In a world where reincarnation is common and expected, people stopped to care for a reason or how many times they already lived – they have no memory of their past life anymore.
But Lucas Lallemant can feel that this isn’t his first life, some shreds of his former life still present in his new one. He has this feeling that something from his past life tied him so much to it that he has to find it again in his new life.
Something. Or someone.
TW: mental health, death
Eliott had just grabbed the glasses for Lucas and himself as the shooting began. The glass fell from his hands, shattering onto the floor in thousand pieces but he didn’t care. Because there was only thought racing around in Eliott’s head right now:
Lucas, Lucas, Lucas.
He was immediately transported back to another situation with another shooting and the panic rising in his throat seemed to strangle him, preventing Eliott from breathing properly.
Now is not the time for a panic attack. Find Lucas, bring him out of here. Go.
His heart was beating painfully against his ribs as he started to make his way back towards the place where he left Lucas.
Well, at least he tried.
Hundreds of people were walking in the exact opposite direction of Eliott, making it difficult for him to even take one step after the other. They were slamming into him and screaming in panic and trying to get past Eliott towards to entrance. Eliott could feel his temper rising as he started to push the people out of his space, everything in him wanting to make sure that Lucas was okay.
He couldn’t fail another time. He would never forgive himself again if something would happen to Lucas just now.
The screams were getting louder, the panic thicker and Eliott went instantly after the shot into a crouch with all the others, his arms folded over his head to protect himself. As the first people were slowly rising again, tripping over their own feet to get out of here as fast as possible, Eliott started to run around, searching for a small boy with beautiful, blue eyes.
God, please let him be safe.
Eliott’s fear started to take over his whole body. He didn’t fear for himself, he was immortal, only a shot directly into his heart could kill him. But even if he would be mortal, he would fear way more for the other boy, for the love of his life.
He tried to scream over all the voices, over all the mess. He was starting to shake, driving his hands nervously through his hair while pulling at the strands, turning around himself to get some kind of orientation. He was standing in the middle of all the people pushing and running and trying desperately to get out of here.
Sweat was running down his back now, the fear making his vision blur.
He’s not here. He’s dead. He’s not here. He’s dead. He’s—
And suddenly, he was stumbling over something.
Not, not something.
“Fuck, Lucas, we need to get out of here.”
Eliott was falling down on his knees now, next to a shaking Lucas who was pressing his hands to his ears, his mouth opened in a silent scream and his cheeks wet from crying. He looked absolutely terrified.
Lucas didn’t even seem to realize that Eliott was next to him, so Eliott laid an arm around him and just pulled him up with all the strength he had left. Eliott dragged Lucas with him, hiding behind a corner now so they were out of sight for anyone. This seemed to rip Lucas out of his trance, his eyes darting around in panic and finally focusing on Eliott in the end.
“Eliott”, he breathed quietly and more tears were running down his cheeks now, something like relief in his expression, “I thought… I thought that—”
“Shhh, it’s okay”, Eliott said and just pulled Lucas to him, pressing the smaller boy to his chest. Lucas was burying his head into Eliott’s chest, still shaking uncontrollable and Eliott realized once again that this boy was his world and that he would do everything to keep him safe.
“Don’t leave me alone”, whispered Lucas now with a broken voice, his voice muffled by the fabric of Eliott’s suit. And Eliott only wrapped his arm tighter around Lucas.
“I’ll never leave you again. I promise.”
And he would hold this promise.
A collective scream erupted from the panicked crowd, Lucas jumping so much in Eliott’s arms that Eliott feared for Lucas’ health right now. The other boy was breathing too hard, nearly on the edge of hyperventilating.
They needed to get the fuck out of here.
Eliott’s eyes were scanning the room for any signs of an attacker, scanning the whole situation. But he couldn’t stay focused, his mind always wandering off.
Fuck, pull yourself together.
“Okay Lucas, we need to get out of here”, Eliott said now, lifting Lucas’ head by laying a finger on his chin. Lucas’ eyes were pressed close while he was apparently fighting with himself from the inside, still shaking so fucking much.
“Lucas, look at me.”
“I don’t wanna die here. I don’t—”
Lucas opened his eyes slowly now as Eliott said his name with a louder voice. Eliott looked straight into his eyes, holding his gaze and not taking it away for any second.
“Can you walk?”
Lucas only nodded.
“But… But the exit… it’s clogged”, said Lucas, his voice now breaking because he thought of all of this as hopeless. No one knew where the shooter currently was and the feeling of staying with this murderer in one room, especially with Lucas at his side, made Eliott sick. He took a deep breath. One, two. And then, his eyes found a door. A little door which maybe was their escape.
“Okay, Lucas. You see that door there? On three, we’re running to it as fast as we can, okay?”
Lucas started to shake his head. “Eliott, I cannot—”
“Oh, you can.”
Lucas blinked, breathing heavily for some seconds before finally nodding.
Eliott took Lucas by his hand, giving it an reassuring squeeze.
Eliott spotted someone on the floor, bleeding.
Somewhere, someone sobbed.
And Eliott ran as fast as his feet could carry him, never letting go of Lucas’ hand. These seconds, where everyone could see them and they were an easy target, were the longest seconds in Eliott’s immortal life.
Eliott and Lucas nearly slammed against the door with their bodies, Eliott fumbling for the doorknob before both of them were literally falling forward into darkness, Lucas landing on his knees while Eliott slammed the door shut behind them, locking it.
The sounds and the panic were suddenly all blocked out by the door between them and the only sound which could be heard was Eliott’s and Lucas’ heavy breathing. They were in some kind of hallway, Eliott looking around for an escape route.
Too many doors, too many possible wrong ways.
Eliott’s gaze landed on a window, moonlight spilling in through it into a pool on the floor where Lucas’ was still laying.
Lucas was staring into the void and before Eliott could think too much about what could have happened in these seconds where they were totally exposed to everyone, what could have happened in these fucking minutes where Lucas was sitting on that floor, crying, he kneeled down next to him.
“We’re not save yet”, he said quietly, trying to sound strong and all, “If we’re climbing through that window, we have a good chance of getting out of here.”
“My parents… Yann…”
“They are okay. Hey, Lucas. Look at me.”
Lucas was turning his head now, shaking it while tears were still spilling down his cheeks.
“I don’t know… I don’t know why my body is reacting that way. I don’t know—”
“Hey.” Eliott took his face now into both of his hands, holding it carefully as if Lucas could break any moment from now on, “Don’t worry about it, okay? We’re in this together and I will not leave you alone. I promise.”
Lucas was taking Eliott’s hand now, a smile fighting its way onto his face.
“Ready?”, asked Eliott after a while of them sitting in silence like that, just comforting the other one with their presence.
And after squeezing themselves through that tiny window, they were finally out of that house. They didn’t spend much time on their victory of getting out: Eliott took Lucas’ hand and they ran. They ran through the night, away from all of that, till Lucas was nearly collapsing, Eliott leaning against the wall of some random building while heavily breathing.
“I think we’re far enough away now”, Eliott said quietly while staring at the opposite brick wall, Lucas sliding down the wall next to him, crouching on the ground. Eliott sat down next to him, his head resting against the wall behind them and the adrenaline finally left his body, leaving him with a fucking tired feeling that made him shake.
“My parents and friends are save”, said Lucas suddenly out of nowhere, Eliott turning his head around to him. He didn’t even realize that Lucas took out his phone but something of the tension and fear seemed to leave the other boy’s body.
Lucas was safe.
And that was all that mattered.
“That’s good”, said Eliott, trying to smile for Lucas. But Lucas only looked at him with this big blue eyes, his face slightly swollen because of his tears.
“Thank you”, said Lucas after some moments passed, still looking at Eliott.
“It was the least I could do.”
“You could have just saved your own ass like all the others did.”
“And leaving you there, knowing that you’re alone? Never.”
Lucas watched Eliott for some more moments before suddenly resting his head onto Eliott’s shoulder. And now, a real smile could be seen on Eliott’s face, both of them still panting from their run through the darkness.
“Can I stay with you tonight? I don’t want to be alone.”
Eliott nearly jumped at these words, his heart surely beating way too fast. Lucas’ words were only a quiet whisper and someone else might not have gotten them. But Eliott understood every single word.
And Eliott smiled, his hand reaching for Lucas’ own before they were intervening their fingers, both of them just being happy and tired and still paralyzed with fear from an evening which started so good and ended in a horror scenario.
“Always”, whispered Eliott in the depth of night. And he could swear that Lucas was finally smiling again.
“Do you need something to sleep? A shirt or…?”
Lucas stood in the middle of Eliott’s room, rubbing his arms slowly while watching Eliott going to a cupboard. He was still slightly shaking, his mind racing with thoughts.
I could have been dead by now.
He could have been dead.
He came back.
He saved my life.
Lucas couldn’t form the right words to tell Eliott how thankful he was. And how glad he was that the other boy was okay. This night started so well, Lucas feeling alive and happy and absolutely good in the company of his friends and in the arms of his crush.
But it ended in an entirely different way.
Lucas asked himself for the thousandth time what this shooting was about. Who was supposed to be the target? But all that mattered now was that his parents were okay and his friends were save too. Lucas told all of them that he would spent the night at Eliott’s, feeling the most safe in his company right now.
Lucas jumped slightly as Eliott addressed him with a soft voice again. And Lucas only nodded, taking a deep breath to gather his thoughts and to pull himself out of that trance.
“A shirt would be nice, yes”, he said quietly and the feeling of being wrapped into the scent of Eliott for the whole night made him relax his shoulders a bit, the tension slowly fading away.
You’re okay. He’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.
“Here you go, biker boy”, said Eliott quietly while handing Lucas’ a shirt. Lucas would basically swim in this one but he didn’t plan on giving it back to Eliott anytime soon. Or at all. Lucas literally clutched it to his chest after he took it from Eliott, feeling the smile of Eliott on him while doing so.
“The bathroom is down the hallway the second door.”
“Thank you, Eliott”, said Lucas quietly and didn’t mean the shirt with it. But Eliott only nodded, brushing a strand of hair out of Lucas’ eyes.
“My pleasure, monsieur Lallemant.”
Eliott always managed to put a smile on Lucas’ face, no matter how fucking miserable he felt.
Lucas went into the bathroom, splashed some ice cold water into his face and looked at himself in the mirror. His big, blue eyes were swollen red, seeming too big for Lucas’ face right now and the horror of that night was still written all over his face. He could still hear the shots and the screams and—
Chill. It’s okay. You’re safe.
Eliott’s shirt was way too wide and Lucas kind of looked ridiculous in it, the shirt nearly going down to his knees. But because of that, he could only wear his boxers. He wrapped his arms around himself, trying to find some sort of comfort in wearing Eliott’s shirt and letting the scent of the other boy wrapping itself around Lucas.
Eliott froze as he saw Lucas in his shirt, some sparkles shining in his eyes as if Lucas would wear the most beautiful clothes in this world. Eliott was only wearing a shirt and boxers and Lucas’ gaze wandered from Eliott’s bare legs up to his face. He felt something stirring inside of him at the sight of Eliott being half-naked, his mind wandering off to a completely different place now.
“You’re looking cute in my clothes, it suits you.”
“I look ridiculous.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Where are you going?”, asked Lucas with a frown as he saw that Eliott gathered a pillow and a blanket.
“I’m taking the couch and you can take my bed. It’s no problem for me.”
“Eliott, no, I cannot—”
“It’s no problem for me Lucas, okay? And you clearly need some rest”, said Eliott and Lucas couldn’t believe how anyone could think of Eliott in some sort of negative way. He was literally an angel on earth and Lucas couldn’t believe that he found this boy in this lifetime and not in another.
Are you sure that this is the first lifetime together with him?
“If you need anything, I’ll just be done the hallway.”
Lucas nodded, Eliott dragging him out of his thoughts with that and before Lucas could open his mouth to say something else in this case, the other boy was gone and Lucas was alone. Standing in the middle of the room again for some seconds, Lucas finally crawled hesitantly into Eliott’s bed, burying his nose into the pillow of Eliott and taking a deep breath. The familiar and yet strange scent was filling up his sense, blocking out some of the unwanted thoughts. He snuggled into the blankets, closing his eyes and wondering, if he would ever fall asleep after all of this happened.
It only took some minutes till his mind finally seemed to rest.
“Lucas! Oh god, Lucas! Stay. Stay with me.”
Someone was holding him.
There was blood. Warm, thick blood.
He was in pain.
So much fucking pain.
“Please, don’t leave me. Not like this.”
Lucas tried to hold open his eyes, he really did. And he tried to fight. He could hear sirens in the distance, announcing that help would be there soon. But he didn’t know where he was nor what happened. He only knew that he was in pain and that he was not alone.
And that it would be over soon.
He promised to never leave Lucas alone.
“Lucas, look at me. Don’t close your eyes.”
He tried to.
He really did.
Someone screamed at him and he just wanted some fucking peace, some fucking rest. But something tied him to the living, something that he didn’t want to give up. Something worth fighting for.
He felt a hand on his cheek. His breathing slowed down.
“I will never forget you. And I will find you again. I promise.”
Lucas smiled. Sadly.
His heart stopped beating.
Lucas jolted up from his sleep, a scream fighting its up his throat but he could slam a hand over of his mouth before the scream actually erupted from him. Lucas looked around in panic, his heart beating way too fast and at first, he didn’t know where he was and what happened and how he got here.
But then, the memories kicked in.
It was a dream. Only a dream. You’re safe.
Lucas started to scan his body unconsciously for any wounds, the feeling of being in pain still so present that he couldn’t breath properly. But it really was just a dream, a nightmare nothing less and nothing more.
Since when do nightmares feel so fucking real?
For the next minutes, Lucas tried to calm down, he really did. He took deep breaths, he tried to think of happier times, he even closed his eyes and tried to sleep again. But whenever he did so, the fear of the former dream continuing made him restless.
Before Lucas could even think, he found himself on the hallway, walking silently on naked feet towards the living room. He didn’t want to be alone. He couldn’t be alone right now and he hated himself for being so weak at the moment.
But sometimes, the greatest strength was to admit your weakness.
When Lucas spotted Eliott on the couch, his breathing suddenly went kind of normal again. He was still surprised what an effect the other boy had on him, that he could nearly take away all of the bad feelings and turn them into positive ones or at least neutral ones.
And that was exactly what he needed right now.
He sneaked up to Eliott who laid with his back to him, a blanket careless thrown over him and wow, he was way too big for that couch, his feet dangling from the edge. The moonlight was spilling in through the window, making him look even more beautiful than he already was.
There wasn’t enough space at all for the two of them, there wasn’t even enough space for one.
But Lucas didn’t care.
Before he could overthink all of this, he was already climbing onto that couch, slowly sliding into the tiny, little space between the couch and Eliott’s body. He felt Eliott awakening with a jolt, opening his eyes sleepily.
His voice was hoarse and Lucas was afraid that Eliott would just tell him to get the fuck back to sleep.
“You cannot sleep?”
“Yeah”, whispered Lucas quietly, looking into Eliott’s eyes while literally being pressed to his body. He waited. Waited for Eliott to ask him for some kind of explanation why he couldn’t sleep or what happened or—
And suddenly, Eliott was wrapping his arms around Lucas, pulling him into his embrace and even closer to his own body.
Lucas felt safe.
The world might be cruel out there and there might be things Lucas couldn’t understand. And there also might be things Lucas would never forget, the pictures of tonight probably hunting him in his sleep forever.
But right then, in Eliott’s arms, feeling safe and loved… he nearly could forget all of this for some precious hours.
Lucas closed his eyes, snuggling into the warm body from Eliott and finally fell into a dreamless sleep, Eliott protecting him from the nightmares.
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