#plus this shit isnt worth anything anyway

[spiderh0rse]

freeman's mind notes part 13, e61-68, plus 61.5. Finale.

e61

new intro! The dam.

HATES the giant teleporter room.

doesn't know the makeup of the HEV suit.

it's been a long time since he overprepared!

so so bothered by radiation always

almost trips and falls into the reactor core

keeps hitting buttons without thinking about it

sufficiently advanced technology quote. Claims it doesn't rule OUT magic

"if I start to die, then I'll stop"

shocked some doors arent locked

doesn't tolerate tardiness outside of his own, but doesn't mind sleeping on the job

genuinely thinks the teleporters may be magic

prepared to fight an old man

i hesitate to inform freeman the origins of the term "aspergers"

missed the long jump module <3

I love how he makes little motions as if he's taking the rocket out of the launcher

still refuses to touch the hivehand. I don't blame him it looks painful

picks up the Gauss Gun! Doesn't know its name

wants to get teleported to Massachusetts.

thinks he could get along with clones of himself. There's utility in that.

asking after a snack machine.

just needs to reach Massachusetts.

needs a plan to unite himselves if he gets clones of himself. Plans to leave contact info where the gold is.

BACKRUBS (shephard's mind cameo!)

e61.5

screams and falls into some water. silly noises

Not in new mexico anymore!

SO happy that his worst problem at the moment is Lost In The Woods

still hungry but he is in a forest

his sense of the passage of time is awful

thinks he may be in Europe

CAR FOR GORDON

crackliest laugh I've ever heard

turns on some silly music on the radio

e62

we're in Xen, everyone

"I TOLD THEM EXACTLY WHAT TO DO AND THEY FUCKED ME"

[whimpering]

hyperventilating so much right now. Sooooo panicked

not taking a survey team members helmet (germs on it)

"BLAH"

actively states that he might "blow [his] brains out"

keeps making noises every time he jumps from spinning platform to spinning platform

totally not freaking out

interested in how gravity and atmosphere work on what seems to be a single giant rock

wonders how many people Black Mesa dumped into Xen

the dead houndeyes jump around as they die

thinks a plant stole a piece of his soul. Considers it not worth it to get it back

lots of water! prepared to live in this one room if anything is edible

this flooded room isnt the worst apartment he's ever had

he's pretty sure he can't eat rhombuses

gets near-blinded and considers this the Second worst apartment he's ever had

e63

new intro, the gargantuar killing those two HECU

incredibly pessimistic about the survey team

thinks he can kill the gonarch easily

screams that he's freaking out, yells at the gonarch to die, mimics the gonarchs cry

white spiderweb hell milk

these are some crusty noises he's making they're kinda cute

thinks hundreds of researchers may have been dumped into Xen and a lot of them just. Missed land.

prioritizing explosives with the gonarch

having rockets brings him closet to his comfort zone

fully expects the trip to Xen to be one-way. Keeps working on the task given to him anyways

thinks he would not make a good ambassador

thinks he may be fighting god

"BLAH-"

actively screaming at and trying to kill supposedly-god

a wise man once said jesus tapdancing christ

thinks instead of being teleported reality was mostly destroyed and the remainder just got a bit weird. Rescinds that.

hits his head on the ceiling twice. He's out of it today.

would beat the shit out of the scientists that sent him to Xen if they brought him back

fizzly teleporter :>

e64

we open with a NOISE

he's confused and bothered by how much is happening right now

"THUD."

the rotating platforms-dactar island is slightly better than the gonarch one

declares himself a zoning inspector

explodes the weird pits in the island

thinks the island's ecosystem is neat.

"I'm a scientist with a shotgun. I'm unstoppable." Immediately cowers away from a weird plant

considering living in this cave as well

thinks he would've worked at Black Mesa even knowing this was the future. It is studying his field. I suppose he values the company greatly.

wondering how the gonarch managed to eat at its size

[coughing sputtering spitting] YEAHHHHH

bullsquid gunk in his mouth :(

wants to put a stick against the rising/sinking pillar and make a funny noise.

envisioning his own horrible death at every turn

does NOT like being this high up. Got his panic voice on

he's prepared to adjust his expectations to make an awful situation less terrible in comparison to other awful situations. Or equally bad!

"it's glowing. That means it must be important."

so good with his magnum aim here. Admits he may not be able to claim skill here, its just THAT good. Must be fate.

still wondering about the gonarchs diet

e65

"if you're not insane you're just ignorant."

very concerned about how all the survey team died

impressed at the dual stars of Xen but the sky is clearly mirrored. I think there's a plane of gasses the islands float in.

he wouldn't expect him here

happy with the gauss gun

theorizes the alien grunts are nearsighted

AMAZED some aliens aren't trying to attack him. Tells them theyre doing everything right for someone who wants to live.

gets his foot stuck in some rock :(

earth does indeed kick ass compared to here

MORE ROCKETSSSS

not happy to be here but sure he can make something of the place.

pretty sure the gargantuars are idiots

still not a bug fan. Cringe.

realizes he hasn't been using the tripmines. Makes em work

oh this is such a fun noise. Subtitled as "BLAAHHHBLAHHBLAAAH!"

yeah he just hates this and expects the teleporter to send him to beeroom

e66

new intro! We... Are in Xen.

makes bee noise as he lands!

still delighted at the vortigaunts being nonchalant about him. Would've assumed they worked at Black Mesa if they'd been this calm there.

climbs up a layer of the factory by climbing on a vortigaunt's head. No issues arise

keeps hearing weird noises

impressed by the industry of the healing tubes

clocks the factory as manufacturing or processing.

ripe for colonization.... Gordon.....

hits a forcefield and just starts making blubbering noises

recovers, deep breaths

he is NOT a barrel he never WANTED to be a barrel

HOT WATER WHERE ARE HIS TOWELS

the barrels are not full of laundry detergent

he thinks company policy should just be to run away when they see him

specbio fan :>

very confused about the technological development of the aliens

"SHIT POPPERS"

wonders if growing soldiers is more efficient than making bees

basically every hit he takes is punctuated with an "ah!"

cannot climb that barrel

has seen Phantasm

mind your ableism

big screen tv on the wall :> wants to watch alien tv

e67

talks as if he doesn't like tvs you can't operate without the remote.

doesn't like the red spores in the vents

still hoping Xen illnesses won't know how to adapt to humans

compares Xen to a living creature

metaphorically in the pit

impressed at how much effort it took to put him in a nigh-unwinnable scenario

"aliens... Come out to play~" x3

thinks the scientists don't care about anyone who got sent to Xen

dizzy again :(

surrounded by electricity and plasma and he isn't even slightly dizzy

he's got so little food in him he wouldn't be able to vomit. Just dry heave

thinks very poorly of the Xenians

thinks killing a major religious figure would make them largely subservient to him or demoralize them

thinks wearing someone's head around your neck sends a universal message

knows how many people died in the space program

knows tricks to deal with dizziness or reduce it

familiar with Dr. Who

only willing to teleport once more

infinite black void. Thick cloud or cavern, he thinks.

funny noises as he jumps around the rocks

thinks the Nihilianth teleporter is "heavy metal"

hears the science team talking over the big ol radio teleporter

breathing hard as he falls into the Nihilianth room, screams the moment it's done saying his name

e68, Finale

New intro. We close in on the tram in stasis.

familiar with Lovecraft's works.

none of this situation is going well for him he's just panicking constantly

thinks reality is breaking down more the longer he's alive

thinks the security guard advertisements are to send random people into Xen

seeing him using the grenade rounds on the Nihilianth before breaking the crystals,, painful

tells the crystals to stop helping his adversary

treats his scavenging like making all these deaths worthwhile

he's the low-g man :)

a final bit of underwater mumbling....

the electricity is WORSE when he's wet. Sounds outright painful

once more he does not know Morse

wants to use this room as a low gravity basketball court

stuck his palm to the ceiling. Neat stuff.

yeah this gravity is too low to support an atmosphere...

downright cheery about killing the Nihilianth now. I think he's in shock.

swan dive purgatory :/

he doesn't know what the gauss gun is but it is VERY expensive

wants to become god now??

checks himself when Gman mentions taking his weapons

does not like the teleportation tour

thinks Gman is from the CIA

he wants a pardon if he's to work for the CIA. Wants lab work in Hawai'i

he's done being shot at.

thinks Gman is a time lord

doesn't respond to anything after entering the portal.

AND ALTERNATIVE TIMELINE

refuses to work for Gman.

wants the space tram to turn around and bring him back to earth

not sure where he is! It's bad though! He dies!

Alright! It's been an eventful series! I'll say that I started this expecting to slowly work my way through and be clinical the whole time, but... Well. He started making silly noises. I genuinely find him kind of adorable now, and have far more serious thoughts about him than I anticipated. He's a deeply unserious person. He's incredibly stressed by everything going on. He doesn't like killing people. He sustains a fair bit of head trauma. HE HASN'T EATEN ANYTHING SINCE THOSE BAD DORITOS. It really does stand out to me that being well-fed is such a motivator of his all series. He really is horribly hungry. Anyways. It's been a pleasure doing this, and I'll absolutely being doing more notes on other Mindverse series in short order. Stark's Mind is up next.

#freeman's mind #gordon freemind #mindverse #rmanotes #anddddd a few further notes on the series as a whole and my final thoughts at the very end

[the-blaze-empress]

no joke I switched to desktop JUST so i could type this out on an actual keyboard instead of my phone

starting off with chap 4 OH MY GOD okay we get a little bit of backstory with chat!!! they are Not Human which makes sense but we get confirmation!!! Chat is Phil's BIGGEST SUPPORTER it might be because he's just a Kid but i feel like it's more than that, Chat seem like sneaky little bastards plus they Know Something I have a feeling they have ulterior motives o.O and I touched on this briefly but I ADORE the reptition of "you feel guilty" it's reminiscent of a thought that just won't stop pestering you but with that little tinge of unsettling energy that makes you know it's something MORE. and damn right Chat is never wrong YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN FATHER TECHNO, NO TURNING BACK NOW I am so normal about them <3 

PHIL'S WINGS ARE THOSE OF A CARRION BIRD?? FEMALE VOICE IN HIS HEAD?? AM I GETTING GODDESS OF DEATH MUMZA VIBES, BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE I'M GETTING GODDESS OF DEATH MUMZA VIBES. angel of death phil is TOP TIER- and that DREAM UGH dreams are some of my favorite things to read/write because you can kinda just go wild and show your character's innermost fears/struggles/injuries without the limits of realism or needing actual structure- you can literally just slap your readers in the face with metaphor and they HAVE TO LIKE IT because it's a dream sequence and nothing NOTHING is cooler than a good dream sequence. the mirrors, the mirrors surrounding him and showing him what he thinks is the worst and most shameful part of himself- GENIUS. And then THAT cage disappears and he's RIGHT BACK WHERE HE STARTED in another cage. A prettier cage, sure, but a cage nontheless. 

THE WINGS IMAGERY OOF i adore it i adore it all I'm frothing at the mouth screaming crying throwing up a bird in a cage!! Phil is a bird in a cage in more ways than one (MIRRORED CAGE- LITERALLY A CAGE MADE OF HIS OWN BODY THE SYMBOLISM IS PERFECTLY PAINFUL), his wings are clipped and he keeps fleeing anyway because he can't bear it anymore GOD. he is sisyphus. he is the bravest little boy and he just wants to stop hurting and stop being hurt. I want to hug him (BUT DON'T TOUCH HIS BACK!! BECAUSE HIS WINGS ARE THERE AND IT HURTS). Do the sleeves have something to do with the wings??? It would make sense- runes in the cloth to help hide them. I'm getting the vibes of either prophecy/curse, seeing as how these "stories" tell that his wings won't stay just tattoos for long. Which, that makes me thinks it's involuntary and POOR BOYYYYY 

characters sobbing after being shown just basic kindness is SO GOOD it's so painful but it shows so much about them without having to say it. They're used to cruelty and hurt. They've learned not to expect anything for free. They've been taught that they aren't worth anything if they're not giving every part of themselves to someone else. They've been taught that they aren't worth extra effort. They fundamentally don't understand the concept of being cared for just because they are human beings who need care and attention and OH the pain!!! the agony!!11!!! the shock and amazement and disbelief when someone is there just to be there, the fear that somehow they'll mess it up and things will go back to how they were, the holding their breath and waiting for their caretaker to realize they're not truly worth all this trouble. they're so precious and they have so much trauma <33333

and thus begins dadnoblade!!! I'm so excited to watch their relationship grow, this fic has me wholly and truly obsessed. The daily updates have been amazing, but please take the time to rest/take a break if you need one!!!! I will be eagerly theorizing in the meanwhile

oh if that isnt a fucking mood, i do that all the time which is partly why its taken me a Bit to reply lmaoooo. also HOLY SHIT UR ASK IS SO LONG??? SLASH SO POS

OKAY HI I GOT DISTRACTED TALKING ABOUT CLASSICAL CONTEXTS AND ALSO WHY ACHILLES AND PATROCLUS WERE GAY TO MY FLATMATE IM BACK NOW

yesss chat backstory!! there is more to come!! and yeah chats attached to the scrawny kid they met for like 0.5 seconds whos surprised not me. and yeah they ARE a sneaky little bastard and proud of it. so what if they may or may not have ulterior motives its fiiiine you dont need to know just trust them okay? chat is never wrong about SOME things. sometimes they are Very Wrong but They Will Never Admit That. though that is actually a rarer occurrence tbh

YEAAAA CARRION CROW BAYBEE WE LOVE SPOOKY BIRDS IN THIS HOUSE!! i am Looking at your theories and Saying Nothing <3 you will get ur answers <3 eventually <3 yes the dream!! i got to write two dreams in quick succession it was Great i also love dreams bc as u said, u can go BATSHIT with the symbolism and IT DOESNT HAVE TO MAKE SENSE also DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TRYING TO WRITE ABOUT THESE DREAMS AND NOT BE ABLE TO USE THE WORD NIGHTMARE????? IM DYING OVER HERE 'BAD DREAM' DOESNT HAVE NEARLY THE SAME CONNOTATIONS. anyways.

he is just a bird in a cage poor bby </3 im LIVING for ur analyses and i am going to pretend they are all intentionally like that!! (aksdjf i mean some shit is deliberate but also some shit has just Worked and im like huh neat) and idk DO the sleeves have anything to do with the wings? eyes emoji <3 poor boy yes correct hes Trying His Best

yeahhhh the fucking breaking down after being shown one (1) ounce of actual human decency is chefs kiss istg. hes so broken and this only breaks him MORE it should be HELPING and it IS but it HURTS and its NOTHING LIKE WHAT HES USED TO and yeah. trauma. we got a LOT of that in this fic wooooo

yesss dadnoblade (unwilling) (semi willing) (shut up chat okay its willing dont tell anyone else) im so glad ur as obsessed about this fic as i am bc boy oh BOY am i obsessed!!!!!!!!!! i will take rests and breaks dw especially since my uni has fixed the mc problem where i couldnt actually play mc properly so i will now be doing that A Lot More askdjfhdskj

do send me more theories if u have them at literally any point in time idc if its 2am i Will Listen

#wisdom be uponeth ye #1wn8ure #i want to print this ask out and put it on my wall oml #UR WORDS ARE ALWAYS SO NICE AAAAAAAAAAA #thank u thank u thank #u #<- forgot the last u lmao #tmatimry #WHY DO I KEEP TRYING TO TAG TAKE MY ARMS CONTENT AS HOW GREAT A JOY SHIT THEY ARE NOT THE SAME FIC AT ALL

[silmaspens]

do you have post+?

no, but for the price of 1(one) genuine, bona fide silmaril you can see my forbidden silm art

#but in all seriousness #no i do not have nor do i plan on getting a post+ account #if i wanted to make money on my art ( i dont) id open up commissions or start a patreon or something. #nobody in my irl social life has any idea about all the drama and intricacies of the silm #who else am i gonna share my feanorian art with? #plus this shit isnt worth anything anyway #so dont you worry about being blocked by pay walls #youre stuck with me #this tumblr has only ever been for fun

[leossmoonn]

Second Chance

masterlist

pairing - carl gallagher x fem!reader

type - fluff, lil angst

note / request - “hi! can we get a carl x reader during like season 10. they were together in the past and they broke up, but hang out everyday. but carl still likes her so he tries getting her back.” this is so trash lmao, but enjoy!

summary - you and carl dated a while back, but now are just friends. he spends the day with you, hoping to win you back

warnings - language, underage drinking, suggestive content but no real smut

————

*gif isnt mine* 

“Hey, C-Bear!” You called out.

“‘Sup, Y/n/n!” Carl smiled at you. You ran up the stairs of his porch and gave him a tight hug.

“How was Florida?” Carl asked once you pulled back.

“Hot as shit, but fun. How was Chicago?” You asked a giggle.

“Same old,” he shrugged.

You looked at your best friend and smiled. “So, what’re we gonna do today? It is the last day of summer.”

“I was thinking of just hanging out here. It’s too hot to do anything,” Carl shrugged.

You nodded, “Sounds good.”

You two walked into Carl’s house. You saw Franny on the couch with Debbie.

“Hey, Debs. Hi, Fran-Fran!” You squealed and went over to Franny.

“Y/n!” Franny exclaimed.

“How have you been, squirt?” You asked the little girl, picking her up in your arms.

“Good,” she smiled widely. “Good,” you smiled.

Carl looked at you while talking to Franny, absolutely mesmerized.

You and Carl had dated the previous summer. You two had a good run. You lasted for 6 months before Carl had met a girl named Anne at his job. You noticed him slipping away slowly everyday. It broke your heart and you knew that you had to end it. Carl obviously didn’t realize he was falling in love with someone else, so you sat him down and told him you were breaking up with him. It hurt like a bitch for you, but you knew it was for the best so you wouldn’t end up getting more hurt in the end. You handled it maturely, telling him that you two could still be friends no matter what. You two were friends way before you dated, anyways. 

Carl handled it differently, though. He was angry at you for accusing him for falling in love with another girl. He cursed at you, stormed out of your car, and didn’t talk to you for 2 weeks. You missed him, but you were kind of thankful he left you alone. 

In those 2 weeks, you were able to rediscover your self worth. You managed to convince yourself that Carl was just like every other guy at your age; stupid. You knew you were hot shit and if he didn’t want you, then that was his loss. 

Even though you said this to yourself everyday, the hurt feelings didn’t stop. It took you a good 2 months to stop thinking about Carl and Anne together, him possibly cheating on you while he was on the job. You finally got over all the anxious thoughts and were happier now. You’d never admit it, but you were still in love with Carl, and you knew that he was the one, but the one that got away. 

Those 2 weeks for Carl were absolute hell. He missed you so much and started to pull away from Anne. Pulling away from Anne made him realize that you were right. That he was slowly falling in love with another woman, but he also realized that he loved you more. He took those 2 weeks to straighten himself up. He did pep-talks with himself, had his brothers help him out in what to do. They gave him hell for letting you go. Even they knew you were the one for him and reminded him of it everyday.  

Carl called you up after those two weeks and you agreed to try and be friends. It was hard for the first month, for both of you. You two were quiet and awkward when you hung out. You wouldn’t even hug him goodbye when you left his house, much less a high-five. But, it gradually got easier. You two saw each other more and fell into a comfortable rhythm, which consisted of you ignoring your feelings of love for him, and Carl acknowledging his feelings for you, always thinking of ways to get you back, but none of them working out. 

Now it was a year later and you two were back to being best friends like you were before you started dating. You had pushed the feelings you had for Carl away so much, it was barely there anymore. It was the opposite for Carl, he was still so deeply in love with you. So now that it was the last day of summer, he had planned to spend the whole day with you, try and woo you and get you back. 

“Are you hungry?” Carl asked, grabbing back your attention. 

You nodded. “Starving.”

“I think we have some cookies we can bake, right Debs?” Carl asked his sister. 

“I think so. We also have decorating icing, too,” Debbie said. 

“Great! What kind of cookies do you guys have?” You asked, going over to the kitchen.  “Just chocolate chip, I think. Maybe sugar cookies?” Debbie said. 

You hummed and looked in their fridge and found two rolls of chocolate chip and sugar cookies. 

“Found ‘em!” You exclaimed excitedly. 

Carl went into the kitchen with you, smiling at the happy expression you had on your face.

“Help me put them on a tray?” You asked. 

Carl nodded and went next to you. He took the sugar cookie roll and broke it into pieces. Debbie walked over to the kitchen, taking a seat, wanting to catch up with you.

“So, why did you guys do in Florida?” Debbie asked. 

“Went swimming, went to Universal Studios. We went to a lot of nice restaurants. I met a few cute guys there, too,” you smiled. 

“Ooh, really?” Debbie smirked. “Any that stuck?”

“This one kid named Josh. We played volleyball on the beach for a while. He told me he liked my swim suit,” you smirked. 

“Did you two hook up,” Debbie asked.  

Carl tensed at her words. He hoped you would say no. You weren’t like someone to jump into things like that so fast. Sure, you had a few boyfriends before Carl, but he knew that you took time in getting to know him. Plus, your first time was with him. 

“Nah. I’m pretty sure he had a girlfriend. There was a girl on the beach that kept glaring at me and hanging onto his arm. I even saw them kiss a few times,” you snorted. 

“Wow, he sounds like an ass,” Debbie said. 

“Yep. That’s why I rejected his kind offer to fuck,” you laughed.

“Atta girl,” Debbie gave you a high-five. 

“Yeah, I didn’t really feel like becoming the talk of the town or whoever those people lived,” you chuckled. 

"It’s good you said no,” Carl chimed in. 

“Oh, yeah, why? Besides the obvious,” you raised a brow. 

“Because it’s not you to hook up randomly,” Carl said. 

“Are you implying I’m a prude,” you chuckled. 

“No, no. I just... you waited until we dated to fuck, I-”

“Yeah, yeah,” you cut Carl off. You moved to put the cookies in the oven. Carl couldn't see it, but you were very flustered.

Him mentioning your romantic past brought up memories. These memories were the ones you didn’t mind remembering. They just made your legs weak heart swell. 

Carl was right, you did wait until you two were dating to have sex. You wanted it to be special and even though you two were just friends at the time, before you two were dating, you knew that sex with him would be special. And to your delight, it was. He was gentle, sweet, loving. He payed attention to you the whole time. It was one of the things you knew would live in your memory forever. 

“You waited?” Debbie asked. “Yeah,” you stood back up and shrugged. 

“Wow, I wish I had your self control,” Debbie snorted.

“It wasn't about self control. It was just knowing who was right for me,” you said. Your gaze fell on Carl as you said those words. 

He had a small on his face, to which you returned. Your heart fluttered at the sight, which made you avert your gaze immediately. Even though you didn’t mind the memories, you did mind the feelings they and him brought. As much as you hated to admit it, a part of you was still attracted to him. 

That part of you was the one you constantly had to push away. You had to remind yourself what he did. How he fell in love with another girl. How he let go someone good, kind, so loving and supportive. You knew if you let that other part of you invade your mind and feelings, you would be in his bed making out with him and possibly getting hurt, which was something you didn’t want. 

“How long do these have to bake?” Carl asked. 

“Like 15-20 minutes,” you said. He nodded and put his tray in the oven. 

“Wanna watch a movie?” Carl asked. 

“Sure,” you nodded. 

“I’m gonna go and meet Claudia. Watch Franny for me?” Debbie asked. 

“I’d love to!” You smiled. You loved Franny. She was such an easy and good kid to watch. She took care of herself, too, so all you had to do was make her food whenever she was hungry.

“Great, thank you. I’ll see you guys later!” Debbie smiled and left the house. 

“Franny, do you wanna watch a movie with us?” You asked the little girl. 

“Yeah!” She smiled. 

“Great! What movie do you want to watch?” You asked. 

Carl smiled at you as you talked to Franny. Seeing you play with Franny was one of the things that made him fall in love with you. Seeing a girl good with kids was attractive as hell. 

“She wants to watch Sleeping Beauty,” you said and walked over with Franny to the couch. 

“Alright. I’ll put in the DVD,” Carl said. 

“Thanks,” you smiled.

He smiled back at you and nodded. You sat on the couch, Franny sitting next to you. Carl walked back to the couch and groaned internally. He was planning on sitting next to you so you could lay your head on his shoulders whenever you go tired, which was something you did during every movie you two watched together. But now you couldn’t do that because Franny was sitting in the middle. 

“What’s wrong, C-Dog?” You noticed his annoyance. 

“Nothing. I’ve just watched this movie a billion times,” he sighed. 

“That's what you get for having a little child in the house,” you chuckled and turned your attention over to the movie. 

About 20 minutes in the movie, the oven beeped, singling that the cookies were done. 

“Franny, do you want to decorate cookies or watch the movie?” You asked while getting up. 

“I wanna watch the movie,” she said. 

“Alright, kid. Don’t cause any trouble in here. Aunt Y/n and Uncle Carl will be in the kitchen,” you said and patted her head. 

She giggled and you left to go to the kitchen with Carl. 

“You’re really good with her,” Carl complimented you. 

“Thank you. I have two little brothers, so I’ve learned a thing or two about kids. You just gotta treat them like adults, but also make sure they know they’re boundaries. Franny is such a good kid, though, she doesn’t need a lot of boundaries or rules,” you explained. 

Carl nodded. “Oh, yeah. How are Lucas and Lyle?”

“Trouble,” you chuckled. Carl laughed with you. “I bet not as much trouble as I was when I was little.”

“Hm, true,” you giggled, recalling memories of when you two were in elementary school. 

“You’ve shaped up good, though. Military school helped with that,” you complimented. 

“Thank you. You’ve always been good. Even when we broke up,” Carl remarked. 

You met his eyes. A frown was plastered on your lips. “Thank you. I try not to be sour and shit. I know it gets me nowhere.”

“Yeah, I learned that the hard way,” Carl sighed, referring two his 2-week temper tantrum. 

You gave him a kind smile. “It’s alright. I’m glad we stayed friends, though.”

Yeah, friends, Carl thought in dismay.

He put on a fake smile though. “Me, too.”

You went over to the cupboard and got out some decorative icing that you found. You put them on the kitchen counter and picked up a sugar cookie. 

“What’re you gonna put on yours?” You asked. 

“A penis,” Carl said. 

You rolled your eyes, but laughed. “I take back what I said about you shaping up.”

Carl laughed with you,  “Hey! Not fair. You asked me and I responded honestly.”

“True,” you giggled. You squirted some icing on Carl’s face, irrupting into a fit of laughter when it got all over the left side of his face. 

“And I take back what I said about you always being mature!” Carl exclaimed, squirting some icing on you. It landed on your collar bone. Carl eyed the bare skin, licking his lips, wishing he could lick it up. 

You noticed his stare. Your heart couldn’t help but race. You felt yourself start to get sweaty under your armpits. You averted your gaze and got a towel to wipe the icing off. Carl grabbed the towel out of your hands. 

“Here, let me,” Carl offered. “I was the one to make the mess.” You rolled his eyes. You knew this was one of his ways of trying to flatter you and kiss you. You let him, though. You would never admit it to anyone, but you liked when he did these things. Not so much because he was still pining over you, but it reminded you of how much of a caring boyfriend he was. 

You leaned against the counter while Carl wetted the towel. He gently wiped the icing of your collar bone. Your heart skipped a beat as his fingertips brushed lightly over your skin. His face was abnormally close to yours, too. He was crouched down and looked up to you every so often. It made your stomach flip. It reminded you of when he ate you out, looking up at you with his lips glistening. You averted your gaze, feeling warmth spread between your legs. 

Carl was taking an annoyingly long time. You sighed heavy, hoping he would be done soon because if not, you would just end up kissing him. To your releif, he backed away from you, throwing the towel in the sink. He got another towel to wipe his face off.  

Even though you looked relieved on the outside, your heart was begging for him to comeback and be close to again, to tease you. 

“Did you like that?” Carl asked, smirking at you. 

“No, you were very slow,” you lied. Carl frowned at you and looked away. You felt bad, but you didn’t say anything.

“Let’s finish the cookies so Franny can eat some,” you said. 

Carl nodded. You two decorate the cookies in silence. You put them on plates, bringing them into the living room. 

“Here, Franny,” you said and put one of the plates on the table. You sat back down, Carl following slowly after you. 

You took a few cookies, giving Franny two and keeping two for yourself. 

“Thank you,” Franny said. 

You gave her a sweet smile. “You are very welcome.”

Carl took a couple cookies and slumped back on the couch. The tension between you two was thick. It hadn't been like this for a while, but you knew to just let it subside until you felt ready to talk again. Luckily, the movie was still going, so you had an excuse to not converse. By the end of the movie, Franny had fallen asleep. Her head was on your lap and the rest of her body was on Carl’s. When the movie was done, Carl helped you carry Franny back up to Debbie’s room. You two tucked her in and went back downstairs. 

You went back into the kitchen, grabbing two beer bottles for Carl and you. 

“Thanks,” Carl said when you handed him a bottle. 

You hummed in reply and sat back down on the couch. You turned on the TV, switching to re-runs. Carl sat next to you, leaving lots of space in-between you two.  

“How is everyone else doing?” You asked. 

“Good. Lip and Tami have Freddy and Ian has Mickey,” Carl said. 

“Wow, everyone is shacked up, huh?” You asked. 

“Yeah, even Debbie. She gets mad money, too,” Carl chuckled. 

“It’s weird the way the world works,” you remarked, half paying attention to Golden Girls. “Have you met any girls this summer?” You asked, your stomach flipping thinking about his answer.

“A few, but I’m not really interesting in dating,” Carl shrugged. 

You turned to him, fully surprised. “Carl Gallagher, not interested in dating? I think the world is ending.”

Carl chuckled, “I’m just not interesting in dating the girls I met.” Carl scooted closer to you while saying those words, putting a hand on your thigh. 

Your heart pounded against your ribcage. Carl was getting closer and closer to you. You didn’t move, though. You liked his touch and being in his vicinity. 

“Who are you interested in dating?” You whispered. 

Carl’s eyes burned into yours. They drifted down to your lips and back up to your eyes. Your body shivered and butterflies shot down your whole body. You found yourself moving closer to him, putting your hand over his. 

“You,” Carl spoke. 

You looked into his eyes deeply. You could tell he meant what he said. The look on his face was almost enough for you to kiss him, but you pulled away. His hand slipped off your thigh. You stood up off the couch, putting on your shoes. 

“I should go. It’s late and my parents are probably wondering where I am,” you said, avoiding eye contact. 

“No, stay. Your parents know where you are and probably aren’t worried. You always stay over,” Carl protested. 

“I’m tired, anyways. Plus, Lucas and Lyle probably miss me,” you made up more excuses and went  to the front door. 

Carl ran to you and put his hand on your arm. 

“Stay, Y/n. I’m not letting you go this time,” Carl said. 

You turned to him, tears in your eyes. “I don’t love you anymore, Carl, not like that.”

“I know you’re lying. I’m not as dumb as people think, okay? I see it in your eyes. I notice you breathing heavily when I come close to you. I know you still love me. I still love you. I’m still in love with you,” he confessed. 

“Listen, Carl,” you sighed. “I know you want to make it up to me, I appreciate it, but I’m not letting myself get hurt again.”

“I know I hurt you, Y/n. I’m so sorry for what I did. I’m stupid as shit. It hurts me every fucking time I see you. It hurt me so much to see you cry because of me. I do want to make it up to you, but I also want you back. I need you, Y/n. Please, give me a chance. I need you so fucking bad,” Carl pleaded. His voice broke and tears shined in his eyes. 

You shook your head. “I said I don’t love you anymore! Let me go!” You shouted. You wanted so desperately to get out of the house because you knew if you stayed, you would end up kissing him. 

“No,” Carl said. With that, he pulled you into his arms and crashed his lips on yours. 

With Carl’s arms wrapped around you, holding you tight, and his soft lips on yours, you could’t help but finally give in. You melted into the kiss, putting your hands on the nape of his neck, playing with his hair. Carl slammed you against the wall, his fingertips digging into your sides. The kiss was fast, rough, passionate. 

You were so glad that you gave in. You missed this feeling more than you would ever admit.

Carl pulled away, putting his hand on your cheek. His thumb ran across your bottom lip. His eyes stared into yours. 

“Give me another chance. I promise I won’t hurt you again,” Carl promised. 

You sighed and nodded. You knew he had good intentions, and that he was the one for you. “You better not. Or I will beat you up.”

Carl smiled, pulling you into another deep kiss. 

————

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#carl gallagher x reader #carl gallagher imagines #carl gallagher imagine #carl gallagher #shameless #shameless season 10 #shameless imagine #ethan cutkosky #ethan cutkosky imagine #carl gallagher x reader smut #carl gallagher smut #carl gallagher x fem reader #carl gallagher fluff

[ihatebnha]

No pls continue your thought, that's literally everything I believe and know about Dabi for a FACT, I love him but he is not!!! A Casanova, he's not, he really really isn't.

THANK U FOR SAYING IT because HE ISN'T! HE'S NOT!!!

my dude wears a woman's blouse and pants that would fall right off his ass if it weren't for the $12.99 spencer's belt he shoplifted YEARS ago. He walks around wearing wilted ugg boots, probably steals your socks when you aren't looking (your underwear too if theyre the right size), and wears a denim TRENCHCOAT.

Like... i'm not trying to say that he's a piece of shit or anything, but I really just can't imagine him as fashionable or sexy or anything other than someone's... soggy ass boyfriend with a deadend job who refuses to move in but... never fucking leaves (in an au where he's not an emotionless void, i mean).

Like, yes he LOVES u, absolutely has sex with you... and probably even eats coochie... but it's all very casual because at the same time, he's less in it for the mind-blowing sex and more in it for the company/free place to stay/you.

like..................... you're gonna tell me a villain who genuinely likes u isnt also capable of using u for all ur worth? NO.

plus... i just feel like dabi has a real distaste for everything given to him by his father. drive, luxury... power... HE DOESN'T CARE. doesn't give a shit abt impressing u or hiding who his flaws/who he is on the inside, nor abt staying in a nice place or eating good food or whatever. he just wants someone to like him ANYWAY. to be normal!!!

so ofc he hangs out on ur couch like a dumbass waiting for u to get home!!! asks whats for dinner and picks bits of celery out of the pot. has very normal sex w/ u and then falls asleep immediately after. like it. adds. up!!!!!

idk anymore. i hope u get what i mean LOL </3

(warning: inc*st mentioned under the cut but in like a ... dabi hates it type way)

Also... this is niche and kinda specific bc i'm not actually a DC-hater... but thinking about how much dabi would throw a fit and hate knowing he's one of the main guys for inc*st content... makes me scream. that dude hates his family. would rather beat a little sister with a stick than have sex with one LOOOL.

i just... idk.

#dabi #dabi thoughts #this is nonsense but eeeeeee #i like this abt dabi #ask #caitie chats #with a whisper

[threecrowsinatrenchcoat]

Plant Your Hope With Good Seeds

Dukeceit Week Day 3: Snakes/Bugs

Remus and Janus break up. But literally everyone knows that's not what they want. Everyone, including their plants.

AO3 Link: [here]

Word Count: 4337

Warnings: n/a

@dukeceitweek <3

-

Unknown Number

hey so i kno i said i wouldnt text u but rupert isnt doin good. can i bring him back? he misses u

Janus stared at the text for several minutes. Rupert was, of course, the Monstera Variegata that he and Remus had raised together all the way from propagation. It had been one of the pride and joys of their plant collection. Losing Rupert in the split had hurt almost as much as losing Remus.

...Almost. 

Janus

Is it getting enough light? Remember it needed the grow light even next to the window. 

Janus texted back against his better judgement. He and Remus were broken up. They’d agreed not to text for a while. They’d agreed to give each other space, get used to being apart. 

It sucked, though. The apartment felt empty without Remus and half their plant collection.

Unknown Number

ya i kno. but i don’t have any south facign windows here. our place is better

Unknown Number

i mean ur place

Janus sighed morosely. Well, if it was for Rupert…

Janus

Fine. Rupert can come back.

Unknown Number

yay! ill be in town this weekend. ill bring him ok?

Janus

Ok.

And then Janus promptly threw his phone across the room.

Because here’s the thing. Janus and Remus were broken up. Remus had moved eight hours away and everything. He’d been accepted into the Nuclear Engineering graduate program a state away, and they had both heard too many horror stories about long-distance relationships to brother trying. So they’d had a very civil and mutual split. Janus kept the apartment. Remus took the TV. And they’d divided their plant family between them: they each kept their favorites, and Remus had taken the hardier plants, while Janus kept the ones that were likely not to survive an interstate move.

And then… Remus left.

And Janus had not immediately wanted him back. Not at all.

(And, of course, Janus was lying to himself.)

Remus texted him Saturday morning that he was on his way, and Janus spent the first few hours of the wait stress-cleaning. He then checked on every single plant in the apartment. Watered the ones that needed it. Rotated some of the more vivacious growers so that they wouldn’t lean full-body toward their light source. Moved his small army of Sansevierias out to the apartment balcony for some extra sun.   

Then, when all that still failed to fill up the entire eight hours of waiting, he started stress-cooking. So by the time Remus texted that he’d just gotten off the highway, Janus had himself a pot of minestrone soup simmering on the stove, a tray of made-from-scratch lasagna in the oven, and was mixing up a batch of double chocolate chip cookies. 

There was no way he was going to eat all this food himself, he realized. He was so used to booking big meals like this, because Remus ate like he was three people. And lasagna was his favorite.

“Oh, Jake, what am I doing?” he groaned to the N’Joy Pothos that cascaded down the side of the refrigerator. And then his doorbell rang. 

Janus opened the door to find Remus, dancing awkwardly from foot to foot, with his face half-hidden behind the green-and-white leaves of Rupert. 

“...Hey,” Remus said, sounding sheepish. Janus’ heart clenched.

“Hi,” he said. They stood there in the doorway for a full minute before Janus stepped back and motioned for Remus to follow. Remus hesitated, but obeyed. 

“Uh… I’ll just…” Remus looked around. Janus hated how uncomfortable he looked. Until about two weeks ago, this had been Remus’ apartment, too. “Can I put him in his old spot?”

“Sure,” Janus replied with a nod. Rupert’s old spot had been in the bedroom, where the big, beautiful south-facing window let in a ton of light. He’d moved Venus de Milos, his Marble Queen Pothos, and La Hoya Jackson, the finicky Hoya Carnosa that Remus had wanted but didn’t expect to make the 8-hour drive without going into shock, to free up Rupert’s spot. Remus hesitated again, before he nodded awkwardly and wandered off to the bedroom, all three feet of plant and two gallons of soil in tow. Janus went to the oven and took out the lasagna. 

“Howl looks good,” Remus said when he came back into the kitchen. Janus glanced up from where he was laying balls of cookie dough out onto baking sheets. 

“Thank you,” he replied. Howl was their dramatic fiddle leaf fig tree, which had decided to throw a fit just before Remus left. “I switched it to a terracotta pot with peat moss and pearlite, and doubled its water intake. It seems to be tolerating it well.”

“Good.” There was a long pause. Then,” How are you?”

Janus looked back to the cookies. “I’m doing well,” he lied. “And you? Do you start class soon?”

“Next week,” Remus answered. “And, uh. Yeah, I’m doin’ good.” Another long pause. “Uh… I’ll just. Head out, I guess.”

“You could stay,” Janus blurted out. Shit. “For dinner, I mean.” He gestured to the tray of lasagna, fresh from the oven. “If you want.”

Remus gave him an uncharacteristically shy smile, then nodded slowly. He didn’t say anything, though, so Janus just gestured for him to take a seat at the table. And then he joined him, a plate of lasagna for each of them.

“So tell me, how’s living with Roman again?” Janus asked, a few bites into the meal, because he could not take the awkward silence a moment longer.

“It’s ok,” Remus answered. He shoveled another forkful of lasagna into his mouth. “This is really good, Jan.”

Janus smiled softly. “Thank you.” A pause. “Roman doesn’t mind all the plants?”

“Nah, he’s dating this guy Patton who apparently loves plants, so the apartment being full of houseplants is a huge plus to him now.”

“Good for him.” The oven timer went off, startling him slightly. He started to get up, but Remus waved him off.

“I got ‘em, you did all the cooking.”

Janus didn’t protest. Remus got up and took the cookies out of the oven. And he even moved them to a cooling rack like Janus had taught him to do. He came back to the table. 

“How’s work?”

Janus sighed. “Oh, terrible as always,” he answered. “I really must start looking for a new job.”

“Finally getting fed up?” Remus teased. Janus rolled his eyes. More seriously, Remus continued, “You deserve better, Jan. You gotta find some place that treats you right and pays you what you’re worth.”

“Thank you, Remus.”

“And hey, just sayin’, I still think you’d make an excellent stripper.”

Janus snorted at that. “I haven’t fully ruled out that particular career change.”

They fell easily back into their usual banter, lingering late into the night over a dessert of milk and cookies. It was pushing 10pm when Remus glanced at his phone and cursed softly. Janus glanced at his phone as well.

“Ah, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you so late,” he said. Remus shrugged.

“Nah, it’s cool. Thanks for dinner, Jan. It was real good, as always.”

“Where are you staying?”

“Uh… well, the plan was to stay with Logan, but I guess he had some kind of family emergency, so I don’t wanna trouble him. I’ll probably see if I can find a hotel room.”

Janus’ brow furrowed at that. “Why don’t you just stay here?”

“Oh, uh. I don’t wanna trouble you. I kinda feel like I already overstayed my welcome a bit?”

“Nonsense. A hotel room will cost you at least $100 for the night, and that’s simply ridiculous,” Janus insisted. “You should just stay here.”

Remus worried at his lip, which Janus knew meant he was mulling over his options. Then, he nodded. “If it’s not a bother?”

“Of course not. You’re not a bother, Remus.”

Remus’ eyes softened, and he smiled. “Ok. Thank you. Oh… lemmie go get my overnight back outta my truck.”

When Remus came back inside, Janus had just about finished making up the couch. 

“Hey, you don’t gotta get all fancy,” Remus teased. “You know I can sleep basically anywhere.”

“This is for me,” Janus replied. He fluffed up one of the pillows a bit more. “You take the bed.”

An odd look flashed across Remus’ face. “No way, Jan. I’m good on the couch.”

“Remus, you just drove eight hours, and you’re doing it again tomorrow. I am not letting you fuck up your back.”

‘I don’t-”

“Yes you do, no matter how often you say you can sleep anywhere,” Janus scoffed. “You can’t lie to me.”

Remus’ eyes softened, and after a moment, he sighed. “Ok, Jan. But what about you?”

“I’ll be fine.”

“You hate sleeping on couches.”

“It’s only one night-”

“And don’t you work tomorrow?”

“Yes, but-”

“You’re going to be so grumpy at work without a proper night’s sleep.”

“I’m usually grumpy at work anyway,” Janus pointed out. Remus snorted.

“Ok, that’s true. But I don’t want you to be even grumpier,” he said. “Let’s just share the bed.”

Janus eyed him for a moment. This was a terrible idea. They should not do this.

“Ok,” Janus said anyway.

They got ready for bed in awkward silence, which just made Janus miss Remus’ long, rambling chatter that much more. When Janus finished in the bathroom, he found Remus sitting gingerly on what used to be his side of the bed. Janus came over and sat down on the other side.

“Hey, uh… thanks,” Remus said. “For lettin’ me stay.”

“Of course,” Janus answered. “I… I still think of you as a friend, Remus.”

At that. Remus grimaced slightly. He didn’t say anything, seeming unable to find the right words. Before he could, Janus pulled back the top blankets on the bed and laid down. After a moment, Remus did the same.

“Good night, Remus,” Janus said quietly.

“...Good night, Janus,” Remus answered. Then he reached over and shut off the light.

-

Remus played that night over and over in his head in the days after he got home, and each and every time, he was just as stumped. 

He knew, in his brain, why he and Janus had broken up. It had been the only thing that made sense at the time, when the facts were just that Remus was moving away to pursue a lifelong dream, and Janus would never ever try to stop him from doing so. So they broke up. It made sense… right? 

But… That morning, he’d woken up to Janus curled up in his arms, face smushed against Remus’ neck, and… Remus had completely forgotten why they had even broken up in the first place.

Remus was back at Roman’s apartment, now. Eight hours away in his own cold bed, arms empty of the man he loved, just staring at the ceiling. A sharp knock on his door snapped him out of his daze.

“Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty,” Roman called. “Don’t you have class in like an hour?”

“Fuck!” Remus scrambled to get up, but succeeded only in rolling out of the bed.

“Don’t forget to lock the door when you leave,” Roman added. Clearly he was unconcerned by the loud “thump” of a body hitting the floor. 

“Yup, got it,” Remus groaned in reply. He staggered, successfully this time, to his feet. 

Getting dressed was a rushed affair of ‘grab whatever’s closest,’ and soon he emerged from the bedroom with one shoe on, the other in his hand, and his backpack slung over one shoulder. He rushed into the kitchen to grab the travel mug of coffee Janus always set out for him in the mornings. And then the realization hit: Janus didn’t live here.

Remus dropped his shoe. 

The rest of the day went about as well as it could have gone without any coffee- that is to say, terribly. He got lost trying to get to campus, then he got lost again trying to get to class. Then he got stuck in traffic on the way back to Roman’s apartment. And then, to top it all off, the grocery store had been out of his favorite chips. 

So here he was, mopey and chip-less, and fucking exhausted. He dumped his backpack and collapsed face-first onto the couch. Roman, who happened to be sitting on said couch, made a noise of protest.

“Move, I need to sulk,” Remus mumbled, though his voice was thoroughly muffled by Roman’s thigh, since that was where his face had landed. 

“What on earth do you need to sulk for?” Roman asked incredulously. He moved to shove Remus off of him, but Remus went full ragdoll, and Roman couldn’t do a damn thing. “You are a grown man, you know.”

Remus turned his head just enough to stick his tongue out at Roman. Roman stuck his tongue out back.

“I had a terrible day, I earned a good sulk.”

“Didn’t like your classes?”

“Nah, they were great.”

“Professors?”

“Great.”

“Classmates?”

“Great.”

“Then Zeus Almighty, what are you so mopey-dopey about?” Roman remanded.

Remus squirmed around so he was laying on his back, head still in Roman’s lap, to look up at his brother. “So… uh… you promise not to get all, like. I told you so and shit?” 

“You miss Janus!”

“No! I-”

“You do!” Roman crowed triumphantly. Remus rolled onto his side so he didn’t have to look at his brother’s dumb gloaty face.

“...Maybe,” he groaned. Abruptly, he clamored to his feet and started for the stairs. “I gotta go build a chair.”

“Carpentry won’t solve your relationship problems,” Roman called after him.

“I know,” Remus called back. “Wrong type of wood.” If Roman had a response to that, Remus was already out the door and didn’t have to hear it. 

Patton found him out in front of the apartment building some time later, a jigsaw in hand, and a pile of cut wooden dowels at his feet.

“Hey, kiddo, what are you up to?”

Remus looked up from where he was balancing a plank of wood precariously across a milk crate, because his work table was one of the things he’d had to leave behind at Janus’ place.

“Oh, hey. Ro-bro’s upstairs.”

Patton gave him the sort of smile teachers gave to the kid they caught eating glue for the fourth time. “That doesn’t look super safe. Do you want any help?”

Remus took in Patton’s soft blue sweater and the dad-jeans from the nicer end of his closet, as well as the reusable grocery store bag that smelled suspiciously like some kind of lovely home-cooked meal; he shook his head. “You look dressed for a date night,” he said. “I don’t wanna fuck up two relationships this week.”

Patton’s eyes, impossibly, got even bigger and softer than they normally were, which honestly was quite the feat. He walked over to the stairs but, instead of making his way up to Roman’s apartment, he plopped down on the third step, facing Remus. Remus stared, bewildered.

“Uh, what’chu doin’ there, pops?”

“Well, it just sounded like you needed to talk,” Patton replied cheerfully. “So here I am.”

Remus stared a moment longer, somehow even more bewildered than before. “Uh…”

“I know I haven’t known you very long,” Patton continued. “But something tells me you’re the type of person who busts out the power tools when you’re upset.”

“How the hell can you tell that?”

Patton glanced over his shoulder, then leaned forward slightly. “Because,” he said, voice lowered conspiratorially. “I’m like that too.”

Remus blinked. “You?”

“Yup! I replaced all the tables and chairs in my house with ones I made myself after my last breakup,” Patton giggled. “Only two of them collapsed when I sat in them, too!”

Remus glanced down at the jigsaw in his hands, and then he sighed. He set it down, and went to sit next to Patton on the steps. 

“Ok, well. Yeah, maybe I’m kinda upset.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Yeah? No? Maybe?”

“Yup, those are your three options!” Patton teased. Remus rolled his eyes.

“Ok, fine. You win, daddy-o. I’m upset because I miss my boyfriend. Or, well, my ex-boyfriend. I want him to be my boyfriend again.”

“Have you told him that?”

“Of course not,” Remus whined.

“Why not?”

“Because… I mean. It wouldn’t change anything. I still moved away. And I don’t even know if he’d want to be my boyfriend again either. Maybe he’s happier now.”

“You don’t know that,” Patton said gently. “Sure, maybe the circumstances aren’t the best right now, but if you both want it, things have a funny way of working out. But you have to talk to him.”

“I…” Remus paused. And then he sighed deeply. “I guess you’re right. Hey thanks, that did actually sorta help.”

Patton offered him a gentle smile. “Of course, Remus! Any time!”

“Hey!”

They both turned to see Roman standing at the top of the stairs, arms crossed.

“My own brother, hogging my boyfriend like this! The betrayal-”

“Relax, Ro, he’s not my type,” Remus shot back. “I prefer sarcastic little menaces.”

Patton giggled at that. He stood up and patted Remus on the shoulder. “I hope things work out,” he said. Remus smiled back.

“Yeah, I hope so too.”

Really, he just wanted Janus to be happy. Ideally with him, but if Janus was happier without him, well… so be it. 

- - -

Janus was miserable. 

“Dude, c’mon,” Virgil grumbled, immediately upon seeing the state of the apartment. “You’ve been watering your plants and filling the humidifiers, but you can’t be bothered to throw out your gross pizza boxes?” A pause. “Wait, you don’t even like pizza, what the hell.”

Janus just shrugged. After letting Virgil and Logan into the apartment, he’d gone straight back into blanket-burrito-on-the-couch mode. And really, he’d only bothered to get up and let them inside in the first place because Virgil had threatened to axe down the door- and Janus knew for a fact that Virgil owned multiple axes. 

“I believe he is engaging in what is described as ‘emotional eating,’ or using food as a coping mechanism in a time of stress and emotional turmoil,” Logan said helpfully. Virgil just huffed.

“That’s fine and all, but Jesus Christ, dude.” He gestured around the livingroom where… ok, yeah, it was a mess.

“Did you two come here just to insult me?” Janus grumbled. His face was half-mashed into a pillow, though, so who knows how much of that was actually discernible.

“We came to make sure you were still alive,” Virgil snapped, indicating that at least most of what Janus had said was discernible. “You weren’t answering any texts.”

“Yes, and you called out of work three days in a row,” Logan added. “We are concerned for you, Janus.”

“I’m perfectly fine,” Janus lied from the comfort of his depression blanket burrito. He was not particularly surprised when neither Virgil or Logan looked even remotely convinced.

“Alright, drastic measure time,” Virgil growled. He walked over to the window, and picked up the young Burgundy Rubber Tree Janus had yet to name. Janus sat bolt upright. 

“Virgil? Don’t you dare-”

Virgil walked past him and vanished down the hall. When he came back, his hands were empty, and he had a smirk on his face.

“Oh, fuck you,” Janus hissed. He dragged himself up off the couch to go rescue the poor thing, finding it stashed in the dark, windowless bathroom. When he came back to the livingroom, Virgil and Logan were sprawled across the couch.

“Ha ha, very funny.” Janus set the rubber tree back on the windowsill alongside the Snake Plant Army. “Ok, I’m up. Are you heathens happy now?”

“I take offense to that,” Logan muttered, while Virgil just crossed his arms and said, curtly, “Spill it.”

“Spill what?”

“Why are you so upset?”

“I’m not upset-”

“Falsehood,” Logan interrupted. “I have known you since high school, Janus, and I have never seen you like this before. It is highly alarming.”

“Is this about Remus?” Virgil asked.

“No,” Janus said immediately. “Of course not.”

Virgil and Logan exchanged a Look. Janus groaned.

“Fuck. Ok, fine. Maybe it is.”

“Was that so hard?” Virgil asked. 

“Yes.”

“You-”

“Janus,” Logan interrupted Virgil’s retort. “It is my understanding that emotional distress is often alleviated through, as they say, ‘talking it out.’ It is clear you are not handling the break-up as well as you initially believed-”

“Of course I’m not!” Janus snapped. He took a deep breath, and turned back to the plants on his windowsill. Kaa, the Sansevieria Moonshine Remus had gotten for Janus as an anniversary present last year, was already leaning slightly toward the window again. He rotated it, and a few of the other snake plants on the sill. And then he realized the others had been quiet for far too long. He turned to find them both watching him with sympathetic expressions. “What?”

“Keep going,” Virgil prompted. Janus sighed. He felt exhausted.

“Of course I’m not,” he said again. “Because I love Remus.”

“And?” Virgil prompted.

“...And I didn’t want us to break up,” he finished, feeling glum. Wordlessly, Virgil stood up, and approached Janus, arms out. Janus stepped into the embrace. Nobody said anything; Janus didn’t cry, but he stood there for a long time. Then, he stepped back.

“Thank you,” he said, and he meant it. Virgil gave him a small smile. Logan cocked his head, seeming confused.

“I don’t understand. You just… needed a hug?”

“Hugs are great, Logan,” Virgil replied. “You should try them sometime- hey, where are you going?”

Janus strode past them both, beelining for his bedroom to find his laptop. Over his shoulder, he answered, “To fill out some job applications.”

- - -

Remus was outside building a new bookshelf- because Patton was moving in, and Roman's teenie-tiny sad little excuse for a bookshelf, which held only Disney DVDs and no actual books, wouldn’t suffice for all of Patton’s cookbooks- when his phone rang. Which was weird, because nobody ever called him, because he never fucking answered.

“Not interested, Mr. Spam Man,” he crooned over the sound of the generic iPhone ringtone. He was learning how to do kerf bending for this bookcase, and goddamn it he wasn’t going to be distracted by-

His phone started ringing again. He swore and ripped off his gloves to silence his phone. But as he did so, he realized the number flashing across his screen was a familiar one. 

“Janus? Are you ok?” he answered the call, half panicked, because Janus hated phone calls almost as much as he did.

“Hi. Yes, everything’s fine.” Janus sounded slightly hysterical, which made Remus feel even more frantic. “Where are you?”

“I’m at Roman’s. Are you sure you’re ok-”

“Great, don’t leave. I’ll be right there.”

“What does that mean-” Remus demanded, but the line was already dead. Remus swore again. He briefly considered calling him back, because what the actual fuck was that all about, but he was only about 30 seconds into that brief consideration before a familiar car tearing through the apartment complex parking lot caught his attention. He quickly brushed as much of the sawdust off his clothes as he could because holy shit Janus had just parked right there in front of Roman’s apartment.

Remus watched, dumbfounded, as Janus scrambled out of his car- dressed in his very nice black suit and pale yellow button-up- and came running across the lawn toward where Remus was working. He had a tiny plant clutched to his chest.

“Uh, Jan, you good?” Remus asked. Janus stopped in front of him and doubled over, breathless, for a few moments. Then, he straightened up, and fixed Remus with a look of sheer determination.

“Remus. I want to get back together.”

Remus’ heart, the traitorous bastard, leaped up into his throat and blocked all his words from coming out. 

“It’s… it’s ok if you don’t want that,” Janus continued. His look of determination faltered slightly. “It’s ok. But I needed to tell you. Because I love you, so much. And I… I didn’t want you to think I didn’t, even if you don't-”

Remus found his words abruptly. “Jan, fuck! I do! I do love you. I never stopped loving you. All I want is to be with you.”

Janus’ eyes softened. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Good, because I’ve just been offered a job here.”

Remus choked. Janus was eyeing him smugly. “You. Just like that, you got a job here?”

“Just like that,” Janus grinned. “I just came from the interview. They offered me a position on the spot.”

Remus couldn't help himself any longer. He lurched forward and pulled Janus tightly into his arms.

“Hey, be careful,” Janus said, though he made absolutely no effort to get out of Remus’ embrace. “You’ll crush our new son.”

Remus pulled back just enough to look at the small plant Janus held in his hands, and only then did his brain register what it was. 

“Is! Is that-”

“Yes,” Janus replied, holding up the tiny Drosera Capensis seedling. Remus had wanted one of these for ages.

“For me?”

“Well, for us, ideally,” Janus answered, with a shy smile. “But, mostly for you, yes.”

Remus gently plucked the baby octopus plant- their new son!- from Janus’ hands, and placed it carefully on top of the milk crate that was serving as his carpentry workbench. Then, he hoisted Janus up off the ground and spun him around.

“Oh- Re-” Janus exclaimed, though he was laughing. “Put me down!”

“No!” Remus trilled. He spun Janus around once more. Then he just stood there, holding Janus, gazing up at him. Janus’ eyes grew soft. Slowly, he carded his fingers through Remus’ hair.

“Hey,” Janus said.

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

Remus set Janus down, but kept his arms still wrapped tightly around him. His heart felt warm.

“Hey.”

Janus looked up at him. “Yeah?”

“I love you, too.” 

#dukeceit #dukeceitweek #remus sanders #janus sanders #sanders sides #sanders sides fic #kye writes

[savnofilter]

Going to Aquarium or Beach HCs

Dabi x Reader // Bakugo x Reader // Amajiki x Reader

warning(s): fluff, slight swearing, just a tad suggestive.

a/n: honestly does fluff count as a warning? im- anyways, i love those boys so much jkvndfjkvndkn like for no reason at all. ;v; i wish i could cuddle them all, they all need love~ anyways!! i did them all because i couldnt help myself. thank you @watermel0w0n ! (ily but cant tag)

Dabi chose... beach! 🏖️ 

unlike what i wrote before, Dabi chooses beach!

my dumbself was only considering his (probably) sensitive skin so the thought of him avoiding that for a cooler setting was the only thing i was considering. ;v; but i digress.

i think Dabi would alternate between a long sleeve, sit in the shade, cool off in the water or just keep on a hoodie.

is really there just to see you rock a hot bathing suit tbh.

at least as what he tells you. but at the back of your head, you already know its true anyways so you dont even acknowledge it.

“Strip-”

“Dabi!”

oh? you thought Dabi would stop being a prick on a cute date? well he always thought you were a comedian...

really doesnt have any qualms against anything really, if youre going to force him out to be in the sun he has his a million and one things just to make sure, “he doesnt burn up”.

has you do his back like the diva he is. 🙄

“Can you smear the middle of my back? It might honestly just dry up from the mistreatment...” Dabi mumbles, nuzzling his folded arms and getting comfortable as you do all the work.

You snap your head to look up at him, glaring at his smugness but do it anyways, not wanting to cause him pain.... at least not yet- “Okay, my pampered Prince.”

when he does have the feeling to walk, its when the sun is setting which makes it much more bearable to have his skin out.

some deep talks between you two when you guys have beach days out, only leaving the beach when it gets to 8-9 p.m.

you guys like to go a nearby restaurant and finish your date there.

one day, you will have enough power to convince him to go the aquarium.

but for now, you just cherish where hes willing to go.

Bakugo chose... both! 🏖️ 🎏

bakugo doesnt mind going to either or, taking up any opportunity to hangout with you.

wouldve rather hung-out at his house or whatever but okay-

well its simple, of course he chose aquarium.

simply roasting in the sun just isnt something he enjoy.

you can catch him there if you beg and let him find the proper clothes, other than that hes not budging. so you guessed it, aquarium day it is.

plus you are able to really have a fun experience with him anyways that you just know he hasnt had in awhile.

“So, why do we need to be here again?” He teases before yawning. He stretches with a bored stare, slouching in his seat as he looks at the line for 4D movie experience.

“Oh, hush! We finally have time together and you complain?” You pout looking up at him, paying the guy once you reach up to the front. “Take your glasses, we’re in for a bumpy ride.”

Bakugo likes to play it off like he doesnt wanna be there but he doesnt hide it very well.

if this idiot thinks you can miss the subtle glints of excitement from his eyes (even tho the cap and mask distract it) its not good enough for you!

you make sure to hold his hand the whole time, dragging him to exhibits and different activities around the place.

i see Bakugo going to the beach afterwards so you guys can enjoy the sunset and even walk at the beach at night.

its like every other date, not too long at the aquarium so you guys can go to the beach at a good time.

once you guys get there he definitely has to show off to you.

wants to give you the best experience you can, quite literally barking at anyone who tries to bother you.

i mean it works but why is he like this-

its for the best tbhnfjknf

definitely has a hidden talent for making necklaces n shit so he collects the shells and makes them for you.

he does small little things around the trip that honestly make the experience worth the while.

Amajiki chose... aquarium! 🎏

Amajiki wants to do everything in his power to make sure you were having fun and enjoying your time with him.

sure going to the beach would be fun but he likes observing fish from a more... contained place.

he likes both equally but being in an aquarium hits different.

he also gets to show you the cute little plushs of him. <;v;<

“Y-Y/N, these were the ones I-I was talking about.” Amajiki picks one up and shows you, the blush on his face concealed behind his mask.

“Aww... these look so cute. I’ll buy one of them!” You conclude, looking at it over, your eyes giving him a smile as you go to purchase the new Tama plush and other trinkets you collected in the gift store.

you didnt know before but Amajiki surprisingly knows a lot about the fishes and stuff and likes to help you with showing them.

when you take trips to the aquarium is when you see him most excited, the whole experience being so wholesome because of it.

you guys will take pictures, and sometimes you can force him to wear the squid hats you guys bought on your first trip there.

it gets a few giggles from strangers here and there but thats what makes it much more interesting lol.

~ he does get a bit embarrassed but who cares?!

he has a polaroid camera just so he can capture the moments and hang it up in his room.

he labels it like “most beautiful merlad in the sea” SOME CUTE SHIII

you love Amajiki, you prefer an aquarium outing over a beach one any day.

#bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #bnha x reader #mha x reader #bnha fluff #mha fluff #bnha headcanons #mha headcanons #bnha bakugo x reader #bnha katsuki bakugo x reader #bnha kacchan x reader #kacchan x reader #bnha dabi x reader #bnha dabi #bnha tamaki x reader #bnha tamaki amajiki

[theunconcernedembalmer]

Toko! I was thinking of creating an ask the character blog for IDV or Genshin Impact and wanted a few tips on how to start off. Anything you can share?

ey yo my dude!! thank you so much for this question, now im lowkey tempted (again) to make a genshin ask blog sjadhlkshgkahshglsaj anyway my 1.5 cents is under the cut, yall know how much i talk here HAHAHAHAH

uhhhhhh so i guess we start with picking a character u really Vibe with tm? I KNOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE COMMON SENSE BUT LIKE ive been considering making a genshin ask blog for a while now but i never really got to it cos i couldnt really decide on a character (plus the fact that their outfits are. so intricate. is also a hmm since i try to follow details to a t) (at first i wanted to do zhongli, but i feel like to be able to muse him well u need to know the lore super super well, which i dont n im too lazy to research on that aha. n u know how much i respect characterizations, especially for such a complex character like him. i also considered xiangling for a period of time mostly for guoba but also like i have 2+1 blogs here n having one more might not be a very good idea aha) (as for aesop he was my Hyperfixation Character tm also cos i looked at his kit n went Yep i could work with this. probably)

so assuming ur not a dumbass like me n u kinda know who u wanna pick, id actually say to snoop around here for other ask blogs n kinda get a feel of the... scene? is that the word? or like u know, other blogs that u can potentially vibe with. ive run a couple of ask blogs before this current one (both that have died for different reasons) n from my experience interacting with other blogs (if theyre okay with it, i think most should be) is pretty fun. it also kinda helps get ur blog around to other ppl on other blogs so they can go Oh whats this cool shit n check u out, n its also a reason why we kinda reblog promo posts for other blogs (also cos we’re always excited when someone new comes on, its really the more the merrier. we see all :eyes:). interacting with other blogs is also an option when ur inbox is looking real roomy too

another reason why i havent exactly done a genshin blog is that idk i cant actually seem to find genshin ask blogs around (i have seen rp blogs, or those that answer asks with mostly text instead of art, but thats. not my thing since i hate my own writing aha) (i did find one aether blog some time ago, but for some reason i hardly see them around anymore??? idk man i might be wrong). its not like im trying super hard to find them ask blogs, so im sure they exist out there (hopefully?? im not sure but im being optimistic). i mean theres nothing wrong with just starting an ask blog without others around, but for me i do find a difference when i interact with other ask blogs n when i dont, n i prefer when theres others to have fun with (unfortunately i couldnt find any ask blogs to interact with in my previous fandom. i tried, but the blogs i approached seemed to go inactive shortly afterwards...) plus u get to meet friends that way too :D (i made a lot of friends via idv askblogs n its really been a joy vibing with others)

as for the idv scene. gestures around me. unfortunately there are a lot of ask blogs that arent that active anymore, but theres still some of us who are alive n kicking empty inboxes, n im sure everyone would love to see a new face around. winks at u. also there seems to be a lot more blogs popping up lately, which is really heartening to see.

then u kinda just. make ur blog? n a starting introduction post so ppl can reblog it n spread the word XD n yay u have a blog i guess??? XD

i gotta say tho. dont expect ur blog to take off immediately (especially for smaller fandoms like idv, tvbh i didnt think my blog would even get half this far when i started cos of how non existent idv tumblr seemed to be) n ur inbox will probably be looking pretty empty a lot of the time (or at least filled with some that u havent quite thought of how to reply to yet aha) (but also like empty inboxes happen pretty often, im sure most of us here have experienced this problem)

in the case of the first ask blog i ever started, it never really took off at all. ngl it was kind of demoralizing n depressing but to be fair i had picked one of the more obscure characters in the series, so obscure that many ppl in the fandom would have never heard of this character before. if u wanted to know, i took a character that only appeared in the 2nd musical of the series, who also made a very brief cameo in the manga to acknowledge his existence within that universe. thats how obscure my character was, but i went with him purely because he was my favourite character. i will say though i did enjoy it while it lasted n i learnt a lot from the experience, n i think thats whats important really.

i guess this kinda leads on (not really but let me digress) to the whole uhhhh thing where if u choose a more popular character, u get more attention. which is fine i guess? if u really vibe with the character, i mean theyre popular for a reason. n choosing a more popular fandom (like genshin) would objectively also get u more viewers n numbers. but like honestly i believe that ask blogs are meant for u to have fun with, n like trying to get popular gets tiring pretty fast (this shouldnt be like a main goal, but u know sometimes u subconsciously also want that gucci follower count n bomb ass notes or something. i used to be guilty of this until i realized it isnt worth it) especially if ur not enjoying yourself in the process. (case in point: my previous fandom was considerably larger n my blog got about 700 followers within a year or so, but it got very tiring n stressful to maintain after my interest in it died, n no one was really interacting with the blog even though i tried which kinda made it even more depressing despite the so called success n popularity of the blog)

anyway on a less serious note, theres a lot of fun stuff u can do with the ask blog, like some ask blogs have really fancy tags that i really like n try to do but also like not really HAHAHAHA. i kinda just channel what i want to see in an ask blog into my own ask blogs (good art is one, i try very hard for it to be good :,DD another is characterization, n others is just extra miscellaneous arts n stuffs like au ideas or memes. these are also somethings u could work on during ask box downtimes perhaps)

uhhh another side thing is like a posting schedule i guess? like ppl would be more likely to interact (i think) if ur blog is relatively active, n this is usually determined by the last post u made (i think XD). but like generally for blog maintenence id say try to kinda find a frequency that ur comfortable with?? cos i know my once a day posting is kinda insane if i wasnt so hyperfixated on all of this n fight the urge to dump all ur replies when u finish them XD (though ive seen some blogs do that n they do it pretty frequently so its pretty nice to know once u see their post u can spend some time going through the latest batch of posts XD) the queue function is pretty useful here even though i truthfully have never really used it, i kinda just post from my drafts really but it also helps to space out ur content to seem somewhat active especially when u dont have the time to be working on replies sometimes. i hope u know what im trying to say here aha

ANYWAY that was like my 1.5 cents cos i dont even think its worth 2 cents HAHAHAHAH these are just my thoughts from running all my blogs up till now, some that are still running n the others that have just died a natural death. i wouldnt actually delete them (theyre still around actually XD) cos theyre kinda like archives n i can look back at what i did last time. cos ngl i made some high quality stuff back then, n i dont even know how i managed to do that aldhflhdsgk. also ppl do look at archive blogs every now n then for the content thats there yknow

BUT YES anyway if u do decide to join the idv ask blogs hmu, ill be sure to give u a lil shoutout here. winks

#its me the mun #unconcerned ramblings #i know ive said that there are a lot of new blogs popping up #but uhhh i dont really dare to interact with them #considering they kinda did come in just when shit had hit the fan n idk i might have been known as The Problematic Blog tm #so i understand if ppl dont want to interact with me n im fine with it. so for now i wont be initiating anything #like dropping asks into inboxes unless i know the mun n theyre comfortable with me doing this #i will interact with everyone who drops by my inbox tho!! #i also tend to get to replies for other blogs faster than general replies cos i feel bad if i kept the other person waiting for too long #I DO forget about rp replies sometimes tho. sometimes #i try my best to get to every one of them tho. even when im kinda busy this period aha #also starting off is actually easy. its about maintaining thats difficult i feel #which is also why i havent done up a genshin ask blog yet HAHAHAHAHA #i really hate to give up on something ive already started when it comes to art projects so

[fleshblueberry]

Babe wake up im going to rant about my ocs lore because im bored

Tw/cw depression, suicide, kidnapping, addiction, unreality

I write angsty stuff for my ocs oops-

When i first started making my characters they were very different in alot of ways and they were very different from what they are now. But i some how managed to glue all the chaos of my ocs together into a semi-coherent story. I went through an insane amount of world building with myself and i honestly dont think ive ever writen or typed any of it out before! its all just up in my head (and you know my memory is trash so ive probably forgotten of alot of things i made before lol). Anyways- i have two main story lines for my characters. Ethan's story, and Vevlet's story. Although i must admit Ethan's story is less complex than velvets simply beacsue it acts as a story of prequeal to Velvets story line. (Alternate realities that happen to have effect on each other basically- we love space time junk)

Ethan's world is very similar to ours, the most similar out of any of my fantasy worlds lol. Ethan's story revolves around self-discovery. I mean for it to be a wholesome/lighthearted thing that quickly leads up to dark undertones (spoilers lol). Ethan's story begins with Eef pre-transition (AFAB to NB). We get to see Ethan learn about themself and have fun exploring emotions and what it means to be alive. Ethan comes from a run-down family (mom khs, dad mia). So he lives with his adoptive parents (who i have yet to design and think about- theyre lesbians 100% though). A major moment for Eef is meeting his partner Seth. As you already know Ethan and Seth are cute ass boyfriends and stuff but guess what! im jammed their story full of angst and edgy shit bc i "wrote" most of this when i was hella depressed! Anyways Seth's family is like moderally welathy, wealthier than most i would say. Seth catches feelings for the emo chick ofc (forgot to metion Eef was definately a hot goth girl before he transitions).... uh yea anyways seth ends up flirting and crushing on eef and eef is like yea sure im bored and sad why not. and they end up dating after a while. Theres an important moment in their relationship when Ethan take Seth to this dead tree. THis dead tree is very important also bc it is where his mother hanged herself, and Ethan doesnt quite remember that bc he was very young when it happened, but he knows it as a place of comfort and he goes there alot when he feels sad or alone. this tree could be taken as symbolizim but heheh ill never tell. anyways Ethan is like yo my fevorite tree and Seth is like wtf okay bro ily and all but why a dead tree with an unstable tire swing?? ANd ethans like idk but i like it here reminds me of my childhood (op my guy) and they spend the night there. Also when ethan comes out to seth as nonbinary seth is just like ok,,, because hes bisexual lol. anyways time skip and Seth has some addiction problems once he graduates, long story short- Ethan doesnt like it bc his dad was a druggie so he trys to help Seth and Seth raises his voice and ethan is tiny compared to his bf so hes naturally like terrified of being hit and he suddenly feels his world of happy and peace he build back up bieng destroyed once again so he heads to his mothers dead tree and decides life isnt worth it anymore, and he hangs himself in the exact spot his mother did.... once seth comes off one of his highs or whatever hes like- oh fuck i yelled and acted agro to my traumatized partner. and he immedatly goes to the tree bc its Ethans favortie spot but its to late. regret is the only emootion anymore... its over for them.

now youre probably wondering how the absolute hell does that tie into velvets lore?? well do i have a tale for you. Velvets sotry begins on her 21st birthday, she is out for drinks with her douchebag bf and her bestfriend. several drinks later she yells over blaring club music shes going to the restroom, and as shes walking back she sees her bf and her bestie making out and she doesnt even say anyhting and walks out alone. She is making her way back to her apartment very tipsy. She then hears a vechile driving beside her, she cant make out anyhting theyre saying and the people in the car get out and before she even relises whats going on shes thrown into the vechile and is being beaten and yelled at. She passes out as theyre driivng to somewhere. When she next awakes she is in a barn-looking place. Concreate walls painted red and straw all over the floor. she cant stand, her legs stung and so did her entire body. for several days- she doesnt know how long she stayed in this place unable to move or do anything. Weak and starving, she gathered up her last bit of strength and hung herself on a low board (havent really worked out the details on that scence bc i keep changing my mind but she does hang herself). Cut to a space of nothingness- legit nothing- exactly its impossible to imagine nothing. In the nothing sits velvet all skin and bone, and then an entity, a hooded figure with long hair, sits next to her. No words are spoke, but the entity looks at velvet longingly. Then it tears out its eye- just full on plunges its hand into its socket and rips it out. bloody mess honestly. the entity hands its eye to velvet, and she takes it. there is no thoughts here, no sound, only actions. Cut once more to a coriners room place? ya know the place with dead bodies and tables and shit- anyways a bright light emerges from dead!vevlets chest and surrounds her entire body. *cue stunned doctor mans* Velvet arises from her death with her scars healed over and... wings. Yup shes an angel now. I mean her world already had monsters and things of suppernatural belonging but- angels are rare. She makes 1 of 2 angels in their relam as of current. Angels are "made" from regrets. Regret overflowing from two sources- one long dead and the other recent. This is where ethan comes in. Ethan's regret from how he died was powerful and sad, powerful enough for his spirt- an entity- to reach Velvets. Velvet too, had much regret in her death. So young and so many things that could have been avoided. In the days following up to her death in the barn/cellar she only felt regret. Regret for all she did and all she didnt do. So much pain summoned the entity. Their powerful forces of regret pulled them together and allowed Velvet to return- but at a price for the both of them. the entity lost its eye- symbolizing a loss of humanity and conscientiousness. While Velvet lost herself, she no longer can view her world in the same way. She has severe ptsd- like episodes and halucinations. She cant go back, she has to live through he own grief. Velvets appearnace also changes quite a bit. Her hair got longer, she has two sleek gray wings on her back, and- one of her eyes are purple now. why does it hrut her to see that eye? why is it all so familiar yet far away. Her human brain can hardly understand all the changes. But she was gifted this- she knows she must try. And luckily for her society sees angels as higher beings. They are given the umost respect but they are also greatly feared because of how misterious their origins are. The only other known angel meets with velvet quite alot through her story, he will act as a sort of guide/plot device to make things a bit easier for myself (havent worked out his lore tho or even a design for him hjbfkjsdb). Anyways im tired and its 1:35 am so thats all the lore you get for now, plus its the stuff ive thought about the most so- i dont really want to think any furtherb ahead yet lol. to many little things to work out...... i love creating but oml typing hurts after an hour or so-

Jam out!

... I don't even know what to say to this

[xhuth]

anyway going back to my tag rant in that post about teens thinking anything 20+ is “old” like i dont know how to describe why that makes me so mad lol. just extremely resent the prevalent notion people lose worth or potential after a very arbitrarily young age which is totally entrenched in some greater shit.

my other roommate (same age) was disagreeing (politely because emotional maturity is what actually matters—) over some ages like 30+ being “old” by definition or somethinf and it just hits me in a weirdly personal way for no particular reason, maybe because of the older parents thing or spending the majority of my childhood interacting with much older ppl online (under the guise of being the same age lmfao) plus finding myself resonate a lot more with those older than me as a child, between those internet friends and my parents’ friends, than with my own classmates in elementary/middle school who i was only kinda “friends” with in proximity but not actually really friends with at all. also the “growing up faster” due to childhood parental abuse lol. but yeah even if you act like 60s is “elderly”, or even in the case of some kids, “ancient”, im gonna side-eye u lmfao

just super hate the really prevalent idea of it being “too late” to do things because of age and i think it does an immense amount of harm and holds so many ppl back arbitrarily. also not to mention the misogynist shit that also gets paired with ageism where shitty ass teens or even early 20s ppl see a woman over 25 in fandom and think theyre so funny going “haha shouldnt you be taking care of ur kids 🤪” or whatever like that isnt one of the most blatantly textbook misogynist things ever

[elliethesuperfruitlover]

tw/venting

ayo the thought of having to go back to school in a little over a month is fucking wild. like.....i feel like i just got out of school and binge watched invincible for the first time. IT FEELS LIKE YESTERDAY. it’s extremely scary thinking about how fast time is passing by because i keep doing the same thing everyday. there’s barely any change in anything. not allowed outside. my IRL friends arent vaxxed yet, and even if they were, my mom’s suspicious of my intentions when going out. and lets not get into the fact that school doesnt stress me out as much, but i’ll be damned if i dont have awful test anxiety still. i feel like everything is fucking passing me by and that sucks ASS. my classmates are going out to beaches and shit, and posting on insta (good for them, i probably need to touch some grass) but like?? i feel like im just being robbed of my life. and teen years and all that. 

i know the pandemic has been hard for LITERALLY everyone. (if you said 2020 was a good year, hush, you’re alone in that regard bestie, dont wanna hear it) but i just......im finally recognizing feelings and all that (shit’s scary man) my thoughts dont match my body whatsoever (not dysphoria, its derealization, or something similar). thats so scary to me. sometimes i catch myself in the mirror and im talking and im like...”thats not me.....oh fuck, it is me.” so i dont look in the mirror and talk aloud, is what im saying. i’ll have a breakdown. but im extremely extroverted. i love people, and seeing people and hugging people. and not feeling like every day that i spend inside of my fucking house is a waste of time because time travel doesnt exist and i cant get any of these days back. at all. it is a never ending cycle. i just want a hug, dude. i’ve never experienced cuddling before either. i would love to platonically cuddle someone. but i got rid of toxic friends (still not over it) and got very radicalized...but for what. my own knowledge and betterment.....but eh. plus i traumadump, nobody wants to hear my sob story, i need to hush. and get in contact with my therapist. and discuss my anxiety issues. and possible depression. and PTSD and so many other things because it’s really not cute. anyways.

also heyy, my body issues are back. like?? hello. not that they ever went away, they just steep for a bit, then start boiling back. and that’s torture for me. having a generally okay body is fine, but then i realize that when i do wear pants, they’re either my overalls (comfort and queerness) or jeans. and yay those are tighter than they were last time. and i know weight fluctuation is a thing that happens, but i really feel like i could do more to not feel as bad. (i mean, sure, i could, but exercising makes me feel horrible mentally so). i see classmates thin and everything (i know thin isnt always healthy, but a part of me wishes that i was bone thin, we wont talk about it) and i know “every body is a bikini body” and i support that initiative 1,000 percent, but A. i have no idea if my parents would even let me get one if i wanted one (i dont) and B. i dont have the confidence to wear something like that. i even hate the fucking swimsuit that i have. i want the fucking full length victorian swimsuits with a shirt and fucking shorts because i cant stand being exposed. my stomach pokes out too much. my arms arent muscly like they were some years back. i just feel....so weird. and the “oh she’s smart, she cant be hot.” one or the other type shit that my brain keeps trying to tell me is real ia NASTY. like heyyy i have a brain, and i use it most days, but my body also shouldnt be fuckshitted like this. this collection of skin and bones keeps me safe (but not from my brain, its on some different shit)

another thing is that i can not wear exposing things. ugh, i would feel so just....out in the open. im literally scared of someone coming behind me and fucking groping me, or slapping my ass. (valid fear) but i literally fucking HATE feeling like that. one, I AM UNDERAGED, and two, ITS NASTY EITHER WAY. and if i went to school, and wore something mildly form fitting, i’d be pushing my body forward to look less noticeable (i dont trust seniors), or pulling my jacket down (i always wear jackets in school) so people arent looking at me. that sucks. and i wish i didnt make my anxiety that bad as to where it just sucks to exist. with a human flesh prison that looks a certain way. i kinda just want to hide my body. permanently. (not dysphoria related, my tits are fine, if they stay, cool, if they don’t, cool) but like...ugh.

and this is where it gets EXTREMELY dark, trigger warning for suicide mention.

yeah last year on the first week of school (virtual) i really wanted to kill myself. which like..isnt okay. i havent really told anyone about that either. because it was an extremely low point for me. i just didn’t think that i could fucking make it through the entire year. all those assignments, and all those days, wasted. im not learning anything valuable (besides maybe science and finance)...i dont know what the fuck i want to do with my life. there’s no such thing as ethical consumption so i’m gonna be contributing to something fucked up, no matter what i do. im weird. and political. and opinionated. and into so many different things. which, y’know, should be cool and fun and fresh. but it terrifies me to know that other people arent like me. that they many never understand my interests. and i feel like this with EVERYONE in EVERY class. unless i see a similar interest. or a tiny flag. but the thought of introducing myself again and again. to more people. who i may never fucking see again. who probably dont care about me. kinda discourages you a bit. so yeah, i really wanted to off myself. it seemed so impossible to get through everything. and then heyyy, near the end of the year, something really shitty happened. was depressed. told my mom i may be autistic... “okay...well....getting diagnoses takes a lot of money. so unless you have 700 bucks laying around....then no.” (who says the person who may ALSO be autistic along with me) few weeks back, talking about my therapist who wanted to talk through the DSM-4 with me “you really think you’re autistic huh.” of course mom. why else would i have written a paper about it, followed actually autistic accounts, and done research on it.

then near the next year, i sucked even more ass. friend shit broke me down and i felt....like i fucked up. which i did. and like i cant keep people in my life. (which is partially true) and i felt more physically exhausted than i had in literal years. i feel very deeply, and especially with negative emotions. so that really fucked me up. (may be something more serious, i have no idea) so there’s that. i just....i’ve never felt like i had been so awful in some time. like i let everyone around me down. so no more of /those/ situations. i dont sleep correctly when my hair is wet, so you can imagine how my dreams were THAT night.

but yeah, i dont feel like wanting to kill myself again. because i know it’s not worth it. but something just keeps pulling me deeper into these disgusting pits of awfulness. like there’s no other way out. (wrong) and gritting my teeth and willing myself to do things is going to hurt, but it’s quite literally the only choice i have. i cant give up. so there’s that. my thoughts and everything. yeah.....it’s 5:10 in the morning, im going the fuck to sleep.

[mollydollyjournals]

Its Thursday 1st July and I hit post limit so all I can do is update this post

I just want to drink til i pass out

9:46pm - oh when did i post this? Doesnt matter i guess. It really annoys me that the daily post limit applies to all blogs you have. I have 2 and i follow a lot of NSF- stuff so i have so much in my queue for my other blog, and i tend to post more immediately for that so i dont end up with a massive backlog, but thaats when i hit the limit. Whatever it is. I basically just wish i could set the queue to post more often when i have more there. Just post every 15mins or whatever and it'd go through quicker without me having to do it myself

Idk it doesnt matter i guess. Im still just venting all my bullshit here that i cant put anywhere else. But now is when i need it. I want interaction and company but i dont want to bother anyone and I dont know what to do with it. I dont have it in me to try to be a person right now. Tumblr is for messy. At least thats how i do.

But once you hit post limit it apparently doesnt even let you delete stuff to post anything else. I havent been here in years really so i totally forgot. Plus it could have been different anyway. Idk. Guess i will just drink until i disintegrate or something

10:20pm - it just makes me feel worse. I know theres a reason for post limit and its not the end of the world. Just it doesnt reset til 5am and I'll be asleep by then which means for the rest of today i cant actually say anything, and that kinda fucks with my derealisation/depersonalisation/whatever it is. I need acknowledgement to feel real. I need people to remind me that i exist. Even just a little. Its stupid and insecure but i do. Everything is worse since covid and being stuck in a house with someone who barely acknowledges my existence. I feel like a ghost. I feel netter at least a little temporarily if someone just sees and acknowledges me. And currently i can't do anything about that. Nobody is going to go to my page(s) and see whats up, its not that kind of thing. Even if it was they still wouldnt. I put on my other social media fucking ages ago that i was really struggling, then i disappeared, and it took days for it to get noticed at all. Then only 3 people acknowledged it. People have their own lives and there are algorithms etc so i cant be angry at them, but the end result is i still feel really alone.

I often feel like i want to just talk to people. Only a select few. Its not that i necessarily need to talk about "deep" stuff, but i need to know that i could if i needed to. Or if we just both happened to be in that mood at the same time. Like how i dont wanna talk about something totally innocent and generic with someone who turns out to be racist or whatever.

I dont know. Maybe i do need to talk some shit through right now. Doesnt matter either way. Ill most likely just be back to this post later to say more about how i dont really feel like being alive.

10:39pm - I hate that im like this. I dont know if its reasonable or not. I used to be someone who wantes so much space. I still dont feel like i want to always be around people. I must have some individuality somewhere. But i cant find it. Since the pandemic hit especially, it just highlighted everything ive been missing and trying to supplement. I need things to change. But i dont have a hope of doing so while i feel like this. Im so lost. Ive spent my life trying to be confident in myself and ive run my reserves dry. I so rarely get any help topping up. I fucking hate the whole Strong Black Woman trope. Im tired. Ive carried my family since I was 13 and romantic partners have expected me to carry them too. I need to be held and comforted. I need support. If nothing else i need to just be acknowledged. I dont feel like a person. Im invisible and inaudible so much of the time and apparently that only changes when someone wants to see or hear me. When do i get to be a person in my own right? When does someone actually see or hear me for who i am and care about my existence regardless of what it does for them

10:54pm - its the worst of my mental health, tbh, that i dont feel like its worth trying anything if its not going to be acknowledged and welcomed by anyone else. Existing included. I feel my worst and most suicidal when i cant have anyone remember that i exist. Because maybe i dont. Maybe people dont miss me or think of me unless theyre reminded for some specific reason. And i say these things because i want to be proved wrong but why would anyone.

I want to cut. I hate this stupid post limit. I could have at least distracted myself by reblogging stuff for a bit. Im still spiralling. I need a distraction and there isnt one and there wont be one and if i even get through tonight itll just be another reminder that in the end im alone

11:24pm - something feels particularly cruel about not being able to post here, even if i delete stuff. Its just an app sure but its the closest thing i have to therapy. I came back here specifically because i was struggling posting on my regular social media and having people not pay any attention. I thought id make a fresh anonymous account where i could vent and my shitty brain couldnt take it personally if nobody acknowledged it. Now i just have all that shit going round my head and nowhere to put it. Im right back where i started. Nobody will read this. If they do they wont care. If by some chance they did they'll be put off by me being so negative.

"One day someone will hug you so tight all tour broken pieces will fit back together" yeah sure. Whatever.

[side-effect-of-the-meds]

I have a very specific idea for an Andriel au but I'm too lazy to write it. Instead I'mma just dump it on here and come back to it later.

So.... Fem!Andreil

Neil 'Nathaniel' Josten -> Ania 'Nathania' Josten

Andrew Minyard -> Erin Minyard bc it sounds like Aaron

It's rare for Mary to leave Nathania on her on for long but once when she's about fifteen/sixteen she lets her walk home from school.

Some dudes manage to grab her on the way home. She's held down by three while the other one starts touching her. She's screaming and kicking and fighting but it's useless. She's built small and doesn't actually know how to fight.

Mary is concerned when Nathania doesn't come home so she sets out to find her and finds her baby in the middle of it all.

Needless to say she castrated all four of them and now the only ones they're sleeping with is the fishes

Anyways, her mom refuses to leave her side unless Nathania is at school

The last thing her mom says to her is "-ania" so she takes it as her name.

She moves out to Millport and she's just so dead. Depression hits my bby hard. Exy is the only thing that gives her life meaning.

The captain is a little *ssh*l*

He sees her and he sees how weak she is off the court and how broken she is.

He follows her one day and makes unsuccessful advances on her.

When she rejects him, he takes what he wants.

Ania's flashbacks hit hard and she lets it happen bc dissociation

Hernadez walks in on it one time and is about to get mad for not getting a room but he sees Ania's eyes and knows exactly what's happening.

The captain is kicked off the team and expelled. They can't prosecute bc Ania wont testify.

All of this plus seeing the scars on her when he caught the captain in the act is the reason Hernandez calles Wymack.

Most of the rest of the story is the same but sub in Erin.

Oh, Erin. I'm in love with her

Erin is equally as bad as Andrew but she gets a lot more shit about it bc she's a girl and somehow stereotypes for female sociopaths are worse by a lot. This one isnt even me playing up the drama. It's bad irl

So u know Erin smacks Ania with the racquet. Ania has massive panic attacks bc Wymack and Kevin are very big men and she's on her knees with no escape. Erin picks up on it and makes sure she keeps the men away. She doesn't know Ania but she's heard about the incident with the captain. She'll be damned if she lets anything happen to this girl.

She kicks the men out and faces Ania on her own. She forces herself to think as clearly as she can through the drugged haze and essentially tells Ania that she'll always be no one and nothing, but at least she can be a nothing that plays exy. Erin hates exy but she can tell exy is the only thing this girl wants and this girl is insanely pretty. Erin wants her. She knows she probably can't have her, but she'll make a good toy for the summer. She makes herself promise not to break her too early bc then she wouldn't have anything for the rest of the year. The truth is she's just so smitten by the new girl who just mouthed off to Wymack and, deep down, Erin knows that no amount of drugs is going to stop her from missing that pretty face and dirty mouth.

So she lets Ania sign the contract. They don't get to pull the twin thing because Erin and Aaron are fraternal twins you can't be different genders and be identical but they look exactly the same. Instead, both twins go to pick her up and Erin fakes her high. Ania sees through it because she notices Ania's obvious annoyance at her brother and anger at Nicky for doing something dumb.

Summer goes on the way it does in the book, but drying with Wymack is really hard for Ania. She minimizes her time in his house bc he's big and muscly and covered in tattoos and it just doesn't sit well with her. Wymack tries to make himself small around her and he's never raised a hand at her. He just keeps out of her way.

Ania meets the Foxes and nearly dies when she meets Matt. He'd just so tall. She realizes that he's just a puppy soon enough but her guard is always up around Seth. He's mean and she doesn't like the way he looks at her. Erin only ever intervenes in matters when it's Seth coming at her. She assumed that after a few failed attempts Seth would back off. He doesn't tho so Erin ends up being to teach him a lesson.

Also Erin doesn't drug her. Drugging is something Erin has experienced. Unlike with Matt, she's not going to force Ania to potentially relive this particular trauma. She gets her drunk tho with similar effects

So yeah. Story goes on. Drake happens but he's still a guy.

It causes a lot of problems for Erin in a different way. I feel like Andrew has trouble with his sexuality bc he wonders if his upbringing 'turned' him gay, but Erin wonders the same. Is she gay bc of how men have treated her? She tired to shove those thoughts down but they keep coming back.

She gets sent to therapy. Proust happens.

And then Fem!Riko happens Riko is a female name so I'm keeping it

When Riko threatens Erin, Ania throws hands. She agrees to go to evermore the way Neil does only a much worse fate awaits her

Riko keeps her in the same bedroom as her and will handcuff her to the bed. She uses Ania to get off + cuts her up

Jean knew about the knives but not the rape.

When he finds out, he actually grows a spine and intervenes.

He's punished severely for it, but Riko lets up on Ania.

She comes home only to find out about Proust and she's mad. Ania took all of Riko' s treatment bc she assumed it meant that Erin would be spared the same thing. Instead they were both forced to relive their old trauma and got a new one too.

The "Doesnt mean I wouldn't blow you" scene is a thing but it's 'Doesn't mean I wouldn't eat you out".

They're on the roof during Ania's panic attack.

Erin grabs her face and pulls her close til their foreheads are touching and they sit there staring into each other's eyes. It settles something deep inside Ania and she finally calms down enough to stop crying.

When she does, she asks Erin how she can still have sex after everything

Erin just stares off into the distance bc honestly? She asks herself the same question all the time. She asks Ania if she ever touches herself and Ania says that there are times shes wanted to but she never tried bc she's afraid

Erin explains that if Ania wants to get better, she has to first let herself want. Only then could she ever start to heal.

Ania looks at her like she's crazy but the next time Ania is in the mood she accepts it. She tried for the first time and she focuses incredibly hard on the sound of Erin' s voice bc it keeps all her monsters at bay.

In the short time leading up to Baltimore, Erin teaches Ania to let go of the past and to want things for herself.

Erin preaches a lot of self love to Ania in that time. It always comes off kind of harsh bc it's Erin' s nature, but Ania knows what she means. She understands. Despite how much Erin preaches, she still has a hard time loving/caring about herself. She does all the exercises like standing in front of the mirror and telling herself she's good and taking time off to rest and just self care things, but she's been playing up the monster act for a long time. She doesn't have the outside validation she needs to get herself together. Ania sees this and she starts telling Erin how proud she is of her and how great she is. They aren't just throw away remarks either. Like, she knows not to overdo it, but she starts giving Erin the positive influence she needs.

The rooftop scenes after midnight practice with Kev are still a thing, however, Ania and Erin have also been sharing a room since their return from Easthaven and Evermore. They just do it I'm the roof so no one hears them. Ania always gets sent down first while Erin takes care of herself. She showers before Erin returns, but when she hears the locks click open she always gives Erin a bright smile. Erin just looks at her with empty eyes.

Erin herself is not empty. Ania's been getting to her. Everytime Ania thanks her for something or compliments her it sends a jolt through her body. She always feels a little high for a few hours after Ania's words. She wants to show Ania how much she's worth. She wants to give her everything in the world. Ania doesn't deserve all the things she's faced and it hurts Erin so much to know that she's faced them anyways. Erin is in love with Ania and she knows it. She's not even denying it to herself anymore. But Erin believes that once Ania gets better, she'll move on. She believes that she's just a phase and once Ania's better, she'll finally get to be court and get what she deserves. Erin is absolutely convinced that Ania will marry Kevin and ask her to be the maid of honor. Erin has made up her mind that she'll do it even if it kills her. Of course all of this is just the musings of Erin when she's alone in her car. None of this happens.

Erin really doesn't want Ania to leave her and she's starting to have trouble keeping all the emotion down. The only bits of open affection she shows are when Ania is coming down from her climax. Erin will trace patterns over Ania's ruined skin and press soft kisses to her scars. She's imagined herself telling Ania that she loves her a thousand times, but she can never bring herself to do it. Instead she tries to press every ounce of her love into those kisses and hopes Ania will one day understand.

The other little piece of affection she shows is when she comes back to the dorms at night. Ania is usually sitting on her bed drying her hair. Erin always takes the towel and scrubs Ania's hair for her. She blowdries it and then she carefully does them into a pair of boxer braids. She makes Ania sit in a stool in front of the mirror in their bathroom while she does it because she likes to watch Ania's expression she really likes having her hair played with so braiding works out well for her

Then Baltimore is a thing aamd it goes down exactly as it does in the books

She comes home from it all and sees her Foxes

And then there's Erin. Erin was in pieces after she found out the truth from Kevin. She didn't cry in front of the Foxes but as soon as she'd punched a few walls and kicked a few things, she collapses away from them. Wymack is there for this and for once in her life, Erin lets a man touch her. He pulls her into his arms and she sits there and she sobs hysterically. Wymack had always known what was up. Erin had spent the last year showing up drunk at his house and ranting and raving about Ania to no end. He'd pieced it all together far too quickly for Erin' s comfort but he's always seem through her facade before. Of course he did then too. It takes her a long time to calm down and when she does she shows out of his arms n is pacing the room angrily bc there's nothing else to do now other than wait.

Then there's spring break and it happens the same as the books

The rest of the book is the same honestly, but you see Erin learn to love herself and Ania learn to accept wanting things like sex and cuddles and physical contact in general. They both learn to believe that they deserve love from their new families and that they deserve each other.

#just a pipe dream #andreil #fem!andreil #the foxes #the foxhole court #the foxhole court au #tfc hc #tfc #tfc au #aftg au #aftg hc #aftg #all for the gay #all for the game #rape #rape mention #trigger warning

[moth111]

Acephobes “agenda” rant//Acephobia is REAL *Trigger Warning!! Mental health;Rape; Acephobia*

Literally no one is forcing their fucking asexual “agenda” on anyone. If anything YOU GUYS are forcing YOUR agenda on US!! You dumb fucks tag your hateful shit as “asexuality” for the sole purpose to get ace people can see it. You guy’s also go to ace tags YOURSELVES and look at OUR ace-positive was shit just to hate on us. I see people go into asexual positive accounts and send hateful messages All. The. Damn. Time!! You acephobes act so big and bad but then go into peoples ask box ANONYMOUSLY to hate on them like that’s the most pathetic thing ever.

From bullying,to telling us to die and to kill ourselves, to just straight up death and rape threats. But as soon as we get fed up with you guys hurting us 24/7 and fight back WE’RE the wrong ones and “forcing our agenda”??? It doesn’t work like that at all. You guys cant just expect us to sit there quietly and let you guys fuck with us all the time.

And you guys are hypocrites cause if it was happening to any other community EVERYONE would lose their fucking shit and y’all know it, but since we’re asexuals we suddenly don’t matter. Like we aren’t capable of getting hurt because you guys see us as plants or robots. You guys say “we dont face anything” but thats so damn false like i WISH that was true. You guys are LITERALLY doing the shit to us that you guys claim “doesnt happen”

Like.. Acephobia fucked up my mental health so much that i wanted to literally die when i first found out i was asexual when i was about 14/15 years old because everyone made it seem like i was broken and had some mental illness. That i was less of a human-being and that I don’t have a purpose here on earth just because I don’t experience sexual attraction cause apparently sex is what humans are made to do according to many of you. My literal ex-girlfriend broke up with me because she thought since I didn’t experience sexual attraction there was no point for her to be with me. My ex-boyfriend would feel like i I didn’t love him because i wasn’t comfortable with showing physical affection and would make me feel guilty for it. Asexuality made Relationships literally so hard for me. I can’t even talk to my friends about it cause they don’t get it and probably dont see it as a big deal. My asexuality made me feel 500x lonelier than I’ve ever felt in my entire life and it makes me feel like I’m drowning while everyone else doesnt see or doesn’t seem to care and i know that lots of other asexual feel the same way. And if you’re thinking “boo hoo being lonely isnt even a real problem” I’ll have you know that 1. You’re wrong and ignorant 2. loneliness is just as lethal as smoking 15 cigarettes PER DAY! So there for, those who are lonely are 50% more likely to die from a premature death than those who aren’t suffering from loneliness. Loneliness can also be detrimental to someones mental AND physical heath, causing depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, it increases stress, early death as i mentioned before, increases inflammation in the body which can contribute to the risk of getting heart disease, it can cause alzheimers disease, and again, like i said before, in some cases loneliness can cause people to literally DIE. Get that through your heads. Literally it got so bad that now anything sex related gives me horrible anxiety and panic attacks so i can barely enjoy things that other people enjoy like movies, TV shows, books, and social media in general.

Those who say “asexuals face nothing and that they aren’t oppressed” are wrong need to read this. Plus why do you guys ask “show me an example of Acephobia and how asexuals are oppressed” but when someone does you guys completely ignore it and resort to making fun of us like a child?? But anyways, here is literal proof that asexuality is real, that we experience a form of oppression AND some history of asexuality for all you ignorant fucks or for those who are actually curious and want to be educated on this topic:

But i know you acephobes probably won’t read it cause you guys have your heads to far up your dumbasses. So here’s more examples of acephobia:

And people will read this and tell us to “get over it”. Do you guys really think that this shit isnt hurtful?? Do you guys really think that this stuff wouldn’t hurt someones mental health and make them feel like shit?? Do you guys REALLY think that if someone who is young and is just figuring out that they’re asexual wouldn’t feel horrible if they stumbled across some shit like this? But alright, lets say we took out the word “asexual” from all of all those people’s comments and replaced it with something else like “gay” or “lesbian” or “transgender” or “bisexual” etc, i KNOW You guys would be all over this saying how wrong and hurtful it is. (Which it would be dont get me wrong) So you guys KNOW that comments like these hurt because you’ve experienced it but you guys have the nerve to do the exact same thing to us to DELIBERATELY hurt us. You guys know EXACTLY what you’re doing and refuse to admit that what you’re doing makes you NO BETTER than the people you claim to dispise for doing the exact same thing to you. Its hypocrisy and literally no one likes a hypocrite.

And you guys say “but they’re killed, raped, and kicked out of their house” which yes i know that, but what you guys don’t like to talk about is that asexuals experience corrective rape all the time even by their own partners and friends and they also get abused in relationships a lot since it doesn’t fit your bigoted “argument”. When someone brings up those issues there’s silence. Just because YOU may think that what we face it not as “bad” as what others may face, does not mean it’s not a problem and that it’s not worth talking about. Infact, it is VERY worth talking about so we bring awareness and educate others like you guys do with other topics.

So YES!! Acephobia does infact exist and if you think that it doesn’t exist while hating on asexuals at the same time, you’re a prime example of it.

💕💕Anyways, if you are Ace, you are very VERY valid and you don’t deserve any hate that is directed to you. You deserve happiness and don’t let some assholes online get in the way of your happines (trust me, i had to learn the hard way)💕💕

#acephobes #ace #acephobia #rant #ace spectrum #acespec #acearo #asexual #asexuality #acephobic #aphobia #ace is valid #ace are lgbt #acephobes are literally stupid as hell #acephobe #aphobic #ace inclusion #ace exclusion #ace safe #asexuals

[fuck-customers]

time to jump ship

TLDR: i hate the job i used to love, i want to strangle every customer, i hate surveys, i hate food waste, i hate my coworkers. specific story at the end. im so sorry this is so long but ive been bottling it up for months now. content warning for biphobia i guess?

i work at the place where guac is extra and our store is kind of in the danger zone for being closed. apparently all that means is 2 weeks of being closed with some training or whatever, but i really dont want to deal with that. my gm has been pushing me [a person she never EVER puts on the fucking line because we have like, 3 cashiers myself included] to tell customers about our survey, bc at one point our score was...14%. the lowest in the state. you wanna know why its so fucking low? you wanna know? bc we're located in the ritzy part of the area [its like 4 cities just smashed into each other], and the bulk of our customers are people on their lunch break who blow $13 on a shitty burrito with like 3 things inside it, go back to the office, inhale their food and then get back to work. they dont have time for surveys! plus, why the FUCK are the surveys so important?! yes, our profit margin is small, but that doesnt mean we arent making sales! the sales are there! the lack of complaints should be proof enough that out of every 200 customers, only one says anything bad! and its always some shit like "when i asked for a little more meat, the employee put 3 pieces of chicken in my bowl. i didnt want double but i wanted more meat!" or like "i didnt know guac was extra" WE. HAVE. SIGNS. ON. THE. GLASS. THEYRE RIGHT THERE. YOU HAD TO LOOK RIGHT AT THEM TO SEE THAT GUAC IS EXTRA. ITS YOUR FAULT. i hate the surveys so fucking much bc i ring up over a 100 people a day and we get maybe 2 back...its such a waste of breath.

the waste of these people too. it was absolutely terrible at my last job [god of bread cafe] but jeez...why get guac if youre not going to eat it? why get your kid food if hes just gonna throw the rice on the floor, take one bite out of the quesadilla, and you toss the rest? do you know what a to-go lid is? clearly they do, because theyll get a shitload of food, order it to-go, then SIT DOWN, pull it ALL OUT OF THE BAG, eat it all, then throw the bag away. those bags cost money! stop wasting our bags! fuck all of you! 

and since our turnover rate is so high, scheduling is an issue. i like my gm, i really do, but shes so...bad at the schedule. im supposed to be off at 3 every shift. im never off at 3. the next cashier comes in at 3. im supposed to have all my shit done by 3, meaning my drawer counted, money deposited, checkout done, and clocked out. if im the only cashier, who tf gonna ring customers while im doing that? the manager. except they never get drawers. they just dont want to. and my gm never wants to schedule the next cashier at, oh i dont know, 2:45? so they can count and put their drawer in so i can leave?? on time?? thats all it takes, but no, because of labor that wont happen.

call me insecure, call me a prude, call me a killjoy, but when my coworkers just stand around and roast each other and pretend to throw insults back and forth, it creates this air of pure hostility that i cant stand. stop being 10 years old! do your work! shut the fuck up and fry chips! cut peppers! why do you feel the need to insult each other so much?! it makes me want to just clock out and leave most days. plus, the closing cashiers rarely ever fill up the ice bin. this whole year ive been working here, ive been filling the bin all the way to the damn lid after peak. lo and behold, the reason id have to throw like 8 buckets worth of ice [each bucket is easily 30 lbs, im 105. i carry 2 at a time] in there was because closing cash NEVER FILLS IT. EVER. its always half full at best. so i said fuck it, if theyre not going to do it for me, then i wont break my back lifting those damn things for them just bc the closing crew is so lazy. plus theres so much homophobia/transphobia underneath a lot of what they talk about sometimes. one of my lesbian coworkers looked me straight in the face and said "i could never date a bi person. what if they cheat on me?" im bi. my gm is a lesbian, and her gf is bi. a girl that recently quit is also bi. like, i actually really liked this coworker but then she showed her true colors so fuck her i guess!

anyway, a special fuck you to the old hag that came through the line today w a chicken queso bowl. expo said to me "chicken with queso" and she said "but dont charge me for the queso" i just kinda smiled and laughed it off and rang it up. and she said again "seriously, dont charge me, im a senior" so, bitch? i told her the total [8.77 as opposed to 7.42] and she was like "yall dont do senior discounts here? the other store never charges me" no you obstinate cow, we have NEVER done senior discounts, and youre definitely LYING. if you wanted your free queso so bad you should have gone to that store honey! she grumbled but paid with a 10. you dont get to tell me what to not ring up. ive never seen you before in my life. i couldnt care less what the ~other store~ does for you, supposedly. this isnt that store. die mad about it.

#submissions #fuck customers #fuck coworkers #submission

[freunwol]

theory: freud is chronica is evan??

and this isnt just desperation i have proof

warning this is long as balls

Transcendent related

His disdain for transcendents not barring him from using time magic to seal off travelling prior to that point, which would require him to call upon Rhinne….unless he can do it himself.

Some transcendents reincarnate. *some.* And none of the ones we know of now do that, to our knowledge. So why would they just throw that tidbit in if it’s not relevant? Coughevancough. (relevance explained in heroes section*)

Freud was able to regain a memory that there was a sixth hero. Luminous, the one who is part transcendent, did not. Black Mage remembers Eun because, in his words, he is a transcendent. It’s possible that it is in fact because he made up the plan, but you think you’d remember almost giving up your entire existence for a spell, Lumi? And then suddenly not having to?

Of course there’s the possibility that Lumi’s lying about forgetting or that BM was lying about remembering because of transcendence but that’s a whole other can of worms…

I’m not discrediting him making the plan playing into this though, it could contribute and that’s why Freud remembered and not Luminous The Fragment Of The Transcendent That Remembers

Hero related

Prior to Heroes of Maple trying to make Eun’s situation into a curse, he was fully erased from history. Not only from memories, but from the physical situation of existence, given that he is erased from photographs and any trace of him left behind is erased as well. This is different from a curse, and even with Lucid’s help, Black Mage likely wouldn’t be able to literally obfuscate the past. Time powers could, and if Freud were Chronica his spell would be directly related to time.

Plus it is already, since it stopped anyone from travelling prior to that point.

If that were the case, wouldn’t this make recovering Eun’s existence next to impossible since you can’t change anything relating to the past anymore?

Even making it a curse it’s applicable, if just an extremely powerful curse. I can’t quite logic this part to much beyond pure speculation, but I do think that Freud had much more to do with the effects of this, considering that it was his spell.

Freud said himself that he remembered that there were six heroes since he himself designed the sealing spell!

*Relating to Evan and reincarnation. It’s an obvious conclusion to make that Evan is his reincarnation given that they look alike. It’s made more obvious by a direct connection that Evan does have to Freud- through Mir. Mir was Afrien’s egg, and thus probably(/definitelycuzalltheotheronyxdragonsgotmurdered) his child, and was intended to reinstate the soul bond. A reincarnation and the son of the guy who had a soul bond with the prior incarnation, it makes too much sense to be a coincidence and literally everyone knows it.

Lumi cited Freud as his intellectual match, and the only person ever to be such.

Mirror World related

This one goes in a few different places, so bear with me. In the Zero storyline, Alpha finds the transcript explaining transcendents that states that Rhinne and Alicia were “content in their roles”, and that Black Mage was not and begun chaos because of this. We know for a fact now that Black Mage was not content, not only as a transcendent but as a pawn of whatever greater power exists in Maple World. His methods are of course horrible and he’s the worst yadda yadda but he’s fighting against the system- something Freud is hinted at considering, from his conversation with Lumi. It would make for an interesting perspective, given that he himself is a transcendent, but then it could be that he feels guilty that the transcendence system is causing so much pain and suffering for the world he loves so much, and the only way for it to work is if all three are “content in their roles”, something they are not likely to be.

This is speculation, but it could make sense- could repeated interaction with humans and a closer connection to the world make a transcendent less “content”? We know that White Mage’s intentions were, originally, for the good of the world, trying to reform it into something peaceful, that eventually was corrupted. We also know that Alicia is supremely disconnected from humanity, seeing them as lesser than the other creatures and much worse. This disconnect could make her more content with her existence, with less curiosity regarding humans and the inner workings of the world and more focus on the other creatures. (This may intersect with information about Darmoor, since he’s both the transcendent of life and ruler of the lef he may have gotten too immersed in their life and gotten “discontent?”) Freud, loving Maple world, could have reincarnated himself as a human to learn more about humanity, and is growing discontent with the roles of transcendents seeing its effects as an insider as well as an outsider?

(This is kinda starting to sound like a Jesus thing, being born as a human but also still divine and knowing human pain and all that shit… I’ve jokingly compared him to Jesus before but this is ridiculous if true oh my god this would be the funniest thing if I’m right about any of this FREUD IS JESUS)

BACK TO MIRROR WORLD why was Freud in mirror world if he’s dead? And of all people that we know of? Sure, Phantom and Evan are there, but both of them are connected to those places in some way- Evan grew up in Henesys, and Phantom probably grew up in Ariant. And both are alive. As is everyone else we see in mirror world, younger or older or whatever. So why the fuck is Freud there? We also know for sure that it is in fact all based on the present day since there’s nobody from the past and Leafre isn’t full of demons (used to be demon land but they were forced out…) so why, out of everyone there, is Freud there if he’s dead?

Bit anecdotal, but they did have Freud there in the section where they introduced the idea of relics that help wield the power of the transcendents, and we got Lapis and Lazuli from this.

Could the Freud’s Journal quest somehow be slightly related to this? It’s a stretch, but the ring could be some kind of relic, since restoring it gives you a lil fairy kinda similar to Lapis & Lazuli…

This is a real reach, but in the Mirror World, the chief of Leafre called Freud an explorer, which is what Sugar was before it was revealed she was the spirit of Maple World or whatever…

Speaking of Sugar, do seal stones work into this? I doubt it a little, since you *need* five other people and he likely had those five other people...But then again, that’s quite a fantastic invention to realize how to make… I’m not sure.

Meta

Freud was very conveniently unconscious during the Silent Crusade storyline fighting Arkarium. If he were awake, would he have said something, especially considering your character is time travelling? Would he have known?

In Eun’s storyline, Athena breaks the “news of Freud’s death” to him by saying that it’s been centuries and Freud wasn’t frozen, and he was “only human.” That would be a nice bit of irony, imo.

Other

THEY’RE BOTH MISSING…

We do know that Chronica is a guy, so there’s no conflict there. If reincarnation were a factor any conflict regarding that would be questionable anyway.

This bleeds more into speculation, but I feel like it needs to be pointed out- the little boy from the Black Mage comic series that gave White Mage the coin looked like Freud, if only a little bit. It’s likely a stretch, but wouldn’t that give a rather solid human motivation? He obviously looked up to him so much, since he did save his family and town, and vowed to become a great mage like him. If he heard news that his idol and savior turned to evil, wouldn’t that be a motivating force to be wary of the transcendent system, if only the impetus and not the full reason?

Not entirely related, but would this have led to a strained relationship with Lumi? D:

His connection to dragons, given that Nova is, largely, dragon people, would be solidified a bit.

Purely Anecdotal

Freud is WAY too powerful to just be A Really Good Mage.

He has a very strong love for all life and everything in Maple World, which sounds so blindly encompassing and positive that only a transcendent or a blithering idiot would hold that love, and Freud is no idiot probably.

Rhinne can see the future of all worlds aside from her own, according to the Zero storyline. I’m unsure if there’s a connection here, but I feel like it’s worth mentioning in case I’m forgetting something that does relate to Freud.

It’s probably possible that more than one incarnation or version of them could exist at the same time, given Tana. (I don’t actually know anything about her story I just know she has a light and a dark self and that she’s Nova’s light transcendent…)

This is pretty hard to prove, but I noticed this a while ago- in the Dragon decal that Freud has in the Freud’s Journal questline, it’s a pretty simple dragon design- which, if you draw a line diagonally through it, looks like an hourglass. They did change his decal to what Evan has, which looks pretty much nothing like an hourglass, but the connection was there and was possible.

The little wing thing on Evan’s updated art makes a connection possible but it’s such a stretch I’m hesitant to really entertain the thought...

sorry this is so long and also so much longer than when i last posted anything abt it but like. im thinking a mile a minute here i feel like if nexon wasnt lazy i could be on to something

#maplestory #long post #IT COULD BE THAT DEEP #sorry mobile ppl..... #sgjshksjhakjh if im like really wrong or forgetting smthn pls tell me #also whoops formatting got fucked for a bit fkjsghsdfk