✨reblog this to give the person you reblogged it from a friendship bracelet!!✨
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bella, holding up a python: hey guys i impusively bought a pet snake. what do i name him?
edward: you WHAT
emmett: william snakespeare
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harry: my boyfriend’s gone
harry: i’m gonna cut the sleeves off all my shirts
hermione:
hermione: …why
harry: not sure! he’s like 85% of my impulse control
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sam wilson!
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jacob: sorry i’m late! i broke down on the way here.
seth: oh, no! is your car okay?
jacob: car?
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charlie: bella? are you crying?
bella: this book is just so sad!
charlie:
charlie: that’s a cookbook
bella: i know. the recipes all fucking suck
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jacob, standing on the edge of a building: I’M GOING TO JUMP
paul, yelling into a megaphone: DO A FLIP!!
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kidnapper: we have your wife
emmett: rosalie??
kidnapper: yes
emmett: oh, no. you don’t have her, she has you. good luck! **hangs up**
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bella, in the group chat: edward’s trying to talk to me someone call and act like it’s urgent
jessica: i got you
edward: i’m IN this group chat, you guys—
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edward: bella has literally no survival instincts, no self preservation instincts, nothing. she was just born without them.
alice: really?
edward: yes! look, here, watch this—
edward: bella! race you down the stairs!
bella: i’m gonna win! **jumps out a three story window**
edward:
edward, realizing: what the fuck did i just make her do—
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seth: okay, we’re not mad, we’re just disappointed.
leah: what? seth, no, we’re mad
seth: oh. oh yeah! okay, we are mad, we’re livid! but we’re gonna let this one slide
leah: what??? no, we’re not!
seth: wh—i’m not a mind reader, leah!
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bella: i’m-i’m seeing someone now…
jacob: ah! like therapy?
bella: no, like a guy! like a boyfriend!!
jacob:
jacob: so, not… therapy..?.?..?
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seth, holding Actual Baby renesmee: so how’s your day been?
renesmee: pffsdjdjpfpfpkfkfdjllplldll
seth: wow really? that sounds so fun :O
renesmee: ploppfdoldlssjsh
seth: whatttt that’s so cool
renesmee: plpldjdjdjpldhsjsksudej **waves arms**
seth: omg no way
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