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mari-lair · 1 year

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Sure! Hanako have too much to work with, since he is the main character, so I’ll focus on the thing I love the most about him: His inexperience when it comes to caring about others.

Hanako put up thick walls between himself and his peers, rarely connecting to others, be they humans or supernaturals.

Helping students and keeping them safe is his duty, his punishment to atone, not something he personally wants, his own personal view is far more ‘cold’, Amane’s empathy was destroyed after he became a supernatural, beaten down after sixty years of being dead.

What he tells Kou here is true.

He has shown time and time again, people’s life isn’t particularly important to him, he’ll exchange one life for another without guilt for the person he doomed because of personal preference, and had destroyed yorishiros since the start of the manga, knowing of the danger of doing so, for his own gains.

Before the manga story starts, Hanako is alone.

He plays with the other mysteries but he doesn’t consider anyone his friend. He keeps a distance even from Tsuchigamori, unaware Amane’s moon rock is his old teacher’s yorishiro and seemingly not talking to him much, only looking for Tsuchigomori when he needs him for something.

He is apathetic to practically everything, drowning in his own misery: Tsukasa is the only one that can break him out of his apathetic state, and he terrifies Hanako. Even though he is the titular character, we never see Hanako’s boundary because he doesn’t want to face his yorishiro, finding it much easier to hide and spend his afterlife in the bathroom instead.

Tsukasa was important to Amane, and while he is important to Hanako as well, Tsukasa is rarely perceived as his brother, his presence is mostly treated as the personification of Hanako’s guilt. Hanako hasn’t tried to understand Tsukasa’s feelings or expressed worry about his well-being: out of all his comflicting emotions, his priority is usually to look away.

Hanako has spent his afterlife in this limbo of running away and not connecting with anyone, but eventually, he met two people he got very attached to: Kou and Nene.

He loves them a lot, much more than he loves himself.

He will try his very best to face Tsukasa, the embodiment of the trauma he has been running away from, to keep them safe.

Most of the time, Hanako fails: he is too terrified to act, he panics.

He can’t help when Tsukasa is his oponent.

Even outside his past, there are still things Hanako can’t help with.

The guilt and panic and pain of having no use for someone he wants to help hurt, but Hanako doesn’t run away from this pain.

He tries to help anyways, to reach out as best he can.

And Kou’s trouble linger in his mind, when the kid gets depressed again, Hanako try to help him again.

He want Kou to feel better.

He may have said “He is kind of like you, isn’t he, No.2?” but he doesn’t care about Yako or her attachment to Misaki, his attention is on Kou the second he finish his request: interested in his reaction, not her feelings.

He is selfish though, he cares about their feelings, but he mostly listens to his own, which is most obvious to see with Nene.

In the clock keepers arc he mentioned he kept Nene’s lifespan secret because he wants her to live her best life in blissful ignorance, but he doesn’t make her the priority, he makes himself: He is aware she hates toilet duty, no one enjoys being forced to waste their evenings cleaning a bathroom, but he likes it.

He rarely enjoys things, so he can’t let go of it. He can’t sacrifice this hint of joy for the sake of Nene living “her best life”.

He adores spending time with her, and since he has very little self-worth, he is convinced she would never spend time with him by her own volition, he needs to use the cleaning duty to keep her close.

Is why he gets so happy when she calls him a friend.

This love, this care, is something Hanako really wants from her.

But is also something Hanako doesn’t think he deserves.

He can get frustrated by how much they love him, by how distorted their view is, as if he is a ‘good ghost’. He loves their kindness but he feel greedy for it, he loves their optimist but he is constantly looking down at them for it.

He loves them but he hates himself. So he sabotage himself.

He tells Kou and Nene point blank his bad traits “I am dead already. I don’t care if someone dies or not.” “I killed someone and you shouldn’t excuse it” “I am selfish, I care about you Nene, and not your best friend.” are things he only tell Nene and Kou, as if he was screaming. “I am not a good ghost!” even if he will never tell them “Leave me alone, stop visiting me.”

Hanako is constantly fighting between clinging to what he loves, regardless of how much his behavior hurt them, and telling himself he should want them away from him.

Both of his attempts to save Nene involved being away from her, either trapping her in picture-perfect until she forgot about him, or exchanging Aoi’s lifespan with Nene’s, saving her but making it so he can’t see her again, and she would eventually forget about him.

The more Hanako's love for Nene grow the bigger the lengths he is willing to go for her, even if at it core, his love remains selfish, he knew Nene wouldn’t be happy with his solutions, but he doesn’t care, cause she will live, and she will live by his own hands.

He acts like doesn’t know why he does this a lot of times:

And to some degree, he truly doesn’t know.

Hanako has many mental blocks when it comes to admitting vulnerability, even to himself. He looks anguished when he confesses to Nene that he wants her to live.

Hanako never had a wish, not outside his “wish” to atone, which he constantly refears to as punishment, not something he personally want, just something he deserves.

Even as Amane he had given up on his wish.

So wishing for Nene to live is a very new feeling.

This wish makes him go against his duties as No.7 and his quest to ‘repent’, but he can’t even care because he really wants her to live. And is not like going against “god’s will” is what trouble him, since he destroys yorishiros the second he got the chance.

He just want her to not die that much. He can no longer deny he is smitten with her.

We can see this all consuming care with Kou too, even if it is more subtle it’s still very present, and just as impactful in his afterlife.

Nene is someone he loves but very rarely rely on, she is his special someone, he’ll go above and beyond to do what he believe is best for her, ask anyone and even if they disapprove of his actions, they can’t deny he cling to her, always ready to rescue her.

His view on Kou is different, he is someone he ask to fight and help. Is not that he doesn’t trust Nene, not exactly, but he had the “I’ll keep you in the dark mentality” from the second they met, while he never planed to treasure Kou, he just saw enough potential, or use, in this exorcist kid to occasionally rely on him.

Hanako plans for Kou only involved a vague “he can exorcise me later” idea, but he ends up genuinely caring about Kou after he stand up for him agaist Teru in the young exorcist arc.

It’s no longer just “this boy is so funny! I can both make fun of him and use him”, now Kou is his friend.

Just compare how he treats Kou when he is in Yako’s boundary, and in Hell of Mirrors.

He has gotten the habit to be more honest with Kou, he is always counting on him on little things when they are together, and it hurts so bad when Kou fail, because Hanako trusts him, and he hasn’t trusted someone in such a personal way in 60 years.

Hanako is more comfortable hating himself them his friends, so he usually doesn’t let his dissapointment in Kou linger. Focusing most of his negative thoughts on himself.

Kou isn’t infallible, but he is the one Hanako trusts the most. Hanako used to trust Kou almost blindly, holding on to the feeling, but once he was let down, he gets so hurt, he resents the feeling.

He is a contradictory character. It feels like he hate Kou at times and is frustrated by Nene, but he can’t stop caring about them. He only got attached to two people, he can try, and he will, but he can’t pretend they aren’t important to him.].

We know Hanako lingered in Mei's fake world because his deepest wish is to be human with Nene. So even though it is a big red flag for Nene to see “Amane” in her class, the supernatural couldn’t resist playing pretend.

Just for a bit, just for a taste of a normal life with her.

He is consistently selfish and irrational when it comes to Nene. He can’t let go.

His view on Kou is less frenzy but he can’t be discarded either, the kid is the other half of his reason to want to be alive after years of just accepting his death.

He have made up his mind about not going anywhere, he still refuse to follow the crew to Mei's exit, to the moon, but he wants Kou and Nene to always come to him.

Cause even thought Yashiro was his focus, and Mitsuba took most of Kou’s time, Hanako does make it very clear he want Kou there. He even try to knock Kou out like he did with Nene the second he notices Mitsuba failed to distract him.

He risked Kou being in this world, indulged Mitsuba in his dream to be human and live a normal school life by the side of friends, which is a wish Hanako has shown to actively disapprove of in hell of mirrors (and is the very same wish that Hanako have expressed to have in this arc), because Kou is part of it.

His motives for wanting to trap Kou until he lose his memories are unclear but his anger towards Kou for giving him hope after years of nothing only to realize he can’t back up his promises to make Nene live is all over picture perfect.

And Hanako is a coward, he get angry kou want to stop him, discount his anger on Mitsuba, doesn’t explain anything, take Nene, and leave Kou confused.

Hanako only loses his patience and tell how he feels when Kou is in his way, and Hanako needs to beat him if he wants Nene to stay.

The one thing that he’ll always prioritize above all else is Nene after all.

There is a certain determination to only focus on Nene after picture-perfect, not take Kou as seriously.

And what kills me is that Hanako’s attempts to distance himself are very half-hearted.

It fails.

No matter how real his anger and dissapointment, his care is just as real, if not more so. He is still eager to play fight with Kou and spend time with him. Their overall trio dynamic isn't affected.

Is always “Nene” and “Kou” and “everyone else”. Even when Kou isn’t in the scene, Hanako thinks of him.

There is this idea Kou is important, an implied “If I can’t save Nene, Kou will be the one to save her”, even with all the reasons and proof he has that Kou can’t do something as big as alter her fate, part of him still believe Kou can do it. Is a part of him that is illogical and Hanako hates it, and doesn’t want to deal with it.

So he focus on Nene's lifespan, he became obsessed with it.

He has always been possessive of Nene. In any chapter they are together he is touchy and flirty and so openly attached to her, it’s insane!

He knows he is in love.

He also knows he is the ghost of a dead killed and feels like Nene deserves better than what he has to offer, but he can’t let her go.

Even when he is determined to grant her wish, to make a ‘no turn back’ decision, his determination crumbles the second they are face to face, his logic dies and he is just... Happy to see her again.

Even if he knows his plans failed, even if he knows she will die, he just... like seeing her.

His love is openly selfish and doomed to not last, which is something he understands and doesn’t know how to deal with, but just like he can’t force himself to truly hate Kou and stop believing in him, he also can’t force himself to stop loving Nene and desperately trying to find ways to make her live.

He is a mess.

#hanako is a character I love but don't have brainrot on #so i hope the lenght of this analysis make up for how I just stuck to mostly one topic (the one i feel like i know something about)#though i am sure a hanako fan can provide more insight #i swear i did my best #tbhk #toilet bound hanako kun #jshk #jibaku shounen hanako kun #hanakou #hananene #hananenekou #character analysis #tumblr please show it in the tags i love you

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neverheardnothing · 1 year

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Album + Iconis & Family concert breakdown/review

I wanted to consolidate my thoughts on Album after having enough time to digest the songs and their recorded versions. Here’s my track by track breakdown no one asked for. Warning, it’s a long one.

Album

A bit navel gaze-y, she types for her Iconis dedicated blog while wearing her Iconis and Family t-shirt she got on a trip she spent way too much money on entirely to see Joe, lol. On my generous days I’ll say I think he deserves it though, and then on my hater days I’m rolling my eyes. It’s very Joe, a sprawling mess of a too long song, it’s just that it’s too much about him as a person in a way that doesn’t excite me. Not to say I think Joe is boring but I don’t think it was written in a way that appeals to me. By itself, it’s mostly a skip because of sheer length, it isn't all that good/exciting of a song, and Joe isn’t the best singer. I think I like his live performances more because on professionally recorded it sounds just good enough that it’s in an uncanny valley between the rawness and messiness that live allows and which Joe does well in and the cleanness of recorded. I do enjoy the family coming in at the end as well as the little references to other songs of his littered throughout. That’s the main redeemable part of the song. Well, the music is nice but that’s usually a given. The ever so slight echo-y haunting quality is great. But not enough that I’m going to ever listen to it enough to remember the words and the order of the call and response at the end.

Best memory of the song was on the Saturday Iconis and Family Album release concert at 54 Below where within the first verse, Joe forgot the lyrics and had to start over.

The Answer

Interesting singer pick for the song. Yeah, Joe says that not one person is on Album solely for their name but, well, some people are clearly here at least partially because of it. Not discounting his performance at all, it’s very good. Just doesn’t stand out from the many other versions of this song that are out there. I haven’t seen Aaron Tveit in enough to be able to judge his acting in general, but everything in his version felt stock, standard, safe. It was very impressive vocally and sounds really good but this is a teenager having a breakdown about his life path, and it doesn’t quite sound like that. Again, it’s good but it’s like he didn’t put his stink on the song which is what I’m looking for when I hear new performances of a song other people have done.

Ammonia

Charlie R once said something of the sort that hearing a song fully/with new orchestrations for the first time is like only looking at line art for so long and then seeing a colored image. Yeah. Man, yeah.

All the other performances of Ammonia have cut that one verse since Heidi did it and I’m glad it’s back. I could and have spent hours listening to this version. The ominous bass was an obvious choice for orchestration but that doesn’t make it any less good when you hear it. I’m always a big slut for strings so hearing those spiccato high notes is great. The strings in general make this song feel so expansive. It sounds like the freedom of an empty house, taking up more space than there is physically. It’s loud and sweeping and epic in the exact way this song and the story told in it deserves. Fuck. I love Ammonia.

Heidi deserves awards for her performance in this song. Also I can’t believe it was one of the songs released early, I was thinking we would have to wait till the entire thing came out to hear this monster of a song, but no it was just out there. It forced me to listen to this one hours on repeat because nothing else was out (except for Kevin) and you’d think the song would be diminished on that many repeat listenings but yet during each one my mind was still fucking blown by how good it was.

Archie's All-American

The energy of this song is fucking infectious. At the concert, we went straight from Album into this song and the instant head boppin’ energy was palpable from within a second of the instrumental starting up. EWM was fucking great on this song in person and I’ll be honest I think I like that more than ABF’s version on the Album, though maybe I’m biased because I just really like EWM’s voice. Not to say that the Album version isn’t good, but I think the instrumental mix didn’t go as hard as it did in person (drums really gave it that extra oomph). ABF does bring a youthful energy to his version that’s very nice and fitting of the song. Speaking of ABF, apparently he did a demo version of Kaboom and I would kill a man for it. God, this song just makes you want to fucking dance.

Lydia's Song

I know absolutely nothing about Beetlejuice but Lauren doing this song is always such a weird goddamn delight. Lyrically, this song isn't my favorite but the music and performance Lauren consistently gives is unparalleled. I know it’s called acting, but her mood when she was singing this song in person was so dour I actually got fooled into thinking she wasn’t happy to be there briefly. Also, strings. The deep, sparingly used drum beats. They add so much to the atmosphere of this song. Fucking superb, Charlie.

The Protector

Joe, tell me what this song means you bastard. I know you saw my Reddit AMA comment because you acknowledged it when answering the other one!! Todd Solondz’s Happiness apparently helped inspire this song which means I have to go watch it at some point. This song wasn’t one of my regular listens before Album because it was so confusing but lately I’ve been thinking about it a lot.

I know I’m overusing this word and I’ll use it several more times before we’re through with this breakdown, but the music of this song is so fucking haunting and beautiful. The dissonant chords. The deep piano. The journey you go on with this song. First listen you think it’s an extended joke with the “in Florida” punchline but on repeat listens it starts to be more than that. The music and lyrics are both a bit too chilling. To me, this song has always been about a father, too beaten down by life and haunted by the past, to trust his son with his own safety, but that feels pretty surface level after you get past the Florida joke reading, though I do think my readings of songs tend to stay pretty surface level. I’ll be wondering what else I’m missing for a long time.

Another overused term, this song is a liminal space. It’s distant shores. It’s snowy fields of white. It’s record stores. It’s suburbs bathed in white. It’s too-real conversations that can only happen in kitchens late at night and are never accessible again, but have changed you and your understanding of the other person forever. I have no fucking clue what the Florida bit is supposed to mean, even still.

Maybe the placement of this song on Album, sandwiched between Lydia’s Song and Kevin, will provide further clues but for now the mystery of The Protector remains unsolved.

Kevin

I didn’t realize Andrew R was as popular as he was but I guess considering the 81k streams on this song at time of writing (second most popular being the title song at 13k), he brings in the listeners. I admit I’m more partial to Jeremy M’s version of the song. I think he fits in the character more and makes bolder decisions, but he doesn’t sit as well with the music. Andrew plays it very straight, sarcastic, and vitriolic while Jeremy’s is a bit more flighty and wondrous. I haven’t checked to confirm but it feels like the tempo is slowed a bit for the middle of the song which I’m pretty ok with on this track. His delivery on “I mean you didn’t even live here then so it wasn’t really a thing for you” is so good. You can taste the contempt. The police sirens are a golden touch. I can see it in my head, him stone faced, nonchalantly walking opposite past police cars racing towards the scene.

Another person who is probably on here at least partially because of the name, but I’m ok with it because he kills it (literally) on this track. Finished typing this and just remembered his numerous Broadway credits, yeah he’s popular lol.

Jeff

My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined and you know exactly why. The goddamn lyric change. Changing “naked Korean girl” to “naked caucasian girl” makes the song instantly lose 1/3rd (literally a third, her 3 traits are: naked, Korean, and girl) of its meaning because at least for my reading, the fetishization of the exoticness of the east is baked into the song. I know everyone’s gonna be like IT’S NOT THAT DEEP and that’s fine, I’m still gonna rant here. The whole point of the song is that Jeff is looking to this person who he thinks is the complete opposite of him, of which the Korean part is intentionally drawing upon the long history of painting the east as foreign and other, and wishing to be like her.

The specific change to caucasian seems like such a weird one, too. Who SAYS caucasian? To my knowledge, no one is out here saying “I’m caucasian” in the way people say “I’m white/Korean/Black/etc.” I get why Joe changed it because if I were a white man I wouldn’t be writing a song like that, but well, he did, and I liked it the way it was.

Maybe it wasn’t intended to be read that way and Joe just needed a nationality that would fit with that number of syllables, but he wrote Korean originally and that’s how the song was popularized and now that meaning is part of the song, death of the author etc. Just like it’d be pretty impossible to change Just Means or Nerd Love to be less uncomfortable/offensive without changing the DNA of the song, you can’t change Jeff, even if on the surface the issue seems restricted to one word. Changing it seems both cowardly AND neuters the song. I would love to talk to Joe about this and why he changed it but that doesn’t ever seem likely to happen. Final take, it should’ve stayed as “Korean.”

Also, I don’t know how much I jive with the trans interpretation of this song. Yeah, we’re going even further down this rabbit hole. The original lyric of Korean makes me instantly think of the way white men specifically fetishize Asian women, especially in film and porn, in a way that’s so cishet and about the white male/Asian female (forgive my use of the term I promise I’m not going mrasian on you) interaction and yellow fever that it’s hard for me to see past it as anything other than fetishization. I don’t think Joe was intentionally writing about any of this other than to use Korean as a shortcut catch-all for Asian exoticness to highlight the otherness from Jeff’s experience. Even some lyrics within the song push back on the more sexual parts of this interpretation (“I don’t want her to think that I’m some perv on some voyeuristic trip” “I promise I’m not looking out of carnal frustration”) but then come the first “oh” part of the song where I take it to mean he’s deriving some sort of pleasure, sexual or not, from this, so who knows how reliable of a narrator Jeff is, though I do tend to take his word on it when he says it’s nonsexual. Not to say that it can’t be fetishistic without it being sexual. Nor that this and the trans reading of the song are exclusive, just that the former is what is overpoweringly what I think of when I hear this song.

Ok, we’re done with the it’s not that deep section.

With that out of the way, Jeremy is fucking great. He plays both the humor and the complexities of this song so fucking well. I love the very specifically chosen grammar incongruity in the line “a couple couples see me fall all over but none of them cares.” It’s subtle enough that you might miss it at first or think that the singer messed up the lyrics but it’s consistent throughout different people singing this song and you realize it’s supposed to convey Jeff’s drunken state. Such a small detail. I fucking love it. Jeremy’s delivery also changes a bit. You can hear the swallows and the slight lag in speech. I can feel his fantasy shatter and reality come crashing back in when he says “myself just staring back at me.” The ever so slight hint of bitterness in his voice when he says “your life will be the same.” It’s so subtle and so good. Man, Jeremy’s performance on this song is unparalleled and it’s a shame this version is ruined by the lyric change. I love this song so much despite how sinister it feels to me. It really is a masterful combo of music, lyrics, and performance.

BUT I AM NOT THE SAME!!!!!!!!!!!

Remember when people shipped Kevin and Jeff? Wild times and I never really understood why. Okay, I do in that they’re both named sadboi characters whose songs have a surprising life and death twist, but on a deeper level I don’t think these characters have anything that would make them compatible. At the core, their characters are based on apathy and self-hatred respectively and what about those two things go well together I’m lost on. It does make for good vibes and aesthetics I guess.

Using Joe lyrics to talk about different Joe songs. “I think about the legacy and all those who came before.” Guess all his street number songs are obviously going to be about history and legacy. The cyclic nature of inspiration. The deconstruction of the rose tinted glasses we see the past through. Alan is so good on this track it makes me almost angry. Slight growl on “drink at McHale’s.” His voice is so smooth. The new orchestrations for this song are so pretty and definitely on the subtler side. Touch of strings, brass, and drums that gives it some extra color but still mainly piano and guitar like in the live version. I love the not quite synchronization on the delivery of “good lord, nostalgia’s so complex!” Also just having 3 people who can really fucking sing on this tracks brings so much life to it.

Play the Princess

Much in the way I think Hosing The Furniture woman and Ammonia woman should leave their husbands and get together, I think the two women in Play The Princess should kiss about it. I think they kinda swapped out a jazzy style for a more country vibe. I can believe this version of the song happens in the backstage of Bloodsong. I do admit I really miss Katrina’s voice on this track, I don’t think L Morgan and Destinee’s voices go as well together. Like they talked about on the podcast, they both seem sorta type-less, but L Morgan sells the princess type a lot more than Destinee does the tough type. Or maybe I’m just too used to hearing Katrina’s powerful voice on this song. Overall, I just don’t think Destinee gave a good performance. Like at 3:40 you can hear her just fade out and it’s only L Morgan singing. What the hell is that? Maybe a lack of communication from having recorded separately? Whatever it is, this track turned out to be pretty disappointing and it was one of the ones I was most looking forward to when the tracklist was announced.

On one hand, I guess it says something about how these women perceive themselves to be that type and mentally put themselves in those boxes when in actuality they don’t come across as it and that they have much more in common than they give themselves credit for, but on the other hand they’re both just sorta same-y and the lack of contrast doesn’t excite me.

The Actress

All the Obie awards to this performance. This song is so Katrina’s that I literally cannot imagine anyone else doing it. I love the new zombie-like “yaaas queen.” It’s my exact reaction to her singing like this and that’s exactly why that line is in there. I love how you need to have that loud and high voice the song talks about to pull it off, but she also retains so much of her uniqueness in her performance that the song talks about throwing away. Also, god this song is so fucking bonkers. Just so classic Joe. The seven minute insane character story epic. This type of song is what I think of when I think of a Joe composition. For translation from live to studio, no complaints. Pretty much a replica and it works very well.

The Song

This fucking song makes me want to hide under sheets and never come out again. This is not the song I should feel called out by the amount of raw fucking lines that make me feel way too seen, but yet here we are. Songs to make my future therapist listen to for sure. Insert Gordon Ramsay’s it’s fucking raw.jpg here.

This along with the next song on Album is of those songs by Joe where you go “oh this is about him” to “oh it’s actually only about him in the same way that all the songs he writes are about him, but he uses the context of his real person to make it seem like it’s only about him on surface level reading.” Brilliance. That’s also why I have trouble believing that it’s solely based on any relationship in Joe’s real life. Sure, he probably drew inspiration, but I doubt this is anything close to a one to one recount of what happened in his life. Off topic, but it feels the same as when people think A Strange Loop is autobiographical for Michael R. Jackson. Yes they drew varying levels of inspiration from their own lives but it’s clearly about a character and not themselves.

Sometimes I lean towards maybe The Song could be about a real life relationship with the introduction he gives it (can only be sung when a certain someone doesn’t come to the concert), but I always wonder how true that is. I used to take it at face value but lately I've been thinking about the bits he's done in the past in between songs that aren't true so now we're back where we started. The introduction could be part of the performance. Then I also remember how Joe's material never is surface level about him, they're all done through characters, slightly more apparent in All The Mistakes than in this song, which makes me even more sure that this song is also about a character. Am I overthinking this? I'm probably overthinking this.

This is the song on the album that should have an intro, not fucking Muthers. I want that intro on here to fuck with people’s heads even more.

All the Mistakes That He Made About the Girl

Sad to say that it's not as rockin’ and angry as in the live videos. Unfortunately that’s a complaint about almost every single song on here but y’know, only so much you can do when translating live to studio. I feel like Joe just isn’t slamming on the keys as hard as he can like this song deserves. The electric guitar and drums helps but also Joe just doesn’t sound as aggressive as he does in other performances. I think there’s a slight synthetic effect on Joe’s voice throughout the song? Or maybe not, but definitely at “he’ll be back where he started” it’s very audible and I enjoy that a lot. I’m also liking the electric guitar arpeggios. Also once again, a sucker for strings.

I love that in a way this song is the opposite of The Actress in that while they both talk about how well the performer can sing, The Actress actually calls for that performance while this song is exclusively performed by Joe and anyone can admit he’s not the greatest singer.

Yesterdays / I Can't Relate

I’m so conflicted because I love the version Jared did at the Lincoln Center and the higher chorus a lot and yet Jason V’s voice is so deep and soothing and I think it fits song better. I could easily see this song on some indie artist’s 5 track EP. Both Jason T and Jared start off with like a weariness in their acting but Jared moves into almost reproachfulness by the end while Jason T stays mostly weary. Love both vibes. I do miss synthy piano, it evoked like an 80s sorta feel. This song so melancholy that I don’t listen to it that much but it really pulls off the vibes it’s going for. Old man too confused and tired to yell at clouds.

Building a Fort

I like this song only so far as it’s a good character song. I don’t really care for it musically or lyrically. One line that always throws me is “I’m not answering your email, I’m throwing out my phone” because I always feel like this song is a spiritual brother to Albuquerque Anyway. It seems very much from the POV of a child so having a phone and email to check seems so strange. Do children check emails? I really don’t think it could be an adult with the way the music is and the rest of the language of the song. If it is that sure would be weird. Anyway the song is cutesy but not for me most days. I love that the backup vocals though are also (as far as I can tell) all by himself alone.

Haddonfield, 15 Years Later (For Judith)

COME ON HOME!!!!!!! During the very first listen I was sort of concerned by how low energy it was but then it kicked into high gear and every single fear was assuaged. Jared fucking kills it so goddamn hard (sidenote: I’ve been re-listening to Isolated Thunderstorms and Elusive Particle is such a fucking jam). I like breakdown laughter a lot since now it isn't a solo song and he doesn't have to Carry the entire thing but also man, do miss those High Notes. The choir arrangements are so fucking fantastic I need to give Joel my life. I want to hear just the vocal tracks on this song. The arrangement and amount of people singing also really helps with the volume and energy. Love the drop out on the lyrics (same thing as in MITB). In the Sunday performance, Jared did a little inhale like he was gonna start singing before stepping away from the mic. God tier. Platonic hand in marriage to that acting choice. Jared so consistently brings like 200% to performances I really want to see him in a full length Joe musical one day. Oh, also time to admit I haven't seen Halloween.

Sympathy for the Killer

Not one of my regular listens before Album but Liz does so good on this song that she and the song are growing on me actually. Previously I had only really thought of her doing Velociraptor but she killed so hard on this song (or rather was killed) both acting and singing-wise (sidenote: definitely gonna be keeping an eye out on White Girl In Danger). As a song itself, it’s not my favorite, but it’s short enough, Liz gives a good enough performance, and the production is fun enough that I’ll listen to it most of the time. I love the dissonant piano, the laughing, the sighs. Fun fact it’s also the second shortest song on Album (behind Slide Whistle). A Joe song less than 3 minutes long is a rare, rare thing.

Helen Sharp

Previously a “Joe sings this so there’s a layer of extra irony/meaning” song but literally anything lost from Joe performing it is instantly made up for one hundredfold with Lorinda’s performance. Are you fucking kidding me?!?! I am literally fucking speechless. I don’t have words to describe how good she is on this. Charlie’s work on the song also helps elevate it to a new fucking level. I love the at times creeping and other grandiose strings, along with the brass (what is that, a tuba?) that joins in right at the end. It helps expand the world of the song so much. I truly know nothing about the movie Death Becomes Her but I can imagine this version of Helen Sharp actually doing something, anything, about Madeline. Meanwhile, Joe’s version is also angry and bitter, but seemed more content to just bitch about it, and the orchestrations definitely help with that difference. I love the venom in Lorinda’s voice at “everything you wanted for yourself” but honestly I could pick 10 different deliveries to put in there and they’d all be true. I love Lauren being so audible in that first shout of “Madeline” when more people join in. I love the scream. I love the whisper of “Madeline” at the end.

When the YT release of the Lincoln Center performance happened, Lauren posted a picture of this song happening on her insta story captioned with something along the lines of “if only you could hear the names Joe is shouting in our living room right now” and I would kill to be a fly in that living room wall right then. I mean I think we can all guess the names but it’d still be fun to hear.

The Nurse and the Addict

Heard that one version of Joe singing it at the MTF so many times that my brain leaves in the flub he did and not hearing it on this version always throws me for a loop momentarily. The typewriter clack noises are brilliant and so, so fun. My platonic hand in marriage to whoever thought of it. Probably Charlie. I love that editing gets us the complete dead silence for after "pull away a bit" to the point where someone thought the song stopped playing. It’s so jarring. This track is one of the best live to studio translations on Album. All the new additions to the instrumentation are so good. Taylor’s voice has this sort of innocence and optimism to it that makes the relationship in the song feel even more unbalanced. When he just straight up starts screaming at the end it even sounds melodic.

Out Of Sight / Out Of Mind

Rip “(The Buddy Song)” lol. A song that got that the banjo/country orchestration which I don’t know if I enjoy on this song as much. This is mostly a skip unfortunately, not even the strings can save it. Well, there is one part I very much enjoy which is the slow part at the 4 minute mark. That “and not care all about me like how I care all about you” reminds me instantly of Krysta singing Adore. I think if we cut a minute or so out of it I’d be more inclined to listened to it. I enjoy the lyrical contents and theme of the song a lot but musically it’s just not my thing and the style on Album isn’t helping. Krysta does a good job on the song though. Not that I would trade it for Jared’s version but I do want to hear her do Haddonfield with the new choir arrangements.

The Saddest Girl in the World

Liz did this song live at the concerts and I enjoyed it then but otherwise it’s a skip. On the Saturday performance on her way up to the stage she stopped by a friend of mine’s table during the “he don’t have to be of age” line and said hi to him, which killed me. Otherwise, I don’t enjoy pretty much anything about this song. Not the music nor the lyrics. Not really sure why there was what amounted to a pointless lyric change. I don’t think Kerry did the best on this song. Really I don’t have much to say about this song. The only way I can really enjoy this song is solely as a snapshot of a character like Just Means. Wish this had been replaced by one of the songs on my missed list. Definitely a skip.

Norman

This version elevated Norman from a skip. It’s because of the strings. I’m always a sucker for violin no matter the situation. The very slow run right before 2 minutes in is so lovely. The contrast between the elegance of the violin and the lyrics and mood of the song is so stark and I love it. The staccato. The anger and volume and scream behind “I wish we were.” The stutter. The numerous girls in the background laughing and talking and calling his name. I definitely picked out Lauren’s distinctive voice. Haven’t seen Psycho but this performance seemed much more of a character than other ones I’ve seen. I am also always just constantly blown away by how new orchestrations can make it feel like you’re hearing a song for the first time. Thanks Charlie for literally my entire life.

(Run Away from You)

It regrettably does not go as hard as that one version of Joe at Two River which is my all time favorite which is unfortunate. I love the slight distortion/electronic effect on Jason’s voice during “girl I swear with all my werewolf heart” as well the crunchy electric guitar throughout. The “hide behind the bushes” etc part just does not have the level of intensity as it needs to make the song really work. It needs to build to frenetic levels and leave you feeling like you’re stalking down the street right alongside him but instead I feel like it didn’t go anywhere and I fell asleep inside the bush. I miss the werewolf breathing sounds. I’m wondering if Jason wasn’t feeling well or something when recording because this is not as good as it could’ve been. There are videos of him doing better. I think I’m being a bit overly harsh on this, it’s honestly not that bad and nowhere near the worst live to studio adaptation on this album, it’s just that I know it could be a lot better so I’m disappointed.

The Prisoner's Christmas Song

Not one of my regular listens before Album. I don’t think I care much for the song in particular but Grace gives such a performance and musically it fucks severely. Honestly just copy paste my exact feelings on Sympathy For The Killer. I am a huge sucker for a lot of growl in voices when singing so generally have a very fun time listening to it.

Right Place / Wrong Time

Yee fuckin’ haw. Legendary goddamn song. Maybe thee Joe Iconis of all time? It has all the major qualities: a story with a twist, vivid misfit characters, so fucking long, the struggle of being an artist, obsession with the past, repeating chorus, nonsense syllables. Yeah, this is thee Joe Iconis song of all time. I like that one of Katrina’s lines is “tell me my singing’s out of style” when she’s talked about how her style is actually what’s hot right now but it wasn’t when she started.

I miss the piano sirens, they’re a lot more subtle here. Not much to say about this one, just a very solid recording of what’s done live and I appreciate it.

Sometimes I think to myself “why is Joe so hung up on Broadway” and wanting his shows to play there. I had a conversation with a friend around when LIHN was happening at Two River where I was saying it’d sure be something if Revolution Song one day played at the Tony Awards. They said they’d rather the institution actually be torn down and at the time I couldn’t quite articulate why I didn’t think Joe would ever want that. Well, this song is why. For better or worse, he much too much respects the legacy and meaning of Broadway. He considers himself a pretty traditional guy, not trying to break new ground, be witty/impressive/insincere etc. He too desperate to make it within the place he loves to ever do anything else.

I don’t know why there’s a single soft clap/snap along the middle of the track. It seems like it’d much more belong in an a capella version of this song. It’s pretty clearly intentionally added because it cuts out eventually but it seems a bit too soft and the rest of the song is overproduced so that it doesn’t add much to the song and it just feels a bit like a distraction. Not that the song was overproduced, I just think it was past the level of being able to add a clap track along it. I actually like the level of production and new instrumentation.

Admittedly, I’m not much one for history. That’s one of the topics Joe talks about a lot that least resonates with me. I love that as time goes on, fewer and fewer people will know what this song is talking about without looking it up. I know I had to. I’m the people who don’t understand how much they meant, but this song gives me a small window into the mindset of people who care. It makes me care more than I did before.

A Guy That I'd Kinda Be Into

A surprise, to be sure, but a welcome one. I liked the live versions of this cover a lot in the past when I heard them but I wasn’t expecting it to make it onto Album. It’s weird to hear this song without the backing vocals and dialogue. It’s sweet that the last line is changed so it’s a pure-ish love song and it also subverts expectations like this song originally did. Guess we’re in covers/cabaret versions of songs from full shows section of the album.

Joey Is a Punk Rocker

Another one that wasn’t one of my regular listens and that I only enjoy as a character song. For both this and the last track, I really do like that the people singing are so different from the character that usually sings it in the show. In general, I really enjoy Annie’s voice and how full of character it is. The one section of the song I do have to admit I enjoy is the line “that his nipples were pierced but his heart was too.” Banger fucking line. Also the hilarity of Joe writing the line “I’m in love with a punk rocker named Joe” has not worn off for me.

Social Worker

Now this is a bonkers version of Social Worker. Immediately the synth is like whoa, what the fuck. I love the increasing echo effect on Nick’s voice during the panic attack section of the song. I enjoy it just as a listen but I’m really curious as to why they decided to go down a synth route for this song. Seems weird and I don’t know if I tonally agree with that choice, but I also don’t really disagree? Just want to know why they did it. Also, low-key I think Nick could’ve done better on this track. Like it was very good but I think the instrumental was definitely carrying.

I Was a Teenage Delinquent!

MAYBE THE GREATEST THING THAT HAS EVER GRACED MY EARS??? I think within the first goddamn second I had my tiny little fucking mind blown. This song and the fullness of the orchestrations makes me want to scale several stories of brick wall so I can scream from rooftops “I FELL IN LOVE IN JUVIE HALL!!!!!!!!!” I truly mean it when I say I love how bad, overdramatic, and trashy this song is. She’s writing on bathroom walls in lipstick! She’s romanticizing her suicide scars! She’s falling in love in anger therapy! I love the incongruity of the line “I am a teenage ne'er-do-well” like a teenager would ever, ever say that. Well, maybe they did in the 60s. I love the brief saxophone bit while they almost kiss. I also love that they cut like the 30 seconds of dead time. This song is such a violent, cheesy, goddamn banger. As always I’m in love with the uniqueness of Lauren’s voice and performance. I can’t believe that LIHN came from this. It would be interesting and fun to hear Amina and Kelly do this as a one off but I’m glad it was Lauren and Molly, I want Amina and Kelly’s rendition of I Fell In Love In Juvie Hall to remain a sacred, earnest, triumphant gay love jam.

(Do) the Slide Whistle!

What the hell is this. Why did they go all out on this song. I don’t know the story behind this song. I don’t think it would help even if I did. It’s catchy, I’ll give them that. Who the hell are Suzie and Jenny and [Turp?], what is this song? All around confusion.

Muthers R Speshel (Wen Yer Sad)

I guess they lined up Slide Whistle and this one next to each other so I could double slam on the skip button. The nicest thing I can say about this song is that at rare points it’s charming and heartwarming. Another case of “well... some people are here at least partially because of their name.” It is not like LMM has been out here at concerts doing Joe’s songs.

My Best Friend's a Skeleton

Jeremy is delightful as the skeleton as always. I wonder if the skeleton jumpsuit he wore in the 2013 video is the same one in the 2022 shows. I think I enjoy Lance’s version more but they’re really incomparable since that one was live and George’s was a studio recording. Lance is just. Such a silly guy lol. Don’t know which I like more, the “I cannot wait for you to pass” in the live version of George or the “that’s gross why would you say that” but really just all the awards for Jeremy. For the Album version, it’s another one that got that sorta banjo/country twang in the orchestrations which I’m enjoying on this version of the song, but honestly overall it’s a skip. It’s the sort of song that lives on the banter they have between verses so it’s best in a live recording. Makes me wish they swapped this song out for something like Blue Hair.

Velociraptor

A real win for my media comprehension skills that this song is next to Him Today, Gone Tomorrow. I was like “yessss” when I saw it when the tracklist came out. It makes the skull line very weird but with an extra layer of meaning I guess.

I love the sort of what I can only describe as elevator-style music. It gives the song a very modern, cosmopolitan feel. I can easily imagine this as an anonymous woman lost in the size of NYC. I love how bold the guitar noise is after the “there’s a dinosaur” noise. It kind of sounds like it’s supposed to be a dinosaur roar. I love the line “where the species intertwine” because suddenly that line feels like it implies everyone on the street is a different species instead of nondistinct/normal/human like I was imagining them before. Everyone sees themselves as an animal in a city of humans but really they’re all their own kind of weird and Velociraptor is just looking for people who are weird in the same way as her. I don’t usually think about this but this song really is similar to Right Place/Wrong Time.

Also I have absolutely no memory of where I heard about this but once Liz said that she was complaining to Joe about feeling tired of singing generic songs about people feeling out of place and then he wrote this for her haha. Liz consistently kills it in an under-appreciated way, very much hoping she’s in the official White Girl In Danger cast next year so we can see/hear her in something.

Him Today, Gone Tomorrow

Not as much of a banger as it is in the live performances. Unfortunately nothing about this performance of this song is that good. A combo of audio mixing, instrumentation, and vocals all make this song not live up to its potential. There’s a real variance and buildup of energy in the live version but in this one it’s all mostly samey. I don’t like the addition of background vocals, it’s not loud enough to actively contribute to making the song better and in fact it feels like it helped make this a more lulled song this version. I do prefer the emotion and acting in the vocal performance for this version though.

I love the “she” transitioning from sounding like a tentative question to a celebration with many exclamation points after it. I want to see Manifest Pussy in full. I always wonder if there’s more context for this song that I’m missing.

Starting to Forget

Not one of my regular listens before Album. I actually used to think that this song was about a woman walking the line between still missing and starting to forget their abusive ex and healing, and I thought that for longer than I care to admit. I think it was only when I went to transcribe the lyrics to this song a few months ago that I finally really started paying attention to exactly what was being said and I realized how incredibly sad it was. Then even more recently I found out it’s about Joe and his grandfather. But you know what I still somewhat stand by my reading of this being about one person’s complicated journey moving on from their ex-lover. It could work.

I love Badia’s voice on this so much. It’s also interesting because on the Album podcast, they said they recorded all the band stuff first, but this track sounds very singer lead with the liberties taken with tempo. It sounds like a song that requires the accompaniment to come after or be live with the singing, but apparently that’s not what happened so props to them for making it sound like that’s what happened.

Also shout out to this song for apparently being able to always bring a tear to Michael R Jackson's eye.

Tightrope Walker / Mountain Climber / Me

So Joe has this old song called Tightrope Walker but I’ve never heard it. I have to imagine this song is a reworking/expansion of that other song and it makes me really curious to hear what the old version was. Regardless, new Joe Iconis song!!! [Has a life crisis].

This song is so interesting and I’m still trying to figure it out. The latter half captures the feeling of being an observer in your own life, the detachment and distraction of living in our social media age, and the ease at which we can compare ourself to others now. However, I don’t understand why the tightrope walker and mountain climber bits exist. To draw comparison to the “me” bit, but is it saying that they’re more similar or different than one would expect? Or neither? Is it saying that the career of an artist is in some ways comparable and as dangerous as tightrope walking/mountain climbing? The biggest hint is the some people are fueled by terror/praise meanwhile I live vicariously through others line. Do they exist only to lay down examples of other’s accomplishments that the starving artist feels they’ll never have their own version of? The song is a lot about what motivates people and I guess the artist’s lack thereof? Or maybe they do have motivation but it’s slowly been eroded over time by not reaching their goals while everyone else seems to be. Still, I don’t understand why. And then it also gets meta with the “I hate my vocals on this song” so then it’s implying that the starving artist wrote and is performing this song. I don’t know what any of this means! Would love to hear what other people think of this song. Can’t wait for the podcast episode of this song.

Since Joe almost never shares his lyrics verbatim I think I’ll be wondering forever if the “and days and days etc” part eventually ends on “and daze” because I love a good homonym. Would be cool if it did.

I love Molly H and her voice so much. I also really want to hear Lauren do this song. I think her voice lends to the style a lot. I love how casual this song sounds, very fittingly for the message of the song. In the Sunday live performance of this song it went heavy on some sort of synth-y rock guitar and there were also backing vocals. It was weird.

Flesh and Bone (The Robot's Song)

I'm sorry. What the fuck? It's like they decided to suck literally all of the energy out of this song during the recording. And I know Jason can go hard on this song, I've seen it before. So what the fuck. It started out a bit more low energy than I was expecting but I was expecting it to pick up but then it never did and we got to the nanas at the end and I was so disappointed. I just checked and it’s literally 10 bpm slower than live versions. I’m back again wondering if Jason got sick or something because this was not it. His voice sounded a bit off, like it was more tired/weaker. I’m just am in shock at how bad they ruined this song. Like how did this happen. This is one of Charlie’s favorite songs so like, how did he listen to this and think “yeah that’s good.”

The string pizzicato was nice but I’m still not sure how I feel about it in this song specifically. I miss the versions where the guitar in the background plucks an alarm going off/warning signal of low battery. The wind and rust sound effects were also lame as hell in this version, and by lame I mean almost nonexistent. I very much prefer versions where they do something outsized and wacky. Overall, I don’t know why you would choose to listen to the worse version of this song out there.

Party Hat

The new interjections are so fun and I love it. I think my favorite is “you are quite something” and “that’s what my therapist says!” It reminds me of Lauren’s Our Show. Also love the funky lil banjo and melodica. Thank god they kept the kazoo. This song is almost good enough for me to forgive EWM for making smacking lips noises right in my ear. Honestly I don’t have all that much to say about this song. Good song, good recording. Okay, I’ve been trying to find a way to word this without sounding weird but there is no good way. I want EWM to be my cat. No elaboration. You either get me or you don’t.

Amphibian

About to say something sacrilegious. I only like Amphibian an okay amount and it definitely is one of those songs whose charm lies in live performance, though this track translated pretty well from live to studio. I think they’re also aware of this so starting it off way more cutesy helped. Also that the ensemble choir was made up of so many people was great. On some tracks you can tell the ensemble had less people and as a result felt much less full. It’s very cute that Lance joined in for a duet. Double Natos! Shamefully, I thought it was Joe the first few listens until Al told me otherwise. I like the crowd/general chatter noise at the end with very low ribbits that then transitions straight into It’s All Good.

The Amphibian on Sunday when Will was out with COVID was by far my favorite performance of this song, ever. Amara was so good at the beginning that I want an entire version of her and John’s energy was so innocent and quickly turned rockin’ that I am obsessed.

It's All Good

I feel like the audio mixing could’ve been better on the ambient crowd/chatter noise to not have it cut out as abruptly? It felt a bit jarring. Regardless, I like it. It creates a feeling of a live performance where people just get up and go to the mic that fits well with the content of the song. Not one of my favorite songs of Joe’s, but it’s so nice to have the boys from the 08 cast all singing together on this and their voices mesh very nicely together. It also sounds like they recorded together to match up the vocals or at least they did a much better job of it here than some other tracks.

Find the Bastard

I have to fucking talk about this shit. After the Saturday concert, the performers were talking to audience members outside and I had a short conversation with EWM where I told him how much I loved BSOL. He ribbed me a bit about being 12 when the original production happened, which is totally fair, and I thought that would be the end of that interaction. But he remembered because the next night during this song, right after the first “what’s your name, what’s your name,” (I guess I shouted loud enough that he noticed me) he made eye contact and pointed to me in the audience briefly as he sang. I am still replaying this moment in my mind. And also physically replaying it on the vid I took lol. Literally the amount of joy that those brief seconds have brought me is immeasurable. Months later just listening to this song is still a free happiness machine.

Last on Land Whomst? This is my new favorite, no I'm not biased at all (ok but can you blame me after what happened). I guess I should talk about the actual song now.

Ok, on the Album version right at the beginning of the instrumental after the very first measure (0:03-0:04), the guitarist accidentally plucks another string when changing fingerings and it bother me to no end. Can you tell I’ve been listening to this song on eardrum shattering volumes? Other than that, almost 0 complaints. The snake rattle effect sends chills through me. I like that there’s clearly a lot of people in the mix for the ensemble part but you can hear Jason ST and Katrina distinctively in the mix. I love the new brass. It fits so well. Loud and brash just like the show. Speaking of the brass, I’m in love with the drawn out instrumental crescendo right before “they done me wrong.”

AND FROM NOW ON, WHEN THEY ASK MY NAME (WHAT’S YOUR NAME, WHAT’S YOUR NAME) MY ANSWER ALWAYS GONNA BE THE SAME (WHAT’S YOUR NAME, WHAT’S YOUR NAME) I’LL SAY MY NAME IS AWFUL LONG AS IT’S THE LYRICS OF THIS SONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I do not know how a single person in the world could possibly listen to this song and not feel the hype in their fucking soul and The Musician’s mission as their own. For three minutes and twenty-nine seconds, I’m a guitar wielding musician recently freed from prison on a mission to get my woman back from a dastardly kazoo playing villain. And it better be yours too.

I don’t know why on these TBS and BSOL tracks, there’s noise/people talking at the beginning/end. I assume for like atmosphere/continuity to signify that they’re from the same show/should be listened to together?

Last on Land

Don't look at me, I'm listening to Last on Land. As always, thinking about that one review that called this song the out of nowhere number about sailing. Watch your fucking back, I’m about to turn you into an out of nowhere number about sailing. Though I’ll be honest, parts of this song are still lost on me but I enjoy that. I’m always thinking about what certain lines could mean when I’m listening to this song. Some parts mean a different thing to me every time I listen to it. I guess I can understand how someone who wasn’t paying attention and hearing this song for the first time could think it was just a song about boats. I mean, admittedly that’s what I thought the first time I heard this song. But then you listen again and you notice the raw fucking lines like “we find the solution to escape our fate, it lies in the equal distribution of our weight” and I dare you to not feel even an ounce about community and what we owe and willingly give to one another when this song plays.

Since it’s in a different key on Album as it is in the show, the octave jump on the piano backing is even higher and everything feels even more perilous. Like oh my god, things are beginning to sink!!

Sorry I am continuously ragging on it, but it’s noticeably not as good in an album of mostly good to stellar performances. I don’t think Jason ST’s performance on this track is the greatest but the tiredness sort of fits the opening of the song so it’s not as egregious on this track. I don’t know there’s any standout performances on this track actually, it starts getting very good later into the song.

I love the angelic choir sort of quality the “ohs” in the vocal only part, and it carries that quality even when everything else comes back in. It feels like prayer and community to someone non-religious like me. The only thing on this earth for us is each other. The new harmonies are so fucking good it makes me lose my entire goddamn mind every time I listen two minutes of this song. Especially the new high part on “if you weren’t here with me.” You know the one. The echoing on the chorus. Thank you Joel for these god tier vocal arrangements. It’s what this song fucking deserves. It really feels like it’s taking full advantage of the size of its goddamn cast list. I wouldn’t be surprised if almost all the people in that image of people on the album were in this chorus.

Can you believe that Joe originally wasn’t going to do any songs from full shows of his? Thank god Jen convinced him otherwise. Lord, what would I do without [this version of this song].

Try Again

I connected like a year ago that the "lifeboat manned by me" line was in reference to Bloodsong but it took me up until a few weeks ago to realize the "fuck those bastards, find a friend" is also probably one. With how connected this song is to other works of Joe now I'm realizing the suicide attempt off the roof is not at all random and definitely calling back to Broadway, Here I Come! lol. It takes me a minute...

Ending with Try Again instead of Last on Land is fun and interesting. The placement of this song makes me think Joe still feels like he hasn’t made it in the way he wants to in this industry, which, fair. It’s just funny how a song he wrote with a large inspiration about BMC after TRT is still the message he wants to go out on, that even with that very show making it to Broadway, he still feels he’s at the stage where he’s picking himself back up and trying again. And I guess YMMV on if he deserves to feel that way. With how much he talks about being a fan of traditional musical theater and having traditional mindsets of what being successful in musical theater looks like, he certainly hasn’t made that original show that’s been reviewed well by the NYT regionally and moved to Broadway and had a successful run in the way he thinks/thought shows should do. And both BBH and LIHN, right after BMC had a similar trajectory of not being the success he wanted, with LIHN being especially similar to how BMC started out.

Though honestly I don’t know what Joe Iconis would be like if he had his well-loved Broadway hit and I don’t know if it’s ever gonna happen for him. It seems like he just somehow grates on people in a way that in his eyes, he’ll be almost making it forever. Like if you just shift your viewpoint a bit, this track would’ve also fit very well after Right Place/Wrong Time as the 26th track, at exactly halfway through Album. With this song as the midpoint, it would’ve sent a message of how despite the NYT review, he tried again and BMC was eventually able to get to Broadway because of the love people had for it, and he saw that result of trying again and is past that part of his life.

Am I reading into all this too much? Probably. Maybe he placed it here as an upbeat message about trying again to loop back to the beginning of the album. But reading and listening to what he says in interviews I’m inclined to think he still feels like he’s in the trying again stage of his life.

#teresa talks #album #refusing to use full names lol on the off chance one of them somehow finds this #im being a little mean a little bitchy i dont want people to see mean words about them lol #iaf #my posts #ive been working on this post since june 24 lol #then joe started posting on tumblr and i got scared hed namesearch himself and see this #oh well if he does ill just die #i continue to ramble in tags in hopes that this will make it not show up in search #please god i just dont want creators to see me talking about them #this is my space!!!#anyway i hope if he does find this he knows i say this with as much love as possible #i mean i wrote 9k words of thoughts i think about it a lot #every day i live in fear #the irony of loving if you like it so much and desperately hoping he doesnt find u talking about him #i just think there should be a separate spaces between fans and creators #where we can be a lil mean amongst ourselves with the understanding it's all love #joe iconis

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piningprecussionist · 15 days

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(ooc)

I want you all to know that if I had the energy for it. There are so many posts stored in my drafts I long to queue... but neglected to preemptively tag, despite knowing I am Like This....

Anyway, there is a slight chance the queue might run out tomorrow unless I can get more responses in there-- I am,, tired,,

#(<- accidentally took a 3 hour nap instead of continuing to work on art and edits for answers today)#((well. yesterday. semantics.))#there are like. 3 or 4 posts I REALLY want to queue SO SO BADLY from when i was going through older blogs before. but. the source links...#they're all broken... or in the case of one gif- the poster noted that they had no idea who made the gif #and i like to give credit where credit is due. yknow?#((one of them is this little scott and kim interaction and I am like Gripping My Head in Anguish with how I so long to queue it....))#((i need more scott and kim content. not even talking ship stuff you guys please just give me them bickering i will love you forever))#(i mean i do have little things w them i can draw myself. but then I have to do it... so i like it less... /hj)#((i need money in a transferable format. so I can. commission more of them hanging out. this is the solution realistically...))#((*sighs*))#anyway. idk this is probably a false alarm again.. I think the last 3 times I've been like ''oh the queue is gonna run out!'' I've managed +#+to find more posts to cram in there. so watch me eat my fucking words i guess shdjdhdbfnddn #i guess if i wanted I could queue more of my screenshots from SPTO E1.... hm...#(we'll see what happens. although i suppose now is your chance to sound off if you want me to do that)#ooc #txt #actually. additional note. some people have before- but if you ever see a post and you're like ''oh! i haven't seen this here yet'' you are+#+super welcome to send me the post and I'll queue it up. i try to see as much as i can but. we can probably assume which tags i camp out in+#+more.#(also. sometimes stuff just. doesn't show up in the tags/for me. bc this is a hellsite. 😔)#((love this site though. please never die- tumblr-- maybe just. actually get better for once.... *grimacing at Recent/Ongoing Events*))

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bloodydollies · 3 months

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Existing in this fandom as a Sebastian fictive is so frustrating at times

#still thinking about that post that was like 'I don't know how Ciel stands him I would literally rather kill myself'#it makes me angry #like fuck you #Ciel loves me #I am not lesser just because you don't vibe with me #what the fuck #I'm not that horrible #dolly.txt #dolly.misc #dolly.vent #not sure if this really counts but I'll tag it anyway #incredibly frustrated with the people here sometimes #I know being mean to your faves is a thing here but it shows up on my dash randomly and I HATE IT #I don't want to see that shit!!!#Tumblr!! please!! stop showing me that shit!!!!!!!

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voidhope · 10 months

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The Other Woman

—

Synopsis: Where Miguel leaves Y/N to go back to a different version of his old wife found in another universe.

Pair: Miguel O’Hara x Spider!Reader

Tags: ANGST!!, long term established relationship, heartbreak, marriage, cheating, mental health, cold/distant Miguel

—

A/N: Hi! I don’t really write at all!!

I have been a silent reader on tumblr for years but this idea has been playing in my mind so much I had the urge to write it. I have been down so bad for Miguel been on his tag like 24/7 indulging in all the content creators have been putting out. So I’m excited to join in giving content, however keep in mind I kinda suck! Apologies for any mistakes, anything confusing, or it not being well written enough. Honestly could have made this into multiple parts with better details but nah. Tried my best ^^ since it’s my first time, any feedback is greatly appreciated!

Honestly tbh we all don’t have a solid grasp how the whole canon thing and multi universe works yet so!! A lot of what is written is made up to suit my storyline so please don’t get mad about the inaccuracies.

I love a good angst and today’s story will be EXTRAAA angsty!!! As well kinda long!!

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The moment that changed your life was while working on an experiment during your college finals. You were a proud and gifted physics major that was so passionate about discovering and exploring what the world didn’t know.

You had snuck into Alchemax late at night. You wanted to show your professors just how much you could do with the right tools. Next thing you know, playing with their machines, you had spawned a spider right in-front of you. The glowing vibrant red spider had sunk its jaw into your hand.

Your life did a complete turn and you spent the rest of that week freaking out while changes to your body were happening. Causing you to fail your semester after missing exams. Things felt like it could only get worse when a massive blue suited masked man showed up out of nowhere in your dorm interrogating you.

“Where’s the spider?” He had a strong grip on your shoulders. You couldn’t focus while trying to process why this man had what seemed like claws sticking out of the ends of his fingers.

“I don’t know, it like died after it bit me!” You exclaimed nervously at the freakishly strong man. Trying to reach for anything behind you to use as a defense weapon.

“Dios mío no me digas eso…” He groaned loudly letting you go. Having the opportunity to grab something, you threw a sanrio plushie at him. Only causing him to wave his arms in annoyance. “That spider is from my earth and somehow you brought it here. Now you’re a spider-man.”

And the rest is history…

—

You learned that the man was Miguel O’Hara and when he found you he was just starting his missions with the multiverse. You being the few of the firsts to join his team.

Your situation was quite bizarre and he called you an anomaly for a long time, spending hours studying you and also training you. You ended up being the one case that can’t be explained no matter how much effort was put into monitoring you.

Almost like it was meant to be. Your universe remained perfect with its current spider-man doing fine. No big collapse of a black hole or anything. When you got bit by a spider from Earth-928 your DNA merged with that universe making you fit in perfectly. You were one of the only spider-people with an uncertain timeline with new canons being created depending on what universe you were in.

What changed from you being just a piece of research for Miguel is when he then realized that maybe you were a gift from the multiverse. After all the grief and pain he’d went through the universe had given him this person that worked out perfectly no matter how hard he tried to push them away. You fell head over heels for him and vice versa, all while canon events were being created with both of you together.

You were there as his team grew, slowly turning into a family. Then both of you getting married finalizing that this was your home. Everything felt perfect. Although a relationship with Miguel could have its up and down days, nothing could ever tear you both apart. Or so you assumed.

—

“I’m sorry Y/N.” Miguel couldn’t look at you.

“When did this start? Please be honest with me. Did I do something wrong?” You begged at him. You knew he was acting off recently but never did you think it would result to this.

You watched as he exhaled deeply staring at the ground. You felt like you couldn’t breathe as you studied his face trying to grasp onto any emotion he was showing. The atmosphere in his office felt so cold. You so badly wanted to catch his gaze and find the warmth and love his red irises used to give you. He was doing everything to push you away. He was abandoning you.

“You did nothing wrong. I met her during a mission 4 months ago.” Was all he replied.

“Who is she?” Your heart kept breaking. His face hardening as the question slipped through your lips. You knew Miguel wouldn’t leave you for just anyone. Deep in your heart you knew what this was about. He never responded but he didn’t need to when you saw his eyes flicker over to his monitor screens. You followed his trace and saw the photo of Gabriella in the corner.

“Does she have another version of your daughter?” You tried again. This is what made him look directly at you. Miguel kept opening and closing his month unsure how to tell you the truth. You weren’t stupid and he knew that. After everything he couldn’t just walk out on you with a lie.

“No.” He paused thinking of how to finally share the truth without it ruining you. There was no way out of this. “She is a younger version of herself. There is no Miguel in her universe and she’s not important to the timeline. She lives a regular life. I-it’s a chance for me to start at the very beginning.”

You felt your heart being ripped out of your chest. You processed the words carefully. She doesn’t have a child yet… Not only was he leaving you for her but he was going to fall in love with her all over again and start a family with her. A family you wanted so badly to have with him.

“What about with what happened last time you tried to live a life in a different universe?” You didn’t understand how this was happening.

He was always so carful he would never do anything to cause that again. Everything you had witness Miguel work so hard for to keep safe for years. Sleepless nights, returning bruised and beaten, frustrations and constant stress. Was it all for nothing? Is he throwing all his work away?

“This is different.” He turned away from you. “I pushed myself then into an already established life. This time I am creating that life. After all the research we did on you…” He knew that this was going to tear you apart. “I learned that if done right I could have a child from two different universes that won’t disrupt anything.”

It clicked to you then that all the research he was doing on you lately was for this. The research he did on you that time was different, personal, intimate even. As he was testing your DNAs together and seeing the outcomes. He mentioned a child and you were foolish enough to assume he was doing research to see what it would be like if you both had one together. You were giddy even as you watched him work. You had both spoken about having a family together in the past but had been too busy with spider activities. You thought it was a sign of him getting more serious about it, knowing how badly he wanted one. You would have never thought he was doing it to see how he could get back his previous child. The one you could never give him.

You had truly believe that Miguel had recovered from his obsession that his grief gave him. He accidentally destroyed a whole universe needing that life back so badly. You had spent late nights watching him re-watch clips over and over of what he had lost. It slowly stopped once your relationship blossomed with him and you thought he was ready to move on and start new. Why would you have never thought that with such a perfect opportunity presented to him that he wouldn’t drop everything for it.

“I think it’s best that you leave.” He spoke with a soft tone. As if not looking at you any longer will make the problem go away. You couldn’t wrap your mind around how he was just throwing you away like this. As if he wasn’t making you dinner, giving soft kisses, whispering I-love-you’s not so long ago.

You felt too choked up to ask anymore questions. Your throat tight and painful as you held back tears from escaping in-front of Miguel. You just nodded and headed straight out the door not being able to handle another second in that room. Your knees and hands were shaky as you speed walked into the nearest bathroom and let it all out.

—

It didn’t take long for everyone else to know something had happened. Everyone had gotten used to seeing you and him sitting together at lunch. You would make him cute lunch boxes and everyone would gag a bit while watching the two of you smile together. Some cringing seeing their scary boss being so soft around you. It was a big surprise when Miguel started to eat alone with a bag of take out food and you no where to be seen.

His teams he sent out for missions were all confused when you weren’t assigned to anything. Knowing you were one of the best, one of them slipped out a “Call for Y/N!” In the middle of fighting an anomaly too strong for them. Miguel only looked away.

It wasn’t until a new woman showed up in Miguel’s office with a grip around his waist. That’s when the spider-community realized that this was way worse than they thought.

—

You on the other hand had spilled everything to Hobie when he caught you that day leaving the bathroom with puffy eyes. You had been staying with him in his universe until you could gather yourself together to return to HQ. You knew you were going to leave for good, but you needed to go back to retrieve all your things. You couldn’t stay with Hobie forever. Worse that you weren’t from there.

You still had some hope that Miguel would come looking for you and tell you that he was all wrong. However almost two months had passed and not a word from him… That’s when you knew it was time you should return to what you once knew.

Stepping into the portal Hobie followed close behind you. He told the few others who were once close to both you and Miguel that you would be visiting. Stepping through the portal you were immediately greeted by Jessica and Peter B Parker.

“Oh, Y/N.” Jess sighed your name sadly while pulling you into a hug. You felt like you wanted to cry all over again. Missing your friends so much. Peter B came behind giving you a hug on the side.

“He’s on a mission right now.” Peter spoke up. “It might be a long one too but don’t waste anytime just incase.”

You nodded pulling away from them. Looking up around the headquarters building faintly smiling at the past memories you had here. You started heading to different areas gathering all the little things you had left around. Hobie had stitched for you a cute backpack with different scraps of patterned clothes and covered in patches of punk band logos but made with hammer space technology. Making it fun for you to fill endless of your things in the bag.

The last stop was in Miguel’s office. Doubt started to fill your mind; maybe he already threw out all of your stuff. Why would he even keep it after all of this? What no one could warn you of was the other person sitting on his platform.

“Hello!” She chirped at you. It felt like the air in your lungs had just been punched out. You knew her too well. From all the photos and videos you had seen peaking over Miguel’s shoulder. However seeing her in person was something you had never expected. You knew it wasn’t the original her but it was a copy paste image for sure.

“Hi.” Was all you managed to choke out. She was beautiful, stunning. You could see clearly now the similar features she shared in another universe with her daughter. The parts that Miguel didn’t have. She kept smiling kindly at you, almost in a graceful way. You started to feel all your insecurities start eating you up from the inside. How could you have ever compared to her.

“What’s your name? I don’t think I’ve seen you here before.” Getting off Miguel’s platform she walked closer to you. The room started to feel suffocating.

“Y/N.”

“Well, it’s nice to meet you! It’s nice to meet other girls around here.”

Your eyebrows furrowed as you realized she had no reaction to your name. So Miguel never told her about you… Or that the fact was he was still even legally married to you.

“My boyfriend isn’t here right now but, if you want, I can tell him you stopped by.” She continued as you stayed silent.

“Oh, no it’s okay. I just came in here to get some stuff.” You rushed as you really wanted nothing to do with Miguel at all. You almost worried that he might even get angry knowing you got to speak with her. If he already dislikes you this much you couldn’t even imagine how he would feel if you got in the way of this for him.

You started heading over to the familiar drawers around the room. Grabbing your old hoodies and shirts finding your most comfortable of things here. You treated this place as one of your safe spaces as you used to spend so much time here.

“Oh I didn’t know these were all yours! I was wondering why this was all around. When I came here I wanted to do some spring cleaning but Miguel wouldn’t let me touch anything.” She followed besides you. “It’s so mind blowing seeing all this technology. We don’t have any of this where I live-“ She continue rambling but you started to zone her out. You felt like you were about to have a panic attack any minute. There was one question that kept burning in your mind.

“Are you and Miguel already planning to have a child?” You blurted out. Your eyes widened a bit as you surprised yourself. She let out a loud laugh.

“Oh dear no! We have only been together about 6 months. You must be new around here so you must not know much about us.” She chuckled.

In some cruel way you were hoping she would have said yes. You had that twisted hope of maybe Miguel just keeping her to have a kid and ditching her after he gets Gabriella and run back to you. In reality he was playing the long game, he really meant it when we said he was starting over. “He’s never mentioned kids anyways. I’m not even sure if he’d like them or do well with them.”

With that statement she made you looked at her appalled. Anyone could see in Miguel how good of a father he could be. Just in the way he takes care of the society he built here. You started to realize that she really has been left in the dark. She doesn’t know anything. She probably doesn’t even know that she’s a replacement of another self. You wondered why Miguel was doing this. It felt like he didn’t just toy with you but with her as well. A man you came to love for how selfless he was, to realize now everything was for his own personal gain. Suddenly you started to feel bad for her. You couldn’t dislike her, she wasn’t doing anything wrong and she doesn’t even know.

“I got all my stuff. Nice to meet you.” Was all you could say as you zipped up your bag and turned straight around out of there. Not giving any glance back at her, you left to one of the empty training rooms to recollect your overwhelming thoughts. All of the self healing you tried the past month thrown in the garbage.

It wouldn’t be too soon that news of you going around the building was returned to Lyla. You had cut out all coms while you were gone so she immediately popped up on your watch when she found out.

“AH-“ You jumped as the tiny AI was suddenly in front of your face.

“It’s so wonderful to see you Y/N. Oh my god!”She started. Then she went on rambling about how she knew everything and had seen everything. How she didn’t agree with what was happening and was doing everything she could to convince you to stay. After 5 minutes of her rambling you stopped her to let your emotions out.

“Lyla, Lyla It’s okay. Just stop. It’s all complicated I know, but this didn’t work out. I wished Miguel just cheated on me like all the other fucked up normal men out there. That I walked in on him deep in another random girl. Though painful I could have tried fixing and fighting for us. But instead what I got was him emotionally cheating on me and chase after something he knows I can never give him.” You felt yourself choke up. “I can never ask him to give up what he longs and dreams for just for me to be happy. I lost this battle the moment he laid eyes on her.”

Finding comfort in the AI your husband made. You’ve created a bond with Lyla that Miguel found cute but you knew now this might be the last time you’ll be speaking with her.

“You can give him a family y/n… you guys have been married two years now. I know you’ve both set the thought aside until the multiverse issues are better but you can fight for him. You have to snap him out of his fantasy. He still thinks about you.”

“Lyla you know deep down truly he never just wanted a family. He wanted exactly what he had. What he lost. Which should be impossible but being by his side seeing how insane the multiverse is… Good for him for believing in something so hard he’s found himself even a third chance to do it.”

“I hate that you’re being too kind about this situation.” Lyla paced around you.

“I love him so deeply Lyla. You know that very well. It’s so hard to suddenly hate him. I am angry, but I’m also emotionally drained I can’t do this.” You let out a deep sigh. “I’ve watched him long for this family when we just met. For some stupid reason when things worked out for us I thought I would be enough… When we got engaged and he would spend some days at home with me not even coming to HQ. I thought he was finally moving on not just from his grief and past but from the weight of his work. I saw a bright future for us.”

“You can still have a bright future with him! You moving here gave him a new canon event, another chance at life in his timeline. Here in his own universe! He’s just too obsessed and he’s lost himself in that.” She exclaimed with her hands up.

“Our canon event was our wedding.” Your frowned deepened. “But the universe didn’t say anything else after. It doesn’t say our canon event means we are suppose to live happily together forever I guess.”

“I’m just trying my best to be optimistic. I rooted so hard for you and Miguel when you joined the team. I know you can remember the amount of times I would force you both in rooms.” Lyla recalled.

“And I’m grateful for it… Even if this didn’t work out. I was given precious memories, not just working with you and being on this team but falling in love with Miguel. I know I’m being all depressed and hopeless but I feel like even if I move on I’ll never be able to replace him and find a relationship like this again. However he threw me away so easily and maybe he never valued me as much as I did to him.” You felt your emotions bubble. “I became who I am here. I’m going to miss everyone so much.”

“You can still stay here and work with us.” She edged on.

“I can’t just sit around here begging at his feet to return to me or moping around doing missions while watching him with someone else. I want to hate him so badly. I know he’s your boss and you’re basically hardwired to do everything for him and you’re trying your hardest to fix what you think is his right path. But think of me a little more and how miserable it’ll be. I’m the only one hurting here.”

Lyla paused and stared at you with an almost glossy-eyed look. While she worked she could see the inner term-oil Miguel was hiding and the emptiness he was turning to since trying to start new in the other universe. It just wasn’t her place to hold this conversation and he was the one who needed to get a grip of himself and really think and talk with you. She can’t be the one trying to mend the pieces for both of you together. What Miguel did was so wrong. She knew you were right and she didn’t want to see any more damage be caused to you.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” She looked up at you sincerely. “I hate this outcome for you. Not only are you loosing your husband but your home. When was the last time you’ve even been in your universe?”

“Like a year ago for a mission…”

“Exactly! Even if things are over with Miguel, you have all of us here! I wish you could stay. I understand you leaving, I really do. I know a lot of us will try visiting you but I’m tied to Miguel…” You started to see how it clicked for her too that it’s most likely you might not see each other for a long time. “Even if a spider-person is visiting you I can’t just show up on their watch… It’ll go back to him and I know you wouldn’t want that. I know I’m an AI and I can’t hold real emotions but I mean it when I say I’m going to miss you.”

Tears poured down your cheeks as her words hit you. Going back to your universe is going to be a struggle. You have nothing there now. However nothing can compare to the pain of the outcome you’ve had with Miguel, and you needed out of here ASAP. Your mental health getting worse the longer you stay. Even the other spiders you have come to love can’t bring that spark back right now. You needed genuine time for yourself, even if it’s self destructive, instead of putting on a fake smile everyday here.

“Bye, Lyla.” You whispered. She nodded and waved her hand goodbye at you before disappearing. You took your watch off your wrist placing it on a nearby desk. With it you pulled the divorce paperwork out of your pocket neatly sealed and already signed on your half. Opening a portal you took your last glances at the place you spent so many loving memories in.

Tears blurred your vision as you stepped through the portal. Once your legs landed on a rooftop of a building in your dimension, you racked out full sobs falling to your knees.

You were always just the other woman.

—————————————————

Thank you so much for reading!! I know it was a longer one ~

would anyone like a part 2? If so anyone want a angsty or happy ending? I think it’ll be more in Miguel’s perspective as well!

EDIT: You can now read PART 2 here

#miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o’hara imagine #atsv miguel #spiderman 2099 #miguel o’hara x y/n #miguel o’hara angst #spiderman imagine #across the spiderverse #miguel o'hara #x reader #spiderman #fanfiction #miguel o’hara fanfiction #spiderman x reader

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