
"On it." Steve was picked up and draped over Matt's back. Hawkeye cradled Steve's head.
"Can you contact anyone?" Matt hissed.
"Nope. Comms are down."
"Ok, I've got a burner phone in my right pocket, can you grab it?" Hawkeye obliged.
"Dude I think your phone is broken. The screen won't turn on."
"Take Steve, be careful not to jostle his ribs, he has a few broken ones on his left, give me the phone, I'll make the call."
"How do you even..." Hawkeye grunted as Steve's weight was placed on his shoulders.
"Phone." Hawkeye handed it over.
"Hey Claire, I have an injured friend- no we cant get to a hospital, there are mutated frogs- he has broken ribs and a sprained ankle- I know you have to work the night shift, I don't know who to ask- see you in a few." Daredevil moved his attention to Hawkeye. "Follow me."
After some finagling, a two block sprint, and a long multi floor walk, the trio arrived at Claire's apartment.
"Come in!" The door swung open. Inside were two women. One of them was extremely pale, with shoulder length black hair. The other was dark skinned, and had her hair pulled back.
"Lay him down on the couch," one of the women instructed Matt. "Linda, can you get the icepacks?" She must be Claire.
The pale skinned, dark haired woman, hurried to the freezer, and grabbed the ice packs.
"Ok, now tell me, what were his injuries again?"
"Cracked ribs, dislocated shoulder, probably a concussion, and a sprained ankle."
"When you found him, was he conscious?" Claire asked.
"Nope," Daredevil responded.
Linda, Claire, and Daredevil settled around Steve. Claire would give orders to Daredevil and Linda, moreso to Linda. Daredevil was able to give a large amount of information on Steve's injuries to Claire, which Hawkeye was both grateful for and disturbed by. Daredevil shouldn't be able to tell Steve was injured (especially the twisted ankle...how the hell could he tell Steve twisted his ankle? they didn't see him walk or anything) but could.
Once most of Steve's injuries were treated, Linda turned to Clint.
"Is he injured?"
"Nope," Daredevil replied.
"Ok. Since I'm not going to get an answer as to wheather or not you are injured. Shirt. Off."
"My dear, I save that for the second date." Daredevil smirked.
"Fine. Go die in a ditch. See if I care." Linda began making tea. "Tea?"
"Sure." Daredevil responded.
"I'll take one as well," Hawkeye also said.
"A tea here," came a voice from the living room. "I'm also want to try to wake your friend up. How would I do that?"
Clint piped up. "I'll do it." He walked over to Steve. He gently shook Steve's shoulder. "Steve, wake up. We need you up Steve. Steven! Steve!" Clint gradually got louder, and the shoulder shaking more violent. Clint then had an idea. "Can I get a glass of cold water?"
Linda got a glass. "Ok everyone, stand back." Clint threw the glass of water over Steve's face. He woke up violently with a shudder, and was just about to smash Clint when he looked around, and stopped.
"Where am I?" Cap slowly lowered his fist.
"You're safe, you're in one of Daredevil's friend's houses. We carried you over after you got concussed."
"Ah. And who are the two fine ladies here?"
Claire stepped forward. "My name is Claire. I'm a surgeon. My roommate, Linda, is a nurse."
Steve moved to stand up, but Claire quickly walked over and shushed him down. "Steve, you have a concussion. You are not getting up from this couch until I know you have somewhere to go. I, or possibly Double D, will fight you." Steve laughed.
"As if either of you can take me," Steve countered.
"Considering I dragged your ass here, and you have a concussion, I think I can take you," Daredevil smirked.
"Language!" Steve paused for a bit "I'm so...tired."
"That's why we gotta stay here, and you have to stay awake!" Hawkeye interjected.
"Can I get Tony to pick me up?" Steve asked.
Claire sighed. "Look, I would prefer to not have a bunch of superheroes knocking on my door. I know Linda dosen't care, but we already have Double D and Luke Cage coming through here, and now a few of the Goddamn Avengers have shown up-"
"I typically get treated at Stark Tower-
"And I would like some privacy, please and thank you. So no official Avengers, please."
Steve snapped his fingers. "Sam? Would he be fine?"
"Ok. Can I borrow someone's phone? I need to make a phone call."
About fifteen minutes later Daredevil started helping Claire and Linda clean up. Thirty seconds later there was a knock at the door. Linda opened it.
"Hello! You must be Sam! I'm Linda. Your friend is back here. She started guiding him to the couch. Hes gonna need help walking for a bit, but should be fine. Talk to Double D if you need help. He will be able to contact us if needed."
"Steve, ya ready to walk?" Steve grunted back.
"Ok. Hawkeye and Sam are going to help you, ok?" Steve nodded, then grimaced.
Clint and Sam took an arm each, and lifted him to his feet. "Thank you so much. We wont bother you again," Clint said.
"It was no trouble," Linda replied.
"Daredevil, ya coming with?" Sam asked.
"No. I'd prefer to stay off Tony's radar."
"Understandably. Have a good day!"
Sam, Clint, and Steve shuffled out. They loaded up, and Sam started driving.
"That Daredevil is a weird one," Steve proclaimed.
"Yeah. I think he's a religious nut. He had me go for his phone when he was carrying you, and I think I felt a rosary in the same pocket. Also, his phone was kinda broken" Clint chimed.
"No way. The Catholic church tends to frown on pretending to be the devil."
"I know it sounds crazy, but it's true. I felt a crucifix and everything."
"Huh. If he is Catholic, I wonder what kind of priest he has, considering he seems to think that dressing up like the devil is ok, morally speaking." Steve continued to ponder this. Daredevil looked familiar, but he couldn't tell if he had actually seen Daredevil as a civilian, or if it was based on those YouTube videos.
But it's not like Steve had gotten a good look at Daredevil's face. Still...Catholic?
Steve wondered if he could invite Daredevil to Mass. Daredevil couldn't be practicing, as no priest would condone that costume. And what was with the phone?
Steve pondered it, as he started to nod off.
Thank you for reading! A few things for explanation: 1. Claire Temple in the TV show is a mashup of Claire Temple, doctor and love interest to Luke Cage, and Linda Carter, nurse and aid to various superheroes. I figured having the comics version, where they are two separate people, made more sense, as a. If someone got stabbed, a surgeon would be able to treat it. A nurse wouldn't. And b. Having two people on call would be easier on them than one person. (I made Claire specifically a surgeon, as far as I'm aware that isnt canon). 2. The broken phone thing. Since Matt is blind, he has accessibility features on his phone. He also doesn't need the screen to be on, so he turned it off in his settings. This saves his battery, but makes it inoperable for Clint. Tommy Edison has a video on how he uses a touch screen phone, and Matt has the same features enabled (Matt likes having his phone like this also because sighted people struggle to use it. Foggy can, but that's pretty much the only sighted person Matt has instructed on how to use his phone.) There will be a part 3, and Steve will eventually figure it out.
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Red, Red Riding Hood
Part: 6 of 6 - In which there is one more sacrifice for you to make.
Part one, two, three, four, five.
Summary: Two gods protect the villages within a 100-mile radius - but an annual sacrifice is required to extend the protection into the next year. This year, you are the sacrifice. But you have a different plan in mind. [Gender neutral reader.]
Warnings: Blood, violence, blades, being chased around the woods, and references to past self-harm.
A/N: I am new to the whole writing/posting fanfiction thing, so I’m learning! If something is missing or is weird, please let me know - thank you in advance for your patience!
You inhaled sharply as you came to and registered the flat surface you were lying on. “This is the second time I’ve awoken on this table,” you muttered.
“Hopefully, it shall be the last,” Sam’uel said flatly, helping you sit up.
You groaned and rubbed your thigh – which was now devoid of pain. “What happened?”
“Dean healed you, you passed out, and then he brought you back here,” he replied simply, leading you to a chair he had placed next to the cabinet across from the door.
Looking around, you noted the absence of the person who had, apparently, saved your life. And let you win. “Did… did he tell you what happened?”
“Yes, of course.” His back was to you as he looked out the window and into the darkness outside. “It’s a little past midnight. He’ll be back soon.”
“Where did he go?”
Heavy footfalls sounded on the sturdy wooden walkway, declaring Dean-Mon’s return.
The door burst open, he stepped inside, and announced to Sam’uel, “Well, they ‘all stood witness to the events that transpired within our woods’,” making air quotes and making a mocking expression, “and they said we’re good to go on it.” Shucking his coat off, he shut the door carefully and toed out of his boots. “I mean,” he ruffled the light dusting of snow from his hair, “we were gonna do it anyway, but I think they already knew that, so….”
You had a feeling that Dean-Mon didn’t care for whoever ‘they’ were that ‘stood witness’ – though Sam’uel seemed unsurprised by anything Dean-Mon was saying. Gesturing to the fireplace, he said, “I finished your potion for you.”
“Aww. Thanks, Sammy.”
“Screw you,” but there was a lightness in his voice and a ghost of a genuine smile on his face as he and Dean-Mon walked to the oak table, “Let’s get this over with. We’ve been like this too long.” The plain wooden bowl in the center of the table sat ominously as the brothers stood on either side of the table.
“Psh,” Dean pulled a knife from his belt and rolled up a sleeve, “You and me both, kid.”
You blinked. What the hell was going on? “Um.”
Sam’uel glanced at you as Dean-Mon sliced his forearm, groaning slightly as blood dripped into the bowl. “Stay there,” he ordered as Dean-Mon wiped the blade and handed it to him. Sam rolled up his sleeve, as well, and made a cut on his arm in the same space as Dean had.
You closed your eyes and turned toward the door to your room as you tried not to listen to the liquid dripping into the bowl. You desperately wished you could run away, hide; get far away from here and go back to the life you were taken from.
Peaceful. Calm. Safe. Well, except for the annual ‘Somebody’s got to go into the woods this year!’ thing.
You snapped back to reality when you realized someone was standing in front of you. Sam’uel held out a mug of the iron-stinking, red liquid to you.
Your eyes were wide as you stiffly shook your head and shrank away from it.
His jaw clenched and he took another step forward, proffering it again. “Drink it,” he ordered tightly.
Shaking your head again, you whispered, “I really don’t want to.”
“Do you want the tributes to continue?” Dean-Mon stepped away from the bowl with two other mugs in his hands and stood next to Sam’uel – who was still glaring at you. “‘Cause if I remember correctly, you said that you wanted to be the last.”
You swallowed and looked up at the Woodcutter, utterly terrified. That wasn’t what was supposed to happen. You were supposed to win, and then return to your normal, god-sacrifice-free life. “Yes, but… it wasn’t supposed to be like this.”
“Nothing in this life is supposed to be anything. The only things that are promised in this life are death and the dawn – you are not promised love or joy or friendship. You take what you’re given, and you do something with it,” Sam’uel ground out, “We are giving you this. Now take it… and drink it.”
Your heart was pounding. Your hands were trembling. Gods willingly bleeding and offering- no, ordering a mortal to join them in immortality? That was barely a ghost of a rumor. You took the mug and both of them relaxed slightly.
“One more sacrifice. That’s all.” Sam’uel took a cup from his brother and said, “You have to drink all of it, Y/N. All. Of it.”
Not afraid to die, mother, I’m not afraid to die…
You brought the mug to your lips and allowed your gaze to fall on the dancing flames below the empty iron cauldron.
“You keep saying you’re not afraid to die,” Dean-Mon mused quietly, “Does that mean you’re afraid to live?”
Yes. No. I’m not sure anymore.
“Is,” you began nervously, “Is it gonna hurt?”
“Yes,” Sam’uel answered, approaching you and placing a heavy hand on your shoulder, “It will. But we will be here to help you through it.”
You swallowed. Took in a deep, steadying breath. And lifted the mug to your lips. It tasted sweet and foul at the same time. You grimaced, but you drained the cup. Shuddering, you wiped your mouth with the back of your hand and set the empty cup on the floor. Sam’uel and Dean-Mon had drained their mugs, as well.
They looked at you and you looked at them. “Well,” you whispered, “Now what-” Horrible pain sliced up the front of your torso, from your navel to your throat, and you gasped.
You didn’t know when you ended up on the floor, you were only faintly aware that your knees ached with the force at which you dropped to them. The same pain carved along your spine and you arched against the new agony. Crying out, you felt strong arms wrap around you and pull you against the two gods.
They were in pain, too. They shook and took in heavy breaths as they held to you and each other.
“Dean…” Sam’uel breathed through gritted teeth.
“I’ve got you,” Dean-Mon promised, his voice tight with pain, “I’ve got you, I got both of you.”
No one in the villages truly understood what happened or why. It became a new tradition for the gods to come down the mountain every year at midnight for three days.
The first night, two nights before the full moon, the sound of an ax felling trees would sound from dusk til dawn. The second night, a figure clothed in a blood-red cape would walk around the inside perimeter of the forest, carrying a lantern to light their way. On the third night, when the full moon rose and shone over the snow-covered landscape, a great wolf stalked through the woods and circled the forest; the creature paused every hour or so to let out a long howl that rattled the windows in the houses in closest proximity to it.
The elders of the villages hadn’t caught on to why the gods were making themselves known in that manner or who the red-cloaked figure was. So the next morning, the tribute was sent up the mountain – and the following morning, they returned. They told the village elders how the gods greeted them warmly, gave them a meal and a place to sleep (the windchime hanging had bones and a little bell hung from the lowest one) and then sent them home when the sun came up.
The villages were still protected by the gods, there was simply no more need for sacrifices anymore.
There was no more need for blood to be shed, and the people rejoiced. But no one wandered furthered into the woods than was necessary, and they certainly didn’t set so much as a toe off the path, either.
No need to tempt fate, after all. The Wolf might miss the chase and the Woodcutter might need some meat for his dinner.
< part five
Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed this!
The next story in the fic series is ‘Silver and Gold’ - Jack and the Beanstalk. Each of these stories will be exploring different aspects of this world; some stories will be a mashup of tales, but my Muse wanted Red, Red Riding Hood done first.
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SO. MOULIN ROUGE BOSTON PRE-BROADWAY RUN PREMIERE. This is going to be massively unorganized, as I simply try to remember as much as I can from the show. And folks, this is a lot of show. This post is MASSIVE and needless to say I’ll be spoiling A LOT about this world premiere pre-Broadway run that may or may not have changes made to it.
(before I speak of the show itself, let me say that is was FUCKING CHAOTIC in the Colonial. Literally all seats but TWO were filled in the balcony, and probably the whole theatre, and they did not have enough people working there for this crowd. I didn’t even get a program because they didn’t have enough ushers)
So like the overall take of this is that it is EXCESSIVE and OVERWHELMING. I mean that as a good thing. I of course have a bunch of nitpicks, and they could very well change things for Broadway, but this was essentially a Broadway-ready show that is set to be a crowdpleaser. Somehow they managed to capture the feeling of the movie itself on the stage with the direction and choreography, even with the numerous changes both necessary in terms of restructuring the story for a musical format, and just stuff used to differentiate the stage show. While a few things added I guess were something of an attempt to ‘deepen’ the story, largely they understand what this is – a big old sparking cupcake of musical and theatrical excess and it is goddamn enjoyable for it. It hooked me, it sure hooked the rest of the audience that hooted and hollered and clapped (I have bruises on my hands now).
DESIGNS ARE IMPECCABLE. The sets are ASTOUNDING (I gasped at a scene transition at one point). The scenery is extended outside of the proscenium with the windmill flanking one side and the elephant flanking another. The apron of the stage extended out and surrounded the front audience seats, who were seated at club tables a’la Cabaret or a much smaller scale Great Comet. The costumes are EXCESSIVE and impressive even if they don’t fully match a few of the film’s iconic looks. The lighting design – my god, was the lighting designer on speed?? Or something?? Honestly don’t see this show if you are prone to seizures it is THAT MUCH. Choreography is on goddamn point.
The cast is pretty much Broadway-ready and I hope they don’t replace a single one of them. Aaron Tveit and Karen Olivo are the perfect Broadway-versions of the Ewan McGregor-Nicole Kidman star power of the movie. I don’t know how the fuck Karen does it but she was at a TEN the entire fucking time, just belting every number like her life depended on it, and she really brought a lot of shading to Satine as a woman who has hardened herself to survive (one thing somewhat different from the movie, I guess with Karen not exactly being a youthful ingénue anymore was this idea of this being Satine’s ‘last chance’ but it melded into her arc pretty seamlessly). Aaron by contrast seemed to be holding back a bit/conserving his energy, especially in act one, but he fucking brings it when he needs to and his vocal command of that shitload of music is impressive, not a hint of strain. Christian is somewhat different from the movie version – he’s not British anymore he’s American (from goddamn LIMA, OHIO. GLEE.), and with act two being played for the tragedy he goes rather darker than movie Christian. Instead of a generic writer he is specifically a composer and the writer of love songs, and he’s somewhat less of the pure naïve innocent of McGregor’s Christian, but I thought it worked.
Danny Burstein absolutely nails it as Zidler, perfectly introducing the audience to the show and the tone. ZIdler is explicitly gay now in the stage show and largely it just fits the character that’s already there rather than making him ‘stereotypical’ (or rather not anymoreso than he already is). Honestly this is mostly a great change (I have a slight criticism for a plot point in act two), and it really helps his relationship with Satine and him becoming something less of a controlling sleazeball. This is especially needed because stage Satine’s goal is less to “fly away” and become a real actress, but rather to save the people of the Moulin Rouge, who she regards as a family. Thus Zidler is far less controlling over her, rather they feel much more like peers. Notably (AND A GOOD CHANGE) Zidler does not find out Satine is sick when she’s unconscious and withholds it from her, Zidler finds out she’s sick in act two and immediately tells her it’s consumption (which killed his first love, ANATOLE). Also he does not order her to break Christian’s heart to save him from the Duke’s wrath, that’s a decision Satine makes entirely on her own, so the plot changes to Zidler also strengthens Satine’s character and gives her a lot more agency.
By far the biggest change from the movie is everything about how they play the Duke. The Duke is not a foppish pathetic nebbish of a man who’s clearly no competition for Christian. Played by Tam Mutu, this Duke is sexy, threatening, controlling, and dominating (emphasis intended). Heck we’re introduced to him BEFORE CHRISTIAN (kinda nuts???). The love triangle is very much that, with the Duke being a very real villain who offers Satine everything she wants in terms of money but is also a controlling asshole (and extends that to the Moulin Rouge and the show within a show as well). He is not clueless and bumbling, Satine IS sleeping with him the whole time, and there’s no giant manservant, he makes his violent threats directly and you believe it (however they, WISELY I feel, cut the attempted rape during El Tango Roxanne, which is in the show but VERY recontextualized, even with act two being played more for tragedy it was wise to not go THAT dark with it). It will then not surprise you that one of the big movie numbers that’s cut is “Like a Virgin” as this would not fit this decidedly non-comic version of the Duke.
Sahr Ngaujah plays Lautrec, and he is a REVELATION as I was unfamiliar with him before. He is a FORCE OF NATURE. He is not a little person, nor is that played in this Lautrec (aside from like two lines of the Duke calling him “little man” which honestly read awkwardly). Rather he has a cane and a limp, and there’s now a really strong racial undercurrent to his devotion to Bohemian ideals as he is a Black man. He is charismatic and has a great voice. Since the bohemians in the stage version are really pared down (wisely, conservation of character) to just Lautrec and the Argentinian, Lautrec’s role is beefed up a lot, although it doesn’t always make entire sense. Lautrec is now the director and the book writer for the show-within-a-show, and his bohemian ideals are MUCH stronger as the show-within-a-show is dramatically changed. While there are jokes in act one about him going on about putting ‘proletariat’ ideals in his work, in act two he very explicitly stands against the Duke trying to change the show, so “freedom, beauty, truth and love” feels like it really means something to him rather than in the movie where they just seems a bunch of horny artists. On the stage, Lautrec is an old friend of Satine’s having met her when she was thirteen and dumps a lot of backstory onto Christian for us. He also says he was in love with Satine but never told her. This honestly leads to some character inconsistency – in one scene he’s telling Christian to “not make his mistake” and go for love, and in another he’s telling Christian to “forget about her, she’s made her choice”???? Also did we really need another dude in love with Satine with the central love triangle?
Let’s talk music – a lot of the music from the movie is still in there, though a few notable numbers have been cut, like the aforementioned “Like a Virgin.” They also added A LOT MORE MUSIC, including into mashups with other existing songs. MOST of these slot in amazingly into great numbers. In my mind there are two new numbers that really don’t live up to what they are replacing, but generally the new music sounds GREAT. Orchestrations and ensemble vocal arrangements are STUNNING on a few numbers, particularly the act two opener. There is, however, a SLIGHT tonal problem with some of the new music and the audience. A lot of new songs provoked laughter from the audience as they recognized them. For most songs this was not a problem, especially in the frothy frivolity of act one, but for the more dramatic numbers is kind of was (especially, again, in tragic act two). Please know that I will SO be getting the inevitable cast recording because everyone’s voices on these numbers are amazing.
NOW FOR THE NITTY-GRITTY. So there was ZERO pre-show announcement because THE SHOW TRANSITIONED INTO STARTING NEAR-SEEMLESSLY. About ten minutes before “start” actors slowly came onto stage, dancing, cavorting, entertaining the audience. Two of the very attractive women did a SWORD-SWALLOWING ACT right in front of the big Moulin Rouge sign. Then Christian comes onstage, observing off to the side, then hits the lights (there was a massive prop switch on one side of the stage that was used throughout the show for ‘the lights’), so the show can “start.” It begins right at the Moulin Rouge with “Lady Marmalade,” then Zidler’s entrance truly playing the crowd, including setting off THE CONFETTI CANON THAT IS CONCEALED IN HIS CANE, then into the Can-Can. Then the Duke enters with some contemporary song that honestly I SHOULD know but do not, and he sits in the booth on stage right. Then Christian enters with Lautrec and the Argentinian and they seat on stage left (the three of them also harmonize A BUNCH throughout the show and it sounds great).
It is only when Zidler begins to introduce Satine that the spotlight hits Christian and he begins “narrating” the story about the woman he loved. Christian has no typewriter like in the movie. Essentially what I got from the finale is that the show itself is him telling the story? He is a songwriter now after all? Anyway, at that point it transitions back in time to earlier that day when he arrives in Paris. This was the set change that floored me, immediately the stage transforms from the opulent Moulin Rouge to the streets on Montmarte in PERFECT GREYSCALE (one of the smaller but stunning pieces of stagecraft in the show is when Christian sings “the hills are alive with the sound of music” – when the spotlight hits him the backdrop goes from greyscale to full color in the light, then back again). So he meets up with Lautrec and the Argentinian, and they hit it off together to “Royals” (THIS ACTUALLY WORKS ASTOUNDINGLY WELL). They quickly hatch the scheme to pitch the show (which Lautrec wants to name “Bohemian Rhapsody”) to Satine, and we return back to the scene we left in the Moulin Rouge for Satine’s entrance.
SHE ENTERS DOWN FROM THE SWING. In a red feathered dress that later does an amazing quick change/reveal to a black diamond-studded lingerie number (Karen Olivo spends A LOT of this musical in fancy lingerie). On the swing she sings bits of “Diamonds are Forever” and then it goes into “Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend.” For the “Material Girl” bit the female ensemble comes out in matching top hats that they all take off to reveal Madonna wigs. Then we have “Single Ladies” mashed up into it. Satine does not get back onto the swing to fall off dramatically, she simply has a moment in the song where she nearly faints, but she recovers to dance on top of a giant diamond platform.
Then her and Zidler have the mix-up of who is the Duke while the dancers dance to “Rhythm of the Night”, and then when Satine and Christian meet and dance it is set to a mashup of “Shut Up and Dance With Me” and “Raise Your Glass” (MUCH LIKE ROYALS, THIS SHOULDN’T WORK, AND YET IT ABSOLUTELY DOES???). Lautrec and the Argentinian also distract Zidler with some song and I think “We Are Young” is somewhere in all of this as well (HONESTLY I DO NOT REMEMBER EVERY SINGLE NEW SONG BECAUSE THERE WAS *A LOT* OF MUSIC IN THIS SHOW, “WE ARE YOUNG” WAS IN THERE AT SOME POINT).
Afterwards we get a backstage scene of Satine talking with Zidler and the main “Lady Marmalade” girls talking about needing the Duke’s money in order for the Moulin Rouge to survive and keep everyone off the streets. So here Satine’s motivation is much less “become a real actress and escape the Moulin Rouge” but instead “the people of Moulin Rouge are my family and I need to singlehandedly keep this place going.” Satine KNOWS she’s sick and is keeping it from everyone/doesn’t think it’s that big a deal.
-Now I should mention here as a slight tangent that one of the Lady Marmalade girls is um, well, she’s played as a transwoman. Mmm. I have. Thoughts. On this. For one thing, I can’t tell you the gender identity of the performer as I did not get a playbill. For another thing, while yes most of the characters are sex workers, and yes I appreciate putting a wider display of gender and sexuality onstage (which only fits the world of early-20th-century artist-bohemian Paris), do we really need more of the hoary old trope of the sexworker transwoman? It’s a small part of the show but still. CONCERN over that choice.
So obviously we don’t have “One Day I’ll Fly Away.” Instead we have . . . “Firework.” Number I don’t feel entirely works number 1. Now Karen SELLS THE GODDAMN SHIT out of it, but like. “Firework.” Not as a good of a number as “One Day I’ll Fly Away.” Also even though they obviously avoid the line about feeling “like a plastic bag” they do keep the line about FOURTH OF JULY in Paris, France. Even with Moulin Rouge being as over-the-top and fantastical as it is, boy does that stick out as WEIRD.
Then we go into the elephant set (it’s a garish room surrounded by an elephant proscenium, there are so many layers to this set), and “Your Song” remains in its glory, although we do not do the ‘dancing in the stars’ bit (NOT YET).
Now “Spectacular, Spectacular” is dramatically rewritten to reflect the show-within-a-show being VERY different as it is no longer set in India. Instead, Lautrec is playing into the actual revolutionary theatre style of the early 20th century of extreme realism (HONESTLY I FEEL LIKE I APPRECIATE THIS MUCH MORE THAN MOST AS A FORMER THEATRE SCHOLAR). Thus the play more resembles the actual La Boheme, or the “social dramas” of the time which is WHAT PARISIAN BOHEMIANS WOULD BE WRITING AND PERFORMING – Lautrec says plainly in act two that he wants to ‘hold up a mirror to Paris.’ So the show-within-a-show is set in Paris and is about the love triangle between a prostitute, a romantic sailor, and a rich gangster. Largely I think it’s a good thing to steer the hell away from the massive cultural appropriation of the movie’s Indian version, although this dramatically changes the climax of the show, as it now becomes a more intimate scene between Christian and Satine than the triumphant LOVE ABOVE ALL ELSE in the movie (more on that later). And my one BIG costume regret is that Satine is then in a dingy black dress for the climax (which is actually a plot point in act two with the Duke arguing against this), rather than the beautiful iconic white gown from the movie. Ah well.
So after Satine gets everyone out of the room but the Duke, they actually DO THE DO, after the Duke sings a mashup of “Sympathy for the Devil” and “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.”
After this we get a scene between Lautrec and Christian on the street writing the show, where Lautrec gives his and Satine’s backstory to Christian and sings “Nature Boy” gorgeously, eventually convincing Christian to go after her. The next scene is the Duke “negotiating” with Zidler, with Zidler’s male lover in there at the start (put a pin in that, we’re coming back to that in act two). By that I mean the Duke taking ownership of literally everything and agreeing to produce Lautrec’s show simply as “an amusement.”
We then go back to the elephant, and Christian is persuading Satine to have an affair with him behind the Duke’s back, and we have a revamped “Elephant Love Medley” with WAY MORE SONGS IN IT including “Take on Me”, “What’s Love Got to Do With It”, “Don’t Speak” and like LOTS MORE I AM PROBABLY FORGETTING. This morphs into the giant act one ender as HERE, once we hit “heroes” the stage transforms into the Paris skyline with all the stars out and the dancers wheel on the Eiffel Tower for Christian and Satine to dance on and EVERY SINGLE LIGHT IN THE THEATRE IS PROJECTING STARS and they quick-change into their starry blue costumes IT WAS ALL VERY OPULENT AND ROMANTIC.
So act one is very much a frothy delight of THEATRE!!!! MUSIC!!! LOVE!!!! BIG OLD PRODUCTION NUMBERS!!! And not to say that act two lacks those things but there is a NOTABLE tonal shift in act two to THE TRAGEDY of it all.
So act two opens with Christian narrating for the audience to think back to their first love affair, so that they can understand how he is driven to madness. He also introduces the “other” backstage love affair with the Argentinian and Nini, who are dancing erotically on the stage before rehearsal for the show starts. We begin the NUTSO act two opening number, starting as a duet of the two of them on motherfucking “Bad Romance.” It is AMAZING, particularly in the Argentinian’s growl. Then the other dancers enter, it becomes a group number which is then mashed up into “TOXIC” and “SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF THIS” and eventually Christian and Satine join in with the whole group. The choreography for this whole number is NUTS the vocal arrangement OFF THE HOOK and it absolutely stopped the show.
So then we have rehearsals, including some prop comedy with Zidler that absolutely killed, and in a welcome change, instead of Nini divulging the affair to the Duke like in the movie (where it seemingly came out of nowhere), she instead WARNS Satine that the Duke is a dangerous man to mess with, telling about how another woman who cheated him ended up with her lover murdered in the river and the woman disfigured (this adds the legitimate threat to Christian and motivates Satine on her own). And the Duke gets the picture pretty clearly when Christian pulls the whole “SHE DOESN’T LOVE YOU” line in the rehearsal.
So after rehearsal goes shitty and Satine is conflicted about what to do with these two men, we get a scene of Zidler and the Lady Marmalade girls talking about how things are looking dire for the theatre. So essentially replacing “The Show Must Go On” from the movie we instead have Florence + the Machine’s “Shake It Off.” Number I have a problem with number two. Now this is a song that on its own I LOVE. But it honestly feels . . . out of place and unneeded. Again, the cast gives it their all but like . . . it just doesn’t fit in the way that “The Show Must Go On” did. I mean, I would see this as the number most likely to be cut or changed for Broadway, but honestly who the fuck knows.
The next scene is Satine going to Christian’s apartment. Here we have a full duet of “Come What May” (which is not a song in the show-within-a-show but just then straight-up singing about their love for each other).
Then the next scene is waaaaaay new as we have Satine with the Duke on a rich-ass boulevard with everyone in these extravagant rich-ass costumes that looks like Sunday in the Park with George was vomited on by Revolutionary Girl Utena and pastels (I’ll be real, the Duke is in the lavender suit with giant coat and tophat and I fucking wanted to wear the entire thing). The Duke shows Satine a house that he has bought for her and tells her all of the things he will provide for her – if she gives him “everything” including her heart, and she stops performing shortly after the show opens, as having his mistress parade herself onstage would be unbecoming to a man of his status. Satine, in her Sunday best but clearly on as “in fashion” as everyone else onstage, points out she doesn’t really fit his status. She then gets this . . . oddly sadomasochistic (?) makeover with the Duke singing a BIZARRE version of Rihanna’s “Only Girl in the World” (it does work, but I think it is purposefully bizarre in the scene) and Satine sings a dark reprise of “Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend” while she is put into this Eliza Dolittle monstrosity.
With another rehearsal scene and Lautrec talking back to the Duke and Christian ready to lose his shit over the Duke treating Satine, and everyone else, as his possession, we then transition to Christian’s apartment the night before the show. He’s going mad with jealousy, threatening to kill himself, and the Argentinian and Lautrec are trying to talk him down. Eventually they tell him he needs to purge himself of Satine with absinthe. They take absinthe while singing Sia’s “Chandeleer” (their three-part harmony on this is STUNNING) and as Christian goes into a haze he hallucinates first Satine as the green fairy (COMING DOWN ON THE SWING AGAIN) and then eventually a whole sequence of different green fairies, dancing with men. Still enraged and jealous, Christian takes to the streets.
EL TANGO ROXANNE. It is still here but it is MASSIVELY recontextualized. It’s a much less literal number now, no longer set in the Moulin Rouge, almost more of a dream ballet (??) as Christian wanders the streets. We being with ZIDLER being the one giving the opening speech explaining the dance while the Argentinian and Nini do the dance to the side. Then the lights go out and come back on with the spotlight on Christian center stage and with tango couples around him. It begins with him singing the “his eyes upon your hand” bridge, and then the actual Roxanne part is sung BY CHRISTIAN. I was massively thrown off by this at first, I was looking forward to hearing this Argentinian sing this version, but it fits more with Christian here as motivating his actions rather than as the beset-upon innocent, and Tveit fucking GIVE S IT HIS ALL. We also have Christian seeing a vision of Satine and you know the red dress she’s wearing in all the promo pics? She’s wearing it here.
So then the scene in the Duke’s tower is hugely different from the movie. At the start Satine enters the room and the Duke is talking with the man who we saw before as Zidler’s lover. Apparently the Duke has been paying him to be “his eyes” at the Moulin Rouge (so my pin – the evil gay? C’mon guys. At least Zidler’s sexuality largely isn’t demonized but like c’mon), so he is VERY aware of Satine and Christian’s extracurricular activities. He then gives Satine the ultimatum – be mine or Christian will end up a corpse with his throat slit ear to ear. Christian, drunk and high, enters and sadly attempts to fight the Duke and professes his love for Satine. Satine coldly turns him down to save his life and breaks down crying when the men leave.
We now have Christian broken and alone on the street and he begins singing “Crazy” by Gnarls Barkely, which then transitions into “Rolling in the Deep” (this was probably the most awkward part of the show where the audience laughed at recognizing a song). “Rolling” continues on to everyone getting ready for the show at the Moulin Rouge, to Satine singing as well, then we see Christian off to the side LOADING A GUN, and the number climaxes with Christian and Satine singing on either side with the dancers in the middle performing the start of the show within a show.
Then we have the BIG CLIMAX of the show with the show-within-a-show, which is now a much darker affair since it is not a glorious wedding in ~exotic India~. Christian crashes the scene, coming up from the actual theatre’s aisles as we are now fully the audience of the Moulin Rouge. Here Christian doesn’t slutshame Satine and claim to “pay his whore” instead he pulls out the loaded gun (as a part of the written scene) but then turns into to his own chest.
To bring him back with the confession of true love, Satine sings “Your Song.” Then after their big kiss Satine VERY QUICKLY falls into his arms and starts dying (hence how it’s less of a triumph into eventually tragedy, but rather a personal scene with Christian and Satine that takes a VERY QUICK TURN). And after asking Christian to “tell her story” Satine of course dies in his arms.
After this, Christian gives a very brief epilogue explaining how he started writing again, and now he starts to sing “Come What May”, eventually joined by everyone else in the Moulin Rouge, sans the dead Satine. They keep these poses after blackout for the first round of applause.
THEN the curtain call asks you to forget about all that tragedy and SING AND CLAP A FUCKLOAD with a giant dance number/singalong of Lady Marmalade, the Can Can, and EVEN “HEY YA.” I should note that during this part the male ensemble comes out in the iconic movie look of the tuxedo on top and tutu and tights on the bottom. At one point the choreo has the female ensemble riding these men, and rest assured I yelled “IT’S EQUALITY.” THEN after that was the full cast bows, with Karen and Aaron last and together and then the men pull out cane which are ALL confetti canons that shoot out confetti and streamers so high it almost reached the balcony.
SO THERE IS THE EXPERIENCE OF SEEING “MOULIN ROUGE” ONSTAGE. It is indeed a RAVISHMENT OF THE SENSES and honestly there were probably a lot of bits of new music in there that I forgot, but folks, it looks great, it sounds great, the cast is phenominal, IT IS INDEED, EVERYTHING.
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Important Facts from Sherlocked USA 2018
Gordon Kennedy wants Gary and his partner (and all of Cross Keyes) to have a spin-off series.
In this spin-off, Benedict Cumberbatch will play the secret dragon they keep out back and Martin Freeman will play a table. And they’ll “use his bum as a bottle opener”.
Sian Brooke does not believe that Moriarty was specifically Eurus’ puppet, but rather that she put things in his line of sight. Sort of making him think it’s his idea, so to speak.
Sian was pleasantly surprised at how well the fandom has received her. So, you guys, please keep showering her with love. She sincerely deserves it.
Sian and Andrew knew each other before as they had done a play together. (Dying City, 2006)
Rupert Graves’ can’t-live-without-it snack is apparently beer.
I asked Rupert why Lestrade was so angry when Sherlock and John showed up in the drunk tank and he said it was more a shift in power. Basically, he finally had power and control over Sherlock when he’s not usually a man in a position of power in that circumstance.
Rachel Talalay informed us that while the tunnel Sherlock enters through in TST is real, the rest of the aquarium stuff is just projections.
Rachel Talalay’s phone case is a fan art mashup of Doctor Who and La-La Land featuring The Master and Missy and I love it.
Louise Brealey sobbed after Andrew delivered the last line of Hamlet and then felt that she was not on the same level as him. His performance made her feel like she wasn’t worthy of speaking to him or even being on the same side of the street as him.
Sian and Rupert both say that Andrew is a great, wonderful, lovely person and beautiful soul.
Rachel Talalay flat out told me she was jealous because she hasn’t gotten the chance to meet Andrew yet and she’s heard great things about him.
Rupert does not know who killed Harry Potter’s parents. (I know this because it was a General Knowledge trivia question during the Great Sherlocked Game Show and he “tripped” into the audience, seeking the answer and I was in the front row so I answered it for him)
Louise Brealey would like Molly to have more lines
Sian Brooke would like to play Mrs Hudson (asked her and Louise if they could play any other character in the show, who would it be and why?)
Sian didn’t initially know she’d be playing Eurus. And when he was cast, it was kept of the utmost secret. She couldn’t tell anyone but her husband.
Tom Stoughton doesn’t believe in ghosts, but he believes in aliens and dog ghosts.
Toby (the bloodhound in TST) behaved so well because Amanda is a magical dog whisperer and he cooperated wonderfully with her.
The Victorian set even SMELLS Victorian. Dusty. Like it came from an attic. The regular set didn’t smell like that, so it’s not just a storage thing.
Sian was a fan of the show before she was cast and very much enjoyed Moriarty.
I’m sorry. Everything I’m remembering is about Sian. I’m obsessed. She’s so lovely. Yet another cinnamon roll who plays a crazy. I have an affinity for these types, clearly. She’s terrifying when she goes full Eurus in person. And by that I mean she playfully shouted at us to get into the ballroom for the Game Show and I was afraid for my life and then she smiled sweetly and I fell in love and I just want to marry her okay? She’s flawless.
Louise really likes the way Molly has grown and matured and stopped letting herself be a doormat.
One of Sian’s favourite Eurus lines is “I’m too clever”.
Louise’s favourite Molly line is “Okay.”
Everyone is great and you should all love them harder.
The most important fact of all:
They have not given up hope for Season 5. When a show is finished, the showrunners sell the sets and props. They have not done this yet, merely given permission for such things to be used for photos for the conventions. Benedict says he “can do bits and pieces between other projects”. (I say just do it all in a chunk and give it to us but okay). Martin’s manager/agent/whatever is apparently super disorganized so Martin never really knows what’s going on but he would like to do more. Mark has two stories that he would really, really, really love to tell. (Also, Moffat, Sue, and Mark are all super duper appreciative of the fans and they know the show would not be what it is without us). Basically, it’s not “if” Season 5 will happen, just a matter of when.
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