#posting this at 11pm because nobody can stop me

[nalyra-dreaming]

@raven--stag replied to your post “Me: sees someone refer to how badly Lestat treated...”:

There are TRAIN SCHEDULES?? Can you elaborate please (if you have time and don't mind doing it ofc) because honestly, I've never considered the possibility that he wasn't the one who brought her back, it always just kind of made sense to me

​Alright. I first did the research for that for chapter 42 of "Laden as the sea", which of course dealt with that scene. (I'm adapting my explanations from there)

Now, in short:

Lestat cannot have brought Claudia back as told.

(which does not mean that a similar scene did not happen... just not as told.)

Because:

In-universe, these characters are rooted to it. As is what we're told, and what is used to set the scenes.

The train Claudia wanted to take was likely the Crescent, which ran daily from 1941 on. (This“one year discrepancy” in the tale is a constant thing btw here a post of the now deactivated a-savagegarden on this.) The Crescent leaves NOLA at 9am these days, BUT then…. It left at 11pm :)

(source)

Now…. Louis tells us of Lestat doing the “Birmingham, Alabama” spiel, and the train Claudia being on the “New York Limited”. The Crescent does NOT stop in Birmingham, however the “Piedmont Limited” does. 5,5h into the journey (if I read these correctly).

The cities quoted (Birmingham. Atlanta. Greensboro. Washington, D.C.) fit the timetable there, too. However… the Piedmont left at 5pm. And sunset was around 7:30pm.

Which is why I think Louis maybe thought Claudia was on the Limited, when in reality she had to go and take the Crescent simply for time-reasons. (And since he had no intention to go with her this detail was never important to him.)

Now. The radio broadcast we hear when Louis comes back was given September 3rd, 1939, after 5:30 am.

(A word to the next scene in the show here: I noticed that the radio broadcast Louis listens to… is the same as was on when he came back from “teasing the sun”, as mentioned above, after Claudia was brought back by Lestat, namely this part of it: “every word that comes through the air, every ship that sails the sea, every battle that is fought does affect the American future.” Given that this is clearly a different evening though - it’s another piece of the puzzle which does … not fit, but is likely a twisted memory, and another one of those “details” which actually are not really important… but still proof of this not being (able to be) the (whole) truth. (Another thing that indicates the discrepancy imho is the fact that there’s two radios in their parlor… one next to Louis, one next to Lestat.))

But back to that evening, and Louis' return.

Let’s make that 6am, since he said he cut it close.

IF Claudia actually told Louis afterwards that Lestat caught her and brought her back from Alabama, then on the Crescent it might have been Montgomery. Which the Crescent reached at 7:20am… after sunrise. So that makes that rather unlikely.

The Crescent leaving at 11pm and Louis coming home at 6am gives whatever happened in-between a 7h time frame. If the trains need 5,5h to Birmingham… not enough time.

Totally apart from the timetables though there is also logistics to consider.

When Louis comes home Claudia sits there, with her luggage (and her tuba). I know I wrote in the other fic that Lestat flew back with her, but I actually doubt it.

Claudia had had to go back from the park to get her luggage and bring it to the train (station). IF she actually made it onto the train with all of that and nobody noticing, then I think Lestat caught her while still at the station.

Because the return train schedule (of the Crescent and Express) is in the afternoon and the Piedmont Limited would have arrived at NOLA only after sunrise. (Of course there would be other trains they could take, but those would be even slower…?!)

So I think Claudia never left NOLA. Which does NOT mean that the train scene in and by itself did not happen, as said before (even the controller), but… I think Louis mixed what Claudia told him afterwards (or what she let him see in her mind, which might not have been all that was to it, given her later diary entries) with what he thought/feared had happened. With the trains he expected her to be on, and which went by certain cities. There is no diary to underline the scene, Louis tells Daniel of this event after it is noted in the show that the previous interview had stopped before this point, so Daniel has no reference anymore. It is Louis’ interpretation of what Claudia told/showed him, recounted for a certain... effect.

So I do think a scene similar to what we saw happened. But exactly like that? Not likely, imho, not the least because of the many, many parallels to events from Lestat’s past here (and which neither Claudia nor Louis would know at this point).

And of course Claudia would be plotting her own game by then, which, in later book canon at least, included manipulating Louis.

And, last but not least, supposedly Claudia knew Antoinette was there with Louis at the park when she left for the train, as is revealed in episode 7. I always find that hugely interesting in retrospect, considering her comment to him and the mentioned later book twist.

#raven--stag #amc iwtv #iwtv #amc interview with the vampire #interview with the vampire amc #iwtv amc #iwtv 2022 #interview with the vampire #iwtv meta #vc meta #interview with the vampire meta #claudia de lioncourt #lestat de lioncourt #train #train schedules #crescent #piedmont limited

[mincentmango]

Alright I know that literally nobody cares about this but I need to get this out somewhere. I shifted for the first time last night and I am absolutely fucking ecstatic. I have been trying to shift since September 2020, and to finally do it now? It doesn't even feel real tbh. I won't say that I never gave up on shifting, I definitely did multiple times, but I'm so glad that I kept trying.

I didn't even think I was going to shift, it was like 11pm, I could barely keep my eyes open and my affirmations were just so half-assed. I had my bedroom window open (cause yk summer it's hot) and I could hear a motorbike driving around and it was absolutely driving me mental so I just stopped trying to shift and ended up falling asleep at about 11:40pm.

I woke up in my waiting house bedroom, and at first I only stretched and opened my eyes a tiny bit so I thought that I was just so tired that I thought I was somewhere else but really I was still in my bedroom but nope. I fucking freaked the hell out. I didn't panic as much as I thought I would but there was a lot of crying (happy tears though dw)

Basically I just spent some time wandering around my waiting house and grounding myself bcs I'd quite literally left my body and flown (idk wtf else to call it) to another bloody universe.

Eventually I just thought to myself "hmm i wanna go to my teen wolf dr seeing scott would be so great rn" AND I WAS JUST THERE. I was in the freaking school and oh my goddd. Since I don't have a script for that dr (as of rn) and didn't specify anything in my brain I just kinda spawned in the school. I think I was just wearing the uniform and my schoolbag idk if I had a hoodie or anything I was too busy trying not to freak out tbh

So I went to try and find my locker because everyone was gonna go to 2nd period in a few minutes (idk how I knew that I just did??) and Stiles mfing Stilinski came up and started talking to me. We just talked about science and lacrosse then Grace (my best friend who I script in to almost all of my drs) came over as well and we were all just talking about normal stuff. Once everyone had their stuff ready for 2nd period Stiles seen Scott and called him over and I just stood there like "🧍‍♂️ holy fucking shit it's Scott McCall"

We all had Science together next so we walked together and Grace sat at the front near the door, me and Scott sat together at the back, and Stiles sat near us. At some point we went into this random empty classroom so the teacher could blow stuff up (safely ofc but it was still really cool) and some white girl said something like "i wanna make that so i can blow up all the (n-slurs)" so Grace chased her and threatened to use it to blow up her face.

And yea that was basically all that happened. I spent a while more there but nothing really interesting happened it was just a normal school day.

Also random if anyone cares about Scott McCall x male!reader and Stiles Stilinski x gn!reader I most post some headcanons/stuff that actually happened in my shift soon :)

#teen wolf #shifting #scott mccall #stiles stilinski #scott mccall x reader #stiles stilinksi x reader #scott mccall x male reader #stiles stilinski x gn reader #scott mccall headcanons #stiles stilinski headcanons #gay #mlm

[b0amagination]

(knives, stabbing, noncon touch, whumper pov, and potentially disturbing descriptions)

Stab your whumpee slowly.

Settle the blade on their skin, watch their eyes flick down and back up until understanding sets in, then when they open their mouth to beg, you let blood leak.

You both feel the increase of pressure, the tip pressing down down down until skin splits and it slips further, coming up against a shallow barrier. And the blade stays there, waiting for whimpers and suppressed moans, breathless begging to stop there, please, please.

The sensation when that barrier breaks is wrong. It's with a slight pressure that it gives, and suddenly it feels as if something more drastic may take place. The fear lingers in shouts and cries and tears.

Blood greases the blade, and you could slide it all the way in if you wanted. You take your time. Involuntary trembling and squirming does half the work for you, letting sharp edges push against broken, sensitive skin. They keep asking you to take it out, even as the hilt meets their skin.

You consider pulling it out right there and then, just to see the pure agony light them up. But no, a sight so precious as this can't be ruined callously. And passing out from blood loss is something that you can't grant so soon.

You stroke their hair as they shiver, wipe their tears and smear streaks of blood across their face. They're still trying to beg, but a finger on their lips assures them you only want to hear sounds from them right now.

Their skin is hot and when your cool hands press under their jawline, down the side of their neck, you can tell their body wants to accept it.

And the both of you stay there like that for however long you like.

#whump #whump prompt #writing prompt #knife #knives #stabbing #noncon touch #intimate whumper #whumper pov #second person pov #mild gore #thinking about knives #as one does #fun fact: tumblr fucking dELETED THIS and i had the dedication to type it all out again #ha. adhd cured. #go me and my focus #no it didn't take twenty minutes what do you mean #*projects onto whumper* *projects onto whumpee* *projects onto whumper* *project onto whumpee* #anyway #posting this at 11pm because nobody can stop me #i'm gonna keep thinking abou tthis #i lowkey wanna write it for hasan and declan #mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[toriwakes]

Pretty Boy 187 [s.r x reader]

summary: reader finds out that her new found tumblr crush is none other than her coworker.

content warnings: she/her!reader, mentions of alcohol

a/n: hi!! i’m so happy to be posting again. i’m really proud of this, so i hope you all like it! as always, let me know if you have any requests!

convincing spencer to get tumblr was tough. not only did he hate technology, he didn’t like social media either.

“it’s gonna be fun! c’mon, please?” you’ve been bugging him about it for about a week. “spencer, please just download it. if i have to hear (y/n) whine again i’m gonna loose it.” said derek, plopping is papers on his desk. “you like it when i whine.” you teased, causing derek to flash you a toothy grin. “alright! jeez.” you clapped of joy and jumped to help spencer, but he stopped you. “no way, i’m not letting you follow me.” he kept his phone facing away from you, your arms dropping to your sides in defeat. “fine. i’ll find your account somehow.” “we’ll see about that.”

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

over the next few weeks you acquired a few new followers, only one catching your eye. ‘prettyboy187’ followed you on a quiet friday afternoon. the username caught your attention at first, but when you checked is profile? that’s when you were hooked. half of his pictures were just aesthetically pleasing: outside of his window, his extreme sugary coffee, some books. but others...

it was an excerpt of a poem and his hand was holding back the pages. you doubt he meant to capture it so beautifully. just his hand was godly. you wasted no time dming him.

hey :)

how desperate did you look right now? he followed you barley an hour ago. you cant stop staring at that picture.

hello

he didn’t sound happy. well, he didn’t “sound” anything, you guys were texting. but you could feel his tone through the screen. where you overthinking this too much? you shuffled into your bed, wrapping yourself in the covers as you pondered what to say next.

i just wanted to tell you i really like your account. are you a photographer or something?

no, i’m not. my friend convinced me to get this app and i noticed people post aesthetically pleasing photos on here, so i’m just doing the same haha.

ok, well you don’t post nice pictures. at least, not that type. maybe you’d post a picture of the snow or your bed, but every now and then you’d bless the feed with a picture of you in a swimsuit. it was more for opinions on the suit than anything else.

ohh. maybe i should start doing that.

how do you mean?

oh.

that sounded like a very judge-y ‘oh’. your eyes scanned your own profile to see what he could’ve hated. there was you in your favorite red swimsuit, a picture of your computer with netflix on the screen. the rest of the posts were of the same type, so you couldn’t pinpoint what the problem was.

what is it?

no, nothing. your recent picture. that’s a nice swim suit.

oh. that’s what he meant. you practically threw your phone across the room and squealed. thank the universe that he didn’t dislike you already. you shot him another text. just like that, you had your first ever tumblr crush.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

“what’s up with you pretty girl?” derek asked when you walked into work. you supposed you still had the blush on your face when pretty boy wished you a good morning and day at work. “nothing!” you said, obviously it being something. as if on cue, spencer walked in behind you also giddy. “what, you’re both sweet on someone now?” when neither of you responded, derek laughed. “what?” emily inquired, taking her seat. “spencer and (y/n) both have a crush.” emily’s jaw dropped. “spencer has a crush?” everyone broke into laughter, jj overhearing and almost dropping her files. “why is that so surprising?” spencer defended himself, derek giving him a ‘you know the answer to that’ look. “well?what’re their names?” he pushed. you bit your tongue. you didn’t even know his name. yikes. “let’s start.” aaron called. saved by hotch. thank goodness. “this ain’t over.” derek warned the two of you. yes it was. by the end of the day morgan would’ve forgotten all about this.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

you were right like always. morgan didn’t ask anymore about it, instead offering to get drinks. you turned it down, desperate to get home and text your boy. and you did, only at 11pm.

hey, sorry it’s so late. had a long day at work.

no worries, so did i. listen, i have a question.

this boy only sent messages that would make your heart drop. with a pacing heart, you texted back.

yes?

his ‘online’ button flashes on. then he was typing. then he was deleting. it seemed like hours before he responded.

what’s your name?

godamnit. you didnt have a display name because you didn’t want anyone you knew finding your account. what’s a fake name you can use? maybe...

lila.

why did you pick spencer’s ex’s name? you don’t know. you remember being insanely jealous of her because she got to kiss spencer in the pool while you were posted outside. your crush on spencer was still very much alive, but not as much as it was with pretty boy.

that’s a pretty name.

thanks. now you have to tell me yours ;)

you’ve never been so nervous for a text conversation in your life. for some reason, the back of your head wondered what it would be like if you were texting spencer. it was just a thought, though. spencer would never say half of this stuff.

call me morgan.

oh NO. please no... you stalked his profile again, terrified that you’ve been flirting with your coworker this past month. alas, your eye caught another body picture- this time of his arm. no tattoos like derek. not to mention he was much smaller. not that that’s a bad thing. you don’t think you’d ever be able to handle derek...

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

you arrived at work yet again with a blushing face. “come on, you can’t keep hiding this from me! tell me something at least!” derek whined. “okay! his name is morgan. and i know what you’re thinking, and no, it’s not you, my boy is much more attractive.” derek’s mouth formed into an ‘O’ shape in fake offense. “that’s damn near impossible. ain’t nobody prettier than derek morgan.” spencer walked in now, again with a dorky smile on his face. “spencer. (y/n)’s got a crush on-“ you jumped to cover his mouth, the sound of your crush’s name muffled. “what- hey! no fair! derek gets to know but i cant?” spencer whined. derek held his hands up and sat back down, not wanting to get you mad. smart. “three can’t keep a secret.” was all you said before sitting down to clean your workspace.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

the new highlight of your day was texting morgan. you learned several things about him; he has a job he can’t specify for personal reasons, he really wants a dog but he feels like animals hate him. you told him about your cat joel, and how they could absolutely love him. he appreciated that.

if i tell you something, do you promise not to freak out?

depends. are you about to tell me you’re a serial killer?

no!

you giggled to yourself at your humor.

i wanna meet you.

you promised not to freak out, but you were freaking out. it was just now setting in that you didn’t know this man at all. where he lived, how old he was, even what he looked like. you took a few deep breaths and asked a question.

where do you live?

quantico virginia.

no hesitation on that one. he lived in the same town as you? you didn’t know how you’d be able to turn this down...

shit, me too. let’s meet up then.

i’ll send you a good place to get drinks.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

“every time you walk in here, you’re blushing. now so are your ears.” you beamed at derek, sitting at your desk before spilling. “i’m gonna meet him.” “wait what? are you sure that’s safe?” you rolled your eyes. “i’m an fbi agent. i’m not scared of a little danger.” you playfully winked and derek blew out a huff of air. “if anything happens, you know you can call me.” you pouted at your friend and nodded, appreciating his concern. spencer was spinning in his seat. “you happy too?” you asked. he only nodded and didn’t elaborate. you we’re going to press on, but hotch called you all in and you lost your chance.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

on rare occasions, the bau got tough cases with very happy endings. this was one of those cases. the plane ride home was extremely joyous and derek offered to get drinks again. this time, everyone accepted (all except hotch). you texted morgan telling him you were going out tonight and you wouldn’t be back till late. you laughed to yourself. it was like he was your boyfriend.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

the night was young and you were fairly tipsy. ok that’s generous, you were drunk. you were spending most of your time with penelope and it took you a minute to remember spencer. “ohmygosh! spence!” he was startled at your presence but he gave you that flat mouthed smile of his. “how are you! you’re my favorite scorpio.” you nodded as you said it, as if trying to convince him it was true. “thanks? i’m good. you’re drunk.” he pointed out. “no shit. hey!!! you never showed me your tumblr user! you gotta show me that girl you like, bet you she’s really sexy.” you didn’t even know what you were saying at this point, whipping out your phone and snapping a picture with spencer. “what are you doing?” he asked, watching you type. “posting this on tumblr! i want everyone to know you’re my favorite in the world.” he wanted to ask favorite what, but a ping on his phone distracted him. lila posted. he smiled and checked her page.

holy fuck.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

“(y/n)?” he asked, not looking away from his phone. “yess?” you responded. “what’s your tumblr?” what is your tumblr? “uhhh..i don’t know, check.” you tossed him your open phone, and his eyes only grew wider. “you’re lila?” the words rang through your ears like a siren. “what?” the word was breathy, you couldn’t add stability to what you said. spencer showed you his phone, ‘prettyboy187’ on the screen. “you’re morgan?” still no confidence in your voice whatsoever. your feelings were supposed to change, you weren’t supposed to like that morgan was spencer. but they didn’t. you didn’t even think about the fact he saw your swimsuit photos. you loved that morgan was spencer, and you still wanted to see him on the weekend. “are you mad?” you asked, not being able to stop yourself from sipping from your glass. “no. should i be?” you smiled. “no. do you still wanna meet up this weekend?” “yes. but i don’t wanna get drinks.” he wasn’t even drinking, why is he complaining. “where should we go then?” “my house.”

#spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x fanfiction #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid #ssa spencer reid #ssa reid #dr spencer reid #doctor spencer reid #criminal minds

[thedreadvampy]

re the last post: I am begging my gayest friends to stop saying things like 'but obviously I'm an aquarius so you know how it is' NO RAY. I DON'T KNOW HOW IT IS. I HAVE BEEN VERY EXPLICIT ABOUT NOT KNOWING HOW IT IS. I KNOW AQUARIUS IS THE ONE BEFORE PISCES BUT THAT'S ONLY BECAUSE I KNOW YOUR BIRTHDAY IS IN FEBRUARY.

it was more than enough when people wanted me to know offhand what my actual zodiac sign meant other than that I was born in March. but like all this well I'm an aquarius moon saggy rising cancer sun like well I'm sorry the sun gave you cancer probably wear more sun protection.

but seriously this cannot be the barrier to entry in a conversation first off wild that you can remember the hour of your birth. mine was either 11am 11pm 1am or 1pm and anyway I was a cesarean so how could that possibly be meaningful? that just means that's when they had a surgeon and OR available. second off idk how you're holding the information of what all these signs ARE let alone what they mean. how are you meant to remember which is rising and which is sun and what's in uranus? p sure cancer's in there somewhere. maybe saggitarius? idk. I Google it if anyone asks.

idk man there's nowt wrong with believing in astrology but it seems like a lot of facts to remember. I respect people's Christian belief too but nobody's like 'well I was born on the Feast of Saint Cuthbert so obviously I have an affinity for cows, seabirds and tidal causeways. how about you what's your saint day what do you mean you don't know????' so you know 🤷‍♀️ don't expect me to have rote memorised what is functionally almost infinite possible combinations of stars like GOD I learnt what the basic outline of Being A Pisces is ISN'T THAT ENOUGH FOR YOU PEOPLE?

#btw the basic outline of being a pisces fits partially at best so forgive me if i don't collapse at its predictive majesty #every time you're like WHAT'S A PISCES MEAN THEN people are like oh it means you're a flowery indigo child of the universe #you're so sensitive and empathetic you love NATURE and SPIRITUALITY and CRYSTALS #and I'm like cool sounds like an easy sell to the classic audience of astrology enthusiasts who like crystals and abstract spirituality #unfortunately i am an angry pile of raw nerves who is never moving out of the city centre and will fight you right here right now #and I'm also dumb as hell emotionally so bite me starfuckers 😘 #just googled something apparently pisces love romance and monogamy pls alert me and my two pisces Sibling #who are all poly people who are quite confused by what romance is even meant to be #Whatever you do Pisces don't date Arieseseses they're the last compatible sign #SORRY SAM THROW OUT OUR DECADE LONG RELATIONSHIP. STARS. CAN'T DO IT. NOT TODAY. #red said

[themafia-terrapins]

Into the night.

A/N: You should read the post before this to get an understanding of this AU. Fair warning, this is pretty long. Enjoy! 💚

Disclaimer: mention of child abuse ahead. Be warned!

Cold. Merciless. Dangerous. Mysterious.

They were the only words that many used to describe the Hamato Clan. No one wanted to mess with them in fear of what they would do, countless stories were told of those who had double crossed them and in result, hadn’t lived to see the next day. The most feared gang caught in a dark and ruthless world of crime, violence, blood and lust. Others wanted their wealth and power but not everything is what it seemed to be. 

The cold breeze hit Leonardo’s face, as he gulped down air quickly into his lungs. He was sure those horrid nightmares would have stopped, it had been almost 11 years for God’s sake. Cursing under his breath, he knocked down the tub of medication which rattled on the floor. The view of New York was beautiful from all the way up here and as frantically as he tried to focus on it, those poisonous thoughts blazed through his mind and he had no power to control it. 

“Father please don’t leave again” The young teen cried, trailing helplessly after the rat who swore angrily. Being only 13, he wasn’t able to grab those supplies that his brothers needed. They were forced to rely on Splinter but he would hardly help them. They were lucky if he even brought down the bare necessities for them to survive on. 

“How many times do I have to tell you leave me alone?! Enough!” Splinter growled, loosening his tie as he made his way to the sewers steps. But Leo had to try for his brothers, he couldn’t look at their pain anymore. He couldn’t go back empty handed, to witness Raphael put up a brave front despite actively bleeding and bruised practically everywhere on his frail body. He couldn’t see Donnie on the verge of another panic attack because he didn’t know how to fix them. He couldn’t bear to see Mikey trying to hold it all together but breaking down in the bathroom , when he thought nobody was listening because he couldn’t live in this nightmare. 

“R-Raph is hurt and we don’t have any more bandages” Leo spoke timidly, trying to sound clear and confident but his voice trembled. Splinter stood still and the turtle could already smell the sour whiskey from his clothes. It had been a bad day, he presumed. Whiskey was only drunk whenever a loss was incurred. And that usually meant he wouldn’t be home for days, much o the turtle’s pleasure. 

“What have I said about speaking back?!” Splinter bellowed, his arm whacking Leo backwards until his shell hit the tunnel. The side of his shell had already been damaged due to constantly training day and night to perfect the routine Splinter had set them. But an audible crack had been heard and a small gasp left his lips, already seeing a trickle of blood roll down his skin staining the previous bandages. He hadn’t even time to register the pain until Splinter loomed over his body, his eyes black and dangerous. 

“Father I’m-” Leo’s breath hitched in his throat, tears prickling his eyes painfully watching his hand raise slowly. ‘Not again, please not again’

“You’re absolutely hopeless, you hear me?!” Again Splinter punched the turtle, laughing each time when the terrapin recoiled in pain. Leonardo held his tongue, scared to further anger the drunken rat. Every slap, punch and kick was taken without a sound because the punishment for wincing was double the amount than the beating now. And he wasn’t so sure his shell could take anymore.

“Look at you! You expect to take on my legacy acting like a pathetic little girl?! Get out of my sight before I finish you” With one swift punch to Leo’s jaw, Splinter left to go topside. He could hear his evil voice cackle on the phone to one of his partners in this mysterious business he refused to utter a word about.

“Why do you hit us so much? What did we ever do to you?” Leo sobbed quietly, curling into a little ball on the floor. The punch on his plastron seared throughout his body, burning in hot white pain. Yet it must be nothing compared to what his brothers were going through. They were awaiting Leo but the eldest could barely move, let alone walk to their home. 

Home, usually described at being comforting and loving but he hadn’t felt any of these emotions since they moved in. He used to yearn for a mother to come and take their pain away but as he grew, that dream slowly died as hope in him also began to wither. 

Maybe one day things would be different...

---

Blaring traffic shocked the turtle out of his trance and with a shuddering breath, he took several deep breaths. He l

“Why must I be reminded of such memories?” Leonardo sighed, his hand drifting over his temple to soothe the dull ache. No matter how long it had been, the wound from his past was still fresh. They say time healed all pain so why did his still hurt? Some nights it was bearable and some nights it felt like he was being suffocated in his mind, slowly driving insane.

Physical pain definitely was a lot more tolerable than verbal, even now he could still hear the echo of Splinter’s voice reprimanding him whenever he failed. Those stabbing words ringing louder and louder in his ears, berating him for being stupid and weak. Laughing at how his ridiculous attempt of leading a team. Leonardo never wanted anything more than to make Splinter proud but during his years, he realised that it was never going to happen.

Splinter only cared for himself and Leo, along with his brothers, were merely pawns in his cruel game.

But now was not the time to dwell on these matters, things had to be done and completed. His phone rang jarring him out of his thoughts and he picked it up rather reluctantly.

“What is it, Silas?” His assistant/companion spoke quickly, picking up the disinterest in Leo’s voice. He was never one for sugarcoating his feelings or emotions, if the boss wanted something done it was pronto.

“Beast is requesting dinner with capo and the mob. Your presence is required, sir” Holding his urge to groan, the turtle glanced down at the lights that decorated the buildings of New York. They were so beautiful but he couldn’t even take the time to appreciate it, reality had called and with great reluctance he had to answer.  

Beast... what was there to say? He was a snob, ignorant, extremely wealthy but lacked any common sense or values. Leo’s patience was practically non existent whenever he communicated with him. While he provided a great reference for other business partners, Beast himself was on thin ice with the brothers.

“Dinner at... 1am?” Leo scowled, looking at his watch. Beast, while had been an average business partner, had constant demands and ideas that were completely absurd. The brothers were tiring of his constant requests and awful timing.

“I did not suggest the convocation at this late sir” The assistant began but Leo interrupted him, wanting to end this conversation. 

“Be that as it may, unfortunately I cannot attend. Cancel my plans for tonight, I have a reconciliation to attend to and the conference will take up most my time” He ordered, observing the bonsai trees that stood on the balcony. One thing he grew to adore was his plants, they were simple and with enough care and love, blossomed into something gorgeous. 

“I don’t think Beast will be pleased with the rejection. He only wants a few words with the mob and especially you, Capo” Silas tried to reason but the terrapin was adamant.

“Enough. Reschedule this meeting tomorrow at 11pm sharp. Am I understood?” Leo commanded and Silas nodded, already writing it down in his notepad.

“Crystal. Enjoy your night sir” ‘Unlikely’... Hanging up, the blue cladded turtle inhaled a deep breath to collect his thoughts. Cancelling the meeting is a mistake but there were bigger fish to fry tonight. Other duties lay heavy on his mind and with a turn of his heel, he left his safe haven. 

As he entered his room, a young woman appeared at his door. Her heels echoed on the polished marble floors, grinding on his last nerve. God he really didn’t want to deal with her right in this moment. Her eyes settled on his and her face lifted into a small smile, one he did not mirror back.

“Katherine, what brings you to my quarters? Surely you’re old enough to understand you cannot barge in whenever you please” Leonardo watched as the young woman quickly stepped back, picking up the heavy discomfort that lay in the air.

“My apologies Leonardo. It’s Raphael, he said that you guys are attending a conference tonight but it’s our 3 month-”

“I fail to understand how this is my problem” He was quick in letting her know, he hadn’t the time to listen to her. Truth be told, he would never understand why Raphael stuck with her. She caused more pain and grief than anything to him.

“Okay... but could you tell me at least why?” She cocked her head and Leo turned, his face set in a hard frown.

“That is between me and my brothers Katherine. I do not appreciate when people interfere in my business. That much should be painfully obvious” His tone was calm but the harsh voice was clearly heard.

Opening his cupboard door, the small picture of Eva caught his eye. A small pang of sadness washed over his body before getting a grip on himself, refusing himself to succumb to the weakness. Eva was the past yet it seemed no matter how long the years had gone by, the yearn was as strong as ever. He wondered if he would ever be free from the shackles around his heart that locked tightly in his chest.

He had to accept that no matter how much he hoped on a wishing star or to the sky, she simply was not coming back. On the side showed a glass mirror, outlining all the features on his face. Sleep hadn’t come to the turtle much recently, he was lucky to get 4 hours and that was on a good day.

“You know you can just call me Kiki like everyone else” She raised her brow as he grabbed his navy blue velvet suit, the unreadable facial expression plastered on his face while his dark sapphire eyes burned into hers. Still standing at the doorway, she felt almost scared of him. Despite being with his brother for around 8 years, she never felt like she knew Leo. No one did, he kept to himself and only showed his true colours to those he cared about.

“Katherine, if that is all you have come to say then I highly suggest you leave me be now. It would not bode well for you to overstep your boundaries” With an almost snarl, he walked forwards and closed his door. 

---

“Would you like some champagne, Mr Hamato? It’s the one you specifically requested, Dom Pérignon” The waiter asked and Leo nodded his head, flicking through the newspapers as he awaited the rest of his brothers to join him. This meeting was better suited to the office, he didn’t need any extra ears or eyes to listen in on the information discussed between them. 

“God, I need a drink” He could hear the brute’s voice carry through the halls and into the meeting room.

“Right away boss” Greyson, his assistant spoke and vanished to make his preferred alcoholic beverage.

“What is the occasion, dear brother? As much as I like to spend time with you, I’m assuming you haven’t called us for fun” Donnie sat down, his ankle resting on top of his thigh as his attention diverted to his brother. Delicately folding the papers up and placing them to the side, Leo eyed his younger brother with a smirk. 

“Always straight to the point Donatello. And you’d be correct, I’ve called this meeting to discuss our next steps” He spoke authoritatively as the turtles settled in their seats, glancing at the board which held ideas and secret plans.

“Did ya cancel tha meetin’ with Beast tonight?” Raph asked, eyes skimming at the tablet. That was very unlikely of the leader, he was the one always nagging to keep up with business meetings and such. 

“Yes, I’ll be damned if I have to listen to another lie of his again. He cannot speak clearly and I have no time for beating around the bush. Once we’re done with this proposal, it will be a big relief to have him off our backs” Leo sipped his wine, flicking through his notes. A few names picked up but on the whole, everything seemed relatively calm. But there was no resting, they couldn’t afford not to be on their guard. Trouble was brewing on the horizon, he could feel it in his body. 

“Fuck sake, how many times do I have to tell you I hate when you organise my notes like this” Mikey sighed irritably as his brothers smirked, looking at each other with amusement. 

It was a running joke that Mikey couldn’t hold an assistant down for more than 2 months. Perhaps it was his picky way of being organised or that he had a short temper and hated his things being out of place, they didn’t know. This new assistant fumbled with the drinks, paling as his boss shouted his displeasure. 

“What happened to Donetti Licata?” Donatello asked, chuckling at his younger brother expecting another childish story about organisation as it as had been the story before. 

“Fired him. Caught him screwing Mia in my bed. Which reminds me I really need to employ someone who actually has a working braincell” Mikey spoke nonchalantly while his brothers looked at each other wide eyed.

“Oh... shit. M’sorry Mike, that must’ve been hard” Raph murmured, surprised at how well his little brother was taking the whole thing. Almost... too well in his opinion. Amelia had been the light of his life, his love at one point. They both brought out the best in each other but perhaps it was simply a mirage to the toxicity that lay just under the surface.

She wasn’t the Amelia he fell in love with and as he came to grips with that, the idea of losing her forever felt absolutely scary to him. He tried everything to put their relationship on track but it was Amelia who refused to partake in anything.

“Hmm? Oh.. yeah. It was tolerable once I beat the shit out of him. I can’t ever believe I trusted the fucker....” Mikey leaned back on his chair as another glass of wine was placed in front of him. Yet the lump in his throat felt unmovable, rendering him breathless. 

“Don’t tell me ya still wit’ her Mike. Yer deserve better than that” Raphael’s hand ached to knock some sense into the terrapin. Even if she would countlessly cheat on him, which she probably had done, all she had to do was flutter her lashes and sweet talk him. And just like that Mikey would forgive her in that second. In his eyes, Mia could do no wrong. She had Mikey on a leash but of course, he was oblivious to it all.

“You still with Kiki?” Mikey retorted, venom in his words while his eyes glared at his brother. Raphael’s frown deepened, holding his gaze. While he knew it was in the heat of the moment, he wished Mikey could see the damage Amelia was doing to him. Kiki was different only because Raph knew her past, knew that she was damaged too. How could he, of all people, leave her hanging alone?

“Children, behave. What do we do about these last few payments? I’ve talked to Xavier and he’s saying Gomez hasn’t responded to anything. It’s high time we pay a special visit, he’s got to know who exactly he’s messing with here” Donnie rolled his eyes at the quarrel and adjusted his glasses, raising them closer to his eyes. Leonardo seemed to be in deep thought for a few seconds before looking at his family again.

“If that’s the case then I want you and Mikey to check it out tomorrow. Me and Raph will deal with Beast, we all know how dramatic he likes to get when he doesn’t get his way” They all knew the last time they messed with Beast, how he threatened to take his money away and leave them bankrupt. Regardless of his filthy money, the turtles were not affected without it.

Years of investing and saving up had allowed them to live luxuriously. They had everything they ever wanted, Beast was just a liability to them. They needed him to increase potential business partners. To be able to stay at the top, they needed to associate with people at the top. If that meant doing business with idiots who couldn’t hold their ground and lacked any sense of morals and values, then so be it.

This was the mafia, after all. Nothing was pretty here.

“He’s clearly trying to inherit the property, why not just kill him altogether” Mikey pointed out, leaning back on his chair but Leo shook his head.

“Too risky. He may be a fool but he’s a smart one. He has plenty of connections with others, much powerful than the ones we have. We’ll keep him on the side but don’t turn your eyes, he will strike when least expected. Once we secure this deal, you can unleash all your anger on him. For now, we stay in his good books. However long that may be” He grimaced at the thought of the meeting they were supposed to have instead of this one. How long the turtle brothers would remain on his good side was unknown but hey, only a few more months of his bullshit and it was home run. The brothers continued to talk about upcoming events and nearing the end of the meeting, they all grabbed their belongings. 

“Wait a sec, Amara’s coming here tomorrow?” Mikey read out the small note on the board and Leo nodded, finishing off his wine. 

“Yes, well technically she’s visiting but we needed some help around here and she agreed to stick around for a while” She was a close friend to the turtles, meeting them after they newly escaped Splinter’s clutches. She had found them at a time when they were barely breathing and even without knowing who they were, she nursed them back to health. They all were indebted to her. Throughout the years, she went back to Italy since her father was part of their own mafia but her loyalty to the turtles never wavered. 

“At least we get ta see a new face ‘round here. But goin’ back ta before, I can’t wait ta finally kill that bastard” Raphael cracked his knuckles, unbuttoning his vest. He never was one to take orders from people, he was incredibly stubborn and arrogant to take commands from someone else. He barely followed Leo’s on a good day, let alone someone who continually threatened him and his family. If it were up-to him, he would have Beast’s head on a silver platter and sent directly to his team 

“All in due time brother. For now, let’s focus on getting our money back and dealing with Beast”

#tmnt mafia!turtles #tmnt mafia!leonardo #tmnt mafia!raphael #tmnt mafia!donatello #tmnt mafia!michelangelo

[supportivespaceforsurvivors]

An explanation of recent events

Hi all. I am posting a timeline of the recent events that have ended up with me inviting some of the mods I trust from @advicetotraumasurvivors to this blog. It is incomplete; as of this posting (4pm CST, August 23, 2021), nobody has admitted any wrongdoing, but I know a lot of you aren't really sure what happened at all. I apologize in advance for the verb tense shift midway through. I unfortunately don't have the spoons to edit it.

Hayden does not plan to stay with the blog. Olive plans to stay at least for now. I will likely stay. I'm not sure about Henrie or Berry at the moment. Those are the only mods that currently have access to this blog. (Edit from Mod Henrie: I’ll be staying.)

The timeline will be under the cut as it is fairly long. All times are in Central Standard Time.

Around 5:30pm CST last night, April messaged the Discord telling us she was leaving the blog. She left both the Discord and the blog shortly thereafter. We got some anons asking about why she'd left and I directed those towards her @traumasurvivors blog because I didn't feel comfortable trying to speak for her, One of them felt my answers was dismissive. That anon ended up being a mod in the Discord who was triggered by my tone. We received more asks from them, one passive-aggressive and one outright guilt-trippy.

At 7:30pm CST Henrie made an announcement that everyone who participates in the blog is a volunteer. Several mods offered in the Discord to mediate since the mod who was upset didn't feel comfortable addressing the issue with me directly.

Around 9:00pm CST we started getting some positive messages to the blog. I started to think maybe the situation had blown over. I tried to answer one of the positive anons. Tumblr gave me an error code.

We discovered the upset mod had deleted all of our inbox messages.

At 9:30pm CST Berry noticed posts were disappearing from our blog. I had noticed some weren't showing up for me, but because Tumblr is a Hellsite I figured they were there and it was just a glitch. Even the pinned post got deleted.

I panicked and asked what if the Carrd got deleted. Unfortunately, whoever the mod was, saw that and changed the email and password to the Carrd.

At 9:36pm I started adding Henrie, Hayden, Berry, and Olive to this side blog. This ended up taking several hours because we were all disoriented and triggered pretty badly by then.

At 9:45 pm I noticed they deleted my mod tag. We kept trying to encourage them to stop. Henrie reblogged all the asks that were still there to their personal in case they got deleted.

At 9:55pm I left the server and asked Berry to invite me to the new one they said they'd make so the handful of us could discuss the situation while feeling a bit more safe. There's a gap of about 20 minutes in the timeline here but I'm not sure anything super important happened during it.

Olive rescues most of the info from the Carrd by 10:21pm. April offers to transcribe the pinned post that I managed to screenshot on my phone.

Hayden makes a post around this time saying we've moved URLs. The upset mod deletes it.

I ask April if she will write down the URLs of all of our followers on advicetotraumasurvivors and send asks to them one by one to let them know what's going on. An extremely inefficient method, but at this point I'm at a loss. Henrie starts sending the asks to our followers. April finishes transcribing the pinned post at about 10:30.

At this point I have taken my sleep med and am losing reading comprehension rapidly. I say I'm going to bed but end up not sleeping until something like 4am.

At 10:31 Olive discovers that the upset mod has password-protected the blog. Henrie copy pastes the only ask in the inbox. It came in after the others were deleted.

At 11pm Olive announces she has a download/export of the blog in progress to hopefully preserve some of the posts and information on it. I ask April to boost the new URL. Henrie asks Tumblr's customer service system about uploading the file to the new blog.

At 11:10 Berry notices the queue is being messed with. Several mods go back and forth with the saboteur mod changing how often the queue posts. I suggest that we reblog ask games to the new blog so people can get to know us better once this all dies down.

At 11:21 Hayden announces the blog title has been changed to DON'T TALK TO US. A few minutes later Olive says some extremely tasteless tags are being added to queued posts, including the r slur and the n word. We won't go to any more detail about any of the other things that were said because they were extremely triggering, but we are deeply sorry to any followers (and mods) that may have seen those tags.

11: 38pm: Henrie makes posts on both blogs saying it's not us typing these awful things and to block advicetotraumasurvivors.

11:40pm: We decide to delete all the posts on the blog and the whole queue. April starts mass deleting.

11:53pm: I screenshot all the asks in the drafts. We delete all the drafts. The upset mod continues to change the blog title to triggering and inflammatory things.

1am today (Monday): Henrie asks if it's okay to announce to the original server that we moved discords and blogs. I ask if we can avoid adding people to the new discord until we know who the mod is that's upset. We eventually agree to hold off on adding people into the new discord.

2:44am: April gets an anon apologizing for their poor/inflammatory actions on her traumasurvivors blog and posts a response separate from the ask. We wait, hoping that the anon will message April.

3am: We get a similar apology on the new blog. It gets screenshotted and sent the new Discord so everyone can see it. I delete the ask from the inbox with everyone's permission because it feels very guilt trippy to me.

3:23 April gets more anons blaming her for the situation spiraling out of control, presumably from the upset mod.

12:22pm: April has more anons when we all wake up. All of us in the new server agree that we're tired and just want the situation resolved. No one comes forward.

Edit from mod Henrie: This is a timeline of all of the “major events”, but it doesn’t convey how frantic we all were. We were all feverishly working on deleting triggering tags/deleting posts/trying to find out who was doing this/etc. in between each of these times. It was chaotic and messy and incredibly exhausting for everyone involved.

#ssfs.txt

[legendofzelda4life]

Timeline Splittees

Alright so this is, once again, day one of me writing and lets see how much or how little it rivals that of “Enchiladas? Really?”

If you’re new here: I write Zelda/LU-themed one shots everyday until the LU AU is updated, it was updated so there was a pause in my posting but now im back bitches. I do take requests and more info about that will be left at the base of this post.

Today, I gift you all something from a request. We got Time’s successors causing hell and im scared but lets go! (btw in this, wind knows about the wolfie secret)

--------------------------------------

“Wind, where are you going?!”

“Oi, Sailor, slow down!”

The hero of winds kept running.

He felt so confused, he wouldn’t call it scared but…

“Sailor please, we’re sorry! We just need you to come back to the group!”

“Why should I? All we do is lie!” The boy whirled around to face his chasers. “Y’know I felt really special, thinking I was Time’s only successor! But no…” He looked up at Legend and Twilight.

They both knew why he was upset.

Nobody, not even Time himself, knew he split the timeline other than Legend and Twilight. But they kept it hidden because Legend didn’t want to be appreciated, and Twilight wanted a father figure that was actually related to him.

But they didn’t know Wind, a boy who wanted nothing more than appreciation from his predecessor, was also in the mix.

“You two are actually something Time can be proud of! I’m just a kid, I can’t do what you two can! Fuck me! I sail boats for a living, for Hylia sakes.”  Wind was torn up by this, he now has to compete against Twilight, Time’s descendant, and Legend, a five adventure lookin ass bitch.

That’s not easy.

“You really think we’re something Time can be proud of?” Legend asked, a joking smirk reaching his features.

“Let’s show you exactly why we’re not.” Twilight grabbed Wind’s hand and led him over the rest of the hill.

Their eyes gazed upon the land that was Wild’s Hyrule, ideal for chaos and whatnot.

“What are you two doing?” Wind inquired as the pairing went through their bags.

“Grabbing stuff.” Legend said, pulling out a weird pair of boots and a fire rod. Wind’s eyes wandered to Twilight, who had his hands on an odd looking rod.

The two older boys made eye contact and smirked, sharing a quick chaotic thought.

It actually made Wind kind of scared, seeing the voice of sanity and Mr. Lets-avoid-magic-all-together being the insane and magic using ones.

Legend strapped on the strange boots, picked up twilight, and fucking sprinted to a deactivated guardian stalker, as Wild had taught the boys to call them; they were originally saying “giant octorok with legs” or “skulltula with speed”

Twilight threw a ball of light into the base of the guardian from the rod and Wind watched in horror as it’s head moved and the guardian turned on. Twilight changed into his wolf form and held the dominion rod in his teeth, running alongside the guardian.

Legend’s face became a devilish smirk as he held the firerod down near the ground, readying himself to run. The guardian - and Twilight - got closer to him. The large metal legs were about to stab into Legend but, in a flash, the firerod was trailing along the ground and he was running, cackling with laughter.

Wind could also clearly see the joy in Twilight’s face, even as a wolf. He watched in awe as the two had fun, lightin shit up, burnin shit down, and running like maniacs.

Wind figured he’d join.

Join, meaning he’ll make Legend fall flat on his ass and steal his hat.

And that’s exactly what he did.

“Come back here you little shit!” Legend yelled as him and Twilight chased after the sailor, the three of them laughing as they went.

“Never!” Wind yelled back.

Dun dun denun dun dun denun…

The three stopped immediately and looked at the guardian in front of Wind. It wasn’t the one Twilight triggered.

It was an actual one, trying to kill them…

“Fuck…” The three boys cursed in unison, did a 180, and ran more, dodging lasers as they went.

Yeah, nobody dared to ask why they returned to the stable at 11pm, covered in dirt, ash, and grass while smiling like idiots.

-----------------------------------------

I like how this couldve been so much better but i lost motivation part way through because shit happens lol.

Anyway, i hope you all enjoyed this and hopefully i can have one out tomorrow

Feel free to leave requests. Your requests must include: Characters (2+) Type/genre/category (fluff, angst, etc) Platonic or not

I will write only about Zelda or Lu characters, not whole other fandoms. Willing to do aus or reader/oc inserts

#linked universe #linked universe twilight #linked universe wind #linked universe legend #these boys lowkey chaotic tho lol

[dread-and-despair-dyke]

Are you able to go for a walk? Preferably in a park or in nature? I know walking for 30 minutes to an hour while looking at nature or observing animals (or even just listening to music) tends to calm me down and put me in a slightly better mood when I'm in a bad headspace. Taking a bath, washing/doing my hair, using one of those face masks, etc. Anything where you're taking care of your body might help. And trying to be as present as you can and focusing on the sensation. I'm not the best at doing that but sometimes it helps when I get a little too stuck in my head.

I hope you feel better soon 💕

this is very sweet of u anon ily so much

it's like 11pm here rn, and i get anxious walking out in the dark so i cant do that rn unfortunately but i think ill try and go out tomorrow, it wld be good for me i think

as per recommendation of my therapist and other people here, I try to think abt mindfulness techniques and being present in the moment, but i think maybe i just need more practice on that kind of thing! since i can't currently get it to work lol ;w; i will try to get an early night maybe, and do some of these things tmrrw <3 <3 <3

going to ramble-vent aimlessly under the cut, nothing coherent

nobody needs to read this but its only in this post bc i thought abt it in relation to the things mentioned above

but i think somth i struggle with is having issues with depressive or anxious thoughts/emotions coming in if I'm not intensely preoccupied - e.g. if im showering or taking a bath (don't worry, i do these things anyway lol), taking a walk (dont do this one as often, whoops), other things where the activity doesn't require much 'thinking', I start to spiral into anxiety particularly in those moments where I don't have something to think about

And my levels of how preoccupied i have to be to avoid the anxious thoughts coming in have only gotten higher over time- now i can be trying to play a game or listen to music and bring myself back to focusing on it every 30 seconds or so, but I still manage to get anxious about whatever it is in my mind at that time. It is the same whether I am doing nothing, or am occupied with one thing, or occupied with three things; I can't let the thoughts pass through, they just stay in my brain stubbornly and don't leave until they've reached their conclusion half an hour later, at which point I am mentally exhausted from overthinking so rapidly for so long, emotionally exhausted from all the anxiety, and physically just kind of achy from standing up in a shower for half an hour. At which point, I get out and then lie in bed for the rest of the day because being alive feel so goddamn bad.

i think it's because, my mind not being preoccupied means I have to think about things in real life! ah, i get to think about such joyous things as: how absolutely incapable of feeling connection with others I am, how subsequently lonely i am, my actions and mistakes, the way that even my best efforts aren't enough for people, every hypothetical situation in which a problem might arise, how i should prepare for each of those hypothetical and unlikely problems, how i would fix any and every problem, how people perceive me, how i'm a burden to the people around me, the way that my best judgement will always still be 'bigoted' to somebody, my responsibilities that i have long abandoned, the people i used to know whose lives continue while i stay stagnant, the way that i can't keep putting off these issues forever, general existential dread...

...and other fun things to think about for half an hour while I stand in the shower forgetting that i was meant to be actually showering!

I have spoken with my therapist about these things before, I think. We talk through the logic of it, and of course there are always CBT sheets talking about how it isn't accurate to real life to think in such a way, and sometimes i agree. but even when I do agree, it doesn't stop the thoughts from happening. they happen whether i agree with the logic behind them or not, the logic is always biased in favour of assuming the worst outcome of everything, because that's just how I'm used to thinking. Because that's how life goes anyway, It's always bad, even if an outcome initially assumed to be 'good' happens, it turns out to be bad anyway, or at best it turns out to be just neutral.

There is no good, there is just hope sometimes, and love. But I don't have those things either! oh well. time to sleep.

#deepthoughtsTM #this one got uhh pretty fuckin long bois #haha what if i screencapped this and sent it to my therapist who i havent spoken to in months #im sure she would #uh #probably suggest i schedule another appointment with her #but i find talking so hard #i cant stay mentally present in the conversation bc im too busy worrying about how hard it is to stay mentally present in the conversation

[scullysexual]

Time Can Heal (5/ )

Season 2 | Abduction Arc | Canon Divergence | Angst

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | AO3

Mulder realises his quest for the truth costs too much.

[in which Dana meets her colleagues]

Warning for: more sleep paralysis and asshole colleagues. 

Tagging: @bevh78 @mypanicface @weseeusinthefall @today-in-fic

- - -

The key fits into the door as it’s always done. Dana exhales as she turns the key, unlocking the door, and taking a wary glance towards her mother. Maggie smiles at her and with a heavy weight on her chest, forcefully smiles back.

She pushes the front door of her apartment open. All the blinds have been opened, sunlight streaming in. All of Dana’s worries go away for a moment as she surveys the apartment.

“It’s clean,” she says, stepping further into her home.

She expected it to still be a crime scene, for fingerprint dust to be covering the walls, and tape left all around. Instead the apartment is clean. Somebody’s been here regularly, she notices. The air in the place is light, somebody opened the windows, even watered her plants that where already on their last breath, Dana thinks with a smile, looking towards the Weeping Fig. Her fingers gently rub along its leaves, feeling the softness beneath, smiling slightly.

“Who cleaned it?” Dana asks, turning away from the plant.

She hesitates looking down at the area around her couch and coffee table, to the blinds. On the table sits a telephone. Somebody bought her a new one, she thinks as she walks over to it. Barry stood on the last one.

The window and blinds have been fixed, too. Somebody looked after this place for her.

“Uh…Fox did, actually,”

Dana freezes.

“He wanted it to be exactly how before you…” Dana looks over to her mother, wondering what’s caused her to stop talking.

“For when you returned,” Maggie recovers. She was looking for the right word to use.

Dana moves to sit on the couch. Of course Mulder would tidy her apartment up for her, that’s so him.

“Why didn’t he tell me?” she asks.

Maggie shrugs, she doesn’t know.

Probably because you were so adamant you weren’t going back.

She was still apprehensive about living here again. Right now she was fine, listening to her mother pilfer through the cupboards but what about when her mother was gone and it was just Dana?

She goes through her bag and pulls out her gun. Her other one was still in evidence, the chances she would ever get that one back was slim so they gave her another one. It didn’t matter, she liked this one more; it was silver, bigger and heavier than the other one had been. It feels like it can do more.

It felt good to have a gun back. Last year was the first time she ever had one that was hers and having it strapped to her side, it made her feel like she was important, made her more confident or that she had the upper hand.

These weeks had proven she needed it more than ever. Needed the sense that she could defend herself against anything if need be. She was small, a victim without it. With it, now she had the advantage.

But it wasn’t enough.

She had a gun when she was taken and it had done nothing.

Maggie sits beside her, placing the cup of tea down on the coffee table and eyes the gun disapprovingly.

“Sorry,” Dana says, tucking the gun back into the bag and out of her mother’s sight.

Maggie’s dislike of guns wasn’t a secret no matter how many times Bill Jr. or even their father had tried to explain the importance of them to her, she didn’t want to hear it.

They sit in silence but Dana’s mind won’t shut up. She doesn’t feel herself quite fit into this apartment anymore, isn’t as comfortable as she used to be. The pipes make a noise and it sends her eyes darting to the source. It’s daylight outside, her mother is next to her, and yet she’s still so jumpy.

“You don’t have to live here if you don’t want to,” Maggie says. “You can stay a little longer at the house, we can look for somewhere new.”

Dana thought about that but maybe she would feel this way wherever she stayed. In her mother’s house, she was comforted by the noises but she would still wake up in the quiet and be absolutely terrified somebody she didn’t know was downstairs.

So Dana shakes her head. She’ll get used to living her again, she has to.

Maggie sighs. “Fine.” She almost sounds disappointed at Dana’s choice. “But I’m staying tonight.” Relief floods through Dana. As much as she wanted her mother to stay she didn’t want to ask. Thank god for Maggie just knowing.

“That’s fine,” Dana answers.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.

It happens again. She doesn’t even know what it is she’s dreaming about but the heaviness is back on her chest. Her eyes open and she can’t move.

Sleep paralysis.

She didn’t know a lot about it just that what she was sensing wasn’t real.

There’s nobody here, there’s nobody here, there’s nobody here.

She focuses on the ceiling, on trying to breath. If she panics it will just feel worse. She just needs to breathe and it will be over.

But something runs past her and her eyes dart from the ceiling to the wall.

In the dark she can see an outline of somebody. She tries to tear her eyes away but she can’t. The figure moves closer, each step has the pressure on her chest pressing heavier, her breathing quickens in panic, her fist trying to clench. The figure just reaches the outskirts of where the streetlight shines in through the gap, she can see his face but not work out who he is.

One more step and everything is gone. The figure, the weight. She can move again.

Dana switches to her side and curls up into a ball.

Why was this happening?

.:.:.:.:.:.

Other agents weren’t happy about having Mrs Spooky in their department. They called her Scully to her face and every other name behind her back, usually when she was right there but not directly talking to them.

They were trying to weed her out, calling her names, giving her the tougher cases to handle. Dana has never felt more belittled or disregarded than she has working in this department.  Fuller watches from his office, never stepping in, never saying anything. What they’re doing could be put down as office banter, just giving the new kid the hard time that everyone new to a department goes through. It’s how they know they’ll get away with it. If she went to any higher up with this it would just be tossed aside, she’d be given a flimsy promise of We’ll sort it out soon, and never get around to it.

So Dana puts up with it. She never gives them the satisfaction of seeing her break when the more disturbing photos land on her desk. She kept her face straight, displaying no emotion to the photos in front of her.

Only once did she slip up. A woman was taken hostage and thrown into the trunk of a car. From what Dana could see from the photos, she was bruised, bloodied, and scared out of her mind. That had rehashed some particularly hard memories that had Dana bolting from her desk and out of the room. The time she spent in the bathroom she was anxious as hell to go back up, to face a room full of men who have never had to worry about being kidnapped, about having their homes broken into.

But she had gone back in, her head held high and got back to work, forcing herself to get on with it.

She comforted herself with the knowledge that she was better than all of them.

It’s late, dark outside, pretty much everyone has gone home.

Everyone except the person she hates second after Fuller in this place.

“Don’t you have a home to go to, Davis?”

“Same could be said about you, sweetheart.”

Dana had quickly come to hate Special Agent Joseph Davis. He was infuriating. No older than herself, the desk next to hers, Davis would plonk all his paperwork onto her desk and when she looked towards him wanting to kill him, he would smile at her and walk away.

And if he calls her sweetheart one more time…

“Scully is enough,” she answers back. It felt like Davis’ one purpose in this world was to annoy her.

Davis lingers around her desk, toying with her perfectly stacked post-it notes. Dana sighs audibly, looking up from the mindless paperwork she had found to him.

“Is there something you want?”

“I have a question actually.”

Dana decides to indulge him this one time. The quicker he asks his question the quicker he- or she- can leave.

“Why did ol’ Spooky leave? You two breakup?”

The question has her pen stopping. Dana was aware there were rumours, she knew a room would go quiet the moment she walked in to pick up coffee or whatever but to hear this assumption out loud and to her face takes her back a bit.

It almost makes her angry.

“Me and Agent Mulder were never together,” Dana answers, shifting in her seat and resuming her writing.

“Oh,” Davis says sounding disappointed. “Is that why he left then? You were too cold for him?”

She tries to stop the tears from forming. She will not cry in front of him.

Deciding she’s had enough, Dana closes the file, pops the pen back into the pot, and rises from her chair.

“Goodnight, Davis,” she says to him, grabbing her coat and her bag and heading towards the door.

“Not that I blame him,” Davis continues. “I mean, I’ve been making advances all week and I’ve gotten nowhere.”

She’s walking away, walking out of the room and as far away she can get.

“You might want to work on that!” Davis calls. “You might find yourself more likeable that way!”

Dana doesn’t turn back, she heads to the elevator and punches the button. Nobody in the building it comes fairly quickly. She steps in, pressing the button that takes her to the car park and still refuses to cry, despite the lump forming in her throat.

He’s just an asshole, Dana. They all are.

The elevator doors open and Dana makes the short walk to her car. Once in it and the doors are locked does she allow herself to cry.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.

A call at 11pm startles him. Who was calling at 11pm? Usually it was him doing the calling.

Mulder picks it up anyway, pausing the video beforehand, and answers.

“Mulder,”

Wanna go for a drive?

“A drive where?”

Saint Paul, Bocks tells him. Andy spotted some unexplained lights flying around up there.

Mulder leans forward and thinks. A night out watching lights fly around or a night in watching porn?

The turns off the TV, deciding on the latter.

“Sure,” Mulder says. “Give me 5 minutes.”

Waiting for ya outside.

Phone still at his ear Mulder moves over to his blinds, peeking through. Across the way he sees a car and who he can make out is Bocks.

“That you sitting in the car?” Mulder asks.

Yep, that’s me.

Mulder shakes his head, and hangs up. Grabbing his coat and keys, he makes his way out of the apartment.

.:.:.:.:.:.

“So what does Cavanagh think about this?” Mulder asks as he climbs out of the car.

“What we do on our off-time is none of Cavanagh’s business,” answers Bocks.

Mulder laughs. He looks up to the sky then. There are no stars out tonight, too cloudy.

“Where are these lights then, Moe?”

“You’ll see them soon.”

It’s been about twenty minutes and still no lights. Mulder sits on the hood of the car, Bocks stands. He looks pointedly towards the other man, Bocks guiltily looks back at him.

“Guess they went away before we go here.”

“I guess,” Mulder says, giving another glance up towards the sky.

“You ever saw a spacecraft, Mulder?” Bocks asks. “Or mysterious lights in the sky?”

Mulder smiles, remembering the memory. “Once,” he answers. Off of Bocks’ look. “At Ellens Airbase. Me and my partner broke in and we saw them up there.” He would never forget the look on Scully’s face, her awe when she looked towards him. That night had been one of the best nights of his life. Never again would he get another one of those moments with her.

“What about you?” Mulder asks, moving away from that thought. “What got you into little green men.”

Bocks frowns, thinking.

“I once picked up this little girl from the side of the road. She was traumatised, kept saying she had been abducted. We thought she meant kidnapped and we kept asking her who took her, could she give us a description.” He smiles wistfully. “The girl could barely talk so she picked up a pad and a pen and drew her kidnapper.” Bocks looks towards Mulder then and Mulder thinks he knows where this story is going.

“She drew an alien. She had been abducted not kidnapped.” He breathes out heavily. “After that I went looking for all the case files and found some talking about UFO sightings and abductions. I wanted to know everything. After that I was hooked.” Bocks shrugs at the end. “What about you?”

Mulder smiles, looking off to some random patch of grass.

“I’ll tell you another time,” is all he says.

.:.:.:.:.:.

Something goes bump in the night and panic runs through Dana. She clenches her fist a few times, making sure to rule out that.

It’s not. She sits up, listening intensely, her heart pumping in her ears, prominent against her chest, blood rushing all over her body.

She reaches beside her to grab her gun, cocking it, and listens.

Another bump.

She pushes the covers back with one hand and climbs out of the bed. Slowly and quietly she makes her way to the door, gently opening it to look through.

All fingers ready on the trigger, the streetlights shine in through the blinds she refuses to close anymore. She looks for a shadow, another sound of movement. There’s nothing

Maybe their distracted, Dana thinks. She could use this moment.

Leaving her room, she makes her way towards the front room. Gun ready shoot, the knocks on the light and jumps out from behind the doorway.

There’s somebody there.

She does a full check of the room just to make sure and only when she’s completely satisfied that nobody is hiding in her cupboards does she finally put down her gun.

Adrenaline gone, the cold air caresses her skin, causing Goosebumps to appear. Dana shivers. She’s alone. There’s no one here.

#txf #xf fic #time can heal 5 #season 2 fic #i write

[mylifeasaserver]

My 4th of July Weekend: Master Post

Normally I’d have broken this up into 3 separate posts, but since anything that isn’t a meme gets about 6 notes, I’ll do what I want.

July 3

8AM - My phone rings, it’s the GM calling to ask me to come in ASAP because of callouts. It goes to voicemail because I’m not waking up - much less getting out of bed - this early for what I already know will be a shit show.

10AM - Wake up, notice a voicemail. I don’t listen to it or clear the notification.

11AM - Finish scrolling through the memes and videos my friend sent me, taking care not to clear any notifications. I know what’s up here and I’m not playing.

4PM - Show up at work right at my scheduled time and am asked why I didn’t answer my phone or call back. Well [GM] I’m not paid to be on call so I do what I want. Pretend not to have seen the notification. Get a section.

4:02PM - Somehow have 8 tables in my 5 table section because the server next to me wants cut and is refusing to take his 4 tables. Alert GM to this problem.

4:04PM - Other server is all kinds of pissed off at me, but fuck him in particular. 

5PM - Other server is cut, leaves without doing his side work, section, or rolling silverware. In fact, all of day shift leaves without doing their side work, meaning we have to stock while we work which is a shit sandwich all its own.

5:30PM - Get sat a party of 13. Get assigned a new server to take it with me. He disappears when we’re supposed to greet. Find out later he decided to hide in the bathroom.

5:45PM - Party of 13 has drinks, and the order is in. I’m asked why the other server’s section looks like shit. GM is displeased with my response of “the lazy ass didn’t bother cleaning it. Didn’t do his side work either.”

6:30PM - Kitchen finally gets the food out for the party of 13. New server actively avoids the 13 top, which is just as well since at this point I’m not splitting the tip with him.

7PM - 7 separate checks later, the 13 top is done and leaving. Reap the rewards of about $8 on their $200 bill. They thank me for the excellent service, but don’t see me mouthing “fuck you” under the mask. Immediately upon clearing the tables, get sat a 14 top.

7:05PM - New server comes looking for his share of the tip. I tell him to go away. No work = no tip. He runs to the night manager.

7:10PM - Night manager tells the new server he’s on the 14 top with me and he best actually serve them this time. He doesn’t. He’s still pissed off he didn’t get half of the $8.

8PM - 14 top is finishing eating, new server hasn’t been to the table a single time. He walks past, picks up a plate and makes it a point to tell the night manager he’s helped me.

8:15PM - 14 top is done paying, I reap the rewards of $15 on their $150 bill. Much like the last table the thank me for the excellent service but don’t see me mouthing “fuck you” under the mask. New server sees them hand me money and comes asking about his share. Gets the finger. In retrospect, probably shouldn’t have flipped him off on camera.

10:30PM - Last table finally leaves. New server tries to leave without doing his side work or section. He’s very displeased when he learns that night shift doesn’t do that and vows to only work day shift from now on. We all think that would be best.

11PM - Kitchen and dining rooms are finally clean and I make my escape. For all the bullshit I put up with I get about 8% on sales. The people coming in normally can’t afford to vacation in this tourist trap, but covid has dropped the rates enough for them to slither out from whatever hell that spawned them.

July 4

5PM - Show up to my host shift. This is a favor to the night manager, otherwise I’d never have done it. Seat a total of three tables in the next hour.

6:15PM - All hell breaks loose. We’re 40 people over capacity and telling people to wait outside after putting them on a wait. We have thirty takeouts waiting to come out, and people chewing my ass about having to wait. I tell them to social distance away from the podium unless they want removed from the wait list.

7PM - Wait list is at an hour. One woman in particular is having a hard time with it and looks in the dining room and sees a table with nobody at it, and demands to be sat there. No. Some tables are deliberately left empty due to social distancing. She demands a manager. I tell her no, I am the manager. I’m told what an incompetent moron I am, so I remove her from the wait list and tell her to eat somewhere else. She leaves, and takes her party of 7 with her. Not a tipping table anyway.

8PM - I help servers out by bussing and resetting their tables for them - whether they like it or not. Wait list is still an hour, many people choose not to wait and leave. I wouldn’t wait either. Some tables get tired of waiting for their food to come just leave. Kind of stupid since they waited an hour for a table, but that’s their business.

9PM - The server who yesterday leaves without doing side work or anything else orders me to stop seating him because he wants to leave. He’s told it has to come from a manager. Instead of getting the manager (Captain Hindsight) he chooses to leave his tables dirty so I can’t seat him.

9:10PM - I’ve cleared and reset and sat all 4 tables in his section. We’re still on a wait and until the Captain tells me to stop seating him, I’ll do what I’m supposed to because it pisses him off and that pleases me like you wouldn’t believe.

9:15PM - Captain Hindsight emerges from the office where she’s been hiding all evening to come chew on my ass. The server that wanted to leave whined that I sat him too fast, but neglected to mention about coming to the host stand to demand I stop seating him and not clearing his tables. When she tells me she should have expected me to screw it up I clocked out and left. My end time was in another 45 minutes, but I’m not paid enough for that level of bullshit. I tell the Captain I’m leaving so she can do a better job of it and walk out into the balmy air and go home.

July 5

5PM - I show up for my shift and am promptly pulled into the office with the GM and the Captain to explain why I left. I explain, and tell the GM that I’m not putting up with that shit. He knows. He also knows that I’m too lazy to make shit up and tells me to go get my section. I don’t know what - or if - anything else was discussed. 

5:10PM - Go to the host stand to find out my section and discover I have 5 tables already. Host can’t see me mouthing “fuck you” under my mask.

5:30PM - Got the 5 tables sorted, with drinks, and orders in. Kitchen is running tickets nearly an hour long. I make sure all the tables know this up front. Discover that like always, day shift didn’t bother with side work.

6:30PM - All 5 tables finally have food, one demands a discount for waiting. Since I already know there’s no tip coming, it’s denied. He was told up front that the wait could be up to an hour, chose to stay.

7:30PM - All 5 tables have paid and left. The table that I suspected would leave no tip surprises me by leaving a whole dollar behind. Assholes.

7:45PM - I have five new tables. The last one is a 5 top. One of the women at the table - clearly the leader of this little squad of shitheads - orders a water with lemon for everybody at the table and dismisses me with a wave of her hand. I stay and tell them the featured food and what food is prepared the fastest - and let them know it’s taking about an hour for food to come out. This obviously pisses her off a bit because I didn’t scurry when she wanted. I decide that she’s Sergeant Karen, and the mental image of her being a frumpy fat drill instructor pleases me.

7:55PM - I bring the waters with lemons and begin taking food orders at the 5 top. Everybody at the table orders a drink with their food. Sergeant Karen tells me that if the food isn’t ready in 30 minutes, they’re leaving. I tell her that I can’t force her order ahead of other people, and ask if she’d just like to leave now because it won’t be ready. She says no. 

8PM - Their order is in and I tell Captain Hindsight about her threat. I also tell her that she should expect to be demanded at the table.

8:05PM - Two of my five tables get their food because they ordered the things that I said cook exceptionally fast. Sergeant Karen shows me the timer on her phone already at seven minutes. I tell her that means she only has 53 minutes to go. 

8:30PM - Sergeant Karen demands a manager. She can’t see me mouthing “fuck you” under my mask. I get Captain Hindsight.

8:35PM - Sergeant Karen doesn’t make good on her threat to leave, instead ordering Captain Hindsight to give them a “substantial discount” for their inconvenience. To her credit, the Captain reminds her that I said that it was an hour wait and there would be no discount. 

8:40PM - Sergeant Karen makes a big display of packing up her stuff, but doesn’t actually go anywhere. Two more of my tables get their food, and the two that got their food earlier get their checks and pay. Sarge then demands to know how they got their food so fast and is immediately unhappy when I tell her it’s because they ordered the things that I said cook fastest.

8:55PM - The food arrives for the 5 top, brought out by my coworkers since I had other shit to do (fixing the mistakes of a newer server.) Sergeant Karen again demands a manager.

9PM - Captain Hindsight goes to the table and again a discount is demanded...but ultimately denied.

9:15PM - Sergeant Karen changes a diaper. On the table. While everybody is eating. It smells like a septic tank backed up into a nursing home. She then puts it under the table for reasons unknown.

9:30PM - I get two more tables, and two more get their checks. The kitchen is closer to caught up and it’s only taking about 30 minutes for food to come out.

9:45PM - Sarge hears me tell my new tables to expect about a 30 minute wait for food and again demands the manager. I flatly say “no.”

9:47PM - I drop the check at the table and Sarge complains one final time about how unfairly she was treated. She can’t see me mouthing “fuck you” under my mask, but the realization that I really don’t give a shit hits her and she passes the check to the poor bastard that married her. 

10PM - The restaurant closes, and Sergeant Karen leaves. Before she goes, however, she picks up the filthy folded up diaper and drops it on the host stand. Lovely.

10:30PM - The last of my tables leave, and I discover that I made over 21% on the evening - despite Sarge making sure I got no tip from her group. This would be great but with the kitchen so backlogged I still didn’t make squat. Fuck it. 

11PM - All the shit I needed to do is done. Captain Hindsight asks me what was up with that 5 top, but doesn’t see me mouthing “fuck you” at her. I just shrug my shoulders and go home.

It’s like a barely-readable story that nobody wants to scroll through. -J

#restaurant #server

[sunsetfanfics]

All I Want

(Jadon Sancho x Reader)

Jadon imagine where he really likes you but knows you won’t be with him because of his fboy lifestyle and you always joke about it and he tried to get you or something along those lines please if you can x

Warning: a bit of harsh language

You drag yourself into the break room, feet aching. Tom, your coworker, watched in amusement as you plopped down into the chair across from him, a sigh escaping your lips.

"Tired?"

You look up to see him smile, which you can't help but reciprocate.

"A bit, yeah."

"Only an hour left now, then you get to go home." He replies, to which you nod.

"Yeah, only an hour. You say that as if it'll magically make me feel better."

He shrugs. "It should. You've already worked for seven hours. Plus you have off tomorrow."

"I guess, can you get me a water?"

He chuckles and nods, getting up and walking over to the mini fridge in the corner.

"So, do you have any news on you-know-who?" He asks, receiving a groan in response.

"I think he knows, to be honest. It's not like I'm blowing him off or anything, but his lifestyle just,, isn't for me."

Tom nods, walking back over to hand you an ice cold bottle.

"Thank you." You mutter, receiving a nod in response.

"Well, do you like him?" He questions, sitting back down.

You twist off the cap and don't hesitate to take a swig of cold water.

Once you feel somewhat replenished, you put the bottle on the ground and twist the cap back on.

"To be honest,,," you pause, "I do. I really really do. I just,, I wish he wasn't such a fuckboy. Because underneath that layer is a really kind individual.

"I would date him if he didn't play this,, character. I just-"

But you didn't get the chance to finish as the bell rang outside.

You threw your head back, "fuck my life!"

Tom giggled as he watched you stand up and hurry back out to the desk.

━━━━━━━━━▲━━━━━━━━━

As the last hour wound down, there wasn't much to do, but you still managed to keep yourself busy.

Once your shift finished, you went back into the break room, saying goodbye to the few coworkers that were in there on your way out.

Nobody knew about this whole 'situation' with Jadon except for a few people, each of whom you trusted with every fibre of your being. You trusted them to keep this within the group, knowing that if it got out your name along with 'Jadon Sancho's girlfriend' would be everywhere.

As you walked out to your car, you got a text from Tom.

'Did you see his new post on ig?'

You instinctively rolled your eyes. What new flex would it be this time?

'I'll look at it when I get home' you replied as you dug your keys out of your pocket and unlocked your door.

On the whole ride home, you couldn't help but think about him. Even if you tried to think of something else, your mind would somehow twist whatever you were thinking about to always go back to him.

Pulling into the driveway, you had finally managed to stop thinking about him, since you were now thinking about what to eat for breakfast, seeing as it was only 7:18am.

You turned the car off and opened the door, practically hauling yourself out of the driver's seat.

Today was the most difficult 8-hour shift you've done to date, which meant you were beyond worn out.

Your sore feet somehow carried you into the house where, no surprise, your best friend was nowhere to be found.

You both typically worked opposite shifts, so you rarely saw each other, but sometimes you could catch each other just as one was returning home and the other was leaving.

Though it defeated the whole purpose of owning a house together, it was kinda nice to have the space all to yourself after a tough shift.

As you sat down, rather forcefully, on the couch, you flipped your shoes off and grabbed the tv remote sitting on the coffee table. You fully stretched out as you turned the tv on.

This was the routine you had grown accustomed to: you got home, let yourself relax for a bit, then got to work doing something else for a while, then went to bed.

As you pressed the button to turn on Netflix for perfect background noise, your phone went off.

You ignored it, deciding to wait till you had the show set up to check it.

DING! DING! DING!

Notification after notification piled up until you couldn't take it anymore.

You angrily dug your phone out of your pocket and looked at it, the screen lit up with even more texts from your coworker group chat.

You roll your eyes and groan, shifting your attention back to getting The Great British Baking Show on.

Once it started playing, you finally read through the texts.

'Y/N!'

'HAS ANYTHING HAPPENED WITH JADON'

'PLS TELL US'

'omg look at his latest post'

'DAMNNN'

'yall did y/n look @ the post'

'idk but 👀👀'

'he looks like a fboy to me tbh lmaooo sorry Y/N'

You couldn't help but laugh at the last one.

Switching to instagram, you check to see what all the fuss is about.

The post in question? No surprise, a few photos of him shirtless on his friend's expensive yacht.

You roll your eyes, "my god Jadon."

Despite posting classic fuckboy photos on instagram, you couldn't help but get a few butterflies in your stomach.

You double tap on the photo, then go back to the groupchat, only for a new text to pop up.

Jadon ⚽🔥 hey 😛

Another eye roll.

'hey Jadon'

'I saw you liked my recent 👀👀'

Uh oh. This won't end well.

'yeah'

'do you like what you see? 😜'

There it is.

'eh, ig. cr7 has better abs, though.'

'sure, for now.'

'right. I'll hold you to that.'

'wish you would hold something else, if you know what I mean 😉'

Jesus Christ.

'haha. what were you even drinking in that photo?'

'something exotic 🍹'

'yeah, it looks it.'

'haha yeah. anyways, wyd?'

There it is. The holy grail of fuckboys. The three letters everyone dreads. Oh no. Oh god.

'relaxing, I just got home from work.'

'really? it's almost 8 in the morning.'

'mhm. I worked 11p-7a. I'm tired.'

'are you still working @ the hotel we met at?'

'mhm'

'niceee. I'll be in town tm if you wanna meet up'

'yeah? who's the new lucky girl you'll bring this time?'

'no one. it'll only be us.'

'right. that's what you said last time.'

'this time will be different. I promise. you off tm?'

'yeah'

'ok. meet me at our café.'

'I have things to do too, you know, it's not all ab you Jadon.'

'damn, ok. well, if you decide to come, I'll be there at 12:30.'

'ok.'

'see you then, boo 😘'

━━━━━━━━━▲━━━━━━━━━

12:15, you showed up early, as per usual. You were sitting at the table you and Jadon would sit at every time you came, aka the closest to the window.

12:30. You were watching out the window, not taking your eyes away. He was nowhere to be seen.

12:45. He still wasn't there. Why were you even surprised?

1:00. Still no sign of him. You were almost finished with your coffee, and you were getting restless.

1:15. Everyone who had been there when you arrived were long gone, all the tables filled with new customers. You probably looked pathetic.

1:30. An hour after he said he would meet you, and you were fed up. Why did you even bother?

1:35. Nothing. No new messages or anything. You were done.

You walked out, trying your best to conceal your anger. You should be used to this. You should've known. Over an hour of your life wasted.

Just as you get back to your car your phone goes off. With a quick glance, you can tell it's Jadon.

'hey! sorry, something came up. can you do next week? I wanna make it up to you.'

You couldn't believe your eyes. You wasted over an hour,,, for that.

'no, I can't. I'm actually busy next week, and the week after that, & every week for the rest of my life.'

'haha, thats funny. what day can you do next week?'

'I just told you, I'm busy. I just wasted an hour of my life that I could've used doing literally ANYTHING else just for you to say that something came up,, & it was YOUR fucking idea!

'I like to think I'm a patient person, but that just sealed the deal. my god Jadon, I knew you were a fuckboy, I mean, we both joked ab it, but I didn't think it was this bad.

'stop dragging me out like this. just say you're using me for sex and go. I'm sick of getting my hopes up just for you to let me down again. I'm over it, and I'm over you. please fuck off Jadon'

It was marked as read the second it was sent. The three dots would pop up, then disappear, then pop up again. It went on for 2 minutes.

The final result?

'I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you.'

You left him on read.

━━━━━━━━━▲━━━━━━━━━

The next day you were back at work for a 3pm - 11pm shift. You had told everyone what happened, and they were angry and upset for you. A few were tempted to text him, but you told them that it would only escalate the already tense situation.

Around 10pm, you were winding down. There was only an hour left in your shift, and you had had a relatively slow day for once. And it seemed like it was going to be a normal shift.

You were sitting in the break room with some of your coworkers, watching a rerun of a golf game which you were, for some reason, invested in.

The bell rang outside, and although you were a bit upset to have to abandon the game, you weren't that upset, considering this was the slowest day you've had in a while.

As you walked out to greet the patron, your heart stopped and your stomach dropped.

It was Jadon, standing there with a white box and a teddy bear.

You glared at him, and a part of you filled with hatred, but the other part gushed at his gesture. He really was going to be the death of you.

"Hey, y/n. I'm really sorry about yesterday. I didn't mean to keep you waiting for over an hour. The reason why I didn't come was because I wanted to get you this."

He paused, gently setting the small box down on the desk, "I tried to get in quickly and pick this up, but the line was so long, I wanted to come and give it to you, but I figured I had kept you waiting long enough, so I called it off."

You're not convinced, but you wanna be. Every part of you wanted to forgive him,, but your stubbornness wouldn't let you.

He sees your shifty glance and sets the bear on the counter as well.

"I'm so so so sorry. I know I fucked up, and you have every right to be angry at me. But even if you never wanna see me again, can you please open it? Just for my sake?"

"If it'll make you leave faster." You respond, intending to sound bitter, but instead sounding shaky.

"I will. I know I can't keep promises, but this one I will. If you don't want to talk to me anymore, I will respect that."

You bite your lip and nod, looking down at the box and undoing the red ribbon. It looked very professional and well done.

As you lift the top off, your eyes widen and fill with tears. You can't help but slap a hand over your mouth.

Inside were all of the polaroids you've taken, ranging from the first time you hung out together, to a few months ago. There were ones of him playing football, and of you in various places doing a gesture that soon became an inside joke. You used to travel together all the time, you miss those days all the time.

The light blue camera used to take all of these photos was inside as well.

Jadon watched as you looked through the photos, a shy smile forming on his face.

"The camera still works, if you want to try it out." He said, voice barely above a whisper.

"Jadon, I-" you hesitated, and for the first time in your life, you were truly speechless.

"There's a, uh, there's a note on the bear." He muttered, looking down and scratching his neck.

You looked at him, and couldn't help but smile a bit. Only Jadon would do this.

Your attention turns to the bear, and sure enough, there was a note attached to its paw. Gently removing the handwritten note stuck to the paw, you read it carefully, clinging on to every word.

'Y/N,

I'm sorry if I hurt you yesterday. And I'm sorry if you feel that all we are is friends with benefits. I've always wanted more with you, but was too afraid to act.

I put up this fboy facade hoping I would attract someone who would be into,, that. But the one thing I didn't take into account was if I fell for someone.

Because my whole life changed when I met you.

I kept this act up, thinking you would be into it and fall for me, but that's not what happened. In fact, when the exact opposite happened, I was shocked.

Nobody liked the real me. That's why I started doing this, because that's what brought people in. And it worked, because it seemed as though everyone else fell for it, everyone except the one person I wanted.

And if I'm being honest, let's talk about the elephant in the room: we both know that I've loved you from the moment we met in this exact building 3 years ago.

You're all I've ever wanted. You're all I will ever want. I'm in love with you.

I'm willing to do whatever it takes to be with you, but it's up to you on whether or not you'll accept.'

A grin appeared on your face as tears streamed down your cheeks.

You looked up at him, a soft yet nervous expression on his face.

You came out from around the counter and threw your arms around him, burying your face in his neck.

"I'll take that as a yes, then?" He joked, making you laugh.

You look up at him. "On one condition."

"And what's that?"

"Stop being such a douche."

"Done. I don't need the facade when I have what I want."

------------------------

thanks for reading! this was my first footballer fic & im actually really proud of it! requests are open, and feel free to use one of the prompts I posted before!

this was for you anon, hope you liked it ;)

#jadon sancho #jadon sancho fanfiction #jadon sancho fanfic #jadon sancho fic #football #soccer #football fic #football fanfic #soccer fanfic #borussia dortmund #dortmund #fanfiction #fanfic #mine

[daniellesimagines]

❀❀ a list of lines from every single work-in-progress to be linked later when i actually post them just bc i’m bored ❀❀

ashton irwin

And I get that it may seem obviously to other people, but... I’m not watching this on TV and you’re not here and I don’t know what people are saying about me being my back

If she’s not back by sunset, I’m leaving camp to look for her. And if something happened to her, you’re dead

I don’t care about what everyone else will say -- I care about you and your safety, so you can either stay with me at my place until everything with him is sorted out or I can sleep on your couch, but I am not leaving you alone

She deserves better than that, Ashton! She deserves better than you!

I’m a burden on everybody! That’s why I’m here -- that’s why they threw me in a mental hospital and left!

Nothing ever means anything to you anyway

She’s still my ex! Just because she ‘needed help’ doesn’t make it less weird!

Remember how you said if I needed anything, you’d do it...? C-Can I just have a hug?

You fucking heard me. Stop the fucking car

I’m not dating your ex. I asked her out if that’s what you mean

Maybe you could argue that ‘just friends’ do that too, but it’s not ‘just friends’ when Ashton does it for you

I just... I can’t...handle losing someone right after I almost lost you

Are you tall enough to ride the merry-go-round at the fair by yourself?

I’m all for taking credit for my work, but I’m not taking credit for this because 1) I didn’t do it, and 2) it’s sloppy as hell

She clearly needs someone right now and unfortunately for me, she chose you

I’ve heard your friends talking... I know no one thinks he’s still alive

I may be desperate for money, but I’m not selling my body for some rich, entitled frat guys to jack off to!

If you want to be embarrassed, that’s fine, but I’m not going to stand here and listen to you berate yourself like this

Those spirits at the prison we investigated a couple weeks ago really liked you

awsten knight

What could possibly be so hard for her?! She’s a Princess, for Christ’s sake!

Can’t imagine keeping everything bottled up is any easier than letting someone in

calum hood

I know you don’t like her, but telling her she’s not allowed to hug me around you is fucking ridiculous

Do you make it a habit to spy on people or am I just today’s lucky winner?

You can’t lie just to get me there -- I would have gone anyway

I’m not lying to Calum; I’m just not telling him how I feel

You know how you said I should be falling in love instead of living in that house...? I’m glad it’s gonna be with you

How am I meant to have fun with him around?

You wouldn’t do the things you do if you really loved me

When you’re not here, it’s easier to pretend you still love me

I have a question -- why is that guy looking at his corn dog like that?

Please don’t make me say it again -- the first time was embarrassing enough

If he knew he was going to meet you, he never would have told her those things

I can guarantee you that baby’s not his

I never stopped wanting you either

He wouldn’t have dumped me if he was still in love with me

If you were getting tired of me, you could have just said so

Always knew I’d cry if I met you guys -- just didn’t think this would be the reason

I can’t just not pay you for watching my dog for 5 months

Will you at least let me know what it’s like to kiss you?

Do you know how weird it is to have feelings for your boss?

If they want nothing to do with you, then I want nothing to do with them

Secrets don’t stay that way forever; They all have to come out eventually

He keeps asking if he can call you Mummy

It’s heartbreaking in all the right places

I told you getting the blonde put into your hair was a bad idea

cody carson

The day you get something different from Starbucks is the day I let Pistol sleep in your bedroom

At least I’ve never lied when I told you I love you

Wait, someone tried to kidnap that little girl on your lap?

dacre montgomery

My worst nightmare is disappointing Steve Irwin

damien haas

Am I even on this show right now? Is this all just some freakishly realistic dream?

harry styles

Would you have apologized if your daughter hadn’t made you?

Daddy doesn’t love me anymore

Since when are you afraid of getting rejected? 

jamie follese

I can’t help when I disappear! The cake batter calls to me and I must answer her!

He asks if I love you all the time even though I always say yes

I think I could talk my way out of jail

louis tomlinson

Nothing’s ever scared me more than the thought of losing you

luke hemmings

If I’m feeling this bad about meeting his friends, I don’t know what I’m gonna do when he wants to tell the fans

We’re only here for a few days; You’re just going to have to deal with sharing a bed until we leave

We made a bet on which one of you would confess your feelings first

Even if it wasn’t what he wanted to hear, he still needed to

She closes the store alone tonight -- you didn’t hear it from me

How many strings did my husband have to pull for this?

She doesn’t even want him! She’s only with him because she knows I do!

You know I don’t like when you do this to yourself

I got my ass handed to me by an 11-year-old and her Pokemon master of an aunt

I have nightmares almost every night, but I only come in here when they’re about you

She’s a hostage in a bank robbery! Of course I care about her being in there!

You’re by yourself in the stables at 11pm with tears on your face. Don’t tell me nothing’s wrong

Don’t be mad just because your siblings love me more than they love you

You know that means nothing to me! Stop bragging about having colors!

Even I’m not heartless enough to leave you without a dance partner

marshall traver

Nobody is alone -- not even in this world

You’re only apologizing because I’m the Princess; You wouldn’t be if I were a nobody

maxx danziger

I told him you hate water; I told him and he decided to try and throw you in anyway

Too used to blowing me off on the phone, you forgot how to talk to me in person?

I think they deserve a teacher who wants to see them succeed

If she’s still wearing her ring, she’s clearly not ready to date other people

You’re staying even though my dad’s an idiot, right?

We’re gonna circle back to the fetish thing later because I don’t believe you don’t have one for a second

michael clifford

Wouldn’t want you to stay longer than you have to just because of me

If you never say ‘I love you’ back to me, that’s completely okay

You’ve been crying, kitten; I can tell

Is there any point when you’re not going to be useless to us?

You fired her because you’re in love with her?!

What can I say? His parents are raising him right

Don’t even think about touching my brother again

Hit me like you mean it

Last day of camp -- won’t be able to do this until next summer

I know you paid my rent

Nothing would piss off that asshole more than getting the girl he wants

Since when would he jump at the chance to defend me?

I know you’ve seen how different he is with me now

The first thing I heard when I woke up was ‘I wish that I could wake up with amnesia and forget about the stupid little things’ and I did 

Unlike the girls you sleep with, I actually like being with a guy who can make me cum

It can’t possibly get worse than the hell you’re living right now

I love Michael... Oh my God... Ashton, I’m in love with Michael

Please bless us with this work of art

The only good thing about this tie is that it’s blocking some of the brightness from how pale you are

Why do you even have this song on cassette in the first place?!

She’s safe -- that’s all I’m allowed to say

How did two 11-year-olds manage to pull off the biggest switch ever?

You know they’re not going to let you marry me

I’m not a stranger to staying with people who treat me poorly

If I can handle you, I think I’m prepared for pretty much anything

You make Mumma forget about him and be happy and I like when Mumma’s happy

You said you weren’t going to let go of me

Can you write a song telling your soulmate to be less depressing? It’s really starting to worry me

I’m not stupid; I’ve seen your face -- I know I’m not getting out of this alive

I can either push past you or you can let me go, but I am going to go kiss my wife whether I have your permission or not

Not the worst injury I’ve ever had and definitely won’t be the last

This is not who I expected to be kissing when I put this dress on

ryan follese

Best of luck with your engagement to the Princess

I can’t put myself in a relationship I know won’t last

spencer reid

I didn’t marry a profiler, Spencer! I married you!

Any of us would have gone in to save your daughter -- it just happened to be me this time

tom holland

I know you love me, Tom -- I know you do... But it hurts that you don’t want other people to know it too...

trevor collins

I kinda wanted to wait and see if you were actually real before I said anything...

You may not be irreplaceable to the company, but you’re irreplaceable to me

I know you’re not sick; I know you just said it because you wanted to leave work early

zach dewall

I told you they were gonna be angry when they said it...

#work in progress #could also be a prompt list so #prompts #prompt list #sentence starters

[siryouarebeingmocked]

A tail of tears

My new Flatmates

Keep making noise late at night, around 11pm. I've left a note, Emmanuel's GF asked them to stop, and they kept doing it. I'm typing this on 4 hours sleep because they kept messing up my schedule.

Keep leaving crap in kitchen. I'm staring at a scarf that's been sitting there for two weeks. Along with a large, mostly empty, salt container. And a moderately used toothbrush.

Keep leaving kitchen door open for smoke and then leaving, and then the flies get in.

Peed on the toilet seat, didn't wipe it up.

Left an empty burner on in empty kitchen. Something like that nearly set the kitchen on fire when somebody left a pan of hot oil a few months ago. Before they arrived but still.

I'm having flashbacks to the knob end who used to pull this kind of crap in the uni dorms. Except he was usually drunk when he came home late at night and he bought friends who stole my food. These folks don't have that kind of excuse.

There is one possible mitigating factor. Judging from their surnames they seem to be the Nepalese or Hindu.

Maybe they're  from some rural area and don't know how to act with, you know, basic decency and common sense.

Oh, and the upstairs shower is starting to clog a lot more. Probably something about all those long, dark hairs. Did I mention that the only other person with long hair in this house, Echo’s GF, currently has it dyed red?

I'm seriously starting to think God wants me to move out. And I sure don't want to be Chika to their Shirogane.

In good news, I realized the roommate who left for a while and then just left (Bravo) didn't clear out the freezer. Which means free hash browns and Yorkshire pudding. If they turn out to belong to Charlie (the guy who I suspected was the thief), I can honestly say I thought it was Bravo's.* 

Charlie also has some UHT long-life milk in the fridge. Which, in my mind, is more evidence he's the thief, since the thief supposedly stole Charlie's milk before. Unless he thought it was safe because Bravo and Mike had left.

I also found food in the freezer that expired in 2018. For the record, I am the resident who's been here the longest, and that was in 2019. I think they were forgotten and nobody cleared the freezer out. Which also explains the six empty frozen food bags I found.

In other news, a bee flew in my open window in front of my face and I tried to swat it with the book in my hand. Because I was tired, I end up smacking myself in the face and  bit my inner lip. And this is on top of the wisdom tooth causing me pain in my cheek.

Also I ordered a book (Robert McKee’s “Story”) and it never arrived. I did get a refund, but still I really wanted it. At least if it shows up they said I could keep it.

* His own fault for vanishing for over a month without so much as a "by your leave".

Since I queued this post, the hash browns have vanished from the freezer. The Yorkshire pudding and other stuff is still there. This was after I asked Echo if he had anything in the freezer. I’m not sure if it’s a coincidence. Also, Echo’s GF let her hair go back to black.

#personal

[ktheist]

from this post.

The meaning behind my url: the ‘kth’ in ktheist stands for kim taehyung and ‘theist’ means someone who believes in god which just means kim taehyung is my lorde and savior amen.

A picture of me: i don’t feel like sharing pics at the moment. might change my mind in the future who knows i did it before (;

How many tattoos i have and what they are: none!

Last time i cried and why: i can’t remember but i usually cry when i found out i offended a close friend because i hate to be that offensive/hurtful person and end up keeping a distance from them so i won’t hurt them anymore 

Piercings i have: none!

Favorite band: bts and blackpink

Biggest turn offs: when someone pushes/asks me to do something even though i said no the first time / i’ll do it later

Top 5 (insert subject): uh, like classes? ig English… and that’s it

Tattoos i want: none! i don’t like being in paineee

Biggest turn ons: when someone doesn’t rush me ehehe

Age: legal

Ideas of a perfect date: i can’t think of any at the moment, but in a way, i’m always on a date with myself and my perfect self date would be reading manhwa’s all day hehe

Life goal: to do no harm but take not shit

Piercings i want: none, i can’t stand paiNE

Relationship status: in love <3 with myself <3

Favorite movie: pride and prejudice 2005!

A fact about my life: i live in a rural area and got into a uni in one of the big cities. oh the irony.

Phobia: cars! driving! idk about you but driving is really taxing for me ):

Middle name: i’m good lol

Height: shorte

Are you a virgin? nah

What’s your shoe size? usually, i pick 37, i don’t know how long that’s supposed to be.

What’s your sexual orientation? confused but leaning towards diggity dong dong

Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs? i don’t but only because they’re expensive lol 

Someone you miss: min yoongi

What’s one thing you regret? my wasted potentials

First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive: min yoongi <3

Favorite ice cream? mint and ain’t nobody can change my mind

One insecurity: accidentally saying something hurtful to a loved one. 

What my last text message says: "nah i’m going in blind” to my friend when she asked if i’m preparing for tomorrow’s tutorial

Have you ever taken a picture naked? who has never?

Have you ever painted your room? yes!

Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex? not yet 

Have you ever slept naked? more like i can’t sleep with clothes on lol

Have you ever danced in front of your mirror? who has never?

Have you ever had a crush? yes, none of them work out and i end up with people whom i don’t really like at first but settled w bc ig i should grace them with my presence since they like me

Have you ever been dumped? yeah, i was lowkey glad it was over

Have you ever stole money from a friend? i mean i keep reminding my friends of the money they “owe” me ehehhehe

Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met? guilty oof

Have you ever been in a fist fight? yes, shout out to my bro i might need some practice tho bc i’m a little rusty

Have you ever snuck out of your house? no, i used to storm out once lol bc i got so stressed out lol

Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? um, twice in my lifetime, i was so blinded by A’s face but a few months after i stopped talking to them, i realized my back hurt from carrying the conversation and B was cute but he was lowkey mean ): 

Have you ever been arrested? nope!

Have you ever made out with a stranger? yes lol 

Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? yeah, the movies

Have you ever left your house without telling your parents? yes but i should’ve told them where i was going - i was that kid with poor communication skills

Have you ever had a crush on your neighbor? uh, ig? not really? idk.

Have you ever ditched school to do something more fun? YES like hangout with friends

Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? if it’s just your normal kind of sleeping then yes, not a fan of sharing beds tho lol

Have you ever seen someone die? no

Have you ever been on a plane? yess

Have you ever kissed a picture? i’m pretty sure i have

Have you ever slept in until 3? LOL AM OR PM

Have you ever loved someone or miss someone right now? i have loved someone (maybe? idk i liked them bc they like me lol) and i don’t miss anyone rn

Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? YES

Have you ever made a snow angel? no it doesn’t snow here ):

Have you ever played dress up? yes!!

Have you ever cheated while playing a game? ehehe who’s never?

Have you ever been lonely? a lot

Have you ever fallen asleep at work/school? yes lol

Have you ever been to a club? no but i wanna try going but w the pandemic going on ig i’m probably never gonna lol

Have you ever felt an earthquake? no

Have you ever touched a snake? no

Have you ever ran a red light? guilty 

Have you ever been suspended from school? no hehe

Have you ever had detention? we didn’t have the detention system where i lived so no!

Have you ever been in a car accident? yes ):

Have you ever hated the way you look? yes ):

Have you ever witnessed a crime? yessss the crime of… being so gosh darn cuTE 

Have you ever pole danced? no

Have you ever been lost? ngl lie i’ve been clueless about where i’m heading since day one

Have you ever been to the opposite side of the country? i was about to say yes but then i don’t even know what state is the opposite side of the country so

Have you ever felt like dying? yes

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? yes

Have you ever sang karaoke? no

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? yes this bitch a hypocrite 

Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? just ONCE

Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger? no but be fun if that happened (older i mean)

Have you ever kissed in the rain? no

Have you ever sang in the shower? yesss

Have you ever made out in a park? uh yes it was like past 11pm and nobody was around

Have you ever dream that you married someone? yea the dude was cute but i remember feeling like i wanna escape the whole “married for life” situation lol

Have you ever glued your hand to something? no

Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? also no

Have you ever gone to school partially naked? sis i wear a hijab

Have you ever been a cheerleader? sis i wear a hijab 2.0

Have you ever sat on a roof top? yes!

Have you ever brushed your teeth? omg how did you know?

Have you ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone? yes i can never finish a scary movie on my own ):

Have you ever played chicken? no

Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? no but i’ve jumped into a pull with my clothes on

Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger? yea it was nice at that time but now, i’m like what makes a stranger think i’m interested in what they think about me lol

Have you ever broken a bone? no

Have you ever been easily amused? yes lol

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried? yess aaaaa the good old days

Have you ever mooned/flashed someone? isn’t that sexual harassment?

Have you ever cheated on a test? LOL what’s the point of not cheating if you have every means to cheat?

Have you ever forgotten someone’s name? all the time honestly my brain is a shite dump of all the useless infos but never the important ones like names or if i already talked about something with a certain person and then i’ll end up asking them again about that topic (excitedly at that) 

Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real? i haven’t met min yoongi but yeah, there are some pretty and elegant girlies that make me go :o

Give us one thing about you that no one knows. is it supposed to be deep because ig no one knows but i’m currently hungry

#cara the clown #as per usual i'll delete once i get tired of seeing this on my blog #yay for oversharing

[thechrisramos]

Taylor Swift’s Evermore Review

This evening as I was stuck in traffic, driving back from holiday shopping all day for myself because let me tell you something if I don’t give myself something for Christmas, no one will. Anyway, there was not a lot going on at that moment, so I opened Facebook and was hit with great news: Taylor Swift was releasing YET ANOTHER ALBUM, a sister album to folklore named evermore.

Several hours later, at 11:11pm on December 10th, 2020 – after wrapping up my workout for the day and taking a shower – I’m tucked in bed, with a glass of cold water in hand, AirPods in (the pro ones obvi), about to listen to her newest album. So, let’s review it.

willow

Ok, so the instruments are a little more pronounced right away, I suspected this already because the album artwork was in color instead of black and white.

I really liked this song, I don’t know what it is about alternative music that just hits me where it needs to (unlike any other genre), and Taylor is such a great songwriter that I can always feel the meaning in her words even if I don’t relate.

However, I can relate to this one. My favorite lyric:

The more you say The less I know Wherever you stray I follow

I’ve said this to a guy before lol, he ghosted me after three weeks. But those three weeks were everything. Heaven and hell. If you wanna learn more about him read my past posts, you’ll find them right away.

Anyway, I don’t have a man right now, and I don’t want one, but like I said, I can feel the words.

champagne problems

Sadness.

You know what I’ve realized, and maybe everyone already knew this, but when going through a breakup a lot of the pain comes from the other person doing all the things we did together, but with someone else. Even if you were the one to break up the relationship, it still hurts. And this song is just that.

I cannot relate to this song personally because I’ve never done this to a person, but I do like to think that the shitty guy who obliterated my heart last January (yeah, the one I mentioned above) felt this way. Probs not.

Favorite lyrics:

She’ll patch up your tapestry that I shred And hold your hand while dancing Never leave you standing

I really enjoyed the piano on this one.

gold rush

Ok, a poppy beat. I like it.

While folklore was mostly not about her life, so far evermore seems very personal, yet very relatable. Gold rush obviously refers to the California gold rush, and thousands (millions? I don’t know, I was educated in Texas) of people relocating to California so they could dig up some gold. Perceptibly, the gold in this case refers to her man, and how everyone wants him (at least in her head).

Favorite lyrics:

I don’t like slow motion double vision in rose blush

I just like how she can make any words fit. Like, how does she do it?

What must it be like to grow up that beautiful?

Something that we all wonder about hot people. This song is about the insecurity that comes with being in a relationship, which is why I don’t like being in relationships.

‘tis the damn season

I like this one because it considers what a lot of us consider as well. The what if?

I don’t know if she wrote this one thinking about herself because as far as we know she is really happy with her man, and I really hope it stays that way. But when she says:

And the road not taken looks Real good now

Was she maybe wondering what life would’ve been like with her hometown lover? I don’t know. But I mean we all definitely consider things like this at some point in our lives, not necessarily about hometown lovers, but about past ones.

Favorite lyrics:

You could call me “babe” for the weekend ‘Tis the damn season Write this down

I assume she means the holiday season because don’t we all wish we had someone during it, but like just for the “weekend”? I know I do, but no.

tolerate it

This song is about that looming feeling that takes over a lot of us after the “honey moon” period at the beginning of a relationship is over. The moments where you start to consider whether something is a red flag or whether you are imagining it. I think it happens to everyone, but I don’t want to generalize.

Favorite lyrics:

If it’s all in my head tell me now Tell me I’ve got it wrong somehow

_

While you were out building other worlds, where was I?

_

Now I’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life

For me, all of these lyrics show the insecurities that are typical in a relationship. It’s actually a little painful when you go through it, and it’s almost like you want your partner to wear a bodycam so that you can see and hear every conversation they have, to listen to the way they say things, their tone of voice, compliments they give and to who, just every detail of their life.

It sucks to feel that way.  

no body, no crime (feat. HAIM)

Pop country?

This one is just really, like a lot to take in. Obviously, it’s not about Taylor, but it’s told by a person whose friend Este was “murdered” (cheated on I assume); however, I think Este is singing the song. I don’t know, there are many ways you could interpret this story.

I was really impressed though by how it goes from:

But I ain’t letting up until the day I die

to:

I wasn’t letting up until the day he Died

My assumption is that it’s about cheating and seeing all the clues, but not having the evidence to prove it, but still avenging yourself in the end. I liked this song.

happiness

The song is a question, “how does something great end?”

“We were so happy, when did it change?”

You know, these are questions that you will ask yourself at some point in your life.

I’m just now realizing that evermore is about why being in a relationship sucks, maybe we’ll get why being in a relationship is great with the rest of the songs, but so far Taylor is doing a great job at reminding me why I don’t want to be in a relationship, and perfect timing because ‘tis the damn season.

This song is the epitome of “easier said than felt”:

There’ll be happiness after you But there was happiness because of you

No matter how many times you tell yourself this, when you’re going through a break up, this won’t help because you want them to be your happiness.

There’ll be happiness after me But there was happiness because of me

This one will hurt when your ex finds someone else because not only do they know that there is happiness after you, but they found the happiness after you.

Leave it all behind And there is happiness

Like I said, easier said than felt.

dorothea

The words we all wish our high school crush would say to us.

Do you ever stop and think about me?

Yes.

coney island (feat. The National)

I think we are entering the “pondering” songs, the ones where you don’t necessarily feel anything for the person, but you’re just thinking about them, and in the case of this song, all the ways you wronged them.

I have never done this to a person because nobody wants me lol. My favorite lyrics:

Will you forgive my soul When you’re to wise to trust me and too old to care?

I don’t know, there’s something honest about the question.

ivy

Are the songs getting more philosophical by now, or am I just dumb?

So far, this has been the song that I just cannot understand. Reading over the lyrics once again, I think this is a song about two separately married people having an affair, but not being able of letting go of each other even though they are “promised” to other people.

I don’t know, somebody enlighten me!

Favorite lyrics:

My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand Taking mine, but it’s been promised to another

cowboy like me

Now I’m really doubting my mental capacity. What is a cowboy supposed to be like?

I think, and this might be completely wrong, this song is about being in the entertainment industry. About selling yourself within the industry as the “cream of the crop”, but knowing deep down you are not that, and then recognizing someone in the industry doing the same thing as you. You know, just two people going through life selling themselves as the best of the best, and finding comfort in having someone they can be their true selves with. 

Favorite lyrics:

You’re a cowboy like me Perched in the dark Telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear

long story short

Long story short, this is a song about falling and getting back up again. 

While I really like the lyrics in the end, when she says she survived the fall from the precipice, these resonated with me a little more:

I always felt I must look Better in the rear view

I take this to mean something along the lines of “the idea of who I am looks better than who I actually am.” I really identify with this thought because if you met me you would probably think that I’m just so chill and funny (not to toot my own horn lol), but if you got to know me you’d pretty quickly realize I am anxiety-ridden and dislike people very much.

marjorie

For some reason I feel like this song is about a trans person, is that just me? Like, you were born again as Marjorie, and you have a dead name now, but the essence of who you are is not dead to me. 

Maybe not. I don’t know.

This could also be about losing the person you love, and wishing you had appreciated and enjoyed the times you spent with them a little more. This seems more like it.

I love that Taylor’s writings can be interpreted in many ways, and you know it’s all deliberate. Like she planned it like that. Ugh, her mind!

Favorite lyrics:

Never be so kind You forget to be clever Never be so clever You forget to be kind

For me this is a message on how you should keep a good balance in who you are. A reminder to not lose track of yourself.

closure

Well, this song is about closure. The whole first part of the song resonated so much with me because, going back to the guy that broke my heart back in January, well:

It’s been a long time And seeing the shape of your name Still spells out pain It wasn’t right The way it all went down

While I have gotten over him, the lyrics above mirror how I felt for a really long time even though our “relationship” only lasted three weeks (I’m not exaggerating). By the way, this guy and I were never official or anything.

Favorite lyrics:

It cut deep to know ya Right to the bone

This is still true. But yeah, I don’t need his closure (not that he would ever reach out), but I got my own closure, and that’s all that matters.

evermore (feat. Bon Iver)

And I couldn’t be sure I had a feeling so peculiar This pain wouldn’t be for Evermore

Coming back to closure and getting over a break up, there’s nothing more painful than the feeling you get when you get broken up with. Every day that you are not with this person, you think of new things you miss about them, and that’s what makes it painful. You keep telling yourself that you’ll get over them, but as the days go by you start doubting whether that is true (btw it’s true), and that’s why those lyrics are so significant.

Thoughts:

Well, I really liked this album just like I did folklore. I think Taylor is entering a new phase in her life. NOT a new era that goes with an album and ends when a new one comes out, but a new phase. That phase when you let go of the immature kid inside of you, and start focusing on yourself instead of others. These past couple of albums have shown that. I’m not saying that Taylor was immature btw, or that she is no longer youthful, but she definitely has a more adult-like air about her.

She also makes it clear why she is the Apple Music’s Songwriter of the Year. Her lyrics are just magnificent, she is able to say so much in a few verses, and she, like, cuts so deep with paper-thin words. It’s impressive, and I definitely see her as poet (since forever).

Anyway, I hope y’all like the album as well, and I hope Taylor keeps making music because I definitely LOVE IT!

Make sure to stream and/or buy her latest album here:

Apple Music

Spotify

YouTube

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