“Teu olhar era doce, e… inclusive era cor caramelo.”
And they will again, and again, and again.
An elfchen poems is an eleven word poem with five lines, structured as 1-2-3-4-1 pattern. It’s a form I have used often in my poetry.
take a gun
point it to my head
tell me goodbye
the old me is dead
take another bullet
cause nothing changed
poems from my old notes, 2018
Pengkhianat terbesar adalah dirimu sendiri
Entah harus menangis atau tertawa.
Kenyataan ini baru kusadari sekarang.
Betapa sering hati dan pikiran berkomplot untuk menipuku.
Betapa sering aku mengabaikan perasaanku dan selalu mengatakan pada diriku bahwa aku baik-baik saja.
Betapa sering aku melanggar janji yang kubuat pada diri sendiri, lalu mencari seribu alasan untuk sebuah pembenaran.
Ironis memang tapi seperti itulah hati manusia, kedalamannya sulit diukur dan seringkali kita tidak sadar apa yang tersembunyi di dasarnya.
Mungkin luka masa lalu,keping harapan yang berserakan atau impian yang tidak menemukan tempat di dunia kejam bernama realita.
Apapun itu, aku sadar sekarang bahwa mengkhianati diri sendiri adalah hal terburuk di dunia,
“mensabotase” dirimu secara gerilya selama bertahun-tahun,bukankah itu sangat mengerikan?
Kuharap aku bisa keluar dari mimpi buruk ini dan menggandeng diriku yang baru bersama menempuh perjalanan kehidupan.
Untukku, ayo kita kerjasama keluar dari lubang mengerikan ini.Ada cahaya masa depan yang menanti kita di ujung jalan.
Feeling your cold concern.
I’m happier when I burn.
Pain is what I earn
When I’m too arrogant to learn.
but you could still be
what you want to.
You have not done anything wrong
It’s how shallow their hearts and minds are
That is why all they can do is blame you
They can’t accept the truth
They refuse to understand
They will never change
So why let what they say bother you
For that bit of moment let yourself fall and cry it out
Then numb yourself from the pain
Stand up and move on
Don’t doubt yourself
You are much stronger than any of them
Being human really is just a constant series of scary things huh
I could have pinned my breath to the sky with a thumbtack today,
and the horizon was thick with forgetting and with oblivion,
like a shot too far or a vote to bury the past.
The sun looked right at me and I stared right back today,
because it hurt a little and because I am tired,
of keeping it tucked away in a little box in my attic.
There is salt under my feet, in the fields, in my sanity today,
and nothing grows in cement forests except the weeds,
which refuse to surrender before the whitewashing winds.
My neighbor left a wreath of brown roses in their trash today,
I heard the echoes of a dead waltz from a record player,
and high above, a stained blue sky and childlike sun.
So what happens now?
Take steps we won’t regret
Do you hate her?
My heart aches,
But at least, I guess,
We did not break it.
You can’t really ‘find’ happiness. You can only 'feel’ happiness. So, when you say something makes you happy, it just means that 'something’ or 'someone’ is just an excuse. In reality, you make yourself happy.
Today I tear
and there are no words to describe it
Do you remember
The night when we stargazed
And matched all the wrong ones?
When we scared each other on your terrace
And saw the moon haze?
I began hating
All my friends and family
When facebook came out
i read a book the other day,
of a dystopian future,
where love was a foreign notion.
where one couldn’t turn red,
as they held their lover’s gaze,
from across the room.
where, it was forbidden
to touch and to kiss.
i was scared out of my wits,
oh to lose such a beautiful sentiment,
that masks and stacks
so many other feelings under it.
but i’m afraid that day,
isn’t far away,
when love comes with a rulebook
citing the do’s and don'ts
of your compassion to another.
i’m petrified of the days,
when love would come in default modes,
when there’s one above all,
that dismisses all the other ones,
mongering hate, in the name of love.
when you try to tell me
which mouths i can kiss,
which mouths i couldn’t,
enlighten me, as to when
it dawned upon you,
as to what is natural and what isn’t.
as to when one is a man
and when one isn’t?
your snowflake ego,
and the crippling fear
of not being able to oppress,
isn’t going to stop anyone,
from finding comfort
in the arms of their lover.
they say love blinds you,
literature about romance, in abundance
talking about love and its mysterious ways
of controlling us,
it baffles me, to see you control love.
love is pain, love is happiness
and it is whatever i want it to be,
and to contain such a complex emotion
in a pamphlet, in a book, in a rule,
is sowing seeds of oppression,
and harvest hate for centuries to fuel.
how dare you tell me,
my love, tinted with colours of the rainbow,
is any different than the ‘default’,
monochrome of black and white.
oh i’m afraid that say isn’t far away,
in fact, that day is today.
it was yesterday and all I wish
is for it to not be tomorrow.
for my heart, it’s capable of loving
in ways, your small mind
can never comprehend.
and as i wake up everyday,
and think of the time when
i, among millions of people,
don’t have to wake up
and fight for the right to simply love,
admitting i love you
is like standing naked
in front of hungry sharks
how i want to take that dive
I made a painting
about a night I spent crying
I brought to life
the image of my mind
The barbed wire
keeping me trapped
and the silent tears
I wiped off
under the warmth
of my blanket
Presented to the world
in all their glory
You drove me home today
In utter silence
And it was not the comforting
Warm silence that we could just
it was the cold rigid
tense sort of silence
that fixed my poor posture
and in the silence
I found myself thinking of ways
to apologize for the ways
you have wronged me
But then these thoughts
we’re quickly silenced
By my prayers of your
Pretty car to crash
Or for a man to manifest
from the shadows
And threaten to slit my throat
So that disaster may bring us
back together the way
the books say it should be
And I have been normalized
To this thinking of radical ideas
Of good and very very bad
That I had lost all sense
As to how sick
You made my mind.
I try to pretend that
I am good human but
I know that
I am not, despite
the fact that
I try so hard
To ensure that everyone is okay
I do it
To make myself feel better
I am rotten
I am rotten
I am rotten