#pretends like she doesnt like being called princess also...luvs it
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listen up 10s a 4 is speaking! shdlaskhd what’s up sluts i’m cherry, i’m 21, use she/her pronouns and live in PST! this is mischa, princess of the russian mafia. she wears black lipstick, is massive scammer, laughs at videos of people falling down the stairs. here is a shorter sparknotes version of her bio and some fun and fresh headcannons
please enjoy this gif of mischa cosplaying indie xoxo
SPARKNOTES BIO!
skeleton: the career criminal
name: mischa dostoyevsky ( formally xia han)
age: 25
gender: female
pronouns: she/her
fc: natasha liu bordizzo
born as xia to a dirt poor family of literal SCAM artists. we luv a scamily babey! her parents basically sold fraudulent anti-aging serum to dumb, white new york tourists everyday ( with the added bonus of her older brother dressed up like an OLD ASS MAN doing cartwheels n backflips like woooow this stuff really works! ) her job was basically sneaking through the crowd of people while they were distracted and pick-pocketing their money, valuables, shiny shit etc.
that white savior guilt money was paying the bills until one of the karens they conned got hives from the allergic reaction to the red food dye they used in the fake serum and her brothers literal Old Man disguise flew off like 90s rapper fly away pants when it was windy as fuck one day so basically The Authorities Have Been Called Luv, the police showed up and xia didn’t know what to do bc she was a kid so she just BOLTED AND RAN ... does not know what happened to her family to this day
grew up on the street, continued the family business of being a fcking scammer and basically bought tampons by telling power walking, baby backpacking ladies that she was gonna have to feed little timmy cockroaches if they didn’t pay off, slept with crooked stock brokers, seduced old guys, cleaned out their apartments, stole all their money, jewels, watches, credit cards, priceless antiques -- THE WORLD WAS HER SUGAR DADDI BB
all of this changed on day when she making her nightly run by the alibi, a bar she called Dumb Rich Guy Bar and saw a weird old guy come out looooaded with what looked expensive shit, but she really wanted his pocketwatch which from her experience was mad expensive. so she did her lil routine and THOUGHT she stole the watch but LOL SPIDERMAN MEME, he stole the watch back and the ring she was wearing AND HIS BODY GUARD HAD A GUN PLACED ON HER. MMM WHATCHA SAY
so turns out the weird old guy she tried to steal from was VLADIMIR DOSTOYEVSKY!!!! THE HEAD OF THE RUSSIAN FUCKING MAFIA. yiiiiikes! lmao she was like cool im gonna die but he was like hold up, u chose the pocket watch, the only real and valuable thing i was wearing ... i like u ur smart u have fire, u remind me of my dead wife YOU WILL BE MY SUCCESSOR ur name is now mischa for my unborn son and i will teach u the ropes
so there is no more xia, only mischa, basically adopted by vladimir who she calls dad/nana and who calls her rabbit as a nickname (they play monopoly every night and VLAD CHEATS EVERY TIME BRO). she is the only girl in the bratva aka The Brotherhood which is what the russian mafia is called. shes kind of their wendy. shes worshipped outwardly but theres probably a lot of people that hate her ... which leads me to ........PAPA DYING! BIG RIP OG PAPA! he was poisoned at dinner and people say it was the italians but mischa is sure it was an inside job
bc of vlad dying *pour one out for vladdy daddy* mischa is head of the bratva aka russian mafia they call her PAPA bc thats how people refer to the mob boss SO SDHLLKDSH
ALSO PLOT TWIST! originally the plate that killed her dad was the plate she was given but he switched with her bc his piece of chicken was bigger and he wanted her to have it :((((( SO THE POISON PLATE WAS HER PLATE SO SOMEONE WAS TRYNA KILL HER DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN
ok here are HCS they are from the bottom of my app xx
nicknames include who’s your papa, big papa and daddy purely because it’s iconic. but also she is probably that gifset where rihanna is talking abt how shes a bad bitch w top energy but is a massive bottom ahdlaks
mischa i think has to look a certain way of looking when dealing w the mob ( sort of girl boss, designer clothes, femme fatale ) but i think she is relatively unlady-like and prefers ratty jeans, plaid skirts, flannels, black combat boots, messy ponytails and the like when she’s relaxing. reminds her of life before.
practices makeup on dmitri and boris (her body guards) who complain a lot but also love her xoxo
owns a very big fluffy, luxurious cat named perogi, he’s her son, a gift from dear old dad.
has a pretty severe drinking problem ( vodka on the rocks is the poison ) after her father died and sleeps with a gun ( although i think she's better with a knife )
thus can drink you under the table also swears like an old sailor man ( is working on it, the whole mob sighs when she calls japanese businessmen idiot douche canoe fuckbags to their faces during monthly debt collections )
mischa can speak 5 languages in order to speak to people all over the world: madarin ( from her childhood ), english, russian ( mob ), spanish and french.
pansexual queen and i want to say scorpio
she’s grateful obviously to папа doing more off the grid, low quality criminal stuff without supervision because she is a truant, tramp, scam artist cat burglar klepto at heart <3
cinnamon roll meme: looks like she could kill you and would probably kill you
so i want to say she probably met the star of the show doing something where she snuck out at night with her bodyguards not knowing, wore her civilian clothes, blended in kept her head down because she missed freedom and accidentally met them out there like that under a pseudonym to hide her mafia life/continued to sneak out to see them like that before being exposed. very double life stuff angsty secret mafia princess stuff. we love hannah mon-mafia.
scared her parents will resurface/past will resurface ( supposedly папа bribed the police but . . . karma is a bitch )
has A LOT of suitors meant to strengthen The Empire and bridge conflicts between mobs but cares little, them: 💕, her: hocks a loogie and wipes on pants … she SUCSKSSKSS
has burped at important business dinners before and simultaneously has brought massive mafiosos to their knees. literally will have your dick cut off if you say something misogynistic, racist or something about her father :) she has a collection. ( its a big collection, but still quite little if you know what i mean )
rumored to have killed a man with the sharp end of her louboutin.
has a slight accent just from being surrounded by it constantly and word switches
smells like cinnamon and scraped knees
#heistintro#i hate her#pretends like she doesnt like being called princess also...luvs it#ur scary scorpio girlfriend
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hello pals,,,, it’s your girl ai !! here with another trashy character for u !!!! if u don’t know me you probably know jiyeon, resident walking princess and mom friend of literally everyone !! i present u now with zhou xian (dont call him xianliang he’ll fite u), my newest son -- a total dumb flirt. this is a sideblog btw so if you didn’t get a follow that’s why. like this and i’ll show up at your ims for plotting !! ( i may show up using ji’s acc if tumblr fucks up, just a heads up)
trigger warnings: underage sex, underage drinking + smoking
a lil chinese kid
born in hong kong but moved to san francisco when he was ten
a troublemaker as a kid tbH
he was told in early high school that he was ugly :((( so his confidence was rly low
started hitting the gym at like 16 and puberty seemed to hit him like a truck cause boi got abs!! and he was suddenly super hot!!
sdajbasjd girls wanted to date him so he was like omf!!!!!
anyways he became kinda popular cause he joined football and had girls after him so suddenly his confidence skyrocketed n he became,,, a player,,, (in both senses ;) )
anyways
flash forward to him being 17 and beginning his last year of high school
he needed a job so he started cleaning pools because what else u gotta do fam
but!!!! one day he was at a friend’s house and his mother was like flirting with him so xian was shook tbh, his friend wasnt home so like he hooked up with his mom yes (#friendshipgoals)
she must have told others cause he got hit on by other married women in the area (which were his clients anyway cause he cleaned their pools) so basically he went around screwing all of them
he dug around and found the marvelous world of How To Be A Sugar Baby™ and decided to become one cause the money makes the world go round
he finished high school but took a year off with the excuse of wanting to really think through what he wanted to do with his life + work for a year
tbh he was mostly doing it for his sugar daddies/mamas and getting that sweet money ;)))
he became really good at lying and pretending, making his family believe he was regularly either hanging out with friends or at his part time jobs -- xian told them he was getting paid nicely (but never really told them what he was really earning since it was way higher)
skipping to xian being 19 now and having been on and off being a sugar baby for the past two years -- he was only seeing one older guy now, his income enough for him to pay tuition at his new college in san fran
but it soon turned messy when a private detective caught them in a hotel and exposed his sugar daddy yikessss
apparently the guy had had sugar babies who were minors so it was Fucked Up™ and he got arrested
xian, sadly, got exposed to his parents about he was really doing so they were pretty pissed that he was selling himself like that??? so they sent him to sutton in irvine to straighten him out
he’s been a student since then but is a year below since he should be a senior but he’s a junior majoring in mechanical engineering
he’s always liked building things so that was mainly the reason he chose it (and because he thinks he looks hot as fuck covered in grease)
he’s also a tiger because he luvs sports and wants to stay in shape
xian doesnt really talk about his sugar baby days (although he’ll tell u if u ask) and mostly just,,, lies
he’s a pathological liar
like he’s probably told everyone he had sex with that one hot teacher and people even believed him!!!
no one really knows him, not the real xian,,, because he lies abt his family, abt why he’s at sutton, anything and everything y i k e s
his ego is Huge™ so catch him flirting with anything that moves asbdajs
probably at every party too cause he loves booze and smoking
and he luvs sex so he’s like hmu babes ;))))))
so he’s basically a Lying Fuckboy™
but he’s nice behind all the layers pls love him
i think that’s all of it
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metr0con 2019 saturday diary
cosplayed/breakfast: same as the other 2 diaries. snack: a twin kitkat.
my eyes only, buckaroo. for future me.
can i b real w u i waited until 3 am to type this n a lot (esp from panels/early in the day) is HELLA fuzzy!!! sry! ;w; also it’s like. 4 am as im typing this n im not in the mood to write a diary! recalling everything is tiring, yknow? n i need to go to bed ghh... anyway!!
we left late bc i couldnt decide who to cosplay n i arrived late :(( anyway, it hadnt been 5 minutes there when i dropped my plastic purple heart ring i had from the dentist n i was so sad :( but i went to the bn-ha panel n i dont remember a lot of it sry. i remember iida wore a giant floppy sunhat that said Sunny Vibes on it tho n momo wore a black n white striped dress w sunflowers!
After this was cafe-stuck and it was fun! everyone kept calling jade a furry n i asked nepeta if she’d ever seen Nyan Neko Sugar G!rls to which she said no n someone asked her if she’d heard of/seen nek0para n she said she’d heard of it but it was “a bit.. too Extreme/Much for me.....” and someone asked the group (vriska, jade, john, dave, nepeta, tavros, aradia) why they were doing this and they said it was equius’ and john’s (i think?) prank that got way too out of hanf bc kanaya made the outfits for reals. someone asked vriska if she was a furyr cuz she had a spidersona and throughout the panel vriska and tavros kept talking abt how vriska took away his legs/him not having any. i asked the aradia n vriska if they’d work good together to make a good hall0ween themed cafe if this cafe were real n they were like “what’s hall0ween?” n the others told them it was a holiday that had candy n dead bodies n stuff! n someone asked abt who has the least human rights or just rights in general n john was like “jade u dont rights, ur an animal” n jade was like “trans rights”.
i decided to skip the d-dlc panel bc i didnt rly wanna write poetry cuz i do that at home n i dont rly care abt theories n discussing stuff like that so! i went walking around the dealers room n stuff. my crown actually came off at this time n i remember feeling like my crown had fallen off bc i thought i heard the mini whoosh it makes when it falls down but when i looked behind me, it wasnt there so i checked the aisles nearby n it wasnt there so i assumed someone had snatched it off my head but after a lot of walking, i found it half-underneath a con table w black tablecloth?? so i picked it up n went to the cosplay help desk and the guy safety-pinned it to my wig so i was all good to go!!
after that, i tried to look around to see if i could find any ens-tars cosplayers bc the meerup but i didnt see any so i was like oh well whatever im going to the LL panel anyway. so i went to the aki hana panel n i have videos of it! so im not rly gonna talk abt it. they played kings game there tho and “who’s most likely”! they said “who’d like an!mal crossing the best” n my immediate thought was rin so i raised my hand but the answer they had thought of was kotori, which actually makes much more sense haha. they said my answer was valid tho. i still got candy for answering! anyway the punk set ruby next to me ended up being the hifumi from yesterday that gave me the flower tin n they said it was nice to see me again n i said i wasnt able to go to the ES meetup bc i was only told when it was, not where it was, n they said that Eri/Eli (?) 9im guessing that was the host of the meetup) had to cancel it n i went oh. at the end of the panel i received a kotori pic! also a girl dressed up as a witch complimented my tsukasa outfit n i knelt down n said “thank you, princess” or smth i was like “i had a ring that i was gonna use to like. pretend to give to pretty girls but.. i lost it” n they seemed flattered but we parted ways!
after this was the aqours panel n the hanamaru did a dance n the you also did one but then they started playing the p0cky game n Headphones n i got kind of bored so i left n i heard “tsukasa!” n it was the jakurai from yesterday (that told me abt the meetup) dressed as mao in a yukata w their friend as oni ritsu n they looked so good! the jakumao apologized saying the meetup was cancelled. i think we talked for a sec then i went to go check out the rw-by q n a n it was a whole lot of roasting from the audience haha bc they did questions one at a time (ex: questions for yang, now questions for blake...) n i asked yang how she gets her hair so nice n she went “...nice?” w an unbelieving laugh/tone then they moved on n i was confused but oh well! they asked summer how she felt abt sloppy seconds bc taiyang n how taiyang’d feel abt a 3rd wife n nora got asked how many pancakes she could eat at a time n she was like “how much time do ya have?” n after the qna they started playing a weird game n it was rly boring so i left but the panel was almost over anyway.
after i left i ran into a ramuda n they recognized me as tsukasa n they’re into ES n they said they hadnt watched the anime yet n they were surprised to see valkyrie in it bc they thought they werent gonna b but they said they hope the anime doesnt butcher shhu bc they like shu n know a lot of ppl hate shu n stuff. we talked abt the ES cosplayers at the con for a bit n i told them abt the ritsu+mao cosplayers n we had anice time talking n they said they rly liked rabits n i was like oh dude me too!! “i havent met anyone who hates ryu-seitai. like, Good.” n they were like “how could you hate ryu-seitai, they all wanna b nice n make friends” n i was like “yea mayb except midori” there was more but yea! i also ran into the witch girl n her friend from earlier bc they went “tsukasa!!!” n her friend (cosplayin smth from hn-k) showed me they had/got a leo plush n i was like “OH MY GOD. HE’S FINALLY BEEN FOUND!! HOLD ON CAN WE HAV A PIC W IT” so we took a pic of the leo plush beside my “where is leo??” sign like!! hell yea! n i was like “leo needs to pay child support. he’s evading his taxes. tax fraud” or smth around this point i think. at some point, on the escalators, i noticed a juto n a samatoki but when they got off the scalator they were heading for the exit so i couldnt rly ask for their pic so i decided to try n find em later.
then i went to the bn-ha panel but it was full to the BRIM but i made the mistake of sliding into the middle of an empty row for a good seat but the prson sat in front of me had big poofy hair so i couldnt see like half of the characters n ppl filld all the seats to my left n right so i couldnt leave. i was rly bored n trapped so i went on my ipad for almost all of thepanel n read part of a chiana/zu fic n stuff until the girl w the big hair left then i focused a Little more on the panel but i was still bored so wehn i noticed the ppl to my right all leave except the one guy next to me, i left the panel. i was sad bc at the time of that panel, there was a DR murder mystery panel that i couldve tried to attend instead but i was trapped so i couldnt :((
after that i decided to wander around for a bit before idolfest but when i went in at 5 pm, i 4got just how small that room was n how few chairs it had, n there were ppl standing against the walls so i leaned my sign against the right of the double doors BUT I LOOKED AHEAD N THERE WAS!! A HYPM!C PERFORMANCE STARTING TO HAPPEN!! DIVISION RAP ANTHEM WAS STARTING UP N MTR WAS ON THE STAGE!! but there were tall ppl standing in front of me n i was crowded against the back so i raised my ipad way above my head n started recording n watched them thru my ipad util someone opened the right door n i had to scramble tog rab my sign n lean it against me somehow n it made my fildiming falter but!! god i was just so exciting bc i wasnt expecting A HYPM!C PERFOAMNCE!! they did so good too ;w; after that, it was a solo hanayo perfoamnce then 3 songs from a non-anime-specific idol group that did 3 voca songs (one of which was LUVVVORATORY!!) n another non-anime dol group that did kpop songs (they were rly pretty n good) n then a you solo then a you/hane duet! ALSO during the hypm!cperformance, te juto n sama n a gentaro were dancing in front of me n right after the perfoamcne, a BB group opened the door but realized they missed the hypm!c performance n left n i decided to try n find em later too.
after the last performance, there was still time, so a samus came over to me n asked to take a pic of my sign n they said they like ens-tars too n they said they cosplay tsukasa too n they ran a panel as him back in georgia n we talked abt best boys n i showed them all the keychains on my bag n when i pointed at mika n said 2nd best boy they went “:o me too!” n there was a lot more said but we went on talking for a while abt ens-tars n they showed me pics of the tori n arashi cosplayers that day they saw.
after that i just walked around for like 45 minutes until the samus saw me again n waved me over so i was talking w them n they were apparently drinking alcohol despite being 18 n their friend was 23 n we were just talking abt stuff n i noticed a trigger group on the escalator n we called out to them n i took their picture n samus was like “dude it’s so cool that ur into id0lish7 too” n then we kept talking n at one point the samus was like “tsukasa i luv u” n made a lil finger heart n i tried 2 make one but my hands were kinda full but i managed to make one! they also said earlier today, they saw a sasuke cosplayer getting arrested n they took a pic of it for their snapchat lmao n it was them in front of a cop car n they said the person said “dont touch me!!” to the cop. the friend w samus said the only idols he knows were the combie one n that saki was def best girl hands down like, its a fact n i was like “ur right. it not even a hot take, its the Facts.” anyway then i wnted to walka round a bit more so i did n at like. 7:10 i decided “why not go near the photosoot area n registration to see more cosplayers that r there bc ive just been walking repetitive loops around the dealers room entrance n the con floor so! there could b some new cosplayers there! n lo n behold i found a tenn n ryuu that i had seen briefly earlier! n took their pic! then less than a few ftaway, i tried to walk past some ppl but there was a bag in the way so i stepped over it (like, not on it, i mean. like, Over, to avoid it) but i noticed it was an MTC itabag n the person next to it had bunny ears n it!! was the juto n sama i was looking for! so i took their pic n was talking abt how cool it is to see more hypm!c cosplayers here this yr until some guy came up n started telling the samatoki they looked like kaworu n they mistook them for kaworu n they said they didnt kno who i was supposed to b but i looked nice (iirc?) so i left n near the prop check table, I SAW THE BB BOYS! so i ran up to them n asked for a picture n then i started talking abt the hypm!c thing n there being so many this yr when there were none last yr n the jiro was like “aa ur tsukasa” n we started talking abt ES a lil bit n the anime then i complimented their ritsu+mao plushies on their bag n left!
after that i just roamed the halls until 8 pm. then the v0ltron panel! keith n lance hd like, a roasting rivalry going on n keith was like “i keep getting bullied! i dont deserve this!” n i kept askiing questions. me, a green ranger, a dave, n the dave’s friend were mainly the ones asking questions lmao. anyway keithd b like “lance dont touch me oh ew” and i asked keith what his fav anime was since he said he was a weeb n he said blue ex0rcist n i asked keith if hed seen LL (bc LL cosplayers were dancing to the music outside the panel room n i heard it) n lance was like “oh yea, he knows all the dances. he does them in his room” n keith denied it n at one point, i was like “since keith n lance share one braincell, who has it the most” n they said keith. the bonding moment was also mentioned a lot and alluras death n how lance can get much more “game” than keith (like, ladies. sorry im tired they might hav used another term) and an amami in the audience told lance to fortnite dance with him aftr thelance fortnite danced n!! just. a lot happened. it was a very casual-ish panel imo. haha.
after that i 4got that the bn-ha panel was at 10 not 9 so i just decided to wander then hit up the dance floor for most of the duration n i spotted the juto n sama n a nurse ramuda that i remember the samus talking abt n also someone who looked like the arashi the samus showed me but in an ali!ce madeness returns dress o i asked the ramuda for a pic and then started dancing and the juto got into one of the dance circles n just started going hard as HELL n i was just dancing in the area they were near n out of the corner of my eye i’d see juto just absolutely KILLING IT w their dance moves bc they were dancing in front of their friends (occasionally w samatoki or posing w them) n i was just jamming out n during a slow song i pulled up a pic of chiaki on my ipad n started slowdancing w my ipad n the girl near me was like “that’s a Mood” n i think i heard the possibly-arashi n the others laugh a bit bc i was slow-dancing w “chiaki’ haha but god the dance floor was WILD! there was a guy w a saxophone at some point playing along w the music then a guy w a guitar! n we yelled lyrice to dont stop believing n stuff.
the the bn-ha panel! ...i was bored. most of the time i put tape on my leo sign and looked up wigs on ebay n stuff n sometimes i couldnt hear v well bc i sat near the back. they started up like, truth or dare but w a beach ball to decide who got to ask the dare or w/e? but i noticed a gentaro in the back of the room so i was like “ill just wait until the end of the panel then ask for their picture” then trivia started n they eventually asked what episode dabi appeared in n i was thinking “ep 7 of the most recent season” n some guy guessed that (he was the only one who fuessed) but the izuku n katsuki looked at their paper n i heard them mutter “episode 31″ so after somebody guessed ep 42 n the panelists said ‘”guess between 30-42--” i said ep 31 n went up n got a pack of aiw stickers but i shoulve taken the superhero shirt tbh. aftr that i decided to leave n asked the gentaro for a pic n they were one of the ryuus earlier they said n also a jakuarai from yesterday! they were like “oh! ur the tsukasa i keep seeing/running into!” n i was like “oh! hi!”
idk what convo this was in but someone was like “do u like how they did anzu?” n i was like “oh she’s so cute they rly said Fuck Anzu Haters” n they agreed.
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