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“𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒅𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒚.𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒏𝒂𝒈𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒆𝒓𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒐 𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆, 𝒊𝒕 𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒆”.

-My Dark Vanessa

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it’s important to have someone in your life, not romantically.. but someone who will help see the light. it’s someone who helps you put back all the broken pieces of you. it’s someone who wipes your tears and helps you carry the heaviness inside you.

just someone who makes everything so easy.

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Long time ago, in between phrases and words I’ve written, I tried my best to convince myself that they were not about you. But deep down, I knew everything was about you ⁠— in my poems, in my 3ams, in my afternoons, and in wee of the night. Even in the random songs I’ve heard somewhere; even in any sad love stories I’ve read in books. Then time came, I’ve learned that you can never hide it.

When I said that I would never write about you again, I lied.

If you ask me if I still write about you, I would lie.

You see, I’m never a good writer; I’m just good at hiding things. Even if we play hide at seek, I’m sure you’ll never see even my shadow, even if I’m just two steps behind you ⁠— watching you looking for me until you found something else.

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we’re walking on thin ice,

counting the steps we left behind

and the memories that froze in time

all while looking down at our feet,

walking away from one another

because you’re afraid that the weight

of my love

will break the ice

and pull you down

in the depth of

the unknown

but you don’t know

that this love

is already drowning me

from the inside

~Agath.

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your paper-lasting existence

was the highlight of my life

the words you sung of love

still sit on my heavy chest

promises we both knew couldn’t be kept

but we made them out of love

trying to prove something to the world

we, ourselves were unsure of.

don’t worry, we couldn’t have guessed

the fire doesn’t know its end

in the same way we never knew

how true it wasn’t

until it was our connection that blew

the existence of our paper-lasting love

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When I realised it, I had come to that river side

Envisioning the sequel to the dream I had Yesterday

On that day you seemed so grown-up

Unable to even say goodbye, I hid under my umbrella

If we cross path again,… Oh please

That time, forget-me-not

Not like love, not like loving, not something that’s changing

It’s only you I like, and that’s how I think it will always be

Holding onto my aimless feelings, I look back as people often do

Stopping the scene were we chanced to meet from fading gently away

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Measurement of Time


In ten seconds from now

I know with faith

I will be as I am

I will be as I was

I will have no deference to this time

This place

That this person

This face

I will be what I am

And have what I have

And that

I know well

Will be that


Ten seconds is comfortable

Expected

Monolistic

I do not fear it as I do ten minutes

Ten days

Ten years


Any further scares me


At that length I find I have no promises

I have no kept faith that I will still be me when time is up

All that I have could be taken

All that I’ve built could be shaken

I could become what I’ve evaded to be from the moment I shaped myself

I could look at myself

Think I see me

I could look and be mistaken


I look often downwards

As if I were to walk without being led

Sometimes I lie to myself prettily

“I’m not scared”

“I will not change”

A flurry of could or could not’s

A path no lines and all dots

Step one and step two

All drawn in my head


It is habitual

It is home

It is comfort when I am afraid and alone

It is pretty lies and promises stole


And it is

All and all

In every manner

Useless


Even I know in a mere ten seconds I could be dead

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You didn’t make me feel gratitude. I don’t consider any of it as an heroic act. You didn’t inspire me to live. It was the darkest time of my life when you left me for dead. To end me is in the palm of my hand that night but I didn’t. I didn’t only because you made me confused. The most confused state I’ve ever become. There is much pain, here and there, that the shaking inside my core, transends to calm. When I say calm, I am so calm, that I won’t recognize things as they are anymore. I wonder, if you’re the only thing left for me to bother perceiving in.

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The lioness within the cage

Tearing to be at liberty

Roars vibrating up the metal bars travelling up

Until it expands into a celestial body

Finally being seen.

The Power Source. The Vibrator. The Resonator.

It’s either say how you feel and f*ck it up or say nothing and let it f*ck you up instead. 

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Dear Unrequit-ers.

It only took a minute to remember what love sounds like. How it looks and how it feels. It only took a minute to remember what love is when it’s real.

Sometimes we feign for love from certain people just because we love them. So much so that we begin to think they feel the same just because we love them. But sometimes they only come back just because we love them.

I wish I could tell you, you are the exception just as much as I wish I was too. But you’ve been lied to enough. I’m sorry, I wish I could say everything will be alright. And I wish “Que sera, sera” was as positive an affirmation as it seemed.

You deserve love. You deserve to not feel deserted. You deserve to be valued. You deserve to be happy. And even if you would drop everything to be with them for less than your marked value, don’t do it.

Someone who really wants you, will gladly pay the high ticket for you. Will gladly make the time, make the drive, make it right.

You are high quality. You are precious. You are worthy.

And I am so sorry that you are in love because I know how much you’re hurting.

-DC

Don’t forget who you are.

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You may want to read this, if you’ve been repressing your feelings for sometime, or for a very long time, or for years. 💕🍃


“𝐘𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐛𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐭𝐞 𝐚𝐰𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐢𝐦, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧. 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞?”


The question that left me thinking and deliberating for hours, and words stifled in my mouth.


If he and I fit in right in the year 1970, I would have denied loving every entity other than him, in any of our lifetimes.


But we do not do love now, do we?


“Say it with the name of God.”, said the fortune teller,

“Allow all that you’re doing be done in love.”


I’m not a flower girl a man can have the softest corner for,

I’m a thorn now, with bite marks of old, long standing, failed affiliation.


She artfully smirked, and held my hands,

“𝑪𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒐𝒕𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒑𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕.

𝑫𝒐 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒓𝒖𝒔𝒉 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒐𝒓 𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒐 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒊𝒏. 𝑫𝒐𝒏'𝒕. 𝑫𝒐𝒏'𝒕.”


She repeated, “𝑫𝒐 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒇𝒕, 𝑫𝒐 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒑 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒕 𝒑𝒍𝒖𝒄𝒌 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒍𝒐𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒉𝒊𝒎, 𝒅𝒐 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒖𝒅𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒎 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒆. 𝑫𝒐𝒏'𝒕.”


Her hands released mine, she laughed.

I did them all, whispering his name, the another synonym of God.


She knew. I knew.

I hastened to the gate, and opened it wide, and blissfully accepted him in.


She was right.


“To change the ending, we do not have to be together but in love.”

And I was completely in love with him, his ardor and his excellency, and even without being with him.


𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞, 𝐢𝐭𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟, 𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐱𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧. ❤️

-Dr. Ridima Kamal

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