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it feels as if my past keeps haunting me.

that makes me think how possibly i could be

incapable of change.

why is that the baggage i chose to remove

keeps returning itself back to me?

why is it all people see?

do they not see the change i’ve made?

why is it so easy to focus on the negativity?

and why is it easy to hold onto the past?

the lump in my throat and the feeling of my chest

throbbing because of the pain that i thought

people would have seen i’ve let go of,

seems to come back to me.

- a.o

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Thief of Goodbyes

untimely passing impossible to have known in time for goodbyes

with this you must live for the rest of your grieving until shines the light

our fate isn’t fair regardless of the effort you wish you had made


3in1 haiku #331


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dear friend,

what can i say?

i am flowerless and away from everything beautiful;
everyday the erosion of this life,
this life, my wretched scraped life that i cannot keep afloat.
i am tired, i am tired of having to explain my tiredness, i must dig up my diseased heart just to prove it is broken.
i am awfully unhappy here!
yes, unhappiness seems to describe this everyday suffering, not even an emotion itself, ‘un-happiness’, but the lack of one.
i feel un-myself, i am living this un-life and everything i can measure i measure in the lack of.

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Unanswered Tears

the sky is calling another soul needs to talk but you don’t answer

you know there is pain waiting on the other end longing to be heard

but time has taught you unresolved tears from a loss have never mattered


3in1 haiku #330


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tell me what happened first. did you fall in love? did you ever?

when was the first time he yelled? when did you realize the only thing you were good at was making him angry? 

tell me about the first time he saw you cry. did he stop to hold you or did he just yell louder?

i don’t really remember why he left.

all i know is that my heart started hurting when i met him. not when he left.


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you - an original poem

desperate, i claw out,

trying to escape the endless abyss of doubt

that clouds me.

and you, you’re warmth in the midst of a storm, you’re my sanctuary.

midnight, staring at the stars, a blanket draped across your shoulders.

an old arcade, laughing as i fail miserably at the games.

you’re my home.

but you’re dangerous.

you’re so temptingly bad, so forbidden.

you’re the fruit i was never supposed to be able to reach.

and i wouldn’t change you for the world.

afterthought: hey, babes! i hope that wasn’t too random, i’ve been in my feels about a certain someone lately, and writing is often my form of expression. anyhoo, feel free to give me ideas for more fanfics (character list pinned), i have a bunch on the way but prompts are always appreciated :D

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It’s not a natural thing, it’s what I do that makes me feel so sad
I feel so blind it looks like I’m losing my mind
I don’t know what I’m doing here
Oh, oh, oh
There’s a light,
I can see through it,
It’s just a shadow of me
Worn out like my home
Still there’s something in the air
Wondering just what I’m doin’ tonight
You’re always in my heart, oh yeah
You’re everywhere, you’re the stars to my sight
The coldest night army
Is hiding out like an open door
Bitter and desperate
Baby, oh it’s so cold now oh it’s so cold
Baby you’re so cold now
Just like two lovers’ love.

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I hope you and I meet at the crossroads someday

It should be on a sunny day,

Not rainy, like my life.

I’ll be holding a bouquet of wildflowers,

For myself.

Unlike the roses I picked for you

While prickling my skin all the way.

I hope you’ll be walking and I’ll be walking,

And we’ll meet at the crossroads

Someday far away.

That someday, I’ll smile at you,

As brightly as I can,

For I am crying right now,

Craving for your smile.

I hope on that someday

I’m wearing a pair of Hawaii,

Free and easy,

Unlike the fancy books,

Right now buckled to my feet.

Probably I’ll stumble often with my sandals,

And with my boots I can run very fast,

But in those sandals I shall breathe,

And in these boots I suffocate.

Sunkissed not, but I hope I shall be happy that day,

When I shall meet us at the crossroads,

And I shall look back at you in your right place,

Smile at you on a sunny bright day.

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