#pretend this rollercoaster occurs in a reasonable amount of time

[chimielie]

kiyoomi + exes to enemies to lovers but he’s the one chasing ME as he should and we butt heads and fight until someone gets enough of our shit and lock us up together in a room hehe (fluff or angst..? choose your own adventure!)

"This is childish!" You call, shoving the door with your shoulder. "Are you seriously just going to leave us here?"

"They're already gone," says Kiyoomi from where he's seated himself on the floor, back against the wall, wrists crossed as he stretches his arms out. "No one's going to answer."

"I thought it was worth a shot," you retort, pulling out your phone and pacing back and forth—as much as you can in the tiny space, anyway. "But that's very on brand for you, isn't it?"

"And what's that supposed to mean?" You used to think that daring, condescending voice was hot, the way he always paired it with an arched brow and a tilt of his head. You shiver a little, in disgust, you insist to yourself.

"Oh, you know, Sakusa." It's impossible to say that you don't enjoy the way he flinches, his shoulders rising up to his ears when you call him by his family name. "You didn't bother trying to fight for our two year relationship, why would you try to fight this stupid prank?"

"You can't say I didn't fight for our relationship," Kiyoomi snaps back. "You're the one who keeps rejecting me, even though I said I was sorry—"

"You broke up with me!" You shout over him, surprising even yourself with your volume. "You broke up with me over something so trivial it shouldn't have been worth even a day's argument, and you think you can apologize and pretend it never happened?"

"I said sorry many times," the man on the floor says stiffly. "You didn't listen."

"I hate you," you say fruitlessly. A sob wells up in your throat and you sit down, rather heavily, on the floor. "I hate you. I hate you. I hate you."

You cry into your hands for a few minutes more, until a featherweight settles on your knee. Through watery eyes, you see: Kiyoomi's handkerchief, a soothing gray with a blue border. You don't bother to thank him for it as you dab at your eyes, rolling them back into your head so you don't have to see his judgmental stare.

"Do you really hate me so much?" He breaks the silence with a question, his voice muted, almost ashamed. You look over at him and are surprised at what you see. His own eyes are rimmed with red, his pale skin flushed with color. His trained posture is slumped and downtrodden.

"No," you choke on teary laughter, the truth escaping you without permission. "I don't think so, you—you—Kiyoomi. You broke my heart, that's all."

"I want to fix it," he says, and you wish his hands weren't as comforting as they are when he leans over to take both your hands in his. "Show me what I can do."

"You can't," you wish he would understand. You wish he weren't the stubborn, stubborn man you fell in love with. He says your name, and you fall right into his slate-dark eyes, bottomless pools of hopeful—hopeless—emotion.

"One word from you will silence me on the subject forever," Kiyoomi promises, confesses, begs. "Let me love you again. I'll do it right this time."

#NEVER chase ur exes even if theyre sakusa kiyoomi. let him come to his senses so true #pretend this rollercoaster occurs in a reasonable amount of time #sakusa x reader #sakusa angst #sakusa kiyoomi angst #sakusa kiyoomi x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #hq x reader #haikyuu angst #haikyuu!! angst #haikyuu!! x reader angst #hq x reader angst #shorts! #ask n answer #user: kiyoowomi

[eli-is-daydreaming]

4 Months On T

As of the 3rd, I am 4 months on testosterone! So, I thought I would make a small post about my experiences with it and all. Now, reminder, that my experiences are not the same for everyone else. Testosterone can effect others differently and changes can happen at different times for people.

!!Reminder that I do testosterone injections!!

So, here’s a little list of sfw changes that have occurred since I started Testosterone:

- Skin: pre-t, I used to have pretty decent skin, not too oily, not too dry. Nothing I had to worry about too much. Since starting t, my skin has become significantly more oily and I’ve had quite a few breakouts. The acne on my back has also become a lot worse, so dealing with that is a pain. I had to change up my skincare routine and I’ve actually had to invest some money into certain skincare products meant for oily skin. Obviously something that is completely natural when on hormones.

Weight and muscle: another thing that is natural when on t. I won’t go into too much detail with this because my weight is something I struggle with anyways. I have noticed a slight redistribution of fat from my thighs and hips, with some of the fat going to my stomach. Muscle wise, I can’t say much yet because I see no difference. Also, I still have baby face, but we’ll see if T changes that in the future. 

Voice: I started noticing a voice change around the two-three month mark. Was pretty surprising to see a change that early lol. I kind of have that stereotypical “boy going through puberty” voice going on. Voice cracks galore as well. Most of the time my voice is just pretty scratchy/hoarse sounding.

Facial and body hair: So, I’m a natural blonde and I’m used to having pretty light hair. The darkening of my body hair was a surprise honestly. Testosterone has made my body hair thicker, darker, and grows a lot faster now. Facial wise, I wouldn’t have noticed anything if it wasn’t for my friend pointing out that the peach fuzz that I’m so used to having on my face is slightly darker above my lip. 

Emotional state: I have depression and anxiety, so it has definitely been a wild ride. We all know how puberty is though. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions. The most prominent emotions I have had to deal with since starting t though, have been random moments of rage and just an indifference towards a lot of things. I’ve been playing certain video games, doing vent art, and just writing in a notebook to help try to deal with this though!

Hunger: My appetite is all over the place currently. The first two months I was just always hungry, compared to the small appetite I had pre-t. Currently, there’s days where I eat a lot more, and then other days I’m just not hungry at all. 

A little ‘nsfw’ or just personal stuff that I’ve experienced since starting T:

TW for Period: I haven’t had a period since a little after the two month mark. I’ve had spotting moments, but not an actual flow. Which I’m very happy about. Occasionally I will still have period pains when I would usually be on my period, but nothing too serious.

Sweat (in this section cause I know some people are uncomfy with this): I used to not be a sweaty person at all. Since starting t, I swear I sweat constantly. The summer heat isn’t helping either.

Clitoral growth: I’m honestly not sure how to describe this because it feels kind of self explanatory. But, I have noticed a small amount of growth so far. There is only a slight difference though.

Sexual changes: Oh my god. I never used to be a sexually active person. Never had sex with anybody, never really thought about it, or never had the urge to masturbate. Nothing like that. Testosterone has definitely changed that. Horny thoughts 24/7 I swear to god. Now, I’ve still never done anything because ~dysphoria~ but there is nothing shameful about being open about your sexual urges and engaging in them!

Again, all of this is just how testosterone has changed MY body so far. Changes can occur at different times for everyone, while some people can have completely different changes. That’s just how puberty is though! 

Starting testosterone has been one of the best decisions I have made in life and I know it was the right track to take. I don’t have to keep pretending to be someone I’m not. I’m so much happier now!!! 

Also, it’s okay to take small steps when it comes to hormone therapy. It’s okay to not even want to do hormone therapy. There’s several reasons that a person chooses not to go through with hormones or surgery, so don’t judge others and question their “transness.”

#transgender #trans #transgender male #trans male #transitioning #transgender ftm #trans ftm #ftm #ftm thoughts #ftm testosterone #testosterone #hormones #hormone therapy #lgbt #lgbtq+ #transitioning ftm #4 months on t #female to male #lgbt pride