#pls pick me up. they’re talking about what we do to cope with shit we don’t talk about….

[miyseung]

𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐄

summary: you’ve gone missing, and your best friend chan has no other method of communication other than sending you voice notes.

genre: angst

includes: university au, minho is a thirdwheel/another best friend of you both, overdosing, attempted suicide, coma-ish situation, chan is a S-I-M-P, mentions of you both being drunk, mentions of weightloss and getting paler, chan is a majoring in music here, NOT proofread, lmk if i missed anything else

pairing: non idol! uni student! chan x uni student! fem! reader

a/n: i did this low effort thing bc i haven’t had the energy for anything else pls don’t let it flop i made a comeback i’m out of my blackpink era (/j blinks don’t come after me) (should I make a sequel) song lyrics: lost by (g)i-dle (english translation)

word count: 1K including song lyrics

taglist: @kflixnet

“Hey Y/N. You weren’t at university or your dorm today. Is everything okay? I know you’ve been stressing about…well, a lot, really-” sigh “yeah, so basically, I’m worried about you.” nervous laughter “Cause like, your roommate, Tzuyu told me you were in your room at night, but then you weren’t there when I came to pick you up. I hope you hear this. Take care.”

❝𝙄𝙛 𝙄 𝙝𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙨❞

“Y/N, it’s been three days. Everyone’s worried, especially me. I know you’ve talked about running away before, but…well, I didn’t think you were serious.” silence ”I hope you’re coming back soon, you know. Uni feels different and more empty without you. Take care.”

❝𝙒𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙄 𝙗𝙚 𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪?❞

“A week. I’ve been a bit busy, but I haven’t forgotten you at all. Where are you? I think the police are still searching. They better be, you’re too precious to me to lose.” deep breath “Come back, Y/N. Come back. Everyone’s asking me where you are, and I don’t know and they keep reminding me that you’re gone and everything is haunting me and-” sigh “I’m rambling again. Take care.”

❝𝘿𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙧𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙗𝙚𝙧 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙄 𝙙𝙤?❞

“Two weeks. You haven’t even seen my messages, let alone these voice notes, but they’re still delivered. Please, Y/N, this isn’t funny anymore- ignore the voice crack. No, I’m not crying. Like- I do care- um- about you…but I’m not crying. I miss you the most. I don’t have a study buddy now ever since you well…disappeared. Kinda falling behind on classes, but it’s fine. I’ll catch up.” weak giggle “Take care.”

❝𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙢 𝙣𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙨 𝙥𝙖𝙨𝙨 𝙗𝙮❞

“One month. Since you’re never going to hear these voice recordings, I might as well just say gibberish or odd confessions, hm?” weak laugh “They’ve given up. Your parents, the police…everyone, really. But I haven’t. I know you’re there – somewhere. I’ve been producing more songs to cope. You know how much I love doing that, I mean- it’s why I chose music as my major. Take care.”

❝𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙡𝙚𝙛𝙩, 𝙖𝙣𝙙, 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙯𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞𝙩❞

“Two months. You know, today I passed by a wishing well. I threw a coin, and guess what I wished for? I wished you back, Y/N. Come back, please. I’m not requesting you at this point, I’m begging. Everything’s become worse without you, or at least that’s what Minho says. He’s a bit wild, so I’m not believing him. Where are you, mm? I’ll come there, and I’ll meet you – even rescue you if necessary!” faint hmph “I miss you. I miss you loads. Take care.”

❝𝙄 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙝𝙤𝙡𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙣 𝙦𝙪𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙬𝙚𝙡𝙡 𝙖𝙩 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙥𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙩❞

“Five months. Since you don’t seem to have heard any of these, I guess I can really just say shit, huh? Well then, I love you. Like- you know- romantically.” nervous laugh “Yeah, cliche. Dumb move. Fuck, fuck, shouldn’t have done that- but it’s out and true- I guess. Ever since last year when we…ah, leave it. Take care.”

❝𝙄 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙖 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪❞

“Eight months. I love you. I love you. I love you, Y/N. Please, I need you back. Everything’s so dark without you. You know that you’re my driving force, right? Right? I need you here desperately.” sniffle “Y/N. Y/N. Please. I don’t- I don’t know how I can do this anymore.” whimper “I can’t- can’t lose you. Take care.”

❝𝙒𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪❞

“Ten months. Everything hurts. I don’t have the motivation to wake up in the morning, Y/N. Minho says that I’ve become thinner and paler. Other people are saying watered down versions of that. It all reminds me of you. I’m so tired, I don’t know why they suddenly care. Eh, whatever.” dull groan “Shit, I’m ranting again. Ignore it. Take care.”

❝𝙒𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙣'𝙩 𝙗𝙚 𝙩𝙤𝙜𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚❞

shaky breath “ Y/N, Y/N, please at least see my messages.” pained whimper “I can’t. I can’t. I need- need you. Badly. Fuck- I can’t bre-breathe.” rattling of pills in a bottle “I don’t want to live anymore. There’s no po-point.” quiet sob “You-You are my muse fo-for whatever I man…manage to…get out of my studio. I love you, I’ve loved you ever-ever since the day we drun-drunk made out.” sad giggle “Yeah, sounds cra-crazy, no?” swallowing sound, gulp “You’re coming back, right? Promise? You are, you are. I’m sure of it.” cursing under breath “Fuck, Minho’s here. Take care.”

❝𝙄 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙖 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪❞

“Can’t move on from you. I love you too much. I love you, Y/N, and I wish I had the guts to have said it to your face when you were with me. Will you miss me? Maybe you won’t. It’s been a year after all. You’ve probably forgotten about me, about what we had, and frankly speaking? I don’t blame you.” silence “You’re still alive there though, I’m sure of it. Eat well, sleep soundly, drink water, do whatever makes you happy, even if others discourage you, and even if it’s the police, and remember to love yourself as much as I do. I love you from the sun to Pluto and back, note that.” dry laugh “I’ll always have you engraved in my memory. You’ll forever be my first and last thought. Take care.”

❝𝙒𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪❞

“Hi Y/N. It’s me, Minho. I know I didn’t talk to you as much as Chan did-” annoyed sigh “I mean, he’s your bestie westie pookie wookie and all that shit, but like- I miss you too. There’s rumors about you being spotted around and you know that I don’t believe in a lot of gossip that goes throught the university grapevine – although I do love listening to it –” slight chuckle “I really want this rumor to be proven true. Make it happen, perform a miracle or something. You always disproved me in arguments, do it again.” silence “Chan, he…he’s in the hospital.” slightly muffled sob “I caught him overdosing on pills, which is what he was doing when he…when he sent you the tenth voice note. A month after that, he tried to kill himself, hence the eleventh one. That was like- three days ago. He’s still…still unconscious, but he’ll wake up soon, I hope. Come back Y/N. We all miss you, and Chan needs you. In his words, take care.”

❝𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙄 𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙠 𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠, 𝙮𝙤𝙪’𝙧𝙚 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚❞

#kpop #kpop bg #kpop fanfic #angst #stray kids #stray kids imagines #skz #bang chan #bang chan imagines #bang chan x reader #bang chan angst #K-pop x reader #fem reader #boy group imagines #boy group x reader #skz x reader #voice notes #lee know #mallow's oneshots #mallow’s works #kflixnet

[ariondevereux]

Okayy, I’m on my uni commute and by now I think we know that this is when my brain goes crazy over your ocs. Alsoo, my disclaimer of, if these ever get annoying do tell me!

Maya x Phoenix:

Soo, I was listening to ‘Darkside’ by Neoni and ‘Counting Losses’ by Chelan, and I was thinking that they fit Maya’s personality pretty well, Darkside because she’s very much aware of her personal demons and think she’s a bit unloveable because of it. And then Counting Losses because she’s falling for Phoenix, probably doesn’t want to imagine this amazing, beautiful future with him because of her own insecurities but also…being happy with him does seem like a dream, so she’s in a bit of a limbo.

Shiloh x Abby:

I’ve been fleshing out the BDSI characters, and I got to the angsty stage and began wondering what Shiloh would act like really stressed whilst in the deep crushing stage when it comes to Abby. Like, they’re on their quest to taking down the Order, they’ve gone through a whole load of brutal shit, all scared, but they’ve made it out alive so that’s the main thing?? And I imagined Mei picking up on Shiloh being all stressed and upset and literally bringing Shiloh’s phone to them to call Abby because she’s very much his safe place, & at this point, Shiloh’s spoken to themself about their crush on Abby enough and Mei’s realised that the best friend that visits all the time is a lot more than just special in a friend way.

Lorenz x Clary:

You have an L-mancer oc <3 (I did tell you I check your Pinterest like the news!) and they have the grumpy x sunshine trope, I’m screaming!! I found out that L very much has the personality they have because… tragic backstory & past trauma, so they mask it by being confident, making jokes, being flirty— that’s their coping mechanism; and flirting with Clary was definitely just a ‘let’s do something a little risky and fun, especially as I’m your initiate for the next week or so’ at first, and then it continued, and continued, until L fell into this rabbit hole of ‘oh shit, fuck, fuck, oh…’ when they realised flirting with Clary is a lot more than just ‘this is fun, I want to get a reaction out of her.’ And I feel like L is determined to keep it to themself and not say anything because if Clary’s the grumpy half of the grumpy x sunshine trope, then if she ever found out about this crush then L probably thinks it won’t end well, and if anything, they’d rather have Clary around as something if not a lover because they can’t ruin yet another thing and add it to their list of bad backstories. I was also listening to ‘overthinking’ by Bearcubs, narou and imagine L going on a really long car ride by themselves, and they’re literally overthinking and Clary comes to mind and it’s the only time in a long time that they’ve let themself be vulnerable.

HELSPEOKEJ I WAS SO HAPPY WHEN I GOT THIS ASK AND HAD A WHOLE ANSWER IN MY HEAD BUT I FORGOT TO ACTUALLY REPLY

okok pls your music taste is immaculate!! i listened to those songs a few times and they’re so good i loved them sm especially darkside omg it’s so accurate for maya!! tysm for sending them to me 🥹 literally every time you talk about her i can barely wrap my head around the fact that you legit think about her 😭😭

OK OMG SHILOH PLEASE HE’S BEEN IN MY HEAD A LOT LATELY like i always imagine him being a smooth flirt but when he actually catches Feelings he’s a whole mess 😩🫶🏼 and shiloh isn’t the only one who would be stressing over feelings 🤭 for abby, she would stress over shiloh’s flirty comments and in her head she’d be like “how much of it did he mean?” because she really likes him and she’s not gonna try to hide it when it gets to a point where it’s already so obvious that there’s something going on between them. but she wants to make sure that it isn’t all just empty flirting from shiloh because even though she knows better than anyone that her best friend is an amazing guy and would never play with her feelings like that, she’s scared it’s all one-sided and her heart would be broken. abby’s not judgmental i swear shiloh just means way too much to her 😔

AND MEI MY BEST GIRL SHE’S SO SMART <333 omgogmogmg imagine mei and abby hanging out and shiloh thinks to himself “my favorite girls” CRYINGGGGG ok but when shiloh calls abby but he’s not ready to confess he’d probably say some excuse like “you wanna come over? mei misses you” and abby just chuckles “tell her i miss her too” and then there’s that heavy silence because abby doesn’t wanna hang up because she likes hearing shiloh’s voice and shiloh really wants to see her but he’s scared that would give too much away even though it never scared him before to say it so he just clears his throat or whatever and softly asks “so… do you wanna come over?” unfghghhh THE PINING!!! my sustenance 😩

AND LISTEN you’re so powerful because i’m not actually big on the grumpy x sunshine trope but i just had to do it for lorenz and clary because it would be so fun to develop their relationship nddnejsk and it’s funny because clary’s face is the farthest thing from rbf so i imagine that’s the reason lorenz wasn’t intimidated at all to flirt with her at the start until she just gave him this unimpressed look like “has that ever worked for you?” and from that point on, lorenz tones it down a bit but he still flirts with her from time to time. then time passes and clary gradually develops a crush on him because she realizes “he’s not that bad…. 😳” and that he genuinely cares about her. and because of her feelings, she becomes hyperfixated on the difference of his flirting then and now and how he doesn’t flirt as boldly as he did at the start. like this bitch forgets that she literally acted hostile towards him during his early attempts at flirting but when she remembers, she realizes it’s probably the reason he may be acting cautious around her and like… lorenz doesn’t have to worry about ruining things with clary if he took it further and acted upon his feelings because it’s clary who’s gonna ask him out <333

#i love you sm thank you for these <333 #mila ✨ #shiloh x abby #lorenz x clary #nikka answers

[animatedtext]

requested by ar01basement

#glitter #gif #animatedtext #wordart #transparent #yes #hello #pls pick me up. they’re talking about what we do to cope with shit we don’t talk about…. #ar01basement

[saeyoungs-sunflower]

Ray’s AE Live Reactions

Right lads, I’m gonna do a daily commentary on Saeran’s AE because damn I gotta vent lol

I think it goes without saying, SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT! Long post ahead. And lot’s of screenshots (did not know there was an image limit on tumblr post lol had to whack the collaging app). A lot happened guys, and I have a lot of feelings.

Day 1!

First, a few initial thoughts

I forgot about the pure anxiety of picking the right chat choices lmao. This is not a game for over thinkers lemme tell ya

Really REALLY appreciated the current lack of 3am chat rooms lol. It went from 12am to 9am and it was GLORIOUS

Saeran is an absolute cherub and I will be watching him like a hawk

Now onto live reactions!

~

Well at least SEVENSTAR DRINK is thriving. It’s what he would have wanted.

~

Zen excuse me this is not your AE you cannot be this cute bACK OFF SIR

Big bro Zen has made another appearance. We do not deserve this man. STOP BEING CUTE

~

Look at this man. Look at this absolute fucking bean sprout look at him I just wanna rip my face off he’s so cute jfc

he also keeps calling everyone by their full name and i can’t handle it. every time he says ‘Jumin Han’ i want punch myself in the face he’s so. damn. precious.

~

Ummm Yoosung?? That’s my boyfriend thank you very much BACK OFF SIR

cough #Yooran4ever cough ah did you hear something? Nah me neither

~

SAERAN LMFAOOOOOO HE FUCKING SAID IT. Bean sprout is a savage bean sprout hot damn.

Zen I’m sorry my love but it was going to be said eventually.

~

what. the. FUCK. ARE YOU SHITTING ME? My jaw dropped like are you having a laugh?? what’s happening when did you turn all creepy and scary I mean look at that CG I hate it bring back the soft mint man I don’t trust this one 

#notmyjihyun

For real though I am baffled and afraid pls let this all get sorted out :(( now I'm worried for Saeyoung and V’s safety wtf wtf wtf

~

I’M GONNA CRY NO NO NO MY BBY THE TEARS ARE COMING I CANNOT COPE NOOOOOO

CHERITZ PLEASEEEE

HE’S HURT OH MY GOD HELP HIM

I actually want to scream

Sir that’s my emotional support hacker i need you not fucking do that

~

smiley face of death

~

i’ll tell you what Cheritz, you are incredible

i actually did giggle and yes i hate me for it too

~

GIVE THE CHERUB HIS BROTHER BACK😭😭

it’s not even been a full day and i’m already emotionally drained send help

~

and on today’s episode of ‘mc being thirsty for anyone but the person whose route your on’:

cheritz you do make me giggle

~

JUMIN🥺😭 ffs can you stop making the characters say nice things about me or be super cute to me in every chat/call because i will fall in love with them again and IT’S SAERAN’S TURN OKAY STOP IT

~

sorry everyone i will be stepping down from my position as Party Organiser to become mr chairman’s personal therapist thank you for your time

literally had one conversation with this guy and now he’s telling me all about his failed love life. you know what i respect it well done mr chairman for being open about your feelings.

~

Saeyoung, i have been waiting to save you for literal years and now your telling me not look for you? lmao as if

~

I could actually shed a tear.

I’m so proud of you baby, you tell her boo.

~

I am SCREAMING. V why you gotta absolutely decimate her like that?

Honestly though this chat was so uncomfortable. Something is just very off with these two (more than usual). Like it’s so eerie how casual and ‘normal’ they’re being i hate it here

~

IT’S ALRIGHT LADS VANDERWOOD IS HERE

We're counting on you Vandy pls don’t let us down

~

Okay, some general thoughts about day 1:

This suspense with Saeyoung is genuinely killing me. Like I NEED him to be okay in the end. The panic from his visual novel was so real. I actually can’t think about it too much without getting upset lmao

Seriously concerned about V’s character. I'm praying that they don’t villainise him and he can have a happy ending. Saeran got a happy ending in V’s ae, and it’ll be so upsetting if V doesn’t get the same from Saeran’s.

Rika is straight up pissing me off. I’m sorry to say it, but she is. I don’t know if I’m just moody today bc usually I can either just brush her off or find a way to sympathise for her (not excuse her actions, just make an effort to understand her) but today I just couldn’t do it. It’s not even like...genuine anger she’s just annoying me hahah (pretty sure I’m just hormonal or something, but we’ll see lol)

And if she brings up Saeran’s mother and tries to push the idea that she herself is like a mother to him I will personally twat her round the head.

Oh, or if she talks about Jumin again. I will protect my bois if it’s the last thing I do.

The call from Driver Kim was the only saving grace of the day. What a wholesome man.

Seeing V and Rika be all domestic and ‘normal’ in some chats/on the spaceship thing was...unsettling. It makes me even more concerned for V...

Basically, I am afraid of what’s going to happen next.

#mystic messenger spoilers #mysme spoilers #ray's after ending #ray's ae spoilers #saerans after ending #saerans ae spoilers

[cultofbeatles]

beginners guide to the beatles

 made one of these a long time ago but i'm surprised by how short it was. so here we go again. doing it right this time lol. 

pov: you told a bad joke and now the beatles are judging you. 

john winston lennon. later in his life known as john winston ono lennon. 

born on october 9, 1940 

i believe in astrology bc how does john just happen to be a libra 

when john was four he started living with his aunt mimi who acted more as his mother figure 

his mother, julia, remarried and would visit him quite a bit.

it was julia who taught john how to play banjo and piano. and she bought his first guitar.

they both had a deep love for music and rock n roll 

he never really thought of her as his mother but more as a cool friend i suppose 

aunt mimi was more rough on him and did the disciplining 

his father was never really present growing up and his uncle passed away when he was young 

he thought he was a curse for the men in his family 

he had five half siblings. two of them, julia and jacqueline, he was pretty close to. the other three he barely knew. 

fashion icon.

hated school but loved art 

very early on he was insecure with himself 

teachers always shit on him and said he would go nowhere in life 

he met paul at a church fete on july 6, 1957 

paul taught him how to play guitar properly.

once told paul that he didnt know how paul carried on after his mother died bc he just didn't think he could do it 

john’s mother died from being hit by an off duty policemen. john was seventeen at the time. 

 he took her death really hard and became a bit of a recluse. 

first serious relationship was with cynthia (we stan her) 

once cynthia cut her hair short and he didn't talk to her for two days. 

hate men. kill all men. 

when he asked her to dance at a party she turned him down saying that she was engaged, and so he said “well i didn't ask you to fucking marry me, did i?” 

slapped her once bc he was drunk and another boy was talking to her.

only time her hit her.

read cynthia’s books about john pls. i beg. 

once a psychic told him that he would be shot in the states.

founder of the beatles and also came up with the name.

instruments he could play: guitar, harmonica, rhythm guitar, banjo, keyboard, piano, saxophone, bass guitar, and a little drums. 

main songwriter in the beatles along with paul.

was more open minded to change in the beatles music. 

was insecure in his relationship with paul after a while bc he thought he only needed him for songwriting. 

would bitch about paul all day long but the second anyone else said something about him he’d be on their ass. 

had a lot of issues and needed a good hug. 

suffered from eating disorders, drug addictions, depression, insecurities, and questioned his sexuality bc of the time. 

was super open minded and ahead of his time in many instances. 

once he was called “the fat beatle” and after that he stopped eating as much.

truly loved his first son, julian lennon, and would buy him presents all the time bc he was excited to see him play with them.

“your famous ex husband”

he enjoyed playing monopoly. 

he once claimed that he saw a ufo.

he had written three books but he always wanted to write a children's book.

 the last song he ever performed in front of a live audience was “i saw her standing there.” with elton john.

he was afraid of the dark. 

found out later in his life that he was dyslexic. 

was also legally blind without glasses.

never could catch a break huh.

said that his best lyric ever was “all you need is love” i agree.

the first time yoko and john met was not at her art exhibit but actually when she approached him about giving away songs for free.

wanted to write a musical with paul. 

once a friend dared him to masturbate ten times in one day and he managed to do it nine times.

would hold circle jerks with paul and a few other friends. 

just dudes being dudes. 

went on a holiday with brian epstein, who was gay, and told some people afterward that they did certain sexual things. but we will never know for sure.

yoko says that john was bisexual.

once in an interview he said that he would of married a rich man or woman if he wasn't in the beatles. 

hated his voice on records. would always ask for effects on his voice for final recordings. 

made a film with yoko where it was just his penis going from flaccid to erect for fifteen minutes in slow motion. 

only beatle not to of become a vegetarian while he was alive. 

murdered on december 8, 1980.

gave his autograph earlier in the day to the man who would murder him.

died at the age of 40.

“all my loving” was played while he was at the hospital.

and its spooky bc a lot of times in interviews he would say “when i'm 40..” 

and it’s sad bc he was finally becoming who he truly wanted to be. 

honorable john moments that i love:

“thanks for the purpler hearts” he says while receiving the silver heart 

“you are the first person from liverpool that i've ever seen” “great”

eric lennon on my mind today 

this come together performance where he messed up the lyrics lol

that interview where paul was sick and john keep checking on him 

john lennon speaking nothing but facts 

when he said that he could see the beatles going separate ways but that they'd always come back together.

SHUT UP 

“shut up while he’s talking..”

this interview breaks my heart sometimes 

and this interview is great as well 

sir james paul mccartney 

born on june 18, 1942

if you ever have spare time just check out this man’s natal chart. 

idk how he’s still alive with his chart tbh. 

he has a younger brother named mike and a step sister named ruth. 

his dad thought he was the ugliest baby he’d ever seen when he was born. 

when he was young paul would kill frogs in a way to prepare himself for the war if he ever was drafted. 

the first instrument he ever learned to play was the trumpet.

I don't even want to list every instrument this man can play but trust me when I say it’s a lot.

but for the beatles he mainly did bass, vocals, and piano. sometimes playing the guitar and the drums.

the beatles was just paul moving really, really fast. 

he lost his mother when he was 14 due to surgery for breast cancer.

never really learned how to cope well with loss of a loved one tbh. 

had the cutest chubby cheeks as a kid tbh 

met john and was accepted into his band 

sometimes they'd ditch school together and either work on music or would visit art galleries.

went to paris with john and john bought him all the banana milkshakes that he wanted.

connected over their love and admiration for music, and bc they had both lost their mothers. 

had a girlfriend’s mom who he would make comb his leg hairs. 

was an ass to his first girlfriend.

kill all men again. 

almost had to marry his girlfriend dot bc she was pregnant, but she ended up losing the baby.

was the one who introduced george harrison to john.

practically despised pete best and stuart stutcliffe bc they were bringing the group down. 

got arrested along with pete best bc they lit a condom on fire in hamburg.

still felt awful and a little guilty when stuart died suddenly. 

main force behind the beatles imo. 

without him we’d have not as much beatles music as we do. 

was dating jane asher throughout majority of the sixties. 

when they first met they talked about syrup and paul fell in love.

they broke things off after she walked in on him sleeping with another woman though.

directed magical mystery tour and it was amazing and I don't care what anyone says ok?

when john divorced cynthia he was the only one not scared of john and went against his wishes of not speaking to cynthia.

was a little controlling at times. 

has a good heart though. 

mal evans had to drive him home once after a beatles sessions bc he was crying so hard. 

was talking about getting the band back to touring when john said he was leaving the group. 

everyone kind of turned against him when the beatles were breaking up and i hate it.

he just wanted what was best for the band.

married linda and had a nice little farm. 

we love that story.

linda i'm free thursday if you want to hang out pls.

started up the whole “no meat monday” thing where you don't eat monday on mondays

food meat. not the other kind of meat.

children: james mccartney, stella mccartney, heather mccartney, mary mccartney, and beatrice mccartney. 

rip martha. 

WINGS!! 

he lost linda in 1998 due to cancer.

 cried for a whole year bc of it.

still has dreams about john and says they're nice.

wrote a sad song about john called “here today.”

really loved john. like..he truly, genuinely did. 

want someone to love me like paul does john. 

“think of me every now and then old friend.”

honorable paul moments:

his story about george’s dad 

“john? he was beautiful. very beautiful.”

humpty dumpty rap 

another story about him and george.

his google search video that I watch every week 

this 

george harrison 

born: February 24, 1943 

or at least we think 

bc he use to say that his birthday was february 25, but later started saying it february 24. 

why can't we change our birthdays its not like we picked it 

he was the youngest child.

baby of the family and of the beatles awwww

two older brothers named harry and peter. one older sister named louise.

when george’s mom was pregnant with him she’d play sitar music.

his mom was super supportive of his career choice 

when he was 16 he worked as an electricians apprentice.

his dad kind of hoped he would start a family business out of it.

george said nah

would ride the bus opposite way of his house just to spend time with paul 

headbutted a kid bc he didn't think they were worthy of paul’s friendship 

was brought into the band bc of paul insisting to john 

would follow john around like a lost puppy when he first met him 

once had an eight hour erection. don't ask me how idk he said it.

was 17 when he lost his virginity and the other band members were in the room watching and cheered him when he finished 

most sex craved beatle tbh 

once walked into a girls dressing room and asked if they could stand there so he could masturbate 

he was the first beatle to go to america 

got a black eye for defending ringo once 

would make john and paul take turns sharing rooms with ringo when he first joined the band so that he felt more welcomed 

when ringo left during the white album and then came back george decorated the studio with flowers for him 

during the beatles first recording session he told george martin that he didn't like his tie

became a vegetarian at 22 

favorite candy was jelly beans and purple was his favorite color 

used the phrase “grotty” in the hard days night movie, hated it, but everyone else picked up on the slang 

met his first wife, pattie boyd, on the set of a hard days night 

was turned down by her at first 

they married in 1966

wouldn't let her do modeling stuff and was kind of an ass 

a stylish couple but not the best image for a healthy relationship 

got into eastern religion around 1965 

during the Hamburg days he would eat chicken on stage 

had an affair with ringo’s first wife maureen 

got a divorce from pattie in 1977

in 1978 he married olivia who he stayed with until his death and had one son with. dhani.

was the first beatle to hit a number one single and album. 

was buddies with led zeppelin

inspired their “rain song” 

smashed a piece of cake on john bonham’s head and then was thrown into the pool by him 

he financed and produced films. had a production company.

tom petty said that george never shut up once you started talking to him 

but he was often referred to as “the quiet beatle”

formed another band called the traveling wilburys

he’d answer questions online in the 2000′s and it’s the cutest thing ever and his answers break my heart too.

“what do you miss most about john lennon?” “john lennon.”

in 1999 a schizophrenic person broke into his house and stabbed him 40 times 

thank god olivia was there bc she was the only braincell in the room 

had to get a part of his lung taken out 

died november 29, 2001 from lung cancer 

ashes were scattered into the ganges river 

honorable george moments:

this interview he did with ringo 

“i'm sad bc i can't play guitars with john anymore. but i did that...i know we’ll meet again some day.”

when he invented reaction videos 

“the wind was blowing.” “..blowing my girl?”

“what kind of girl do you like?” “john’s wife.”

sir richard starkey aka ringo starr 

born on july 7, 1940 

oldest member in the group 

has no siblings 

naturally was left handed but his grandma thought it was bad luck so he writes right handed, and plays drums with a right handed kit 

but does everything else left handed

when he was 6 he fell into a two month coma 

was a very sick child 

when he was 13 he was in the hosiptal for tuberculosis and formed a hospital band 

grew up poor 

loves and looked up to his stepfather a lot 

his step father bought him his first drum kit in 1957

wasn't that great in school bc he missed so much of it from being so sick 

he worked for a britain railway for a while 

also served drinks on a day boat for a job 

loves dancing 

Rory storm and the hurricanes 

got his nickname from all the rings he would wear

replaced pete best as the beatles drummer 

dealt with people hating him for a bit bc they liked pete more 

had to style his hair in a bowl cut to be in the band and i'm still mad at them for making him do that shit 

ringo i'm so sorry 

george martin didn't really like his drumming and had a session drummer come in for the first album 

in 1964 he had tonsillitis, pharyngitis, and high fever all at once and had to be in the hospital for a bit.

was worried the beatles would replace him for good 

he’s a cancer don't worry

was the first beatle to try weed 

drummers always go first huh 

married his first wife, maureen, in 1965 

she kissed paul, ringo, and george.

what a champ

honeymoon was ruined by reporters 

was really insecure in his relationship and needed a lot of reassurance 

had a great relationship with pretty much all the beatles 

but a great one with john 

john felt his most relaxed when he was with ringo

was once in a movie with roger daltrey 

divorced maureen in 1975 

his wife now is barbara bach who he married in 1981 

had alcohol problems 

once gotten so drunk that he beat barbara so badly that he thought he killed her 

put himself into rehab after that 

barbara lowkey looks like jan from the office 

children: zak, lee, and jason

zak is the drummer for the band the who 

peace and love 

but don't send me fan mail anymore 

peace and love 

ringo starr and the allstar band (starting 1981)

was the narrator for thomas the tank engine 

will play at paul’s concerts sometimes now for fun 

mad bc he came on stage during paul’s last concert show and it was on my birthday and I couldn't go to it 

honorable ringo moments:

“do you want me to come with you?”

stupid barbara walters 

talking about paul 

giving us a little dance 

#hopefully this one is more better #took forever omfg #and its still not great #mad at myself #oh well #enjoy nothing #the beatles #the #beatles #the beatles moments #the beatles posts #John lennon #John #lennon #paul mccartney #paul #mccartney #ringo starr #ringo #starr #george harrison #george #harrison

[k-i-ssmyash]

Pls I would love to hear your analysis on why those mitski songs fit each iz boy (feel free to ignore this but if you'd like do tell bcs I think it is interesting B) )

Oh buddy you've made a mistake. You'd love to hear the analysis? Well I love to talk; I hope your ready for the absolute word vomit and rambling that's under the cut. But yeah, no, i'll never turn down asks like this! Interact with me! I'm but a simple, lonely tumblr hermit.

Let's start off with the first post containing Zim and referencing A Pearl. I tie this song in with his (fandom assumed) character development and how it effects both his mental state, Dib, and his ideology of the Irken Empire as a whole. In a way, I think a lot of us over-sympathize or find common ground with our alien and it prompts us to victimize him and excuse a lot of his actions. And for good reasons honestly? It's easy to do so consider that he was born under the rule of a tyrannical society where flaws are looked down upon. He does wrong but to him it's not exactly wrong, is it? It's unfair to judge him and scrutinize him the same way we do humans. The show is slap-stick at it's core and despite the grim and black-humor based undertones, not much is taken seriously. Although it often ends up in failure, everything he attempts to do is to better the empire, to receive recognition from the beings they hail to about the same degree as a deity. The long and short of it is that he wants to make the Tallest happy. To prove that he's worth their time and that he can live up to everything he dreamed he could be, but the truth is that he can't. He loves the people that hate him the most. It's an abusive relationship at it's finest, really. So he picks up the most unhealthy coping mechanism: Denial. He can't accept the fact that he's a fake invader, or that his Tallest weren't coming to Earth, because it would genuinely destroy him. And why wouldn't it? Pleasing his superiors and contributing to the hive-collective is encoded in him. It's all he's ever known. I specifically chose the given lines "(It's just that) I fell in love with a war and nobody told me it ended-" because that's the back-bone of Zim's character. You can take it both literally and metaphorically if you'd like. He's invader Zim. He likes being an invader because it gives him a purpose. The Tallest give him a fake mission and play into his delusion of doing good and being someone important (of being loved, even) and never truly hammer in the fact that he's exiled--not counting the unaired episode or the bit of commentary mumbled under the Tallests breath-- because they find the situation funny to an extent. (also, what gets me just in general with it is that Zim thinks that people like him but he's actually just one big joke and ow goddamn it my feelings) Main lyric(s) out of the way there I similarly associate the song to Zim's uh 'character redemption' so to say. I think he'd struggle to become accustomed to Earth and the fact that he doesn't have to rely on commands to live his life. I relate the line(s): "You're getting tired of me (and all of the things I don't talk about) / You love me so hard and I still can't sleep / It's not that I don't want you / It's not that I don't want your touch / There's a hole that you fill" With his relationship with Dib-- platonic, romantic, whatever-- and the general give and take of it all. He'd like to assimilate and believe in the freedom given by living on Earth. He wants it and in a way Dib provides the stability he needs there and it would be so, so, easy to give in to it. But he can't because the Empire continues to loom over him and his day-to-day life. As it's been proven, without Dib there to provoke Zim, the little alien falls into a depression, not unlike the one he fell into in Enter The Florpus when he saw the truth in his mission. Dib is his substitute, essentially. (there's something to be said with that relationship and how I view it but this is already dragging on and this is only the first analysis, so maybe another time.) And lastly, I'd like to think that the Pearl the song is eluding to can be compared to Zim's PAK. The whole 'Pearls are parasites that live inside of mollusks' bit can relate to the PAK and it's purpose. But I see it more in the sense that the PAK is the second brain, a computer memory drive that grants Zim access to the memories he can't bring himself to forget or delete. I.e., "And it left a pearl in my hand / And i roll it around every night just to watch it glow /

Every night, baby, that's where I go" Every time he takes a step forward, he takes two back because he just can't let go of what he knows (the Empire).

--- As for Dib and I Bet On Losing Dogs, well, it's a little more complicated and I'm still not entirely sure of my break-down here because there's so many layers to apply. Originally when I started messing around with this idea, it was going to be centered on Membrane "My baby, you're my baby, say it to me" and him loving Dib despite his flaws. And I still think it could apply. While Dadbrane doesn't support Dib's paranormal bull-shit, and he shouldn't considering the lengths Dib goes through to prove it (bus hoping, obsessive behavior, the fucking trench-coat) he does support and love his son despite the absentness. Hence the "I bet on losing dogs" and you know, Dadbrane just being there to pick him up and have his back when he really needs to. But then we get to the last line of the first verse. "Tell your baby that I'm your baby" To which Dib, in all of his edgy glory, decided to stick his big-head in to my thought process. I saw it as Dib wishing that Membrane would pick him over Science. Kind of a plea for attention? Like: Put your work away, I know you love it but you need to love me more. Dib has got to have the biggest hero-complex out of everyone in the show. He also has an inferiority-complex that compels him to try and prove himself. Quite frankly, and pun fully intended, he is the underdog. The odds are always against him and he almost never comes out victorious in the end, in that way, I feel like Dib himself is the loosing dog. His belief in the supernatural is the loosing dog. No one will ever believe him, "I bet on losing dogs / I know they're losing and I'll pay for my place" but he's too stubborn to give up. Even if he's mocked and ridiculed he would never stop trying to prove himself correct and would continue to stick to his guns. "I'll be there on their side / I'm losing by their side" He ostracizes himself from his peers by not letting belief go. He is purposely sabotaging his chance of being seen as someone other than the crazy kid.

That being said, the next line is where his Hero-complex comes back into play. "Where I'll be looking in their eyes when they're down" in Enter the Florpus, his sworn enemy was in a funk that he knew all too well. Sure, in the end he wanted to use Zim for his own gain, but before that he sympathized with him. And in a way, he possibly wouldn't know how to act if he ever did actually succeed? I couldn't help but think that Dib, who has always lost wouldn't feel like exposing Zim would be a win? He'd miss the fight. Dib would miss the struggle of being beaten down only to rise up when he finally gets some sort of substantial evidence: "I wanna feel it / I bet on losing dogs" he hopes that Zim will come up with something big and bad not because he wants him to win either, but because then Dib has something to fight against. Along with that, the one time Dib actually broke away from paranormal to go along with his father's wishes he was absolutely miserable. He was successful. He made his father happy, he could have made something out of his life but he couldn't; the appeal of Zim and their on-going stalemate was too much to resist-- "I always want you when I'm finally fine / Someone to watch me die" -- Dib is ruining himself by obsessing over the truth and Zim would be going down, right there with him. ahaha, that was a lot wasn't it? It probably didn't make sense either as it's just my personal rambling here, but I'd be interested to hear your thoughts and opinions on it all.

#smoke break #Ash Answers #invader zim #mitski

[vts-ship-and-let-ship]

"but forced therapy and institutionalization is bad and people shouldn’t be celebrating that." ok so should we just let them free to do whatever they want and continue sending death and rape threats to people? There's no way they would ever agree to therapy on their own, and if they need to be MADE to go and kept away from the internet then so be it, at least no one will have to suffer their harassment and threats. They're a fucking menace.

Therapy is supposed to help you gain coping mechanisms for your mental health issues, not a dumping grounds for people who do awful shit.

Forced Therapy won’t fucking help anyone and would make the problem worse get your head out of your ass, also don’t advocate for shit that causes medical abuse, to people who are mentally disabled. Thanks.

You’re on anon, so you’re not gonna engage with this in good faith, but hey I’ll bite.

You’re not advocating for healthy helpful therapeutic practices. And I’m sure @antis-delete-your-blogs-pls-thx would absolutely love to back me up on the fact, PEOPLE IN THERAPY DO NOT GET BETTER BY BEING FORCED!

PEOPLE IN THERAPY DO NOT GO TO THERAPY FOR OTHER PEOPLE’S BENEFIT!

DEMONIZING SOMEONE AS A REASON THEY SHOULD SEEK THERAPY IS A FUCKING ABLEIST THING!

Assuming there is something wrong with someone mentally because they send death threats and rape threats so they should go to therapy, is awful. I don’t know how to tell you that therapy, like seeing a doctor, is for dealing with your own issues.

No one being forced into therapy is going to come out “okay”. 9 times out of 10 it’ll reinforce their beliefs.

Ally didn’t fucking condone the rape and death threats. Ally pointed out that celebrating forced therapy is a fucking awful practice that’s lead to medical trauma and systematic abuse.

But hey you know, when you come into our inbox, when we’ve talked extensively about trauma and abuse, and you’re like, “oh well it’s deserved”.

I don’t know how to tell you that I would never trust you near mentally ill or neurodivergent people who might have intrusive thoughts or bad symptoms.

Also fun fact, did you know this is one of the most fucked up asks I’ve ever gotten in my inbox. I didn’t know how to react. Like. What do I say other than I hope to fucking god I never meet you in real life.

Your insistence that this is better for everyone else, is false, and also too fucking close to people who think it’s okay to,

Force “dangerous” mentally ill people into facilities.

Where they lose their rights as people and might as well live in prison for the rest of their lives.

Hey another fun fact, an abuse survivor with Schizophrenia can never leave a hospital because rather than work with her issues, they labelled her as unsalvageable after she went through horrible sexual, emotional and physical abuse from both her parents.

But you know, so long as we get rid of the “menaces”.

“We should let them” you’re not even fucking involved with their therapy, shut the fuck up. You have no idea what’s going on in their real life so you can’t make fucking judgement. Stop acting like a moral saviour and like you’re such hot shit, you don’t allow them to do shit, and if they didn’t get caught, you have very little to fucking stop them. There’s a fucking line to celebrating something that can end in mental trauma and acting like what they did was okay. You have black and white thinking buddy.

Get off my blog, or better yet, come off anon, I WILL BLOCK YOUR ASS MYSELF.

- Dragon

Sidenote: this is about an addition Ally made with some input on me, saying we shouldn’t celebrate IHPAZ’s forced therapy given their parents were willing to institutionalize them. And that it’s not the best course of action and even gave examples of what might actually happen as a result.

I answered because at first he was confused then hurt. I’d be much more polite if they were gonna act in good faith, but they’re not.

Honestly I’m tired of bad faith shit. I’m an angry call of rage, and as someone who has had a bad therapist, it ended up fucking me over. Therapy shouldn’t be forced onto someone, it’s literally about working through your issues and coping HEALTHILY. Ya can’t do that forced.

Ally is glad IHPAZ isn’t threatening people anymore.

Also this fucko completely ignored my addition that EXISTS ON THAT THREAD to cherry pick a single fucking line from Ally.

To then harass us over that line.

#heavy ableism #dragon speaks #anon #shitty anons to make dragon mad #ihpaz discourse #ihpaz tw #ihpaz

[vaguely-concerned]

I rewatched the mandalorian episode 8 and boy have I got feels for you

- lol gideon’s callouts to all of them though... you have ‘hey cara remember how we blew up your entire planet and killed your fellow soldiers’ and ‘hey din djarin yeah I know who you are lol the mysterious stranger thing doesn’t work on me remember how we apparently murdered a bunch of mandalorian children in one night’ (that’s how I’m taking ‘mandalorian recruits’ anyway) and then finally there’s just ‘greef karga. you’re really old enough to know better.’ 

- oh bb!din doesn’t cry at any point during the whole flashback :((( bb boy. he’s of course terrified but there are no tears. I’m guessing he’s in shock/dissociated the entire time. (probably also due to having a child actor but I think it makes a lot of sense in-universe too! to put on my trauma hat for a moment he’s always read to me as a combined freeze/flight type; he either dissociates or loses himself in work. I suppose he got started early) 

- the look on Papa Djarin’s (I mean I assume) face as tiny din reaches out for him and he knows he has to turn away and leave to save him :) exquisite burning agony

I still wonder so much what his parents did for a living. those red robes look almost like uniforms/religious garb to me or it might of course just be the fashion in this place, people in the background seem to be wearing similar things. 

- I LOVE the mando who saves him as a kid because that’s apparently the same actor who’s in the mando suit when it’s not pedro pascal or another stuntman (brendan wayne, I think it is?) so it gives this wonderful feeling that you get now where a lot of din’s body language and general bearing comes from but there’s also just enough difference that it’s clearly another person. with din there’s always this edge of reserve and a slight stiffness no matter how relaxed he is, and this guy has the same basic steadiness as him but seems a bit more open just from these few short shots. (there might be a little bit of character design in this as well -- din’s shoulder pauldrons are naturally uh ‘higher’ than this guy’s, who has smoother/flatter and more rounded shapes, giving the feeling of shoulders just slightly raised and relaxed down respectively)

it’s nice to see the mandos as a protective force even if they have the death watch symbol there to make you go ‘?!?!?!’, there wasn’t a lot of that in clone wars but it’s an ill wind and so on I guess 

- this confused jawa looking at the dead stormtroopers is everything. don’t worry you’re doing amazing sweetie

- the context for why din picks up the e-web (channeling the spirit of baze malbus, a man who also didn’t let the fact that his weapon was really meant to be mounted on a tank stop him :’) ) makes it even better: he sees that IG-11 has the baby and that he’s getting overwhelmed and he literally grabs the biggest gun he can find and goes to town to let him get away.  

- “I haven’t heard that name spoken since I was a child” ooof but also what are the logistics of that? I’m wondering if it might be the ‘Djarin’ part, if that’s his family name? maybe there hasn’t been a use for that among the mandos? surely someone has needed to call him by name somehow at some point in the last 30+ years lol

- one of the reasons gideon works so well as a villain is that he can get past the beskar. he knows exactly how to kill mandalorians because he’s done it before. he’s not only a huge threat emotionally -- he wants the baby and he’s done some fucked up shit to din’s culture -- he’s also one of the few people who can nullify the physical protection of our main boi in the helmet. and that scares me. because he’s my dad and I love him.

- I’m fairly sure din is properly unconscious for almost half a minute there. (which is very very bad. always go see a doctor if you lose consciousness after hitting your head if an IG unit with appropriate training and equipment is not on hand)   

- baby yoda passing out after doing one (admittedly spectacular) thing is a wholeass mood, #same buddy ilu 

- din is the first person to explicitly call the baby a foundling ;____;

- poor cara she’s already lost so much and her new bro is trying to convince her to let him throw himself on any sword made available to him. (I do love that neither she nor IG-11 buy mando’s bullshit for a moment here tho lol they’re openly saying they’ll take him with them anyway while he’s listening) 

- oh. oh din starting to jumble his words even as the gun remains rock steady in his hand is hitting me really hard this time. ow.

- I think the baby can sense din and IG coming (he gives a little sound right before they show up) 

- when cara checks in with him in the tunnel she touches her fingers to his chest so very lightly and he almost falls over backwards sdfaksdljhf

- well he definitely is trembling while picking up that helmet from the pile. so have fun knowing that with me 

it’s so messed up too because there’s not that many of them left; he’s all but guaranteed to have known every single one of them. 

- this image of him on his knees in front of this pile of the empty armor of the dead feels. I don’t know how to describe it but like a repeat. like he has been here before, this isn’t the first time and it’s hitting him all over again. (considering how things have been going for the mandos recently that might very well be true too. metaphorically this is essentially what’s going on in the background of the entire show, anyway. Friends I think mando Saw Some Shit during the night of a thousand tears or a similar event) 

maybe what gives me this feeling is how clearly he is in another time in some way during this part, before the armorer diagnoses him with Dad and brings him properly back. he’s trying to send them away with the baby, who’s like. basically the symbol of his will to live at this point. “I can’t leave it this way”, he can’t leave the dead behind and be alive, some part of him wants to stay with them. 

you can see this from how he talks about the baby too: in the scene where he’s hurt and trying to get them to leave he consistently calls him the child or the baby (not to mention the first foundling we get!) and focuses very specifically on keeping him safe. in this triggered state the baby briefly becomes it again and he doesn’t even mention him, he just tells them to take his ship and leave. in that moment all he wants to do is fight and probably die on behalf of those who are already gone. (I think bessel van der kolk has called PTSD ‘a profound loyalty to that which is lost’ or something like that. that rings very true to me here)  

the talk with the armorer is basically a very short debate between ol’ coping mechanism!din being like ‘hey I just remembered before all this I was doing my very best to work myself to an early and likely shallow grave, I should get back to that’ and Papa Wolf!din being like ‘except this is my son so we’re not doing that we’re gonna have to improvise something new on the fly here’. bless. 

(all of this is so subjective and probably me reading things into it that don’t really exist so don’t quote me on any of this but his anger at greef karga sounds to me like that of a younger, emotionally rawer man too, it’s so openly hurt and... active? I guess? these days when he gets angry he seems to tend more towards getting deathly quiet. then again this is one of the most genuinely upsetting things in the whole show so it could just be that)  

- hahahahahaha greef rests his hand on his gun before he follows them into the armorer’s workshop; it would seem he did not think it guaranteed either she or maybe especially mando wouldn’t try to shoot him  

- the way the armorer’s voice gains a brightness/warmth when she sees the child! the mandalorian ‘protect babies’ instinct in action haha, she’s like ‘oh this is why you did this bugfuck insane thing. perfectly reasonable, keep up the good work’.  the foundlings are the future is not just lip service it really is a central tenet of their culture even when it’s inconvenient 

there’s this sense that... in the face of his hurt she’s basically telling him to go be alive, to raise this child, to choose surviving and healing. I think she understands him very very well, I wonder how long they’ve known each other. (she had the mould for his signet ready <3)

- he sounds so crestfallen and lost when he asks if the baby is an enemy. and then she’s just fondly like ‘no it’s your son you absolute dummy’ and he’s like ‘...yeah I know’ 

- I. love that in these scenes he’s hurt (and not just physically) and other people are there to carry the baby until he can pick him up at the end fully as a father would.  

- I have talked about it before but I must restate how hilarious and endearing I find it that mando conscientiously leans the thing he tries to pry the boat loose with against the wall again while cara shoots the place up. one is never too busy to mind one’s manners. (this scene really showcases each of the characters too. greef: just keep fuckn pushing! mando: briefly kicks the thing with a growl then tries attacking the problem from a new angle. cara: GUN.) 

- oh the absolute sweetness of how IG says “And you will live”. there’s so much emotion in his droid voice there and all of it is peaceful and affectionate. I agree with din IG don’t goooooooo don’t leave us we need an adult

I keep whispering ‘pls someone think to shield the baby’s eyes’ through my tears in this scene, he didn’t need to see that happen D:

- I really need to repeat that despite what IG-11 says, he goes ahead with his plan anyway even though mando never satisfies his ‘programming’s’ demand. droid’s got free will and a huge big heart Y___________Y anyway... droid rights in the star wars universe when (...it would be very funny if din became embroiled in that fight somehow after this, oh how the turntables) 

- another continuity error: mando puts the jetpack on, then we get a shot of cara shooting and he’s standing there with it in his hands again haha. unless he realized he put it on upside down the first time around or something that seems unlikely. (he’s also lying in slightly different positions between cuts in the scene where IG-11 heals him, but that’s so small and subtle I don’t even really count it) 

- the jetpack scene is a beautiful encapsulation of din’s fighting style. he flails and gets jerked around a lot. he nearly blows himself up. I don’t think he’s fully in control of anything that whole time. and yet he gets the job done yet again. a disaster, but a glorious disaster still standing at the end of it all. one simply must stan. 

- a) I think din remembered how to take off better than he remembered how to land haha and b) BABY’S HAPPY LITTLE FACE WATCHING HIS DAD COME BACK DOWN c) THE BABY & MANDO MUSIC PLAYING WHEN DIN NOTICES THE BABY CLUTCHING HIS LEG *elmo surrounded by flames gif* (it’s a calmer/more grounded version of the same song that plays when they have that moment of connection right before the other mandos come to the rescue in ep 3 and also a few other times)

- baby’s joyful little trilling sound when his dad turns his head to check on him 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 and he strokes the cape with such contentment because it’s a safe familiar texture because this is his dAD (officially and legally too now, mandalorian-wise :’) im so happy)

- the unsympathetic comedy stormtroopers at the beginning could conceivably have survived (if not uh happily lol). if they become a recurring duo who show up and get more and more screwed every time I wouldn’t be mad haha

- I support these jawas in everything they do, I feel a great kinship with these lil goblins 

- anyway I love this show so much and I hope season 2 is good too and knows it holds my fragile heart in its hands 

#star wars #the mandalorian #meta #get ready to be rambled at haha #can I even tell how much sense I'm making anymore? no but I'm having a lot of fun #the mandalorian meta

[ghost-town-story]

Alright, who wants to hear about the story I made up on the fly during work that gave me a shit ton of plot revelations? 

Jk you don’t get a choice on whether or not I talk about it. I will, however, include a read more so you at least get a choice on whether or not to read it bc this gon be long and rambly lmao

(This is for Astral btw. I actually never said that in either post yet except for the tags)

Anywho! Onto the story/worldbuilding!

So today’s brainworm was basically about Jared and Will, freshly escaped from the mountains and new to the resistance. Will’s been slowly picking up the pieces of himself, finding his feet after the absolute shitshow of their escape. Jared.... Well, I’ve said before that he’s the king of avoidance lmao. So instead of confronting everything they just went through, he instead throws himself into training with Finn to distract himself from it. 

Now, at this point, Jared and Will don’t speak a word of Common (which.... I should give that an actual language name........ but I’m lazy lmao). They’re lucky in that, Jared’s a mage and their uncle taught him a translation spell as they were running, so at least they have that. But if anything, anything happens to Jared, they’re essentially stranded, surrounded by people they can’t understand, who can’t understand them. 

And then. One evening. Jared and Will are chilling around one of the fires, being pulled into the tiny circle that has so far just consisted of Finn and Rose and Ashe. And the translation spell sputters and dies. 

Cue mounting panic from Jared as his attempts to recast the spell fail, and Will’s confusion as Jared panics. Eventually they just duck away, muttering apologies in a language Finn and Rose don’t understand, to try and figure out what just happened. 

Now, it’d be a bit too extreme if the only people who a. thought to run from the mountains and b. successfully escaped are two 8-9-year-olds, so scattered throughout Astral are a handful of others from the mountains. Some of them have even joined the resistance, like Jared and Will have. 

Introducing take-no-shit-uncle character, who has absolutely no name yet bc this idea is literally at most 3 hours old as of when I started writing this lol. He’s from mmmm, the mid-to-southern Dragon Ridge, and knows vaguely of the two northern kids who stumbled into the resistance a while ago. But hey, apparently they know Common well enough, and they seem to be settling in just fine, so definitely don’t need to be his problem. 

Until Finn comes up to him saying “Hey, you’re from the Dragon Ridge, right? Can you help? Something’s wrong with Jared and Will.” 

Reluctant-uncle-mode activated. 

Meanwhile, Jared’s panicking, Will’s hella concerned, and reluctant-uncle-who-really-needs-a-name walks in, takes one look at them and goes *heavy sigh* “I should have known you kids weren’t that fluent in Common.” 

Five minutes later, reluctant-uncle comes to the conclusion that everything’s fine, Jared just has a lottle bit of magical exhaustion because he’s smol and gone from lowkey learning magic to highkey learning it and maintaining two translation spells at the same time. Reluctant-uncle says “Chill kid, you’ll be fine, I can do a translation spell for you for a while, but also seriously learn Common it’ll make your life hella easier.”  

Now, like I said before, Jared is bad at coping mechanisms. In addition to bottling things up and avoidance, since their parents’ deaths he’s adopted an attitude of “Fuck the authorities/adults, I’m gonna do everything on my own to protect Will”. Which. Child no. But anywho. Absolute stubborn bastard child tells reluctant-uncle “Fuck you, we don’t need your help.”  Will in the corner: “Yes we do stfu Jared.”  (cursing is me paraphrasing, they’re like 9 at most lmao)

And reluctant-uncle goes “Ok, be that way I guess” bc he takes no shit, not even from obviously traumatized, coping-badly children, and he leaves. 

Next day, Will tracks him down and goes “I’m so sorry, pls help can you teach me Common I promise I’m not as stubborn as Jared.” Reluctant-uncle is like “oh goddammit puppy eyes okay fine since you’re nice about it but your brother’s gonna have to apologize first before I agree to help him out.” 

Meanwhile, Jared’s been banned from training period until he’s recovered from his magical exhaustion. Which means no avoidance tactics for our avoidance king. Will’s off with reluctant-uncle, Finn’s training without Jared, Rose is.... I dunno doing whatever it is she did before the princess search group formed, and Jared doesn’t understand anything happening around him. Moral of the story: Jared’s suddenly hella isolated, and handles it badly. 

So, reckless impulsive child he is (who’s totally not bitter his brother is ditching him not at all), he notes that they’re not that far from the Dragon Ridge, and more importantly, not far from a specific mountain that needs to be named. So he packs a bag and slips away in the middle of the night, heading back for the mountains. 

~

Now, we’re gonna pause right there and do a little hop skip and a jump over to a worldbuilding/history/geography lesson. 

Geography first: Astral is split into two, the Eastern and Western Kingdoms. They’re split by the Dragon Ridge, a mountain range that runs the course of the country until they hit the southern desert. There’s three specific mountains of note here: Stormking (name subject to change now that I’m thinking about it) in the north, and two yet unnamed ones which shall be referred to as MM and SM for now (stands for Middle Mountain and Southern Mountain). 

Onto history and worldbuilding! (and time to go check my notes on the Celestials lmao)

So a longass time ago, there were just two races in Astral: the Celestials, and the dragons. They mostly ignored each other, because the Celestials are immortals while the dragons have a more human-like lifespan, so the Celestials didn’t want to bother with a race they saw as children, and the dragons decided to return the non-bothering favor. 

And then the humans arrived in Astral, so now there’s three races: the Celestials in the Western Kingdom (not its name then but semantics), the humans in the East, and the dragons sorta all over, but mostly concentrated in the Dragon Ridge, where they have their main roosts (more on that later). 

Due to similar lifespans, the humans and dragons ended up bonding a bunch. Until something (that is undecided bc again, this was all spitballed at work lmao) happens, causing a rift between the dragons and humans. Now they’re at each others throats (excluding those individuals who are like “..... but friends”), and the dragons are eventually driven back into the Dragon Ridge. 

At some point after the dragons retreat to the mountains, after long enough that the fighting has sorta been forgotten a bit, the Celestials leave Astral. Pandora, the queen at the time, is like “Yo so can we move into the Western Kingdom then?” The Celestials give no fucks, don’t realize the war between the humans and dragons, and go “sure whateves ain’t our problem” and yeet out. 

Humans expand into the Western Kingdom. Some decide to stay in the mountains instead while crossing. And so we get little villages popping up all over the mountains, including nearby Stormking, MM, and SM. 

Why are those three mountains so important? Bc they’re the dragons’ roosts. But hey, as long as the humans don’t realize that fact, they should be fine, right? Right??? 

Fast forward some time, and a villager stumbles up one of the three mountains. Or three villagers independently kinda do the same thing: They go partway up one of the dragons’ roosts, wishing for better weather, an easier winter, I dunno the type of kinda important kinda maybe petty can’t exactly be changed easily on your own sorta deal. And some of the dragons still remember stories about how they once got along, so being masters of elemental/weather magic, they help out the humans. 

Now, pattern recognition is one hell of a thing. So people go up to the roosts, ask for something that can be covered by the dragons’ skillsets, a sympathetic dragon helps out, rinse and repeat. Human asks for something beyond, dragon’s like “oh shit sorry no can do” Do you get where I’m going here? Yes? No? dw I’ll say it straight up lol Rinse and repeat for a few generations, mountain people start thinking “oh hey there’s gods in the mountains and they live on Stormking/MM/SM. They like to help out with weather stuff if you ask politely, not so much with other things tho” 

Cue certified dumbass from the lowlands going “Hey, that sounds like a Dragon” “No it’s not wtf you on about” “No that’s a dragon I’ll go prove it.”  And Certified Dumbass™ goes up one of the roosts (either SM or MM, not sure which but one of those two), and kills a dragon and brings back its scales to the village. 

Now, a detail that has actually been a thing for a while: dragon scales when taken from an unwilling dragon are hella cursed. Basically as a defense mechanism to stop them from being collected like our Certified Dumbass™ has just done. (How exactly are they cursed? Good question. Don’t have an answer other than people will avoid the fuck outta them if at all possible)

Now Certified Dumbass™ leaves the scales in the village and fucks off back to wherever he’s actually from, leaving the village to be cursed as fuck. So word spreads, not that their gods are actually dragons, but that some lowlander came in and apparently murdered a god or at least stole its trinkets and brought the gods’ wrath down on an innocent village, fuck that dude. 

Another repercussion: now the dragons are a lot more wary of people climbing their roosts. Yes, some of them are innocent and some are asking for help, but there was that one dude who murdered one of them, and can you blame them for protecting themselves? 

Rinse and repeat that scenario, and suddenly you have mountain communities who absolutely do not trust the lowlands further than they can be thrown (or less than that, even) because they keep angering their gods. And as more and more time goes on, the dragons trust less and less until even setting foot above a certain point on the roosts will result in almost immediate death, unless you happen to catch the attention of a particularly sympathetic dragon. 

Eventually, the dragons retreat to Stormking, which has been the least affected by all this bullshit so far because it’s in the far north. It’s bitterly cold on Stormking, and inexperienced lowlanders quickly realize they’re in over their heads trying to climb the mountain (like Everest, in regards to the fact you will get fucked by the weather if you’re unprepared). But the villagers still avoid MM and SM, because by now they know they’re risking death by climbing those mountains. (Same with Stormking, even if they were barely affected. Word travels, and the remains of the MM and SM roosts are bitter). 

Which pulls together my vague-ass mountains culture and gives it backstory and reasoning that I can get behind lol. Also explains the dragons’ history, and where Ragnor is coming from, even if he’s still a supreme asshole about it. 

~

Back to my dumbass tiny mountain boy, who decides to climb MM all by himself, because he is smol, stupidly reckless, and clinging to the scraps of his faith. Everything’s been ripped from him, even Will it feels like, but if the stories their mother told were true... Jared doesn’t even know what he’d do. But he feels like he can’t stay in the resistance, not while he’s unable to communicate and too prideful to ask for help. 

The second he realizes Jared is gone, Will enlists reluctant-uncle’s help in tracking him down. Because at least Will realizes that he’s not well-equipped to go trekking across the countryside on his own, much less after his reckless brother. 

But Jared has a head start and is a speedy lil boy and it’s a lot easier for one person to slip past the soldiers still in the Dragon Ridge, so he’s climbing MM before Will and reluctant-uncle have a chance to catch up with him. He makes it all the way up to the abandoned roost, though he doesn’t know that’s what it is, and calls out for something. Something, anything for him to cling to, that won’t be ripped away by fate. 

But the dragons are long gone, and wouldn’t have an answer for him even if they remained. 

Will and reluctant-uncle finally catch up to Jared, and reluctant-uncle just takes one look at Jared and scoops him up to carry him back down MM. 

Later as they’re huddled around a fire, Jared nursing frostbitten fingertips, he chatters out one question. “How long?”  Reluctant-uncle sighs, tosses some more wood on the fire, and nudges Jared closer to the flames. “Doesn’t matter. You’re alive, that’s what counts. You and Will.”  “But--” “You’re alive. The old gods may be dead, or might not give a damn, but somebody cares about you kid.”  Will nods in agreement.  “Worry about the living more than the dead, mkay?”  “... Okay.” 

*nudge nudge* *hiss* *nudge nudge nudge* *grumble grumble grumble* “Sorry for being a tiny dumbass. Can... can you teach me Common?”  “Sure thing kid.”

*years later*

“The old gods are dead or don’t care Mishal. They won’t help us. We have to save ourselves.”  “You’ve been in the lowlands for too long.”  “No. That’s a lesson I learned from the mountains themselves.” 

~

Fixing the mountains, the dragons, and Jared (and Will too a lil, but that’s like, minor compared to Jared’s issues). Holy shit that was a productive intended-for-fun storyline lol

If you’ve read this whole thing, have a cookie and my eternal love, gratitude, and devotion <3

#writing #worldbuilding #ramble ramble #the astral chronicles #i had. a lotta thoughts #now time to name all this shit i just came up with #rip me lmao #the astral chronicles: part 1

[queenk00k]

but what if we were pure gold all along? chapter 2

Summary:  Set immediately after the Season 1 finale. JJ finds a way to cope when he feels like he has no one, and finds someone unexpected to enable him.

READ THE PROLOGUE HERE

Chapter 2: the one where pogue promises are bullshit

NOTES: hi here’s the first proper chapter of my fic!!! pls let me know if you enjoy it or not & know that whilst i’m working on this, fic requests are open <3 

----------

“You mean she can’t hang out with us at all?” JJ asks Pope over cereal late the next morning. It feels almost insulting to John B to be doing something so irritatingly normal but hey, a boy’s gotta eat and he sure as shit won’t be getting breakfast at home.

“Nope. Parents got her on lockdown,” Pope answers solemnly. “They freaked out after the whole running from the cops thing. Not to mention, they’re not keen on Kie ending up like…” Pope trails off as JJ looks up at him sharply.

“They could still be alive man. We don’t know.”

JJ’s sure Pope looks at him with pity as he replies, “Maybe. But I mean, JJ, the Phantom in that storm…Shoupe said it himself, they took an open boat into a tropical depression. I just don’t see how they could still be a-alive.” Pope chokes on the word alive as if it were poison and he sucks in a deep breath as tears fall down his cheeks and JJ can’t take it anymore. He pushes back his chair, the metal legs scraping against the floorboards as JJ rises from the table abruptly.

“I’m going out,” he says as he feels the walls closing in and he just needs to get outside before its too overwhelming and goddamnit he’s sick of crying, will it stop sometime soon?

“JJ-“ Pope starts to rise from his chair but JJ waves a hand at him to sit back down, not looking directly at Pope in case, God forbid, he sees just how broken JJ feels.

“Nah man, it’s fine. I just need some weed. I’ll see you later.”

And with that, JJ makes his way out the front door alone, his feet heavy and his heart heavier still.

JJ’s been staying at Pope’s house for a week now and he can’t help but think he’s the only one struggling. He still hasn’t seen or spoken to Kie who, according to Pope, is still on strict lockdown, and Pope has thrown himself into studying and finding loopholes for other scholarships that would let him interview. This leaves JJ with not much to do but wander aimlessly, not going too far just in case his dad decides to come looking for him.

Pope joins him on the back porch one night where, despite strict orders from Heyward to not get up to any mischief in his house, JJ is surreptitiously pulling on a joint, the smoke curling outwards into the un-seasonally cool evening.  

“Mind if I take a hit?”

Lost in his thoughts, JJ jumps at the unexpected interruption. “Shit man, you scared me. Sorry, I know your dad said not to get up to anything but I just feel like garbage and –“

“Nah, I know. I get it. Pass it here,” Pope replies, sitting down next to JJ on the worn steps. JJ passes him the blunt, the corner of his eyes crinkling in a rare smile.

“Coming back to the dark side, are you?” After Pope’s outburst around the time John B and Sarah went missing, he vowed not to get like that again.

Pope coughed as he blew out the smoke. “Ha, no. I wanted to talk to you about something.”

JJ takes the used stub and crushes it under his boot. “Uh oh. That’s never good.”

“It’s fine. More than fine. They’re letting me interview for the scholarship position again.”

“You’re kidding. Bro, that’s awesome,” JJ replies sincerely, clapping his calloused hand on Pope’s shoulder. “I mean it. Good for you. How did you manage to convince them?’

Pope smiles at him. “I told them about John B and Sarah. They figured two friends going missing at sea counted as ‘extenuating circumstances’.”

“Extenuating?”

“Means they agree it was fucked up and they’re letting me off the hook.”

“Hmm. Well, that’s great man.” JJ smiles. “Why did you want to talk to me about it this way?”

Pope sighs. “I’m just preparing you. I’m gonna be pretty busy trying to figure out how to answer their questions. I wanted you to know now so you don’t think I’m trying to ditch you.”

JJ nods solemnly. “I appreciate it. Thanks.”

Pope stares at him for a moment. “Do you think your dad is gonna come looking for you?”

“I don’t think he’ll try anything with your dad around.” JJ scoffs. “I’m pretty sure he was always scared of him.”

Pope nods and before he gets a chance to reply, his phone lights up with a new text and he steals a glance. JJ is sure he looks happy about whatever it was.

“Hey, I gotta head out and pick my dad up. Are you good here?”

“Yeah man, I’ll see you later.”

Pope claps him on the back as he bounds down the steps and in the darkness, leaving JJ alone to battle with his conflicting emotions.

On one hand, he’s overjoyed at the prospect of at least one of them having a decent future, considering his was pretty shot to bits and he had no idea what Kie was thinking, but on the other hand…on the other hand, JJ couldn’t help but feel jealous and a little hurt that Pope had something else to focus on other than the fact that one of his best friends was dead.

JJ remains sitting outside for longer than he realises, contemplating rolling another joint to keep him company and scuffing his boot in the dirt, willing himself to stop feeling so fucking emotional all the time.

-----

After a while, JJ is brought out of his own head a second time as the sound of the front door closing causes him to jerk his head up.

JJ stands and makes his way through the back door, stopping abruptly when he realises he can hear Pope’s parents voices, but not Pope himself.

JJ gets the sinking feeling that Pope was lying to him, and he edges forward to make out what the hushed voices were arguing about.

“….and the longer he’s here, the more danger we’re putting our son in.”

“What do you suggest we do then? You know we can’t let him go back home. That boat was his father’s and I know what Luke is capable of. I’m worried for the boy.”

“He can’t stay here…”

“Last time I checked, Luke was scared shitless of me and-“

“You’re not 30 anymore baby, and he’s unpredictable - he could have a gun. JJ needs to leave, go into foster care or something, but he’s not staying here whilst we risk our family.”

A loud, resigned sigh. “Fine, I’ll talk to the boy.”

JJ’s heart races and he breathes heavily, nostrils flared and hands curled into fists. He turns slowly towards the back door, opening it quietly, praying that Pope’s parents don’t hear him leaving, their words echoing in his ears.

“…the longer he’s here, the more danger we’re putting our son in.”

“He can’t stay here…”

“…he needs to leave…”

JJ kicks the wheelbarrow as he crosses the yard, out of anger or fear he’s not quite sure, and ignores the searing pain in his foot. He was used to feeling like a burden, so why did this hurt so much? He wanted to be angry at Pope’s family, and he figured he was a little bit, but he also understood. He wouldn’t want to put Pope in any more danger than he already had.

JJ rounds the corner and runs straight into Pope, who has the decency to look a bit ashamed of himself. JJ can’t help himself as he narrows his eyes.

“Picking your dad up, huh? What were you really up to?”

Pope opens his mouth to stammer out a response but before he can come up with another excuse, JJ notices something in the glow of the street light.

JJ curses and moves Pope’s collar to reveal a dark purple bruise. Pope’s eyes widen as he steps back, faltering under JJ’s cool gaze.

“Is that a hickey?” JJ manages to ask through gritted teeth, his jaw clenching. “Have you been sneaking off to see Kiara?” JJ’s angry, sure, but he’s also hurt because why doesn’t Kiara want to see him and why is Pope lying to him and why does nobody want him?

Pope clears his throat. “I’m sorry man, we’ve just started going out and she needs me and-“

“You’re going out now?”

“I mean yeah, she did kiss me and everything and it just kind of escalated from there-“

“And what about ‘she needs me?’ What about me, bro? What happened to us Pogues sticking together?”

“JJ, I’m sorry man, Kie’s parents don’t want her seeing you and I don’t want her getting into any more trouble-“

JJ interrupts again as he shoves Pope away from him, his blue eyes icy as he struggles to contain his anger. “Yeah man, whatever, I get it.”

JJ stalks past Pope, muttering “unbelievable” under his breath and heading straight for his bike.

“JJ, please,” Pope starts but JJ holds up a hand to silence him, as he hops on his bike and speeds away without looking back.

Pogues don’t leave each other behind, huh? Bullshit, he thinks as he speeds away.

------

JJ finds his way to The Chateau without even thinking, almost as if muscle memory brought him here. He stops his bike out front and heads inside, smiling tersely at the fondness he feels for the place. When his own home wasn’t safe enough, which was often, he felt most at home here with his friends, stealing food from John B and crashing on the futon after keggers.

His throat burns at the thought of John B, at the thought of the Pogues, at the thought of the fact that Pope’s been screwing Kiara and lying to him about it and why the hell is that their priority right now?

JJ walks slowly down the hallway, noticing how the place has been completely trashed and stripped bare thanks to those square groupers and now the cops. God, all of that seems like centuries ago. How did they manage to end up here?

JJ barely makes it to the back of the house before a familiar voice makes him stop in his tracks and his blood run cold.

“Boy, if you’re in here I swear to God I’m going to kill you!”

JJ gulps.

Looks like dad came looking for me after all.

#pls be kind #i hope people actually read this lol #jj maybank #obx #outer banks #pope heyward #jj maybank fic #obx fic #outer banks fic

[starlight-writes-stuff]

‘light me up’ chapter three : haribos

a/n : ayo 😎here’s chapter three of ‘light me up’ (3.5 k wc) ! again , another chapter that i’m super proud of , so pls dont hesitate to tell me what you think . also , i got a request (requests are always open !!) to do an nsfw alphabet for draco - these take a while to write , so there might be a slight delay before chapter four . okay , love yall , xoxoxox starlight

reblogs are always appreciated ! <3

☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁

The common room was buzzing with noise and laughter as you pushed the heavy door open; everyone seemed to be looking forward to tomorrow's Quidditch match. The Gryffindor v. Slytherin matches were always especially intense.

You didn't know how to feel about the game. It's not like you were a part of the team, really- you were just a backup. You also knew that you were going to have to see Draco again, and you needed to shut down any and all emotion that came with that. Everything was even more complicated now that you’d seen Cedric again; you knew you should feel something. Some sort of sadness, or anger, or even relief. However, it seemed as if you’d sealed yourself off almost too perfectly; you couldn't feel a thing as you strolled over to your friends.

“How did that go?” Belle asked in a sweet, sympathetic voice. She pinched Rose’s arm as well, grabbing her attention.

You and Rose had been friends since early on in year 2, when she’d accidentally spilled her pumpkin juice on you. It had been a fast friendship from there; she was quick witted and sharp tongued and brutally honest, but a fiercely loyal friend. The three of you, Belle, Rose, and yourself had become an unbreakable trio since the, one rarely found without the others.

“It went alright. Cedric was really excited to hear that I made it on the team, though. You know, it was because of him that I even tried out.”

“I’m sure that made his day. He’s still proud of you, even if you aren't together. He’s a good guy, you know.” Rose said, blowing a piece of hair out of her eye. She’d cut her own bangs as the result of a bet a couple months ago- they looked great on her, like everything else did- but she complained about them constantly.

“Of course I know that. He still wants to try and be friends, and I think we’ll be able to. We were friends before we dated, anyway.” You forced a smile, knowing that you were lying. 

Belle sneakily took something out of her bag and her hand up to her lips, raising an eyebrow at you. Rose took something out of the plastic package, then tilted the top of the bag in your direction. Inside were a bag of gummies, but not ones that you recognised.

“What are these?” you asked her in a low voice, snaking your hand in the bag. Belle always seemed to have contraband foods. You took a couple of gummies out as she answered you, popping them in your mouth.

“I bring them from home. When I’m homesick, the taste takes me back for a bit,” she said, shrugging her shoulders.

Belle was muggle born on both sides, and loved her parents more than anything on the earth. Her mum, Linda, was a hairstylist, and her father, Alexander, was a chef for a fancy muggle restaurant. They were both completely supportive of their daughter, even if they didn’t quite understand who she was. Every year, before Belle came back to Hogwarts, her parents helped her pack up a trunk full of snacks from home. They were the ones who sent you and Rose christmas parcels, and had fought Dumbldore tooth and nail to let you stay with them over the holidays. The Brightstones were a kind family.

“They’re Haribos,” she said, watching you chew. They were good, fruity and chewy and sweet. You learned quickly that you were partial to the red ones, and found your hand making it’s way back to the satchel of bear-shaped candy. 

“Why are you feeling homesick?” you asked, remembering her earlier statement. Belle wasn’t anything like you in the way of not sharing her emotions- you’d once seen her having a deep heart-to-heart with one of the many paintings that lined the halls of Hogwarts. She was open and honest and vulnerable all the time, and wasn’t scared of her feelings; Belle always said that they made her stronger. You admired this about her, and you both knew it was one of the many reasons that you complimented each other so well.

Belle lowered her eyes to her lap, and a sad look took over her pretty face. “I don’t know. Sometimes I’ll smell a smell, and it takes me back to sitting at my dinner table, my dad bringing some dish out from the kitchen with a bright smile on his face. Or I see Rose’s braids, and it reminds me of my mum doing my hair the day we leave, before the train arrives. I just miss them a lot.”

You pulled her into your arms, running a hand down the length of her strawberry hair. “I’m sorry you’re missing home. I know it’s hard when you don’t have anything here to remind you of them, either. Have you been writing letters?”

“Yes. Mum tries to write at least once a week, but it’s not the same. It feels like Christmas is so far away,” she said, slumping into your shoulder.

“It’s not too far. It’s what, October? Only a month and a half. Plus, you have me, and Y/N. And Ron,” Rose said, poking her side. Belle’s cheeks pinked, and her frown twisted into a grin.

Ron and Belle had only been talking for a couple of weeks, but they were completely infatuated with each other. He walked her from class to class, and she snuck him her muggle sweets in the halls. They made each other happy, and you could tell she was feeling a little better just at the mention of his name. She had the sparkle in her eye that came with talking about him.

“He was really sweet, you know. He said he could tell that something was wrong, and he didn’t want me to be sad. He held my hand for the first time today.”

“Did he? That’s adorable.” You said, voice coming out only slightly monotone. You wanted to be happy for Belle- you wanted to let her talk all night and hope some of her joy rub off to you. 

She nodded, and flushed even darker, blood pooling in her cheeks. “All day, in between every class, and after dinner. I can’t wait to see him play tomorrow,” she mused, her tone dreamy. 

“I’m sure. I like the two of you together. He treats you almost as good as I do.”

You continued to talk with your group of friends until the fire was starting to dwindle, and everyone was yawning. From across the common room, you could hear Draco and his friends laughing about something, your heart picking up at the sound of his voice. This threw you; you’d felt nothing for the past few hours. You’d locked everything down. So what the hell was that? You berated yourself, smashing that little shard of hope into a million shiny pieces. You weren’t letting this happen. As Rose and Belle started to pack their things, you considered talking to them- telling them that you were doing it again. You zoned out completely, remembering what had happened last time.

☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁

The last time this had happened was around six months into you and Cedric dating. The two of you had gotten into a brutal argument and hadn’t talked in days. Usually, things like that wouldn't have affected you- you’d just flip the switch and turn off your feelings. You couldn't do that this time, though. It was your fault that the two of you were fighting in the first place, and you knew it.

When Cedric had asked you about your plans for the holidays, you’d shut down almost immediately. For some reason, you couldn't bring yourself to tell him that you’d be staying here, far away from your family. He’d called you on your shit, though, telling you that you were blocking him out. You knew that you were, and you knew that it hurt him when you did. However, your family was the one thing that you refused to talk to anyone about. You kept it under lock and key, inside a safe, inside a storage unit in your brain; one that you’d long forgotten the keycode to. Family was an off limits topic.

The two of you had just let the fight escalate until you were standing in the courtyard furiously whispering back and forth while snow fell gently on your heads. You accused Cedric of pushing you too far, and he retorted with the fact that you were putting your walls up. You thought multiple times about stopping; apologizing for the snipes you’d been taking at him and explaining why you didn’t want to talk about it. But that meant being vulnerable, and you weren’t going to do that.

Of course, the minute that Cedric had left for home, you wished that you had. He was leaving for two weeks with the two of you on bad terms- you hadn’t spoken to each other in days besides the terse ‘goodbye’ you'd exchanged just before the Hogwarts Express had pulled away. You knew that you had two options: you could feel awful for the entirety of winter break, even worse than you usually did around Christmas, or you could just… choose not to feel it. Choose to not feel anything at all, really. The choice hadn’t been hard.

It hadn’t lasted long, though. Rose had noticed the way you were acting on day one; how your laugh seemed to be hollow, lost somewhere in the back of your throat. It wasn’t the first time she’d seen you like this, and it wouldn’t be the last. Both of your friends suspected that your knack for dissociating from your emotions had to do with why you wouldn’t talk about your home situation. They were right, of course, buy you’d never tell them that. That would involve an explanation; you knew the minute you started to tell them what exactly was wrong with you, all your coping systems, the walls you had so carefully built to lock your feelings away would crumble and you would break completely.

Rose had let you be until day 3 of break, when she’d shaken you awake just as the sun had started to come up. You’d reached out, blindly smacking whatever you could make contact with, but Rose was hellbent on waking you up. Once she’d wrestled you out of your pajamas and into the massive jumper that Belle’s parents had sent for Christmas you had grabbed one of her shoulders, stilling the short haired girl’s rapid movements. 

“Rose, what are we doing?”

She shook her head and opened her trunk, pulling out a smaller purse that she’d brought from home. She opened the leather bag, checking for something, and did a happy wiggle as she found whatever it was. “Don't worry about it. Put some shoes on.”

An hour later, the two of you were tucked in Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop, warming your hands around ceramic mugs. Rose had gone to the Weasley twins last night, and somehow managed to bargain her way into having Fred sneak the two of you into Hogsmeade. Rose had already ordered lunch for the two of you when she had nudged you with her knee, catching your attention.

“What's going on, Y/NN?”

You knew that Rose bringing you here wasn’t a coincidence, or some sort of Christmas cheer. You’d just hoped that she wouldn’t bring up the elephant in the room. Rose didn’t do that, though. She was a blunt, point blank kind of girl, and she always had been. Even though it came from a place of love, Rose could be sharper than she meant to be. However, when she asked you what was wrong, her voice was soft and sympathetic.

“I really don't want to talk about this,” you explained, your voice tightly measured. “Okay? Lets just have a good time.”

Rose seemed to consider this for a minute, then slowly shook her head. “No. You’re letting go again, and I need you here- Belle and I both need you here.”

The statement tore through you- the raw pain in her voice was palpable and seemed to become a presence of its own in the small upholstered booth. You took a deep breath, trying to remain unscathed, but all was lost when a single tear dropped from the corner of Rose’s eye. She took a beat to wipe the small drop away and compose her thoughts before she spoke again.

“I understand hard things, Y/NN. I know that sometimes running away is the easiest option- trust me. But you can’t keep doing this. Not to yourself, not to me and Belle, not to Cedric. We love you more than anything; you need to learn to accept that love. You can’t keep pushing us away.”

You and Rose had sat in that small booth in the back for hours as you’d explained to her what had happened with Cedric, how you didn’t know if you could fix it. She’d listened as you put into words how scared you were of your own emotions- how they made you weak, and afraid, and exposed to the world. Rose had held you as you’d cried for the first time in years, purging all the fear and pain and hesitation from your system; she’d inadvertently forced you to start feeling.

When Cedric returned around a week later, you'd practically pounced on him as he exited the train. You’d wrapped him up in your arms, murmuring in his ear how sorry you were. He was taken aback but overjoyed by this- it was the best welcome home you could’ve given. The two of you had spent the night together for the first time that night, and he’d kissed you until your lips were sore. You’d allowed yourself to feel every bit of it. 

☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁  ☁

You zoned back in as Rose pinched your arm, hard. Both her and Belle wore confused, concerned expressions on their faces.

“What? Sorry. I was… spaced out. What’s up?”

The two girls looked at each other, then back at you. You knew that you’d chosen the worst time to lose yourself in your thoughts- they were both already worried. Finally, Belle gave you a small frown. “We’re going up to bed. Are you coming?”

The look on her face told you exactly what would happen if you followed the two girls upstairs- you’d be questioned, and you didn’t have the energy or mental capacity to lie. If you stayed down in the Common Room until they fell asleep, you wouldn't have to. In a split second decision, you shook your head. 

“I’m not tired yet. And I need to do my Dark Arts homework, anyway.” You tried your best to give them a convincing smile, but it didn't work. Both girls were obviously disappointed as they grabbed their things and took the stairs up and away from you. As you opened the thick textbook, you tried to tell yourself that you weren’t responsible for your friends emotions, that you were just doing what you needed to do for school. You were lying to yourself, but at least it was comforting.

You were halfway through your Dark Arts assignment when you heard footsteps coming up behind you. You figured it was Belle; she’d left one of her books lying on the table when she went to bed, and was likely coming to collect it. However, when you turned around, it was not Belle, or Rose, or anyone you would expect to come up and talk to you.

 You were met with a swish of platinum blonde hair and a pretty, pale skinned boy. You felt your cheeks heat up, and prayed it was too dark for Draco to notice as he hopped over the back of the couch you were sitting on, landing next to you.

“Hi.” he said, looking slightly embarrassed. “I was going to come talk to you earlier, but you were with your friends. I didn’t want to interrupt anything.”

“Oh. Hey,” you said, digging your nails into your palms. Draco was making it awfully hard for you to keep yourself in check. “What’s up?”

“Well, I just wanted to talk to you about tomorrow. Since it’s your first game on the team, and all.” 

You were simultaneously relieved and disappointed as the words left his mouth, and you carved your nails into your hand even harder. Of course he came to talk to you about Quidditch- what else would the two of you have to talk about? You would extinguish this flame you’d somehow developed for him, even if it meant you had to let people down in the process.

“Yeah, I was wondering how that goes. I know that I won’t play or anything, but-” 

Draco cut you off with a small laugh, and ran a hand through his hair, making it flop over his forehead. “It’s okay. That’s why I came over here- you don’t have to be nervous,” he explained, trying to ease you a bit. “It works a little differently for our back up players. You guys are welcome to sit in the stands, but you can also sit along the field, in case you’re needed quickly. Plus, you don’t have a uniform yet, so you can just wear whatever.”

You nodded at him, and took a handful of gummy candy. Belle had given you the remnants of the bag before you’d made her mad- she had plenty stashed away somewhere in the dormitories. You brought a hand up to your mouth and started to chew on the gummies, listening to Draco’s speech. It helped a bit; you could focus on the taste of the sweets, chewing and swallowing. You didn’t have to focus on him.

“Hey, what are those?” he asked, turning his head to the side to read the bag. 

You chewed quickly, and picked the bag up. “Belle gave them to me. They’re a muggle candy. Haribos.” As much as you wanted to keep to yourself, you also didn’t want to be rude to the boy. There was a fine balance between not allowing any feelings to permeate and being plain mean. You tilted the opening of the bag toward him hesitantly.

Draco looked slightly unnerved, but picked a couple out of the bag and threw them into his mouth. “Oh, wow,” he said, mouth full of candy, “those are good.”

The two of you talked about your new role for a little while longer, before Draco grinned at you, tipping more candy into his hand. “Are you excited for tomorrow?”

You didn’t know, but that didn’t seem like the right answer. “Yeah, of course.”

“It's going to be a good one,” Draco said, an evil smile painting his mouth. You tilted your head, and Draco started to explain.

“It’s no secret that Potter and I don't exactly get along” he mused, and his hatred for the boy was apparent just by the tone of Draco’s voice. “Anyway. Him and his mate Ron thought that it would be cute to play a little joke on me. It’s no big deal, though. I plan on driving him into the ground, as I always do.”

You swallowed hard, the look on his face sending shivers down your spine. All of a sudden, he looked like the dark, snarky asshole everyone painted him to be. This other side of him was oddly attractive.

“I’m sure that’ll be a sight,” you said, your voice coming out a little higher than usual.

“It usually is,” he said, a sly smirk on his lips. “You’ll be watching me, right?”

You felt yourself flush bright pink at the arch of his eyebrow, and when it became clear that Draco was waiting on an answer you nodded quickly. This seemed to please him, and you bit at the inside of your cheek. Clearly, trying to kill the flame that Draco had lit low in your belly wasn’t working in the slightest. You took a brief moment to wonder what would happen if you let it consume you, if you allowed yourself to go up in white-hot flames with him. But then you remembered the way you felt sitting in the Astronomy Tower, and you severed the thought in two. You’d rather go explain what was going on with you to Rose and Belle than to stay here, to let any sort of relationship start to bud.

Quickly, you flipped the conversation on its head- you weren’t doing this. You needed control, and you needed it now. “Shouldn’t you be going to bed, Draco? You need sleep if you want to beat Potter.”

Without giving him a chance to respond, you grabbed your bag from the floor and shouldered it, giving Draco one last look. The boy looked lost, but incredibly intrigued. Like he was trying to figure you out. Little did he know that no one had ever solved your puzzles, and no one ever would. 

“I’ll see you later, Malfoy.”

#harry #potter #harrypotter #harry potter #harrypotterfic #harry potter fic #draco #malfoy #dracomalfoy #draco malfoy #draco malfoy fic #dracomalfoyfic #fic #fanfic #hp #fanfiction #slytherin #slytherin fic #slytherinfic #new chapter #chapter #chapter three #chapter 3 #okay thats it for now (: #ily guys #starlight-writes-stuff

[tigsousa]

INTRODUCING TIGS… @gallagherintro​​

⌠ CHAY SUEDE, 22, CISMALE, HE/HIS ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, THIAGO “TIGS” SOUSA! according to their records, they’re a FIRST year, specializing in UNDECIDED; and they DID NOT go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (a shittier silver chain than connell’s, eDgY shirts with missing buttons, book rolled into back pocket, flipping everyone off, rolled cigarette tucked behind ear, bruised eyes or just bags?). when it’s the (aquarius)’s birthday on 20/01/1998, they always request their COCO POPS from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation.

INSPO:

liam gallagher

BIO

grew up in a pretty rough and dangerous neighbourhood in dc, filled with Street Rats

parents: irresponsible, violent, addicts, basically only kept him for the benefits. home life was pretty miserable where he picked up most of his traits and habits.

but at one point it got so bad, his grandma reported them and took him in. they served some time in jail. he doesn’t know what they’re up to now, doesn’t care to find out either.

no one’s perfect -- his dad obvs gets it from somewhere -- but his grandma's love doesn’t make him cry. 

but he was an ungrateful lil shit ! so after a big argument, he left her and ran away/taken to LANDAN with a gang of grifters he met on da streetz for some gigs and what he thought would be Big Money

street fights were a common occurrence re: snatch *mickey o’neil vc* i’ll fight ya for it … if dc is here he learned how to fight, london is where he learned to fight dirty

the gang began to pull cons on a Bigger Scale until they got caught ! he was a Big Coward and ran away … but was sent back to the u s of a with 0 money lol (was p traumatic actually! ppl got killed! it still haunts him!)

came back 2 grandma n said sry a bajillion times n they made up

gma works as a housekeeper for a big time politician fam in d.c. and would get a few smol jobs for him as a pool boy or whatever else rich ppl have

but then his gma got ill and they don’t have medical insurance or da money for treatment so he dropped outta school and continued 2 swindle, in d.c. or where the money was tbh

gd thing about d.c. is politicians and they have lots of money !!!

it felt weird to scam people by himself. he wasn’t used to working alone so he started off small: hung out in bars, targeted politicians. end up in a hotel - they paid for it. long story short he got enough ammo to blackmail them into giving him $$ or he’d sell photos/videos to journalists ... n we all know how homophobic politicians are :clown emoji:

newayz … one of the cons ended up being a trap (fffff). they knew about his lil tricks n wanted to use him so proposed a deal: they’d pay for his gma’s everything, put her in the best hosp, pay off debts, send him to a good school which would secure his future !! in return they wouldn’t hand him over 2 da popo, clear his record, but he’d work for them + blackmails their opponents to strong arm them into votes or w/e

obvs he said yes bc he luvs his gma ..

PERSONALITY

Edgy n Cockney

has a dog called amigo

eats cereal out of the box for breakfast lunch n dinna xx it’s vegan xx

talks rly slowly, super lazy, as if he’s high 25/8

had 2 grow up quick so he is Mature but wasn’t allowed/able to Process all of his Shit so acts out + has childish tendencies (shock!)

super selfish + looks out for himself First … soz it just how it be it’s nothing personal

prefers to ruin things on his own terms so he is unforch #TeamFuckThingsUp

likes breaking thangs, likes burning thangs, likes gettin into fites .. For Fun !

rly just does what he wants regardless of whether it hurts other ppl – doesn’t rly care abt right/wrong .. aloof/detached/boner 4 nihilism yada yada

maybe that’s due to him liking d.c. coke a lot … a coping mechanism<3 microdosing mostly<3

if u get over all of that lol then he has a Deep side n has a lot of thots (which will b hard for me but o well) can be caring etc.

anti govt, anti rich, fuck da system a la vincent cassel in la haine etc. etc.

surprisingly Smort, likes 2 read + retains info like a sponge, good at exams without rly trying, will happily take exams for $$

likes getting to know ppl tho not out of genuine interest but also won’t say shit about himself

everyone at gallagher is stupid smart n kinda show offy abt it … highkey grinds his gears because he rly hates rich ppl and the govt and will fight u on it

will rationalise himself being at gallagher by saying he’ll destroy the system from inside out !!! lol ye rite

prefers to sit at the back, blend into the background, do his own thing

never chases after anything so if he does be suss

big fan of documentaries - louis theroux daddy

CONNECTIONS

friends: prefers 2 b more lowkey, more of a small chill group of ~pals than big groups of dumbos re: bros chat.

ex-friends: gimme platonic heartbreak! he has a tendency 2 fucc things up on purpose and will not hesitate to burn bridges 2 hide in da smoke (deep)

flings: type to kick u out bc he sleeps better alone and won’t hit u up for at least a week … no hard feelings</3

ex-flings: no emosh capacity for a full on relationship but it could’ve ended for a lot of messy reasons !! makes me laff

exes? he doesn’t rly believe in monogamy i’m sry . probs would’ve messed ur chara around a bit :// or mb it could’ve been legit srs i o n o

fre/enemies: he just … has 0 loyalties tbh so

met ur match: someone who just runs circles around him + plays his game better than he does ! its Messy !

senator’s kids: ur chara’s parent the one who took tigs in! probs shud be a Baddie tho

i cleaned ur pool: mayhaps he was ur pool boy one (1) summer + stole some of ur shit, maybe they got along, maybe they hate each other

pot head gang: talking about conspiracy theories on da rooftop at 2am pls ty

anti-painkiller: someone who is feeling shitty so hits him up to feel even worse . this cud become soft tbh . extra Spice if she wants 2 keep it a secret

underlined the good bits: based on dis lil nugget but instead of saving mankind make it taking down the government lol or a lil discussion or legit anythinnnn :-) bonus points if they dk each other :-)

why didn’t u ask me to stick around?: *peyton sawyer vc* erry1 alwayz leaves … n so did he !

the worst best partner: they were forced 2 partner up together but they rly rile each other up but lowkey werk well together and got a smashing grade ! he doesn’t care abt grades so probs someone who is a Show Off so he gets Aggro

if any of these fit ur chara/u vibin wit em, holla + we can go from there: uno, two, three, three and a half, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten point five, and most importantly: ot3 !!!!! and another one

#gallagher:intro #joining the 'pretend he looks less angry in this gif' gang #benefit of letting this sit for months is comin up wit actual connections uwu #idk wat im doin

[getinthefunvee]

// hey lovelies. i wasn’t around yesterday (well, a bit in the morning while you were all snoozing) because i was really wrung out. have some fun chatter about my disability and summer below the readmore. it’s going to become relevant to how active i am on here when it’s really really warm out. aka ‘wtf is EB, ari, and why tf won’t you shut up about it?’

figured this was better than clogging everyone’s dash. yesterday was the first properly warm day, and i could sort of feel my soul leave my body for the summer lol. on top of my usual mental ish (major depressive disorder; anxiety; mild ?ptsd) and neurodivergent ish (ADD, huge huge introvert living in a uniquely extroverted microcosm), i have a genetic condition called EB (epidermolysis bullosa)--don’t google it unless you want to skrem, i’m ‘lucky’ in that i have a milder version of it, so i look ‘normal’ to most people (having an invisible disability is its own special hell) but my skin is super fragile, and the summer heat makes it worse. folx with EB tend to burn through nutrients faster, so we’re always exhausted (similar to folx with chronic fatigue syndrome, with varying severity). like we are always soul-deep tired. EB basically means the connective tissue in our skin doesn’t work right, so our skin looks normal, but it’s extremely delicate--even slight friction can cause a scrape or tear, any sustained friction (think bra strap, waistband of your jeans, shoes) causes blisters. there are degrees of severity, from ‘sometimes i get a blister’ to ‘blisters on inside of throat’ hellishness; i fall on the most severe end of the least severe variety, so i don’t get skin damage from stuff like shaking someone’s hand, but i can rub my skin raw from just using the wrong kind of towel or get cuts trying to peel a clove of garlic with a particularly tough husk. 

but back to the blisters! skip this para if you’re squicked by skin. you know the worst shoes you ever wore in your life, the ones that gave you horrific open blisters? that’s me, in any (or no) shoes, with padding/bandages. it means that sometimes, i can’t walk half a block without my feet being wrecked. it means i always have cuts and raw patches on my hands, and it means i’m super self-conscious about the scratch/scab looking wounds that i’ll get on my shoulders or chest or face from just like. using a towel. :/ they’re small enough that it looks like i’ve picked a spot (nice 9.9) which just makes me feel self-conscious because, yeah, it’s not a good Look. 

so summer is extra horrible because 1) feet are constantly wrecked; 2) walking even short distances is physically exhausting; 3) i’m even more exhausted than my usual horrible exhaustion; 4) the pain and anxiety trigger reverse seasonal affective disorder (yup, ‘summer SAD’ is a thing!); 5) public transport here doesn’t have a/c, so it can literally be over 100F in a bus with no open windows, crammed full of people, and nobody will give up their seat because i don’t ‘look’ disabled; 6) summer = tank tops & shorts/skirts, which means more of my wounds/scabs are visible, and i can either cover them in 10,000 bandaids--which, btw, rip EB skin when you try to take them off, super fun--or leave them out and people stare, but not wearing cool clothes = 7) overheating. apparently i’m one of the lucky folx with EB who also don’t sweat enough, which sounds like it’d be a great thing?? but instead i just overheat like a dog trapped in a locked car.

if all of that wasn’t enough, i also have endometriosis and mild hypothyroid, and as an added bonus, the number of genuine external stressors is so severe that even my therapist doesn’t understand how i haven’t had a full-on breakdown. GOOD STUFF.

wow this got long. you’re still with me? i love u.

so very, very tl;dr but here are the things you can help me with during the long horrible summer months of eternal suffer-tude:

1) be gentle with me. 2) be patient with me.  3) if you can, try not to insta-reply the second i post a reply--maybe, idk, stick it in a queue or post it a few hours or more later? it’s ok if you can’t, but it can help alleviate my ‘not replying fast enough, not good enough’ anxiety a little. 4) please don’t try to ‘fix’ things or give me advice; i genuinely love you for the intention, but this stuff is chronic. and i have better days/weeks/months! and once the external (read: financial) stressors back off, if they ever do, it’ll be a lot easier for me to cope. 5) do feel free to send me affection, positivity, cute animals, etc <3 6) pls don’t feel sorry for me; again, i totally get the intention, but i can’t feel sorry for me, i just gotta keep on keepin’ on, yeah? 7) if i don’t instantly reply to DMs/disco convos, please don’t repeatedly ping me. i know i project extroversion, but very often i just don’t have the spoons for this. giving me a poke once a day is ok! just know that if i don’t respond right away, it’s not because i don’t love you/want to interact, it’s often because i’m just trying to function that day. 8) like honestly another thing that would help would be money 8) because the current situation is such that we’re worried about shit like the utilities being turned off, being able to afford food, etc. this isn’t something i’d ever wanted to ask for, but if you’re sitting there like ‘wow what would help’ it’s money, so like. my ko-fi is arieila <3 but please know that just wanting to interact with me is doing me plenty of good and all you can really do.

tl;dr part 2: one day i’ll move to a climate where it’s cold all year ‘round and i’ll be so much healthier.

thank you for coming to my hot mess ted talk.

#|| wow this got long #|| discussion of mental health stuff (not too heavy) and disability stuff (heavier) #|| file under: how to care for an ari #❮ ▽ ❯ out of coffee

[jcmorgenstern]

I finally watched 3x19 and I'm sorry but this was the dealbreaker for me. I tried to be openminded about the show twinning Clary to Jonathan but this episode just highlighted why that was a shit decision and 3x20 looks so anticlimactic I want to cry. Magnus had no agency in his storyline. Maia's storyline revolved around her shitperson ex. The heavenly fire was embarrassingly stupid (but blacksmith Izzy was hot af). Dark Clary and Jonathan are fucking flops. I'm out, friend.

I’m so sorry you feel that way, nonnie. If it makes you feel any better, I think everyone kind of feels like they’re clutching at scraps. And like, I feel for the individual writers because tbh they’re all like…one-shot writers under a lot of stress and pressure and are doing their best, but…the season really didn’t come together for me either, mostly for the reasons you’ve said. I don’t know what kind of constraints todd and darren were under, so I understand it’s possible a lot of stuff was going on behind the scenes we didn’t know about, but I’m kind of disappointed with how they chose to organize the season.

I have to admit, I never liked the clary/jonathan bond from the get-go, (honestly i was morose for weeks and bitched about it so much my coworkers at the lab were like SHUT THE FUCK UPPPP about your stupid tv show) mostly because it tripped off so many consent issues for me. like, tbqh, if I wanted to see a man feel entitled to a woman literally all I have to do is go outside. so if they were going to do it, I expected some MAJOR rennovations but…they really didn’t, so far. I like what Kat and Luke brought to it but….the seb/jace bond was already on Thin Fucking Ice as far as “fundamental consent issues” go, but like in canon he doesn’t really have THAT much interest in Jace (esp sexually) so like….you can dance around it in fic. but the way they’ve chosen to romanticize jonathan’s obsession and entitlement to his…sister… is….really just not very enjoyable?

And like yall. you know I enjoy a good bit of sebclace/morgencest but like….not like this, where it kind of feels the writers kiiiiind of don’t give a shit about consent at all, or didn’t really make an attempt to work it through (or really even think about it lol). This is doubled when you look at the Maia/Jordan plotline where like….ok if this was a beautifully written slice of life character study (10 episodes per season, 1.5 hours each) I could see them delving into the realism of Maia kind of getting back with Jordan only to realize he’s bad news. but like. the show is not beautifully written, they don’t have the time or space to delve into a complex issue in a meaningful way, so really it just comes across as romanticizing a shitty/abusive ex. Which…again. Not ideal.

The club scenes were fun but honestly (and yall know how little I say this), it really nailed home how fucking good the first half of COLS really was in terms of,,,,intrigue and this fun romp through Europe with these dark undertones and honestly the show felt a bit cartoonish? Like take it from someone who writes a lot of bad fanfiction….it felt like bad fanfiction. bad fanfiction with HUGE and glaring consent issues lolololololololololol

and like I’ve talked about both these things with @neenwolf a lot and…what she said and I agree with wholly is that…even if they have maia curb stomp Jordan (they won’t, he’s going to die tragically so she can suffer more), they still made her ENTIRE storyline about ….dudes, specially her shitty ex so like….no? They marketed this as “maia gets the pack and becomes alpha and shows people who’s boss” but that….never happens at all and it’s. a little embittering. (Very. embittering). and like she’s got the Good Thoughts so Nina if you wanna add more pls do

Honestly tho…re:3x20. if there’s anything I’ve learned about this show is that they SUCK at cutting trailers so like…idk. I’m expecting a little more than the trailer, but at the end of the day…3a’s finale feel VERY flat for me so I’m expecting more of the same. We know Jonathan does a villainous face-heel turn so ……it’s gonna be junk, from my point of view, and like all the other threads I enjoy are kind of shit rn so like…..can we not???

And I’ve been thinking about Magnus more and….I think my big problem there was that he wasn’t really working through his issues or even grappling with what had happened to him, he was just….kind of used as a shipping prop. and I get why it happened–they wanted to replicate the success of 2x18, but didn’t realize this is…a very different scenario and that people actually cared about what’s happening with magnus (sleeping for 15 hours? coping with alcohol? breaking down in front of alec and feeling ashamed of it? feeling so unwhole without his magic he’s willing to die to get it back?) separate from just ~m@l3c drama~ like what the narrative requires there is not shippy montages but actual character work looking at Magnus’ struggles, and at Magnus himself. and so overall it just left me with this bitter feeling that a) magnus losing his magic, his only independent plot since 1902, was all just to further the ship and b) that anyone actually thinks we WANT m@l3c drama in the year of our lord 2019. (seriously can there be just ONE chill couple in this show for ONCE).

everything about heavenly fire IS embarrassingly stupid (how the sword starts flaming right when she picks it up?? ghslkfjhghghhghghhghgghgg) but yeah blacksmith izzy was….Very Good. (I’m so proud of my honorary Iron Sister!!!) I was kind of concerned she’s smelting with liquid metal with bare skin but a) i know jack shit about the finer details of forging and b) honestly that’s probably the least of izzy’s worries writing-wise so whatever.

anyway we can go on but rest assured nonnie it’s……..Not just you who’s like “wtf lol” it’s kind of all of us at this point.

#sh critical #friend anon #crispy chat #sh spoilers #honestly............yeah #big sigh