#posting this kinda late but my blog has been so dead for the past 6 months so ! yknow. im doing it

[bugthebugsblog]

hey everyone! i’ve been feeling a lot of negativity in the fandom lately and wanted to make a quick appreciation post especially for some of the ask blogs that we have now! excuse me if i miss any, and if i do please let me know and i’ll add it on :D

1. @jalph-speaks i may be a little biased on this one because mack is the mod, but i’ve always enjoyed how the storyline of this blog keeps so many people invested. it’s without a doubt one of my favourite ask blogs in the fandom, truly a godsend

2. @adventures-of-maurice another one of my favourite ask blogs in the fandom. i love the storyline with the ring and with maurice and sam’s past friendship.

3. @wavesovergraves i LOVE this blog so much, kara (the mod) is so sweet and the art is amazing. i love the way she writes all the characters and how we interact with them in return.

4. @ask-the-feral-boys i love how this blog is based on the island, and how each of the boys can respond to our asks. i think it’s really smart how it’s been confirmed that the boys think the asks are just voices in the head. it makes a lot of sense with how they’re mental states have to be declining over time on the island

5. @thief-and-bloody-swine this blog is run by two wonderful artists, i literally cant get over how amazing both of their art styles are plus i always love high school au’s with the boys

6. @naval-officer-x-parachute-man i don’t even have to say anything. this ship is literally GENIUS.

7. @lotf-dance-au HDHRHRHRHHRHR THIS MIGHT BE MY FAVOUROTE ASK BLOG IM NGL i LOVE seeing the art of the boys dancing it’s just sO GOOD

8. @ask-lotf-high another amazing high school au with some amazing creators. i love seeing the art on this blog, it’s just beautiful

9. @lord-of-the-clue i’m personally getting to help with this blog along with mack and kara and it’s been so much fun. coming up with the lore and the different relationships has been awesome, so i wanna thank these two especially for letting me help with this

10. @ask-the-lotf-boys this is another au with the boys on the island. it just recently got started and i’m already in love with it. i love the overall vibe of the au and i love how it’s centered around the hunters

11. @lord-of-the-mermaids this also recently just got started and it’s already so cool???? i never thought of an au like this but i’m enjoying reading some of the asks so much

12. @lord-of-the-summer-camp this is another really cool concept!! i love how so many creators are coming up with these ideas and giving the rest of the fandom an oppourtunity to interact with them

13. @lovely-dead-children this is another blog where i really love the overall vibe, it’s got a very cool aesthetic and i always love post-island aus

14. @ask-lotf-simon this is my own blog (my bad 🤭🤭) but we always need a lil self appreciation 😤😤💪 it’s the first lotf au ask blog ive done and ive already gotten a lot of asks and it’s really great that people are showing interest

anyways, i know that i kinda ended up rambling but i’m just really passionate about all these blogs. i think it’s important that we show these creators support because they’re making all this effort to make this fandom a better place for all of us!

#lotf #lord of the flies #just wanted to make a little appreciation post because i think all of these wonderful creators deserve it :D!

[abybweisse]

I'm the fanfic anon (I hadn't realized I'd asked as anon) but I've actually been in the fandom just lurking about for 6 years (since I was 13) I've had many fics, most that I wrote when I first got into the fandom. They were popular enough then, but after I came back into the fandom more recently- my fics just haven't been doing as well. I recently orphaned all of my old fics actually, but now the new ones are kinda just... Flopping.

You orphaned all your old fics? So, people maybe just don’t know to associate you with your old stuff and aren’t realizing it’s you now writing your new stuff, or...? Sorry, but I don’t think I’ve ever orphaned my work, so I’m not sure exactly what happens to it all, if it’s orphaned. The closest I’ve come to doing that is the fact I haven’t updated my WordPress “copy” of my main blog here in... ugh. Ages. I started one in late 2018 or early 2019, not knowing what would ultimately happen to Tumblr after the big purge of December 2018, and I haven’t updated since. Um, but I didn’t remove my “name” from any of it, so idk. Did you deactivate a previous account here?

But anyways, the fandom itself has changed over the years, and I can’t even tell how many of my followers are abandoned blogs. Not the deactivated blogs but ones that have just been ignored over the years. Ya know?

A sizable chunk of the fandom seems to have walked away around the time of the huge flashback. Basically when 2ct was confirmed. And there was a lot of fandom drama in Tumblr, Discord, and Facebook around the same time. I’m not sure how my blog survived some of that.... Isn’t all that also around the time of the 2018 purge? So many people just plain gave up on Tumblr, including a lot of the fanfic writers. They went to AO3, WordPress, and other platforms.

Some fans went dormant for a while (or went to other platforms) and have come back — reviving old blogs, using new side blogs, even starting over with new accounts. So... ah... you might just need to give it time, particularly since you also left for a while and came back. We can just call that a hiatus, right? 😊

Being active on your blog is a must, even if it’s largely stuff that’s queued. Me? I’ve blogged almost every day, sometimes several times a day, for these past five years and however many months since I got sucked into the fandom. And not for the follows, either; the manga is basically an obsession of mine, since 2015. 😅

Even so, some of my posts get practically no notes, and I’m not talking about the ones saying I’m going to bed! 😂 The biggest thing for any creator is to get their work out there, even if few people see it. I know I feel better just making a post. Notes? Cool. Reblogs? Awesome. Dead post? Ah, well. At least it’s posted. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well, good luck with regaining your readership. Maybe people will check out your blog and give a note or a follow? That’s all any blog can hope for, I guess. That it provides something for someone. Sometimes posts just provide enjoyment for their own creators. And, honestly, that’s okay, too.

#black butler #kuroshitsuji #off topic slightly #blogging #fanfics #tumblr drama #fandom drama #tumblr purge #fr00tbat #asks #i answer #answered asks #mar 14 2021

[aurieeeeeenyx]

thanks for the tag, @veneritia :D

30 QUESTIONS: get to know me!

1. name/nickname: nyx (i also go by aurie cuz lol my url...haha...)

2. gender: uhhh good question *sweats* i generally use the label gnc (gender non-conforming) tho i think i also like agender? still figuring that out sjfjnabs (i use all pronouns btw; i like when multiple pronouns are used for me, though if you want to use one pronoun for me they/them is good)

3. star sign: gemini (don't know what moon and rising are)

4. height: you'll never know

5. time: too late to be doing my laundry that's for sure (jk it's late afternoon as of writing this...but i have been procrastinating doing laundry for the past four hours)

6. birthday: ;)

7. favorite band: the score

8. favorite solo artist: alec benjamin probably??? tbh i haven't listened to his stuff in a while but he's good go check out his music :) i mostly listen to random music that shows up in my recommended sdjfhds

9. song stuck in my head: all of them /j most recently maybe "i'm gonna win" by rob cantor tho honestly i always have at least 4 songs looping in my head at any given time /hj

10. last movie: howl's moving castle

11. last show: no idea; i don't think i've watched any recently, tho i have been thinking of rewatching atla

12. when i created this blog: april 2020 iirc

13. what i post: literally anything. this blog is just full of reblogs of random stuff (especially fandom related things for whatever fandom i've inevitably fallen into lmao) and the occasional creation of my own (art, animation, writing, etc)

14. last thing i googled: naginata

15. other blogs: i have a writing-only blog, @/aurienyx, which is...kinda dead, honestly. usually i post whatever to this blog, and then if it's writing (like Actual writing, and also original writing only-ish) then i'll reblog it to that blog. this blog was originally supposed to be a side blog but then...well, here we are (i post fics/drabbles and stuff to this blog only cuz yeah this one's more fandom-oriented; i think i post fic updates to the other one though)

16. do i get asks? rarely, but yes! i love getting asks, so feel free to send me one anytime :D

(getting long so the rest is under the cut!)

17. why i chose my url: oh boy. time for an explanation nobody asked for but i'm gonna give it anyways >:) a saga in three parts:

1, my url for this blog (aurieeeeeenyx) has 6 e's because it stems from the original (aurienyx), and that's because it was originally supposed to be a sideblog/joke-y blog—being unoriginal (/hj), i decided to stretch the vowels cuz that's what meme subreddits did and i thought it would be funny

2, the name "aurienyx" has two parts: "aurie" and "nyx". "aurie" is cuz i take latin, and "aureus" is "gold (coin)" in latin and like. that's cool (also we used to do this thing in class where we'd give ourselves names in latin and mine was "aurelius/a"). "aurenyx" looked funky to me so i stuck an "i" in there and that was that. the "nyx" part is where it gets fun: i used to be (and still kinda am) a mythology geek thanks, pjo/hoo and i always liked the name "nix/nyx", so i was like ah yes goddess of night nyx that's great—BUT i also really like(d) phoenixes so i was like aha! double whammy! and then i mixed them together and here we are

3, the less important part, "aurienyx" is a fairly short name with three distinct syllables and therefore easier to remember so like. branding or something ig (i didn't think abt this til after lmao) (this doesn't apply much to the url for this blog cuz it's loooooong)

so that's why! thank you for coming to my ted talk—

18. following: 256

19. followers: 129

20. average hours of sleep: .....don't attack me like this (not enough, clearly /j)

21. lucky numbers: don't really have them, but maybe 3 and 8?

22. instruments: piano, and i'm currently teaching myself (ish) ukulele! :D used to play oboe and cello but unfortunately not anymore...maybe i'll get back into cello someday (also thinking about learning guitar but uh 6 strings brain says no thank you /lh)

23. what am i wearing: right now i'm wearing a grey shirt/hoodie thing and black shorts

24. dream job: no idea/don't really have one; would love to be a part-time author though...kinda (i just wanna be able to create things for fun on the side ig)

25. favorite food: potatoes, maybe? they're so versatile it's great. but there's a lot of foods contesting for the spot so who knows

26. ?

27. nationality: :)

28. favorite song: oh god don't ask me this i can't chooooooose (but recently, probably "favorite color is blue" by robert delong ft k. flay... or maybe "revenge, and a little more" by unlike pluto... or maybe—)

29. last book i read: uhh besides an ungodly amount of fics i think the last book i actually finished was none of the above by i. w. gregorio. it was alright, though i wasn't really a fan. there's several other books i started but haven't finished reading, including (but not limited to) leviathan by scott westerfield, song of achilles by madeline miller, vicious by v.e. schwab, the night circus by erin morgernstern, the raven boys by maggie stiefvater....the list goes on

30. top 3 fictional universes i would like to live in: that's....really hard, honestly. i don't know, but if i had to choose: 1, harry potter bc i wanna explore hogwarts dammit; 2, the world in the game monument valley cuz wow those graphics are so pretty (the world of sky: children of the light too); and 3, this wonderland-based world i created a couple months ago lol (yes i'm biased but also i did a Lot of worldbuilding and i think it's really cool >:>)

tagging: @charlesjosephwrites, @belialwrites, @ryns-ramblings, @oasis-of-you, @djthedumbass, @iwantadamusername, @kittycatinblue, and anyone who wants to join :D

#tag games #in case you havent noticed im very indecisive and very rambly sdfjhsduifhse #feel free to (read: Please) send me asks abt books and songs and stuff lol #and/or asks about my wips cuz. yknow. i have a lot of those lmao and status updates sound fun #basically: Send Me Asks lmao #im sorry ryn idk why i cant tag you T-T #long post #my wifi died so many times while i was writing this SJDFNISUD

[ijustreallylovezebras]

Courtney’s Crisis Writing Challenge

So yeah as I’m sure all of you are aware of by now I’m having a crisis

and I figured what better way to deal with an emotional crisis than to do a writing challenge and read all the wonderful thing’s y’all can write to distract myself from my ever-growing list of responsibilities

maybe i should change it to Courtney’s Procrastination and Existential Worry Writing Challenge instead

ANYWAY

This is a whole-ass mega writing challenge, going across ALL the people I’ve ever written for and all the people I lowkey want to write for/kinda have a current obsession/love for atm

I’ll give a full comprehensive list below the rules 

But yeah this is going to have an English Literature theme bc I’m a nerd like that and have been reading too many books lately, again, to distract myself

So the prompts are split into three categories - “The Heartbreakingly Beautiful”, “The Hilariously Relateable” and “Fuck I’m Drowning In Fluff”

yeah the categories are just what went through my mind when I read the things these authors wrote

The Rules

1) You don’t have to be following me but it would be nice because I’m lonely and want friends plz

2) If your piece of writing is over 500 words, please use the ‘read more’ feature

3) Reblog this post to get the word out (and tag anyone who may be interested!)

4) It’s going to be one person per prompt but if needed I can add more prompts

5) Smut is fine but please leave warnings as appropriate (THOUGH NO UNDERAGE CHARACTER SMUT THANKS)

6) On the back of that one, no inappropriate pairings pleaseeeeee

7) Also please make sure you leave appropriate warnings at the beginnings of fics if any sensitive subjects are brought up (e.g. mental health etc)

8) Ships and OC’s are welcome

9) Tag me in your writing! - on any of my blogs or all three if you’re keen whoooo

10) Use the hashtag #CourtsCrisisWC

11) If you want to enter send me an ask with the prompt you want and the pairing you’ll be writing it with - again the ask can be sent to either of my writing blogs

12) The deadline for this is 15th December (this can be extended if y’all need it)

Characters/People/Pairings

Okay so imma split this section into parts real quick

Main Blog

1) Pretty much anyone from the MCU is welcome - with the exception of Tony Stark and Clint Barton

2) Tom Holland & Harrison Osterfield and HOCO cast and the Holland boys (NOT PADDY) 

3) Any of Les Amis

4) The characters from Peaky Blinders as well

5) Poly ships (e.g. Steve x Reader x Bucky or Tom x Reader x Harrison)

Side Blog

1) Ben Hardy (+ Warren Worthington)

2) Joe Mazzello (+ Eugene Sledge, Gardner Langway, Pat Murray, Dr Tim Murphy)

3) Gwilym Lee (+ Charlie Nelson)

4) (BoRhap!)Queen members (Freddie only platonically)

5) Roger x Reader x Ben

6) Joe x Reader x Ben

7) The Hargreeves Children (older!Five only)

8) Richard Madden (+ David Budd, Robb Stark, Prince Kit)

9) Taron Egerton (+ Eggsy)

10) Rocketman!Bernie Taupin and Ray Williams

11) Smosh Members

12) Jake Gyllenhaal (+ all his various characters)

13) Chris Evans (+ Ari Levinson, Frank Adler)

Just For Funsies (i.e. current obsessions I don’t officially write for but lowkey want to)

1) Ashton Irwin

2) Calum Hood

3) Sebastian Stan (+ Chris Beck)

tbh y’all can just send me a person and I’ll let you know if I’m cool with you writing for them but judging by this list I think you can rest fairly assured that I’m going to be okay with whoever you want to write for

Prompts

The Heartbreakingly Beautiful

“I have measured out my life in coffee spoons” - The Lovesong of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S Eliot // the most beautiful and wonderful poem ever written don’t fight me on this // ( @writingsoftheloser w/ BLANK)

“I am so busy keeping my head above water that I scarcely know who I am, much less who anyone else is” - The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

“Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do you start missing everybody” - The Catcher In The Rye by J.D Salinger ( @takenbyheartstrings w/ Peter Parker)

“I should have made it as hard for you to leave me as it is now for me to leave you” - Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë ( @bensakindofmagic w/ Ben Hardy)

"The universe is bigger than anything that can fit into your mind." - Love Letters To The Dead by Ava Dellaira ( @petersfreckles w/ Peter Parker)

“You never forget the face of the person that is your last hope” - The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins ( @tom-holland-stuff w/ BLANK)

“Hope may be the thing that pulls you forward (may be the thing that keeps you going) but that it’s painful and dangerous and risky it’s making a dare to the world and when has the world ever let us win a dare?” - The Knife of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness

“We can't fight another person's battle, no matter how much we want to.” - Holding Up The Universe by Jenifer Niven

“I'm sure I never used to be so sensitive. I think it is due to this nervous condition.” - The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman

“Sometimes, I feel the past and the future pressing so hard on either side that there's no room for the present at all.” - Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh

The Hilariously and Painfully Relatable

“As far as I'm concerned, I came out of the womb spouting cynicism and wishing for rain.” - Solitaire by Alice Oseman

“Real courage is when you know you’re licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what.” - To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

"And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good." - East of Eden by John Steinbeck ( @queen-paladin w/ Joe/Eugene/Charlie/Les Amis boy)

"We cross our bridges as we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and the presumption that once our eyes watered." - Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead by Tom Stoppard ( @lilulo-12 w/ Bucky)

"It's just that…I just think that some things are meant to be broken. Imperfect. Chaotic. It's the universe's way of providing contrast, you know? There have to be a few holes in the road. It's how life is." - The Truth About Forever by Sarah Dessen ( @sataninsatin w/ Detective Loki)

“It was books that made me feel that I was not completely alone” - The Night Circus by Erin Mogenstern

“Was there some kind of rule against drop kicking arseholes in the face? Probably. They always had rules against things that needed to be done” - Made You Up by Francesca Zappia

“I would challenge you to a battle of wits but I see you are unarmed” - Much Ado About Nothing by William Shakespeare ( @icantspellanything w/ Poe Dameron)

“Some people are born with an ear for music, some people are born with a talent for drawing, some people...have a built-in radar that tells them where a comma needs to go in a sentence.” - Our Chemical Hearts by Krystal Sutherland

“Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are.” I Am The Messenger by Marcus Zusak

Fuck I’m Drowning In Fluff 

“You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you” - Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austin ( @mavalenovaninagavi w/ Andrew Garfield!Peter Parker)

“I love her, and that’s the beginning and end of everything” - The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Flitzgerald ( @angiefangirlworld-2 w/ Ben Hardy)

“Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” - Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë ( @fichoe21 w/ Bucky)

"The curves of your lips rewrite history." - Picture Of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde ( @sarahp879 w/ Bucky)

"[BLANK] was right. [They] never looked nice. [They] looked like art, and art wasn't supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something." - Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell ( @writing-of-a-british-bitch w/ Eggsy/Warren)

“Here’s my secret. It’s quite simple: One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery

“Love is worth everything. Everything.” - Everything Everything by Nicola Yoon

“I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace,  against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be.” - Great Expectations by Charles Dickens ( @natdoesthings w/ Jake Gyllenhaal)

“I just want you to know that you’re very special and the only reason I’m telling you is that I don’t know if anyone else ever has” - The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chebowsky ( @d-is-for-delightfull w/ Enjolras)

“Don’t you understand? You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!” - Peter Pan by J.M Barrie

#CourtsCrisisWC #Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #Steve Rogers #steve rogers fanfiction #peter parker #peter parker fanfiction #tom holland #enjolras #enjolras fanfiction #quentin beck #quentin beck fanfiction #stucky x reader #stucky #harrison osterfield #harrison osterfield fanfiction #tom holland fanfiction #Tommy Shelby #tommy shelby fanfiction #please enter lads #I'm begging ya tbh

[incarnateirony]

You analyzed audiences in the past, right? Is it true we're hitting the lowest ratings ever in these recent episodes or it's just an exageration? I know ratings seem to be a science on themselves so I would like your opinion on the subject. Also, is there somewhere I can read that "Profound bond" book? Or at least part of it? I love GA stories.

Oh god here we go. And that’s not at you, it’s “Shut the fuck up Cereal Club, you’ve already had literal executive producers explain this shit to you and you deny it” – not your fault but it sure is theirs for continuing to circulate it.

Okay so first note – I’m going to be shorthanding this. ALL RELATED DISCUSSIONS AND CHARTS CAN BE FOUND ON THE #RATINGS HASHTAG.

TLDR: It only sucks like that if you think *literally the entire television universe is collectively having the lowest ratings ever*

TV has been on the decline since… like, TV started. Because one channel became 2 and then there was about 50/50! And then 2 became 4, and it was 25! And then 8! And then cable! And the 2008-9 digital mandate enaction Misha somehow kept this show from falling in the toilet over while show cancellation rates doubled in that period while TV figured out what the FUCK was going on and why THEIR ratings were falling. That’s HOW Supernatural vaulted so much and finally entered top like, 100 discussion on the regular and very quickly by S5 top 50. And then DVR! And then digital! *Digital doesn’t even track by Neilsen methods*

Here have a chart of nielsen ratings average since TV started.

Why yes, there WAS a time when Nielsen was regularly clocking a 40.x average. By the time people were watching TV around Y2K it had dropped beneath 10. By 2005, 10 was a hit. And so on. Q3 of 2010 with the digital boom/smartphones, you name it.

The unilateral ratings collapse is so bad that some networks have *said they’re going to stop reporting Live+SD ratings on certain slots or products by 2020*. CBS has had pissing matches with Nielsen over if their services are even worht putting money on anymore. The average ratings on thursday nights across the board in the general primetime slot, if you remove sports which the nation still DOES watch live, is averaging like a 0.7 right now. 

That may sound like greek, but basically, the average back when SPN started was like… 6. Which is why the show was in so much jeopardy all the time.

In terms of performance with the rest of the world, S15 I don’t have an average on yet and I’m just far too tired to go through that before even midseason, but I can get you a chart of the last 14 years as compared to the rest of the world’s loss, including from other shows in the same time period.

Obviously follow the legend at the bottom.

CW has always been a small network. The above works on making aggregates of all TV ratings by year and using it to make a median of what qualified as average performance on the year. But the thing is, you go look at Grey’s Anatomy? It started at was a 9.x. It’s now like “YAYYYY WE MADE A WHOLE 1.2 TODAY GOOD WORK GUYS T_T” -- and if you haven’t noticed THEY ARE ONE OF THE LEADERS IN LIVE RATINGS RIGHT NOW.

SPN looks stable from this size, but when we come to realize that it’s USED to running about ¼ the ratings of other shows, let’s like, take this into perspective without being shrunk by Big Brother Networks

SPN’s performance currently is *roughly* in the areas of seasons 4, 5, 8. And frankly, this was almost a matter of time thing with fewer and fewer people willing to hop into a show this late.  The amount of “high” Dabb has managed to keep SPN riding, which since S11 has been at performative base with the high buzz premiere season (that… quickly dropped as you can see). There’s also that S9 success bump I told you about, and LOL S7. You’ll notice it inarguably still performed better than S2, 3, 6, and 7 (and frankly, the back half of 1, but that’s rounded up due to Shiny New Show Buzz early before the ratings dropped in half)

If you explore my ratings tag, you’ll see a lot of talk about this history, be it on the show or just general ratings worldwide. But if you google something like “TV ratings falling” you’ll easily come across things like THIS (x)

There’s expectations that we’re going to lose 55million+ people from the TV universe by 2022 right now, or at least live TV, because digital. Also, as just about every historic projection since 2010 has been wrong and they’re like “EXCEEDED EXPECTATIONS” that could very easily end up being like, 60+ million. Cuz. Boomers+ that don’t use their phones and get confused by computers are kinda dying out, and numbers rarely calculate like “rate of death of people confused by gmail”. To put that into perspective, Nielsen TV universe estimates 305.4 million heads across 119.9 million houses. That not-quite-3-heads-per-home base right there, we’re talking about like 1/6th of viewership, entire homes are digitizing, fuckin’ smarthomes are being built with walls that are TVs that don’t hook up to fuckin… Charter unless you LITERALLY are part of their desperate marketing where they’ll literally fund a smarthome renovation JUST to keep you in their TV universe. 

Nah fam. Alexa turn on Netflix alexa play supernatural *washes dishes to imax shit*

Anyway, back to center (because yes, this still IS the shorthand version, if you wanna find the source material, you can navigate the years of posting)

If we were to take seasons 1-14 and modulate them in reverse to the rest of the TV universe curve, S1 etc would look like this in order:

The highs and lows are part of the respective average performer across networks. 100 is always “average”. However, “Average” on the CW is always a different affair.

25-34: Marginal for CW35-44: Solid for CW45+: Hit for CW

So… lowest ratings ever? Lmao no not unless you yell that at the whole TV world. But declined a bit in scale? I mean, yeah. Live, mostly. Digital calls, AFAIK, are still doing fine.

Even still the live ratings dropping that sliver wouldn’t… dramatically… matter. As you’ll find if you actually do dig back in my blog, on average performing TV shows, digital and +3 DVR viewing is already more than 4x the volume of any given show’s ratings on *average*

And… SPN isn’t average. It’s been in the top 20 digital leaders in the likes of Walking Dead and Game of Thrones and a bunch of DC properties since about S11~ (positions 19, 18, 16 S11, 12, 13 – I haven’t dug up 14′s yet but I HIGHLY doubt their digital call just *STOPPED and bounced 100% in reverse* lmao)

Realistically, the volume of SPN’s calls puts its digital audience S11-13 at about 20x the mass of its live viewership. Netflix, hulu, amazon, the CW app, *gestures off into the distance* Digital ways to make ad revenue that aren’t clocked by nielsen, but are measured in other ways. So for every 0.3 you see in a live rating, there’s basically a 6.0 equivalent running online. Whereas the average show, even if it has a 1.0 rating it’s managed to hold onto (which is something literally even the biggest shows have to fight to break past these days), it’s more likely to be closer to a 4.0 equivalent online. SUPERNATURAL CRUSH SUPERNATURAL STRONK.

CW has been AGGRESSIVELY marketing to convert people into their digital universe, because they’re digitally focused. Whether that holds out now that the Netflix deal broke, we’ll see.

Accessory reading:“Parrot Analytics’ Global TV Demand Report Finds Netflix Captured 62.6% Of Worldwide Demand For Digital Original Series In Q2 2019“

[lovemychoices]

Before There Was You-5A

TRR x ROE

Three years ago while travelling in Europe, Eve Sommers was involved in a car accident. She woke up from her coma two weeks later with no memory of what happened to her in the past seven months. Three years later and still no recollection about what happened to her before the accident. But all of that is about to change. Will she finally know the truth? Will there be consequences?

*THIS SERIES PRACTICALLY THROWS CANON OUT THE WINDOW* YEET!YEET!

Characters belong to Pixelberry, I am just borrowing them.

Word count : 1800

Chapter Summary: Eve is finally in Cordonia! What are the obstacles she’s going to face? Will she fail or come out victorious?

A/N: This is my first fiction series so it will definitely not be 100% perfect, in other words be kind 😬Grammatical errors are expected 🤣 Feedback and comments are welcomed. If you think this series could be your cup of tea then let me know if you want to be added to the series tag list, also hit that LIKE and REBLOG button if you like what you read.

Catch up with the series HERE

Warning : I’m rating this PG18 cause there will probably be PG18 stuff that’s going to happen in future chapters. So if you read this series you acknowledge that you are 18 and above.

BTWY Tag list: @thecordoniandiaries @leelee10898 @ao719 @annekebbphotography @desiree-0816 @rainbowsinthestorm @emceesynonymroll @the-soot-sprite @carabeth @cora-nova @charliejane-blog @dcbbw @hopefulmoonobject @cmestrella @jlpplays1 @pixieferry @romanticatheart-posts

The ride from the airport to the palace was awfully quiet, Eve was still mad at Drake about what he said back in the jet so she didn’t feel like talking much. Maxwell, who sat between them, could feel the tension that came with the awkward silence. He wondered what happened while he was asleep on the plane, he tried to break the silence with a few of his jokes only to be ignored with more silence.

The SUV starts to pull over as it reaches the main entrance of the palace. Oh thank God Maxwell thought to himself, the silence was killing him. Eve steps out the SUV followed by Maxwell and then Drake. Drake quickly walks away leaving the two at the main entrance.

“Welcome to the Cordonian Royal Palace!” Maxwell beamed excitedly. “This is where we’re going to stay most of the time for the next five months. Come on I’m excited to show you your room!” He says pulling Eve by the hand and taking her into the palace before she could even take in all of her surroundings.

****

Eve enters her room and could not help but be amazed by how big it was, it was maybe four times the size of her room back in New York. The walls were painted a soft ecru colour and paired with gold trimmings. A beautiful giant antique chandelier hung in the middle of the room with a picture of a baby cherubs eating an apple on the ceiling.

“So I assume you have something to where for tonight.” Maxwell asks.

“Huh. Sorry. What?” She shakes her head and turns her attention back to Maxwell.

“You know for the masquerade ball it’s the start of the social season.”

“I’ve packs a few dresses for the occasion but I don't think I have a mask to go with the outfit.”

“That's alright, I’m sure they’ll have some you can borrow in the palace boutique.”

Maxwell's phone buzzes, he reaches for his pocket to see who it could be. “Oh look a text message from Bertrand, I gotta go he wants to see me. You’ll be fine without me till tonight right? He asks cocking an eyebrow.

“Sure…”

“Okay cool, the ball starts at 6 so don’t be late.” He informs her and leaves in a huff.

Eve opens her suitcase to get her dress ready when she realises she doesn’t know where the boutique was. She steps outside of her room to look for Maxwell but he’s already out of sight. She reaches in her pocket for her phone to call him but her battery is dead. Damn it! she thinks. “Oh well, guess I’ll have to find my own way to the boutique.” She murmurs.

A noble woman passes by and Eve tries to ask for some directions. “Excuse me miss, would you mind telling me where I can find the boutique?” She asks politely. The woman takes one look at her and grimaces before walking away, ignoring her question. Okay not much friendly people out here. She thought. lets see if I were a boutique in a big ass palace where would I be? Not paying attention to where she is going she accidentally bumps into someone.

“Oops! Sorry princess, didn’t see you there.” Leo apologises, she turns to face him and when she does he is take aback and eyes go wide open like he’s seeing a ghost from the past. “Eve?”

Eve cocks an eyebrow. “I’m sorry, have we met before?”

***

Three years ago - Paris, France

“Nice to meet you Eve, I’m Leo.” He smiled shaking her hand and she smiled back. “So what brings you this part of town?”

“Well I was actually going to take some photos by the Seine and check out the flea market when I got mobbed on the way.” She answers, her eyes go wide open when she realises she’s supposed to meet Ruby at the Louvre by now. She reaches for her purse but remembered her phone dropped in the river.

“Eve is something wrong?” Leo asked when he noticed she looked a bit worried.

“Um... So this is might sound a little awkward but would you mind if I borrowed your phone for a minute? I dropped mine in the river and I’m supposed to meet a friend at the Louvre right now, she’s probably worried that I haven’t shown up.”

Leo chuckles “I have a better idea, why don’t I take you there instead, it’s only a few minutes away if we take my motorcycle.”

Eve looks at him then at the motorcycle, she’s never ridden a motorcycle before. She bit her lower lip wondering if this was a good idea.

“I promise you it’s perfectly safe, do you trust me?” Leo grinned offering an extra helmet,

“Screw it.” She murmured under her breath and with a smile took the helmet. what could go wrong she thought.

***

“I’m sorry, have we met before?”

Leo doesn’t answer at first his mouth slightly open a look of confusion written all over his face.

“Eve? Is that you?” A familiar voice calls from across the hall. “Liam?” Eve smiles when she sees that it’s him. Liam walks up to her and gives her a long welcoming hug.

“I’ve missed you” He says

Eve closes her eyes taking in the scent of his sandalwood cologne. “I’ve missed you too.” She replies. They pull back a few seconds later. “Sorry I would have called but my phone died.”

“That’s alright as long as you’ve safely arrive, I trust Maxwell had everything in order? Was the plane ride okay?” He asks placing his hand on her shoulders.

“It was fine Liam, more than fine, thank you.”

“That’s good to hear. Oh , where are my manners?” He grins letting go of her. “Eve I'd like to introduce my older brother, Leo.” Liam says motioning Leo at the back.

“Oh you’re Liam's older brother!” Eve beamed, giving him a quick hug taking Leo off guard. She pulls away a few seconds later smiling. “Liam has told me so much about you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too Eve” Leo replies with a rueful smile. Of all the people in the world his brother could have fallen for it had to be her. He looked between the two rubbing the back of his neck. “Ah so, I need to go I’m sure you two have a lot of catching up to do.” He says and quickly turned on his heels walking the opposite direction.

Eve cocks an eyebrow as she watches Leo walk away. That was quick? She turns her attention back to Liam. “So... what's next?”

Liam heaves a sigh. “I wish I could stay and take you on a tour of the palace but i have a meeting to attend.” He took his hand in hers. “I’ll make it up to you tonight, I promise.”

“Then I shall be looking forward for tonight.” She grins. “By the way any idea where the boutique is? I kinda need to borrow a mask for the masquerade ball and I have no idea where I’m going.”

Liam chuckles. “It’s just around the corner.” He takes her right hand and kiss her knuckles giving a mischievous look. “Save me a dance tonight?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” She replies with a playful wink. “Until tonight.”

****

Eve stood in front of the mirror making some final adjustments to her dress. She chose to wear a beautiful strapless scarlet red mermaid dress that clung to every curve of her body. She walked towards her dresser where her phone charging to check for any messages she might have missed. 10 miss call and 5 messages from Ruby. Oh crap I forgot to call and let her know I safely arrive Cordonia. Let’s see it’s should be almost noon there so here goes. A few dial tones later..

“Hey Red…”

“Omg! Where have you been? I’ve been trying to call you all day! Do you know how worried I was?” Ruby bellowed.

“Yeah sorry, my phone died and I kinda lost track of time.”

“Yeah yeah yeah. At least you called. So how’s Cordonia treating you?”

“Hard to say I’ve only been here a couple hours, there was this really snobby woman I met and oh I did manage to run into Liam and his brother Leo—.”

Ruby spat out her drink when she heard the name. Could it be? Nah maybe it’s just a coincidence there are plenty of European guys out there with the name Leo last name Rys, could there? But just to be sure.

“Hello Red, you still there?”

“Oh yeah sure still here.. Hey Eve you wouldn’t mind sending a photo of Liam’s brother would you?”

“No, why would I have his photo and why do you want one?”

“Oh you know just.. to for some background check…” Ruby stutters

“Right…” Eve replies with a skeptical tone. “I don’t know, trying searching the Royal Archives online or something I’m sure he’s in it. Listen I love to continue this conversation but I’ve got an event I need to get you. Text you later on the details?”

“You’d better…”

They both hang up while Eve continued to get herself ready, Ruby quickly clicks on her googles app on her phone typing the Cordonian royal archives on the search engine. A few clicks later, her eyes go wide open when she finds out it Liam’s brother really is the Leo.

Ruby runs to her room opening her closet and taking out a box which was well hidden inside a secret hole in the wall. She opened the box and takes out a cellphone, which used to belong to Eve. She turns the phone on and looks through Eve’s phone book wondering if Leo still uses the same number. Couldn’t hurt to try.

Leo sat on the ottoman in his room staring up at the ceiling trying to wrap his head around what he just saw. He feels his phone buzzing in his pocket and takes it out, his eye go wide open when he sees the number that was calling. Could it be? Does she remember who I am?

“Hello?”

“You son of a bitch—”

Leo heaves a sigh. “Ruby it’s nice to hear from you again.”

“Listen you! I don’t know what shit you’ve got planned but if you—.”

“If this is about Eve, believe me I was as shocked as you are. And you know I would never do anything to hurt her intentionally ”

“Look I’m not mad at you for what happened in the past, that’s all in the past. But do you think it’s a good idea to be around her? What if she remembers what if she gets hurt again? Can’t you just leave?”

“Believe me I would if I could but I promised my brother I’d be here the entire social season to help him out, if I knew she was the one he was vying for I would have never made that promise and left before this whole thing began.” He shook his head. “Karma really is a little bitch.”

Ruby pinched the bridge of her nose trying to gather her thoughts and calm down. “Loook Leo, I’m sorry if I got all mad and shouted at you earlier on but you know how much I love Eve. I just don’t want her to relive all the pain she went through before a second time.”

“I understand and I promise, I’ll try my best to keep my distance.”

Ruby heaves a sigh. “I’m trusting you Leo.”

“I know…”

****

#the royal romance #playchoices #drake walker #king liam #leo rys #leo x mc #liam rys #liam x mc #not choices #prince leo #trr liam #trr drake #trr hana #trr maxwell #trr #trr au #trr x roe

[andrewuttaro]

New Look Sabres: GM 30 - VAN - Never Easy

6-5 OT Loss

It’s never easy with these guys is it? They gave us just enough Thanksgiving hope to make us think this season wasn’t already over. A shockingly weak Atlantic Division was the gravy beside a turkey of early winter belief. Well maybe send a check for it to Josh Allen because I don’t know if our hope is coming from this team or if it’s a biproduct of the football team’s success. Even when it’s close, even when they force it into overtime, this hockey club drags us hard. Tyler Myers gets a two-point night including a go-ahead goal? This game felt like it was being written for us; written in just a way to give us the full range of emotions. We got the former Sabres scoring, we got Marcus Johansson scoring a goal to resurrect himself, we got Victor Olofsson being the hero we knew in October and getting a powerplay goal! We even got an OT winner… that was iced as the football kickers say! It was a drama, a dramatic tragedy. These guys could’ve gotten two points tonight, but they had to settle for one. Hey, at the end of the day the regular season is like a good streaming show. Every episode has its moments and the overarching narratives are what keep you coming back. The Sabres current overarching narrative is a Jack Eichel point streak that has now reached twelve games straight! That’s the longest of his career and accompanied by some pretty stellar gifs out of this one. Speaking of coming back, how about those Canucks jerseys? I got confused at times because at a quick glance they look like the Sabres primary home jerseys. So the Canucks actually wore two throwback jerseys begging the question why the Sabres… nope, okay I’m going to resist the urge to distract from this game. It was actually rather fun if I say so myself.

This team is resistant to making it easy. It’s funny to say that two games removed from demolishing the New Jersey Devils but throughout it’s rare to see a complete performance from these guys. The Sabres went in ebbs and flow for the whole first period but it was more ebbs than flows if you know what I mean. Right after a decent stretch of O-Zone time Jordie Benn the angry leprechaun airmailed a puck into the neutral zone where Josh Leivo managed to out-maneuver his guy and go in on Hutton to draw first blood. The Canucks were dominating in every category except 5 on 5 high danger scoring chances in the first and even that was 50/50. I don’t think I’d want to say the home team could’ve scored even more in the first but it was another less than stellar period for Buffalo. The Jake McCabe – Zach Bogosian pairing was so terrible I’d like to rant about it but that feels like beating a dead horse at this point. I do trust Krueger to rotated Colin Miller back in, I do not however trust Jason Botterill to move the piece necessary to allow him to ice the best D-Core. That debate is a little too tired for a Saturday night though. I’d rather roast those ugly V jersey throwbacks the Canucks wore for warmups. Meh, I’ll save it for the P.S.

The second period wasn’t as bad. It did however start with the visitation of the ghost of Christmases past. Vancouver was buzzing around Hutton when a Tyler Myers move drew Hutton a little further out of his net that you probably want. Antoine Roussel took advantage and put them up 2-0. More on Mr. Myers later. Mere minutes later Johan Larsson had the puck behind Thatcher Demko in the Vancouver net and put out front for a charging Kyle Okposo. Okposo, back surprisingly quickly from another concussion, snuck that one in, 2-1 Canucks. That response felt big and it was only amplified two minutes later when Rasmus Ristolainen got a quick pass from Victor Olofsson on a Vancouver delayed penalty. He launched one of his trademark rockets we might hopefully miss real soon and suddenly the game was tied. This was a very encouraging chain of events after the comeback came too late in Calgary the other night. This time we were treated to some real fun hockey for a little bit: back and forth and wow, isn’t it nice when our team doesn’t suck or rock, they just entertain us?

As soon as that thought was ticking through my head Josh Leivo struck again. It was a neutral zone turnover courtesy of Marco Scandella and this time Elias Pettersson was involved. Once again, there was some comeback in Buffalo and finally a powerplay goal by way of Mr. October Powerplay Victor Olofsson. It was a pretty one-timer too within the last minute of the middle frame. It would be 3-3 going into the third period and the script writing unto this point was interesting, it felt like we were due for something really trash or really nice in the third act. Turns out we got both. On a play that started all the way back in their own zone, Tyler Myers and JT Miller come streaking in on Hutton and Miller gives Myers a gorgeous assist to slam in a real banger, 4-3 Canucks… wait for it… shorthanded! That’s some real trash, friends. Does that feel bad? Well how about another for Antoine Roussel, 5-3, guess whose an all-star now? Make it happen Vancouver, you can vote nine times a day! Now, here’s something to ponder: What if I told you 2014 NHL All-Star Zemgus Girgensons would play into yet another comeback? Funny joke, eh? This is a comedy, but it’s based on a true story like Tag. LOL. Yeah, Girgensons did it at 12:05 of the third period and once again made it a one goal game. Keep it close guys! Hell, you can win it too if you want! Unfortunately this entertainment was not a comedy… if it was it was a dark one. No, this was a tragedy when all was said and done.

The seven remaining minutes of regulation were not without excitement. Pettersson almost scored a true slapper for the ages and the boys wearing blue (not Vancouver because remember, they’re wearing those awful black skate jerseys) kicked into gear for the late equalizer. In the last five minutes or so Buffalo really found their stride forcing the Canucks to only have the option of icing it to get a break. With 58 seconds left Marcus Johansson gets the puck way out at the blueline and rips a shot through the woods and five hole to find the equalizer. Skinner-Johansson-Asplund is a sneaky good line. Weirdly enough Johansson has been the worst part of it lately so hopefully this big goal gets him going again. I’ll be honest I’d feel a little wronged as a Canucks fan. The refs called this game with endless penalties for Vancouver. It was almost like these refs really wanted to see how bad our powerplay is. This one was settled in OT. This overtime period was weird AF. Henri Jokiharju got called for tripping a Canuck and effectively iced a Jack Eichel game winning goal. I’m not saying it was unfair seeing it back again but perhaps the refs felt they had some making up to do. OT Powerplays are cardiac experiences. Jack Hughes almost scored a dozen times before JT Miller scored a high rocket Hutton couldn’t get his glove to. 6-5 OT Loss, the Sabres were in it the whole time and got a point for it but, damn that felt like an opportunity missed. It’s never easy, even when it’s fun.

I think the hockey gods took umbridge with my suggestion the Sabres could get 4 out of 6 points on this trip. Between the embarrassing 45 or so minutes in Calgary and the final result tonight in Vancouver we’ve got two points… and I kinda feel that maybe it for us before the next time we see them at home. Have you seen Conor McDavid lately? Hell, have you seen Leon Draisaitl lately? If the game Buffalo wins on this trip is Edmonton I am going to look like a real clown. If it happens though I will be proudly making balloon animals. Like, comment and share this blog. For us bloggers there are no loser points in engaging our readers. Maybe tonight respond to this post with an emoji describing how this game made you feel. Do a whole a dramatic tragedy with emojis! I’m feeling festive. With tomorrow’s lineup of games for Buffalo teams it will be incredible of we get one win out of our teams this weekend. Let’s Go Buffalo!

Thanks for Reading.

P.S. Okay so the Canucks have never had a good jersey. However the Skate jersey and the flying V are a special kind of tacky. If aliens had to represent visually what popular culture was in the 1980s they could really just show that ugly rag.

#buffalo sabres #Hockey #blog #NHL

[like-twilight]

I’m jus’ gon do this cause why not I stole it from Here.

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

According to my last.fm in the last seven days: 1: ATEEZ: Wave 2: ATEEZ: Illusion 3: ATEEZ: Win 4: TxT: Run Away 5: ATEEZ: Precious 6: ATEEZ: Say My Name

Guys. I like Ateez.

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

My sister.

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

Well I ain’t standin’ up so here’s line 17 from page 23 of Vale which is on my computer.

““Well then, Your Highness,” I say and crouch down, trying to get a look of her face”

4: What do you think about most?

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad things.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

From a real person that’s not an automated message from a bank or a website it’s from my co-worker from October 26th that says “Ok I’ll do it, print it then I’ll replace it”

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

Well. PJ’s are clothes so.

7: What's your strangest talent?

I don’t think I have any.

8: Girls... (finish the sentence); Boys... (finish the sentence)

Girls not allowed. Boys also not allowed. Leave me alone. (My nb friends can come tho.)

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

If I did then the creator didn’t tell me :”D

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

I... can’t recall.

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

Frogs.

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

Maybe as a baby?

13: What's your religion?

I don’t belieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeve.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

I’m not outside. But I’d probably be going to work or the store or the post office.

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind.

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Ateez!

17: What was the last lie you told?

“I’m okay!” #deep

18: Do you believe in karma?

god no!

19: What does your URL mean?

It’s a quote from Ateez’s Twilight.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

I’m very depressed. Strength is probably that I’m still alive? Idk

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

Idk. Find a lot of famous people attractive I-? I Don’t have just like The Celebrity Crush. Jeong Yunho’s cute tho.

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

No.

23: How do you vent your anger?

I throw a temper tantrum.

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

Just a mason jar of my tears. Also every Ateez album released so far.

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Neither! Fucking email me, bro.

26: Are you happy with the person you've become?

God no :D

27: What's a sound you hate; sound you love?

Ambulance sirens hate. Fuckin... panflute I love.

28: What's your biggest "what if"?

What if I was a... giraffe.? Or a tardigrade. 

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

I believe in things we can’t perceive scientifically or whatever. Not ghosts per se, like souls of dead people or whatever. Also yes to aliens.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

Nothin I’m jus sittin on my bed. If I move my arms up and down a bit then my blanket and a bottle of water.

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

Nothin. Is just my room.

32: What's the worst place you have ever been to?

Uuuh a cemetery?

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

In America? Idk which is less racist in general?

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

What’s an “opposite” gender? I know you mean male but I refuse to give into the cISSEXIST SCUm. 

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

I have no idea what that means.

36: Define Art.

the expression or application of human creative skill and imagination, typically in a visual form such as painting or sculpture, producing works to be appreciated primarily for their beauty or emotional power.

37: Do you believe in luck?

Yes. But I’ve never been the lucky one unfortunately.

38: What's the weather like right now?

Uuuh I have to google it. Clear. 8°

39: What time is it?

21:30

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

No. But I probably would.

41: What was the last book you read?

Pfssssshhhh, one that wasn’t written by me? Fucks me, dude. Fault In Our Stars? The Death Cure? I can’t remember, it’s been years.

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Yeah!

43: Do you have any nicknames?

Tia.

44: What was the last film you saw?

Uuuuuuuuhhh... UUUUHHHHHHHHH How to Train Your Dragon 3, it was nice.

45: What's the worst injury you've ever had?

Had a bleeding spine! Kinda miss it tbh.

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

I probably haven’t tried, I’ve just tried to get them to land on me.

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

Uuuh I’m into Ateez these days.

48: What's your sexual orientation?

I’m byesexual.

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

Yes.

50: Do you believe in magic?

Again, I do believe things could exist we can’t scientifically explain but idk. Not in the Harry Potter magic way.

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

No, cause I believe everything is my fault.

52: What is your astrological sign?

Aries.

53: Do you save money or spend it?

I save money TO spend. I think I found a healthy balance.

54: What's the last thing you purchased?

A fukin... bike. That’s like in your room. Not by accident but because it’s meant to be there.

55: Love or lust?

Like.. in what context? Love? Idk.

56: In a relationship?

Love.

57: How many relationships have you had?

None relationships.

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

I can’t.

59: Where were you yesterday?

Like on average? Or 24 hours ago exactly. Cause I was at work for eight hours and then I was just on my bed.

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

Yeah, my phone case.

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

Ye.

62: What's your favourite animal?

Cat? Idk.

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

:DDDD If I had any then people would like me.

64: Where is your best friend?

???? 

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

I... I dunno? The ones I follow?

66: What is your heritage?

I don’t know what that means. Like what I’m gonna be remembered by? I whined a lot!

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

Cried.

68: What do you think is Satan's last name?

Choi.

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

Why would I lie about masturbation. Yeah I did.

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

Fuck no.

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Save the dog, fuck off.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) I am telling everyone. b) Be paralysed by fear and waste all of it. c) Yes, very much.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

I feel like that’s stupid. 

74: What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Illusion by Ateez these days. 

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

4153

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

I wouldn’t know, buddy.

77: How can I win your heart?

Just be nice to me and I’ll probably be emotionally attached to you for life, sorry.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

I don’t think insanity is the cause for any creativity. If an insane person is creative then they would be creative with a sound mind too.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

Got into kpop, that was nice.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

42

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

“Balled 2 hard lol”

82: What is your favourite word?

There are too many words.

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

Kokoro.

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

I don’t think there is one.

85: What's the last song you listened to?

Treasure by Ateez.

86: Basic question; what's your favourite colour/colours?

Pink and yellow.

87: What is your current desktop picture?

A picture of.. Ateez... sorry.

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

Donald Trump.

89: What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?

Uh, I think I’m p truthful, yeah. Ask me anything.

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Scream. Maybe scramble on the floor and push past them if I can.

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

Immortality!

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

Oh geez. I was on a carousel in Italy once, that was awesome.

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

The one that gave me depression idk which one it was but can it go away?

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

Ehh, I don’t want that. Like... I don’t know those people, they could be Awful in bed or just in general too. Like I need an emotional bond first and they don’t even know me and I only know the persona they show to the public. Plus it could potentially ruin the music for me later on, it’d be weird, no thank you.

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

UUUUUHHHHH I DUNNO Lyon cause Grenoble doesn’t have an airport. Well, actually my sister isn’t in Grenoble right now. Hm well if I grab my card before I go then I can just find a hotel there until she comes home.

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

I don’t think so? 

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

I had to throw up in a car and then asked the driver to stop the car so I can throw up outside the car.

98: Ever been on a plane?

Yes. Seven times. SEVEN TIMES? Yeah, holy shit.

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

Someone help me, I am so so so incredibly in need of help, please. Please. Thank you.

#about me #personal

[the-fluffy-angst]

answer these questions then tag 20 blogs you’d like to know better! tagged by: @the-perfect-scientist​

tagging: anyone I guess lol

nicknames: Jai (pronounced like Jay), Jem, J-Dog, Squirrel Girl, Fang... so many others... zodiac: Aquarius  height: 5′2 (I’m the type that everyone fears for my safety because I’ll jump onto counters to reach things.) time: It is 12:48am (1:35 as I finish this up) favorite band / artist: Ohhh that’s hard... Lately I’ve been listening to a lot of Abba, We the Kings, Frank Sinatra, and the Beach Boys song stuck in my head: Lost by Kodaline last movie i saw: Toy Story 4. Just saw it with some friends today and oof. I was worried, but it was really good ;v; last thing i googled:  What I remembered of the lyrics from “Lost” because it was stuck in my head but I couldn’t for the life of me remember the name of the song or the artist. other blogs: I have... a lot... so buckle up I guess @jemwolf (My main where I post art and various random thought) @ask-wellawarewolf (an ask blog I started forever ago and need to update) @a-hidden-jem (Where I reblog whatever. no tags. it’s chaos.) @just-clean-rp-memes (what it says on the tin.) @the-devils-nest (My FMA blog) and @jaisthetics (in which I reblog stuff that makes me think of my various characters) do i get asks: Occasionally. Moreso lately, but mostly from the same three or four people lol why did i choose this username: I l like to write a lot of angst, but usually offset by fluff... also I have a lot of literally fluffy characters. Used to be jay-rps, and wanted to spice things up a bit. Still not quite happy with this one, but eh.   following: ...4844... I need to clean that up sometime... that is excessive... average amount of sleep: 6-8 hours... but I tend to go to bed past 2am and I should maybe stop doing that what i’m wearing:  A Lilo and Stitch tshirt (it says Aloha and has Stitch on both sides, but on the back it shows him from behind) and jeans. (about to go put on a Captain America onesie tho because who cares if it’s too hot... I’ll probably regret this decision later) dream job: I want to be an animator at Dreamworks or Pixar dream trip: ... I’d love to go to Japan with my dad, but also I’ve always wanted to go to Australia. (I wanna go to the Irwin’s zoo ;w;) favorite food: Fettuccine Alfredo... also Mashed potatoes and macaroni and cheese play any instruments: Violin and piano, currently learning ukelele and guitar. eye color: Dark brown. hair color: Dark brown, but it gets kinda reddish-brown in the summer. languages you speak: English, trying to learn more Spanish because half of my family speaks it hhhhh... (I understand more than I can speak) most iconic song: ... Probably Titanium by Sia. Won a talent show singing it back in middle school and my family has always referred to it as “My song” ever since. random fact: I have a variety of weird, useless talents. Most notable being animal impressions and balloon animal making. describe yourself as aesthetic things: Sunrises and sunsets seen through dead trees, a big pile of stuffed animals, far too many notebooks and sketchbooks and loose paper absolutely covered in sketches and writing.

#about me #about mun #this was fun!

[eggoreviews]

10 Most Anticipated Releases for (the rest of) 2018

I’m excited about a lot of things. So are a lot of other people. So this list shoves all of the music, films, games and TV shows scheduled for release this year that I’m most excited about into one handy list. Enjoy some content and let me know if one of your faves is in here too!

Also, yes the picture is just a switch, but this list does still contain stuff other than games. What else do you put as a picture here other than like a stock image of what year it is? Idk I like putting pictures here, it keeps up an aesthetic u feel

10. Super Mario Party (Release date: October 5th)

Okay so I’m pretty much a sucker for anything Nintendo based at the minute, especially since I only just got a Switch and I really have a lot of catching up to do (still haven’t played Zelda or Mario Odyssey) and the only Mario Party game I’ve ever played is the one where you’re in the car that everyone seems to hate. So while this isn’t the most hyped thing on my radar, or anyone’s radar really, I’m still pretty excited to see the newest addition of what is basically just a Mario board game.

Hey at least Waluigi is playable in this.

9. Hotel Artemis (Release date: July 20th)

This film looks fuckin great. I always talk about going to see a film on a whim because it looks kinda cool, but never do considering how far away my nearest cinema is. But for this one, I think I’ll make the effort. I mean, a film about a criminal hospital that has Dave Bautista, Jodie Foster and Jeff Goldblum in it? And also Gazelle from Kingsman? Big yes.

8. Doctor Who Series 11 (Release date: Probably the autumn or something)

I’ve been a fan of this show since I was basically a toddler and have loved to bits every one of the modern doctors so far. So now we’re finally getting a woman in the role, that’s something to be very, very excited about. And also three companions? Yeah this series will be good and I’m ready for it.

7. Mario Kart 8 Deluxe DLC (Release date: A day that isn’t today)

I was 100% sure that Nintendo weren’t doing any more content for MK considering it’s a port, but there was a reveal on a Nintendo Twitter account that there’s some content coming soon. This is actually one of two Switch games I own right now (pls send me games) so new content would be cool, hopefully in the form of some new characters and courses. Give me Funky Kong and the Waluigi Pinball course and I’ll be a very happy bean.

6. Ant-Man and the Wasp (Release date: August 3rd)

I know literally everyone in the world has already seen this but I’ve still got a couple of weeks before the new Marvel boi and I’m really excited to see where everything goes. As much as Antman was never my absolute fave, I’m hyped to see Hope take on a more central role this time. Plus that salt shaker fight from the trailer has got to be worth a watch.

5. The Walking Dead: The Final Season (Release date: August 14th)

As I mentioned in my Walking Dead themed post, I’ve been spending a lot of time catching up on missed seasons of this amazing set of game series and have now finally finished the Michonne miniseries. So I’m really excited to see how Clem’s story wraps up and whether or not any of the AWOL characters will return.

4. Life Is Strange 2 (Release date: September 27th)

Here’s another series of games that made me feel a lot of emotions back in the first game’s release in 2015. There was just something so powerful about the cheesily-written characters, hard hitting storylines and a perfect indie soundtrack that just struck every nerve for me. So after a slightly disappointing prequel in last year’s Before the Storm, I’m happy that Dontnod are taking the reins again for this one. Also, if you haven’t played the Captain Spirit prequel yet, it’s amazing and also it’s free. V much worth your time.

3. ‘Simulation Theory’ by Muse (Release date: November)

Muse were my favourite band for a long ass time and are still definitely one of my favourites so I’m very, very excited for our first album since 2015′s Drones, which feels like forever ago. I’ve loved all the singles from the album so far, especially Thought Contagion. The single Something Human, which literally came out today, continues this weird 80s dystopian vibe they’ve got going on with this and I’m here for it. It’s kind of shaping up to be one of their strongest efforts yet. (Also, Simulation Theory isn’t the confirmed title, it’s just what a lot of people deciphered and it makes the most sense so I’m running with it)

2. Bastille’s Third Album (Release date: Late summer?)

Another contender for favourite band status, Bastille’s debut quickly became one of my favourite albums and 2016′s Wild World only cemented their place as an all-time fave. We’ve already had some pretty great albums this year (Mania, Pray For The Wicked, The Now Now), but with Quarter Past Midnight being a certified bop, I am seriously excited to see what else they’ve come up with this time.

I promise u I’m definitely not a more biased Watchmojo clone in blog form but here’s some hONORABLE MENTIONS:

Spyro Reignited Trilogy (Release date: September 21st)

Fallout 76, even though I’m still a lil bit cautious of this one (Release date: November 14th)

Daredevil Season 3 (Release date: Whenever it comes out I guess)

1. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate (Release date: December 7th)

If you’ve seen a single one of my other blog posts, you’ll know how overly excited I am for this. I’m a more casual player so most of my excitement comes through potential newcomers, but even with the game as it stands, it’s looking to be pretty good. My hype for this game is basically endless (pls give us Rayman I will die happy if that happens)

What are you excited for that’s happenin’ in the rest of 2018? Send me a thing if u have any. Also, if the Walking Dead games are your thing I’ve got a post right here listing all the characters I want to see return. Have fun!

Thank for reading!

#eggoreviews #films #music #gaming #tv series #2018 #hype #doctor who #super smash ultimate #hotel artemis #super mario party #ant-man and the wasp #life is strange

[betterpathoflyfe]

Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundariiiies! - 6/28/21

Okay, so something I really need to work on is continuing to update my site regardless of whether or not I have a blog post prepared. This is mainly because I'll get to a point where I feel as though, aesthetically, my pictures are at a perfect place (oop, there goes that perfectionism) to insert a blog post...but I don't always have something prepared to write about...

THAT BEING SAID.

We have something to write about! :)

I found a blog post today and the prompt was: what boundaries could you set in your relationships to safeguard your own well-being?

Boundaries. Interestingly enough, I never grasped just how important boundaries are when it comes to relationships. This is mainly because of certain aspects of my upbringing that totally disregarded boundaries. However, this year, boundaries have been at the forefront of my mind, and I really believe that that is one thing God wants me to work on, as it also correlates to His instruction of guarding my heart (I actually just thought about that!).

Therefore, some boundaries that I could set in my relationships to safeguard my own well-being are as follows:

Friends & Significant Others

No answering calls/texts (unless it’s an emergency) past 10:30PM. I’ve always valued my late nights, and it’s also a time where I either decide to watch a movie, write, talk to God, or go to sleep. Regardless, if I’m not asleep already, any time past 10:30 is my time. This is one that I need to exercise more though, because I do feel like I’m too accessible sometimes.

Agree to disagree. If you know me, you know I’m not one to go on yelling back and forth with someone. I have no problem having disagreements, but when it gets to the point where we both start raising our voices or anger begins to step in…yeeaah, we can just agree to disagree because I refuse to exert that much energy. This is mainly because 7 times out of 10, the discussion isn’t that deep. I’ve been pretty good at this but it is still one I want to work on

Quick side note: this is how you know I need to work on setting other boundaries because I had to look up, “healthy boundaries in relationships” for other ideas LOL

Saying “No”. THIIIISSS is the boundary that I need to really get ingrained in my head, man!!! Now I do believe I’ve come a long way with this, but there are still things (even now) that I needed to say no to but took it on anyway because…well…I knew it would make the person happy.

BUT GIRL ARE YOU HAPPY DOING IT?!? *snaps* no. So this boundary, FO SHO, is one I need to practice more and more

Another quick side note: when I was researching other boundaries that I could set, this article first talked about this and when I tell you I was like “dang, alright, heard you”:

People without boundaries are often people pleasers. They frequently fulfill everyone else’s needs but their own, so they experience a growing dissatisfaction inside. Their basic needs compete with everyone around them because they don’t know how to take care of themselves or set boundaries.”

Significant Others Only:

Respecting each other’s thoughts. No cutting off each other during an argument. As simple as this sounds, I hear or hear about so many arguments where people are listening to argue instead of listening to understand. Knowing myself, I am a person who does my best to listen to understand. This is frankly because I don’t like being misunderstood myself, especially by someone who I love. That being said, I think it’s an important boundary for me to be involved and be in a courtship with someone who can respect my thoughts and opinions just as much as I would respect theirs. And again, I’m not exactly one to argue, so if it does come to the aspect where we are suddenly becoming angrier and angrier, I rather just agree to disagree and move on. Each point is made but never made in anger towards each other.

No sex before marriage. Whew…that’s a loaded one, ain’t it? But not really. This is one that, I’m not gonna lie, I struggled with because there are some fine specimens of men out here, let me tell youuuu. And Lord knows it ain’t no issue to make it happen, cap’n. But I recently watched this message called “Lay with Fire” by Michael Todd and it really was a huge reminder for me as to why I’m waiting, because, for a minute, I was like, “do I truly care to wait if I find the one and he has just about everything I desire in a man?” Honestly, I was like man…is it really worth the wait? But when I tell you I was reminded in that message that I'm not waiting for no reason, you feel me? God created sex but for it to be enjoyed in the container of marriage, and for good reason. I’m gonna drop the link because the pastor really explained it in a way for my generation to understand, but still back it up with what God said in His Word: https://youtu.be/0LI4e_Y9syo

On top of this, it truly is something, a gift, that I want to give to my husband one day because that’s truly what I see it as - a gift. And although it’s not common, to hopefully know that my future husband was saving this gift for me as well? It’s just a beautiful thing to marvel about. Even writing this just gave me another reminder and some encouragement to continue to wait! (Thanks, God!).

Now while the list could go on and on, these are just a few main boundaries that are most important to me right, as well as ones that I could definitely implement more in my relationships.

I liked this prompt :) really made me think and reflect.

Just as a few other life updates:

I’ve really begun my graduate school research and OMG. I’m…overwhelmed a bit? I don’t know why but the hardest part right now is locking in the career I want to pursue. In a nutshell, I want to be a career counselor, professor, and mental health psychologist. But which career do I pursue first??? On top of that, since I’ll be graduating early, I sort of need to hurry up with all of these different deadlines that come up for grad schools. Then, picking the right program? Then this dang GRE TEST that I just now bought the book for to take the test in August?!? Bro…I’m just like Lord please guide me in this decision because I have no clue! Life is just coming so fast right now and I’m like WAIT! But…it’ll come together. I just need to hurry up and decide on this sooner rather than later, you know?

On a lighter note, I’ve been watching RDCWorld’s playthroughs on their gaming channel (I loved the Mario Party ones and now I’m waiting on them to update their next playthrough of the Walking Dead), and they are hilarious, which I guess is expected since it’s RDC lol. But they’re really great.

I’ve ALSO been working out again! But not just working out…making healthy meal replacement smoothies :) they’re really good and I found them off of YouTube. I kinda slacked this past weekend, but I’m back on it starting tomorrow.

Finally, I just wanna say that God has been growing me up in certain areas of my spiritual walk a LOT. I’ll do a separate blog post about that. But I’m just super grateful. Even today at work, a customer told me that he couldn’t help but notice my positive energy and was like, “could I ask what that’s about” and I said, “Jesus, man!” He said, “I knew it!” It was just a really great and encouraging exchange.

Anyway, it’s 9:36PM and I’m gonna call it a night and watch another gameplay lol goodnight!

“Boundaries have nothing to do with whether you love someone or not. They are not judgments, punishments, or betrayals. Boundaries teach people how to treat you, and they teach you how to respect yourself.” – Cheryl Strayed

~ May the Author

#blogposts

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Okay so you reblog these amazing houses all the time but i have to ask, what would your own dream house look like if money was limitless? Also where would it be located?

Oh man. You sure have asked a question to which I have way too well thought out an answer.

I like our city. We moved here because we wanted to be here and I honestly would not give it up. That said, we live in the more crowded part of it and I wouldn’t necessarily object to moving to another section so that we had more land. I grew up out west and so I’ve always really wanted an acre or two to kinda sprawl lazily out on. I’d want to have it planted with lots of local trees and shrubs and other such things that I can just kind of minimally manage and otherwise leave to flourish on their own.

I kinda miss stucco and clay, but Hubby really loves their New England brick, and I’ll be honest I’ve grown fond of it too since we moved into our current place. So odds are we’d either do something brick and clay, or something stone and stucco. It’d probably depend a lot on how flamboyantly we built the actual footprint of the house.

If you’ve followed me for a while, you may have seen the floor plans I draw up and post from time to time when I’ve been fantasizing. But even those I try to keep to a somewhat existent (if indulgent) budget. If money was no object at all?? Oh boy.

Well, to start, I’d want a fully stocked restaurant grade kitchen times two. I cook for armies and I actually would like to be able to keep Kosher at some point when I want to. So my dream kitchen would be huge. At least 20’x20’. It’d have three large pantries (5’x5’ min) and a cellar (8’x8’ min) attached to it. One pantry for each set of cookware (meat and dairy), and one pantry for seasonings and dry goods. The cellar would be for keeping vegetables cool and dry, as well as for the drinks cooler and the deep freezer because buying in bulk is both responsible and spoons efficient. Aesthetically, picture the worst, most offending McMansion style kitchen full of black stainless steel appliances (2 of each), a massive kitchen island with a huge double sink and garbage disposal and bar stools to boot, and a giant hanging rack in the middle of the room with all my most used pots and pans. The major difference between my dream kitchen and McMansion hell is that my cabinets would be this gorgeous dark red-black cherry color wood, and my counters would be gorgeous black (either slate or granite) speckled with red, gold, and white bits. I’d prefer a nice cream-to-tan range for the floor tiles, but I’ve become so fond of my little Spanish missionary tiles, that I’d probably try to do another lovely little mosaic all around my stove insets and my backsplash. Kitchens should be warm colors, huge, and HIGHLY functional.

I didn’t used to care about having a dining room, but I admit that it’s existence is growing on me. I’d still rather have a less ostentatious one tho. Just enough for a big dining table (has to seat at least 8, I like to entertain) and a hutch for dishware. It’d be awfully nice to have a little bar cupboard set up in there too, locked of course because there’ll be kids in the house. I’m still in love with our first dining room table and sad as heck that it had to be gotten rid of. Assume that whenever I’m talking about wooden furniture I’m thinking the same lovely dark red stain as those kitchen cabinets by the way. It’s a thing.

The dining room frankly shouldn’t be much more than an extension of the living room space which absolutely should also be huge. A giant, soft, squishy couch, one of those U-shaped fiascos with the chaise lounges at either end and lots of pillows. Woodsey colors. Deep browns and rich reds and greens. A giant hutch with the TV/computer/video game console/DVD/Cable set up all wired in, with room to put away all our movies and games. A giant TV. I’ve become so spoiled. We bought a 46” (I think? Something around that number) a while back and I just can’t fathom the idea of going back to anything smaller. Did you know they’ve got stuff even past 60” these days???? I can’t even imagine. I think maybe we’d stick with a nice, indulgent 55” most likely. Only TV in the house. I’m old-fashioned that way I guess. I really really hate hardwood floors, but carpet is allergen heavy and hard to clean, so I’ll probably lay that gorgeous fake-wood-looking stone tiles throughout the house. Everywhere but the kitchen and bathrooms I think. That way it looks all fancy and “traditional” but I don’t have to deal with caring for wood floors. Stone is so much simpler, lord.

There needs to be a big laundry room. Two washers and two dryers, a specially made doggie shower that won’t make my baby boy cry, and a small people shower for when folks come home muddy and filthy as they often do. Another big island in the middle of the room for folding clothes on and a big stone dirt sink that I can use for hand washing. Lots of lighting, and preferably on the first floor by the entryway. I hate this whole “laundry room in the basement” thing.

I want a guest bedroom downstairs with it’s own bathroom en suite. Something simple and functional, but pretty. I actually really like the layout for the bathrooms in our house now, a sink and toilet on one side of the room, and a bathtub/shower combo next to a roomy linen closet on the other. I think the main difference is I’d just like to scale them up slightly, make the shower/tub area roomier so it can be a proper tiled in set up rather than one of those plastic pre-fabs. And lots of counter space in all the bathrooms there’s just no such thing as too much counter space.

I’d want one more bathroom downstairs too. Just a half bath, something that can be easily accessed by anyone who’s over regardless of living arrangements.

Upstairs, I’d want four more bedrooms with bathroom en suites, all built around a lovely, open room that can be a playroom when kids are little, a study space when they’re in school, a sleepover kingdom when they have company. Just…..a space where the kids can really be out of their rooms and have creative license, you know?

And then. There’s my suite. This place is my master piece. It is……insane and impossible, but if I had all the money in the world I would do it because it would be like a dream. The Master suite has got to be huge. It’s a whole floor to itself. It’s got so many rooms. The entry to it at the stair’s landing is a little sitting room with some comfy lounge chairs, bookshelves, and okay fine the only other TV in the house. It’s a place where others may freely enter my domain without invading or violating my space. Beyond this point, no one is allowed without it either being their room too or without express permission from someone whose room it is. The parts to this suite are: the bedroom, the bathroom, the spa, the closet, and the entertaining space. The bedroom will be simple and pretty normal sized. 11’x11’. Maybe 15’x15’ at the absolutely maximum. A bed, the night stands, a comfy chair in the corner, some lamps. The bathroom will be like all the others in the house. Practical and functional but pretty. I like sea colors in bathrooms, so maybe some turquoise’s and crystal blues. Lots of counter space. A double sink. The closet will be gigantic for a closet. The size of it’s own bedroom. Maybe 10’x10’? It’ll have fully built in and beautiful wooden shelving systems throughout it. All our clothes will be sorted and everyone will have their own section to the room. But the spa. My god the spa is my sanctuary. It is the size of the kitchen. Huge. It’s got a personal steam room, ready to be filled with heat and scented oils and the feeling of my muscles not crunching. It’s also got a gigantic open shower, maybe 6’x6’, tiled in, rain shower heads and soft lights, and a bench I can sit on while I’m washing my hair. There’s a hot tub. Party sized obviously. Built into the floor of the spa with stone tiles and jets and those colored lights and this gorgeous stone and fire feature hanging down from the ceiling above it - low enough to be stunning but high enough not to risk anyone hurting themselves in it. The whole room would have built in surround sound speakers and colored dimmer lights and there would be potted plants and glass tile mosaics all around. I want it to look like one of those beautiful, ancient Spanish-Persian bath houses. Lots of soft greens and rich golds and brilliant purples. And then the entertaining space. Well. That’s something better left described on my other blog. But suffice to say that it should be very roomy and with lots of custom built-ins to facilitate the sort of entertaining that a passel of adults getting together in the late night while the kids are at the sitter’s house would get up to.

There’s gotta be a nice big garage to park everyone’s car in, especially during the winter. The driveway would be one of those neat half circle drives that people can park along, and it’d be made of that fancy solar panel stuff that they can make roads out of so that even in the dead of winter it never ices. Plus that in combination with solar roofing tiles will make sure the whole house (and the electric cars) are powered cleanly. There’ll be a generator and emergency power storage unit to round it all out, make sure we’re not dependent on the city power grid for any of our power needs. Central heating and air conditioning (fucking hell do you need both in this place), a whole house multi-step water filtration system (not a fan of the city water, it tastes like hard metals), giant cat playgrounds built into the walls of the house so the fur children can romp. A big, insulated and winterized doggie house and play run out in the yard for BabyBug and his friends to race in. A nice stone patio with a built in grill and fire feature and seating. Swings and a clubhouse out back for the kids. A nice big patch of clover and wild flower lawn that has those fancy sprinklers embedded all through it so we can turn them on in the summer and have a little water park afternoon in our own backyard. I think that’s pretty much everything I’d ever possibly want. The only other thing is kind of a toss-up whether we’d want it or not, and that’s a guest house. A little vacation-y type place, two small bedrooms, two small bathrooms, a little kitchen and living room. That way when anyone’s parents come down to visit they can be safely stashed away in their own little world and don’t have to be to be interacted with when folks aren’t ready to. It might just be better never to have the in-laws stay over tho.

Anyway. I evidently have extremely expensive taste, but not the kind of expensive taste that rich people find fashionable. It makes it challenging to find pictures that exactly represent what I would want. Which is why I reblog so very many fantastically lavish house pictures I suppose.

Maybe I’ll give another go at trying to put together my own photo sets tho. Or at least another round of floor plans. It’s been a while.

This was a great question Anon! I really enjoyed getting prattle on about this!

[too-many-loose-ends]

All the questions 😘 (even tho you didn't ask me mine 😒😜)

Is a kiss considered cheating?YesHave you ever faked orgasm?NopeIf you could have one superpower, what would it be?The ability to flyDo you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years?Probably notTell us some funny drunk story.I've never drank so I have noneWhy are you no longer together with your ex?She cheated on meIf you had to choose one way to die, what would it be?Guillotine (I think I spelled that right)What are your current goals?Get a good enough job that I can provide for a bunch of pets and buy a bunch of lingerie for SarahDo you like someone?YesWho was the last person to disappoint you?Me lmaoDo you like your body?YesCan you keep a diet?NopeIf the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say?We should just get rid of privatized medicine and Donald Trump, and republicans in generalDo you work?Yes at a hardware store unfortunatelyIf you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be?PizzaWould you get a tattoo?Hell yes Something you don’t mind spending all your money on?SarahCan you drive?YesWhen was the last time someone told you you were beautiful?A few weeks agoWhat was the last thing you cried for?I wouldn't really call it arguing but the other night when Sarah and I sort of had a disagreement idk what else to call itDo you keep a journal?Other than this blog noIs life fun?Sometimes Is farting in front of people irrelevant?When other people do it yes, but if it's me it's embarrassing lolWhat’s your dream car?One that works wellAre grades in school important?In the grand scheme of things noDescribe your crush.She's short with red hair and beautiful hazel/green eyes and she really likes pop punk and metal and drawing and her favorite color is yellow and she has the cutest sleepy voice and I love her a lotWhat was the last book/movie that really impressed you?The new power rangers movieWhat was your last lie?When I told a customer to have a good dayDumbest lie you ever told? Anything nice I've ever told a customerIs crying in front of people embarrassing?It shouldn't be but it is for meSomething you did and you are proud of?Got into a D1 track teamWhat’s your favourite cocktail?I don't drink lolSomething you are good at?Hurdling Do you like small kids?Not at allHow are you feeling right now?HungryWhat would you name your daughter/son?Idk bc I don't plan on having anyWhat do you need to be happy?Sarah, all the food I want, and access to a gymIs there some you want to punch in the face right now?Lmao yesWhat was the last gift you received?A record from Sarah What was the last gift you gave?I'm not sure lolWhat was the last concert you went to?Warped TourFavourite place to shop at?Hot topicWho inspires you?Sarah How old were you when you first got drunk?Never been drunkHow old were you when you first got high?Never been highHow old were you when you first had sex?18When was your first kiss?I was 14Something you want to do until the end of this year?Get good grades, I've done that for the spring semester and my summer class so I gotta keep it goingIs there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done?Not really because it's all lead me to being where I am rnPost a selfie.Give me a secWho are you most comfortable around?SarahName one thing that terrifies you.Becoming my parents What kind of books do you read?I don't really read but I wish I did What would you tell your 12 year old self?Stop being so cringy and do something with your hair lolWhat is your favourite flower?I don't really have oneAny bad habits you have?When I get too anxious I bite myselfWhat kind of people are you attracted to?The person who asked me thisWhat was the last thing you cried for?The power rangers movie lolIs there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you?Sushi but I really wish I liked it tbhAre you in love?YesSomething you find romantic?Idk lmao How long was your longest relationship? This one and it's been a year and almost 10 monthsWhat are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex?"No homo," ridiculously low societal standards for boys, mansplainingWhat are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex?Idk girls are the best lolWhat are you saving money for?School and concertsHow would you describe your bad side?Jealous, insecure, distrusting, angry, etc. Are you actually a good person? Why?Idk probably not lolWhat are you living for?HappinessHave you ever done anything illegal?I spit off a tall building in Ohio so yesDo you like your body?Yes I doHave you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally?YeahEver sent nudes?YesHave you ever cheated on someone?NopeFavourite candy?Probably Twix Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it!Yes but lately I've kinda been slacking lol and it's starry-eyes-and-blissful-nightsDo you play any computer games? What is your favourite game?No but Legend of Zelda: Breath of the WildFavourite TV series?Rick and MortyAre you religious? Does God exist?No and noWhat was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why?A Clockwork Orange, and yes bc it was a good story idk lolWhat do you think about vegetarianism/veganism?Don't be a dick about it or I'll be a dick about eating meatHow long have you been on Tumblr?About 6 years now lolDo you like Chineese food?I like some stuff McDonalds or Subway?McDonalds but they're both trash lolVodka or whiskey?NeitherAlcohol or drugs?NeitherEver been out of your province/state/country?YesMeaning behind your blog name?It's kinda from the Real Friends song Loose EndsWhat are you scared of?Big spiders, like if it's a spider that lives in a rainforest or a desert it can fuck off lolLast time you were insulted?Earlier today but tbf me and my brother talk shit all the time lolMost traumatic experience?Finding out I'd been cheated on Perfect date idea?Pizza and then going back to one of our houses to watch movies and cuddleFavourite app on your phone?Tumblr lolWhat colour are the walls in your room?Dark greenDo you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber?Yes, either Jacksfims or Adam "Plumpy" Blampied from WhatCultureShare your favourite quote."If I make sound, it better be loud." It's from Rock is Dead by BeartoothWhat is the meaning of life?To give life meaningDo you like horror movies?YesHave you ever made your mum cry? What happened?Yeah but it happened years ago so I don't remember and she probably doesn't either Do you feel lucky or special in a way?I'm dating Sarah so obviously lmaoCan you keep a secret?Yes I can

[brocolirose]

I have lost sleep.

So to speak. When I fall asleep, I’m a log for at least 8 hours. Such a waste of life. (Look at me, being an angsty teenager at age 27. That’s what 4:30AM sleep-deprived cynicism looks like.) But this pattern of not going to sleep before 4AM has been recurring very often in the past 2 or 3 weeks, and this time I mustered up the focus to write down those things that bug me, and those things that stress the fuck out of me. Hear Me Ramble.

One of the biggest challenges I face with journaling as an activity is choosing the medium. Putting pen to paper is the most satisfying, sensorially. Tracing the letters, forcing myself not to write in a jumble, whiting out mistakes and re-writing on top.... They’re the small, irreplaceable pleasures. Typing is a lot less about fine motor skills and less emotionally invested (at least in my case -- I put a lot of thought in the form and content of manuscript text) -- but it is much quicker, much cleaner, much more flexible, and above all easy to reference. I sometimes read my very old blog posts, and I wonder both at how much/little different I am from back then and at the fact I have actually journaled/blogged so little in the past 7 years. Where did my writing go ?

Well, to put it bluntly: it probably went in the sinkhole of Facebook comments, for the most part. I spent so much time fighting losing battles. Then you give up on Internet crusades when you burn out from the broken-record conversations. Anyway I don’t recall writing a lot more besides that and getting my college degree in Korean studies. Boy did I learn how to properly scratch paper in those 3 years. (Funny thing is: my laptop kinda broke down in the first year and needed to be constantly plugged in, so I couldn’t really bring it to campus and use it to take notes -- so I got really good at switching my color gel pens while scribbling.)

Anywho (I love this silly little word), writing used to be a way for me to process my feelings and thoughts, and somewhere along the way it just got dropped. There was also a time I took a lot of photos and went through the trouble of sorting my favorites, editing them and showing them (in my FB photos, ifyou’re looking for impressive). But one then the other vanished, mostly around the time I got a first boyfriend, and then when life became a busy whirlwind (to my standards -- I need a loooot of leisure time -- not having found my calling and whatnot). I’ve made a few feeble attempts at writing over the past year, to deal with my depression, in the context of therapy -- but I got hung up on the medium, and never could find consistency.

But fuck it. Pen and paper is a pain to carry around then review. Livejournal is as good as dead. So here I am, on my last long-standing blog. A kingdom of isolation, stranded on the far shores of.... well, Tumblr. Whatever that means.

(It’s a 5AM ramble now, woohoo!)

Oh I have a bit of that rice drink and matcha, let me drink that to quench my thirst. Yummy.

If you’re still reading this, wayward voyager, let me reward your patience now and tell you what has been stressing me out. See, I have been living and working full time in a different country than my own, living on my own (and then with a flatmate) for the first time in my life, making good money (considering the job), and getting a taste of adulthood I never had before. But this “time away” has not gone according to plan (life, duh) and shit started hitting the fan 6 months in. It’s been nearly 4 years since I realized I had nearly all the symptoms of chronic depression, and so far no doctor, therapist or counselor has contested this self-applied diagnosis (nor did they diagnose anything on top, which is a relief). But here in Cork I was suddenly forced to take care of it, and for the first time I had a proper network of support to guide me toward the help I needed. In Paris I never had the time or energy or interest to look up the help myself, and mom paid rent. Locked in a situation where I needed to provide for myself, but couldn’t carry out my work because of recurring breakdowns, and refusing to fold back onto my Paris mommy-shelter, I left myself few rescue routes: get better, or end it. You might have noticed I’m still here.

(or am I?)

Long story short, this year has really helped me tie up a few loose ends, and opened up the path to resolving other issues, instead of drawing a curtain on them.

- I mourned a friendship (or two); - I took responsibility for my feelings in general, and figured out the emotional hardships I was willing to tackle in a long-distance, polyamorous relationship (there have been many); - I started to really get the wisdoms of Buddhism and Stoicism, and it helped me keep a less dramatic outlook on life; - I Netflixed the months away, and caught up on a lot of shows I would have never seen otherwise. (honestly I don’t remember a fifth of it, and the remaining less-than-a-fifth is very unlikely to be useful in daily life or conversation, and I’m just not a TV-show-fangirl -- so we may bar this whole thing as a huge waste of time and money, but I’ll own this.) - I have never drawn so much in a very long time. I posted a lot of stuff on Instagram lately, relatively speaking. Paradoxically I got myself a new laptop in January to do more digital stuff, but ended up, over the last 6 months, filling out a drawing pad instead: twice bigger than the previous one, and filled twice faster. My brain’s a twat. Or maybe just my expectations are. Fuck me, whatever. - Now that I’m coming to grips with emotional hygiene, I’ll be able to start building some financial hygiene. Because I wasn’t able to save more than my ass’ skin and what it takes to keep it dry, warm, clean and peachy.

I’m also figuring out that instead of being a nice smart badass waiting for her chance in life, I am more of a wasteful cowardly fuckwit with delusions of grandeur -- while paradoxically knowing my life is shit, yes. (not top-grade never-getting-out-of-there shit, but still shit. Entry-level shit, if you will.) But I used to think that I deserved better and just didn’t get the starting boost I thought I had deserved by virtue of being born with whatever beautiful brain I thought I had been endowed with.

Truth is: although I’m human and thus inherently flawed, so far I’ve done a pretty terrible job of picking up the skills needed to progress in life as an autonomous adult. Just to say I’m not as smart as I like to think I am.

Somehow this thought is liberating. It’s good to be an idiot. To embrace being a dimwit. No need to impress anybody, even myself.

That doesn’t mean I will let everything go strapless and become even more thoroughly irresponsible and aimless than I already am. I simply want to acknowledge the very likely possibility that I’ve been setting the bar a little too high for myself by factoring in a stellar intellect that flirts with no other stars than those wriggling over the seabed floor.

So there: I’m stupid, and it’s okay. It just means I should get my sheep in a row and work harder, otherwise my peachy ass becomes crisp bacon. (hmmmmmmmmm bacon 🥓)

(It’s 6AM, I wouldn’t mind some bacon and eggs.)

Hmmmm I didn’t get too much into detail, and I suppose I’ve rambled enough because I don’t feel like going on. But it felt good. :) So I’m going to close off by saying that what stresses me out is that I may not be fully ready when the day comes that I have to fly back to Paris (July 5th), and I’ll have to leave plenty of stuff here because I didn’t move my butt to expedite my stuff back nor sell what I could. And I’m afraid of losing other friends as I figure out how to go about being a polyamorous, sliiiightly bisexual person with values that do not bar flirting with someone who happens to be somebody else’s “other half”. I’m also scared I won’t find a livelihood whose required work won’t drive me crazy or suicidal.

Because I’ve experienced these things. But I’m not afraid of going stag on a backpacking trip across Europe and more. Because, of that, I am clueless.

#diary #depression #redemption #cork #ireland #polyamory #lost friendship #backpacking #late night ramblings #sleepless #sleep deprived

[jennycalendar]

missing (3/6)

“do you know why we might be connected in this way?”

“maybe it’s one of those yearning-for-each-other-across-time-and-space things,” said jenny. “very doctor who.”

this chapter: jenny and giles start trying to figure out what to do & how to do it

“It’s four in the morning,” said Rupert’s bleary voice. “Can’t this wait?”

“No,” said Jenny. “I want to talk to you right now. Why are you avoiding me?”

There was a long, exasperated silence. “Why am I avoiding the strange, possibly supernatural creature mimicking the woman I love?” said Rupert dryly. “Heaven only knows.”

“What makes you so positive that I’m the phony?” Jenny inquired. “That’s the part I don’t get.”

Rupert was quiet. Then he said, “Drusilla—got into my mind.”

Jenny felt her stomach twist. This didn’t feel like something her brain would come up with. “What?”

“She—wanted information from me, and she found what would make me give it willingly. Lovingly.” Rupert’s voice was strained. “I won’t let myself hope like that again.”

Jenny nodded, forgetting that Rupert couldn’t see her. “Okay,” she said. “Fine. Look, I get that you think I’m some kind of trick. If it makes you feel better to think that—”

“It doesn’t.”

“—then keep—what?”

“I miss you.”

Jenny breathed out. “Oh.” She meant to laugh, but it came out as a sob. “I miss you too.”

Rupert made a noise that sounded a little like he was trying not to cry too, and then cleared his throat roughly. “Right,” he said. “What are you calling me about?”

“I’m just—” Jenny sighed. “I don’t know if Buffy will ever really forgive me,” she said finally. “For letting you die.”

“…what?”

“Where I’m at, you’re dead,” said Jenny. “That isn’t the point.”

“No, this is important.” Rupert sounded bemused. “Where I am, you’re dead.”

Jenny blinked. “Wait. Seriously?”

“Why did you think I was so mistrustful of you?”

Jenny wasn’t sure if she wanted to answer that one.

“Wh—oh, Jenny, I didn’t mean—I just—”

“No, it’s okay,” said Jenny tiredly. “I’ve been getting that from a lot of different people lately.”

Rupert was quiet. Slowly, he said, “You stayed in Sunnydale after my death, then.”

“Yeah,” said Jenny.

“Jenny.”

“What?”

“It—takes a lot of strength to do something like that. I’m sorry you had to go it alone.”

“So I’m not a hallucination, then?” quipped Jenny nervously, wanting to change the subject.

“The jury’s still out,” said Rupert. There was a soft, affectionate note to his voice. “But—I love you. You do know that?”

“I didn’t get to before today,” said Jenny in a small voice. “I—found you. Him.”

“What—” Rupert stopped. “Oh. Oh, good lord.”

“It’s okay. It was a while ago.” Jenny sunk to the floor with the phone, sitting with her back against the wall. “I’m—I guess you had to go through that too.”

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t—you, though.”

“In a sense, it kinda was.” Jenny sniffled. “I—wanted to call you because it feels like there’s nothing for me here in Sunnydale anymore. I wanted to remember a time when there was.”

“I’m sorry I’m not there.” Rupert hesitated, then, “Do you know why we might be connected in this way?”

“Maybe it’s one of those yearning-for-each-other-across-time-and-space things,” said Jenny. “Very Doctor Who.”

Rupert laughed. Then he said, “There are things I’d like to tell you.”

“Big things?” Jenny asked carefully.

“Some pillock stole my parking spot in the faculty lot just because I got into the meeting a bit late,” said Rupert. “And too many students are using the library this year. It’s unnerving.”

Jenny laughed, short and startled. “I broke the coffee machine,” she said, feeling herself really smiling for the first time in a very long while. “Snyder doesn’t know it’s me, but I’m pretty sure he suspects something.”

“Buffy punched me in the nose completely by accident last week,” said Rupert. “Utterly mortifying.”

“I’m pretty sure I got lost in the supermarket last week, but I’m not sure if that was a weird temporal thing or a me thing,” said Jenny.

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” said Jenny. “I missed—so much about you, you know that? Not just the kissing. I missed talking to you, and—it’s been so lonely.”

“I know.”

“I want to be with you.”

“How?” Rupert sounded guarded, but also hesitantly hopeful, and it was that that gave Jenny some hope too.

“I—I don’t know, but—if we can figure out a way to meet, at least? If there’s some way—”

“So you don’t think I’m a hallucination either?” Rupert teased.

Jenny made a sound between a laugh and a sob. “The jury’s still out,” she said.

She showed up early in the library the next morning and headed straight to the section on parallel dimensions without a word to anyone there. Buffy looked apprehensive, as though she was expecting some kind of confrontation, but Jenny ignored her.

“You okay?” Buffy asked finally as Jenny loaded up her arms with books.

“Yes,” said Jenny.

“Ms. Calendar, if this is unrelated to Council business, my resources are not to be used—” Wesley began.

“Shut up,” said Buffy acidly.

Jenny looked gratefully up at Buffy without thinking. Seeing that Buffy’s expression was unreadable, she felt a strange twist in her chest and looked back down.

“Hey,” said Willow hesitantly, coming up next to her. “You need help with any of those?”

“No thanks,” said Jenny shortly.

“I—hope you know that I want you here,” said Willow with a gentle emphasis, as though she was trying to remind Jenny without shaming Buffy. “I hope that can be enough.”

Jenny walked down the library steps, setting the books down on the table. The phone rang, and she looked up, eyes wide.

“I’ll get it,” said Wesley, hurrying over before Jenny could do anything. Picking up the phone, he frowned. “Hello?” he said. “Hello?” After waiting a few moments, he hung up. “No answer,” he said. The phone started ringing again.

“That’s for me,” said Jenny, and went to the phone, carefully squeezing past Wesley. “Hey.”

“It occurs to me that our libraries will most likely have the same collections in regard to parallel dimensions,” said Rupert. “Is it possible that you might be able to research on the Internet instead, while I handle studying in the library?”

“God, I love you so much,” said Jenny, forgetting where she was and remembering a second later. She glanced over at a wide-eyed Buffy and winced. “Yeah,” she said awkwardly. “Um, I mean, that would work fine. I’ll get started right now.”

Rupert laughed. Jenny felt a rush of butterflies and realized how much she’d missed hearing his voice. “I love you too,” he said. “We’ll figure this out, all right? Whatever it is.”

Jenny hesitated, then said a bit more quietly, “What was it that made you decide to believe I’m real?”

Buffy dropped a stack of books. Willow hurried to help her pick them up.

“Truthfully, I’m not positive,” Rupert admitted. “I just think I want to believe it. And—so far, it doesn’t seem like any harm can come from believing.”

“Fair enough.” Jenny smiled. “Call me if you find anything?”

“Certainly,” Rupert agreed.

Jenny hung up, holding onto the phone for a second longer than she really needed to before letting her hand drop.

“What’s up with that?” said Buffy suddenly.

Jenny turned. “What?” she said carefully.

To her surprise, Buffy actually looked a little embarrassed. “I just—” She glanced down, then back up. “I haven’t seen you smile like that since—”

Jenny felt her smile fade. “I have to get to class,” she said.

Buffy shook her head, stepping forward. “I’m—sorry,” she said. “I put you on the spot last night.”

“Buffy,” said Jenny uncertainly.

“I did.”

Jenny shifted, uncomfortable. “It’s fine,” she said.

“Ms. Calendar, when are you going to be all the way direct with me?” asked Buffy.

This wasn’t the sort of question Jenny was expecting to have to answer. “Um,” she said. “I—what do you want from me?”

“I can’t do that,” said Buffy. “You’re better than that. Look—” She breathed out. “I simplified things a lot last year,” she said. “I really want to try and get better at that. But you’re putting this huge distance between us, and it’s hard to trust someone who does that. It just feels a lot like you’re keeping things from me, even when you’re not. I’m not the only one who has to reach out here.”

Jenny couldn’t think of anything to say in return. So much of Buffy’s quiet, guarded behavior now made sense, and she felt a little angry at herself for being so convinced that it came from a place of blame and distrust. “I’m sorry,” she finally managed.

Buffy gave her a tentative half-smile. “It’s fine,” she said carefully. “But maybe we can try for something that’s more than you just showing up and helping?”

“Yeah,” said Jenny. Awkwardly, she added, “I, I do have to go.”

“Okay,” said Buffy. “Think about what I said, though?”

“I will,” said Jenny, and all but ran to her classroom, dialing in a few random numbers and waiting for Rupert to pick up.

“What is it?”

Jenny laughed a little tearfully. “I—think things might be good. Or—not as bad, you know?”

“That’s…good?” Rupert sounded a bit bemused.

“Yeah.” Jenny sniffled. “Yes. Sorry. Fuck, sorry, I’m sure you’re super busy—”

“No,” said Rupert softly. “I-it’s been such a long time since I’ve heard your voice. Please don’t ever feel as though you can’t call me.”

“Ugh, you’re so sweet.” Jenny laughed again. “It sucks that you’re dead.”

She researched a lot over the next week, but it didn’t really help a lot with anything. All Jenny got were some weird sci-fi sites, a few parallel-universe short stories posted to someone’s blog, and some articles that told her some useful information about the possibility of parallel universes, but not a lot about the possibility of connections between them. So far, she had nothing that might explain why she was getting calls from Rupert, or if it really was him, or if there was any way to tell.

“Ms. Calendar?”

Jenny looked up. Buffy was standing by the door, looking unusually shy. “Hi, Buffy,” she said, startled. “Is there—do you want something?”

“I did a little reading of my own,” said Buffy, putting a book down on Jenny’s desk. “Not much on parallel universes, but I did find a fairy tale that might be of interest.”

“Really?” Jenny smiled. “Wow. So, uh, you’re going on the basis that I’m not going crazy, then.”

“Consider it an olive branch,” said Buffy, opening the book to a bookmarked page. “Here. See?”

An illustration showed a pretty blonde girl with a silver circlet and one of those medieval princess dresses, kneeling by a silver pool. The pool was reflecting a conventionally attractive young man with a golden crown and a charming smile.

“O-kay,” said Jenny. “No offense, Buffy, but I’m not really seeing the connection.”

“I didn’t either,” Buffy replied. “Giles definitely wouldn’t wear a crown that tacky. But my point is that the princess and the prince were separated by time, and it was the strength of their yearning for each other that created a way for them to talk.”

“Wait,” said Jenny. “Seriously?”

Buffy smiled a little. “You guys were gross when you were dating,” she said. “All that bickering. It was like you were making out with words in front of us.” She pointed to the sky in the illustration, which was dotted with stars and a crescent moon. “Willow checked up on the position of the moon and stars,” she continued, “and they match the illustration exactly. Plus, in the story, the princess found the pool ‘on the day the moon was thin,’ and last night was a crescent moon. So that could mean something.”

“Willow’s helping, too?” said Jenny in surprise.

Buffy hesitated. “We all are,” she said finally. “It’s—you’ve been so disconnected ever since Giles—it’s like you weren’t really there after he died.” She shut the book, looking up at Jenny. “It feels like you’re back,” she said. “I know not everything is going to fall back into place when you lose someone like that, but I always wanted to know the lady Giles fell in love with. She seemed pretty cool.”

Jenny felt herself smile without realizing it. “I want to help you guys,” she said, looking down at her hands. “I just don’t always feel like I’m that great at it.”

“You saved Angel,” said Buffy. “You help us every day. That’s more than great, Ms. Calendar, but we need you here. Not just your help.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Buffy smiled a little sadly. “I’m sorry I was so mad at you,” she said. “And for so long. I think it became a habit after a while, but I’m working on it. Kendra says I need to get in tune with my emotions.”

“Kendra?” said Jenny in surprise.

“We talk about things sometimes,” said Buffy, turning a little pink. “She’s—really nice.”

“Okay,” said Jenny, and smiled. “Well. I guess we’d better try to figure this out, then, huh?”

“Willow’s got a few theories,” said Buffy. “You want to head over to the library?”

#fic #missing #calendiles day #calendiles #committed to job meets commitment issues

[alia15]

10 Things I Suck At

I’m one of the most self-aware people on planet Earth.  I know all my flaws, shortcomings and bad habits and have no problem admitting them to anyone.  These people you see online and in blogs that want you to think they’re perfect?  Pffffft.  Not for me.  That’s exhausting.

So naturally when I read a post this morning on the blog “See You In A Porridge” called “10 Things I Suck At” (find it HERE) I thought, ooh, yes, I can do this.  

But THEN I realized: wait... I HAVE done this. 

Throughout the past five years of blogging, I’ve already written about the things I suck at.  They’ve been sprinkled within different posts; some in confessions-style posts, some in “about me”-style posts, some pop up kinda randomly.  Basically, I like telling you guys how terrible I am.  

That said, I’m still going to participate in “10 Things I Suck At,” but I’ve essentially compiled excerpts from past posts of mine -- ya know, in case they look or sound familiar to you.  

Let’s get into it, shall we?

1. PATIENCE.  What even IS patience?  How do you get it?  Can it be taught?  Because, I don’t have any.  I don’t have any for slow walkers and drivers, I don’t have any for stupidity and ignorance, I don’t have any for your bullshit.  I just don’t have a single ounce of it.    

2. CHECKING MY MAIL. No, not my email.  I check that on the regular, with alerts coming in and a little system I have for keeping things unread until I respond to them.  I mean, my MAIL.  The paper kind that sits in a mailbox in my building lobby and requires the daunting task of me making an extra stop before I go into my apartment and using a key to open up a small door and retrieve what’s in there.  I’ll go days – no, weeks – not checking it.  By the time I see bills they’re due in like, four minutes and I get all my friends adorable Christmas cards in January.  Oops.

3. DRINKING WATER  HOW COULD SOMEONE ‘BE BAD’ AT DRINKING WATER, you ask?  Well, I am.  It’s not like I spend my days chugging Diet Cokes and Snapples and choosing other unhealthy beverages over high quality H20 (Waterboy reference); I just often don’t drink anything…at all.  I forget to.  I don’t do it intentionally; I’ll just look at the clock at work and realize it’s 3pm and all I’ve had was my morning coffee.  My coworkers laugh because I bought this MONSTROSITY of a water bottle so I could fill it one time for the entire day, but I still don’t.  It’s completely moronic. 

4. FLOSSING.  Flossing your teeth daily has great benefits for your oral health…or so I hear from my dentist every time I go.  I take pretty good care of my teeth: I brush at least twice a day, I get checkups every six months and I don’t really eat a ton of sugary crap.  I’ve also never had a cavity (#HumbleBrag).  But flossing (ha, anyone else just think “butt flossing?”) is just…no.  Not happening.  I can’t even explain why; I just don’t even buy it.  And when I get it in my little dentist ‘goody bag’ I throw it in my medicine cabinet and forget about it.  Sorry not sorry?

5. CARRYING CASH. Ever since the advent of the debit card, I said bye-bye to carrying cash in my wallet.  I go about my business with the mindset my debit card *is* cash!  I have an app on my phone to pay for the local salad joint near work, like most Americans I have the Uber app on my phone, I use Venmo to pay friends the money I owe them and I basically float through life never seeing actual dollar bills.  But what about those times you go to a bodega for a pack of gum and you don’t even have a SINGLE dollar in your wallet?  You pull out your debit card and the guy behind the counter informs you there’s a $5 minimum.  Woops!  You then go to a bar completely cashless thinking, that’s fine, I’ll just open a tab, and the large bouncer stops you dead in your tracks to tell you there’s a $10 cover.  Shit.  

6. SPORTS.  When it comes to athletic ability...well, I have none.  Never did.  I can’t catch a ball, I can’t throw a ball, I can’t ski, I can’t swing a bat and make contact with anything, and my hand/eye coordination is virtually non-existent (I blame the lazy eye).  So, yeah.  Don’t ask me to play sports, ever. 

7. ACCEPTING COMPLIMENTS.  People have recently pointed this out to me, and I never really noticed how much I do it.  Turns out, I am TERRIBLE at accepting compliments.  I guess it’s my self-deprecating nature, but if someone says something nice to me in any capacity, I often quickly negate it at the first chance I get or I get all squirmy and awkward. 

You: compliments me

Me:

8.  FINDING SHIT.  When I lived at home -- or when I go to my parent’s house now to visit -- my mother always got on my case for this.  I’d yell, “do we have any bottles of water?” while staring in the fridge for a whole two minutes.  “Yep, they’re in there!” mom would yell back, and I’d intently stare at every square inch of the appliance.  Nope, no water.  I see no water.  There is no water.  (Spoiler alert: there was water) (Right in front of my friggin face).  I’m TERRIBLE at looking for and finding shit.  If it doesn’t straight sock me in the jaw, I won’t notice it.

9.  WASHING MY BRAS.   Well, it’s not that I “don’t.”  I do, but not often.  What even are the rules here?  I’m a clean and sanitary person; most things I wear are on my body once and then thrown in the hamper.  But bras? I just kinda wear ‘em and put ‘em back in the drawer and then “forget” to include them when I do laundry. Woops!  I can *actually* feel my mother cringing while reading this.  I’ll start washing them more, okay? Maybe.  But probably not. Also what are you, the bra police?

10. TELLING TIME.  I hate that I’m telling you this.   I wear a watch every day, and I have a few that I rotate and I select them based on what I’m wearing and which one matches my outfit best.  But I’m gonna let you in on a little secret: my watches are essentially just jewelry to me. They are fashionable and not functional. I don’t look at them to see what time it is or to determine if I’m running late…because I can’t.  And I’m sorry, but it’s really not easy to tell time on these fancy watches that don’t even have NUMBERS on them.  Gimme a break.  If you ask me what time it is, I’m looking at the digital clock on my iPhone.

What do YOU suck at? 

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