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heart shaped scones with sugary sweet strawberry jam, oh how life could stand so still, simply by sitting at the cold dining table eating breakfast as England’s infamous weather drowns us all.

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will i be made whole at a funeral?
all my many selves meeting
in the eyes of strangers but acquaintances
fools thinking they’ve never met
but they all met in me

will I disappear at my death?
outliving all those who know me
known only as another body
given care by the taker of the name
this lonely vessel laying unclaimed

will know myself in their eyes?
that my truth isn’t so easily defined
and my whole is parts and inside
ripples caused by my presence
but not my name as it matters none

so hello to you who hears me
connected through the many
words upon this sacred screen
though this we both are seen
we parts of this whole now
bonded sacredly though thought is how
i become yet another part.

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Bloodline of Rimbaud, 
cursed poet, sucking 
any drops of dopamine 
I can get my fangs on. 

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The world, but it is

that you were there
in the first days
to love, and
the bed, tender
the sheet, you
myself, I am


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I rest under a weeping tree

and gaze to a place i knew you to be;

to a door through which you’ve quite recently passed through.

I watch the cars roll by,

senselessly wishing to meet your eyes through any of their windows -

and even if that interaction is an unreasonable request,

I only ask it of you because I need to see your face

and be reminded that you are real, that you are not too good to be true,

that you are not my most recently wished-for apparition.

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What a shame

That I can‘t even stay alive

For myself

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<div> —  Claudia Gray, A Thousand Pieces of You </div><span>I have no need for a world without you in it.</span>
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Pomimo wszystko próbuję się wyrwać. Żyć normalnie. Ale to boli, nie rozumiem czemu nie mogę po prostu przestać… Przestać się zadręczać. Żyć normalnie i nie czuć tego ucisku w klatce. Budzić i zasypiać z uśmiechem na ustach. Czemu to takie trudne?

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If there was some cruel trick of fate,

and you were turned into a tree,

I’d write notes filled with words of love

and tie them to each of your leaves.

For when the storms come rolling in

you’ll hear my whispers in the breeze:

“My love, you’re firmly rooted in the ground,”

the wind shall blow and read.

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Sick (Poem)

Sickened with myself, in how I think, how I act, how I feel

The repetition of my actions are repulsive and I want to try to try

Unfortunately these actions that disgust me may very well define me

Pained by the thought that I am who I am and there is no changing who I’ve been

Hyperaware that the way I think perpetuates my self hate

Frustrated because even when told to stop I continue to self degrade

Guilted by the possibility my overwhelming negativity will radiate

Revolted that I continue to think in this way that only ever irritates

Exhausted by my thoughts that affect more than just myself

Tired of hating myself but too afraid to change

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The heavy lake

you walk in
as I walk out
I walked in before
you walk past


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I was told to get over it, 

To stop being a kid and wishing bad on you, 

All I’ve been is kind 

But I want your blood in my mouth, 

While you were in by bed,

You secretly planned to leave me

When you kissed my lips, 

You thought of what you could take from me.

There was no love, 

I wasn’t irreplaceable, 

Just convenient to what you needed

I wish I could go back to that night 

Take away my maturity, 

And tell you to fuck yourself.

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My best friend: ambitious, stable, put together

Muscular, blue eyes, tall and tattoed

Same interests in movies, jobs an loyal forever

Totally adored by girls and super nice and never rude

He’s basically the perfect guy

But actually not for me

Sex is great but still I have to say goodbye

Friends with benefits does not work for he and me

But still we stay friends forever, hopefully

I really do hope that

I do love you even if not romantically

My bad

My dearest friend ****

A strange flame: ambitious, rich and mentally unstable

Ripped like a bodybuilder, blond and blue eyed

Totally opposites but strangely similar but no love is stable

Adored by boys and girls but also lied

Fucking co-workers and friends without guilt

So why did I fall in love with this guy?

Sex is not good but still my heart is so fullfilled

Friends with benefits does not work but I can’t say bye

I don’t think this will last very long

I try not to be sad and shattered

Buy why do I want to belong

This love is tainted and unflattered

My rich kid *****

A new boy: adventurous, playful, easy-going

Skinny, long haired and caramel skin

We’re not that different in style and living

And both adored by people and like to have good gin

He seems so perfect and chill

But I don’t know if he’s the guy for me

Sex is okay I cannot say better with this quill

Friends with benefits works for now but maybe we …

You see I long for more

But I don’t know if I just numb my feelings

For the other guy I long for

Is this love? Or do I just love falling?

So what shall I do, ******?

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