“Teu olhar era doce, e… inclusive era cor caramelo.”

And they will again, and again, and again.

An elfchen poems is an eleven word poem with five lines, structured as 1-2-3-4-1 pattern. It’s a form I have used often in my poetry.

take a gun

point it to my head

tell me goodbye

the old me is dead

take another bullet

cause nothing changed

poems from my old notes, 2018

Pengkhianat terbesar adalah dirimu sendiri

Entah harus menangis atau tertawa.

Kenyataan ini baru kusadari sekarang.

Betapa sering hati dan pikiran berkomplot untuk menipuku.

Betapa sering aku mengabaikan perasaanku dan selalu mengatakan pada diriku bahwa aku baik-baik saja.

Betapa sering aku melanggar janji yang kubuat pada diri sendiri, lalu mencari seribu alasan untuk sebuah pembenaran.

Ironis memang tapi seperti itulah hati manusia, kedalamannya sulit diukur dan seringkali kita tidak sadar apa yang tersembunyi di dasarnya.

Mungkin luka masa lalu,keping harapan yang berserakan atau impian yang tidak menemukan tempat di dunia kejam bernama realita.

Apapun itu, aku sadar sekarang bahwa mengkhianati diri sendiri adalah hal terburuk di dunia,

“mensabotase” dirimu secara gerilya selama bertahun-tahun,bukankah itu sangat mengerikan?

Kuharap aku bisa keluar dari mimpi buruk ini dan menggandeng diriku yang baru bersama menempuh perjalanan kehidupan.

Untukku, ayo kita kerjasama keluar dari lubang mengerikan ini.Ada cahaya masa depan yang menanti kita di ujung jalan.

Semangat!!!

Feeling your cold concern.

I’m happier when I burn.

Pain is what I earn

When I’m too arrogant to learn.

but you could still be

what you want to.

You have not done anything wrong

It’s how shallow their hearts and minds are

That is why all they can do is blame you

They can’t accept the truth

They refuse to understand

They will never change

So why let what they say bother you

For that bit of moment let yourself fall and cry it out

Then numb yourself from the pain

Stand up and move on

Don’t doubt yourself

You are much stronger than any of them

- N.R.K.

Being human really is just a constant series of scary things huh

I could have pinned my breath to the sky with a thumbtack today,
and the horizon was thick with forgetting and with oblivion,
like a shot too far or a vote to bury the past.

The sun looked right at me and I stared right back today,
because it hurt a little and because I am tired,
of keeping it tucked away in a little box in my attic.

There is salt under my feet, in the fields, in my sanity today,
and nothing grows in cement forests except the weeds,
which refuse to surrender before the whitewashing winds.

My neighbor left a wreath of brown roses in their trash today,
I heard the echoes of a dead waltz from a record player,
and high above, a stained blue sky and childlike sun.

meg pendergast

So what happens now?

How

Do 

We

Take steps we won’t regret

Later?

Do you hate her?

Do you

Hate me?

My heart aches,

But at least, I guess,

We did not break it.

You can’t really ‘find’ happiness. You can only 'feel’ happiness. So, when you say something makes you happy, it just means that 'something’ or 'someone’ is just an excuse. In reality, you make yourself happy.

Today I tear

quietly

and there are no words to describe it

Our Night

Do you remember

The night when we stargazed

And matched all the wrong ones?

When we scared each other on your terrace

And saw the moon haze?

I began hating

All my friends and family

When facebook came out

atypical love

i read a book the other day,

of a dystopian future,

where love was a foreign notion.

where one couldn’t turn red,

as they held their lover’s gaze,

from across the room.

where, it was forbidden

to touch and to kiss.

i was scared out of my wits,

oh to lose such a beautiful sentiment,

that masks and stacks

so many other feelings under it.

but i’m afraid that day,

isn’t far away,

when love comes with a rulebook

citing the do’s and don'ts

of your compassion to another.

i’m petrified of the days,

when love would come in default modes,

when there’s one above all,

that dismisses all the other ones,

mongering hate, in the name of love.

when you try to tell me

which mouths i can kiss,

which mouths i couldn’t,

enlighten me, as to when

it dawned upon you,

as to what is natural and what isn’t.

as to when one is a man

and when one isn’t?

your snowflake ego,

and the crippling fear

of not being able to oppress,

isn’t going to stop anyone,

from finding comfort

in the arms of their lover.

they say love blinds you,

literature about romance, in abundance

talking about love and its mysterious ways

of controlling us,

it baffles me, to see you control love.

love is pain, love is happiness

and it is whatever i want it to be,

and to contain such a complex emotion

in a pamphlet, in a book, in a rule,

is sowing seeds of oppression,

and harvest hate for centuries to fuel.

how dare you tell me,

my love, tinted with colours of the rainbow,

is any different than the ‘default’,

monochrome of black and white.

oh i’m afraid that say isn’t far away,

in fact, that day is today.

it was yesterday and all I wish

is for it to not be tomorrow.

for my heart, it’s capable of loving

in ways, your small mind

can never comprehend.

and as i wake up everyday,

and think of the time when

i, among millions of people,

don’t have to wake up

and fight for the right to simply love,

everyday.

admitting i love you

is like standing naked

in front of hungry sharks

bleeding out

but oh

how i want to take that dive

I made a painting

about a night I spent crying

I brought to life

the image of my mind

The barbed wire

keeping me trapped

and the silent tears

I wiped off

under the warmth

of my blanket

Presented to the world

in all their glory

.

It’s in my genes

You drove me home today

In utter silence

And it was not the comforting

Warm silence that we could just

sink into

it was the cold rigid

tense sort of silence

that fixed my poor posture

and in the silence

I found myself thinking of ways

to apologize for the ways

you have wronged me

But then these thoughts

we’re quickly silenced

By my prayers of your

Pretty car to crash

Or for a man to manifest

from the shadows

And threaten to slit my throat

So that disaster may bring us

back together the way

the books say it should be

And I have been normalized

To this thinking of radical ideas

And extremities

Of good and very very bad

That I had lost all sense

As to how sick

Sick

Sick

You made my mind.

I try to pretend that

I am good human but

I know that

I am not, despite

the fact that

I try so hard

To ensure that everyone is okay

I do it

To make myself feel better

I am rotten

I am rotten

I am rotten

The end.