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#posted this early but didnt like that and deleted it
jesterguy · 6 months
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I have so many posts in drafts about Palestine and I still just don't even know what to say or where to start
#how do i talk about my extremely zionist early education#how do i talk about my birthright trip at age 13 and the impact it had on me as a jew and as a human on this planet#how do i talk about my childhood rabbi reaching out the kids i grew up with offering support for those mourning the loss of history#and also those mourning the lives of colonizers (who ultimately are jews seeking a safe space after hardship at the great expense of others#my fucking guts have been clenched for days i feel like a shell#my mom is more worried about sending my transfem sister to college on her own in the inner city now not bc she's trans but bc she's jewish.#not to mention i always say im 'raised jewish' not actually jewish bc im not! im not jewish ive bever had a conversion.#what fucking right do i have#all i know is my upbringing and my ability as an adult to unpack it.#and how many things that i was taught are WRONG#i didnt get a christian brainwashing a got a zionist brainwashing#anyways all this to say theres always a lot of regard for Palestinian suffering on here as there should be in these situations#but young jews have a fucking weight on them right now like you just would not believe#not that its equal to or greater than the trauma of being palestinian. but just that its not mentioned right now#thats all ive got to say. idk yall are welcome to ask me more about this i just had to spew some of it#might delete#cam talks#if it isnt clear im fully pro palestine and my goal isnt to be any sort of devils advocate here. im just in a very complicated sort of pain#if i posted that email from my middle school rabbi here he would be doxxed and hate crimed.#and you know. i dont like the guy. but the fact that i know thats what would happen tells you a lot.
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oflgtfol · 2 months
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it is so utterly insane to me the way i've had this like fundamental shift in my personality since i started therapy, started medication, and graduated college. i used to be so shy and quiet and awkward. it used to take me years of everyday interaction to begin to feel any sense of real friendship with anyone, and the idea of public speaking or small talk with strangers etc was enough to have me trembling and shaking
and now like. i'm doing public speaking. i'm doing small talk with strangers. at michaels i'm actually having conversations with customers whenever the mood hits because i like actually enjoy talking to people now? even if it's just small talk it's just nice to like, have a nice friendly conversation? if i need to confront someone now, for whatever reason, whether it's to ask a question or to politely ask them not to do something, nowadays i can actually do it, instead of being the living epitome of the coward end of the "he asked for no pickles" meme. now I'M the person saying "he asked for no pickles." i'm the one that my more shy coworkers turn to when the time comes. I'M the person being shoved at the shy coworkers to chat them up and get them to be more outgoing. I'M the one guiding the conversation asking questions and keeping people talking trying to get them to open up. literally never imagined myself like this
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woolandcoffee · 7 months
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anurarana · 4 months
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Sorry sorry I was just reading a reply of a post where someone was like the difference between a mental illness and a mental disorder is that one implies a strive to find a cure and I'm just like... babe what world do you live in where people don't want to "fix" you
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skyrem · 8 months
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velius "vel" mattia and ortag garrok, deuteragonists from my original fantasy project, aermainh. trying to get my brain in an aermainh-space so i thought i would draw them idk
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toastsnaffler · 6 months
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i keep getting irrationally miffed at ppl 😐😐
#'impressed by how much u can talk abt this considering youve not played either game'#fuck off. as if im not just trying to show interest bc u + another friend are both into them + constantly talk abt them in our gc!!#i mean since u guys talk abt them all the time + theyre huge on tumblr like. it would be hard for me to not know anything abt them at all#literally what else can i talk to u guys abt anyway. i dont think there are any interests i personally have that they both gaf abt#if anything they actively dislike most of the things im hyperfixated on. or at least she does so like i cant bring that up can i.#all i did was share a post i saw on tumblr that i thought was funny. its not like i had some negative/controversial opinion#i just saw it and thought hey that makes me think of my friends bc they like those things maybe theyll find it funny too!!#dog sitting outside the door with rly big sad eyes offering them a stick i found in a puddle#i like listening to them talk and i will eventually play some of the games theyre into myself cuz they make them sound rly cool#and even if theyre not my kind of thing i like sharing interests with other ppl and sometimes thats enough for me to be able to enjoy it#i literally own some of them already but im just not in the mental space to start smth new right now. which i have SAID!!!!#why do u even care girl. as if u dont already have a ton of friends playing it that ur talking to abt it???? i wont have anything to add#and thats not gonna stop u from being able to talk to me abt it anyway????? like 2/3 of our conversations atm are abt bg3#man. i know its not that deep but it makes me kinda sad for some reason. im just trying. i guess next time ill just let u guys talk-#to each other or at me and not comment or say anything so u can pretend im not here or whatever it is u want#ughh. she probably didnt even mean it like that and ill feel stupid for getting annoyed and delete this later but whatever.#might work out early today and then i can like draw or play a game or smth the rest of the day. alright lets go#.vent#listening to my silly little jfunk/jazz/soul playlist and i already feel over it. healing
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crvstybowlofcereal · 1 year
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i literally love this song so much and they played it at the goodwill i went to today and my brain short circuited, my friend was looking at stuffed animals and i was just singing and dancing (more stimming than dancing but yk) and could not focus on anything else i was so shocked they played it.
people were staring but idec i was having fun
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oetscop · 1 year
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more random childhood neglect thoughts. within the last month ive been (re???) diagnosed with ocd and also crohns. i originally wasnt going to go through with an autism diagnosis because its damn near impossible when youre an adult and also (technically) a woman. and id have to seek out another specialist and i just. frankly dont want to do that lmao
but after talking with my pcp (who heard me talking abt ibs and was like thats absolutely not fucking ibs) shes like pretty convinced i have dyspraxia. which makes sense i mean i have adhd and im probably on the spectrum
but i never considered it. i didnt learn how to tie my shoes until i was like. 8. and its not even like..the normal way. and it always takes me a fucking long time. and i never thought anything of it. bc nobody fucking taught me how. everyone around me just KNEW. and i was keeping mine tied and just slipping my shoes on. literally a teacher taught me when i tied my shoes together one time and like was shocked that i didnt know how to fix it.
so like. who even knows. like what if thats something i wouldnt have struggled with if someone just told me how to do it? i dont fucking know.
the older i get the more resentful i am.
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isoldio · 2 years
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if i told yall i met my current partner on wattpad would you beleive me
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vorobski · 1 year
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that’s where someone has to ask what’s the appeal of being amab transitioning into a woman if you’re already afab (assuming)
oh yeah thats a fair point. i guess i just wanna be both at the same time but not? im gonna be real even though i used to identify as male and then stopped im still to this day very confused about my gender so ive chosen to not think about it at all.
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oops-ibrokereality · 2 years
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oflgtfol · 2 years
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omg i think i was supposed to show up to my volunteer shift 30 mins early but uhm. im here right on time. lol??
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starstar10s · 2 months
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INTRO TO MY JEGULUS FANFIC!
I want to say thankyou to everyone who showed interest towards my post talking about my fanfic i really appreciate any support you can give me��️
here is a sneak peak i will release the whole first chapter if you guys like this. Just putting it out there that any mean or homophobic comments will be deleted and is not accepted
About the fic:
This fic follows the relationship between James Potter and Regulus Black its not a massively slow burn but its not immediate. Regulus is unable to get away from his household that has heavily affected him and the way he acts and trusts people his whole life despite the help james tries to give him. He makes some bad decisions. James tries his best to help him but its hard and when the choice comes between Regulus and being with him or standing with his friends and fighting for what he knows is right.
Content warnings for whole fic:
Eating disorder, self harm, sexual abuse, anxiety, body hatred, child abuse, suicide, suicidal thoughts, violence, homophobia, swearing, major character death
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Part 1: Year 5
Chapter 1 - Regulus
Regulus stood in his room with his face down in front of the tall full length mirror at the back of the dorm, his messy black curls in his face and tears falling onto the carpeted floor. He hated this, crying. Regulus barely ever cried he had never been the crying type ever since he was a kid. No doubt because his mother had enforced punishment against it as if it were a crime since before he could remember. Suddenly he heard Barty and Evan goofing around close to the door of their doormroom. His head snapped up as he hurriedly wiped his eyes with his shirt sleeve and pushed his hair out of his face. Then Barty knocked on the door,
"Oi Regulus open up. Pandora's come from the ravenclaw common room and Dorcas is up too , were all waiting for you to go to breakfast so hurry up."
Barty called loudly and Regulus did the best to make sure his voice didnt shake as he spoke back "No you guys go down to the hall without me I'll come in a bit got a couple things I want to do unpacking and stuff." His voice betrayed no sound of emotion. Outside of the door Evan rolled his eyes and Barty pulled him back down to the common room by the handyelling back at Regulus "Fine whatever Pandora'll be pissed she said she 'woke up early to see you' or whatever." Regulus felt a little twinge of guilt in his stomach, Pandora and regulus had been there for each other sice day one since the first train ride.
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prof-peach · 9 months
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Hey! Quick ooc question, did you delete some answered prof. asks from a long time ago? (Late 2021, early 2022ish)
I was just searching your blog for some asks I sent a couple years ago (trainer with the accidentally evolved aggron) since I was quite fond of it. And also the post you made with peach sparring with a sweet aggron who was very stressed about throwing peach into a wall lol.
It might also be a hellsite thing on my end... Tumblr sure loves to be annoying to navigate properly in the ten years I've been here haha
Ah its no doubt a hellsite tumblr issue, I tend not to delete anything on this blog unless UTTERLY needed, and dont recall the last time anythings fit that need that wasnt like, OOC stuff that didnt fit the blogs theme so well.
This sites a bit...janky haha, but its out there, hidden in the weeds. Hats off to you though, I'd not dare go digging in like archives or anything, navigation here is SO bad.
I do promise its out there though!
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moonshynecybin · 18 days
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Can't decide on a specific scene but i'll take anything you have to say about i'll meet judgement by the hounds bc at this point i have re-read it so many times ...
the thing about ill meet judgement by the hounds is that literally no concrete planning went into writing that thing. i was up against a deadline for a grad school assignment i was procrastinating like NOBODY'S BUSINESS had two panic attacks that week (unrelated to school!!) and then flew to bath with my roommate spur of the moment. posted that ch2 late at night zooted on my anxiety meds and and woke up to some LOVELY messages that i read on a bus when i was pulling away from the airport. insane experience. i didnt even want to give it a chapter two right away i was like IM BUSY. and then i wrote it immediately.
BUT to actually talk about the fic. like you asked <3. i actually had this idea that i wanted to follow marc's pov (at that point i had only written vale) and get inside his insane headspace leading up to his arm surgery and then be like. wouldnt it be crazy if vale was there and wanted to reconcile a bit but he was also kind of avoiding SAYING THAT. wouldnt that make marc feel EVEN CRAZIER. marc marquez saw trap simulator. inside you there are two wounds one is valentino rossi and the other is your fucked up arm. anddddd 2022 seemed like the ideal place for a rosquez reunion to me! like. dramaturgically. marc is on the brink. vale has just retired (easy to get a reason for him to have an epiphany regarding marc, made even easier bc marc pov means i never have to explain it in depth !)
and the thing about this fic is that it was supposed to be. A LOT longer. go race by race until his surgery and have them talk a lot more. change a little more gradually. but uh. ive already said my life was insane at that time and i got excited and fucking SENT that badboy. (again. i was lightly tranquilized.) which i think MOSTLY makes it better but the pacing is still little wacky. anyways i do think of the scene i cut where marc talks to alex all the time but i think i also fully deleted it! dont write fic under the influence! i also cut a BIG scene of them at the french GP where vale brings marc a sandwich and makes him eat it. it should also be noted that i was doing SO much journalism research about this period and i found a bunch of WILD quotes from marc that i compiled into a small insane vision board of them to ground my fic in his crazy way of conceptualizing his life. that i apparently also deleted while zen-ed out. so
more stupid behind the scenes under the cut
actual plot summary (my "outline") that i wrote out at the top of my google doc complete with typo:
Thinking about how absolutely distressing it would be for Marc pre surgery or right after if Vale tried to reconcile. Early 2022 before surgery decision and post Vale retirement
Scenes of Vale like. earnestl y talking to him. Marc represses a panic attack every time. race by race?
and here's what i had written for aragon, which is full of lines i just thought of with NO context or structure like this part would NOT take off the ground. you might notice some of them get repurposed later in the fic:
III. French GP, 2022. P6.
Marc’s still not out of the habit of reaching for him, apparently. He looks— God. Marc’s head hurts just looking at him. He could swear he has defenses from this, from how Marc can feel where he is in every room they’re in together. He guesses somewhere in the last few weeks he’s lost them, again. Just another thing he used to be good at.
despite everything, Marc can feel himself relax, with Vale here. The warm heat of him sharing space. He used to feel like this all the time. Vale to his left. His arm, casual and pain free, on his right. Now he's scarred all the way down both sides.
He remembers when he was a kid and he met Vale. How he had winked at Marc and said, I'll look out for you, cradling the toy car that Marc had brought specifically to give to him in his hands. How Marc had turned it over in his brain for years. I'll look out for you.
Marc bargains with himself
Marc does stupid, stupid things when Vale is in his life. He knows this. Going to the ranch is a bad idea. the press alone, if anyone finds out, would feed the paddock journos for years. It would be stupid— risky
Someone needs to tell him not to race. calm him down. Usually, it’s Álex. 
MORE OUTLINE: Vale brings him a sandwich and Marc wants to cry, terrible race. They watch a movie its very Valentino voice lemme take care of you !!! but no talking about their past lmao. maybe arm
Genuinely terrible race. That one stat about alwasy finishing top 5 or crashing. Vale like actually gets him to talk about his arm which gets no where fast (guest alex?) and riding misery begins to reach a tipping point
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mmediocreman · 6 months
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about jjk leaks (latest chapter)
so i got leaked... not by my own account, a friend told me. and im actually on a jjk hiatus since july ish. which means i dont consume any jjk stuff nor do i draw them.
but the leak my friend told me is just something i cant ignore, so for the first time i drew something (the latest shoko related drawings)
even when i got leaked early and drew something early i still try to post it after official release, which.. after months of not thinking abt jjk i misremembered as being minggu malem (the night of sat to sun) but its actually malem minggu, (the night of sun to mon) its a language thing and im generally bad at remembering
so i posted the stuff like 18 hours early, by mistake
aaaaand i got hate comments, again, from japanese people of the fandom. like even when i say i didnt get leaked on my own accord and it was an honest mistake that does nothing does it? bc they just wanna harass people. and if i have to 'delete' it to make it up to them, why? why cant they just block me, ill be honest and i dont wanna lose the comments i already got.
idk coming back to the jjk fandom esp on twitter was a mistake, i can stop ppl from commenting but not qrt.. unless i privated my stuff, but i already blocked that person. like i already admit i was in the wrong why the fuck do i have to do stuff on my profile when you dont even follow me to cater to your needs when you can just fucking block me?
ill reiterate what i said on my previous post regarding the same topic. if you wanna complain on your page thats fine, you do you but to think you have the right to do that on someone else's?? gurl...
sorry i just needed to vent, i know the internet is a shitty place lol
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