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#porco angst
royalelusts · 11 months
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prompts from: creativewritingprompts & glasswriter1
“I feel like I’m losing you.”
You wanted to scoff at the absurdity. He could probably tell because he shifted a bit. Trying to determine where exactly he stood with you. The whole situation was humorous really. Not too long ago you would’ve died to hear those words. To have his undivided love and attention. However, that time had come and gone with his new ‘friend’. He always tried to assure you they were just friends. Anyone with eyes can see that wasn’t the case. It was painfully obvious they were so much more than that. The fleeting glances and touches that would last a little too long to be normal.
It annoyed you at first. Maybe it was because he wasn’t giving you as much of his time anymore. You couldn’t hold it against him though. You weren’t going to stop him from spending time with them. Then things started to get more complicated. He started blowing you off. Telling you he forgot or something came up and you could do it at a later date. Empty promises. It was fine the first few times. You let it go. It was fine. And it was. Until you caught him with them at a shop in the shopping center on one of the days he was “busy”.
“You lost me a while ago.”
His eyes widened. Almost shocked that you responded that way. He couldn’t stand the silence. He missed the stupid jokes and laughter that came after. He missed your smile when you would tell him something that happened to you throughout the day. He missed the playful banter that happened over the simplest things. He missed you.
“I know. I shouldn’t have treated you like that, but I want to fix it. I just need your help and then we can-”
You sighed successfully cutting him off. Part of you wanted things to go back to normal. He was your best friend. It was hard doing things without him. It was as if your other half was missing and you hated it.
“You not only hurt me, but you also broke my trust in you. To be honest I don’t think I can look at you and not think of how you killed every last bit of love I had. Sometimes it’s confusing- if you were the one who didn’t deserve me or if I was just an idiot who couldn’t see the signs. I can not continue being tortured over forgotten feelings.”
His eyes widened in realization. The actual weight of the situation finally set in. You were in love with him. This was beyond an ‘I’m sorry’.
“I know this isn’t an overnight fix and I’m willing to work for it. I just need you to give me a chance. Just one. If you still don’t want me in your life I’ll leave you alone.”
You hesitated to speak. The longing you felt for him was overwhelming. Maybe he means it. Maybe he-
“Babe! I didn’t know you were going to be here!” They threw themselves in his lap, wrapping their arms around his neck. “Oh, and your friend is here too.” They threw you a condescending smile. Just as quickly as your resolve faltered it stabilized itself. This is why the problem started. Why you were here in the first place. There was this tension. They saw you as competition and instead of choosing you he chose them.
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atsumu miya, oikawa tooru, suna rintaro, kazutora hanemiya, eren yeager, porco galliard
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marswritesstuff · 5 months
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a blessing, a curse
tw: hurt no comfort, death, mentions of cannibalism (it’s aot yall), slight age gap (reader is 3 years younger)
a/n: mostly canon compliant but like i can’t be assed to make sure it’s 100%, jaw!porco x warrior candidate!reader, i have decided that people is marley are adults (aka can marry and move out) at 16 :P
summary: At 14, you meet the love of your life. At 15, you fall for him. At 16, it all comes crashing down.
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You don’t talk about it.
Two weeks after you started dating, Porco brushed your hair out of your face when he thought you were asleep and whispered, “I’d die for you.”
And he would.
As the top candidate to inherit the jaw titan, it wasn’t surprising that Porco had introduced himself. You were around his age, 14 while he was 17. It wasn’t common for warrior candidates to be so old when they inherited, but not unheard of- Zeke’d been 16 when he’d inherited the beast, and he was one of their strongest still, and Colt was set to inherit the beast at 17. It would still be years until you took up the jaws, if everything went to plan- Porco should still have eleven years, if all went well, but Marley didn’t want to give up such a talented candidate as you just because you wouldn’t be quite as young as the rest of the candidates.
When Porco first introduced himself as the jaw, you already knew who he was. Your class of warrior candidates had only been a few years after his, and you’d seen him hanging around the base, waiting five years for news of his brother who would never come back. An older soldier had taken pity on you and explained he was the younger brother of the current jaw (although neither of you knew that Marcel was no longer the jaw at the time), and he stuck around as a candidate.
Neither of you said that he was kept around because Marley needed someone they had leverage over to inherit the founding.
You’d never spoken to Porco, though, when he introduced himself. It had been two years since the warriors sent to the island returned, and he’d adjusted well to the news that his brother was dead and he was the new jaw over the last few years. You’d just been named his official successor.
“Hey, kid. I’m Porco, and I guess we should get to know each other- seeing as you’re set to eat me someday, you know.”
You laughed and introduced yourself too. Consuming Porco and inheriting the jaws was still a blessing then, a privilege to serve Marley and prove that you were a good Eldian.
Not anymore.
Not many months later Porco finally asked you out. Pieck had been teasing him about his obvious crush whenever you weren’t around for months, and he’d gotten tired of it, deciding to just let you reject him and get it over with.
He didn’t expect you to grin at him and loop an arm around his shoulders.
“Took you long enough, Pock! How about coffee?”
At 15, you fell in love. At 15, Porco promised you he would die for you. And at 15, you knew that being the one to fulfill that promise was no blessing at all.
You would always talk like you had forever. Endless conversations of “someday”- someday you’d move in together, get married. Someday he’d retire- you almost laughed out loud the first time he said that- and you’d follow, and you’d run off to the countryside and Marley wouldn’t follow you.
Porco knew he couldn’t fulfill every promise he made to you, but on your sixteenth birthday, he gave you a key with a tiny bow wrapped around it, and asked you to move in with him. Within a week, you were moved into his apartment, spending every night in the same bed and every morning making breakfast together. Most of the time Porco was deployed you would be too, but during the occasional solo mission or titan-only operation, you would spend nights cuddled up with his pillow, reminding yourself that your boyfriend is smart and strong and would never let himself die without you.
When Liberio was attacked, Zeke turned traitor, and all the rest of the warrior candidates were killed or missing, you were reminded just how dangerous your job was. You’d signed up for this- you could die at any time, and you’d agreed to that, so why was it hitting you so hard now?
Maybe it was watching the love of your life be forced to crush a human between his jaws, watching a devil squeeze down on his head until his powerful mouth snapped shut and sealed the war hammer’s fate. Maybe it was the lifeless bodies of Udo and Zofia and countless other soldiers snuffed out. Maybe it was the way Porco trembled in your arms, telling you about listening to fighting from the bottom of a pit, helpless to do more than hear his comrades die.
You spent hours that night just holding your boyfriend, rubbing his back gently and mumbling, “shhh, it’s alright, Pock, you’re here now. You’re here, with me, everything’s okay.”
Minutes from the break of dawn, Porco confessed to you that feeling the floor let out under him had made him think of his brother. He’d sat at the bottom of the pit, remembering his brother’s memories of a moment of weightlessness being lifted to the mouth of a titan, seconds before his death.
When Porco finally fell into a fitful sleep, you called in to inform your superiors that you and Porco wouldn’t be attending training that day. They didn’t ask for elaboration.
Not long after, when the warriors were deployed to retake the founder once again, Porco sat next to you on the aircraft, letting you huddle into his side and whispering sweet nothings against your forehead.
“Listen, honey,” he tilted your head up to look in his eyes. “This is gonna be a tough mission. So, I wanted to make this special, but more than anything I wanna do it.”
He pulled a small box out of his pocket and opened it, letting your hand wrap around his around the box. Inside was a simple ring, a golden band with one small diamond inlaid into it.
Tears were streaming from your eyes, soaking into Porco’s shirt where your chin rested against it. “Pock, you dick,” you whined, pressing your forehead to his cheek. “Don’t act like you’re leaving me. You’re gonna be okay.”
Even as you murmured gentle affirmations to the both of you, you tugged the ring out of the box and let Porco gently guide it onto your ring finger.
Two long weeks you spent staking out with the rest of the soldiers while Porco and Pieck infiltrated the military. Your days were spent preparing weapons and plans, and your nights were spent huddled together with Reiner and Colt, all trying to catch sleep while you could instead of worrying over your people in the walls.
The attack was a blur, but it went something like this: you, Colt, and Reiner shared a final hug before you boarded the aircrafts, you dropped out and deployed your parachute, you watched Reiner transform and attack the holder of the founder, your eyes caught Porco, in titan form, go barreling into the battle. After that, when you landed and started shooting, minutes and hours started to blend together. The amount of smoke and dust in the air meant you couldn’t get your eyes on Porco, which was probably for the best- you both needed to focus.
What you do remember clearly was the lightning. Hundreds of flashes across the city, some frighteningly close to you, and then hundreds of titans rising up. Marleyan soldiers dying all around you, as you sprinted across the rooftops, focusing completely on not being caught in a titan’s grip.
You registered the walls falling and releasing the titans like a faint ringing in your head- clearly something wrong, but not even close to your main concern.
Dead and dying soldiers littered the rooftops, and at one horrifying point, a mutilated and bloodied soldier’s hand caught your ankle, tripping you on the shingles.
“Help-” the soldier managed to choke out before your free foot kicked him away. No remorse filled your mind as you scrambled up and kept running.
The ring felt like a thousand pounds. Porco was okay. He had to be. You wouldn’t consider another option.
After what felt like an eternity of running and dodging titans, an Eldian soldier flew by, and you seized the chance.
“Help! Help me!” You yelled out, waving your arms. Devil or not, nothing mattered right now except survival. You would live to see Porco another day, if it was the last thing you did.
The soldier dropped onto the rooftop several paces away from you.
“Marleyan,” he spat, clearly not pleased that you’d survived the titan attack.
“Please, I mean you no harm! I am a subject of Ymir within the Marleyan military- all I want is to survive and find my fiancée!”
The soldier’s face softened, and he held out an arm slowly. “I can take you to the large building up there. Other survivors have gathered there, and most of the titans have been killed. I can’t guarantee your safety upon arrival.”
“I’ll take it,” you replied easily, moving closer to the solider slowly until he turned and let you clamber onto his back. With his mobility gear he started taking the both of you towards the building, and your eyes were drawn down the trail of wreckage of a titan fight. Your eyes snagged on a quickly evaporating jaw titan skeleton, and you forced yourself to look forward. He’d survived. He had to. Porco was smart and strong. He had to survive.
The soldier brought you to the building before flying off again, and you started searching through the hallways. If you could find Porco, or even Pieck, everything would be okay-
You pushed open a door and the group of people inside startled and looked at you.
“… Gabi?”
The young girl gasped and ran at you, jumping and nearly tackling you with an embrace. You held her up as she choked out tearless sobs.
No more than a minute later, she pulled herself back from you and started bumbling.
“He- he’s gone, they took him, they took Falco- I don’t- I don’t know what to do!”
“Gabi.” You set your hands on her shoulders and waited for her to look you in the eyes. “What happened?”
Gabi took a few steadying breaths and whimpered, “I’m sorry. I- Falco accidentally drank Zeke’s spinal fluid, and when the titans turned, he- he became one! And Colt was holding on to him and he’s gone- and he went after Reiner, he tried to take the armor, but…” She trailed off and her eyes dropped to the floor. “Porco had taken a hit, and his real body was badly hurt, and he… he made Falco eat him instead.” Gabi’s breath hitched, but you barely heard it.
There was a ringing in your ears that you could only hear a little past. Porco was gone. He hadn’t lost, but he’d ensured the jaws lived on- by sacrificing himself.
If nothing else, it was definitely a Porco way to go out- stubborn until the end.
You shook your head, blinking the fuzziness out of your eyes and forcing yourself to refocus.
“Go, Gabi. Get Falco back. If anyone but me has to inherit the jaws, he was the best candidate. He’s strong and smart, and he deserves to live, and I know you know that too. So go bring him back for us, okay?”
“He said he was in love with me,” Gabi mumbled as the other people in the room spurred back into motion, clearly preparing to set out in pursuit of Falco and whoever had taken him.
You chuckled wetly, holding back tears of your own. “Well, I suppose he had to say it eventually. For what it’s worth, the rest of us knew.”
Gabi flushed and shoved you lightly. “Of course you did.”
Within minutes, Gabi and one of the Eldian soldiers set off on horseback. The rest of the Eldian soldiers gave you a wide berth, sensing you were upset.
You found yourself a small empty corner with a window. Gazing at the thousands of titans passing outside, you let your mind wander back to the new information you had.
Porco was dead. It felt fake, like the kind of thing you’d have nightmares about. In fact, you’d had almost this exact nightmare several times over the past two weeks. Porco was dead and gone. He’d promised you that he’d die for you, and you’d always thought the worst thing in the world was that you’d have to eat him, watch him die at your own hands. Now you knew it could be much worse. Porco had died away from you. You hadn’t so much as touched him in two weeks, and now, with his body somewhere in Falco’s digestion, you’d never get to again.
There wouldn’t even be a body to bury. The ring on your finger was the only thing left of your fiancée. He could’ve been so much more- he could’ve been your husband, your soulmate, your forever, and instead he was gone.
The tears you’d been holding back finally spilled over your cheeks as you hugged your knees.
At fourteen, you’d met your soulmate. At fifteen, you fell in love with him. And at sixteen, you lost him forever.
Thousands of killing machines passed by the window, making straight for your home in Marley. But it didn’t matter. Everything that had truly mattered to you was now gone forever.
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lunaekalenda · 1 year
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Hello queen. Can i request an angst with porco where the reader is madly in love with him but just cant get him? I feel moody so i need pain, suffering and despair😩😩
sure! i do need that too i'm feeling you 😩 also sorry this came up so late ! hope you like it!
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"See, it has nothing to see with you..." He starts, eyes fixed on the white straw of his milkshake. You're sitting in front of him in silence, attentive to every single one of his words, as you feel tears starting to form on your eyes. Porco keeps his gaze low as he searches the right words to break your heart.
You can't even remember when you started to like him. Maybe it was when he arrived to your high school, several years ago, with his little group of friends. He looked friendly, nice, always smiling to everyone and always there for anyone.
You remember your first interaction, of course. He was late for his training, and Reiner was waiting for him at the end of the corridor. Bad luck he had running into you, who tried to leave the council's room, always so full of papers, with bags hanging on both your arms. The scene seemed to pass on slow motion, all the papers flying around you, as he gripped his hands to the door, avoiding falling. You didn't even know where to start apologizing, you felt way too shy to say anything, and less, to the new guy. You tried to start.
But he smiled at you.
It was so sincere, so pure, that it was stuck on your mind for months, as your words got stuck on your throat.
"I'm sorry." he said, simply. "I shouldn't be running on the corridors, and less, near doors." he smiled again as he kneeled on the floor, getting all the papers as he could together. You quickly helped.
"I should have checked if anyone was passing by, sorry." He dismisses it with a wave of his hand, smiling again, as he fixes his eyes on you.
"I'm Porco. Nice to meet you, even under this circumstances."
You started to find him more and more around, on the breaks, at lunch time, and he even got closer to your friend group. It wasn't rare to see both him and you spending time together with them all on summer, during winter holidays and after your graduation. You and your friends went to all his matches, cheering on both him and Reiner, and having a drink right after it, regardless of the result.
All the time you spent together started to make your heart nervous, pounding like crazy every time he was close to you. You wanted so bad to spend time together, and alone, for once. But he didn't seem to catch your intentions, at least, that's what you thought.
"Wanna go to the movies?" you ask him on one of your groupal karaoke sessions, when he sat by your side after singing. You were too shy, but the dark room and the color lights helped to hide your expression. Porco smiled.
"Sure! Hey!" he yelled, automatically after. "When are you all free for a movie?" you felt your soul dropping to your feet, as he turned and smiled at you under all the claps and the overall discussion about the films.
You tried so bad to have a date, but he kept making them groupal, inviting Reiner, your friends, or a mix of all of them. You tried for months, asked your friends for help, gave up and tried again when you felt a little interest by his side. And, finally, you asked him to go to the café near your uni alone. And here you are now, getting rejected by your crush, on a café known by being a romantic place. You even let him choose you a drink, and it's not even close to what you like. You suspect his attention was never on you, but on someone near you instead. After all, there's one girl in your group.
And she does like Vanilla Coffee.
"It's just... You probably misunderstood my signals." he sighs.
You've never been who I like.
"I thank you for your interest and I apologize for not being interested back."
There's someone else on my head.
"See, uh... You are very kind, and truly a friend I can rely on."
But you're not who I want.
"But... It can't be reciprocal, sorry."
Without a word more, he stands up, with a uncomfortable smile, paying for both your drinks and leaving quickly, as tears start to fall on your cup, the table and down your cheeks before you even realize.
Outside, Pieck waits for Porco with a smile, as he holds her hand to walk towards the park.
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jeanbie · 11 months
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WAYS TO SAY I LOVE YOU #7 ★ masterlist.
pairing: porco x reader
genre: domestic au, ghost au, modern au | warnings: mentions of suicide, mediums, character death, mental health references (depression), grief, slight Goblin references at the end | wc: 2.5k
note: love this one. please tell me if you wanna see similar angsts for other characters!
⏤ imagine the first time they say i love you. like, properly say it; because they’ve said it before, but today they say it one last time, when it’s the only thing left to say.
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It started with a medium.
There had been a time where you prided yourself on your disbelief in an afterlife, dismissing mediums on television, laughing at ghost hunters and paranormal movies depicting demons and ghouls climbing out of screens. Although now, those times seem too long ago, phantom memories - even the person you were in those memories seem to be different, as though looking into the mind of a stranger, disconnected and vacant. 
Jean had told you that was a coping mechanism. Mikasa assured you it was normal. Your sister said it was mental illness.
After the loss of Porco, you didn’t know what to think anymore. After the loss of the love of your life, thinking just became pointless.
When the news of Porco’s passing had reached you, it had reached you last. At least everybody in your close circle of friends knew a few hours before you, Porco’s family and Reiner who had found him being the first who found out almost a day before. The absence of Porco for those long and tortuous hours were ones you misjudged. You thought he was going back home to see his family for the weekend. Berthold thought he was with you. Reiner had returned to his shared flat and found the truth hanging.
The only reason as to why you were last was because nobody knew how you would react. Amongst the chaos and shock that was Porco’s death, the reaction that would be drawn from you would change everything. You'd been through this before, this darkness. It had taken some work with Porco to get over whatever darkness consumed you, and this would set you back years. Looking back at it, you even remember where you were and when it had happened, when the pin dropped. Originally, they wanted Reiner to tell you, but, overcome with grief, he sent Annie instead. You will never, ever forget the look on Annie’s face as you opened the door, and the news followed a cup of tea and an unexpected, clueless, and genuine smile had settled on your lips. “What are you doing here?” you had asked, “is everything okay?” She'd said nothing, and then caved when you asked if she'd heard from Porco this weekend. He’s missing my calls. Has he contacted you?
Even after the funeral, after the original shock and after the news had been broken out around university, people still didn’t know how to act around you. The Porco Subject was never spoken about or touched upon. Pictures of Porco were turned over or taken down when you came over, his name buried with him in the pretty cemetery by the river. It took some time, a real long time, but eventually, the pain began to ever so slightly fade; only to come rushing back again like the sudden pull of the tide when Louise had approached your booth in the dorm common room with a leaflet about a medium.
You don’t know why you went.
Mikasa had come, too, as emotional support and because she wanted to be there to see if it was as real as Louise and the leaflet were making it out to be. You hadn’t even booked a session, turning up unannounced and anonymous for the meeting in one of the older lecture rooms on campus. The question of why and how a medium was permitted onto campus was never addressed - you just had to see and hear it for yourself. Nothing would come out of it, and you were glad to keep it that way. That was until the medium called out for a Y/N, and your heart sank.
“There’s a Porco in the room, and he’s asking for a Y/N…is there…a Y/N here?”
You had no reaction other than paralysed silence. Mikasa was scandalised, angry and confused. The medium surely must have heard about Porco’s death here and that’s why the session was on campus. She said all of this accusingly, crying in hysterics, this is wrong, how can you do this to someone in grieving?
You left the lecture hall, leaving a piece of you behind with it.
Since that day, you’d returned back to the comfort of your bedroom, leaving for your lectures only occasionally. Seminars were skipped in silence and the teachers understood, sending emails to cover for it, and the notifications piled up like the tissues in the dustbin. No matter how hard you tried to convince yourself that the event with the medium was a scam, something set up as a sick practical joke, you couldn’t shake it off. What if’s and buts whirled around in your head, chaotic, loud, invasive and sad.
Porco was gone, and there was nothing you could do about it. But what if you had stayed -? What if it was true? What if you just missed your last, and final opportunity to say goodbye?
“Why are you here? All of you?”
“We never left.”
You blink.
“Does it…does it hurt? Dying?”
You close your eyes slowly. “Quicker than falling asleep.” And exhale.
Something deep into your apartment bumps. 
The noise is quiet whilst still being loud enough to bounce off the volume of the movie, playing quietly on your television screen sitting on top of your desk. Lately, your living room has been pulled into your bedroom, all rooms besides the connecting ensuite now in one. Phone calls from worried friends and family were set to silent and on days where the front door rang, it remained closed. Like you did many months ago, all you need right now is the space. People had told them why. They didn’t blame you.
Sniffing and wiping your eye with the side of your hand, you push the covers folded up around your breasts down and kick your feet to the floor, staring towards your bedroom door as if probing it for answers. Silence, and then another noise. On a normal day, this might alarm you, but your body is numb, aching and tired, and so you move towards the door without thinking and pull it open, stepping out into the hall. A glance in either direction shows no immediate threat, and you’re too lazy, too tired and too unbothered to step out to investigate. The noise is likely somebody upstairs or down, and if it is an intruder here to kill you, then what do you have to lose?
You move back into your bedroom, shutting the door gently. The bathroom rope-light swings in the breeze from the door moving and you slip into the bathroom quickly. Light floods the box room, illuminating the exhaustion on your face. You look ghastly, sunken and stale. You feel it too. Depression clings to you, life moves outside but stills in. God, you feel so ugly, so worthless and disgusting and alone - splashing your face with cold water, you gasp in the air like you’re depending on the taste, passing up looking at your reflection in the mirror in fear of what you’ll see staring back. When the bathroom light is turned off and you shut the door behind you, you turn to shuffle back into your bedroom and pause.
There is somebody by the window.
It’s undeniable, real and solid- but you blink several times, wondering if it’s just a dream. Nothing registers in your body, no reflex to scream or panic. Instead, you simply stare.
The silhouette against the window shuffles, anxious, and then steps into the light. For a while you say nothing, staring in a stunned silence as the figure reveals itself. It has to be a dream. This is a dream. You’ve dreamt it a hundred times. You’ve dreamt Porco stepping towards you. You don’t know what to think.
“Pock,” you say, lifeless. “Am I…dreaming?”
“Baby-” Footsteps across the carpet. Moves like him. Sounds like him. “Oh, my baby girl.” Something cold touches you, but something familiar. Old friends. Old lovers, fleshy hands. Feels like him. “My beautiful girl.”
“Pock. Porco?” you stumble. The Porco before you watches your eyes fill with tears instantly, and the tightness in your throat he can visibly see causing your hands to tremble. “Porco? Am I. Am I dreaming? Am I sleeping?”
“Mhm, yeah,” he settles with. Maybe that’s for the best, maybe that will calm you down. His hands engulf your own, massaging the shakes to sleep. “You’re dreaming.”
“You. You feel so real,” you choke. “Fuck. Porco, fuck, what’s happening, why does it feel real-”
“Please-”
“I’m scared, wait, what’s happening, Pock-?”
The hands you felt on your hands move to your arms. A tightness follows, like he’s holding you. He did this, he was good at calming you down with his hands on your arms and lips on yours, whispers in mouths. This time he doesn’t kiss you. He can’t. Not now. Not again, never again.
“You’re not supposed to be here,” you insist, tears pouring out of your eyes. “You’re. You. Baby, you died, you left me, you left us, why did you. Where did you. Porco, what…?”
“Calm down, Y/N, calm down, okay?” Porco whispers comfortingly. “Capture your breath, and then we’ll talk okay? I don’t have too long left here.”
This repeats for a little while, as Porco follows a method he used to when he tried to calm you down. After three long and amazing years of dating, Porco had learned what worked and what didn’t, what to say and what not to. The crazy thing about love is how you dedicate everything to getting to know that other person inside and out, learning their secrets and exploring interests, making memories to remember and frame and tell kids about. There was a time when Porco thought about all of that, and a time where he could have had it.
“Is it really you?” you ask quietly, after several long minutes of Porco holding your head in his hands and bringing you out of the storm onto the calm shore. “I’m not going crazy?”
“It’s me,” Porco promises, smiling as best as he can. You’re crying, maybe you can’t see his face. His throat feels hot, tight and firm.
“I miss you.” You rasp out your words, gasping for air every few seconds, “I miss you so much, Porco. Why did you leave me, what happened?”
“I’m so sorry, baby.”
“I. I thought you were going to your parents for the weekend, but. But Reiner found you and- why did you lie to me? Pock, why…? Was, was it me?”
“No.” Porco grabs your hands tightly. “Don’t ever say that. It was never, ever your fault. Not at all, okay? Don’t think that.”
“Then why?”
Porco can’t think. “I don’t want you to think it was your fault, okay? You were- you are, everything to me. You were the light of my life. But, fuck, I was so unhappy. And I didn’t know how to stop being unhappy. I hurt. It hurt me. I was hurting everybody around me in my own little way. Every time I would tell you that I was doing extra readings at the dorm, all I was doing was struggling, thinking about how unhappy I felt even though I was surrounded by people who made me feel worth it. And you all deserved so much better. Still, you deserve so much better.”
“Reiner found you. None of us knew you were hurting, Pock, I didn’t know. We should have noticed the signs, I should have been more careful.”
“No. I was good at hiding it, I never wanted you to worry.”
Suddenly Porco’s eyes widen, his hands stroking your hair pausing. With a quick exhale of breath, his smile tightens and he lets out a shaky sigh. “I haven’t got long left. I need to go soon.”
“Go? No, go where?” you frantically ask. “No, please Pock, don’t leave me again. You can’t leave me again, please.”
“It’s okay. It’s all okay. I tried to call for you the other week, but you left,” Porco explains quickly.
“The medium? That…that was you?”
Porco laughs quietly, “Yeah, baby girl. But, I get it, you never believed in all that stuff, huh. I should have known better. I had to come here, come to see you. I had to.”
I had to one last time.
“Please,” you whisper, grabbing his hands. “Please don’t leave me again. Please. I love you so much, please don’t leave me alone again. I need you.”
Porco shakes his head, attempting a curly smile that you can’t even see past the blur of his own tears. “Y/N L/N, you have been the love of my life. I have loved being your boyfriend and you are my best friend. I will never, ever forget how amazing you are.” Nodding, sniffing his tears back, Porco kisses your forehead. His lips are cold and wet, ghostlike and light. “I love you. I love you so much, baby. I’m so sorry, for everything- none of it is your fault, okay, honey? Mmm?”
You feel his hands in your hair as you nod. “I know. I know, and I’m sorry, too. I could have helped you.”
“Don’t forget about me,” Porco says. “You being happy, and you knowing that it was never your fault, will help me now. Okay?”
Sniffing loudly, you nod again. “Okay.”
For a long moment, Porco just stares: “I’m gonna miss you so much.” You mumble something in reply to him, and he sighs shakily, “but now, I have to go.”
You grab his hands as he tries to pull away. “Don’t leave me, you’re leaving me.”
“I never left. I’ll always be here, watching over you. Always, and forever.”
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(“All is said and done?”
Porco steps into the long hallway and smiles at the hooded man. He’s seen who he needs to; several stops around to his family, one to Reiner who had it the worst with finding his body. The final one for you. Y/N, the love of his entire life, remembered in memories and gone in touch.
It’s okay.
“Yeah,” Porco nods. Death nods, his hood falling slightly as he points down the hallway with one hand and with the other, passes Porco a small cup. Porco reaches for it, exhaling gently. “Just like falling asleep.”
He drinks the contents and hands the cup back to Death, heading down the hallway. For a moment, his hand hovers above the handle. He’s said his piece on Earth. He’s done what he needs to do. Now, he can move on in peace.
He turns the handle. The hallway fills with white.)
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where you lead me, i’ll follow ; suguru geto
synopsis; opening up is hard, even under the comfort of a starry sky, seated next to your childhood friend. fortunately, suguru knows you like the back of his hand.
word count; 10k (dont even look at me i got carried away ok….)
contents; suguru geto/reader, gn!reader, mutual pining, childhood friends to lovers (eventually. probably.), hurt/comfort (mostly comfort tbh), fluffy overall!!, reader is silly and suguru is down horrendous, written with a no curses au in mind, i’m madly in love with suguru geto and it shows
a/n; nothing goes harder than sugu w/ the childhood friends trope i fear. the angst potential, the fluff potential….. the slow burn of it all……….. anyways can u tell i miss him :’3
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time goes by so very quickly.
as you look up at the starry sky, the thought envelops you like a fuzzy tidal wave. heavy, suffocating; entirely unavoidable. these days, sinking beneath its weight is all you seem to do.
a sigh flows from your parted lips. soft and quiet, somewhat resigned. the midnight air tastes cold and crispy on your tongue, turning into a flurry of vapour as you breathe it out again. watching it dissipate into the summer night.
beyond the boundary of your vision, stars burn in tandem — all you can see is the darkness of the cosmos, pupils dilating as you take in the immensity of the world, the little flickers of starlight that glimmer in that all-encompassing veil of black. blooming out across the galaxy. 
the moon is beautiful, tonight. 
a big blob of reflected sunlight, smiling down at you so very tenderly, so gorgeous that it makes your heart ache. shining with a hazy kind of brightness, soothing like the lilt of a mother’s voice. 
and there’s a comfort, in the familiarity of the sight. because the moon is always, always there. always shining down on you, always when you need it most, even when it’s carved into a crescent or hidden by a blur of clouds. a view that never ever seems to change, no matter how many years go by. 
what a lovely thing to be.
another second lost, as you gaze into the nothingness of space. time keeps passing you by, never stopping — seconds turning into minutes, minutes turning into months. that incessant moving of the hands of the clock; tick, tock, tick, tock. over and over again. 
and, really, it’s a little bit scary. you think you might be terrified of time. you’re so afraid, afraid of being left behind, afraid that the world will turn its back on you and then walk away. afraid that everyone and everything will change shape before you know it.
but even in this always-changing, turbulent mess of a life — 
one thing remains the same.
”ah. there you are.”
(that voice.)
honeyed and smooth, but still rough around the edges. just a little husky. deep and familiar, etched into your brain; even if you were to forget everything else, you’re sure you’d still remember it. that familiar, familiar voice. it sounds like moonlit nights, and sunkissed kitchens.
it sounds like coming home.
a turn of your head. it’s a subconscious reaction, as natural as the beating of your own heart, memorized down to the very marrow of your bones — muscle memory, to seek him out after hearing the low timbre of his voice. you do it as if it’s the only thing worth hearing.
and suguru is smiling, when your eyes meet his. that gentle upward tug of his lips, small yet sincere. the one that always puts your mind at ease.
a warmth settles in your chest, at the sight of him. hair down, cascading over his shoulders and back, a little messy; as black as the night sky. a stark contrast to the white of his shirt, old, oversized, with some indie band on the front.
his eyes glimmer like little pockets of stardust in the darkness of the night. cutting through the haze, into your very soul.
”… damn,” you click your tongue, faux pout playing at your lips. ”how’d you know i’d be up here?”
suguru shrugs. ”lucky guess,” he lies.
of course i knew, he thinks. finding you is his specialty. always has been. like that one time he found you hiding under a table at your twelfth birthday party, or the time he found you crying in the woods when you got lost on your school field trip.
finding you comes easy, to suguru. almost like he’s always seeking you out, subconsciously or otherwise, always paying attention to your movements. you go south, and he follows. you go north, and he’s already waiting up ahead.
he’s worried. just a bit, is what he tells himself, but truthfully it’s more than that. because tonight was supposed to be for you. for the both of you, a celebration of your shared graduation — but before he knew it, you had slipped away. seizing the opportunity as soon as people grew too sleepy to notice. 
(sadly for you, no amount of fatigue could ever distract him from the lack of your presence.)
you look small, suguru thinks, curled up with your knees to your chest. sitting all alone up on the roof of his home, a place you’d always go to on nights when you couldn’t sleep. together, sharing whispered secrets and hushed laughter until the sun began to rise again.
back then, it felt like the two of you were the only ones awake in the whole world.
(the safest world he’s ever known.)
the distance between you grows narrower, as suguru makes his way over to you — and it always does, at the end of the day. no matter how much time you spend apart, that uncomfortable distance always, always ends up broached. one of you always moves closer. as if it’s unavoidable, two planets spinning around each other’s orbit.
suguru plops down right next to you, crossing his legs and leaning back. his knee bumps against the side of your shoe, and his shoulder grazes yours. it’s natural, as natural as the glow of the moon, this closeness between you. it reminds you of the gentle lapping of ocean waves at your bare ankles; on mellow summer days, comforting and familiar. a warmth that never goes away.
a brief inhale, and your heartbeat settles into a tender rhythm again. the scent that always lingers on suguru’s skin drifts throughout the air, mingling with your own — it can be hard to distinguish between the two, with how often you end up wearing each other’s clothes, but you could never mistake it for anything else. cedarwood and earl gray, with a hint of coconut-scented shampoo. enveloping every single one of your senses, grounding you in a way nothing else can.
leaning just a little closer to him, subconsciously, you let a fond exhale slip from your lips. barely audible. and suguru mimics it.
”of course i knew,” he whispers, voice gone soft. ”i know you.”
(your chest tightens. it doesn’t go away.)
another tiny breath flows into the air, as you gaze up at the stars in wonder. ”… yeah.”
the silence between you is a comfortable one. always has been. a little fickle, always shattered by one of you before long — usually you, though suguru isn’t much better. 
but this time, he stays silent.
he’s waiting. you know he is, because he always does. he’s waiting, waiting for you to break the silence first. waiting for you to say something, tell him what’s wrong, explain why you’re up here instead of celebrating with the others. waiting for you to explain why your eyes have looked so tired, this past week.
(you’d like to ask him the same thing. he’s an idiot if he thinks a little makeup is enough to hide those dark circles from you.)
suguru is nothing if not patient. so he waits, unbothered by the silence. admiring the stars, and the flicker of their light. a vague worry simmers in his chest, however, and he can’t stop himself from glancing down at you every now and then.
an insatiable yearning to soothe you gnaws at his heart — but he can’t, not unless you let him.
a sigh drops from your lips, suddenly. deep and heavy, like a rock thrown into the depths of a lake. the silence breaks. 
”hey, suguru.”
the man in question doesn’t speak, only emitting an inquisitive hum. he doesn’t look at you, either; a form of respect. knowing you’ll find it easier to get whatever’s bugging you off your chest without him scrutinizing you. 
the pads of your fingers tap at the tiles of the roof. an absentminded habit, as you inhale a bit of the midnight air. it tastes like summer. ”do you remember how we first met?”
suguru glances at you, a surprised glint in his eyes. he can’t help himself — unable to resist the temptation of seeing your face, drinking in your expression.
then he chuckles.
”haha.. are you feeling sentimental?” he teases, a lighthearted sense of amusement in his voice. bubbling up like seafoam. ”did you come out here just to brood?”
the corners of his lips quirk up when he hears you huff, hugging your legs closer to your chest with a furrow of your brow. cheek squished against your kneecap as you meet his gaze.
”c’mon,” you whine, pouting childishly in a way you know will make him give in. ”just indulge me a little…”
suguru smiles. it’s soft around the edges, smoothed over with an unmistakable fondness — and he does indulge you. he always does. ”of course i do,” he assures you.
the silence that settles between your words is tender. a mutual understanding, of sorts.
of course i remember. how could i not?
”you broke into my backyard.”
a sigh. heavy and sharp, as it tumbles from your lips, and suguru has to bite back a grin. his eyes shine with something teasing, in the dark, when you shoot a glare his way.
”okay, first of all —” you begin, ”i didn’t break into anything. i climbed over the fence. peacefully.”
suguru raises a brow. ”that literally doesn’t matter? it’s still trespassing.”
”i was seven years old!”
”some criminals start young.”
another harmless little huff, as you halfheartedly try to sound annoyed. it doesn’t work. in an attempt to hide your growing smile, you tuck your face into your knees. ”whatever.”
then your gaze shifts. towards that expanding starry sky, the vibrant flicker of the moon, like a moth to a flame. helpless to its charms. it looks like a giant sponge cake, the kind you and suguru used to make when that was the only recipe you knew — you’d eat from the batter, and he’d scold you. then he’d do it too, when your back was turned.
a smile settles on your lips. in every star, you find a new memory; and the fuzzy nostalgia that engulfs you makes your heart feel bare. ”i just wanted to pet your cat,” you recall, softly.
suguru nods. gazing down at you, basking in the expression on your face — peaceful and relaxed, a little more yourself. so effortlessly pretty, bathed in moonlight. ”yeah. i remember.”
he allows the memory to sweep him away, for a second or two. recalling the sight of you, all those years ago, an unfamiliar child in his backyard. it was like you had just fallen out of the sky. quiet and meek, but looking at his cat with an excited glimmer in your eyes.
”you just pointed to her and expected me to understand,” he continues. a grin blooms on his face, hopelessly endeared. ”you were shy back then.”
a raise of your eyebrow. ”um? i’m still shy?”
suguru gives you a look. he doesn’t have to say anything — it’s written all over his face. the classic suguru look, the kind where you can tell he’s itching to say oh, really now? the kind where he tries to look judgemental, but never quite manages to hide the amusement in his eyes.
a small giggle leaves your lips, and suguru smiles, once more. so helpless in the face of your joy.
”then we watched movies at my place.”
you hum. ”it was fun.”
”yeah.”
another bout of silence. soft, terribly precious. the air is chilly, but not enough to make you shiver; a mild summer night, pleasant on your skin and light on your heart. a gentle breeze tousles your hair. in the distance, you hear cicadas buzzing — a familiar sound. unchanging.
(if only everything else could stay the same, too.)
”do you remember what movie it was?”
a lazy smile plays at suguru’s lips, when he angles his face to look at you. one eyebrow raised. ”is there a point to this, or —?”
”i just wanna reminisce.”
suguru pauses. your eyes trail across the view that stretches out before you, from the moon to the distant city lights, as you fidget absentmindedly with the strings of your hoodie. he thinks to himself that you look a little lost. gaze forgotten, within the depths of that endless night sky.
no more teasing, he decides, tactfully. instead, he opts to answer your question; softly, as if he could hurt you if he raised even a single octave of his voice. ”whisper of the heart,” is all he says.
a hum, as you nod. decisively. ”the best one.”
suguru turns his head away, and mutters something under his breath. but you can still hear him — and you know he wants you to.
”spirited away is the best one…”
out of the corner of your eye, you shoot him a thoroughly unimpressed look. he bites back a soft bout of laughter, teeth sinking into his lip gently, not enough to sting.
”you’re so basic,” you grin.
”you just want to feel quirky,” suguru shoots back, instantaneous. ”and you only like it because of seiji.”
”you only like spirited away because of haku!”
suguru closes his eyes, and leans back a little, crossing his arms in a childish fashion — and you know he only does it to make you laugh. ”i don’t know what you’re talking about,” he lies.
”oh please,” you scoff. ”you really think i don’t remember your queer awakening?”
”hm? what was that?” feigning confusion, he puts a hand to his ear. but there’s a mirth in his eyes, impossible to miss. ”you’re gonna have to come closer, i can’t hear you from here.”
another unimpressed look. you exhale, something in between a huff and a chuckle. ”if i get any closer i’ll be in your lap, dumbass.”
suguru bites his cheek, softly. gulping down the words that almost slip off his tongue.
(i wouldn’t mind.)
”sorry, say that again?”
a little push meets his shoulder, as you roll your eyes. ”yeah, yeah. whatever.”
the banter dies down, as fast as it appeared. then a smile breaks out across your faces, in tandem, the atmosphere shifting into something more sincere — and doesn’t it always, when you’re watching the starry sky with the one you love most?
when suguru continues, his voice has taken on that softer tone, again. the one he only ever really uses around you. ”i liked thinking of us as them,” he admits. ”me as haku, and you as chihiro.”
a soft blink. then your smile grows, sweet like syrup. ”.. hehe. that’s funny,” you cross your legs. palms flat against the roof, knee leaning comfortably against suguru’s. ”i always thought of us as seiji and shizuku.”
there’s something faraway, in your eyes. something suguru can’t look away from.
tentatively, his fingers dig into the skin of his palms, and he speaks. absentminded, a little uncertain.
”… they get married at the end, don’t they?”
a pause. then your gaze snaps over to suguru’s, suddenly mischievous — and he regrets opening his mouth.
”oh?” you purr, almost beaming. inching closer, like a predator sizing up their prey. ”oh shit? are you about to propose, mister geto?”
”i’m just stating facts,” he quips, hands raised in defense. desperately hoping you won’t notice the red tint crawling up his neck, obscured by the darkness of the night.
”incorrect facts,” you grin. if you notice the blush on his face, you don’t say anything. ”they get engaged. not married. big difference.”
suguru huffs. it’s small, as he tries to keep himself from smiling. the beating of his heart is faint, a tender rhythm, stirred by every move you make. he pushes the words he yearns to say back down his throat.
(i wouldn’t mind that, either.)
again, silence blooms. curling around the space between you. it feels nice, just to be like this; just you, and your very best friend, under the soft lighting of the moon. as if you’re the only ones who exist, in an otherwise empty universe — devoid of space and time. like the night could just stop, and stretch on forever. 
there’s an unspoken question in the air, though. one suguru is still waiting for you to answer. one you refuse to answer properly, until he does the same.
you’ve both noticed, of course. even if no one else has, neither of you could ever miss it. suguru has noticed the turmoil in your eyes, and you’ve noticed the fatigue under his. those little signs of stress, as everything around you keeps spinning on; as the future grows closer, with every passing day.
(it’s overwhelming, you both muse.)
— and finally, you’ve had enough.
”suguru,” you call out, and his gaze finds yours instantly. ”have they been stressing you out, lately?”
suguru blinks, eyelashes fluttering softly. a little sleepy. they.
then he smiles. maybe a bit weak, but still as sincere as always — resigned to the fact that he really can’t hide anything from you, after all.
(of course you’d notice it. he was stupid to think you wouldn’t.)
a hum, as he breathes in the air and then exhales it all. trying to formulate the words inside his head, turn the feelings into syllables. and you’re patient. silent, as you admire the way moonlight caresses his skin.
”i’ll manage.” is what he finally says, and your lips curl down into a frown. ”they’ve just been getting on my case, again. you know how they are.”
suguru closes his eyes, and you inch closer to him. barely, by a hair, just to let him know you’re still listening. that you’re waiting for him to continue.
it’s tough, for him. opening up, being vulnerable.
but he knows you won’t do it unless he does, too. so he takes that leap, despite the insistent voice in his head urging him to just keep it to himself.
”it’s just… all these expectations, you know?” he meets your eyes, a little sheepish. downplaying his troubles so smoothly, as if you wouldn’t notice. ”i’m used to it by now, but sometimes i guess it still gets to me.”
you hum, and he continues.
”i feel like i have to be… solid,” he decides on. ”put-together. responsible, and mature.” a sigh, as he wrings his hands together. ”and that’s fine — but it’s like they have everything planned out. like everyone does. how i should act, where i should go…”
suguru gnaws at the flesh of his bottom lip, so focused on verbalizing his thoughts that he barely notices your fingers curling around his. but he still squeezes them, lightly. as naturally as breathing.
”it’s like my future’s already set in stone. and i’m just expected to follow it,” he looks up at the moon. ”which is also fine. i already know what i want to do. but somehow, all of it just feels so…”
he pauses. unsure of how to put it.
”… suffocating?” you finish for him. 
there’s a second in which suguru can do nothing but breathe. as if frozen, stuck in motion, caught off guard by how deeply your minds are intertwined.
— what a wonderful thing, to have someone pluck the words you’re afraid to say from the back of your throat.
a smile blooms on his face, and a gratitude shines in his eyes. almost overflowing. 
(you’ve always been the only one who ever seems to understand.)
”yeah,” he sighs, relieved. and suddenly his chest feels a lot lighter. odd, how just the tilt of your voice when you say a certain word can chase that discomforting sensation away. 
”don’t listen to them,” you say, assuredly, so softly it’s like you’re coaxing him into believing you. it works. ”they don’t matter.”
suguru chuckles, rueful. ”they’re my parents.”
”so? they aren’t you.” you nudge his side with your elbow. ”they have no say in how you live your life. you don’t need to live up to all those expectations, you know.” 
a soft little breath leaves your lips, and suguru wonders how you seem to always soothe his heart so easily. ”you just need to be suguru,” you mumble, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. ”that’s all.”
a moment passes. suguru parts his lips, closing them again when no sound comes out. and then finally, he speaks.
”… yeah,” he muses. ”maybe.”
”definitely,” you huff. ”trust your best friend. i know best.”
”careful,” he teases, tilting his head lazily to meet your gaze. ”you’re starting to sound like them.” the smile on his face only grows when you gape at him, wholly offended, as if you can’t believe what he just said.
”wha — suguru…” you whine, sleepy, clinging to the sleeve of his shirt. digging your nails into the fabric and tugging on it childishly. ”don’t say that. i’m nothing like them!”
a giggle pushes past his lips. ”sorry, sorry,” he soothes, ruffling your hair with his palm. rough hands, big and warm, that always seem to find their way to your skin. ”i’m just kidding. thank you. really.”
the smile that he gives you glows brighter than the moon. he squeezes your hand, softly — a silent i love you. eyes closed, formed into little crescents, and when he speaks he sounds so painfully sincere. 
”i think i’ll be fine as long as i have you,” he says. it comes out sounding something like a prayer. 
the words make your eyes soften. melting into a mellow hue, so full of affection that you can almost taste it on your tongue. 
”everything will turn out fine,” you murmur, consoling him. still not letting go of his hand. ”you have your whole life ahead of you, you know.”
he chuckles. the sound would be sweet if it didn’t have that teasing tilt to it, the one that tells you his amusement is at your expense. ”now you’re starting to sound like my grandma,” he quips, as if itching for something to bicker about.
but you only pout, and let your fingers slip from his. the warmth that leaves you is so jarring that you’re almost tempted to take his hand into yours again — but you just frown at him. ”i can never win with you, huh?”
suguru shrugs. ”need to keep you humble,” he chirps, pulling at your cheek gently. a lazy grin on his lips. ”we don’t want that ego of yours to grow as big as satoru’s.”
trying to keep yourself from grinning with him, you slap his hand away, playfully. ”that would never happen.”
”uh-huh.”
you give him a look.
”my bad.”
a moment passes. gradually, you feel your heart beginning to melt — just a little, but enough to get your voice hopelessly soft on your tongue. the glimmer of the moon embraces every cell in your body, painting over your features with a certain kind of bleeding tenderness. it’s hard to stop it from seeping out.
”you know that i love you. right?” tumbles from your lips, breathed out into the sky, words too heavy to be held back. ”even if your parents give you trouble, and everyone else, too — i’m still on your side.”
”always,” you promise, devotedly earnest. meeting his gaze. and suguru can’t look away.
something flickers, in the depths of his eyes, like a shooting star. something delightful.
he doesn’t quite know what to say. but he nods; almost meek, in a way, and it makes your chest ache. suguru’s always been the type to keep his troubles to himself, content with never letting anyone see into his heart — even if he’d like them to deep down.
if you can be there for him, even just for a night, then that’s more than enough.
he lets the silence linger for a while longer, soft breathing and the rustling of grass filling the space where your words would be. then he looks at you with newfound determination, suddenly, eyes shining in a way you don’t recognize. 
”— and you know that i love you, too.” 
a moment passes. 
an affirmative hum buzzes in your throat, and you give him the ghost of a nod, shying away from his deep gaze. hoping to escape the intimacy of the question. but he doesn’t let you, stare so heavy that you have no choice but to meet his eyes again, after he nudges your hand with his.
the words that fall from his lips surprise you. something akin to a pout plays on his lips, but it’s more serious than that — he looks dejected.
”… do you, though?” he pushes, a troubled frown on his lips. ”do you know that i love you? just as much as you love me?” 
at your stunned silence, suguru sighs, bringing a hand up to smooth over the crease between his brows. ”sometimes i worry that you don’t,” he admits. ”you always think too much. but i don’t want you to ever have to worry about that.”
his voice is firm, when he continues. ”i don’t want you to ever second-guess my love for you,” he declares, and you cower a little under the intensity of his gaze. playing with your fingers instead of looking at him. ”— so i want your answer.”
when his hand finds its way to your face, you stiffen, just barely. but it’s soft, the way he cups your jaw; the warmth of his palm smoothing over your skin. gentle, as he forces you to meet his eyes, tilting your chin up slightly. a bold move, even though physical contact is no stranger in your dynamic. you feel your heart pick up in speed. 
”do you know that i love you?” he asks, and it sounds almost pleading. you can only find it in you to stare. 
suguru’s eyes are filled with something, something you’d like to call love. and they’re looking deep into yours, almost as if coaxing you into drowning in their hue. mesmerizing. ridiculously pretty. if you stare into them for too long, you fear that you might never be able to look away.
but they’re sweet, and warm. painted over with worried hue, something very kind. familiar. the same eyes that have soothed you for as long as you can remember. 
in your flustered state, you can do nothing but blink dumbly — gaze darting from his eyes, to his forehead, to the sky, to his lips. 
he can tell the eye contact makes you nervous, but some part of him won’t allow you to squirm away. this is important. he needs to know that you know. he doesn’t think he’ll be able to sleep at night, otherwise.
finally, you squeak out an affirmative yes. and that’s all it takes for him to relax; in one smooth motion, his hand leaves your skin, a relief having bloomed in his eyes. 
”okay. that’s good,” he exhales. 
swallowing down a gulp, your gaze drifts away from the boy to your left. suguru is terrifying, really — doing stuff like that out of nowhere. you check your pulsepoint, discreetly, just to make sure your heart is still beating. 
”alright, then,” he suddenly proclaims, breaking the fleeting silence. ”your turn.”
a blink. your eyelashes flutter in confusion, as you gaze up at him, a question painted on your features. suguru glances at you out of the corner of his eye.
”you’ve been stressed, lately,” he remarks. stating the obvious so you don’t have to. with a soft gaze, eyes that shimmer with understanding. ”i can tell, you know?”
(yeah. he always can, can’t he?)
”… uh,” you croak. clearing your throat and attempting to gather your thoughts, hoping the words will find their way to your lips. ”well. i dunno, really...”
suguru emits a low, affirmative noise, not looking at you. opening up like this makes you feel so uncomfortable. but it’s suguru. you trust him. and you know he won’t let you get away from this, either; he’ll stay up all night if he has to. just waiting for you to put your faith in him.
a sigh leaves your lips, finally, and it comes out sounding just a tad exhausted. ”i… guess i’ve just been thinking, lately.”
and, really, it’s an understatement. thinking is all you’ve been doing, for these past few weeks. thinking of this, and of that. the past and the future. him and you.
suguru hums. an unspoken encouragement.
”everything is just so…” you move your hands, haphazardly, hoping they’ll make the words easier to say. but nothing comes to you. everything is all jumbled up, inside your mind, and it’s just — 
”overwhelming,” you finish. the word falls off your tongue like a tidal wave. ”everything passes by so quickly, and…” you bite your lip. ”i feel like i can’t catch up. i can’t visualize the future at all, and that’s…”
(it’s scary.)
”— it just makes me feel confused.”
suguru waits. patient, attentive, making sure you get all the words out before he speaks. as grounding as the moon, as warm as the sun. 
when you don’t elaborate further, avoiding his gaze, he opts to finally soothe you.
”that’s understandable,” he chimes, voice buzzing with care. ”you don’t have to think about the future right now. living in the present is enough,” a breeze drifts by, tousling his black hair. ”.. it’s for the best, really.”
a smile. it’s a little sad, as you wring your hands together. ”i know,” is all you can say. because you do. it just doesn’t change anything.
the sensation of your nails scraping against the tiles of the roof is discomforting, but you don’t stop. when you part your lips, your voice comes out tiny. barely above a whisper.
”i’m so afraid of change.”
suguru looks at you. his gaze softens, impeccably.
”everything keeps changing. all the time,” you bite into the flesh of your cheek, harshly. ”i hate it.”
”that’s understandable, too,” suguru soothes. tentative, as his hand goes to rest on your head, smoothing down your hair gently. ”change is unavoidable. but you get better at dealing with it.”
”mm, i know.”
”and some things stay the same, too.” 
you glance up at him, and his eyes crinkle. there’s something unspeakable in them, something that’s always been there. light and heavy, all at once. something a little bit too wonderful for words.
suguru smiles. almost a little shy, as he looks into your eyes. ”like you and me.”
a deep love unfurls in your chest, warming you up from the inside out. fuzzy and tingly. but with it comes a deep sadness, bittersweet, that you can’t chase away no matter how hard you try; like a piece of gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe, no matter how many times you try to scrape it off against the concrete.
like you and me.
(he doesn’t know that’s what scares you the most. the thought of that one thing changing, while you just stand there, helpless to stop it.)
”yeah,” you breathe. a wounded little breath.
suguru notices it, despite your vague attempts to act like nothing’s wrong. he notices the fear in your voice, the uncertainty. and once again, he gets the impression that you look a little lost. like you aren’t sure where to plant your feet.
it bothers him. an itch he wants to scratch away. but before he can get to the bottom of it, you begin to speak, once more.
”with you, it’s like…” a breath flows from your lips, as you try to find the words. but this time, they come to you with relative ease. ”if i could do my life over again, and make everything turn out different… then i’d still always keep you.”
silence. you continue, suddenly a little embarrassed at the honesty in your tone. but it’s too late to back out now. 
”and even if everything else changes, if i could pick just one single thing to keep — then it’d be you, too.” the smile on your face is small, a little sheepish. “that’s how it is, so…” 
you trail off. not sure what else to say. suguru isn’t, either; he feels just a little bit stunned, in the face of your sincerity. yet he parts his lips, softly, words making themselves manifest before his mind can even begin to catch up.
”i don’t think i’ve ever told you this,” he begins, not entirely sure where the words will take him. blinking up at the sky, entranced, whilst you look at him quizzically. ”you always call me your guardian angel, right?”
the question makes your lips curl up. it’s a habit of yours, one that’s become almost muscle memory. you don’t remember how it started, but it’s in everything suguru does; from the way he can always tell when you’re feeling overwhelmed, to the way he never fails to bring you a coffee right before your exam starts. 
suguru is always looking out for you, even when you’re apart. like a guardian angel. yours.
you nod. ”because you are.”
suguru smiles, breathing out a fond chuckle, and then shakes his head. ”it’s the opposite.”
you turn to the man beside you, and he’s already looking at you. with his pretty, soothing brown eyes, and the barely visible dark circles beneath them. his gaze is warm and fond, grateful in a way that makes your chest squeeze tight. you melt a little, under its weight.
”you’re my guardian angel,” he says, sickeningly sweet. ”always have been. even back then.”
inhaling the mild air, suguru lets his eyes flutter shut. the taste reminds him of the summer vacations you used to have as kids, when you would ride your bikes to the nearest river and play all day. stopping by any ice cream stand you found on the way there; you always took a bite out of his without asking, and he always tried to get angry at you. but he never could. 
on your way back home, the sky was always dark. a soothing blue hue, stars glittering in the distance, while the moon looked close enough to touch. a night just like this one. you’d walk, together, talking about everything and nothing — sometimes he’d carry you on his back. not once did he drop you. 
a breath, deep and drawn out as he exhales, basking in memories you aren’t privy to. a saccharine smile painted on his lips.
”without you…” he muses, voice a little breathless. fond, and somewhat helpless. but he’s smiling. ”i don’t really know what i’d do, to be honest.”
a moment passes.
”it’s the same for me,” you echo, words escaping your throat before you even get the chance to realize their weight. gaze stuck to the stars, as always. ”i can’t imagine life without you.”
suguru doesn’t speak, afraid that his heart may crawl out his throat if he does. the honeyed smile on his face says more than words ever could, anyway. 
a small bout of laughter leaves your lips. sudden, sad, dripping with longing. it surprises you, catches you off guard — like something within you just overflowed. 
“you know what my biggest fantasy was?” you grin, ruefully. maybe just a little manic. ”i used to think about it all the time, when we were kids.”
suguru looks at you in silence, but there’s a confusion in the way he tilts his head.
there seems to be a knot of some kind, stuck in the very bottom of your chest. something that makes it hard to speak. ”i’d get on a train, and just kinda… leave,” you breathe, hoping it’ll unclog your throat. it doesn’t. ”you know? to somewhere far, far away.” 
and suddenly, the world grows just a little blurred. suguru can see it, in your eyes — you’re someplace else now. gaze trained on something he can’t see. there’s an amused touch to your voice, but also something rather pitiful. a childish wish that never came to fruition.
there’s regret, there, suguru thinks; something close to pain.
”maybe, like… a small port town,” you continue, closing your eyes. “with a cute little café close by, or whatever… somewhere you can see the sea.” 
another breath. you pretend it tastes like salt, like an ocean breeze. then you swallow the lump in your throat, and whisper. ”with you.”
when you finally muster up the courage to meet suguru’s eyes, they shine with nothing but pure understanding. he doesn’t say anything, but he understands. he’s always been like that. not a single word is needed for him to ground you, the way a rock always meets the bottom when it’s thrown into the depths of a lake. 
suguru’s comfort is as natural to you as the gravity that keeps the stars up in the sky.
the voice you’ve grown so used to hearing reaches your ears again, and it’s a low sound, a little raspy. but soft. achingly so, enough that you could almost miss it if you weren’t always so aware of every word that falls from his lips.
suguru looks up at the moon, in tandem with you, and lets the ghost of a smile show. ”… you know what my biggest fantasy was?”
his gaze is sincere, a little forlorn; hopelessly softened, as you meet his eyes. they’re painted over with something sweet, and something that looks just a little bit like regret.
a tilt of your head beckons him to continue, and the corners of his lips curl up further. 
”running away with you,” he breathes. ”anywhere at all. wherever you wanted to go, i’d follow.”
for a moment or two, all you can do is stare. 
you feel your lips part, but no sound comes out, nothing at all. suguru’s hair sways with the breeze, softly, and the light of the moon makes him look somewhat ethereal. like he could disappear if you blinked. 
the silence that blooms in the space between your words is fragile. precious, if a little overwhelming, as it stretches out before you — growing heavier with every passing second. so tender that it makes you feel sick to your stomach, as if the sound of the wind whistling could shatter it into pieces. 
(your heart aches, aches, aches.)
a weak laugh bubbles up from within your throat, something raw and tender hidden behind a veil of faux amusement. something vulnerable you're trying to cover up, like the glassiness of your eyes.
like a memory that never got to happen.
”what, so you’re saying we could’ve been by the seaside by now…?” you groan, forehead slumping against your knees with a bonk. ”what the hell, dude…” 
suguru lets out a chuckle, resting his jaw on the heel of his palm and looking down at you with a smile on his face. one that reaches his eyes, glimmering with something akin to starlight.
”we can still go there,” he consoles you, reaching over to tousle your hair with a palpable softness. ”to the seaside, i mean. i’ll take you.”
for a while, you don’t say anything. a pout plays at your lips, as you attempt to get your emotions under control. 
then you lean back, to lie down flat on the roof. the movement is so sudden that it stings a little when the back of your head meets the tiles, and you wince — a soft but exasperated murmur of careful comes from the boy on your left.
your elbows go to cushion your head, as you take in the immenseness of the sky. ”alright, then,” you hum. ”take me there sometime soon.”
suguru blinks. then his lips curl up. ”got it,” he chirps. mentally mapping out a nice spot, trying to remember the timetables at your local train station.
(next week, maybe. a picnic by the sea. he’ll make those sandwiches that you like.)
then he follows your lead, and goes to lie down on his back. right by your side, so close he can smell the fading scent of your shampoo, curled up right next to you. breathing out a sigh as he takes in the night sky in all its glory. 
there’s something tender, in the air. something that doesn’t need words. a kind of comfortable silence that you’ve learned to treasure, whenever suguru is with you.
so you simply stare at the dark veil over the city, in tandem with him — a pitch-black blanket sewn with stardust.
everything expands, before your very eyes; an infinite cosmos, with all the light you could ever want. the stars blink down at you, as if saying hello, mapping out the galaxy. you try to find the constellations you’re familiar with, the ones suguru have taught you about in the past, but nothing really comes to you.
it’s nice, though. just staring at the stars in wonder.
an exhale, as you breathe in, and then out. you part your lips to whisper, breaking the sleepy silence.
”the stars are so pretty….” 
suguru hums, the sound buzzing right by your ear. a soothing summer lullaby, that only you get to hear. ”yeah,” he whispers back.
a moment passes.
then you both part your lips to speak; smoothly, in a fashion that would be embarrassing if you didn’t feel so terribly safe in each other’s company. simultaneous, as the sentence tumbles from your throats.
”and so are you.”
silence. the seconds stretch on, and on. everything goes quiet.
you’re the first one to burst into laughter — deep, the kind that comes from the very bottom of your stomach. almost wheezing, as you try to catch your breath, arms snug around your shaking body. suguru follows close behind, trying to contain his laughter, but you can hear his little chuckles clear as day.
”eww, what the fuck?” you grin, shifting to lie on your side so you can get a good look at his face. ”you’re so corny!”
suguru snorts. ”i heard you say it too, dumbass.”
a little giggle flows from your lips, and you slump against his shoulder, still trying to control your breathing. suguru curls an arms around your midriff, bringing you closer. muscle memory, to make it more comfortable for you.
”haah…..”
the smile on your face shines brighter than the stars, suguru thinks, looking at you with a bleeding kind of fondness. as if you’re the only thing worth looking at.
”i hope things stay like this forever.”
the light of the moon shines down on the roof, bouncing off the white of your teeth. your canines shine in the dark as you grin, youthful — but there’s a sadness in your eyes, now. one that suguru will never fail to notice.
(one he’ll always yearn to smooth away, the same way his thumb always goes to wipe at any stray eyelashes on your skin, or crumbs at the corner of your mouth. muscle memory.)
”they will,” he assures you, reaching over to find your hand. enveloping it in his bigger one, cradling it, linking your fingers together and squeezing them softly. ”i’ll make sure that they do.”
a chuckle leaves your lips, but suguru thinks it sounds a little meek. like you still don’t believe him.
”i mean it,” he reiterates. more serious this time.
”i know,” you grin. ”but, i mean —”
a moment passes, and then your grin falters. ”you can’t promise that, though.” the expression on your face seems sort of pained, now, troubled by something. ”maybe we’ll move away from each other, or just drift apart, or —”
”that would never happen to us —”
”maybe you’ll meet someone.”
”a nice guy, or girl…” a sigh, as you run a hand through your hair. ”and then you’ll… i dunno. get married, i guess. and then eventually you’ll have kids, and buy a house, and —” 
a pause. in a smaller voice, you continue. almost childlike. ”you’ll leave me behind.”
suguru bites back a scoff. it takes concentrated effort. he turns to look at you, but you won’t meet his gaze, and a frown finds its way to his lips. ”… do you honestly think that’s what i want?”
another moment passes you by. more seconds lost, never to return. ”… isn’t it?”
suguru sighs, a little exasperated. maybe just a little hurt, too. ”marriage and kids aside…” he mutters, burning holes into your skin with his steadfast gaze. determined, self-assured. the tilt of his voice leaves no room for doubt. ”there’s only one person i love.”
resisting the temptation to keep your eyes away from him becomes nearly impossible — so you let your gaze trail over, and take him in. in all his glory, silky black hair framing his face, a soft look painted over his features. looking at you as if you matter, as if nothing matters except for you.
and again, something breaks out across the scope of his iris, a shooting star you don’t know what to do with. he looks so hopelessly sincere. 
for a second, all you can do is stare.
then you nod, solemnly. ”satoru, right?” you hum. ”you’re gonna break my heart if you keep bringing him up when we’re together, sugu.”
you don’t need to see his face to know that he’s giving you that unimpressed look, again. the suguru look. he rolls his eyes, and you bite your cheek to stop yourself from smiling.
”i love him too, but that’s different,” he huffs.
”how so?” you prod, eyes crinkling. but there’s something a little meek about the question. he notices it, of course, because what doesn’t suguru notice?
something soft curls around his features, and a hum buzzes in his throat. a heavy tenderness bleeds into his voice. ”i wouldn’t die for satoru,” he says, simply.
a moment passes.
”… you totally would.”
”huh?” suguru blinks. ”no, of course not. are you insane?”
”suguru,” you sigh. ”you are literally the most self-sacrificial bitch i’ve ever met —”
”well, obviously i’d take a bullet or two, but —”
”what do you mean obviously —”
”— you’re the only person i’d die for.”
suguru is smiling, now. amused, sincere. almost on the verge of laughter, the sweet and soft kind that always turns your heart into a puddle. his eyes almost seem to glimmer, in the night, and it’s all you can see for a while. as you try to gather your thoughts, get the right words out.
”… always so dramatic,” you murmur, at last, a little gruff. his smile grows. you shift a little more, lying on your side to face him with a serious expression. ”don’t tell satoru that, okay? he already has it out for me. at this rate he’ll kill me and steal you away.”
a chuckle rumbles through his chest, deep and fond. you continue, a frown tugging at your lips. ”… and i wouldn’t want you to die for me, anyway.”
suguru lets a giggle slip, a bit too sleepy to hold it back. ”mm, i know. but if it ever came down to it, then i still would.” he shifts, too, lying on his side to face you properly.
”to me,” he exhales, and he’s so close you can smell the mint off his breath — ”as long as you’re by my side, i can make it through absolutely anything.”
the smile on his face is boyish. all teeth and crow’s feet, blooming in the light of the moon, a flower just for you. it’s perfect, you think. you don’t want a single day to pass without you seeing it. 
”me too,” you mumble, linking your pinkies together. a silent promise. ”so don’t die. ever.”
suguru’s eyes soften. 
then he hums, absentmindedly. ”… well. i mean,” he clicks his tongue. ”eventually i will. that’s not really something i have a say in.”
a roll of your eyes. ”alright, smartass,” you scoff, and suguru’s eyes crinkle with humour. ”just don’t die before i do, then.”
a hand comes to touch your skin. and it’s sudden, warm, but you don’t flinch away. suguru smooths over your cheek with the back of his hand, seemingly unable to stop himself. soothing, as he exhales a soft breath.
”… i think i’d prefer that to the alternative, honestly,” he admits.
you furrow your brows, softly. a part of you wants to protest, to call him a selfish prick — for even thinking the thought of leaving you behind without a best friend.
but something in you knows he won’t budge, on this one.
(it’s childish, in a way. stubborn, for him to take a joking conversation so seriously. but suguru doesn’t think he could even jokingly suggest that he’d survive without you.)
”seriously, though,” his voice takes on a firmer tone. ”i wouldn’t leave you behind like that. it’s us we’re talking about. you and me.” 
he says the words like they’re undeniable — because they are. there is no him without you. that’s always been the case, hasn’t it? 
suguru stops to think. do you not feel the same? there’s still a crease between your brows, a sign of worry that’s impossible to dismiss. he can’t help but wonder just how long you’ve been thinking about this; how many nights have you spent sleepless, thinking of the future? of the possibility that it entails your parting?
(the thought makes him feel a little bit nauseous.)
”are you afraid that we’ll grow apart?” he asks, into the haze of the summer night. it resounds in the air around you, softly spoken, gentle but coaxing. almost pleading you to open up to him.
and it’s a stupid question, really. 
of course you are. it’s the only thought that really scares you.
time moves so, so fast — always leaving you behind. who’s to say that suguru won’t do the same? that he won’t be taken away from you, swept away by that flow? into the future, while you stay glued to the past — stuck on the roof of your childhood, while he moves on to better things?
the night sky is infinite. sometimes, on nights that are a little too long, when your mind has grown a little too muddled, you think of suguru as a star in that sky. blinking down at you, while you can do nothing but watch. hopelessly out of reach.
gaze trailing down to rest on suguru’s collarbone, you swallow the lump in your throat. a little too vulnerable to feel comfortable with looking into his eyes, afraid of what you’ll see in them.
but he’s patient. waiting, always waiting, for you to catch up. for as long as it takes.
”… of course i am,” you mutter, at last. a weak little thing. farther down the street, a car swooshes by, drowning the sound — but suguru still hears it clear as day. ”i mean, it’s just…”
a meek intake of breath. you blink, desperate to chase away the glassiness forming in your eyes. trying to grasp control over your wavering voice. ”even if you say that we won’t… it’s not like there’s any guarantee. you can’t know for sure.”
suguru wants to stop you, right there. wants to ensure you that he does know, that it’s the only thing he’ll ever know for sure. just that one fact; you and him. never one without the other.
wherever you’d go, he’d follow — that’s how it’s always been. that’s all he’ll ever need.
but he knows you. knows you better than he knows himself. and he knows that he needs to let you speak freely, without interruption, until you’ve gotten every last worry off your chest.
so he settles for simply looking at you, curled up and biting his lip to stop himself from speaking. wishing he could smooth away the moisture in your eyes, already — but the tears need to fall first. he knows it’ll make you feel better.
”i love you,” you whisper, and suguru’s heart claws its way up his throat. ”i love you, and i want to be with you forever — but…” a shaky inhale. ”but i can’t get rid of that fear. the idea of losing you… i just can’t deal with it.”
”don’t you think i feel exactly the same?” he cuts in, softly. 
a beat. you glance up at his face, for a split second, and then back down to his collarbone. a little fragile, curling into yourself as if hiding. ”i don’t know,” you sigh.
(suguru’s heart breaks.)
”i know that you love me too, and all. and i trust you. but…” you trail off, swallowing thickly. ”you already have your future planned out, and everything. maybe i just… don’t have a place in it.”
suguru scoffs, unable to bite back the sound any longer. it’s soft, but frustrated. ”there’ll always be a place for you in my future,” he vows. ”i wouldn’t accept anything less.”
you cower a little, under the warmth of his gaze. sweet, but stern. so distinctly suguru that it makes you falter.
”besides,” he clicks his tongue. ”i don’t need to follow the future that’s been planned out for me. i just need to be suguru.” a warm smile. ”right?”
at the sound of your own words, a light flush blooms on your skin. but for once, suguru isn’t teasing you.
”and you just need to be you,” he continues, arm still wrapped around your midriff. trailing up slowly, so that his hand can smooth over the back of your head. ”that’s all.”
”as long as both of us do that — we’ll always be together.” he looks into your eyes, and you think you spot a constellation inside his iris. ”won’t we?”
another moment of silence, the familiar comfort that settles between you. there’s no pressure to continue — but you do so, anyway. muddled mind still spinning, worried about this and that, despite suguru’s soothing words. 
a part of you can’t put your faith in that kind of future. one where the two of you are together, that you could envision so clearly when you were younger — when him and you was all that you knew for certain. it’s not as simple as it was back then.
(but another part of you desperately yearns for him to prove you wrong.)
”… but,” you mumble, shaky. ”what if it’s not that easy?” a chuckle pushes past your lips, humourless. ”i mean, you can’t possibly… always stay by my side, you know?”
there’s something childish, in the way you say it. like you’re still kids, and you’re whining for him not to leave you behind. selfish, in a way.
what right do you have to chain him to you?
suguru emits a hum. his eyelids flutter shut, for a few seconds — and then he opens them again. 
”… alright,” he drawls. ”let’s make a promise, then.”
confused, you glance up at him. he just smiles — responsible, dependable. your very best friend.
”have i ever broken a promise i made to you?” he asks, and you pause.
”… no,” you answer, hesitant. voice still a tad meek, a little helpless.
(and it’s true. not once has he broken one. when suguru makes a promise, he keeps it. you’ve always, always admired that about him.)
”right?” he grins, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. admiring your moon-lit features. ”so let’s do it.”
a frown tugs at your lips. furrowing your brows at him, your voice flows out, uncertain. ”promise… what, exactly?”
the moon glows, big and bright. hanging in the sky, a beacon of light, the same as it’s always been. suguru thinks you look radiant, under its illumination — even though you’re nervous, and a little teary eyed. just a single glance at your expression is enough to make his heartbeat soften.
you look like what home feels like. 
he could never bear to let that go, to let you go. his very best friend; the one thing in his past he has no qualms about. the one thing in his future worth hanging onto, cherishing fully. no matter what.
suguru parts his lips, smiling. he links your hands together. ”keep being you,” he implores, steadfast. ”and stay by my side.”
a moment passes. 
something crumbles, inside your chest. unable to break away from his gaze, all you can do is fall deeper into the hue of his eyes, crinkling softly — in the same way they always have. he squeezes your palm in his, tightly. a silent promise not to let you go.
— and then you realize something. the same realization that always comes to you, at the end of the day.
the man in front of you is just the same as the boy you met, all those years ago. the same boy who saw you climb over his fence, and let you pet his cat, and watched whisper of the heart with you even though he wanted to start with ponyo instead.
the same boy, always the same boy, no matter how much time passes. even though he’s all grown up now, features more defined. voice deeper and huskier. hands larger, with rougher skin.
he’s changed, just like you have — but he’s still just suguru. just that cool, sweet boy. a dorky guy who never, ever lets you fall too far behind.
a tremendous softness seeps through your veins. a kind of love, old and matured, carefully nurtured. the blinks you indulge in are slow, and your eyes shine with tears. it’s overwhelming, seeing him so up close, but you still can’t look away. he’s so beautiful it hurts.
”suguru…” is all you can sniffle, meekly.
your best friend is still smiling, fondly. wrapped up in you, as close as he can be. a familiar warmth, like a big fuzzy blanket draped over your shoulders; smelling of cedarwood and earl gray, and just a hint of coconut-scented shampoo. tailor-made just for you.
suguru never breaks his promises.
”but… you can’t,” you croak out, gasping as if searching for air. ”you don’t know if —”
”i do,” he cuts you off, gently. ”i do know.”
a breathless inhale of air, as you grasp tighter onto his nimble fingers. you feel meek, lost. not sure where to put your hands, or what to believe. ”how?” you ask, terribly fragile.
suguru takes a deep breath. oxygen enters his lungs, exiting as he breathes out. a soft flicker of life. his thumb goes to wipe away the stray tear that trickles down your cheek, his touch delicate. and then comes his response.
”— because i need you the way i need air.”
and, really, it’s a sappy thing to say. a little pretentious. he’d feel embarrassed if it wasn’t for the soft flicker of the moon, the intimacy of the moment. he simply couldn’t bear not to tell you the truth — even if you end up bringing it up tomorrow, just to tease him. he can deal with a little embarrassment, every once in a while. just for you.
fortunately for him, no thoughts of teasing run through your mind. maybe if you were in a better headspace, a little less of a wreck, you could muster the will to make fun of him a little. who do you think you are, shakespeare? i knew i shouldn’t have lent you that copy of romeo and juliet. — something light and amused, just to distract him from the rapid beating of your heart. 
but right now…
all you can do is take a deep breath. and you think you understand what he means, when that breath of life courses through your lungs.
”i’ll never leave you behind,” he continues, words so very self-assured that it leaves you reeling. rubbing comforting circles into the skin of your palm, without thinking. muscle memory. ”can you trust me on that?”
connected to his gaze, you stumble for something to say. anything. 
but then he smiles, again. that familiar, familiar smile. as soothing as a mother’s caress. and only one single word makes it past your lips.
”… okay.”
you do trust him. more than anyone else in the world. so you take that leap, no matter how frightening it is —
and the world narrows down to just the two of you.
just you, and him, in this one single moment. illuminated by the light of the moon, lying side by side and looking into each other’s eyes, on a roof you always find yourselves at one way or another. laughing and sharing secrets until the sun begins to rise; a silent promise that needs no words. 
(the promise of tomorrow. a summer that never quite seems to end.)
suguru cups your cheek. his touch buzzes with warmth, trickling down his wrist and through his veins — and you melt into his palm, eyes fluttering shut instinctively. the sight makes the corners of his lips curl up, hopelessly.
leaning close, he plants a kiss on your cheek. delicate, tender; his lips against your skin, a silent whisper of i love you. fervent, full of devotion. of a love that’s as steady as the sea.
”i’ll always, always be by your side,” suguru repeats, like a mantra. hoping you’ll feel his conviction through the whisper. ”you’ll always have me to fall back on. i promise.”
a little smile breaks out across your lips, meek and teary. as fragile as a sheet of glass, but still persisting in the dead of night. your voice wavers, as you raise your pinkie, right in front of his stupidly pretty face.
”pinkie promise?”
it’s a childish gesture. something to lighten the mood a little, make it all easier to chew. you expect him to roll his eyes, or raise an eyebrow, or tease you a bit. but he doesn’t.
instead, suguru raises his own pinkie, and curls it around yours. then he smiles. sweet and boyish, painted over with a rosy, tender nostalgia.
”— pinkie promise.”
and you believe him.
you believe him, because suguru has a way of making you do so, even when he has no idea what the hell he’s talking about. with that confident tilt of his voice, that makes it sound like he has all the answers in the universe — that flicker of genuine faith, in every word that falls from his lips, that tells you he truly does believe in them.
you believe him, because suguru is the only person in the world who’s never once broken a promise he made to you. not a single time. and some part of you suspects that if he ever did, he really would be okay with you cutting his pinkie off. a little frightening, the depths of his devotion. the pure loyalty that courses through his veins.
so you believe him.
you believe him because he’s suguru. and, just like you can't exist without him, he can't exist without you. never one without the other.
on instinct, you inch a little closer, wrapping your arms around his waist and squeezing him extra tight. face hidden away in the crook of his neck, just like you used to do when you were kids. he’s bigger now, harder to properly embrace — but still so very, very warm. 
and he squeezes you back, just as tight. comforting and grounding, and so, so secure. tugging you closer, like he needs to have you near to properly breathe. like he needs to feel that you’re there to relax, melting into the hug with a soft sigh. relieved, that you’re still with him. relieved at the promise that you always will be. 
wherever you go, he’ll follow. to the roof of his home, to the seaside, to the ends of the earth. the same way every star in the sky orbits around the center of the galaxy, endlessly, before burning out into the night.
the smell of cedarwood and earl gray floods your senses, filling your lungs as you nuzzle into his neck. he’s warm, and soft, and your very best friend. 
you close your eyes. indulging in his body heat, every familiar sensation that’s been etched into your bones for as long as you can remember. and you can tell he’s doing the same — breathing you in, arms resting securely around your back, pressing his cheek against the top of your head.
and maybe it’s true, after all. maybe suguru really does need you, just as much as you need him.
and maybe that’s all you really need to know.
the moon rests in the sky. smiling down at you, unchanging. a living proof that some things really do stay the same. 
— you hug suguru tighter, and decide that his presence is proof enough. 
739 notes · View notes
berryblosom · 5 months
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PET NAMES 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪
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EREN: babygirl, My love
It is very rare that Eren uses your name, he always calls you babygirl no matter where you are. You've gotten so used to it now to the point you turn around when anyone says it thinking it's your boyfriend behind you. "Mornin babygirl." Eren greets you with a back hug in the early hours of the morning. You can see from the reflection in bathroom mirror that his long hair is a complete mess and that hes still asleep on your shoulder. "Good morning Ren, what you want for breakfast." He lifts his head off your shoulder and turns you around by your hips, soap was all over your face but that didn't stop Eren from pecking your lips until you had to push him off you "Anything you want. I don't mind." You swipe the back of your hand on his lips getting the soap off and smile up at your boyfriend. "Pancakes sound good?" He nods while leaving the bathroom. "Of coure babygirl."
When Eren is in trouble he know that calling your babygirl will not slide and will end up with him crying in the corner. He's always been erratic and hot headed which you didn't mind. It was nice to calm him down when he gets a little riled up, it showed you that he can trust and listen to you when he's in the wrong. However this time not even a tornado spinning towards him could've stopped Eren from beating the crap out of a guy who slapped your ass while the two of you were on a date. The guy was drunk and it normally wouldn't go past Eren yelling every curse word under the sun while you pull him away but the drunk man just had to run his mouth resulting in you driving home with a sulking baby beside you. "I don't get why you're mad at me, I was protecting you." He huffs resting his head against the window. "Which I appreciate but you went too far and you got hurt.” Your fingers lightly brush against his cheek, it was turning a nasty shade of purple and looked very painful. Eren leans into your touch understanding why you're upset "m'sorry my love, kiss it better for me will ya?" You chuckle at how easily his mood changed. "Nice try Ren."
Reiner: Beautiful, Angel
Reiner doesn't go a day without calling you beautiful wether as a pet name or just admiring you while you do mundane things. Recently you've been feeling a little down, worrying about your body and how you look. It normally didn't bother you but after a dress you purchased didn't quite fit it ruined your mood a little.
The door to your apartment opens up shaking you from your thoughts, you put the dress back in its bag and quickly run to greet your boyfriend. "Welcome home Rei.” You wrap your arms around his shoulders and pull him in for a kiss as usual. It was your favourite part of the day when Reiner comes home. "How's my beautiful girl?" Your shrug your shoulders telling him you were fine. This made him worry, his favourite part of the day was coming home to your stories of what you did, even if it was just watching tv. "What wrong?" He hooks his arm under your legs swooping you up with ease and leads you to the bedroom.
"Nothing really, I was just think I might need to start a diet." He softly plops you on the bed his brows furrowed in confusion "why you’re beautiful as you are." You giggle scratching the stubble on his chin. "You say that cause you love me." He shrugs his shoulders. "True but it's more, your kind, thoughtful and most importantly healthy that's what makes you beautiful. You do not need to diet.” Your heart swells at his words and your couldn't help but attack him with kisses "I love you too Rei."
Reiner couldn't believe it when you agreed to be his girlfriend and still two years later he thinks your an angel that came from above just for him. He calls you his angel and he is your protector. However when a guy follows you home one night when he wasn't there he felt like the opposite. You assured Reiner that you were fine and that the man walked away when you alerted the security in your building but that didn't stop him from letting his thoughts spiral. "Reiner baby can you help me." You couldn't reach the plates on the top cabinet which annoyed you to no end, you try once more to reach them but your hand slips sending one of the plates flying down onto the floor.
"Y/N what happened?" Reiner comes running out of the bedroom when he hears the crash and your little yelp. He sees the broken glass and immediately rushes to put you on the counter away from it. "What were you thinking you should've waited for me!" You flinched a little, Reiner has never raised his voice to you and it honestly suprised you.
"I thought I had it Rei, l'm sorry." You voice wavers a little which just shatters his heart. He checks you for any cuts and lets out a sigh of relief when he doesn't find any. "I didn't mean to yell angel I was just worried." He kisses the inside of your palms travelling up to the crook of your neck. You could feel his body shaking and he couldn't seem to look into your eyes. "It was just a little glass Reiner, I'm fine promise." You lift his chin and his beautiful hazel eyes meet your own "Im sorry I wasn't there when that creep followed you home, l'm sorry I couldn't protect you." You pull in his shivering body for a hug letting him nuzzle against your chest. "Oh big guy that's why you've been glued to my hip all week. You were visiting you mother Reiner it wasn't your fault." He pulls away looking down at you, even on the counter your couldn't match Reiners height. "I know but-" "But nothing. You protect me all the time, I always feel safe with you." You kiss his nose and jump off the counter away from the glass "will you help me clean this up?" He smiles once again questioning if you're actually an Angel sent to love him "Anything for you angel."
Porco: Babe, Love
Porco isn't too big on pet names opting instead for your name but there are times when he calls you babe. Especially when someone gets a little too close to you and his usual sharp glare isn't enough to ward them off and remind people who you belong to. "Hey babe." Porco appears out of thin air behind where you sat talking to a friend from class. His first instinct is to place a kiss on your cheek while glaring at the poor guy trying to avoid eye contact.
"This guy bothering you?" He questions with a raised brow and a protective arm around your shoulder. You send a quick apologetic look to your friend who looked quite ready to pass out under your boyfriend gaze. "No this is my friend from class." You get up from your seat taking Porcos hand in yours "I'lI see you later." You wave good bye to your friend and lead your boyfriend away from the campus and towards the parking lot. "You don't have to do that every time you see me talking to a guy." You words where laced with annoyance but the soft grip you had on your boyfriend hand indicated to him you weren't that pissed. "Sorry I can't help it." You get to your car and lean against the door, Porcos protectiveness was sweet but when he drives away any friend you make that's when you have to step in. "Is there someone in that big head of yours telling you I want anyone else, hmm?" He looks down in shame deciding to ignore your comment on his head. "No there's not." He mumbles. You take his other hand in your gently stroking his knuckles. "Then why do you act like l'm gonna get snatched up by some guy." You wrap both of his hands around your waist and he immediately pulls you into a hug. "I-I still think you're too good for me, I guess l'm waiting for you to find someone better." You gasp lightly genuinely shocked that your boyfriend had these thoughts.
"I could never leave you, you have no idea how much I love you." Your grip round his shoulder tightened almost chocking him. "I love you too babe."
Porco calls you love in the comfort of the apartment the two of your share, constantly being teased by Pieck about how whipped he is for you was honestly bringing him closer to wringing her neck. You normally spent your weekends alone doing some chores while waiting from you boyfriend to come back from work but today he took the day off to stay cuddled in bed with you tightly wrapped in his arms. "Pock baby we need to get up." He groans at the nickname you picked up from Pieck, it's horrible but he hates it a little less coming from you. "Not yet love, just a couple more minutes." His lips softly kiss the crook of your neck and you almost fall for the tricks he pulls when he wants to get his way.
"I'm hungry let's get up and eat then we can come back." You attempt to get up but are pulled back within seconds. His legs come over yours trapping and stopping you from making a move.
"Just a little more time, please." He pleads and tries to kiss you again but you don't let him, he huffs and removes his legs from yours but his arms were still circling. "You're lucky I love you." You warn him getting comfortable again. "I know love, I know."
Jean: cupcake, doll
Jean is totally and completely obsessed with you, in a good way. He's so in love and doesn't want to go even a second without you. It's great to have a boyfriend so sweet but at times maybe he's a little too sweet.
"Just one more."
You push his face away from yours with your hand. Jean came home 30 minutes ago and hasn't left your side, he's been planting kisses on any exposed skin which was a lot since you were just wearing a top and shorts. "Jean please I need to cook, go get changed at least."
Your efforts were ignored and soon you were placed on the kitchen island with your boyfriend glued to your torso "can't get enough of ya cupcake." He comes up to your face softly biting your cheek. "Jean stoop, what's gotten into you today?" Jean is a little clingy which never bothers you, you love it when he wants to spend time wrapped up in your arms but when you're trying to get things done and he's all over you it make you wanna kick his ass. "I just missed you so much. Is that a crime?" You laugh and pull him back a little so he could see your face "well im holding a cleaver and you won't let me cook so It just might turn into a crime." Your boyfriend ignores your threats to kill him and sneaks in three more kisses before running off giggling like a child.
It is almost impossible for Jean to be upset or angry with you, he's either quick to forgive or genuinely can't see when you're in the wrong because he's love blind. However that changed today when you told Jean you met with an ex, he was actually getting married and you bumped into eachother and talked for a little while. Jean trusts you completely but didn't believe that your obsessed ex moved on that quickly.
"Jean will you just listen to me, I swear it was just a short chat. He's getting married soon."
You try to reach out for him but he keeps turning which you did not like, when you were upset having Jean just touch you made you feel better but the fact he wouldn't let you do the same hurt you.
"I trust you but not him, the guy was crazy obsessed with you." You sigh and finally succeeded in trapping him in your bedroom so you could talk properly.
"Youre crazy obsessed with me." Your boyfriend doesn't find you point amusing. "In a healthy way doll, I love you but I do not own you. He didn't get that and that's why you broke up remember." You look down at your feet, you couldn't stand Jean being upset with you. When you broke up with your ex you were scared to fall in love again but then Jean came and changed everything. You understand why he wasn't happy you were alone with your ex. "I'm sorry my love, can you come here now?" Jean wasted no time in taking you into his arms. He hated the way he acted but just wanted to make sure you were safe. "I'm sorry too doll, I just love you so much." You smile into his chest "I love you too jean-boy." This earns you a pinch on the hip. Jean hated that nickname.
Bertholdt: princess, sweetheart
Your relationship with Bertholdt is still pretty fresh but you decided that it was time you took it a little further and the two of you moved in together. Bertholdt is shy and it took a while for any intimacy to form so when you woke up and found him snuggled up so close to you your heart almost explodes. You gently trace the features of your boyfriends face with your finger until he wakes up, you curse yourself for ruining such a sweet moment.
"I'm sorry did I suffocate you?" Bertholdt is much much larger than you are but he's so gentle that you were sure it was impossible for him to hurt you. "Of course not Bertie, you were just so cute I couldn't help myself." His cheeks and ears turn an adorable shade of pink when you call him cute. "Please don't call me cute sweetheart." He wanted to be strong for you, he's often described as soft and timid but he doesn't want to be that way with you. "Sorry I forgot you hate that.” You prop yourself up on one elbow while you massage your boyfriends scalp. "I don't hate it." He mumbles quietly. "I just want you to think l'm strong. We live together now and I have to provide for you." You swoon when he looks up at you with his big brown eyes. "You don't have to anything my prince, just stay here with me." You get comfortable on top of your boyfriend who was still a blushing mess "I-I will."
Bertholdt is surprised when he comes home to a dark living room. It been three years since he first asked you to be his girlfriend and now the two of you are engaged. You usually stay up to wait for him or put on candles to light up the room if you've gone to sleep.
Bertholdt sheds his extra layers of clothing and quickly makes it into your room where he finds you laying on the bed facing away from the door. He wasn't as stealthy as he thought he was because the second his knee touched the bed you were up and looking around in the dark. "It's just me, calm down princess" the wave of fear quickly washes away when your fiancés hands come to your face. "Welcome home Bertie." You were exhausted, wedding planning was not easy plus you started your period so all of that piled together made you go to sleep earlier than usual.
"What's wrong?" You loved that he could tell that you were slightly off without even seeing you. "Nothing I'm just a little tired, it's been busy." Bertholdt feels bad for not being able to help today but you didn't mind and so you pull him down to cuddle before he gets into his own head too much. "I'm fine baby I promise, I just want your hugs." Your instantly squished against his chest and relished in the feeling of his hands travelling up your shirt to caress your skin. After three years together he's become more comfortable and confident in touching you. "You can have whatever you want princess."
286 notes · View notes
mochalate · 3 months
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[masterlist] precipice ; porco galliard
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[Set before the Marley Arc!] Marleyan!reader/Porco Galliard, lots of drama- forbidden love, soft moments, guns and other assorted violence ♥Read on AO3? || Divider ©
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They told you it was a bad idea to sign up with the military’s medical division. They told you not to work with Eldians, that you would regret it. And now, every ounce of good sense in your body is telling you not to look any longer at Porco Galliard.
You do all of these things.
Or, Porco Galliard, with his grand total of ten years to offer, knows it’s stupid and selfish; but he falls in love anyway.
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[Posted word count: 21.5k]
Chapters (2/9) + epilogue
The Silence After a Gunshot
Can You Keep a Secret?
Wine and Moonshine
Bringing Her Home
Precipice
Blood in the Snow
The Best of Intentions
The Path of the Bullet
After the Impact (The Trigger was Pulled Long Ago)
Epilogue: Until Death Do Us Part
Other: untitled drabble
[★my other fics->]
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quills-of-freedom · 1 year
Text
Crossroads
Chapter III & IV
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Tag-List 🐙
@dreamerdeity
@XOYOURONLYAMORRXO
@koo-detat
@5feetofwrath
@lilshades
@1endoftheworldlife
@greeniegreengreen
@setangel
Chapter I Chapter II
Unlike the previous chapter, your choice here will affect your ending. So be prepared.
Warnings: Smut. Violence. Angst. 18+ only, please.
Chapter III
Old Friends
Regardless of the drama that had taken place the night before, you had returned to your room to find Eren sitting on your bed, having returned to your abode. The both of you had time to cool off, the smouldering flames of tempers flickering down into now-just smoking coals.
You had both apologised, best friends shouldn't really be arguing like this, after all. You explained how you weren't ready for anything with Eren, at least, not yet. He understood and you both fell asleep as he held you in his arms. If you weren't ready for anything else, then so be it. He just took in the moment as you softly breathed in your slumber, your warm back pressed against his bare chest.
Waking up and feeling the cold, empty bed beside you was dejecting and deflating, the sour taste of disappointment is tainting your mouth, as you sit up gauging the empty room. The sunlight beaming through your window told you that Eren had taken the time to open the drapes before he left. It also told you that you slept way longer than you had been supposed to.
As you hurriedly get washed and changed, you notice a small, handwritten note on top of the polished clothes chest.
It's all for us.
Your brow wrinkles at the words, wondering what he meant by that, and why he'd left so early in the first place.
Eren had been one for riddles as of late, which was beyond annoying. He'd grown into a pretty stoic man, although if you knew him well enough, you could easily recognise that fiery temper still lay underneath the cold mask. It was always incomprehensible, to say the least, what was ever going through that mind of his at any given time.
The irony of how opposite his façade now, from when he was younger, wasn't lost on you as you quickly dress and leave your room, locking the door behind you. Back then, you wouldn't need to wonder what was on his mind, because that big mouth of his would spew it out anyway, getting him into trouble.
You weren't sure which version of him you preferred. Both seemed to be a huge pain in the ass.
Being in such a rush in leaving your room, you didn't even notice the figure looming by the side of your door as you turn your back to head towards the stairs.
"Hey." A familiar voice floated. "I finally found you."
Your movements freeze, your pupils dilating as your body switches instantly into flight or flight. You'd recognise those vocals anywhere, and it wasn't good news.
"Oh, hey." You feign a small smile as you turn to look at potentially the second most dangerous man in town right now, second only to Eren.
"Been looking for you all morning. You're not usually one to sleep in so late." Floch frowns, his acting skills of concern laughable.
"What do you want, Floch?" You ask, your eyes focusing on any sudden movements he may make.
Floch's growing influence over this rebellion was extending at an alarming rate, and if there's one thing you've learned from events over the years, is that too much power given to the wrong hands speaks disaster for anyone within the fallout range. His actions lately have been erratic, and out of character and you'd wondered if Shiganshina broke him - he shouldn't even be alive right now.
"What do I want?" He repeated your words. "I want you to stay away from Eren."
Your head flickers left to right, then back to Floch; searching for whether this was a weird joke and Eren was watching from nearby, or looking for where the fuck Floch gets his audacity from.
"I don't quite follow." You settle with as a response.
"Keep your whore legs closed, and away from Eren."
"Excu-"
Before you could even gather up the necessary rage, he'd pulled out a dagger, pressing the blade harshly against your cheek. His hand tightened around your neck as he holds you against your door.
Your eyes flitter around, someone, anyone should be walking around here, it's the barracks after all.
"I don't think your friends are going to help you." He frowns, pushing the blade a little further into your cheek, now drawing blood.
You whimper in pain, your thoughts still not really catching up with the situation. Maybe because you'd not long gotten out of bed. Or maybe, your mind refused to believe Floch Forster from cadets, the one who would break into tears if he was pushed too hard, was now threatening your life.
"Your friends have been arrested. The chain of command is now broken, we're winning. The only reason you're not behind bars is because Eren specifically told me not to. But hear this... y/n. If you so much as think about getting in the way, or interfering with our plan, I will not hesitate to kill you."
"Eren would kill you himself if you harmed any of his friends." You reply, breathless as if you'd just ran a marathon.
"Maybe. But your stupid little minds... all of you. Can't comprehend what he's doing for us. Don't you see?! He is going to lead us all to freedom. Why can't you understand this?!"
You don't reply. You don't really know what to say. You feel the warm trickling of blood now flowing down your cheek.
"Unlike you and your little crew, I know this is bigger than me. If he kills me for assuring the plan runs smoothly, then so be it."
"Where are the others?" You mutter.
Floch can see the fury behind your orbs - although your face is calm, he can feel the bloodlust that was beginning to simmer seep out of your entirety.
He begins to squeeze your neck. "I don't see why you need to know where they are, considering you'll be staying well away, right? Don't go trying any heroics now - if you all behave and fall into line, no one will get hurt. This is the new order of things so you'd better get used to it."
You wheeze as he lets go of your windpipe, coughing while he takes a step back, replacing his knife into his belt, hiding it with his military coat.
"It's always so good to see an old friend." He mutters as you hold your sore neck.
He turns on his heel and makes for the stairs. "Don't think I'm joking." He calls as he walks. "I will kill anyone who gets in the way."
As you regain your breath, you wondered if this were actually a weird dream and you were still asleep in the arms of Eren. But as the seconds click by, you're pretty convinced now that it was, in fact, the reality right now.
What are you up to now, Eren?
You and your friends had always supported him - even his attack on Liberio. Why would he want them locked away?
Unless...It was to keep them safe? Maybe?
You hear the loud bang of the front door to the sleeping quarters slam as Floch leaves the building.
What is going on?!
How you wished your captain were here right now. Levi would know what to do, and certainly, no one would be getting arrested if he were around.
But he wasn't.
He was away, babysitting Zeke somewhere.
It was all up to you, once again. And the first thing you do is the opposite to what Floch warned you not to do.
Interfere.
You hum to yourself in small amusement as you head back into your room. You were chastising Eren's previous juvenile behaviour only moments ago, and yet here you are, risking your life for your friends.
Because you knew, they'd do the same for you.
The plan?
You weren't sure yet. But as you grab your own dagger from your top drawer, you gaze down at the note that was still laying upon the wood.
It's all for us.
"Please, don't do anything stupid..." You whisper, half to yourself, half hoping that somehow Eren would telepathically pick up on your advice.
Wishful thinking. It's Eren, after all.
-
The bustling marketplace of Trost sounded the same as it did most mornings. Loud calls of fishmongers, merchants of trinkets and meat trying to sell their wares were heard over the nonsense chatter of the townsfolk, trying to do their morning shop. "Fresh fish for sale!"
"Fifty percent off all materials, they must go!"
Porco tried to drown out the noise as he steadied his breathing. He always got wound up before a mission, always ready to leap into action when needed. And he is most certainly about to be needed.
Hands within the pockets of his military coat, he fiddles with his fingers trying his darned hardest to not look too suspicious as he awaits the signal to initiate the plan.
"Mom, can we get that really nice butter cream again? It tasted so good last time!" "No, sweetheart not this time. That was a treat." "Aw --."
"Didn't you say he was married?" "Mhm, I sure did. And he's going around saying things like this to Mabel." "No ~!"
"Sixty pounds for how much?" "I know, that was my reaction too -"
Closing his eyes, Porco tuned out the various conversations that were passing him by on the street.
These people don't seem much different to folks back home.
It bothered him slightly; so far he'd not witnessed any cruelty or acts of violence as he was prepared to witness the horror of the islands of devils. But surely, it was happening, right? Somewhere?
Just stay focused on the plan. Magath is going to cause a distraction, and I run in and grab Pieck. God, out of the two of us, why did she get taken? She was the most convincing.
They'd only been within the town for a total of seven hours, split up for two. It was lucky he'd seen her being marched to jail by two of those Jaegerists. How she managed to slip up and get captured was something he'd have to ask her when he got her out of there.
Porco didn't even know what the distraction was going to be, only that it was big and was planned to be blamed on either the Jeagerists or the previous chain of command. They'll blame one another and cause more conflict, making their job of subterfuge even easier. The simple acts of war came so naturally to Marley. They'd been power-hungry and at war for, well centuries now. If creating confusion and mass panic were a skill, they'd be in line for first place.
Hopefully, they hadn't figured it out yet; she wouldn't wilfully speak, and maybe they'll think it was all a misunderstanding.
"Oh honey, look at those silk threads... they'd be perfect for Isabelle's dress." "What, again? What more do you want me to buy? You're bleeding me dry, woman."
It was funny. If Porco kept his eyes closed, he could pretend he was back home. Home... How Reiner stayed here for all those years was beyond him, this island was so outdated, they didn't even have the know-how to take photographs. Degenerate, backward scum. When his mind reminded him of you, and that familiar warmth spread across his chest, it instantly lifted his mood. Where are you...?
Please don't be nearby... Don't want her caught up in -
His thoughts were interrupted by a huge boom - the ground shaking and panicked screams now filling the air from the people around him who were happily perusing only moments ago. Porco staggered, the rocking was so violent and the crash so loud... Jesus Magath, did you have to do it so close?!
A plume of dirtied smoke pillared behind some buildings not too far away as people began to run clear of the market.
"Is it the Titans again?!" "I don't think so, they don't smoke, or do they?!"
Porco placed a finger in his left ear, giving it a shake. The explosion was so loud, it'd blown out his eardrum. Luckily I can just heal it back.
His opening was made when he saw two Jeagerists scrambling from the building to take a look at what was going on.
Bingo.
He lazily pushes himself off the wall and begins to take quickened paces towards the door of where he saw Pieck being taken to, when a familiar flash of colour caught the corner of his eye.
Time slows and all of his surroundings meld together as his chest begins to feel tight. His extremities tingle and all breathing cease its usual rhythm as he sees glimpses and flashes through the ensuing chaos of panicked civilians. His cheeks burn as if his brain isn't exactly registering what was happening around him, but focused entirely on -
"your name..." His lips part as he see's you sprinting through the masses. But you had a purpose in your run - you weren't in a mindless panic.
His initial instinct is to sprint over to you, to take you away from the danger. To finally meet you... His large adam's apple bobs as he swallows, his mouth suddenly becoming dry.
Pieck needs you.
His teeth bare into a snarl of intense frustration. "Damn it!" He hisses, tearing his line of sight off you and towards the door. He kept his movements quick, not knowing if he would have the willpower to stop himself if you noticed him. If it were even real, anyway, and he hadn't just been conjuring up dreams of having conversations with you.
Within a flash he was in the building, slamming the door behind him and leaning his back against the solid oak, his breathing deep and staggered. The sounds of chaos outside became more muffled but it didn't make much difference under the sound of his heart beating within his head.
"Pieck?" He called, taking a step forward.
He was only greeted with silence from within so he proceeded with caution, his pace quick and movements swift as he kept his eye out for anyone who was willing to get in his way.
The building shook as a second loud rumble vibrated the earth, Porco's eyes flying to the ceiling and wondering if their shitty infrastructure would hold such a battering.
He wasn't even totally sure if this was Magath's doing; their country was in such a state it could actually be them fighting amongst themselves. He wasn't exactly told what the distraction would be, just that he'd "know it when he saw it."
He didn't even want to begin to think of how he managed to not only get into a building undetected but to rig up explosives too. Maybe it was Jaeger. Hell, at this point, it could have even been Reiner.
"Pieck!" He called out again.
"Pock!" Pieck breathed in relief, coming up from a set of stairs at the end of the hall.
"Jesus, Pieck what happened?"
Her eye was purple and swollen as well as a cut, bleeding lip.
"Don't worry, I got him worse." A weak laugh left her as she hurried over. "They were questioning me, they know we're here but don't know who we are."
"How do they know we're here?"
"There's a traitor. Yelena... or maybe even..."
"Zeke?!"
"I'd like to hope not..." She sighs, now reaching him. "In any case, they left when what sounded like an explosion happened outside. They kept one with me but - well, it didn't end well for him. When I heard you calling for me I just went for it."
"Good girl." Porco smirks, the both of them now pacing back towards the door. "So, what do we do now?"
"We need to rendezvous with Magath and receive further orders... as soon as Eren Jaeger shows himself, that's when they're going to release the Armoured."
"So Reiner's here now?"
"Yeah, somewhere."
As soon as the door opens, Porco's eyes glue to where he'd seen you to find...
You were gone.
The streets had quietened from civilian screams but were now replaced by roars of orders from military personnel.
"Well, we got you out. We should leave." Porco frowns, gently guiding her by her back away from the gathering pools of soldiers.
"I wouldn't worry too much." Pieck explained as they quickly stepped down the street. "I think they saw an unfamiliar face, a woman, no less, who was alone. I think they just took their chances. I don't think they really thought I was reconnoitring"
"Well that's good at least." He muttered.
They freeze in place when they hear a person roar: "The prisoners are escaping!"
"Shit!" Porco spits, about to set off into a sprint.
Pieck stopped him, looking into the air behind him. "N-no, it's not us. Look."
Turning, he can see a building not too far away from where the explosion was, island devil's on their wicked ODM gear flying around like a swarm of mosquitoes around a dead carcass, gun fire now echoing around.
"Jesus, this place is a mess." Porco comments, his lip curling up in disgust. "Even Fort Slava wasn't this bad."
Pieck points at them, her face worried under the swelling. "That's team Levi. Which means they got arrested, meaning they've escaped. Meaning -"
"They're against the rebellion." Porco finished. "Which means -"
"Don't get your hopes up. Just because they're going against Eren Jaeger, doesn't mean they'll be on our side."
They watch as the Jeagerists fight the survey corps, the anti-personnel gear beginning to fly in from other areas of the town.
"We need to get out of here." Pieck frowns. "Come on."
She goes to leave when she notices Porco's frozen expression, his jaw tense and eye wide. He watches as your group gets closer, buzzing and avoiding gunfire. He can see you, swerving and gliding with such skill. He'd only seen you moments before... how did you even-?
"Pock! We need to go!"
"I can't she's gonna get herself killed."
"What? Who?"
-
It was like you were supposed to rescue your friends; the stars aligned and just as you needed that distraction, the old weapons workshop exploded. You didn't know why. Or who did it. You just thanked whatever ethereal beings were watching over you as you took advantage of the situation, busting your pals out of the clink like some old weird western story you'd read once from Armin's parents' "forbidden" collection.
"Split up!" You hear Jean roar as you, Armin and Connie begin to struggle, more Jeagerists in-coming. "Meet at the rendezvous point!"
You obey, full faith in Jean's directions as you lower yourself into an alleyway, flying between houses with two Jeagerists hot on your trail, their gunfire loud and aggressive. It was becoming harder to avoid the bullets, luck playing a huge part but that only lasts so long.
You try to quickly smother the panic that was rising in your throat, propelling yourself higher into the sky and blasting your gas as fast as it could go. You remember back in cadets, Jean was the one who taught you how to fully utilise your gas, all while saving your supply. How to use your body's momentum, let that do all the work.
Why am I thinking of this now?
You wince as you glance back, seeing the two follow suit and pull themselves higher into the sky also.
Is this my life flashing before my eyes? Am I really gonna die to Floch's little flunkies?
The irony would be such a bitter pill to swallow. Fighting and training all these years, building your skillset towards surviving Titans... and you're going to be killed by two humans.
We've been through this already! You think, the situation is reminiscent of four years ago, when Eren was taken by Kenny Ackerman.
Such simpler times.
You swing faster, taking Jean's advice and using your body weight to gain speed, not seeing the large claw further back behind you swat one of the men down like a fly. You hear the cry of anguish, your head automatically turning to look when - Ting.
Your dropped focus, even for that one second meant you missed your mark with your hook, clinking off a large brass bell of one of the calling towers, your body weightless as you begin to fall to the side, swinging and turning from your one embedded hook.
The wind is taken from your lungs as you cascade down towards the street, about to swing flat into the building you were connected to. As you fall and turn towards the direction of where your hunters were, your eyes enlarge in horror. Instead of the street, instead of your pursuers was a huge open mouth, jaws the size of those metal horse carriages you'd seen in Marley, those things they called "auto-mobiles". Teeth looking like they were carved from steel coming right at you, the darkness enveloping your vision as you realise too little too late, it was that jaw titan you'd seen in Liberio.
And it was going to swallow you whole.
You hadn't even heard it approach. How did it get here unnoticed?!
You don't have time to think about anything else as you collide with something soft. Something wet, and slightly smelly.
A scream pushes with force from the bottom of your lungs and you're enshrouded in darkness, the large tongue lapping over your whole body, soaking you and making it hard to breathe.
Your body jerks around, thick mucus covering your face making the task of breathing even harder.
You scream again, your blades...well they were in there with you, somewhere, but this heavy mush was preventing you from much if any movement. You try to push yourself up desperately within the blackness but the momentum of this beast's movements just slammed you back down. You felt weightless for a moment like you were falling again before a violent slam knocked all precious breath from your body.
Strange enough, although you couldn't see anything within the darkness, small flecks of coloured glitter began to dance in your peripheral vision, fuzzing their way closer and closer to the centre.
I'm going to pass out...
You sink into the underside of the tongue, feeling gravity press down into you as the jaw titan starts scaling the wall out of Trost.
Why isn't it... eating me... I... can't breathe...
You felt weightless again but at this point you weren't even sure if it were real or you were just starting to leave your body, to head to wherever your fallen comrades before you had gone to.
Your eyes squint as the wet cavern is suddenly filled with light once more, your body is ejected from the mouth as you crash onto the floor. You immediately pull thick strings of mucus off your mouth as you take in a deep breath of sweet, sweet air. Your blades crash down with you, still attached to your gear your clothes soaked with concentrated Titan saliva.
You push your backside away from the beast, hearing the familiar hiss of a body ejecting from its Titan form. You'd heard it before plenty of times with Eren.
Your eyes scan your surroundings in a panic, hands finding the hilts of your blades as you notice you're at the edge of a thick treeline, Wall Rose not too far off in the distance.
As your body grasps as much air as it could to make up for lost oxygen, your chest swelling and shrinking - you watch the figure emerge from the nape of this monster. The steam always made it hard to see, at first, the figure leaping off the empty shell with ease before making its way towards you.
Your trembling arm holds up your sword as you were still sat on the ground, all strength having left you.
When...
You notice his eyes first as he stands there, praying you recognise him too, and that it hadn't been all in his head - his chest heaving just as much as your own.
The Titan scorch marks framed the lower parts of his eyes but never the less, those desperate, pleading eyes belonged to -
"Porco...?" Your lips part in a gasp, getting to your feet but staggering back due to lack of remaining strength.
"So you do recognise me." His voice cracks, his brow still pulled back. "It wasn't all in my head?"
Your own head shakes, too shocked to form tangible words, beautiful lips still parted in sheer disbelief.
He hesitantly takes a step forward to gauge your reaction.
"Y-you... you're...?"
"Are you going to kill me?" His voice waivers, expression pained.
Without removing your dazed eyes from his, you press your fingers onto the two release switches, your gear dismantling and falling from your waist with a loud clink to the floor.
"You saved my life." You test the waters from your side now, one step forward.
That was all he needed.
Rupturing into a run towards you, within moments his body collides with yours, his large arms encasing your entire form as your head buries into his solid chest. He grits his teeth together in a furious attempt not to cry, his eyes tearing up regardless.
His heart pounds against your head as he trembles over your form.
"You're real..." You gasp. "You're the Jaw titan? How? Is that why we can talk? I don't know how it works -"
"Me neither." He lets out a breath of air with a smile as he rests his chin on top of your head, his eyes closed as he cherishes this moment. "But I'm sure glad it does."
Chapter IV The Crossroads
You sit in Porco's shirt and coat, your clothes drying on a tree branch as you sit at your little camp just a little way into the tree line. Porco built you a fire to keep you warm as you dry. His shirtless form sat on a fallen log looking into the fire.
"Pieck will be arriving soon." He mutters. "I told her to meet me here. I kind of went off mission to save you. But I couldn't ignore you being chased down like some rodent."
"Thank you." You reply with sincerity. "I'm not sure how much longer I would have lasted. But Porco... if our dreams were real, why didn't you tell me? I saw you in Liberio... we could have changed how things pla -"
"No." He cuts you off with a melancholic sigh. "What we have is just between us. No one else would understand. And even if they did... it wouldn't change anything. You and everything else is... separate."
Your eyes lowered. It was hard to hear, but you knew he was right.
"Will Pieck try to kill me?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because I put my neck out for you, she understands me that much, at least."
"Right."
"They already know we're here so... are you warm enough?"
You nod, your face burning slightly. "Yes, thank you."
Porco's eyes catch glimpse of your bare calves from under his long coat, respectfully glancing away into the flames as his nose starts to sink into a shade of red.
"So, that means..." You begin, wondering how to pick your next words. "You work alongside Reiner, right?"
He stops for a moment as if mere words froze him in place.
"Yeah."
"Oh..."
"You two were, together, right?"
You nod. "Up until he betrayed us and left."
Porco presses his lips together tightly. So many foreign emotions surged through him; envy, anger, even a pepper of pity. To have turned his back on her must have taken every ounce of strength he had. Maybe he should start cutting the guy some slack.
"Is he here?"
"You know I can't answer that."
This was going to be more complicated than you'd initially thought.
"Yeah, he's here."
The familiar, slightly gruff vocals made you both jump and turn to see Reiner standing there, large arms folded against his equally large chest.
Your breath was taken away instantly.
He'd aged well. His eyes which had witnessed more than enough horror for one lifetime were framed with slight crow's feet, his handsome face now peppered with a short amount of facial hair. His serious expression, and his eyes although framed differently, those honey orbs hadn't changed a bit.
An automatic response was getting to your feet.
"Don't worry, he won't try anything." Porco warned, his gaze piercing the blonde. "Isn't that right?"
"Well, you didn't waste any time, did you Porco?" His frown evident and pulling further down his beautiful face. "What was it you said you were going to do when you saw her?"
"Don't."
"Take real good care of her? Well good job, because now the plans gone to shit. Pieck isn't coming, Magath sent me instead."
It took every ounce of strength within Reiner not to look at you. Or maybe, that made this easier. One look into your eyes he so desperately missed, would melt him like butter.
"What? Why?"
Normally, Reiner would have shot a look in your direction, but he couldn't bring himself to. "We're really going to talk about this in front of the enemy?"
His vocals were dull but his words sharp, the blade of betrayal sinking into your breast all over again.
"I wouldn't be the enemy if you hadn't made me the enemy." You hiss, emotions thrashing from the reins of control.
"Why is she here?" Reiner ignored you, keeping his gaze on the shirtless Porco. "And why is she wearing your clothes?"
"Don't act like you can't hear me!" You call, taking a step forward. "After everything you've done, you can at least acknowledge me! Look at the mess you left behind you in your wake of death and destruction!"
Reiner's pained eyes finally glance over to you.
He holds the gaze for a few seconds, not knowing what to say. Where would he even begin? You're taken aback when you realise he's choking back the water that was threatening to spill out from his warm optics.
A tense, pregnant silence falls over the mini makeshift camp.
"Look, there are more important things going on right now..." You manage to choke out a whisper. "Figure out what you want to do. As soon as my clothes dry I'll go. Okay? Both of you pretend you never saw me, and I'll do the same."
Desperation clawed at both of the men's throats. They'd waited so long to see you, and now you were leaving. Without any conversations about... well, anything.
"No." Reiner muttered.
"No!" Porco snarled at the same time, his anger directed at Reiner.
They lock into a stare, the tension thick and just seeping with testosterone.
"Look..." Reiner then lets out a sigh. "Pieck has been assigned to bring Eren out into the open tomorrow afternoon. That's when it's all going to go down. We're both needed. Y/N."
Your head glances back up at your ex-lovers eyes.
"You can either stay here with Porco, head back to Eren or come back with me to my camp. It's your choice. There are... things I'd like to talk about with you before I kick the dust. If not, I understand. If you want to head back to Eren, we'll have to hold you here until we move out - not risking you informing him of anything."
"I don't even know where he is." You breathe with honesty. "Wouldn't it be wise to just, you know... kill me?"
The two then exchange glances.
"I don't think either of us is prepared to do that if we don't have to." Reiner replies. "Besides... Haven't you realised yet? I knew Porco would be a bit slower to catch on, but not you."
"Wha- what are you talking about?" Porco frowns.
Reiner's volume increases, his emotions now getting the better of him. "How dumb all this is. How we're all the same. Just pieces in a game. Yeah, some of us are knights. Some are pawns. Some are queens... but we're all being played against one another for all the wrong damn reasons. And I'm getting pretty fuckin' tired of it, wouldn't you say the same?"
Your head bobs in affirmation, the sliver of the Reiner Braun you once knew shining through the deep, dark abyss of his lost personality. He's still in there.
All you can hear in the tense silence is the crackling of the firewood, the flames dancing so carefree it was almost worthy of envy.
"No, I see it." Your whisper barely was audible.
"So... What's it going to be?" Porco asks you, his fingers fumbling together anxiously as he awaits your decision.
You feel like screaming from the top of your lungs. This impossible decision lay before you - you wanted to just yell for the three of you to just stay together. But you knew that wouldn't be possible. Would you go with your previous love, reconcile and hear him out?
Or
Do you stay here, with Porco the one who so far hasn't betrayed you and you've finally met after years of on-and-off ethereal communication?
This could be your last chance to hear Reiner out. One or both of you could die any time in the not-too-distant future. It seemed impossible.
No matter which decision you make, it's going to hurt.
You tremble, not really knowing what to do or what to say. You just wanted to crumble, fall from your damned pride and cry in a heap on the floor. You're oh-so-tired now of all of these hard decisions, and it didn't look like they were going to stop anytime soon.
So, y/n.
What path are you going to take?
Reiner
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or
Porco
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You have mere days to decide. Chapter IV Part II - 22/04/2023
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ffsg0jo · 2 years
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- a o t c h a r a c t e r s a s t r o p e s -
aot characters x tropes [reiner,, annie,, zeke,, porco,, pieck,, colt]
WARNINGS: following/stalking,, reference to sex,,   -- masterlist
a/n: you already know the drill. the hold this idea has on me i stg, it's peak. anyways this is the last part, thank god :))
part 1,, part 2,, part 3
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REINER : forbidden love - you're his psychologist and he's your client. you two are part of rival schools and he rescues you from a douchebag and he's like ill take you to school every single day. typical wattpad romance.
it’s like modern day romeo and juliet tbh but instead of families it’s school. your schools have always been at each others throats. its dated back to a rivalry founded hundreds of years ago. there’s constant fights breaking out between your schools and even the headteachers are involved.
they absolutely despise each other. one day, when you’re walking home after class, in the dark, you can sense someone following you. creeped out, and wanting to go home you decide to take a shortcut. obviously that doesnt work out because now you’re lost and you dont know what to do.
you try and look for someone to ask for help but all you see is a group of people, underneath the streetlight smoking. you decide to take a chance and go towards them. immediately a boy with blonde hair and a slight beard sees your state and the guy following you and recognises what's happening. he calls you over, like you’re his friend and put his arm around you. 
the guy following you sees the stares he’s getting from the group of people and decides to walk away. i honestly could write a fic about this and i actually might. but just imagine romeo and juliet, but without the marriage and tragic ending. also there’s a maassiveeee fight between boyfriend reiner and ex eren. it’s great.     
ANNIE : friends to lovers - you were introduced to annie through pieck and you thought she was cool and wanted to hang out more with each other. and one thing led to another and now you're married :)
you and pieck were good friends having went to primary and secondary school together. so when she introduces you to her other friends you feel happy, like you’ve levelled up your relationship stats in a game or something. you’ve met everyone, except annie and they’re a nice bunch, and you decided to hang out with them more.
the next time you hang out, it’s a small party with just you guys and that’s where you meet annie. she seemed different from the rest and you really liked her company. believe it or not but you guys literally spent the whole time talking to each other and you exchanged numbers by the end of it.
from then on you two magically started bumping into one another more, by some sort of miracle. it’s like the world was trying to push you two together by making you meet more often. and of course, naturally this led you two to hang out more, without the others present. you’d get coffee together before classes, work in the library and have lunch together as well.
you eventually caught feelings for annie and decided to just go for it and ask her out. the worst that could happen was her saying no. so one day over coffee you asked her if you could maybe grab lunch sometimes and she was like sure, just tell me when. and you’re like no, as a date. and annie stops mid sip and she looks at you with a little blush and nods her head and says sure again.  
ZEKE : office romance - you and zeke work together and just casually flirt, nothing serious. but then you two actually start falling for each other and find yourself missing each other when you’re off work
on the first day of your job, zeke was the first person you met. and he was nothing but kind and welcoming, making you feel at ease jn the new environment. he knew what it was like to be the new person, so he invited you to have lunch with him and a few others to introduce you and get you started.
it became routine between the two of you and as you got more comfortable you both started joking around more and teasing each other and also occasionally flirting. he essentially became your work husband.
he’d purposefully take the long route when going to the break room just so he can walk past your desk and lean against the table and flirt with you and talk to you a little. and on the way back he drops off a freshly made coffee at your desk with a wink. 
this is making me wish i worked in a corporate office job with zeke goddamnit. 
anyways, you guys actually become good friends outside of work, going to get drinks together with his friends from high school and literally everyone sees the way he looks at you and thinks you’re perfect for each other. he even took you home once when he found out you weren’t doing anything for the holidays and his step mum, my baby carla loves you.
you also realised that good looks run in the family because holy moly they’re all so good looking. if carla wasn’t married, you defo would've hit on her more because she’s a milf and a half. you also met his half brother eren, who is, you know. hot af. it was actually eren that told you how much zeke liked you and how great of a couple you and zeke would make. 
he regrets telling you because for the next couple of days he hears banging and thumping coming from the bedroom on top of his, which just so happens to belong to zeke.   
PORCO : exes to lovers - with porco it was right person wrong time. you both weren't mentally ready or in the right space for a relationship and decided to break it off despite loving each other. but a couple of year later, when you returned for one of your mutual friends wedding, you find yourself looking at porco, and wishing it was you and him at the altar instead.
you and porco first got together when you were in high school together, and while your relationship seemed perfect, the both of you were under extreme pressure to perform well academically and make your families proud. with the added commitment of a relationship you both mutually decided to break up, thinking it was unfair to chain each other to a relationship neither could commit to fully.
that didn't mean you didn't love each other though. porco truly was the only person for you and the same for him. for the rest of high school neither of you dated, and when you got to university, you only had flings. nothing more. not a day went by without you thinking about porco.
after you’ve graduated and settled in to your new job, you receive an invite to a wedding, finding out one of yours and porco’s friends are getting married. immediately you respond saying of course you’ll attend! you’d be stupid not to. 
you arrive at the venue on the day when all of a sudden you bump into someone and as you look up and go to apologise you realise it’s porco. you let out a small gasp and appreciate the way he’s matured over the years and turned into a muscular, strong man. sis had a glow up frr
you both felt your love for each other rush back to you and you fell in love with porco once again. just as your about to say something you’re both ushered into your seats, with the ceremony about to begin.
during the exchanging of the vows you catch porco staring at you and you both wonder what would've been if you had stayed together all those years ago. would you and porco have been at the altar, exchanging vows and proclaiming your undying love for each other? still staring at him you smile, making a mental not to talk to him at the reception, to see if he was still single. 
PIECK : strangers to friends to lovers - i love pieck. with her it’s just a steady and gradual development into a beautiful relationship
i feel like ive repeated some of these but pieck just strikes me as a very dependable and safe person. she has really comforting vibes and is just someone you grow to love more and more, the more you get to know her.
everything about pieck is a nice surprise, like wow she has cats, could she even become any more perfect. the answer is yes, yes she can.
the two of you take things really slow and you kinda just let things happen and progress naturally instead of forcing it. you both know that if its meant to be then it will, and you both strongly feel as though you're eachother's 'one'.
just being with pieck is good vibes. she's so loving but teasing at the same time. she'll tease you and watch you get all flustered with a smirk on her face. she's hot af.
unrelated but do you guys remember when the jean x pieck ship was starting to gain more traction. that was actually amazing now that I think about it. i don't personally ship it but I can see why other people would. its cute.
COLT : brothers babysitter to lovers - i feel like im making some of these tropes up but it makes sense to me, let me just explain it.
your parents were always friendly with colt's so when your parents heard they needed a baby sitter for their cute little toddler falco, your parents offered to ask you if you'd be willing to do it.
having met the Grice's a couple of times and being familiar with them you agreed saying why not. you loved baby sitting, especially when they were calm kids like falco.
so you go over to their house and knock on the door and a guy thats around your age with blonde hair opens the door for you, with a little miniature version of him standing behind his legs. you recognised flaco but you no idea who this man was. luckily mrs grice saw you though and ushered you inside.
she quickly introduced him as colt, falco's older brother, who is visiting for the holidays, and then thanks you for agreeing to babysit falco and tells you to make yourself at home and feel free to take anything from the fridge.
she rushes out of the house with her husband, leaving you with colt and falco. colt, being the gentleman that he is offers to show you around the house and also shows you the emergency exits and stuff just in case something happens.
he ends up leaving to go out to see his friends and that leaves you alone with falco, who is just the most well behaved, good mannered child in the world. he's such a pleasure to look after and barely causes any trouble.
colt starts hearing more about you through falco who absolutely loves you. he thinks you're the best baby sitter in the world and even calls refers to you as his older sister. colt finds himself developing a crush on you and its falco that pushes him and encourages him to ask you out.
falco is adamant that you like colt as much as colt likes you, expecially since you're always asking about his older brother, and if he'll be coming home anytime soon. its cute <33
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© ffsg0jo 2022 — do not plagiarise, repost, modify, or translate any of my work, in any way shape or form; i will piss in your cereal if you do. all work belongs to me and me only.
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http-tokki · 2 years
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I will - porco galliard x reader
。ₓcharacters: Porco Galliard x reader 。ₓcontent: semi smut! sort spoilers for season 4! 。ₓsummary: Slow dancing with Porco before he leaves for his last mission 。ₓword count: 284 。ₓa/n: NOT PROOFREAD! 
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Slow dancing with Porco before he goes on that fatal warrior mission. Strong hands on your waist, fingers digging into your plush flesh so hard you can feel the bruises begin to bloom. He isn't ready to let you go, leave you and travel hundreds of miles away to an uncertain return, not when you had just confessed your love to each other. Cramped and tangled in each other in his childhood bed, whispering I love yous into each other's mouths. Lips branding your skin as his, the marks he had created down your chest, over your soft stomach, drinking you down until all he could taste was you. He would take that taste with him across the sea, take the smell of you, take all your love with him.
As you look up at your love, your eyes burn, tears clouding your vision before spilling onto your cheeks. Calloused fingers reach up and wipe your tears, brushing over your cheek and throat before slotting themselves in the hair at the nape of your neck.
"Please don't cry, angel. I can't handle it if you cry" Porco's voice shook with his own tears. "Please, don't. I won't be able to leave if you're crying."
You're sniffling, desperately trying to stop the tears, but when you can't, you just wrap your arms around the warrior, burying your head in his chest. Porco wraps his arms around you, holding you in a tight embrace as he starts to cry. Chest shuddering as he breaths out.
"Porco, please come back," You whisper, fingers curling in the rough fabric of his shirt. "I need you to come back."
He sniffs, kissing your hair and whispering. "I will. I promise."
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dotsdrabbles · 2 years
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Why?
Porco Galliard x fem!Reader
Word count: 1103
Warnings: mentions of death, implied romantic feelings, it's more on the angsty side
Hiya! I thought I would start off my page with a Porco x Reader drabble! Honestly Porco is one of my favourite characters and deserved so much better. This isn't fully proofread, but hope you all enjoy it nonetheless! it may be a bit ooc buuuuuttt I was just having too much fun to be honest :).
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The summer heat in Liberio had always been unbearable. The air was humid and uncomfortable, mimicking a suffocating sensation as your lips tingle and your mouth dries out. It didn't help that it hadn't rained for almost 2 weeks and now the internment zone was facing drought.
“I fucking hate the summer.” Porco grunted, adjusting the yellow armband on his left bicep. “This heat makes me want to rip my skin off.” he exaggerated, leaning against a wall.
You had known Porco ever since you were both little, you were neighbours and would go out to play in the street with him and his brother Marcel. You were both 16 now and whilst he was still training to one day get his full warrior title, you carried on with your mainstream education in hopes to become a doctor but as it was the summer holidays you were stuck running your parents corner shop in town.
You let out a small chuckle as you stacked the shelves. The shop was small, cramped and in this weather it was more like a sauna. “You know you would say the same thing if it was winter, right? Oh Y/N it's freezing outside, I hate the winter” you digged, shooting him a playful look before adjusting your own white armband.
Playfully, he rolled his eyes with a huff. “Oh shove off.”
It wasn't uncommon to hear Porco huff or complain, he had always been this way since he was little…although you had noticed it his mood dampened even more when he found out he wasn't inheriting a titan like his older brother and was staying behind in Liberio as Marcel, Annie, Bertholdt and Reiner got to go on a big honourable adventure to wipe out the island devils of Paradis.
You knew Porco was still bitter, could you blame him? He had been working his ass off everyday, training to the point of nausea just so the armoured titan could be given to Reiner? You had nothing against Reiner, he could be sweet at times and although you were never there to see him train you did think it was odd that he was chosen over Porco. It made no sense.
“Pock?” You walked back behind the counter and sat on a stool, head in your hands as you watched his face twist from the nickname. “Why did you join the Warrior programme?” it had been a question that constantly plagued your mind however you didn't dare bring it up- until now.
Brows furrowed and body language closed he replied, “What do ya mean? Isn't it obvious?”
“No, I understand the benefits of becoming a Warrior…”
“The better healthcare, honorary Marelyan status for you and your family. It's a no brainer really, you would have to be an idiot to pass up an offer like that- no offence” you could tell you was hitting a nerve by his tone of voice, but you carried on anyway.
“Right, but wouldn't you have gotten these benefits just from Marcel being a warrior anyway? Why did you have to sign up too?”
“Are you seriously asking why I wanted to do something for my motherland? To make up for all the wrongdoings our people have done over the years?” he snapped, face turning red a bit from anger.
“No, I'm asking why you're so willing to become a monster and drastically shorten your life for a country that doesn't care about you!? Meanwhile the people who care about you are left to pick up the pieces- If there even are any pieces of Porco Galliard left!” you bit back, your own face heating up and your fists clenched.
“WHY DO YOU CARE SO MUCH?! For fuck sake Y/N get off my dick! It's my life and I can do what I want with it!?!” He began to yell which made tears gather in the corners of your eyes.
“Get out.” you straightened your back, thankful no one was in the shop to witness this fight.
“What? You can't be serious?” Porcos face fell, realising you were actually getting upset. He didn't mean to make you cry.
“You're barred. Get out!” she yelled, the tears streaming from your eyes, hiccups and chokes escaped from your throat.
Porco just blankly stared at you, guilt filling his body, but he wouldn't apologise, that wasn't the kind of man he was. Grabbing his army green jacket, he stormed out of the shop with a face like thunder. Once he was gone, you allowed your sadness to consume you, mourning a man who hadn't even died yet.
It was stupid for you get upset, you knew this was going to happen. Porco could be hot headed and he was hurting himself. Although you asked him you knew why he wanted to join the unit: to finally get out of his older brother's shadow, to be seen as more than just his brother. To prove he was strong, he wanted to make a difference. He just wanted to be remembered, rather than get lost in the pages of history and if that meant killing himself in the process then so be it.
But what about you?
You who had grown so fond of the blonde boy over the years, the way he could make you giggle at the most stupid things whilst his own laugh would boom and fill the room with joy, making yourself giggle even more when he let out the occasional snort that he hated but you loved so much. How he would always make sure you were always walking on the inside of the pavement, away from traffic. How he would hold you ever so tightly when you got upset over some boy, who you were supposed to go on a date with, began to avoid you even though Porco knew damn well it was because he decided to have a “chat” with him.
If only you knew, he was only still doing all of this for you.
It has always been for you. He wanted to marry you and give you honorary Marleyan status so you didn't have to live in the slums of Liberio anymore, you could go to a really good medical school and have a decent wage. He wanted to give you a better life, even if you never cared for him like he did for you. Porco knew Marcel's honorary Marleyan citizenship wouldnt extend to you if you married Porco so that's why he stayed in the unit, even after he was denied his titan.
He will make it work, he will find a way.
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naomikozura · 2 years
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The Only Exception Series Master List
Porco x Fem!Reader (College Au)
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, (warnings will be posted w/ each chapter as needed)
Schedule: Update every week (no official day) 
Warnings: strong language, violence, drinking underage, mentions of abuse, mentions of sexual themes, illegal gambling, lots of angst, manipulation, gaslighting, (more will be added if I feel like I missed any)
Summary: Your entire life has always been spent living in your parents’ unrealistic standards, but you choose your own path, hoping to escape from them. You go to a big university in Paradis, make your friends, only to meet another group of people that tie you into chaos. You meet Porco Galliard, who has always found someway to show his disdain towards you, only to find out a secret he’s been hiding from everyone. When the truth comes out, it leads to betrayal, heartbreak, and two people fighting for their future together.
Chapters:
01: The Beginning
02: The Game
03: The Kickback
04: The Party
05: The Visit
06: The Businessmen
07. The Tutor
08. The Nights
09. The Races
More tba:
Playlist:
The Very First Night ~ Taylor Swift (TV) + Good Things Fall Apart ~ Illenium, Jon Bellion +  I Think I Like You ~ The Band Camino + Little Do You Know ~ Alex & Sierra + Silk Chiffon ~ MUNA, Phoebe Bridgers + Sober ~ Kelly Clarkson + Last Kiss ~ Boyce Avenue, Megan & Liz + You Were Good To Me - Jeremy Zucker , Chelsea Cutler + Crying Over You ~ The Band Camino, Chelsea Cutler + Favorite Crime - Olivia Rodrigo + Your Power ~ Billie Eilish + more tba
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A Jean x reader x Porco sounds good to read rn 😏😏
But then again I NEED Reiner x reader x Jean 😮‍💨
BUT WAIT THERES MORE
REINER X READER X PORCO 🤭😩
Reblogs / Repost much appreciated 🫶🏼
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sonofthesaiyans · 2 years
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I cannot be the only one who is deeply offended by this image.
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It only flashes in the S4 Part 2 intro briefly, but it's a cruel reminder of what was given up in favor of someone....someTHING.... that was so inconsequential.
i cannot imagine how trading in Ymir for a badly underdeveloped and unlikable character like Porco could ever possibly be seen as the right choice made by anybody. Forget Falco for a bit, Porco was a character with rather poorly established motivations and never felt either three dimensional or necessary. I was not impressed with how this dumb fuck handled the transferral of the Jaw Titan, but Porco is clearly just a placeholder between Ymir and Porco at the end of the day, and neither one of them have any well established connection to Ymir after consuming not just her but her memories as well. I presume.
Ymir was by far the most mysterious and intriguing of the cast for her long and tragic history and her story, her story with Historia was unceremoniously shafted for a far less engaging plot that more often than not felt contrived. Ymir became an afterthought for a newbie who became little more than a footnote in this story and all as a flagrant plot device for Falco. Sure he may be more watchable than Gabi but do I think Falco fits in the narrative in the way he was similarly forced in? NO.
Killing off Ymir for Porco's sake is a mistake that's right up there with Assassin's Bullet. Objectively Ymir is probably the one who got the most fucked over.
I'd like to fuck over you, Isayama. You had your fun.
There is no Attack on Titan without Ymir.
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mazuwii · 2 years
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Chapter 5 || Stolkhom
Reiner x reader
Previous chapter
Warnings: Age regression and violence
Another week flew past and Y/n received her confirmation letter to go to work. Her application was accepted and she has to work as a waitress, cleaning up and helping people by the checkout.
Reiner was given a maths sheet full of multiplication questions. He was filling them out with a red crayon, humming in thought. "You never were good at maths," Y/n mumbled as she neatened the tie on her collar.
"No?" He pouted. Y/n sighed and ruffled his hair, "Afraid not."
During the week, Y/n would tell Reiner funny stories about before he got 'ill' and forgot everything. He'd diligently listen and laugh, adding questions about what he was like and what life was for him. However, even with all this information released, Y/n still had no intention of properly telling him about Mihai just yet.
Since Reiner seemed to have mannerisms of a child, she thought it'd be best until the doctor could be afforded. Even if she didn't know whether he could be cured or not. Regardless, Y/n would still work until she could get one, she didn't care how much it cost as long as there was a small light of hope. And if that small light of hope was destiny it could open up wider and guide her way out of misery.
"Mummy used to teach me two times tables." He abruptly declared. Y/n stopped packing her bag for a moment, mentally preparing for the worst.
Reiner raised his hung head to look at the woman at the end of the table, only for her to avoid his questioning glare. "You won't tell me anything about mummy, will you?"
"I'll tell you, it's just-" she frustratingly stood upright forgetting her shoelaces. "It's just not the right time"-
"It never is the right time, is it?" He gulped a heavy knot down his throat, "You'll always"-
"Reiner!" She snapped, "Don't you think I have enough on my plate already?! I already hear enough of your stupid whining every single day!"
Once her vision cleared of anger she noticed his eyes wide in betrayal.
It made her wish she could suck her words back in, to replace them with a more kind and patient approach. But it was too late, he was too stubborn to let on that he was hurt, making it obvious that he blinked back tears.
Stumbling on her words, Y/n fixed her yells with a gentle tone, "Hey... Rein"-
"You should go to work." His voice wobbled, interrupting her before she could speak or point it out. "You'll be late if you stay any longer."
Understanding that trying to solve the problem now wouldn't work, she took his advice and finished tying her shoelace. Reiner refused to look at her anymore, he stuck to guiltily fidgeting with the crayon. The sight wanted to make her hold him and chant apologies over and over again but she knew it would only make him angrier.
"There's food in the fridge if you get hungry," was the last thing he heard her say before the door shut, leaving the hesitant sound of regret and sorrow.
≈≈≈
Mihai chose his favourite shirt and cargo shorts for when Porco would arrive. Pieck and Zeke invited him over for dinner since they wanted to talk about grown-up matters.
At the sound of the door opening, he raced to the opening of the stairs, hearing his uncle's voice greet Pieck from the front door.
His hooded eyes shone like emeralds the second he locked eyes with the boy running towards him. "Ayyy, how's my lil' gangster?- oof!" Mihai pounced into his arms. Porco held him from under his armpits and hoisted him up into the sky.
The giggly child freely kicked his legs at the exhilarating feeling.
"Be careful, Pock."
"I always am." He settled the boy down on his shoulders, "Aren't I? Mihai."
"Uncle Porco is really strong, auntie Pieck, he's never dropped me!- not once!"
The smug man agreed, slightly nudging Mihai. "Just 'careful around my hair bud,"
With a soft snort, the gentlewoman showed the two to the dining room, where Zeke had just finished setting the table. He was delightfully shocked to notice Porco had already arrived.
"Porco!" He warmly welcomed, "Hey, Zeke."
It began off with Porco catching up with Mihai's life, asking him about who's helping him study (Pieck is for math and English, Zeke is for science and history) and how nicely his hair has grown. Pieck and Zeke would sometimes put their own input on Mihai and how smart he was, how tall he was growing.
By the time they finished eating, Porco had suddenly remembered something. "Say, Mihai, I bought you a present with me but I left it at the front door, you wanna go get it?"
The child enthusiastically nodded and sprinted off at command, making the adults fondly watch.
"So," Porco turned to the other two, "What's going on with his dad and mum? Any answers?"
Pieck shook her head in disappointment, "Nothing. Y/n sends letters occasionally but the letters that come for us usually just contain money and an apology."
He sighed at her words, rubbing his crinkling forehead in frustration. "I swear that woman will be the end of us, she never admits defeat, does she?"
"No, none of us know how Reiner truly is. Though she did say she got a job and is working towards buying a private doctor." Zeke added, stirring his cold and untouched tea. "I thought of visiting her."
"What about Mihai?"
"We could bring him along," Pieck suggested. "What, since Porco is almost always busy, it's our only choice."
"Uncle Porco!" They heard stubby footsteps thud towards them. Mihai was holding up a thick comic as of it were a trophy. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"
Porco grinned down at the boy before plucking him off the floor and onto his lap. "Don't mention it, little man." The two bumped each other's fists. Pieck could only watch with a spike of sadness in her eyes, Porco is Mihai's only friend, even though the age difference was that of a father and son. Porco just appears younger than Reiner does. Despite his up-tight personality, he remains less wrinkly.
≈≈≈
While it had rightfully been a long day, Y/n couldn't help but slump her aching shoulders. With what happened the same morning, it only extended her day into what felt like an entire year. Going to work with an aching chest was the last thing she wanted. All she could think of was running back home and making it up to Reiner. 
Looking back on it now, she realised how much of a fool she was to leave him alone in the house after that small disagreement. Who knows what horror she could be met with once she gets home? What degree it was at?
Shaking her terrifying thoughts away, Y/n kept a straight face as she got out of the bus and trailed down the sand path among the fresh grass. While her face may appear relaxed, her steps were aggressively fast, pushing her towards what her mind concluded was her doom.
The noise the door made when she pushed it open left an empty echo, with no sound of footsteps or small fidgeting around the house. Reiner would have at least awkwardly coughed. 
Stepping further in, Y/n could hear her heart in her ear. "I'm home...!" When she got no response, she took off into every room, every hiding space, every cramped area that a man his size could physically never fit in. "Reiner! If this is a joke, then it's not funny!" Her voice trembled the more she yelled. How strange, a second ago she was sure it would happen and now, she's in denial.
"Fuck..." That was the last thing she said before sprinting out of the house and towards the oncoming woods. It would get fully dark in around a few hours but she didn't care, something dangerous could have gotten him!- if he was even inside there! What if he left for the road where the bus picks the residents up?! Someone could have taken advantage of him- he could've gotten run over! What if a snake bit him?!
Voice cracking as she poorly fought back her sobs, Y/n continued to call his name, no matter how much her throat throbbed. "PLEASE!" She cried, "I'LL GET YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT! ANYTHING!- JUST COME OUT REINER!"
Deeper through the cold and shadowed zig-zags of the forest she constantly stumbled and slipped, proceeding through nonetheless. 
"I SWEAR I WON'T BE ANGRY!" 
Just as she made it any further, her foot got caught on a long branch, causing her to collapse onto her knees. Plunging into her despair, she frantically burst out into manic sobs, "I'm sorry... I'm- I'm so sorry!" her hands grasped a fistful of the damp leaves on the floor, heavy droplets of tears wetting the amber and green leaves.
Fisting her dirty hand, she punched the floor below her and pushed herself up and continued on her search. Already, her eyes stung from the tears yet nothing hurt more than the thought of never finding him again. The small thought of it yanked at her heartstrings and thrust her into insanity.
The weakening daylight welcomed her the instant she made her way out of the woods. Her dress was muddy and the front exposed the countless times she slipped and bruised her knees. However, that didn't phase her. She'd search the entire country if she has to, she vowed as she rushed to the path for the bus stop. Her sleeves wiped at her moist eyes, trying to recover her sharper vision.
Suddenly, a distant breath caught her attention, the deep ring to it, the audible huff she'd hear on the daily. Y/n snapped around to confirm if it was her imagination or reality, her heart caught in her airways at the sight. The blond rushed towards her, also having a dirtied appearance.
Without a second's hesitation, Y/n darted in his direction. The instant his arms desperately caged her to his chest, she let out a strangled sob. Reiner did the same, having nothing to say as he needlessly inflicted fear of abandonment onto himself. He realised, while her arms tightened around his waist, that he had no reason to run away and even when he tried, he missed her.
Even when he calmed down, she hadn't, her voice croaked yet her deafening noises of pain never seemed to falter and soon, her legs gave out, causing Reiner to gently descend onto his knees with her and hold her impossibly close to his heart. He wanted to apologise, to tell her it was okay now despite his voice hurt, scorching his throat when he tried to speak.
She slowly went limp in his arms, mentally and physically exhausted by the time the sun had mostly dipped, causing a cold and dark change in the atmosphere. But neither cared about the cold air lashing through the fabric of their clothes. They silently soaked in each other's presence in the midst of the swaying grass.
After a while, Reiner realised she had passed out. Her chest weakly heaved with every deep and calm breath. His eyes softened at her rare vulnerability. He gently scooped her up and took her back inside the warm house, laying her delicate body down on her bed. Not caring about the dirt on each other's bodies, he tugged her onto his chest, protectively embracing her.
Next chapter
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bunboxtoyou · 2 years
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a comforting teashop
had this idea in my head for a while but the writing inspo barely hit me now, sorry for typos, haven’t proofread cuz i want to sleep, will check when i wake, also sorry if it sounds like a ramble i was in a mood, thx for reading
tags: angst, comfort, minor spoilers, major? spoilers, idk it takes place after the war stuff, so i guess spoilers after ch. 139, alluding to pieck/porco and levi/erwin but its up to you its not fully stated, NOT levi/pieck but if you want it could be too, very much up to interpretation
the familiar atmosphere of freshly brewed tea alongside the smell of baked good has become a comforting source for our two veterans. they’ve become accustomed to working together after the war had ended. although they did fight alongside each other, they were not close. it wasn’t until years had gone by, where they were both trying to find what to do with themselves. after all, it was by a miracle that they even got to live longer than expected.
while they were recovering so was everyone else, some going back to the island and some choosing to stay. of course going back to ruins wasn’t easy but they all did what they could. staying back due to his injury and also needing some help to move around, levi found himself living among who once was the enemy. he also found himself in their care, often being led around by gabby and falco as they try to rebuild their lives together.
for pieck on the other hand, she was unsure where she would reside. in some ways she felt that she betrayed the goal, but also knew that they did the best they could in the end. it doesn’t mean the thoughts don’t eat her up at night, along with the images of her fallen comrade. just the one comrade in particular, the image of his face all bloodied as he gave himself up.
it haunts her, but she is not the only one with these nightmares. the stoic captain himself has seemingly grown used to seeing fallen soldiers, but all that is a façade he has forced himself to show outside. in truth, he is still haunted by the images of his family torn apart and his squad being thrown around. worst of all he is haunted by the moments of his commander taking his last breath. he knows he could have saved him, but did he really want his to suffer more than he already did. this was his way out, why would levi rob him of the freedom he finally had. the only freedom any soldier had.
as these two are plagued with these horrifying thoughts, there is also a small silver lining. a small shop that was run down in marley, had been restored as a gift to the ex-captain himself. a gift from his fellow comrades as their final goodbye, as they depart for new ventures back home. the home levi no longer calls home, it now seems so desolate after losing everything he had. having to start anew in the place he once fought against, but it feels awfully comforting in a way. it became his distraction, of course he had to have the occasional help of gabby and falco but he did not mind it at all. it was only when their parents intervened to also help out, it made him feel useless. even though it was for the better, they insisted he couldn’t handle running the whole shop himself so he needed to accept some sort of help. of course he could not hire a stranger, especially with the guilt he held so it seemed he wouldn’t be able to run this business fully.
that was until pieck had volunteered herself to help work around the shop. it was a shock for them all, mostly from the surprise of seeing she had stayed back in marley instead of leaving with the ex-scouts back to the island. of course she had thought about escaping her old home to join the island devils once more, but she decided to stay and work through her guilt towards her home.
at first levi was reluctant to let her join, but he felt he owed it to her. especially for having to lug him around so much during the war, but also for trusting hange and not killing them immediately. so with that, he no longer had to worry about the parents watching over him and no longer had to keep the kids away from living their own lives. it gave him a complete clear conscious, something he rarely felt.
at the start of their working together levi made it very clear on what he would handle on his own. pieck had no qualms about his choices, she agreed she would help only when needed as long as she got to do her own thing. while levi had his teas it came to a surprise that pieck had her baked goods, particularly scones and biscuits. it was the perfect mix of their hobbies that made their business become a nice little comfortable spot for the community, and at the same time they were finding the comfort they needed as well.
while it is true their nights are sometimes haunted with those traumatic incidents, it seems that they have gone down just a bit. only for a bit though, because sometimes the smell of a fresh brew reminds levi of those late night meetings he’d have with erwin. especially those nights before expeditions when they both thought it could be their last. sometimes pieck spills her mix because she sees porco asking when the scones will be done, she even swears she can her his voice calling out that her baking is burning right before the timer goes off.
all these memories play in their heads, but they’ve become bittersweet. when the day finally ends they take what’s left over and enjoy it themselves in silence. no words are needed, not even when they notice the other’s shaky hands or the single tear that falls down a tired face. they don’t need to be discussed because the feeling is mutual. the guilt they share will remain but the scones can make it taste a little sweeter and the tea can help wash away some of the fears they once had. this is their new way of living, this is their way of coping. this is what their peace looks like, for however long they manage. the small teashop in marley, a new home.
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