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caxycreations · 6 months

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Okay, I've been nerd sniped, I'm sorry

NOTE: If you're going to reblog just to say "not reading that" or some other rude shit, DON'T. I've seen so many notifications of people just saying they couldn't be bothered to read it. I don't know if it's just that they don't see how incredibly rude and disheartening that is or if they know and don't care, but either way it really hurts to see, so please don't reblog if it's just to tell me you won't read it.

So let's go through the canonical likelihood they could each beat Goku. For the sake of keeping canon, we'll keep groups/pairs together if they would never reasonably be apart for something like this. Long post below the cut.

So first up are the ones I see that would, without a doubt, beat Goku.

Saiki K

Saiki is an omnipotent psychic/psionic with quite literally every single possible power out there. Now, this on its own isn't enough to beat Goku. Versatility doesn't mean everything, but Saiki is also powerful enough to rewrite the genetics and reality of everything within range, and his range is, so far, "Earth".

So this, on its own, would allow him to rewrite Goku's biology to make him Human. Bye bye zenkai boosts, bye bye Saiyan transformations. And Saiki, with his powers, has no trouble beating a Human of any caliber if he truly wanted to. And for those who ask "Why would he ever fight Goku?"

One simple reason: Goku would sense his immense power, and be excited for a fight. Goku is respectful enough to not force one if he's refused, but he's persistent enough to badger Saiki until he's given a chance. And Saiki, being Saiki, would simply take off one of his limiters, or both, and rewrite reality as such: "Being an alien isn't possible", thereby making it effective immediately that Goku must be lying/insane, and he is, in fact, Human. Easy win for Saiki.

And for those who would argue against this, bear in mind, the funniest way to beat Goku in this instance would be to simply make him weaker than Saiki, and Saiki is a gag character from a gag series, and it's already been shown in the world of Dragon Ball, and again in Dragon Ball Super, that Goku is incapable of defeating a gag character regardless of that characters canonical ability.

Saiki could win without gag character status, but even in the instance of Goku "beating" him, the gag would turn out to be that Saiki only pretended to get beaten, and is actually entirely unharmed because it was the easiest way to get Goku to leave him alone. Followed by a reveal that Goku will still show up now and then to ask for sparring matches, to drive the point home.

Popeye

Gag character. Would get beaten handily, crawl his way to spinach, and then be exactly as strong as he needs to be to take Goku down in however many hits is funniest.

Bugs Bunny

The gag character to end all gag characters. Someone on this hellsite once described Bugs as a "Trickster God who traps us in our own societal expectations" or some such. Like convincing Thanos to remove the Infinity Gauntlet by establishing a security checkpoint with a metal detector and shaming him into cooperating by telling him there's others waiting.

He could beat Goku in a billion ways, and each and every one of them would involve some shenanigan like Goku throwing a spirit bomb, Bugs showing up behind him holding it, saying "Ehhh, can you hold this for a second?" and as soon as Goku takes it and Bugs is off-screen, it would explode and Goku would be a pile of ashes with blinking eyes. Bugs would win because Bugs' gag is that...well, he simply can't be beaten.

The Warner Trio

Gag trio. Yakko, Wakko, and Dot would snark, sass, and sarcastic-joke their way into the scene, and they would spend the entire time poking fun at him, roasting his look, being unfazed by his attacks because "Nice laser show but we didn't bring our glowsticks." and just being too unbothered to care.

They would undoubtedly annoy Goku into admitting defeat simply to get away from them.

Road Runner

Gag character. Would force Goku to chase him, Goku would fire some blasts, chase him around, and inevitably be led right into the path of a blast he fired earlier to be disintegrated by it.

Pop Team Epic

I know nothing about this series except that it is a gag series. They are gag characters. That means Goku is inherently incapable of beating them.

ASDF Guy

Gag character. Could beat Goku with a simple "Hello, Mine-Turtle!" or "I like Trains."

Heart Diagram

Goku was literally killed by a heart virus in Future Trunks' timeline. This is one that has actually canonically already killed Goku.

Chowder

Gag character. Would likely be after S-Cells for some recipe and need to take Goku's as he's "The only Saiyan in this episode!" or some such, thereby ending the fight with a shot of Chowder wearing Goku's Gi for comedic effect while Dahl stirs raw Super Saiyan aura in a pot to hint that Chowder killed Goku for his S-Cells.

Force Ghost Trio

Gag versions of serious characters, and also ghosts. Goku is canonically unable to beat ghosts or gag characters, and these guys are both.

Those are the ones that would, without a doubt, beat Goku.

Now, let's go over the ones that could, potentially, be it likely or unlikely.

Kirby

Kirby is often considered a gag character, but he isn't. He has a very specific level of power, even if that level of power is "fuck you" levels of power. Kirby has beaten Gods, but so has Goku, even more often and with greater ease. However, Kirby has absorption and power-theft. Kirby could, potentially, absorb Goku (he isn't the brightest and Kirby has his unassuming appearance on his side) and take on his strongest form, including its powerup, and given Kirby in base form is likely more powerful than Goku in base form (Goku needed SSJ to scare Supreme Kai, Kirby beats Gods in base), it's possible Kirby would be more powerful than Goku with the same power up.

Kevin McCallister

Okay, hear me out.

Kevin is technically a gag character, BUT. He is not TRULY a gag character. He just happens to be a comedy character.

So he isn't guaranteed to win, but he could still possibly do so. How you ask?

Goku has been somewhat injured or lightly shaken by the following: planet-shattering attacks. Punches that rock the universe. Energy blasts so potent they would destroy entire galaxies.

Goku has been rendered inconsolable from the pain of the following: chest pain and a half-heartedly, boredly tossed pebble.

It is canon that when Goku and the other fighters in the series are expecting an attack or primed for battle, they are protected by their ki, like armor. It's how they're able to knock away attacks that would destroy planets, or put their "bare" hands on plasma energy that would normally burn the skin off you from a mile away let alone touching it.

This is why when Krillin threw the rock at Goku, it left him in agony and bruised him despite Goku being in Super Saiyan form at the time. This is why Chi-Chi is able to injure Goku regardless of how strong he gets.

So, how does this relate to Kevin being able to beat him? It's everything. It's critical information.

Kevin McCallister's entire M.O. is unexpected attacks. You open a door, you see a bucket fall, think it's over, turns out no, second bucket pulled by the first, second bucket is full of paint and open, you're blinded, you get your bearings, you take a step and feel cars, you smirk and step over them only to find marbles, you slip, you land on the cars which turn out to have been rigged to break easier to let loose a single thumbtack which is now firmly stuck in your back or butt. You bolt upright only to slam your head on a 2x4 that was rigged to hang down from a rope when you fell because your impact shook things enough to make it fall from a precarious perch above.

You get the idea. Every time you think it's safe to let your guard down, that's when the next wave hits. So you say "well he would stop letting his guard down" right? You fool. You know nothing of Goku. He would never put his guard UP. This is a human child, Goku can sense his pitiful power level. His strength? His speed? His ki? Weak. Pathetic. Nothing. A scouter wouldn't even register his power it's so low.

Goku never raises his guard to Chi-Chi, or to Bulma, or to Hercule. He does not raise his defense against normal, powerless, non-combative humans.

"BUT KEVIN IS COMBATIVE" No. He isn't. Goku can sense intent, power, and location. But Kevin isn't actively intending to hurt Goku. He's intending to protect himself and his home. He's not actively wanting to hurt Goku, he's just wanting Goku to leave. He doesn't have power to threaten Goku with, so Goku won't pick up on any threatening aura. And while Goku could simply instant transmission to Kevin and do what he will, we're not talking about how Goku could win, we're going over the fact Kevin could POSSIBLY win.

Enough injury and Goku is down for the count. Otherwise, Goku leaves to avoid further injury, and thereby admits defeat. Both cases, Kevin wins.

Shedinja

This one took me...quite a while. I had to do a lot of extra research for this. So, my immediate thought was Shedinja is a Ghost type, so ghost rules, right? Nah. Bug and Ghost type, and they are the physical shell left behind that has been reanimated. So they very much are physical beings, and given their ability to faint in the games and show they are capable of being physically damaged.

But There's a real case to be made for Shedinja beating Goku.

It can learn Ghost type moves, which operate on ghost-logic, and therefore are a canon weakness Goku is known to have. So things like Shadow Ball, Hex, Curse, and the like would all effect Goku regardless of Ki or form.

It also has access to Wonder Guard, which renders it "immune to all damage types that are not Super-Effective". For those unaware, we can actually attribute Typings to Goku's moves based on attributes and traits they share with Pokemon moves. His melee is, by nature, Fighting type, which Shedinja is immune to. In fact, Shedinja is immune to ALL attack types except Flying, Rock, Ghost, Dark, and Fire type moves, which are all Super Effective.

Goku's most common methods would actually fall under Fighting and Normal type attacks. "But his Ki blasts-" would be Normal type moves. You want proof?

Focus Energy is Normal Type. Quick Attack is Normal Type. Self Destruct is Normal Type. Techno Blast is Normal Type. Tera Blast is Normal Type. These are all energy based moves similar to ki blasts. Know what other energy based move is Normal Type? Hyperbeam. Which is almost identical to the Kamehameha and every other beam attack in DBZ.

Those few attacks Goku has that aren't going to be Normal Type will be Fighting Type.

Shedinja is Immune to all Normal and Fighting Type moves. Goku literally can not damage Shedinja, but Shedinja can damage Goku through Ghost Type moves. Shedinja can beat Goku. But why is it not "absolutely will" beat him? Because Goku can also transform his Ki and if he finds out Shedinja is vulnerable to fire, he can and will use that to his advantage.

That's who could potentially beat Goku. Here's who absolutely could not.

Saitama

I forgot to go over Saitama originally so here's the edit that features that analysis. Bear in mind I am saying this as someone who has seen Seasons 1 and 2 of the show AND is aware of some of the events of the manga.

A lot of reblogs over Saitama claim he is a gag character. But there is a case to be made that he is NOT. What is that case you ask? Well, for the sake of fairness, here is how I am handling gag characters: if their gag is in effect in 100% of all cases (such as looney tunes like Bugs or Road Runner) or if the gag is triggered in 100% of all cases (such as Saiki K or Chowder) then they are a True Gag Character and will insta-win.

However, if their gag has failed (such as Wario, or, yes, even Saitama) in ANY case, then it CAN fail again, and the fairest fight is one against two non-gag characters, so we can safely apply non-gag Saitama here since his gag has failed and Goku meets the conditions to cause it to fail again, which I'll explain.

So, first off, how does his gag fail? Well, his gag is that he kills everything instantly in one hit, unless he actively chooses not to. So we can safely say his gag fails if any of the following are true: he fails to instantly kill an enemy with a single hit while intending to do so, OR if he fails to kill an enemy with a serious hit intended to kill.

He meets both of these conditions. Boros survived for several seconds AFTER Saitama hit him with a Serious Punch. It was a single hit that intended to kill...But he didn't kill Boros INSTANTLY with it. Another example of his gag failing, if that doesn't satisfy, is Garou. Garou, in the manga, has survived MULTIPLE Serious Punches with intent to kill. This, on its own, is proof Saitama's Serious Punch does in fact have a limit to its output. It also proves his gag can, and does, fail against certain opponents.

So the next thing we need to look at is similarities between Garou and Boros to identify what they share that could possibly allow them to get around Saitama's gag, or to nullify it entirely. First similarity is that both are determined to have a good, satisfying fight. Boros crossed the stars seeking one, and Garou sought to become a true Monster powerful enough to force every hero, every do-gooder, to unite under one banner just to take him down. They both seek a battle to end all battles, even if Garou's intention is to end it in his favor, not simply enjoy the fight.

The second similarity is that they have incredibly unique circumstances, even by OPM standards. Garou is a man who has always felt love for the bad guy, he looks to the monsters as inspirations, as the misunderstood and the victimized by those claiming to be heroes. He's trained by an S-Class hero, and has developed into a being of unimaginable power in the pursuit of his dream. Very much a true foil to Saitama, who looked to heroes in comics as inspirations, as the righteous and unshakably moral, self-taught through and through and developed into a being of unimaginable power in the pursuit of HIS dream. Garou is, in this way, a reflection of Saitama, the Tails to Saitama's Heads, the dark to his light.

Boros on the other hand is an alien, forced to become strong by his homeworld's unforgiving conditions, developing a level of power necessary to survive and then some, and on realizing he was far too powerful for his own good, he sought purpose, meaning, and when he heard he may find a worthy opponent, he did everything he could to achieve that future, to realize his dream of facing a foe that would give him a true challenge.

So what are the similarities we can identify? Notably unique circumstances even by OPM standards, sharing strong similarities to Saitama's desires or dreams (Garou dreaming of becoming the greatest Monster vs Saitama dreaming of becoming the greatest Hero, Boros feeling lost in life and seeking a worthy foe vs Saitama feeling bored with living and wishing for the sensation of a real fight again), and the desire for a serious and ultimate battle.

Goku fits ALL of these conditions. He is an alien sent to Earth for his protection, grew up in hostile conditions (surviving on his own for most of his childhood, constant battles with Nation-level threats throughout his teen years, constant battles with world or universe-level threats throughout his adulthood), trained extensively until he was the best of the best, has the ultimate dream of a truly satisfying battle (a dream he routinely seeks out by facing down powerful foes), and being entirely bored with mundane life because there's absolutely no challenge to it, not to mention the fact he has the ultimate dream of becoming the strongest, something he shares with Saitama's pre-OPM self.

Since Goku fits ALL the conditions needed to make this battle exempt from the gag, we will NOT be considering it, as Saitama is not a True Gag Character, and Goku fitting conditions for nullifying it means we can assume actual power limits and such.

So let's look at feats of power. Saitama's Serious Side Hop technique allowed him to create AT LEAST 60 after-images (based on the manga panel) which, when compared with Sonic's 4, means Saitama was moving 15x faster than Sonic in that moment (bare minimum). An afterimage like that is created by moving at least 572mph, stopping in each position for at least 1/255th of a second (any less and the human eye can't pick up on it), so by moving from position A to B for 1/255th of a second and back to A, going 572mph between the two, you create the afterimage.

Sonic creates 4 simultaneously, meaning he needs to move to 3 positions and then back to starting position, or go from A to B, B to A, A to C, C to A, A to D, and repeat.

This means Sonic, to move into each of these positions in less than 1/255th of a second, would need to be moving ~4x faster than the speed for one afterimage. That puts him as moving at 2,228mph while creating those 4 afterimages. Given he is capable of Mach 5 speeds (he's said to be hypersonic) this feat is easy for him, as Mach 5 is 3,805mph. I assume, just as it's easier to move at top speed in a straight line than at sharp turns for a normal person, it's likely more difficult to create such consistent afterimages and so the difficulty that makes it his best attack is from the technique and reaction involved, not the speed itself.

In any case, if Saitama made at least 60 afterimages, putting him at 15x faster than Sonic's speed while creating 4, that puts Saitama's speed at 33,420mph just to account for the 60 we can count in the manga panel. This means 33,420 is the MINIMUM speed we can assume for Saitama's max ability. To be generous, given he wasn't winded after doing that and given he was able to react incredibly easily to the near-instant directional changes, I'll be kind and put his maximum speed at 10,000x this number.

That puts Saitama's speed at 334,200,000mph, or 49.8% the speed of light. We'll be kind again and say 50% the speed of light, round up that last .2%

So we have a speed value for Saitama. Now what about Goku? Well, let's look at Goku on Namek, for a moment. Base form Goku, at the start of his fight against Freeza. Goku, BEFORE his super saiyan transformation, was moving at 3.26 (we'll round down to 3) times the speed of light. How do I get this number? Buckle up, it's involved.

The Namekian ship Bulma, Krillin, and Gohan took to get to Namek made it from Earth to Jupiter in "seconds". That means less than a minute, so we'll say it took them 1 minute just to lowball it and to have a solid starting number. Jupiter, when the two planets are at their closest to each other (assuming shorter distance for slower speed, another lowball), is 365,000,000 miles from Earth. This means the Namekian ship moved 365mil miles in 1 minute.

That puts the Namekian ship at a speed of 21.9 billion miles per hour. They made it to Namek in 30 days of travel. The ship Goku took to Namek made the trip in 5 days. That means Goku's ship is 6 times faster than the Namekian ship. Don't worry, the ship speed DOES matter in this, I promise you.

So Goku's ship moves at 131,400,000,000mph. That's 131 billion, 400 million miles per hour. Or 195x the speed of light.

Why does the ship speed matter so much, you might ask?

Because King Kai could visually keep up with the ship. He was able to track Goku's progress with ease, and could see his ships movements without problems. This means King Kai's eyes and brain are capable of perceiving and processing things that move at 195x the speed of light.

Why does that matter? Because Super Saiyan is canonically a 50x multiplier to ALL base ability. Strength, speed, durability, etc.

And Goku, in Super Saiyan, was moving so fast King Kai stated he could no longer keep up. King Kai, capable of seeing and processing the input of vision on a ship moving 195x the speed of light, could not see or process the input of vision on Super Saiyan Goku.

We'll lowball it, and say Goku only needed to move 1 mph faster than 195x the speed of light for King Kai to lose track of him. So whatever value we get, we'll add 1mph to for Goku's base form speed.

So 195x the speed of light +1mph. 195/50=3.9x the speed of light. That's 2,616,900,000mph, adding in the extra mph makes it 2,616,900,001mph. So Base Form Goku moves at ~3.9x the speed of light, ON NAMEK. Super Saiyan is a 50x multiplier, putting him at ~195x the speed of light. Super Saiyan 2 is a 100x multiplier to Base, so 390x the speed of light. Super Saiyan 3 is a 400x multiplier, so 1,560x the speed of light. Super Saiyan God is a 20,000 multiplier so 78,000x the speed of light. Super Saiyan Blue is a 1 million times multiplier, so 3,900,000x the speed of light. And lastly, Mastered Ultra Instinct is a 300 billion times multipler, so 1.17 trillion times the speed of light.

Why did I bother going through all those multipliers? He wins in Base as of Namek saga lol. Anyway, continuing on to strength now that we've established Base Goku on Namek could move 3.9x faster than the Speed of Light while Saitama could only move at 0.5x the Speed of Light.

Strength. Okay. This one is harder to gauge, but we CAN gauge it. We'll go in terms of level of damage, so human level (would be on-par or less than peak human ability), town level (small towns), city level (large cities), nation level (an entire nation, less than a continent), continent level (one or more nations that span an entire continent), world-surface level (the surface of an Earth-sized planet), Planetary (capable of destroying an entire Earth-sized planet), Solar (capable of destroying a solar system), Galactic (capable of destroying a galaxy), multi-galactic (capable of destroying many galaxies), Universal (capable of destroying an entire universe), Multiversal (capable of destroying multiple universes).

We'll start with Goku this time. Goku's punches are, as of the Battle of Gods arc, strong enough to match Beerus perfectly to nullify the shockwaves of Beerus' attacks. Mind you, the mere shockwave of Beerus' attacks are enough to rip and tear the fabric of the universe itself, as stated by Elder Kai. This puts Goku's punches as being powerful enough to tear the fabric of the universe in when he first obtained Super Saiyan God. Why does this matter for Base Goku? Because Base Goku retained his SSJG power, as stated by Beerus.

So Goku in Base, post-battle of gods, is physically capable of punches that can tear apart the universe from the aftershocks alone. This is important to note because Elder Kai could physically feel the shockwaves from the World of the Kais. This makes Goku Universe-level in strength. This means Goku, post-BoG, in Super Saiyan is 50x stronger than what's needed for Universal, while Goku, as of current manga canon (assuming he didn't actually get any stronger since BoG and is simply more powerful due to new transformations) is capable of a form (Mastered Ultra Instinct) that puts him 300 billion times stronger than minimum Universe level strength.

And Saitama? Where does he fit here? Well, I thought this gap would be bigger honestly? But after researching, it seems the gap isn't all that big. Saitama has, canonically, with a Serious Punch, snuffed out an entire cylinder of stars and presumably every planet, moon, asteroid, and more, at a distance surpassing that of our solar system, and with a diameter surpassing it as well. This puts Saitama's power (if we lowball it MASSIVELY) at Solar. He could, in a single punch, destroy our entire solar system, and he wouldn't even need to be serious to do it. It's worth noting this is coupled with Garou's own Saitama-level Serious Punch, so we can assume this level of power is double Saitama's own.

So how do we determine the specifics? Well, he cleared an area large enough to cover, presumably, half the area of stars destroyed in the path of his and Garou's serious punches.

Through future revelations in the series we learn they didn't "destroy" every star in that path, but likely only several were destroyed, and possibly a galaxy, while the remainder of the void left behind was from the shockwave forcing every other star within range into a new position, creating a void in space that all stars had been moved from, save the few that were in the DIRECT path of their attack.

Another theory is that the Serious Punch^2 simply distorted the photons in the area, resulting in the appearance of a massive void, and this theory is based on the angles in the manga and comments made by other characters that paint Earth as the only thing in real danger from the power of the attack.

To be fair to Saitama, where we would lowball Goku, we'll highball Saitama, and say the Serious Punch^2 outright destroyed every star in the area. That level of power would, naturally, have shockwaves that push nearby stars out of the way AND distort photons in the area, resulting in a massive cone of destruction surrounded by a large cylinder of force.

This puts Saitama at, quite easily, multi-galactic level of strength.

But why did I say this gap isn't as big as I expected? One simple thing. Saitama has canonically punched his way into a different dimension in the manga. That means he's capable of brute-forcing his way out of the bounds of his universe. He is capable of physically destroying the fabric of the universe.

Meaning Saitama's strength is, bare minimum, Universal in close proximity. That puts him, strength-wise, on par with Goku, who through training has become stronger than Super Buu (who was so strong he could shout his way out of the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, a dimension separate from our own), meaning Goku is also Universal in close proximity.

So...while I expected Saitama to be ~Planetary, MAYBE he'd be Solar at most...Research indicates he's actually Universal, or near-Universal, meaning the fight may not be too far a gap after all.

Goku may have Saitama beat on speed (given recent manga events in OPM, I'm willing to allow that Saitama is faster than light speed, but Goku having as many forms as he does (Kaioken, which he can combine with other forms and can hit a multiplier of x100 on top of whatever power he currently has, SSJ1-3, SSJG, SSJB, MUI) means even if Saitama matches Base Goku, he's likely not going to stand up to his stronger forms).

But on strength, I'd wager they're close enough for this fight to be one hell of a battle.

What about Durability? After all, all the strength in the world won't save you if you're as easy to kill as a simple bullet to the head, right?

Goku has withstood universe-ripping punches (from Beerus, the God of Destruction, and based on comments in the manga he's one of the stronger Gods of Destruction too), dimension-tearing attacks (from Goku Black, pre-Fusion), energy blasts that even the Gods of Destruction were nervous of (from Jiren during the Tournament of Power), and he survived multiple blasts from Granolah post-wish buff, who was renowned for his sniping power pre-wish, and post-wish was as powerful as he would be if he had spent every single second of the next 147 years training non-stop with the absolute healthiest amount of rest and physical care, making him, presently, as powerful as he would be at the END of that time, with the price paid being that he only had 3 years to live as he lost 1 year of his lifespan for each power boost.

It was also clear that Granolah was the strongest in the universe...at the time of his wish. Goku and Vegeta, who were already on their way, were not as powerful as Granolah even with their transformations. They became stronger during their fight with him, and stronger still during their fight with Gas (who was more powerful than Granolah after Gas transformed and mastered his transformation).

So we can safely assume Goku is Multiversal in Durability, as he himself was able to output Universal damage with each punch, and he was able to survive hits from beings drastically stronger than himself.

What about Saitama? Well, Saitama was able to survive the force of the Serious Punch^2 and he was able to casually bust his way into another dimension. So his Serious Punch, if he wanted it to, could easily destroy the barrier between universes or dimensions.

And given he survived the force of two of them impacting each other, I would put Saitama at, bare minimum, Universe-level durability. But given he was able to survive prolonged battle against Garou, who is a Power Mimic and has shown Saitama-level strength, we can safely assume Saitama is BEYOND Universal-level durability, and so we can put him right there with Goku at Multiversal durability.

So what do we have so far?

Goku has speed equal to, in Base Form, 3.9x lightspeed, and 1.17 trillion times lightspeed in his most powerful form.

Goku has Universal level strength in Base Form, 300 billion times that in his most powerful form.

Goku has Universal durability in Base Form, Multiversal durability in his most powerful form (300 billion times his Base Form's durability).

Saitama has speed equal to, at minimum, 0.5x lightspeed, and at maximum, if we highball it, 2x lightspeed.

Saitama has Universal strength.

Saitama has Universal durability at minimum, and Multiversal durability at maximum.

At this point, I'm convinced the speed difference between Base Goku and Saitama means nothing. Saitama's durability means even with Base Goku moving at his top speed, his impacts won't be enough to beat Saitama. At top speed Base Goku may be putting out Universal damage, but he's not putting out enough to actually BEAT Saitama. Only injure.

Making me rethink my "Goku wins in Base lol" claim earlier, how dare you!

Anyway, at this point, Goku would HAVE to transform to beat Saitama. His ability to sense power and Saitama's evident inability to suppress it (as evidenced by multiple characters sensing his ungodly power even while Saitama is completely relaxed) would mean Goku would know, right away, he needs to transform for the fight.

Saitama's durability means Goku would likely need Super Saiyan 2 or 3, or, more likely, SSJG. Super Saiyan God's multiplier to Granolah-arc Goku, after all of his training with Whis and Vegeta, would most likely be enough to beat Saitama. And given SSJG is enough to "most likely" beat him, then Super Saiyan Blue (aka Super Saiyan God Super Saiyan, the form above SSJG) is surely enough, and Mastered Ultra Instinct (a form drastically more powerful than SSJB) is absolutely more than enough to beat Saitama.

And given Goku's mastery over the Kaioken technique, and he's been shown to enter Kaioken x 20 while in Super Saiyan Blue for fair amounts of time as of the Moro saga, meaning even if SSB wasn't enough, given MUI is overkill, it's possible SSB x10 or x20 would be.

The point being, Goku wins this fight due to a combination of technique, experience, and power from his transformations. Given Goku is faster than Saitama and would sense his power as Saitama doesn't know how to suppress it, nothing Saitama could do would be a surprise attack to Goku, meaning Goku would have ample opportunity to react to everything Saitama does.

And given the relatively similar strengths the two bear, Goku would recognize he needs to transform to beat Saitama's output.

And given Saitama's greater durability than Base Goku, and greater durability than even what Saitama himself can put out, Goku would see he needs to transform to have enough of his own output to beat Saitama's durability.

Conclusion: Goku would absolutely win this fight, BUT...I'll give Saitama credit where it's due.

Out of everyone on the entire list, Saitama is the fairest matchup here, and the one most likely to give Goku a truly satisfying fight, given it would be a battle on par with those Goku has enjoyed most.

Kingdom Hearts Mickey

K.H. Mickey has a clear power limit and ability set. He is not strong enough, fast enough, smart enough, or durable enough to beat Goku, but he is just enough of a threat for Goku to actually put his guard up, which is why K.H. Mickey would lose; Goku would see it as a fight, unlike with Kevin.

Crash Bandicoot

Crash isn't nearly powerful enough to be a threat to Goku, but he IS insane enough to push Goku to hostility. Goku would feel the need to put effort into getting him away and that is his downfall.

Hatsune Miku

Goku would assume she is a Red Ribbon android and fight her on assumption she's trying to kill him or bring harm to Earth. He would hit her full force expecting her to tank it and she would keel over dead instantly.

Wario

Everything he could possibly do, the Red Ribbon Army has tried and done better, and they've never beaten Goku. Neither would he.

Sans

Lost to a child with slightly above average human determination, and standard human strength and speed. He does not beat Goku.

And just because you specifically told me not to @ you, have this :)

@that-one-enby-onyx

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kitten4sannie · 1 year

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bestie help i can’t stop thinking about fucking older! ateez 😭😭😭 like iMAGINE 50-something year old san or yeosang (or san AND yeosang…👀👀) the way they’d be kinda cocky because of their success when they were younger (and their /experiences/ when they were younger) HHHH and they’d treat y/n like their little princess and when they fuck you theyd be like “does this pretty baby just need a cock inside her little pussy SO bad that she’s willing fuck an old guy like me?“ and girl u KNOW they’re both gonna be buff as FUCK by that age i- i need to stop myself

holy fuck i love you for sending this ask like i am REELING you have no idea 😭😭 i almost went insane typing this out like i am down astronomically for dilf ateez esp older ateez like okay sure 30 year old san/yeo would be fine af but 50 YEAR OLD SAN/YEO??? SIGN ME THE FUCK UP 💳💥💳💥 so yeah i ended up writing an entire fic and i know this wasn’t technically a request but i just had to 😭i dedicate the following to you bestie so i hope i did it justice 🖤

𝙰 𝙲𝚒𝚐𝚊𝚛 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚊 𝚂𝚑𝚘𝚠

Older! San x Fem! Reader x Older! Yeosang

Genre: smut

W.C: 3.6k

Summary: San and Yeosang visit your place of work, hoping to unwind after another long day of being incredibly rich and powerful.

Warnings: reader is in her early 20s, aged up! san/yeo, dom! san, soft dom! yeo, sansang, brief olfactophilia, cigar smoking, alcohol usage, mentions of age difference, pet names, use of the names sir/Daddy, dirty talk, degradation, super brief masterbation, exhibitionism, voyeurism, fingering, oral (receiving), squirting, two instances of unprotected sex, spanking, hair pulling, creampie, kissing, multiple orgasms, overstimulation

Song Recs: Planet Girl by Jooyoung feat. pH-1, Lost in the Fire by The Weeknd, Into It by Chase Atlantic, The Walls by Chase Atlantic

Masterlist

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You were working at your city’s local upscale cigar lounge when two of your favorite customers came in. Choi San and Kang Yeosang. Though they were both old enough to be your dad, they still were still infinitely hotter than most guys your age. And they knew it too.

As per usual, they were both dressed in fairly casual, but obviously luxury brand clothes. Gucci and YSL, from what you could recognize. You weren’t personally familiar with those brands, but you could tell just from being around the other (usually affluent) customers. Your eyes scanned them, watching them walk from the entrance over to the counter you were standing behind. They were wearing a fair amount of jewelry, the silver and gold accents of their necklaces and bracelets only serving to make the extent of their wealth just a little more obvious to anyone that was near them. Of course, you noticed the sleek buttoned loafers they had on as well, knowing those alone probably cost more than your rent.

The wrinkles underneath their eyes appeared a little more prominent than usual, the both of them tired and ready to relax at the end of a busy day. San gave you a small wave, resting his hand down on the mahogany counter, his aromatic cologne making its way to your nose. It gave off strong accents of sandalwood, with hints of cinnamon coming through as well.

“Welcome back, Mr. Choi. Mr. Kang. Your usual?”

San nodded his head, already pulling his leather wallet out of the back pocket of his black pleated trousers. You could tell that they were professionally tailored from the way they perfectly hugged his muscular thighs.

Two Cubans,” you started, already feeling like you were about to lose your cool, but forcing yourself to pull out a small cigar case and opening it up, pushing it in their direction for them to inspect.

Yeosang stepped closer to the counter to pick up a cigar and make sure it was up to his standards, allowing you to smell his cologne of choice as well. Though it was similar to San’s in terms of it being able to turn you on, it had a much more gentle scent, giving off notes of citrus and lavender. “Forgetting something, dollface?” he questioned, his deep, silky voice permeating in your ears.

“And a bottle of scotch. Single malt,” you added, feeling an obvious knot already beginning to form inside your stomach. You reached for the bottle from the shelf behind you and set it down on the counter, along with an identical set of shot glasses.

“Anything else?” You twirled a lock of hair around your manicured finger and looked Yeosang up and down, who was already doing the same to you. You bit your lip, giving San a once over as well, who returned it with an even hungrier reaction.

“It depends. Are you on the menu as well, sweetheart? I’d love to find out how you taste,” San questioned confidently in a low, but smooth tone, sliding his platinum credit card into your hand, his slender fingers drifting over yours.

Yeosang elbowed his friend in the side, giving him a slight grimace. “Have you ever heard of being subtle?”

“Why be subtle when this works ten times faster?” San retorted, rolling his eyes, which prompted Yeosang to open his mouth like he was about to argue with him.

Unable to ignore the aching in between your thighs, you found yourself giving into one of San’s various attempts at seducing you. Obviously, it was incredibly unprofessional of you, but you were at your wits’ end, unable to resist such a delicious offer.

“I’m…I’m actually off the clock in a little bit…if you two wanted to…you know…” you interrupted in a soft voice, paranoid that your manager would somehow catch wind of what was about to go down all the way from his office.

San and Yeosang exchanged glances, the both of them eventually sharing the same lewd smile.

“Put us down for one of the private rooms,” San informed, watching you press a few things on the screen of your work’s pos system and swipe his card through the reader, his dark eyes zoning in on how tightly your black long sleeve top fit on your body. “You’ll join us as soon as you get off, alright, baby?”

“Of course, Mr. Choi,” you answered sweetly, handing the older man his card back, along with the key to the room.

San shook his head slightly, putting the key and his wallet into his pocket, before wrapping his fingers around the neck of the bottle of scotch, passing the two shot glasses to Yeosang. Turning his attention back to you, he stated point-blank, “You’ll be addressing me as Daddy for the rest of the night. Now, let me hear you say it.”

“Yes…” you started, peering over your shoulder to see if anyone was there, which no one was, thankfully. “Yes, Daddy.” San gave you a pleased smile, elbowing Yeosang just like he had done earlier.

Yeosang added, “And you can address me as sir, pretty girl.”

Your eyes flickered over to Yeosang’s brown ones, unconsciously wetting the corner of your lips with your tongue. “See you in a little bit, sir.”

Yeosang slid a hand into one of his blazer pockets, looking back at you with a small smirk, picturing what you’d look like with his thumb in your mouth. “Don’t take too long, darling.”

Knowing there weren’t cameras set up in the vip room for privacy reasons, you felt like you should be able to relax, but that simply wasn’t happening for you. It was most likely due to the fact that two insanely attractive men were sitting on the velvet couch opposite from you, sharing the strong liquor they had purchased and silently puffing on their cigars, all while undressing you with their eyes.

“You’ve been thinking about doing this for a long time, haven’t you? Even though we’re thirty years your senior?” San leaned his back against the plush cushion behind him, resting a palm down onto one of his thighs.

“Mmm-hmm,” you nodded, despite gripping your knees so tightly your knuckles turned white, in search of some comfort, wondering if you were even capable of surviving this unbelievably arousing situation.

“Nervous, baby?” San let out a soft chuckle, taking delight in your predicament, unlike his seasoned counterpart, who was already filling up a glass with the scotch and passing it in your direction.

“Ignore him. Have a drink and relax, okay? We can take things slow, fast, and everything in between. It’s up to you. We don’t even have to do this if you don’t want to,” Yeosang informed, noticing the way you shook your head and took a few gulps of the scotch.

“I want to do this. You two just make me really nervous cuz you’re so…so…” You couldn’t seem to finish your sentence, your mind too occupied with focusing on Yeosang, who had stood up and walked over to you, his elegant frame towering over your own.

“I understand. Just be sure to let us know if you want us to stop.” Yeosang held the bottom of your chin and tilted it up, running his thumb along your bottom lip. “Nod your head for me, doll.” Once you did so, he hummed to himself. “Good girl,” he added, his words coming out like they were drenched in honey, slowly pushing his thumb past your parted lips.

You could’ve melted right then and then, the strong liquor inside your mostly empty stomach sending a pleasant warmth over the expanse of your body. “Mm,” you moaned softly, sucking on his thumb and looking up at him with half-closed eyes.

“That’s it…”

San tapped his cigar near the glass ashtray that was sitting on the small table between the couches, clearing his throat to get his friend’s attention. “Take off her clothes for me, Sangie,” he chimed lovingly, the vapor leaving his mouth, pleased with the sight of Yeosang smiling at him and pulling his thumb out of your mouth with a pop, so that he could pull your top off of you.

“Harder. Finger yourself harder, baby. Yeah, just like that,” San groaned, lazily stroking his cock with one hand and still bringing his cigar up to his lips, taking a puff of it now and then. “Are you going to cum for us?”

You were sitting back against the seat with your legs spread, pushing your digits into your cunt as deep as you possibly could, your hand starting to cramp from how long you had been going at it. “I’m trying to, Daddy,” you responded, your tone rising in pitch near the end, tossing your head back from being on the cusp of your orgasm, but not quite getting there.

“God, you’re so hot. Does your real dad know how much of a slut you are?”

“Uh-uh.” Feeling more pain in your hand than you anticipated, you relaxed it and closed your eyes, sighing out of frustration. You didn’t even notice when Yeosang had gotten onto his knees in front of you, until you felt the flat of his tongue moving up and down your soaking cunt. “Oh, fuck-”

“Don’t worry, darling. I’ll take care of you,” he murmured, massaging his thumbs into your upper thighs and giving you a reassuring smile, prior to eating you out like you were his first meal of the day.

“Oh my goddd…” You slumped down slightly against the couch, your fingers pushing past his dyed dark blonde locks, making eye contact with San, who was jerking himself off a little faster than before.

“How does she taste?” San asked, squeezing his fingers around his cockhead every time he got up to it, a few droplets of pre-cum dripping down the side.

Yeosang reluctantly pulled his mouth away from you to groan, “She tastes fucking delicious, San,” before replacing his tongue with his fingers, your eager hole swallowing them up to the hilt.

“I’m jealous.”

“You should be,” Yeosang chuckled, glancing back at San, as he shoved his digits into you so fast, you thought you might unravel then and there. “Don’t look away either. You’re going to watch me when I make her squirt all over my face.”

San groaned deeply at his friend’s words, sinking even further into the couch, some of his black hair falling into his eyes. He immediately blew it out of the way so that he could admire the way Yeosang’s tongue was quickly flicking across your clit. “Don’t worry, Sangie. I’m watching…”

“I’m…cumming…!” It didn’t take long for you to reach your limit, incredibly overwhelmed by all of the pleasure that Yeosang was giving you, as well as from the way that San was drinking in the sight of you and eagerly bringing himself to his own pinnacle of gratification.

A gravelly sounding moan erupted from Yeosang’s vocal cords, holding his mouth open near your pulsing hole and catching most of the clear liquid that squirted out of you on his tongue and in his throat, gulping it down.

“F-uuuuck, that’s so hot…” San choked out, in between grunts, his hips bucking up, just as he shot his load out onto his bare, chiseled abdomen, incredibly relieved that he had unbuttoned his overtly lavish shirt.

You ran your fingers delicately through Yeosang’s hair, breathing heavily and shuddering when he cleaned up the rest of his arousal with his tongue. “Nnngh, please, sir, let me take care of you too.”

“No need, doll,” he replied shakily, his porcelain cheeks incredibly flushed and his eyes glossy. Yeosang unbuttoned his velvet pants and pulled them down, along with his tight briefs, revealing his softened, cum-covered length.

“Oh, wow…” you blushed, bringing a hand up to your mouth and gawking at him, biting back a gasp when Yeosang’s dick started to come alive again just from the way you were looking at it.

San sighed softly, slicking his slightly damp hair back. “That’s my Sangie, always so eager to please.”

Smiling, Yeosang stood up and walked back to the other couch, sitting down next to San and gathering up some of his own cum, gently moving it up and down his friend’s length to make him hard again.

San groaned in delight, adding, “But enough about him.” He snapped his fingers, gaining your attention, beckoning you in his direction with his index finger. “Come over here and sit on my cock, baby.”

You almost ran into the coffee table, just narrowly avoiding it and enthusiastically lowering yourself down on San’s lap. “Are you going to fuck me nice and hard, Daddy?”

“What kind of question is that, sweetheart? It’d be a sin not to.” San grabbed both sides of your ass and kneaded into it with his strong hands, guiding your entrance to his cockhead and pushing himself inside, a few inches at a time, until all nine were inside of you.

“Oh, fuuuuck…” you exhaled, reveling in the feeling of being completely filled up by the man you had been secretly pining for.

Seeing Yeosang starting to jerk himself off through his peripheral, San began slamming himself into you, right out of the gate, the couch creaking underneath the both of you. “You like watching me fuck her like this, Yeo? Huh? You love it, don’t you?”

Yeosang moaned, moving his hand a bit faster, relishing the dynamic he shared with his friend, as well as the sight of you taking his cock in such an obedient way. “Pull her hair, San…for me…and-fuck-kiss her neck!”

San followed Yeosang’s directions, bunching up your hair and holding it like you had it up in a ponytail, then pulling it down so you had to look up and expose your neck in the process, earning a strangled sound of pleasure from your lips. “Yeah? You fucking like that?”

“Uh-huhhh…” You closed your eyes for a moment, shivering when San lazily kissed, lapped at, and sucked on your neck, feeling his warm breath hit your skin whenever he let out a soft pant from how hard he was fucking you.

Yeosang leaned his body weight against San’s, their shoulders and toned arms pressing into one another. “Keep talking to her like that…” he said in a voice barely above a whisper, completely wrapped up in the heavy, intoxicating tension that seemed to swallow the room whole.

“Do you like the way I’m pounding this pretty pussy of yours, baby?” San complied, squeezing his fingers into the sides of your bouncing ass and smacking it a few times, making sure to leave a few handprints.

“Yes, Daddy…!”

“Who fucks you better? Me or those twenty-something shitheads you meet on Tinder?”

“You!”

Yeosang leaned his head down against San’s shoulder, hunching over slightly so that his hand could slide rapidly up and down his throbbing length. “Oh, god…”

“Do you think your coworkers can hear you being a little whore for me? What about that manager of yours? Do you think he knows you’re getting your pussy stuffed by a man way older than him? And being watched by someone who’s just as old?”

“I don’t care if he does! Fuck me harder!” you cried, almost delirious at this point.

Yeosang shook his head, letting go of his cock to comment, “Jesus Christ, San, you know I don’t like it when you talk about how old we are. It’s making me go soft.”

San scoffed, stopping his movements for a moment so that he could casually give Yeosang a side eye, allowing you to bounce on his cock instead, giving you the power to bring yourself to a much-needed state of ecstasy. San groaned out, pressing his head back into the couch, grumbling, “I can’t help that it turns me on, Yeo. Are you really kink-shaming me right now? In the middle of this?”

“I’m not-”

“Ohhh, I see. You’re just upset she’s not fucking herself dumb on your cock, huh?” San reached over and patted Yeosang’s thigh, giving him a cheeky grin. “Don’t worry, Yeo. Once I empty my load into her, you can have a turn.”

Yeosang’s hand returned to his cock, giving it enough attention so that he could return to the same state of pleasure he was at before, focusing on the way your tits bounced in front of San’s sweaty face.

“You’ll let me cum inside you, yeah?” San grabbed onto one of your breasts and moved it around, idly tweaking one of your nipples with two fingers, bringing a sharp gasp out of you.

“I…I don’t know…” Though you were on birth control, you dreaded the thought of having to try to keep cum from spilling out of you on the walk out of the building, and including the drive home. What if it stained the seats? And you just got them redone too. That would be-

“Please, baby,” he groaned, the muscles in his thighs tightening, making them go rigid, some of his pre-cum coating your soaked inner walls. “What if I buy you something? You want a pretty little dress? Or what about a new laptop, huh? I’ll even double whatever you get on your paycheck — just let me cum inside you, baby. Please, let me fill this slutty cunt of yours!”

“Okay, okay! Just hurry up and-” You couldn’t form another word, too preoccupied with the way that San was holding you down, his hot cum filling you up to the brim, to the point that some had to drip down the base of his dick.

“Ohhhh, god…that’s it…”

Once San pulled out, Yeosang had already recovered from his own orgasm and picked you up by the waist, effortlessly pulling you into his own lap and immediately replacing San’s cock with his own, growing hard inside you, upon feeling your walls tightening up around his thick length. “It’s my turn, darling.”

“Oh my god,” was all you could get out, unable to resist the way Yeosang began expertly bucking his hips up into yours, hitting your g-spot almost instantly. “Sir…!”

“What a good girl you are, taking another cock right after taking mine,” San cooed near your ear, biting the shell of it and slamming his palm into your ass, causing you to cry out.

“Does that feel good, angel?” Yeosang spoke up, peppering your sensitive neck with kisses, his calloused hands running up and down along the curves of your body, eventually settling on your tits and cupping them.

“Y-esss, so fucking good…!” You were about to explain how amazing it felt in further detail, but you were silenced when the man’s lips suddenly pressed onto yours, his tongue slipping into your slightly open mouth. You wrapped your arms around his neck, appreciating how desperate he was to kiss you, to explore your mouth so fervently, as though he had a time limit.

San moved even closer to the both of you, grabbing the opposite side of your chin and pulling you towards him, breaking the kiss and allowing small ropes of spit to fall from your lips. “Let me have a taste,” he mumbled, pressing his mouth onto yours and kissing you in a more sloppy, but still passionate manner.

Being stimulated in so many ways at once sent you over the edge, feeling your pussy clenching around Yeosang’s length, just as a large amount of arousal splashed out onto it. “Mmmnnn!”

“How many times did you cum for us, baby? I bet you can’t even count,” San mused, gently pushing your face away and reaching down in between your heated bodies, rubbing your swollen clit. “Cum again, babydoll, so you can brag about it to your little friends on your social media later.”

“I…ahhhh….” Your eyes were rolling back into your skull, your head and body pulsing with mind-numbing delight, barely able to keep any sort of grasp on reality.

Yeosang pumped himself into you at such a fast speed, San could barely keep his fingers on your clit, but still managed to play with it long enough that their combined efforts sent you into a fit of pleasure-induced hysteria.

All you could get out was a string of yeses, while quite a few tears fell down your warm cheeks, hardly noticing when Yeosang wiped them away and pulled out of you, just in time for his cum to land on your chest and abdomen in slow spurts.

Almost passing out, you pulled off of Yeosang and settled in between the two older men, huffing and puffing until the flood of endorphins that had previously rushed to your brain finally mellowed out.

After a few moments of comfortable silence, San reached for his half-filled glass of scotch and took a small sip of it, then leaned back against the couch, spreading his arms across the top of it. “So, laptop it is, then?” he asked, nudging your thigh with his own.

You sucked your teeth, shaking your head slightly. “Mm, I’ll take the money. And if we do this again, would you consider tripling the amount if I let you cum inside me as much as you want?”

San sighed softly, facing you and giving you what could only be described as heart eyes, prior to looking past you at Yeosang, who was too busy sending a proud smile your way. “I think I’m in love,” San admitted, drumming his fingers lightly against the couch.

Yeosang reached over to you so that he could caress your cheek, earning a small sound of approval from you. “Get in line, pal.”

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(i figured i would tag everyone for this since it was a full-fledged fic lol)

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