the thing about that labru "how does he fuck" post is that laios isn't under any circumstances gonna fuck some random elf bitch. what's INFINITELY more likely is him getting caught in some looney tunes situation where an elf assassin keeps trying to feed him poison but he's already immune to all of it through a comedic mix of either having eaten it already and knowing a better way to prepare it (like that one story about the monk and the poison mushrooms) or residual effects of becoming the dungeon lord. laios just thinks they're really nice, eventually winning them over with his sheer blithe tenacity, at which point they proposition him for sex and he decides right then and there that they're trying to kill him. frustrated, they validate his fears by finally whipping out a dagger, at which point he snaps them like a toothpick (sustaining a few minor injuries because he's not as good at fighting humans he just doesn't fuck around). kabru is watching it all closely though that part is still true.