heart shaped scones with sugary sweet strawberry jam, oh how life could stand so still, simply by sitting at the cold dining table eating breakfast as England’s infamous weather drowns us all.
will i be made whole at a funeral?
all my many selves meeting
in the eyes of strangers but acquaintances
fools thinking they’ve never met
but they all met in me
will I disappear at my death?
outliving all those who know me
known only as another body
given care by the taker of the name
this lonely vessel laying unclaimed
will know myself in their eyes?
that my truth isn’t so easily defined
and my whole is parts and inside
ripples caused by my presence
but not my name as it matters none
so hello to you who hears me
connected through the many
words upon this sacred screen
though this we both are seen
we parts of this whole now
bonded sacredly though thought is how
i become yet another part.
Bloodline of Rimbaud,
cursed poet, sucking
any drops of dopamine
I can get my fangs on.
The world, but it is
that you were there
in the first days
to love, and
the bed, tender
the sheet, you
myself, I am
M B
I rest under a weeping tree
and gaze to a place i knew you to be;
to a door through which you’ve quite recently passed through.
I watch the cars roll by,
senselessly wishing to meet your eyes through any of their windows -
and even if that interaction is an unreasonable request,
I only ask it of you because I need to see your face
and be reminded that you are real, that you are not too good to be true,
that you are not my most recently wished-for apparition.
What a shame
That I can‘t even stay alive
For myself
Pomimo wszystko próbuję się wyrwać. Żyć normalnie. Ale to boli, nie rozumiem czemu nie mogę po prostu przestać… Przestać się zadręczać. Żyć normalnie i nie czuć tego ucisku w klatce. Budzić i zasypiać z uśmiechem na ustach. Czemu to takie trudne?
worn memories
- h.w
If there was some cruel trick of fate,
and you were turned into a tree,
I’d write notes filled with words of love
and tie them to each of your leaves.
For when the storms come rolling in
you’ll hear my whispers in the breeze:
“My love, you’re firmly rooted in the ground,”
the wind shall blow and read.
Sickened with myself, in how I think, how I act, how I feel
The repetition of my actions are repulsive and I want to try to try
Unfortunately these actions that disgust me may very well define me
Pained by the thought that I am who I am and there is no changing who I’ve been
Hyperaware that the way I think perpetuates my self hate
Frustrated because even when told to stop I continue to self degrade
Guilted by the possibility my overwhelming negativity will radiate
Revolted that I continue to think in this way that only ever irritates
Exhausted by my thoughts that affect more than just myself
Tired of hating myself but too afraid to change
The heavy lake
you walk in
as I walk out
I walked in before
you walk past
M B
Been about you since I met you.
I was told to get over it,
To stop being a kid and wishing bad on you,
All I’ve been is kind
But I want your blood in my mouth,
While you were in by bed,
You secretly planned to leave me
When you kissed my lips,
You thought of what you could take from me.
There was no love,
I wasn’t irreplaceable,
Just convenient to what you needed
I wish I could go back to that night
Take away my maturity,
And tell you to fuck yourself.
My best friend: ambitious, stable, put together
Muscular, blue eyes, tall and tattoed
Same interests in movies, jobs an loyal forever
Totally adored by girls and super nice and never rude
He’s basically the perfect guy
But actually not for me
Sex is great but still I have to say goodbye
Friends with benefits does not work for he and me
But still we stay friends forever, hopefully
I really do hope that
I do love you even if not romantically
My bad
My dearest friend ****
A strange flame: ambitious, rich and mentally unstable
Ripped like a bodybuilder, blond and blue eyed
Totally opposites but strangely similar but no love is stable
Adored by boys and girls but also lied
Fucking co-workers and friends without guilt
So why did I fall in love with this guy?
Sex is not good but still my heart is so fullfilled
Friends with benefits does not work but I can’t say bye
I don’t think this will last very long
I try not to be sad and shattered
Buy why do I want to belong
This love is tainted and unflattered
My rich kid *****
A new boy: adventurous, playful, easy-going
Skinny, long haired and caramel skin
We’re not that different in style and living
And both adored by people and like to have good gin
He seems so perfect and chill
But I don’t know if he’s the guy for me
Sex is okay I cannot say better with this quill
Friends with benefits works for now but maybe we …
You see I long for more
But I don’t know if I just numb my feelings
For the other guy I long for
Is this love? Or do I just love falling?
So what shall I do, ******?