sometimes i believe in soulmates
i believe that one soul can be split into two.
a heart,
a body,
and our lungs divided equally as could be
so maybe that’s why you can call me insane--
because I always felt something was wrong
when i slept next to him.
because as my chest rose, his would fall
a stutter in my breathing would lead to none in his
how my breaths were deeper, longer,
more painful than his.
and while a stuck clock can still be right,
ours were never posed in one certain way.
we ticked at different intervals,
my seconds were always a little too slow.
we weren’t soulmates because we didn’t breathe the same.
“that’s silly” i can hear you say--
yeah, but it makes sense in a way,
a weird way i suppose.
because i always imagined me and my future to be in sync,
to love and be loved in a way we were the same,
to always know what the other lives and breathes,
to be what they want and need.
to appreciate the other as they should themselves.
and if i were to believe in soulmates when it came to us,
when we couldn’t breathe on the same level,
or tick on the same clock,
then when our differences become complex--
and breathing isn’t our only difficulty
how could we sync then?
we differ in the simplest ways,
bouncing off of each other,
a push and pull, a tug of war,
in a delay of our second hand
we weren’t the perfect match,
we weren’t a display of how opposites attract.
so back then,
i wished for a time for you to be mine,
but our souls met, they tried, and suddenly
they failed.
so even if sometimes i believe in soulmates,
it doesn’t mean that you're mine.
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When people ask how I am doing I want to say
i think i will spend the rest of my life in a flinch. on the edge of a precipice. counting all the almosts and shivering in the silent air where your name echoes like a gunshot.
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When Shakespeare describes the eventual end of human history as “the last SYLLABLE of recorded time” suggesting that the end of humanity will not be with a bang, a whimper, a gunshot, a sword, or even a breath, but with a syllable - a word….
And the fact that the line ends on the word “time”, which is one stressed syllable past its welcome in the iambic pentameter, suggesting that time itself continues long after human speech (iambic pentameter) has already ended AAAAAAHHHHHHH-
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