#please let me know if you've read these tags because they're important

[ao3commentoftheday]

Hey, I'm glad you're back. I love your posts and always wait for them. Your opinions and all the knowledge you share here has been extremely helpful for me personally who new to AO3. So wanted to thank you for that.

I wanted to say that I write for a relatively huge fandom with many ships and characters and nearly all of them are popular. Even rare ships will have their own fanbase. But my own fics are not about ships. I love the dynamic of 2-3 characters and write mostly about them in the 'Gen' category because I don't see the potential of sexual relationships in them. Also because it'll be incestuous. I have no problem with that but I'm not thrilled about writing or reading it.

Fics on these characters as ships get more engagement and more readers than General ones do. I read somewhere that Gen fics always get less engagement than the ship-y ones which made me realize that no matter how hard I work on my stories and no matter how much effort I put into writing them it'll never get readers. The only regular reader I have is a friend who isn't in the fandom but reads my stuff because she understands how hard it is to write and not get even miniscule amount of response. It's disheartening at best to put your heart and soul into something and be met with cold silence on the other side like you've done something wrong. :(

*hugs* first of all, please know that you haven't done anything at all wrong 💗

While it's certainly true that Gen fics often get less attention than fics that focus on relationships, it's also true that there are people out there who are desperate for them and so grateful for the few that they see posted.

I think it also varies from fandom to fandom, and even from trope to trope.

I don't know if this is the case for you, but I've seen Gen fics on AO3 before that didn't have any relationships tagged. If you're someone who posts like that, I recommend adding in some & relationships. A&B indicates a friendship or a mentor/student relationship or colleagues etc as opposed to romance or sex. For people who like the dynamic between character A and character B, they might be quite happy to read a fic focusing on their friendship too.

It's always important to remember that popular fics are just that: popular. They might or might not be objectively "good". They might or might not be creative or well-written or even coherent. There's just something about them that strikes a chord with a group of people in that moment.

Gen readers and writers: have you got some thoughts to share with anon? Let them know they're not alone.

#asks and answers

[thatfreshi]

Ok so... Idea for Astorian? What if the reader was some form of Flamenco dancer? Or something of the sorts, who acts like a bard, but instead of using an instrument they dance to perform magic. Not forced at all ofcorse!! I love the way you write him, it feels like you've nailed his character!

Uhm... if you guys want a part two... yeah. Let me know LMAO

TW - general horniness, reader is threatened at dagger-point

Recommended Song: Shirt - SZA

"Yeah, I just dance and then... magic."

The way Astarion first narrowed his eyes at you when you expressed that you couldn't really do anything else, he thought it was laughable.

"So you don't really fight, you just have fun while everyone else is actually doing things?"

"No, I have to actually be good at it! That's like saying you just open doors."

"Well that would be extremely rude because these hands do much more than open doors my dear."

You rolled your eyes, and he smirked. Now, this was before the two of you even slept together, let alone become an item. Over time Astarion has come to understand just how important of an asset you are to the group, but more specifically how he can't keep his eyes off of you on the battlefield. Whenever you can, the two of you find some time alone in the city to find you the most gorgeous flowy outfits, partially because they're easier to move in, but he also loves spoiling you, especially if he benefits from the view. He likes stitching little messages into the loose pieces of fabric, anything in between love notes and threats to people who have even thought about hurting you. The most recent one reads 'If the person wearing this is dead, you're next.'

Somehow, you and your rag-tag group have ended up being tasked with a group of bandits outside of Baldur's Gate. Does it have anything to do with the tadpoles or anything else important? No, of course not, but you have a hard time not helping people in need.

When you come across the group of bandits, it's apparent that they're not going to be a problem. While you're staking out their camp, Astarion comes behind you, whispering in your ear.

"If we make quick work of this, I'm sure we could find somewhere afterwards, for the two of us."

It sends a shiver up your spine, but you laugh it off, turning to look at him.

"You think you're funny, huh? Come on, we have work to do."

"Oh trust me, I know."

Maybe you should find a new way to cast magic, because it cannot be good for him to be horny mid-fight. Then again, it never seems to be a problem, so maybe it doesn't matter? Astarion certainly is an odd specimen, but you love him anyways.

"I am begging the two of you to stop flirting on the battlefield, please."

Gale pleads, wishing the two of you could keep it in your pants for once.

"Listen, once you find someone who completes your heart like Tav completes mine, you will understand. Until then, I'd stop complaining."

You nudge him and then whisper.

"Aster, you are talking to the guy who had sex with Mystra, and then became a literal bomb to try and win her approval."

"Damnit, I always forget about that! Fine, whatever. If Mystra were here, you would be just as lustful as I am, no matter the circumstances."

Gale grumbles to himself and walks off to the others, as Karlach prepares to make the first strike. She makes the signal, and you all take your positions. Astarion always insists on staying close to you, taking you with him on the flank if he has to. No one tries to argue, because he doesn't trust anyone else to keep you safe.

"Damnit, ambush!"

One of the bandits calls out, a tiefling. Gale casts grease, making their camp light up in flames from the campfire. Karlach strikes one of the bandits from behind, knocking them into the fire, effectively killing them. You don't realize though that one of the bandits had taken a trip to the forest to relieve himself, and he comes up behind you. Suddenly, you're swallowing fear with a dagger to your throat.

"Cease fire! Or the pretty one gets it."

As soon as the others look over in concern, the man's throat has been pierced, some of the blood splattering onto your face. Astarion drinks until your attacker hits the ground, the dagger falling out of a bloodless hand. You catch sight of Shadowheart, who is in close-quarters combat with a drow, and you turn to your lover.

"Come here!"

He doesn't ask questions, and he grabs your hands, spinning you out towards the fight as you send a fire bolt the drow's way. She falls quickly. Soon enough, Lae'zel finishes off the last of them, and Shadowheart casts water across the flames, making sure nothing else is burnt down. You try to catch your breath with the rest of the group, and you realize Wyll is injured, a gash across his shoulder. Normally Halsin or Shadowheart would deal with such a wound, but it's been a long day, and you're the only one with any healing magic left in you. With a few moves of your hips, you send out a healing ward, patching him up rather quickly.

"Thank you Tav."

Astarion comes to your side immediately after, almost as if he's jealous, wrapping an arm around your waist. As the others start going through the bandits' treasure, your lover wipes the blood off of your face.

"Surprised you didn't lick it off."

"I'm sure his blood was rancid, I much prefer yours."

If someone told you a year ago that someone saying they want to drink your blood was a turn-on, you would've laughed them all the way to Waterdeep. Now, you struggle to stand properly, holding your thighs together. He keeps his hand on your face, grip a little tenser than before.

"You need to be more careful when we're out there. I know these people were practically dead already, but some people won't try to trade you off like a token."

Normally you'd roll your eyes, tell him you obviously know that, but you just nod, and his thumb creeps over to your bottom lip.

"Astarion, we can't get this thing open!"

You're interrupted by a shout from Karlach, and Astarion kisses your cheek.

"I'll finish this later I suppose. Come my love, time to loot these insolent fools."

It's as if he set up the scenario perfectly, like he wanted the two of you to be interrupted. Hopefully he keeps his word.

#astarion #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate astarion #astarion x tav #astarion x reader #fluff

[runnning-outof-time]

The Meeting | Tommy Shelby x Reader

Request: no

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x reader

Summary: Tommy takes (Y/N) to her first family meeting after they officially begin dating.

Warnings: language, mentions of drinking, slight age gap

Word Count: 1212

A/N: this is just a little story I thought up after reading these headcannons by the lovely @vintunnavaa (the very bullet point was the inspiration for this story). It gave me this idea almost immediately...although at first I had it in my mind that it would play out earlier in the series...I’m pretty pleased with what it turned out to be. Enjoy! :)

A/N 2: ALSO.....I should point out that I slightly strayed from canon with this. Tommy and Lizzie never got married and Ruby isn’t in this universe that I’ve created. Also while we’re talking about Lizzie...I didn’t mean to make her a bitch in this...it just kinda happened, sorry to all the Lizzie lovers.

Let me know if you’d like to be tagged in stories similar to this one!

———

The significant members of the Shelby Company Ltd. were all gathered around a small table in the main room of the Garrison. Tommy had just called them there for a family meeting. Unbeknownst to them, his girlfriend, (Y/N), was quietly waiting for her cue in the small snug that sat against the bar's opposite walls.

"Can you tell us why you've chosen the middle of the day to call a family meeting?" Polly questioned Tommy, her eyebrows raised as she brought a cigarette up to her lips.

"Because what I have to talk about is important," Tommy answered while working on getting his own cigarette out from its silver canister. He silently cursed his hands for shaking; he hadn't felt this nervous about something in the longest time.

"As if what we were all doing wasn't fucking important," was Polly's dry response. Her words made Tommy send her a look, but he didn't say anything back to her. He was still in hot water with her over the recent dealings with Michael, and he thought it best to step back from the war she was trying to wage.

"This won't take long," he said, his way of dismissing Pollly's snide comment, before he looked around at everyone sitting at the table. "I've someone I'd like for you all to meet...and I figured that there's no better place to introduce her than at a family meeting," he then got right down to the reason he'd gathered them.

"Just throw her right to the wolves, why don't you," Polly was the first to comment, a scoff and a smirk following her words.

"Pol..." Tommy trailed off, sending her a warning glance. His patience was starting to wear thin. "Since this is her first meeting, I'd like to ask you all to tone it down a little...no offering cocaine, no stealing money from her purse, no fucking childhood stories, alright? We're beyond that now...let's act like it around her, eh?" he then laid out his conditions for this meeting. From inside the snug, (Y/N) couldn't help but laugh slightly as she heard Tommy say this.

"What's her name?" Ada asked, genuinely curious about the new woman in her brother's life.

"It's (Y/N)."

"How old is this (Y/N), eh, Tom?" Arthur was the next to ask a question.

"She's a few years younger than me...four maybe. I don't see why that's a concern though, Arthur," Tommy answered his brother's question. Arthur held up his hands and ducked his head, showing that he had no further questions.

"What does she do? She have a job?" Polly then asked two questions of her own.

"She works in the House of Commons..."

"Sleeping with the fucking secretary again," Lizzie's mumbled statement cut him off, making his steely gaze snap over to her.

"What'd you say?" he asked her to repeat herself, his brows now furrowed deeply.

"I said that you're sleeping with your secretary again...that's so fucking typical of you, Tommy," she spoke up, irritation in her eyes as they locked onto his.

"She's not a fucking secretary there. She works in the records room; compiles speeches and fact-checks them to the books before they're brought to the floor," he informed her. Lizzie simply pursed her lips, realizing that her argument was invalid. "Got anything else like that to say about her, eh?" he asked her, his eyebrows raised now.

"No," she mumbled, shaking her head as she looked off.

"Does anyone have anymore fucking questions about the woman I choose to spend my time with?" he then asked the rest of the group, his eyes going to each person to check for their answer. When nothing else was said, he took a deep breath. "She means enough to me for me to bring her to meet all of you...show her some fucking respect, eh?" was his final warning before he turned his attention over to where the snug was. "(Y/N)! You can come out now!" he called to her.

On his cue, she opened the door and stepped out into the main room of the bar. Immediately she felt like she was some show animal with the amount of eyes that were focused on her. She sent a small smile to the group of intimidating looking people as she made her way over to Tommy's side. "Hi. I'm (Y/N)," she greeted them in a soft voice before she politely waved.

"Well have a seat, yeah? We're not gonna eat ya, love," Arthur stated as he pulled a chair away from the table for her.

(Y/N) glanced at Tommy, who simply nodded to the chair. She took that as her ok to sit down, and officially joined the table of people who were still staring her down. Tommy then started introducing each of the people around the table, and she tried hard to remember which name went to which face. She’d heard Tommy talk about them before, but she’d never formally met them. Once he was finished, he stepped behind her chair and sat his hands on top of its backrest, his knuckles brushing against her shoulders.

"How long have you and Tommy been together, (Y/N)?" Ada asked as she leaned forward in her seat.

"We've been seeing each other for five months now, but he only officially asked me to be his girlfriend two weeks ago," she explained, feeling sort of like a child when she said the word 'girlfriend', but that was what she was to him.

"Thomas told us that you work at the House of Commons. What is it that you do?" Polly was the next to speak up. (Y/N) paused a moment before responding. She knew that Tommy had already explained her job position to the group before she'd come out, but she guessed that the prominent woman wanted to hear about it from (Y/N) herself.

So she took a deep breath and began explaining what it was that she did within the building, as well as what her role in the entire scope of Parliament actually was. She felt herself relaxing as she spoke, and she was happy to see that the woman looked pleased with the response she was given.

From there, more simpler questions started getting asked, and she even got to the point where she felt comfortable enough to begin asking some of his family members questions of her own.

By the end of the 'meeting', she was drinking along with the family and agreeing to arrange a time where she'd be able to come over to the company headquarters and help organize all of the logs and files that, according to Ada, were just haphazardly strewn about the storage room.

She left the Garrison with Tommy that night, feeling both happy and proud of herself for agreeing to meet his family and managing to hold her own amongst them. Tommy was happy also that his family had met, and seemingly approved of, his new partner. It was still early in their relationship, of course, but as he sat next to her at the table, he was able to see her sitting by his side at family meetings for many years to come.

———

Tagged: @alreadybroken-ts @magicalxdaydream @the-anxious-youth @cloudofdisney @look-at-the-soul @golden-hoax @elenavampire21 @peaky-cillian @mrsalwayswrite @julkaamazing @evita-shelby @lilyrachelcassidy @notyour-valentine @easilyobessedbutflighty @shelbydelrey @december16-1991 @onlydeadcells @peakyswritings @just-a-blackhole @watercolorskyy @strayrockette @peakyduchesss @alexxavicry

MASTERLIST

#tommy shelby #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby x y/n #tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby blurb #peaky blinders #peaky blinders x reader #peaky blinders x y/n #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders blurb #peaky blinders fanfiction #peaky blinders fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic

[studywave]

PDF Readers: What Do You Want? What Do You Need?

Hey all! I promised a series of posts on resources that have helped me during undergrad, and I'm going to start with the basics: how to read your coursework. I'm going to tag a few people who mentioned being interested in this series, but please let me know if you'd like to be untagged!

@anyto @wocinstem @youneedtostudyives @studyblr-perhaps

Now, I'm an English major, so I can't speak on behalf of the sciences, but almost all of my course materials have been given to me in the form of PDFs. I also download almost all my research in PDF format, and when I find books for free online, they're usually PDFs. Clearly, this means I need some easy way to read and edit PDFs. Below the cut, you'll find information on how to choose a PDF reader that's right for you, as well as information on Xodo, my personal favorite reader.

What should you consider when choosing a PDF reader?

Well, first, there's cost. There are all kinds of PDF readers at all kinds of price points. Xodo, my favorite, is free. I've never used the paid version, because for my purposes, the free version is more than enough. Now, let's talk about those purposes.

As an English student, I'm mostly concerned with annotation. I want to be able to mark my documents up, highlight them, write on them, leave comments, all that good stuff. However, what I need might not be what you need. Do you need to sign a lot of documents? Do you need to build PDFs from scratch? Are you more concerned with appearance, or with functionality?

Once you've answered these questions, you'll be able to search online for reviews dealing with the specific kinds of functionality you need.

Why should you use Xodo?

Well, for starters, the free version has more than I will ever need. I can edit, I can annotate, I can sign, I can highlight. I can do pretty much anything my English major heart desires, and I can use my Apple pencil to do it (I'll make another post about ipads and Apple pencils and link it here once it's finished).

This screenshot shows a lot of my favorite parts of Xodo. I can highlight in different colors (I use green to make information on further reading stand out) and I can write (also in different colors) with my Apple pencil, all while scrolling and navigating with my hand. I don't have to constantly click back and forth between marking and scrolling like I do with some apps, and I can lay my hand on the screen without disturbing anything. This, the ability to confine the text marking to the pencil, is really important to me. I don't like to be constantly clicking around and making accidental marks.

I've also been able to read almost every PDF I've put on here without much trouble. Between the size of my ipad screen (which will be the subject of another post), the high resolution, and the ability to zoom and scroll at the same time, I can read even pretty low-quality PDFs with very little trouble.

You might also notice the little box with the "4" in it in the upper right corner. This indicates the number of tabs I have open because yes, you can have multiple tabs open in Xodo. I've had over ten tabs open at a time, some containing 300+ page documents, and I've never had lagging or glitching problems.

Here's a selection of other actions Xodo allows. I've never scanned anything to PDF using it, but if the rest of the app is anything to go by, it probably works just fine.

I've had the occasional problem with glitching (maybe once per every five hours of reading I do, if that) which usually just involves a section of the text going black and can be solved by closing and reopening the app. Closing and reopening is no problem, either, because Xodo saves your place.

All this to say, I've used Xodo for a little over a year now, and I have no complaints. I cannot recommend it highly enough, and I'm sure the paid version is even better. That's all for now. Happy reading!

#studyblr #resources #xodo #studyspo #study blog

[rmd-writes]

hi rae i love your fics 🌟⭐️❤️ do you have any must follow blogs or writers on ao3?

hi nonnie!

Thank you so much, I'm really glad you've liked my fics and I always appreciate hearing that so, so much💖

As to your question, I did try to confirm which fandom you were asking about but you mustn't have seen my posts! So, I'm going to assume you're asking about LS fandom because that's what I've been posting the most about here and in terms of fics lately and hopefully I'm not way off track 😅

I do want to preface this by saying that there are a lot of very talented creators in this fandom, so I know I'm going to be missing people off this list and I'm sorry for that! But I'm doing this off the top of my head and there's just no way I'm going to be able to include everyone.

So, a list of blogs that I rec:

@welcometololaland first and always 💖💖 she is my ride or die, we share a brain and I love her to bits because she's a superb human being, but objectively, she is funny as hell and one of the best writers around, and if you don't read her fics you're missing out

Blogs for cast content, bts content, promos, stills etc:

most of the cast/characters have source blog type blogs, and there are a bunch of tarlos/show ones as well! these are the ones I tend to check for content most often

@911lsbts @rafaelsilvasource @ronenrubinsteinsource

Blogs for gifsets and edits (either because they make them or share a lot of good content, or both!)

@strandtk @maxbegone @danieljradcliffe @reyescarlos @guardian-angle22 @lutavero @tailoredshirt @angeltk @velvet-ink

Blogs for meta posts that will make you think, laugh or cry (or all of the above)

@doublel27 @goodways @guardian-angle22 @reyesstrand @strandnreyes @beautifulhigh

be sure to check the tags, sometimes the things that make me feel the most are in the tags and not the posts!

Blogs for fics

this is the one I'm most scared I'll forget someone for, but I'll do my best and also preface this by saying that as someone who reads fic in three fandoms, I know there are a lot of great fics out there that I miss because a) I just don't have time b) I don't actually check the ao3 tag very often and c) I don’t tend to read whump or very angsty fics which there is a lot of in this fandom. To find fics, I tend to rely on ao3 subscriptions, seeing fics on my dash (this is why it's important to reblog fic we like!) and recommendations from friends.

Having said that, here are some blogs/writers I definitely recommend, (and you'll find links to their ao3 on their blogs):

@welcometololaland @liminalmemories21 @iboatedhere @strandnreyes @reyescarlos @reyesstrand @goodways @doublel27 @maxbegone @sunshinestrand @heartstringsduet @lovesgalores

There are many other writers whose fics are languishing in my open tabs or whose wip snippets I’m enjoying and I've generally reblogged those snippets so if you have a scroll through my page on wip wednesday/snippet sunday you'll see those too!

God, I know I'm missing people off this list (I'm sorry, I've done my best late on a Sunday night!) but it's worth checking the blogs I've linked out and seeing whose creations and thoughts they're sharing too!

Nonnie, if I've done this and you were actually asking about one of my other fandoms, I hope you enjoyed this anyway and please let me know if you wanted recs for another fandom! 💖💖

#rmd answers #please don't take it personally if you aren't here #i have probably forgotten people and will kick myself for it later #deja queue

[zepskies]

Not really a question but they're a very few writers that write fanfiction that have really affected me. Not just their work but the way their work and posts reflect them and I can count on one hand how many there are and you're one of them. Your work is just so captivating, I've literally laughed out loud so many times and it is a source of comfort as right now I'm probably going through the hardest period of my life and have to start therapy even though I'm on the younger spectrum of things. I don't mean to dump here, just wanted to let you know that your work really does mean the world, it really really does.

And i love how your choice of obsession is the lovely Jensen Ackles.

Please do let me know if you're still taking reqs or taglists for soldier boy!

:)x

@lifeonawhim You just made my whole week, hun! 🥹

This in particular warmed me:

Not just their work but the way their work and posts reflect them and I can count on one hand how many there are and you're one of them.

That's such an amazing compliment, and it truly means so much to me. One of the reasons why I write fanfiction along with my original stuff is not just to explore fandoms and characters that I love, but also for the reason you messaged me. I'm so glad my work has been able to brighten your day, make you laugh, distract you from your troubles in whatever small way.

Though I'm sorry that you're going through a hard time. Trust me, I've been there, and therapy can be a wonderful and essential part of working through it. Because unfortunately, being young in life doesn't always mean you can escape challenging times, anxiety, or trauma (I can relate). It's more than okay to need help, and to ask for it.

As Jared says, "Always keep fighting." 💗

And you're not "dumping" at all. Thank you very much for letting me know that my work means something to you! That encouragement is just as important for me, as a writer and a person, as is reading things that are able to comfort you when you're down.

Jensen's characters are certainly my current obsession! lol But believe me, I've had others: Loki/Tom Hiddleston, Jon Snow/Kit Harrington, Clark Kent/Tom Welling, and Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier/Sebastian Stan just to name a few.

About my Tag Lists:

I've been combing through my tag lists recently to remove blogs that are no longer active or look like bots, so I was able to add you to my Soldier Boy tag list! 💜 If you would like to be added to other tag lists of mine that are still open, feel free to check out my nifty Tag List Form and add yourself.

As for requests:

So my requests are "officially" closed. I've written a lot of requests in the past year, but I still have several in my inbox because a few more trickle in lol. But since you've been so very kind, if you have a request go ahead and send it to my inbox. I can't promise that I'll get to it right away, but if an idea grabs me, I can't not do it, if that makes sense. 😉

Thank you again for sending me such a lovely message to brighten up my day!

#ask me stuff #reader appreciation #you made me smile #lovely readers #always keep fighting #jensen ackles #jensen ackles characters #dean winchester #soldier boy #soldier boy/ben #spn #supernatural #the boys #jason teague #beau arlen #alec mcdowell #boaz priestly #zepskies answers

[mint-yooxgi]

You are welcome to publish this or not as you see fit but please understand my point is about detaching your criticism of my recommendation style which you are welcome to make from the list of authors. Their names do not deserve to be dragged around on a post where you are in a completely one-sided beef with me.

I removed the link to your masterlist because I no longer felt comfortable sending readers your way. While the quality of your stories has not changed, I take the whole presence of an author into consideration. You asked me to see you as a person not a product and this is me doing that. Reading over your asks about the "cringe anon" (even once corrected that it was not about me) still left me saddened to see you joining the askers in making fun of someone's assumed talents, spelling, and denigrating "hoes" when here we are reading stories celebrating people who sleep around. These are not attitudes I wish to expose my readers to in the service of sending them to a story they might like.

From the very beginning of my reaching out to you as a consideration once I was aware you would like to know you have been spoken of positively, you have been wrong about my motives every single time. I will not go into the multiple reasons why I actively choose not to ping writers because you have not seemed open to listening that there could be a reason for my decision equally grounded in being respectful to writers.

I really liked the stories of yours that I had read but will now never be returning to. You lost a reblogging fics with multiple paragraphs reader enthusiastic about your writing over the aggressive way you have spoken to and about me. Please know that despite this I still sincerely wish you well although I am no longer among your followers.

Elizabeth

I still feel like we're missing the point here. I asked for basic respect for all authors on that post regarding properly tagging us beside links showcasing our own writing. At this point, NONE of those authors have yet to be tagged, so I doubt they're being "dragged around" as you've so put it here. My bet is three quarters on the list don't even have a clue about what's going on, and I bet most of them would agree with me about appreciating a tag beside their hard work.

Taking the whole presence of the author is completely valid. I understand that. Like I said before, I asked to be seen as a person through a proper tag, and explained my reasonings why on your post. I'll reiterate them here. Oh wait, I explicitly stated being seen as a person vs. a product on this post: Why You Should Tag Authors in Your Fic Rec Posts. A general post, not aimed at you, but as a general callout to people who don't tag authors in their fic rec posts. I'm sorry you believed that was directed at you, but honestly, at this point... if the shoe fits, don't wear it.

Additionally, I never once thought, implied, or suggested you were being the 'cringe anon'. You were the first person to bring that up, to which I replied to immediately both to your original comment, and with a post. Here's a link to the post, where you can also find the original comments which I provided as screenshots.

I feel like it's also important to mention that this is my blog. If I get a rude anon telling me that my writing is "cringe" and then another anon following it up by calling ME a "dumbass hoe", I have every right to reply to it in a manner that I see fit. Whether it's by making a meme out of it, because honestly, it was utterly ridiculous, or by replying with something else, that's entirely up to me. You definitely don't have to agree with how I handle it, but you also have to recognize that if someone comes onto my blog and shits all over me, I'm not going to take that lightly. My friends won't, either. Whether you agree or not... okay, sure. Good to know you believe I should let people who send hate anons walk all over me and my writing without sticking up for myself.

Never once has a conversation been opened by either or us, and I do take accountability for myself for not reaching out, to discuss why you won't give the basic curtesy of tagging authors in your fic rec post. I just assumed it was such a basic thing, that I didn't think such an issue would arise from it. To me, it takes the same amount of time to add a comment tagging me to a post my own writing is linked on, as it does to actually tag me properly in said post. Then again, I actually think making a comment is more time consuming, especially when the post already exists and is already formatted.

I truly don't understand what's so difficult about adding an @ in front of an author's username. Yet, here we are. All this says to me is, "I don't want to tell writers I'm sharing their work, fuck letting them have this sort of feedback." It's even stranger when I know you had no issues previously reblogging my fics and adding beautiful paragraphs of feedback to them. I guess tagging on a fic rec post is too difficult. Oh, well.

Was I aggressive in my tone. Probably. I did my best not to be, and I do apologize if it came across that way. At the end of the day, I know I'm not the only author upset by this whole ordeal, and honestly, since it's turning into such a big deal to offer authors basic respect, you have my regards.

#ask

[rogueddie]

I'm afraid this will make you uncomfortable, but you're one of the bigger stranger things blogs I see around and I'd like for people to read what I have to say

As someone who escaped an actual doomsday cult I really don't appreciate all the cult jokes in the fandom. I haven't seen you make any so this isn't a meant to call you out or anything, but I'm getting pretty frustrated and needed to talk about it somewhere, preferably somewhere people might see it

A cult-a REAL cult, not the occult-is a group of people who are brainwashed to follow a system which causes everyone in it to perpetuate the smothering of personality within each other for the financial benefit of it's leader(s)

I understand that most cults that people see in media are fictional cults that deal with fictional concepts or are sometimes grounded in reality involving failed connection with the occult. This is why the idea seems funny to people, because the notion seems ridiculous. We see Jason claiming that Eddie is running a cult because he saw occult-ish occurrences and we see that and think he looks ridiculous attributing that to Eddie. And now the fandom thinks the idea of eddie running a cult is just so funny, but can we please stop

Seeing people make jokes about eddie having a cult is very disturbing to me. His character is such an advocate for self expression and individuality. His character feels so safe to me and I hate that people are making jokes about this.

And honestly I can't imagine if Eddie were real, he'd appreciate it either. Not even necessarily for the same reasons, but just because he was unjustifiably accused of running one. I feel like he'd feel icky claiming to run one if only for THOSE reasons, even if he doesn't know how damaging cults are. I understand most don't, making jokes about worshiping any given object or whatever, but cults aren't just a group of people believing in some new mythology

I'd make a post about it on my own account but I don't want to get super personal on there and reveal my tragic backstory there

Tl;dr cults are super damaging and eddie would fucking never. People should, for the love of god, stop making jokes about it

(Sorry if this did make you uncomfortable trauma, but I think it's important. Still, don't feel pressured to answer if it does. Please include cult trigger tags if you answer)

I am fortunate enough to have no personal experience with cults so you don't need to worry, this hasn't made me uncomfortable. I do know enough, second hand, to know that escaping a cult is no easy feat. I'm really happy you were able to get out. I hope you're doing well.

I'm sorry you've had to see these jokes that have disturbed you so much. I'm not surprised that there's people crossing lines, there's some very stupid people running around this fandom. Don't hesitate to block them, even if you usually like their stuff or even if you're friends. Your own comfort should be the priority.

I should say though, if it's in a story context and they're things that the characters would actually say, I would defend that.

But, then again, I can't imagine them making any jokes about Eddie having a cult that isn't so over-the-top and sarcastic that it's clear that the joke is "isn't the idea of Eddie having a cult the stupidest thing you've ever heard?" the joke would be that Jason is an idiot for thinking so.

I don't really know how put content/trigger warnings so if I'm missing the important ones or tagging wrong, please let me know.

#ask #cw: cults #tw: cults #tw: cult mention

[notetaeker]

Goodbye 2022

@peregrination-studies thank u for the tag! I love love planning and reflecting on the year so this was such a fun tag for me to do

What are things you've grown to like this year?

The process honestly. I've always been impatient when it comes to seeing results but over this year I started to appreciate the process of things? I've always been the type to start a project and then work on this project for 3 days until I'm done and by then I'd get so tired of it or be unsatisfied with the result because it doesn't reflect my tireless 3 days worth of work. But nowadays I start projects, put them away, continue it later, and it's been so enjoyable. I take time to fix any small things I would have ignored in the interest of time, start over if necessary. Just you know, processing it slowly. Instead of rushing toward the result, the experience of whatever it is- is the most important. It's still a work in progress but i think this is one of the things that surprised me the most in myself - the fact that I'm even able to do it. Other things I've grown to like: autumn lol and maybe even winter just a teensy bit.

What are things you've learned this year? Oof a lot of things actually. I think I'll make a list from my journal - Every morning I get to decide how to live my life / what I prioritize - Allah will open doors for you from placed you couldn't imagine - But you have to put in some effort and show you're trying - Living is much easier when you accept it instead of fighting it -Surely as the evening comes after a scorching hot day, so too will respite from whatever you're struggling with, it is the law of the world (the mercy of Allah) and all that was only until June asdlkj let me not make this too long lol maybe I'll make a post on stuff I learned this year

What works did you enjoy this year, be it films, books or other art? Books: The Secret Garden, Born a Crime Movies/Anime: Spy x Family, Julie and Julia, Also I watched all the spiderman movies on some random week like a crazy person Other art: sarah burns studio on youtube and her seascape watercolor paintings. They're so simple but also really beautiful

Is there something you're still looking forward to this year? There's only 2 days left! I was looking forward to buying yarn and I got it yesterday, so excited abt that. I'm hoping to go the beach today or tomorrow and see (sea) the ocean so :') excited for that if it happens (its so cold tho who knows). OH ALSO i wanted to bake cookies for my students for the first day of classes back from break and might make those early so that too ! :D

What would you like to see happening next year? SO MUCH omg - 1. Improve my arabic: I enrolled in an Arabic class because I've literally forgotten so many things so excited abt that. I also signed up for some other islamic studies classes b/c there was a discount so hopefully those are fun too! 2. take more notes !!! I keep reading / listening to such good stuff and telling myself I'll write it down when I have more time later and never doing it D: so next year hopefully I fill up a notebook or smth with those 3. Hopefully get comfortable with traveling / visiting places and then do exactly that 4. D: waiting on the result of my interview for a 2023 internship 5. turn some good deed into an unconscious daily practice. Rn I'm thinking sunnah prayers, because I've kind of dropped off from regularly doing them in the last year :( 6. ART. MORE REGULARLY. like i was doing this year :') im pretty pleased with the amt of art i did this year alhamdulillah

Tagging: @wayfaringmuslimah, @gushuwa, @wecandoit, @frenchiepal @humble-boness, @ckmstudies, @juliistudies, @heliops, @museeofmoon, @iwillsurvivecollege, @learnelle, @caffeinatediaries, @caramelcuppaccino

#tagged #skldjfksf did i write too much lol #oh well 😌

[galvanizedfriend]

I was listening to a podcast today about fandom/fanish stuff and there was a discussion about the state of fandoms in general and how people seem to be interacting or responding less and less to content creators. It's something that's been happening all over, but it becomes more glaring in older fandoms that seem to be shrinking (such as my little piece of hellsite here). We could talk about reasons why and all, but I don't think there is one single reason. More like a combination of several different things. Fandom spaces moving to discord, people losing interest, newer fans having some different ideas of how to interact with stuff due to arriving in fandom with an experience that comes mostly from TikTok/Instagram/algorithm-driven platforms, etc.

I've written about this in the past, but I feel like it becomes more and more relevant with each passing year. Since I have some new followers as well, just wanted to remind yall of the importance of giving positive feedback to your fave fanish content creators.

The only way content creators have of knowing what they're doing is being seen and appreciated is if you tell them. And the only way their content can spread is if you help them. This is not to say you have to share and comment on stuff you don't like, but if you *do* enjoy it, then yes. Writing comments on tumblr or hearting posts are great, don't get me wrong. These are awesome and everyone loves them. But the only person who sees those are the OPs. The way to help content spread is to reblog it. On AO3, it's to comment and kudos the fics. That's how you make stuff stand out. I don't know why people won't even leave kudos anymore, it's literally just pressing a button, but it's been happening a lot.

I promise you there is nothing wrong with leaving comments on old fics or reblogging old stuff on tumblr. This is not instagram, nobody thinks you're stalking them. Doesn't matter if the story was posted a few days ago, a few weeks, or even a few years. Or if the gifset has been going around for a decade. I know I don't speak only for myself when I say it makes my day to know people are still reading my older fics, or starting a series that I finished writing years ago. And as for newer stuff - there is really no better way to encourage your fave writers and creators in general to keep doing what they do then to show them you're there. Doesn't matter if it's a single line of comment on AO3, or a reblog with no tags whatsoever on tumblr. It works just the same as long-ass comments and a gazillion screaming tags.

When you spend weeks working on something, hours every day, and it feels like nobody cares, it's really discouraging. Some people deal very well with doing stuff for themselves, and that's awesome, but most people get super motivated through validation. Be it to continue something, or to start something new. It can be super scary to share stuff with others publicly - it is for me, to this day, I get super nervous posting stuff, just freaking out about how people are going to react, and I know how important having this validation is for me, which is why I feel so strongly about this. I know I can consider myself somewhat lucky in my current fandom because I seem to get a kind of traction that not many authors do these days, at least with one of my fics, but even then it can feel a bit discouraging to see that general atmosphere of silent contemplation of stuff spreading.

I know we have loads of new people around, so please, please, don't underestimate the power of your support! It really does magic! Sometimes, getting an awesome comment might encourage people to continue stories they had practically abandoned. Or to post something new. Or to finish that update you've been waiting for. It does not bother anyone to know they have readers eager for their stuff, and when they do publish/post it, it's super important to let them know you were there and you appreciated it, because that's the only way we know. We cannot just guess.

So if there's any content creator out there that you follow, admire and whose work you'd like to see more of, be it a fic writer, or a video maker, or an artist, or someone who makes edits and gifsets, *anyone* creating stuff in your fandoms, don't hesitate to let them know. Show your support, KUDOS the stories, reblog their posts, leave comments whenever possible - *on the actual stories*, if possible! Let people know they're not screaming into the void. Fandom is also about community, and there is no better way to create that feeling than to share - experiences, ideas, content, anything. It's how we keep our blorbos alive and thriving even years after their original habitats have been extinct (or made toxic by crappy showrunners).

And as always, this is a reminder that my inbox is always open to whatever. If you want to share recs, talk about a fic you read, about the shows, silly blorbos, or if you have a thought or a question about something I've made, so long as it's not disrespecting anyone in fandom, all's fair. I do not mind at all.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk, hope you have a wonderful week!

#yokan talks #fandom stuff #fanfiction writing #podcast gave me thinky thoughts

[jungk0oksthighs]

Hi💜 so I’m a new writer that’s just starting out, I was wondering if you had any tips? Also I love your work sm💜💜

this is so sweet! thank u so much angel, writing is different for everybody but i'm happy to share some of my views and tricks etc! probably going to ramble a lot so i'll add a read more tab ~

every fic needs a beginning middle n an end, so i would plan these before you start writing it so you know where the story is heading and have a clear guideline of what you need to follow

make notes of random plot / sub-plot points you want to include and keep referring to the list when you're writing! this is really helpful for me

not every character needs a trauma or a problematic opinion, tension is great in fics i 100% agree but it needs to be relevant to the overall story telling and shouldn't be random (especially with angst, writing arguments is great but make sure the characters will think back to the arguments be it to learn from it or for more tension further down the line etc)

don't get disheartened if somebody doesn't like something you've written - it happens to all of us / take negative feedback with a pinch of salt! feedback is feedback and it can be a wonderful tool to improve ur skills but don't get hung up on people's opinions too much

write what YOU want to write. as long as ur passionate about the characters / storylines etc the right demographic will find u eventually

TAGS TAGS TAGS TAG EVERYTHING ITS HOW PPL FIND UR WORK!!!

there are networks u can join too!!

don't overwork yourself. write however much you can when YOU want to!!

have fun with it. get creative. make worlds that leave readers wanting more! if u have a vision in your head for what you want to write stick with it and don't let anybody sway you into telling a different story!

don't fixate on notes / lack of feedback. it can be disheartening but i assure you a persons number of notes / followers do not directly influence their talent. some of the best writers on here have less than 500 followers and get barely any notes (which is sad, i agree :( but try not to let numbers affect how you feel about your work) also block hate anons because fuck them and their venom, not worth your time at all!

don't compare yourself to others. everybody starts somewhere!!!

write things you're passionate about, things you have experience in or things you want to spread awareness about

if you're going to be a ff writer even though readers *know* who you're writing about don't skip over their physical descriptions as they're still an important part of ff!

when it comes to plot planning try and think of niche or never seen before plots! we all love a good friends to lovers trope but make yours stand out. everybody is writing something similar these days in terms of tropes and au's so add a sprinkle of ***flavour*** to yours that makes it stand out and more memorable to readers

but MOST IMPORTANTLY!!!! remember that your blog is yours and you can do and you can write whatever you want to! the world is yours so show it what you've got. for me writing ff is a coping mechanism and also high-key a form of escapism, if you get stressed writing then don't force it honey. you should enjoy writing and if there's ever a point where you don't then you need to take a break. this is ur blog. these are ur fics. don't let anybody tell u any differently.

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!! I HOPE IVE KINDA HELPED SORRY JUST WENT ON A BIG RAMBLE LOL. IF U WANT MORE SPECIFIC ADVICE PLEASE FEEL FREE TO ASK IM ALWAYS HAPPY TO HELP!!!!

sending u so much love and positive energy cause i remember how nervous i was when i first started out!!! you've got this, show us what you're made of!!

[fangirlovestuff]

Always you - Steve Rogers x reader

a/n - hey lovely people!! churned out this 9k word story in two days because I was very inspired. as always, feel free to tell me your thoughts at the end! also, please heed the tags! there are some warnings, but I also want to repeat that steve is the main love interest in this story, not bucky, the relationship between bucky and reader is in the past and they're good friends, don't want anyone getting disappointed because of the tags. now, on to the story! I honestly had a blast writing this, and I hope you enjoy reading it!<3

summary: You've met Steve and Bucky in middle school. Now, at Bucky's wedding, some important information is revealed, and some important realizations are made in its wake. Steve was your first crush, Bucky was your first boyfriend. You three have stayed friends through it all, but now, when your best-friend-with-benefits Steve asks for your help, will the dynamic shift?

word count: 9.1k

warnings / tags: childhood friends to friends with benefits to lovers, high school au (some of it), fake dating, wedding, civil breakups, briefly alludes to smut multiple times, cheating (not a main character but is mentioned), responsible alcohol consumption, stucky x reader friendship, steve is the main love interest!! this story really has so many tropes and i regret nothing<3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was wrong. You knew it was wrong, could feel the bit of dread surging in your stomach at the prospect of someone finding out, especially one someone in particular. But your thoughts melted away, and that dread gave way to something else, a pleasure that just felt right.

You were panting for a few moments, catching your breath before swiftly getting up to slip back into your dress.

"C'mon," you heard Steve whine from the bed. "They won't notice if we take a few more minutes. Let's take a shower," he suggested, sitting up.

You sighed. "Stevie, as much as that idea is appealing, we gotta get out there." You looked around the room in search of your bra, which you located tossed on the floor on Steve's side of the bed. "Can you gimmie that?" you gestured at it.

Steve picked it up, but instead of tossing it to you, he simply looked at you expectantly, as if asking you to reconsider his offer. You glared back at him, motioning for him to hand over the garment.

After a quick staredown, you sighed and made your way to Steve's side, who got up quickly and held the bra high and out of your reach.

"Oh come on," you grunted while jumping up trying to reach it, "stop being such a dick."

From the smirk on his face, you had a pretty good idea of what he was going to say.

"You lo-" Steve could barely get a word out before you punched his arm forcefully, rolling your eyes. He gasped in hurt, lowering his arm to rub at the spot, and you quickly snatched the bra out of his hand, knowing there's no way it actually hurt him.

You put it on and shrugged the sleeves of your dress on again, smirking when you heard him grumble something about "not fair" and then the shuffling of him putting on his clothes again.

Making your way over to him, you turned your back to him and gathered your hair away in a silent request he understood immediately, zipping up your dress gently, being careful as he's ripped a few of your zippers before. You turned back, smiling at him in thanks, before making your way to the mirror.

"Damn it, Steven! I told you not to ruin my hair!" you whined, seeing the ruffled state your previously meticulous hairdo was in.

He rolled his eyes and stopped buttoning his shirt. Huffing, he handed you the hair gel you always used.

"Thanks. And get dressed," you swatted his butt as he went to retrieve his suit jacket.

"What do you think I'm doing?" he sassed back, shrugging on the jacket and getting his shoes.

You salvaged your hair as much as you could, slipping your heels back on. "Ready?" you asked.

"Yeah," he sighed, grabbing the keycard and ushering you out of the room.

As you both waited for the elevator, he leaned down to whisper in your ear, "you know, it's not too late to regret it an-"

You slammed your shoulder into his side before he could complete the sentence, making him laugh, in turn making a grin spring onto your face.

"Classic Rogers," you rolled your eyes teasingly, "Should've known weddings would make you horny, you big sap."

"Pfffft, whatever."

"See? You have no actual retort!" you said gleefully as you stepped into the elevator side by side.

When you got to the hall, you thankfully weren't too late, as the rehearsal dinner was just starting. You quickly took your places, waving to Bucky, who was sitting at the head of the table with Natasha.

"About time," he mouthed at them, and they both shrugged apologetically. As his best people (because Bucky insisted he couldn't choose between his best friends), you should've probably shown up early rather than late to the rehearsal dinner, but at least you weren't very late. Small victories.

"Okay," Bucky rose up from his chair, taking Natasha's hand and helping her up as well before grabbing his glass of champagne, clinking it with a fork. Once he got everyone's attention, he smiled, satisfied. You fondly noticed he was probably elated at the fancy way he did it, the nerd that he was.

"We wanted to thank you all for being here with us," he continued, "and helping us make our dream ceremony come true."

"We can't wait to celebrate with all of you tomorrow," Natasha smiled elegantly, "and we thank you all for being here today, tonight, and throughout the entire journey."

"To Bucky and Natasha!" Steve raised his glass.

"To Bucky and Natasha!" everyone repeated.

As you toasted your glass against Steve's, he sent a big beaming smile your way, and you couldn't help but smile back and whisper, "sap."

He kicked your leg under the table, and you hid your giggle behind your champagne glass.

The dinner went on nicely, and you made some conversation with Yelena, Natasha's sister, who was also her maid of honor. She was a hell of a woman, and your conversation flowed freely until she eventually excused herself to go chat with Nat's other bridesmaids, Wanda and Laura, Clint's wife. Clint was Natasha's best friend, but had given up bridesmaid duty, saying Laura would look way better than him in a dress. Bucky and Clint had got on splendidly, and you and Steve often teased him about ditching you both for Clint and Natasha, to which Bucky would only chuckle, shaking his head and wrapping an arm around each of you, promising you wouldn't get rid of him that easily.

You were striking up a conversation with Steve as you heard a warm greeting coming your way, right before registering who it was coming from.

"Rebecca Barnes!" you grinned, "how are you, darling?"

"I'm great!" Becca smiled back as she wrapped her arms around you, and then Steve, in a quick hug. "Traffic was insane. I wish I would've postponed that meeting," she sighed. "I can't believe I missed Bucky's speech."

"Well, at least you're here now," you comforted, "besides, you didn't miss much, just Stevie tearing up, but that's obvious," you added, sending a wink Steve's way.

"Awwww, really?" Becca grinned, picking up on the teasing, "how sweet."

"What can I say?" Steve sighed wistfully, "I'm a sensitive guy. Romantic, for sure. Sweet, and smart, and handso-"

"That's enough," you rolled your eyes as he sent you a playful grin.

"You two are the cutest," Becca smiled. "I'm so glad you finally got together."

Finally?

"We're not together," Steve and you chuckled in unison.

"Oh, really? It's just, neither of you brought a date, so I just assumed… sorry," Becca said. An awkward silence settles between the three of you for a few seconds before Steve found a topic change.

"So, Becca, how was that important meeting of yours?"

And as they were both discussing it, you sent Steve a small, grateful smile, before slipping away back to the table to get yourself something to drink.

George and Winnifred Barnes were sitting at the table, chatting idly with Bucky and Natasha.

"Sweetie, I haven't had a chance to talk to you yet today!" Winnie waved you over, and you chuckled as you sat down next to them all. A second mother to you, Winnie Barnes was always looking out for you and Steve, as well as her four other children, and you've grown to love her endlessly for it.

"How are you? Excited to give your baby away?" you asked her cheekily as you sat down.

"Oh, you have no idea. George and I were so worried he'd live in the basement till he was thirty, with all his little science projects," Winnie replied just as cheekily, making you laugh heartily in reply, along with George and Natasha.

Bucky just rolled his eyes affectionately, as he was used to this kind of treatment, and knew you were all proud of him. He was a mechanical engineer, and a bit of a nerd, so it really was a little surprising when he managed to catch the eye of a woman as elegant and intelligent as Natasha, who was an architect and a powerhouse. Well, not that surprising to you, since you've been the first to fall for the Barnes charm, but surprising to the rest of the people who knew him. Nevertheless, Bucky would be the first man to wholeheartedly admit his luck finding someone as incredible as Natasha.

"What about you dear," Winnie smiled knowingly, "Planning on settling down yourself? Maybe with someone in particular?"

She gestured with her head and you followed her line of sight, which, unsurprisingly, led to Steve, making you let out a chuckle. "What, ol' Stevie over there? Nah. I've had plenty on my plate with this punk," you winked at Bucky. "I couldn't possibly deal with another one."

"C'mon," Bucky groaned, a soft blush blossoming on his cheeks, "that was like 13 years ago!"

"And yet, you broke my heart, Bucky Barnes," you sighed, dramatically placing your hand on your heart, "the agony, the heartache, the anguish-"

"Alright, we get it," Bucky chuckled, and your monologue was cut off by your own bubbly laugh.

"Well, suit yourself honey," Winnie was still smiling. "As long as you're happy, you know I am."

You sent a warm, grateful smile her way. "I'm happy for these two lovebirds," you pointed at Bucky and Natasha as he wrapped her arms around her and she relaxed into his embrace, humming contently.

The rest of the night went by in a similar fashion, with great conversation and even better company. At the end of the dinner, you and Steve escorted Bucky to his room.

"Such a shame you're not allowed to see Nat until the wedding. Need us to fight off the monsters under your bed instead?" Steve teased.

"Fuck you, Rogers," Bucky said affectionately.

"Wouldn't you like to try. But alas, you're just shy of a married man," he mock-sighed.

"More importantly, Nat would kick your ass," you told Steve, smirking as he shuddered at the idea.

"Well, we're really giving you away," he patted Bucky's shoulder.

"They grow up so quick," you added, pretending to wipe tears from your eyes.

"I hate you. Both of you," Bucky stopped in his tracks in front of his room.

You and Steve only exchanged a quick look before lurching forward and enveloping Bucky in a tight hug.

"We love you too, punk," Steve said, emotion heard in his voice.

"I can't believe you managed to be the first one of us to get married," you said, feigning the same emotion Steve's voice bore, making the boys laugh. "But I'm so happy for you, Buck," you said, more sincerely now.

When you parted, you caught the faintest glint of tears in Bucky's eyes before he quickly blinked them away. "Night, jerks," he greeted before getting the keycard and unlocking the room.

"Night Bucky bear. Get some rest before the big day," you winked at him. He chuckled and closed the door behind him, leaving you and Steve to walk in companionable silence to your rooms, which were next to each other.

When you reached your room and went to unlock it, Steve stopped you though.

"I have a favor to ask."

When he explained what he wanted, you furrowed your brows. You weren't expecting that.

"That's not part of the arrangement, Steve."

"I know, but please?" he begged, his baby blue eyes boring into yours, "it doesn't have anything to do with the arrangement. And you know I wouldn't ask if I didn't have to."

You sighed. You were never very good at saying no to Steve Rogers. Looking back at the time you knew him, it wasn't very surprising that you agreed to this plan of his.

It all started in middle school, an important developing period in a preteen's life, when the teenage angst shines and you're all possibly even more childish than you were at elementary school, yet feel grown up.

That's when you met Steve, and by default Bucky.

Steve Rogers was a quiet, shy boy when you met him. He was physically small, and at the beginning, when you were in the same class, you hadn't really paid much attention to him, focusing instead on making new friends and acclimating to the new and challenging learning environment.

But one fateful 8th grade field trip changed that. You heard a few kids playing truth or dare at the back of the bus but didn't pay them much attention.

When you got off the bus, you went to get your bag from the trunk, and that's when you felt a pair of arms wrap around you. You were confused for a moment, but then the person backed away, and you were barely able to realize it was Steve Rogers before he mumbled that it was a dare, not looking at you, and going off to retrieve his own bag, leaving you even more confused than before.

What was the dare? Was it to hug the smartest girl in the class? You'd gained quite a reputation for your grades. Or maybe the ugliest girl? Or just the first one he saw when he got off the bus?

Why did the hug make your stomach flutter so pleasantly?

From that day on, you started paying attention to Steve. You started noticing the way his pretty blue eyes lit up in amusement when his friend Bucky was joking with him in class. You noticed what songs he was humming under his breath, and the way his favorite jacket was a little big on him. You noticed his smile was brighter than the sun itself. You noticed he was always drawing in the margins of his notebooks, and you wondered what these drawings were of. The few you've seen in passing were great, but you never said anything about it.

For all the noticing you did, it's not like you actually talked to Steve more than you have before.

It was just a little crush though, and in any case, at the beginning of freshman year, Steve started dating Peggy Carter. You liked Peggy a lot; you were never very close, but you knew she was witty and intelligent and you had eyes to see she was beautiful, so you convinced yourself you were over Steve.

And if any gossip about them caught your interest, and you cooed with your friends about how cute they were, that was just because it's gossip. Everyone's interested.

Then, at the end of freshman year, Steve and Peggy broke up. Of course it didn't make you hope. That'd be stupid, to hope.

In sophomore year, you got assigned to do a group project with Steve and Bucky.

You weren't sure what to expect, but you thought it would end in one of two outcomes, since they were best friends and you didn't know them that well, despite having been in the same class for the last few years. Outcome number one, they'd chat amongst themselves and let you do all the work alone. Outcome number two, they'd do all the work themselves and wouldn't ask your opinion. Either way, you'd be left out.

But to your surprise, that wasn't the case at all. You actually got along great with them both, finding their company refreshing and their sense of humor more similar to yours than you thought.

Ever since that project, you were added to the inseparable duo of friends, making you a trio. Sure, you still had friends of your own, but you started hanging out with them more, getting to know them better.

At first, you'd be lying if you said you weren't still a little thrilled at the prospect of getting close to Steve particularly. You found he had great taste in music, and managed to get you excited about art in a way you didn't know you could be. He even showed you some of his sketches, and they were incredible, as you've told him, fighting a giggle at the blush that rose on his cheeks.

But as time went on, you grew closer to Bucky. He was incredibly smart and quick-witted, and introduced you to some pretty awesome movies. He was a bit more academically inclined than Steve, who was certainly smart but his talents lay in different areas. You felt like you met your match in Bucky, and you even had a little bet going about who could get a better grade in your class.

(You won, and as promised, he bought you chocolates. You were smiling this wide because of the chocolate, of course.)

While you were still a bit bashful around Steve, it was easy to be open around Bucky, to laugh and tease him good naturedly just like he teased you. It was fun to be around someone who had quite a few common interests with you, and was admittedly adorably excited about them.

It came as a surprise to just about no one but you when Bucky asked you to be his girlfriend a few months later, and that you happily accepted.

You two still hung out with Steve, obviously. Things were pretty much the same, and you even tried to avoid PDA around him as to not make him uncomfortable. He was still your friend, and you both still cared about him and enjoyed his company.

Just that now you'd also enjoy each other's company on your own, bashfully cuddling while watching movies or animatedly discussing certain concepts with each other while your hands were interlaced.

When you bought Bucky a book for his birthday, just a couple of weeks after you started dating, he kissed your cheek, and you felt butterflies coming to life in your stomach. About a month later, he kissed you for real, and you felt like you could fly.

Bucky was your first kiss, but you were in high school, so he probably wasn't going to be the last. And he wasn't. It fizzled out, turning back into more friendship than courtship, and at the end of the year, you split amicably, promising to stay friends.

You didn't talk that much to Steve or Bucky over the summer.

But coming back to Junior year, you rebuilt your friendship again, as easy as it's always been, except now you could tease Bucky about his kissing, but that was pretty much the only thing that changed.

Oh, that and, well, Stevie got Huge.

He was always small and skinny, but he was apparently just a late bloomer. Sophomore year saw him putting on a little more muscle, not that you looked closely, but when you came back after summer break, he was already a head taller, and would continue growing. His shoulders were wide now, and it's not like you could've helped but notice, right?

You ended up dating another guy in the middle of Junior year. His name was James too, funnily enough. ("You have a type," Steve teased. "It's a common name!")

He was a year older, and was your first time. He was also your first real heartbreak, when he broke things off at the end of summer because he was going off to college.

You cried for days, but at least you had Steve and Bucky to lean on. At that time, they truly became your best friends, bringing you ice cream and a shoulder to cry on.

From then on, they grew very protective of you, to the point where you'd sometimes fight about it with them. But at the end of the day, you knew it's just because they cared.

The three of you graduated together, and you had the picture of you all throwing your graduation cap framed on your dorm desk.

You went to different colleges, but you were all close enough and determined enough to stay in touch. You had dozens of selfies of you all on your phone, out partying or chilling in the park.

You stayed close after college too, when you all came back to New York, where you'd grown up. Bucky had gotten himself a job at Stark Industries, a high-tech company, and you and Steve couldn't have been prouder. Steve started working part time as a MOMA tour guide while he was working on making a name for himself and his art.

You've been there for each other all along, nursing through hangovers and sicknesses, comforting through breakups, and celebrating through accomplishments.

At 25, Steve and you were the first people Bucky introduced Natasha to, even before his parents.

"Ah, so you're the famed first love," she smirked when she met you. "He snores like hell, doesn't he?"

You and Steve cracked up and loved her instantly, even though you still made sure to give her the protective Talk when Bucky was in the bathroom. You were satisfied that her intentions with Bucky were noble and that she was indeed worthy of him, a conclusion you reached after exchanging a quick glance and nodding subtly.

Steve always got you without you needing to say anything.

That night, Steve walked you home. It was like it always was, the silence easy and conversation even easier. Steve lived pretty close to you, so this, him walking you home, was a regular enough occurrence.

Except, well, this was no ordinary night.

"Bucky seems real serious about Natasha," Steve mused.

"Yeah, I guess he does. She seems cool though, and we approved, right?"

Steve hummed affirmatively. "She's not what got to me, honestly. It's just… I don't wanna get serious just yet, y'know?" he admitted bashfully. "I know I'm 25, which has always seemed grown enough. When I was fifteen, I sure thought my 25-year-old self would have his shit together," he chuckled, "but I don't. and I don’t think I want to yet."

"That’s totally valid," you smiled. "I mean, I get you. We're happy for Buck, but we wouldn't want the same thing for ourselves just yet."

"Yeah, that's just it. I just want to make use of what little time I have left to be irresponsible," he grinned, "make some questionable choices."

"Really?" you laughed, "what kind of choices?"

"I don't know. Just act on my impulses, I guess," he shrugged, somewhat bashful.

"Well. What are your impulses telling you right now?"

"Honest?" he asked, and you nodded for him to continue. "Um, well. I don't want to settle down just yet, but I won't lie, I am maybe jealous of one thing. I do want… companionship," he said, his cheeks heating up, making you laugh and cup his face in your hands.

"Steve Rogers, you are adorable," you stared into his eyes, a glimmer of mirth in yours. Except that when he looked down, licking his lips, your smile dropped as you mirrored him, silently gravitating towards each other until your lips finally touched slowly for only a moment before turning hungry, wanting, desperate.

That night, the arrangement was born.

Sleeping with Steve was fun as hell, and you knew he felt the same about that, but you both agreed it should stay like that. Just sex, not anything more complicated, not anything that could ruin your friendship, especially not you two and Bucky's friendship. What you had in that regard was more special than anything.

So, if you were both single and willing… it would just happen. Hot lips molded together, familiar hands tracing skin, and being friends through it all. Just friends.

It was the only secret either of you had ever kept from Bucky. It felt weird, not being able to talk to him about this, but you both agreed it was best to keep things from getting complicated.

And besides, what was more irresponsible than having a best-friend-with-benefits?

But what the arrangement definitely didn't include was pretending to date to get Steve's ex, who was apparently coming to the wedding, off his back.

"Steve, seriously. Is this really necessary?"

"Please, I am begging you. Pretty please with a cherry on top, I'll do everything you want, I swear!"

"How did you not know she was coming? Couldn't you have brought someone?"

"I didn't go over the guestlist! Why would I? And clearly neither did Bucky until today. At least he told me about it now," he grumbled.

You sighed. He was such a pain in the ass. But you knew you'd eventually surrender, so it was better to do it now, when it still seemed like you had an actual say in this, even though both of you knew you'd be on board.

"Fine. Who is it?"

"Ashley," Steve grimaced.

"Fuck, her?" you sighed. "How is she even invited?"

You recognized that name well. Steve and Ashley dated for a few good months a couple of years ago, until she cheated on him, he found out, and obviously broke up with her. You understood why he wouldn't want to face her on his own.

"Apparently she's a plus one for one of Natasha's distant cousins," he sighed. "I'm lucky Bucky even looked over the guest list again and recognized the name, otherwise I wouldn't have even known in advance."

"Yeah," you furrowed your brows. "So what do you wanna do? I mean, we just told Becca we're not dating. There's no way we could lie to everyone about that."

Steve nodded in agreement, "But maybe we don't need to convince everyone, we just need to convince her."

He explained what he wanted to do, which was very reasonable, and you readily agreed to, knowing how badly things ended between them and wanting to help Steve out.

"Goodnight, Steve," you said, unlocking the door to your room.

"Night," he smiled back. "And thank you. Seriously, I owe you big time."

"I know you do," you winked, and heard him chuckling before you closed the door behind you.

Well. This was going to be interesting.

The next morning you woke up to a pounding on your door. You quickly registered your surroundings before groaning, "Coming, coming!"

You got up and opened the door slightly, hiding your pajama-clad body behind it.

"Oh, it's you," you huffed when you found Steve on the other side of the door. And if that polo shirt he was wearing looked great on him, that wasn't your problem. "Come in," you said, not bothering to wait on him and making your way to the bathroom, closing the door behind you to start getting ready.

"Not gonna invite me in the shower as well?" you heard Steve tease from the other side of the door.

"Now why would I do that, Stevie?"

You laughed quietly as you heard him grumbling on the other side of the door.

"Make it quick, you're gonna be late," he said, and then you heard the springs of the bed creaking a little, so he probably sat down.

"Be right there," you promised.

After a few minutes of frenzied preparation to make yourself presentable, you started grabbing everything you'd need for the day. Your makeup, shoes, phone and more were all stuffed into your bag, except your dress, which you carried in a dry-cleaning bag, not wanting it to crumple up or get dirty.

Bucky and Natasha had rented some rooms in this hotel for the wedding party and the rehearsal dinner, but now, you were making your way to the venue itself, a beautiful event garden not far from the hotel, where you'd spend the rest of the day getting ready.

Lost in the frenzy of last-minute preparations, hair and makeup, and last adjustments to the seating arrangement, you'd lost Steve for a while, but you figured he was probably with Bucky, and you'd find them both soon enough.

Sure enough, about an hour before the ceremony, you'd located them both, talking quietly in a back room.

"Not getting cold feet, are ya Buck?" you smiled, closing the door behind you.

"Nope," he smiled, big and bright.

You weren't one to be emotional, but you really were so happy for him. You went up to him and wrapped your arms around him tightly. "Love you," you murmured, and you could hear the smile in his voice when he returned the sentiment.

But you couldn't have your reputation ruined like that. When you broke apart, you pinched his cheek in your hand, making him roll his eyes. "I can't believe that nerd that was so afraid to ask me out is getting married," you cooed.

"I'll never live that down, will I?" Bucky sighed with a smile.

"Afraid not," you confirmed with a satisfied smile.

"Well, I guess Steve's lucky for being too shy and not beating me to it in high school," Bucky grinned at the man in question, but you only stared at the both of them questioningly.

"What do you mean beating you to it?" you chuckled, "was there a competition?"

"No, not really. But Stevie had a crush on you like a year before I did, he just never did anything about it," Bucky shrugged. And when an astonished smile broke onto your face as you turned to look at Steve, Bucky added, "I thought you knew that."

"I didn't," you were grinning at Steve, who was blushing slightly. "But it is delightful to hear. Does great for my ego."

"Yeah yeah, don't let it get to your head," Steve bumped your side with his elbow as you giggled.

and so, a little over an hour later, you and Steve were standing beside Bucky as he waited for Natasha to come out. You could swear his breathing actually stopped for a few moments when he saw her, and you totally understood why; she looked ethereal in her white dress, her red hair arranged beautifully and her blue eyes shining brightly with excitement and love.

And maybe you shed a tear at their beautiful vows. And maybe Steve saw you wiping it away from the corner of his eye. And maybe he didn’t say anything about it, only smiled.

After that, you watched them have their first dance together, and they looked stunning, moving across the floor in practiced rhythm. And when the DJ invited other couples to join them on the dance floor, you had no qualms about taking Steve's extended hand in yours, letting him twirl you around on the floor, leading you in a familiar dance.

But then you remembered there was another purpose to this night; the plan. Well, it wasn't as much of a plan as it was just an idea – for you to stick to Steve's side, and act like you usually did, you were both tactile anyway. From there, you'd just let Ashley assume whatever she would, which is probably that you're dating. Everyone else did, so you figured you'd be convincing enough for her, while appearing completely normal to everyone else who knows you two.

Thinking of the devil.

"Steve Rogers!" called a bewildered voice, "is that you?"

You turned to find Ashley, dragging a man, presumably her date, by the hand and approaching you and Steve. That was unexpected.

Quickly, you brought yourself even closer to Steve's side, resting your palm on his chest, feeling his quickening heartbeat. Clearly, you weren't the only one who didn't expect her to come up to you, but you could handle it.

"Ashley," Steve smiled a small, somewhat awkward smile.

"Oh my god, it is so nice to see you! Such a small world," she gushed, clearly talking to him.

"It's so great to see you too!" you butted in enthusiastically, ignoring her annoyed frown and extending your hand out to shake hers and her date's. "I assume you're here from the bride's side," you continued with a bright smile.

"Um, yeah," Ashley's date finally spoke up. "I'm Dave, I don't think we've met. I'm a distant cousin of Natasha's."

"Oh, nice to meet you," you smiled, "glad you could be here."

"So," Ashley spoke up again, regaining her friendly composure. "It's nice to see the two of you are still friends. Did you know they know each other since high school?" she turned her question to Dave, who had an impressed expression.

"Actually," Steve was the one to but in this time, "We're dating now," he looked down at you with an affectionate smile, which you returned.

"Oh," Ashley looked taken aback at the new information. "But weren't you guys like, best friends or something?"

"We still are," you answered. You didn't even need to make an effort to be genuine. "There's no one who I'd rather hang out with. That hasn't changed," you smiled up at him, and he let out a gentle laugh.

"And she calls me a sap," he shook his head affectionately.

"Watch it," you playfully chastised, making him let out a small laugh.

Steve's always looked the best when he laughed.

"Oh, you guys are so cute," Ashley smiled, but even you could notice how fake it was, and at that moment, you didn't know what came over you. You were never particularly vindictive, but something about this bitch really gave you the ick, and you couldn't resist a little jab.

"Thank you," you returned her smile. "And you know, a relationship like ours doesn't come easy, so it means a lot to us that we can be together like this, loyally," your smile didn't waver as you watched a cloud of anger pass over her face before she hastily made her goodbyes and left.

Beside you, you heard Steve snicker. "Was that really necessary?"

"Well, you were the one that asked me to be your fake girlfriend, so I get to have my fun. It's not like she didn't deserve it," you shrugged, as the two of you went back to dancing together.

The rest of the night was uneventful enough, spent in the arms of family and friends, and friends who had long turned into family. Bucky had a ridiculously happy smile plastered on his face the entire night, and you suspected he was a little drunk, whether it was on alcohol or love.

You, however, were definitely a little drunk on the alcohol.

You spent the entire night dancing, at first with Steve, then with Bucky, Natasha, Bucky and Steve, Bucky and Natasha, Becca, and just about anyone whom you knew and came into your sight.

But when the party started dispersing and the alcohol's influence was starting to dissipate, you had gotten sleepy, opting to sit back at your table and watch for pretty much the rest of the night.

Finally, the last of the guests had gone home, and it was down to the wedding party. One by one, everyone congratulated the happy couple before returning to the hotel, you and Steve being the last in line.

You leaned forward and wrapped Natasha in a tight hug first. "You're way too good for him, but congrats," you cheerily whispered.

"I think we both know that's not true," she smiled softly as you both looked over at Bucky, who was laughing at something Steve told him.

"Yeah, alright. Bucky's awesome or whatever. But you're awesomer," you grinned at her and she returned an amused grin of her own, before you and Steve switched and it was your turn to say goodbye to Bucky.

"Have fun on the honeymoon. Don't do anything I wouldn't do," you winked at him, and giggled once a blush spread on his cheeks. "God, you are so easy to get to," you grinned. "Love you. Congrats."

"I love you too, unfortunately," he rolled his eyes before pulling you in for a tight hug. "Thanks for being my best woman."

"I'll tell Nat you said that."

He groaned, but before he could say anything you spoke up again. "Seriously though, it's nothing you should thank me for. I'll always be here for you," you said, patting his shoulder.

"Is that a display of genuine emotion I see? My my, Stevie's gotten to you, hasn't he?" Bucky teased, just as Steve was coming in your direction and wrapping an arm around each one of your shoulders, leaning slightly.

"What'd I do now?" he asked, sending you both a lazy smile.

"Infuse me with your corny ways," you pouted. You noticed the glint in his eyes, and sent him a glare just quickly enough before he'd say something stupid.

"Aw, I'm sorry," he offered instead, making it clear he was in no way shape or form sorry. "Ready to head back? Or do you need us to do anything else?" his first question was directed at you, the second at Bucky.

"No, you guys go ahead," Bucky answered, "before you two fall asleep on me."

You smiled gratefully, feeling your eyes practically shutting off on their own and letting Steve lead you to an uber he called, since neither of you were in the state to drive.

The two of you climbed into the back seat, and you rested your head on Steve's shoulder. The drive was about ten minutes to the hotel, there was no way you could fall asleep, but it was so comfy, and you shut your eyes for just a moment—

"We're here," Steve whispered, gently nudging you awake.

You mustered a hum in response and clumsily climbed out of the car, leaning on Steve the entire way into the hotel, up the elevator and to the door of your room, and you reached for your bag –

"Shit," you groaned. Steve was just about to enter his own room, but stopped in his tracks when he heard you.

"What's up?"

"I forgot my bag," you sighed, tears of frustration coming to your eyes, "my phone and wallet and keys and room key an-"

"Hey, calm down," Steve was beside you in one swift step, rubbing your shoulders comfortingly. "I'll give Buck a call, tell him to bring it by when they get back, it's fine. You can crash at my room for now," he offered, and led the way once you nodded gratefully.

"Thank you, Steve," you expressed your gratitude verbally when he handed you a spare t-shirt and pants.

"You're welcome," he smiled softly. "Go get changed, I'll give Bucky that call."

You changed in the bathroom, using your finger to brush your teeth, figuring it'll be enough until you got back to your room, and switching to the impromptu pajamas Steve lent you.

"I talked to Bucky," Steve updated you once you emerged from the bathroom. "He said they found your bag but they're probably going to take another hour or even more until they get here, since they're still hashing out payment with the venue and there are a couple things they still have to take care of, among those seeing if anyone else forgot anything," he smiled. "So you should go to sleep, and I'll wait and wake you when they get here."

"No," you whined your objection, "I don’t want you to wake me up. You woke me up today," you pouted. "And besides, you're tired as well. Just tell Bucky to leave it at the reception and I'll grab it tomorrow morning."

"As you wish," he chuckled, quickly shooting Bucky a text. "Done."

"Thanks, Stevie," you smiled, plopping down on the bed, "you're the best."

"I know," he said smugly, getting up to switch into his pajamas as you buried your head in the pillow, letting out a sarcastic laugh.

When he finished getting ready, he turned off the lights, only leaving the light in the bathroom on with the door nearly closed, closing all the blinds, just like he knew you liked to sleep. He climbed into the bed, and you felt it dip beside you as he settled, not making any move towards you. It wasn't that kind of night; you both knew that.

But there was one thing nagging at you still.

"Stevie?" you whispered.

He only hummed to indicate he was listening. When you turned on your side to look at him, his eyes were closed, and he was laying on his back.

"Can I ask you something?"

His eyes were still closed when he spoke in a low voice. "Sure."

"I- well, I don't know if you remember this," you started hesitantly. "When we… the 8th grade field trip, do you remember it, Steve?"

"Yeah, I guess," he murmured, still not opening his eyes but furrowing his brows.

"What was the dare?"

"Huh?" his eyes fly open, and he turned on his side to face you as well. "What dare?"

"You hugged me when we got off the bus and said it was a dare," you reminded him.

"I don't remember," he mumbled, and even in the dark, you could see right through him.

"C'mon Steve, it can't be that bad," you laughed, "I just wanna know." When he just shrugged, you insisted. "Tell you what. You owe me for tonight, so this can be the way you pay your eternal debt to you. Tell me! Tell me tell me tell me!"

"Why do you even want to know that bad?" Steve chuckled, not denying he remembers anymore.

"Because," you answer non-committedly, and when he kept staring at you, you huffed, "fine. I'll tell you why I want to know if you tell me what it was."

"Okay." Steve accepted, taking a deep breath before blurting out, "therewasnodare."

"What?"

"There- there wasn't any dare," he sighed.

"What?" you repeated, "then why…"

"Because… you'll laugh at me. Well, you just looked really pretty. But also, you looked really off, like you were sad about something or wasn't feeling great, and kind of all I could think about was what if I could make you feel better."

You gasped, remembering exactly what he was talking about. The long bus drives were making you carsick, and you wouldn't be surprised that you probably looked as miserable as you felt.

When he didn't hear you speak, he continued, "anyway, I thought maybe I could help, but we never really talked, and I didn't think you’d want anything to do with me. But I still… I couldn't just leave it alone. So I hugged you and then made up an excuse for it."

"Stevie, that's so sweet," you giggled quietly.

"Yeah, whatever. Now I believe you owe me an answer," he poked his finger into your side, making you giggle once more.

But you still weren't ready to answer his question, deflecting with another one of your own. "Was that what Bucky talked about when he said you used to have a crush on me?"

"Well, yeah," he admitted bashfully, "even though it wasn't unt- wait, you still didn't answer my question!"

You chuckled, suddenly becoming bashful. "Well, I just… I guess I wanted to know cause that's when I started having a crush on you."

"You had a crush on me in 8th grade?" Steve propped himself up on his elbow, shocked.

"Yes," you admitted quietly.

"Shit, I can't believe that! And I thought…" he got all quiet for a moment before continuing in a whisper, "I thought I was too scrawny for anyone to really like me. That's why when Peggy- when she started talking to me and being interested…"

"Are you kidding me?" you huffed out a laugh, "I mean, do you really not know?"

"Don't know what?"

"Steve, like half of the girls in our class had a crush on you in middle school!" you laughed at the stunned expression on his face.

"What?!"

"We were all kinda really obvious about it too. I can't believe you didn't know!" you continued giggling.

"Wait, so when I started dating Peggy, you…"

"Were disappointed," you admitted, "very. But I got over it," you shrugged.

"But if you liked me first, then why did you date Bucky?" he asked, still confused.

"Because Bucky was the only one of you who was interested in me, or the only one of you who showed it," you added once he stared at you blankly.

"Wow," Steve said, plopping back down onto the bed, "this is a lot to take in."

"You don't say," you smiled. "If 8th grade me would've known you liked her back, she would've probably jumped with joy."

"Tell me about it. I can't believe my idiot self missed the chance to be with his crush."

"I mean, I guess you didn't like, miss it miss it," you mumbled, so quiet you were uncertain if he heard you, but clearly, he did, apparent in the way he propped himself back up again.

"What, you mean the arrangement?"

"Um yeah, that too."

"And?" he prompted, seeing as you didn't continue.

"Nothing," you answered too quickly. "Goodnight Steve," you said, hurriedly moving to turn your back to him but you couldn't before he caught onto your shoulder, making you plop down on your back midway.

He hovered over you, not so close but close enough that you could see his eyes, even in the darkness enveloping you.

"What did you mean?" he whispered.

"I dunno, Steve," you were whispering as well, swallowing dryly.

"You were badass out there today, you know? Telling Ashley off like that without really saying it."

You were surprised by the sudden topic change but welcomed it.

"Like I told you, she deserved it."

"Why?"

"Are you really asking?" you chuckled. "She hurt you, Steve. She actually got the opportunity to be your girlfriend and she threw it away, and she hurt you."

"You didn't miss it miss it," he said quietly, "the opportunity."

You couldn't meet his eyes. You couldn't.

That's until he gently used his finger to tilt your chin so your eyes would meet his.

Steve's lips were familiar. But the way they felt against yours wasn't; soft and tender and a little hesitant before you granted his tongue permission to slip into your mouth, and kissing Steve never felt like this.

Kissing Steve was always urgent and needy and desperate in a way that drove you a little insane, frenzied and fiery as you collided.

But now it was slow, and gentle, and if you thought this man couldn't drive you even more insane than you already were, you were terribly wrong. It made you feel so safe, so cherished, like your heart grew wings and started flying but you were securely grounded to this moment, to the man above you, the man you l-

Loved. The man you loved. It was time to stop running, at least within yourself.

Nothing more happened that night, as you exchanged lazy kisses until you fell asleep pillowed on Steve's chest, agreeing to talk more in the morning.

What actually happened was that you finally let Steve in the shower with you, and then, cuddled up on Steve's hotel bed, with him in his boxers and you in one of his shirts and nothing else, you talked.

"I don’t know if it's a good idea, but is it weird that I don't really care?" you giggled.

"Not weird at all. I've wanted this since I was fourteen, I think that was enough time to hesitate."

"Yeah," you smiled, "I guess you have a point."

"So we're going for this, right? We're on the same page?" Steve asked, a timid smile forming on his lips.

"Absolutely." His smile widened upon your answer, and it made you want to kiss him. Which, you now realized, you could do. So you leaned in to capture his lips in a chaste kiss.

"What was that for?" he asked once you parted.

"I like it when you smile," you admitted, biting your lip and averting your eyes from his. "It was always the greatest thing about you."

"Ohoho, this is great!" Steve laughed, "you have feelings!"

"Whatever," you mumbled, unable to keep up the pretense and smiling once your eyes met. "If you laugh at me, you get no kisses."

"Aw, no," he laughed again and pulled you closer into his arms. "I won't laugh at you, promise."

"Good, cause I want to kiss your stupid face and hold your stupid hand, jerk."

Steve beamed, but before he could reply, you both jumped from your place on the bed once a knock sounded at the door.

"Coming!" Steve answered, before hurriedly putting on a pair of pants.

"What if it's Bucky?" you whispered urgently, "what are we gonna tell him?"

"Pretend you’re asleep," he whispered back, and you slipped under the covers and closed your eyes.

Turns out your guess was correct, as you listened to the hushed voices from the entrance.

"Hey buddy," Steve greeted, and you could practically hear the smirk in his voice, "have a good night?"

"Ha ha," bucky answered. "I figured I'd stop by to say goodbye and drop off the purse." You heard footsteps entering the room, and focused extra hard on keeping your breath level.

"I'm sure she'll appreciate it, but she's asleep," Steve added in a hushed tone.

"No she's not," Bucky said matter-of-factly, "the blinds are open. She can't sleep with open blinds. Morning sunshine," he called your way.

Dammit. He knew you too well.

You feigned a yawn and stretched, "hey Buck," you smiled, "just woke up. Thanks for that," you gestured at the purse he had just put down.

"You're welcome," he smiled. "Now c'mon, give me a hug before I leave," he opened his arms.

"No, I'm too sleepy," you pouted, opening your arms for him instead. Steve was bigger than you, but his shirts were ridiculously tiny, a fact that never once bothered you when he was wearing them, but you were now acutely aware that meant it would never cover what it needed to if you got out of the covers.

He chuckled. "Not even gonna give me a proper goodbye?" he went over to the bed, bending over and wrapping his arms around you, and for about two seconds you thought you were in the clear, wrapping your arms around him too, until he started pulling you up from the bed, which prompted you to hurriedly let go of him, plopping yourself back down on the bed and reaching to hold the covers securely.

Bucky gave you a weird look, and you could only chuckle awkwardly in return.

His gaze then turned from you to Steve, from Steve to you, back and forth a couple of times until a smirk broke onto his face. "About fucking time!" he laughed.

"What?" you both feigned innocence, looking at him.

"You really thought you're so subtle too," he continued laughing. "Congrats on getting your heads outta your asses. You are finally dating, right?"

You and Steve spoke in a chorus of "what" "how did you-" "we"-

Bucky stopped your fumbling when he spoke up. "It wasn't that easy to figure out you were sleeping together."

You frowned at Bucky. "There's no way you figured that out on your own." You looked at Steve accusingly, but he raised his arms in surrender, shaking his head, just as clueless as you were.

"You know I have a master's in engineering, right?"

You raised your eyebrow at him, unimpressed.

"Fine," Bucky rolled his eyes, "Nat asked if you were dating after the second time she met you and then I realized something was going on," he admitted begrudgingly. "But you're dating, right?"

"Who told you that?" Steve asked, genuinely confused since you two only decided about it last night. Or this morning really, depends on how you look at it.

"Oh, Dave and Ashley came by to talk to Natasha and me after they saw you."

You and Steve looked at each other before bursting into laughter.

"I-" Bucky started, and then shook his head. "You know what, I'm not even going to ask. As long as you're happy."

"Thanks Buck," you smiled.

"Enjoy your honeymoon," Steve smirked, and you smirked along with him, fixing Bucky with a knowing stare.

"How is it that even when I literally catch you with your pants down, I'm still the one that winds up teased?" he grumbled.

"It's because we love you so much," you grinned up at him.

"Whatever, punks," he scoffed affectionately. "I gotta go before Nat will yell at me for making us late. Talk to you."

"Bye Bucky!" you and Steve waved at him as he left, shutting the door behind him.

"So. That went well, all things considered," you giggled.

Steve hummed in agreement before coming back to the bed, hovering above you and caging you between his arms as he pushed you back on the mattress.

"Now that that's out of the way," he murmured, "what were you saying about holding my hand?"

"What? I said nothing of the sort," you played dumb. "That sounds more your territory, if anything."

"Really? Let me refresh your memory." He leaned down and started peppering kisses on your face between his words. "You said my hand was stupid-"

"Sounds like something I'd say," you smiled, nodding.

"-and you said you wanted to hold it."

"See, that's where you lose me," you giggled as he moved to your jaw and neck. "No way I said that."

"Hm. Well, I had something to ask you, but I guess if you're not being truthful I shouldn't bother," you felt him smirking against your neck.

"No, what did you wanna ask?" you drawled, intrigued.

"Admit you said it."

"Fine," you sighed, "I guess I want to hold your stupid hand, and I guess I did say that to you just before we were rudely interrupted."

Steve hummed in approval before pulling you up to sit and sitting on the bed next to you. He took your hand in his before bringing it up to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to the back of your palm.

"Then I guess I will ask you." He took a deep breath before grinning at you. "Will you be my girlfriend?"

You burst into giggles. "I waited literal years to hear you say that to me. Yes, Steve, I'd love to be your girlfriend." You squealed when he tackled you back on the bed again, capturing your lips in a kiss that sent butterflies flying in your stomach.

"I'm glad," he mumbled against your lips when you broke apart, "because I really want you to be. It was always you," he said, his eyes meeting yours.

Your emotions overcame you, and you replied not with words, but with another kiss to his lips, conveying with actions what you couldn't yet with words, and by the way he kissed you back, you knew he was saying the same thing.

I love you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

whew, if you stuck through that, ily:) as always, i love hearing your thoughts, and take care<3

Taglist:  @horny-nd-bored @shannon124 @perfectlyharolds @wintersoldierslut @iceebabies  @sleepingpapermouse @steverogerswasalwaysworthy @holtzkinnon @angelicl-y @stydia-4-ever @thatoneperson5000 @fangirlfree @kaitcordx25 @bequeening @steve-barry-damon-logan @itscrazycherryblossomcollection @hollandxmarvel @stargazingfangirl18 @readsreblogsfics @onetwo3000 @beritmetal @harrystylesholland @jazbot2000 @anobscurename @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @peggycarter-steverogers @evansphnx12 @starlightcrystalline @procrastinatingsapphictrash @imvivian  @sleutherclaw @farzanam2004 @yeeterthekeeper @justile

Chris & co. taglist: @patzammit

if you wanna join / be removed from a taglist, comment/message me! much love <3

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x y/n #Steve Rogers x Female Reader #chris evans x reader #steve rogers fluff #bucky barnes x reader

[euphoniumpets]

Secrets and lies | Shang chi x reader

Summary: where shaun didn't know that he was a dad until now.

Pairing: Shang chi x reader

Word count:

a/n: I'm tagging @wint3r-h3art because she made me do it and i blame her but also because i had this thought for a while c: also, please check out on this post. i will continue write shang-chi, but not respect the decisions of the actor :). please educate yourselves. also part 2?

Warnings: violence.

masterlist | request | navi

A sigh crept from your lips as you stared at the journal in front of you. It was a hectic day at the hospital and your brain was tired from the exhaustion. Nothing important could make your brain process everything you've read for the past minutes.

You grabbed your phone to see if your son or daughter had texted you. They knew that you were having a long shift at work today, but you couldn't keep worrying if they had eaten or taking care of themselves yet.

Even if you knew that they were old enough to take care of themselves. Living in New York as a single mom was the hardest thing you had to do by yourself. But with the support of your family, they helped you with everything that you needed.

The father was out of the picture since he didn't knew he had children to begin with. You knew it wasn't the best decision to do, but he decided to break up for unknown reasons.

''Y/n, I think you need to see this,'' A cow-worker told you. You frowned towards her before she reached her phone to you. At the screen, you could see that it was a live going on and you immediatly recognised Shaun. Not only that, you could see your own son helping. ''What the hell?'' You replied. This was not the thing you expected it to be.

With panick rising through your body, you told them that you were going to leave work early. You needed to find your son and daughter to check them if they were alive. Besides, you knew it was only to be worse when Shaun was in the same place where your son and daughter was.

Picking up the phone again, you tried to call them but gained no answer. Scrolling down the contact list, luckily, you found Katy's number. It was a miracle that you still saved her phone number. ''Y/n?'' You heard her on the other side.

''Oh, thank god,'' You let out a relieved breath before stopping at the streets. ''Are they safe?'' You asked her, knowing that she would later catch upon what you meant. ''Yeah, both of them are here, in Shaun's apartment,'' She answered as you swallowed the lump in your throat.

''I'll be there in a few minutes,'' You told her before you hung up on the phone, ignoring the heavy feeling in your chest.

-

Walking towards Shaun's old apartment wasn't a good feeling inside of your stomach. You knew how he would react, but you knew the truth will be out. Grabbing the door handle, you were met with Shaun's eyes before turning away towards your son, Tao. ''Jesus, are you guys okay?'' Are you hurt?'' You rambled before you rushed towards Tao and Xiuying to check for any injuries.

''I'm fine, mom,'' Tao replied with a groan as he swatted your hands away from his face. You looked towards Xiuying as she nodded next to her brother. ''Don't worry,'' She responded. ''Would anyone here would tell me what's going on?'' You asked them as you looked between Katy and your children.

''Is this what you have been doing while you were at Peter's?'' You scolded him as he looked down on the ground.

You didn't dare to meet Shaun's eyes even though that you felt him staring at you. Then, everything starts to click into Shaun's mind when he saw the kids in front of him. ''How old are you?'' Shaun questioned as you bent your level to your children's height. ''Don't answer him, ok?'' You told them as you ignored their looks.

''How old are you, kids?'' Shaun began to yell a little louder as they looked at him. ''We're seventeen! Now why is everyone yelling?'' Tao snapped as he shrugged his shoulders away from your grip.

''They're seventeen?'' Shaun told you as you didn't dare to meet his eyes. ''Mom?'' Xiuying asked as you stared into Shaun's eyes. ''Are they mine?'' He asked.

''No, my dad left us when he found out that you were pregnant,'' Tao responded as he looked at you. Your eyes turned towards them. ''But you said...'' Tao begin to say before you looked at him with sympathetic look.

Tao shook his head before he ran towards the door. ''Tao!'' You shouted as you were about to go after him, but Katy grabbed your arm. ''I need to go after him,'' You told her sternly.

''I know, I will go after him since I need to pack my stuff before we go, and Shaun over here...'' Katy trailed off as she glared at him. ''Both of you, talk,'' Katy responded before she walked outside of the door.

Nobody said anything as you kept staring at the floor.

''So, you're my dad?'' Xiuying spoke up as her brown eyes looked at her father.

#shang chi #katy shang chi #xu shang chi #shangchixreader #shang chi spoilers #shang chi and the ten rings #xu xialing #xu wenwu #shang chi x reader

[peterrparrkerr]

Gaslighting - read on ao3

Tagging: @snowstark @someonepostedart @thegreenmetblue @sinditia @just-things-things @andacheesyoneliner @lokitonypeter @bluestarker @lilcoffeecup @useless-fanfictions-for-mcu @tnpt

Peter isn't spiderman in this fic, but Tony is Ironman.

*-*

"Tony?" Peter calls, walking down the stairs and into the lab.

"Yes, baby?" Tony answers, lifting his head up from his project to smile at the boy.

"Dinner's ready," he said softly. "I tried to call you earlier but you must've been busy."

Tony steps away from the work bench and pulls Peter towards the stairs again when he saw the curious glint in the boy's eyes.

"I was, I'm sorry, baby. What are we having?"

Peter's Bambi brown eyes flicker up to Tony's, the question momentarily side tracking him from voicing his questions on what Tony was working on.

Peter wouldn't approve, Tony knew. Best to keep him out of it for as long as possible.

"Uh, chicken alfredo, with broccoli and garlic bread," Peter said, leaning into Tony as they both took the stairs up to the main floor.

"Sounds wonderful," Tony smirked, pressing a kiss to Peter's temple before sitting him, then himself at the already set table.

*-*

"What are you working on?" Peter asked, padding over on bare feet. A yawn pulls his mouth open as he rubs at his half lidded eyes.

"Nothing important, baby," Tony hums, closing the lid on the small sample.

"If it wasn't important you'd be in bed with me," Peter pouted. Tony chuckles and steps over to him, making sure -again- that Peter won't get too close.

"You're right," Tony nodded, wrapping his arms around the younger man and kissing his pouty lips. "Lets go to bed, hmm?"

Peter nods sleepily and allows Tony to walk him back up the stairs.

He waits until Peter's fast asleep before returning to the lab. Hes so close to finishing, he can get it done tonight if he focuses.

*-*

"Tony, please, harder," Peter cries, back arching, exposing his neck. Tony snaps his hips in harder, giving the boy just what he's wanted.

Ever since the test, Tony's gotten more energy. He's gotten stronger. Its made their sex all the better.

His next round of shots is in a day. He can feel his whole body changing on a molecular level.

He's more connected with the endo-sym than he ever thought possible.

Peter cums on a wail, and Tony's not far behind, burying himself to the hilt as he fills Peter up.

The two lay beside each other, panting and sweaty.

"What happened to your eyes?" Peter asked softly, turning his head to look at Tony.

"What do you mean, baby?"

"They, flashed," Peter tried, stilted with an effort to find the right word. "I swear for a second they turned blue."

Tony lets out a huff of laughter, turning his head to look back at the boy.

"Must've been a trick of the light," he mused, pulling Peter close, even as the younger scowled in confusion.

"Are you sure?" He asked, lithe form pressed against Tony's more athletic build. If Tony wanted to, he was sure he'd be able to snap the boy in half with his bare hands.

Instead, he nuzzled against Peter's jaw, kissing his skin.

"I've never seen the light do that before."

"Theres nothing wrong with my eyes, baby."

*-*

"What is that?" Peter asked, eyes wide. Tony glances up, inwardly cursing. He didnt realize the boy had made his way down into the lab.

"Its something new," Tony said, deciding it best not to avoid it any longer. The boy was already getting too curious. If Tony didn't give him something, Peter would either leave, or find out for himself.

Tony reaches for Peter and the boy walks into his hold, letting Tony pull him in close and wrap his arms around him.

"Its called endo-sym," Tony hummed. "Its an armor."

"For the ironman?" Peter asked, brown eyes shining with the shifting reflective silver.

Its in a small chamber, vacuum sealed shut so it doesn't get out. Tony's got a problem linking with it still, and doesn't want so many months of hard work going down the drain if the thing decides to leave.

"For something better," Tony said softly. Peter frowned and glanced up at him, pouting slightly.

"What is it?" He asked. "What does it do?"

The endo-sym jumps at the rim of the chamber before falling back down like the waves of a storm. Angry and restless.

"It works like the nanotech from my last suit," Tony lied. "This is just- a smoother version."

"It looks alive," Peter said softly, leaning closer to see through the clear lid. The endo-sym jumped up, sensing a human close by, and Peter jumped back, right into Tony's chest.

"Its not," Tony lied. Peter doesn't look like he believes him, but Tony's not worried about it. He just needs the boy ignorant for a little while longer.

*-*

Tony's expecting the boy to freak out. Expecting it and already ready to explain. The endo-sym is nearly finished. The last injection of Extremis taken the night before, and Tony's eyes are bright blue.

Theres no hiding them from the boy. He wakes up first and makes his way down to the kitchen, making coffee and heating up some leftovers for breakfast.

Peter pads into the room a short time after Tony's second cup of coffee, wearing his tshirt and nothing else, curls a mess on top of his head.

"Good morning," Tony hummed. Peter's too sleepy to pick up on the change as he accepts Tony's coffee.

He barely looks at Tony as he brings the half mug of coffee to his lips and takes a sip.

Tony leans against the counter, waiting for the inevitable. It happens when Peter lowers his mug and finally looks up at him.

He gasped, eyes widening and promptly dropped the mug of coffee.

Neither of them were fast enough to catch it and it shatters on the tile floor, spilling the still hot coffee over his bare feet.

"Tony!" He exclaims. Tony steps towards the boy, glass cracking under his shoes, and he quickly lifts Peter off his feet by his underarms.

"Stay here," Tony orders after setting the boy onto the counter.

"Tony, your eyes are blue!" Peter exclaimed, as Tony crouched down to pick up the glass from the floor.

"They're contacts," Tony hummed, dropping a handful into the trash can before picking up the smaller pieces.

"Those aren't contacts," Peter scoffed. "How did this happen- what caused it-"

"Stay," Tony ordered, glaring up at the boy when Peter moved to jump down again.

The blue eyes really must be shocking, because Peter stills, eyes still wide and breath hitching.

"Tony, please," he says softly, tears beginning to well in those pretty brown eyes. "You have to tell me."

Tony doesn't say anything, just dumps another palmful of glass into the trash before standing and grabbing the paper towel.

"Please," Peter continued, voice wavering. "You've been lying to me for months. You- you're hiding things from me and- and I can't-"

A wet sob cuts Peter off, and Tony looks up from soaking up the coffee spill to see the boy with his hands over his eyes, scrubbing away the flow of tears as he tries to calm himself down.

Tony sighs and stands up, stepping between Peter's knees and grabbing his chin.

He tilts it up, forcing Peter to uncover his face, which is growing splotchy with his tears. His breath hitches on his inhales, and Tony leans in to kiss him softly on pouty lips.

"Do you trust me, baby?" Tony asked, making sure Peter looks him in the eyes.

The boy sniffles and nods, lower lip trembling and body sagging towards the older.

"Then trust that me keeping things from you does not lessen my love for you," Tony said.

"But-"

"No buts," Tony interrupted, wiping the tears from the boy's cheeks. "You don't need to know everything I do, sweetheart. You'll know when I want you to know."

And with that, he crouches down again and continues to soak up the last of the coffee spill.

Above him, Peter continues to cry, face hidden in his arms to muffle the tears and sniffles. He doesn't move though, which is all Tony cares about.

#marvel #tony stark #peter parker #ironman #starker #superior ironman #sim!tony #ao3 #my writing #sfsummerbingo21

[xpeachesncream]

restart | four

[ SEQUEL TO PERFECTLY WRONG ] | [ series masterlist ]

summary: as you and taehyung start to build your life together post graduation, things become more complicated than what you expected it to be. while taehyung struggles with his inner demons, you’ve become the sole supporter, the pillar, juggling different jobs to keep you two afloat. your love for each other has been put to the test as your relationship continues to face hurdles - hurdles that have you questioning whether or not your relationship will make it through.

pairing: reader x fiancé!kth

genre: post grad au, established relationship au | fluff, angst, smut

words: 4.8k

warnings: cussing/mature language, jealousy, lots of insecurities and overthinking, angst, crying, bar scene, alcohol consumption, flashback scene in the middle of the chapter, a lil sprinkle of fluff, implied sexual content, bickering/arguments

note: honestly, this was ALSO not supposed to get this long but like… 🙃 here we are lol

tags: @enchantaeduniverse​ @thedarkwinterrose​ @sapphirejeon​ @jwlmnbt​ @bluesharksandfish​ @ra-mun-e @brightcolorsoffendme​ @jungcrookthecookbook​ @sunniejinnie​ (please message me if you would like to be added to the taglist!)

"Okay, I think that's it." You said, hands on your hips as you and Jungkook walked through your door for the final time.

"What are you selling, the world?" He huffs and puffs.

"For someone who works out often, you complain a lot." He rolls his eyes playfully.

"Where's Tae?"

"Sleeping still." He nods.

"Oh, okay. Ready to go then?" You nodded silently as you grabbed your bag to hitch a ride to the café with Jungkook since he was working today. He starts to talk about the girl who works with you two and how he thinks she's a little cutiepie. He has such a silly crush on her that his cheeks are lightly rose tinted every time he talks about certain encounters they've had. You're happy to see him happy, and you tell him to keep pursuing it since she's a super sweet girl. However, part of you is sad solely because you couldn't say you were 100% happy at this moment. You wish you were, but these problems were hindering you from feeling complete. You just wanted to get past this page in the book.

As soon as you both get to the cafe, you start unloading his trunk and getting everything inside. Jungkook claims he has the last two bags covered, so you walk to the back and take breather just to gather yourself before setting up. But you truly didn't expect to lose it right then and there.

"Okay! I got all the— Y/N?" Jungkook instantly worries when he sees you crying into your hands in the backroom and hurries over to you. "Hey, woah. What's going on?" He gets in front of you, gently trying to pry your hands off of your face.

"Fuck, I'm sorry." You continue to cry as he successfully removes your hands from your face.

"Sorry for what? What's going on?" He wipes your tears with his sweater and lifts your chin to look at you in the eye.

"Nothing."

"The day barely started and you're already crying in the backroom." He says softly. "Don't try and lie to me."

"I just don't know what's going on between me and Tae and it's stressing me out."

"What's going on? Same stuff?" You nod, tears still streaming down your cheeks. You tell him about how he had been super weird about taking Jimin's help and how you both got into a huge argument about it. Then, you told him how last night ended [sparing your poor bestfriend the details] and how you couldn't help but feel used because he simply dismissed you, which is very unlike Taehyung when it comes to arguments and disagreements. "I'm sorry, Y/N. I know he's going through a rough time, but Tae also needs to respect you and look at you as his partner, not someone who's also attacking him or against him. Do you want me to talk to him?"

"No." Simply, no. Because you never get your friends involved like that. You just don't, no matter how much they wanna help. "He looks at me like I am, especially after this whole Jimin thing. I don't wanna say it's stupid because I don't wanna discredit his feelings, but god. Like, should I just do this on my own? Tell Jimin to forget it?"

"No." Jungkook shakes his head. "You're already getting a good start on your goals, Y/N. Don't let that go because of everything going on. Give him some time and space."

"I have been. For awhile now." You sat, feeling completely defeated already, tears still coming down your cheeks.

"Here, I'll go set up and I can take over the table for a bit. I'll ask Isabella if she can cover for a quick second." He stands in front of you, hands out to help support you as if you had lost your footing.

"No, I'll be fine—"

"Y/N, just sit. Okay?" He gives off a small sigh. "Just sit for a second and let yourself take a breather." He gently sits you down and makes sure you don't get up by slowly backing away from you.

"Kook, this isn't Marco Polo."

"I'm just trying to make sure you don't run off because you're stubborn!"

"Hey!" Isabella comes running in, a little confused as to what's happening.

"Hey, can you cover me at the front for a bit?" Jungkook stands back upright in a normal position to ask her sweetly, hands tucked behind his back as he bounced on his feet. This boy.

"Yeah, of course Jungkook." She blushes.

"Thanks. I'll be right back." He gives you a quick look before dashing off. You lay your head onto your arms as they rest on the table, a small headache forming at the center of your forehead.

"You okay, Y/N?" Isabella asks softly as she puts her things away.

"Yeah, sorry. Just a really weird day yesterday."

"I'm sorry." You feel her hand caress your back. "Let me know if you need anything, okay?" She says before shuffling herself out of the room. To be honest, you had no idea what was going on with you, and why you were feeling this way. You were just so sick and tired. Sick and tired of being sick and tired.

This was slowly taking a toll on you, and you weren't even sure if Taehyung realized what he was doing was hurting you in the process.

He can't say he does.

Tae set the weights down back onto the rack aggressively before sitting on the bench, watching Jimin finish his set. They had been working out after lunch, Jimin calling him shortly after Taehyung had fully woken up.

"Are you gonna go to the café after this?" Tae shrugged.

"I don't know, Y/N said she didn't need help and wouldn't be there all day."

"You won't even visit for a bit?" Jimin asks. Usually Tae was rushing to get back to you, but he knew everything that had been going on had been affecting your relationship to an extent.

"We'll see."

"You two coming to the bars tonight then?"

"What are we celebrating again?"

"Nothing. Just getting together like old times. I told Kook, Hobi and Yoongi. They're down." Tae nodded.

"Joon, too?"

"Joon, too."

"Me and Y/N will probably go but I don't think we'll stay long. She has to do that thing at the school—" He scratched his head. "The thing— the exhibit and talking to incoming art students or whatever." Jimin chuckled at how Tae couldn't get his words out.

"It's not whatever."

"You know that's not what I mean." Tae rolled his eyes at him, annoyed all over again at how Jimin had been kissing your ass lately. Cause fuck, the way Jimin had been painting himself as a knight in shining armor, an angel even, was pissing him the fuck off. It made him feel like he wasn't doing enough to support you, or like you couldn't turn to him for help. He hated that feeling, even though he had been rude as hell and showing it in a different way.

"That's fine. Just come out and hang out for a bit." Jimin sighed as he sat on the bench next to him, drinking some water before placing the bottle back down on the ground. "You two doing okay?"

"Yeah, what makes you think we aren't?" Tae asks, getting defensive. Jimin quickly eyes him, reading his body language. He knew Taehyung so well - so fucking well that he knew almost immediately when things were taking a toll on him. Things liiiike.. his parents. As a prime example. Jimin knew Taehyung and his parents obviously didn't have the best relationship, and he knew he took things to heart whenever his father got on him about stupid shit [just like he did over that dinner]. Taehyung wasn't one to show emotion much; he liked showing people he was mentally tough and that he could handle whatever came his way. For the most part, it was true. But, Jimin and Namjoon also knew he wasn't always like that, especially when it came to things that mattered the most to him - his family and you. Taehyung hated to admit it but his family's opinion of him was important no matter what. He was hard on himself because he wanted them to be proud. He wanted to actually feel like he had been doing something good for once. He was still longing for that feeling no matter what he said or did. It was a never-ending battle; like a plot with no happy ending in sight.

"I'm just asking." Jimin threw up his hands, showing that he wasn't suggesting anything behind the harmless question.

"We're fine. I know she's been stressed lately because of work and her art."

"Mmm."

"It's funny." Taehyung chuckles at himself.

"What's funny?" Jimin laughed a bit, confused.

"I didn't expect to be caught up in her like this. After Hana, messing around with all these girls. She's my fucking fiancé."

"Yeah and you better not fuck that up." Jimin stands to gather his things.

"You sound like my dad." Tae jokes, even though he was pretty offended.

"I'm sorry, didn't mean to." Jimin instantly apologizes, knowing everyone had been walking on eggshells around Taehyung lately. "She's a good girl, you've got it good."

Taehyung softly smiles at the thought of you, but he wasn't gonna lie, he was hurt by Jimin's statement. Call him sensitive or whatever, but he wasn't feeling the fact that people were constantly looking at him as a fuck up and hinting at it. It seemed to be a reoccurring theme lately. "You ready?" Tae sighs before grabbing his stuff. They get into his car, departing from the gym to make their way to Jimin's so he can get dropped off before Tae heads home. Taehyung replays yesterday's events in his head, which instantly irks him all over again. But, he has such a soft spot for you that he feels terrible for having been too harsh about it. He was still upset, and he wasn't gonna let up on his feelings. But he knew he should have been better about how he approached it. He knew better than that. He's learned to do better.

➤ FLASHBACK

Taehyung excitedly parks his car at the café to surprise you for your pop up today. He had been working endlessly to finish off finals strongly, and he had been so busy that he hadn't really gotten a chance to help you or support you. He felt terrible about it because you were his babygirl and he wanted nothing but to spoil you for all the hardwork you've been putting in.

He creeps up behind you, bouquet of flowers hidden behind his back. "Excuse me, miss." He says lowly near your ear.

"Holy fuck!" You say as he startles you. "Babe, what the hell! Don't do that!" He laughs.

"What's cookin', goodlookin'?" He wiggles his eyebrows, making you chuckle. "These are for you." He smiles toothlessly as he hands you the pretty bouquet. "And your favorite!" He hands you a Mcflurry cup.

You squeal. "Oreo Mcflurry! Aw, thank you baby." You place a quick kiss on his lips. "But don't ever scare me like that!" You playfully hit his chest, causing him to erupt in laughter.

"You should've seen your face."

"Ha-ha, very funny." You rolled your eyes, causing him to pinch your cheeks.

"How's it going?"

"Welp, I'm almost out for the day." You giggle. "I, uh, may have underestimated." You look down at his hoodie, realizing it was one of the hoodies you had made for a previous collection you sold at Jin's. "Waaaow, cute sweater, who made it?"

"Mm, I don't know if you know her. Her name's Y/N."

"Uh huh?" You nod, hand on your hip, waiting to hear more.

"She stands about this tall." He lowers himself close to the ground, causing you to laugh. "Cute, right? She's beautiful, incredibly smart and sexy. Brilliant visual designer and illustrator. Packed with hella attitude." He pretends to ponder on his thoughts. "I could go on about her, really. She's one of a kind."

"Cute. She must feel lucky." You smile.

"I know, I'd feel lucky if I knew me too." You roll your eyes and playfully hit him. "Ah, I'm kidding." He pulls you into a hug. "I keep this sweater in my trunk."

"Oh, so you keep it in your trunk just for emergency wear?" You sarcastically ask as he holds you from behind.

"Yeah, and cause it's the only sweater I'd choose to wear out of the hundreds I own." You smile up at him. "Mhm, not gonna try and win that one." He places a big, sloppy kiss on your cheek before pulling away. "Show me. How can I help my pretty baby today?"

➤ END FLASHBACK

"Hey, I can't stay out late tonight because of the event tomorrow."

"Yeah, I know." Taehyung says softly.

"Please don't drink too much."

"I wooooooon't." He whines with a small sigh, also slightly offended at that statement. He didn't know what it was, maybe it was the fact that his own father painted him in such a negative light that everything seemed off to him lately. Like people were just out to get him or constantly looking down at him and his actions. A personal attack at who he was. It was slowly piling up for him and he wasn't sure how much more of it he could take.

You prepared a quick dinner while he hopped in the shower. You set his plate aside before taking a look at the mail that had come in today.

Bills, bills and more bills.

You sighed to yourself as it felt like you had just paid things off, but clearly not. Moving into Taehyung's wasn't the greatest idea, being that his space was much more expensive than yours. But, he did have the space you needed for your work. There was money left, but you knew it wouldn't last forever. You hated tapping into your savings and whipping out your credit cards because you wanted to keep yourself clean as much as possible. However, that was proven difficult as of late. It was a sacrifice, especially since Taehyung had cut off his mother's help. Taehyung's pride was such a curse sometimes.

You shook your head, already finalizing the fact that you would deal with it later. You had began to set your things aside for the new student event tomorrow morning. You figured you'd get there early to set up and make your table at neat and cute, so you didnt have to worry much about it right now.

Taehyung comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist, hair slicked back and wet. You turn to face him, your eyes wandering down to his chest and bottom area. God, why was he so beautiful? It wasn't fair. You loved him so much that you could crumble even being upset. He talks a whole lot about you being the death of him, when really, this man is going to be the death of you. Truly. There's no debate about it.

Getting to the bar, you both immediately spot your friends in the corner, a huge tower of beer decorating the center of the table. Jimin is the first to stand, coming towards you two with a huge smile on his face.

"Friends!" Jimin yells. "Drink!" He says, holding up two shot glasses.

"Fuck, man." Taehyung says taking the glass. "We just got here."

"So! Y/N needs to be home early remember?" He watches wide-eyed as you two take the shot and make sour faces at each other.

"Okay, I'm good." You say, being that you were the DD tonight. Taehyung could enjoy himself if he wanted to [to an extent], but you definitely needed to be in tip top shape to be a good role model to those incoming art students tomorrow.

Throughout the night, the bar starts to get packed from end to end, you and your friends staying at the table and keeping to yourselves. You could tell Taehyung was crossing the line of pretty fucking drunk, which somewhat bothered you. You literally just told him to take it easy tonight - just for one night - so you could do what you need to do tomorrow.

"Hey." Jimin comes next to you, swinging his arm over your shoulder like he always does. "One more shot?" You give him a toothless smile. Ugh, why the hell not? Your man was drunk, and Jimin had only been helpful lately. You could at least return the favor by taking a shot with him.

"What are we drinking to?"

"You." He smiles. "Your shop. Your art. It'll only go up from here, yeah?" He rose his shot glass up before clinking it against yours and taking it to the neck.

"Mkay, that does it for me." You chuckle. "Thanks for the shot."

"No problem. You doing okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good." You looked at your watch. "Should probably get out of here soon, but Tae looks like he's enjoying himself. I don't wanna drag him out of here."

"We can just bring him home." You shake your head worriedly.

"I don't wanna leave without him." Jimin chuckles and looks over at Taehyung.

"He'll be okay and you'll be just fine tomorrow. Besides, you can make up all the bullshit in the world to tell the incoming students, they'll believe it either way."

"That's mean." You chuckle.

"Come. Let's dance!" Jimin says, leading the way to the empty space near the table. Everyone gets up to dance, Taehyung slipping himself behind you, whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

"Can I at least get one minute with my lady without Jimin interrupting?" He says in your ear.

"Taehyung." You flatly say, looking back at him.

"That's your mad face." He holds you tightly from behind as he sways you from side to side.

"I'm not mad."

"Mhm." He kisses the back of your head. "Why don't you have fun with me for a little? We'll go home after this." You couldn't even stay mad at him, with that fucking frustratingly handsome face of his. He was definitely drunk though, you could smell the whiskey lingering on his breath as he danced with you for a bit. You let him be, just so you wouldn't trigger anything within drunk Taehyung. Everyone around you was having a good time, the feeling of nostalgia hitting you pretty hard. You missed the days where you could get together and go to parties after a long week of school. Or, when you would tease the fuck out of Taehyung as his fuckbuddy during parties, or at the clubs. You know, before graduation and responsibilities happened.

But as one hour turned into two, and two turned into three, you found yourself getting restless. It was nearing 2AM and you had to be at the school by 8am - even earlier just to set your table up. You made your way to the bathroom, hoping Tae would get the point and start getting himself ready to leave.

Right.

Once you were out the bathroom, he'd realize you had been gone for a little and start saying his goodbye's. He'd realize time got to the best of him. Right?

"It's a fucking good time tonight!" Jimin tells Namjoon, laughing with him as he watches Joon act a fool with his dance moves.

"I'm sure it is, since you've been in Y/N's space the entire night." Taehyung says it jokingly, but he doesn't realize it only comes off that way in his head. Jimin furrows his brows at him, his high quickly dying with Taehyung's unnecessary comment.

"Don't start with all that. Not tonight. Everyone's having a good time--"

"Or what, Jimin?" Taehyung chuckles like the petty ass he can be. "You know it's true. Don't you think it's a little disrespectful to be crossing boundaries?"

"Hey, let's step back for a bit." Jungkook lightly tugs on Taehyung's arm as he hears the conversation going south quickly. But Taehyung breaks from his grip, stepping forward towards Jimin.

"You really think I would do that to you?"

"Haven't you already? Swinging your arms around her and shit, being all angelic--"

"Tae, come on. That's enough. Don't." Namjoon steps in the middle. "Let's go outside to get some air."

"You really wanna make me look that bad in front of my own girl?" Jimin lightly pushes him away, Taehyung getting too into his space.

"Enough." Namjoon shakes his head, aggressively stepping in the way to create distance. Taehyung shakes his head and walks off, the rest of the group watching as he walks. You finish off in the bathroom, assuming Tae was already getting ready to go. However, you realize your assumption of leaving by the time you're back is absolutely incorrect because when you get to the table, Taehyung is nowhere to be seen.

"Where's Tae?" Kook looks at you frazzled, before his eyes begin to pan the room again.

"Look, don't freak out, but him and Jimin just got into it and he walked off."

"What the hell do you mean they got into it and he walked off?"

"It's nothing, Tae is just drunk—" Kook squeezes your wrist and shakes his head.

"No, it's not just nothing because you and I both know how he's been feeling lately." You run your hand through your hair. "What did he say?"

"He just got into it about Jimin getting close to you lately, and how he felt like he was disrespecting boundaries." You sigh heavily.

"Fuck."

"We have an issue." Namjoon comes back from out of the blue. "He's not around."

"What do you mean?! Where did he go?" You run your hand through your hair.

"Okay, let's not panic." Jungkook tries to relax you. "Let me go check the bathrooms." Namjoon nods as he continues to look around the room.

"Please? We should get home." He nods to you before he's off to check for Tae in the bathroom. You stand near the table awkwardly, worry filling you quickly the more time passes.

"Hey, you okay? What can I do?" Hobi squeezes your arm, his face flushed with a red tint from how tipsy he is. You give him a small, reassuring smile and nod to try and keep calm.

"I honestly don't know anymore, but I'll be good. I think. We're just gonna look for him and head home."

"Is Kookie looking in the bathroom?" You nod. At this point, you catch a glimpse of Jungkook coming back alone.

"Jungkook?"

"I'm sorry, I couldn't find him in there. I swear I tried."

"So, where the hell is he?" Jungkook shrugs.

"Lets check around again. I won't leave until we find him."

"Have you tried to call him?" You had already beaten Yoongi's question, calling Taehyung's phone only to see his phone vibrating and ringing on the fucking table. "Hm, okay. Maybe not."

"Fuck." You snatch Taehyung's phone from the table. "Is he serious right now? It's about to be 2:30AM. How the fuck can he get lost at this time?"

"Y/N just go home, we'll find him and bring him home." Jimin says, coming back from roaming around the place.

"No, I'm not leaving here without him."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen." He says, looking at you in the eye. Although he was pretty fucking pissed, he couldn't help but worry about him either. No matter what, that was still his bestfriend. He didn't want anything to happen to him.

"It's not your fault."

"We need to check around the neighborhood." Jungkook suddenly comes back and grabs your arm. You follow him, Yoongi, Hobi, Namjoon and Jimin outside of the bar, the cold hitting your skin harshly.

"Let's split." Namjoon says. Jimin and Hobi split, Namjoon and Yoongi sticking together to go down a different path. You kept yourself close to Jungkook, knowing there were all sorts of drunk ass men out at this hour and you weren't helping wearing a tiny ass skirt and a deep cut shirt.

"Cutiepie, let me come holla!" A dude yells as he tries to swing his arm around your waist. Jungkook easily pushes him off, glaring at him.

"Back the fuck up." He spits out, your bestfriend coming to your rescue amongst the sea of men you're encountering on the sidewalk right now. He throws his jacket over your shoulders, hoping to shield you from them and the cold. "Your outfit." Jungkook frowns, a little worried.

"I mean, I didn't expect to lose Tae tonight." Once you had gotten to a quieter part of the street, you come from behind to walk beside him. "Where the hell could he have gone?" You whine. You're more worried for his safety and wellbeing right now more than anything and all you wanted to do was find him and bring him home, even though you were slightly worrying about yourself and how things would go tomorrow. You could give him an earful later. It could wait.

"He couldn't have gone far." You both continue down the street, heading towards your car, hoping he may be around the area. Jimin calls to check in, saying him and Hobi hadn't caught sight of him yet, and the same thing goes for Yoongi and Joon. You almost want to cry when you don't see Taehyung near your car, but Jungkook ends up walking further down towards the park near your parking spot. "Y/N! Here!" He calls out, running towards an individual slumped over on their knees on a bench. "Taehyungie?" Jungkook sits next to him and shakes him a bit.

"Shit dude, I just kept walking then I suddenly had no idea where I was at." He drunkily says as you sit next to him and sigh heavily.

"No one said you had to do that, Tae."

"I just needed some air."

"Yeah and look where that got you, it's close to 3AM." You respond, irritated.

"Y/N." Jungkook says softly, shaking his head at you as if he were signaling for you to quit with your attitude. "Let's go back to the car." Jungkook watches him stand up and wobble a bit, but eases up when he realizes Taehyung is capable of walking himself to the car. You three get back safely, letting the others know that you had found him before driving Jungkook back towards the club so he can meet with everyone else. You quickly thank him for his support before driving off to head home.

The car is incredibly cold, and silent.

"Love, I'm sorry. I just needed air and got lost." He breaks the silence.

"I see that." You say softly as you drive home, keeping your eyes glued to the road in front of you.

3:23AM.

"Please don't be mad." He gives your thigh gentle squeeze. "I just got a little into my head tonight." You sighed, gently removing his hand from your thigh.

"Taehyung, I'm your fiancé, I'm doing this with you and only you. Do you even understand how worried I was? You just walked off, without your phone. Without saying anything to me. Just cause you got in your head for no reason."

"I'm sorry." He repeats at a whisper. You don't say anything else for the rest of the drive home. You silently park the car and head to the apartment, Taehyung sluggishly following behind you. He knows you're bothered, knowing it's closing to 3:30AM and you had an early morning. Honestly, he didn't realize how drunk he was until he had gotten himself into that argument with Jimin then got lost, especially without his phone. The fact that he had made you worry and stress like that made him feel terrible, especially after these past few days. You could have easily left, but you didn't leave without him even if it was this late. He instantly just wanted to cuddle you and tell you how sorry he was.

You quietly get ready for bed and line your things up by the door, just so it would be an easy quick and grab as you head out in the morning. You slip yourself into the sheets, Taehyung following shortly after he gets himself ready for bed. He shuts off all the lights and grabs himself a water bottle to sit by his nightstand before slipping in next to you.

"I love you." He whispers against your ear, wrapping his arms around you. But you don't respond. He peeks over to see your eyes shut, silently sighing to himself as he nuzzled his head against the nape of your neck. He knows you aren't fast asleep yet, and it hurts him that you hadn't said it back. You both just knew exactly how to love each other well, but also push each other's buttons. But, maybe, it was true - he was just fucking up left and right lately. Enough for you to go to bed without saying 'I love you' back.

'cause baby if i find a way, i'm sure of it, this love won't stray; just give me a chance to say i love you, and i need you. now are you here to stay, or fade away like every other day? you're the reason that i lie awake

track two: 3AM - finding hope

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