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orenjikaraka · 3 years

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I Just Can’t Take It Anymore…

The trickster (Ji woon hak) x reader angst

Author note: I barely know Korean so please understand that some words are google translate and I know google sometimes doesn't work ;(, Also I feel like if Ji woon was in that realm for a while, he would start learning English more better, because many survivors are from around the world. Also I made it realistic, so if someone dies they die :).

Part 2

Warnings: cursing, gore, vomiting, murder, angst

Word count: 2027

Ji Woon woke up, he sit up and looked around his surroundings, “못쓰게 만들다 (fuck)”, his hands were squeezed tight, his knuckles were turning white, “why am I still here…” his body was shaking, “I… don’t want hurt anyone anymore… why can’t I leave from this nightmare”, dirt was digging into his nails, his vision was getting fuzzy and his ears were ringing, but until he heard the entity, he snapped out of his thoughts, and heard voices, telling him if he doesn’t move, he’ll be punished. So he stood up quivering and picked up his bat from the dirty floor, when he got situated and try to calm himself, because the entity was watching him, whispering to murder the people around him, but the entity was disappointed by how’s he’s acting, so one of it’s claws were on his throat, whispering ‘murder, murder, murder’ like a broken record, Ji woon had a idea, he grabbed his hair with his free and faked chaotic laughed, to make the entity think he’s still the attendantic murder from the very beginning, the entity slowly disappears into the mist, leaving Ji woon alone, then he ended his acting, and continued to shake, “ok… ok… let’s get this over, and… and maybe I can finally leave this place…” he chuckled with slight relief.

—-

When ji Woon found his first survivor, he was running away from him, he gave fake chaotic laughs and was chasing after him, he wanted to show the entity, that he was insane, he threw his kunais at his legs, so he won’t walk, the man pleads were making his ears ring, ‘how did I get aroused by this…’ it wanted to make him puke, that he even think it like that way, hearing there pleads in his music and screams, was like something was calling inside for him, but now, murdering people over and over and over again, slowly didn’t aroused him anymore and all the attention before was slowly departing too, he just wanted run away just like these survivors, Ji Woon slowly walk up to the poor man, and slowly lifted his bat up and ready to strike his neck, “죄송 해요… (I’m sorry)”

Snap

Was all he heard, by the hit of the bat to the bone, he was shaking and he pulled his bat out of the nape, he tried to slow his breathing and went to the next person, while he was walking he could see a woman fixing a Generator, it sounds like it was almost done, so he put his bat on his back, and grab one of his kunais, he aimed it at her throat and it successfully slit her throat, she stopped her hands from fixing her generator, and put her hands on her throat, she was gagging, Ji woon dropped his kunais, and started to cover his ears, his quivering was worsening, and he dunk his head low, so he wouldn’t see, what was happening in front of him, he “tried” to calm himself down, but got it significantly worse, “please… make it stop… please…”, the entity was appearing behind him, ready to punish him again, its claws we’re getting close to his neck again, telling him lies, whispering ‘if you murder the rest, you’ll be free…’ ‘you’ll get rewarded, after this trial’ ‘you can see your father again… don’t you want that…’ “나의 아버지… (my father)”

Ji woon’s laughter got ragged, and everytime he laughed it sounded forced, he got his baseball bat from his back and his tears were still spilling out, that made his eyeliner smear, but he made sure that he looked like a psychopath, the entity disappears again, into the mist it goes…

When he walking away from the corpse, he felt like someone else was watching him, instead of the entity, he felt a woman’s presence, from behind him, he looked back, but all he saw was the corpse from before, he gulped and kept walking forward and found the next survivor, he was cleansing a totem, the man turned around terrified, “let’s makes this quick…” his lips quivered, he raised his bat shakily, but before he raised his shaky bat, the man kicked him in the shin and scattered, “nnnnghhh, 못쓰게 만들다… (fuck)”, the man ran into a dead end, and Ji Woon was behind him, he kneeled down, begging for mercy, “please… don’t make this hard as it is…”, Ji Woon said, he clenched his hands on his baseball bat, the guy in front of him, at this point was sobbing and pleading for his forgiveness, Ji Woon closed his eyes “shut up… shut up… SHUT UP…”, he strike his baseball bat, at his head, and smashed it, the man was screaming for mercy, “shut up!” And smashed it again… again… and… again… until his face was not even noticeable anymore. Ji Woon opened his eyes and was terrified on what the results were, he felt like vomiting, he drop his baseball bat, and put hands on his mouth, for him to stop his vomiting, he swallowed the gross liquid down his throat, he was hyperventilating, “Make it stop… make it stop…” his voice sound so hoarse, he fell back and he put his hands threw his hair, he was digging threw his scalp, “please… I just can’t take it anymore… I just want to go home…” his body was shaking really badly, his hyperventilating was worsening, it was dead silent and all he could hear was his wipering, until he heard some footsteps, right when he felt a hand touch his shoulder, he freaked out, “LEAVE ME ALONE!” He turned back and got a better look at the person in front of him, his shaking was slowly calming down, when he noticed it was a woman, and not the entity, “hey… shhh… hey… everything is going to be ok…” “stay away from me… I… I don’t want to hurt you…” (Y/N) slowly got closer, but he flinched, “please, please, please… I don’t want to hurt you…” (Y/N) felt guilt in her chest, why is she feeling this way, he is a murder, but in past trials, he wasn’t like this, but why now, he’s like lost pup, running away from a pack of wolfs, “hey, trickster, everything going to be ok” her calming voice sound so angelic, he gulped, “can I help you…” he slowly nodded his head, he look so scared, she slowly walked up to him and put her hands in front of him, he look at her like she was mad, she nodded and had the smallest smile, his lips were quivering, but he tried to force a smile, he slowly put his hands on hers, and she slowly lifted him up.

She got a better look at him, his weight looks slightly skinnier than he was before, he had scars around his abandon, around his body was also bruises, ‘is he hurting himself or is the entity doing this to him…’, she looked at his face and his eyeliner was smearing, “hey… everything going to be ok…”, she started to put her fingers in his hair to rub his sore scalp, his body finally stopped quivering, he leaned into her touch, it was quite gentle, he missed this feeling, how his father would help him sleep, when he was a small child, “thanks…” he gave another smile, but it wasn’t forced, she smiled back, “can… I hug you…” Ji Woon said in a shaky breath, she was hesitant, but, “sure…” he felt some guilt railing up to his heart, she sounded so scared, he slowly hugged her, she hugged him back, she was rubbing small circles on his back for more comfort, he slowly let go of her, he looked at her, she was gorgeous, she like a angel that fell out of heaven, how is someone so beautiful like you here. In this dreadful place, “hey… let’s leave…” that shook him, “I can’t…” “let’s try…” his lips were quivering, “I- I can’t” “I know but I want to help you… so let’s just try” she was so calm and clear to understand, “but-“, “let’s at least try” Ji Woon wanted to push her away and then just get punished by the entity, but maybe he can try again, he never walked out with someone else, “ok…” it was barely a whisper, she then offered her hand and he hesitantly grab onto hers, and she walked to the gate, “wait, don’t you need to finish all the generators” “I… I finished every generator, while you were killing the… others…”

When they got to the door, she let go of his hand, and pulled down the lever, it was charging up, but right when it hit 99 percent, he lifted her hand, “it’s not gonna work… just open the gate, and leave me here so I can get punished-“ “NO, we’re getting out of this together” she snatched her hand back and pulled the lever down, the bells were ringing, telling everyone to leave this place, she grab his hand and dragged him along, while she walked, she got out from the other side, but when she was walking, she halted, she couldn’t move any further, she looked back and saw entity fences, that made Ji Woon couldn’t move any further, “see… I- I can’t move any further…” his voice was cracking, he was quivering again, so she tried pulling on his arm, but he couldn’t move from that damn line, “trickster, try pushing I can’t do this all by my-“ “IM TELLING YOU, I CAN'T GO ANY FURTHER, JUST LEAVE” “but-“ “JUST LEAVE” she was sobbing, Ji woon felt horrible, he shouldn’t yell at her, she is just trying to help, and why is someone that he just meet making him feel like this, “NO, I'M NOT LEAVING YOU” (Y/N) ran back into the line, and Ji Woon turned around “what are you doing!” “I’m trying to save you!” He had a slight blush, “but-“ she hugged him and tried pushing him through the line, the entity was clawing through the door, he started to panic, “let… go…” his voice was hoarse, ''no”, ''please… let go…” his tears were dropping on her head, “no…”, “let go, please, you're gonna die…” “I don’t care, I- I feel your pain and I want to help you…” she was sobbing, and it hurts to see someone he just meet, care about him so freaking much, the only person that actually cared so much of him was his father, so, he did the unexpected, and lifted her up, “what- what are you-“ he threw her back into the safe route, he turned around and faced the entity, “NO” she said, he looked back with a small and present smile, “oh, my name is Ji Woon, and thanks for being here for me, maybe we can see each other again, in are next trial” his smile was so pure, despite all fuck up shit, that’s been happening in this cursed realm, “no…” she stood back up and ran to him, and hugged him, “I… just can’t leave you…” Ji Woon saw the entity stopped, the second to final bell ring, telling them, they only had a couple seconds left, “why… are you… so nice to me…”, “because I want to help people that been through so much pain, and relieve them, to not be in that pain anymore”, his heart just flutter, he turned around to pick her up again, she felt how fast his heart was pumping on her chest, she liked how warm he is, he felt so good to touch, it makes her fear go away, Ji Woon was at the line again, ‘let’s try this again’, and right when he stepped on the line, the entity fences didn’t appear, he can pass through, he was relieved that he can pass through, there was tears of joy in his eyes, so he ran…

While holding the most beautiful woman in his arms, he can finally be human again…

#dead by daylight ji woon hak #dbd ji woon hak #ji woon hak x reader #ji woon hak x reader angst #dead by daylight fanfiction #dbd fanfic #dead by daylight fanfic #dead by daylight the trickster #dbd the trickster #the trickster x reader #dead by daylight ji woon hak x reader #dbd ji woon hak x reader #dead by daylight ji woon hak x reader angst #dbd ji woon hak x reader angst #dead by daylight the trickster x reader angst #dbd the trickster x reader angst

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thefallennightmare · 3 years

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Hard to Love [19/?]

Pairings: Chris Evans x Reader

Words: 2748

Warnings: this story will have mentions of abuse, mental and physical so please read at your own risk. Some swearing, angst, and a good amount of fluff. Maybe some smut if I'm feeling frisky.

Summary: After moving to a new town all on her own, Reader would do anything for a stable job and income. Even if that means housekeeping for one of Boston's eligible bachelors. What she didn't expect was finding herself falling in love with him and finding him out about the past that she was running from.

A/N: I couldn’t leave you guys hanging all night! TBH, I’m not sure how much longer this series is going to go. I’ve got a few things in my brain but well see how long this lasts! As always, enjoy :)

Tags: @kelbabyblue @patzammit @thesecretlifeofdaydreamss @jennmurawski13 @divadinag @cosmicbreathe @thevelvetseries @capstopavenger @chris-butt @denisemarieangelina @im-a-stranger-thing @jennamarieee623 @introvertedmouse @lharrietg @thejemersoninferno @breezykpop @instantbasementtimetravel @rodgersteves @michaelscotfield-blog1 @40srogcrs @wonderingshawn @bellaireland1981 @katelyneannxo @lady-x-red @sare-bare93-blog @annmariek8 @raabrakha @stxvercgersslut

Chris’ POV.

A broken sigh fell from my lips as I sat on the back patio, Scott and my mom sitting at the table next to me. They had been here for the morale support, knowing that if I was still left alone, I would have gone insane.

The bags under my eyes had darken, my facial hair had grown longer than I usually like; I hadn’t had the will to shave. My long hair was matted on my head, refusing to get off the couch to shower. I didn’t want to risk missing her phone call.

“How long has it been?” Scott asked, his voice breaking the last ten minute silence.

I looked at my watch and choked back a sob. “Almost 48 hours.”

“They’ll find her, honey,” My mom rubbed my back.

Running a hand over my face, I nodded. “I keep thinking that if we haven't fought that night, she would be home right now. I can’t believe those were my last words to her. What if that’s all she's going to remember if she di-.”

I wasn’t able to finish my sentence, a loud sob replacing my words.

“Chris, you can’t think like that. You have to think positive.” Scott stated.

“How can I?!” I yelled while I stood to my feet, the chair scraping on the pavement.

“Her crazy ex husband has her! For all the cops know, he could have killed her the second he hit her with the bat!”

My voice was deep and bellowed through my backyard. Thankfully it was only us outside so I didn't need to explain myself to anyone.

The news of Y/N’s kidnapping unfortunately had been on every news channel local to Boston and Chad’s face was plastered all over social media, hoping any tips would pour in. My phone had non stop messages from family, friends, and fans. A lot of the fans thought it was a hoax since I hadn’t said one word about it.

“Any tips come in online?” My mother asked.

“Nothing, everyone thinks it’s a hoax,” I sighed.

“Why don’t you say something?” Scott suggested.

I looked at him skeptically. “I don’t know how that would help.”

“You have a huge fanbase, Chris; especially around Boston. It doesn't hurt,” Scott said.

Sucking on my bottom lip, I tossed the thought around in my head, back and forth back and forth, until I decided with a nod. Someone would be able to find something.

I stepped away from them while pulling out my phone and clicked the live button on Instagram, taking a deep breath beforehand. The light had turned green, indicating I was live.

“Hey everyone. I’m sure a lot of you heard the news about Y/N. First off, I want to say that it is true. She was abducted a few blocks from here almost 48 hours ago. The cops have evidence that her ex is behind it but they’re having trouble finding where he took her.”

I ran a hand through my hair and continued. “We’ve been together for almost a year and she means the world to me; almost as much as Dodger. Hell, even more than Dodger. She’s everything to me, I need her back home. So if any of you have any information please pass it along to Boston PD. Or you can even send it to me but please, I beg you, serious leads only. I love her. Let’s bring Y/N home. Thank you guys, you are simply the best fans. I love you all.”

The live ended and immediately I noticed the outpouring coming from everyone that had watched the live, letting me know that Y/N was in their prayers and that they would help bring her home.

A few tears rolled off my cheeks and I let out a shaky breath, holding back the sobs. My mom snuck up behind me and wrapped herself around me, pulling into a much needed hug.

My body crumbled in her embrace and the sobs became louder, burning our ears. I could help but grip my fingers into my moms back, even if she was shorter than I, but suddenly I was a little kid again. She always knew when I needed a hug or a shoulder to cry on. She knew exactly what I needed to get over heartbreak and she knew exactly when to back off when I needed space.

Right now I needed her.

After a few moments, I finally pulled away from her and thanked her with a kiss to the cheek.

“Thanks mom,” I forced a smile to my face.

“Of course,” she cupped my cheek, “I’m going to make you something to eat.”

I went to protest but she immediately hushed me, saying that I looked like I hadn’t eaten in days.

It was true.

“Are you sure you don’t want us to stay with you?” My mother asked.

Scott sat behind the wheel while I leaned against the window of the passenger side in front of my mom. They stayed for a few hours after dinner and when the clock struck seven, I knew that they should head back home to rest; they’d been by my side all day.

“I’ll be fine, I’ve got Dodger.” I nodded.

“Chris,” she tsked.

“Ma, I’ll be fine. If I need anything, I’ll call.” I reassured her.

Her hand rested on my cheek and with sad eyes, she nodded. “She’ll come home.”

“I know. What’s killing me is not knowing-.”

“Chris?”

Looking to my left, my shocked eyes watched in horror as the figure walked towards me. I scurried away from Scott’s car, closer to the figure. She looked broken, bare feet tore up with cuts, but what caused my lips to tremble was the blood that covered her dress.

“Y/N?” My lips quivered. “Baby?”

Readers POV.

The soles of my heels burned with every step I took, closer and closer to my destination. The pavement scratched and cut my bare skin and I hissed in pain after every few steps. I wasn’t sure how long I had been walking but knew that I had a bit more to go.

A soft breeze tangled around my legs, causing the cuts to sting and I let out another hiss of pain. I pulled the jacket closer around me, blocking out the view from anyone I had walked past, which thankfully wasn’t many. I was in a part of town that the scene of me, disheveled and cut all over was nothing new. I could feel all parts of my hair was matted and stuck to my face, the sweat and blood dried a long time ago.

As the sun began to set, I knew I had to make it back before dark. This part of town was worse at night, but compared to what I had endured, that didn’t scare me. Nothing could scare me anymore.

Time passed slowly as the streets started to become familiar and as my tired feet turned the corner, the familiar three story home that had all those windows slowly came into view. The closer I got, the bigger the windows looked. My heart leaped into my chest when I saw him leaning against a car, talking with someone I couldn’t see. It didn’t matter, however, all that mattered what that I had made it back; back home to him.

“Chris?” My voice was raw and broken, barley coming past my lips.

He pushed himself off the car, taking large strides towards me. His hand outstretched and shook, afraid that I wasn’t real.

“Y/N? Baby?”

Everything seemed to slow as I stood in front of him, broken and a mess, knowing that with the look in his eyes that he hadn’t slept since I left.

“Is that...blood? Oh, god, please tell me it isn’t blood,” he cried, pulling me into his arms.

I broke down in a sobbing mess in his chest, the hell from the past few days finally catching up to me.

“It’s not mine,” I choked between sobs.

“Shh, it’s alright. I’ve got you,” Chris cooed, large hands rubbing circles on my back.

His body shook with sobs, happy that I had found my way home and sad from everything that happened to me.

“We should get you to a hospital, baby.” Chris cupped my face.

I wanted nothing more than to feel his lips on mine but I couldn’t force myself to close the distance; thankfully Chris understood.

“I’m fine,” I tried to fight.

“You’re not fine, Y/N. Please, let me take you to the hospital.” Chris begged with sad eyes.

Eventually I nodded. I didn’t want to go to the hospital because I knew the cops would get called which meant I had to tell them what happened; something I wasn’t ready to tell.

Silence was all we heard, threatening to pull us in deeper, as we waited for the doctor to return with the officer; they wanted to go over everything with them in the room. I agreed.

Chris had his eyes trained hard on the floor, his body unreadable.

“Chris?” My voice was quiet.

He slowly looked up. “Do you need something?”

I nodded and patted the spot next to me on the hospital bed. “Can you sit with me? I really need you right now.”

In a flash he was up from the chair in the corner of the room and by my side, arm wrapped around my shoulder. He kissed my forehead and the warm gesture was enough to slowly heal my heart.

“Ms. Y/L/N?”

We both looked in the doorway and Chris greeted an officer and the doctor.

“Baby, this is Officer Ramirez, she’s handing your case.” Chris informed me.

The word sounded so wrong coming from his lips; your case.

“Are you feeling alright?” The officer asked.

I shrugged. “Better than I was earlier. The drugs helped ease the pain.”

“Are you alright if I go over the results in front of him?” The doctor suddenly asked while nodding toward Chris.

Linking our fingers together, I nodded. “He’s my boyfriend. He was with me for the tests, he’s staying for the results.

It was the doctors turn to nod. “Alright. So you have two bruised ribs, a laceration to your neck, hip and hand which we all stitched up. Some bruising on your face, a black eye, and a few minor cuts on your face as well. You do have a slight concussion so do take it easy for the next week. The bottom of your feet are severely cut up and we pulled quite a few debris out of them so I recommend staying off your feet as well.”

Chris stumbled over his words, trying to ask the one question that burned in his mind. Even though I reassured him countless times, he still needed to hear the doctor say it.

“What about the rape kit?” He finally breathed out.

“Negative. There was no sign of trauma and no foreign fluids. I don’t know how you survived, Ms. Y/L/N, but you are a fighter. I’ll leave you alone with Officer Ramirez.”

After she left the room, I stole a glance at Chris who’s shoulders had eased up a bit, knowing that I wasn’t raped. I knew that it was on his mind the whole time I was gone and since I came back.

“Are you up for giving your statement now?” Officer Ramirez asked.

I nodded. “I need to.”

Chris went to leave but I placed my hand on his thigh to stop him. “Please don’t leave me.”

He nodded. “Okay, I’m right here.”

Taking a deep breath, it came out shaky as I started telling them exactly what happened to me.

“He had me in a run down motel room across town, I knew it was across town when I was able to escape. When he was getting ready to put on a condom,” I felt Chris’ body stiffen next to me, “I saw the knife he’d brought on the table next to the bed and I didn’t even think about it; I went for it.”

“He was too fast and grabbed the knife before I was even off the bed. He used it on my, cutting up parts of my body. He didn’t care how loud I screamed or writhed in pain, he liked it.”

“Uh, after he smacked my head against the wall for trying to escape, he handcuffed me to the bedpost so he could run out for something. I couldn’t hear what he said, my head was throbbing in pain. He was gone for quite awhile and I stayed locked to the bed the entire time. I remember feeling how warm and sticky my blood was as it dripped from my body.”

I cried out, my hands shaking with the awful memories.

Chris wrapped his arms around me to calm me down and looked at Officer Ramirez. “Can we finish this another time?”

“No,” I shook my head while pulling away from his chest. “I have to tell them where his body is.”

Chris’ head snapped over to me, his mouth falling agape. “Don’t say another word, Y/N. Not until I get you a lawyer.”

“Damnit Chris, I don't want a lawyer! I did nothing wrong!,” I yelled. “That bastard, after he finally came back and unhandcuffed me, he passed out drunk in the bed next to me. I thought about running out but I knew that he would find me again. He felt me get out of bed and pulled me back down. We fought for the knife and he kept punching me in the head, smacking me against the wall. All I had was one second as he wiped my blood from his hand to reach for the knife, pushing it deep into his chest!”

My cheeks were soaked with tears, replaying the memory of the knife going into Chad’s heart over and over again. How easily the knife slid into his chest and the sound it made hurt my ears.

“I was so scared of what I had done that I sat in the corner of the room in the fetal position while his body went cold and ridged. I finally was able to will myself up and stole this dress from the laundry room of the hotel and walked all the way home.”

Chris looked at me, completely helpless and broken, but knew that I needed him more than ever. While he had me in his arms, Chris looked over to the officer.

“It’s clear what this is,” He stated.

She nodded. “The defense attorney won’t be pressing any charges. We only needed to get her statement.”

Chris and her chatted for a few more moments, her saying that she would be in touch, and it was finally Chris and I alone.

“You alright?” He pulled my chin up to meet his eyes.

“I was afraid I was going to die,” I admitted, “The only thing that kept me alive was thinking of you.”

“You’re incredibly strong, Y/N.” Chris breathed in my hair, savoring my scent.

Even though I was still covered in blood and sweat, not being able to shower until they collected evidence, I still smelled divine to him.

We found ourselves laying in the hospital bed, my head on his chest, and I could feel his heart beating rapidly through his chest.

“You can relax, I’m home now.” I reassured him.

A stray tear fell from his eyes and I was quick to wipe it away.

“I thought I lost you. I kept replaying our last words to each other in my head and blamed myself for what happened.” Chris admitted with a shaky breath.

“No,” I cupped his cheek, “None of this is your fault; or mine. I’m sorry I ever compared you to him.”

“Don’t apologize. I was being an asshole,” he stated.

“I just want to move past this,” I sighed while laying my head back on his chest.

Chris agreed with a kiss to my forehead.

“I love you,” he muttered against it.

My head shot up, looking into his eyes to see if he meant what he had just admitted.

“What?” I asked.

“I love you,” he said again, not missing a beat.

Getting through the last 48 hours of hell had been worth it because not only had I survived, I made it back home to the man that loved me and who I loved.

“I love you too,” I pressed my lips to his, feeling the familiar taste encase my tongue.

There was a long road to recovery in front of me but I knew that it would be an easy one to walk; with Chris by my side.

#chris evans and reader #reader insert #chris evansx reader #chris evans reader insert #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans smut #chris evans angst

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cowboymirio · 3 years

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They Want To Get A Pet - Headcanons

Summary: Your S/O wants a pet and adorable antics ensue~

Characters: Hizashi Yamada, Taishiro Toyomitsu, Aizawa Shouta, Eijiro Kirishima, Tenya Iida, Hanta Sero, Takami Keigo

Contains: Gender neutral reader, lotsa fluff, Reader has arachnophobia in Sero’s part! Crackheadery in Aizawa’s part

Hizashi Yamada - Cockatoo

📣 You guys totally didn’t plan on getting a cockatoo, or any pet for that matter. Y’all just moved into your new place for christ’s sake!

📣 But after a visit to a lil exotic pet store downtown, your plans changed. And now you’re stuck with a bird with the intelligence of a toddler

📣 According to Yama, the bird just ‘called to him’ and by that, he means the bird literally screamed at him

📣 They’ve got the most bougie cage ever like MTV cribs hit them up.

📣But he doesn’t spend too much time in there as you guys let him roam around the house all day until it’s time for bed or if you leave for a while

📣 If they’re not attached to Yama’s shoulder, you often find them waddling around the house, picking things up off of the floor and throwing them, and squawking at you when they want attention

📣 Sounds like someone else you know huh…

📣 Yama and the bird dance together so much omg. They do the lil head bobs together, he’ll blast some music for them and they go to town he even chirps along to the lyrics omg-

📣 He doesn’t even have to teach them words, they just pick them up on their own… and then never stop saying them… ever

📣 ‘YEAHHHHH’ then from the other side of your home you hear another ‘YEAAHHHHH’

📣 Make it stop

📣 You taught them cuss words for the shits and giggles though

📣 Yama finds it funny too though because he’s got that 8-year-old sense of humor… you all do to be honest

📣 But when the bird chooses to sit on your shoulder you bet your ass Yamada’s gonna fawn over the two of you for the next hour :’)

Taishiro Toyomitsu - Pyrenean Mastiff

🍢 Really wants a pet

🍢 But also really scared of crushing them so…

🍢 You guys settle for a big ‘ol Pyrenean mastiff!

🍢 And when I say they’re big they are big like… I mean knock you over if you’re not careful big

🍢 They’re literally perfect for each other

🍢 They’re both massive units, insanely adorable, and they for sure share the same appetite

🍢 Speaking of food, he makes sure he’s feeding them the best of the best foods even if that means y’all are making it yourselves

🍢 Not as afraid to roughhouse with them as he thought he’d be

🍢 Lots of fetching, frisbee throwing, ‘wrestling’ even?? They’re so rowdy and for what? My heart, that’s what <3

🍢 The dog definitely sleeps on top of him I don’t make the rules

🍢 Mf just hops on up, curls up and they’re ready to go like--- Is that- is that not y’know,,, HEAVY??

🍢 I mean,,, you sleep on top of him too so I honestly don’t think Tai cares too much

Aizawa Shota - Cat

💤 You guys already know…

💤 If he were to get any kind of pet it’d be a cat.

💤 They’re chill, independent, and sometimes want attention. Just how he likes it.

💤 Well… that’s how he thought that things should be but-

💤 BOY was he wrong

💤 After living together for quite a while, stalking animal shelter websites for the perfect cat, and finding the right one, you bring them home!

💤 When you met them at the shelter, they were a sweet lil baby with an aloof attitude that you both fell in love with

💤 But when you brought them home… They became an absolute crackhead.

💤 Forget having ANYTHING on the tables or countertops. It’s on the floor now thanks to them. Fuck your water glass, fuck those papers you were helping Aizawa grade, they’re gone! Shredded! Positively destroyed :)

💤 Forget having free hands, they’re literally attached to his side and won’t stop rubbing against his hands while he’s grading papers and such

💤 If you’re not watching his little dude/ette will try and eat food WHILE YOU’RE COOKING oh my fuckingf god

💤 Heaven forbid this dude tries to leave the room. They’ll ‘cry’ until he comes back.

💤 ‘Go to your other parent, they’ll give you attention.’ ‘mEEEOWWW’ ‘Oh my god fine come here.’

💤 Honestly though he really appreciates when they’re down to sleep. Their purrs and their cuddles are very appreciated

💤 And literally just imagine seeing them curled up on his chest while they sleep on the couch ;; im so somft

Eijiro Kirishima - Bearded Dragon

🏮 This man wants to get THE manliest pet of all,,, a bearded dragon

🏮 He probably saw one on a movie or something and immediately came to you like

🏮 ‘Okay but we neeeeed one just look at their lil beards!! And their tongues!!!’

🏮 You tell him to put it off for a bit, do some research, and see if he still wants one later

🏮 Homeboy is DEDICATED so he puts in the time and ofc he still wants one after the fact

🏮 After a good amount of time, he comes back with a books worth of reasons as to why you guys should get one and you’re honestly shocked

🏮 You just can’t say no to those eyes </33 so you oblige and go out and get one from an owner who’s surrendering it (Because we don’t support chain pet stores in this household)

🏮 You guys can’t pick a name for them so for the longest time they’re just called ‘the lizard’ or ‘little fella’ or whatever else you guys come up with

🏮 Anyways- he’s infatuated with them it’s so funny. He spends all of his freetime watching them get used to their new habitat like,,,, all of it. It’s 1am and he’s just watching it hang out and you’re like ‘Kiri if you love it so much then why don’t you sleep with it’ (not in that way ya nasty)

🏮 HE TAKES IT SERIOUSLY

🏮 Next thing you know he hops out of bed, brings them back and puts them between your pillows.

🏮 Lil homie’s just vibin there.

🏮 You’re done tbh but if Kiri’s happy then you’re happy <33

🏮 Absolutely lets it sit on his shoulders when he’s walking around the house

🏮 He has a leash for them and he takes them out during the warmer months

🏮 Dedicates a good portion of his day to clean out their habitat when need be

🏮 Their relationship is just so cute you can’t help but melt every time you see them together

Tenya Iida - Tropical Fish

🌟 After a particularly rough finals season, you figure that Iida needs to have some sort of hobby that can help him chill out, but also has some sort of brainwork in there because that’s your boyfriend for ya

🌟 You suggest getting some fish!

🌟 He rly said ‘I’ll think about it’ then proceeded to do a shit ton of research on it because he literally does that every time you express interest in something. King behavior!!

🌟 You guys settle on getting a few tropical fish and a super nice fish tank for ‘em

🌟 He lets you name all of them and of course you have to name one ‘Iida junior’ like how could you not-

🌟 But seriously though he finds it so endearing and sweet ;;

🌟 You can’t tell me he doesn’t buy all of the nicest shit he can for their tank too.

🌟 Fresh aquatic plants, huge rocks for them to swim through, a nice ass heater, the WORKS

🌟 He’s gotta treat yall’s babies right like what did you expect

🌟 Constantly checking their water to see if it’s alright for them

🌟 He’s usually the one to feed them so whenever he comes up to the tank, they all crowd up by the top like doggies when their owner comes home omg

🌟 He finds the noises from the tank to be really good background noise when he’s reading or studying

🌟 Iida’s honestly glad that you suggested to get fish ‘cause taking care of them is such a relaxing hobby and lord knows he needs some of those

Hanta Sero - Rose Haired Tarantula

🧵 So he wants a Rose Hair Tarantula...

🧵 ‘Absolutely not’ - You, 2021 (sorry if you actually like spiders lol, if a singular person wants hcs where y’all both like spiders please @ me)

🧵 Lots and lots of begging and promises

🧵 ‘You won’t even have to clean the cage, I’ll do it!!’ ‘We can keep them in the spare room’ ‘c’mooon pretty please???’

🧵 He had to bust out the puppy eyes for you to say yes

🧵 And with that, you’re now the proud parents of a demon rose hair tarantula!

🧵 ‘We can keep them in the spare room’ your ass. He lets it climb all over him while he’s walking around the house!!

🧵 Not you actively avoiding him when you see them coming down towards you

🧵 ‘But I wanna kiss!!’ ‘Kiss your tarantula smh’

🧵 After he realizes he’s not gonna get any with his lil buddy (yes, that’s what he calls them) he tries his best to help you familiarize with em

🧵 I’m sorry but he’s trying so hard not to laugh as you freak out when they crawl up your arm

🧵 He takes things more seriously after that though. He’ll give you lil words of encouragement, back pats and such

🧵 He’s so happy that you become… tolerable after a while of you guys just hangin’ out that you can’t help but feel proud too.

🧵 You still can’t stand spiders though.

Keigo Tamaki - Bunnies

🐤 Just like Aizawa, he wants something that’s quiet and can be independent since his schedule is a bit busy but he still wants to have a lil buddy to love on

🐤 You’re actually the one to bring up the idea to get a bunny, it’s part of a long list of ideas you had come up with, but for whatever reason, the bunny idea just stuck with him

🐤 You two hop (im a comedic genius hi <33) on over to the nearest rescue you can find, and browse through the enclosures looking for the perfect bunny for you guys

🐤 Ok so like- here’s the thing,,,

🐤 You totally didn’t plan on getting two bunnies… But you guys found a pair that were literally inseparable and y’all had to have them

🐤 He’s already calling them ‘Our children’ straight off the bat like- y’all JUST got home and he’s already giving you baby fever UGH

🐤 He bunny-proofs the FUCK out of the house so they can roam freely ‘cause he didn’t just get these babies to stick them in a cage smh

🐤 Will lay on the floor and just watch them romp around cus he finds it relaxing and funny

🐤 Also please get on the floor and watch them with him. Prime cuddling hours

🐤 They burrow under his wings… I repeat- THEY BURROW UNDER HIS WINGS

🐤 They WILL flop together don’t @ me

🐤 They (and by they I mean all three of them) flop on you when they want attention can I jst--- *cries*

🐤 Have fun trying to get up, this is your life now.

🐤 But are you really complaining? You shouldn’t be smh

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your-eternal-muse · 4 years

Text

Use me (Part two)

Summery: Reader takes Spencer up on his offer to rid her system of "The Wizard".

Warnings: Hard core, nasty ass smut; fingering, oral sex,(female receiving); penetration; unprotected sex/creampie; multiple orgasams

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

A/N: Here it is. Part two. I'll link part one in a bit after I do some things, but other than that enjoy! And yes, there will be a part three.

Part 1

Im dead.

The substance that he injected me with was lethal, and I'm laying in a dark alley somewhere, dead, because kissing Spencer Reid is heaven.

His hands grip my hips, holding me against him as he presses me into his window.

His lips are soft and warm, and easily tell me what to do and when to do it.

My body is on fire in the best way possible.

My fingers run their way through his hair, tugging on the satin strands as he kisses his way down my jaw, leaving bite marks until he finds the pulse point just above my collarbone.

Every touch, every kiss, sends waves down to my core, where it waits drowning in my juices.

He's situated between my legs, his ever present bulge pressing just so onto me.

It's driving me insane.

Without thinking, my hips buck forward, and the small ounce of pressure starts a ball forming in my gut.

I feel him smile against my neck, before he detaches himself.

We're both breathless, chests heaving, and my hands are shaking as I grip his dress shirt.

"Tell me what you need, Princess."

Fantasies, y/n, think of your fantasies.

"I-I need your fingers."

While I'm talking, he removed the holster from his hip, setting it on the desk beside us.

"Please, Spence. You haven't even touched me and I'm so close."

His hands immediately find the button of my jeans, undoing them and pushing them down just enough to have room.

He doesn't hesitate, cupping my sex through my panties.

"So fucking wet. Is this what I do to you?"

I can't speak through the mewls leaving my throat, so I just nod.

"Words, please." His voice is steady, and I know if it were different circumstances, he'd punish me for making him repeat himself.

But right now, he just runs his fingers over the fabric, back and forth through the wetness.

"Yes, fuck, you make me so wet Spencer."

That must have been what he wanted to hear, because in one swift motion, without removing his fingers from my skin, he goes up my stomach, and then down again, slipping under the band of my underwear.

He runs his fingers through my folds, easily slipping a finger into my heat.

My hand clutches his upper arm, my mouth hanging open in ecstacy as he pumps his finger in and out.

"Tell me what you want me to do, Princess. I want to make you feel good."

You're already doing that babe.

I try and gather my thoughts, and right as I'm about to speak, he slips another finger in.

"Fuck." My head hits the glass panel of his window.

My fingers are going to leave bruises on his bicep, but I really could not care less at this point.

His lips attach themselves to my neck, and the warm ball deep inside me starts to grow.

But I need more.

"F-Faster. Please go faster."

"Anything for you, baby girl."

His fingers move faster within me, and I grind down into them every time they enter me.

He leaves my neck, looking down at the work he's doing, his breathing a lot smoother than my own.

With his free hand, he takes the hand of mine that's still gripping his shirt, and he leads it up to his lips.

He gently kisses the tips of my first two fingers before taking them into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the digits, all while keeping direct eye contact.

I almost cum at the sight.

He leads them from his mouth, down my stomach, stopping to rest at the bundle of nerves at the top.

"Touch yourself."

Yes sir.

I frantically start moving circles over my clit, as his fingers continue pumping in and out of me.

And then it happens.

He curls his fingers as he enters me, and sparks are sent up and down my spine.

I can't help but gasp.

"Yes, fuck fuck fuck, right there. Holy shit."

His long slender fingers move faster and faster within me, curling around that pretty little spot until boom.

My orgasm hits me like a train, as I clench around his fingers, which are still moving as I cum.

My chest rises and falls, as I try to catch my breath, and he removes his hand.

And for one, blissful moment, the fire disappears.

Before it comes crashing back.

He seems to read me like a book, pulling me towards him again.

"You don't think I'm finished with you yet, do you?"

Thank fuck.

I can't help but smile, moving my hands up his chest to lay at the nape of his neck, pulling him down into another kiss.

His hands run down my back, over my ass, to rest on the back of my thighs.

With one finger, he taps the muscle, and on shaky legs, I manage to jump high enough for him to place his hands just above the back of my knees to carry me.

While he makes his way through his apartment to his bedroom, I trail kisses down his neck, leaving marks of my own in their wake.

He lays me on the bed, hovering over me as one hand finds the hem of my shirt, pushing it up over my stomach.

He steps back, standing at the foot of his bed as I lift my grey t-shirt up over my head, tossing it somewhere in his room.

Sweat covers my skin, making my hair stick to my face and neck, and my chest glistens in the dim orange light of his room.

I watch as he brings his fingers up to his mouth, and slowly sucks off my juices.

I brush hair out of my face, watching with lustful fascination.

They leave his mouth with a pop before going to his tie and undoing it.

"You taste so fucking sweet, Princess."

One by one, his fingers travel down his shirt, undoing every button on their way down.

I sit up, crawling over to him, pushing the fabric from his shoulders.

My fingers run over his chest, and down his stomach, pausing at his belt as I undo the buckle.

His hands come up to cradle my face, as he kisses me again.

I'll never get used to him kissing me.

I want his taste engraved into my tongue.

Why the hell can't I have an eidetic memory?

Even without one though, I know I'll never forget this.

My hand sneaks into his pants, palming him over his boxers.

His moan breaks the kiss, and his eyes fall shut.

How can someone look so beautiful with my hand down their pants?

"As much as I would love to see that pretty little mouth wrapped around my cock," his breathes are more labored now, and his hands fall from my face to grasp my hips. "Tonight's about making you feel good."

I didn't even realize his hands had moved until the clasp of my bra was undone.

"Now, be a good girl and lie down." He whispers.

I'm past the point of being embarrassed, laying down without another word, a blush crawling up my neck.

"God, you're so fucking beautiful,"He crawls over me, encaging me in his arms.

He kisses me once, before traveling down my neck and chest, stopping only to suckle each of my nipples into his mouth, before continuing down my stomach.

He loops his fingers into the belt loops of my jeans, pulling them down the rest of the way before tossing them behind him.

He then starts at my right ankle, and begins to kiss up my leg, repeating with my left before he comes to settle in between my legs.

He pulls my panties down slowly, watching my reaction as every second passes.

"If you want me to stop, just say so, okay?"

God, I love him.

Not likely, but okay.

I nod, before remembering he told me to use my words. "I understand."

"Good."

I'm going to marry this man.

Purely for the fact that he eats pussy like it's his last fucking meal.

My fingers twist themselves into his hair, as he holds my sex against his mouth, licking and sucking like he hasn't eaten in years.

I spare a glance down and my heart almost stops.

His eyes are closed, and his hair is starting to curl from the humidity in the room.

He must sense me watching, because his eyes open, and I feel him smirk against me.

He licks up through my folds, stopping to suck on my clit until I'm shaking underneath him.

He moves his hand from my hip and grabs one from his hair, once again leading it to my clit as his mouth moves down.

I start rubbing circles, but stutter as I feel his tongue dart into me.

He's watching me now, the way I quiver underneath him, the pathetic moans echoing through his bedroom.

He does it again and again, and I can feel my orgasm teetering on the edge.

He can tell as my circles go frantic, and my hand in his hair holds me closer to him than I thought possible.

"Spencer, I'm gon-"

I'm falling.

Stars explode in my vision, and my back arches off the bed as I cum into his mouth.

I fall, breathless, onto his mattress as be retracts himself from me, a proud smile etched onto his face.

The moment of calm lasts longer this time, but it once again comes back, burning me at the edges.

"I need, I need one more." I plead, my throat hoarse from screaming.

He stands, removing his belt, and letting his pants fall down to the floor.

I lift myself up into my elbows and smile at him.

He pushes his boxers off his hips and I stare, open mouthed as his erection pops free.

God, it's better than I could have ever imagined.

I wipe my chin to make sure I'm not drooling and he laughs.

"Now, I don't have any condoms on me, but-"

"I'm on the pill."

It's the fastest I've spoken tonight, and I slowly start spreading my legs.

"I'm on the pill, and I want, no, need you to cum inside me." I bite my lip, and bat my eyelashes at him. "I even used my words."

I see his dick twitch and he groans, the muscles in his stomach tensing.

"As you wish, Princess."

He crawls back onto the bed, pumping his dick in his hand a couple times, before sliding it through my folds to pick up some wetness.

He isn't even in me yet, and already my hands grip the sheets around us.

"You ready?"

"Yes sir."

He moans, deep and low within his chest, and he smiles."I love it when you call me that."

And then he slowly pushes into me, and my eyes squeeze shut because holy shit he feels better than I could have ever thought.

My dildo at home doesn't even compare to this.

He bottoms out, and he takes a moment to catch his breath."God, you feel so fucking good, baby girl."

I wrap my legs around his waist, and pull his lips down to mine as he slowly starts moving.

I can see sweat build up on his hairline, and his room is going to feel of sex for days.

A part of me thinks he's not gonna care all that much.

His breathing is starting to match my own, and he nuzzles his face into the crook of my neck as his strokes become faster.

My back moves against the softness of his sheets, and my nails dig into the skin of his back.

It doesn't take long for that warm ball to start growing towards my (hopefully) final climax.

"Im cl-close, Spence."

His breath is hit on my neck, and the speed tells me he's close too.

But than his hand finds my hip, and lifts me just so, and the angle in which he snaps back into me makes me choke on air.

Stroke after stroke, he hits a spot deep within me, and I know I'm done for when he whispers "Cum for me," into my ear.

And boy, do I cum.

My soul leaves my body, and I can barely register the warm feeling of his release inside of me as he rides out both of our orgasms.

When I open my eyes, my nails are at the bottom of his back and he's laying on top of me.

I wait for the heat to come back but it doesn't.

My head is clear, and my skin no longer feels like it's on fire.

His head is resting on my chest and I move some hair away from his face, placing a soft kiss on to his forehead.

"Thank you." I don't speak louder than a whisper, not wanting to break the delicate moment.

I had dreams about this happening.

Granted, not exactly like this, but I had them.

Now that it's happened, I don't want to let it go.

I don't want to let him go.

He lifts his head and smiles, his eyes soft and his dimples ever present in the dim lighting.

He's so beautiful.

"The pleasure was all mine, y/n." His voice was just as soft, just as afraid to break the fragile air.

He leans forward, kissing me gently one last time before he carefully climbs off of me.

He leaves the room, and for a moment, I'm alone with my thoughts. And I realize my vagina aches. I reach a hand down and gingerly touch it and his when it pulses. I'm also pretty sure my legs are numb.

I wiggle my toes, just to make sure I can, and he walks back in with a washcloth.

He concentrates as he wipes the cool fabric across my skin, clearing away the evidence of our explosion. He folds it, getting a clean side, before reaching up and wiping my brow and face.

He brushes some hair out of my face, and I grab his wrist, holding his palm there.

His thumb swipes across the apple of my cheek and I close my eyes, content to staying here.

But he has other plans.

"As much as you don't want to, we need to go to the hospital. We need to talk to the team."

I sigh, knowing he's right.

"Hotch is going to be pissed that I gave in to exactly what the unsub wanted. But you know what?" I look up at him.

"What?"

"It was my choice. And I don't regret it for a second."

He smiles, and I swear I see a blush dust his cheeks, but he removes his hand and stands, gathering the clothes strewn about the room.

I sit up on his bed, carefully swinging my legs over the side to place my feet on the hardwood floor, not quite trusting myself to stand.

He hands me my clothes and even goes as far as helping me slide my jeans back up my legs, kissing me once they're situated on my hips.

He goes about putting on his own clothes as I slip my t-shirt back over my head, finally pushing myself up off the bed.

As soon as I'm upright, the room starts spinning, and I place a hand on my forehead, trying to turn to see Spencer.

He drops his shirt as he rushes forward, and my world goes dark.

Use me taglist: @1800-fight-me @cielo1984 @you-had-me-at-hello-dear @rainsong01 @eternityofaxiom

Permanent taglist: @pinkdiamond1016

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fluff #dr spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds #mathew gray gubler #mathew gray gubler smut #mgg

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peachyteabuck · 2 years

Note

what is a quilt purist, please go off

oh my god oh my GOD - this is less abt craft puritans and more about what happened but like. hear me out.

i don't even know where to begin because it's genuinely so insane.

so okay. for context: in the crafting community there are a LOT of very weirdly strict people (mostly white women) who are dedicated to being the Absolute Worst. like, PINNACLE of being a karen. in quilting they only care about one type of quilt, and any other type of quilt (t shirt quilts come to mind) aren't "real" quilts

this is insane for like, 2 main reasons.

1) quilting refers to a WAY OF DOING SOMETHING (e.g. vera wang products are quilted but not quilts) not necessarily a specific physical craft

2) the way quilting has been done has changed A TON over time. in the 90s "mock quilts" became popular, where the quilt top was printed on a single piece of fabric, the crazy quilt vs. crumb quilt distinction, the invention of long arms, mass produced fabric, the transition of monetizing patterns. like quilting has been around for AWHILE (long enough i'm promised a 300 year old quilt in my mother's will), but how i quilt today is different from how people quilted then, and i (a person who does everything by hand) quilts different from someone who does everything with a machine. there are people who don't use "real" batting, instead using thick vintage blankets.

so anyway. there was a thread in this quilting group of animals on the quilts people had made. and obvi im gonna post this pic of cowboy because like

because LOOK AT HIM!! this is one of my favorite pictures of him.

so i post this, and then shit hits the FAN

within minutes i've got at least 3 women in the comment thread barating me for

wait for it

having this quilt on the floor

and for awhile i was like - hey listen, my cat is old, this is when i first got him and he wasn't very confident jumping on things. he wanted to hang out with me but didn't have a place to be other than the floor, and so i put this decently small/bulky quilt down. it's made of blocks MY GRANDMOTHER MADE that i inherited, and is really small and made especially for him with really thick batting (the inside of a quilt). plus (PLUS!!!)

PLUS

I TOOK THIS PIC TODAY. OVER A YEAR AND A HALF, TWO APARTMENTS, HUNDREDS OF WASHINGS. THIS IS HAS LAST ME OVER A YEAR AND A FUCKING HALF. IT'S FINE. IT'S FUCKING FINE. IT NEEDS TO BE DARNED IN LIKE 2 SPOTS BUT IT'S FUCKING FINE!!!

but eventually im like ?? okay, this is just fucking weird. like all yalls facebooks are decently public, y'all either got kids to raise or retirements to enjoy. why are you arguing with some rando on facebook about the proper way to "take care" of a quilt when it's still washed properly and kept out of the sun.

so like 2 hours later with breaks to do my job im kicked out of this quilting group that i really only used for inspo pics, with like 3 new friends added on facebook because not everyone is down to clown with narrow definitions of their hobbies.

EDIT: saw this right before posting

okay TECHNICALLY i answered this above but for clarities sake:

quilting is a technique that refers to something done with three layers:

top layer

middle layer (normally batting, this layer is not seen)

bottom layer

it's common to refer to quilts as a blanket "sandwich," but that's not really accurate because the inside is hidden as the edges are combines with bias tape. it's really a fabric uncrustable.

these layers are held together with basting, which is the stitches you feel that go through all three years.

the little squares you're referring to are "blocks," which just refers to the individual pieces that come together to make a quilt top. there are several methods of putting blocks together that aren't relevant, and some blocks are more complicated than others, but it's like how puzzles are made of puzzle pieces.

so yeah. quilting puritanism. it's fucking insane. and very very dumb.

#this has less reference pics than i wanted #but i'd want to use pics from my own collection and moving has NOT BEEN KIND #cee tag #all communique has been redacted for your safety;#reap what you sew

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karkatwaddles · 3 years

Text

Gamzee and Me.

Hey everyone! This is a Murder or sober Gamzee fanfiction with the reader. I love writing fanfictions, and I was originally going to make this just a fanfiction for me, but I decided to share it to the world. Im really proud of it so I hope you all like it! Here we go! TW: Violence, Blood, Injuries, Sober/Murder Gamzee.

honk.

HONK.

honk.

HONK.

:o)

The honking had been happening for such a long while, not stopping no matter how far they ran, no matter where they went, the honking just continued. It filled the halls, all the rooms, and it would always get louder. They continued to run, running out of breath, legs hurting as if they would collapse if they took one more step. No matter how far, it felt as if the honking got nothing but louder and closer. It filled their head. Everything was chaos in the meteor, Nepeta, Feferi, Tavros, Eridan, and Equius, they were all dead. Sollux was blind, Kanaya was a rainbow drinker, and Gamzee had… gone insane. He was responsible for the deaths of Nepeta and Equius, and apparently, had been chasing down Karkat for such a long while. Speaking of which, he nor Terezi could be found, and Y/N just wanted to find someone alive….someone sane, they were scared and panicked, especially with the honking, the intense noise of the murderous clown-like troll basically following them. It filled their head, bouncing through their ears and not leaving them alone. As they ran, running through the dark halls, they put their hands over their ears.

“Fuck fuck fuck!” They said to themselves as they sprinted, as fast as they could, just trying to get away from what seemed to be Gamzee chasing them. Closing their eyes, shutting them tight, they were scared. The (insert blood color here) troll had been running for so long, going through this maze of a meteor. They weren’t even originally supposed to be here, but as the group of 12 trolls had decided to play the game of sgrub, they were dragged along, now stuck there without any way back to their planet. With what happened, their new world, their prize for beating the game was destroyed, they had been living on this meteor, talking to humans and such, trying to help them through their own game, but now, with the start of Gamzee going missing, everything had gone to the worst. More than half of them were dead, injured, or just bat shit crazy. The fear they felt in their chest was like a knife in their chest that kept getting yanked out over and over again.

Closing their eyes was probably the biggest mistake they had made. There was a reason why the honks seemed to be getting louder as they ran because as they did, they fell down a large flight of stairs. They let out a scream, hitting their bones in the hard edges, and even hitting their forehead. Soon enough though, they landed at the end of the flight, groaning as the pain of falling erupted their body. At least two ribs and his arm were broken, and now they had a gash on their forehead, blood running down their face.

“Shit..” They mumbled, sitting up against a wall, putting their hand against their bloodied head. They brought their arm out, looking at the blood on their hand before hearing another loud honk. It felt as if the honking had stopped while they were falling, and so when they heard the noise, they jolted, being startled. They looked down the hall, seeing a figure with long curled horns, holding clubs. Their eyes widened and they stood as quick as they could, running right back up the stairs, colored tears beginning to form in their eyes. They didn’t want to die. Apparently, they were heading towards where Gamzee was, and when Y/N had fallen down the stairs, he had been watching the whole time. The fear they felt, was even more intense now that they had seen him. The clown had blood all over him, from his face to his clothes. His eyes were red instead of the normal orange… he was a scary force to behold.

“Please….please…” They whispered, running and running, just wanting to get to someplace where they could hide. But as they ran, they ended up tripping on some random rubble, falling on their face. They curled up for a moment, holding their nose as a loud crack had come from their face as they fell. They broke their nose. A creepy chuckle was heard behind them, and they shot up, looking at the clown who was oh so close. Their eyes widened, tears beginning to fall down their face.

“Gamzee…please don’t hurt me.” They said as they scooted back, trying to turn and run again, but before they could even stand from the position they were in, their wrist was grabbed harshly by a bloodied hand. They whipped their head towards Gamzee who lifted them off the ground from their broken arm. They winced at the pain.

“...it hurts please..stop..” They said out of pure desperation to live. Tears streamed down their face as they struggled. They didn’t want to die, not here, and definitely not by Gamzee’s hands. Gamzee raised an eyebrow with his menacing smile.

“IT HURTS? well, maybe THE MESSIAHS wouldn’t have led me to you brother IF THEY DIDN’T WANT ME to motherfucking HURT YOU.” He said as he brought them closer to his face. They looked at him in the eyes, and with how close they were, Y/N brought their head back and then headbutted him harshly. It made them dizzy, sure, but it caused Gamzee to let go, and drop them. They hurried to their feet, sprinting off once more, and they could hear a slight growl from behind. That definitely angered the troll. They let out a shaken breath, running towards the place they originated from when they started running. They were mumbling to themselves about Gamz, thinking about how he would never...never hurt them right? This couldn’t be him, they were so close before this. He called them one of his best friends, and of course, Karkat was his Moirail, but he was just such a close friend to them. They felt so betrayed and so hurt, they just wanted to collapse right there, but adrenaline kept them going.

No matter how far they ran, the honking continued to close in. They ran into the main room, the original room they were all in, and there laid Feferi on the horn pile. Y/N was always close to Feferi and the others, so seeing her gone hurt, just as much as the betrayal of Gamzee. They quickly glanced around. That’s right, they almost forgot about Gamzee, and so they ran under one of the desks to hide. It was their best bet right now.

Then Gamzee came into the room. His footsteps, his honks, any noise he made, it felt like would destroy their eardrums each time. They put their hands over their ears, talking deep, quiet breaths, praying to themselves that he wouldn’t find them. Then the sound of chairs began to move, and so, they glanced up, and right there in front of them, his red eyes glared into them, into their soul. Their heart dropped, mumbling apologies and pleads to him, just wanting to survive.

They were pulled out of under the desk, being forced out into the open. They squeezed their eyes shut, causing more tears to fall, their breath quickening. Gamzee held them up once more by their wrist and he would chuckle a bit before throwing them into the opposite wall. They shouted out of pain, curling up against that wall, shaking and whimpering. They weren’t usually this weak, actually one of the strongest emotionally in the group, but this was a whole new level. Their heart was pounding in their chest, pain consumed them, and so did fear. They didn’t want this.

His footsteps were heavy as he began to walk back over to them, he would bring his club up, getting ready to hit them across the had for the last finishing blow to kill them, but something stopped him. He looked back, as someone had grabbed the club he was using, and there stood none other than Karkat Vantas. His eyes widened, and Gamzee would yank the club out of his hands, elbowing him in the stomach, causing the mutant blood troll to be pushed back, right onto the ground.

Y/N looked up at Gamzee, distracted by the other troll. Even with broken ribs, broken arms, a pounding head, they would stand. Using the wall behind them, gripping onto the rough rock, and would grab Gamzee by the collar of his shirt, causing him to whip his head back over to them, and they pulled him into a kiss. They always felt red feelings towards him, but this isn’t how they wanted to tell him. The troll’s eyes widened and he would slowly succumb to the kiss, putting his arm down, dropping the club, leaning into Y/N. They would separate themselves from him, mumbling an apology before hitting him right in the neck, knocking him out. He collapsed in their arms, and they would gently put him down as they too went to the ground, knees collapsing on them, and they would start to sob. Their entire body hurt from the emotions and physical pain they felt. Karkat’s eyebrows furrowed, walking over to them, looking down at the unconscious troll, he would sit next to Y/N.

“YOU DID GOOD. IT’S...GOING TO BE OK.” He said to them. Y/N said nothing and only curled up, putting their knees to their chest, wrapping their arms around themselves, sobbing into their arms. This was the worst day of their life. Karkat would wrap his arms around them in a comforting way...How could this happen? How could this become of them all? It was so..horrid.

#fanfiction #Gamzee Makara #Murder Gamzee #Sober Gamzee #Sober Gamzee makara #x Reader #Homestuck #self insert #Gamzee x reader

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miekasa · 3 years

Note

the pre-pancetta snippet: early december, 3 months before the world went to shit

💉levi gets sick [levi grumbles in the background]

it was the pre-pandemic flu season. levi caught it at work and just his luck, it was pretty bad for him. but healthcare is expensive, capitalism sucks, so he wore a mask and still went to work the next day, thinking bedrest during the weekend would be enough. erwin kindly dropped off some sports drinks while hange gave him a new bag of black tea leaves. oc comes home to find him almost asleep at the table while waiting for water to boil for his tea and her senses tingle. she just knows. levi is pretty out of it by then, very pissed, feeling like shit, but still thinking about the slack he has to pick up at work. oc is very concerned because he looks awful. she bugs him and asks him if he’s okay with her checking him up. he is about to tell her to piss off but what the hell, lucky his roomie’s a doctor and he’ll take free healthcare when he can. so he nods once in dramatic brooding levi fashion.

her hands are cool on his forehead and neck, it feels so good, and levi is really trying not to accidentally moan out loud. when she brings out her stethoscope and asks him to take deep breaths, his focus is on her hand absentmindedly rubbing his shoulder [levi thoughts: he’s really out of it if this is all he can focus on]. oc’s brow furrows when she finds out he’s had only one cup of tea for the entire day and only one meal the day before. he says he’s brewing more, but oc is not having it! she heats up some leftover soup she has and makes him eat before handing him a tylenol. levi feels unsteady and weak but he’s trying to keep up the i’m-fine-it’s-just-the-flu facade. oc sees right through it and tails him to his room.

she helps him to bed, all while saying he’ll need meds for the virus and he needs to eat and drink more fluids because he’ll need an IV drip if not. even if it’s just the flu, he got a pretty bad case. levi strips off his shirt before he drops onto his pillows, grumpy and dismissive, telling her to just leave the prescription. he can handle it. oc snorts before leaving him alone (for now)

levi wakes up to rustling sounds and finds oc by his bedside setting up some stuff. his head is pounding, entire body is aching, and his cough is killing his throat. he’s very grumpy and is about to tell oc to just let him be but he gets a coughing fit. oc rubs his back while checking his vitals, her voice soft with worry as she asks him how he is feeling. he says he went to the bathroom but that’s it. he doesn’t see oc frown, but he’s more than annoyed that he is disturbed when she digs him out of the blankets. she helps him sit up, propping him on his pillows, and she makes him eat more soup, drink some tea, and take his meds. his throat is cooling and he realizes belatedly that she made him strong mint tea. he’s just swallowing whatever so he can go back to sleep [levi is trying very hard not to vocalize his disappointment whenever her hands leave him]. oc sighs at the little care her patient has for himself, but she tells him that he needs a drip at this point. she’s not satisfied with how little he’s been eating and drinking. levi is ready to throw hands because he refuses to spend thousands of dollars for 2 hours at the emergency room and get scammed by health insurance just so they can give him IV fluids, but oc surprises him by saying she’s all set up, and if he’s okay with it, she can do it here.

he shrugs and holds out his hand. the skin of her hands are a little rough with a few calluses, her touch so light and sure. the needle pinches but the pain dulls after a few seconds. he watches oc taping up the line and securing his hand to some makeshift splint so it doesn’t move around much. oc hangs up the bottle on the hanger she installed on the wall lamp by his bed before heading out. levi tries to fall back into sleep again. suddenly, he feels a damp cool cloth brush his forehead and his face while another hand runs through his hair gently. he’s groggy and he squirms because what. he hears oc shushing him, saying something about sponge baths for fever, and he’s just so not used to tenderness and care, and she’s sponging down his neck and his chest, running over his arms, turning him on his side gently so she doesn’t jostle him into wakefulness. her hands are firm and gentle as they wipe down his back and it’s cool and soothing and so good over his heated skin. he falls asleep in minutes. this never happens.

he thinks oc drops in once more in the middle of the night because he remembers someone holding him up to take something. when he wakes up the next morning, his fever is gone and he feels like himself again. he sees an empty bottle on his bedside table which means oc must have changed his drip too. the one he’s hooked to is almost gone. he’s in the middle of answering a work email on his phone when oc, already dressed for work, pops in to check on him. she has a tray in hand, looking genuinely relieved and happy that he’s better. his knows his appetite is back because the smell immediately makes his mouth water. he is very hungry after 3 days of soup and tea. she made really good pancakes, fried bacon to a perfect crisp, and the scrambled eggs are savory and creamy. it’s killing him. he can forgive the tea bag from a packet. levi is still a tea snob. oc is cheery, chirping that he’s good to go without a drip as long as he keeps up his food and fluids.

oc: water, tea, or pocari sweat, levi! none of the sugary sports drinks erwin left you, that stuff is a scam.

levi: i don’t have pocari—

oc: i bought you some, they’re in the drinks cupboard!

levi: why—

oc: it’s not just sugar, it has the electrolytes you need!!

she unhooks the IV and takes out his line, lays out his medication regimen and tells him to please call her if he starts feeling bad again. levi rolls his eyes and bats her concern away, grumbling that he’s fine and well enough, but he’s listening to every word she says. he utters a small thank you because how on earth does he convey his immense gratitude in words, he is not used to words!!! his cheeks feel very warm. oc giggles and ruffles his hair. she understands her roomie’s not talkative, but his soft gaze betrays everything beneath his gruff exterior. his shyness is adorable even if he was a grumpy old man while sick. oc thinks that her theory of him being 89 years old deep inside might be right after all. she sternly tells him to rest and lay off strenuous activities until he’s really recovered.

oc: rest. no cleaning today.

levi: my room—

oc: no. cleaning. today.

and just like that, she’s off to work [levi thoughts: wtf she works on sundays?]. all that levi can think of for three days, or more like since that day, are her gentle, comforting touches, her kind smiles, and how pretty she is. he tries, he really tries to push back the thoughts and bury the memories, but all efforts become in vain for him the next week.

he’s reading on the couch and relaxing for the night when oc comes out of her room looking like a fucking goddess. she’s in a deep green dress of flowing silk with thigh-high slit, sporting a dark, vibrant red lip, complaining of some recognition ceremony she has to attend for one of her bosses at work. she pouts while slipping on pumps that make her legs look even more stunning. levi is aware that he is staring and has tuned out her voice, so he forces himself out of it. he remembers basic conversation etiquette and lamely asks about the party. oc says it’s a black-tie-long-gown thing that’s a waste of her time. she twists her hair up in a messy bun and puts on earrings, grumbling that this is the most formal she’ll go. levi is mildly amused when she says she’ll nick a bottle of good champagne and some desserts before she escapes the party in an hour. tops.

levi: what if you get caught?

oc: they can spare one bottle and a few cupcakes

levi: and what reason have you come up with if they start interrogating you?

oc: my roommate is sad and a stress-eat is essential after shitty weeks of being underpaid laborers *cheeky smile*

he rolls his eyes. when she steps out their door (her uber’s there), levi counts to ten before groaning very loudly to let his frustrations out.

but she really did steal and bring home the good stuff, squealing in excitement when she sees that he was still up. he actually waited for her to get home but she doesn’t need to know that. they shared fruit tarts and fancy mini-cakes and worked through the bottle of champagne while bonding over their mutual disdain for assholes at work. conversation was open and easy, and levi cannot remember when he has been this comfortable around others who weren’t old friends of his. he was in an old shirt and jogger shorts. oc was still in her dress, barefoot, lipstick still perfect and bun still messy, picking a strawberry off the last cake while laughing at his dry jab about her boss. and jesus christ, she was exquisite.

at this point, denial begins to trickle in, but levi doesn’t know that yet. it’s just the champagne, right?

end. this was so mf long, i’m so sorry 😭 anyway this is insanely self-indulgent, and this is me coping with the pandemic (and with SnK ending today)

AHHHHHHH I LOVE ALL OF THIS ANON!!! SO MUCH!!!! PLEASE THIS HIT ALL THE MARKS!! Levi being reluctant to having someone take care of him, oc picking up on him not feeling well even though he’s not really showing it, and eventually just giving him the care and attention he needs (without suffocating him because you know he would be grumpy about that). I love this wow, seriously.

AND THE END!! When they’re drinking together and he’s feeling better, you know damn well he didn’t even want her to leave in the first place, and IM SO GLAD HE’S FINALLY REALIZING!! Levi, my beloved, you are in love it is not the champagne 😌😌

#💉 anon #you're so lovely my dear thank you so much for sharing #i kept this for a while just to reread it i love it so much!!#levi.ask #minicanons

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woogyu · 3 years

Text

Funny Drabble Game

Drabble Prompts; fluff | angst | funny (when requesting PLEASE add which prompt list it is from)

Can have up to 3 prompts per request + can send multiple requests.

They will all be written for fem reader. I’m very sorry about this, it is just because of what I know/have experience in writing.

Please format requests as follows; funny member prompt # or #s.

ex. funny member #12 + #15

ex. funny florist!member x student!reader #14

Send your requests/asks: here

~ prompts under the cut ~

crossed out = don’t request, usually for when I’ve gotten tired of a specific prompt coming up too often or I don’t like it

Drabble Prompts [credit; https://justforshitsandcackles.tumblr.com ]

“You’re such a fun drunk.”

“Since my dog likes you then i guess i like you.”

“Tell them to fuck off.”

“It’s six o’clock in the morning, you’re not having vodka.”

“I want to strangle you 99% of the time.”

“Could you not suck for five minutes?”

“The ladies love a guy who’s good with kids.”

“You can’t banish me! This is my bed/bedroom too!”

“You’re seriously like a man-child.”

“Well thats tragic.”

“I’m too sober for this.”

“You are actually insane!”

“I think you’re actually satan.”

“It’s like -50 degrees in here.”

“Laugh at my jokes! They’re funny and you know it!”

“Sorry isn’t going to help when i kick your ass!”

“Don’t let one of them electrocute themselves or something.”

“Welcome back. Now fucking help me.”

“Do you find this amusing, fuck face?”

“Holy shit! That thing is huge!”

“Don’t kink shame me.”

“I hope i’m never stuck with you on a deserted island.”

“I just cleaned that!”

“Don’t get sassy with me!”

“What do you have behind your back?”

“If you interrupt me one more time, so help me god.”

“Not to toot my own horn or anything, but the dog loves me more.”

“I’m going to put on some clothes before you say anything else.”

“Bite me.” “If you insist.”

“Im not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.”

“I need you to be my fake girlfriend/boyfriend.”

“Can you stop playing connect the dots with my freckles?”

“You snuck into my room, at 4am..to cuddle?”

“If we get caught i’m blaming you.”

“What? No! I wasn’t staring..i-i was looking at something behind you!”

“I locked the keys in the car.”

“This is why we can’t have nice things.”

“Wait a minute. Are you jealous?”

“Define normal.”

“Do i get bonus points if i act like i care?”

“Just remember if we get caught, you’re deaf and i don’t speak english.”

“Don’t look for any redeeming qualities. I don’t have any.”

“And you wonder why you’re single.”

“Remind me to kill you. Please.”

“I’m listening to you. I’m just not paying attention.”

“She’s crazy. and just when you think you’ve reached the bottom of her craziness, theres a crazy underground garage.”

“Sorry. I don’t speak skank.”

“My middle finger salutes you.”

“I don’t think i could ever stab someone. I mean, lets be honest, i can barely get the straw in the capri sun.”

“I don’t have enough middle fingers to let you know how i feel.”

“Somebodys cranky.” “Somebody needs to shut up.”

“All due respect but thats a bunch of crap.”

“I am one of the few people in the world who can murder you and leave no forensic evidence behind.”

“Excuse me. I have to go make a scene.”

“What did i tell you about calling him/her the devil?” “That it’s offensive to the devil?”

“I heard that!” “You were supposed to!”

“I’m not weird. I’m limited edition.”

“If history repeats itself, i am so getting a dinosaur.”

“You seem somewhat familiar. have i threatened you before?”

“Even when we were kids, i always kicked your ass!”

“Sarcasm is the body’s natural reaction to stupidity.”

“Don’t look in her eyes, she might steal your soul.”

“She’s hot, but she’s evil.”

“Do i regret it? Yes. Would i do it again? Probably.”

“You’re going to burn in a very special level in hell. A level they reserve for child molesters, animal abusers, and people who talk at the theater.”

“I’m not a damsel in distress. i’m a damsel doing damage.”

“Sometimes i question my sanity. Occasionally it replies.”

“Why should we date?” “Because we’re attracted to each other.” “I am attracted to pie, but i do not feel the need to date pie.”

“Why does everyone assume the worst of me.” “It saves time.”

“You’ve successfully cured him/her of anything interesting about his/her personality.”

“Neither one of us is drunk enough for this conversation.”

“Wow somebody needs a happy meal.”

“I didn’t do it!” “Then why are you laughing?” “Because whoever did it is a freaking genius.”

“Idiots. I’m surrounded by idiots.”

“You couldn’t handle me even if i came with instructions.”

“Obviously you have mistaken me for somebody who gives a shit.”

“I’m so glad you could come.” “Cut the crap. give me a drink.”

“Where have you been all my life?” “Hiding from you.”

“I can tell that you think what you’re saying is funny, but…no.”

“If you pull out my earphones, i will pull out your lungs.”

“Ah, he’s playing hard-to-get. thats cute.”

“I feel like a freakin’ soccer mom.”

“My ex? Yeah id still hit that. Except this time it would be with a car or a baseball bat.”

“Such big evil in such a little thing.”

“For the love of fuck.” “Yep, thats me. i love to fuck.”

“Are you ready to go?” “Yeah. let me grab my machete.” “We’re going to sephora. no machetes needed.”

Clears throat seriously, “Yas bitch.”

“No road trip is complete without the snacks. So go in there and buy everything you can fit in a tiny cart.”

“I’m all for making you miserable by being insufferable, but unfortunately i have things to do today.”

“Come on, you can help me make conspiracy theories. If you make an especially good one, ill pay for dinner.”

“You know what? Why not? I haven’t ruined my life yet this week. Lets go.”

“Do these dark circles under my eyes say nothing to you about how i am doing?”

“If i didn’t know you better, id say you were trying to flirt by giving me books.”

“What are you talking about? Im hilarious!”

“Duct tape? Duct tape is not going to fix this!”

“What did you think? That you were going to fight him?”

“You’re blocking the view.” “I am the view.”

“Why are you on the floor?” “Tying my shoe.” “You’re wearing rain-boots.”

“Cant stop me from slaying!”

“Close your eyes and imagine it, all the dogs in the world.”

“Be careful, he’s so sweet you might get diabetes.”

“Would you reconsider if i was sober?”

“Stop running i’m wearing flip flops!”

“Why are you holding your boobs?”

“I wouldn’t call it stalking, more like far distance admiring.”

“You need to stop making her laugh! you’re ruining her makeup!”

“I’m sure i can get some kind of sexual gratification from just staring at him if i try hard enough.”

“I’m not sure if its a sexual thing or not.”

“I’m either in the mood for french fries or to rip someone’s head off. Hmmm. decisions, decisions.”

“If you’re not out of the shower in the next five minutes, i’m going to cut your fucking hair off to make your life quicker.”

“No, i will not dress up as a chicken.”

“I never told my extended family that we broke up, and now they want to know when you’re coming over for dinner again.”

“I need a date to my relatives wedding, and i’ve already asked literally everyone else i know, so i know you probably hate me, but please say yes. Otherwise they’ll try to set me up with someone, and they have awful taste.”

“One more sound and i swear to-”

“Sometimes when (name) texts me, i just pretend they didn’t so i don’t have to respond.”

“You gave our pigeon boyfriend the wrong beans!”

“If i’m like 50 and still single, ill marry you because tax benefits.”

“Please, never have children.”

“I know its like 11pm, but i’m on my way to your house with nacho fries.”

“Sometimes i wish i was gay so i wouldn’t have to deal with all these dumbass boys.

“You know, would’ve been nice if you told me your whole ass family was coming to this dinner! I look like a troll.”

“Im going to the party to pet the dog, no thanks drugs.”

“I hope in college i get some excuse to deck him. Maybe with a bottle or something, ill wing it and be like “oops, sorry shithead, my hand slipped.”

“What is this shit…i’m just trying to graduate.”

“Ooo, i sense attitude in your tone.”

“Guess who only got two hours of sleep? Me, lol, i’m gonna die.“

“I’m gonna strangle you.” “Is that a threat or a promise?”

“Superheroes aren’t allowed in my house, especially after they’ve destroyed my living room. go away.”

“oh you’re coming. even if i have to drag you through the snow in your pajamas.”

“i swear you’re gonna end up getting like botox in your tits or something.” “well i mean-” “whAT DO YOU MEAN?!”

#seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #seventeen drabbles #seventeen drabble game #seventeen funny #seventeen fanfic #seventeen #svt #seventeen requests

11 notes · View notes

catubarca · 4 years

Text

Harry Potter Next Generation Headcanons

im bored. im full of emotions, and am rly missing the HP world... i just want to write down my headcannons for the next gen kiddos tbh.

please remember these are just my opinions? its okay if yours are different. im just bored and want to share my thoughts,,

Teddy Lupin

his name is Theodore Remus “Teddy” Lupin. it’s just what it is

I don’t care what JKR says, to me his name will always be Theodore

i can’t do this “Edward” stuff im so sorry,,,

h u f f l e p u f f

proper school uniform? never heard of it

messy hair, messy clothes

punk rock child

we’re talking like,,,at least two (2) lip piercings ok

absolutely terrible in herbology. do not leave this child alone in a greenhouse, bad things happen

fuckin hoards chocolate

its a problem

dating Victorie Weasley

random bursts of dancing

keeps a lock of hair pink for his mother

lives with the Potters, enjoys pretending to be Ginny to ground his siblings

“Lily, why aren’t you coming out of your room? Dinner’s ready?” “You said I’m grounded! You tell me!” “What? Oh, for the- THEODORE REMUS LUPIN-“

s m i r k s

effortlessly cool,,, but so so dorky,,, in a cool way

Victorie Weasley

ravenclaw!

looks a lot like her mother, Fleur, but inherited those Weasley freckles

a little confused a lot of the time

absolute sweet tooth (teddy abuses this fact a lot)

Mom Friend™

will help you with your homework

always got a book on her

super beautiful and like,,,, the absolute nicest person,,, but

cannot dance

like at all

adores Charms class

a softie you don’t want to cross

“I’m the oldest”

Dominique Weasley

inherited the Classic Weasley Red Hair™

idolises her Uncle Charlie

“I wanna save animals and work with cool dragons, just like Uncle Charlie does!”

Bill almost has a heart attack

always bringing stray animals home

(“is that a lizard in your pocket, Dominique?” “Yes! His name is Blob.” “You know how your father’s afraid of reptiles, sweetheart, you can’t bring it inside.”)

Gryffindor child

favourite class is definitely Care of Magical Creatures, she and Hagrid like to talk about proper care methods for rare creatures

perpetual dirt stains

BIG middle child vibes

doesn’t really label her sexuality… just kinda does what she wants rly

all the pets in Hogwarts love her

rumours are she’s got an innate, natural magical ability to make them all love her

(she feeds them under the table)

it’s a mystery

big advocate for animal rights

f e m i n i s t

willing to throw hands at all times

usually all smiles though

one of those people who use their whole bodies to laugh

kind of an accidental heartthrob

romcoms

Louis Weasley

looks the most like his mother

ravenclaw

absolutely filled with curiosity. always reading or talking or learning

random facts

(how do you even find that sort of information?

you don’t want to know)

coffee boy

sort of musically talented?

he and James Sirius preach the importance of skincare to all who will listen

secretly full of sass and dry wit

vry graceful and fluid

e y e r o l l

awkward smiles? can never smile properly in photos

on the ravenclaw quidditch team

Ravenclaw Prefect

(“You might be older, but I’m taller.” “Fuck off!”)

only watches High Quality™ tv shows/media

kind of a disaster, despite the gracefulness

Molly Weasley

Classic red hair

comes across as a bit uptight, like her father

I don’t care what you think. (She really cares what you think.)

E y e b r o w s

death glares

drinks like 5 cups of coffee in the morning

studies,,, like a lot

definitely a Gryffindor though

mom jeans

always ready to debate a topic. will destroy opponents.

has been trying to start a successful Debate Club for like 4 years now

naturally falls into the position of a group leader

would be a teacher’s pet, if she wasn’t ready At All Times™ to debate the relevancy of the course syllabus or outdated teaching methods

got into a fight with Severus Snape’s portrait in Headmistress McGonagall’s office.

(Dumbledore’s portrait was laughing, until she turned and ragged on him for a bit. Minerva thought it was absolutely hilarious, so she just let Molly go at it for a while).

full of rage towards everything, but wears a very careful mask of aloofness

to calm down, she likes painting her nails

she’s very good at it

she’s also very good at painting and art in general, weirdly enough

Lucy Weasley

G R Y F F I N D O R

adores shitty puns and has a terrible sense of humour

brown hair, not red

loves to prank people, which makes her Uncle George very proud

Percy complains about her behaviour, but makes sure he knows he’s proud too

(charming all the cauldrons in the potions classroom to scream whenever they’re stirred takes a more complex understanding of spell work than one would expect).

a pit of a punk streak

rly loves hip hop

high key drama queen

does she ever stop yelling? we’re yet to find out

average grades in terms of theory, but she’s the best in terms of applying information

especially for her pranks

has allies throughout the castle, from the portraits to the students

the bigger the prank, the better

but is a firm believer in “confuse, don’t abuse”

all her pranks are mostly harmless

is a surprising lover of older literature, like Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, an influence of her sister

a bit rebellious

Fred Weasley II

name isn’t officially “the second”, but it sounds cooler

James Potter, Lucy Weasley, Molly Weasley and Fred Weasley are like the Marauders 2.0

says “squad” and “lit” unironically

niche humour

hipster vibes

avid music lover

smiley sunshine child

takes after his mother the most in looks, just like his sister

a chill type of gryffindor

plays quidditch, and is an excellent chaser, just like his mother

the absolute undisputed King™ of puppy-dog eyes

just,,,, beautiful

the True teacher’s pet

hands in his work on time,, asks lots of questions,,, likes helping students understand their work,, what a boy

can hella nyoom

runs so fast

look at him go

as you might expect, loves a good prank. always down for a laugh

Roxanne Weasley

Gryffindor and pROUD

absolute Queen tbh

was definitely Head Prefect or Gryffindor Prefect at some point

loved by the school

absolute legend

G I R L P O W E R

infectious laughter

has a soft spot for Louis Weasley and Scorpius Malfoy

these poor disaster children,,,, they need a Mother

M O M

big mom vibes

mothers the hell out of all the first years

a feminist through and through

can be found nodding aggressively to Molly Weasley’s semi-deranged, furious ranting

YAAAASS

loves slang. uses so much slang. always up to date with trends and memes

has all the gossip

becomes a mess around pretty girls

absolute blushing, stuttering disaster around cute girls oh my god

her eye make-up game is killer

sparkly

Distinguished Lesbian

Rosie Weasley

did someone say Weasley™?

red hair and freckles and curls oh my

on the autism spectrum, has trouble socialising sometimes

hella passionate about stuff

hangs out with Scorpius and Albus, the Golden Trio 2.0

f em ini st

her jokes are the best. high quality sense of humour.

Ravenclaw

likes to read. it’s quiet in the school library, which is nice.

abysmal at herbology

surprisingly good at Care of Magical Creatures though? Animals are just,,, so much easier to deal with

overall, really good grades though

bit of a silent type, but she’s actually a riot to hang out with

actually pretty good at quidditch? She’s not on the team, and she’s not super interested in playing, but?? She’s not bad??

She can land a solid hit with a beater’s bat

(eyes you judgementally over the top of a book)

dry wit humour

will throw hands over chess

Hugo Weasley

hufflepuff

unbeatable at chess, like his dad

a lost puppy

someone please help this child

softie

kind of low-key emotional

so supportive!! and loyal!! high-key best friend material

foodie. loves food. please feed him.

takes a bit more after his dad appearance wise

loves to cook. spends lots of time with grandma Molly and his dad in the kitchen

Professor Longbottom is his favourite professor, because he’s more chilled and laidback.

other professors and classes fill him with Distress™

loves astronomy too

maths whizz, so good at arithmancy

(“uh, actually-“)

a little bossy, like his mother

is trying so hard

maybe a little too hard

a bit insecure and nervous, but so soft

please treat this child carefully and with love

James Sirius Potter

Gryffindor

L O U D

a fucking disaster child

what’d you expect, putting “James” and “Sirius” together?

DRAMATIC GASPING

flails his hands around when he talks

s t r u t s

bisexual mess, had a crush on both the Longbottom children at some point

is better than you at everything

including being a different gender

fuck you that’s why

so pretty

he’s so pretty

is thIS CHILD EVER NOT LAUGHING AT SOMETHING OH My god

laughs at everything

all the time

always

high-key emotional

badly timed finger guns

looks like a model in photos? wtf?

gets invited to Girls Nights™

wears nail polish and makeup

loves to yell at people about gender roles and defying stereotypes

TEA SIS

not on the quidditch team surprisingly enough, even though he’s pretty good

prefers to be in the stands, doing A+ commentary on the games

if he can get Fred to stop mid-air due to unbearable, suffocating laughter at least once a game it’s a win in his books

has it OUT for the hufflepuff quidditch team and no one knows why??

definitely makes puns on his name

it drives everyone insane

harry always replies he’s just making his namesake proud

that also drives everyone insane

smug lil shit

Albus Severus Potter

“It’s just Al.”

S L Y T H E R I N

will always find a way to get what he wants, eventually

“dad, why did you name me this way?”

unimpressed

sigh

hella smart. is topping at least five classes

Aunt Hermione is his favourite. She’s the fucking Mistress of Magic! All that power, the ability to make change and improve the Magical World as a whole-

sass master

the reason headmistress mcgonagall keeps a bottle of scotch under her desk at all times

the only potter child to inherit The Eyes™

absolute insomniac

kind of emo, but turns into a fucking softie around Scorpius Malfoy it’s hilarious

adverse to violence. prefers a verbal beatdown method

really tall? despite having shorties for parents??? no one saw it coming

(especially not Teddy. He’s always scared of losing his last few inches of height)

Functional Gay

he’s on the slytherin quidditch team, as a seeker

Lily Luna Potter

Gryffindor

FEMINIST

do not mess with lily luna potter

she may seem cute and sweet, but she will destroy you

inherited her father’s black hair

disaster lesbian

transfiguration is her favourite subject, by far

has no idea what she wants to do with the rest of her life.

Existential Crisis Father-Daughter Bonding Time™

do you ever sleep?

takes after Ginny the most in personality

also, kind of the most like James Fleamont Potter in personality, too?

Loves to help her brother out with pranks, laughs at him when he gets caught and she gets away with it

The only one of the Potter Children who hasn’t got into a fight with Severus Snape’s portrait

because she just ignores him instead

loves talking to the portraits around the castle

Super good at Quidditch, is on the team as a Chaser

Quidditch Captain at some point

adores Hagrid, but who out of the Potter children doesn’t?

Idolises Minerva McGonagall

just as oblivious as her father

Scorpius Malfoy

Actually in Ravenclaw, not Slytherin, much to many people’s surprise

abSOLUTE DADDY’S BOY

super close with his dad

Draco is just so supportive of like everything he does (unlike his father)

classic blonde malfoy looks

actually really funny?

a cuddler. loves hugs. always leeching warmth off of someone

he and Rosie sometimes finger-tip-touch which is their version of a hug, because he know’s she’s not super comfortable with touch

was basically adopted by the Weasley’s and Potter’s

James Sirius will murder for this child

booknerd, always rambling to Al and Rosie about new books coming out he’s interested in reading.

has had a crush on Albus Potter since like 1st year

always worried about making his dad proud, and keeping up the Malfoy name

sweet tooth

he’s just,, soft. just a warm, happy child. he wants love, and affection. someone tell him he’s doing okay, please.

needs,,, validation,,,

he’ll tell you out loud that he has no favourite aunts or uncles, but he secretly really likes spending time with his Uncle Ron

they had a talk, once, in like the middle of the night at a sleepover with Rosie and Al, about feeling insecure in comparison to others, and learning to be proud of yourself for your achievements

there were a few tears, but it was nice

Ron was actually the third person he told, besides his dad and Rosie, about having a crush on Al

openly a disaster romantic. trash taste in romance novels.

always welcome in the Potter-Weasley households

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fluidityandgiggles · 4 years

Text

Dalton Big Bang day 1 - The Canadian Girlfriend Experience

Writing Masterpost, AO3 Link

Notes: So... y’all. Dalton fam. Hear me out.

I understand that y'all are gonna be mad at me for staying up until (four? five?) five in the morning to post this, but I'm something like 90% sure I'd forget to post it in the morning (afternoon), and I have to write tomorrow's fic anyway, so... here's an extra early fluffy mess. Hope y'all like it.

I had to write this one... I really really had to. Han's girlfriend is a big deal to me. I hope you understand it.

(And for the uninitiated in pathfinder - the rank system is wild, feats are taken every two levels or so, Logan’s character is basically invincible, defeated only by Dwight’s monk and the absolute insanity that creating a monk in pathfinder can end up being.)

—————

"I really have to go to sleep," the familiar (by now) high-pitched voice said through the headphones, stifling a yawn. "My drama class is moving props to the auditorium tomorrow for our exam and my mom would be mad at me if I don’t go to sleep in the next thirty minutes."

"So go to sleep, Lils. I won’t be mad at you."

"Okay! I’ll text you in the morning! Love you, bye!"

"Good night."

Han finally let himself snort a bit after his girlfriend hung up, watching as she disconnects from the game a few moments later. He did say he’ll only play Starcraft today so long as Leah is available, and now that she’s offline…

He just closed the game and went back to working on his Pathfinder session prep.

Han met Leah at the San Diego Comic-Con last summer. On day one, she approached him because she thought the Westwoods’ Bat family cosplay was really cool. On day two, he approached her because her Arwen cosplay was flawless. By day three they’d already ditched the con to have a not-date lunch at In-N-Out, found out they’re in the same guild in World of Warcraft, Han found out Leah has a voice acting channel on youtube, they exchanged phone numbers, and by day four they may have not spent the whole day together but they certainly went on a date-date at the end of the day.

They’ve been rather inseparable for the following three weeks, but by then Han had to face the reality of it all. Leah’s phone number was weird to him from the start, sure, and he was willing to pass off her accent as a speech quirk, but it wasn’t until those three weeks ended that it finally sunk in that she’s not American. And like most good things, her visit too has to come to an end.

Maintaining a relationship online just… didn’t feel the same.

1 Unread Message

‘Merril: Can I suggest an idea for Mishka’s character arc?? You can say no, I just had an idea is all!’

Caterpillar: I’m all ears

———

"While this mess of a… bargain is happening," Logan called as Merril and Reed tried to catch their breaths from laughing. "Can Dwight and I get to the diplomatic debate?"

"Sure," Han sighed, watching his party quickly derail the session. "But let’s take a break first."

The first to disappear at the sound of "let’s take a break" was Lucy, who ran to the bathroom, accidentally knocking off Logan’s dice tower in the process. Merril got the brownies out and on the table, everyone pulled their phones out…

Han could take a couple moments to look at the pictures Leah sent him earlier. According to her, they were not yet done with lighting cues, and she was going crazy, but seeing her in her period piece of a costume and leg brace prop made him feel excited for her, somewhat.

Caterpillar: wish I could been there to see it

Jabba the Hutt: Oh no! Don’t say that! Jabba the Hutt: I’ll send you the filmed version when I get it, but it’ll probably be really bad anyway.

Caterpillar: im sure it cant be that bad

Jabba the Hutt: Han, it’s a high school production of the Glass Menagerie. Jabba the Hutt: My class is also doing the play version of Spring Awakening. Jabba the Hutt: It *can* and *will* be that bad. Jabba the Hutt: Trust me.

"Han?" Merril called before he could answer that one. "Hansel, are you listening?"

"No, I wasn’t. What was it?" He grabbed a brownie, leaving his phone aside for a second.

"Wizards of the Coast announced a new edition of D&D," she said again, smiling gently. "Do you think you’d want to try it?"

"I’m already one step ahead of you there. I’m going to playtest it when it— excuse me…"

Jabba the Hutt: WE FINALLY FUCKING FINISHED THIS Jabba the Hutt: I’ve never been happier to say I’m getting offstage, I need someone to punch me!

Caterpillar: dont you mean pinch?

Jabba the Hutt: I meant what I said and I said what I meant.

Han tuned back in time to hear Logan say "I just really don’t want to have to mess with the power system again", which resulted in Dwight throwing a bag of chips at his head.

"Fourth edition has a very special place in my heart, Wright. Don’t talk shit about it around me."

"Yeah, why all the hate for the power system?" Lucy frowned (when did she get back from the bathroom?). "It’s not all that different to how feats work. Would you complain about getting a new feat every odd level once we switch systems?"

"Not going to happen, Lucy."

"Aw man, but I wanted to play Vampire the Masquerade next!"

"And we already said Merril is going to run it," Han reminded her, checking his phone one last time. "But we’re not switching our current game to another system. Not gonna happen."

There was a quiet "hell yeah" from Merril as Han’s phone buzzed with a new message, but before he could even read it, it was snatched by Lucy.

"Wha… who are you talking to, Han?" She laughed a bit, scrolling up, and then her eyes went wide open. "Well… damn."

"Don’t act like you’re surprised, that’s my girlfriend. You met her before."

The silence in the room was so tense, Han swore he could hear a pin drop.

"...a girlfriend?" Dwight was the first to ask, raising a brow. "Since when?"

"You know, I honestly thought she would’ve forgotten all about you after two weeks…"

"Since a few months ago," Han told Dwight, taking his phone back. "Can we continue, please?"

"No! It’s interesting!" Merril joined in, resting her chin on her hand as she got closer, pushing some papers a bit. "How did you meet? Where is she from? Can we meet her?"

"We met at Comic-Con and no, you can’t meet her. She’s… not from here."

"...is she Canadian?" Logan raised a brow too, starting to laugh.

"Noooooooo…?"

"Oh yeah, Han’s Canadian girlfriend."

"She’s not— let’s start to fucking play, this session isn’t going to end itself."

By the end of the session, Han couldn’t say he’d be surprised if the whole school found out by tomorrow. And if anyone (namely the twins) made fun of him for his "Canadian girlfriend"... so be it.

———

"Is this Canadian girlfriend of yours coming to prom?" Julian’s tired voice came through the phone, sounding like he was about to pass out. He just arrived at school earlier today, already tired from the flight, and immediately got coddled by Logan.

"She’s not Canadian, Julian. You’re the twenty-fifth person I’ve told this already."

"So where is she from? Would you please tell just one person?"

With a quick glance at the security footage, to make sure Logan wasn’t listening, Han whispered "her name is Leah, I met her at Comic-Con in San Diego last year, she’s from Israel and no, I doubt she can come to prom. She has her own prom to attend."

"...okay, so this Israeli girlfriend of yours. Got it."

"Thank you."

"Are you sure you want to keep her a secret…?" He clicked his tongue. His laugh sounded a bit rougher than usual. "You know how things can end up. You of all people."

"I… I’m just not sure I’m ready for… dude. Is Logan drooling on your shoulder…?"

"Give him a break, Westwood. He’s adjusting to his new pills."

"I asked about the drooling."

"He does that sometimes. I just let him be."

"...why is everyone so interested in my girlfriend? Is it really any different from David and Katherine?"

"I don’t know how to break it down to you, Westwood, but you’re not exactly the type anyone would expect to even have a girlfriend."

A shift in the camera footage made Han cuss silently, covering his microphone.

"...she said she’ll be here for graduation. Hers is in late June, but she finishes school in May."

"Yeah. May. When prom is."

"Do you want to talk to her yourself?" He could hear Julian snort. "I’m not kidding. I’ll give you Leah’s phone number and you’ll convince her yourself. I can’t."

"Because that totally won’t be crazy."

"Julian."

"Hansel."

"Just fucking ask her, you absolute nerd!"

"Can you stop ordering me around? This isn’t Hollywood. This is my girlfriend we’re talking about."

"Can you at least send me a picture of her? So I’ll know she’s real?"

"...fuck you, Larson."

Han sent him a picture anyway. A picture of the two of them that Lucy insisted to take while they were in San Diego. They coordinated somehow, Han with his LOTR shirt and Leah with her whole Arwen cosplay. It was the happiest day he could possibly remember.

And then, a snort through the phone.

"...so you’re Leah Appelbaum’s mysterious Maryland boyfriend? Huh. Didn’t know you lived in Maryland."

"...you know Leah?"

"We had auditions in the same building two years ago and she approached me because she’s a fan of Something Damaged. She insisted on keeping in touch. How did you meet her?"

"At Comic-Con… please be gentle about this, Julian."

"Okay! I just… wow. I know where you live now. Sweet."

"Don’t you dare try to blackmail me with that information, Larson."

"I won’t. There’s nothing to worry about."

———

"...you know what?" Han sighed as the last session before prom was about to close off. "Roll sense motive."

The clatter of dice hitting each other and everyone cussing filled the room, quickly picking up their dice and looking.

"Fifteen!"

"Seventeen!"

"Five!"

"How’s you get a five, Lucy?"

"I’m a barbarian, what do you think—"

"Thirty-four."

Dwight practically glared at Logan. "What the fuck, dude?"

"I play a half-elf cleric, Dwight," Logan answered, straight-faced. "Plus two to wisdom straight away, rolled extremely well, I have a plus five modifier to wisdom and the alertness feat. I took a single rank in sense motive every time we leveled up and now I have ten ranks. On the tenth rank in sense motive or perception, you get a bonus four to the skill instead of the usual two. Thus, ten plus four plus five equals nineteen, plus the fifteen that I rolled. That’s thirty-four. Do I sense motive?"

"...everyone who rolled above a fifteen, and that definitely includes Flint—" Han could see Logan smiling smugly. "Everyone who rolled above a fifteen can see that this woman is telling the truth. Anyone who rolled a twenty or above, Flint, can also sense that—"

There was a knock at the door. There was never a knock at the door. But now there was. And as Reed got up to open the door, Han silently hoped it wouldn’t be anyone who shouldn’t be there—

"And this is your boyfriend’s room," Julian’s voice came through as Reed’s jaw dropped. "Thank you for picking Julian Larson to be your tour guide, we hope you enjoyed the trip."

"Very! Oh, hello!" The girl at the door waved at Reed, who waved back. The whole party waved back. "Am I interrupting anything?"

"No, those nerds are just playing dungeons and dragons. You have nothing to worry about." Reed finally returned to his seat as Julian kissed the girl’s cheek, chuckling at the shock. "Logan, I’ll be expecting you to pick me up at six. I want my pre-prom sushi."

"I promised you I will, Princess, don’t panic."

"Okay, just making sure."

As Julian left, the girl went to sit on Han’s futon and look at everyone. Long brown hair, half of it bleached; dark eyes behind a pair of green plastic-framed glasses; a bit on the heavier side, like Han himself, and wearing a floral summer dress and a pair of short leggings. Her face was flushed red, her lipstick a dark blue, and her nails painted black that just started to chip.

Han missed her so much.

"So… hi." She waved around again, a bit confused. "What’s up…?"

"Who’s this?" Dwight was the first to speak.

"My girlfriend," Han replied, sounding rather insistent. "We were just about to finish our session, Lils. Can you wait?"

"Mmhm! Absolutely! I’ll be so quiet, you’ll forget I’m even here!"

Nobody forgot she was there. Merril kept looking over to her, Reed and Dwight seemed skeptical as ever, and the only person who was normal about it was Lucy. But it wasn’t news for Lucy, she’s met Leah before after all. All the while Leah sat there, chuckling at the game and waiting patiently for Han to finish, which he did twenty minutes later. Dwight practically ran out, followed by Logan who needed to pick his own boyfriend up for dinner, but…

"So where are you from in Canada?" Merril asked first, making Leah smile.

"I’m… not Canadian. Did Han tell you I’m Canadian?"

"Where’s your lipstick from?" Reed asked next.

"Umm… it’s, it’s from NARS, I picked it up on the way here, I forgot to pack my own makeup and—"

"Is Han taking you to prom?"

Han choked on his water at that. "I can’t leave my room for prom, Merril. Health risks."

"You can have an indoors prom."

"We planned on watching Battlestar Galactica and ordering takeout," Leah admitted. "But… an indoors prom would be nice. I’m not going to mine anyway. My class is writing this… really offensive skit about one of the math teachers and I don’t want to be a part of it."

"What’s your prom even like…?" Reed squinted, sitting back down. "That you do skits."

"It’s… not really a prom. Israel doesn’t really have the promenade culture, it’s just like a showcase the whole class does for family and friends before graduation… I’ve never liked this practice, you know, I think it’s just…"

As Leah rambled on, Han took his time to clear the table and silently hope Merril and Reed leave soon. Those two have prom dates after all. And neither are a Canadian girlfriend.

#kylo cant write #Dalton by CP Coulter #dalton big bang 2020 #day one - Windsor house #Han Westwood has a girlfriend #and Logan has ADHD #there's a bit of jogan if you squint

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tipsyylove · 5 years

Text

real

➵ genre: zombie apocalypse au, angst, dreamies x reader

➵ warnings: language i didn’t proof read it, sorry for any mistakes.

➵ requested: no

➵ a/n: i got inspired oops. sorry for using truth or dare a lot :/. this is kinda longer than what i usually write ooops

BROADCAST: WARNING! AN INFECTIOUS OUTBREAK HAS STARTED. PLEASE DO ANYTHING YOU CAN TO MAKE SURE YOU ARE SAFE. DO NOT GO OUTSIDE. PLEASE STAY INSIDE WHILE WE TRY TO RESOLVE THIS.

shit. that’s all you could think. you have absolutely nothing and no one around you. since you moved out of your god awful parent’s house, you’ve been alone. and that was not to long ago. you’ve never reached out to anyone after high school, just wanting to be alone. you had friends, but you all eventually stopped talking. which is something you regret right now.

you had gotten up to make sure your doors and windows were locked. your house was very small, so it didn’t take long. you pulled down the blinds to your windows, and kept the lights on. you sat back down on your couch, awaiting updates from the news about the outbreak. the broadcast had been cut. it was just white noise now. something awful happened. this outbreak is spreading fast. way faster than you had expected. you aren’t really sure what to do in this situation. all you have is a couple somewhat sharp kitchen knives. no guns. no bats. no nails. nothing. you got up and grabbed the largest kitchen knife you owned. it could be helpful. you then went back to the couch and just stared at the tv, hoping something would happen. and next thing you knew, you were passed out.

»»—— ☠ ——««

you were very suddenly woken by a loud banging at your door. you’ve never held anything tighter than that kitchen knife at that moment. you peeped through the peephole to see a man standing in front of your door. he was looking at the ground, still banging. you unlocked the door and invited the man in. he was the first real person you’ve seen in a while. you never go outside unless it’s to eat. he looked a little ragged, and his clothes were only a little torn. you were just looking at him. he had a gun in his hand and he was quiet. until now.

“come with us. you’ll be safe from this, i promise.” he spoke. who’s ‘us’? is he insane? “im sorry, who’s 'us’?” you asked, puzzled. he just reached out his hand and said, “come on, it’s not safe here.” what is this guy on? “can i at least get your name?” you asked the man. “jaemin. now come on.” he was dragging you out of the door at this point. you hadn’t even turned off the tv or lights yet. not that it mattered anymore. the world is ending. and sooner than you thought it would.

»»—— ☠ ——««

when walking outside for a bit, you’ve already seen the chaos that’s rained down on you. what was once a beautiful neighborhood was now trashed. it was just you and jaemin outside walking. you hadn’t seen any real people for a while, just some people running and the occasional zombie, in which you ran from. jaemin had seemed to be leading you somewhere. he was very alert, and didn’t let anything hurt you two. you two had been walking for quite a while, before arriving at a huge house. it was all boarded up everywhere, and seemed abandoned. once you and jaemin had walked up to the door, he did some type of knock code, and some other guy opened the door after unlocking everything. the man was very tall. he had a pinkish tint to his hair, and plump lips. he let you guys in, and locked the door behind you.

this was all very sudden. you were just watching the news, and now you’re surrounded by six other men. they all had very distinct features. one very short, yet so handsome. one had a blonde undercut, which was so attractive. another had bright orange hair. the last one had his hair puffed up, forehead out. they looked like trustworthy guys. “okay, so here’s the only bystander i could find who was still inside. she’s rather quiet, which is kinda helpful.” jaemin spoke to the others. they all just kind of investigated you with their eyes. “what’s her name?” the orange haired one asked. “my name’s (y/n).” you spoke, quietly. “(y/n), this is chenle.” he said, pointing to the orange haired one. “that’s renjun.” he said, pointing to the rather short one. “that’s jisung.” pointing to the pinkish haired one. “that’s haechan.” he said, while the one with his forehead out waved. “and that’s jeno.” jaemin said, pointing to the man with the blonde undercut. jeno was quiet, and didn’t even acknowledge your existence. which is understandable, maybe he is just thinking.

they were all very respectful towards you. they didn’t invade your space, and let you rest for a while. they were all discussing plans on what to do. they let you get some food out of the kitchen, and made sure you were comfortable. they were all so attractive in their own way. they all were just perfect. but, you were extremely exhausted from everything today. you just wanted to sleep. “hey, guys? im getting pretty tired, where should i sleep?” you asked, yawning. they all looked up at you, except for jeno, who just kept focusing on the map in front of him. “there’s two beds in the room upstairs and to the left. first room.” jaemin spoke up. you were assuming jaemin was the leader of this small group, being that he was the only one that really talked to you. “thank you guys so much. i couldn’t thank you enough.” you confessed to all of them, making your way upstairs.

»»—— ☠ ——««

the room you were met with was surprisingly small, for how big the house was. but, that’s not something you should be complaining about. you have shelter, and you’re no longer alone. which was a good feeling. it’s been quite a while since you’ve been around people who seemed to enjoy your presence. you didn’t have any pajamas, so you just decided to lay down in your daily clothes. the bed was way more comfortable than your own. you were practically melting into it. until you were interrupted by someone stomping into the room. “holy fuck, you scared the shit out of me.” you yelled at the man. “sorry. maybe try not to take over my fucking room next time.” he spoke, clearly angry. this voice could be anyone that wasn’t jaemin. he definitely doesn’t like you, or your guts.

»»—— ☠ ——««

waking up, no one else was in the room with you. you heard someone knock on the door. yawning, you said, “come in.” jaemin walked in. he had a fully cooked breakfast for you in his hands. “jaemin, what did i do to deserve this?” you asked him, sitting up. “i just think you need a better welcoming than what you got last night. we were all planning on how to get into a safer place, and didn’t consider properly welcoming the new member of our team.” he smiled at you. “thank you, so much.” you said, smiling back at him. “we’re all gonna be downstairs. come join us whenever you want.” he smiled again, leaving you alone in the room.

you quickly ate your breakfast, excited to meet everyone properly. you didn’t bother cleaning up your appearance, so you just ran downstairs. as soon as you made it on the last step, you heard a, “hey, (y/n)’s up!” from chenle. everyone was gathered around the island in the kitchen, just talking to one another. you joined them in the circle, and just listened to them talk. everyone looked a bit messier now, everyone’s hair less done than it was yesterday. “i think we need to go to the supermarket to get some food. we have seven people now, we won’t make it very long if we don’t.” haechan said. everyone nodded in approval. “how would we get there, though. we don’t have a car. a couple of us would have to go on foot, and try to make it back alive.” jisung spoke. another group nod of approval. “i’ll go.” jeno spoke. that’s when it hit you. the voice from last night. the one that hated your guts. “me too.” haechan said. “count me in.” renjun said, raising his hand. “anyone else want to go?” jaemin asked, looking at jisung, chenle, and you. “nope.” we all said, in unison. “okay, haechan, jeno, and renjun. be careful out there. we wish you the best of luck. bring everything you need. don’t forget the walkie talkies.” jaemin commanded. it was amazing how prepared these guys were for this. they had all the materials that they needed, and always had plans for different things.

»»—— ☠ ——««

now it was just you, jaemin, chenle, and jisung. you guys were all children on the inside, so you played truth or dare. you gotta have some type of fun during the apocalypse, right? “jaemin, truth or dare?” chenle asked the supposed leader. “truth.” he said. “hmmmm, what’s your biggest fear?” chenle asked, hesitating a bit. “definitely losing you guys, you’re all i have.” jaemin confessed. it was quiet for a few seconds, before jaemin said, “(y/n), truth or dare?” you weren’t expecting to get asked. but, here you are. you’re a coward, so you said, “truth.” it took jaemin a while to think. “do you feel safe with us?” he asked. before you could answer, jaemin’s walkie talkie started to go bonkers. “what do you want us to get, exactly? we’re not sure at all what we should get.” renjun spoke through the walkie. jaemin picked his walkie up. “just grab anything you can. we’ll eat what you get, it doesn’t really matter.” jaemin told the other man. “okay, thank you. see you guys soon.” renjun’s soothing voice said, turning off his walkie, making jaemin’s go static. “okay, anyways. do you?” jaemin looked at you, along with the other two. “y-yeah. i do. i feel a lot safer here than i did at my house. again, thank you.” you said, smiling at all of them. “i’m bored.” you heard chenle speak up. “let’s make a fort!” you suggested. “yeah!” jisung jumped up in excitement.

»»—— ☠ ——««

the fort you guys had made wasn’t the best thing. it had it’s perks, but you were all enjoying a game of uno inside. you guys were laughing a lot. and you were pretty sure that you were gaining a better friendship already. they were all very fun and outgoing people. you liked this side of them. the fun sides of people are always better. you get along with them very well, and you’re glad that they found you. you would be dead now if it weren’t for them. you owe your life to them. your uno game was suddenly interrupted by a very strategic knock at your door. jaemin quickly got up and let the other men in. they had very large bags full of food from what you could see from the fort. “god, are you guys five?” you heard jeno say, scoffing after. no one responded, but the mood in the room went down. it was no longer a happy mood. chenle and jisung were no longer smiling, along with yourself. you all got out of the fort and started to take it down. “hey, what are you doing? don’t let jeno influence your mood.” you heard renjun speak from the kitchen. but, it was taking up a lot of space in the living room, so you decided to take it down, explaining to renjun why.

it’s been a couple minutes since you had taken down your fort. the house was silent. “hey, jeno. what the fuck is your deal? why are you such an asshole recently?” you heard jaemin ask him broadly. “i have no idea what you’re talking about. am i not allowed to speak my opinion?” jeno stated loudly, but not quite yelling. “well, yeah. you’re allowed an opinion. but does it always have to be in such a nasty tone?” jaemin confronted the blonde man. jeno never responded. he just remained quiet, continuing to put the food away.

»»—— ☠ ——««

the guys getting food took longer than you had expected. it was now night time. and it was fairly dark outside. and rather quiet outside. everyone gradually made their way to the food, all eating what they needed, but not too much. the three that went out for food earlier seemed pretty exhausted. jaemin was rather quiet, as well. which was pretty unusual. you were scared to talk about anything, afraid to be attacked by jeno. he seemed to be extremely aggressive. at least when he talked. which was rare.

you started to make your way upstairs, and started to get comfy in your so called bed. it was another quiet night until you heard footsteps coming up. you were already prepared for what was about to come. you just knew that jeno didn’t like you invading his space, and probably wishes you were dead. he remained quiet, just laying down in his bed. that’s when you drifted to sleep.

»»—— ☠ ——««

it wasn’t long until you were awoken by some yelling. which was probably a bad idea, since the undead was probably attracted to sound and followed it. it sound like jaemin and someone else. you couldn’t quite point out who, though. you made your way to the door and slightly opened it, trying not to awaken jeno. you walked a couple steps down, and listened to the conversation. “we can’t just put her out on the street! that’s fucked!” you heard jaemin yell. “well she’s an issue! she never does anything and she’s always quiet!” you heard the other man yell. “i don’t care that you don’t like her, jeno! she’s apart of us now! she’s been here for two days. she might be scared to do anything!” jaemin was yelping at this point. “what if she never does anything, jaemin?!? she could be completely useless to us!” jeno boomed. “we could at least give her a chance!” jaemin yelled, ending the conversation. you heard someone start to come closer in your direction. you practically ran to your bed, and faked being asleep. you heard jeno walk in and he was swearing under his breath. he plopped down and you heard extremely aggressive breathing. you drifted to sleep after.

»»—— ☠ ——««

you woke up and made your way downstairs to see what everyone was doing. everything was quiet, once again, and you heard jaemin say “we have to go.”

part one | part two

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defendor-of-freedom · 4 years

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like when you decide to retire from tumblr but they confuse you with a pubert of 13:

https://defendor-of-freedom.tumblr.com/tagged/COME-HERE-TO-UNDERSTAND

recently (and to nobody surprise) they have infammed me again, I mean, it's not that I don't deserve it, but at least let me go to the bathroom for 2 minutes before calling me Nazi again!

in this case it was for the user. @ / bonnieschmonnie

link: https://bonnieschmonnie.tumblr.com/

So, let's see what he has to say about me.

image 1:

... excuse me, but who the are @ / nest-of-the-artist and @ / just-another-undertale-blog?

I know I said I had multi-accounts for each topic, but this is just ridiculous. because a)

it isnt nest-of-the-artist is eden-of-the-wise. the next one uses the zoom to be able to read better (and no, i dont edit the post, dont be so hardhead)

op: https://defendor-of-freedom.tumblr.com/post/188002673033/story-time-and-important-changes

b) Let's see, I know that respect is not your thing, but do you think im THAT silly? would you really believe that I would make a blog that was only about undertale after having openly said what I would do? Look, I'm going to tell you a secret, but dont tell anyone because it's secret my undertale blog is literally a blog like any other and I camouflage my undertale content with content from other fandoms, so, in this way, the posts that had me watched would be looking for a blog of only undertale and not a random blog.

pedophilia:

Listen kids, want to f*ck childrens is bad, don't do it.

Now seriously, I will say what I think of pedophilia.

If you are a pedophile, let me tell you, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM IN YOUR HEAD, wanting to f*ck a child is immoral, insane and totally repudiable, there is no coherent reason to justify pedophilia, so please, if you are a pedophile, go To the psychologist, seek help, you are not well, you are not a mentally healthy person. you're screwed.

Now, for others, DONT USE VIOLENCE AGAINST PEDOFILES, the pedophiles: Do they deserve jail (if they have committed the crime)? HELL YEAH! do they deserve to be locked in the asylum? HELL YEAH! Do you have to hit them with baseball bats? NO If a pederesta (a person who is sexually attracted to children but who has not yet committed the crime of pedophilia) sees an angry comunnity leaving a guy hospitalized for having photos of naked children, do you want to know what that pederesta will do? that pederesta will be scared and try to suppress what he feels, instead of seeking professional help. and the long wing will become a pressure cooker ready to explode at any time.

and now, about me: If my goal is to have pictures of minors for sexual purposes: there is google, you know? That very little known search engine? Maybe you've heard of him.

and if what I want is directly live action (for say it in some way): Where I live there is something called "schools" (maybe you could go to one), and in case you don't know, they are FULL of children. many children.

whatss easier? Contact minors on tumblr so i can get photos of them for sexual purposes or (even more improbably) to find us in real life? or go to google to the nearest school? Decisions, decisions.

this in the case that I like minors, but, being honest, the truth is that I consider it too disgusting. so no thanks.

next point:

I consider that your skin color, sexuality, gender or social class are not essential factors when judging your moral.

"No, you want the freedom of the people, what a facist person"

the Muslim religion is indifferent to me, isnt better or worse than other religions in the past, the truth is that its cultural and scientific contributions are undeniable, but its marked machism makes it somewhat unattractive to me. if you are muslim, but you arent machist or sexist, then good for you and my respects.

yep, I plead guilty to harassing the most readical sectors of tumblr, but my explanation is here:

https://defendor-of-freedom.tumblr.com/tagged/COME-HERE-TO-UNDERSTAND

nazis:

they are violent zero scientific evidence to support theyr points they are assholes

no, I don't like the Nazis, but that doesn't justify killing them, we don't live in the 14th century, there are prisons, you know?

If you have a penis but you feel like a woman, good for you, if you have a vagina and you feel like a man, good for you. live and let the rest live as they please.

thats just-another-undertale-blog, and again, i dont know that person

I won't even bother to see what the hell they were arguing about

kill people is bad, next point:

I think they fight for the wrong reasons at the wrong time. Before discussing whether a certain artist sexualized a character or not, we should first strive to ensure a better world (you know, Chile, North Korea, Hong Kong, Saudi Arabia, etc.) Then we will have time to discuss about draws and fiction.

again,

If you have a penis but you feel like a woman, good for you, if you have a vagina and you feel like a man, good for you. live and let the rest live as they please.

again, eden-of-the-wise. no nest-of-the-artist. No idea who the hell happened to call his blog like that.

I don't have enemies, I know about extremist people, but I don't consider them as enemies, but as mere political rivals. and I emphasize, the idea is to break the glass bells of the most radical sectors, such as: Nazis, KKK, who support the Chinese regime.

safe from what? of the opposite opinions? good luck with that.

Do you know what you do with all this? you lessen the impact of the true enemy every time you call a Nazi to someone who doesn't think like you, you reduce the image of threat people have of them the same with transphobia, Islamophobia, racism, etc. people, person, HUMAN BEINGS, of flesh and blood like you or me, ARE BEING KILLED, and you go and take their movement as an insult, YOU ARE NOT DIFFERENT FROM THE CHILDREN OF 8 YEARS THAT CALL ¨WHORE¨ TO ANYONE WITHOUT KNOWING THE CULTURAL CONTEXT AND WEIGHT OF THAT WORD. stop stealing the fight of others, stop taking such a threat as an insult I DON'T CARE IF YOU DO NOT RESPECT ME, BUT AT LEAST RESPECT THE FIGHT OF OTHERS, RESPECT THE TRANS, THE MUSLIMS AND ALL THOSE WHO FIGHT FOR THEIR RIGHTS.

god, what horrible world.

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tears-in-the-screendoor · 4 years

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i copied this to comment on pinterest and it wouldnt let me but im not letting it go to waste

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

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