Visit Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
#pls tell me if the id sucks im so tired
scarletwoods · a month ago
Text
Tumblr media
[image ID: a manga style picture of two boys kissing. the top text says boys, the bottom text says boy bestfriends. END ID]
8 notes · View notes
heyitsyn · a year ago
Text
Newton’s Third Law
SeijohManager’sLittleSister!Reader x Kunimi Akira
Tumblr media
a/n: pls love my blep babie kunimi-kun
Tumblr media
anon request: okok haikyuu hcs part 3: i’m not sure if you’d be fine with doing this but how about a reader who is the younger sister of oikawa’s ex-girlfriend? so the reader-chan of now is the extremely smart first-year manager of another school but her sister (kitaichi’s manager) gets her to tutor a trio of kitaichi first years so they wont get kicked off the team (who? we all know who) and she ends up liking kunimi,,, then king of the court happens. what happens next is up to you!
Tumblr media
Tumblr media
kita bois are best bois
okay lets getit!!!
so this request asks for a little sister of the reader from the other oikawa scenario i did
but to prevent any confusion, lets name the older sister, mona
so basically, mona was freaking out
being the manager, not only does she takes notes for the team but she also has to take care of the team outside of the gym
so when the coach showed her the current grades of the players, her heart stopped when she saw the borderline failing grades of kunimi and kindaichi but her soul actually left her body at kageyama’s 24%
‘kageyama tobio! kindaichi yuutarou! kunimi akira!’
the trio of first years shared a look of pure fear bc their mom was yelling their full names and that could only mean theyre in trouble
oikawa snickered at them but iwa threw a ball at his head that made him whine and cry
the babies shuffled over to mona, who was crossing her arms in anger, and tapping her foot in irritation
‘m-mom-no! mona-san?’
kindaichi stuttered while the other two hid behind the tall boy
their manager thrusted 3 pieces of paper to him and he gave the other two theirs before sweatdropping at their report card
‘shit, failed again’
kageyama whispered causing mona to bonk him in the head for saying a curse word
‘do you three know what is going to happen?’
they shook their heads nervously
‘you will be taken off the team as it is seen as a distraction to your studies and you will spend almost every single day, including weekends, being enrolled in the school’s special cram school and you won’t be able to re-join the team for the rest of the year just in case you do fail again. thats whats going to happen.’
 they all shivered at that thought and even though kunimi complains about the morning practices, he does like playing volleyball
and the kita team was full of talented players who could take them to nationals but they especially want to be in the team this year since this was the last year for the grand king and the great ace
‘mona-san! help us!’
kageyama begged and she nodded
‘youre lucky i love you guys. i already have a tutor in mind but id have to double check but if its okay, i expect you all to study hard and work harder than volleyball. you, kindaichi, stop taking long baths and compensate for study breaks. kunimi, change your late night sleeping schedule so you dont sleep in class. kageyama, i better not catch you drooling on your desk again!’
the power of the manager
those were all true
kindaichi stays in the bath for too long that he ends up sleeping in there until the morning and ends up being late for class and not having time to study
kunimi and kageyama stay up either playing games or playing volleyball that they end up sleeping during class
eventually, they mess up so much that they’d be lucky to even pass with a D
so there is where you come in
you were rummaging through the fridge for a snack when you heard your sister return from school and shouting for your name
‘in the kitchen!’
you shouted and she looked at you with a smile
you narrowed your eyes at the suspicious expression she has on and close the door of the fridge
‘okay, you want something from me, don’t you?’
she pouted
‘y/nnn!!!! cant your sister just look at you with pride and admiration? bc you are so smart and so nice and you are so helpful that you would-’
‘it feels like i have tooru-san in my kitchen’
‘dont mention his name in this kitchen!’
she screeched
‘so spit it out. what do you want?’
she sighed before running her hand through her hair
‘you see, i want you to be a tutor bc if not, the team would lose-’
‘no’
you flatly answered then turned to go upstairs but she ran in front of you before kneeling down
‘please, y/n-chan. just be a tutor. i will buy you as many takoyaki boxes as you want’
you stared at her
‘for a month’
she looked up at you in surprise
‘a month?! no! im too bro-’
‘then no’
‘2 weeks’
‘did i stutter? i said month’
‘2 and a half we-’
‘a month or no. i will increase it’
mona growled at you and she was cursing the first years in her head
‘fine. a month of takoyaki’
you held your hand out for a shake, which she took, and you took your phone and recorded her saying her part of the deal for extra measure
‘okay, when will it be?’
‘as soon as possible. practice ends at around 5 so tomorrow at 5:30? dont worry, i wont be in the house so you wont have any distractions’
it would just be one person to tutor so it wont be that hard, right?
but when you opened your door after hearing the doorbell, you shut it right back
you didnt expect to see 3 tall boys who were staring at you
‘i dont want any cookie dough. bye’
you shut it, thinking they were just those fundraising kids but your sisters shrieks from outside made you open it back up
‘mona-’
‘what are you talking about, bakay/n?! these are your clients for today!’
your eyes bugged out
‘what?! three of them?!’
she sheepishly smiled
‘did i not mention that?’
‘NO!’
the boys just stood there awkwardly and kunimi was about to leave when mona placed a hand on his shoulder
‘boys, this is my sister, l/n y/n. shes in your grade but she goes to chidoriyama. y/n, this is kindaichi, kunimi, and kageyama’
‘nice to meet you’
they mumbled and you nodded in greeting
‘y/n, they have to take the make up exams in about 2 weeks so its just going to be for a little while, okay? after that, they wont bother you again’
‘increased from a month to two’
‘WHAT?!’
‘im leaving them to stand out here’
‘y/n thats too-!’
‘two months. or your kids can fail’
‘a month and a half-’
‘two months. take it or leave it’
so thats how you ended up with 3 boys cramped in your living room
and it was only about 10 minutes in the tutoring session and you already want to throw this turnip looking headass and this blueberry looking idiot in front of a truck
they were too busy bickering w each other to fully understand what you were saying
kunimi, wasnt a problem
well, it was bc he was sleeping and drooling on the table
‘boke! you subtract first then multiply!’
‘idiot you have to subtract then square it then multiply!’
‘BOTH OF YOU! IDIOTS! BAKA! DUMMY! STOOPID! SHUT UP!’
they flinched and froze while kunimi shot up, eyes adjusting to suddenly being awake
‘THIS IS WHY YOURE FAILING! YOU GET TOO DISTRACTED, YOU ARE JUST PLAIN DUMB, AND YOU SLEEP CONSTANTLY! WHAT? YOU DONT HAVE A BED AT HOME OR SOMETHING?!’
poor kunimi not really knowing what was going on
‘sorry’
they mumbled at the same time
two months of takoyaki was riding on this so you sucked it up and took a deep breath before pointing back on their textbook
‘PEMDAS: Paranthesis, Exponents, Multiply, Divide, Addition, Subtraction. Both of you were wrong. you had to square 4 first and then multiply it with 8 before you could subtract 3′
but they just stared at you
‘look at the book!’
their eyes snapped to the black pen which was pointing at the weird english letters
oh dear
you had 3 subjects more
ngl, they started feeling bad the moment you yelled at them
it only got worse as midnight rolled around and they were still sitting on your living room floor as you explained newton’s laws
‘so you basically just-’
but you didnt finish when you looked up from the book and found the boys all sleeping on the table
yea you were irritated
but you were sure they were tired from practice
‘see, this is why you need to prioritize studies over clubs’
you mumbled as you stood up and went to the closet to get blankets
it seems these boys were heavy sleepers bc your small 13-year-old body could barely move them so you just pushed them off of the table and hope they dont smash their head on the floor
you were cleaning up the supplies when mona came downstairs to check
‘hows it coming?’
‘shit’
‘dont say that word!’
you walked over to sit next to her on the bar stool
‘you didnt tell me they were this dumb’
mona lightly punched you in the arm
‘they’re not dumb, per se. they’re just,,,, distracted’
‘you have those two who wont stop arguing and then that other kid who tries to sleep as much as he can’
mona looked at the sleeping boys on the floor
‘but theyre really good at volleyball, though, y/n. like iwa is talking about skipping the second years completely and taking kunimi as his successor for ace. and kindaichi is getting taller day by day and he has a talent where no ball could get past him. and lastly tobio. hes so good at setting the ball, sis, even he is getting nervous. if theyre this good now, how good do you think theyll be in just a few years?’
you gave her a side-eye
‘whats the point of telling me all this?’
but mona just smiled
‘im saying, just because one cant understand a textbook, doesnt mean theyre dumb. take that as you will’
there she was again, being all deep and inspirational
but it all slipped your mind as you continued to suffer a few days of tutoring the boys
‘we’re not getting anywhere’
you groaned and massaged your temples
you werent in the same school so you didnt know how fast their lessons were going
‘sorry, y/n’
kageyama mumbled 
‘who knew middle school is this hard?’
kindaichi, who was copying down your notes, complained
‘my body hurts from practice that i could barely lift my pencil’
kunimi whined and you inspected the three boys
maybe your sister was on to something
maybe, just maybe
‘oi’
they stopped and looked at you
‘this,, stuff, this isnt exactly the best way of changing to get good grades. if you want to pass those makeup exams, youll have to do it my way. are you sure you want to follow my rules?’
the little first years were in shock
so these few days of your lectures werent the worst of it?
but they needed to pass to stay on the team
so they nodded
you ripped out a piece of paper from your notebook and began to write
‘my sister told me reasons why youre failing. its not that youre not smart bc i think youre perfectly capable to at least pass a class but you just have terrible habits that stop you from paying attention. now, if i change those habits and stop you from doing them, it might help you focus a little better on your lessons from teachers because clearly i cant teach’
was that supposed to be a jab?
‘kindaichi, im setting up a time you are allowed to sit on the bathtub so you have enough time to study and enough time to get some rest so you wont be late to school. and you kunimi, same thing with the controlled time with your video games so you get enough sleep and time to study. but you kageyama, i will make sure to phone your mother to stop you from going outside at this specific time so you could focus on studying than playing with your volleyball. dont worry, youll still be able to play your volleyball but at the same time, youll be able to listen to your lessons and pass. its not perfect but you just need to prioritize your time and this is going to be the way you’ll be living for the next few weeks. prepare yourselves’
ngl they were actually so impressed bc you were able to create a whole plan for them in a span of under a minute
you werent smart for nothing
then your bootcamp began
it was now a routine, after practice, they would walk over to your house where you would be teaching them extra lessons
however, 
they werent normal lessons
you thought that they wouldnt be able to learn normally by reading words from the textbook so you researched a lot about volleyball and used it to teach them
pls dont judge bc its been YEARS since i last studied newton’s laws so these are based on the internet!!!
‘so newton’s 3rd law, basically think of it as your volleyball. like kags, when you prepare to serve, you bounce the ball, right? that’s the 3rd law. for every action, theres an equal yet opposite reaction. the action is you bouncing the ball and the reaction is the ball bouncing up from the ground and back to your hand’
even tobio was understanding what was going on and he was actually passing the practice tests you made them
you were most impressed at kunimi though
he was actually smart and he actually understood what was happening
it was just his constant sleeping in class that hes failing since he doesnt listen to what the teacher was saying
he passed your tests with flying colors and soon, he didnt even need to be there
but he kept coming over
maybe it was bc you were cute when you scolded kageyama since your nose scrunches and your pout makes your cheeks inflate and hes just- gaaaaahhhhh
boys smh
ofc hes had crushes before but he hasnt exactly actively seeked them out
they were just like, ‘oh, theyre cute’
but now that you were actually interacting with each other, he suddenly had a growing crush with every little thing you do
you were so proud when he stopped sleeping during your sessions 
but he actually has stopped sleeping during tutoring bc he knows you were on a time limit together and he wanted to spend every second just carving your face into his memory since you, unfortunately, didnt go to his school
the boys were currently doing a practice test that you made but kunimi finished early so he just ‘sleeping’
like he was laying his head on the table while you read on your book but he closes his eyes to pretend to fall asleep quickly when you look at him
but babie aint slick
this was probably when you started growing feelings for the guy
his soft stares at you initially creeped you out and you told your sister about this but she just laughed
‘thats kunimi for you. when we first met, he just kept staring at me too. its his way of trying to figure you out since he thinks youre interesting. but hes kinda awkward and prefers to be quiet about it so dont worry, hes not being a creep. hes just being kunimi’
and his interest in you kinda made you fond of him
since you were known as the smart kid, they thought you were full of yourself and all that just bc you had good grades so they stayed away from you causing you to not have any friends
kunimi’s secret glances at you was the most attention youve gotten from someone outside of your family 
they ended up sleeping over again and you got flashbacks from the first day but you actually took some pillows from the guest rooms and placed it under their heads
but you lingered at the middle-part boy as you sweeped a strand of hair that looked out of place
‘sweet dreams, kunimi-kun’
the next day, he did the same thing and was just staring at you from his place on the table
your eyes flitted up from the pages and you hid your smile w your book as his eyes quickly shut down
‘ah, this is so hard!’
kindaichi whined but kageyama hit him to shut him up
they werent perfect but they were actually above average than they usually score and you were impressed
‘your exams are in 3 days. if you maintain the schedule, you should be able to pass. but if you can, try to study just a little bit more so you can be sure that you pass but if you got the hang of the material, i think youre good.’
the two idiots shared a high-five but kunimi just gave you a small smile
sire thats not legal bc you cannot do that to meeeeeee
but he was actually freaking out a little
you only 3 days left until he no longer has excuse to see you
and he cant just fail bc he wanted to stay on the team but he also wanted to spend more time with you
chile just tell her you want to study more w her!!
it was about 10 at night when they finally went home and you were drying your hair after your shower when your sister called you downstairs
‘hm?’
she gave you a sneaky smile
‘kunimi wants to talk to you’
‘k-kunimi?’
you dashed forward and pressed the landline phone to your ear
‘kunimi-kun?’
‘h-hey, y/n’
your cheeks immediately flared at his voice bc he rarely spoke during your sessions and when he did, you always found yourself focusing on his voice rather than the words he was saying
‘w-whats u-up?’
you tried to sound normal but your sisters laugh echoed through the phone that made kunimi go all blushy
yall the purity and innocence of this love is just uwu
‘i-uh’
he faltered bc he didnt really have a reason to call, he just wanted to talk
‘im having trouble with the-uh-the,, whats that called,,,,’
you accidentally giggled at his fumbling and you quickly figured out he just wanted to call you
‘practice ends early tomorrow, right? i can swing by and we can go study at a cafe or something’
‘sure!’
he flinched at his suddenly loud voice but you just laughed
‘i’ll see you tomorrow, mimi-kun’
you realized your blunder at his nickname and you didnt even hear what he said after bc you just slammed it down and pushed your sister down the stairs after she kept yelling the nickname to tease you
tbh, he shouldve realized it
he thought you would just be studying just with him and he would finally be able to experience the study dates oikawa-san talks about
but he remembers that kindaichi and kageyama existed
he saw your figure peak out from the door of the gym and he dropped the ball, unconciously smiling, as he ran towards you
‘y/n-chan’
he greets and oikawa hears your name causing him to yell out your name and alert the others of your presence
kageyama and kindaichi quickly ran to you and kunimi cursed at them for interfering w his time w you
but you noticed and placed a hand on his arm
they quickly got changed to their normal clothes so you can go and you finally went on your way to the local cafe
it was normal for them to be around you now and they were getting more and more comfortable around you
the duo still fought but they were already toning it down and instead, playfully bickered w one another, occasionally bringing you and kunimi in
maybe,,,,
they were starting to become your friends
then kageyama’s mom wanted him home around 8 so he left and kindaichi had to go too
‘dont worry. kunimi-kun needs me to help him understand this more but you already got it so you can go, kin-chan’
‘okay! good night, y/n-chan!’
kunimi stared at you from across the table and you finally looked up from your notes
‘want to come hang out at my house, kunimi-kun?’
he made a surprised gasp but he nodded
‘yea. but,,, can you call me by,,, that,,,’
his awkwardness made you giggle since his face turned red as he tried to get the words out
‘ah, mimi-kun?’
once he heard that, his entire body just combusted and he groaned before burying his face in his hands
‘actually, my first name is fine. its akira’
you tilted your head to the side
‘so, aki-kun?’
oh god that was worse
but he nodded
‘okay then! let’s go, aki!’
the customers around you were giggling at your cute interactions and his reactions since you were excitedly tugging him along so you could hang out
the walk to your house was silent but your hand remained around his and his excuse was that he needed to make sure you wouldnt run off or so he can keep you safe
‘im worried’
he mumbled and you looked up to see his face
‘about what? the exams?’
he shook his head
‘sometimes, i feel like time goes too fast and im worried that everything i want will be taken all because i was too slow do something about it’
you didnt know what to say about that bc you werent exactly the philosophical type
but you tried to give your input
‘well, the only way to fix that, would to do it now, right? youre right, time is fast, but not if you can keep up and do everything you want as quickly as you can’
kunimi knew you were right so he stopped, causing you to stop as well
‘aki?’
‘y/n, i like you’
you froze and he felt you tense through your hold on his hand
‘w-what?’
‘i like you. like i have a crush on you’
‘o-oh’
you just stared at each other and he was already feeling dread coming up
but you gulped before doing the thing they do in movies and books
you stood on your tippy toes and placed a kiss on his cheek
‘yea. me too’
he blinked and you gave him a smile
‘i-i may not understand my feelings right now but all i know is that i like you, aki-kun, so please wait for me. i promise time wont take me away from you’
he nodded and pulled you in for a hug
‘me too, y/n. wait for me too’
thats how it was
there was no labels, just you and kunimi
you both knew you liked each other and you hung out a lot, even after their exams, and you were happy
you would go over to kita so you could watch him practice and walk home with him where he would hang out with you until he needs to go home
you still needed to tutor the others but now, you did it for free bc you got something more valuable than takoyaki
you got friends
and a potential/possible boyfriend
but then kageyama started to change during your second year
it wasnt just them who noticed but you noticed by his behavior
then he stopped showing up to tutoring
you questioned them but they told you that he doesnt want to do it anymore
you were worried and concerned bc hello, he was still your friend
you and kunimi actually had arguments about it bc he would get jealous that you were worried about kageyama when you were really just worried for your friend who you havent hung out with in a few months
‘i just want to know how he is, aki!’
‘but you already have me!’
‘not everything is about you to me, aki! i have other friends too!’
‘fine. im going home’
that was the worst argument yet but you were a smart sister who wasnt petty and actually went to talk to him about it
the communication between you two is I M M A C U L A T E considering the both of you have never been in a relationship before
oikawa and mona are punching the air right now
‘sorry for being jealous. ill try to understand next time’
‘sorry for yelling at you. ill work on not raising my voice at you next time’
bruh i live for this
then during your third year, you started noticing him stressing out
sure, he was now the ace of the team and he was proud to have the title of his senpai
but his friendship with kageyama basically went down the drain
he would come over to your house, just fuming angry, and you would know what to do
just cuddle him and watch cars with him and just give him love bruh
you were the first one he told about his plan w kindaichi to bench kageyama
at first, you were angry and annoyed that he would do that to his friend
but he explained that this guy wasnt his friend
this wasnt the friend he had when he was in first year and as much as it pains him, it was getting worst every toss
‘i-i cant anymore, y/n. ive talked to him about it but he just,,, wont listen’
you sighed and just nodded
‘ill try to talk to him, okay, aki? but if i cant go through w him,,,, you can do whatever you can to benefit the team. but please, just remember that tobio is one of your longest friends and hes just misled right now’
‘im only hanging on bc of you, you know that?’
‘i know, love. i know’
you went over to their practice and you saw kageyama
god, he was not that boy from before who whined and playfully argued with his friends in the living room of your house
he was someone else
he was screaming at who looks like a first year and you noticed their eyes starting to water and kageyama’s shouts echoed throughout the gym
you emerged from the door and went straight to him, pushing him back and pulling the kid behind you
‘what-kags? what are you doing?!’
he just stared at you as you frowned at him with your eyebrows furrowed
kunimi ran from the sidelines and placed a protective arm in front of you but you gently lowered it down
‘kags, lets talk? just us, kay?’
you tried until the boy nodded, following you out of the gym
you turned to face him and crossed your arms
‘kageyama tobio, what is going on?’
he shrugged and averted his gaze to not meet your eyes
‘volleyball shouldnt be played by amateurs. the strong are the only ones who deserve to stand on the court’
his words made you sigh
‘but you have to be weak to become strong. kags, its impossible to become the strongest in the first try. patience is key for-’
‘stop lecturing me’
he snapped, finally looking at you but he was quickly regretting it
‘y/n-’
‘im here because i am your friend and im trying to stop you from doing something that you will regret’
you remained calm but inside, you were crumbling
‘i dont need you, y/n. im sorry to say that, but you just dont understand. so please, stop trying to fix things that isnt your business’
he said but you shook your head in disappointment
‘the moment aki becomes troubled is when it becomes my business’
‘if youre just here to scold me and tell me off, then you can take your leave. youre distracting me’
you tried, you really tried
but hes changed
as he was walking towards him, you called him out one last time.
‘kageyama, newton’s third law. think about it’
but he didnt
and he lost everything
Tumblr media
a/n: i got flashbacks from the war as i researched these newton’s laws 
414 notes · View notes
char-lotteral · 6 months ago
Note
Look I'm not one of those people who believe Kishimoto decided to have Hinata and Naruto end up in the middle part of Shippuden. I believe he decided in the very last arc but he wanted to sound smart so he said he decided earlier on. Otherwise, they obviously would have more scene together. In Shippuden, they have only three scenes together ; when Naruto came back, the pain attack and the neji death scene. That's it. In the original Naruto, they probably have less than ten canon scenes not including fillers.
So I'm sorry I'm one of those who wasn't convinced by The Last. They literally had a basic villain go after Hinata who was cringe btw (the villain). They gave Hinata op powers which she doesn't have in the novel 👀. Despite having op powers, they made her the damsel in distress. Very "The hero saves the princess" cliche. Again, to justify them being together. I mean Naruto can't differentiate his love for ramen and romantic love so how??? He was just being nice to Hinata just like he does to everyone. He stood up for her just like he does for everyone.
Don't get me started on the Sakura Sasuke relationship 🤣. Cringe. They never knew each other. The whole Sakura's love for Sasuke saved him doesn't make sense. They spent barely a year in their genin year before sasuke left. Sasuke tried to kill Naruto and Sakura multiple times. Then at the end of the war, Kishimoto tried to do the "oh they have such a deep understanding between each other" which comes off as cringey. He gets her pregnant then leaves for years. She's literally a single mom who's broke.
Every relationship in Naruto is so cringey and forced except shikatemari. Kishimoto should've focused on the main story and fixed his potholes and leave the ending open.
Naruto would not have been perfect but at least it would've been remembered for staying true to its vision but instead it's remembered for cringey relationships, dumbass villain (except pain and madara) and a story that lost its core which is a shame coz I used to love Naruto. I was inspired by its messages but now....
Tumblr media
OKAY LOL WAIT I ACTUALLY HAVE THIS LONG ASS RANT PREPARED XD
BUT FIRST Ive read what you said and I lowkey agree :p
HOWEVER
I DRAW THE LINE AT TONERI SLANDER. BECAUSE WHY
TONERI?? CRINGE?? THIS SEXY MOTHERFUCKER??
Tumblr media
Tumblr media
Tumblr media
LOOK AT HIS WHITE FLUFFY HAIR AND HIS CERULEAN BLUE ORBS STARING DEEPLY INTO YOUR SOUL
SAY SIKE RIGHT NOW?!#*@*#&@*
okay lol now for the juicy part click readmore and beware I shall be brutally honest so yea enjoy
I mean, Naruto in general is a mess, not just the ships if we're being realistic. Alot of plotholes, rushed endings, this and that, the w a r a r c, Kaguya, the way they rushed Boruto ehhh. Honestly, getting into Naruto is literally my biggest regret of 2020 :"DD
Im an NH shipper as you can tell by my hotmess of a blog but i fully respect your opinion and understand your point of view. I also know a bunch of nh stans who have their complaints with their development. I wish Kishi gave more attention to his female cast really, thats all I fucking ask. If he did that one single basic thing, then maybe the endgame relationships wouldnt have been an asspull and theyd be given propper screentime with their love interest, both Sakura and Hinata. The Last tbh i think the writers played it safe and stuck to the whole Naruto shounen vibe thingy, so im not surprised it was plotted that way. Typical cliché shounen movie.
But does that bother me? No! The Last was a mess, their development was shit, they definitely needed more screentime but hey at the end of the day theyre cute as fuck, we have that kiss scene, flirting scenes, a shit ton of official art, three kids, Seiki's gif :33 and a whole ass arc for their wedding all that for just a shounen anime so eh. Compensates for it i guess xD theyre not toxic, unhealthy or whatnot. Theyre wholesome, soft and vanilla as fuck and exactly what i need in my hectic life rn. No drama, just two kind souls who are adorable as heck and theyre dynamic means so much to me and I will love them until i shall leave this earth.
Anon, im not even gonna waste my time and defend their development because i think it sucked too xD but if you wanna know why i love them so so so soooo much, Id be more than willing to tell you :33
Sasuke and Sakura on the other hand eeeehhhh i can see why people like them. Sasuke's hot, he's your typical hot bad boy aad Sakura's hot and pretty too. Basic blue and pink trope. Aside from their canon interactions, fans have all the opportunity to play around with their dynamic but for me, its just sooo basic and so hetero and can easily appeal to any 16 yr old teenage girl, no wonder it has an active fanbase on twt and---- AM I MAKING ANY SENSE? AHDBAJJE LIKE ITS SO-- BASIC, your usual bad boy x pretty girl trope that you get to read in YA and coming of age novels. Not only that, but going back to canon, they have too many negative interactions for me to like them together :p The least Sakura can do is put down her own foot and yell at him for not contacting them for god knows how long. I also dont like how he always gets easily forgiven >=[[. I mean at least He's compensating as a dad good for him but ehhhh i still dont like him and Sakura together :v And im not falling for that "Sakura is the reason why Sasuke isnt lonely anymore" because thats NARUTO AHHH. Sasuke said that Multiple times. HE LIGHTS A FIRE INSIDE OF ME. HES MY SUN. MY ONE AND ONLY FRIEND. LIEK?? THATS NARUTOOO romantic or not, Naruto was the reason for his not so lonely existence anymore smh >=[[
Sasuke almost murdered her and Naruto and made their lives a living hell but hey its all good!! He's my best friend and Sakura loves him!! So set him freeee into the worldddd~~
Sasuke left his family without even simply contacting them but can easily contact Naruto through a hawk but hey thats fine! His and Sakura's feelings are connected afterall! Sasuke gave her a ring and said thank you! Who cares about leaving your family. She loves him and he loves her so yey!!! All is forgiven :D
DID I MENTION SASUKE ALMOST MUREDERED HIS OWN DAUGHTER AND HE WASNT CALLED OUT FOR THAT@*#&@??!?#,*@#,#
Sasuke gets too many life points this isnt fair >=[[ But tbh he's nerfed so bad in Boruto manga and anime power wise. Like in that time travel arc and the manga. The rinnegan kunai thing was still so funny to me even if it was Borushiki. I just idk its so funny to me lmaoo
OKAY WHAT ELSE. I dont even know any more. Im tired of complaining about Naruto and just when Ive finally gone a little bit away from Naruto, Hinata fucking pulls me in again 😩 she has me on chokehold pls send help. Watch castlevania!!! and one piece!!!! ten times better than this anime about a loud blonde boi who wants to be president. Trust me
overall, i dont fully agree but i lowkey agree i guess. I do respect your opinion tho :))
EXCEPT WHEN YOU CALLED TONERI CRINGE. HOW DARE YOU CALL THAT SEXY MF CRINGEY---
10 notes · View notes
cygnusposts · 12 months ago
Text
i am thinking abt rise of skywalker again pls have some ramblings from a tired fool
genuinely and truly i think there was a lot of potential in both the light side/dark side conflict and rey & kylos force bond but it wasnt expanded on beyond "haha she could evil :)"
poe deserved so much better what the fuck was that backstory
finn?? wasnt rly in this movie much and its the only one ive seen so i cant make a lot of comments abt him but. torn between wishing he had played a bigger role vs not wanting to hear what kind of bs they wouldve tried to pull if he was
palpatine being alive wasnt a surprise rly. id heard theories before based on comics & all but the way they implemented it was so weird. rey palpatine wtf.
rly loved the scenery actually and the water planet (moon?) specifically was cool as fuck but u know im a sucker for basic things
thought maybe the fight between rey and kylo was cool but couldve been infinitely better if, again, the dark side/light side conflict was given a bigger, more defining role in this movie
i was actually a p big fan of the rey & palpatine fight!!!! kylo in casual clothes was neat and loved the way they just passed the lightsaber back and forth it was cool as hell but!!! that kiss at the end was. Smth. not a fan
again i rly think what im most upset abt is how unconflicted the movie felt? for as much as they tried to say "look rey could be evil and that scares her" it doesnt. Work? it never feels like theres a conflict there. a couple things i, personally, wouldve loved to see abt that:
Rey and Kylo both in a similar situation. Kylo doesn't hesitate to do Basic Bad Guy thing but Rey has to actually take time-- in a situation that would generally need to be rushed-- to make this decision. i want more hesitation on her end about whether to handle it the way the rebellion would want her to or the way she thinks would be easier.
why was the fight with evil rey. a fight??? that was so fucking weird theu could have. made evil rey a hologram. some projection of reys fears. instead of fighting rey is called out on every time she either has or almost has done smth considered worthy of the dark side. shes forced to sit there and listen to it bc she is unable to hit evil rey. she does try and thats also one of the things shes called on-- evil rey is unarmed and not attempting to fight, rey is trying to kill her anyways.
hux. hux deserved to kick kylos ass. just once. maybe twice. at least i wouldve liked to see him leave with the team and have some conflict surrounding that. he isnt a good guy, hes just anti-kylo. people afraid hes going to turn on them at the last second, being (understandably) suspicious of everything he does.
the sith language thing was rly weird and also felt like just an excuse to get to poes backstory. i have already established i hated this backstory. i was however a huge fan of the planet theu were on. design wise i thought it was neat and i liked the way it worked to show the orders destruction. finding another reason to go there wouldve been nice but plot is hard, i get it, the only part i wouldve cut as a writer i think would be poes backstory. it doesnt work well for his character i think and also was a shitty move on disneys end.
rly. again. i am BEGGING for some exploration of the force bond between rey and kylo. what the fuck was it. how did it work. was it one sided? two sided? could they have used it against each other as some sort of weapon? i want answers
i think they shouldve had a different big bad. there i said it. as much as i love palpatine, his arc is long done and throwing him in now is Dumb and Bad. rey does not need to have Cool Special Parents. let her be Rey.
i also hate palpatine in this movie bc it just leads all the corruption back to him if that makes sense? its like saying. Without This One Guy There Would Be No Evil Governments which is bullshit. i want that deep-rooted corruption. i want to see more "there are lots of awful people and just because weve taken out one doesnt mean we can stop being vigilant."
i couldve fixed kylos backstory and i might make a whole separate post abt that bc his "oh boo hoo luke skywalker tried to kill me" thing 1) doesnt make sense for luke "my dad has literally tried to kill me multiple times but i still dragged him off an exploding ship in an attempt to save his life" skywalker 2) shouldnt quite be enough to drive him that far? maybe going back to han & leia and telling them what happened or smth but i cant see him being somehow led over to the dark side after one incident where barely anything happened
poe and finn. poe and finn. i hate to say again how fucking little i remember of them from this movie and that SUCKS bc they couldve been genuinely rly cool. not even as a couple-- which wouldve been even cooler but u cant expect shit from disney-- but just as. a power duo u know. i want to see them have the kind of teamwork rey and kylo had but without the force bond. i want to see teammates who work so well together you could believe they were reading each others minds.
this has been way too much rambling but my point is. from somebody who genuinely liked the movie pretty well. It Could've Been So Much More
2 notes · View notes
letstalksymphogear · 2 years ago
Text
Symphogear, EP. 3 (Cont.)
Tumblr media
“aight fellas im here for the fortnite session where we droppin boys”
Tumblr media
Hibiki shows up, ready to participate in this four player game of sociological tension.
Tumblr media
“hope hibiki’s doing okay. im worried about her. ryoko, stop resting your arm on my head.”
Tumblr media
“ryoko does as ryoko pleases baby”
Tumblr media
Vibrates angstily.
Tumblr media
“im missing my wife for this guys please lets just do this”
Tumblr media
“wish i had a wife too instead of this vase filled with fucking ashes” SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORP
Tumblr media
The squad analyzes the statistics of all Noise outbreaks over the last month to see if there’s a pattern somewhere. Somehow, Hibiki is regarded as an authority on this, despite being just a normal girl.
Tumblr media
This is not the face of someone who has a degree in Noisology, let alone even listened to a Noisia album.
Tumblr media
“looking photogenic while this girl describes how these horrible, lovecraftian entities butcher entire populations will look great on my acting resume”
Tumblr media
Strained sounds of holding back laughter at this absolute clownery.
Tumblr media
*coughs quietly*
Exposition goes on about the UN acknowledging the existence of Noise, but them existing for far longer, existing in myths as demons and monsters of long ago. This makes little sense, but fuck it, just roll with it. They also say the Noise is rare, but this being Symphogear, the Noise will be here forever, until the end of time.
Tumblr media
“its like the noise are a metaphor........................”
Tumblr media
Hibiki, looking dead inside as the average overnight studying student would, muses whether someone is behind the noise. She also asks if you can hear the sound of one hand clapping.
Tumblr media
Tsubasa makes a very relevant observation that the school is smack dab at the center of all these outbreaks. In retrospect, you probably should have asked her first. She points out it may be because someone wants their get their hands on the almost complete relic hidden away in the 2nd Division: Durandal. Why anyone wants an old ass french sword is beyond me.
Tumblr media
“yeah i can do exposition too, fuck you”
Finished relics are extremely rare and as a result extremely powerful. Incomplete ones are pretty powerful, but need to be rebuilt a bit.
Tumblr media
“i discovered all this, conveniently, as the only person left to do so! totally not suspicious at all.”
Tumblr media
“anime plot hurting brain. bullshit levels make think no good.”
Tumblr media
“wish i got hired for a macross anime instead, they get to go to space”
Tumblr media
“being meguca is suf- wait, im confusing my roles”
The exposition goes on to note that America wants the relic. This is one of the few shows that depicts America in a very serious and antagonistic light. America never cooperates in any useful way except once.
Tumblr media
“it should would suck if someone was sending us them noise monster all on purpose-like”
Tumblr media
“yeah............! suuuuuure would suck.... mmmmmmmmmhmmmmmmm...”
Tumblr media
Tsubasa and Ogawa quietly plan idol ruminations. This animation used to be far, far worse.
Tumblr media
This is the moment where Tsubasa becomes sword-kin. From here on out, she will always refer to herself as a sword. This is law. Literally every single season has this same deal. She believes she is a sword. I know it’s not literal, but I like pretending it is.
Tumblr media
Succ Intensifies
Tumblr media
“gonna get her number later after the season is over, damn”
Hibiki muses on the nature of war.
Tumblr media
“why we gotta fight”
Tumblr media
“cause yall suck”
Ryoko then says some very not nice things that we’re just going to walk right around because Ryoko is a little bit of a weirdo and should probably keep her flirting to the short haired lady working on the bridge.
Tumblr media
“i will call the cops, lady”
Hibiki starts her next day at school as she spots Tsubasa during her choir class.
Tumblr media
“forget my nintendo switch with the latest smash bros game in the classroom goddamnit”
Tumblr media
“hibiki please tone down the gay for five seconds while we try to get through this dumb singing class in one piece”
Tumblr media
“i smell a homewrecker”
Tumblr media
“THE GAY CAN NEVER BE TONED DOWN, IT CAN ONLY BE TONED”
Hibiki is then fed by multiple classmates for this statement.
Tumblr media
The Anime Janai crew is fond of Hibiki, much like a group of Lords being fond of the royal court jester. Hibiki clowns it up by working on a report she procrastinated until the very last minute. “Your life sure is an anime!”, one of them says. Hibiki then says, “I wish!”. They smile in unison at the irony.
Tumblr media
Look at how they mock the threads of reality. Absolute monsters.
Hibiki nails the report at the skin of her teeth, Miku’s gonna get ready for the meteor shower, everyone’s real fucking happy, the evening looks peaceful, all is well.
Tumblr media
“i cant wait to do all these fun things we promised several times over!”
Unfortunately, the worst case scenario happens.
Tumblr media
Her tiddies start ringing.
Tumblr media
“no.... fuck.... my tiddies... they’re ringing...”
Tumblr media
She knows now she cannot go.
In retrospect, she probably could’ve blown them off. I mean, what are they gonna do? Fire her? She’s practically irreplaceable. Alas, her conscience is too strong. The ringing from her tiddies too loud to ignore.
Tumblr media
“okay im back for the thing you promised we’d do repeatedly that we planned for a good amount of weeks now”
Tumblr media
“...”
Tumblr media
“i got fucking ghosted didnt i”
Tumblr media
“cannot fucking believe i got ditched on my hot date with hibiki. bet its because her tiddies rang, isnt it. always her and her... GODDAMN tiddies ringing ALL THE TIME. LET ME BE WITH HER... god...”
Tumblr media
“bae. im sorry. the tiddies rang. i have no choice.”
Miku tries to keep it together. Neither of them are happy about this state of affairs, and rightfully so, because it’s fucking stupid. Hell, it would have made more sense of Miku knew but still got jealous anyway, because she feels her job is establishing too much distance! And they talk those problems out instead of issues that only arise if everyone’s a goddamn moron about communication!
“but thats the point of the pl-”
NO! IT’S NOT CLEVER! IT’S FRUSTRATING! THERE ARE CLEVER WAYS TO SHOW A LACK OF COMMUNICATION BESIDES A CHAIN OF OBSTACLES TOO STUPID TO EXIST!
Miku takes the whole thing with grace even though I’m absolutely certain she threw her phone at the wall in raw, gay frustration.
Tumblr media
Hibiki, understandably, is pretty fucking pissed.
Tumblr media
“im gay. im angry, and im gonna fuck yall up for RUINING MY DATE AFTER HAVING FINISHED MY DAMN REPORT”
Hibiki fights the Noise. She’s gotten slightly better at fighting, but for now she’s still sorta trash at it. A grape themed Noise throws bombs and crushed her under rocks from a ceiling.
Tumblr media
You’re a student. You’re the lone survivor of a concert that you got flak about for years. You go to an institution for singing with your best friend and basically get shoved into a life of crime fighting unwittingly. Your only teammate hates you and tried to kill you. You don’t get to hang out with your best friend anymore. Your teachers hate you. And you’re losing against the abominations that may have potentially warped your life negatively, forever.
Tumblr media
This is probably the pivotal moment where Hibiki fucking snaps and decides she ain’t taking shit anymore. She’s not at her strongest yet, but mentally? She has decided to tell the world to go fuck itself.
Tumblr media
“MY WIFE THINKS IM CHEAAAAAATING, MY TEAMMATE THINKS I SUUUUUUUUUCK, AND I’M SICK AND TIRED OF IT”
Tumblr media
My, Hibiki, what big fangs you have. All the more to grit your teeth and beat the shit out of things with, I assure you.
Tumblr media
Needless to say, even without having the skill, she’s starting to understand and get more comfortable with the full extent of the power her suit provides her.
Tumblr media
She’s gotten so mad that even the illustrators are afraid of her.
To note: this isn’t just anime drama silhouette stylization. She is actually physically turning into a red eyed shadow. You’ll know why later down the road.
Tumblr media
“YOU WANNA FUCKIN FIGHT ME NOW TSUBASA? HUH? HUH? YOU WANNA FUCKIN’ FIGHT ME?!”
Tumblr media
Needless to say, her rampage goes on for a while.
She manages to dispatch all the Noise except for the Grape themed one. Up in the hole it made, she sees the meteor fall from the sky...
Tumblr media
Wait, look closer. Is it a bird?
Tumblr media
A plane?!
Tumblr media
No, it’s...!
Tumblr media
“i aint gonna tell her i just did a wish on her”
Tumblr media
Sword!
Tumblr media
“why the fuck does SHE get jetpacks?!”
Hibiki randomly yells out she wants to protect things too, for absolutely no real reason. Who would even break the ice with that. Hibiki, please.
Tumblr media
They sorta stare each other down in a field awkwardly, like a bad high school reunion. But, a mysterious voice breaks out of literally fucking nowhere.
Tumblr media
“didnt know they legalized gay marriage in japan already, otherwise id be showing up to this joke of a marriage sooner, you absolute buffoons”
Tumblr media
“did this bitch just insinuate id waste my time getting married to this complete idiot, let alone even contemplate getting married in a public park as opposed to having a customized karaoke based marriage in the FUCKING HILTON?!”
Tumblr media
“hey time out dont say that shit im already married and my wife already feels enough like im cheating so please keep those comments to yourself okay please”
Tumblr media
“eat my ass, nerds. id tell you to come to the park in 15 minutes for an ass kicking...
but we’re already here, now aren’t we?”
21 notes · View notes
xz017 · 2 years ago
Text
.
oof. okay so imma do the latest tea???
got out of shower to hear my mum talkin to Agnes spillin the tea abt their friend/coworker
the one with that Kid my mum wanted to have a playdate with or whatever the annoyingly studious and clearskinned halfasian lookin girl i really envied.
her mum has a live in boyfriend who is basically like...an alcoholic mental case rip god i hate alcohol and i hate people who drink it like i only do it so i hate myself more and die but like this guy basically playin with knives n guns in the house and the kid who is like 19 idk why im callin her kid is so Over it like apparently she hasn’t been coming home and like
basically me in 2016 era when my mum was too generous n Helpful lettin ppl back into our lives and our House so i spent christmas morning 5am walkin in the cold n watchin 3 films until it got dark and stuff like that
girl be actin homeless---mood
so it came to a head today so Agnes is spillin the tea n her husband in the bg(omg it weird hearin him rip he was my military hs instructor wild) n my mUM is so selfrighteous n mad like
‘blablahblah well rosalie is being dumb she should put her daughter first she being sick in the head it her Choice’
n im like eavesdroppin havin warflashbacks of the dumb hypocrisy she has DOne lmao
‘has she no thought like what if Tyler gets raped/sexually abused by that man she’d let her daughter be in that environment???’
i mean it wouldnt be fair of me to be like...eyemoji on this cos she technically doesn’t know? but 19 may 2018 never4get lmao
anyway so my mum’s like our room is for rent and it’ll be far cheaper they dont even have to pay rn!!!
cue me being like...um...Money...generosity...i dont...LIke
i was conflicted here like idk i met the girl like 3-5 times im envious of her work ethic n her better asian disposition than mine cos she obviously prettier but she has better prospects and that’d suck if her life be like that
but also??? like...life be like that it was like that to me like who saved me????????????????????? 
um...no one
like why is that on me or US TO BE NICE n helpful im so tired like damn which is relevant to the next point anyway
cos earlier had a convo with my mum i was eyemojing healthcare profs i was like ‘pls stop bein on ye phone pls tell me info on ye opinion on respiratory therapists...what abt PA’
n deadass she be eyemojing me like STICK TO YOUR COURSE
n i was like...-ugly pleadin emoji eyes- n i was tryin to explain that i didn’t want to be so focused on one thing that if i decide this medical thing is what i want to pursue i’d need 1-2 years just for the PREREQS which is like 5 classes and 1000 clinical hours or minimum 6 month healthcare paid job. like if i decide i want to go to school for that i already have the Stuff and just Apply.
n she was like...you had your chance i bothered you to be a nurse a few years ago you were stubborn if you did as i said you’d be earning good money now but you wasted time
n i was like...oof i can’t say anything to that it’s tru. it real life tea it fax i wasted time n im old n im ruunnin out of time i hate myself alot i hate hate hate
and idk we got to talkin abt money n life cos she was like you have to find something you can learn to LOve
n i was like??? WHY I GOTTA SETTLE N FOOL MYSELF TO DO SO im super annoyed abt that mindset
cos the thing about a bloody Arts degree is there’s too fuckin many broad possibilities n they all aint even that good. like deadass if i was a STEM major ugh like if i was a Bio major prospects are so clear: forensics, research, premed,labtech. Meanwhile polsci for example: uhhh teacher? prelaw? politician? uhhh government work? n there’s like 111 different subdivisions of that n it’s like??? wat the fuck
deadass what am i gonna do with international security is that even gonna pay well like...the fuck do i know is it relevant ??? Doubts
n she was all like...PEOPLE JUST GOTTA DO WHAT THEY HAVE TO TO SURVIVE YOU GOTTA FIND YOURS N STICK WITH IT
n i was lowkey panique n frustrated cos i really REALLY hate being stuck in 1 ting n im like i HAD ACTING YOU SAID NO
n she was like pFF i wanted you to have something REAL cos if you dont make it in acting you’d be on the STREETS
n i was like...lmao lil did she know imma be on the streets next year smh this year actually
n she was like talkin abt the harsh reality of the workforce and how you gotta make do at how ppl treat you (patients) n how you might not even like your coworkers but you gotta deal with it because that’s what ppl do to survive
n she was talkin abt undeserving patients with no healthcare n i was like did you just hear yourself so you want them to die cos they dont got money and she was like 
no??? why get hooked up in the ICU when you’re braindead wasting government money taxes we payed for you don’t understand cos you dont have a job and dont get your salary cut cos of taxes and these people come in acting like they got something to give when they yell at your face acting like they know what they’re talking about they act entitled when they have nothing homeless ppl getting money and illegal immigrants are selfish bringing their kids to be hurt here
n im like...theyre life is ...shitty what are you talkin about n she was like so? why dont they stay and make it better??? one of my very first patients asked me why i was in america and i said i come from a poor country and they said why didn’t you stay and try to make it better? and i couldn’t say anything cos u know what they were right why dont illegal immigrants do that??? n im like...
cos theyre literally...RUNNIN and they want ppl they care abt i.e. children to be far away from that as soon as possible bruh ye think imma wait for change deadass there a reason why we suffer duterte he actually get shit done??? we dont have to wait for change the same way ppl who speak nice n are polite do but is stuck with bureaucracy and lowkey bein corrupt deadass stay in ye lane
n she’s like well i hope you’re right im done bein an idealist im a realist now i believed in good i wanted to help the world now no more
n im like...no you’re not a realist, you’ve just been hangin out with a republican
and she gave me a sideeye 
but deadass im ...scared like i really hate the empathy because when she was being serious n talkin n being honest abt things for once i started to unwillingly see things from her point of view i really felt it n i was scared i’ll be like that im scared she’s right
im scared i’ll end up Real n selfish like...i already am ? n bitter? like i care about so very few Personally and am willin to let others suffer to keep it safe n prioritised?
im scared.
like especially with racism all these years my mum’s been telling me it’s not that im racist just wait til you work with them they act so entitles and loud and make everything about race
n i almost told Her abt it earlier i skyped w her earlier we had a tea spillin moment about our ethnic relations bein racist but then idk we talked alot i guess the text got buried or unseen
like i said i was scared n didn’t get to unpack it like im scared because ive been livin with my roomate and like...ive been excusing it as a personality thing and that if it were anyone else different skin colour id still hate them just the same which i still maintain is true but like?
my RM is loud n she makes everything abt race like deadass me n my FM be just eating dinner and she passes by us and goes on a rant about harvard asians being a Blok to black ppl from getting There n im like...im tryna have dinner so i can get energy to deal with this stressful ass school
n she always talks like she knows what she’s talking about like ‘jewish ppl control the federal bank’ n im like...it 1am in the dark quiet of our shared room deadass i dont wanna tell the binch thats antisemitism cos she gonna be like im black how can i be racist smh
im!!! scared alright like i hate my roomate for proving my mum right when i try so hard to set things right like maybe that’s why i dont tell anyone about my situation other than Her. i never told my parents about the berkeley livin situation they already warn me enough to be careful n i just keep tellin them thats racist
i have so much........THOUGHTS n........DILEMMAS...n FEARS but like i just have this blog i cant trust anyone else to talk abt it n the only person i am willing to talk to abt it will be busy and im so ashamed abt these things but she was so sweet about givin me the heads up about her schedule 
like i hated that i had to get an ugly ass haircut today cos she came back to me n we couldve talked so i guess rip she was complacent n did stuff cos she replied late from then on like that dumbass haircut was 15 minutes ugh. our talkin pattern today was like...dashed lines timereply wise? i asked her if she packed earlier (pre haircut)n she said yes but rip a few hours later she was like...I need to pack 
wat is the truth rip
the tablet bein emo like...mood but my child rip.
my love be packin n spendin time with fam before leavin for london tomorrow
n even after that she doin...Stuff. rip.
which is ye know good for her rip.
i just hope she dont go iceskatin deadass one slip n she can crack her head open or break her neck or paralyse her spine like...??? why do humans wanna do dumb activities
like omg she admitted to me today she a serial jaywalker and WORSE with music n headphones like
binch thats why i didnt wanna enable you further by gettin ye airpods deadass bye
n she was like??? tryna equate it with my risky risk like ummm
mine is for science n validity
hers is just carelessness n chosin lazy convenience over idk...the responsibility of self vigilance like...
bruh ppl shouldnt promise someone 91 years if they be continuin to do dumb stuff consciously oof rip
but other than that like...im...really proud of this resolution she be undertakin officially on the 14th?
im nervous abt it cos i really want it for her too. i want her to get the proper sleep n i always hated her givin excuses like ‘IM FINE ON 4 HOURS OF SLEEP’ ‘I NAPPED 3 HOURS 38293820 HOURS AGO IM FINE I MADE UP FOR IT’ um...blokt. get proper sleep binch i love you tf???
prioritise work cos ye gonna regret not givin it yer all??? n ye payin for this???
what fun??? we capitalists now we want that money rip.
i see that shift you know rip i saw it comin a year ago.
that dont mean we republicans rip we still care about others n the inequality? but like i foresaw us getting acquainted with the harsh reality of the world n how difficult it is to get a job--which she experienced along the way.
n rip she wants many things bookmarkin them n honestly same rip
i want a stable warm home for this family n a shiny diamond to get disassociated by extra im a simple man
meanin im selfish n im ready to prioritise meanin im ready to make the choice for others to fall apart/behind if it means puttin This first rip
god pls dont make me a republican this so ugly
# 1 she’d hate me #2 i’d hate me
now im sad
im dead.
omg rip earlier too as she said goodbye i told her i loved her and she was like ‘i love you more’
DEADASS I WAS LIKE LMAO!!! girL i dont think you understand im literally Ready to put you and our possible future First like...im not messin around what skitrips with rich ppl what friends my love is potent n extreme n COncentrated like im sorry ik you feel love for me but you cant top This rip she not ready 
like the um ‘partially wanna make my life’s work abt knowin what might hurt n kill ye so i can kill it first or blok it well’ kinda love
the ‘im already savin for at least HALF a first month deposit in an overpriced london in case you wanna settle down wit me Mayhaps n im not touching it for ANYTHING’ kinda love
the ‘im thinking of a winter home in the tropics so you suffer less n im plannin the floorplans already rip just in case’ kinda extraness
but anyways the gall of this cute lovely human rip ‘i love you more’ ummm try Again smh
bruh i love her too much i bet that’s scary for her rip it might be a Burden tbh she so young rip 
meanwhile im old n ready to rot but like...
i wanna be mortal wit ye before i do
but ye know wat lads i saw myself in the mirror today like 5 times OOF. this meatform...keepin me...Humble. 
bitter but like...humble
‘like of course sHe not ready not only is my personality like dis but also...my outward form how could she introduce me as a Spouse’
‘wow i look like that oof it good i remembered i am undeservin of full intense love like in the films n fanfiction they always between attractive ppl after all it only 1/2 it not Equal’
‘wow bruh ye really upset she spendin time n resources elsewhere when you be lookin like That? ye dont have much to offer bro take the L’
oof so that’s the personal tea i can think of?
had a meghan marke talk rip i can’t believe i was right??? i had twin vibes!!! but i was hoping for like a variety situation rip im worried a lil abt the whole birthin Late ting but she can afford the highest care rip it fine she rich.
my love was talkin abt how pretty MM was n i was like rip is she triggerin Her a lil rip worrirooni
rip speakin of babies like she was showin me this smol gummybear n im like same das me heart n she was like :( n i was like it only fits you
n she was like so no children then:(
n i was like!!! rip if it Ours of course that Counts n i was a lil shook like rip she said she didn’t want them Really so i always get guilty when i talk abt the future or realise i mentioned kids or carelessly name drop Hyaline n Benzion like...im dead rn just typin that like what if she read this big shame bro
but ye know what this is already long n she gonna be busy maybe that’s the key. TOo Much puts ppl OFF so ye mayhaps we sneaky ! ?
anyway i was tryin to get her thoughts on it rip but like she was all iDK ASK ME IN 13 Yrs n i was like...
sighemoji + sandemoji + resignedemoji
rip we talked FAaC a lil. cos she Dared!!! to liken me to her brother just cos i showed her my cheap youth boy shoes smh
At first i was super offended n disgusted but then i was like rip eyemoji if ye into that
then she was like ew nO
then i was like um ye already play the ‘daddy u like me young huh’ card
which is like idk is like technically? joking but it’s like that post ye know abt ppl bein ‘whether or not im actually jokin or flirtin depends if you into it’ but also like schrodingers racism like ‘it was a joke bro!!!’ but they actually bigots.
so it DIFFICULT for my brain to Confirm rip like...eyemoji what is the truth
but like??? im rip. willin. rip. to. rip. Try. rip.?
really i am rip. it Her. bruh. im only hopin she dont have a golden shower kink but. trust i...Will follow thru.
nO IM REMEMBERIN THE DOO DOO POST DESPAIR
rip anyway that whole thing reminded me of FAaC origins which was porn n then somehow sHe was like imagine if egggsy was a singer he’d sing like ‘age is just a number’ shit n i SPILLED THE TEA ABOUT A TING IN PT 3 im so weak sand
i miss the gays
i wanna give them justice n happiness but the 2027 excuse is rl nice for my ugly procrastination issues oof but i wish them well
add: rip had another talk with my mum i really wanted her to understand my thought process about wanting to get the prereqs for medtraining done beforehand
n she was like...I UNderstand but Normal people--
n i was like ‘IM NOT NORMAL I DONT KNOW HOW TO CHOOSE I HAVE NO IDENTITY’
n she’s just like SHOOKE n mad n clearly dont understand that im fukt up in the head ‘...IC AN’T BELIEVE YOU!!! iF YOU’RE ABNORMAL YOU WONT GET HIRED N YOU WONT HAVE A NICE JOB’
n im like...well i mean what can i say to that it’s not like it’s not tru rip
Big sand honestly.
it gonna be a long few days imma do my best to leave her alone she needs her time rip i love her so much rip sand
i feel like a dumb ugly dog god fljækadfkøad h8
3 notes · View notes
donnarider · 3 years ago
Text
!!DISCONTINUED!!  Klance - soulmate au (part 4)
Author’s notes:
update 12th July 2019: This story is unfortunately discontinued. There will not be a next part. I’m really sorry.
Read part 1
Read part 2
Read part 3
“Bold” texts are from Keith, “italic” texts are from Lance
„Wow, that’s… rough?“
„Yes it is! I mean… I meant what I said. I just thought he would...”
“Say that he wants to be more than friends?”
“Yeah…” Lance put his head on the table they were studying at. The library was quiet and Lance had a hard time keeping his voice down while telling Hunk about his horrible not-date date.
“So how did the rest of the da…what happened after that?”
“Well, I was dying on the inside and pretended everything was fine on the outside. So, the usual.”
“Lance!”
Lance sighed and leaned back on his chair. The library’s ceiling suddenly seemed very fascinating to him. “We talked about stuff like favourite movies and such. I asked him about his bike. I had to leave for my seminar and he said he’d text me.”
“Well that doesn’t sound too bad,” Hunk decided and squeezed Lance’s shoulder supportively. “Maybe he just needs some time?”
“And what do I do if he doesn’t? I thought I’d be fine with being just friends but-,” he waved his hands around in a helpless motion. “I was basically doomed when he told me to be nice to my coffee in Spanish. I can’t just NOT crush on him now, you know. And that sucks… big time.”
Hunk smiled sympathetically at him and continued to flip through the book in front of him. “Just take it slow. Take a break for a few days and then invite him to do something and see what it feels like then. He’ll either change his mind or you could just bring me and Pidge along to make the friends thing easier. Maybe that’ll help?”
“Hmm. Yeah, maybe.”
Hunk closed his book and got up. “You up for visiting Pidge and Matt? I don’t think we’re gonna get anything done here right now. Also I think Matt finally got that video game you wanted to play so badly.”
“Nooo, Hunk. You wanted to study. I didn’t mean to distract you, I’m just gonna-“
“It’s fine, Lance. I can’t concentrate anyways. And you helped me so much with my last essay, I think I can go a day without studying.”
Lance smiled at him and got to his feet as well. “Okay. But I swear I’ll be back to normal tomorrow and then we’re gonna take a look at the stuff from Iverson’s physics lecture.” Hunk groaned loudly and made Lance laugh with his desperate expression. “I know, I know. But we both have to get better at that stuff.” He stood behind Hunk and made a gesture over his shoulder like he wanted to show Hunk a beautiful landscape.
“NASA, dude. NASA.”
“Ugh, you’re right. But Matt and Pidge now. My brain needs a break.”
Lance swung his backpack over his shoulder. “Maybe I get one of Pidge’s hugs. I love Pidge’s hugs.”
Hunk beside him nodded. “Everyone does, man. They’re the best.”
Wednesday
 (3:15am): WTF DUDE? ???
(3:17am): I KNOW SORRY! Its our stupid neighbors having a party…
(3:18am): AT T HIS HOU R???
(3:18am): pls kill them for me
(3:20am): I would but prison isnt as appealing to me as you might think
(3:21am): So ur bad boy attitude knows boundaries? ;)
(3:22am): Dont mock me Im too tired for this
(3:24am): Yeh I can feel that
(3:24am): u really dont deal well without ur beauty sleep
(3:25am): Sorry :( And no, I really dont
 (3:31am): KEEEEEEITHH do smth!!!!
(3:32am): I have a test tomorrow !!
(3:34am): OM G IT STOPPED
(3:35am): Keith?
(3:35am): did u kill them?
(3:36am): maybe
(3:36am): KE ITH!
(3:37am): I slipped an anonymous note under their door that I would kill their cat if they didnt turn off the music immediately…
(3:38am): O M G thats cruel
(3:38am): u dont threaten peoples pets
(3:38am): NOT COOL!
(3:39am): chill, I was joking. It said Id call the cops on them
(3:40am): Oh okay good hope ur not just saying that
(3:40am): Also thankk
(3:41am): no problem. Good night, Lance
(3:43am): Lance?
 (7:36am): SORRY FELL ASLEEP!
(7:37am): Have fun at work today :)
Friday
(4:12pm): why
(4:25pm): what? u dont like it? ;)
(4:28pm): no
(4:29pm): oh come on! The queen is my best study motivation!
(4:30pm): please just stop
(4:32pm): KEITH! YOU INSULT BEYONCÉ YOU INSULT ME
(4:33pm): Can’t you study to something normal
(4:35pm): Normal normal or you normal?
(4:36pm): I dont care. Just no more beyoncé please. It’s been hours
(4:39pm): Lance?
 (4:42pm): really?
(4:42pm): Evanescence? That’s mature…
(4:43pm): WAKE ME UP INSIDE
(4:43pm): WAKE ME UP INSIIIDE
(4:45pm): I hate you
(4:46pm): No u dont :)
(4:47pm): STOP THIS MADNESS!
(4:48pm): Hunk says if you come to a college thing with us tomorrow, he’ll stop me for you
(4:50pm): What kind of thing?
(4:51pm): dunno, Hunk wont say, but its really good apparently
(4:53pm): OKAY DEAL NOW PLEASE STOP
(4:54pm): Party-pooper
(4:56pm): Tell Hunk I love him
Keith got off his bike, took off his helmet and unzipped his leather jacket. He headed towards the university building with mixed feelings about what awaited him. He had fought with himself about coming today but eventually the curious side of him had won. Keith wanted to see what Hunk had planned for them and also even if it scared him to admit it…he missed Lance.
Logically he knew that it did not make any sense. They hardly knew each other. But emotionally he just… missed him. He sighed and blinked against the bright sunlight. He lifted his hand to shield his eyes against it and bumped into someone.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to-“
“Don’t sweat it. All good here.” A friendly voice interrupted him. The tall boy in front of him looked him over and tilted his head to the side. „Hey, are you Keith by any chance?”
Keith nodded. “The one and only.”
“Oh, great! I’m Hunk.“ Keith took the big hand he was offered and returned the welcoming smile. When Hunk gestured for them to move out of the sun and stand in the tall building’s shadow Keith followed him thankfully.
“Nice to meet you. Thanks for saving me yesterday by the way.”
“Oh, no problem. Lance can get like that sometimes when he’s stressed. He didn’t mean anything by it. You know… finals and all. He’s a bit on edge around this time of the year.”
“No, I get it. NASA is a big thing, who wouldn’t freak out, right?”
Hunk gave a nervous laugh. “Yah, I guess. So umm, Lance had to pick up our friend Pidge, they should be here-“
“Exactly now.” Lance’s voice interrupted them. He stopped next to Hunk and let Pidge whom he had been carrying just now slip off his back.
“Hey, Keith. This is Pidge. They use they pronouns. I guess you already know Hunk by now.” Lance smiled at him and clapped Hunk on the back.
Keith nodded and raised his hand in greeting at Pidge. Immediately he regretted the awkward gesture and lowered his hand quickly.
“What’s up butter cup.” Pidge replied with a grin completely ignoring Keith’s weird behavior, who in return just raised an eyebrow at their choice of words.
“Lance, why did you carry Pidge here? Did you take ‘pick them up’ literally again?” Hunk asked with his hands on his hips.
“They paid me two dollars.”
Pidge shrugged. “I didn’t want to walk. It’s too early.”
“It’s almost noon, Pidge.” Hunk said while shaking his head but there was a visible smile on his lips.
“Exactly. Way too early.”
“I feel you, Pidge.” Keith threw in. “I had three coffees before I got here.”
Pidge yawned and stretched their arms over their head. “Good thinking. I only had one and I feel dead inside.”
“So, Hunk. What is this thing? Why are we here?” Lance asked and absently patted Pidge’s head while they leaned against him, eyes closed and repeatedly yawning.
“We are here, because today…” Hunk made a dramatic pause, “They are having a lecture about space for family and friends of students and-“
“AHHH STAR CEILING?” Lance interrupted Hunk excited while bouncing up and down, Hunk just smiled and nodded.
“Yep, Star ceiling.”
“What exactly is star ceiling?” Keith asked confused. Judging from Lance’s reaction this had to be the best thing in the entire universe.
“It’s only the best thing ever, dude,” Lance started to explain while taking Keith’s arm and pulling him in the direction of a big building.
“They only do this once or twice a year when they have family day for the freshmen and around finals for the really stressed out students so they don’t go all homicidal and stuff.” They entered the lecture hall and Lance directed them to a row in the back. “It’s basically just a short lecture about space and planets and what we do here at college but at the end they turn off the lights and project stars on the ceiling and walls. Dude…it’s the most beautiful thing ever. It will change you!” He gestured for Keith to sit down in one of the empty seats and sat next to him.
Hunk took the seat on Keith’s other side and Pidge sat next to Lance. It seemed like they were just in time because a man holding a mic entered the small stage. From the corner of his eyes Keith saw Pidge leaning over to Lance and whispering something into his ear. A moment later Lance bent forward so that Hunk and Keith could both hear him.
“Sorry guys, we’re gonna get Pidge more coffee. They are literally about to murder someone. We’ll be back in a minute.” With that they both left the room and Keith was alone with Hunk, which he didn’t mind that much. They had only exchanged a few sentences but Keith already liked the guy.
The man on the stage started talking about the importance of astronomy and explained the different subjects they were teaching. Unfortunately he had a really boring and monotone voice and Keith immediately zoned out. Thank God Hunk was there to keep him entertained.
“I know this stuff isn’t really interesting, especially not when he’s talking,” Hunk pointed in the direction of the stage. “But it’s really worth it. Lance didn’t exaggerate…well maybe a little… but it actually is crazy beautiful.”
“So you three all study astronomy?” Keith asked. This was his opportunity to learn a bit more about Lance and his friends without this nervous feeling he got around his soulmate. Hunk somehow managed to create an atmosphere around him that immediately made Keith feel comfortable.
“Yeah. It was actually Lance who got me into this stuff when we were younger. We met Pidge here on our first day. They are this crazy genius and got into college early. They are only sixteen but way ahead of most of the students here. Turned out they and their brother Matt live in the same building as me and Lance so we hung with them a couple of times and now we’re all basically besties for life.”
“Space nerds unite,” Keith said with a smile.
“Haha, yeah. Basically.”
“So… do you and Pidge wanna get into NASA too or is that only Lance?” Keith checked the stage for a second but the guy was still talking about boring stuff and Keith noticed that a few other people in the audience had started quiet conversations.
“Well Pidge is as good as in, let’s be real. Me… well. Of course NASA is the dream for almost everyone at this university and I would be thrilled… but I’m not as set as Lance if that makes sense. I feel like I could work anywhere as long as I’m close to my friends.” Hunk shrugged and knitted his brows in deep thought before he cleared his throat.
“Lance is working really hard for it though. You have no idea how many scholarships he had to apply for before he finally got a foot in. Didn’t stop him though.” He smiled and Keith could feel how proud he was of his friend. “You know, the first year was rough. He failed an important test two times and was sure they were gonna kick his ass but he studied harder than all of us and now he’s always in the top 5.”
“Wow. That’s really impressive,” Keith heard himself say and immediately wanted to slap himself. Way to sound like a high school fangirl, Kogane. Can we please think before we speak, brain?!
“Yeah it is.” Hunk sighed, unfazed by Keith’s inner distress. “It’s also really hard to watch sometimes though…”
Keith raised an eyebrow at him.
“Not the part where he’s top of the class, no. I mean how he gets there. You can’t imagine how many all-nighters the boy pulls during finals and he always pushes himself to get better. I mean it’s great that he’s improving but sometimes I wish he would allow himself a break.” He stiffened and gave a quick laugh. “I’m talking too much again, aren’t I. Sorry, this must be a weird first impression.”
Keith didn’t say anything for a while and chewed on his lower lip. “Is it really that bad? I mean… I haven’t noticed anything and finals are just around the corner right?” He thought back to the few times he’d seen Lance. He had always looked cheery and well… relaxed.
Hunk seemed to be pondering over his answer for a while. That’s when they heard the door behind them open slowly and Lance and Pidge slipped back into the room, Pidge holding a coffee cup in each hand. Hunk leaned over a bit and whispered just before the other two sat down. “Look at his eyes, he thinks we don’t notice…”
Keith had no idea what he meant by that and was staring at a spot on the floor absently when Lance waved his hand in front of his face to get him out of his trance. “Keith, buddy, my man. They’re about to start, don’t pass out on me now!”
Keith blushed a little and sat up straighter. “Yeah, sorry. Not passing out. Now, let’s see your space magic thing. Hope it’s as good as you made it sound.”
The boy next to him grinned from ear to ear. “Better.”
The crowd around them applauded loudly. Apparently the speech part was over and somebody dimmed the lights, making everyone go silent. It was now completely dark in the hall. Keith could feel his palms getting sweaty. Why was this taking so long? He swallowed hard.
He whispered, almost inaudible “Lance?” but in this exact moment they turned on the projectors and surprised ahhhhs and ohhhs could be heard through the entire room.
Keith threw his head back so quickly he almost hit it on his seat’s backrest.
Lance’s words hadn’t prepared him for what he was seeing now at all. It was truly just… beautiful. Thousands of little stars were dancing on the ceiling and the floor and just everywhere. He knew he was sitting in a boring lecture hall and he felt incredibly stupid for even thinking so but for a moment he really felt like he was in space. His heartbeat sped up and his eyes wander around the entire room so quickly he was almost getting sick.
Keith was trying to take it all in before it stopped. The stars danced around his fingertips as he raised his hand in front of his face and watched. He wasn’t even questioning how the whole thing worked it was just too… too everything. In a good way.
“Sooo, did I promise too much?” Lance suddenly whispered next to his ear.
Keith just shook his head and then turned it to smile at him. “No, you didn’t. This is great! Thanks for inviting me to this.” Lance smiled at him and then quickly turned his head to the ceiling again. Neither of them mentioned that it had actually been Hunk who invited Keith.
Keith was still staring at Lance’s face from the corner of his eyes, watching the stars being projected onto his skin and their reflections in his eyes. He looked so beautiful like this, it made Keith’s head spin. He wanted to say something, to tell Lance how pretty he was but he bit his tongue instead. Just friends he reminded himself.
That’s when he remembered Hunk’s words from earlier and looked at Lance’s eyes more closely. What was he supposed to see? The long eyelashes? The small freckles underneath them? The well blended but thick layer of… concealer? Something clicked in his brain. Hunk had mentioned that Lance wasn’t sleeping enough and pushing too hard. Of course he and many others were unable to tell if they didn’t know what to look for. Lance had covered up his dark circles almost perfectly. Almost… Keith turned his gaze to the ceiling again and frowned. Why was he pretending to be fine? It was normal to be tired around finals wasn’t it? Why was he trying to hide it?
“Ladies and gentlemen, I’m afraid we have to end this now since our time is up,” a voice sounded from the front of the room. “Thank you all for coming and enjoy the rest of your day on campus.” They turned off the projectors and disappointment could be heard all around. Some classical song started to play and people started to shift but the lights were still out. Keith dug his nails into his palm and tried to breathe evenly. It’s fine, he tried to tell himself. They’re gonna turn them back on every second. Only they didn’t.
“Ladies and gentlemen, it appears we’re having some trouble back here. We’re sure everything will be fixed soon,” the voice echoed again. “Always a bit hard to find the light switch in the dark.” The voice said and gave a fake laugh. Some parents laughed as well. Keith didn’t. He gulped and pressed deeper into his seat.
He could feel Lance stir in the dark next to him and a hand touching his shoulder. “Keith? Are you okay?” Before Keith could even think of something to respond with the lights were finally turned back on. Keith let out a very deep breath he hadn’t noticed he was holding until now. He quickly unclenched his hands and turned his head to give Lance a small smile.
“All good, yes. I’m a bit sad it was over so quickly though.”
Lance looked at him questioningly for a second longer before he returned the smile. “Right? I wish they would do this more often!”
The group got up and headed out before the mass of people in the hall could block the aisles. The bright sunlight blinded Keith for a moment when they walked outside and he held up his helmet to shield his eyes. Someone walked into him from behind and he quickly turned around to apologize for stopping in the doorway but it was Lance he was looking at. An elderly woman complained about them being in her way and they stepped aside and walked a few feet to get away from the mass.
“Sorry for bumping into you,” Lance started, “It’s just,” he pointed at the helmet in Keith’s hand. “I didn’t notice before because I was so excited about the star thing but… did you bring your bike?” Hunk listened to their conversation and laughed looking at Lance now. Keith didn’t exactly understand what he thought was so funny and turned to Pidge for help but they were just quietly smiling at the whole scene.
“Ummm, yes? It’s how I got here. I don’t have a car, soo…” Keith shrugged a little lost.
“Awesome! I mean great. I mean...,” Lance scratched his head. “Can I see it?”
“Uhh, sure. I parked right over there.” Keith pointed over his shoulder. Lance didn’t even wait for the others. He was already on his way to the parking lot, almost running. When the others caught up with him he was inspecting Keith’s bike and admiring the details of the machine by almost touching it with his nose.
Hunk and Pidge seemed kind of impressed too and Hunk slapped Keith’s shoulder. “Sweet ride, Keith!” He joined Lance in walking around the bike to get a better look. “Lance mentioned you work at a workshop. Did you build this yourself?”
Keith nodded and then realised that Hunk wasn’t looking at him so he couldn’t see. “Yah, I did. It was the first project I did without Shiro’s help. Took me a while to find all the parts. I could get a better bike if I wanted but I’m kind of sentimental I guess.”
Lance nodded. “No I get it. It’s a bit like it’s your child, right? I mean… you made her.”
Keith smiled. “Yeah. I guess.”
Pidge gave a fake cough to get everyone’s attention and pointed at the bike. “If you’re finished drooling over that can we go get some food please?”
“That?” Keith repeated in a fake hurt tone.
“They’re secretly loving this more than Lance and me. You should see the stuff they build. We should visit you at your shop and just leave Pidge there for a few hours. They’d have the time of their life.” Hunk chuckled at the expression on Pidge’s face after his revelation.
 “Speaking of food though,” Lance looked at Keith and tilted his head, “We thought about grabbing a bite at Planet Altea. You in?”
Keith considered for a moment. He could spend some more time with them and get to know them better. He probably should. Shiro would tell him to… but he also really wanted to go home. The light incident had seriously freaked him out even if he didn’t want to show it. He’d rather calm down at home, alone, where he could stop pretending and no one would see what a mess he really was after such a small thing.
“Sorry, I need to leave. Shiro wants to visit an old friend of his and he’s dragging me along.” Lie. Shiro never dragged him anywhere Keith didn’t want to go. Apart of from that Shiro wasn’t even home right now.
Lance chewed his lower lip. “Ohh. Okay. We’ll text then?” The disappointed look on his face made Keith feel bad instantly.
“Yes definitely. It was really great. Thank you all for taking me.” Let me leave let me go.
Pidge and Hunk said goodbye and they watched Keith take off quickly. Lance waved one last time before he was out of sight, but Keith didn’t turn around to see it.
 Usually driving calmed him down but he felt himself get more anxious with every mile. He was glad he could finally take off the helmet when he arrived at his and Shiro’s place because he could breathe more freely instantly. He put the bike in the garage, unlocked the front door and took the elevator up to their floor. After hastily unlocking the front door and locking it after himself again, he immediately kicked off his boots and headed for his bedroom.  
He’d learned a few breathing techniques during his never ending counseling sessions and was really glad about that right now. After some minutes of leaning against his door he got his breathing under control. His thoughts however where still spinning, so he put his favourite playlist on shuffle and flopped down on his bed.
After a couple of songs Keith took out his phone to ask Shiro when he would be home and noticed he had gotten a few messages.
 (2:17pm): Hey, u ok?
(2:18pm): Getting kind of an anxious vibe over here?!
(2:20): Also thats an awful lot of emo music for someone who insists hes not emo ;)
 Shit. Sometimes he forgot the soulmate connection was a thing.
 (2:33pm): Sorry! Yes I’m good
There was an immediate response.
(2:33pm): U sure? Doesnt feel like it
(2:35pm): Idk
(2:36pm): Maybe not
(2:36pm): do you wanna talk? I can call u
Keith’s whole body tensed. Was he ready for that? Should he lie, maybe say he was tired and wanted to nap or something? Should he tell the truth? He frowned.
(2:37pm): I’m not… good at phone calls
(2:37pm): Np u can just listen and I’ll do the talkin
(2:39pm): that’d be ok?
Keith swallowed. Shiro probably wouldn’t be home for a while and he really needed to talk to someone. The question was if Lance was safe to talk to? Would it overstep the friendship line? Why could things never be easy…
 (2:42pm): yes, ok
 [Incoming call: Lance McClain]
More author’s notes:
This fic on AO3
Yeah after 500 years I finally updated. I could explain at length why it took my so long but it comes down to this: I was stressed, I was depressed, I’m sorry but now it’s finally here! Hooray!
As always a big THANK YOU to @alteanmoonchild for being my beta and for reading every new draft and honestly telling me when what I wrote isn’t good so I can improve and grow. I love us working together on this <3
Thank you to all of you for reading! If you have any questions or feedback send me an ask or dm me <3
Me an my friends finally cosplayed Voltron so if you wanna see me as Shiro and my awesome friends as Keith, Lance and Coran head over to my instagram.
Do you know what keeps me motivated when I so often doubt my writing and don’t know how to continue? Getting feedback! So please reblog, like, comment or even draw fanart. Whenever I read an “I love this” comment it makes me incredible happy! Also one of my goals is to someday have someone draw fanart for something wrote soo... if you wanna do that I’ll love you. Also please tag me if you do.
If you want me to tag you in the next part when I post it, just send me an ask saying so and I’ll add you to the taglist.
taglist: @alyy--caticus @princealektheorange @an-important-nobody @teddyorionpotter @spookyscaryshitstorm @ladythugs @positevelybakerstreet @meganmoo02 @atomicengineerdetective @jishwadun-is-jishwafun @anemoee
215 notes · View notes
organictaeyong · 4 years ago
Text
boyfriend!yixing
FORGETFUL
will literally forget everything and anything
speaks Chinese all the time when he comes in because hes tired and not thinking
and you’re like ????? I don’t speak Chinese
and he’s shook because he didn’t even realise he’d slipped into it
even though he’s maybe the most forgetful person in the world he never forgets important dates
your birthday, anniversaries you didn’t even know you should be celebrating
he never misses them
always wants to do couple things with you
couples cooking !!
which really means he hands you things and drinks wine
and you make sure he stays far away from the rice
even though he insists he knows how a rice cooker works now
he just really thinks it’s important you sit together and eat with each other no distractions
couples workout !!
which really consists of you drinking the protein shake you made and watching him do push ups
he wants to make sure you share everything like your hobbies
so he takes you dancing with him
he loves trying to teach you his dances
and you always wanna know they newest exo choreo tbh
you die a little every time though because its S O HAR D
and youre not a good dancer
but yixing is always patient with you trying to teach you as best he can
and he insists on sharing your hobbies with you
he always makes time to share yours
and he’s always got some crazy new hobby to try together
y’all have done everything
synchronised swimming
bird watching
anything you can literally think of tbh
literally just loves spending time with you
tries to teach you guitar and you sort of suck
but he just thinks its so adorable you’re trying
he usually puts you in his lap and guides your hands
but you actually started to get really good
and he’d always catch you playing his
so he buys you a guitar for your birthday
and you guys always have impromptu jam sessions
also tries to teach you Chinese which you are also really bad at
but you try and you leave him little notes written carefully in Chinese
he keeps every single one
loves solving puzzles with you
he finds it really therapeutic
you get all the answers wrong but y’all have fun doing them
once he brought home a jigsaw puzzle of the globe
y’all spent daysssssss trying to solve it and you leave it half solved and the next morning it’s complete and you’re like ???????
and kyungsoo’s like lmao took me 45 minutes whats up with you two??
hes always up at like 5am so you pack him a lunch box and leave him a little note on the bathroom mirror with dry erase markers
and when he gets up he always erases it and leaves you a sweet little note
he loves talking to you and telling you about everything
whenever he gets homesick he just lies down with you
and tells you everything about china
and what he wants to show you
and makes a bunch of plans of where to bring you when you finally come visit
you’d been going out for years when you finally had your greatest test
you asked him to help you when you moved
and of course like the sweetheart he is he did
he spent like a week with you
painting the rooms
(which always ended with a paint fight)
assembling the furniture with you
you guys spent like an entire day trying to assemble your bed
you hadn’t slept the night before
and being as clumsy as you are you knocked over like everything else in the room
and you spent the whole night mad at inanimate objects
but y’all never got mad at each other
and that’s when you realised he was the one
because you were both tired, way too warm and angry as hell but you never snapped at each other
you guys never really had a fight until he came home too late one too many nights
you didn’t mind because it was his job and he just wanted to prepare for his solo as best as he could
to make everyone proud
but he had been home past 4 or 5am every night this month
if he even came home
and you saw him once in the last two weeks
and you were getting a little bit more than upset
even though it felt unreasonable
nd you told him you were getting kind of lonely by yourself and you missed spending time together
and he was like omg because he didn’t even realise really that he was upsetting you
so he promised to be home by 9pm and you could have dinner together and just spend time together
and then it was 2am and he still wasn’t home
and it all got too much for you and you just started crying
he came in and your eyes were all swollen and you were just sitting on the floor drinking some wine
and he’s like ????? what happened why r u crying?
and you’re like omg amazing!!! You’re late and you didn’t even remember!! Love this !! im going to bed!! Thanks for wasting my entire night!!
nd then he’s like no NO NO NO IM SO SORRY I FORGOT
nd you want to be mad at him but you cant because he didn’t mean to
nd you just breakdown and start sobbing and he runs to you
he’s cuddling you and stroking your hair and apologising
because he didn’t mean to and you know it and he doesn’t know how to fix it
nd eventually you fall asleep because you’re so tired
when you wake up yixing isn’t there
and you almost cry again until your door opens
and yixing comes in with water and some painkillers
in case you have a headache
and then he asks If you want to go out for breakfast or cook some
and you cry all over again because he is so sweet
always thinks of everyone but himself
so you always gotta remind him to look after himself
hugs hugs hugs
always hugging you
bear hugs
back hugs
side hugs
surprise hugs
hugs hug HU G S Hu GS
just loves to shower you in affection
like always kissing your cheek
or shooting you winks
nd you think its lame but that makes it all the more adorable to you
always cuddling you
sometimes he comes In late and sees you curled up on the couch asleep waiting for him
he just grabs a blanket and curls around you
nd you wake up and youre like ??? but you fall back asleep because he’s so warm and he’s home and you can relax
you get really lonely when he’s away
so he bought u bear to cuddle while he’s away
nd you do because it smells like him
nd he doesn’t feel so far away when you have the bear
really nice couple bracelets
the thing is you guys didn’t get them for each other
Suho got them for you
after a year
he says it a blessing so you will have a long happy relationship
since then you haven’t taken them off
lots and lots os skype calls when he’s away
if he’s gonna be somewhere for a while you actually send him letters
nd he loves every single one
it’s always such a nice surprise for him
nd he thinks its so precious you take the time to write to him
loves taking walks with you
especially in spring by the cherry blossoms
nd he’s just strolling through the park with you holding your hand when he casually says something like
“I think id like to have our wedding here”
nd you just choke on the coffee you’re drinking
because ?????????? marriage ???????????
nd he’s just like omg r u ok what happened should I call a hospital???
nd he doesn’t even realise why you’re having a heart attack
he just adores you so much
pls love him just as much
if not more
Tumblr media
149 notes · View notes
bulgeoutnevertuck · 2 years ago
Text
vent. dont reblog.
its not supposed to be a big deal if ur friends forget ur birthday and i know i shouldnt take it to heart but it does suck and for me in particular who has a rly hard time feeling like i matter and is like. rly desperate to matter to my friends. its hard not to be hurt. but i also feel like im being dumb. and i dont know how fair or reasonable im being. i dont know how to tell if being hurt that my friends didnt remember my birthday is a rational response or not. i dont know how to tell if anything i feel at all is rational and reasonable. i feel like im not allowed to have feelings or i shouldnt let myself have them or let them get out bc theyll just be wrong and unfair and irrational. and ppl will get sick of me. if they arent already. i hate having bpd. i hate that i have to worry about if im being irrational or not. bc theres no way for me to tell. all i can do is feel what im feeling. but im not allowed to do that bc my feelings are wrong. im tired and scared and im constantly a mess. i cry so much. almost daily. and im sick all the time. but i cant be content with being alone i have to want friends and wanting friends means wanting to be liked and wanting to matter and inevitably feeling like i dont matter. bc of little things. and bc it feels like im the only one trying. and maybe thats fine maybe we’re not a good fit or something. but i want to be friends with ppl. i want to keep trying. bc i want them to try too. bc i want to matter to them. maybe i do and maybe they are trying and im just missing all the signs. i dont know what to do or think. im so confused. it hurts and i want to run away. but running away doesnt work. running away means ‘im hurting pls come after me so i know i matter to you’ but it doesnt work like that. ppl dont chase you bc if u leave they think that means ur upset with them or want to be alone. so they give u space. and now you feel even more worthless bc of a misunderstanding and a lack of communication. my brain keeps urging me to run away and self isolate and i know that isnt a solution so im trying not to do it. but i dont know what the solution is. so its getting harder to resist the urge. and sometimes running away is cathartic. crying is cathartic. but catharsis doesnt work much anymore. bc the problems dont go away. so for me where i am catharsis is basically just a very brief respite. before all the feelings come back and it hurts again. bc nothing is solved. the problems are still there. and i dont know what to do. so i do nothing. i just cry and hurt and run away and then i come back when i feel a bit better. and then i feel worse. and it all repeats. i feel so stupid. its august. we wanted to move out before my birthday but we havent been able to. ive been at my limit for months. im basically just stretching my limit as far as i can trying to make it work and survive bc we will get out eventually and i just need to survive until then. no matter how. i just have to survive. somehow. and every time i feel like i cant go any further like i cant stretch my limit further and i cant cope anymore. every time i feel like im slipping and this is the end and im about to give up. i dont. i stretch it further and i cope. bc i dont have a choice. but im sure this is all doing so much damage to me. its not normal to cry so much ur constantly congested. i had a meltdown yesterday and punched a hole in my bedroom wall bc the limit broke and i couldnt stop myself. either i hit myself or i hit the wall. i scratched up my hand on the plaster as it went thru but i didnt break anything like i did the last time. i havent done that in years and i hate doing it. it makes me feel so ashamed. but at least now i know that its just a symptom of being pushed way past my limit and not being able to cope. my grandmother had been harassing me all day and id been stressing about someone and crying and very very depressed and then i dropped the vanilla slice i had got as a treat to make myself feel a bit better and suddenly it was all too much and i had a meltdown. im glad i didnt hurt myself. hitting myself would have been worse. i feel like i have to justify punching the wall like it did by saying if i hadnt i would have hurt myself. its not okay to punch a wall. i didnt want to do it. i feel like theres nothing i can say which will make it acceptable. even with all the context of why it happened. im still ashamed and i still wish i hadnt done it. but i didnt get a choice. saying that sounds like an excuse. i feel pathetic. i need to get out of here so i can be safe and get better and get on with my life. what do i do. what did i do to deserve this.
0 notes
ilygsd · 3 years ago
Text
odfidk: 300418
hi im apologizing in advance to anyone who happens to read this but this is more for myself cus man i just had a huge fight with my white parents and im so frustrated that they dont understand and im so frustrated im so lonely and depressed and im so frustrated this sucks and yeah i really dont have ANYWHERE else to vent so here tumblr here u go pls u have been warned im having like an anxiety attack or smth right now so nothing will make sense anyways go away
i want to die. and i also wanna murder every single white person i see. for real i just really fucking hate white people. they literally destroy everything and i cant do this anymore. I CANT STAND BEING ISOLATED. my traumatic mental issues are preventing me from getting any friends (especially poc friends) so all i have is my stupid fucking white family and they just make me feel even worse. also my social anxiety prevents me from seeking help too because apparently you have to call these stupid psychologists and you cant just mail or text them or let a parent call them for you and calling people i dont know and talk to people i dont know is like a part of the problem i need help with?? like WHO WAS RHAT FUKING IDIOT WHO CANE UP WITH THE IDEA ”oh lets force our clients to call us in order to get help” LIKE DONT U FKN UNDERSTAND SOME OF US CANT. also most of the psychologist are probably white anyways and i really can’t handle whites anymore at all. just the thought of it makes me wanna puke. a part of me doesnt even wanna talk to a non-adoptee??? but that’s not very realistic. all i want is at least a NON-WHITE psychologist and where the fuck do i find that
i can’t talk to anyone. i don’t have a safe space anywhere except for online among other asians who hate whites. i feel like a prisoner in my own home. BITCH I CANT BREATHE 😭😭 I CANT REST 😭 WHITES ARE EVERYWJERE AND I LITERALLY HAVE TO LEEP MY MOUTH SHIT AND BOTTLE EVERYTJING UP UNTIL I EXPLODE LIKE THIS AND WANT TO DIE 😭😭 hate my white family so much i want to cut them off from my life forever. but thanks to my stupid abandonment issues and generally just mental illness and unhealthy perception of relationships i’m too scared to cut them off. i’m not strong enough to be on my own. i’m not capable of making friends. look at me im fucked up. i dont have any friends anymore cus i always manage to fuck things up and now im to tired and anxious to even try.
i also cant speak my mother tongue bc my stupid white parents let me grow up with only other whites and no exposure of my original culture or anything so THANKS TO THAT i’ll never get accepted in asia. i wont even get accepted by ”ordinary” asian immigrants or the asians born here cus at least they have their parenrs and relatives and part of the culture while i have…….. nothing. also i live in fucking sweden and even though we gor 20% poc here they’re literally nowhere to be seen cus my city is SEGREGATED AF and my awkward ass dont know how to approach other poc without being like ”HEY YO LETS BE FRIENDS ILY DONT LEAVE"
i hate myself, i hate my life, i hate my situation, i hate white people. i hate everyone. i don’t see any hope. i don’t see a positive future. and even if i did, id only see the negative shit that would happen after bc man life always disappoint me. and that shit would definitely be the death of me cus i woudnt be able to take anymore disappointments. the only thing im holding onto right now is that i’m too lazy, to tired and too scared to hurt myself.
also bc i REALLY wanna go and see bts lmaooo i didnt even know this was so important??? its not necessarily bc of them i mean i havent been into kpop for very long but then i found myself feeling this INTENSE ANXIETY THAT I NEED TO SEE THEM. it feels like its now or never. its my only chance. it feels like im gonna DIE IF IM NOT SEEING THEM. not only to see THEM but to see ASIANS. like im desperate bitches it sounds so fetishizing but for real i need POSITIVE ASIAN REPRESENTATION AND YOU COULD BASICALLY SAY BTS AND KPOP HAS SAVED MY LIFE BECAUSE GOD DAMN IT IT SOUNDS SO CHEESY BUT THEY REALLY HAVE!! not obly cus they’re asian but also cus theyre friends and i dont jave any friends so all i do is watching their friendship and dream about smth ill never have
but hey i probably wont get any tickets and tbh i can already feel that thats gonna make me depressed af. especially when all these ugly rich white koreaboos will be seeing them and im here all alone, feeling like the only ones i can turn to is a fucking kpop group. how fucking sad isn’t that. i’m not even korean, but it’s like they’re the closest i can get. whites be taking iver everything. i grew up in a fkn white family i know jow they think. they dont. my family isnt even ”racist” theyre racist cus theyre white u get me. like they dont undersyand the hidden racism by calling it an ordinary asian store ”china store” its so normal to them. all my life ive wanted to be a whitey AND NOW WHEN I FINALLY FOUND KPOP THEY WANNA STEAL THAT SHIT TOO OMG IM GOING NUTS
like racists always tell me to go back to my country BUT I NEVER FKN CHOSE TO BE HERE MY PARENTS LITERALLY BOUGHT ME THEY EVEN GOT 80K FINANCIAL CONTRIBUTION FROM OUR GOVERNMENT SO THEY COULD AFFORD MY ADOPTION BUT OUR GIVERNMENT CANT EVEN HELP ME WITH A TINY RE-VISIT TO THE FUCKING PLACE I WAS BORN AND THE ORPHANAGE I SPEND MY 2 FIRST YEARS IN??? like ffs i have to deal with racism 24/7 but give me some fkn money and i’ll be off in a week fuck YOU. at the same time all these nasty white rich hoes can travel across asia like 55 times a year just to exploit our culture and treat my people like SHIT AND NOT ONLY TJAY!! not only cant i go back to my country while whites can…. I CANT EVEN FUCKING SEE THIS ONE SINGLE KPOP GROUP I LIKE WITHOUT THESE FUCKTARD CUNTS NOT BEING ABLE TO CONTROL THEIR COLONIALIST GENES AND STAY IN THEIR FKN LANE
ANYWAYS also also my white brothers make fun of bts and kpop cus they think its just “another stupid boyband” like 1D or smth because their stupid white ass cant comprehend they have 2 asian sisters and that one of them maybe miss her fucking race and hate her life so fucking much that the only thing she’s doing right now is to watch anime and kpop 24/7 bc that’s the only thing she can escape to
ugh i always hate ranting like this cus when i’ve revovered i will cringe so much and i will regret everything i’ve said and i will act fine and i just wanna forget that this ever happened and euw. i just REALLY hate white people and seeing bts would honestly make me so happy. i have a goal of travelling back to china when i have the money but its so far away, im broke, and my parents would rather spend the money on greece for the 6th time than visiting the place i was born SO WHEN I SAID SEEING BTS WOULD GIVE ME ENOUGH DOPAMIN TO SURVIVE ANOTHER YEAR I WASNT FUCKING LYING I NEED SMTH TO HOLD ONTO!! I NEED ASIANS IN MY LIFE GOD DAMN IT
and i HATE that white people take it so personally like my dad is so fkn stupid he must think being schizo cus really cant understand the difference between individuals and groups so when i be lile ”i hate u” and ”ily” he’s like ???? 😭😭😭 god i dont even know if i love em anymore tbh, theyre THAT fkn dumb and then i dont even wanna IMAGINE other adoptive parentS OMG like no wonder so many adoptees grow up with HUGE internalized racism issues smhhh thats sad af cus they be turning their back on their poc cousins just to fit in and be loved by their parents 😭😭😭 rip
0 notes
cojode · 4 years ago
Note
even numbers?
2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?already answered
4) What do you think about most?the future, work, leaving home (things that bother me atm)
6) Do you have any strange phobias?crickets!!! i specifically hate them a lot
8) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?playing ultimate frisbee!!
10) What was the last lie you told?nothing big comes to mind. i probably said id do the dishes or somethin and didnt lol
12) What does your URL mean?my real name is c.j. (my initials) but i once wrote the dots at circles so someone called me “cojo” and i added “de” at the end for my last name lol
14) Who is your celebrity crush?where to begin….. zendaya, lorde, charlize theron, samira wiley, daisy ridley, gina rodriguez…….(i also think eugene lee yang from buzzfeed is super attractive…….dont @ me)
16) Do you have a collection of anything?seashells, sketchbooks, sunglasses, succulents
18) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?hate: joints popping (cracking knuckles), lawnmowers (when im tryin to sleep!!!)love: my dog’s little barks and sighs, colored pencils on paper
20) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?i believe in ghosts like 100%! aliens less so but im still open to the possibility of their existence
22) Smell the air. What do you smell?fresh, slightly salty (im at the beach)
24) Most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender?brandon flowers & harry styles
26) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?i dont drive
28) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?havent had many…. i once sprained my ankle pretty badly tho but i continued to play basketball with it and it sucked
30) Ever had a rumor spread about you?maybe? probably? nothing major tho cuz nothing comes to mind
32) What is your astrological sign?pisces,, im such a pisces too omf
34) Love or lust?love
36) How many relationships have you had?two
38) Where is your best friend?i dont rlly have a “best” friend per say, but my friends are at home atm or my one close bud is at her lakehouse
40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?hopefully?? maybe not tho, im pretty moody. i think i would get along with myself decently tho cuz im v chill and i like that in others
42) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?a: id tell them maybe after a period of time? definitely would tell my family thob: travel w family and friends. spend much more time with my friends. stay up late, eat junk food. take long walks w my dog. get drunk. go to the beach. paint.c: definitely. id think id be more afraid of leaving my loved ones and how it would affect them rather than fearing my actual passage from this life tho.
44) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?communication! lots of love and enthusiasm for the other’s interests and accomplishments. mutual understanding about certain issues and facets of life. just lots of support and a consistent urge to be with/see/talk to ur partner. lots of humor too.
46) Can insanity bring on more creativity?i think so
48) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?my name, date or birth and death, the basics. maybe a quote or a title but im too indecisive to pick one out for myself. maybe the lyrics to africa by toto ;-)
50) Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?blue blue blue
52) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?lol several members of the united states gov (dont make me name them all pls). also prob milo yianskskalodjsna or whatever his fuckin name is cuz im tired of hearin abt him
54) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?to never get tired/not have to sleep! like, i could do it if i wanted to, but without the need to sleep i would have so many more hours in the day to do shit (my family and i talk about this question constantly lol)
56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?the college process lmao
58) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?eastern europe!! probably france and then i can travel by train from there :)
60) Give me your top 5 hottest celebrities.in no specific order: zendaya, 90s gillian anderson, sigourney weaver (alien), samira wiley, gina rodriguez
0 notes
stim-urself · 4 years ago
Text
im just really depressed pls dont read this
yooo so i fricken idek 
im like on my computer because i wanna set up  a nice queue so i can keep my blog like consistant so yall can see pretty things idek i feel dumb for that??? idek but i get on here and i keep trying but my focus and brain hurts and i look at the screen for no more than twenty seonds before getting distracted by something else and it sucks because by the time i look back at the computer, anything that i WAS interested in has already like slipped my mind and idek what im looking at anymore!!!! aNd plus its like my head is killing me maybe because my wisdom teeth are comin in???? idk!!! idk anything right now lol!!! I have brain fog i hate it i hateit and like 
i jssst did it again ohmygod i literally just looked away for like five minutes and loko back and realise that  i was writing trhis post???!? jesus christ????>! im like so over it all lol! like forreal im hurting so bad and i knEW That i wouldn’t be able to do much at all today so i was wanting to set up the queue and then do my BEST to take a shower , i was gonna eat but reemembered we are out of food. honestly i odn’t even know what to do at this point i can bare;y even function anymore and i can’t make any sort of money adn the job i did have online isn’t somethign i can do anymore because my body ust KEEPS fighting me and i hate it i wish i could just like do some crazy deed and get a new one or sell my fucking soul idek tbh like i just dont know what to do. im so worried and scared all the time and one of the few fun things i have left in life is the internet (certain parts of it obviously lol) and like this blog helps me a ton and i can’t even enjoy it really either and i just wanna so bad i just wanna be chill and be oka and not hurt so bad ican barely hadnle it. like its so stupid why is this? a thing? and on the outside im like chill af and almost 90% of the time,unless you are conner or shaina, you have no idea that im hurting so bad i could break down at any moment!!! its rlly dumb!!iii alWAYS do my best to be a happy person (which never really works but im good at coming off positive, which is all that matters yanno) and i always do everything i can to be a good friend and not make people worry about me more than they already do !!1 and lately ive been so scared to ask for help at all because honestly im so tired of my whole life being a charity case but like forreal i hae no idea what tod o at this point and its so fucking scary . my mental and physical health is so shit at this point and like????a efw weeks ago i went to the store and the lady checking out my groceries yanno being a good worker or whatever and she was like ‘how are yall doing today :)” and i was like im good!!! and then like i started to tear up???? infront of the random worker lady??? i felt so bad and i tried to not let her notice because idek i dind’t want her to think maybe she did something wrong??? idek and conner was liek woah woah you okay?? why are you crying hunny its gonna be okay we are about to be leaving and i was like yeah no im fine! and he made me go on to the car and wait for him and mom . i felt so stupid. and i just wish i knew what to do with myself. i hate living in the hotel. i feel like, idek im so blessed and happy to even have a roof over my head, access to the internet, i have clothes to wear (most of the time), i have access to water, ellectricity, a shower and shampoo, ect, so i feel like a total shit person for even complaing, so i never really do but like this is my post and i highly doubt anyone at all has read this far lol so oh well!!! like
this hotel room is sos small and im stuck living with my ex and i am still so desperately inlove with him and honestly our relationship is so unhealthy for me but honestly i have no where else to go and if i got down to it, even if i got out, id probaly want him to come with me lol but honestly though like atleast it wouldn’t be here in this ne room with our one bed where WE sleep and our mini fridge and the one tv with his xbox and his food and his things and his stuff that im literally just a bum yall.
and i don’t even have a way to fix it and like last time i went to stay with my mom (which isint’ even an option anymore because she just moved in with my aunt,) i was without help for the first time inn a while and my body honestly can’t take shit anymore and i woke up and as usual i couldn’t fucking walk and i had to peee and i was crying like the second my eyes opened lol because im a lil bitch honestly and it hurt so bad and i did my best to try to stannd up but the matress was on the floor and i couldnt get up and i ended up fzallling and when i fell i fucking pissed myself. l;ike forreal. a 20 yr old pissing herslef. i was so fucking mortified and i couldnt really move and it was so embarrasing and no one weas there to see it thank god but i was stuck there for a good ten minutes. l;o,l1!! wowowow how awesome!!! andyanno its so ssscary because i know the issues i have like, dont get better. like they don;.t thats just not how it works. infact they ten to get worse for msot people, so im like stuck, and its so scary to know that someday , if i make it, imma be a 30 yr old, unable to walk, lonely and probably dying from the weight on top of her heart because she got so fat nothin could fit it! and in so much pain that she can’t even wipe her own ass!! lol! wow yanno honestly thix post makes me seem insane. but fuck that like hoenstly. honestlly i don’t have a single soul to tell anything to anymore. i feel so trapped, and scared and worried and i am crying and stresssed and honestly fuck it if me writing a thousand miles a minute helps me feel better, so be it like im not ebeven gonna worry .i just rreally wish i knew what to do to make things right. 
ok imma go now . if you read all of this, im so sorry , but thankyou for taking your time to care about me.
0 notes